Going the Distance by KS Women's Lifestyle

Going the Distance

Olympic Discus Thrower Whitney Ashley Trains for Gold

JULY 2020

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INSIDE

10 | The First Word COVER

JULY 2020

16 | Whitney Ashley Olympic Discus Thrower Adds Another Year on the Road to Tokyo

20 | The Joy of Summer Vegetables Jayni Carey Packs Flavor into this Classic French Dish

22 | Non-Profit Highlight: Douglas County Foundation & Just Food Sponsored by Edmonds-Duncan

26 | Stephane Scupham Champion of KC Film

30 | Better Together Stop Competing and Start Collaborating

34 | Tracey Tries At-Home Workouts 49 | Camping & Glamping Taking it Outside in an Inside World

58 | 8 Dates to Go on When You’ve Been With the Same Partner Forever

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features 12 | Communities Respond Dealing with the Pandemic in Creative Ways

37 | At Home with Mary Lies Rustic Italian Décor and American Craftsmen Architecture Fuse to Create Antique Dealer’s Dream Home

44 | Connecting Near & Far How We Can Stay in Contact Despite Social Distancing

53 | PANIC! In my 20s What I wish I knew...

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The First Word:

Black Lives Matter We usually save the segment where we interact with readers for last, but this isn’t a typical “The Last Word” segment. History is being written as people around the world speak out and take action against racial injustice. Here are some of our readers’ thoughts on the #BlackLivesMatter movement.

“One of the first steps is to have conversations with one another. People are beginning to see with their own eyes what African Americans and other minorities endure on a systemic level, but acknowledgement of it cannot be where we stop. The concept of implementation, ‘Think Globally, Act Locally,’ is how we must address racial inequality. A lot of us want immediate action taken at the federal level, but realistically this movement toward reform will take hard work, determination and support, starting within our communities.”

Nadia Laytimi

“Push beyond their comfort zone and be deliberate in taking personal responsibility for inequality. Recognizing that you are intrinsically attached to the problem should motivate you to look deeper and seek out ways to listen and support voices of inclusive change; join them in asking probing questions like, ‘Why is there so little transparency and accountability within your local police force?’ and ‘How can I help increase transparency and accountability for the betterment of my community?’”

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Listen. Listen to someone who is different than you. … Listen to understand. Once you have done that, thank the person for sharing their life experiences with you, then find someone else and continue to listen to them. After you have listened, then act. Be an accomplice for change by taking action to make unprecedented changes is what we need.

“What we need most right now is courage. Take off your mask, seek out people you disagree with and say the uncomfortable things you've been thinking OUT LOUD. It might get messy, but only in a mess can true healing begin.”

Willetta Willis-McGhee “We need to move beyond ‘niceness,’ which feels to me like a version of tolerance. We can do this by purposely seeking out content that presents perspectives, data, facts and opinions that are different or brand new to us. We have to be willing to digest that new or different information even if – especially if – it makes us feel uncomfortable. We have to recognize our discomfort and not project blame, until the discomfort dissolves and we can feel, hear, see things from our hearts. … We won't get anywhere until we get our hearts right.”

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Communities Respond

Dealing with the Pandemic in Creative Ways by

Julie Dunlap & Tracey English // photography

It’s no secret that the outpouring of assistance and care during the COVID-19 pandemic has been incredibly strong. From food to fresh air to free-form dance parties, we found a few extra-bright stars who have shined their own unique lights to make their communities stronger. Feeding Lawrence kids on short order Each year, more than 4,000 kids in the Lawrence Public Schools rely on the free and reduced-rate lunch program for meals. When all K-12 schools in the state were closed due to the COVID-19 health crisis, USD 497 continued providing meals until further concerns about the spread of the virus led the district to suspend the program April 9. Fortunately, thanks to the swift and massive efforts of community leaders, the Lawrence Public Schools Foundation partnered with the Chamber of Commerce, Lawrence Restaurant Association, United Way, Douglas County Community Foundation and numerous area organizations, restaurants and volunteers to resume meal service on April 15. “It just came together in literally less than a week,” marvels Dena Johnston, LPSF Executive Director, at the speed and ease all of the moving parts of the operation fell into place. “We were all very blessed.” Ten area restaurants jumped in to prepare and package 1,200 breakfasts and 1,200 lunches for students Monday through Saturday, with milk provided by HyVee. The meals were delivered to four designated spots around town for families to pick up anytime during the lunch period.

Dena Johnston (left) and Doug Holiday (right)

Trenton Bush

Meals were paid for in part from regular state funding, supplemented by fundraising efforts of LPSF and their ICAN fund, DCCF, Kansas Health Foundation and numerous area donors. Restaurants, in turn, were able to hire back some lost staff to prepare food and continue to order food from their suppliers during this sudden downturn. “I did not hesitate to even hear the details. I was all in,” says Doug Holiday, owner of Bigg’s BBQ, who provided hot and cold meals for the duration. “I have three boys that have all attended the Lawrence Public Schools K-12. We love USD 497 and have nothing but great things to say about their education.” “We have the best volunteers, they get to know the kids and the parents and the dogs, too,” says Angie Rexroad, volunteer and coordinator at the Billy Mills Middle School location. “And our restaurants have been phenomenal, just very accommodating.” More than 1,000 kids were fed each day through this program, with leftover meals benefitting Just Food, LINK, Lawrence Community Shelter and other outreach organizations. Community leaders in Arizona and Illinois have reached out to LPSF for help creating similar programs of their own. “I am so impressed with this entire community,” Holiday says. “I am proud to be a citizen in Lawrence, Kansas.” Johnston agrees: “It’s been mind-blowing to see how something so tragic could turn into something so positive.”

13 Taking care of Baldwin City in body and mind Just south of Lawrence, residents of nearby Baldwin City rallied in a flash to feed their school children, and not just physically. “Efforts for providing food for children were quickly mobilized and include the USD 348 Meals Program, which is available to all children ages 1-18 within our district,” says Kelly Bethel-Smith, of Baldwin City’s USD 348. With the help of school district leaders and local community groups that supplied volunteers and site hosts for distributing meals, USD 348 was able to address the need for meal assistance efficiently, with service beginning March 18, just five days after Douglas County issued the school closures. But food was not the only focus. One of the site hosts for the meal program, the Baldwin City Library, not only provided grab-and-go lunches three days a week for the more than 300 kids and teens going through the drive-through pickup line each time, they also gave out child-sized masks to encourage safe and healthy habits while out in public. Under the leadership of Baldwin City Library Director Wendy Conover, the venue also worked to ensure that every child who wanted a library card had one. As is expected, they saw an increase during the state’s stay-at-home directive in the use of the digital resources that the library had always offered, so they took the time to research and share new online opportunities as each became available. During the school year, the library also partnered with the high school’s mental health team to post Wellness Wednesday information each week, including resources and images to help students stay mentally healthy and find the

support services they need. Perhaps one of the most collaborative initiatives at the library was launched by its Great & Powerful teen and young adult group. This youth empowerment program, created in 2019, focuses on mental health well-being and is designed for youth by youth. Baldwin City-based Wholistic Life Counselor Ilene Kimsey helped launch the program, and she states there are currently 12 Baldwin City youth leaders who have been committed to addressing the mental health needs of the community. One vital element of the Great & Powerful group’s efforts is the Wellness Walk, a path decorated with motivating and supportive messages for residents to enjoy and contribute to as well. Families can stroll down the Wellness Walk at any time and add messages of support and encouragement for others. “People love seeing the messages on the Wellness Walk, and I think they also love that it’s the brainchild of local teens and young adults who truly care about their community,” Conover says. All of these community leaders appreciate the “all hands on deck,” multifaceted approach the community adopted when addressing the mental, physical and emotional toll that this COVID-19 pandemic has taken on kids within the school system. “As a small town, I think we always do our best work for – and among – our neighbors when our community partnerships are strong and dependable,” Bethell-Smith says. “During this crisis, I have observed that light shining even more brightly.” CONTINUED ON P. 14

Wendy Conover

Ilene Kimsey

Katie Gilchrist and Mark Johnson

Dancing in the Streets When COVID-19 suddenly limited person-to-person socializing, Kansas City-based performing artist Katie Gilchrist heeded what she reverently refers to as the call of an “emotional first responder,” using her heart and talents to treat her hometown to something infectiously happy. “I woke up with a very, very, very deep need to put my actual eyeballs on my parents,” she recalls of one Saturday morning in early April when the idea first came to her. “I can roll up and play Doobie Brothers, and I’ll bring Mom some books she wanted to borrow ... but then it got bigger.” By the time her partner, Mark Johnson, had finished his coffee, Gilchrist reached out onto Facebook, “I’m going to go social distance dancing today. Who wants to dance?” Fifteen people said yes. Decked out in a tutu and “Not Today, Satan” T-shirt, Gilchrist and Johnson loaded their car with an array of wigs and a list of song requests and headed out to dance. “We were getting requests as it was happen-

ing, because I was posting videos,” she laughs. “And, at first, people were like, ‘I don’t really know what’s going on.’” Her friends and family quickly picked up on the process though, and the socially distant dance party soon caught fire. Friends pick a song and receive a rough ETA. Gilchrist gives them a 10-minute warning and a final warning moments before rolling up with music blaring. Gilchrist and Johnson exit the car dancing across the yard from their friends for the duration of the song. As of Memorial Day Weekend, the pair had danced at 76 homes with over 145 people. This passion for connecting to and helping others runs deep in Gilchrist’s veins. The daughter of a KCFD Deputy Chief and longtime ER nurse, Gilchrist and her brothers grew up in a home of first responders. One of her brothers has even followed in his father’s footsteps as a firefighter. “They live in a constant state of being selfless and giving of themselves and working to protect the people of the community and ensure their safety,” Gilchrist says of her family. “And

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15 although my vocation didn’t call me to do what they did, we all were raised to do the things we can, when they need to be done. I just wanted to help people feel happy for as long as a song would last.” Gilchrist and Johnson will continue the socially distant dance parties as long as needed, noting that the endeavors are just as healing for them as they are for their friends. “It’s been truly one of the most soulful and joyful experiences of my life.” Assisting Eudora families Like many surrounding school districts, the Eudora School District was able to quickly mobilize a meal program for its students, serving grab-and-go breakfasts and lunches at two locations in town. Knowing the food pantry would be more vital than ever for the many students and families who use this important resource, the Eudora Schools Foundation stepped up and hosted mobile food drives for the local Eudora Food Pantry. In a very short period of time, they collected truckloads of non-perishable foods and financial donations. But Shanda Hurla, executive director of the Eudora Schools Foundation, knew the district’s families would likely need more than meals during this time. The Bird’s Nest Boutique is typically open through-

out the school year for students and families to shop for essential hygiene items and gently used clothing. With the stay-at-home orders in effect, Hurla and the ESF did not want to cut off families from the boutique and – like many area retailers – instead adjusted their business model to go online. With an expanded offering of hygiene and clothing items, the Bird’s Nest Boutique was able to take virtual requests. As those requests came in, Hurla completed the shopping and arrangements were made for the families to pick up needed items at the district office. Within a few weeks of launching the online store, Hurla says they had more than 20 families request much-needed items, including clothing and shoes, with 25 families reaching out by the end of the school year. “It made me realize that the need is great,” she says. “It has been wonderful getting messages from the families after they pick up their items and how much they appreciate it and how much it helps.”

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Julie Dunlap // photography

Trenton Bush

The road to Tokyo 2020 might be a more roundabout route than originally planned, but Lawrence-based Olympic discus thrower Whitney Ashley is perfectly at ease with the detour. After all, her path to the Olympics has been paved with them. “I actually grew up a basketball player,” Ashley says. By her senior year of high school, Ashley was all in for track and field, specializing in shot put and eventually earning a scholarship and a place on the San Diego State University track and field team. “When I got there they said, ‘We’re glad you’re here, but we brought you here to throw the discus.’” While she was hesitant at first, Ashley came to trust her coaches’ vision, taking a redshirt year to learn to throw the discus. The detour paid off. CONTINUED ON P. 18

Whitney Ashley Olympic Discus Thrower Adds Another Year on the Road to Tokyo

“In one year, I went from nothing to being an All-American,” Ashley reveals. “And my second year, I won a national title.” Ashley became the first Women’s National Champion in the program from SDSU since 1984. She holds three school records. With a national title to her name and a degree in her hand, Ashley was ready to enter the world of public relations, but her coach, again, had another idea: London 2012. The mark she hit during the national championship meet had qualified her for the Olympic trials. All she had to do was finish in the top three out of the 18 women selected to participate in the trials, and she would be on her way to London. It turned out this plan was not as easy as it sounded. “My first Olympic trial, and I took dead last,” Ashley says. “I cried.” Not everyone saw her performance as a failure, though. Olympic discus coach Art Venegas reframed the experience as feedback for Ashley. “He said, ‘You have an idea of the kind of preparation it takes to make a team like this,’” Ashley recalls of the conversation that led to her next detour. “‘Give me four years and you will come back, and you will be better than ever.’” Uninterested in ending her otherwise highly successful discus career with a last place showing at the Olympic trials, Ashley got to work. Over the next four years she trained in Southern California with Venegas, representing the U.S. in the World Championships in Moscow and Beijing. She competed in Europe, and finally returned to the Olympic trials for Rio 2016.

Andy Kokhanovsky (left) and Whitney Ashley (right)

This time with better results. “I won the Olympic trials. My first throw, I had it in the bag,” Ashley beams. “I cried again, but this time out of triumph.” The thrill of victory at the Olympic trials soon gave way to the agony of defeat in Rio, as Ashley fouled out, coming in last. “So here I am with adversity again,” Ashley says, though Venegas was quick to point out the feedback to be had. “He said, ‘Now that you’ve made the Olympic team you’re not done.’” Venegas worked another year with Ashley before leaving the Olympic training staff due to reorganization. While she tried self-training for a year, Ashley knew she needed a coach. “I sat down and reflected on where I felt I could continue to grow and be of value,” she explains. After reaching out to her network of fellow throwers, Ashley took a chance on yet another detour, moving to Lawrence to join other Olympic hopefuls as a volunteer coach for the University of Kansas under the expertise of Andy Kokhanovsky, a KU track and field assistant coach

and 1996 Olympian from the Ukraine. “If you don’t have the right attitude, it’s hard to be competitive, and she has it,” Kokhanovsky says of Ashley. The right attitude is exactly what allows Ashley to navigate this latest Olympic-sized corona detour when the International Olympic Committee announced that the 2020 Tokyo games would be postponed due to the worldwide COVID-19 outbreak. “I was actually thankful because this was not suitable training, throwing out of a parking lot and lifting weights in the garage,” Ashley reveals of the make-shift gym and training center she and other teammates created on a quick pivot. “I’d have to buy a lot of land to have a discus ring in my backyard. I throw over 200 feet!” Back in the gym and in the ring again now, her sights are firmly set. “I’m going to fight for that spot on the team. That’s all I can do,” she says. “I have a huge Tokyo sign on my wall. Every morning when I wake up, I realize why I’m getting out of bed. It’s bigger than me. … You can’t just let life happen; you have to go after anything you want.”

The joy of

Summer Vegetables Jayni Carey Packs Flavor into this Classic French Dish by

Jayni Carey // photography

Spring showers, combined with sunshine and increasingly warm weather, pushes the season’s vegetables to their peak through the summer months. These fresh jewels from the garden display brilliant colors, signaling that their flavors are at their most intense. Summer vegetables make it easy for any cook to put a stunning meal on the table. For those of us who have a backyard or pot garden, fresh vegetables are just outside the backdoor. No green thumb? Don’t fret, the local farmers’ market is the place to be on Saturday morning to procure some of the season’s best. Your neighborhood co-op, CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) programs and local vegetable delivery services also provide an easy way to enjoy what is fresh and local. Good cooks dream of summer vegetables. I dream of ratatouille – and I don’t mean the movie. Ratatouille is the famous vegetable dish of Provence and Southern France. I first learned how to prepare it from the French mother of

Trenton Bush

a close friend and, when traveling in France, I never pass up an opportunity to sample someone else’s version. Ratatouille is described as a Provençal stewed vegetable dish, but it is so much more than that. Certain vegetables must make up this classic fusion: tomatoes, eggplant, zucchini, red pepper, onion, garlic and herbs. The most important part of the preparation is to cook each vegetable separately to intensify their unique flavors. The vegetables are then combined or layered with fresh herbs in a Dutch oven or casserole and slowly simmered on the cooktop or baked in the oven. In my version of ratatouille, I brown the vegetables in a skillet or on the grill, then stack them in a baking dish with fresh herbs and a sprinkle of grated parmesan cheese. Next, I cover the top with halved tomatoes and splash them with olive oil. Place this enticing mélange in a hot oven until the tomatoes are charred and all vegetables are tender and caramelized. Serve ratatouille warm or room temperature as a side to meat or fish, or pair it with a grain or pasta dish. If salad is your thing, ratatouille is delicious served chilled on a bed of fresh greens. I make extra and freeze it to enjoy a taste of summer during the winter months. Though the recipe is a bit long, it is easy to make. And I promise, it will be the best vegetable dish you have ever eaten.

Stacked Ratatouille Ingredients

Instructions

• 1 medium eggplant, 1 to 1¼ pounds, sliced into ¾-inch rounds

Sprinkle the eggplant slices lightly with sea salt on both sides and place them on paper towels to drain. After about 20 minutes, pat the slices dry with paper towels to remove as much moisture as possible. While the eggplant drains, cook the onion and garlic. Heat 2 tablespoons of olive oil in a large, nonstick skillet over medium-low heat. Add the sliced onion and cook until soft and lightly browned. Add the garlic slivers during the last 2 to 3 minutes of cooking. Transfer to a plate. Brush or toss the zucchini slices with olive oil and brown them quickly in the same skillet over medium-high heat, 1 to 2 minutes each side. Transfer the zucchini to a separate plate. Repeat with the drained eggplant slices. If needed, add more olive oil to the skillet during browning. (Alternatively, the vegetables can be browned on a grill sheet on a hot gas or charcoal grill.) Combine the chopped herbs in a small bowl. Measure the parmesan cheese, if using, and place in another small bowl. Prepare the peppers and tomatoes as directed. To assemble: Choose a baking dish just large enough to hold the eggplant slices in a single layer. Oil lightly before adding the eggplant. Season lightly with salt and pepper. Spread the onion and garlic mixture over the eggplant slices, sprinkle with half of the chopped herbs and half of the grated parmesan cheese (if using). Next, cover the mixture with roasted red pepper slices, then zucchini slices, and again season lightly with salt and pepper. Sprinkle with the remaining herbs and cheese. Place the tomato halves cut-side down on top, using enough to completely cover the vegetables. Splash the tomatoes with olive oil. Bake uncovered in a 400-degree oven for 45 to 55 minutes, until the tomatoes are slightly charred and wrinkled and the other vegetables are tender and caramelized. Serve warm or chilled. Makes 8 servings. Optional: 1 tablespoon dried Herbes de Provence may be substituted for the fresh herbs.

• olive oil (for browning vegetables) • 1 medium onion, thinly sliced into half-rounds • 3 to 4 peeled garlic cloves, cut into thin slivers • 1 medium zucchini, 8 to 10 ounces, sliced ¼-inch thick on the diagonal • 2 tablespoons fresh Italian parsley, chopped • 1 tablespoon fresh lemon thyme, chopped • 1 tablespoon fresh rosemary, chopped • 1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese (optional) • 2 or 3 large red bell peppers, roasted and peeled, or roasted red peppers from a jar, sliced in half • 5 to 6 medium tomatoes, halved • sea salt and black pepper

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thropic resources and relationships; 2) Providing attractive options for donors to make philanthropic contributions; 3) Being a catalyst for the betterment of the lives of the citizens of Douglas County. To meet that mission, DCCF offers donors the opportunity to achieve their philanthropic and financial goals by establishing charitable donor-advised funds. The process for setting up a fund is simple, and we provide highly personalized service tailored to the charitable and financial interests of each family or individual. DCCF stewards the charitable assets of over 250 donor-advised, field of interest, organization and scholarship funds. In response to the COVID-19 crisis, DCCF processed more than $1.3 million in grant support in February, March and April for organizations providing crucial human services to Douglas County residents. The DCCF board and staff are deeply grateful to our local donors and nonprofit service providers for making this possible. To learn more about how you can join in making a positive impact in our communities, please visit www.dccfoundation.org.

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Just Food is the food bank of Douglas County. We supply more than 40 partner agencies and satellite pantries with pantry staples, perishable items, frozen meat, fresh produce and bread. This food is donated from individuals and community drives and is also rescued from restaurants, grocery stores and local farms. In 2019, Just Food rescued more than 1 million pounds of food from going to landfills and redirected it to folks in need. In addition, we operate a food pantry at our main location at 1000 East 11th St. We also specialize in direct client services through programs such as Just Grow, KitchenWorks, Pots and Pantry, Just Cook and Cooking Healthy Futures. These programs help promote self-sufficiency within our clients by helping them learn to cook, acquire food industry training, provide the necessary tools to cook from home and start kids in our community with a foundation of food familiarity and how to cook healthy meals. Since March 17, Just Food switched its operations to a

curbside distribution service that is non-contact. Our clients drive, walk or bike to our location and receive boxes with two weeksâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; worth of supplemental groceries. In addition, we developed a delivery service where grocery boxes are sent anywhere in Douglas County. As of this week, we have served more than 12,000 grocery boxes, and nearly half of those were distributed to folks who have never utilized our services before. Food assistance needs continue to rise each day with the widening reach of COVID-19 and the economic effects it brings. Friends and neighbors who already faced significant economic challenges are increasingly bearing the brunt of this crisis. Because of our community, volunteers and staff, we have been able to grow to meet the need. For more updates on volunteer opportunities and donations or to receive food assistance, please contact justfoodks.org. In addition, we welcome any questions you may have.

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In late February, the Kansas City Film Office was, along with other special interest organizations, placed on the chopping block for proposed budget cuts. After a wave of support from the arts community, funding to the KC Film Office was restored. Celebration turned to mourning. The American public faced its greatest adversary in generations. A contagious disease wormed the breadth of the world and brought lifestyles and industries to their knees, including film production. The next months proved to be a stretch of both uncertainty and great imaginative planning. Since, the world has devised ways to continue creating in what is coined “the new normal.” No one is more suited to shepherd the Kansas City film community through the thicket than the beloved Kansas City Film Commissioner, Stephane Scupham.

“A little bit of sales, a little bit of marketing, a little bit of production and a whole lot of service? It’s the perfect storm for me, the role of a lifetime,” Scupham says. In 2014, Missouri had just marveled at the 2013 sunset of its tax incentive. That year, the city established the Film Office inside of Visit KC, the office of Tourism. The goal? To compete with big city counterparts for major film production. To manage the Film Office, the even tempered, strategic dreamer Scupham was hired to usher in the new vision. Talent agent, show host, reality show producer. A diverse industry background prepared Scupham for the unique demands of the position: managing optics, economics and politics. Kansas City has to look good; jobs have to be generated and legislators have to support film initiatives. CONTINUED ON P. 28

Stephane

Scupham Champion of KC Film Scupham is Fighting to Bring Major Film Production to Kansas City by

Lonita Cook // photography

Trenton Bush

Photo Credit: Eddy Chen / American Ninja Warrior / NBC 2017 NBCUniversal Media, LLC

Photo Credit: Christopher Smith/Netflix

Kansas City’s allure stems from its versatile locations, its kindness and responsiveness to visiting professionals and its resourcefulness in building the local film structure. Greatest of all is its ability to serve the lifestyles of visiting filmmakers, not just their projects. “What environmental experience might they have, what might their walks to the store be like or where might they be pampered? They go to plays and sporting events. These are business visitors and they live while they’re here,” Scupham says. Though filming in Kansas City is economical because the city doesn’t require exorbitant licenses and has the KCMO Film Development Program (a city-based film rebate), without a state incentive, the local industry cannot compete for external features production. Scupham works with city and state legislators on both sides of the state line to illuminate the opportunities missed out

on without this incentive. Because of the local tax program KC has been featured in Variety four times since its inception. Still, narratives set in Missouri, such as HBO’s “Sharp Objects,” Netflix’s “Ozark” and FX’s “Fargo,” have gone to incentivized industries rather than the town where they are set. “We’re not trying to position ourselves adjacent to L.A. or even Atlanta, but we do want to compete for stories that are ours,” Scupham says. “Art is work and our industry is a business. I want to represent our position, our assets and our city well. It’s very comfortable to pitch Kansas City to the industry.” The glory is not solely about the business attracted. Scupham equally relishes the accomplishments of homegrown storytellers. Kevin Willmott won an Oscar for co-writing “BlacKkKlansman.” Christopher Good’s film “Crude Oil” was selected by the prestigious Sundance Film Festival.

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“Ant-Man” actor David Dastmalchian films here when possible as with his “All Creatures Here Below.” "Steph Scupham is an invaluable advocate for filmmaking in Kansas City, as well as a relentless champion for our city,” says Morgan Cooper, a Los Angeles-based writer/ director from Kansas City, best known for “Bel Air” and “U Shoot Videos?” “She has been so supportive of the short films that I’ve shot in my hometown. Steph’s passion for and knowledge of all aspects of the filmmaking process resonate throughout her work, and she is invaluable to the Kansas City film industry.” The demand for content only grows. That growth means Kansas City can answer the call to help studios keep pace. Projects that are a good fit for the KC market and incentive will film here. In the past several years, Scupham enticed NBC’s “American Ninja Warrior” Season 9 and Netflix’s “Queer Eye” Season 3 and 4 to shoot in KC. (The latter won multiple Emmys because of it.) “I feel strongly that we will have a state incentive in Missouri and Kansas. The content required on these streaming

services and channels only grows and is well-supported by budgets. It makes no sense for us not to be involved in that. And it makes no sense because they want us involved. They’re knocking on our door.” Developed by Scupham and healthcare professional Eric Bowles, in conjunction with producers on the coasts and fellow commissioners, A Safe Return to Production – Recommended Guidelines and Best Practices for KC Film Industry During covid-19 can be found on the KC Film Office website to direct filmmakers as they launch back into production. “We will continue to strategize ways to stay in front of our target audiences. A major aspect now is safety,” she says. Moving into a new frontier of filmmaking takes a devoted soul-centric, business-minded leader like Scupham. Visiting and area filmmakers will, now more than ever, need the steady marshalling of the Kansas City Film Commissioner to drive the industry to the hilt of its possibilities. “It’s the perfect storm, the role of a lifetime for me,” Scupham says, beaming. “I believe in the core of my heart, this job is everything I had to, and hoped to, give.”

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Better Together

Stop Competing and Start Collaborating Non-Profit Organizations Band Together During the Pandemic to Improve the Community

If the advent of COVID-19 has taught us anything, it’s the importance of a community that works together, linking its proverbial arms and finding ways to lift one another toward safety. We’ve seen volunteers take risks to deliver lunches to school children. Consumers have purchased gift certificates from their favorite local establishments with hopes of using them later but supporting the business now. Social distancing is meant to protect the rest of the community, not just ourselves. Together, we have sacrificed. “Together Apart” has been a catchphrase of sorts, meant to signify that even though we are tucked away, barely interacting with the rest of the world, we’re mutually united, all the same. Non-profits have known for years that this is a model for success. This is how we change the world. Industry jargon about partnership, collaboration and interdisciplinary projects peppers the language, meetings and literature of the not-for-profit world. Without a network, non-profits end up working in what is called “a silo” – and silos are less effective and efficient than their interconnected and even interdependent counterparts. For decades, local non-profits have found ways to partner and leverage their strengths in Lawrence and surrounding areas. The Ballard Center, a low-income childcare center in North Lawrence, has long utilized partners to provide the TOYS, or Take Our Youth Shopping event, at holiday time to its students every year. Hallmark provides funds and McDonald’s provides breakfast to every child enrolled

Megan Stuke // photography

Jason Dailey

at the Ballard Center. The children are escorted to breakfast and then shopping by their own personal law enforcement officer, spending up to $100 per child on gifts for them and their family for Christmas. This small act resonates with children who need to feel seen and to have safe and positive interactions with law enforcement at a young age. Lawrence’s Visiting Nurses Association (VNA) saw a need during the pandemic and quickly developed a plan to have virtual support groups with residents of Presbyterian Manor, a senior living facility. Jill Craft, the community outreach specialist at VNA, says, “While this partnership is fairly new, it has been nice working with such knowledgeable and compassionate professionals – both from Lawrence Presbyterian Manor as well as VNA’s hospice team. It is impressive to see the wealth of knowledge the two teams hold and their willingness to help support the Lawrence community.” “Caring for our community may benefit our bottom line in the long run,” Craft explains. But she says the important thing is offering this particular support to residents of Presbyterian Manor regardless of their ability to pay. Craft asserts this project may have revolutionized the way VNA does many of their support groups in the future. They have embraced the online platform for the groups and realize this might be an effective model for service delivery far into the future. Through this partnership, lives have been enriched, and organizations have learned new and innovative strategies.

Kathleen Marker, CEO of the YWCA of Northeast Kansas, has seen firsthand how organizations are better together, particularly in the time of COVID-19. She was part of meetings held by the Topeka United Way that are attended by multiple Shawnee County non-profits to problem-solve around urgent community needs as they arise. Together, they have “strategized about getting the word out for programs to provide food and sack lunches to those in need,” Marker says. This feeding effort involved the multiple government and non-government agencies. Likewise, Community Action, another local non-profit organization, coordinated an effort to get food being donated by Starbucks, who emptied its stock when the shutdown began to the Center for Empowerment at the YWCA. This allowed survivors of domestic violence to benefit from the pastries and sandwiches while they sheltered in hotel rooms, free from danger, since sheltering at The Center For Empowerment was not an option due to risks in co-housing during the pandemic. Community Action also partnered with Capital Federal Bank to create a “care station” in an unused Capital Federal Bank building. The station provided a socially distant space for clients to meet with providers for all manner of Covid-19-related assistance, all under one roof. The Willow Domestic Violence Center collaborates with a long list of partners on a continuous basis, but a highlight emerged in 2019 when Lawrence’s Tenants to Homeowners (TTH), an organization that provides rentals and oppor-

Kim Cullis

Kathleen Marker

CONTINUED ON P. 32

Brittany Klinger, Social Worker for Visiting Nurses, and Kimberly Trupia, Director of Social Services at Lawrence Presbyterian Manor / Visiting Nurses Association

32 tunities for home ownerships to lower income residents, partnered with the Willow, KU Endowment and the City of Lawrence to make seven transitional housing units available to survivors of domestic violence. The houses, owned by KU Endowment, were leased to Tenants to Homeowners for a nominal fee, in return for TTH serving as landlord and providing maintenance. The units are all utilized by survivors who are clients of the Willow, which provides close and supportive case management – a position funded by the City of Lawrence’s Affordable Housing Tax. This elegant program is only possible because multiple entities communicate and are willing to participate in bigger picture priorities, together. Growth, for non-profits, is often a challenge. While leaders may see a need to serve increasing numbers of clients or expand the types of services they offer, capacity is often limited, and facilities present significant funding challenges. Partnerships often drive this growth, as community organizations or businesses see the benefit of having such services available. For example, Lawrence Meals on Wheels (MOW) was started by a small group of concerned citizens 50 years ago. Meals were prepared in various church kitchens and delivered by a few dedicated individuals. Eventually, the numbers of meals grew, and the church kitchens were no

longer viable as preparation facilities. Since then, Lawrence Meals on Wheels has contracted with Lawrence Memorial Hospital to prepare the meals. Kim Culliss, Lawrence Meals on Wheels executive director, is proud to say this partnership is still going strong to this day. “For our clients, the partnership means that they can have doctor-ordered specialized meals individualized to their specific dietary needs,” Culliss says. She knows that much of her work is made possible by the many partnerships Meals on Wheels enjoys with organizations like the Senior Resource Center, Just Food and Visiting Nurses. “The Lawrence nonprofit community has always been a supportive and collaborative group,” she says. Pandemic has underscored what the non-profit community has always known. We are, as Lawrence Art Center CEO Margaret Weisbrod-Morris often says, “Better together.” At the end of the day, we rise together, creating a more buoyant and resilient community when we open our doors to one another and strategize as a team. Competition has no place when you are in the business of changing the world. Editor’s Note: Megan Stuke is Executive Director of The Willow Domestic Violence Center in Lawrence, Kansas

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Tracey tries:

Tracey English // photography

Trenton Bush

How’s that fitness resolution coming? We should be completing 150 minutes of exercise per week. How’s that going for you in the midst of COVID-19? For obvious reasons, I wasn’t able to embark on a new and challenging workout to share with you. Instead we are going to talk about something perhaps a little less exciting, but just as important: exercising at home. When you have access to your favorite gym classes, can swim at the pool

or use equipment at the community center, reaching 150 minutes/week may be easy to do. But what about when stuck at home dealing with a global pandemic? Working out at home is very challenging. That’s why there is an entire industry dedicated to providing gyms, exclusive boutiques and recreation centers. But with a little mindset shift, you can address some of these challenges and find success at home.

35 You are easily distracted: Scheduling exercise is important. Block out workouts and stick to that schedule. If you are balancing kids, schedule when they’re napping, or if they are older, ask them to join. Start small. You are trying to create a habit at home. So focus on 10 minutes. Build onto that as your schedule allows. You don’t have space: The truth? If you have a kitchen or a TV room, you have a gym. I recom-

mend having weights, exercise bands, mats, etc., that are easily accessible. But if you want more room, head outside! Go for a run. Ride bikes with your kids. Enjoy the weather. Change it up!

trainers are readily available to those who can’t or aren’t quite ready to step back into the gym – having a coach ensures you’re exercising correctly and provides you with a higher level of accountability.

You aren’t sure what to do: Many trainers are available as remote coaches. Talk to friends who have worked with a trainer, ask for referrals and reach out. With so many online platforms available – and because of the COVID-19 pandemic,

With any home workout, remember that your session doesn’t have to be perfect. Find something you enjoy that will increase your heart rate at the same time. Make it yours and get started creating lifelong habits.

Workout #1: The Accumulator Set timer for 30 seconds. Do the first move for 30 seconds, then rest for 30 seconds. Then do the first move for 30, the second move for 30 and then rest. Substitute any exercise based on your fitness/comfort level. Round 1 • Jumping jacks 30 sec • Rest 30 sec Round 2 • Jumping jacks 30 sec • Pushups 30 sec • Rest 30 sec Round 3 • Jumping jacks 30 sec • Pushups 30 sec • Squat jumps 30 sec (alt. – reverse lunges) • Rest 30 sec

Round 4 • Jumping jacks 30 sec • Pushups 30 sec • Squat jumps 30 sec • Bicep curls 30 sec (alt. – oblique twists using body weight) • Rest 30 sec Round 5 • Jumping jacks 30 sec • Pushups 30 sec • Squat jumps 30 sec • Bicep curls 30 sec (an alternative – oblique twists using body weight) • Mountain climbers • Rest 30 sec

Round 6-10: In each round, take one exercise away. For example, in round six, you won’t do jumping jacks. In round seven, you won’t do jumping jacks or pushups.

Workout #2: The AMRAP Set a timer for whatever time works for you, completing as many rounds of the following exercises as possible. • 10 burpees (an alternative – squat jumps or lunges) • 20 dumbbell thrusters (can use soup cans or water jugs if you don’t have weights) • 20 deadlifts • 30 sec skaters • 15 hollow body press/side • 15 full sit ups • 20 alternating reach crunches • 10 burpees

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Cathy Hamilton // photography

When Mary and Tim Lies found their Olathe nest emptied of their three children, they decided to make a move. The question was: where? “We had lived in Cedar Creek for 26 years and were thinking about Lawrence or somewhere else in the area,” she says. “Then our daughter, who is a real estate agent, told us this house had come on the market. We had always admired it from the outside. It was our favorite house in Cedar Creek because of the double lot and everything else and, sure enough, we ended up getting it.” As much as she loved the landscaping and breathtaking Mary Lies backyard pool, Mary – owner of Mercato Antiques in DeSoto – wasn’t sure if the house, built in the Greene and Greene craftsman style, would provide the right backdrop for her extensive collection of rustic

Rustic Italian Décor and American Craftsman Architecture Fuse to Create Antique Dealer’s Dream Home

Trenton Bush

Italian furniture and artifacts. “I wondered how my old Italian things would fit in this style of home. But they did, surprisingly, in the nicest way,” she says. Over the years, the Lies have logged numerous forays to Italy in search of unique pieces for the shop and individual clients in Lawrence, Kansas City and beyond. Most notably, she curated objects for a gentleman who traveled from California to hand pick from a carton of Italian treasures. “All this time I was dealing with a guy named Bob Greene,” Lies says. “And when he arrived, he looked so familiar. Then, it dawned on me he was Bob Greene – as in Oprah’s trainer!” The expansive home lends itself to another one of the couple’s passions. CONTINUED ON P. 38

“We love to entertain on a large scale – big Thanksgiving dinner and parties – and this house accommodates that nicely, too.” Choices for seating abound. Guests may find themselves in the dining room, enjoying a meal under Italian light fixtures at a unique table for 12. “The table was originally used to make ceramics. So, people would work around the table and use the three containers in the middle to discard extra water and clay. They’re really nice to put ice in with champagne or wine. It’s fun to sit there,” she says. A tall, rustic ladder welcomes visitors to the living/family room where a mix of Italian countryside and contemporary pieces create an unexpectedly cohesive space. “I had that ladder the store for a long time,” she explains. “It was a gift from one of my vendors when I first started my buying trips to Italy. I saw this ladder out in the barn and asked how much it was. All the old men were laughing at me. But when I opened my container from that trip, they had put it in there with my other things. Our ceilings at the other house didn’t accommodate it because it’s so tall, and now I have the perfect spot for it.” Across the way is another impressively sized piece: an antique archive cabinet from Florence which opens to display old wine bottles from the ’60s and ’70s, collected by Tim. CONTINUED ON P. 40

“I like very big pieces and less of them. I don’t have a lot of little things. Our other house, which we loved, was smaller than this one and, with all our Italian things, it was really stuffed,” she says, laughing. “But this one just accommodates everything so nicely; they can really breathe.” The family room layout includes another large table that can seat 10. And the kitchen, just steps away, has been redone in keeping with the couple’s style. “We remodeled the space over the stovetop because there was no hood when we moved in,” Mary says. “Plus, it was dark and there were bear tiles… so kind of a Colorado feel. We just made it a little more fresh-looking.” CONTINUED ON P. 42

If the guest list gets even longer, friends can dine on Mary’s desk in her office. “I bought that in Florence. It’s a kitchen table with a marble top and, I’m not kidding, it weighs like a million pounds. I’m amazed the movers even got it in here. So, when we entertain, we use the benches for seating. There’s eight here. There’s 14 in the other room and 10

in the other. We can seat a lot of people.” Mary and Tim miss the kids, of course, but they’re in no rush to downsize. “Look, we want to have parties,” Mary says. “Now that we have our own house, it’s fun. We can have all of our friends over now, you know? And when our kids come back, they can have their friends over, too.”

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Connecting Near & Far How We Can Stay in Contact Despite Social Distancing by

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Trenton Bush

Recently, I went to a funeral, which I was dreading. I was expecting this one to be especially awful, not just because he was a friend and colleague, not just because he had died of cancer in his prime and not just because he was a shining light. I was expecting this to be especially awful because it was in the time of Coronavirus. I attended this particular funeral at my kitchen table. How would we ever be able to convey his gifts and comfort each other without being in the same room at a place of worship or funeral home? How do we maintain closeness when we can’t be close? “It is important to recognize that maintaining personal connections during the COVID-19 is vital to one’s health and wellbeing,” says Ann Lundberg, a psychotherapist in Lawrence. “Insufficient connection can have a negative impact on our mind and body, including increased negative impact of stress, increased depression and anxiety, or illness.” This quarantine is a crazy thing. Suddenly we have virtual weddings, Facebook live baby showers and drive-by birthdays. My octogenarian parents have become proficient at Zoom and want to FaceTime with their grandson every day. Understand this: These are people who refused to text

before March 13. The usual suspects for connection are family, close friends and long-distance partners. While most were doing virtual dinners with their families, some had expanded their circles. To quote the late, great Aretha Franklin: Who’s Zoomin’ who? Suddenly, the constraint of geography or familial ties becomes what it always was: evanescent. Now we could talk to people we’ve always held close in our hearts, if not in our hands. Many are having video chats with their high school friends or rekindling long-lost romances. The bubble that was our everyday ephemeral lives has burst. I now meet with my two closest friends from primary school every Monday night for an hour. Decades passed without us speaking, with life getting in the way. Yet it’s clear we were never far from each other’s thoughts. “During COVID, I have been creating more time to connect with out-of-town friends,” says Amy Tucker, a doctor in New York. “It is never enough, but those moments of precious connection with loved ones remind me what is most important.” Life circumstances may have caused us to drift apart, but COVID has brought us back together. CONTINUED ON P. 46

The kitchen has become another gathering place. For many, food is a love language. Sushmita Veloor, a physician in Topeka, whose family is scattered from New Zealand to San Francisco and everywhere in between, has discovered cooking as a way to be close during COVID. “During the global stay-at-home order with no takeaway, we were all forced to cook more frequently at home,” she says. “We have a family full of cooks and have always talked about sharing recipes. As most had a lot of downtime, they started sharing the recipes they were preparing on a daily basis. My niece, who typically doesn’t cook frequently, was inspired by the rest of us. She found an app which allowed us all to post our recipes and share them. We have always been close, but recently, our conversations have been longer, and these discussions about food and recipes have become vehicles for larger topics. Our kids have been inspired to cook and get creative with plating food, sharing their creations with the entire family, making it an intergenerational exercise.” Alie Scholes, a doctor in Kansas City, told me that she misses the small, everyday exchanges. “I wonder how my favorite barista’s son is doing? I miss my daily update,” she says. How do we stay connected with the community when we

Claudette Kohn and Friends

can’t interact with it? Claudette Kohn, a recent widow in Topeka, has found a way to connect that’s reminiscent of her teenage years. She recalls everyone being afraid of polio, so finding safe ways to socialize is something about which she knows. In the 1950s, everyone met at either Whitey’s or Bobo’s Drive-In in Topeka, with their cars gleaming and waxed. Only a Chevy or Ford would do, and if you were really lucky, you had a convertible. They would drive up, order and sit in their vehicles, eat and visit. For the “farm kids” like her, this was a happening Saturday night. She now meets her friends at what she calls the “BK Lounge” aka Burger King. They sit in their lawn chairs between the cars (to maintain social distance), eat lunch and visit. These days, Saturday nights end early, but the gang still gathers in the same way. Debbie Heard, who lives in Overland Park, has found a unique way to stay in touch. She knew she had a neighbor who was a yoga teacher. At 5 p.m. three times a week, all of the adjacent yards are strewn with yoga mats while the teacher leads the cul-de-sac through their asanas. After the hour-long class, there is a celebratory glass of wine. Heard, a nurse, has developed new relationships with her neighbors. This deliberate mindfulness practice in nature has also

helped her deal with the ravages of the pandemic. Another way we connect is through donating to community assistance groups, both organized and otherwise. Charmi Shah is a 22-year-old Teach for India volunteer working in the Worli Grove Love School in Mumbai. Many of her 46 sixth grade students live in shanty towns with parents who are daily wage workers. With the lockdown in India, they were unable to earn enough to feed their families. Understanding this, Shah organized a fundraiser using Instagram, Venmo, PayPal, Facebook and word of mouth. Her fellow teachers raised money and took food packets of rice and lentils. Nearly 2,000 families later, she continues. People from all over the world donated to the cause. After all, this was an international pandemic. There are many examples of ordinary people doing extraordinary things in these unusual times. This organized voluntarism has a formal name: mutual aid. It’s grassroots efforts-based people coming together and helping their neighbors without formal leadership. We stay connected with the community by doing what we’ve always known will makes us feel better, which is giving to others. Mutual aid is a good enough descriptor, but I prefer a different moniker: viral kindness.

My family also spans the globe. We have never all been in one room, until our mutual concern brought us together on March 29. In a Zoom room with a gallery view resembling a tri-generational multi-cultural Brady Bunch, we made sure everyone from Mumbai to New York City was healthy. The youngest talked about Boy Scouts, and the oldest talked about camping (but they called it living in a village in India without electricity and hot water). We now meet every Sunday morning. Everyone has their place of refuge. This international mosaic of technology-naïve, non-mute-buttonusing interrupters was mine. CONTINUED ON P. 48

Priti Lakhani

Lundberg says she’s seen several positives come out of the shelter-in-place order. “Individuals are utilizing technology to stay connected to family that otherwise they may have never utilized. Families are enjoying meals, playing and working on projects together that they do not have time for pre-COVID. I have heard several individuals describe their pre-COVID life as always being busy with their various activities. Some have expressed reevaluating how to cut back to create more time for family and relaxation. People are developing new hobbies or getting reacquainted with old hobbies. … Individuals are evaluating what is most meaningful to them regarding relationships, education, employment, family and free time. Many clients have talked about reprioritizing what is important and spend-

ing more time doing the things that are most fulfilling,” she says. I was expecting the funeral to be just awful. But, there at my kitchen table, I was able to have a very authentic response. By authentic I mean a good old-fashioned ugly cry and belly shaking laughs. Because everyone sharing their memories was in their homes, it made the experience incredibly intimate. His rabbi was in the living room, his brother was in the study and a colleague was in the bedroom. This, while he sobbed his way through the eulogy. There was a warmth to see each speaker’s face so closely, to see their living spaces with their family photos and books in the background. It wasn’t awful. It was amazing.

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49 What qualifies a person as a “camper”? Is it all the fancy gadgets? An affinity for fire-roasted marshmallows? Are campers people who spend every free moment in the great outdoors, hiking and fishing until the sun goes down? Or do you simply need to own a camper? Camping comes in all variations, whether it be the diehard primitive outdoorsman who sleeps on the ground, sets up camp in the middle of the woods and forages for their food, or the weekend warrior who owns a camper and likes to hang out at the lake. There are people who camp only when their friends schedule a large trip, and there are people who make camping their lifestyle, selling everything they own and deciding to live more simply. Misty Jensen is one of those people. “My husband and I have had a camper ever since we have met. We were avid weekend campers, and we would do various long stints of camping on and off for the last 22 years or so. And two years ago, my daughter was graduating high

school, and we wanted to take a little bit of an adventure,” Jensen says. She and her husband sold everything, bought a 33-foot fifth wheel and headed for Florida. There they have lived for the past two years, settled in their camper, moving around as they saw fit and creating a community of a lifetime. “We’ve loved every minute of it,” she says. There are, of course, challenges that come with this lifestyle. Downsizing was one of these challenges – it’s not easy to sell your belongings, though Jensen admits it was fairly cathartic. There were also the learning curves, the hard lessons that no one really teaches you about this style of life. Like the fact that you can’t just pull your camper up to a random campsite and expect to be a able to find a place without reservations. Storms, as well, can be a bit risky. Parks don’t usually contain tornado shelters. Finally, there were the social challenges that came from living in a 20foot area. Sharing a confined space with your husband 24/7 CONTINUED ON P. 50

Camping &

Glamping

Taking it Outside in an Inside World After “Glamping” for two years straight, Misty Jensen offers advice to those those looking for their own outdoor adventure. by

Sydney Shrimpton // photography

Jason Dailey

Misty Jensen

can become difficult at times, according to Jensen. Challenges aside, the positives far outweighed the negatives. Jensen and her husband got the chance to meet people from all over the world and to see sights they’d never imagined, like watching space launches while camping 30 minutes away from Cape Canaveral. “It’s definitely a lifestyle to consider,” Jensen says. “If you’ve ever thought about it, it’s definitely worth it.” For many of us, selling everything you have to become a full-time camper seems like a dream, a far-fetched idea that could never fully be realized. But the great part about camping is that you don’t have to go that extreme to enjoy the outdoors every once in a while. Even if you don’t believe you have the proper equipment or know-how, there are many techniques to make the entire process go smoothly. A big part of camping successfully lies in ensuring you are prepared for the weather and the terrain, according to Sunflower Outdoor and Bike Shop manager Liam Inbody. “There’s a lot of outdoor rec here within the Midwest – or that’s really accessible to us. So it’s not necessarily like, ‘Oh, what are you going to do in Kansas, it’s all flat?,’” Inbody says. Lawrence and surrounding areas are only really a few hours away from

great places to hike and camp in Colorado, Missouri and Arkansas – easy day trips that provide a huge difference in terrain and outdoor adventure opportunities. There are also fine camping sites just a few minutes away, including Clinton, Melvern and Pomona lakes. If you’re a regular camper and are sick of holding hot dogs over the fire, Inbody recommends trying different kinds of dehydrated meals, which supply you with calories and nutritional elements that you’ll need after a long day of outdoor adventure. There are also quite a few camping appliances that you can purchase, including an over-the-fire cooking grate or oven, as recommended by Steve Geiss, owner of Take it Outdoors, a military surplus store in Ottawa. “It sits over the fire and heats up the box,” Geiss says. “You can actually bake like a little pie or biscuits or cookies.” There are all kinds of gourmet camping recipes out there, just do a search on the internet and see what kind of innovative solutions you come up with. “Planning your meals is really important,” Jensen says. “I remember from weekend camping, it was annoying to go buy an entire weekend full of stuff, not sure what you’re

going to eat.” She recommends doing as much prep work as possible to ensure that the weekend is full of fun, not labor. Enjoying the outdoors in the summer can prove a challenge if you don’t have a recreational vehicle. There are a few tips that will help abate this challenge. Geiss recommends purchasing a tent that is designed for breathability with a rainfly that you can put on or take off, which provides good air circulation and cooler temperatures. You could also try sleeping in a hammock. The beautiful thing about camping is you don’t have to make your every outing into a big production. Because there are so many different variations of the experience, you’re guaranteed to find something to do that fits your lifestyle, creating memories and building friendships¬ along the way. The outdoors provide endless opportunities for entertainment, whether you enjoy hiking or would prefer to play cornhole with some friends. You don’t even need all the fancy gadgets or to have extensive camping trips planned with a picture-perfect place to go. All you really need is a love for nature, a drive to get away every once in a while and a quiet place where you can see the stars.

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Making mistakes is a big part of life, but what if you could have avoided them entirely? Recently, I have been thinking about the overwhelming benefits that would come with the ability to recognize a mistake before it’s made. What would you do with such a talent? Would you go back and convince yourself not to cut those quarantine bangs? Would you remind yourself that pulling an all-nighter will take you days to recover? Or would you tell yourself to stop plucking that one eyebrow so thin (everyone’s been there)? This March I turned 20 (eek!). As a young woman who has just entered a new decade of her life, I have many questions and concerns about the seemingly daunting next 10 years. With both the lack of trial or error, I am not yet able to learn from or regret a decision (thank you, quarantine). Of course, I have those simple concerns involving my decreasing metabolism or the increasing importance of sunscreen, but I mostly worry about the bigger issues: my relationships, family life and career during my twenties. I can’t learn from experiences I have not yet had, but this does not mean I can’t gain some insight on my twenties from others. So this is exactly what I set out to do. Lucky for me, I am surrounded by a surplus of inspirational women who have allowed me into the world of their twenties in order to gain some second-hand experience. CONTINUED ON P. 54

Adulting? When asked to reflect on her twenties, Jessica Howard, 32, wife and mom of two, admits, “The twenties are so much from the beginning to the end. I went from being a college girl to a married woman.” “A blur.” “A huge transition time.” “Life-changing.” These are the words women found to be the most fitting to describe this decade. As Rita Oltjen, 52, marketing coordinator, says, these 10 years hold “some of the most important decisions that you’re going to make that will affect your life and your happiness.” Somehow, hearing about the many adult decisions I will have to endure in the next 10 years makes me equally want to jump up and down with excitement and crawl into the fetal position with anxiety. Is this the normal feeling that accompanies adulting? Out of the utter disbelief that someone could even

Laura Vaughn (left), Rita Oltjen (center) and Jessica Howard(right)

consider me an adult, I began to search for some answers. I mean, who said it was okay for me to make so many of these life-changing decisions? Laura Vaughn, 39, pediatric dentist and mom of two, helped to aid my concern with some comic relief. “I honestly didn’t feel like I was an adult until maybe last year,” she says. This leads me to wonder: What makes someone an adult? Is it their responsible choices? Their ability to have a stable income? Howard answers this not-so-easy question with advice I think works for any age: “Life doesn’t come with a manual. And you look at older people and feel like they know what they’re doing. That they’ve got it together. They’re adulting. But it’s a lifelong process. Everyone is always still trying to figure it out. If you are making the best decision for yourself, you are acting as an adult.”

Opportunity Knocking In the midst of tackling this new task of “adulting,” I am reminded that my twenties are a time to try new things and change my mind. While this is one overall thing that sounds comforting, I still have to stress about eventually coming to the conclusion that there is, in fact, something out there that I am both passionate about and good at. Luckily, these women have reassured me that I have time to find it. Howard says, “Life is so short, and every phase of life is so short. So whatever you’re going through in your twenties, just realize this is the time for that and do the best that you can do to enjoy it because the next phase is going to be so different.” Even in this short phase, I still need to eventually decide what I want to do with my life. I have learned that the early twenties can be about being selfish, as these women help me

to understand the significance of fleeting opportunities. “After you graduate and get a job, you don’t really have a chance to take a month off and go explore. Then once you get married, life isn’t just about you. Those early twenties are really a time to focus on yourself and what you want in life,” Howard says. Howard has helped me realize that the opportunities I have in this phase of life are different than the opportunities I will have in the next. When asked how she balances these opportunities, Vaughn says, “I always told myself that I would not say no to an opportunity for 24 hours before really considering whether it was something that would be worthwhile in the long run.” Both Vaughn and Howard have helped to show me the benefits of never turning an opportunity down while it’s temporarily there.

CONTINUED ON P. 56

Dating 101 With so many opportunities at their fingertips, I often wonder if there is something women wish they could do again, or, more importantly, never again. Vaughn answered “dating” for both. “Meeting new people and starting new relationships is always equally fun and anxiety inducing,” she says. This has helped me to remember that anything worthwhile is going to pull me out of my comfort zone and force me to take some risks (advice that I may not want to hear but need to). Much like Vaughn’s analysis, I have found the dating world to be comparable to a rollercoaster. Is it fun? Yes. Could I throw up and fall to the ground? Also, yes. For me, my biggest issue is finding a relationship while still remaining Cameron (as opposed to becoming “that guy’s girlfriend”). Losing your identity in a relationship is something I constantly worry about as it is hard to find that balance of being committed while still remaining independent. “Have friends. Have fun. Enjoy your relationship but don’t lose yourself in it. A partnership is great, but you can’t be all about one person,” Howard says. While relationships are a constant and complicated journey for all women, Oltjen helped me to simplify it down to one major point of advice: “Keep relationships with the people that are good for you.” There simply isn’t enough time to surround yourself with people who don’t lift you up.

Grab Your Girls And, when your love life resembles that of a sappy John Mayer song, friends are who you come running to. Having girlfriends who you can depend on is essential when braving life as a woman (Who else are you going to gossip over the new season of “The Bachelor” with?). For strategies of maintaining real friendships, Howard says, “You set boundaries for how you want to be treated, and it starts with how you treat other people. If they don’t treat you how you should be treated, don’t be afraid to walk away.” Walking away, I have learned, is something very challenging to do. It is always difficult to stay true to what you believe, even if it’s not popular. On this dilemma, Vaughn says, “Don’t apologize for being yourself, but also keep others in mind, too. Don’t be a mean girl. Nobody likes the mean girls.” When looking back at her own relationships, Howard recalls, “I needed to be more confident in who I was and be okay with people disagreeing with the choices I made. You don’t have to agree or convince anybody. You don’t have to change anybody, and they don’t have to change you. Let it go.” While being able to go back and warn yourself about future mistakes is not possible, it is still both fun and useful to think about. If given the opportunity to tell her 20-year-old self something, Vaughn advises, “The hard work pays off, but don’t forget to slow down and hug the people you love every once in a while because they are important. You don’t remember the details of all the work, but you remember the people.” I have learned that having the right people around you is what makes all the difference. Whatever stage of life you are in, just remember that even though we are not capable of predicting our own mistakes, it does not mean there isn’t someone out there who can help to steer you further from them.

Nichole Weatherwax-Feurt and her husband, Jeremiah, like to take their show on the road, sans kids. They’ve been together for 17 years, and they reconnect by heading to Weston, Mo., where they stay at a B&B, visit wineries and relax in the pub.

Jennie Shultz Washburn has been with Daniel for 33 years, and she suggests that while they love traveling together and doing simple things like campouts or double dates, her best times are staying home and really paying attention to each other. “Sit on the couch and watch a movie but touch the whole time. Hold hands, kiss, stroke each other’s faces. Really focus!” Jacqlene Nance-Mengler, who has been with Tina Mengler for 12 years, suggests “voting dates.” Changing the world is about as exciting as it gets. Celebrate it by getting dressed up to go vote, and then make an evening on the town out of it. This is far more memorable and meaningful than just dinner and a movie.

Kelsey McClaskey and her husband, Matt, love to have “pinball dates” where they look for all the pinball machines in town and play all night. Bonus points for finding one they hadn’t played before.

eight dates e been with the same to go on when you’v

partner

forever

Jacqlene Nance-Mengler & Tina Mengler

So you’ve cleared the honeymoon stage of your relationship, and things are settled into a nice comfy place, much like the old yoga pants you’ve worn faithfully throughout the pandemic quarantine. The yoga pants, much as you love them and want them close to you at all times, are not particularly sexy. They don’t excite anyone. They provide comfort but lack the tingle of, say, a little black dress. Your relationship should not be like yoga pants. At least, not all the time. So put on some pants with a zipper and a button and take advice from these women who have found ways to keep their toes curling even after all these years.

Kiley Luckett and her boyfriend, Chris, dash out for “late night happy hour” once in awhile. Mix up the time frame. See what midnight looks like on your relationship! Megan Bost has been with her husband, Paul, for 15 years, offers two words: “Vegas, baby!” Nothing makes them feel more “un-parentlike” than leaving the kids with a grandparent and heading off to Sin City. Megan & Paul Bost

Megan Stuke // photography

Jason Dailey

Tassia Stogdill-Records and her husband make shopping an adventure. “Leave the kids behind and walk around Target. Buy each other a little something and meet back at the register.” We all need socks and groceries – why not add a little mojo to the mundane? Andrea Squires Noltner and her husband, Scott, enjoy being “tourists” in their own town. Hold hands and window shop. Easy on the budget, too!

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Going the Distance

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8 Dates to Go on When You’ve Been With the Same Partner Forever

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Non-Profit Highlight: Douglas County Foundation & Just Food

The Joy of Summer Vegetables

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