Ram Sept 2017 by RAM Magazine

RAM

Lincoln University Students' Magazine | Issue 6 | September 2017

THE ELECTION SPECIAL

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@LUSA LUSA.org.nz

lusa.nz lusa.nz

EDITOR & DESIGN Julia WIlls

RAM@lusa.org.nz CONTRIBUTORS Laura Illingworth | Ryan MacArthur Danyon Thomas | Tessa Williams Josh Waterman | Pippa Huddleston Contributions can be sent to

RAM@lusa.org.nz PRINTER

RAM is printed by Wickliffe

RAM is published by the Lincoln University Studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Association (LUSA) for the students of Lincoln University. RAM is funded by Lincoln University students through the Student Services Fee. Any opinions expressed in this magazine are those of the authors, and do not necessarily reflect the beliefs and values held by LUSA, or the University. If you are easily offended, read on and be sure to send a strongly worded email to the Editor. RAM is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Associaiton (ASPA).

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41 | Horoscopes RAM Issue 6 | 3

Words from LUSA Also keep an eye out for information about the Joint Facility, cause you’ll have a chance to find out all the details and be involved in some of the decisions too. That’s all from me for my second to last column. Just make sure you vote in the General Election, and encourage your mates to run for LUSA, and then vote in that too.

Danyon Thomas president@lusa.org.nz

Prez Sez Kia ora, we’re on the downward slope. Six more weeks of lectures and we’re free for the summer, before that, however there’s a lot going on: At our Special General Meeting you gave us permission to rename the LUSA Board the LUSA Executive and introduce a few changes to the membership. If you want to know more about these, flick me an email or pop in for a chat. But now it’s time for elections! I’ve certainly had an interesting ride in my two terms, but you’ll have some pretty awesome exposure to how the University works, and how can you can encourage change for the better. Things are certainly starting to look up for Lincoln and LUSA, so now’s the right time to jump on board and be a part of that change. Nominations for 2018 open next week, and I couldn’t encourage you enough to stick your hand up and run for a position. Read on for all the information, and come in for a chat, even if you’re just thinking about it! In case you haven’t heard the NZ General Election is just around the corner. If you haven’t enrolled, make sure you do – it’s super easy to do. Jump online or fill in one of the paper forms that are on campus. Then, next step is to vote, real simple. Front up take your easy vote card, tick two boxes and you’re done. The difficult part is choosing who to vote for. Fortunately, there’s some awesome online tools like, On The Fence and The Spinoff’s policy tool. We’ve included a bit of info in the RAM too. A bit closer to home Te Awhioraki and LUSA signed a Memorandum of Understanding affirming our relationship and how we will work together to make Lincoln a better place. We’ve also been getting students involved in giving feedback and making changes to life at Lincoln. If you’re keen to join in, sign up for ‘The

From the Ed In a weeks time, I’m due to have a baby girl! I don’t know how Oscar my fur child is going to feel about it, but we are over the moon! I will miss the team at LUSA and all of you guys and your smiling faces, especially your Snapchats! In the last 2 years since I started at LUSA, we have made some huge changes, and I now feel we are better and stronger than ever! Not only in working more cohesively as a team but being more visible on campus and most importantly being more supportive and available to you here at Lincoln. I’d like to think that if you have any queiry, issue, questions, need, worry, idea... that we’d be the first you’d come to with it. Don’t you worry...I will be back as I love working for you guys. But in the meantime, Laura is here to take over and do her thang! And let me tell you, her ‘thang’ is goooood! She is passionate, creative and very talented. So make her feel welcome!

Flock’ on the LUSA website and we’ll get you amongst it all.

Julia Wills RAM Issue 6 | 4

From the Exec The last set of holidays has passed and everyone is getting ready for the final push. Our extensively travelled board all returned from their overseas ventures to deliver a fantastic Re: O-Week with Winterball a definite highlight! Me - oh my, yes boy, we enjoyed that! Well except for Tess, she missed the holiday memo and is still been overseas. Fiona’s joined us here in the LUSA office as our Association Manager, and she is a woman on a mission! Kate has an ever increasing passion to enhance and extend the student voice, with her sights set high to deliver on this. Kristy has been working on getting student feedback through to the right people to make the most impact. Tessa has been tying back her dreadlocks to attend Academic Board, where the proposal to introduce additional majors to degrees has been debated before heading to the big dogs of the University Council

Meet Laura As you are probably aware, Julia is expecting her little bubba this

and then external authorities to approve. This is BIG news, as it means more choice in your programmes and making Lincoln degrees more attractive in the workforce. The library has a charging dock and LUSA is working with the

month, which means she won’t be around for a wee while. Cue an

library to create better spaces that suit the needs of all. By way

introduction to Laura, aka me, who will be making sure the great

of miracle, Alex managed to clock over 21 all whilst working

work Julia does here for LUSA continues to get done.

on improving course evaluation responses, so every course can

I’m really excited to join the team and see what there is to learn

have good feedback loops. I’ve kept the ball rolling on higher

and the opportunities that there are. I am incredibly passionate

postgraduate engagement across campus, so perhaps grab a

about what I do as I’m sure you guys are too.

prospectus and have a think about a few more papers on the back of your undergraduate degree.

So, before I begin to bore you or start structuring this introduction like a CV I’ll give you a few quick facts about myself: 1.

I’m really particular with the cutlery I use, there’s not much more to add to that.

I don’t swear. I egged my mother on when I was about eight and she washed my mouth out with soap, lesson learnt.

I’m not afraid of spiders, heights or the dark, only moths. The

Collectively we’ve been restructuring the Executive to make it more reflective of how LUSA operates. With a new proposed exciting structure and more dynamic positions, why not put yourself forward to run for the LUSA Executive? If running for the Executive isn’t your thing, make sure you vote for who you want to represent you! Voting is all the craze at the moment and James has been developing a kickass election presence on campus all in aid of making it easier for you to vote. Recently, the LUSA Executive attended Transformation Board

giant ones that always come into the bathroom while you’re

where we discussed changes that need to be made within the

in shower and then swarm around you.

University to make it better for students. A few of you have also had a chance to be involved in this. The Transformation Board

At least once a month I think about how strange cars are and that they are pretty much couches with wheels.

I am fascinated by airplanes. When I was younger I spent

has been established as an advisory board to the University made up of influential and passionate people to help shape Lincoln’s future. The group was incredibly receptive of our feedback and is continuing to work closely with LUSA.

hours of the viewing deck at the airport watching planes take off and land. To my disappointment, the viewing deck was

Danyon and James got along to International Night, which was a

closed down with airport upgrades.

killer event! Special shout out to Pisi and the other Pacifica boys for their mean performance to finish the night off and a huge

That’s enough about me for now, I’d love to get to know you guys

congrats to Indonesia for scaring everyone with their dancing

so come and say ‘Hi’, otherwise I’ll be seeing you around.

figure. Enjoy the final term. Work hard, play harder!

Laura Illingworth

media@lusa.org.nz

postgrad@lusa.org.nz

Ryan MacArthur RAM Issue 6 | 5

Notices International Students Survey

Inclusive Education

On the week of 18th September 2017, an email survey will

issues like dyslexia, right down to things like a nasty cough when

be sent to all international students who have been studying

you have a test to sit and you don’t want to disturb other people

at Lincoln University at least one year. This survey is on

in the class. Semester 2 exams are not far away. If you have a

academic support for international students.Your answers

long-term condition (something you already know about that will

will help the Uni provide you with the best possible academic

still affect you for the exams)and you know you will need support,

support, including:

Improve academic support

you at least 3 weeks before the exams start. If you register after 29

Support you with assignments and exams

Sept, it may not be possible for them to provide support.

Improve your academic performance

You can find Inclusive Education in Hudson, room 003 (ground

Any questions please contact:

floor end near Mrs O’s). Phone 423 0092,

Daryl.Streat@lincoln.ac.nz or Denise.Pelvin@lincoln.ac.nz

or email inclusive@lincoln.ac.nz

Slow Down Despite being on campus they are public roads so you must

MOU between LUSA & Te Awhioraki

obey all road rules - this includes keeping to the speed limit

LUSA and Te Awhioraki - Lincoln University Maori Students’

and stopping for pedestrians on marked pedestrian crossings.

Association have reaffirmed their relationship, by signing a

The speed limit on campus roads and carparks is 20 kph.

Are here to support you if you have a disability, injury or illness. They support students for all sorts of conditions: from long-term

Memorandum of Understanding on the 27th July.

LUSA Squash Club Beginner Squash Sessions - Monday, 4pm, each week. There will also be a Club Night every Thursday at 7pm. We are also planning a squash tournament at Lincoln and a Lincoln Uni vs Canty Uni Squash Challenge. For more info, contact Joe Williams williamsjoseph952@gmail.com

Smokers The campus has a Clean Air Policy. Please do not smoke outside of the designated smoking areas, which are marked on the campus map.

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We’re stoked to continue working with them!

SWEET AS NZ ELECTIONS Now’s your opportunity to have your say. Make sure you are enrolled to vote! Voting opens on 11th September. EYEBROW STICKERS Like a wig for your eyebrows, made from human hair, these are a great solution for chemo patients or even those who naturally have thin eyebrows. BAMBOO TOOTHBRUSHES As an attempt to reduce our footprint on the planet, people are going nuts over biodegradable bamboo toothbrushes. IT A horror film that really will make your skin crawl. Warning, do not watch this alone, or do, if you have the guts.

STINK ONE PORE STRIPS Contrary to belief, pore strips do more damage to your skin than good. They damage your pores, strip the natural oils from you skin and can cause spider veins, google it. Sucks because it’s disgustingly addicting to see what comes out of your nose.

PARKING IN RESERVED CARPARKS Can you imagine the freedom of knowing you get a reserved park when you arrive at work, but then the frustration when you realise someone else has parked in that reserved carpark?

FOMO All of your mates ditched you over the break and travelled to somewhere you want to be? Yup, fear of missing out is real and you’re experiencing it.

RIPPED REFILL We should all be able to feel confident in tearing refill paper along the line, until it rips and tears through your work, giving us trust issues.

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Run for the 2018 executive The LUSA Executive are students just like you who are keen to talk about student issues, make some change and do cool shit all

What does everyone do?

to make university life an epic time for everyone. The Exec do

There are four common components to every role, but

a whole bunch more than cook up snags on the Forbes Lawn.

the amount of work required differs based on the other

They sit on a whole bunch of committees and boards to tell the

responsibilities:

Uni what students think, and help make decisions in the best

Representation — connect with students to ensure the student

interests of students.

voice provided across the University is genuine and relevant.

Every elected position on the Exec is up for election this month. So have a think about running for it. You’ll have the full might of LUSA behind you to initiate campaigns to address issues that

Governance — Ensure LUSA is heading in the right direction and meeting the needs of current and future students. Relationships — Build and foster relationships across the

are important to you and probably everyone else too. Read on to

University and Community to ensure students are heard and

learn what each position does and what some big things you can

included where necessary.

achieve in 2018.

Lend a Hand - Get amongst all that LUSA do and lend a hand at clubs workshops, events or on the BBQ.

President President

The Prez spends 40 hours a week working for the common and collective interests of students. They spend a lot of time in meetings chipping in with what students are concerned about, or just ways to make things easier. They’re also the spokesperson for LUSA and students meaning they’ll speak on behalf of Students to media, and external organisations. They also sit on the National Executive of NZUSA to share Lincoln student views nationally. They Prez is also subsequently appoint to the Lincoln University Council as the Student Member. The rest of the time the Prez is working on projects for LUSA, supporting the staff and executive and just generally pitching into make sure everything stays on track and LUSA keeps doing it for students.

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The Rest of the Executive There isn’t a set number of hours per week for the Executive

Some options we’ve come up with are:

Members instead there is certain milestones that have to be met

Environment / Sustainability

and work that has to be done. In saying that we reckon you’ll

Community Engagement

spend about 10 hours per week, during term time, doing stuff

International

related to your position.

Postgrad Student Engagement (Postgrad Rep’s Portfolio) Maori Student Engagement/Te Awhioraki (Tumuaki’s Portfolio)

All of these positions have portfolios. Portfolios are designed so the

Campus Life

representatives can contribute to some aspect of university.

Diversity

The successful candidates will get to chose their portfolio and

Wellbeing/Welfare

present an outline of what they want to achieve later this year.

Vice- President The right hand to the President, the VP supports the President in what they are doing, and steps up as Acting-President when they’re not valuable. They also help keep the rest of the Exec on track and help them out with their work.

Secretary Someone has to keep things on track and keep a record of what the LUSA Executive have decided. This is the role of the Secretary. They take minutes of meetings, ensure polices are up-to-date, and just generally ensure the LUSA Executive are obeying the rules and staying on track.

General representatives There are three positions available. The General Reps are as grass-roots as it gets. They listen to you, work with the Student Reps and pass this information on to those at the coal face to make some quick wins to change the not-so-flash things and make sure the really good bits aren’t lost.

Postgraduate representative If you’re all about the Postgrad life this is the one for you. The Postgrad Rep represents Postgrad Students all over the place, funnily enough. They make sure things are ticking along as they should. You’ll also be charged with making sure there’s enough stuff happening on campus to keep all the Postgrads happy and having a good time.

Tumuaki of Te Awhioraki Keep an eye out for the Te Awhioraki Elections Maori Students! The Tumuaki drives Maori Student representation across the University. As well as doing that, they lead the Te Awhioraki Executive and spend the rest of their time ensuring there is support and activities for Maori Students. They also spread the good word of Te Awhioraki and get us all a little bit more engaged in Te Ao Maori. RAM Issue 6 | 13

What do you get out of it?

Support: The LUSA Staff and Exec will help you get things across the line and

Confidence: You won’t be phased speaking

make awesome shit happen.

your mind (in the right way of course), and using that influence to get stuff done.

Connections: You’ll meet some pretty interesting people in the University and beyond all who’ll be able to hook you up.

BBQing skills: You’ll be a mad hand on the tongs, but you might stink like onions a fair bit… Influence: You’ll get to know all the important people and they’ll care about what you think, so you’ll be in prime position to get things changing.

Now the important bit have a chat to the Money: You’ll get a little bit of

CV Fodder: You’ll gain some awesome

current Exec to learn more about what they

skills and experiences that’ll make you

do and what the opportunities are for 2018.

the best pick.

Don’t be afraid — they’re not that scary.

coin to reward your efforts.

What have the 2017 Executive achieved? Student Representation Policy Approved which is the first step toward embedding student voice Lobbied for a space for students designed by students Continued to champion student-focused decision making Reducing the time frame until you get marks back

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Increased the amount of information available to students so everyone knows what’s going on at Lincoln Pushed for the celebration and recognition of academic achievement through the Deans’ Lists Shared your views with The Transformation board to shape Lincoln’s future

Nominations: Nominations can be submitted anytime from 8.30am 12 September to 12pm 19 September You can nominate yourself for more than one position except for the President role Your nomination has to be signed by three other students on the correct form

Campaigning: You can do whatever you like when campaigning, as long as it doesn’t harm, bribe, impersonate, or damage anyone or anything and as long as you’re material is all taken down by 26th September — otherwise you could be disqualified!

Voting: Everyone gets seven votes, one for each role except for the general reps where you get three votes. You get three choices: Confidence Vote — in support of a candidate. No Confidence Vote — against all of the candidates and counts as a negative vote. You need more confidence than no confidence votes to win. No Vote — this is pretty much just a skip, you either don’t know the person, or don’t mind who gets it.

Dates for Voting - Wednesday 27 September

Thursday 28 September

An Idiot’s Guide to a Good Campaign There’s some stuff you’ve gotta make clear for the foundation of any good campaign. Make sure you let students know the following: Why you’re running? What are the issues important to you? What are you going to do about them?

Get your name out there. No seriously get it everywhere. Posters; Videos all over Social Media; placards and picketing; yarning to every man and his dog at the pub; hit up the Dining Hall at lunchtime; get the clubs your involved in and pretty much anything else you can think of too. Oh and don’t forget a good hashtag alongside some sick graphics (Comic Sans is not okay).

For more information and the rules visit lusa.org.nz/elections

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LEO: BOILER TOUR By Josh Waterman - LEO President Our inaugural Boiler Tour of Lincoln’s Coal plant was a great success last Wednesday, with many people from across campus turning up to get a glimpse inside the in-famous heating system! The coal plant provides campus-wide building heating, in the form of steam, by

and efficient system with environmental benefits! In short, Coal is

burning 10 tonnes of coal a day in the winter, that’s a whole truck of

essential to the functioning of Lincoln University, especially in winter;

coal a day costing $300 a tonne, through the two large burners! To give

we do need our showers! However, this will not always be the case,

perspective on that figure, Christchurch Hospital burns 50 tonnes and

and Lincoln is actively researching and implementing alternative

Synlait Milk burns 200 tonnes every day! They were installed in 1967

heating methods to reduce their reliance on coal, which is great to

and 1973 and are now fully computerized, no shovelling here. The coal

hear!

is delivered by train and truck from West Coast mines, with the ash being removed from the burners and returned to these mines to help

Many thanks must go to Barry, our tour guide, and Rod and Chris

with restoration work and plantings.

from ‘Lincworks’ who helped me organise this awesome tour, which will hopefully be a yearly event on LEO’s calendar! Hope to see many

And if you’re wondering, yes, they have experimented with other fuels, such as Wood Chip, which worked, however, these burners are designed specifically for coal and are not as efficient with other fuels, plus at their rate of use they would burn nearly 50 hectares a day of wood! Good news is the new Lincoln Hub building will not be connected to the archaic Coal system, instead it will use a Heat Exchange system which draws and dissipates heat from the ground, a modern

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more of you, the students, at our LEO events this year…

SADD’s 6 Principles SADD focuses on six key issues affecting young driver safety: •

Sober drivers

•

Safe speeds

•

No distractions

•

Avoiding risks

•

Driving to the conditions

•

Building experience

Welcome to the Monthly SADD! Each month, we here at SADD, will put a few stats up relating to a certain aspect of dangerous driving in New Zealand and some helpful tips to prevent such dangerous driving in your life! This month it’s all about drugs and alcohol, being held responsible for accidents and fatal accidents in New Zealand. •

The total social cost of crashes involving alcohol/drugs was about $790 million in 2015

•

As crash severity increases, so does the contribution of alcohol/drugs. Over the years 2013–2015, alcohol/drugs were a factor in 29 percent of fatal crashes, 19 percent of serious injury crashes and 11 percent of minor injury crashes.

•

For every 100 alcohol or drug-impaired drivers or riders who died in road crashes, 47 of their passengers and 24 sober road users died with them.

SADD’s Tips for a safe and enjoyable night out: •

When under the influence get a mate to drive you around! Or if that’s not an option because they’re a few brews too deep, catch a taxi or an Uber! Not only may this save your license it may save your vehicle, your life and the lives of others!

‘Remember September’ will be held on the 19th of September which will involve many SADD related activities and a barbeque to enjoy! Come over and see us and get involved. Safe driving everybody. Holly Smith sadd.org.nz

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International Night!

Experience the world right here at Lincoln University. “International Night is undoubtedly the best night in the Lincoln University calendar. Students from across the world choose to study here and this event provides a chance for them to share their cuisine and culture with our community” says Lincoln University Students’ Association President, Danyon Thomas.

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On Saturday 12 August, we welcomed

the different Cultures and Countries.

students and the public to the annual International Night at Te Kete Ika, the

From someone who hasn’t attended the

Food and Function Centre here at Lincoln

International Night before, I can say

University. Throughout the evening a

it was truly an energetic and exciting

variety of cultural performances and

experience. It was extraordinary to see

dishes from all over the world were

the engagement between the audience

experienced by hundreds.

and the performers, not to mention the food was delicious!

International Night is a long-running celebration of the diverse cultures that

LUSA would love to take the opportunity

make up Lincoln University and the wider

to thank all of the International students

Selwyn Community. This year there

and groups involved in producing the

were around 500 attendees, who tasted

feast and the groups that put on an

dishes from Chinese BBQ Styled Chicken

incredible performance. We would also

Kebabs, to Chocolate Banana Spring Rolls,

like to thank everyone who came along

to Bangladesh Beef Bhuna, all cooked on

and shared the experience. We hope you

campus by Lincoln University students

had a memorable evening and enjoyed all

and their friends.

of the food and entertainment on offer.

This night provides a chance for attendees

As per usual, we are always looking for

to experience a range of delicious cultural

ways to make International Night bigger

and traditional dishes from around the

and better each year so if you have any

world, including Cambodia, Vietnam,

feedback or suggestions on the night,

Germany, Sweden and Pakistan, just to

please email them through to

name a few! And to also learn a bit about

events@lusa.org.nz.

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In Case You’ve Been Living Under a Rock, You’ve Probably Realised it’s an Election Year!

2017 NZ GENERAL ELECTION

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THERE’S A BIT OF THE OLD RUN-WALK GOING ON, ‘JACINDAMANIA’ IN THE AIR AND A CAT-KILLER ON THE LOOSE. BUT WHO REALLY CARES? We know Youth in Aotearoa have little connection to the election. Last election less than half of us voted, only two-thirds were enrolled. There’s certainly issues with the system. Which politicians are speaking to us? What policies resonate with our values and ambitions?

WE HAVE THE POWER THIS ELECTION TO CHANGE THINGS FOREVER. LET’S USE IT TO SHAPE THE WORLD WE WANT TO LIVE IN. LET’S MAKE THE NEXT THREE YEARS ABOUT OUR ISSUES AND OUR FUTURE. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHICH PARTY IS IN GOVERNMENT AS LONG AS EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT THE MOST INFLUENTIAL VOTERS IN THE COUNTRY. US.

WHO SHOULD YOU VOTE FOR? I was going to give you a run down on what each party is talking about, but to be honest, I think that’s just a waste of paper. Fortunately for you there’s some pretty epic online tools that can tell you which parties align with your values, or let you chose whose policies you like the most so you can rank the parties you should vote for. So open snapchat and scan the QR codes and give them a go so you’re all ready to vote from 11 -23 September.

Where do we feel politics happen? At our dinner tables? Or over a jug at the pub? For many of us it’s miles away in Wellington.

THE SPIN OFF www.policy.thespinoff.co.nz

VOTING 101:

It’s bit of a classic chicken and egg scenario. Youth don’t vote, so Politicians just side line

For those of you that haven’t done

us. Our issues are ignored, so we don’t vote.

SOCI117 read on. This’ll tell you all you

Which came first, who knows?

need to know about how to vote, and what your vote actually does.

BUT WHAT’S CLEAR IS THE CURRENT SYSTEM JUST DOESN’T WORK FOR US.

ON THE FENCE www.onthefence.co.nz

I’M NOT AT HOME SO I CAN’T VOTE. RIGHT? Wrong. You can do a special vote which means you get to vote as if you were in your home town even though you’re currently not. You can even do this at Advance Voting,

Elections should speak to us. Issues should

making things even easier!

resonate will our daily lives. At present they don’t. We’re living in cold, damp,

houses, while our education is costing us more and more and let’s not mention climate change or our natural environment. Who’s talking about this? No one. It’s all new roads, rail links, tax, immigration. I don’t know about

VOTE COMPASS www.votecompass.tvnz.co.nz

you, but these aren’t the issues that are

YOU’VE GOT TO HAVE A GOOD REASON TO ADVANCE VOTE, DON’T YOU? Not anymore! Advance voting is for everyone, and you can even do it in the Library Foyer – how easy?!

going to make the election for me. We need to make a step change. Now. It’s election we’d be the strongest voting bloc in

WHAT IS MMP? WAIT I GET 2 VOTES? NZ uses the Mixed Member

the country – Take that grandma!

Proportional system, more commonly

out chance to act. If 4 in 5 youth vote in this

known as MMP for our elections. This means you get two votes. One Party Vote and One Electorate Vote. It means parliament should be broadly representative of the proportion of votes a party gets.

https://enrol.elections.org.nz/app/enrol

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line they generally get the number of seats

THE PARTY VOTE as a proportion of the party vote. There’s

The Party Vote is like it sounds it’s for the Party you most want to have represent you. Be it Labour, National, Greens, TOP, Maori etc.

THE ELECTORATE VOTE The Electorate Vote is a bit different. It’s for the person you most want to represent your electorate. There are normally 64 General Electorates and 7 Maori Electorates (you must be on the Maori electoral roll to vote in these electorates).

I ALWAYS VOTE FOR THE LEGALISE CANNABIS PARTY, BUT THEY NEVER GET IN. WHAT GIVES? There’s two ways for a party to get into Parliament: get 5% of the vote or win an electorate seat. Once the party is over the

120 seats in total, so to form a Government a party or a coalition* must have a majority i.e. 60+1 seats. * A coalition is a group of parties who agree to support each other and work together to form the Government.

120 SEATS MINUS 71 ELECTORATE SEATS LEAVES A FEW SEATS LEFT OVER. WHO FILLS THEM UP? This is where party lists come into

I’VE HEARD ABOUT HANGOVER SEATS WHICH PUT PARLIAMENT UP TO 121 OR 122 SEATS. WHAT ON EARTH ARE THEY? Don’t worry too much about these – they’re just for when Winnie’s had a bit of a big night at Bingo. Nah, they’re just for when a party wins an electorate seat but doesn’t get enough of the Party vote to actually get them a seat in Parliament. But because they can’t be left out cause the New Zealand Public are nice like that we just put an extra seat in Parliament. Simple.

play. Parties bring in MPs (Members of Parliament) off the list to reach the total amount of their quota. For example the Greens get 20% of the vote they get roughly 24 seats, but they won 16 electorates so they bring in 8 people off the list. Make sense?

THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO BEFORE ELECTION DAY:

1. Enrol to Vote - do it online or pick up a form from the stands on campus 2. Use one of the online tools to see who you should vote for. 3. Talk about politics or your result to #2 at the dinner table and have a political conversation The most important thing is just front up at the polls with your mates. If they don’t want to come, just rip the shit out of them until they agree. It’s gonna take all of us to get our issues on the table.

The best bit is you’ve got no excuse.

YOU CAN ADVANCE VOTE ON CAMPUS 10AM-2PM IN THE LIBRARY FROM MONDAY 18TH SEPTEMBER. Or if you’re a bit of a nerd like me you can vote on Election Day in Te Kete Ika.

WE HAVE THE POWER. LET’S USE IT. By Danyon Thomas

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MISSION TO

MALAWI! From Lincoln to Malawi for charitable students By Pippa Huddleston

nce upon a time, there were 8 adventurers. They were a motley crew of Lincoln students (with a random Scarfie thrown in for shits â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;n gigs) who

didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really know each other. Their journey to Malawi began on the 25th 26th of June after Qant-arse/Bloody Amanda screwed up their booking. The adventurers arrived on the 27th June, 2017 after travelling for about 2 days, and were informed there was no running water. This made many members of the group question their life decision to venture outside of Aotearoa. The principle mission of the squad was to build a preschool for the surrounding community. The highest qualification for this task was held by Aidan (a.k.a Mr Muscles), who is the son of a builder. This indicates the ability, or lack thereof, of the group to complete a building. The team stepped up to the challenge gallantly and got stuck in to sifting sand and plastering walls. They thought their work was masterful and finished every working day at 12pm, proud of what they had achieved. However, this pride in their work was misplaced, as it turns out that every morning, Nambe, Mas and Uncle would rock up for babysitting duty and humour the incompetent team for 5 hours. The afternoon would be spent fixing mistakes in peace and quiet.

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Every day on the preschool job was an adventure, from a cross-

back of an elephant! They claimed this achievement so they could

dressing Uncle, to a sumo-baby under the pohutukawa tree. Finally,

make their treasured mandas when they got home. Upon arrival

the much-anticipated big day (a.k.a. opening day) arrived! The

at the compound, they were informed that a farewell dinner was

volunteers stumbled out of their cave in the morning to be greeted

taking place (which surprised the crew because they had forgotten

by too many people in the yard. By 10:30am, the too-many people

they were leaving). As they were wallowing (like the multitude of

had escalated to far-too-many people so the squad retreated to

hippos, not elephants, they saw) in a sea of tears, the squad took

their cave. After a while, Bob came looking for the squad, bringing

some time to reflect on the valuable lessons they have learned:

an offering of gin with him. The gin was well received, and the

•

It is okay to be laughed at

•

Mphatikizo is black, and it’s white, and it’s wild (Dobbyn, 2005)

•

It’s okay to be two hours late to…everything

•

Everyone’s story is worth listening to

bottle was passed around the introverted alcoholics multiple times. This gave them the courage to open the door, and they were even able to leave the cave to get lunch….and take it back to the cave. Finally, it was time to leave the compound to walk down to the preschool with a sea of children in tow. The squad promptly seated themselves in the back row, fully expecting to be moved. However, they weren’t the guests of honour at their own preschool opening,

Before parting as quickly as they could at Christchurch Airport, the

so they were able to fade into the background. They were dragged

squad vowed to keep in touch with their fingers crossed behind

from their hiding place to sing a ‘traditional NZ song’ and blew

their back, as three weeks of the eight intense personalities is

everyone away with their angelic voices. After a while, and a few

enough to last a lifetime. The Smedley Family held their breaths

almost-nod-offs, the squad hatched an escape plan. They slipped

until the squad actually left the country, as it was not certain that

away one-by-one at 3 minute intervals.

they would clear customs with a decapitated giraffe, a couple of masks pinched straight from the battlefield and dirty boots. Then a

Dunstan’s birthday was the following day and provided a perfect

huge sigh of relief was released…until next time.

excuse to relax and unwind after a few weeks of hard work. A trip to Sam’s Lodge in Liwonde National Park brought the squad many

If anyone is interested it partaking in their own intrepid adventure

weird and wonderful experiences. Firstly, the squad was extremely

in Malawi, feel free to get in touch with one of the crew…we don’t

excited to eat meat with no bones in it! They also saw many, many

bite.

monkeys…the novelty of this wore off when the monkeys started eyeing up the squad’s food.

Jess Hill, Claire McCorkindale, Pippa Huddleston, Aidan Erceg, Jess Cairns and Megan Fitzgerald.

Now, the one and only goal of the adventurers was to see an elephant. They failed. Well…no…they’re determined to think positively about this. The squad were so intent on finding an elephant that when none appeared in the National Park (even though approx. 800 live there), they hired a boat to find one on the Shire River. Now, this boat had as many nail holes in it as a large block of cheese, but the group thrived on living life on the edge. When they met their first croc, the group was a tad less confident about living life on the edge, however they persisted in their mission to find an elephant. Suddenly, in the distance, the Scarfie spotted an elephant! The news spread around the boat like the fires that are lit by Malawians and left to their own devices. The squad was overjoyed, as this spotting meant that they were allowed mandas as a reward! As they neared the treasured elephant, the age-old curse came upon the squad…. it was a hippo. The team was devastated, and returned home dejectedly. BUT WAIT…as they were sulkily making their way back down the Shire, they spotted what may-or-may-not have been the

RAM Issue 6 | 25

Congrats – You made it to Semester two! Those long winter nights huddled in a sleeping bag on the couch will soon be over. Until then, why not save up for an awesome summer holiday? Oh that’s right – you need a job to save money (what is this!) But never fear, Student Job Search is here. If you want to relax over your summer break, or you’re just plain sick of white budget bread – Why not get some extra cash in your pocket? Well, aside from the fact you can splash out on Vogels, it’s a pretty awesome feeling to have some experience under your belt, along with a reference. Student Job Search is free for students to use and have a range of jobs for you to pick from. From one offs to permanent part time work – SJS will have something that suits you and your uni lifestyle. The thing that sets SJS apart from the likes of TradeMe and SEEK, is that you’ve got a waaaaay better chance finding work. Students are the only people allowed to use the SJS service, so you won’t be up against Senior Partner, Steve, with 100+ years of experience.

RAM Issue 6 | 26

“I saw a job advertised for a lolly shop!...”

“It had only been posted about half an hour ago so I quickly applied. Straight after I rung SJS and they referred me through. As soon as that happened I emailed the boss, and within the next two days I had the job! It’s an awesome job, every customer is so lovely and who wouldn’t want to sell lollies! So grateful to SJS.” – Tyler, Canterbury. www.facebook.com/studentjobsearchnz www.sjs.co.nz 0800 757 562

AN INQUISITIVE EXISTENCE By Jacquelyn Bennett

What way does the world spin?

I don’t care why

How long have the tides turned in?

and if I belong,

What happens within the moons shadow?

as I can find

What does an animal’s blood undergo?

contentment within a bird’s song.

Where does the atom even come from?

But, why is it we can hear certain vibrations?

And, how fast can a cell form? Why does the wind howl?

And, how many civilisations have been under accusation?

Why am I here right now?

As aren’t we all animals just like every other, all brought here by a father and a mother.

It’s an interesting concept to sit upon this spinning rock. How wearisome is its atomic clock?

Isn’t it interesting that we all ‘think’. Into our consciousness, we constantly sink.

Breathing in as we all do, respiration is interesting too. Why do animals feel complex emotions?

This human race is composed of this fascinating place,

What is at the deepest depths of those oceans?

encompassing all that we know.

And, why is love such an intoxicating notion?

Except, never truly knowing if there will be a tomorrow.

RAM Issue 6 | 27

GAME DAY - WEEK No. 18

LINCOLN LADS DO THREE IN A ROW! HAWKINS FINALS SATURDAY 29th & SUNDAY 30th JULY Trophy: Lincoln University 25/ University 19 Premier Colts: Lincoln University 46/Christchurch 23

won the player of the day award, and

Stalwart University captain Sam Godwin,

nobody could argue with that.

who said later he was just happy to make

In the plate final on Saturday, Stefan Moir scored all the points for New Brighton at

Aperahama’s succinct summation of University’s effort in the grand final.

events unfolded.

Rawhiti as the home side beat Sumner

Four minutes later, Josh McKay was across

19-7 in a nail-biting match.

after a Lincoln siege created big space on

Two penalty tries from scrums to Sumner

the right.

boosted the visitors but Moir had the final

What seemed to be the final nail in the

say with a penalty goal at the death.

University coffin was driven home by

Shirley won the bowl final at home, edging out Belfast 13-8. Shirley looked to have the game in hand in the dying stages but Belfast mounted a stirring late challenge.

“We had a good late game,’’ was Caleb

the final, was on the ground injured as

Lincoln University’s premier colts side set the scene for later when they beat Christchurch 46-23 in the final.

substitute prop Troy Hallett. His fresh legs powered him across the line with 17min to go after Lincoln had again stormed the University line for a long time. An intercept and long run by Hamish Dalzell had put Lincoln on hot attack. So that was that, right? No. Three minutes later Caleb Aperahama crashed across for University after a lineout drive spread across the park.

Indeed. The strapping University lock’s contribution to his side’s rousing

TROPHY

Inspired, University kept the squeeze on

comeback in the last 15min was huge.

LINCOLN UNIVERSITY v UNIVERSITY

and Brad Hemopo was over with 3min

At Rugby Park: Lincoln University 25

wing Jesse Houston, who was binned

(Jack Stratton, Josh McKay, Troy Hallett

with 8min left.

The town students couldn’t stop Lincoln University from taking the Hawkins Trophy for the third time in as many years, but they won some hearts by rattling the title-holders after being down

tries; Brett Cameron 2 conv, 2 pen) beat University 19 (Jonny van der Velde, Caleb

to go. Lincoln were without replacement

In the last minute, Aperahama burst clear in a big run and was threatening to go all

5-25.

Aperahama, Brad Hemopo tries; Myles

Lincoln coach Dave Perrin was never

Jesse Houston (Lincoln University).

desperate offload just failed to come off.

worried. “In the end it comes down to

Referee: Carl Johnson.

Lincoln should have been ahead at half-

Lincoln University went bang, bang

time. Talented centre Ngane Punivai

belief and the boys talking to each other,’’ he said. “We did enough on defence and took our chances when they arose. “The problem in the first half (Lincoln were down 3-5 at the break) was that we

Thoroughgood 2 conv). HT: 3-5. Sin-bin:

straight after the break and that put them

spilled the ball near the line after 8min.

on the road to victory.

Then George Stratton carved through

The first try was fortuitous. Caleb Makene

McKenzie made a crucial tackle.

kept losing the ball too much.”

fired what was meant to be a long cut-

Both sides were guilty of loose passes and

rebounded towards the posts. University’s

spilling ball in the first half but it cost

Brad Hemopo couldn’t quite grab the ball

Lincoln more than their rivals.

on the line and Jack Stratton was through

Bruising Lincoln No.8 Hugo Nankivell

in a flash.

RAM Issue 6 | 28

the way before being dragged down. His

out pass. It hit a University player and

a hole to put Punivai away again. Marty

with wing Connor Garden-Bachop scoring

Lincoln No.7 Connor Gordon was superb

two tries. The second was made by

for the students despite being replaced

second-five Logan Bell who found half a

after 53min. He was one their best. Bell in

gap on his own 30m line before popping

the midfield for Lincoln was the pick of

At Linfield Park 1: Lincoln University 46

up a brilliant ball for Garden-Bachop who

the backline and looked dangerous every

(Connor Garden-Bachop 2, Josh Michael,

raced 60m to score under the posts.

time he got the ball. He linked well with

PREMIER COLTS LINCOLN UNIVERSITY v CHRISTCHURCH

Milan Bonkovich, Connor Collins, Rameka Poihipi tries; Poihipi 5 conv, 2 pen) beat Christchurch 23 (Braiden Broughan 2, Declan McCormack tries; Sam England conv, 2 pen). HT: 20-10. Sin-Bin: Zachary McKay, Gerard Evans (both Christchurch). Referee: Paul Cooper. Lincoln University lifted the Hawkins Premier Colts Trophy after securing a 46-23 win against Christchurch, scoring six tries to three in an entertaining match avenging two round-robin losses to the red-and-blacks. A dominant forward display from Lincoln paved the way for the win. At scrum time Christchurch had no answer to the studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; power and this was emphasised in the second half with two tightheads going in Lincolnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s favour.

A try on half-time followed by a penalty

Jordan Baker on a number of occasions.

in the first minute of the second half

For Christchurch, Sam England had a

brought Christchurch back within a

strong game at halfback. As well as a solid

converted try before Lincoln put the foot

kicking display his distribution at the base

on the gas, scoring two tries in the space

was good. Broughan tried hard all day and

of 5min.

was rewarded with two tries. He had a

A glimmer of hope was given to Christchurch when Declan McCormack crashed over with 20min to play but that

high work-rate and was definitely the pick of the forward pack. By Glenn Matthews

hope was quickly extinguished two more quick tries to take Lincoln to a 46-18 lead with 10min to play. Braiden Broughan scored a consolation try with 3min to play, his second of the match. Christchurch would not have been helped after fullback Zachary McKay was sin-binned for a professional foul and replacement Gerard Evans was carded after 70min.

Lincoln shot away to a handy 20-3 lead

RAM Issue 6 | 29

RAM Issue 6 | 30

RAM Issue 6 | 31

Suicide Awareness Day Tuesday 5th September - A day to recognise the part we all have in preventing suicide in Aotearoa, to remember those we have lost to suicide and support the loved ones they left behind.

Clubs Gala Day

Thursdays in Black

Great to see you all, and big ups to everyone who stopped by our

SARA (Sexual Assault Rape Awareness) Week was back again

#ThursdaysinBlack stall for a chat! Here are some photos from the

for second semester with more events, prizes and conversations

day. Be sure to keep an eye out for us around campus every Thursday!

going! Check out a few of the photos from the week below!

Rec Centre Day Out RAM Issue 6 | 32

Life can throw you down many wild pathways, causing speed bumps and brick walls to hit you along the way Many people are unable to cope with them and struggle to find their way back to the nice, smooth tarmac It’s hard to talk about, because to them because it’s embarrassing and that’s when the only way to stop feeling so terrible, is to take the easy way out… There are many people who are in the same boat, or know of someone struggling.

Mike King’s ‘Key to Life’ and the ‘Cancer Society’ charitable trusts are two organisationswhich support these causes. by raising awareness (and as much money as possible!) you too can help these two amazing organisations who work to support those families who suffer from depression and cancer.

DONATE TODAY! keytolife.org.nz cancernz.org.nz

0800 st john www.stjohn.org.nz book your first aid course today

FIRST AID call 111 i 30 chest compressions i 2 breaths s A F E T Y - for you & the person you are helping a I R WAY - is there anything blocking it? B R E AT H I N G - are they? C I R C U L AT I O N - have they got a pulse?

BLEEDING - apply pressure & elevate if an object is imbeded, don’t take it out (if it’s big) or push it in. try & go around it.

BURNS - COOL RUNNING WATER FOR 20MINS cover with gladwrap - don’t wrap it - only lay it on

if they are not breathing, call an ambulance and begin cpr

RAM Issue 6 | 33

‘The Igloo’

What’s really cold and smells like polar bear shit and a Black Seeds concert?

Rocky’s tongue was entwined in

After extensive Facebook stalking the

that of a previous ‘Flat of the Month’

Jane Doe can be identified as Baylee

winner. Due to the nature of LUSA’s

Connor-McClean. This is an ironic

confidentiality agreements with FOTM

name because I’ve seen Springer

participants, I will give no ‘Hintz’ as to

bathroom floors McCleaner than

Nestled among the trees far from society’s infrastructure and moral codes sits, not a house, but a home.

who this mystery tane was.

this flat. ‘One-Sip Buzz’ is allergic to

Australian imports is 2nd year B.

Creepy Carl brings the ice to The Igloo

The Igloo boasts a long history of Lincoln students with inhibitions as high as the hemp-tainted walls. 2017 is no exception - running like a well-oiled netball team with 4 players, 2 imports and 1 bloody bitch.

Com(Ag) Tom Hastings.

in the form of ‘Silly Gins’ at the Grouse

Ostrich Farmer, Tom enjoys pashing

with way too much fucking ice!

his sister’s friends, taking a step back

Carl is seen at the flat about as often as

and watching World War Three

the conquests Harri tries to sneak out

unfold. Tom spends his days shagging

of the house at dawn. Carlos enjoys

his ‘mates’ in his rumoured pursuit of

sleeping all hours, playing his guitar

‘The One.’

and eating everyone’s food from the

Tom is a phenomenal rower thanks to

fridge. Classic Carl. By what I pay for a

his chocolate milk protein gains. This

gin, I am sure you are more than able to

Speaking of well-oiled, first on the

Ostrich picks up new skills and new

buy you own food, Caaarl!

bill is Harri Wulff. He is 2nd year

girls like a Dingo picking up a baby.

Why the Igloo, of course!

B. Ag, majoring in ‘Bringing Home Questionable Guests’. Hazza’s oily fingers are well equipped to serve his Tinder habit. With a range set from 16 to 56-year-olds, it is essential that he is well-lubed. The budding mechanic is a keen contributor to the flat’s quote wall, most notably; “Which way does the ‘J’ go again?” and “Watch out Polka Dot, you’ll burn your tongue if you don’t get that right.”

Further to this cultural diversity within the flat, the first of the

everything except a good time and Aiden ‘Stingy’ Erceg.

‘The Igloo’ are sure to be out of

Heidi Andrews is a 2nd year B.Sci

the house come Saturday 23rd

who dreams of farming crocodiles

September, as they’ll be down to cast

and shagging Kangaroos back in

a vote towards the Legalise Cannabis

the homeland very soon. For now,

Aotearoa Party. Especially since LUSA

however, she’ll have to settle for Tom.

has advance voting in the Library

Minx epitomises the stereotypes of

Foyer that week and we all value

‘The Igloo’ by attending 3 hours of Uni

democracy!

per week, surfing, and playing the

The harvest remains safe and secure

guitar. She probably grows hemp and

under the watchful gaze of 4th year

reuses her toilet paper too. Some people

dog, Molly. Like the rest of the flat

call her the next Jimi Hendrix, but

Molly is a good bitch who can’t keep

On the subject of hot tongues, Nikki

they’re probably the same people who

her tongue to herself. The humans of

Kennedy is a 2nd year B. AgSci

don’t believe in climate change.

‘The Igloo’ are sure to go far, and no

who could talk the back legs off a

Heidi’s best bet is to stick to playing the

doubt we will see these bright young

donkey. An argument, squash game

digeridildo instead.

minds at the fore of political leadership

or boat-race, is sure to not end well against Nikki. The silence was said to be deafening recently when

RAM Issue 6 | 34

Buzz, AKA Bae Watch, is a 2nd year B.Sci with no real name because my source is as credible as 2006 Wikipedia.

on both sides of the Tasman in years to come.

FLATS GO TO MEAL

HAD ANY FLAT PARTIES?

9pm Curry Pot on a Sunday - just when

Had a hisser on the first day of the

they want to close.

year. We’re still yet to finish our clean up from that one.

HANGOVER FLAT FEED? Love a full cooked breakky made by

ANY RED CARDS BEEN PULLED?

Tommy served in Harri’s bed.

Tour de Lincoln, Ski & Surf trip.

ANY DAMAGE BEEN DONE TO THE

WHOSE THE TIDIEST?

FLAT? Fair to say the flat doesn’t get its fair Nik managed to makes a few holes in

share of cleaning. By anyone.

the walls and fall through the bathroom window in the space of 5 mins. It’s

DO YOU HAVE ANY FLAT

to be repaired in the not too distant

TRADITIONS?

future but for now it’s good bathroom

Get rinsed and blow steam on the

ventilation. She also managed to break

rowing machine. We’re all about the

her wrist in a fight that she got in with

gains here!

her desk.

FAVOURITE PART OF RAM?

ANYONE SCREWED THE CREW?

Snapchats and Flat of the Month -

Tommy loves to flat with girls. He’s

anything with pictures.

been with and will continue that tradition into new year.

RAM Issue 6 | 35

WINNER ‘I HATE MYSELF FOR THINKING...’ COME ON IN TO LUSA TO COLLECT YOUR VOUCHER TODAY!

RAM Issue 6 | 36

RAM Issue 6 | 37

A LU S A E V E N T

AWA R D S C E R E M O NY

LUSA AWARDS W E D N E S DAY

4 t h O C TO B E R Te K e t e I k a

G O L D AWA R D

N O M I N AT I O N S NOW OPEN

UNIVERSITY LIFE CO M M U N I T Y E N G AG E M E N T

LUSA.ORG.NZ/BLUE-AND-GOLD-AWARDS RAM Issue 6 | 38

For information about nominating a student for a Blue award please contact peter.magson@lincoln.ac.nz

by Julia Wills - really showing her age!

I’m talking about hide and seek, spotlight in the park. The corner dairy, hopscotch, four square, go carts, cricket in front of the garbage bin and inviting everyone on your street to join in, skipping (double dutch), gutterball, handstands, elastics, bullrush, catch and kiss, footy, slip’n’slides, the trampoline with the sprinkler on it, hula hoops, jumping in puddles with gumboots on, mud pies and building dams in the creek. The smell of the sun and freshly cut grass.

your mum had in the cupboard (and never putting them back folded). Walking to school in bare feet, no matter what the weather.

‘Big bubbles no troubles’ with Hubba Bubba bubble gum. A topsy. Mr Whippy cones on a warm summer night after you’ve chased him round the block. 20 cents worth of mixed lollies lasted a week and pretending to smoke “fags” (the lollies) was really cool!..

Running till you were out of breath. Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt. Pitching the tent in the back yard (and never being able to find all the pegs). Jumping on the bed. Singing into your hair brush in front of the mirror, making mix tapes...

A dollars’ worth of chips from the corner take-away fed two people (AND the sauce was free!)

Sleepovers and ghosts stories with your friends. The 40 hour fammine and scoffing your face righht up until the minute it started.Pillowfights, spinning round, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for the giggles. The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team. Water balloons were the ultimate weapon. Weetbix cards pegged on the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle. Collecting WWF and garbage pail kids cards.

Being upset when you botched putting on the temporary tattoo from the bubblegum packet, but still wearing it proudly. Watching Saturday morning cartoons: ‘The Smurfs’, ‘AstroBoy’, ‘He-man’, ‘Captain Planet’, ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’, ‘Jem’ (trulyoutrageous!) Or staying up late and sneaking a look at the “AO” on the second telly, being amazed when you watched TV right up until the ‘Goodnight Kiwi!’ and the colourful circle with the droning beep. When After School with Jason Gunn & Thingie had a cult following and What Now was on Saturday mornings! When around the corner seemed a long way, and going into town seemed like going somewhere. Where running away meant you did laps of the block because you weren’t allowed to cross the road? A million mozzie bites, cute knees, wasp and bee stings! Sticky fingers, goodies & baddies, cops and robbers, cowboys and indians, riding bikes til the streetlights came on and catching tadpoles in horse troughs. Going down to the school swimming pool when you didn’t have a key and your friends letting you in, drawing all over the road and driveway with chalk. Climbing trees and building huts out of every sheet

When writing ‘I love....? on your pencil case, really did mean it was true love. “he loves me? he loves me not?” and daisy chains on the back lawn at lunch time. Stealing other people’s flowers from their gardens and then selling them outside your gate!

Eating raw jelly and raro, making homemade lemonade and sucking on a Rad, a traffic light popsicle, or a Paddle Pop... blurple, yollange and prink! You knew everyone in your street - and so did your parents! It wasn’t odd to have two or three “best friends” and you would ask them by sending a note asking them to be your best friend. You didn’t sleep a wink on Christmas eve and tried (and failed) to wait up for the tooth fairy. When nobody owned a pure-bred dog. When $2 was decent pocket money. When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for 20c. It was magic when dad would “remove” his thumb. When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at the local Chinese restaurant (or Cobb’n’Co.) with your family and being allowed to order a Pink Panther before dinner. When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed her or use him to carry groceries and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn’t because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! Remember when decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-mo” or paper, scissors, rock. “Race issue” meant arguing about who ran the fastest. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly. Terrorism was when the older kids were at the end of your street with pea-shooters waiting to ambush you, or the neighbourhood rottie chased you up a tree! The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was boy/girl germs, and the worst thing in your day was having to sit next to one! Where disco’s were the equivalent to a Rave, and asking a boy out meant writing a ‘polite’ note getting them to tick ‘yes’ or ‘no’. When there was always that one ‘HOT’ guy/girl. Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot. Your biggest danger at school was accidentally walking through the middle of a heated game of “slaps”. Birthday beats meant you didn’t want to go to school on your birthday! Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better. Taking drugs meant scoffing orange-flavoured chewable vitamin C’s, or swallowing half a Panadol. Ice cream was considered a basic food group. Going to the beach and catching a wave was a dream come true. Boogie boarding in the white wash made you the next Kelly Slater. Abilities were discovered because of a “double- dare”. Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors. Now, these are all things that bring back real Kiwi fond memories for me. If you can remember any of these, then you’re an Kiwi legend!!! RAM Issue 6 | 39

SUDOKU

simple

reasonably doable

pretty tricky

perfectly evil

JOKES What do you call a kiwi sheep dog? A pimp.

What do you call a Kiwi with a hundred lovers? A shepherd.

Why do kiwis end up marrying women? Because sheep can’t cook.

How do you know a kiwi’s been in your fridge? Because there are love bites on your leg of lamb. What do you call a Pakeha in the river? White bait.

RAM Issue 6 | 40

What do two kiwi’s say after breaking up? Lets just be cousins. Why wasn’t Jesus born in New Zealand? He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin. What did the Maori statue say to the other statue? Statue bro? A tour bus full of tourists stops by a farmer holding a sheep. One of them calls out “Are you shearing?”. The farmer yells back, in an unhappy tone, ‘NO, bugger off and get your own!’

TOTALLY DUMB [NOT AT ALL] ACCURATE

LEO JULY 24 – AUG 23

HOROSCOPES [LURVE EDITION]

Inner peace isn’t always about finding a mountain top or gaining wisdom from a lofty guru. Sometimes it’s knowing you had the restraint to not smack an idiot around the head today. Good job! Its fine if you decorate your happy place with swords, guns and ninja stars, just don’t invite anyone over for tea; they’ll be jumpy for days. Some things are meant for you alone.

ARIES MARCH 21 – APRIL 20

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23 – DEC 22

Sometimes when you reach for your dreams, you grab the biscuits instead. Before you glue yourself to the couch, try reaching for a smaller dream on a lower shelf to keep your motivation up.

There’s no “I” in team, but there is meat. So if you’re a zombie or you’re just really devoted to your paleo diet, this weeks ‘Meat Week’ at Pak N’ Save, will be especially good for you.

TAURUS APRIL 21 – MAY 21

VIRGO AUG 24 – SEP 23 You’re feeling more out of place than Barney the dinosaur in a Game of Thrones episode. Once you avoid all the pointy things, lay low and you might get a date with a dragon!

CAPRICORN

The universe broke the mold when it made you. Too bad it didn’t wait until after you were done. Don’t worry if you’re a little cracked, you’ve been that way all along.

DEC 23 – JAN 20 Love finds you when you least expect it. Tell it to wait outside, until you’re done looking through Tinder while sitting on the toilet. Sometimes love needs boundaries.

GEMINI MAY 22 – JUNE 21

LIBRA SEPT 24 – OCT 23 You’ve been inside so long, Netflix is about to cut you off. Find your shoes and head outside. If you can navigate your way to the street, maybe you can hire the neighborhood kid to cut your lawn so you can find your way back to the flat.

AQUARIUS

The opportunity of a lifetime will dangle in front of you on Tuesday. If it gets caught in your hair, don’t scare it off by screaming and slapping your head. There’s very little chance of it laying eggs in your eyebrows.

JAN 21 – FEB 19 You’re having such an incredible streak of luck, even the mice in the flat are cheering you on. Don’t worry about why they’re in your car, just admire how cute they are with their little pompoms and foam #1 fingers.

CANCER JUNE 22 – JULY 23

SCORPIO OCT 24 – NOV 22 If someone tries to pick a fight with you this week, your best move is to laugh it off. If they ask why you’re giggling, tell them you saw their student loan account.

PISCES

Happiness is a warm puppy with a few hundred dollar bills tucked in around its collar. Feel free to play and snuggle, just don’t ask the doggie where he’s earning his cash at night.

FEB 20 – MARCH 20 You don’t have to chase life with gusto, but you can skip after it with a bit of cheer. Start slow; your legs aren’t used to all the unfamiliar exercise. RAM Issue 6 | 41

The “Design a Change Initiative” project in LINC201 Sustainable Futures asks students to look around them, spot things that are not sustainable, come up with a plan that will help address the problem, then ‘pitch’ it to the relevant stakeholders. Last year’s students had no problem with the first part (spotting things that were unsustainable) and came up with some fantastic ideas for how to change things.

CHANGING THE WORLD ‘Congratulations to Sean Mulligan, Emma Boase, William Lo and Jeffrey Robinson. Winners of the Southern Environmental Trust prize last year, for the best “Design a Change Initiative” project in LINC201 Sustainable Futures.’ We all see things around us that we think could be done better, but how do you go about making change happen? How do you make sure that your solution is actually addressing the underlying issue and is practical and will win enough support from the key stakeholders to be successfully implemented?

Proposals covered everything from the University’s coal boiler, food waste and use of plastic at Mrs Os, energy wastage in halls of residence, paper and electricity wastage, rainwater harvesting and reusable coffee cups. However the biggest number of proposals covered the issue of the large number of cars coming to campus each day – a very substantial part of Lincoln’s carbon footprint, not to mention burning a hole in students’ pockets.

The Global Challenges Scholars got in behind the push to increase carpooling with a promotion back in Green Week in March and are planning something else great during WOW (Ways of Wellbeing) Week which is 18-22 September. Others, like the winning team, proposed a much improved bus service. Emma, Sean, William and Jeffrey came up with a practical well thought out solution which made good use of Massey’s experience in this area. Hopefully this year we will see a good enough case made that action can start on this proposal too.

Quite a few suggested various ways to encourage carpooling - and one of these has already been taken up - see www.facebook.com/CarpoolingLincoln/

Spot The Difference! Can you spot 15 differences between the two images?

RAM Issue 6 | 42

RAM Issue 6 | 43