RAM 2024 - Issue 2

WHAT IS p.16

THURSDAYS IN BLACK?

Students have the right to feel safe, supported and encouraged when speaking up about sexual violence.

KORERORERO p.24 WITH MUROKI

Muroki started playing the guitar when he was 7 years old, and with influences like Bob Marley, Queen and Billie Eilish, we can see why he’s one bloody talented musician.

YOUNG p.38

FARMERS CLUB

Tasman Regional Young Farmer of the Year final, Marlborough Weekend trip away and the Sheffield Show - just a snippet of what Young Farmers have been up to.

CAREER FAIR 2024

Monday 6 May 12.30pm – 2.30pm

Library (Ground Floor)

Explore a range of career opportunities and meet employers. For students from all disciplines and levels of study.

Te Awhioraki have started Semester one strong. Coming off our noho marae trip with scholarship tauira, we touched base with first years during Ori ‘24 and made new connections.

Our exec held a quiz night at the whare, followed by kai at the Grouse.

The TA cohort has grown with the influx of new students and continues to build on the success of previous years. We also held a cultural event, looked at our own purposes behind attending Waiata Wednesdays and have started planning for Te Huinga, which is the national hui of Māori tauira across New Zealand.

If you would like to attend, have any pātai, or just want to check us out, call into Te Wharekotahi anytime!

Ngā mihi. teawhioraki

Where to Find Us:

Purpose of the Whare:

A place where students can come and connect with other students, study, share kai and relax in a fun and supportive environment. Calder Drive LU Alumni Te Whare Whakakotahi We

Kendall Bramley & Reece Michelle Tumuaki Takirua

Demetrio Cooper

And just like that, we’re a quarter of the way through the uni year, and what a great start to the year it’s been! My highlight of Term 1 would have to be Clubs Market Day. We handed out over 600 sausages and feedback from clubs was that they managed to get great engagement from their peers, with the Investment Club setting a new record with almost 200 sign-ups in one day!

In other news, LUSA has been doing a lot of work behind the scenes to see Garden Party return for 2024, and am pleased to say that we have now submitted our Special Liquor Licence Application to the Selwyn District Council for the event. If this application is successful, it will see Garden Party return to the LU Sports Field with an estimated 3500 attendees (same as in previous years). We will be sure to keep the student body updated regarding the outcome of the Special Licence Application and further details.

The Campus Service Council held its first meeting of the year last term we will begin to gather student feedback around this. We will be holding an in-person session on Wednesday the 24th at UFT time, where we will also have a free sausage sizzle! If you are unable to make it, please flick me an email or pop into the office and we can have a chat.

Student Experience Board is meeting on the 24th. This is where students and the university come together for us to raise any issues that are arising. So, if you have anything that you want raised ensure you reach out to LUSA, we are always keeping an ear out for any issues but if we don’t know about them then we can’t solve them.

The next LUSA board meeting is scheduled for the 24th of April 5 - 6.40pm. This is where we discuss LUSA finances, and policy updates and think more strategically. Some of the larger decisions we make are done at these meetings they are open to students to attend, if you would like to attend flick me an email president@lusa.org.nz

As always if you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me or pop into the office.

Pou Whirinaki

Elliot Corbin Vice President

Kia ora everyone,

I hope you all had a nice relaxing Easter break and are ready to get stuck back in.

As we enter term two of semester one, I can’t believe how fast time flies, I hope you all are getting ready for exam season!

As one of the faculty representatives, I wanted to thank all the Class Reps who came to the meetings with the Deans. It was great to see you all there and the feedback you provided is so important, so, thank you.

Over the last term, a lot of my time was spent in meetings. One of the committees that I’ve been on includes the Faculty Teaching Committee for the Environment, Society, and Design. Here we discuss issues with the faculty as well as possible improvements, like new papers and changing existing courses so they stay relevant.

Another committee is the LUSA Policy Committee. This is where a few other LUSA Exec’s and I review policies to suggest improvements, so they can be approved by the full Exec at the next board meeting.

If you have any questions about LUSA or any other questions, please feel free to contact me. The LUSA staff are also lovely so feel free to come say ‘Hi’.

I hope you all have a great term two!

Caterina Campese International Rep

Kia ora koutou, Hello everyone, Ciao a tutti,

The year started with a tornado of LUSA events; Ori, Postgrad Morning Tea, International Dinner, Pride Week, plus many events promoted by LUSA clubs...the list goes!

I hope you had the time to participate in some of these events and enjoyed it in good company. Together with the fun, with also had some work to do!

The Exec has been busy with many board meetings and committees around campus. We all do our best to bring your student voice to the table for discussion.

I have personally engaged with the New Zealand International Student Association (NZISA), which brings together the International Repsf rom all NZ Universities to discuss on a larger scale, common interests and issues.

NZISA has the privilege to directly interact with the Government and has done valuable things in the past, like promoting the creation of the Post-Study VISA. That’s why it’s important that we keep the communication chain working and you guys engaging with to me if you have any suggestions or concerns.

I have also taken part in meetings dedicated to the AGLS Student Rep feedback to the Deans. It’s been really great to listen to your opinions and suggestions. Our AGLS Dean made everyone feel comfortable to express their feelings, creating a great space for sharing and improving. Thanks again to everyone who showed up and made their voice heard.

I am sitting in Waimarie, first floor, so come over if there’s anything you want to chat about.

See you around campus, Ka kite, Caterina

Olivia Crawford

Engagement & Media Rep

Kia ora!

I hope everyone has had a fantastic first term for 2024 and had a well-deserved easter break. I am currently spending some time with family in the deep south, on the family farm and loving every minute of it!

This term has been amazing with the awesome turnout to all our events including Toga, Burgers, Beers and Beats and not to mention all the free food and Red Bulls that we have given away. Behind the scenes we, as your exec have been working hard to ensure that the student body is being heard and working on plans to turn ideas into actions.

One that I would like to personally highlight is the lighting in the Cresent flats that are being installed, making campus feel safer for everyone, and the Wi-Fi issues - while not completely resolved, it is being monitored and fixed. So, thanks to you, the students, for helping bring issues o the exec to help get solutions!

On the engagement front, we have had held two successful Te Roopu Wheako Tauira hui Student experience board meetings, where we have been discussing how to provide students with clear and concise information regarding flatting, which should be beneficial to the new and returning students.

That information provided by you, is brought to the Student Experience board (that I also sit on) so the higher up people can action certain things and get the ball rolling.

I want to also mention that I am in the process of starting up the RAM club, where we will hopefully brainstorm new ideas for the RAM magazine that’s in your hands right now! So, if that’s something you might be interested in then please flick me an email or come say hi!

Bula Vinaka and warm pacific greetings to you all. My name is Mosese McGoon, and I am the Pasifika Rep for 2024. A bit about me; I am a 3rd year student studying a Bachelor of Commerce majoring in accounting and finance. I was born in Fiji and went to High School in Hamilton. I enjoy playing rugby and I am also a sports scholar here at Lincoln.

I am privileged to be not only the Pasifika Rep on the LUSA exec this year, but to also be President of the Lincoln University Pacific Island Student Association (LUPISA). Throughout my time here in Lincoln, the number of Pasifika students on campus has grown, and with that comes a lot of responsibility to make sure those voices are heard and are represented on campus which is why I am grateful to have this role.

This year I want to continue the amazing work done by past LUPISA executives, by continuing to grow and attract more Pasifika students to Lincoln University. As a club we also extend the invitation to join and participate in our events to all students on campus, so keep an eye out for any LUPISA events that may happen and feel free to join us as we want to share our culture and customs with you all!

Vinaka

Moses McGoon Pasifika Rep

Sam Dryden Sustaiability Rep

Kia ora e hoa mā! Welcome to Semester 1, Part 2! The weather is certainly starting to change now. Though I will miss the warmth of summer a lot, I am enjoying taking time to admire the changing colours of the world around us.

The term just gone was a big one for sustainability at Lincoln. I personally enjoyed all the club events on offer! My favourite was the Farewell to the Godwits event run by the Estuary Trust and Southshore Residents Association which LESS and the Lincoln Ecological Society organised transport to. It saw a group of Lincoln tauira and staff joining the community out on Southshore Spit to wish the kuaka a safe journey back to Alaska for their breeding season.

I also thoroughly enjoyed the submissions event run by LESS and LUPA. There we learned how to write good submissions for Environment

Canterbury, Christchurch City Council, and Selwyn District Council’s long-term plans (which are due on 2nd May). A Special thanks to Sophie McInnes and Nicole Reid from SDC, Vicky Southworth from ECan, and Hamish Rennie for presenting during that event!

This term, I’m feeling super ready to ride into the future after having my bike serviced at one of SAGE’s free bike servicing events (which run several times a semester)! I am especially excited for the City Nature Challenge on Friday the 26th of April and to start planning for Sustainability Week!

As always, look after yourselves, and feel free to approach me with any ideas and concerns.

Meet Zara Weissenstein!

Hi Everyone, I’m Zara Weissenstein (she/her) and I’m currently in my third year of a Bachelor of Agricultural Science. I’m from Germany, however I’ve lived in Auckland since I was six, coming down to Lincoln for uni.

I love skiing, art, and music, however I have a lot more hobbies that I won’t mention here so I don’t keep you all day. You may have seen me around campus as I am President for Thursdays in Black and LUNA, as well as on the committee for SPACE. I am also an RA for the second year this year. Now I’m your new Rainbow EDI & Wellbeing Rep for LUSA.

I love supporting the LGBTQIA+ community that I am a part of. Since I am already involved with the SPACE exec and Thursdays in Black this year, which I am very passionate about. I’m grateful for opportunity to help out the community further by taking on this role. I want to support the safety and inclusivity of priority groups on our lovely campus. I am already so excited to see the progress that has been made in our community so far, even since I started at Lincoln Uni, so let’s continue that trend!

What, Why & When?

Did you know you can’t graduate without completing your Practical Work requirements?

That’s right, before you can graduate from your programme, you will need to complete your compulsory Practical Work requirements AND pass your reports. Practical Work reports are due by 25 July of the year you complete the work. B Ag/Sc no reports just employer forms. Find out all the details at lincoln.ac.nz/practical-work or on your Akoraka | Learn (scan QR code below).

What is practical work?

• It’s a compulsory part of many programmes at Lincoln.

• It’s an opportunity to blend your academic and practical skills.

Why should you care?

• Gives you a competitive advantage when it comes to entering the job market.

• It’s a chance to increase your skills and be more valuable to future employers.

• It’s a compulsory part of many programmes and you can’t complete your studies without it!

Check out your Practical Work requirements here!

When should you sort your Practical Work?

• ASAP

• Check out the requirements for your programme, sort a plan and chat to our Practical Work Coordinator if you need help.

Welcome to the Lincoln University Nerd Association. We are a club on campus that likes everything nerdy, from board games, to Dungeons and Dragons, to painting to videogames.

We hold events such as this every week during term time. We would love it if you joined us at some of our next events that we have planned for term two. You can also always just bring a board game you would like to play with others to any of these events if you aren’t as keen on the main activity of that event.

You can find info for these events on our social media or on the LUSA notice board in grounded.

Here are some photos of the beautiful paintings that our amazing members and friends created at our last paint’n’sips from term one, one of which was a collaboration event with SPACE Club. We hope to see you at one of our events soon!

ADRENALINE-FILLED ADVENTURE

By Aamer Mumtaz

Eight of us, hailing from various corners of the globe, including New Zealand, the Pakistan, Nepal, and an adrenaline-filled adventure for our Easter break.

What better way to quench our

Our chosen destination was the Middle Hurunui River, specifically the Maori Gully.

The journey stretched over several kilometers, and we anticipated completing it over the course of three days.

We embarked on our adventure by driving our shuttle to the Maori Gully takeout, where we camped for the night. Despite the chilly temperatures, the night was serene. The following day greeted us with brilliant sunshine, setting the stage for an exhilarating experience ahead. The initial leg of our journey was straightforward, but excitement bubbled as we encountered captivating rapids after the first 50 meters, spanning a thrilling 2 to 3 kilometers. As we navigated downstream, the river’s temperament transitioned to a more tranquil state with intermittent rapids interspersed along the way. Our encounter with the famous “magic roundabout” added an extra dash of excitement to our adventure.

We paddled tirelessly for approximately six hours,

punctuated by a brief lunch break, before securing a safe campsite for the night.

Basking in the warmth of the sun, we savoured our surroundings before gathering around a crackling fire to share stories and laughter well into the night.

The second day dawned with unexpected cloud cover and light rain, but our spirits remained undampened. While the river still offered excitement, the frequency of rapids dwindled compared to the previous day. After three hours of paddling, we paused for a well-deserved lunch break, realizing that we had already conquered the majority of our journey. With just 2 to 3 hours of paddling left to reach our final destination, we unanimously decided to press on. Harnessing our collective determination, we surged forward, propelled by the smooth currents of the river.

In a remarkable display of teamwork and perseverance, we reached our journey’s end

ahead of schedule, completing three hours of rafting in just two.

As we bid farewell to the Middle Hurunui River, we carried with us cherished memories of camaraderie, adventure, and the raw beauty of naturea testament to the indomitable spirit of exploration that unites us across borders and cultures.

Thursdays in Black believes that there is a problem with sexual violence* in our communities, but that a different reality is possible. We believe that the best way to fix problems like sexual violence is to

a) see them

b) acknowledge them

c) understand them

d) address them.

Students and staff have the right to feel safe, supported and encouraged when speaking up about sexual violence, and this right needs to be exercised without fear of censorship or repercussions from their institution.

WHY IS IT CALLED THURSDAYS IN BLACK?

Thursdays in Black took inspiration from the Argentinian women protesting against disappearances and sexual violence. They met each Thursday, wearing black sashes to silently protest. In the 90’s it was brought to New Zealand Tertiary spaces where people were encouraged to wear black on Thursdays as a sign of solidarity with victim/survivors of sexual violence.

At the start of the year, Thursdays in Black asked students what they wanted to know about us. We have now taken the time to put together the answers to your questions below.

WHEN & HOW WAS TIB FORMED?

TIB was formed in America in the 70’s after gaining inspiration from the Argentinian group “mothers of the disappeared” weekly Thursday silent protests that lead to a worldwide movement to acknowledge people that had dissapeared or experienced sexual violence. TIB was brought to Aotearoa tertiary settings in the 90’s to raise awareness of sexual violence in student populations.

WHAT ARE YOUR OPENING HOURS?

We are a LUSA student club on campus, so we do not have opening hours, however; if you are looking for support, you can find all sexual harm services on campus and in the community, including their opening hours and contact details on the SAFELU App.

HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE IN THE CLUB?

We have a growing group of helpful students who run the club together and can link those in need with the correct services, as well as a number of students who support or are being helped by the cause. This number is forever growing as more people find out about us. If you would like to help, feel free to come say ‘Hi’ at our Thursdays in Black stall outside the LUSA Office in Grounded each week of term from 12-1pm.

WHAT IS THURSDAYS IN BLACKS PURPOSE?

Thursdays in Black is a movement that aims to prevent sexual violence by addressing historical structures such as colonisation, homophobia, white supremacy, patriarchy, and abilism. We advocate for students to be able to be safe on Lincoln University’s Campus, promoting an inclusive and diverse learning experience that all students can enjoy.

WHAT MAKES TIB SAFE COMPARED TO OTHER UNI SPACES?

The students running Thursdays in Black are a group of carefully selected, highly supportive, and caring individuals. We pride ourselves on keeping the club a safe space for everyone who needs support, linking anyone to the correct services.

WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO HELP PREVENT SEXUAL ASSAULT?

We can change our behaviours in our everyday life to prevent sexual assault by being an upstander and calling out harmful behaviour that we see. Looking after ourselves and our mates is key to keeping everyone safe. If you’re keen to be involved in the big picture stuff, you can begin by challenging rape myths, addressing toxic masculinity, and help build a consent culture.

WHAT IS BEING DONE TO PREVENT ABUSE ON CAMPUS?

There are various processes in place on campus to prevent abuse happening. Respectfully Lincoln is a sexual harm prevention programme compulsory to all new LU students at the start of their uni experience. It is a healthy relationships and consent workshop led by students and co-created by staff and students, which focuses on reducing sexual harm.

There are various trained staff members on campus who are there to keep you safe, especially for those students in Halls of Residence and LU Student flats, the RA’s are there for support and safety of all students under their care. They are trained in dealing with all sorts of different scenarios and can take care of their students in crisis.

WHAT PREVENTION METHODS DOES TIB HAVE TO PREVENT SEXUAL HARM?

Thursdays in Black’s main prevention methods involve raising awareness on the matter in order for everyone to be alert and be able to detect harmful behaviours. We have a stall outside the LUSA office every week of semester on Thursdays to start and continue the conversation around sexual violence and consent.

WHAT CAN WE DO TO BE MORE INVOLVED & KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT?

To get involved and learn more about sexual assault you can sign up to join the Thursdays in Black club and get more involved around campus with the other various clubs where you can be an upstander to detect abuse where it is happening. You can also join the Kaiwhakamanawa Tauria team who run the Respectfully Lincoln workshops for new students of the University.

WHAT SERVICES DO YOU OFFER AT LINCOLN UNI?

As a student club we do not offer any services ourselves, however; we are able to link students to the available support services where necessary. The Health Center is there for support if you have experienced sexual assault and need links to community support services, help with aegrotats, etc. On campus Counselling and Wellbeing services are also available for short term mental health support and guidance if you have experienced sexual violence. These services can also link you to other community based support services. You can find these services in the Hudson building by Gate 1 in the Health Centre and Student Admin.

HOW DOES TIB SUPPORT VICTIMS?

TIB supports victim/survivors by connecting them with the appropriate services that they need to be safe and recover. We have a passion for preventing sexual violence and also provide social connection and a friendly and supportive face to chat.

HOW HAVE YOU MEASURED TIB’S SUCCESS?

As a club on campus, we measure our success by the number of members, engagement levels at our weekly Thursdays in Black stalls outside the LUSA office, and the attendance of the events we host (eg. the Sex Quiz - watch this space). Ultimately, every single student that we can help or influence for the better is a huge success and another step towards our goal of a safe Lincoln University Campus.

WHERE CAN I GO IF I HAVE CONCERNS OF A FRIEND EXPERIENCING ASSAULT OR SEXUAL VIOLENCE?

If you are concerned that a friend or someone you know is experiencing assault or sexual violence, you need to go to an adult that you trust. Support staff members can link you to the right places on campus where you can go to report matters such as this. The SAFELU App also has all the information that you would need on available services on campus and in the community.

HOW DO YOU REPORT STUFF?

To report harmful beahaviour you need to tell a staff member who can connect you with the right people on campus. You can also make complaints and report concerns on the LU website or the SAFELU App.

WHAT DO YOU DO TO SUPPORT INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS?

Like other students we can connect international students to the services that are available to them. International student advisors can also connect international students to support services and other social networks.

Macauly Hunting Trip

By Emma Angland

The Macaulay Hunting Trip was a much-awaited hunt for the members of the Lincoln University Hunting Club. On Friday 8th of March a group from the club set off to the Macaulay Hut near Tekapo for a weekend of hunting and good memories.

Leaving midday, the group’s energy was high and after a brisk 3-hour drive the real fun began! Fourwheel driving up the rocky river was seemingly easy this year as the river was so low. We headed up the river with a short stop at the bog, for an attempted ‘crossing’ which ended in a tow out! Continuing, we made our way further down the river, and just a corner from the hut we spotted a nice bull Tahr high up on a face next to us. Unfortunately, he’d spotted us first and was on the move before anyone could swap from Crocs to boots!

We carried on our way before spotting a spiker (“stag”- Ben) which was close enough to have a crack at, already sorted with boots, Ben S, Josiah, Ben A, Max and I headed up after him. After a few warning shots… Ben S managed to clip him on the run. A couple trucks stayed back as the rest of us headed up to the hut to get started on dinner. A well-crafted burger, coleslaw, and some

heated games of last card carried us through to first-year/first-time member initiation. The details will be spared! But at least it was cleaned out before we were initiated… After that excitement, we were off to bed ready for an early start and a full day of hunting for the Saturday.

NZ cuisine for breakfast, bacon butties, filled us up ready to go. All groups headed off early to be up in the hills by sunrise. My group drove down the river and had a steep walk before getting to the basin where it flattened out and opened up. We spent the day roaming through the hills spotting 40+ Tahr, however they were nannies and juveniles, so we left them to it. Luckily, we spotted some bulls higher above us on the scree. Anna, Gus, Jackson, and I shot up to have a crack at them. After a decent walk we parked up and glassed the face we thought they had climbed up to. Finally, we spotted two bulls hidden between the rocks in a rather tricky spot. We stalked up trying to find a rest to shoot from but unfortunately, they saw us coming and took off! We sidled back around the scree face to another Tahr, which we thought was a bull, however upon further inspection was a nanny so we left her be.

After 5 hours of climbing around the scree, we called it a day and headed back down to the truck where a nice... warm... Speights was enjoyed.

Getting back to the hut we started on a dinner of bangers and mash and caught up on each group’s ventures, hearing that Ben A, Jono, Georgia, and Sophia had shot a nice 11-inch bull Tahr! Stories were shared before a few rounds of “card games”. Leading to a good night for all!!

Sunday rolled around and it was clean-up time. After packing up the hut we headed back out downriver stopping at the bog hole for a good play before cruising back out. Stopping in Fairlie for a bloody good pie and car swaps before carrying on back to uni. Overall, an awesome trip enjoyed by all. We cannot wait for the next one!

The Lincoln University Carpentry Club offers a unique opportunity for woodworking enthusiasts to engage in their craft. With a dedicated shed on campus equipped with a variety of tools, members can work on their projects at any time*, free of charge.

We hold infrequent meet-ups over pizza so that if you have an idea for a project but are not sure where to start, then your fellow club members can help you out.

If you want to join, send an email to lusacarpentry@lincolnuni.ac.nz

*The club emphasizes the importance of safety, requiring all members to adhere to strict health and safety protocols. Before using the shed independently, members must complete a safety briefing, ensuring that everyone is well-informed about the proper use of tools and equipment to maintain a safe working environment. This commitment to safety and accessibility makes the Carpentry Club an excellent resource for students to explore and develop their woodworking skills. Lincoln University Carpentry Club accepts no responsibility for any injuries that may arise from your actions. Members are required to comply with all applicable laws and regulations, as well as the rules and policies established by the Carpentry Club. The club reserves the right to revoke membership at any time for failure to adhere to these standards. The Carpentry Club is not liable for any loss, damage, or injury resulting from the use of its facilities or equipment. Members agree to indemnify and hold harmless the Carpentry Club against all claims, damages, losses, and expenses arising out of their participation in club activities. These terms and conditions are subject to change without notice, and it is the member’s responsibility to stay informed of any updates

The RAM Club is officially being reaffiliated as we speak, but we need you! Our exec currently consists of myself (Olivia) and that’s it!

I am the Engagement and Media Representative for LUSA and part of my role is running the RAM Club! Within the club, we will come up with new ideas and initiatives for the RAM and encourage more

articles, as well as writing articles ourselves. Also, we would provide free food when we have meetings! I really encourage anyone who loves writing, sharing ideas, or stirring the pot! Plus it would also look great on your CV.

If you’re interested in joining the RAM Club, email me at Olivia.Crawford@lincolnuni.ac.nz or come and talk to me if you see me around.

SOQO NI LUPISA 2024

On the 22nd of March LUPISA held our annual “SOQO NI LUPISA” event in Grounded, Forbes building.

This event was held to allow students to meet our executive members, and also celebrate Pasifika excellence on campus. We had a good turnout for the event and were treated with guest speakers by, current students, Sepeti Latu and Bono Napota, as well as our very own Pasifika coordinator and former student, Misi Otineru.

We also had performances by our current treasurer Angelica Mika, and a special performance by the Tagata Mai Saute Dance Academy.

The night finished off by coming together and celebrating Pasifika culture on campus by sharing some of our very own island dishes.

As an executive we want to begin a tradition of holding this event annually to not only celebrate the achievements of our current and former Pasifika scholars, but to also bring recognition

for the different Pasifika cultures we have here at Lincoln.

This year we are looking to celebrate all Pacific Islands through the different language weeks throughout the year. Our events are open to all students, so make sure you come out and support LUPISA, because there will be performances, speakers, and lots of food!

Follow our Instagram @lupisa__ to stay up to date with our events.

CHEEEHOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Muroki started playing the guitar when he was 7 years old, and with influences like Bob Marley, Queen, Billie Eilish, and Beyoncé, plus musical flavors from the streets of Nairobi on visits to his family back in Kenya, we can see why he’s one bloody talented musician.

Now 22, this Coromandel/Kenyan artist has made a string of soft hazy hypnotic indie pop bangers that’s perfect for summer roadies with the windows down and the sea breeze rolling in. You may recall his song ‘Wavy’ - if not, you’ve been living under a rock! But the platinum hit helped deliver on the promise that saw his self-released debut picked up by BENEE and played by Elton John on his Rocket Hour radio show back in 2020!

Muroki has just released a new 7-track EP, ‘Timezones’. With inspiration drawn from the challenges faced when navigating a long-distance relationship, these tracks are filled with raw emotion and diverse influences that are packaged together beautifully and seamlessly. As for the music video, it oozes the glory of his hometown’s scenery in Raglan.

With a move to Europe in the cards, Olivia, your Communications and Media Rep. managed to nab him for a quick kōrero before he flew the nest.

By Olivia Crawford

What do you like the most about playing music?

Everybody loves music. It’s nice to be a part of something positive, creating something that people enjoy and being involved in that.

What inspired you to start playing/making music?

I started quite young, around 7 years old, playing the guitar. I thought I was going to be amazing. Then I received a 2012 iMac with Garage Band on it, and it was awesome. And then I started getting into the recording world and constructing my own music and getting my own software.

Describe your creative process when writing new music?

It changes sometimes. Usually collaboration and some production. I can go down a bit of a rabbit hole if I am doing it alone, so that’s why I work with a team. Normally it starts with

a pre-prepared idea of what I’m feeling, or what’s going on in my life, etc. When you know what the story is and once you have a strong idea, it’s easy after that. Then I drum a groove and a few cords to get the tempo. Keep it minimal though, because vocals are the most important part. You need good bare bones of a song, but if you overproduce a song that isn’t good then it will never be good, so starting with a good foundation and building from that works best.

What is your advice for young people wanting to get into the industry?

For me, if you genuinely believe that you can make good music, the process becomes so much easier. Sometimes I worry about the ‘tall poppy syndrome’ that we have in our country, lots of people never believed that I could do what I was doing and had no faith in me, but I kept trying. It’s important on that note, to hone into your craft and work hard too. Once you’re up there it’s the “Same shit, different day”. Also, when you’re confident in something, be clear on what you want and how you want to do it, and remember if you genuinely enjoy what you’re doing that will come through your music and make you a better artist. You also shouldn’t stress too much, because you should be having fun!

What was playing at Garden party like?

Super strange! 11am was a crazy time to be playing in that kind of atmosphere. It was an awesome time though. It was cool to be a part of something that students were so happy in doing their own thing.

If Garden Party were to happen this year, would you consider coming back?

Yeah! Always keen to play, but I am moving to Europe though. If we can make it work, I would love to play!

Who is your inspiration?

It always changes; Michael Jackson, Stevie Wonder, Dill Withers, and lots of older artists. Then sometimes I delve into weird avenues - I really like hip-hop at the moment. My favourite song is always changing too, but currently, it would have to be Dancing Circles.

What is your favourite song that you’ve made?

I like all my songs. It’s very hard to choose, but if I had to pick one it would be ‘Bad Dreams’, mostly because I was not expecting what came out. I still think “Wow! How did I come up with that?”, especially because it resonates so well with me as a person.

SAGE consists of a group of Lincoln University staff and students who work with the University to encourage greater sustainability on campus, through encouraging the adoption of relevant policies and practices.

SAGE covers various aspects of sustainability at LU including Native Biodiversity, Sustainable Transport, Sustainable Design, Energy Conservation and Waste Management.

We welcome the involvement of all students on campus whether you are a 1st year undergraduate, final year PhD student or Emeritus Professor.

We hold regular meetings as well as running seminars, Sustainability Week, tree planting activities, surveys, writing submissions and various other environmental and social events.

2024 SAGE Activities

Think Globally, Act Local as the old aged saying goes. This sums up the philosophy of SAGE here at Lincoln University. While the problems the planet is facing may be global, the solutions are predominantly local. So, if you feel frustrated that after 28 COP Climate Conferences, things seem to only be getting worse, maybe it’s time to get more active locally.

If we wait for the U.N. or the Government to take the lead in addressing the climate and ecological crisis, it may be too late.

Over the next 12 months SAGE has a range of activities planned to actively address a range of the sustainability issues right here on campus including:

Native tree planting to encourage biodiversity and carbon sequestration.

Promotion of various more sustainable transport options to reduce our emissions.

Joining LUSA & LESS (Lincoln Environmental Sustainability Society) to put on a range of events during Sustainability Week in August.

Educating ourselves and the broader campus community about topical sustainability issues through a series of seminars.

“We hope 2024 will be another successful and eventful year in terms of campus action to promote sustainability and help LU meet its ambitious goal of carbon neutrality by 2030.”

We all know plastic is not good for the environment, and that it can stay in the environment for some 400 years. Some plastics are derived from crude oil and some plastics are made from sustainable sources.

But are sustainable plastics better? Can plastic harm our health? If it stays in the environment, chilling, how harmful is it? Would we ever give up one of the best-performing materials in the world? Even if it is harmless, plastic can still be life-threatening if it ends up in the wrong place, in the wrong manner.

I am Dharmik Patel, a doctoral student at AGLS, Lincoln; and I want to share you with my physical evidence and references on how bad plastic can affect humans.

What is plastic? We hear about it and see labels on the bottles about it, technically called ‘polymers’ nylon, polyethylene, polyester, Teflon, and epoxy are made from refined crude oil.

Polymers are long chains of mostly chemical compounds joined in a specific angle and manner. When crude oil is extracted from the earth, it is thick and gooey. It needs to be boiled to separate into different fractions.

The first fraction that is separated is usually a chemical used for commercial plastics, followed by diesel, petrol, aviation fuel, and finally tar to build roads. Quite a large chunk of the chemical industry is probably dependent on these fractions, which also include our cosmetics. Commercial plastics are no different, and hence most of the plastics we see around us in shops, supermarkets, etc are derived from crude oil?

During my experiments, I found something interesting and alarming. I noticed microplastic particles tend to fuse together to become larger

A PLASTIC HEART

By Dharmik Patel

particles. I used plastic particles in my experiment which were invisible to the naked eye, and when a solution containing a lot of these particles was kept overnight, it formed larger, visible, fused particles (see Fig a.)

I then carefully let the solution drop, hanging on a syringe tip for over half a day, and it formed a tiny ball of plastic (see Fig. b).

I’ve been working with plastics for over 10 years and this was my second observation with microplastics.

My first observation was when I was working with two types of plastics, LDPE (Low-density polyethylene) and HDPE (High-density polyethylene) powder. When the powder was kept in water for 7 days at room temperature, it formed a film that didn’t go

(up to 2% plastic in their blockage).

back to powder (see Fig. c).

Isn’t it interesting?

According to a study, more than half of the people having blockages in their blood vessels of their heart had plastics in them!

Although 2% seems like a small number, it has been proven that those patients are 4.5 times more at risk of a heart attack than those without plastics in their blockages!

(Raffaele Marfella 2024, Sheng Liu 2024)

How could plastic be drunk or eaten in food and get into the body?

From my experiements, microplastics can enter our bodies from sources like drinking from plastic bottles or eating from plastic containers.

Since they are not affected by anything, they can get stuck in stubborn places like fats in our bodies.

Imagine many particles fusing each other over a period of time like in my experimental observations. No matter how hard you run on that treadmill, how fit your heart is, that lump won’t go away!

Plastic has also been found in the human placenta of unborn babies, a life that has not even seen this world! (Antonio Ragusa 2021)

This is a concerning problem and we should all be more conscience when using plastics, especially when it is related to our food and drinks.

If you want to know more, please join me on Tuesdays between 12.30 - 1.30 pm in the Grounded Café space in Forbes building.

References: Antonio Ragusa, A. S. (2021). Plasticenta: First evidence of microplastics in human placenta. Environment International. doi:https://doi. org/10.1016/j.envint.2020.106274 a. b. c. Raffaele Marfella, F. P. (2024, March 6). Microplastics and Nanoplastics in Atheromas and Cardiovascular Events. The New England Journal of Medicine. doi:https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMoa2309822 Sheng Liu, C. W. (2024, May 5). Microplastics in three types of human arteries detected by pyrolysisgas chromatography/mass spectrometry (Py-GC/MS). Journal of Hazardous Materials. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jhazmat.2024.133855

WEDNESDAY 15 MAY 1:30PM–2:30PM

GROUNDED THEATRE

Join us as we delve into how AI can be used to aid your education and when it’s a no-go! You’ll have the opportunity to ask questions via a form or in person. Study snacks provided. For those unable to attend, a written resource will be available in the RAM.

Remember it as a good one

Not all Sunday mornings need to be finding broken glass, holes in the wall and the speaker missing.

Find out more at GoodOne.org.nz

WHY CLOTHING MATTERS

By Emily Osborne

Clothing doesn’t matter for people, well, except that you need to wear it! But what colour, shape, or type of clothing really isn’t important - most of the time. But one type of clothing truly matters; jackets - Dog Jackets that is.

Let me introduce, Otis. My registered assistance dog. Otis is a two-year-old golden labrador and was placed with me over mid-semester break. He was trained by Mobility Dogs New Zealand, and has public access rights under New Zealand legislation.

This means he can attend campus with me while most dogs are not allowed. He will perform tasks that assist with my disability, including opening doors, picking things up, barking for assistance, and other tasks specific to my medical condition.

Now back to why jackets matter. Otis will be wearing a green Mobility Dogs NZ jacket, which indicates that he is a service dog. When his jacket is on, both he and I must follow a specific set of rules. When his jacket is off, typically at home or when we are in normal dog places like a park, he gets to do pretty much everything the average pet dog can do!

Otis’ jacket indicates he is working, and there are particular ways people must act around him. Specifically, you need to pretend he is invisible! Now, I know you might want to give him all the pats and treats, but it’s not quite as simple as with other dogs.

Otis has to pass a public access test each year, and if he fails he cannot graduate! Just like us students! If Otis fails, he loses his jacket, and remember the jacket is what signifies he has public access rights. If he doesn’t have public access rights he cannot come on campus. So, his jacket is super important!

So how can you make sure Otis doesn’t have a fashion failure? It’s pretty simple really, there are three main rules to follow:

DO NOT OFFER OTIS FOOD OR TREATS

This protects both his stomach, and also prevents him from learning that people = food. We don’t want him to start expecting food, or even worse stealing it off your plate! He gets plenty of food and treats from me, I promise!

DO NOT TOUCH OTIS

When Otis’ is wearing his very special green jacket, he is in work mode. It can distract him from his job, and prevent him from getting that promotion he is working for (just kidding, he is already the CEO of my house). But it could make him nervous around people, after all, no one likes being touched by someone they don’t know. He gets lots of snuggles from people when his Jacket is off, and being his handler I can cuddle with him while he works (in fact it is even one of his trained tasks for my medical condition).

DO NOT TALK TO OTIS

This can distract him, and desensitise him to his name and commands. I need him to react quickly to my directions, both for his safety and mine. Treat him as invisible, ignore him, and talk to me instead if you have questions or comments.

By following these rules, campus becomes a safe and welcoming place for this fashionista dog. I mean, very official assistance dog! If you have any concerns or specific questions you are welcome to reach out to LUSA and they will forward it onto me.

Also watch this space, as I hope to write regularly about what Otis has been up to, and if there is demand, I may make him a Instagram account to share his fashion updates and stylish selfies!

BOOK REVIEW

By Cam Beck

Curiosity: Farmers Discovering what Works

Book by John King

Curiosity - Farmers discovering what works, is a refreshingly candid collection of stories that explores the challenges and opportunities facing New Zealand farmers.

Each section touches on a different aspect, area, or issue, and evaluates possible solutions, or learnings in a balanced, positive way. Real world experiences, blended with scientific case studies, allows conclusions to be extended to practical applications and commercial businesses, or alternatively, widens horizons as to what can, and has been done to improve New Zealand Farming.

With the experiences detailed covering the length and width of the country, and an eye to a more sustainable farming future, the book should be compulsory for anyone interested or involved in the agricultural sector.

LUSA has x3 signed copies to give away. So if you’re interested in this read, pop into LUSA, in Forbes Building and grab one! Have you read a book lately that you think your fellow students might like? Write a reveiw and send it into RAM at ram@lusa.org.nz

GEORGE GETS A MAKEOVER

From asbestos removal, demos of walls, temporary staircases, and concrete breaking... it’s all go for Leighs Construction, who are rebuilding the north block of George Forbes, known as the main LU reception.

The George Forbes Library (as it was known) was opened in 1960. The Library was named Forbes after Liberal Party politician, George William Forbes, who was also an MP for Hurunui from 1908 to 1943 and Prime Minister from 1930 to 1935. Also because of his advancement of Canterbury Agricultural College interests in the mid-1920s.

The original building was designed and built when LU had around 300 students. Its small windows were deliberate - to protect printed matter from exposure to sunlight. In 1974, Forbes and the Hilgendorf wing received extensive building development. From 1989 onwards the building has functioned as a home for academic departments, Student Services, and commercial activities.

Again, the demolishing and rebuilding of the ground and mezzanine floors, has started. Below is an architect’s illustration of what Georges’s new entrance will look like after his makeover! Long live George!

What’s Up Buddy?

Kaiwhakarite Tauira I Student Buddy Programme

This is your friendly student buddy “Luphan” from the Student Buddy Program. I’m here to help you to meet others, help answers any questions you may have and share tips and tricks I have learnt about being a LU uni student!

Over the year I will be sharing with you what the Kaiwhakarite Tauira have been doing. You can join the programme any time, and be part of the connecting, learning and hanging out too!

Here is a snippet of what we have all been up to so far this year:

• We have welcomed our new and our returning students to uni at various places like the preparation week and orientations, Clubs Markets Day, Wellbeing Cuppa and Kōrero, LUSA International Student Support evening, and EAP classes!

• We also meet students in the ‘Lunch with a Student Buddy’, every Tuesday 12.30 - 1.30 pm in Grounded. You will see us there by the Café. We are here so you have someone to eat your lunch with, and to just hang out. We can answer any questions that you may have about uni, your study and anything else that you may be thinking about. This is a casual way to meet some other students and just have a yarn.

So, either come and join us this Tuesday for lunch or scan the QR Code below for more info. There are 8 of us, and we can all help in connecting you to the right resources you may need.

Email experience@lincoln.ac.nz to join!

TASMAN REGIONAL FINAL

The 1st and 2nd of March saw the Tasman Regional Young Farmer of the year final held in Christchurch. Many of our members competed in the various modules on Friday putting their agri-knowledge to the test! The top 8, including three of our own members, rushed off that afternoon to complete an exam which our very own Georgia Higginbottom won.

Saturday saw the practical day, lots of post holes dug and plenty of challenges, followed by a formal dinner, quiz and awards seeing our own Eddie Millichamp place 3rd and George Dodson from Darfield Young Farmers win to qualify for The Young Farmer of the Year Grand Final up north in July. Overall an awesome weekend with many Lincoln Young Farmers Club members involved either competing or helping behind the scenes, many thanks to Georgia Moody for convening an awesome regional final weekend!

If you’re looking to get involved with the LUSA Young Farmers Club, keep an eye out on our socials for our next meeting and come to our annual Speed Shear on the 11th of May at the Grouse. This is one event you don’t want to miss!

lincolnyoungfarmers

lincolnyfc

Marlborough Weekend Trip

MARLBOROUGH WEEKEND TRIP

On the 8th of March 35 of our club members jumped into three vans and headed north to Marlborough. Our first stop on the way to Marlborough was a Bull farm 20 minutes out of Cheviot called Te Maina. This farm showed us their feedlots which had technology that enabled them to track the amount the bulls were eating out of the feed troughs and track their daily live weight by having scales at water troughs. This gave us an inside look at different ways farmers can record animal growth rates. Back in the van we kept heading north and stopped in Seddon at Maddy Jones family farm. Maddy’s father Andrew took us around their farm which had recently all been converted into vineyards. The farm was originally a dry land cropping outfit but because of the climate and where the farm is situated, Andrew said the change to grapes increasing the land value would have been just too hard not to do. We were lucky enough to stay in the old original woolshed on the farm where all 35 of us got a good night’s sleep.

After a good night’s sleep, we all arose Saturday morning, jumped in the vans, and headed to visit Doug and Fraser Avery. They show us around their sheep and beef operation and how they grow lucerne and subterranean clover for high-quality feed in their hash-dry climate. Doug also spoke to us about his experience of farming with all of the highs and lows he has had on the way and how farming can test you in many ways. Doug had some key points about taking care of yourself on the farm and having high amounts of resilience as farming can throw anything and everything at you. Our last farm we visited was the Griggs which was based 20 minutes west of Blenheim. We got to see a big 5000-ha station that has diversified its farming operation by using its hard hill country to grow fine wool and using its low flats to have grape vineyards. The Griggs say that diversifying it has added more value to their operation. We had a good look around some of their many hills and even got to taste their wine.

We stayed the night at the top 10 in Blenheim and cruised back home on Sunday with some tired people after a long weekend. A big thanks to everyone for making it another great trip, and a big thanks to Maddy Jones for showing us around their farming operation and letting us stay.

TOURNAMENT WEEKEND & TASMAN AGM

On the 23rd of March, the Tasman Regional tournament kicked off with fencing and stock judging at the Sheffield Show. With many members involved in both Lincoln Young Farmers Club did very well, congratulations to everyone who placed over the tournament weekend! That night the Tasman regional AGM was held in Christchurch and a new exec was elected for the upcoming year. Sunday morning consisted of clay bird shooting, lots of fun for all involved.

Young Farmer of the Year Tasman Regional Final

LU Young Farmers Club Executive

TOP BUNS

What’s happened to the Hot Cross Bun?!

Delicious doughy, raisin-studded, sweet, spiced hot cross buns. Traditionally eaten during the week leading up to Easter. Marked with a cross on topthey’ve been a holiday staple of some communities for centuries.

The first definite record of hot cross buns comes from a 16th and 17th-century text stating: “Good Friday comes this month, the old woman runs, with one or two a penny hot cross buns.”

Nowadays, the bun has gone from the sublime to the ridiculous, with some unusual hot cross buns lining the shelves this Easter. These days, even varieties like raspberry and white chocolate,

caramelised white chocolate and brioche hot cross buns fail to raise eyebrows – they’re stock-standard alongside the traditional, fruit-free, gluten-free hot cross buns in the major supermarkets.

Hot cross buns are all kinds of fun, weird flavours now, including cinnamon jam donut, rocky road, Cadbury Creme Egg, banoffee, blueberry and lemon, chocolate orange, Cookie Time’s cookie smash, and Nutella!

And, if you need to give your sweet tooth a break but you’re not ready to get off the bun bandwagon, savoury hot cross buns can be the answer to your dilemma! Shapes flavoured, Vegemite, cheese, and bacon, where do I stop?!

Then things get even weirder. No matter how quirky the flavour, we’re used to seeing hot cross buns in solid form, but it seems that some people are keen to push the boat out even further by injecting a liquid into the center of the bun! Crazy.

These fun flavours of hot cross buns are apparently driven by demand from us and food manufacturers. New flavours equal new sales. They’re also on shelves for weeks leading up to Easter too now.

“Jesus took three days to die and rise again, but hot cross bun season lasts forever.”

When faced with a cost-of-living crisis, a supermarket duopoly, and of course a recession, think twice before buying a seasonally sanctioned food that is actually just flour, yeast, and water, and that little extra of whatever you like! Go home and make your own. Inject it, decorate it, slice it, toast it, stuff it. Make it yours.

Wine Appreciation Club

This is the LUSA Wine Appreciation Club for fellow Vino lovers! We hold regular tastings, where we uncork the secrets from lesser-known country producers and sample unique and interesting wines of the world that you may not have heard of before.

We are currently seeking Club Exec members to help take charge of the club, organising events and scheduling for the semester.

Positions availabe are Club President, Vice President, Secretary & Treasurer.

To join the Wine Appreciation Club, head to QPay at: clubs.getqpay.com/?s=4241 or contact us on the below.

LincUniWineApprecistionClub wineclub@lincoln.ac.nz

LUSA’s Financial Assistance Fund can provide support when you’re experiencing an unexpected financial issue!

For criteria, exclusions, more info or to apply visit:

lusa.org.nz/financial-assistance-fund

LINCOLN UNIVERSITY MOUNTAIN BIKE CLUB EXPRESSIONS OF INTEREST

If you’re keen to join a mountain bike club, please email:

Jacob.Anderson@lincolnuni.ac.nz

A minimum of 10 members is required to make the club official, so we need as many interested bikers as possible! Things to expect could include social club rides at local parks, as well as weekend trips to mtb parks outside the Canterbury region and other social events.

ADDRESSING MENTAL HEALTH CHALLENGES

IN YOUNG FARMERS

By Dan Smith

RISING NUMBERS OF MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES

Mental health challenges, including loneliness, depression, and anxiety, are common across the country, with four in five New Zealand adults reporting experiences with these either in themselves or in people they know.

The stigma around this topic has been challenged over recent decades by mental health champions such as Sir John Kirwan, and comedian Mike King and organisations such as the Mental Health Foundation, ACC, Voices of Hope, and Farmstrong. With good reason, the topic continues to be prominent in public conversation, in the media, and in academic research.

In 2018, the Mental Health Monitor reported the percentage of New Zealanders experiencing mental health challenges continues to increase and that 22% of adults personally experience medium or high levels of mental distress. The report further shows that while mental health issues appear across all age groups, 15 to 24-year-olds are overwhelmingly more likely to experience this – more than all other age groups combined. Also, in 2021, the World Health Organisation (WHO) predicted that all countries affected by the COVID-19 pandemic would see an increase in the previously reported numbers of people affected by mental health issues.

The topic therefore deserves continued attention as there are few predictors for a decrease in New Zealand’s mental health challenges.

MENTAL HEALTH CHALLENGES FOR FARMERS

Farming presents a multitude of health risks and stressors stemming from factors such as the range of hard work (often in challenging conditions), commodity prices, debt, climate change, weather, workload, labour, regulations, and isolation.

The challenge to mental health is another major health risk in farming, and this issue is more common in farming and rural communities than in the general public and urban communities. In 2014, ACC reported that farmer mental health challenges ranged from factors within their control (such as workload, finances, and physical health) to those out of their control (such as weather, disease, and regulation). These factors are what cause farming to be reported as one of the 10 most stressful occupations in the world.

To read more, scan the QR code below.

Where to get help

• Farmstrong.co.nz

• Rural Support Trust (0800 787 254)

• Lifeline – open 24/7 (0800 543 354

• Depression Helpline – open 24/7 (0800 111 757)

• Suicide Crisis Helpline – open 24/7 (0508 828 865)

ONE DAY FOR EVERYONE TO PARTICIPATE THE WINGS FOR LIFE WORLD RUN

THE WINGS FOR LIFE WORLD RUN IS THE WORLD‘S LARGEST RUNNING EVENT AND THE MOST INCLUSIVE ONE. ANYONE CAN TAKE PART— WHETHER YOU RUN, ROLL, JOG, OR WALK - REGARDLESS OF YOUR FITNESS LEVEL. IT IS ALSO THE ONLY EVENT WHERE PEOPLE WORLDWIDE RUN AT THE EXACT SAME TIME - A SYNCHRONICITY THAT IS UNMATCHED. THIS IS ACHIEVED THROUGH A FINISH LINE THAT CATCHES YOU, RATHER THAN REQUIRING YOU TO RUN TOWARDS IT. AND THE BEST PART OF IT ALL - IT IS THE WORLD‘S BIGGEST FUNDRAISER FOR SPINAL CORD RESEARCH.

People of all fitness levels succeed because there‘s no need to worry about reaching a finish line. You get a 30-minute head start. Then a so-called Catcher Car begins pursuit, slowly but surely getting closer all the time. It‘s a unique motivator, and whether you run, jog, roll in a wheelchair, or simply walk, when the Catcher Car finally passes you, you‘ve done it: you‘ve completed your race.

Adding to the excitement, you‘re united in a truly global event. Together with hundreds of thousands of people around the world, the starting signal sounds at exactly the same moment. Depending on your location, that moment could be day, night, or anytime in between, but you‘re all sharing the same spirit and sense of inclusion.

Running with the Wings for Life World Run App allows you to choose your own location. You can start right from your doorstep or meet with others at several locations in every country. Ultimately, what makes the day so joyful for participants is the cause. One hundred percent of entry fees and donations are used to find a cure for spinal cord injury. Going for a run on one day in May can truly make a lifetime of difference for those who can‘t run.

COLOURING IN FOR GROWN-UPS

HORRIBLESCOPES

Aries

March 21 – April 19

It’s your birthday, and you’re psyched to get the presents you’ve been waiting forincluding those black cropped jeans you ordered from Temu that you “totally” wanted. You’re welcome!

Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Before you spend any time being productive this week, you should consider giving up. Productivity implies work. You’re better than that. Consider mooching off your parents, or any schmuck you can con into being your provider.

Libra

September 23 – October 22

You’re trying hard to seek balance and spirituality. Unfortunately for you, balancing several shot glasses on your arm as a party trick does not qualify as reflecting this trait.

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

I’d still estimate via my Masters in Astrology degree that the Capricorn sign struggles to take a shower without passing out. Keep a friend outside the bathroom in case they hear a loud thump.

Taurus

April 20 – May 20

This month is on fire for you, and not in a good way. It’s about to be a flaming hot mess, maybe take advantage of those April showers.

July 23 – August 22

Gemini

May 21 – June 20

This April, I envision fees, fees, and more fees for you. Maybe think twice about ordering DoorDash or Uber Eats and take a nice walk to your favorite restaurant instead.

Virgo

August 23 – September 22 Leo

People are getting all up in your business for the hot gossip this month. We’re talking about ‘all up in your grill and don’t even know the flavour’ next levels of nosy.

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Try to divert your ruthless energy toward something like a uni project and not bad-mouthing flatmates in a passiveaggressive flat situation that you overdramatize to your other friends twice a week.

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Üsë as mäny ümläüts thïs mönth äs pössïble, just to annoy grammar freaks.

Stay humble! Part of being humble, does not include publicly posting on LinkedIn how “humbled and honoured” you are to announce your “prestigious” fellowship with the Department of Daddy’s Money.

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

It’s already embarrassing enough that you need a calculator to figure out your share of the bill at your favourite restaurant, but now a credit card service charge is adding to the confusion and emphasising your poor math skills.

Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Sensitivity and graciousness doesn’t mean awkwardly letting people go ahead of you in line at the Grouse. It’s a dingy place with no rulesso shove your way through!