Dr. Love Wants To Sex You Up

Dr. Love guest writer

Didn't Christmas just end? Well it feels like it did, but anyway, today is Valentine's Day, the only day of the year that somebody, somewhere is going to pay 100 bucks for a dozen roses. Valentine's Day is one of two things: It either sucks, or it doesn't. If you're single than it definitely sucks. There is nothing worse than being a loner and walking into a drug store around V-Day. Everywhere you tum you 're bombarded by candy hearts and those annoying Hallmark kissing bears. If you are, however, lucky enough to find someone to put up with your crap on a daily basis then it might not be too bad, unless of course you screw it up. My advice today is mainly for men, but listen up women, you may hear a few things that either delight you or disgust you, but hey, that's the nature of man.

You've known that Valentine's Day has been coming up for a while now and you know that your lady is expecting something nice. That's where the problem comes in. What should I get her? Should I take her out for a nice dinner? What about those friggen Hallmark bears? Is chocolate not enough? I know the questions, but like any good therapist, I have no answers that will truly do you any good, but it's free advice so listen up.

Gifts, unless they are incredibly meaningful, are trivial.

"I Jove you, honey. Here's your very own copy of 'The Princess Diaries,"' I don't think so. If I can mention this one more time, just to be clear, DO NOT BUY THE KISSING HALLMARK BEARS! Thank you. No gift you can give is as good as giving your time. Men are busy creatures, I know it. Men have comic books to read, DVDs to watch and pedestrians to slaughter in "Grand Theft Auto 3," so if a man can put aside some of that time to spend with his girlfriend/fiance/wife/leg weight, then lady, you got yourself one special guy.

Now that you've put down the PS2 controller long enough to get feeling back in your hanc!syou have to come up with a plan for all that"freetime·.As the Beatles said, "All You Need Is Dinner," or something like that. Going out to dinner had to be invented by a man. It's a wonderful gift for the woman and the man gets something he hasn't gotten in a long time ... a good dinner. Just for the record the follow~ ing restaurants do not count: Burger King, Taco Bell, Bennigans, Houlihans or Beefeaters. Open up your wallet a bit. It's only one night.

After dinner stop off and get a bottle of champagne and rent a movie. A bottle of Andre Champagne will cost you $4.99, add .25 if you want it chilled, the movie will run you about four bucks. If you're not 21 stop at Starbucks and get a coffee. Trust me there's more kick in one of thos-eovercaffeinated cups of crap than in a whole bottle of champagne.

Take it from there, slugger, she's all yours now. I don't want to leave out any of these pearls of wisdom for the ladies so here's what you can do for Valentine's Day for your special guy: Don't make him rent any movie that stars Heath Ledger.

Good luck out there. Until next time ...