Totally Awesome

by Bill Matoney assistant sports editor

• Bruce Springsteen was the "Boss." Russia was the U.S.S.R., and OJ. was still famous for his football career. Oh, how we ail loved the '80s. But are you still stuck in them? Here is a quiz to help you find out. Give yourself the amount of points for each section if you answered "yes". Refer to the chart at the end of the test to see how pathetic you really are.

One point questions:

I. In your opinion, two Coreys are "totally awesome."

2. In the summer, you only wear Jellies and Jams.

3. You think you are truly, truly, truly outrageous, much like Jem and the Holograms.

4. Every time you see a fountain you want to scream "Fame" and dance around it.

5. You can sum fun up in three words: Sit-n-Spin.

6. When you page your friends, you leave 867-5309, thinking it's funny.

7. Depression fills you when you think about Anthony Michael Hall's career.

8. To you, Jo vs. Blair is the major philosophical conflict of the 20th century.

9. You get in and out of your car through the windows.

10. When someone mentions "Nazis," you cringe for what they did to Indy.

11. You still wonder who really was "the boss."

12. A hot date preparation consists of frosted blue eyeshadow, a crimper and teased hair.

13. You are waiting for Menudo to reunite.

14. Sometimes you just got to "shout, shout, let it all out."

15. You are currently wearing (count one pt . .for each): Underoos, Kangaroo shoes, Ocean Pacific, ESPIRIT or Hyper-clothing.

Are you the ultimate '80s geek?

59 points and above: Take the stuffed Garfield out of your Yugo and go out and buy a Neon. You look out of place in public and people laugh at you uncontrollably. You define pathetic. It is a shame you cannot die by mixing pop rocks and soda.

41-58 points total: Still a light of hope at the end of the tunnel. Get a cell phone and stop trying to phone home using your Speak and Spell. Women trash your Jordache jeans and leg warmers. Men, cut off your rat tail and stop turning up the collar on you Izod shirt.

36-53 points total: It is comforting to know that some people realize Spuds McKenzie was a female dog. Stop gagging people with your spoon, and realize dance music is not disco.

18-35 points total: We can tell you trashed your Snoopy Snow-Cone machine and Garbage Pail Kid cards. Your next move is to stop playing Frogger on your Atari, and go get yourself a Sony Playstation.

0-17 points total: Congratulations. You remember even less about the '80s than Reagan does! Do you even remember taking this test?

'Count 2 points for each of these:

16. You giggle uncontrollably reminiscing about that time when Skippy got his head stuck in the banister.

17. Punky Brewster is your hero.

18. You try surfing the net on your Commodore 64.

19. Right now, in your basement, there are blueprints to your own Clockwork Smurf.

20. When you make a mistake, you think, " and now I know, and knowing is half the battle," or "Now that's one to grow on!"

21. You yell "Ponch" every time you see a motorcycle cop.

22. When you go to the beach you call yourself Rio and search for snorks.

23. You argue who is the better judge: Wapner, William Keane, or Harry.

24. When you are stuck in traffic you yell "engage turbo boost" and are horrified when your car does not talk back.

25. You are currently writing "The Breakfast Club 2."

26. Every morning you invent a word of the day and scream when someone says it.

27. You still bake "Return of the Jedi" Shrinky Oinks.

28. You ride through your house on a little train, getting off only to answer the duck phone.

29. You know what the "P" stands for in Alex P. Keaton.

30. During finals, you ask your professor if you can take the physical challenge instead.

31. A winter time necessity: Freezie Freakies.

32. Your homework is neatly placed in a "Trapper Keeper."

33. When you see a guy with an earring in his right ear, you immediately think he is gay.

34. Tonight's plans include "Wang Chunging" and a killer game of TV tag.

35. You plan to visit Mepos, but first you must break Murdock out of the V.A. hospital.

36. Every so often, you get a "Hankerin' for a hunk of cheese."

37. You know Alf's real name (no, it is not Alien Life Form).

38. You think Tom Hanks sucks as a movie producer and that he should return to being a cross-dresser.

39. You still call the guy who sings "Purple Rain" Prince.

40. You know which square Jim J. Bullock was in.