The Final Beavers Banter Presents: A Fictional Synopsis of How Different Degrees Perform in the Bedroom...

[by Beaver]

Hey beaver bitches!! It is with a sad heart that this will be my last ever Beavers Banter, forever… you guys are going to have to find something else interesting to read while you take your morning shit now, sorry bout it. But, since this is my final, I decided to really go hard core on you guys and write some fictional (mostly… or is it?) stories on what I believe each degree is like in the sack. And when I say sack, I mean good old fashioned fucking. All of these stories will focus on how I believe men behave according to their degree, yes I know its 2020 and everyone should be included, but frankly, I don’t give a shit. That’s my personal focus.

Dip Ag Students

The ‘root’ of these guys’ performance ‘cums’ directly from their degree. Just give it a wee dippy dip dip and there you have it, a disappointingly quick ride. I’m not saying these guys lack other skills in the bedroom, I mean most of them like to get their hands dirty right? So you can bet they’ll be all up in your under-grill with their dirty fingers, flicking you to the wondrous world of Jack’s beanstalk. Just be careful though, they are probably covered in cow shit, cow shit = thrush. I know better than anyone that thrush ain't a good time. Am I right ladies?

Commerce Students

Now for the only time, I’ll advocate for the women of this degree that they are professionals at riding cock (not biased at all)… but when it comes to men, especially accounting, they are definitely looking for a big money earning job to make up for what they lack in the department of dick. The good thing about these guys though is that they can be kinky as fuck. So get out those nipple clamps, tie your hair up in a pull-able pony tail and get ready to be bent over the bathroom basin, these guys know what they’re doing.

Postgrad Students

These guys are more of the slow romantic type, and there is nothing wrong with a bit of vanilla sex every now and again. The only downfall is that they will talk about their problems the entire time and probably complain about someone putting too much salt on their carbonara last night.

Any Type of Science Majors

I’d be careful with these ones, I can see them examining your flaps under a magnifier. You might also find them trying different fertilisers on you to see how it effects your sex drive. Yeah I know I’m talking a load of shit, but that’s the kind of quality writing you are choosing to read right now. To be fair, these guys are probably pretty good, if they like science, then maybe they’ve figured out the exact force and speed of what to pump you with, and we all hope that’s a big load of creamy little spermies.

Masters Students

Now, in my experience a lot of masters students lie that they have lost their virginity, so the empty hole they have been filling their entire lives, hasn’t been pussies or assholes, they have been the dark hole of education. So they may be a master of something, but you won’t find it under the sheets.

PHD Students

To the one particular, sexy guy I know who’s reading this, you know who you are ;)

PHD = PRETTY HUGE DICKS enough said.

So that’s all guys. I hope this one gets more complaints that my tinder article, just for memory sake. I really am going to miss writing these articles, they provide some inappropriate laughter that I think is slowly disappearing in this PC world. (Definitely not shedding a tear as I write this) Here is my last EVER Beaver quote for you…

“Don’t judge a man for what he may lack, instead train him up and teach him to rub your crack”.

Final Regards, Beaver