5 minute read
Flat of the Month
PARIS
Flat name? Paris
Who lives here? Joe, Jack, Matt, Will, Logan, Flynn and Andre.
Where are you all from? Christchurch, the Boom and South Auckland
What are you all studying? The boys are at Canterbury and LU students studying a range of things from Product Design to Environmental Management and Andre does not study and is a full time Bene- bludger!
How old are you all? 21-22 Any Flat-guilty Netflix Pleasures? Shrek, Shrek 2, Shrek 3 and Shrek Forever After.
What’s your flat Hangover go-to? • Simrose, Purple Powerade • Wake up keep going
Anyone screwed the crew? Not that we are aware of.
Do you have a Flat pet? Did that in second year - Big Ceebs.
Worst cook & why or what do they cook that’s so bad? Andre, loves to just chuck shit in the oven. “Why cook when you can heat up?!”
Dirtiest flattie & why? Logan, Andre and Will, only clean their rooms for flat inspections. Most annoying flattie & why? Jack has always got something going on and won’t shut the fuck up about it.
Flat mascot? Groot!
Flat must have… Mana and walking access to Wild Bean Cafe.
What do you usually disagree on? Baths and when to turn on the dishwasher and fireplace on.
Any flat traditions? Wondering aimlessly around Bunnings.
Would you all flat with each other again? Yes! We will be back for season three next year!
Leo
July 23 – August 22
Stop rejoicing in your own spotlight that you’ve created for yourself. No one cares and stop trying to make everyone your friend! You’re annoying, stubborn, arrogant, restless, dominating... shall I stop now? Stop tearing everyone a new one when they do you wrong. Just be your sexy, slutty self!
Virgo
August 23 – September 22
You’re a complicated creature; logical, hardworking, responsible, and modest. But like with all-star signs, not everything about a Virgo is peachy. While your memory can serve as an excellent tool, it also is the reason for their anxiety. Stop overthinking and worrying. Smoke a big joint, stop being so uptight, and chill out!
Libra
September 23 – October 22
You’re usually one of the more charitable people around. You won’t hesitate to give a person what they need (you slut). However, you can also be incredibly self-indulgent, enjoying the finer things in life, buying up large, and not giving a shit about climate change.
Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
Scorpios always get a lot of shade, maybe because there is something to be said of your vindictiveness and tendency to resort to malicious words or acts if someone happens to fuck you off. You’re usually known for your introverted nature, but while you may not actively project what you’re feeling or thinking, sometimes what’s going on underneath isn’t always good-natured and you may turn into a complete cu#t with little to no warning.
Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Sagittarians are fun-loving creatures, but you’re also the rudest ones on the astrological chart... and blunt as hell! Rudeness is very obvious in your behaviour and on top of that, you won’t apologise at all. Short-tempered, clumsy, unable to follow a routine, arrogant, reckless, inconsistent...what is your problem you extrovert?
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Although you might be expecting to see Scorpio at the top of the “asshole” list, we think that if we have to choose a “shit” sign, it would be Capricorn. Known for your grumpy, in-your-face way of communicating. You’re rude, blunt, and don’t give a shit how others feel. In general, you disregard how others’ feelings in pursuit of your own interests.
Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Aquarius, you’re not funny. We all hate you because you prefer to revel in the humor of others, at their expence. You’re a closed off recluse, preferring a tight-knit group of people (or cats), because you always feel insecure or exposed. Get over yourself Aquarius, no one notices you anyway!
Pisces
February 19 – March 20
You’re sooooo negative. Sensitive, moody, such a pesimist. Insecure, indecisive, trying to escape every sitiuation, taking no responsibilty, weak-willed, clingy...oh and did I mention lazy? But you do forgive easily, which is great for others as we can all take advantage of their loving and caring nature. Woo hoo!
Aries
March 21 – April 19
As a fire sign ruled by Mars, you’re downright aggressive and impatient, which makes you a prick to deal with. You’re always thinking you’re way is the best, and the only way to do things.You’re actually very off-putting to most people. We’d rather just get out of your way or ignore you. Although you’re passionate, you’re also a bully who insist on taking a shit on the bonnet of your car.
Taurus
April 20 – May 20
You’re is known for being low-key and laid-back, and so is your sense of humor. You’re boring as fuck! You’re quite reserved, but if someone crosses you you’ll be sure to let out that inner rage all over their face! So everyone tip toes around you. So, if you have a Taurus friend, think twice before annoying them. Yuck.
Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Gemini people are considered to be the most immature zodiac sign and that’s why sometimes they can’t control their feelings and cry like a little bitch all the time! You can’t stand any judgy situations and let your poor little feelings build up inside you until you burst embarrassing yourself more than ever. Grow up Gemini!
Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Cancer is the queen of belittling humor, which makes you as weak as you look. You constantly make people uncomfortable, and no one gets your shitty jokes. You’re blunt and not funny. Check-in with those around you to make sure they even like you before hanging out with them as they’re more than likely pretending to be your friend.
