WINTERFEST RE-CAP | P.12 RUN FOR THE LUSA BOARD | P.16 INTERVIEW WITH THE VC | P.28 FLAT OF THE MONTH | P.36
RAM Issue 6 | 2
Contents StudentsAtLincoln LUSA.org.nz lusa.nz lusa.nz
FEATURES
REGULARS
10 | INTERNATIONAL NIGHT Everything you need to know about one of the most entertaining night’s of the year! 12 | Winterfest Re-Cap An overview of winter’s biggest week.
COVER PHOTOGRAPHED BY JULIA WILLS
6 | Letters from LUSA
COURTESY OF SOME AWESOME PIG HUNTER
8 | Letters to the Editor 32 | Live Well Week 38 | Aunty Flat-tac
16 | Run for the LUSA Board Have a chance to make a change. FUN STUFF 26 | RAM Nostalgia Pictures speak a thousand words. 40 | This Month is History 28 | Interview with the VC 42 | Snapchat Mealz gets the goods on the new VC. 31 | Pokemon Go Questions you were too embarrassed to ask! 35 | Gig Review Flume in Christchurch
EDITOR Julia Wills design@lusa.org.nz
ADVERTISING Kate Ward-Smith
36 | Flat of the Month 45 | Procrastination Station 48 | Bedroom Golf
CONTRIBUTORS Sam Budd Vanessa Rhodes Danyon Thomas Mac Thomson Amelia Woulfe
Celia Hutchinson Matt Cooper Rangimarie Mules
PRINTER RAM is printed by Wickliffe RAM is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).
Contributions can be sent to: design@lusa.org.nz
www.lusa.org.nz RAM Issue 6 | 3
RAM Issue 6 | 4
Notices
SWEET AS FREE BURGERS 2 for 1 burgers at Velvet Burger, (Riccarton Road), Tuesdays only.
Live Well Walking & Meditation Groups 12pm - 12.30pm Mondays and Thursdays a walking group meets at the rec centre. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday in the Rose room,
LESS THAN 1 MONTH TILL SPRING OFFICIALLY BEGINS! Hello baby lambs, longer evenings, sunshine, warmth and of course Garden Party!
hosts relaxation, breathing and mediation from 12.30pm 1pm. Everyone is welcome. Come and practice quietening your thoughts.
LincMe Up.com Do you need someone to show you around campus, teach you the tricks of the trade, or are you a good sort and want to help those new students out? Make sure you sign up to LincMe Up’s great mentoring system through Vanessa at student.support@lusa.org.nz and you’ll gain access to LincMeUp.com! A wicked new website
FREE DRINK Getting a free drink token for singing Karaoke on a Wednesday night at the Grouse.
KIWI BREAKS WORLD FREEDIVE RECORD William Trubridge reached a depth of 102m after being submerged for 4.14mins on a single breath beating his own world record by 1 metre.
brought to you by LUSA for everything you need to know about being at student at Lincoln.
RMLA Masters Scholarships up for Grabs
STINK ONE YOUR HANGOVER FROM THE MID WINTER BALL It was sooo worth it though!
Postgrads studying in a field related to resource management practice and/or law, now is the time to apply for funding from the Resource Management Law Association’s scholarship! Its worth up to NZ$5,000 each, are open to any graduate student in a University (New Zealand or Overseas) registered for a Masters degree (including an undergraduate Honours degree involving advanced levels of research and study at Masters degree level). Winners will also see their thesis published in RMLA’s renowned Resource Management Journal. To apply for an RMLA scholarship or for more info, simply head to www.rmla.org.nz and return it to: karol.helmink@rmla.org.nz before 1st September.
SLOW START TO SKI SEASON How shit was early July - 18 deg days WTF?! But now we’re peaking after heavy snowfalls and the white stuff has reappeared! CLAPPING BANNED Clapping has been banned by an Australian primary school and replaced with “silent cheering” and “wriggling about” to consider noise-sensitive students.
*Please note that Doctoral studies are not eligible.
Have a notice you want advertised here? Contact design@lusa.org.nz
SMOKING IN PLACES THAT YOU SHOULDN’T There are designated areas now – so make sure you respect that not everyone wants to inhale your durry with you. RAM Issue 6 | 5
Letters from LUSa Words from the Pres. Woah, where has this term gone! Next week we’re into holidays, which for some us means a good break from study, for others it means field tours, regardless it’s good to have a break from procrastinating…. I hope you all enjoyed seeing the RAM make a comeback, but now we need your outrageous content to make it awesome, so if you’ve got a great yarn pop in and have chat to Julia, our editor, and you could feature. We here at LUSA definitely thought you all had a ripper of a time during Winterfest, si I hope you enjoyed a beer or two, and didn’t get ripped a new one by Ursila Carlson. Since the last issue, I’ve been busy figuring out what a LUSA President does, and can report I’ve been to more than a few meetings with all sorts of people. It’s been a great opportunity to see how awesome the staff and students here are. It’s also given me time to figure out why LUSA exists, and pretty simply we’re here to make sure you have an awesome time at Uni. This goes beyond our wicked clubs and events, but things you might not see, where we’ve got our board sharing an authentic student opinion in meetings across the University. Something to start thinking about is running for the LUSA Board. This means you help govern LUSA and provide direction to the organisation. You’ll be able to influence University decisions, plus join in all the fun stuff too. Keep an eye out in this issue for a bit more info! Nominations open in September, and we’d love to see your nomination. If you want more information pop into LUSA Reception and ask away!
Danyon Thomas president@lusa.org.nz
Words from the Editor. Like Danyon said, I hope you are all liking the name change of
signing up. I don’t
the mag and slowly noticing the slight tweaks of content and
want to be getting
lingo. But we really do need your input to make it your own!
a case of the runny
I want to hear about your epic travels, your wicked nights out
bum thanks!
on the piss, the hottest girls or the greatest lads on campus, shit that grinds your gears, crap that makes you smile! We want it
Well...have an epic
all!
mid semester break next week, think
So how was Winterball? I saw you there, looking all classy at
of me while you’re
the start of the night then leaving after, like you’d had an epic
hitting the slopes
day at the races. To me that was a sign of a great night. Hope you
or sipping on a mulled wine, and take some snaps to send to me
managed to save some memories from it.
and a few words, and I’ll make you world famous in Lincoln!
International Night is coming up and I’m yet to see what all all over Christchurch turn up for it. Did you know you can
Julia Wills
volunteer to cook or perform? Great way to get a free ticket
design@lusa.org.nz
the fuss is about. I heard the food is to die for and people from
I say, but please make sure you can boil a bloody egg before RAM Issue 6 | 6
Letters from the Board Update from the LUSA Board As most of you will not remember much of O’Week, the LUSA
Saturday LUSA hit the slopes, carving memories down the Mt
board will give you a wee reminder of the awesome events that
Hutt ski field. $10 for lunch and a ride to the mountain is cheap no
were run and what we have been up to!
matter what your budget was! Its a pity there hasn’t been much
Most of you managed to stumble your way down the metal races
snow yet, but hopefully it will come for all of you who invested in
without crashing and bashing much to show us your I.D and ticket
season passes.
to get into Winterfest Launch which was headlined by Cam Scott in Mrs O’s/Dining Hall. Great work to most of you on your top
Behind the scenes, LUSA staff and Board have been working
‘sober person’ impersonations as you delved into your wallet or
their asses off representing, governing and voicing the student
phone to show us your tickets!
opinion in a wide range of committees, meetings and workshops. It has been our pleasure to welcome Danyon Thomas as the new
You definitely missed out if you didn’t line up in the gorgeous
President of LUSA. He has been undertaking a MOUNTAIN of
sunshine to delve into a gourmet burger, grab the latest issue
work and is doing an outstanding job! It is important that you can
of RAM and enjoy a nice cold beer on Tuesday, with ‘Burgers,
freely voice your opinions and provide feedback to us, as it is the
Beers and Beats - Backyard BBQ’. Upon reflection you would
greatest way we can influence change, or know if we are heading
definitely have had trouble getting a beer, with Matt Risi (AGLS
in the wrong direction. Please never hesitate if you want to ‘spin
Rep) struggling to pour beers for anyone but himself or Mitch Van
a yarn’ on any issue, everyone in the bright blue building is easy
Loon (who successfully managed to continue the bender from the
going, approachable and will help you with any issue you may
Traffic Light Party the night before)!
have, or point you in the right direction, (except for Risi, he smells)!
If you didn’t bring any inspiration back for semester 2, I’m sure
Important things that have been going on include; SLAs, MOUs,
the ‘Clubs and Markets Day’ rectified that, and you managed to at
LincMe Up, Clubs and Committies, governance, strategic planning,
least snag a saussie off the LUSA Barbie! There were a lot of clubs
understanding how the printing system works, meeting with
all set up showcasing what they have on offer, but our personal
Deans and HOD’s, meeting the awesome new VC Robin, (who
favourite was the Wine Appreciation Club, led by Frances, Harry
is lucky enough to be going to the WinterBall with Mealz!) RaC
and Katie, who managed to tip a number of bottles of wines down
meetings and deciding on O’Week plans for next year. Some
the necks of many of you. All be it in the form of a ‘taster’…
pretty in depth, interesting stuff!
Let’s face it, the Yaldy line on Wednesday night was massive and
For those of you starting or hoping to finish your Lincoln
they were not letting anyone in past 9pm! Unless you managed to
University endeavour’s this semester, go well, and on behalf of
sneak in through the window, most of us converged on the Grouse
the LUSA Board 2k16, steer your ship in the direction of your
for a ripper of a night! Big ups to those of you who managed to get
dreams....or the pub (what ever comes first!)
into the infamous Yaldhurst Tavern. RIP Springer… Until next time RAM goes out… Thursday evening showcased a ‘Comedy Night,’ with the headline act being Urzila Carlson! She did an outstanding job or ripping the shit out of Henry and Jack, both of whom had waaaaaay to many beerzies. A great insight into the housing crisis in Auckland, and the Lincoln reputation out in the wider NZ community. Big ups to former Lincoln student known as “Ed” whom on Urzila’s last performance at Lincoln, had managed to walk around stark naked stroking his you know what! Congrats to the security who were on that night! There was a fancy Post Grad Wine and Cheese Evening for post grads, sorry dippies, that mean’t you were unable to attend. Danyon attended Mrs O’s but not specifically the Post Grad event, and he said there were a heap of people sipping wine and eating cheese, which sounds lovely.
The LUSa Board 2k16’
‘
Letter to
the Editor Dear Editor, Just wondering if you could do a bit of research for me? Nothing too extensive, I just want to know when the University had such a thriving beach volleyball culture that it was feasible to build a fucking sandpit on campus? I have seen more animals (students) shit in there than I have seen games of beach volleyball and sandcastles combined. I’ve only seen one game by the way, and it shouldn’t
Dear Sandy Box,
count since it was the prick that probably signed off on the terrible idea.
The new generation here at LUSA couldn’t agree with you more in regards to this prick of a pit. I understand David Hasselhoff gets
I get it, it was an attempt to do something quirky and cool for the
more action with sand than the sandpit does!
students. But sandpits are always a shitty decision, just ask any my once-thought-a-sandpit-was-a-great-idea Dad, he’ll tell you how much use they get. By every cat in the neighbourhood. Now, there’s little point in getting frustrated at it being built, since it’s already there. So let’s talk solutions. What are the chances of LUSA getting on board to help fix the mistakes of their predecessors? Not all of them, of course. That’s quite clearly an impossible task, even for that workaholic you’ve got running the show now (does he ever leave the office?) So let just start with the sand pit. Would you be down with submissions? How cool would that be? But then again, getting
I, for one have an in depth knowledge of this pit after the fact, especially on breezy Norwest days, where the sand flies through the gaps of my window and all over my face. The grit left in my teeth is ever so pleasant. Although if you’re after a good leg exfoliator, then take a walk past it in shorts or a skirt on a windy day - nothing like a good cat shit infested buffering. The board will happily bring this up in the next student board meeting on the 1st of September and submissions for alternative uses would be gratefully accepted.
feedback from the student body here is like pulling hens teeth. How do we get past that? Nothing works better with an entitled
Car parks would be the most logical and purpose filled idea but
generation than incentives…just saying.
where’s the fun in that? Let’s push the boat out a bit (past the sand and into the ocean) and see what we can fish up.
I’ll start off with a couple to get the fire going. Kindling, if you will. Kind regards, 1. Hit up the landscape kids. I mean good luck finding them, idk if they exist for real but I’ve been told they’re creative. 2. Surely there’s a club that would make great use of it. SAS wanted a halfpipe last time I heard. Which was a while ago. Where are they? Did they all die with dog town? 3. Even just a couple more carparks. The Planning Club could be your go-to with this one. Not only do they sound like fun at parties…I’m not sure where I was going with this, but can you get in touch with them to confirm whether they are any fun? Just so we’re clear, I have a strong distain for the sandpit, not LUSA. You guys have been doing it with for the students since 1919, which we all appreciate. And just for the record, even if I could opt out of giving you my money I wouldn’t. Because free pens.
Ed
RAM Issue 6 | 10
International Night Experience the world right here at the University, with culture, cuisine, and entertainment, provided by the International students and community of Lincoln. Beginning in the dining hall, enjoy sampling a huge range of cuisine prepared by students and volunteers. Be warned - you will be full, and very satisfied. After dinner come the performances, and there is such a range. Impressive, hilarious, beautiful, silly, mesmerising. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. If you would like to be involved in this amazing evening, as either a cook or performer, get in touch with Sam at LUSA at events@lusa.org.nz, or visit her in the LUSA Building on campus. Tickets are on sale from LUSA Reception or www.dashtickets.co.nz $15 Adult | $5 Child | $35 Family (2 adults, 2 children)
22 Minute Pad Thai A yummy stir-fried rice noodle dish commonly served as a street food and at casual local eateries in Thailand. Or at a dirty BYO in Riccarton but you’re probably too sloshed to notice what you’re eating!
•
250g dried flat rice noodles (also called pad thai noodles or stir-fry rice noodles)
•
1/4 cup fish sauce
•
1/4 cup tamarind sauce
•
3 tablespoons (packed) dark brown sugar
•
1 teaspoon chili
•
1 teaspoon garlic
•
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
•
4 large eggs, beaten to blend
•
340g thawed shrimps
•
1 bunch spring onions, coarsely chopped
•
2 cups mung bean sprouts, plus more for serving
•
1/4 cup roasted, salted peanuts, coarsely chopped, plus more for serving
•
Coarsely chopped fresh coriander (for serving)
•
Lime wedges (for serving)
1. Place noodles in a medium heatproof bowl. Add boiling water to cover and let stand, stirring frequently, until soft and pliable but not tender, 5–10 minutes. Drain; set aside. 2. Meanwhile, whisk fish sauce, tamarind sauce, brown sugar, chili, garlic, and 1/4 cup hot water in another medium bowl.
for about 1 minute. Add spring onions, fish sauce mixture, and reserved noodles. Cook, stirring frequently, until sauce is mostly absorbed and noodles are well coated, about 3 minutes. Add 2 cups bean sprouts, and 1/4 cup peanuts and cook until heated through, about 1 minute more. 4. Divide noodle mixture among plates. Top with coriander, bean sprouts, and peanuts and serve with lime wedges.
3. Heat oil in a wok (at least 12” in diameter) over mediumhigh. Add eggs and shrimp and cook, stirring constantly, RAM Issue 6 | 11
Launch Party
‘Winterfest 2016’ kicked off on Monday 4th July, on a day that was anything but Winter! A warm north easterly brought humid weather and a high of 21 degrees at 3pm! Thankfully the warm weather slotted in perfectly with the country western theme for the week and saw just over 430 students diverge on Mrs O’s for the ‘Winterfest Launch Party’. Aussie rock band, Tommy Gun, as well as NZ’s very own country music star, Cam Scott, completely rocked the Dining Hall as well as attendees – so much so they were still going an hour after their scheduled finish time! Tuesday saw the Sunken Lawn brought to life with music from DJ OSKAR, while the LUSA’s staff and board BBQed over 600 burgers for students (many hoarse and tired from the Launch Party the night prior) with the ‘Backyard BBQ’! With the warm front definitely having moved on, Wednesday saw a
RE CAP by Sam Budd
very frosty morning (and lots of frozen fingers!) as LUSA set up for ‘Clubs and Markets Day’. Thankfully the sun was shining bright, and brought
Backyard BBQ
some warmth for the 11am kick-off, which saw a large number of students come along to check out 31 of the Campus Clubs and 14 external business and departments – as well as filling up their stomachs with a free sausage sizzle hosted by LUSA. Thursday saw one of NZ’s funniest comedians, Urzila Carlson, perform to a sold out crowd of 500 attendees in the LU Dining Hall at the ‘Winterfest Comedy Night’ – a brand new event which was added to the Winterfest 2016 line up. Along with up and coming comedian, Jack Ansett and Justin ‘Rusty’ White, Urzila certainly gave the winter (fl)abs a workout with her comedic talents. Over 60 Post Grads attended the ‘Postgrad Wine and Cheese Evening’ hosted in Mrs O’s on Friday. Postgrads were treated to a range of red and white wine as well as tasty cheese, crackers and other finger foods, as
Clubs & Markets Day
they relaxed with friends after a hard week of studying – all hosted by
Comedy Night
LUSA. While the Ski-Trip to Mt Hutt was touch-and-go due to the warm front sweeping through at the beginning of the week (melting lots of snow!) a cooler front saw a fresh dumping of snow at the end of the week, with Saturday seeing one of the best days so far in Mt Hutt’s 2016 season! A sold out busload of 50 students took to the slopes for a day of skiing and snow-boarding, and saw Winterfest 2016 – a week which definitely featured every season - finish with a bang! RAM Issue 6 | 12
Photo Board | Launch Party
RAM Issue 6 | 13
Photo Board | Backyard BBQ
Photo Board | Clubs & Markets Day
RAM Issue 6 | 14
Photo Board | Comedy Night
RAM Issue 6 | 15
RUN for the LUSA Board. You’ll get further than this fella! RAM Issue 6 | 16
6
THERE ARE
POSITIONS UP FOR ELECTION FOR 2017
PRESIDENT VICE-PRESIDENT AGLS REP COMMERCE REP ESD REP POSTGRAD REP
Elections are how you decide who is going to represent you and make things happen for you, from academic issues through to making sure you’re having a good time!
KEY DATES NOMINATIONS SEPTEMBER 05–09 CAMPAIGNING SEPTEMBER 12–19 VOTING SEPTEMBER 20–21
Students nominate themselves to tell us that they’d like to be elected to a particular position.
They then campaign to be elected by persuading the wider student body to vote for them.
The wider student body vote online for the person they would like to be elected. It’s a simple survey format, that is emailed to every student on their Lincoln email address.
RAM Issue 6 | 17
It takes a
SPECIAL
kind of person to run for
PRESIDENT
Danyon Thomas | President | June 2016 – Dec 2016 | 40+ hours per week Danyon’s been around for a couple of months as President. That’s involved a very steep learning curve, involving a little bit of frustration, a fair few late nights, a bit of swearing, lots of laughing with the great team here, and a tonne of new experiences. There were some big shoes to fill following Kahlia and Aimee, especially with all of the changes going on here at LU. The last couple of months have involved a lot of hard work - trying to be a President and studying too. Fortunately, Kahlia had done it before, so Danyon knew it was possible. Being Pres has involved overseeing a million and one projects, attending a million and two meetings, and occasionally making it the the pub! The President is basically the Figurehead of Lincoln Students. When shi*head students do something moronic and get themselves in the news, it’s the Student President who has to deal with the media. He flies all over the country to attend meetings with terribly important people. He tells the Uni what students want, and he fights for it! The President is also responsible for overseeing the board and ensuring LUSA is heading in the right direction. It’s all about looking and the big picture, and making sure LUSA’s making sure everyone has a great time here at LU! This means, contrary to popular belief, the President doesn’t decide who plays at Garden Party! If you think this sounds like a bit of you, throw your hat into the ring, pick up a nomination form or come have a chat to Danyon, so you get to hear the ins and outs of the job before you decide.
Ali Webb | Vice-President | Jan 2016 – Dec 2016 | 15 hours per week The Biden to Danyon’s Obama, it’s the VP’s job to support the president, and co-ordinate the rest of the Board. Basically, she’s the whip, who gets the action happening, and she’s really really good at telling people what to do, while not taking herself too seriously. After a while in the VP Role, Ali has honed a wide number of side-kick skills, from networking at important conferences, to taking on any challenges coming her way, including cooking a ripper BBQ, a skill anyone at LUSA needs! RAM Issue 6 | 18
BOARD MEMBERS Each Faculty at the Uni, and Postgrads, have a Board member to represent them. Because Lincoln is such a small Uni, each of these Members are open minded about representing all students, not just those from their faculty. 2016 Reps: AGLS – Matty Risi | ESD – Ryan MacArthur | AGCM – Josh McKay Postgrad – Lucy Egan | 10 hours per week.
What the Board does: • GOVERNANCE: Establishes LUSA’s priorities and policies for the year – everything from Event ideas to the Hardship fund. They then delegate to the hired LUSA staff to set these plans in action, and monitor what’s happening to ensure outcomes are successful. • REPRESENTATION: Attends all the meetings – faculty, student rep, department, LTL... the list goes on. They represent students on every aspect of Uni life, and make sure the student voice is heard! • FEEDBACK: Listens to students, reports back, and acts on the feedback. It’s the Board that sets in motion a lot of the changes you see around campus. • RELATIONSHIPS: Builds on and maintains a successful working relationship between LUSA and the University, and also between the LUSA Board and LUSA Staff.
Tumuaki o Te Awhioraki | Maori Students Association President 2016 – Melissa Noanoa Te Awhioraki and LUSA work closely together. The Te Awhioraki President represents Maori and Pacific students at Lincoln, on boards and committees around the Uni, including being a member of The LUSA Student Board.
SOME OF WHAT THE BOARD HAS ACHIEVED IN 2016 • Increasing its level of transparency & governance across all matters.
• Setting the strategic plan, to set the direction LUSA is heading in.
• Building relationship with the University at all levels, so they know why LUSA exists.
• Updating all LUSA policies to tip top shape. • Making more students aware of LUSA and what we do.
• Advocated for students in a range of committees ensuring the Uni knows what students are thinking.
RAM Issue 6 | 19
LOOK AT ME
MEOW
I’M GETTING
PAYPURR RAM Issue 6 | 20
WHY SHOULD YOU RUN? The LUSA Board does a whole heap more than just give away free sausages on the Forbes lawn! We represent students on many boards, organize events for students, approve and fund clubs and societies, and co-operate in University-wide campaigns on issues like mental wellbeing and environmental sustainability. Being on the Board means that you have the chance to take on an issue that you care about, and try to come up with a strategy of what can be done to get there all whilst having the power of the Students’ Association behind you.
WHAT DO YOU GET OUT OF IT? •
Influence. Board members have a surprising amount of clout with staff at the Uni - you can use this to influence the changes that you want to see on campus.
•
Connections! You’ll meet some important people both at the Uni and out of it. University Chancellor and VC, LU management, politicians, media. The networking skills you gain from these are astounding!
•
Employability. So much CV fodder, and the networking and meeting skills you’ll gain translate directly into awesome interview skills.
•
Awesome relationships with LUSA staff. They’re pretty helpful people to know!
•
Confidence. Being the only student at a meeting with high up LU staff aint no thang. You know you have important things to say, and that you’ll be listened to.
•
Support: LUSA’s staff and facilities are here to help you achieve your goals.
•
Incredible barbequeing skills.
•
Skills you never knew you’d learn.
AND MATERIAL PERKS •
A private desk and quiet work space at LUSA, with as many free cups of tea and coffee as you can drink. Btw the Lincoln Hotspot wifi is excellent in the LUSA Building and it’s so cosy in winter!
•
A LUSA Car park – although everyone else pretty much always steals our parks!
•
iPad Mini.
•
Copioius amounts of fancy cheese and crakers that you can’t afford on a student budget.
•
Rec Centre membership to work off all the cheese.
•
Oh, and did I mention, you get paid.
RAM Issue 6 | 21
BEING ON THE LUSA BOARD MYTH
TRUTH
• It’s the students on the Board who do everything.
• Actually the LUSA staff exist to do the bidding of the Board. The Board establish the direction of LUSA, and the staff set things in motion.
• LUSA only about events and BBQ’s.
• They also provide advice and support for students, represent students at council and heaps of different boards, and produce the magazine you’re reading right now.
• I have way too much study to do can’t possibly juggle being on the Board aswell!
• Think of it as a 10 hour a week job, with flexible hours. That’s actually a lot more doable than working at Subway, and it’s pretty well paid.
• You have to be a nerd.
• Ha! No. You just need ideas, and drive. The 2016 Board have proven that hard working, fun people can create a very successful LUSA Board.
• You’ll lose all your friends.
• You’ll actually find out who your true friends are.
• You won’t get the piss taken out of you.
• You probably will a bit, but you’ll be too busy worrying about all the job offers coming your way - BOOM!
RAM Issue 6 | 22
THINKING OF RUNNING FOR A POSITION? HERE’S SOME TIPS: FROM THE CURRENT BOARD • First of all, actually know the dates. There’s no point planning an amazing campaign if you miss out on nominations. • Harden up, be bold, don’t take it personally. You may get people saying some dumb things about you, that’s politics, and you know better than them. • Be confident, but not arrogant. • Practise some mock questions, just like
HOW TO RUN A SUCCESSFUL CAMPAIGN • Social Media is your best friend. Create a Facebook event and share it with everyone. Like, I mean everyone. Get that shit viral. • Use some good graphics; or at least no comic sans, or Curlz MT. • Get clubs on board. If you’re active with any clubs on campus, ask them to talk you up. Students who are involved with clubs stuff are some of the most involved on campus. • Get up in front of classes - make a nice break to a boring lecture. Tell a joke, ride a unicycle,
you would for a job interview. And if you
pull a chicken out of your pocket. Make people
don’t do that for job interviews, you really
remember your face!
should start.
Check with your lecturer first!
• Know what you stand for - what issues do you care about on campus? • Don’t bag on your opponents. Not a good look.
• Target all students, not just your mates. • Get into the halls. Interrupt their dinner, they’ll love that. Seriously though, there’s a huge pool of potential voters, who gather in one place three times a day. Make the most of that oportunity! • Remind people to vote! you can make them love you, but if they don’t vote at all, then they’re no help. On voting days you’re not allowed to campaign anymore, but you can remind people to cast their vote. LEGAL: “Voting is open now - remember to check your email and cast your vote today. Go democracy!” ILLEGAL: “Voting is open now - be sure to tick next to my face, and no one else. Me me me.” • Find out when LUSA or Uni events are happening, go there, and make yourself known. You could even volunteer at a LUSA BBQ... RAM Issue 6 | 23
What are your Student Service fees getting you? A compulsory student services fee is charged to all students. This supports a number of service providers around campus, like the Rec Centre, Cultural Activities, Health Services and even Childcare all alongside LUSA who receives a third of it. As a student your contribution enables some services to be provided at no cost, and others at a subsidised rate. Lincoln University aims to provide you with a high standard of quality services shown below and LUSA helps out with many of them. Here are LUSA we have the students best interests at heart, and we hope we are helping to improve your experience at University. We love hearing your feedback and endevor to represent and advocate for all students all of the time.
RAM Issue 6 | 24
RAM Issue 6 | 25
RAM NOSTALGIA Racist, sexist, homophobic, offensive, anti-establishment...the list goes on. But by gosh, back in its day RAM had everything a Kiwi bloke could want (that’s saying a lot!) And for 50 cents they were a cheap source of entertainment... and look, we’re giving it away here for free! But be warned - a picture speaks a thousand words, even though some of these will have you speechless.
RAM Issue 6 | 26
Aspiring Leaders' Forum by Mac Thomson
and present and fantastic experiences, eight past With many inspiring guest speakers with the aim of with 100+ like-minded delegates Lincoln University students met last weekend exploration of faith and values. The enriching their leadership through d the 2016 Lincoln University students atten of the semester break saw several Wellington. Aspiring Leaders’ Forum, held in A highlight for all was a parliamentary session in which we heard stories
from MPs about their upbringings, providing us with a unique experience on MPs; they are not all crooks! One of the key learning points we took from this was that there are a variety of leadership styles. For example, the Minster for Finance, Bill English, had a strategic 10-year-plan of how Hearing Bill English speak about his upbringing,
he was going to get to Parliament. Contrary to English, Jono Naylor was
and his political rise, fall and rise again, whilst
an opportunist. Naylor’s keynote speech revolved around his political
having a glass of red wine with a banquet dinner
rise, from a councillor in Palmerston North, to becoming an MP for the
in the Beehive was an extraordinary moment.
Palmerston North electorate. Friday included an indoor sports tournament,
The weekend was busy, as any spare moments
a workshop from inspiring speakers from all over New Zealand, and dinner
between events were used for small group
at our hotel with another keynote address. Saturday was interesting, with
sessions, where we had the chance to share
everyone being transported to Stokes Valley for the community service
and explore our own stories, including who we
afternoon to help restore a run-down street, and in doing so, lift local
are, where we come from, and how these have
community spirits.
influenced who we are.
Aside from learning about enriching skills to incorporate within our individual leadership styles, there was one key point that I took out of the weekend that applies to Lincoln University students. A very important component of the weekend was small group time, where we had three facilitators encouraging our group of seven delegates to open up and share past experiences that shaped them into the leaders they are today. There were two Lincoln University students in our group, and as with the rest of our fellow group members, we opened up to discuss our stories. Following this session, the Lincoln University delegates in our group became aware that the rest of the members and facilitators did not expect us to be as open as we were. This was simply due to their preconceived thoughts on Lincoln University students. Although they did not mean any disrespect, we were still surprised to hear these thoughts and opinions. I propose that we attempt to smash this stereotype, and challenge students to talk more openly and to ‘share their story'. We can attest to the importance of this, as it promotes a healthier wellbeing. The Aspiring Leaders' Forum was incredible, and if you have any questions please feel free to contact any of the 2016 Lincoln University delegates as it truly was a life-changing experience. RAM Issue 6 | 27
INTERVIEW WITH DA MAIN MAN! BY MEALZ WOULFE
So, at some point a couple of weeks ago, I thought setting up an interview with our new Vice Chancellor, Professor Robin Pollard was a great idea. Only when I was waiting in the foyer to meet with Professor Pollard, I realised just how out of place I was. This is where the movers and shakers of the university hang out. The closest to moving and shaking I’ve ever been, was that epileptic fit I had a couple of years back. We sat at his meeting table in his office, where no doubt, important shit had been discussed. And there I was, with the audacity to ask about the undercover boss scandal and his experiences with the chunder mile. I was kicking myself. But I soon realised that much like just about every else around LU, Robin was just another friendly, down to earth guy, more than happy to spin a yarn. We chatted about some serious stuff, and not so serious stuff. Not only were you born and raised in Christchurch, but you also did your doctorate at UC. Surely you had some assumptions about LUs student culture? My strongest recollection [from] growing up in Canterbury was the RAM magazine, in terms of Lincoln University. And in particular, the RAM magazine was sold outside my high school, as it was sold outside other high schools by LUSA students. [They] put in a lot of work and drove all around Christchurch, and all around the South Island with copies of the RAM distributing them far and wide. So for high school students such as myself, it was a highlight and something we looked forward to. In particular, we enjoyed reading the somewhat subversive and provocative contents of the RAM magazine. My own memories were that it got itself into some trouble, I believe, but it was part of the student culture of the university, and other universities. RAM was more famous, or possibly infamous than others. I am happy to see it back, and I think that student unions fill a very, very important role, and they add to the culture of the university. Whether it gets everybody into trouble again, I’m not going to worry about that right now… we’ll worry about it when it happens.
You mention that you hope to aid with the continued growth in student numbers and ensuring an excellent student experience. What aspects of LU need to improve in order to achieve that? Yes, Lincoln needs more students. The number of students at Lincoln has been falling for a number of years. And so one the things the university has to do is offer attractive programs so more students want to come. Lincoln offers unique perspectives and [we should] mix that up with environmental science, landscape architecture, and even arts areas. Lincoln is a specialist land university, and that was an important strategic decision made some years ago, but we shouldn’t take on a simplistic view on what that is. What Lincoln can offer students are multidisciplinary studies. I would like to see rip-roaring debates from some of whom come from agricultural backgrounds, and others who want to feed the world, protect the future and live well. So I like the fact that Lincoln took on that mantra because it sums up what Lincoln deliver to students. I can confirm that there are definitely rip-roar debates on an informal level, amongst students. It’s happening! Good! There’s not a strong understanding in Lincoln that it isn’t a matter of going out and selling harder, it involves offering students courses that they want to take, experiences on campus that they want to participate in, offering outcomes in their studies, their knowledge and abilities that they develop, and employment outcomes. So we need to understand that first and foremost, a lot of people don’t understand that. But when they do understand it, well what next? It is to evaluate programmes, take care of student experiences on campus, make sure that the services offered to students are really conducive to a Lincoln lifestyle.
As UC Alumni, who do you support on Derby day? What else about LUs student culture makes it so unique? Lincoln always had an informality about it, and close interactions between the students and the staff and the Lincoln community and I knew that a long time ago, but I can also still see it now. So I’m happy that the university hasn’t lost that. I like the students, I think they’re refreshing, there were some stereotypes a long time ago about Lincoln students normally involving beer and driving cars at high speed between Christchurch and Lincoln, but I think the student body has changed, student expectations have matured, but it’s still refreshing and I think the students bring an essential contribution to the university, and in fact are the core of the university. RAM Issue 6 | 28
I have a confession. Of the countries I have lived in, I have avoided such activities. It’s just not part of what I do. I preserve my own individuality in this as well.
During your time at UC, did you ever participate in the Chunder Mile?
Uh, no but I have observed it at close quarters.
Hopefully not too close?
Close enough!
Do you and your colleagues laugh about undercover boss yet? I am on excellent terms with some colleagues here who were part of all of those deliberations, and it took me a long time to understand what had happened. Uh, I think people have got over it, it was unfortunate that it happened that way and it was unfortunate for Lincoln, and unfortunate for me. It probably could have been avoided, but I think the challenges facing Lincoln University are much more important than reflecting on that.
Have you attended any LUSA events yet? Yeah, I have. I went to the international evening with the Chancellor at the time about ‘Marmite’ and got a few of them right. Would you like to attend the Winterball? Possibly, I won’t be able to, though, I think I’m overseas then. [The longest pause everrrr] Oh I could come. Great! Well, it’s a tropical theme.
Oh good, I’ll just be back from Indonesia.
If you could see anyone play at Garden party, who would you like to see?
Oh good, so you’ll have the tan look for real.
I haven’t been to a Garden Party, I only know about Garden Party by rumour… I’m looking forward to my first one. But until then I’ll reserve comment.
*After our old mates Skellerup caught wind of our VC not owning a pair of Redbands, they happily came to the rescue and donated a pair! How good is that!? So thanks, Skellerup, you da real MVP.
Do you have a pair of Redbands?* No, [but] I understood after a few weeks of being at Lincoln what that means!
RAM Issue 6 | 29
Ski Lodge for Student Hire Whether hanging out for a week or just a couple of days, a highlight of any visit to Craigieburn Valley is staying in one of the cosy alpine lodges nestled in NZ’s scenic native bush. There are no hotels here, no day
CRAIGIEBURN SKI LODGE
spas or shopping, definitely no golf courses. This is how skiing accommodation used to be: cosy, social and slopeside. Craigieburn Valley Ski Area, located in the heart of New Zealand’s Southern Alps, where the ups are good, and the downs are even better. Steep narrow chutes, wide open powder bowls, un-crowded runs or just a place to take it easy in the awesome vista of the Craigieburn Range. If you are an advanced or expert rider then Craigieburn is your holy grail. You will not find any chairlifts, gondolas, grooming, snowmaking, golf courses, day spas or fine dining here. What we do offer is a friendly club atmosphere and an environmentally responsible approach to skiing and snowboarding. It exists solely for the purpose of skiing and snowboarding, not for commercial gain.
•
These prices apply when paying at the Cashier’s Desk in
For more information, please email
the Student Services area in the George Forbes building,
marianne.richards@lincoln.ac.nz
and presenting the receipt to LINCWORKS.
All the Info. you need to know:
•
Receipts are issued for each person (or a group of over 9).
•
These must be shown to the Custodian on demand or you may be required to pay again.
Individuals Students with ID $20.00 p/n
•
Non Students $25.00 p/n Groups of 10 or more
Refunds for cancellations are given at the discretion of LINCWORKS.
•
Bookings are made on a first in first served basis.
•
The Lodge will not be opened for any less than 3 people.
Students with ID $150.00 p/n Non Students $200.00 p/n
RAM Issue 6 | 30
Pokemon Go | Questions you were too Embarrassed to Ask!
1) What is Pokémon Go? Around 1996, a video game named Pokémon was created by Nintendo and released on
2) If Pokémon Go has been downloaded more than Tinder, does that mean Pokémon Go is better than sex?
3) Is Pokémon Go dangerous? Please don’t play Pokémon Go while driving! Pokémon Go is a lot like texting. It’s
Game Boy. The game designer, Satoshi Tajiri, combined
It depends on the amount of Pokémon you’re
augmented reality setting that uses your
his childhood hobby of insect collecting
obtaining versus sex you might be missing
smartphone camera is distracting; even
with his love for video games.
out on. Because the internet is a weird beast,
though you’re theoretically paying close
Designer/illustrator Ken Sugimori drew the
and Pokémon Go is an augmented reality
attention to your surroundings, you’re
initial 151 different Pokémon himself.
game that relies on smartphone cameras,
doing so through a camera lens with the
some people have been quick to skank up
aim of spotting and catching Pokémon all
The word Pokémon itself is Westernized “pocket monsters” — which, yes, can sound
Pokémon. around you. Crossing the street into traffic or walking into the ocean are both distinct Yes, there are people out there who are
sort of inappropriate. The original game
taking nudes with the help of the game’s
possibilities with this game. Getting lost is
was centered on a young trainer capturing
camera setting. (sort of like a Snapchat filter)
also risk.
151 different types of Pokémon, ranging
Pokémon Go uses your camera and imposes
from ones that vaguely resemble turtles
images of Pokemon in the setting around
(Squirtle) to humanoid ones (Jynx) to the most recognizable Pokémon in the world,
you. dehydration, and blisters might be part of your experience, depending on where you The Tumblr site Poke Peen, features an
Pikachu. All the different Pokémon, some
array of men and their members posing
live and how intensely you play.
of them totally freaky-looking, had special
with innocent, smiling Pokémon, which
There are also reports of Pokémon Go users
abilities on their own. And knowing which
hits the sweet spot between disturbing and
getting robbed and one player went out in
Pokémon were effective or weak against
fascinating and adds a whole new layer to
search of Pokémon and found a dead body
other Pokémon would help you capture and
the idea of a “pocket monster.”
instead! Chances are you won’t stumble
Outdoorsy nuisances like bug bites, sunburn,
across any corpses, but you should remain
battle other trainers. Is the phallic Pokémon Diglett supposed to
aware of your surroundings nonetheless,
The new game, Pokémon Go, was released
make a man’s genitalia more or less enticing?
as there is nothing more creepy than a
on July 5. The mobile App, uses your
Is Snorlax — a Pokémon known for its
grown nam in a children’s playground with
device’s ability to track time and your
massive stature — a size comparison, or are
his iPhone pointed at a children’s park for
location, and allows you to catch Pokémon
we just supposed to admire the Snorlax? Is it
several minutes at a time.
the same way as in the original game — by
really fair that someone can catch an elusive
virtually launching red and white “Poké
Venusaur while naked?!
Balls” at them.
Anyway, people are taking their clothes off.
| By Julia Wills
With Pokémon. Live your best life! Tajiri’s intention is to encourage kids to realize the world around them, to create an augmented reality world where you can catch ‘em all! RAM Issue 6 | 31
Live Well Week Live Well Week is coming up again in semester two on the 12th-16th of September. Do you have any ideas or initiatives that you want to contribute during the week? If so, contact Kate.Maxwell@ lincoln.ac.nz
Thrill the World Come and join us on the 30th of October at 11am Sunday morning to ‘Thrill the World’! In a celebration of dance and community, Christchurch will be joining in this exciting global event to come together and dance Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ outside the Christchurch Cathedral. So get your best zombie costume out and come and help Lincoln University be a part of this fantastic cause. For more information on how to be involved, please contact Kate.Maxwell@lincoln.ac.nz, or check out www.thrilltheworld.com/online
“Take Notice” Checklist (Me aro tonu)
RAM Issue 6 | 32
•
Take a break out of your day to take 10 mindful breaths in and out.
•
Be mindful to the food you are eating. – savour the taste and the texture.
•
Go for a walk and take notice of the changing seasons and the day.
•
Ask your friends how their day was. Listen actively to their answers.
•
Look up at the night sky. How many stars are there?
#TIB (Market Day) A big thanks to everyone who come and got their hands dirty last Wednesday on Market Day. Check out the pictures to see the awesome banner that you all helped to create! Remember to keep an eye out for us on campus every Thursday and stop by for a chat (and some free food). If you are interested in doing more to help out or support this cause please email Kate.Maxwell@lincoln.ac.nz for more information.
RAM Issue 6 | 33
Gig
Review: FLUME 20th July, Horncastle Arena, Christchurch
A few Wednesdays back, one of the biggest acts in electronic music and more importantly, flat party bangers, played a massive show at Horncastle arena. Flume. When we got there, we were tasked with hella long lines, whichwas expected, for any half decent event. Shit. I mean, you’ve even got to line up for the odd LUSA event these days! But we knew this, and got there early enough to battle the queue and still have time up our sleeve to catch the opening acts Maala and HWLS. What we didn’t plan for however, was the absolute balls up that was ticketing! Whilst standing around trying to get in, I really regretted my responsible decision to attend sober, because I was so. Fucking. Cold. (Who said binge drinking’s a bad thing?) Once we get in the door we hear Flume. We missed Maala and HWLS. So I give them a solid 9/11 for their performance. And a big fat fuck you to Ticketek, you are the fucking worst! We battle our way through the masses of people absolutely chewing their jaws off, having a riot of a time. The stage set up was minimalist, with some pretty cool glass cubes hanging off the ceiling. Oh, and a massive screen showing some pretty buzzy stuff. The kind of thing that if you were on acid it could have gone really well, or been a life changing disaster! Flume mixed up his newer tracks from his latest album, ‘Skin’ with his old bangers from his 2012 self-titled album ‘Flume’ like, Holdin’ On and On Top. The latter were definitely better received from the crowd, since his newer stuff is relatively mellow. Let’s be honest, nobody wants mellow when their heads are about to spin off from all the MDMA they’ve just railed! Just when I thought he was winding down, he slams out his fantastic remix of Lorde’s Tennis Court and gets the party going again. Not once did the crowd stop moving, everybody had a magical time and nobody died so that’s always bonus! Flume was lit, and for that, I rate the night a solid 420 ayyyyyyyyyyyyy.
RAM Issue 6 | 34
Lincoln University
HUNTING CLUB by Celia Hutchinson
O
n the 17th July the Lincoln University Hunting Club held a successful day clay target shooting with the Waihora Gun Club. Although attendance was down on what was expected (with the primary
excuses - ‘hungover on the way back from dunners’) the ones that did show up enjoyed the chance to ‘show off’! The day kicked off with a couple of trapshooting rounds, followed by a round of skeet. By now we were all freezing our tits off in the southerly wind, so, everyone huddled round the BBQ for a slightly burnt sausage before finishing the day on a final round of trap. Many thanks to the Waihora Gun Club for running the day, and remember they are more than happy to have students along to their shoots with no membership required!
FROM I.T
DO NOT EVER DISCLOSE YOUR PASSWORD TO ANYONE. FOR ANY REASON, EVER! ‘Phishing: Basically it’s similar to fishing in a lake, but instead of trying to capture fish, phishers attempt to steal your personal information!’ On Thursday, 21st July, many of us, both staff and students, received an email with the subject line: ‘System Re-activation inviting you to reactivate your email account.’ Those who clicked on the link were taken to a website that actually looked somewhat Lincoln-esque and then a number of us entered their details including their password soon found out as their accounts were compromised. It is not a Lincoln University site. Just after 8am on the morning of the 21st the Service Desk disabled the account which was used to generate the initial phishing email and an article was posted on the Hub (staff intranet) and the learning management system, Learn (for students). Following that, one of the network Engineers blocked access to the site from campus (Lincoln & Telford) so those who clicked the link after that time couldn’t and would have access denied.
ITS also contacted the company hosting the site and advised they were hosting a Phishing page which is a Cybercrime and illegal, globally. The Service Desk also received many many enquiries that day and reset many student and staff accounts. Thanks to those of you who forwarded the email on to ITHelp@lincoln. ac.nz to have them check it out. If you receive an email, or end up at a website you’re not 100% sure about, the best course of action is - if in doubt DON’T! If unsure please email the Service Desk. Please note ITS will never ask you for your network password, nor should you enter your credentials into any systems other than those you are 100% positive are legitimate. Unfortunately there are many nasty pieces of work that will try and trap you for their nefarious purposes. Irrespective of who-ever asks for it, for all our sakes please do not give it out. It’s the same with your online banking password or the PIN code to your bank card – DON’T share it! There is an abundance of information available online regarding Phishing sites and emails – well worth checking out to get a healthy perspective. For information on how you should change your password on or off campus for staff or student please check out the ‘How’ to pages on the ITHelp Site http://ithelp.lincoln.ac.nz/ RAM Issue 6 | 35
The Bellagio Meet Coops, Macca, Holbrooke, Bubbles, Skids, Murch and Bubbles.
Here it is folks! Another top notch flat of the month, ‘The Bellagio’. •
Where does your flat name originate from?
•
Who are you all, what year are you in and what are you all studying besides sinking piss?
It is 5 star accommodation (double glazed windows and fully insulated) Bubbles - 3rd year, dippy Skids - 3rd year, just at uni for the parties (not sure if actually enrolled) Macca- 3rd year, BAg Murch - 3rd year, computer science, not a virgin Coops- 3rd year, supply chain management Holbrooke - 3rd year Canadian scaffie for cashies
•
Have you guys had a flat party?
Not once, not twice, but thrice. Having one this weekend!!!
•
What is your flat known most for or what do you guys pride your flat mostly on?
Been told the flat is too nice for us.
•
What do you guys like to do when you’re hungover?
Get the boys round for a few hot ones, and indulge in the coupon deals at BK.
•
Do you have any flat rules/traditions?
Eat out of dog bowls
•
Who leaves the most pubes in the bathroom?
Holbrooke
•
What’s the weirdest place on the property that anyone’s got lucky?
On the washing machine during the spin cycle.
•
What’s your favourite flat meal?
Breakfast
•
Who has the most annoying habit and what is it?
Holbrooke pulling to much
•
Who makes the best cup of tea?
Dilmah
•
Who can do the quickest beer bong?
Macca
•
Will you ever buy any plates or bowls?
No way. Ride or die for the dog bowls.
RAM Issue 6 | 36
Coops
Macca
Holbrooke
Skids
Murch
Bubbles
YARNS:
Macca sent out a booty call on facebook at 3.30 in the morning after a heavy night on the juice. The message consisted solely of ‘coordinates?’. Holbrooke came home from the Craic one night with $107 worth of cheeseburgers from Maccas. During a red card, Holbrooke tried to fight Skids for laughing at him. This resulted in a 4 man dog pile on Holbrooke. After a shower before a night out, a sauced Coops towelled off in view of the neighbours that were having a romantic candle light dinner. Coops woke up early on in the morning around 3am to hear a softly spoken Murch engaging in some pillow talk. RAM Issue 6 | 37
‘The Bellagio’
When sh*t gets UGLY… Ask Aunty Flat-tac!
Things your flatmates do, that annoy the shit out of you and how to resolve them.
Leaving or left notes are not cool!
Resolution for all types of situations:
Really? Who invited mum to the party?! There is nothing worse than waking up, getting ready for Uni/Work and you walk into the kitchen to find a post-it note outlining what is wrong with the flat! A disgruntled comment about someone eating all the eggs or a reminder that its your turn to clean the toilet, so ‘DON’T FORGET’…. Don’t get me started on capital cases.
Trump Card: Everyone gets a trump card at the beginning of the year or when they move in. This means their decision is final for one argument during the year.
Post-it/notes should be used purely as a reminder for yourself, not a way to communicate to others. That’s why we have technology!
Short Straws: Oldie but a-goodie. Who pulls the short straw has to tell their flatmate that their friend is on restricted time at the flat.
Skid stains, vomit and just a general nasty toilet. Don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about. Shit happens to the best of us in flatting situations. But when you are living with 6 other people, there comes a point when action needs to be taken … but by whom?
Rock, paper, scissors: Play 3 out of 3, to decide who’s cleaning the toilet or deciding on allocated times flatmates friends can stay for.
Flat agreement: Its one of those things were you don’t want to but it’s necessary. Draw up a cleaning roster and have consequences if the task is not completed… use your imagination. Compromise or sacrifice: Every relationship has to go through the decision of working out a plan that works for the majority or suck it up.
In a perfect world, the perpetrator would clean up after themselves but that doesn’t always happen. There is no such thing as a ‘toilet inspector’, who comes in straight after you to check the area is clear of all nasty stuff. And let’s be honest, when it does need cleaning its usually the same person every time.
Move out: When you know there is no going back, its time to hit the road and find somewhere else to live.
The constant flatmate’s friend who is over all the freakin time and eats all your food.
Top Tip: Don’t raise your voice. Improve your argument.
Yip, they’re out there and if you truly ask yourself, you could probably name a friend of yours who demonstrates these traits. The interesting thing is, when you go over to their place they have a decent stocked cupboard filled with food and the flatties are decent people. So, why do they continue hang out at your flat and annoy your flatmates when they could and you for that matter, could be at theirs?
Flatmates weird habits. I cannot stand when people pick at their toe nails… people must notice when the cringe face comes out. People are not cool with your actions! Its amazing to think what people find annoying and what is normal for others. Drinking out of the milk bottle… normal, but not for others. Walk around the house brushing your teeth… normal, but not for others. RAM Issue 6 | 38
Whatever you can do, I can do better: Get that toilet nasty and then move out for a week for someone else to clean up and see how it feels.
RAM Issue 6 | 39
This Month in History: 1987
Maori becomes official language. The Maori Language Act came into force, making te reo Maori an official language of New Zealand. It could now be used in some legal proceedings.
1923
Otira rail tunnel opened. The 8.5km Otira tunnel, which pierced the Southern Alps and linked Christchurch with Greymouth, was formally opened by Prime Minister William Massey. At the time it was the longest tunnel in the southern hemisphere and the British Empire, and the sixth-longest in the world.
1914
New Zealand enters the First World War. The New Zealand Government was informed of the outbreak of war just before 1 p.m. on 5 August (NZ time). At 3 p.m. the governor, Lord Liverpool, announced the news from the steps of Parliament to a large and enthusiastic crowd. Most New Zealanders regarded themselves as British and Britain as home, so there were few doubts about fulfilling our obligations to the Empire in its moment of crisis. Germany’s invasion of Belgium, another small country, also struck a chord with many New Zealanders.
1997
RAM Issue 6 | 40
Beatrice Faumuina became the first New Zealander to win an event at a World Athletics Championships when she threw the discus 66.82 m, 92 cm further than her closest rival, Ellina Zvereva of Belarus, at Athens.
Maori Language Week by Rangimarie Mules
Te Wiki o Te Reo Maori has been and gone for another year, and what a fantastic year of celebrations we had at Lincoln. This year was a collaborative effort across all areas of the University. Bringing Lincoln expertise, resources and people together in a coordinated suite of Te Reo Maori celebrations. This involved free huarakau (fruit) throughout the week, a fun photobooth at Clubs and Markets day, takaro Maori (traditional Maori games), te reo Maori classes, a screening of The Dark Horse and hot soup to finish up. It was awesome to hear all the reo being used and to see everyone giving it a go! This year’s Te Wiki o Te Reo Maori saw 41 years of Maori language week, and our focus at Lincoln was to build a fun and playful platform for te reo, to thrive on campus throughout the year. So, let’s not leave it up to just one week to celebrate our beautiful official language, give it go in your daily life. Ka mau te wehi! Awesome!!
RAM Issue 6 | 41
RAM Issue 6 | 42
WINNER ‘5KM MUD RUN’ COME ON IN TO LUSA TO COLLECT YOUR VOUCHER TODAY!
LUSA.NZ ADD US TODAY!
RAM Issue 6 | 43
The LUSA Winterball 2016 was held at Addington Raceway on Wednesday 27th July. Over 800 students turned up for chance to get out of their polyprops, kick off the gumboots, and glam up for a tropical themed night in the middle of winter. Flat City Brotherhood rocked the dancefloor with some great covers and a supper buffet was provided upstairs to keep guests going throughout the night. It was a fantastic night organised by the LUSA Events Manager, Sam Budd, and even the Vice Chancellor Robin Pollard made an appearance.
RAM Issue 6 | 44
RAM Issue 6 | 45
RAM Issue 6 | 46
‘PROCRASTINATION’
A similar experie nce to masturbat ion, it fe els good while you’re do ing it, but it sucks afterwar ds when you realize that you just fu*#ed yourself.
Station
WORDFIND ASSESSMENT ATTENTION BORING CAFFEINE CONCENTRATION CRAMMING DISTRACTION ENERGY EXAMINATION HERMIONE JADED MEMORISE PERPLEXED PONDER PRESSURE PROCRASTINATION RESEARCH RESULTS REVISE STUDY SUBJECT SWOT
BAD RAM JOKES What did one gay sperm say to the other? How do we get out of this shit?
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit shit. One of the boys said: “What is that?” “’They’re smart pills,” said the other boy “Eat them and they’ll make you smarter.” So he ate them and said: “These taste like shit.” “See,” said the other boy, “you’re already getting smarter.” Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? We don't know. Never happens.
What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy? Kermit's Finger.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch.
A girlfriend asked: "If my left leg was breakfast and my right leg was lunch what would you prefer"? Boyfriend says: "Eating between meals!"
RAM Issue 6 | 47
1
SUDOKU
simple
reasonably doable
pretty tricky
perfectly evil
RAM Issue 6 | 48
A VAGUE AND NONSPECIFIC PREDICTION OF THE FUTURE
Aries March 21 – April 20
HOROSCOPES
Today you will find out you are adopted, if not today then it is only a matter of time. Seriously, you look nothing like your so-called “parents”.
Gemini May 22 – June 21 Join an expensive gym this week and make a religious habit of never going there. You’ll feel so much better about life for signing up to something you’ll never use.
Taurus April 21 – May 21 If you think tender, romantic encounter may happen for you thins month, it won’t. Its totally out of the question.
Virgo
Cancer
Aug 24 – Sep 23
June 22 – July 23
Emitting socially unacceptable noises could spoil an intimate moment for you this month.
Men in masks will break in to your home and force you to play trivial pursuit, the fact that they seem to get all the easy questions will irk you.
Leo July 24 – Aug 23 Birthday parties have been ruined in some strange ways over the years, but no one will ever top the sick shit you’re going to pull next Thursday.
Sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 22
Libra Sept 24 – Oct 23 Your healthy, fun sexual relationship between you and your mate becomes messy when they fall for the you, and you’re friendship blows to pieces.
Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 22 Good fortune is on the horizon, so make sure you spend your next paycheck on lottery tickets.
You realise you’ve taken too much shit from people because you are so nice. And every time you do something the pile gets bigger and bigger until you have reached the tipping point where you are like fuck this shit I’m out. Whatever comes your way, you don’t care.
Pisces Feb 20 – March 20
Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20 You find that someone who drives you crazy (in love, that is.) this month. They make you laugh, think, better yourself. Your officially the luckiest person in the world!!!
Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19 Farmers are planting more and more corn, because the demand for ethanol is creating a farmland bubble by raising the value of their land to previously unheard of heights.
When you go to the bathroom in somebody else’s house this weekend, during a party, rather than piss directly into the toilet, you put the seat down, stand on it and spin around, pissing all over the bathroom, making helicopter sounds. This ends poorly so I wouldn’t recommend it.
RULES •
Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play (normally one club and two balls.)
BEDROOM GOLF:
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Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
An ideal game for Wednesday nights. •
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.
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Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
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It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately on arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well-formed bunkers.
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Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played (or are currently playing) to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage player’s equipment for this reason.
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Players must bring proper rain gear for their own protection. Faliure to do so may result in complications.
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Players should ensure their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they consider to be a private course.
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Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some
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players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under
play the same hole several times in
construction. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation.
one match.
More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. •
Players are advised to obtain the course owner’s permission before attempting
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Slow play is encouraged, however players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.
The course owner shall be the sole judge of who is the best player.
to play the back nine. •
It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to
•
Happy Playing!
GARDEN PARTY
Garden Party has been a Lincoln University tradition for over 20 years now – and continues to get bigger and better each year with awesome live music, crazy costumes, yummy food, sunshine, cold drinks – and of course celebrating the end of lectures with your mates! Garden Party 2016 will kick off with a delicious free breakfast over in the Dining Hall which includes a range of cereals, toast and spreads, bacon, eggs, toast, tea, coffee and hot chocolate – plus much more - all sponsored and hosted by the awesome team from Lincoln Hospitality! The LU Sports Fields will be transformed in to an outdoor music festival with gates opening at 10.30am – and best of all, students from outside Lincoln University are also welcome!
Make sure to keep an eye out on the LUSA Facebook Page throughout August as Artists are announced weekly, as well as a number of other exciting announcements and awesome competitions. Tickets will be on sale from 1 September and can be purchased from the LUSA Reception or from Dash Tickets- 2015 was a sell out so make sure to get in quick for 2016!
@Dogtown #SASontour
LUSA are stoked to announce that Happyhire has come on board as a sponsor for Garden Party 2016 – meaning more marquees and more shade (which has great considering Garden Party has a tradition of being incredibly sunny and warm!) Happyhire started off as a Christchurch based business, and has rapidly grown in popularity and demand – so much so it is starting to expand all over NZ with branches now in Christchurch, Wellington and Dunedin! Happyhire’s goal is simple – the best quality hire products for the lowest prices. The only thing they pride themselves more on than their prices is their commitment to their customers (LUSA can certainly vouch for this after two marquees were destroyed in high winds the day prior to Garden Party 2015 with Happyhire rushing to rescue, setting up two extra marquees well in to the night to ensure the site, and event, was ready to rock!)
HAPPYHIRE PROVIDE A RANGE OF SERVICES FROM: - Décor specialists - Catering - Toilet requirements - Much more.
If you need to hire it – Happyhire can get it! Their team of staff offer prompt, professional and friendly service and are known to go out of their way to help!