FAKE FINANCIAL NEWS
Help! I Might Need Somebody! During the pandemic-mandated quarantine, loners and socialites alike can enjoy a longevity-related bestseller By Vonetta Logan
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hat sticks with me is the brightly colored pieces of tape on the floors of every retail establishment deemed “essential” and therefore still open. Swaths of blue, red and black tape were hastily applied to the aisles, lanes and registers where people used to congregate. The tape serves as a visceral reminder to maintain a distance of six feet from the person in front of you who is also anxiously purchasing toilet paper, Little Debbie snack cakes and enough wine to make a sailor proud. The light jazz Muzak of the overhead store speakers has been replaced with the drone of a dubiously helpful voice reminding us to “please maintain a distance of six feet from the person in front of you. We’re all in this together.” I pull my makeshift face mask, a brightly colored purple scarf, closer around my face, shuffle out to my car with my week’s rations and take a deep breath as I apply hand sanitizer before I start the engine and head home on empty roads. I put away my meager supplies and look at my dining room table as a bright blue book beckons. It’s called The Blue Zones of Happiness by Dan Buettner. I wash my hands (again) and read the first few pages. “This is a book about designing your life to make it happier,” the introduction says. “No matter where you live, what challenges you
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might be facing, or what aspirations you might hold for you and your family.” Oh really? You’re on, Dan! As I keep reading, I learn about the three pillars of happiness: pride, purpose and pleasure. But what about pandemics? Are there lessons about self-help in the time of a global health and financial crisis? Here’s how the author lays out his “Happiness Power of Nine.” Let’s look at each lesson. Lesson 1: Love Someone Whoo, boy. Really Dan? Have you ever tried swiping right in a pandemic? It’s not exactly #relationshipgoals. Buettner writes: “Research shows that you’re more likely to be happy if you’re married or in a committed relationship. Loners are mostly unhappy.” Like Pee-wee Herman, I, too, “Am a loner, Dottie, a rebel.” I do see the merit of having someone to help ride out this quarantine. My chihuahua is tired of playing Aaron Burr to my Alexander Hamilton in the re-creation of the hit Broadway musical “Hamilton.” But I’m also not stuck indoors fighting with someone or compromising my personality to make peace. It’s why I always get to sing lead. Lesson 2: Inner Circle Buettner suggests forming an Inner Circle. “Create a circle of at least three friends
with whom you can have meaningful conversations, who you can call on a bad day for help and who are generally happy.” I guess you really are the company you keep. It’s been fun to see the inventive ways friend groups have developed to stay in touch with virtual happy hours, synchronized movie watching or just a heck of a lot of FaceTiming. It all makes a difference. Buettner writes: “For every happy friend who enters your social network, your happiness goes up by 15%.” Reaching out to friends and family during this time has been vital—everything from goofy FaceTimes with my friends’ kids to a virtual movie night of Cats (you’re going to need that wine you picked up). Lesson 3: Engage This is where things get tricky in the time of a global pandemic. Buettner writes: “Identify your interests and then join a club, a team or a civic organization that matches them.” This resonated for me because my all-time favorite thing to do is ride my motorcycle through winding back roads while hanging out at greasy spoons and chatting with other twowheeled adventurers. Life under lockdown means all my moto journeys have been virtual, but I’ve been able to engage with motorcycle people all over the country without leaving my house. Have you ever felt like you instantly belonged to a group of people you didn’t even
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