Tom Daley on marriage, children, and work-life balance

Marriage

Daley and Black met in March 2013 at a restaurant in Los Angeles. After some casual chitchat about how the happenings inside the Olympic Village would make a great TV show, the pair decided to meet for drinks. The two have been together ever since.

During their first date, the pair instantly bonded over two shared life experiences. The first was that they had both recently lost a loved one.

“He lost his brother the year before,” Daley told The Blade, “and I had lost my father the year before.”

The second point of bonding came over what Daley describes as “the slump” that comes after reaching the height of career success.

“We were both in similar places in that we had both achieved our career goals. I had won a gold medal, and he had won an Oscar for his film ‘Milk.’ So we both understood what it meant to get to that, but we also understood what is really hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been there. We both understood the slump or the crash where you ask yourself, ‘What next?’”

Daley reminisced about how good it felt to have someone understand what he was going through: “I really had this feeling like I had found a partner in this life.”

Children

Daley instantly lit up when describing his home life, sharing that the couple loves their role as parents.

“Fatherhood is the best and hardest thing anyone ever did,” said the proud Dad of two boys. “Having children puts a different perspective on everything. You start to see the world through their eyes and how you take so much for granted. Fatherhood brings your inner kid out.”

Dad life for Daley also means maintaining as much of a routine as possible. That means Daley wakes up before anyone else in the house for an hour of “me time” to knit and watch the news. He then gives Robbie his breakfast, gets him ready for the day, and takes him to daycare on the way to work.

At the end of the day, Daley picks up his eldest and brings him home, and makes dinner for the family. Daley said that his husband is an amazing father who takes over nighttime feedings of their infant so that Daley can get his much-needed sleep.

Of course, maintaining a routine isn’t always easy, especially with Daley’s chaotic travel schedule, which he told The Blade is about to pick up soon. When Daley is away, his husband often has to take time off from work to care for their children full-time. Black’s solo parenting job will become even more demanding now that there are two children in the house.

When asked whether the couple will look in to hiring a nanny, Daley admitted that he feels pressure and guilt around the subject.

“I feel like gay dads are judged so much more harshly,” said Daley. “There is this attitude that as two dads, we should be doing it all ourselves. I mean, it takes a village, but there is shame there for me. I never want people to say, ‘Oh, see, they couldn’t do it.’ I know I have to build up the courage if we are going to take that step.”

When asked about the difference between raising children as a gay couple in London versus Los Angeles, Daley said that he noticed a huge difference in body positivity in the United States.

“LA is very gay,” said Daley. “But there is this pressure to have one standard look. I know I’m an athlete, so I’m guilty of looking a certain way as well, but I think it’s really important to value all body types and shapes and sizes.”

Daley and Black keep the conversation open at home about everything from body positivity to the fact that families also come in all shapes and sizes.

“I think keeping the conversation open is the most important thing,” said Daley. “When you avoid a topic, you create shame around it. We always say that every body is beautiful and that everybody is unique in their own way.”

When asked whether the couple is considering a third child, Daley said they might be open to the idea in a few years time.

Work-Life Balance

Daley also commented on how important he now finds the lesson that knitting taught him. He explained that while slowing down can be difficult, it is also necessary for a healthy, well-balanced life.

“I know there are a lot of people who want to work all the time. That can work in some cases, but really, I think you have to ask yourself, ‘Why am I working so hard if I’m not enjoying life?’”

Daley stressed that while his schedule may become more hectic soon, he will always make time with his family and friends a priority.