RAM April 2017

RAM

Lincoln University Students’ Magazine Issue 3 April 2017

THE ‘RE-CAP’ EDITION

RAM Issue 3 | 2

Contents

RAM Lincoln University Students’ Magazine Issue 3 April 2017

FEATURES

THE ‘RE-CAP’ EDITION

16 | Graduation Re-Cap Reminiscing over the years 18 | Young Farmers Club 3 days, 700kms & 3 buggered vans

22 | Tramping & Climbing Club First year, first impressions 24 | Sexy Time How to keep warm during Winter...wink wink 30 | LU Sport Rugby Season is in full swing

@lusa lusa.org.nz lusa.nz

32 | Sunday Roast to Rabbit Food Catch up with James after his feature on

Seven Sharp

37 | Glorious Butter Butter is back!

38 | Easter Feeding the belly, feeding the soul

lusa.nz

EDITOR & DESIGN Julia Wills

media@lusa.org.nz CONTRIBUTORS Danyon Thomas | Julia Wills Tessa Williams | Tessa Schmidt

REGULARS 4 | Words from the Prez 5 | The Board’s yarn 15 | WOW Re-cap 40 | Procrastination Station

Shaun Snoxell | Jayne Smith James Ranstead | Vivek Masoji ADVERTISING

sales@lusa.org.nz Contributions can be sent to:

RAM@lusa.org.nz PRINTER

FUN STUFF 12 | Sweet As/Stink One 26 | Flat of the Month

RAM is printed

34 | Snapchats

by Wickliffe

43 | Horror-scopes

RAM is published by the Lincoln University Students’ Association (LUSA) for the students of Lincoln University. RAM is funded by Lincoln University

RAM Issue 3 | 3

Words from the Prez

Officially an Alumni!

G’day!

Since the last RAM we’ve had the first Student Rep meetings with the Deans. The reps gave some really

We’re chewing through the year, which means you’ve probably hit a little bit of flat drama by now! I know my flat certainly has, okay well it’s not drama so much…

It’s only dishes, but need I say more? We’ve got a small conflict of ideologies, if you cook should you be the one to do the dishes? In reality this isn’t actually an issues,

good feedback to the staff, which is awesome!

If your class doesn’t have rep it’s not too late to sign up, or think about signing up next semester. ANZAC Day has also been and gone, and it’s important to acknowledge that 222 alumni of then Lincoln College served in both World Wars. They are recognised in Memorial Hall.

maybe just a better way to wind each other up. I mean no one has died yet...

Grad is also here, which’ll see just under 500 people becoming Lincoln Alumni, myself included. Congrats

I hope the break was good and there weren’t too many assignments to be done on the Sunday night before term started… Things have been pretty quiet here over

to all of them, as sometimes it’s not the smoothest of journeys. For those of you who aren’t quite there, you’ll get there, and it’ll definitely be worth it!

the break, besides LUSA’s shift to Forbes. This is pretty exciting for us, as we’re moving back into the heart of

Go hard for the rest of the semester, as before you know

campus. Drop by spin a yarn and let us know what you

it Semester 1 will be done and dusted!

think of it all. Make sure you meet our new staff too, Kate and Michael, they’re both here to help things run smoothly and ensure LUSA are delivering the best for you.

RAM Issue 3 | 4

Danyon Thomas president@lusa.org.nz

From the Board Gidday ya bunch of battlers!

Congratulations, we’ve made it through the first half of Semester 1. Just. Fair to say it was pretty touch and go for a bit there.

What a time to be alive it has been, since the last issue of RAM was released.

Bingo night was an absolute ripper (see you all at the ‘May

From the Ed

the ‘Fourth be with you Quiz Night), Cyclone Debbie was a bitch, winter is coming (Game of Thrones reference. You’re welcome) and lecturers are still allocating us an insane amount of work in the last week of the term. April Fools’ Day came and went, and did you all see James Ranstead feature on

Welcome back team! Hope you had a ripper of a holiday and

Seven Sharp?

reduced your life span with some ‘worth it’ Easter eggs.

While you were all away, LUSA HQ’s has done a swifty on

The Board loved hearing your feedback at the Student Rep

you and moved buildings! Some other sucker is going to have

meetings, it was even better that so much of it was positive!

to stand out like blue dogs balls now! But in all honesty our

We hope you see some improvements on the stuff that

new offices are more central and more organised, so we’re

wasn’t so flash, and make sure you do let us know if nothing’s

hitting the ground (or Forbes lawn) running this half of the

happening, and we’ll apply the pressure in the right places.

semester.

The bottom line is - keep giving us feedback, and we always love to hear some ideas of how to make LUSA better after

We are bloody excited for Grad Ball. Even if you didn’t

you’re a few standards deep at the Grouse. Don’t forget you’re

graduate in 2016, you can still come along and support your

actually our bosses, so keep forcing us to be better!

mates who did. New venue, new food, new technology and new grads. It’s going to be one night you don’t want to get

On that note, each of us has got a bit of a project we’re

FOMO over.

working on: Tess is trying to make us a bit more relatable.

We’re not too sure what this means, but likely includes

The LUSA team is

a fair whack of time at the pub. Ryan plans to get staff

expanding.

understanding the student side of things that LUSA do.

Mike is here

Alex is doing some work around the Student Rep system,

as Association

making it more effective for you. James is working on the

Manager - did

communication problems and finally I’m trying to figure

you know his dog

out how we can make it easier to let us know what you’re

is the actual dog

thinking!

off the Lotto ad?

No shit. And we

While you were all knocking back the chocolate over Easter

welcome the lovely Kate, who is the new SERC (read over the

(and in the rest of the Semester break, let’s be honest), LUSA

page).

were shifting from the offensively bright blue building over into the bottom of Forbes Building, opposite the bookshop.

We have lots of fun things happening in, on, under, around

We’re all really looking forward to being more accessible to

campus, so stay up-to-date with whats what by following our

you all, and participating in some more banter. If you need us,

Facebook page.

just call in! Or even if you don’t need anything we rate good

Wrap up warm over winter, grab a free flu jab, snuggle up with your flatties once a week for some Netflix (no chilling)

chat.

See ya’s for a free snag at the release of this issue!

and eat an apple a day, and you should make it through till mid-year break feeling like a champ.

Kristy & the Team

Julia Wills RAM@lusa.org.nz RAM Issue 3 | 5

Welcome Kate!

Your new SERC...

My name is Kate, and I am the new Student Engagement and

So, now you know about me, I’d love to get to know you!

Representation Coordinator (SERC) for LUSA.

I’d love to hear what’s going on and see if I can be of any help.

Is there something you think is missing and would like to

First off, here’s a bit about me...

I live in Lincoln with the husband (Chris) and our three children (Hamish 13, Autumn 11 and Oliver 10).

Born in the UK, my husband and I have travelled a lot since leaving England, but in a nutshell, spent a good 5 years

see happening? …be it about the clubs and societies or just a chat about your crazy student life…I’m all ears (and hopefully fluffy PJ’s as well!). Come and speak to me! That is what I am here for!

working on cruise ships and 15 years in the States (where

Kate Lindsay

our children were born). We arrived in Christchurch just 2

students@lusa.org.nz

weeks before the February 2011 earthquake. Great timing

03 423 0582

I know! However, we had already fallen in love with New Zealand and so 6 years on we are still here! So having spent the last 20 years travelling around the globe we can happily say that New Zealand is our favourite place to be.

Chat to Kate about: In my previous job, I was able to work from home so it was not uncommon for me to ‘turn up to work’ in my PJ’s. I am very much hoping this one will be much the same, although, is it OK to turn up on campus in my PJ’s and slippers?

Our aim at LUSA is to make your time here, at Lincoln

•

Student Reps

•

Clubs and Societies

•

Things you’d like to see on campus

•

Things that aren’t going so well

•

Anything and eveything else too

University, the best experience ever. So, I’m planning on spending the next month or so getting know what my role involves and finding my way around the place so I can get stuck in and make this happen for you.

RAM Issue 3 | 6

News Farewell Aileen

FREE Flu Vaccines

We are very sad to farewell Aileen from

2nd May

Accommodation Services.She has long been a huge part of Lincoln University life, working in

These vaccines are FREE to ALL STUDENTS AND STAFF, no appointments necessary. Held in the

many departments and even her parents working

Conference Room at the back of the Dining Hall.

8.30am – 4.30pm

for LU on campus.

Her emotional farewell was held on Thursday 6th April with so many staff and students from all walks of life on campus attending. It was very heart-felt.

9 Conversational Tricks to make people think you are cool & laid-back INSTEAD OF SAYING THIS

SAY THIS COOL THING

OK

Oak nuggins

Yes

Yank train

No

Nuns on ripple

I think so

I out a boogie dollar down

Her infectious caring nature has been felt by

Do you play golf?

Do you slap dimpled balls

many halls students including Richie McCaw! She

I feel sick

Mama’s got the nasty jam

became the mother away from home for most. I’m sure you could all agree that she went that extra mile to keep you safe and make you feel welcome for many years.

So many of you have fond memories of Aileen, as

That’s a good idea This job is killing me Let’s grab lunch on Monday

she couldn’t walk through campus without being stopped by staff and students who knew her for a catch up. She always had time and a smile for

Oak Nuggins

That’s a gold hat, cool cat This gigs gonna slash me hips Dip me in ya Monday milk Excuse me, What?

anyone and it is this that will leave a hole in LU campus.

We wish Aileen all the best for whatever comes her way and there is always a spot here on the team to sit an have a cup of tea with drunk students at Grad Ball, Winterball or Garden Party!

We’d love to see you.

RAM Issue 3 | 7

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Grad Ball Join us at the speakeasy to celebrate the 2016 graduates’ success, with a night of roaring 1920’s flappers, feather boas and the Charleston. Held at the Tannery, 3 Garlands Rd, Woolston on Thursday 27th April.

There will be live entertainment, live music and dinner provided throughout the night.

You don’t have to be a graduate to attend this night, bring your friends and come and support them in making this a night to remember.

Get your tickets and book your seat on the bus today through www.lusa.org.nz/grad-ball Some buses will be travelling from the venue to the city and Lincoln. Please indicated when you purchase your ticket if you are likely to use the bus and where you would like it to. * Buses will depart to the City Bus Exchange from 10.45pm * Buses will depart to Lincoln from 11.15pm Limited door sales will be available. Ticket sales end 5pm Saturday 22 April.

Capture, share & print your night instantly with Live World & Grad Ball branded polaroid’s!

HOW DOES IT WORK? Simply snap photos on your smart phones during Grad Ball.

Upload to Instagram with the unique hashtag #LUSAGradBall The Social Printer will recognises the hashtag & print your photos instantly for you to keep!

During the night staff will double as roaming photographers capturing even more memorable moments!

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Student Hardship Fund Are you having a hard time financially?

Struggling to pay unexpected bills?

LUSA and Lincoln University will hear your issue out and may decide to grant you the money.

Come in and see Kate at LUSA and she will help you fill in an application and talk you through the process.

Contact students@lusa.org.nz RAM Issue 3 | 11

SWEET AS JUSTIN BIEBER LOVES NZ! Bieber played one stadium show at Mt Smart in Auckland, then headed to Queenstown, where he took part in a canyon swing, the Shotover Jet, and enjoying a burger at Ferg’s Burger & even having a few shots at The Blue Door bar in Arrowtown. He tweeted saying he LOVES New Zealand!

UBEREATS UberEATS has launched in Auckland, meaning certain Aucklanders can get food delivered from selected restaurants, straight to their doors.

SIA HAS FINALLY STEPPED OUT WITHOUT HER WIG ON Sia uses creative wigs to cover her face on stage often to help maintain anonymity. But she has recently stepped out in public without her wig we’ve come to know and She’s a babe!

THE BACHELOR IS BACK How dare you! Yes, this is ‘Sweet As’!

Season 3 is here in all it’s awkward, humiliating glory and guess what? You can now download it’s Emoji’s under Bachmoji in the app store!

You heard me right.

KATY PERRY HAS DEFINITELY DONE MORE THAN JUST KISS A GIRL She didn’t come out about her sexuality and experiences sooner, saying that she initially kept her feelings “hidden” because she felt like “sleazy male journalists” would be all the story and it would be blown out of proportion.

GOING HOME FOR THE MID SEMESTER BREAK Having your washing done for you, getting your favourite home cooked meal made, hanging out with your family pet, sleeping in your old bed, even seeing your siblings. It was all good and so were the Easter treats.

THE WORKSHOP NOW HAS APPLE TV Now you can just swipe up on your Apple device and AirPlay Mirror on the Workshops big screen. Anyone wanna Netflix & Chill?

RAM Issue 3 | 12

STINK ONE ADELE FANS MISS OUT ON CONCERT AFTER JETSTAR CANCELS FLIGHT Several fans are out of pocket after Jetstar cancelled a flight from New Plymouth to Auckland the afternoon before the show.

SELFIES The insane culture of having to take a photo of yourself in every interesting location you visit. Does anyone even bother looking at these attractions any more? Or do they just get the photo and leave? The only person that needs to know you’re enjoying yourself is you.

AUSSIE JUMPS IN CROC-INFESTED RIVER FOR A GIRL, NEARLY DIES 18 year old Lee narrowly cheated death after being mauled by a crocodile says it was “all worth it” after he won a date with a girl he was trying to impress. He’d drunk “about 10 cups of goon” when he decided to decided that crocodiles are more likely to attack tourists than locals.

COPING WITH WINTER After a ‘bummer summer’ we are straight into another winter. I’m sure many of us are feeling hard done by, and not all that ready to hunker down for the long, dark haul that is winter.

But realise you’re not alone. Or even that badly off. Really.

BEING LABELLED A MILLENNIAL A term used by insecure idiots to dismiss somebody born between 1982 and 1994. This generation is something special, cos Mum and Dad and their year 5 teacher Mrs. Creamer told them us so. Plus we have a whole shelf of participation trophies sitting at home, so it has to be true.

THERE’S ONLY 1 INGREDIENT THAT SEPARATES PEPSI FROM COKE There’s two kinds of people in this world, those who like Pepsi and those who like Coke. “Pepsi is characterised by a citrus-y flavor burst, unlike the more raisin-y-vanilla taste of Coke.”

This makes sense when you consider the ingredient Pepsi has that Coke doesn’t have is Citric Acid!

SUNDAY 14TH MAY If there’s one thing all mothers love, it’s jokes at their expense...hang on.You know what mom wants the most for Mother’s Day, right? It’s not flowers and it’s not some shitty cookware from Briscoes that she’ll never use. More than anything, she wants some funny chat from you. OK, maybe that’s not at the top of her list, but it’ll definitely put a smile on her dial, right? And it costs nothing.

Here’s some inspiration for you from actual children to their mothers...

‘What did you get your Mum for Mother’s Day? The same thing I got her last year... me not being pregnant!’

‘Happy Mother’s Day to a special lady, who still loves me, even though I shat my pants for over a year after we first met.’

‘Happy Mother’s Day to one of my two gay Dads who is a little more womanly than the other.’

‘I imagine Mother’s Day gets really awkward and confusing on Game of Thrones.’

‘Bought my Mum a mug that says Happy Mother’s Day from the worlds worst son. I forgot to mail it to her but I think she knows.’

Mother’s Day gift this year - Not asking her for money that day.’

What ever you do, don’t get her one of these cards!

‘Happy Mother’s Day Mum. You laid your eggs in the sand and took off! Almost all of us were eaten by birds - Love Sea Turtles.’

‘I’m sorry my gigantic head ruined your vagina.’

#TIB WINNER Samnang Sam “Approximately what ratio of males in New Zealand experience unwanted sexual assault/ violence in their lifetime?” With the answer being 1 in 6 males (Statistic from TOAH-NNEST: Te Ohaakii a Hine – National Network of Ending Sexual Violence Together)

#TIB WINNER Irene Setiawen “Statistically, what age group is at the highest risk of sexual assault out of any age group?” With the correct answer being 16 – 24 years old.

RAM Issue 3 | 14

Greenest Flat Winners Green Week Re-cap The Greenest Flat winners were MINC, (The Masters of International Nature Conservationists). They produced a well thought out concept and script, showing us through their flat. They had a clear understanding of sustainability issues and actions. They dried their clothes without the use of a dryer, and used Earthwise laundry powde. The heat pump hasn’t been used yet, they had a selection of reusable containers for storing food, they sorted their recycling, ate meat only a couple of days a week, didn’t turn on lights during the day, biked to work and carpooled when necessary! They won a ‘My Bargain MEGA Box’ valued at $160.

In second place was James, Jan and Andrew. They may have had a few hitches with the camera, but they did have great initiatives. Some of these included, managing food waste wisely, sourcing fruit and veg locally, only ate meat half the nights of the week, grew only natives in the garden, made all meals together, reused cleaning cloths, switched off plugs at the wall, used eco-friendly bulbs and have gas water.

James and Jan bike to Uni (Jan had a WOW bottle to prove it!) & Andrew walks the 5kms in to Uni, Pride Rock gained the special commendation for growing their own corn and potatoes, baking, using the the soda stream maker within the flat. Plus Imogene had worn one bike out from biking to Uni! A huge thanks to the Global Challenge Students, WOW and LUSA. Plus the Green Week judges, the BHU Organic Unit plus all the staff who assisted in the week from Lincoln New World.

Carpool winner was Hayden, who arrived on the day in a people mover full of students! He has chosen his park and this will be marked up for them to use for the rest of the year.

The 5 trees outside Forbes where there to represent the number of trees required to absorb the emissions of one car driving from Riccarton to Lincoln for one Uni week.

The plastic bottle guess was 257.

Which was half a day’s bottle collection from campus, which is pretty scary considering it takes 450 years for one bottle to break down!

So the message is pretty simple, reduce, reuse & recycle.

Use reusable bags, reusable drink bottles, travel mugs and car pool or use other modes of transport.

It is time we got serious about preventing climate change!

Live Brighter Mind Your Head – helps us to deal with the things we can deal with.

Maintain a healthy sense of perspective and savour the good things along the way.

•

Head outside and check out the beauty and sounds of nature.

•

Go on a nature walk – your back yard or the Halswell Quarry!

•

Go out and look at the stars.

•

Appreciate the loved ones you have that support you.

•

Draw a picture of how you are feeling today.

•

Be mindful today, take notice of the simple, small things.

Relay For Life This was a great event as always and was held in Brookside Park, Rolleston on the weekend of April 1st & 2nd. Yes, we walked an extra hour due to daylight saving!

Relay For Life is an inspiring community event that gives everyone a chance to celebrate cancer survivors and carers; remember loved ones lost to cancer; and fight back by raising awareness and funds to support the work of the Cancer Society.

It is a fundraising event where teams camp around a 400 metre track for the night and at all times there is to be a team member or more walking on the track with their team baton.

There is still some fundraising going on but when we finished on Sunday morning we had raised $45,000 for the cancer society! It was a great time, so next year make sure you are part of the action.

#Thursdays in Black It’s official! Thursdays in Black now has a society on campus!

Keep an eye out for any upcoming #TIB events on campus, or pop by our weekly stall in the library foyer 11:15am – 12:15pm FREE food and a yarn!

If you are interested in joining our new society, or for more information, please email Kate.Maxwell@lincoln.ac.nz and don’t forget to wear black on Thursday to show your support against sexual assault and rape.

RAM Issue 3 | 15

2016 Graduates Re-Cap

RIP Springer - never forgotten a bit like your first love The f*cking sandpit - It’s still there!

The Workshop - finally a bit of students space.

RIP being able to drink in Hudson.

I mean we did spray-paint the wall at garden party!

The good times at Coes Ford. except for Colombo’s Blue Vomit!

Duckshooting, and the spoils ending up in people’s beds.

RAM Issue 3 | 16

2014 O’Week Scandal!

Home Brew performed alongside Dick l Johnson, P-Money and PNC at the Triba an half n dow shut was h whic , Party Toga hour early after a member of Home Brew jumped from the stage and punched Sam McLeod in the face! He received three stitches to the cut above his eye.

The band also trashed their room at t. the Grouse, where the stayed the nigh ed Funnily enough they could not be reach ent. incid the wing for comment follo Sam was in the front row watching the group when one of the members jumped off the stage and handed a drink to someone a couple of rows back. The hed musician then looked at McLeod, punc your p ‘’Kee said: and face him in the f***ing hands out of my pockets.’’

He then returned to the stage and another member of the group told the got crowd: ‘’Shout out to the guy who just punched in the face.’’ Nice.

McLeod was then taken back-stage by his security with blood streaming down d and face. Thats when the Cops were calle the gig was shut down. ‘’I’d heard about them but I’d never a bad listened to their music. Obviously it’s h look for the group. They are just a bunc their stick did one some be of losers. May ’t hand in his pocket but it definitely wasn said. me.’’ Sam RAM Issue 3 | 17

Club Highlights

3 Days, 700kms & 3 Buggered Vans...

Yep, that’s right we were tackling the Molesworth Road in three hiace vans. Not for the feint hearted.

After a few beers

It is a mental road that runs behind

the chat started

Hamner Springs and pops out just south of

to fly about the

Blenheim, exposing some of the most epic

sizeable hill behind

scenery the majority of New Zealanders

the woolshed at

have not witnessed.

Muller, and who could climb it in

After a late morning departure on the

under an hour.

Friday, the three vans were off in ship-

Scotty ‘tahr’

shape condition. En-route to Hamner

Higgins backed

the good chats was flowing and so were

himself and people

the odd drink or two. Dr David tried a

started putting a few slabs of Speight’s on

few moves on a 50 year old lollypop lady

the wager. Lacing up the Andrews he took

and @quigleycontracting got naked.

off with Putties and knife belt on, willing

We were ready to get off the beaten track

to show the team how fast a Waiau man

and hit Jollies Pass like a cut cat. A few

can climb a hill.

lads tried their hands at a manus in a ford, with only foot of water giving some them

He blew the hour out of the water, nailing

nasty bruises. With dust everywhere and

it there and back in half an hour with

Chips spinning his usual few stories, we

even time for a panorama at the top!

knew the trip was in full swing.

Hayden Lee still owes him a stripper for his efforts.

Muller Woolshed hosted a good doo that night which ended up with a fair few coated in raddle and tag pen. A hand piece came out and a few people ended up with patchy haircuts or trimmed pubes. Needless to say, you can’t beat a woolshed party and

The troops arrived at Muller Station well

after plenty of spading

steamed. Rodrick gave paddock racing a

swags were rolled out

nudge and gave the diff a hiding with a

and people dossed

large rock he somehow didn’t see.

down for the night.

After lifting the old girl off, running repairs were completed and we headed off to the quarters.

Mr Merino cranked up the barbecue and we were cranking some burgers out to line some stomachs.

RAM Issue 3 | 18

Saturday started with the business end of the trip. We heard from Muller Station’s owners about life up the remote

Molesworth Road and their development plans.

Big congratulations to Steve and Mary for taking out the Farming Section of the Ballance Environmental Awards as well.

We were back on the road again, not for long before various stops had to be made to get breakfast back up. With everyone feeling pretty dusty, we pulled back onto some tarmac to head to Bonavaree Farm.

Doug Avery hosted us here, showing us his passion for young people and Lucerne.

Mr Lucerne made sure we left with plenty of life messages and probably to be fair gave us a good hangover cure. Hard not to absorb the high-octane energy that runs off this man.

Young Farmers Club

Sunday saw us begin a long

The last part of the journey went sideways

dusty trip home. One van

pretty quickly with a few dings in one

decided not to start and

van to put it mildly, and the Rodmobile

required a push start to get

eventually conking out in Woodend.

it running. After hitting the

Next stop was the salt works at Lake

metal we made fairly good

In all, the trip was a success and kept

progress, until a skinny part

everyone on their toes. Big thanks to

in the road meant Lincoln

Emma Subtil for jacking up the weekend

had to pass a truck. With

which was enjoyed by all, and for those

Grassmere for something different.

minimal room and poor execution, the van

who jumped at the chance to come for the

Seeing the harvesters in full swing and the

ended up with one side in a muddy edge of

weekend.

plant running, was interesting. Chips tried

the road.

to get an invite to their Christmas doo and

Watch this space for our next trip.

the vans loved a bit of salt on the chassis,

Jack “Topp off” Ternouth (pun intended,

Maybe a little less off-roading, but we will

so it was a success all round!

Phoebe) managed to pull the van out

venture into the deep south to see some

single-handedly after spending the last

more farms, yarns and carnage!

We then boosted up the road to Seddon,

few months on creatine and a rigourous

where the Peter Yealands vineyard is.

workout programme.

With a bit of wine tasting, a few bottlys

were bought and strawpedoed in classic

We were back on the road again.

~ Lincoln Harrison

student fashion. The van drivers set a new record for the winery tour around the road, with some evasive passing manoeuvres and Roysmith caught one of Peter’s pet geese.

Blenheim Top 10 had fond memories for Oscar Pistorious as a destructive first year so we had to go back for more.

Everyone finally got a shower for the day and RM’s were chucked on to head into town for a feed.

Blenheim got cranking as much as it could and eventuated into being a fairly good night.

The man from Waiau got a free ride back to the Top 10 to everyone’s surprise, and Quigley kept the whole establishment up until dawn chewing darts.

RAM Issue 3 | 19

Club Highlights The Incredible Indians club recently had their first event for the semester.

About 20 club members joined in for a Halswell Quarry Park trek.

Scenic views, vast stretches of greenery, fantastic photo opportunities, tired legs but happy faces. This pretty much summed up the afternoon of the 24th March, where we had our first event for the semester.

We boarded the bus at 2:30pm from the University and headed to Halswell

Indians Club Incredible ve k Masoji

Quarry Park with our Incredible Indians. We reached the park by 3:10pm and made our way to the first trekking spot which was the top of quarry rim track, where we spent some time enjoying the view. We then went on to exploring the Crocodile Track and Kennedy Bush road, which was a different experience for both new and old students. The breathtaking views from the top were so good, that we felt like staying there forever! Apart from the trekking and tired legs, it was a great occasion to meet people from different parts of India. The day ended with a lovely dinner at an Indian restaurant.

Thanks to LUSA for the support. We are looking forward to more events in the coming months.

RAM Issue 3 | 20

by Vi

Club Highlights The Postgraduate Christian Fellowship Club recently took off for a jaunt to Arthur’s Pass. We were a pretty diverse bunch, with nine people on the trip, and eight countries represented! A few of us have only recently arrived from overseas, and hadn’t been off the Canterbury Plains yet. We hired the University-owned Cockies Crib for the night.

Trying to get the fire going, involved an unsuccessful team effort from our tropical climate friends. In the end, our German took

ip h s w o ll e F n ia t is r h C PostGrad

over with typical German efficiency, and the expertise born of cold winters. That night, friends were made and lost over some rowdy card games.

The morning of April Fool’s Day, we were all awoken at 4am by our Ghanaian friend making a raucous phone call home. Thanks mate. Once the sun came up, we took off for a hike, before spending the rest of the day cruising around the area looking for the perfect Instagram.

Highlights included losing a member of the party when he decided to have a bath in the river, and borrowing a unicycle from the pub. It was great to build friendships with Postgrads fresh to Lincoln, and get out into the hills.

All in all, a successful trip.

If you’re thinking of hiring out Cockies Crib, email the lovely Marianne at Lincworks to sort an available date, pay the money and pick up the key!

The Sallies are expanding their search for collectors for its annual Red Shield Appeal week at the start of May and they need your help!

Enlist for an hour or more to support its fight to help vulnerable New Zealanders. This appeal raises funds to support The Salvation Army’s frontline services tackling poverty in New Zealand.

While the Army has typically used volunteers from among its staff and church members, along with clients who have volunteered to help, this year it is spreading the net wider by offering the public the chance to join for at least an hour.

Sign up as a collector today at: www.salvationarmy.org.nz/RedShieldVolunteer Simply fill out a form and be ready and willing to help and The Salvation Army, and we will do the rest!

The Salvation Army assists over 120,000 people in need each year, including 60,000 families

“You really get to fe el like you’re part of so mething bi g and making a difference . And the number of complimen ts for The Sa lvat ion Arm you get y’s work during yo ur time co lle ct ing is just amaz ing.”

with children who are struggling to make ends meet. This support is wide-ranging and includes food and practical aid parcels, budgeting advice, social work, counselling, accommodation assistance and more.

RAM Issue 3 | 21

Club Highlights

First Year.

First Impressions.

It’s been a pretty full on so far this year, with rocks, socks and poly props.

Round 1: Our first trip took us into Hawdon valley, where we began our first tramp into the wilderness. Bear Grylls jokes aside, the scenery was amazing and the weather held out for us. After a few small river crossings and some breaks to collect snow berries, we arrived at the hut. With the majority putting their wet boots back on to go on a successful blue duck hunt.

Round 2: Cass Lagoon. I didn’t forget my spoon but some mice ate my Weet-Bix. Some of the highlights were; one person getting stuck in the tarn, 3 people sleeping outside and the summiting of Mt Bruce. I can’t lie... it was a pretty mean trip.

Back at it again with the climbing. Conquering level 14’s - we felt on top of the...wall. With my Bae-lay (Belay Bae) at the end of the rope, I felt I could achieve anything and hopefully not fall. The descents were still pretty dodgy, but no one died so it was all shits and gigs!

The hike was not the end, as we ended our trip with a trek through Cave Stream. After seeing some eels, the loss of one hiking boot and some spontaneous cave climbing, we were happy to change into a dry pair of clothes and eat some pies.

Getting into the full swing of things, we gave outdoor climbing a whirl. Heading off to Cattlestop Craig, this was slightly outside our comfort zone. But nonetheless, it was sick as bruv.

The tramping trips were broken up with sessions of rock climbing...or falling.

Starting on the bouldering, we found our noodle arms got tired quickly and after hitting the big boy walls of level 13, we were knackered!

Near dead, we made our way back to Lincoln. The biggest struggle was opening doors for the next two days.

Unfortunately, neither of us made it on the Otehake hot pools trip, but it sounds like everyone had a really good time.

RAM Issue 3 | 22

First year, first impressions. - “Tramping and climbing club is pretty mint.” ~ The Bae-lays 2k17.

Tramping & Climbing Club

Otehake Hot Pools: A Rookie’s Perspective It was, by all accounts, a fine day when the five of us – two seasoned New Zealand trampers and three unwitting rookies – set out from Arthurs Pass with only one thought in our minds: the Otehake Hot Pools. We buckled our packs, laced up our boots and began walking.

Our first obstacle was met quite quickly: a raging river, swirling ferociously as high as our calves! Concerns for wet feet quickly trickled away as we charged forward, though the water trapped inside our boots trickled away far more slowly.

Although, once you surrender to being sodden, splashing about is quite therapeutic. However, take heed, fellow rookies: the extra limb of a walking stick can be invaluable! Oh, and avoid stepping on large, submerged rocks. Take it from me.

Over hill and under the trees we went. We detoured to Lake Kaurapatake, where a pleasant view was marred only by the sandflies insistent on eating us alive. The flies were but an ominous precursor, as our detour had led us to the flood track colloquially known as the ‘Blood Track’. Doesn’t that sound promising? It was a difficult trek, and I learned a valuable lesson, about packing and weight distribution; having foolishly strapped my tent vertically on the outside of my pack, it shifted left and right when I did, and every so often tried to throw me off the track.

b u l C g n i b m i l Tramping & C

Finally, just when I was becoming quite convinced that the hot pools

were a myth, our intrepid expedition leaders located them.

They were beautiful to behold.

Before long, we had our tents set up, fire burning, food cooking, and hot pools quietly steaming.

Alas, we had no choice but to depart the next day. This time, our journey was appreciably shorter because we chose a path through the gorge over the flood track. Although the current attempted to sweep us off our feet in a couple of places, everyone managed to keep their footing.

When we arrived back at the car, we were wet and muscle-sore, but accomplished. We had taken on the Blood Track and won, and managed to find the hot pools! A success all round. ~ By Veronica RAM Issue 3 | 23

Top Winter: SEX POSITIONS and why?

Even though the temperature has dropped, that doesn’t mean your sex life should freeze as well. Don’t let your dry skin, frostbitten toes, chapped lips, and winter fat coat keep you from getting it on. The LUSA staff (a.k.a certified sex gods) have rounded up their best sex positions for spicing up your love life during the cold months.

10 The Halls Bed

9

Recreate the awkward sexual encounters from first year by doing it on the smallest, most uncomfortable surface you can find – like your first hall bed! Do it on a coffee table, an ottoman, or even a swiss ball.

You’ll relive the glory days of impersonal one-night stands, paranoia that your podmates will wake up, and constant fear that your shitty bed will break from too much thrusting (although, we would so count that as a victory).

8

Sexercise

The Winter Biker Put on a ski mask when you go down.

It’ll cause a whole bunch of warm, fuzzy sensations down there and have your lover begging for more. Don’t have a ski mask?

Take a normal winter hat, pull it down over your face and cut holes in it. Half the fun is looking creepy and making your lover uncomfortable.

7

Stay warm by getting active! Heat things up by trying out positions that work out your muscles. Try kneeling behind your partner and lean back slightly, have your partner kneel in front of you with her back to you.

Her legs should go between yours, squeeze you bodies together tightly and wrap your arms around her waist. Snuggly!

Do it like the Ram Search through the long grass, round em up, and grab their hind legs like a sexy, sexy…

Ram. Soon after you’ll be nesstled up in some of the finest merino.

6

Lincoln Threesome This is great for couples that want to spice it up, but get jealous easily. Invite a third person, but make sure they are far enough away so that you forget about them from time to time. Only get them involved when you need to “plow some fields” if you catch our drift.

RAM Issue 3 | 24

5

New Locations Sex can get pretty boring if you’re always doing it in in the same tiny bedroom as your flatmates watch The Bachelor in the next room. Switch it up! Get frisky in the back of an Uber. Bend over for a quickie at the Grouse while you pretend to tie your shoes. Even if you get caught, you’ll just get arrested for being too sexy.

4

Fantasy Roleplay

3

Stoke the Fire If you have a fire, demonstrate your masculinity and stoke it up in preparation for a night of heated passion! The romantic mood will be set with the crackling wood and warmth of the flames; the cold weather outside will be forgotten and, with any luck, she will melt into your arms. FYI couches don’t count.

Whether you’ve been with the same person since the school ball, or you don’t like your lay’s personality, roleplay can enhance the dynamics of the bedroom. For example, one of you can dress up like a Domino’s delivery person and get freaky, FAST.

2

A Heated Massage If you want to instantly loosen your lady up this winter then offer her a massage with a difference. Place an unopened bottle of massage oil in a bowl of hot water for three to five minutes and then, after testing the temperature on the inside of your arm, pour it straight onto her back and bottom, watch her writhe with pleasure as you rub the warm liquid over her body.

1

DIY Bondage You can bring some naughty toys into the bedroom without having to make an uncomfortable trip to Peaches and Cream.

Get creative with what you have! Cut off the handle of your O’Week bag to tie your partner to the bed or use the handles for a blindfold. You’ll have them saying, “G-Double-O-D J-O-B” in no time.

RAM Issue 3 | 25

The Goat House Natalie Allen, Ed Laver, George Redpath, Kyle Wills & Elliot Farr

Favourite Flat Meal: Venison is a go-to, on average 5 times a week #supersheps (Oh deer, that’s not very sustainable!)

Your Go To Hangover Feed: Probably venison #supersheps What do you scrounge up the day before pay day?

Probably venison #supersheps Anyone Screwed the Crew?

No, but Kyle is from Southland so maybe ask his sister…

Flat Pets?

A Goat Any Damage done to the Flat?

The boys have measured their penis length and have marked it on the wall... This is damaging to both the wall, and their reputations.

Who Cleans or is the Tidiest?

Anyone but Natalie Do you have any Flat Traditions?

• DIY Friday - where we build things, such as coffee tables and benches.

• Flat Knitting - to keep us warm on the odd occasion that Tinder doesn’t pull through.

RAM Issue 3 | 26

The Goat House is located at 40 English Street, and you

Elliot Farr is an import bought in to improve the flats

can smell the hairy buggers inside from a mile away.

GPA. As a proud UC student, Elliot enjoys lattes, long

In the early hours of Thursdays and Sundays you might

walks on the beach, and masturbation.

even hear the odd billy goat’s bleet.

Elliot, Finn and Nat all hail from St Andrew’s College, so The flat takes its name from one of the female tenants

in the absence of an APA citation, we can safely assume

whose attitude to being clean and tidy she shares

that they enjoy smoking darts, wearing Smurf Squad

with a feral Mt Somers’ goat. Luckily for the men of

merchandise and hanging out together.

Christchurch, Natalie Allen also shares the sex drive of a hairy old Billy. Unlike the average Billy Goat, this nanny

Finn’s future is as bright as his auburn locks, and he

is not one to shy away and hide from a shepherd.

has set many ambitious goals. These include a tan, a girlfriend, and hopefully even getting laid.

Speaking of shepherds, the flat boasts some high quality

Always a success story of STAC, Finn has attained at

agricultural talent.

least one of these dreams when he met his beloved girlfriend. Let’s just hope that getting a girlfriend killed

Ed Laver, brings to the flat a multitude of Smedley

two birds with one stone, and Finn busted a Loader the

wisdom, including his proficiency in all activities

natural way for once.

involving fast horizontal movement.

George Redpath fully immersed himself in Gisborne life as a shepherd over summer. He loves the Gisborne lifestyle so much that he is becoming the next RicardoChristie-Surfing-Superstar. He particularly enjoyed the uncanny resemblance between Gisborne and his Inglewood home, in which it is socially acceptable to root your sister, cousin, or both.

Speaking of inbreds, Kyle Wills brings a bit of Southland sass to the Goat House whanau. His dirrty purrple worrk shirrt is cleaner than his reputation as The Phantom Shitter. It is unconfirmed whether he takes so long in the loo because he is working Tinder, or because has something fishy going on in the downstairs department.

There is always a chance that the two may be related, as I have it on good accord that strep throat has been going round the local high schools.

RAM Issue 3 | 27

RAM Issue 3 | 28

Student Reps The first round of Student Rep meetings with the Faculty Deans has been and gone, and there was great feedback from all of the reps, and fortunately not too many major issues.

We’ve got to say massive thanks to Jessica Hampton the Rep for BIOS110. She went above and beyond to give great feedback to the examiner to help improve the quality of the course for everyone in it, which we are super stoked to hear!

The examiner noted they had a good discussion on the feedback and improvements that could be made to make the class even better for the students.

Top work Jessica, call into LUSA to collect your prize for being outstanding!

Each term we’ll recognise the best Student Rep, so next time this could be you!

LUSA HQ HAS MOVED! That’s right...we are no longer in the big bright blue building opposite the Rec Centre, but rather in the hub of campus, in the Forbes building next to the Bookshop! If you’re reading this while in line to grab your free snarler at the RAM release BBQ, then just look over and give us a wave! Better yet, call in and check us out, you may even walk away with some nice freebies (especially if you’re one of the first to

visit). We’ll still have all the same services available to you, just a lot more organised and technology savvy!

So make sure head along to our website for all your online forms, applications, event details, ticket sales, Student Rep meeting times, RAM content dues dates, Flat of the Month sign up forms...and all the other stuff we do.

RAM Issue 3 | 29

RAM Issue 3 | 30

RUGBY Lincoln University Rugby is already in full swing and below is the draw. The next lot of games played will be held this Saturday 29th April, which is Club Day! The LU club plays in the Christchurch Metropolitan Rugby Competition, and is very successful, so come along and support your mates this weekend and the following weekends to come!

RAM Issue 3 | 31

Feature

Home-kill Sunday Roasts to Rabbit Food A few weeks ago I was a part of a segment on Seven Sharp talking about meat consumption, particularly my decision to try out the vegetarian lifestyle.

For those that haven’t seen it, follow this link: https://www.tvnz.co.nz/one-news/new-zealand/ son-waikato-farmer-bucks-family-trend-stoppingeating-meat

I’m not here to tell you to stop eating meat and that you’re wrong and I am right, I am just wanting to spark a conversation on an issue that I see as, too often overlooked and not even given a second thought to...especially in rural communities.

Did you know that a ‘once-a-month vegetarian night’ was trialled in the halls a few years ago and got so much negative feedback (hate mail) that Catering Services decided never to do it again?

I personally think its tragic to come from a place where swimming in a local stream is a given, to a place where you literally have to search for a stream that has sufficient quality, and quantity, for swimming (yes, the reasons go beyond meat production).

To set the record straight, this was filmed 8 months ago, and I am not today 100% no bull vegetarian.

Over the summer, I was far from it.

The fact of the matter stands, however, that my meat consumption has reduced greatly since coming down to Lincoln, which is likely to be a rarity for most students.

As Lincoln students, you all know the negative aspects of meat consumption in huge quantities (environmental, health, etc), and so rather than bore you with the details, the purpose of this article is to continue the discussion.

RAM Issue 3 | 32

Does anyone else see this as an issue? Or do we just see these effects as an acceptable outcome at the expense of agricultural development?

Feature At the end of the day, I am just an undergraduate student that knows a bit about the science and social issues behind meat consumption, but little about the economics of it.

I would love to see an article in the next RAM on this topic, even if it were saying that society needs to eat more meat.

Why? Because we’re talking about it, and straying away from that default position of consuming meat at high quantities without giving it a second thought.

So, if you feel passionate about this issue, here’s your chance. Perhaps this is the revival of the Spin a Yarn Debating Club, or the beginning of the ‘green vegetable network’.

Anyway, I guess I’m off the beef and lamb scholarship this year!

- James Ranstead

...SWIMMING IN A LOCAL STREAM WAS A GIVEN, NOW YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO SEARCH FOR A STREAM THAT HAS SUFFICIENT QUALITY, AND QUANTITY, FOR SWIMMING.

DID YOU KNOW? ONE INDIVIDUAL COW PRODUCES 15 TIMES MORE EFFLUENT THAN A HUMAN 60% OF MONITORED NEW ZEALAND WATERWAYS WERE NOT FIT TO SWIM IN, LET ALONE DRINK THE WAIKATO RIVER, THE MANAWATU RIVER, AND LAKES ELLESMERE, TAUPO AND ROTORUA ARE HEAVILY POLLUTED.

THE BEEF, LAMB AND VENISON INDUSTRIES ARE NOT REGULATED TO PROTECT WATERWAYS. WE SPEND LOTS OF TIME OF ASSIGNING BLAME AND NOT ENOUGH TIME SOLVING PROBLEMS, SO WE NEED TO FOCUS MORE ON HOW CAN WE DO THESE THINGS BETTER. RAM Issue 3 | 33

WINNER IS ‘CHEEKY BLIGHTER’ COME ON IN TO LUSA TO COLLECT YOUR VOUCHER

RAM Issue 3 | 34

LUSA.NZ ADD US TODAY!

RAM Issue 3 | 35

FUTURE LEADERS

“CYCLE ROOTS”

Cycle Roots is an initiative set up by 5 Lincoln University students on the Future Leaders’ Scholarship programme, intending to bring bicycles to primary schools in a sustainable fashion.

Together our team will then go into Riccarton Primary School and introduce ourselves and of course the bikes, teach the children how to bike safely, and supervise for a few lunch times. We will then give the bikes to the school!

Working alongside RAD Bikes (Recycle a Dunger) and Riccarton Primary School our mission is to collect used bicycles, fix ‘em up and bring them to Riccarton Primary School to facilitate cycle safety workshops with the students and for general lunchtime play.

Our bike collection dates will vary based on the amount of bikes we receive, as we need to get them checked by RAD so the sooner the better, so we can give them as much time as they need.

Cycling in New Zealand is on a decrease which is why we want to promote safe cycling within our community’s youth, and encourage people to get on their bikes for not just a cleaner means of travel but to also develop healthy living habits from a young age and also to have a bit of old fashion fun!

Many of the children don’t have the guidance or financial support to have or ride a bike at home, so we saw this as a great opportunity to give these kids.

Our key objective is to get approximately 20 secondhand bicycles, (suitable for children aged 5 to 12 years) plus cycle equipment, like helmets, spare parts, bike locks, bike pumps etc. donated by the public.

As a group we will actively source bike racks, locks, and equipment, hopefully through sponsorship and donations made by local cycle stores and the general public.

RAM Issue 3 | 36

If you or someone you know has an old, new, broken or unused child’s bike you wish to donate please get in contact with Cycle Roots via our email at cycle.roots@outlook.com or look us up on Facebook

We hope to have around 3 bike collection days and to start delivering the bikes to Riccarton Primary School by the 31st of May and be ready for our safety event by the 25th of June!

By Tessa Schmidt

“Butter is Back!”

In 2011, New Zealanders were by far the world’s biggest butter eaters.

“Butter is back,” says boutique dairy company Lewis Road Creamery.

Butter has grown its volume share of the total butter and margarine category from 41.3% to 45.1%... in the last three years.”

Since the 1970s, Kiwis have been told to cut down on butter, full-cream milk, red-meat, fat and all the other good things that were produced in our backyards and were brought up on, for the sake of our arteries.

So after years of being told to avoid butter, why is it now being hyped as a health food?!

The author of Butter: A Rich History, Elaine Khosrova has worked as a pastry chef, in a magazine test kitchen and as the editor of a cheese magazine, and she has researched the shit out of butter going back to the Stone Age. So let’s just start at the very beginning, how did butter originate?

She writes that butter is believed to go back to the Neolithic era, which was a period in the development of human technology, beginning about 10,200 BC. While the exact circumstances of its discovery are unknown, Khosrova imagines a herdsman storing milk inside an animal skin and over several hours, the milk is ripened by bacteria, chilled and agitated by a bumpy ride, causing delicious, golden butter chunks to form, and then the herdsman stopping to find this yummy delight!

Butter was also seen as holy, because many people didn’t understand how it formed. If things like temperature or fat content weren’t right, butter wouldn’t emerge at all. It was really valuable, too, as well as tasting bloody good, it was of course used as a medicine, as its waterproof! No, don’t put it on your burns...

We all know better than our parents now days.

By the 16th century, butter making was under control and very much in the women’s domain, but like many things it eventually went male and mechanical during the Industrial Revolution, due to inventions such as the ‘centrifugal cream separator’, and the rise of commercial creameries with big equipment that was believed to require muscly men!

In the 1900’s Americans love of butter was evident (almost as much as the Kiwi’s) eating more than 18 pounds of butter per person each year but after that, butter’s story is one of a constant battle. The war between butter and margarine was on. It was cheaper than butter, and this attacked the dairy industry, but now days it’s the war over the health impact

margarine has on us. Artificial trans fats have come to light in some forms of margarine, as our interest in more “natural” products has grown. Sugar has taken its place as the most hated of foodstuffs and good ole butter has come back like a long lost lover from War. Butter consumption surpassed margarine’s in 2005, and as of 2014, the average American was consuming 2.5 kilograms per year - a 40-year high, though nowhere near where it once was.

Butter has now been said that its one of the healthy fats we should eat more of ‘to encourage weight loss and optimum health’, and even celebrity chefs recommend we cook with butter or coconut oil because olive oil becomes oxidised when heated...Kiwi’s love of butter has been proven that they can’t go anywhere without it. What is believed to be the world’s oldest block of butter was discovered in the Antarctic in 2009. The Kiwi butter was found frozen in a stable area adjacent to a hut.

Until then the hut was surrounded by snow and ice. A restoration team were working on the adjoining stables when they made the discovery, near a pile of empty butter boxes.

“Oh just tremendous! It looked like an old wrinkly bag and you look inside and saw the wonderful Silver Fern logo,” says Meek. “(It’s) very exciting because there’s such a strong connection with New Zealand. And a lot of supplies were given to the expedition

by NZ companies and New Zealand people.

But it’s great to find one with that instantly recognisable Silver Fern and in such great condition relatively speaking,” says Meek.

By Julia Wills

RAM Issue 3 | 37

“ EASTER Feeding the BELLY, feeding the SOUL

“

- by Shaun Snoxell

RAM Issue 3 | 38

W

hy does the Christian

That is the story behind Easter, and it is

Fellowship give away hot

at the heart of the Christian faith.

cross buns at Easter every year?

Motivated by what happened at Easter, CF aims to feed your belly, and feed

You might have seen them the other

your soul.

day toasting up a few buns outside the library. Actually, why do they do

We offer food for the belly. Jesus set

all those things on campus? Stuff like

us an example of how to live, not

cooking up post-Yaldy toasties every

putting ourselves first, but instead

Wednesday night, handing out snags

other people. There’s a famous quote

to the punters at Garden Party, and

from Jesus, “treat others in the same

putting on weekly free lunches on

way that you would want them to

Wednesdays?

treat you”. He established a radical movement that seeks to share our

Why do they bother? Why are they

resources, serve those in need, and

spending Wednesday nights dishing

make a positive contribution to the

out cheap toasties?

world. So, at CF, we want to make our campus a better place. We want to

Well, I’m glad you asked! And the

serve you guys. And so, at 12:30am

answer has something to do with

after a big night at the Yaldy, we’ve got

Easter.

some cheese-dripping toasties waiting

E

for you.

aster is a pretty important event in the Christian calendar,

We also offer food for the soul. We

marking the date of the death

reckon the message behind Easter is

and resurrection of Jesus. But beyond

well worth sharing. That’s why we

just marking a historical event, Easter

offer opportunities to ask questions, to

is at the heart of the Christian faith.

explore faith. We put on free lunches

Easter explains a lot of what CF does.

every Wednesday lunchtime with

Easter is a celebration; we have a public holiday to celebrate that Jesus died.

Why would we celebrate a death?

Because, miraculously, Jesus didn’t stay dead! We have all stuffed up, we have all done wrong stuff – we have

Easter is a celebration; we have a public holiday to celebrate that Jesus died.

Why would we celebrate a death?

different guest speakers on faithrelated topics. We have bible studies on campus. Every now and then we hand out ice blocks or hot cross buns, and give you a chance to ask us questions about Jesus.

all fallen short of God’s standard and

So if you are keen for a feed, hit us up!

consequently deserve punishment.

Or if you are keen for some spiritual

The good news is that Jesus by his

fodder, to hear more about what Easter

death took our punishment on himself.

means to us, hit us up too! You can find

After three days, he came back to life,

all the info on Facebook at “Lincoln

defeating the power of death. If we

Uni Christian Fellowship”.

turn from our stuff ups and turn to Jesus, we get forgiveness from God, not punishment, both now and forever.

We think that’s worth celebrating.

RAM Issue 3 | 39

THE

PROCRASTINATOR Everyone knows you don’t like doing real work, so here’s a double page of puzzles to make it look like you’re busy taking notes when you’re actually wasting everyone’s time!

(Hint: look confused when you do them)

Sweet! a double page of puzzles!

I’ll get right on to them ...tomorrow.

Quiz 1.

Wordplay

What is the largest bone in your

8.

upper arm?

2.

canyons?

Which vitamin is also known as pantothenic acid?

3.

9.

Richmond, Southbank & Docklands are suburbs of which Australian

What part of the human body contains the most gold?

city?

10. When did the film Jurasic Park

4. How long is the average human dream?

5.

Where are the world’s biggest

come out?

11. Which country was barred from

How many volts can an electric eel

the Olympic Games in 1964 and not

produce?

readmitted till 1992?

6.

What colour is a giraffes tongue?

7.

How much did the heaviest human

12. Is gouda cheese typically made from cow, goat or sheep milk?

baby weigh at birth?

Wordfind

Search horizontally, vertically and diagonally for the words hidden in these puzzles.

GRADUATION See if you can find some typical features of a Graduation.

SUCCESS FUTURE PROUD PARTY GIFT DINER DANCE GOWN TUXEDO MUSIC FRIENDS CARDS CELEBRATION SPECIAL AWARDS SCHOOL UNIVERSITY PROGRAM COLLEGE

RAM Issue 3 | 40

Answers: 1. Humerous 2. B5 3. The toenails 4. 30 mins 5. 860 volts 6. Black, purple or blue 7. 10.2 kg (22 lb 8 oz) 8. Yarlung Tsangpo Grand Canyon 9. Melbourne 10. 1993 11. South Africa 12. Cow

Can you decipher these rebus puzzles?

Maze

What do you see first?

Rabbit or a duck?

HELP THE STUDENT FIND HIS BEER!

Sudoku

Colouring In

EASY

MEDIUM

HARD RAM Issue 3 | 41

REFRESHING LINCOLN

“A ROUGH GUIDE!”

REFRESHING LINCOLN is a programme of work to improve the University’s performance.

It covers 10 work-streams:

• Improving the attractiveness of academic programmes • Developing blended learning • Creating an ‘internal economy’ for financial

management • A 10-year model for forecasting • Optimisation of University assets • Transformation programme • Telford campus transfer • The Lincoln-AgResearch joint facility • Follow-up to a 2016 academic audit of the University • Improved administrative staffing and systems

Why are we doing this?

Lincoln aims to be a world class education and research institution focused on the needs of land-based sectors, and fit for purpose for students, employers, society generally, and NZ Inc.

When is all of this happening?

Right now! Work started in August 2016, and will continue throughout 2017.

What progress has been made to date?

Academic programmes are being reviewed to see how they can be more attractive to new students. Developing blended leaning is underway through a set of projects in departments and faculties. The University has announced that discussions are underway with Taratahi to take on the Telford campus. A lot of work has been done to build a case for government funding of the Lincoln-AgResearch joint facility. And the University’s financial performance has already improved considerably.

What is Blended Learning?

Blended learning involves using the Internet to support in-person teaching.

Lincoln will not offer online courses, but we will make better use of technologies to support learning.

Can you tell me more about the new joint facility I keep hearing about?

Lincoln University and AgResearch are designing a jointly owned education and research facility to be constructed between the Burns and Forbes buildings. This will enable the two organisations to work together in modern facilities. We intend to better integrate education and research, so that students are introduced to research early in their time at the University, and have better options for work experience including placements and internships.

All going well, the teaching and corporate parts of the new facility will be complete by December 2018 and the remaining parts of the building completed by December 2019.

Want/need to know more?

Take a moment to check out the Refreshing Lincoln website at http://www.lincoln.ac.nz/about-lincoln/ refreshing-lincoln/. It’s full of information from various perspectives.

http://ww w.lincoln.a c.nz /about-lin coln/refresh ing-lincoln /

RAM Issue 3 | 42

TOTALLY MORBID [NOT AT ALL] ACCURATE

ARIES

HOROSCOPES

GEMINI

MARCH 21 – APRIL 20

MAY 22 – JUNE 21

Learn the square root of six. It might come in useful in an exam.

Later today you will sing your national anthem with faux tears in your eyes in an attempt to bestow meaning upon your shallow existence.

Then you will fail to grow up.

Possibly a maths exam.

TAURUS APRIL 21 – MAY 21 Piss up a wall and see what shape it makes.If it’s symmetrical, you’re probably going to get an knight-hood before your neighbour does. Oh, and your closest relative might die a bloody and horrible death.

CANCER

VIRGO

JUNE 22 – JULY 23

AUG 24 – SEP 23

Something will happen today that will change your life forever.

Unfortunately your arrest last night

And it’s a good job, because your life up to now has been shit.

Horoscopes LEO JULY 24 – AUG 23 Roll a dice. If you get an even number your legs will fall off tomorrow morning as you take a bath and listen to Tchaikovsky.

If you get an odd number you will experience searing pain in your knees and your nails will crumble. If you don’t roll a dice you’ll be fine.

means you can’t seize anything somewhat ironic considering what they caught you doing - so you’re more likely to spend the next five years in a cell with a guy called Larry.

LIBRA SEPT 24 – OCT 23

SAGITTARIUS

If you’re not careful today, a sword might land in your throat.

Keep away from battle re-enactments and distressed animals.

NOV 23 – DEC 22

SCORPIO

Get a skipping rope and learn how to box. Fast!

OCT 24 – NOV 22 Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Your life is far from drastic though, so you can just carry on doing fuck all.

PISCES AQUARIUS

FEB 20 – MARCH 20

JAN 21 – FEB 19

Ever seen a bull in a china shop?

Or a monkey up a tree?

Or a person driving a car?

No!?

There’s a chance you are either blind or might go blind later today.

Today your eyes will fall upon the most beautiful stranger, and your heart will skip a beat.

Unluckily for you the beautiful stranger won’t be a doctor.

Say goodbye to everyone you love before you leave the house.

CAPRICORN DEC 23 – JAN 20 The triangle is the world’s most stable structure. You should start building one round the back of flat. You’ll need somewhere to live when your girlfriend finds out about all that stuff you did.