Brick no.1/ Standing with no moves. Stability erose inside to make me a sculpture. A grey brick. I am not touched by anything, I do not smell, feel, have no will to start/have no will to want. I smell the tough concrete, no one is around me. Moving seems like a challenge, simple step seems impossible. Brick like others, one put in a building, one of many thousands create the whole, none of it special, different. Same picture. Grey building on the horizon and me in it with no possiblity. Stuck in the whole. Black and white, grey, whenever you look you would not see me, not notice. I am driven though. Driven to get out of whole, driven to stand out. The spirit inside of me tells me. I try so hard. My emotions can save, me, my boredom can save me -help me to get what is left, to rise still inside of me from they grey area of existence as boring whole. Shaking to fall apart from this grey structure that I was put into by the society, the grey building is not my zone, my desire. Harder to fall , become what I want/have to be. Noncomformist with own ideas, desires. My demons fight inside, shake shake shake. Yes. I did fall apart. Laying on the ground in front of what I was trapped into. Spirits help me. It is my time, my will gets back. My moves see clear, they do not harm me anymore. I see those colours. Grey/black/white go in the back, brightness of my willing, originality comes up. I slowly feel my movement, my growing need to evolve. Reinterpret myself using my past and presence. Yellow sunlight makes the way possible. Spirits are the strenght to combine all experiences. I feel warmth, I feel new ways. I become my whole self express as I became free, the path of originality will be created from now on. I want to put me from past and me from now to have the perfect whole in the future. Feel me from now on as what I wanted to be, what I finally can be. All colours at once. Explanation:Brick is a metaphore for both development, change, reincarnation. Building is a trap
we can be put into. Colours are the experience. Vol 2. Moods.Feeling posive - changes, all cultures mixed up, positivity is a movement. EXPLANATION: what would NEW tribe be like. youngster is being created - reincarnation through experience - emotions. I feel good when I step out of the comfort zone and open for new. When I smell difference in the air, sun on my back, those broken sneakers from sand and dirty streets and mostly too many steps - coming change. That what makes me power to want. I want to experience everything at once. I want to feel it at the tip of my toungue, sour spices of mixed up cultures, sweetness of emotions given me by people, looks given me when I walk on the street. Stable version of myself would feel like a box. I felt unsure at the beggining, felt like I can’t fully express but by using every single memory in my brain, even the negative, the dillemas, moments of madness, all of it put together with every succes, activity I was proud of, I SHOW OFF with the realness, positive good me. The new ghost erose inside. Changes create, change, SCULPT, new ghosts-demons make a tower of my personality. I climb at the top. I feel good. No matter if its cold, dark or warm and bright, I move - develop - sculpt sensitivity and willing to be better, hopefull, good / FEEL GOOD.
VOL 3. this reincanation and demons again - good demons. Talking to a good demon. DEMON CONVO... -Hello Mr.Ghost. You thought I would not appreciate you. I do though. Everytime I blocked myself from truth you screamed inside. I was tough of not expressing, agreed. but how could I behave different then when I thought everything was so fucking hopeless. My future could have been ruined, I felt like it was already burried cause of where I started. I felt my body doing this twist, every single day when you told me to be me but I did not want to. You tried harder and harder and harder. I felt so in pain cause of you telling me, giving me signs to do something/stop being afraid. Remember this time when I felt like my inside was bleeding inside. That was the time. Moment of change. I fell on the on ground, fucking hard fall. My cheeck was whole bruised, nail broke, hair fell excactly into dirty water. Whole dirt of hidden fear pictured on this damn street in this one quick scene. People did not even stop. It looked too false as If I just needed attention and I did. I did need aapreciation. Not from the people tho. From my own freaking inside. My trapped me. You demon, you made. You made me see. I spent like hell of a time in this moment, until my hair was so wet, my brain felt cold. WHAT TO DO? I asked. Stand up or just spend the night in that scene. Slowly came back to the position. Water was going down throgh my clothes. I said no more. Feeling humiliated because of feeling ashamed of truth. Today we walked on the same street. Me and Me demon. Fast, fast pace, quick tempo. Confidence. My true me, no more excuses for slowness. I jumpled over a water. I just saw my reflection in it and I did not feel humiliated by it, I felt pride. You demon, made me realise. You made me get that confident look, you made me express, not run away. Thank you Mr.Ghost. (I dont like this one tho ....)