FAKE FINANCIAL NEWS
A first-time gambler hits the road for one week of mobile wagering and a +37% return—annualized to 1,925% for this clickbait headline By Vonetta Logan
What if this is a gateway to becoming my own Lifetime movie: Never Bet the Under: The Vonetta Logan Story.
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PHOTOGRAPHY: VONETTA LOGAN
Gambling to a 1,925% Return
orking for a group of traders is sometimes like starring in your own version of a musical. Not that traders break out in choreographed dance moves or sing songs of yearning, but mostly because a lot of time is devoted to trying to get the “square” character to take a chance on risky things like gambling, gin or (gasp) jazz. I’m reminded of the iconic 1955 movie Guys and Dolls, where a dapper Frank Sinatra as Nathan Detroit tries to convince an uptight missionary from the Salvation Army to loosen up and fly to Havana. In fact, the only thing I actually know about gambling is in the Guys and Dolls opening number, Fugue for Tinhorns, where three guys sing about their horse race picks. “I got the horse right here, his name is Paul Revere, and the guy says if the weather’s clear, can do, can do...” I had never gambled in my life. Wait, does eating gas station sushi count? I’d never bought a lottery ticket, never put $50 on black (always bet on black), or even put down $20 on the pass line, whatever that is. I don’t have a moral objection to gambling. You do you. I am just the cheapest person I know. If I have $20 in my hot little hands, I’m not going to gamble it away on something with 50/50 or worse odds. I can tell you down to the spring roll how much food $20 will buy at Panda Express. So, does this story end up with some me and some dapper fellow gazing longingly at each other while drinking caipirinhas? Nope. But it does have gambling, quasi-legal fireworks, a lot of hot dogs and a somewhat accurate clickbait headline. So when my editor called and told me my assignment was to spend the next week as a degenerate gambler, I had concerns. What if I hate it? Oh, man, what if I like it? What if this is a gateway to becoming my own Lifetime movie, Never Bet the Under: The Vonetta Logan Story. But I downloaded the DraftKings app and linked my bank account. Luckbox funded my account with $200, and now all I had to do was place some bets. I reached out to two of my coworkers who are degenerate gamblers and asked them for advice. Mike Butler, host of Options Trading Concepts Live on the tastytrade network, said this: “Bet small so you can do it sustainably, and if your strategy is sound you have a good chance of eventually hitting, which will wipe
Luckbox | August/September 2021
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7/21/21 10:34 AM
