Caclin | Issue 4 | July 2015

Lincoln University Students' Magazine | Issue 4 | July 2015

CACLIN

WIN TRIP FOR 4 TO PORTERS | P.21 A MONTH’S SUPPLY OF NOODLES | P.50 Caclin Issue 4 | 1

Contribute to Caclin Articles. Rants. Jokes. Photos.

Drawings. Doodles.

Whatever.

CACLIN@lusa.org.nz Caclin Issue 4 | 2

THE LUSA SECOND HAND BOOK SALE IS ON NOW. BRING YOUR USED TEXT BOOKS IN TO SELL, AND BROWSE FOR A BARGAIN. SALE ON JULY 13 – 31 AT LUSA RECEPTION Caclin Issue 4 | 3

14 StudentsAtLincoln LUSA.org.nz lusa.nz LUSAStudents

EDITOR & DESIGN Jacqui Leigh

CACLIN@lusa.org.nz CONTRIBUTORS Weiwei Zhang | Sam Budd Laura Kerr | Abigail Jones Gary Moody | Joy Isherwood Zac Hayton | Charlie ADVERTISING Olivia Brown

22

SALES@lusa.org.nz Contributions can be sent to

CACLIN@lusa.org.nz PRINTER Caclin is printed

by Wickliffe

Caclin is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Associaiton (ASPA).

28 Caclin Issue 4 | 4

41

46

44 6 | Letters from LUSA 9 | Postgrad Conference 10 | Letter to the Editor 12 | Notices 14 | Hilgendorf Update 16 | WINTERFEST 21 | WIN - Ski Trip to Porters 22 | Club Highlights 26 | LU Sports 28 | The Rough Guide 41 | Aliens Come to Lincoln 44 | Canteen Story 46 | I Grew Up in Hilgendorf

48 | How to Make Boring Noodles Awesome Noodles 50 | Snapchat 53 | Horoscopes

50

54 | Puzzles Caclin Issue 4 | 5

Letters

from LUSa

| There’s always so much stuff happening around here – it’s hard to keep up!

Caclin’s only monthly, so to keep on top of it all, visit our website and sign up to our mailing list.

Make sure to also like us on Facebook – StudentsAtLincoln – for up to the minute comps, photos, and news.

Prez Sez. It’s great to see you all back on campus!

We’ve got a pretty sweet line up of events you can get involved with during Winterfest – check out the LUSA Facebook page to

So much has happened since the last Caclin:

stay up to date!

• LUSA and Lincoln University have created a peer

Monday – Barn Party – The Stables, Addington Raceway

mentoring scheme – LincMe Up. • The Council has made changes to their membership and LUSA still has a place at the Council table.

• The LU Netball B team got promoted to the Premier 1 Grade.

• The LU Rugby Division 1 team won the Hawkins Cup for the first round AGAIN. The Lincoln University Vice Chancellor also resigned. Andy West was great for LUSA and a big advocate for students! We enjoyed working with him because he was so student centred.

Tuesday – Clubs and Market Day – Outside LUSA Wednesday – Burgers, Beers and Beats –Mrs O’s Sunken lawn Thursday – Retro Ski Party – Mrs O’s Sunken Lawn with REAL SNOW Friday – Ski Trip – Mt Hutt Look at page 16 for more details!

On behalf of LUSA I wish Andy and his family all the best for the future.

Check out the LUSA website – www.lusa.org.nz and see its new In my last piece I mentioned that Lincoln set their individual

look! Jacqui has done an awesome job with it!!

course fees at the maximum of 4% - the government has changed their policy in the meantime saying that fees can only increase a maximum of 3%! This is great news for us!

Kahlia Fryer president@lusa.org.nz

Ed’s column

From the Ed.

The Newbie

Welcome to another issue of Caclin. It’s July, which means that

Hi! My name is Laura and I am the new Student Advice & Support

it’s bloody cold outside and I can see my breath in my bedroom

Manager at LUSA.

when I wake up in the morning, but also that there’s Winterfest things afoot and that is awesome.

I am here to help you with whatever you need, whether it is on or off campus – I can help you to figure out any of the issues listed

Thanks to Winterfest, and the Branding, we were lucky enough

below. Come in and have a chat – our services are free, completely

to interview the talented and truly country stars of Barn Party,

separate from the Uni, and confidential (plus I have chocolate and

with such questions as, “What do you think a dippie is?” - the

V to giveaway).

answers were hilarious - check them out on page 18.

In my spare time I like to keep active by going to the gym and Since the last issue I have received a few Snapchats from

doing yoga. I love experimenting in the kitchen, baking cakes and

Lincoln students of really cool drawings they’ve done - so now

cooking three course meals, chocolate and carrot cakes are my

your secret is out and I know you buggers can draw, and not just

speciality, (chocolate is my weakness). I love to play around with

cock’n’balls, you really should illustrate some stuff for Caclin.

photography and I enjoy playing the piano. I’m terrified of big

Hit me up. Let’s get some more style in this rag.

dogs that I don’t know and scared of the ocean; but I love big dogs that I know and like water sports.

As always, I hope you enjoy the small distraction from your lectures that you get when a new Caclin comes out.

I’m really friendly and chatty, I look forward to meeting all of you!

Jacqui Leigh

Laura Kerr

Caclin@lusa.org.nz

student.support@lusa.org.nz

UNEXPECTED FINANCIAL TROUBLE?

BEEN ACCUSED OF CHEATING?

HAVING TROUBLE WITH YOUR LANDLORD?

ARE YOU BEING HARRASSED?

NEED HELP FILLING IN AN AEGROTAT FORM?

NEED HELP ORGANISING CHILDCARE?

WANT TO APPEAL A GRADE?

DON’T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO GO?

HAVING TROUBLE WITH STUDYLINK?

JUST NEED SOMEONE TO VENT TO?

GET IN TOUCH WITH LAURA. SHE’S HERE TO HELP YOU WITH ALL THESE ISSUES, AND HEAPS MORE. POP INTO LUSA HQ FOR A CHAT, OR EMAIL STUDENT.SUPPORT@LUSA.ORG.NZ

Caclin Issue 4 | 7

LUSA

CAN HELP At some point you may come across some troubles with your classes or lectures, or you might get sick and miss some assessments. LUSA are the ones to help you out when something less than awesome happens during your academic years.

LUSA’s SAS Service is seperate from the University, and 100% confidential. If you don’t feel comfortable contacting a Lecturer, Student Rep or are unsure of the best course of action, we can help!

Contact student.support@lusa.org.nz or visit us at LUSA HQ. Caclin Issue 4 | 8

2015 POSTGRAD CONFERENCE

AUGUST 27 – 28TH REGISTER NOW BY 31 JULY

A N I S E G N E L L FACING CHA RLD O W G N I G N CHA

Caclin Issue 4 | 9

Letters to the Editor

Letters to the Editor CONGRATULATIONS Dear Editor, I would like to congratulate you to the recent edition of the Caclin.

I have seen many editions of the Caclin in the last 6 years or so.

I WISH...

agresearch.

Dear Editor, It would be wonderful if you Caclin/ I just came across a highly interesting

LUSA could attempt to get some feedback

Twitter post by the university of

from Sheelagh or whoever else thinks

Waikato. Even if the amount of $$ is

they know what we want and outline a

grossly overstated which is very likely.

“better business case” for US STUDENTS and not just one building after another.

When I read it, I felt an immediate pain close to my heart. You want to know

– A very frustrated and unhappy student

why? Well I doubt Lincoln University

that can’t wait to get out.

would get anywhere near such an investment into its postgrad students and provision of scholarships! This, is very sad, as I used to like the place, but I have a decreasing amount of appreciation of

While the Caclin has been a “weeee

how we have been treated and looked

bit shit” in the early days of my time

after in the last couple (approx. 4-5 years).

hear at Lincoln a few years ago, the

While we have featured in a number of

improvements over the last 2-3 are

speeches ($107 mil by Steven Joyce and

fantastic.

Tom Lambi at the event) or every now and then in the VC-staff update, nothing

Please extend these congratulations to all

much has come from this. The dining

your co-writers and assistant hobbits.

hall is an insurance rebuild and the sports hall does not really count either.

Thanks for doing such a great job and

So what has been done for us? (BTW,

keep that standard!

the fee for on campus doc visits is now back at $9, I think, even though they just

Cheers

went through the change proposal etc less service for more money, or what did

– A happy Caclin Reader

I miss) I am very hopeful to finish my degree

Dear Happy Reader Damn, if that doesn’t make me feel as cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce. We do work our butts off here, and it is one of our main goals to make this magazine less shi*t - so that’s bloody great to hear. I’m hoping that you continue to enjoy Caclin, and that we continue to make our way down the sh*t scale.

Only slightly sh*t Editor

and move on but unlikely to recommend it. And why would I not?

Well that is simple, 1. we students have been ignored for too long, 2. teaching quality is going down to get everyone through Lincoln, and 3. the leadership of this Uni seems to have forgotten that without us, this place would not be a university. So rather than focusing on the Hub all the time, how about doing something for us.

I know the hub might benefit Lincoln in the long run, but one should not forget it’s us that make this place a university

Caclin Issue 4 | 10

compared to being a CRI like landcare or

Hi Frustrated - Firstly, thanks for using Caclin as a means to let your issues be known. Seriously - no sarcasm. What are we for if not to help make the student voice heard? Secondly, I sent your message on to those in a position to give you feedback on these issues you have raised, and feedback is what you have received. Here you go:

Thanks for the opportunity to comment and happy to discuss further if that would be helpful.

Students and the student experience are the most important priority for the University. Other issues, such as the opportunities presented by the Lincoln Hub, are also important but - as your writer points out – we are a university and therefore must be focussed on students.

The last couple of years have been especially difficult in terms of the student experience. We have achieved some things – but need to do more. We have increased the amount of social space around campus, made improvements to systems so that it is easier to register or access library materials and increased the number of scholarships available. In 2015, we expect to spend about $2.5 million on scholarships. We have announced a commitment to develop dedicated student space and a student centre. I know these are again buildings.

Letters to the Editor We are also planning some joint work with

writer may not feel that the sports hall is

LUSA to better understand and improve

important, other students are making good

the student experience. The SOCI 2014

use of the new floor.

course has made a useful contribution here with research by students over the last

In terms of “knowing what students want”,

couple of years.

we get feedback from LUSA, from student feedback surveys and from comments

I personally was pleased with the increase

such as this. The postgraduate satisfaction

in the number of applicants for teaching

survey (to be released soon) indicates that

excellence awards and know that we do

the areas that are important and where

have very good teachers at this University.

satisfaction is lower are noise levels,

I’d challenge the assertion that “teaching

availability of accommodation, availability

quality is going down” – but am happy

of places to buy food and drink,

to discuss the concerns and experiences

explanation of thesis submission and

that underlie this statement. The feedback

examination processes, preparation for

from students who participated in last

research methodology and data analysis,

year’s Graduate Feedback Survey indicated

career preparation, opportunities to

that teaching was improving. I recognise

network with researchers outside Lincoln.

that surveys do not necessarily reflect

We’ll be addressing those issues with the

individual experiences, so would be keen

development of further student space,

to understand your writer’s experience

exploring (and costing) accommodation

further.

options and an academic review of the PhD programme.

To respond to other specific comments made by your writer. Yes – there was

Sorry to hear that your writer is frustrated

an insurance component of Te Kete Ika

with their experience, but happy to discuss

(dining hall) rebuild. Insurance contributed

what we can do to make it better.

about 30% of the cost of the project. We haven’t reduced service at the Student

From Grateful for Feedback

Health Centre, although we did reconfigure it slightly in the 2014 change processes.

We monitor the time between making an appointment and seeing a doctor, nurse or counsellor closely. Our data indicates that all students who sought an appointment with one of the mental health practitioners (with the exception of one who specifically requested an appointment the following week) met with the practitioner on that

Do you have something to say?

Send all opinions, witty repertoire, criticisms, fan mail, sh*t stirring, and proclamations of love to CACLIN@lusa.org.nz

day or the following day. Students do have differing priorities and while your

THE TEAM AT LUSA TOOK PART IN JUNK FREE JUNE, AND GAVE UP CHIPS, CHOCOLATE AND ALL OTHER MANNER OF DELICIOUS SINS, TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE CANCER SOCIETY.

TOGETHER, KIWIS RAISED OVER $340,000. AMAZING!

Caclin Issue 4 | 11

Notices

Hardship Fund Are you having a hard time financially? Struggling to pay unexpected bills? LUSA and Lincoln University will hear your issue out and may decide to grant you

Student Reps

the money or offer you an interest free loan. Come in and see Laura at LUSA and she will help you fill in an application and talk you through the process.

Become a Student Rep for your course! You get to meet some important people on campus, make great connections

Contact student.support@lusa.org.nz

throughout University and will get a wee gift and certificate.

(It also looks amazing on your CV).

To become a Student Rep, listen up during the first week of Semester when your lecturers ask for volunteers. If you happen to miss this, contact your lecturer, or Laura, the LUSA SAS Manager. student.support@lusa.org.nz

Student Advisors Want to become more involved within the Lincoln University campus? Then apply to become a student advisor.

You’ll run a stand around campus where students can drop in and make an appointment to see Laura. It looks great on your CV, you will build connections throughout the University and you will get a gift and certificate to thank you for your time at the end of the Semester.

Contact student.support@lusa.org.nz or visit Laura at LUSA.

The Cragieburn Lincoln Lodge Did you know that there is an awesome ski lodge at Cragieburn especially for Lincoln students?

It’s how skiing accommodation should be - cosy, slopeside and social. Plus it’s only 5 minutes stroll to the Cragieburn carpark!.

For enquiries, get in touch with LSD – Lincoln Snow Department via Facebook - LincolnSnow.Dept

Marquee Hire LUSA has a marquee available for hire!

Hire price is $300 for students, plus we can put it up for you for an extra $100.

LUSA Online LUSA has a new website!

Make sure you check it out at LUSA.org.nz Like us on Facebook at StudentsAtLincoln

Contact events@lusa.org.nz for enquiries

Have a notice you want advertised here? Contact Caclin@lusa.org.nz Caclin Issue 4 | 12

LincMe Up SEMESTER TWO

Student Buddies for International & Domestic Students.

ARE YOU A NEW STUDENT?

GET INVOLVED We’ll pair you up with someone sweet, hold lunches and give you access to the LUSA lounge.

More info, visit LUSA.org.nz/lincmeup

EMAIL Student.support@LUSA.ORG.NZ Pop into LUSA for a chat See LUSA Facebook page Caclin Issue 4 | 13

Artists’ concepts for new buildings at Lincoln.

Caclin Issue 4 | 14

CHANGE IS IN THE AIR not asbestos (That’s all been taken care of safely) How the new buildings planned for the Hilgendorf site may look like can now be unveiled.

Artists’ impressions show gleaming glass structures for the research facilities which will take its place, all part of the Lincoln University Masterplan, which also includes new student support facilities.

The final stage of the deconstruction, demolishing the structure itself, is at least still two months away but all the service diversions which were needed to take down the building have been finished.

This involved digging a trench around the building to make sure the Burns Building continued to have water, electricity and communications.

Work is ongoing, even if things may have seemed quiet lately, as the contractors tried to keep the noise down during exam time.

Exciting times ahead as we move onwards and upwards (once Hilgendorf comes downwards)!

filled at Mrs O’s with their delicious brews

Love your Environment

Caclin Issue 4 | 15

RE-ORIENTATION WEEK | 13–17 JULY

Caclin Issue 4 | 16

MO NDAY 13 | B AR N PAR T Y 7.30PM | ADDING T ON RACEWAY B ARN | R18 | $20 PRES ALES Bro ug h t t o you by The Brandi ng. Ft. Cam Sc ott | Kayle e Sc ott | B ex Murray.

T h e B a r n Party w i l l not onl y launc h Winterfest 201 5 b ut als o launc h e xc l us i ve p re - s al e t i cket s t o T he Brand ing ’ s NYE Mus ic Fes tiva l! Pre-sale s a re avai lab l e n o w for $2 0 at c osm i c ticketing . c o. nz, or at LUSA Re c eption. Do or sales $30.

FR EE BU S ES T O AN D FROM L I NCOL N

T U E S DAY 14 | CL U BS & MAR K ET DAY 11AM – 2PM |L US A COUR T YARD

Brow s e t h e s tal l s . Se e w hat ’s on offer. J oin a LUSA Club or So c iety. Grab a b i t e t o e at . H ang out and enjoy s ome music .

W E DN E S DAY 15 | BURG ER S , BEER S & BE AT S FROM 11.30AM | MRS O’S SUNKEN L AWN | FREE

E x act l y w h at i t s ou nds l i ke, Bu rgers, Be ers & Beats is all the b est stuff, a ll for f re e , t o b r i g ht e n u p you r We dn es d ay. We have hund re d s of b urgers to B B Q, l ove l y fres h bu n s, c old kegs, and phat b eats.

MAKE S UR E YOU BR ING YO UR L E GAL AGE I D I F YOU’D L I K E A B E E R

T H U RSDAY 16 | R ETRO S K I PA R T Y

8PM | MRS O’S SUNKEN L AWN | R18 | $30 PRES ALES Fe atur i n g h e ad l i ni ng act Jet sk i S afari as well as DJ Nac o a and sup p ortin g D J s !

G e t yo ur b e s t gl ow ge ar on- or dress in white and glow und er the b lac k UV l ig h t s ! Re me mb e r t o dres s w ar m - we have a (literal) truc k load of snow b e i n g sh i p p e d d o w n from t he mou nt ai n s for you to play in. Pre-sales are availab le n o w fo r $ 3 0 at c osm i c ti c ke ti ng.c o. nz, or at LUSA Re c eption. Do or sales $ 38 .

FR EE BU S ES T O R I C C AR T ON AFTE R WAR D S

F R IDAY 17 | MT HUTT S K I TR IP

L E AV I N G F RO M R E C C E N T R E AT 7 A M | $ 10 + L I F T PA S S & G E A R H I R E LUS A an d Radi o H au raki wi l l b e tak ing a b us load of stud ents up to M t H ut t fo r an aw e s ome day on t he s l op es. $1 0 c overs b us rid e and a DE L ICIOUS B B Q l un ch! B o o k now at LU SA Re c ep tion - There are limite d s eats.

Quick Questions with...

THE STARS OF

BEX MURRAY

CAM SCOTT

KAYLEE BELL

Bex Murray is a very talented young lady from the special little town of Lake Tekapo NZ ‘Sanctuary for the Stars’.

Cam Scott brings a rock inspired vibrance to the New Zealand modern country scene which is going through new, exciting times.

Kaylee Bell is a 26 year old sassy young songstress from the little town of Waimate on New Zealand’s South Island – a wonderful natural talent without the stunts.

Bex is best known for her energetic live performance on stage, she has the gift to pull the audience in and rock the night away.

With a high energy, he brings the party wherever he goes with a performance that will have you singing along to Jimmy Barnes while he’s works the stage like Luke Bryan.

Q : DESCRIBE WHAT YOU KNOW (OR THINK YOU KNOW) ABOUT LINCOLN UNI IN 3 WORDS. 1. Husband material

Agriculture

2. Rural

Party

3. Beer

Girls

1. Student dorms (stayed there during netball camps) 2. Awesome sports fields and drinking lawn 3. Richie McCaw went there =)

Q : DO YOU KNOW WHAT A “DIPPIE” IS? Jeppers a DIPPIE sounds like a nickname for a dipstick or a full time sheep dipper... but its not its a D - iploma I-n P - rimary P - artying I-n E - xcess

A ‘dippie’ is a shepherd who realises he/she has shit dogs so needs a year to build them up!

A student that is back for their 9th year to finally gain their degree they began 9 years earlier.

BEX MURRAY

CAM SCOTT

KAYLEE BELL

Q : WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE AND LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT WINTER? My absolute fav thing about winter is getting dressed up in my one piece ski suit at round hill with friends drinking mulled wine and feeding out to all the hungry sheeps in the snow...

Rugby (favourite).

Shifting breaks in the cold (least).

Fav- new winter boots and jackets...

Least fav- early mornings and cold nights packing up gear after gigs at 1am and its -5!!

Not so Fav things are Burst piles, cold feet, and ice on the inside of my bedroom windows. But that’s winter.

Q : HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR SOUND IN 3 WORDS? 1. Rock 2. Epigenetic 3. Boogie

1. Loud 2.COUNTRY & 3.Wannabe Jimmy Barnes

1. Country 2. Pop 3. Feminine ha

Q : IF I WAS TO TURN ON YOUR IPOD RIGHT NOW, WHAT FIVE ARTISTS/SONGS WOULD I SEE ON YOUR RECENTLY PLAYED LIST? BE HONEST. Im an Albatroaz - Aron Chupa

Brantley Gilbert

Budapest - George Ezra

Jimmy Barnes

Lion the Beast and the Beat - Grace Potter

Joe Nichols

The Rising - The Boss (Bruce Springsteen)

Kelsea Ballerina the new big thing in Nashville who was the first girl in ages to have a no #1 on the radio charts so that is cool!!

Keith Urban - love him!

Cadillac Three Jake Owen.

Hold Back the River - James Bay

Jason Aldean Rachel Platten Taylor Swift

Adele - Turning Tables ( I know its one to many but had to add it)

Q : WHAT’S THE STRANGEST PLACE YOU’VE DONE A GIG? I was flown up to the side of a mountain at flock hill station where I sung at a urologist conference, for those of you that don’t know what a urologist is it was 300 dick surgeons, It was a stunning location.

They’re all weird in their own way.

Hmm that’s a hard one, often we end up in random spots! Can’t think of the strangest place but one of the coolest places was in the Northern Territory in Aus up the top of this hill that had a 360 view and it was freakishly insane and awesome to be playing as the sun was setting...

BE SURE T O CHE CK T HIS L O T O U T AT TH E W I N TE R F E S T B A R N PA R T Y & E XCL USIVE P R E -S A L E L A U NCH F O R TH E B R A N D I N G N Y E M U S I C F E S T I VAL O N MON DAY 13 J ULY AT T HE A D D I N G T O N R AC E WAY B A R N .

Tickets are available from cosmicticketing.co.nz

Artist Profile

| Jetski Safari

Catch them live at:

Sam Hill and Dean Campbell met in 2000 and…something, i.e. quite a few

Winterfest Retro Ski Party | Snow & Glow

NZ. Dean and Sam together are…Jetski Safari. They’ve played some great gigs

Thursday 16 July

Break Fiji. Good times. You may have heard their songs ‘Like A Lie (Feat.

Mrs O’s Sunken Lawn

years ago. Dean started producing Sam's George FM radio show in Auckland, over the last few months from warming up for Grandmaster Flash, Netsky and Example, to headlining Beer festival to 12,000 boozy folks and Spring Helen Corry)’ and the other biggie ‘With You’ - a team effort with Jupiter Project & Helen Corry.

8pm ‘til late | $30 presales cosmicticketing.co.nz

F O R MORE INF ORM AT ION ON TH I S A N D O TH E R W I N TE R F E S T E VE N T S, V I SI T WW W.L US A .O RG. NZ / WINT E R FES T. AN Y T ICKET S C A N B E PU RCHA S E D AT W W W. CO S M I C TI C K E TI N G . CO . NZ OR AT L US A RECE PT ION .

Caclin Issue 4 | 20

SIMPLY BUY ANY DRINK FROM THE COCA-COLA® RANGE* FROM MRS O’S, LINC BOOKSHOP OR THE SANDWICH BAR AND RECEIVE AN ENTRY FORM** TO BE IN TO WIN A SKI TRIP FOR 4 INCLUDING 1 NIGHT ACCOMMODATION AT SPRINGFIELDS MOTEL AND LODGE*** VALUED AT $1359.

PROMOTION PERIOD: 13TH JULY TO 14TH AUGUST 2015.

PRIZE WILL BE DRAWN ON 17/08/15. *The Coca-Cola range also includes: Keri, Most, Glaceau, Schweppes, Fuze Tea, Deep Spring, Kiwi Blue, Zico, Sprite, Fanta, L&P, Pumped. **Must retain receipt and attach to entry form for entry to be valid. ***Subject to availability.

Caclin Issue 4 | 21

‘Coca-Cola’, ‘Coke’, ‘Coca-Cola Zero’, ‘Coke Zero’, ‘Diet Coca-Cola’, ‘Diet Coke’, Coke Life’, ‘Lift Plus’, ‘Mother’, ‘Powerade’, ‘Keri’, ‘Most’, ‘Glaceau’, ‘Schweppes’, ‘Fuze Tea’, ‘Deep Spring’, ‘Kiwi Blue’, ‘Zico’, ‘Sprite’, ‘Fanta’, ‘L&P’, the Dynamic Ribbon device, the Contour Bottle and the ‘Grip & Go’ bottle, are trade marks of The Coca-Cola Company.

‘Pump’ and ‘Pumped’ are registered trade marks of Coca-Cola Amatil (N.Z.) Limited.

Club

Highlights Craft Beer Appreciation Club You know what these guys love? Nice beer.

We dig that, and we support that. We also know that appreciating Craft beer is hard to budget for as a student, so we do what we can to help out to support their passion.

| We have some damn fine clubs at LUSA. One Friday afternoon in May we took a group of enthusiastic students along on two tours of Christchurch's well known and long established (pre-earthquake) breweries. The aim of the tours was to give students a perspective of the two main forms of beer production- 'traditional 'cask conditioned ales v force carbonated kegged beers. Cask conditioned ales are top fermenting in an open fermenter, complete the fermentation in the cask, and are tapped and dispensed by a hand pump (think warm flat ale from a hand pump in an old english pub). Force carbonated kegged beer is more common in modern times, producing the fizzy cold larger we all enjoy on a hot summers day. This occurs through bottom fermenting yeast in closed tanks, with the beer being filtered and force carbonated with CO2 before being put into a keg or bottle.

The Twisted Hop produces cask conditioned ales and we were shown around the small intimate brewery by Jim the head brewer, who was very informative in taking us through the brewing process, and answering a range of brewing related questions. Jim showed us how to tap and spial a cask, and we were able to sample a brilliant full flavored Oatmeal Stout.

Onwards to Three Boys Brewery where Anita showed us around the larger scale set-up, including a taste of the fermentation stages (of the sweet wort before the yeast converts the sugar to alcohol) and a look at their bottling and canning machine. Plenty of samples later we were all familiar with the Three Boys range of beers, with the standout for me being the Pilsner with the cheese and bread provided.

We wrapped up the night at the Twisted Hop Pub in Woolston (as nobody was game enough for the Woolston Tavern), sampling many more craft beers from NZ and further afield. The wonderful Briar McGowan drove everyone back to Lincoln safely at the end of the night. Thanks to funding from LUSA we were able to subsidize the trip to a bargain $20 each.

We will be taking another tour next Semester so keep posted through the Lincoln University Craft Beer Appreciation Club as to when that will be - find us on Facebook.

Cheers, Zac.

Caclin Issue 4 | 22

Jam Society

The Jam Society are a newly formed club, intended for anyone who enjoys playing instruments, good banter and jamming. Some of the guys got involved with the Straight Outta Lincoln Talent Quest which was held at Mrs.O’s back in May.

Not like the condiment.

Feedback from at least one Lincoln female, and probably some dudes too was, *sploosh.

You may also have heard their tunes blaring out of the Student Lounge in the evenings - they’re hard to miss.

Caclin Issue 4 | 23

Club

Highlights LU Chinese Club Chinese Party On | Dragon & Boat Festival The Lincoln Unviersity Chinese Club recently teamed up with the Canterbury and CPIT Chinese Clubs to celebrate the Dragon and Boat Festival- a traditional celebration in China. Held in Mrs.O’s on Friday 5 June, it marked the first time the three clubs had united. The free event attracted a number of students and ethnicities and involved Chinese music, games, performances, some great prizes- and, of course, some delicious Chinese food- all the while educating and providing awareness of the Chinese culture!

Dragon Boat Festival can be traced back 2,000 years, and is a traditional Chinese festival to commemorate the famous poet Qu Yuan.

According to the historical records, Qu Yuan

dumplings are classical activities to commemorate Qu Yuan and

jumped into the river after he heard the news that his country

a great time to spend with family.

was defeated in the battle with Qin army. People who lived alongside the river went out to save him and throw the rice

It is precious and meaningful to gather Chinese students and

dumplings into river so as to protect the body from the fish.

their families to celebrate Dragon Boat Festival together at

After that, Qu Yuan’s patriotism was praised by the country.

Lincoln. It is not our home country but we felt at home.

From the culture aspect, dragon boat racing and eating rice

Caclin Issue 4 | 24

LUV | Lincoln Uni Volunteers The LUV Club are one of the newest LUSA Clubs, and we couldn’t be prouder to have them affiliated with us. These guys rock! They are truly good people, and we can’t wait to support them in the future!

Ronald McDonald House Dinner Last Friday night, the newly formed volunteer club went to Ronald McDonald House and made dinner for all the families.

Ronald McDonald House is a charitable organisation that provides a place for young people under the age of 21 and their families when they are in need of medical treatment. To be able to stay at the house you need to live 100km away from Christchurch, but this changes on a case-by-case basis. The House relies heavily on donations and volunteer work to be able to open all year round, so our club was excited to be able to help them to continue their great work. All the food for the dinner was kindly donated by LUSA, New World Lincoln, Lincoln Catering Services and a large number of pumpkins from Jess Cunliffe.

The event ran really smoothly and there were heaps of leftovers for the families to enjoy. Twelve people were there to help make pumpkin risotto, spaghetti bolognese, ambrosia and fruit salad and we had a great time. Hopefully they make some delicious pumpkin soup, because there was plenty left over!

We are now looking to do some voluntary work for Habitat for Humanity. If you’re interested please email me at: claire.mccorkindale@lincolnuni.ac.nz

T O BROW SE T HE L US A CL UB S & S O C I E TI E S D I R E C T O RY, JO I N A C L UB, OR T O GET IN T O U CH A BOU T S TA R TI N G A N E W C L U B V I SIT W W W.L US A . ORG. NZ / CL UB S O R POP IN T O L U S A HQ T O CHAT W I TH O U R C L U B S M A N AG E R , S A M. M AKE SURE YOU L IK E ‘ L US A CL U B S A N D S O C I E TI E S ’ O N FAC E BO O K T O KEEP UP T O DAT E WIT H WHAT A LL TH E C L U B S O N C A M P U S A R E U P T O! AN D REMEMB E R CL UB S A ND M A R K E T DAY I S H A P P E N I N G O N W E D N ESDAY 15 JULY IN THE L U S A COUR T YA R D B E T W E E N 11 A N D 2 . S E E YO U THER E! Caclin Issue 4 | 25

VOLLEYBALL LU SPORT WOULD LIKE TO INVITE ALL INTEREST PARTIES TO GET INVOLVED IN THIS FANTASTIC GAME. WITH THE NEWLY REFURBISHED LU SPORTS HALL UP AND RUNNING WE HAVE THE IDEAL FACILITY TO START UP A VOLLEYBALL CLUB. PLEASE CONTACT GRAEME CAMPBELL IF YOU ARE KEEN TO PLAY, COACH, MANAGE, OR HELP RUN TOURNAMENTS. GRAEME.CAMPBELL@LINCOLN. AC.NZ OR PHONE 0276180055 Caclin Issue 4 | 26

RUGBY finals on Sunday 26 July.

FOOTBALL

A week later the Senior Division 2 team will have their Semi

LU Football have recently concluding their round robin and

Finals on Saturday 25 July and a week after that the two Colts

have moved into a top 8 competition that will conclude on

sides will be in their playoffs on 1 August with finals on 8 August.

Saturday 29 August.

The unbeaten Div 1 Rams have scored more than 40 points in

The team has done very well and is currently sitting in third

eight matches out of 14 this season and are currently sitting at the

place on the table.

LU Rugby is gearing up for the Championship rounds with the Senior Division One Semi Finals on Saturday 18 July and possible

top of the table along with Marist.

NETBALL sides will be in the top grade!

BASKETBALL

The Premier semi-finals will be on 18 August and Finals on the 25

The first round of the Women’s and Men’s Premier

August.

competition has concluded with the playoffs for the Hoban

The Premier Netball moves into their Championship round after this week and the Club is stoked that both the Premier A and the Premier B

and Patrons Trophies being contested.

The C team, D and E sides will play their Championship round from 18 July – 15 August with Semi Finals on 22 August and Finals on

The LU Bulls Mens U23 are sitting at the top of the table -

29 August. The Selwyn Social sides have had a few weeks off with

unbeaten after 8 games.

University Holidays. Their final rounds commence on Saturday 18 July and run through until the finals on 5 September.

Caclin Issue 4 | 27

The

ROUGH GUIDE ·SEMESTER 2 2015·

"What do you think would be helpful for students new to this course to know about the class?"

This is the question that LUSA asks at the end of most of the classes at Lincoln. We take the answers, edit and squeeze them into shape, check the spelling, remove the icky bits and then forge them in to the Rough Guide: a compilation of advice from the students who have gone before you.

2

Not all the second semester courses are present.

Some just didn't provide any advice, others are new. Not all classes get questionaires every year.

We didn't bother with the post-grad courses at all (you should know what you're doing by now anyway). Also, you should note that the

examiners/lecturers listed are for this year and may not have had anything to do with last year's classes. Courses also change. Thus some of the advice will be out of date.

BUT before you immediately start searching for the courses that are relevant to you, there are a few things we should tell you:

1

3

We warmly suggest that you read the helpful guides to studying provided by Library, Teaching and Learning. You can find these on their homepage, ask for help at their service desk and

There were some comments that were SO common that we didn’t bother to repeat them in the following list (except for when we did). These are:

• Go to classes.

• Go to labs & tutorials.

• Take notes.

• Do all the assessments.

• Work hard.

Now, we realise these sound a little obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people ignore this advice.

Caclin Issue 4 | 28

even book yourself in for one of their highly informative courses.

4

5

It's important to remember, we didn't write this advice so don't shoot the messenger!

Remember these wise words from one Linc 101 scholar:

“Don’t fail or you’ll have to do it again.”

ACCT 203

ACCT 308

ACCOUNTING INFORMATION SYSTEMS

ADVANCED MANAGEMENT ACCOUNTING

Lecturer | Murray Clark

Lecturer | Rebecca Kennedy

• It is a compulsory course for Accounting/Finance degrees, so just get it out of the way.

• Don’t pick lazy people for group work.

• Practice the flowcharts and matrices lots!

ACCT 211 FINANCIAL ACCOUNTING

• Accounting isn’t just about numbers, this course is eye-opening.

ANSC 073 SHEEP PRODUCTION

Lecturer | Jamal Roudaki • It is crucial that you get the textbook for this course!

Study that carefully!

• Tests and exams are hard, although the assignment is easy (use that to help make up your marks).

ACCT 302 AUDITING Lecturer | Azadeh Nilipour • Make sure you understand the lecture slides and how to apply them to real life situations.

Lecturer | Chris Logan • Print the slides before the lecture because there is not enough time to write down all the information that the lecturer speaks about.

BIOS 110 BIOLOGICAL SCIENCES Lecturer | Eirian Jones • Make sure that you are prepared for each lecture before it begins (reading lecture notes/slides), as this course has a LOT of content!

• It’s really hard to catch up, so ensure that you keep on top of it all, or you will struggle to understand anything!

BIOS 110 CONT. • There are four parts to learn, and every section has a different lecturer.

• It gives a good overview of Biology and is an enjoyable course.

BMGT 309 ORGANISATIONAL BEHAVIOUR Lecturer | Mohini Sukhapure • It is helpful to study the glossary.

BMGT 216 FOOD AND BEVERAGE MANAGEMENT Lecturer | Anthony Brian • Don’t take it, take entomology instead its way more fun and you get to play with insects.

• It’s informal and interactive.

BMGT 314 QUALITY SYSTEMS Lecturer | Jeff Heyl

• Keep up with assignment 3 (in terms of collecting the required number of articles).

• The assignments are not difficult, but they do take time.

• There is a lot of content based around statistics.

BMGT 301 BUSINESS AND SUSTAINABILITY Lecturer | Michaela Balzarova • Good, interesting course.

• Read about current environsustainability or other issues in the world before taking the course.

BMGT 324 INTERNATIONAL MANAGEMENT Lecturer | Michaela Balzarova • Get all the help you can on the assignments through both the lecturer and the online resources.

• Misha is an amazing professor.

• Buy the text book!

• It is all internally assessed.

• Start the case studies early.

Caclin Issue 4 | 30

COMM 110 THE GLOBAL BUSINESS ENVIRONMENT

COMM 113 CONT. before you go to class.

• It is boring unless you have a passion for Economics. And by boring I mean people fall asleep in class, that boring.

• Learn the key definitions and then try to match them up to examples.

Lecturer | Anthony Brian • Stay engaged and you will get results.

• This subject should not be taken as a space filler as the theories discussed require a lot of thought.

• Make use of the resources provided, they help.

• Keep it simple and do what the assignment instruction says.

• It’s important to study for the quizzes.

• Read more of the news that is happening around the world.

COMM 201 MANAGING PEOPLE Lecturer | Greg Clydesdale • Lecturer is good and keeps you motivated.

• Don’t buy the textbook - lecture notes are enough.

COMM 113 ECONOMIES AND MARKETS Lecturer | Ian Macdonald

• The most important thing is to understand the concept of what you are learning and relate it to a real life case - this helps with test questions and deciding the logical answer.

• It’s easier to learn the definitions by creating diagrams.

• Keep up to date with quizzes.

• Know thyself.

• Take this course if you are considering managing a team/workforce, as it has handy tips for when you enter the workforce.

• The lectures have helpful hints for real life situations as well.

• The lecturer is really approachable and wants his students to do well, so go and chat with him.

• This course helps you to understand why people are the way they are and learning to accept people for who they are.

• Pray you’ll pass.

• It makes life heaps easier if you read the textbook Caclin Issue 4 | 31

COMM 202 MANAGING VALUE

ECOL 202 BIOLOGICAL DIVERSITY

Lecturer | David Cohen • All tests are held online, the text book is more useful than some of the lecturers.

• There are a lot of things to follow and to remember.

Lecturer | Jon Sullivan • This course is a great overview of biodiversity around the world.

• The test is not easy.

COMP 111

• The Field trip to the West Coast is great, really interesting, take heaps of pictures!

COMPUTING FUNDAMENTALS Lecturer | Shirley Gibbs

• GO TO THE LABS!!!

• Follow the programming topics closely, as this is the hardest part.

DESN 101 DIGITAL TOOLS FOR DESIGN

ECOL 608 RESEARCH METHODS IN ECOLOGY Lecturer | Adrian Paterson

Lecturer | Don Royds

• The R statistics classes are very helpful.

• Go through the illustration and think about it first!

• This course helps with experience in writing scientific papers, grant application, scientific talks and basic biometrics for researchers.

• Don’t be afraid of asking questions!

Caclin Issue 4 | 32

ECOL 631 ANIMAL BEHAVIOUR Lecturer | Adrian Paterson • Be enthusiastic • A great introduction to animal behaviour, with enough depth for students to familiarise themselves with the subject and attain value from the course.

ENTO 304 INSECT ECOLOGY AND DIVERSITY Lecturer | Rob Cruickshank

• You need to start collecting insects and learn the freezing method of killing during the holidays. Remember to label, label and label!

• Get your insects early, this is very important!

ECON 211 LAND ECONOMICS Lecturer | Ian Macdonald • There is quite a bit of content, so ensure you are always revising.

• Print out lecture slides and write notes next to them, it makes it easier to study.

ENGN 105 ENGN 105 BUILDING CONSTRUCTION Lecturer | Peter Nahkies

ENTO 304 ENVIRONMENTAL MONITORING AND RESOURCE ASSESSMENT Lecturer | Ronlyn Duncan

• Plan the water report before you start writing it.

• It is an excellent course if you want a career in the environmental management field and extremely relative to the BEMP.

• It is really important you do well in the mid-term.

Caclin Issue 4 | 33

ERST 340 ENVIRONMENTAL PLANNING

ERST 631 CONT. • Examples used in papers that were required reading were often environmentally based, but the themes studied in class were more about social science than environmental science.

Lecturer | Hamish Rennie • Read about or do research more into the history of urban planning before taking up this course. Since this course requires a lot of reading, knowing the basic fundamental concepts is vital.

FINC 305 INVESTMENT MANAGEMENT

ERST 601 ADVANCED THEORY IN RESOURCE STUDIES

Lecturer | Cuong Cao Nguyen • If you don’t ask questions early, you will get lost and confused about content, as it links on to each other.

• This class strongly refers to theories of neoclassic.

Lecturer | Roy Montgomery

• Engage in class discussions.

• It is theoretical and assignments are about issues and how these issues are applied and framed using theories.

FORS 270 APPLIED AGROFORESTRY

ERST 631 ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCES IN ENVIRONMENTAL POLICY

Lecturer | Mark Bloomberg • It is an interesting course that helps with farming

• Don’t do it unless you love trees, like love LOVE, love love, I mean, love trees!

Lecturer | Ronlyn Duncan

• If you want to be a forester take this course.

• The paper is more set around philosophical issues around the uses of science, such as politics, rather than of science itself.

• Very good as there are no tests or assignments, labs equate to 50% of the course.

FORS 310 FOREST MANAGEMENT Lecturer | Mark Bloomberg • Do the 200 level paper.

LASC 211 PLANTING DESIGN AND MANAGEMENT Lecturer | Mike Barthelmeh

• You don’t necessarily need to have a background in forestry but you need to be aware there may be things you won’t grasp as easily as others.

GENE 201 GENETICS

• A botanical book on plants would be helpful.

• Make cue cards to help with remembering plants for tests.

• Familiarise yourself with the plants on the plant walks and start learning their names early.

LINC 101 LAND, PEOPLE AND ECONOMIES Lecturer | Ronlyn Duncan • Answer the quiz questions each week, they are a good way to get at least 10% of your grade.

Lecturer | Hayley Ridgway

• If you miss a lecture, take advantage of the lectures being posted online and go watch them.

• It would be beneficial to have some prior knowledge about bio or genetics.

• The lecturer is easy to talk to.

• The course is full on, you need to be interested in the subject and be prepared to put in the effort!

• All the good stuff is in the discussion, not the power point.

• Don’t fail or you’ll have to do it again.

• Regardless of what people tell you, this course is related to whatever you are studying. It’s very interesting and it gives you a good understanding of modern day issues.

• I hope you love land…

• It’s helpful to know the basic geographical knowledge

Caclin Issue 4 | 35

LINC 102

MGMT 024

RESEARCH AND ANALYTICAL SKILLS

FARM MANAGEMENT SYSTEMS A

Lecturer | Suzanne Trafford

Lecturer | Russell Cameron • Ask questions!

• The work is simple to do, no need to spend more time than necessary on it.

• Don’t buy text book, waste of time.

• Go to workshops.

• A background in statistics from high school would be beneficial.

LWST 302 RESOURCE MANAGEMENT LAW • Understand that what you are learning will continue to change the RMA is a living document.

• Do not take this paper unless you have to especially if you are doing an agricultural based degree.

• Don’t take it as an option.

• I hope you love law, otherwise you’re going to have a bad time.

• Make sure you have a good understanding of LWST 101 and LWST 203 as this will give you a good grounding for this course.

• Buy the legislation textbook, it saves a lot of time!

• Be prepared to do a lot of work yourself to be able to understand what is being taught.

• You need to take in as much as you can.

• Think carefully about whether you want to do a Dip Ag or not, as it is hard work.

• Complete more preparation with gross margins and partial budgets etc.

MGMT 106 GLOBAL FOOD SYSTEMS Lecturer | Sharon Lucock • This course is useful for ‘comms’ and food marketing students.

• You will learn lots about the agribusiness within New Zealand and also the rest of the world.

• This course provides really good practice for essay writing.

MGMT 201

MGMT 318

PRINCIPLES OF FARM MANAGEMENT

NEW VENTURE PLANNING IN PRIMARY PRODUCTION

Lecturer | Victoria Westbrooke • Make sure you go on the field trips.

• There is a heavy workload involved in this course.

Lecturer | Guy Trafford • Read the manual • Know how to use excel

• It is a big step up from MGMT103, but it is not too difficult if good notes are taken, especially on field trips.

• Try to pay attention and understand all of the Excel demonstrations

• The assignments will take you longer than you expect!

• Work together.

MGMT 316 FARM MANAGEMENT ANALYSIS AND PLANNING

MKTG 301 MARKETING ANALYTICS AND RESEARCH Lecturer | David Dean

• Get ready for a lot of work…

• This course is fantastic if you wish to undertake any kind of research in the future.

• Go on the field trip.

• The majority of the course is ‘group work’ focused.

Lecturer | Bruce Greig

• It’s very complex and confusing.

• Start the PFS straight away!

• You will be expected to memorise lecture notes, understand the concepts and write about it all.

• It’s a very time consuming course.

Caclin Issue 4 | 37

MKTG 322 RETAILING AND SALES MANAGEMENT Lecturer | David Dean • It has elective internals, this way you can decipher whether your exam is worth 40% through to 100%.

PLPT 323 GRAPE PEST AND DISEASE MANAGEMENT • Review past year exam papers for practice questions.

• It gives a thorough overview of the pests and diseases of grapevines, which you need to have.

• He is the best lecturer, heaps of fun!

• It covers a lot of factual information and is taught in an old fashioned style but just live with that and you will find it useful.

• Lecturers are very open to discussion.

PHSC 101 CHEMISTRY IA Lecturer | Nik Lehto

PLSC 320

• It’s hard!

• Use the support course.

CROP SCIENCE

• Do A LOT of practise questions.

• If you haven’t done chemistry at high school then you should get some chemistry material to read up on, otherwise you might get left behind.

Lecturer | Mitchell Andrews • The course is well structured and easy to pass!

• Taking QMET306 at the same time is very helpful as they are related, and the statistics in QMET can help you a lot in this course.

• A good high school base of chemistry would be a huge advantage.

• Re-watch the lectures for help with the online questions.

• You need to love plants to enjoy this course….

PSYC 101

SOCI 204

INTRODUCTION TO PSYCHOLOGY

RESEARCH METHODS

Lecturer | Gary Steel

Lecturer | John Boereboom

• You don’t necessarily have to buy the latest text book, you can use the previous year’s edition, and it still will have most of the content.

• Choose a good group of students to do your group project with!

• The summary at the end of each chapter is really helpful.

• A lot of the content is written on the slide.

• Print the slides before the lecture.

RECN 110 CONCEPTS IN SPORT AND RECREATION Lecturer | Mitchell Andrews • Don’t over-think things, the material is very logical!

• Communicate well with the members in your group work.

• It’s a fun course which looks over most aspects of sport and leisure.

• Relate the course content to everyday life so it makes the class more enjoyable.

• The history section of the course has lots of content but it is the main topic of the midsemester test.

• Get on to work early, easy to fall behind quickly.

• Be prepared for group work!

• This is a course about learning how to undertake a research project.

• You get hands-on experience in doing your own research.

• Must know SPSS before taking it.

TOUR 301 TOURIST BEHAVIOUR Lecturer | Joanna Fountain

• Get involved in the class discussions, as the lecturer tends to speak for a while about certain aspects and stories are a great way to learn.

• Print your lecture notes before class to fill in the gaps!

• Go to class, parts are missed out of the slides.

Caclin Issue 4 | 39

VAPM PROPERTY ANALYTICAL METHODS • This is a great course and it is all relevant to the real world.

• Make sure you start your group case study early so you can work on it throughout the Semester and not have a mad rush at the end.

WINE 202 PRINCIPLES OF WINE SCIENCE • The lecturers are very helpful.

• Keep a wine-making diary of tastings from your microvin project - this will help you write about each step in further detail and remember why you did what you did.

So that’s the Rough Guide for this Semester.

Take this information, and use it to your advantage, and kick course butt.

Is your course not here?

If you know someone who did that course last year, tell them they’re an inconsiderate dick for not giving course feedback.

Although, to be fair, not all courses are surveyed, so maybe check that first before you go pointing fingers.

Either way - now you can see how helpful that feedback is for new students, make sure you contribute your expertise by filling in the feedback forms at the end of this Semester.

Please? Thanks.

• Really learn the basics of making wine before you start your microvin.

Caclin Issue 4 | 40

There’s a good student *pats head*.

Ducks are Smarter Than Humans and other interesting observations from J’nas in Aliens Come to Lincoln

By Abigail Jones

Caclin Issue 4 | 41

It was autumn. The leaves on the trees

avoiding trouble with local authorities

commercial structures he passed next

had changed from a fresh and vibrant

was that they trapped heat. This was not

had a similar style.

mixture of greens to shades of fiery red

the best environment for an ectotherm

and orange. J’Nas the alien suddenly

like himself.

He paused by the railing where a small waterway passed under the road. Beside

understood all the poems humans wrote about this time of year.

***

it were many trees and the slender,

What he did not understand was

Lectures done for the day, J’Nas decided

seemed incongruous in the midst of the

their apparent nonchalance towards

to venture into Lincoln Township. A

settlement. He would investigate. J’Nas

the darker side of autumn. They may

warm, dry wind blew and the tar-

continued past the railing and turned

complain about the cold and take steps

covered roadway he followed radiated

right.

to mitigate or avoid it, but essentially

heat. As the four wheeled, fossil fuel

they carried on with their lives just as

powered motorised vehicles sped past

He followed a path, which eventually

they did during the warmer months.

J’Nas reflected that maybe there were

lead into the trees and over a bridge. It

Some students were still wearing shorts

some disadvantages to an exoskeleton

was colder in the shade and J’Nas had

even when the temperature was barely

after all. He could not cough to clear the

just sped up when a raucous sound

reaching 10°C as they measured it. J’Nas

pollutants from his respiratory system.

caught his attention. Glancing to the

upright vegetation known as grass. It

left he saw a human female crouched

had been informed by the individuals he associated with that in his current apparel he looked like an Inuit, a people native to a distant landmass that got extremely cold.

“So Jonas, if you’re wearing that many layers now what are you going to do when winter really comes?” Jennifer asked him.

“Are you implying that it truly does get colder than this?”

“Yep.” Resorting to an expression acquired

As the four wheeled, fossil fuel powered motorised vehicles sped past J’Nas reflected that maybe there were some disadvantages to an exoskeleton after all.

Perhaps remaining on Earth to study the

He ambled past the variety of vegetation

prominent endemic species had been a

that grew in front of various research

mistake.

facilities, idly wondering what the

J’Nas struggled to get his thick, padded jacket on over his two layers of long sleeved tops as he opened the door. It was sunny outside; after a clear night the air would be sharply chilly. Then he felt the sun on his face. The autumn weather patterns had suddenly produced a warm day. In fact, the common human simile for a day such as this was “like an oven.”

J’Nas hastened back inside to remove a few layers. There was no way he was wearing so many clothes on a day like this. J’Nas did not like clothes; he had an exoskeleton for protection.

Unfortunately, in his human disguise walking around without clothes would contravene social taboos. The only practical advantage to clothes besides

Caclin Issue 4 | 42

a throng of small feathered avians. The noise came from them as they scrabbled after the food – unidentifiable from this distance – that she threw.

“Quack. Quack. Quaaaack.”

The woman left and J’Nas hurried down.

This was the most amazing thing he had yet discovered. *** Evan had been jogging around Lincoln.

As he headed along the path by the

from the humans, J’Nas groaned.

***

by the water distributing something to

humans in the complexes were working on. Perhaps they were looking for a way to produce photosynthesising humans?

That would be one way to meet their future food demands, but J’Nas doubted it would work. What about breeding a species of the tall, upright flora they called trees which took less than one solar orbit to grow to significant size?

That would ensure their bureaucrats never ran out of paper.

J’Nas wandered on. He passed residential structures in a variety of colours and materials, but little true variety. He was getting used to how different humans could be from each other in matters of appearance so this uniformity took him by surprise. All of the buildings were

Liffey he spotted a squat figure crouching by the water surrounded by ducks.

It looked like Jonas, but Jonas never seemed to leave the university. His curiosity roused, Evan turned down the hill.

Reaching Jonas, Evan realised that he was talking to the ducks. Not just mindless babble like a lot of people used with animals, but an actual conversation.

His friend John was right; Jonas may be an okay guy, but he sure was weird.

“Hi Jonas, great day isn’t it? Why are you talking to a bunch of birds?”

“Actually, I consider them to be some of the most intelligence beings I have met. They just swim and converse with each other while people throw them food. They have it all worked out.”

essentially a series of rectangles with

“How can you say that with a straight

pointed roofs. Where were the circles,

face?” Evan asked in astonishment,

tetrahedrons and aimless curves? The

“Jonas, they are DUCKS, birdbrains. You

colloquialism.

know; stupid, little birdbrains.”

J’Nas was grateful for the beginning of the Jonas looked confused. “I have heard the

lecture. He had not received such puzzled

best student at high school is awarded

looks from John since they first met. Of

ducks. I do not quite comprehend that. Why

course, back then he had not understood

do you award people for being smart by

what the human’s facial expression

giving them a poultry prize, unless of course

implied.

the Anatidae are intelligent also?” ***

I have heard the best student at high school is awarded ducks. I do not quite comprehend that.

After the lecture John and J’Nas wandered towards the doors together.

J’Nas intended to continue researching human culture in the library while John watched cinematography on a global cyber system called “internet”.

Emerging from the building, J’Nas dashed

“John’s right. You are weird.”

ahead and waited in the encompassing warmth of the library foyer for John to

“Have a good run, Evan,” Jonas called after

arrive. When John entered his eyebrows

him as he left.

were pushed together in the middle. J’Nas recalled that this indicated annoyance or

When Evan glanced back he saw Jonas

anger.

had returned to the ducks and resumed his conversation.

“What’s gotten into you today, Jonas? You keep ignoring me and running off.”

*** “I apologise for my apparent neglect, but the The next day J’Nas opened the door

current climate is having a deleterious effect

and the low temperature felt like

on my metabolism.”

scalpels sliding through the joins of his exoskeleton. He went back to get his long

“I thought you’d stopped talking in that

sleeved tops and his jacket.

fancy way.”

His layers of insulation in place, J’Nas

Finally J’Nas’ brain heated sufficiently for

hastened out of the hall where he resided.

effective cognition.

As he was scurrying past the pale blue building which contained the student

“I have been having a lot of fun since coming

association, John called out to him.

here. This place has fascinating people,

There was no time to exchange the ritual

customs and ducks. But John, I really hate

greeting. J’Nas hurried on. At last he

the cold.”

stumbled in to the comparative warmth of the lecture theatre and collapsed into a seat. Soon afterwards John joined him.

“Didn’t you hear me say hi, Jonas?” the human enquired.

“I regret the temperature was too low for me to acknowledge your salutation.”

If you have missed out on any J’nas, you can catch up on previous issues of Caclin online at: lusa.org.nz/ caclin

“If you’re cold now just wait until winter really gets started.” *** Though only here to conduct observational research, J’Nas’ sojourn on Earth had been entertaining until the seasonal decline in temperature. Perhaps

“Are you saying it was too cold to talk to me?

it was time for him to leave. Then again,

Jonas mate, you know we don’t get a thing

meeting the ducks made any hardship

you say when you talk like that.”

worthwhile. Who knew what fun he would have next?

“Words are intangible so how can you acquire them?” Then J’Nas’ cold-slowed brain began to work. It was another Caclin Issue 4 | 43

Charlie’s Story: Living with cancer is traumatic at any time, but even more so for young people already facing challenges of identity, independence, education, relationships, intimacy and employment. With 14 regional branches across New Zealand, CanTeen ensures there is support nearby for all young Kiwis living with cancer because we believe no young person should go through cancer alone.

We're here for 13-24 year olds at every stage of their cancer journey, whether they're dealing with:having cancer themselves, a brother or sister being diagnosed with cancer, or the death of a sibling.

My brother Jake was diagnosed with retinoblastoma when he was eight months old; I was three. I don’t really remember a thing about the actual diagnosis, treatment or surgery stage but I do remember growing up with a brother who had cancer. I just always knew he had one real eye, one fake eye; he was different.

All throughout my childhood I can remember this persistent need to protect Jake. He is my little brother; he is not the same as everyone else.

Therefore it's my job to make him okay. Not to make sure he is okay to deal with the bullies in life, but to make him okay so he can fit in with a world that is obsessed with "normal".

I became a CanTeen member five years ago and initially I joined because I thought it would look good on my CV. But within two casual catch-ups at the local branch I realised how wrong I was and that this was a place for me.

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SELFISH OF ME, THE HEALTHY CHILD, TO DEMAND ATTENTION

Finally there was a place that recognised siblings. Now don't get me wrong, I'm lucky enough to have two wonderfully loving parents, and they would do anything for me, and have.

But as a healthy sibling, for years it felt like I had always

faded into the background whenever Jake's cancer would come up.; it would have been selfish of me, the healthy child, to demand attention. So to finally be around other siblings whose journeys were also recognised was incredible for me.

Charlie is a CanTeen Sibling Member from Christchurch.

She’s recently graduated university and says CanTeen has been by her side every step of the way.

Even when I entered CanTeen, part of me felt as if I didn't deserve to be there. Initially I felt selfish talking about how Jake's cancer affected my life, but slowly over time and with numerous support programmes I attended, I've been able to realise that my story, just like every other sibling members' story, matters. We are important, and I am so grateful to CanTeen for providing a safe and inviting place where I can offload my worries knowing there will be no judgements or taunts, only a listening ear.

CanTeen has been the second home that I didn't realise I was missing.

CanTeen has been such a huge support that I sometimes wonder how I would have got through these last five years without it, and the wonderful people at its heart. The CanTeen Christchurch branch has been my hub to go and hangout, talk crap, have fun and just enjoy the company of other like-minded people.

And, it's not only cancer, but every other part of adolescence that they help us through on top of it. The members and staff of CanTeen have gotten me through breakups, earthquakes, moves, five stressful years of

Caclin Issue 4 | 44

Jake and Charlie

university, and even the daunting job hunt at the end of it, all for which I am forever grateful.

CANTEEN HAS BEEN THE SECOND HOME THAT I DIDN'T REALISE I WAS MISSING. CanTeen has also been the spark that has made me see my potential. It constantly serves as a reminder that I can achieve great things and they are there to support me every step of the way. Because of CanTeen I have a 10 year goal of becoming a hospital play specialist, helping out other sick children in hospital. I am somewhat scared of turning 25 in a couple of years and 'aging out' of CanTeen, as I know what a significant chunk of my life I have dedicated to it. But I also know that I

Canteen Christchurch

have a few years left [with Canteen] which, with CanTeen's help, I plan to make magical.

VOLUNTEER TODAY! Student life can be hard on the back account, but you don’t need to donate money to help CanTeen.

Why not do your bit to help support young people living with cancer by donating your time to the annual street appeal on Friday 18th September? If you and your friends are interested in volunteering, either in Christchurch or elsewhere, please email appeal@canteen.org.nz for more information.

If you simply want to learn more about our services or ways you can donate, please visit canteen.org.nz, or follow us on Facebook for regular updates.

Caclin Issue 4 | 45

I Grew Up in Hilgendorf Or perhaps I just spent a great deal of time there...

To the third floor! Never go to the

its attacker. Dad's has hair humor:

fifth floor by yourself at night. No

baldness and beards. Dusty

one could hear you up there! Out

laboratory rooms, with mazes of

Dad worked in and out of an office

of the elevator, the floor would

towering desks, alive with bubbling

at the end of a dark, long, square

be separated into two hallways,

beakers, sucking bell jars and the

tiled hallway on the third floor,

identical, except one hallway has

stench of acrid silage sting the eyes.

where the only source of light

bones in it...

Better turn the light on!

his door. If it was night time, as it

In Dad's hall, doors one after the

Tremendous rows of cabinets

often was, it would be so dark that

other. An office, with humorous

with glass doors house treasure!

came from the fire exit next to

corners of that square hallway were

A gigantic glass beaker, bucket

undefinable.

sized, next to it, big brother flask,

After dinner one night, Dad has to go to work to check on an experiment. We want to come!

After pulling into the car park of someone important who wouldn’t be at work that late, we enter the small door at the rear of the building. Faced with a rather unwelcoming foyer of concrete and dark tiles, reminiscent of the building itself, my brothers and I race to the third floor, "I get the lift!!!" A small grey door would slowly rumble louder as the capsule

On top of the cabinets, the most dreadful treasures of all.

In formaldehyde.

Diseased organs, fetuses, and intestines, or are they giant worms... animal bodies, a dog!

only a bit smaller. Moving down the cabinets, glass jars, with glass corkscrew straws inside, glass spouts, winding glass tubes, vials and phials, getting smaller and smaller, a scientific Russian Doll!

And there, thimble sized...! Which goblin created that...?

On top of the cabinets, the most dreadful treasures of all. In formaldehyde. Diseased organs, fetuses, and intestines, or are they giant worms... animal bodies, a dog!

My brothers and I tear up and

dragged itself down the shaft. A

down the hallway on vintage office

terrified thrill always accompanied

chairs and trollies, until Dad's voice

that trip. Would I be trapped

pictures stuck on the door: A frog

echoes down the walls, "Don't break

forever?

being eaten by a bird struggles for

anything!", and we know it’s time

its life by attempting to strangle

to stop.

Caclin Issue 4 | 46

It's getting late, but before we go home, Dad must take us down the other hallway.

My throat tightens, mouth dries and heart quickens its beat. I grab Dad's leg. Somehow the neighboring hallway is darker than its twin. Our steps echo. Dad's hand turns the door knob. It opens. A grey tin locker looms. Dad slowly pushes the latch open.

Black eye sockets stare. Two rows of glowing teeth, forced into an involuntary lipless grin. Hole for a nose. Hollow bone cage lungless. So quiet. That skeleton man in the cupboard was lonely. He horrified me, and I was fascinated.

On the way home, he was there in the shadows.

My friend Tim works at the University.

He told me last time I saw him that they were throwing things out of Higendorf’s windows in preparation for the demolition.

My heart aches. That place has a kind of soul to me. A majestic, dusty, haunted old soul. It's not a pretty building, but it has a soul.

– Written and illustrated

by Joy Isherwood

Caclin Issue 4 | 47

Noodles HOW TO UPGRADE BORING

INTO AWESOME NOODLES

The easiest way to quickly upgrade a bowl of instant noodles is with ingredients that require no extra cooking. I’m talking simple sauces and condiments like:

GET SAUCY

Miso paste – You can buy a tub of it for really cheap at your Asian grocery, or even in the International section at Pak n Save.

Sriracha / chili sauce Soy sauce Fish sauce Kecap Manis - Sweet soy sauce Oyster sauce Keep it simple: don’t go overboard with too many competing flavours.

PRO TIP: If you’re using a salty sauce (giggity), you should omit some of the seasoning packet caus it’s full of salt.

GO STIR CRAZY

ADD SOME ROUGHAGE

Cook your noodles until a little underdone, drain, then toss it

Quick cooking vegetables like spinach, bean sprouts, thinly

in a hot hot hot pan or wok with a little oil.

sliced cabbage, and bok choy (amongst others) can be stirred into the soup right before serving, or toss them around in your

Add soy sauce, garlic, crack an egg in there and scramble it up.

wok or pan. They will wilt in a matter of seconds. You can also use frozen veges if you’ve got nothing fresh in the fridge.

Pro tip: Stir fry with Sriracha/chili sauce and peanut butter with a dash of fish sauce- it’s like University pad thai. Do it right, and no one will even recognise your cheap noodles wearing their new Thai hat. plain old oyster sauce with a touch of sesame oil is an easy

SPICE THINGS UP

crowd-pleaser. It’s still great without the sesame so don’t get too hung up on that.

Mix in your favourite spices into the broth, or stir fry. Options: White pepper Garlic powder – do you know about this stuff? you can buy a KG of it for like $6 at Bin Inn or asian grocery stores.

Ground coriander / cumin / curry powder / you choose Sprinkle paprika on top to serve Caclin Issue 4 | 48

DEM GAINZ / PROTEIN BABY EGGS Add a boiled egg or two, or three.

Fry an egg and chuck it on top.

MEAT

TOFU

Thinly sliced meats can be cooked in a

Buy fresh firm tofu, cut it into little

matter of seconds directly in the pot.

cubes, and chuck it in to your noodles

Chicken breast, pork tenderloin, or

however you’d like to cook them.

flank steak are all great candidates.

Poach it – From Reddit: “When you put

Stir soft tofu through your stir fry.

the noodles in, use your chopsticks to

Pro tip: marinade your meat in the

It goes creamy in a weird way that

gently separate them as they get soft.

seasoning packet!

vegans love.

middle, crack the egg right in there. Make

Add leftover roast meat - shred it up

You can buy deep fried tofu puffs

sure you keep it at a low boil. The noodles

and chuck it in.

which act like little flavour sponges

When you can get an opening in the

surrounding the egg will keep the egg from spreading out too much. Also, a bit

Throw in some prawns - they only take

of egg separation isn’t that big of a deal

a minute - they’re ready when they go

when it’s in a soup and you’re not trying

pink/orange!

to make a neat presentation on top of an English muffin for Eggs Benedict.”

Luncheon? Gross, but up to you.

PHO-KING GOOD SOUP Boil with a lemon grass stalk in there, and a couple of kaffir

GARNISH LIKE A PRO Chop up some spring onion and dump it in there.

lime leaves. Add a dash of fish sauce and some fresh herbs and you’re set! Can you say Tom YUM?

Aw shi*t yes Coriander (unless you’re one of those people that thing Coriander tastes like the devil, in which case, just have

Add some coconut milk and you’ve got yourself a quick

some parsley. Geez).

version of Tom Ka. Fried onions and/or garlic - get these from your asian grocery too! They’re little crispy nuggets of joy.

Fried bacon - why the heck not?

Toasted Sesame Seeds sprinkled on top. So good.

BE A SAD SNACK Just crunch up the noodles in the bag, tear off a corner, add the seasoning packet, hold the torn corner and shake it up, then consume. Lick your fingers clean after this one.

There’s heaps of stuff you can do - and don’t worry if you’re “missing” an ingredient - just improvise, it’s fun! And if it goes wrong, hey who cares? It’s just a pack of noodles, it’s not like it’s a fillet steak stuffed with lobster and served on a bed of cavier with truffle oil.

And if you’re still worried about the price - see over the page for your chance to win a month’s supply of noodles.

Caclin Issue 4 | 49

Win

A MONTH’S SUPPLY OF NOODLES FOR THE CHANCE TO WIN A MONTH’S WORTH OF NOODLES TO KEEP ON HAND FOR THOSE COLD NIGHTS OR RAINY LUNCHTIMES, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS EMAIL CACLIN@LUSA.ORG.NZ AND TELL US WHAT YOU COULD DO WITH YOUR OODLES OF NOODLES.

Winter is here and we know it sucks. It¹s cold, dark and all we want to do is curl up with a bowl of something warm and delicious. We also know that as a student your weekly food budget often consists of the spare change you find under the couch.

The good folks at Countdown can¹t fix the weather, but they do have your cheap eats sorted!

From this week the price of Homebrand Noodles will be on Lockdown (read: cheaper) at just $1.80 for a five pack, or two five packs for $3, in chicken and beef flavours. And this price is here to stay.

E.G. CHANNEL 90S JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, OR BRIBE YOUR WAY OFF THE CHORE ROSTER.

Caclin Issue 4 | 50

Caclin Issue 4 | 51

Caclin Issue 4 | 52

TOTALLY DUMB [NOT AT ALL] SCARILY ACCURATE

ARIES MARCH 21 – APRIL 20 You know the saying, “it’s so cold that my nipples could cut glass.” That will apply to you this month - just be careful what surfaces you touch your nipples to, and remember that scene from Dumb and Dumber with the tongue and the ski lift. Yep.

CANCER

HOROSCOPES TAURUS APRIL 21 – MAY 21 As a bull, you’re so good at making things up that people actually think you’re pretty intelligent. One day though, you will tell such a whopping lie that your pants may actually catch on fire.

JUNE 22 – JULY 23 Your usually terrific memory is going to turn hazy, leaving you regretting having your phone on silent and wondering where it is.

GEMINI MAY 22 – JUNE 21 People will actually listen to you, and not just pretend to listen, like they usually do. For some reason, you actually have something interesting and intelligent to say. You’ve got until Sunday of this week and then it’s back to everything you say falling on deaf ears. Enjoy!

VIRGO AUG 24 – SEP 23

Horoscopes LEO JULY 24 – AUG 23 Your feelings will be hurt when a close friend calls you stupid. Cut them some slack - they really thought that you already knew.

The alignment of Jupiter and Uranus is meant to mean romance for you this month, but unfortunately you’re doomed to fail because of your crap pick-up lines.

LIBRA SEPT 24 – OCT 23 Do what you need to do to keep warm, but don’t blame us when you’re caught using a tea cosy for things that a tea cosy was never designed to do.

SAGITTARIUS SCORPIO

NOV 23 – DEC 22

OCT 24 – NOV 22

You love travelling and if you had money then you would do so.

Unfortunately you never have the money because you are a lazy bugger.

Avoid the local bars on Wednesdays, the combination of booze and off key singalongs will lead to hasty decisions resulting in uncomfortable morning lectures.

PISCES CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

FEB 20 – MARCH 20

DEC 23 – JAN 20

JAN 21 – FEB 19

Listen to Shia LaBeouf, and DO IT. What am I talking about? Doesn’t matter, just DO IT.

Against all odds, you are probably going to find a gullible person to sleep with you.

Spontaneous Mercury has you switching things up out of the blue! Did this cause you to change all your online passwords?

Good luck remembering them all...

Caclin Issue 4 | 53

No one

SOME OF OUR FAVOURITE YAKS FROM LINCOLN IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS. “I won’t be happy until they bring back McLeod’s Daughters.”

“Guy with dreads who works at New World. I dig you ;) ”

EVERYONE HAS BEEN AWAY FROM LINCOLN FOR THE HOLIDAYS, SO WE COULDN’T DO FLAT OF THE MONTH. THAT’S SO FREAKIN’ SAD. TO MAKE UP FOR IT, WE ARE DOING TWO NEXT MONTH. EXCITING!

Caclin Issue 4 | 54

“Drinking exotic fruit cruisers to get my 5+ a day.”

“Shout out to my mate who sent his dick pic to his story rather than his girlfriend.”

“Wondering when that part of puberty that makes you hot will kick in #20andstillwaiting ”

Puzzles n Stuff

SUDOKU 8

3

3

4

4

5 7

1

4

9

3

5

2

2

1

9

4

8 5 2

9

3 7

3

2

8 2

3

1 9

6

7

9

3

5

2

8

8 4

simple

6

7

7 4

4

8 4

1 2

6

6

7

8 3

3

6

5 6

1

1

8

4

9

6

reasonably doable

1

6

3

4

8

2

5 8

9

2

6

4

8

8 1

7 4

9

6 2

9

7

3

8

3 8

6 7

3

pretty tricky

3 2

4

5

4 7

4

2

7 3

8

5

9

6

2

7 1

3

4

perfectly evil

WORD SQUARE B

T

A

C

I

F

A

R

E

How many words can you make using these nine letters? You must use the letter in the middle black box.

There is at least one nine letter word to be made!

Target: 56 words

A Spanish magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, “uno, dos...” *poof* He disappears without a tres.

Why did the sea lion go to the tupperware party?

He was looking for a tight seal.

Which is worse: ignorance or apathy?

I don’t know, and I don’t care.

Caclin Issue 4 | 55

Lumino The Dentists Lincoln is offering Lincoln University Students $69 exam and x-rays* Plus, Lincoln University students dental treatment required!**

*Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers. Offer will not be applied retrospectively. Valid at Lumino Lincoln only. **Excludes dental implants and orthodontics.

PLUS, ASK US ABOUT

30

on dental treatments $300 and over with Q Card!* Hurry - offer ends 31st July 2015. *Q Card lending criteria, fees, terms and conditions apply. Visit lumino.co.nz for more information.

55 Gerald Street, Lincoln 7608 Ph: 325 2696, lincoln@lumino.co.nz Practices nationwide | Ph: 0800 LUMINO | lumino.co.nz