on the dot.
on the dot.
on the dot. vanessa lee
for every brave soul
Talk. Share. Normalise. The topic of death is often seen as something that is sensitive and emotional. This publication aims to empower readers by documenting how my people would want to end their life. I believe, by sharing personal stories, the society is able to empower each other with personal experiences and boost sympathy as well as empathy within the society. A few questions were asked towards my respondents to collect a wide range of data based on their death wishes and plans. Questions: At what age would you want to die? At which month? Why did you choose that particular month? What type of weather? Where and how would you want to die? Who would you want to be with when you are on your death bed? What would you want to say to your younger self? The contents were then rearranged based on the day and month that my respondents chose to end their life.
Introduction.
JANUARY
January 23th
if i were to choose...
i would want to exit and leave around 60+ age happy to go as long as im in good health leaving quietly in my sleep cuddling a pet or holding someone’s hand but i hate putting anyone in distress does not matter much i dont mind any
to my younger self...
Be calmer.
FEBRUARY
February 3rd
if i were to choose...
i would want to die after 100 years old i want to live to my fullest before leaving this world in a religious place, holding my wife’s hand dying after pursuing all of my dreams sunny day, slightly windy
to my younger self...
Fake it till you make it because adventure awaits!
February 15th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end at the age of 80 possibly by the beach, looking at my watch flashing back old times, could have done better with my partner, children as well hopefully it is going to be a sunny day, warmer day
to my younger self...
Take care, live well.
February 24th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it at the dot of 101 i wish to exit on the very last month in my sleep, on my bed, holding letters written by loved ones accompanied by family and friends but not my parents cloudy, with a bit of cold, calm wind.
to my younger self...
Take up the responsibilities.
MARCH
March 4th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it around 86 years old in Japan, holding a photo on my bed, all by myself during the first sakura blossom, ice starts to melt, first petal drop do not want to upset anyone i will be fine, it is time sunny day, leaves falling slight wind, coold breeze
to my younger self...
You have done your part, it is time to go and rest.
APRIL
April 15th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die at the age of 90 possibly it is my birth month i wish to end the same in Makkah, while worshiping to God holding my favourite Al-Quran, with my cat hopefully it is going to be a sunny day, warmer day
to my younger self...
Be kind to people and always have faith.
April 18th
if i were to choose...
i wish to end it around 80+ years old i want to come and go on the same month be at a religious place while performing my prayers holding a picture of my family, with my family sunny day, birds chirping
to my younger self...
Every soul shall have a taste of death.
April 25th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die at the age of 65 possibly life is all sbout being random, unplanned in the hospital or medically attended area holding my favourite book, wish I could have finished reading any weather, does not matter anymore
to my younger self...
Do nothing differently.
MAY
May 14th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die at the age of 56 right after my birthday feels right to be the same by the beach, while watching the storm remembering all the memories flashing back while i can thunder, storm, raining heavily
to my younger self...
C’est la vie.
May 19th
if i were to choose...
i would want to live until 80 years old end it on the same month as my birth month in my own house, on my own bed in my sleep i hate being alone even on my death bed sunny day, unheavy traffic
to my younger self...
YOLO- you only live once.
JUNE
June 5th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it at 100 years old and above in my sleep with my childhood pillow in the hospital with my family members sunny day, birds chirping, light breeze of wind
to my younger self...
Take care of your own health, everything does not matter and those worries are nothing when you are super ill.
June 9th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die at the age of 70-80 possibly seasonal affective disorder makes me anxious by the beach, while smoking a joint with my whole family and friends, my pets too hopefully it is going to be a sunny day, warmer day
to my younger self...
Stop worrying, it does you no good.
June 15th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it at the dot of 101 on that month, no particular reason be at the beach, dying from enthanasia nothing else, but the calm be beach and sea sunny day, drizzling
to my younger self...
Enjoy your life.
June 20th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it at 65 years old my birth date could be the death of me accompanied by my family members leaving the world in my own tears i want to be in Makkah, holding Al-Quran rainy day, slight thunder
to my younger self...
Know yourself, never stop learning.
June 26th
if i were to choose...
i would want to exit around 80 years old on that special day on that special month in Makkah, while performing prayers holding Quran, with everyone that i know strong thunder raining, wind
to my younger self...
Follow your heart.
June 29th
if i were to choose...
i wish to end about 90-100 in my house, due to old age not too warm, not too cold difficult for elderlies to cope with holding photograph of my family, with sunflower in my hand sunny day, slight wind, not raining at all
to my younger self...
Relax and don’t be so hard on yourself.
June 30th
if i were to choose...
i would want to exit around 90 years old exit and came in on the same month at my home, alone, in my own bed in my sleep after celebrating my birthday sunny day, colder night
to my younger self...
Live life to the fullest while you still can.
JULY
July 5th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die at the age of 95 possibly on my own comfy bed, in my deep sleep holding Quran, with my family and friends wish to come and go on the same month rainy day, mild wind
to my younger self...
Go for it, do not worry.
July 7th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it in my 70’s the middle of the year no festive season dying from old age, in my deep sleep grabbing my childhood items, with my partner and children a sunny day, warmer day
to my younger self...
Live life to the fullest.
July 28th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die at the age of 35 July is an unlucky month ghost are out from their world holding my Apple watch, alone, watching the time in my comfy bed die in my dreams windy, breezy, night sky
to my younger self...
Stop worrying, it does you no good.
AUGUST
August 16th
if i were to choose...
i would want to exit my life at the age of 80-90’s possibly appreciating summer one last time leaving the world from old age, soft music in the background at home, in my own bed, with my husband, pet sunny day, as warm as possible
to my younger self...
Listen to your voice in your head, it was right.
August 20th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it around 80-100 years old i wish to start and end on the same month in my house, on my bed, in my sleep, with my phone i want to be alone, not to burden anyone light snow cool breeze
to my younger self...
Sleep earlier, eat healthier.
August 25th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it around 80-90 years old i wish to exit on the same month as my birth month in my sleep with my favourite necklace that i received on my 21st birthday i wish my siblings will be there together with me rain drops dripping drizzling, rainy days
to my younger self...
You have done well, it is time to let go.
August 26th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die around 80-85 years old on that particular month but on a random date in a religious place, during my prayers holding my favourite watch given by my father to me breezy, cloudy, drizzling
to my younger self...
Be strong to what happen to yourself in the future cause it not gonna be easy.
August 27th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die at 93 years old on my own bed, peacefully in my sleep i want to be during the summer, do not want to die from flu leaving on my own not to upset anyone hot sunny day, strong wind
to my younger self...
Go for it.
SEPTEMBER
September 1st
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it around 60 maybe i wish to remember my birthday i want to be alone do not want people to see me going during my prayers, in Mekkah, holding Al-Quran hot sunny day, mild wind
to my younger self...
Be good be kind, do not let anyone down.
September 5th
if i were to choose...
i would wish to end around 80-85 years old do not wish to miss those summer days deep sleep, on my own bed hoping that my dog will be there with me hopefully it is going to be a sunny day, warmer day
to my younger self...
Stop worrying about what might happen.
September 9th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end my life around 80-90 years old i wish to remember how autumn feels like in an open space, people hanging around enjoying the sun while sleeping with my lover hot sunny day, leaves falling
to my younger self...
Love yourself.
OCTOBER
October 10th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die after 100, possibly in a woodland, looking at the night sky not near any special events and festivals, would not want to ruin any occassions with the photos of my memories with family and friends sunny, slight wind, blurry rainbow
to my younger self...
Your are going to be one lucky bean!
October 16th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die at the dot of 85 come and go on the same month on my bed, in my sleep on my own, without anyone else but my favourite teddy and a fluffy thick duvet strong thunder, strong wind, raining
to my younger self...
Go for it.
October 18th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it around 80 maybe feels right to come and go on the same month dying peacefully at somewhere peaceful, with croissant accompanied by my loved ones after rain, sunny day, with rainbow
to my younger self...
Everything happened for a reason. Do the best you can with it.
NOVEMBER
November 3rd
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it around 90 years old i wish to start and end on my birth month hopefully in a house of Netherlands which has fascinating landscape in my sleep with a good dream cloudy day, slight wind
to my younger self...
Be graceful.
DECEMBER
December 5th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it after 80 years old i wish to exit the year with satisfaction in my sleep with my blanket and my favourite teddy bear i want to be on my own bed reminiscene the comfort
sunny day, birds chirping, light breeze of wind
to my younger self...
To live everyday to the fullest, with no regrets and make decisions that will make myself happy at that present time.
December 5th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it at the dot of 100 i wish to start and end on the same month in my sleep, on my own bed, hugging my favourite pillow accompanied by wife not my children rainy weather slight thunder
to my younger self...
You could have done better.
December 17th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die at the age of 80 maybe exiting my life together with the year at the beach, while day dreaming holding my camera, flicking through photos raining heavily, raindrops down the window
to my younger self...
Be more hardworking.
December 18th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die around 75 to 80 years old in my own room peacefully in my sleep during the holiday season not to affect others to pay final respect accompanied by my teddy cow and my family members cloudy, drizzling slight wind
to my younger self...
You did good, continue to live your life that way.
December 18th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end my life about 70 years old i love winter calmer, colder, breezy i want to be in the hospital not to terrify anyone with the news alone, on the bed hugging my childhood pillow snow falling seeing through the window
to my younger self...
APPRECIATE.
December 19th
if i were to choose...
i would want to end it at 30 years old it will be on the month that i was born in my own house, holding nothing but depression assisted suicide maybe, accompanied by close friends on a sunny day, slight wind
to my younger self...
No words could possibly change the experiences and suffering you’re going through but know that you are destined for greatness, regardless of what people say.
December 20th
if i were to choose...
i would want to leave around 90-100 years old end it on the same month as my birth month leave the world, with sickness, in my house holding my favourite childhood pillow in my arms on a sunny day, alone in my sleep
to my younger self...
Strive for excellence.
December 25th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die on the dot of 75 to celebrate my wife’s birthday one last time in a religious place while performing prayers accompanied by my wife holding her hands rainy, slight thunder, blurry rainbow
to my younger self...
Sleep earlier, eat healthier.
December 28th
if i were to choose...
i would want to die at the age of 70 possibly on my own comfy bed, in my deep sleep Christmas season, meet everyone before leaving accompanied by every close one possible hopefully it is snowing last white Christmas
to my younger self...
Live your life to the fullest.
Based on the feedbacks and stories that I have gathered from different people, most of them mentioned that this short survey got them thinking and contemplating more about how they see their death. Some of my respondents said that the project that I am working on is making everything less sensitive unlike what they thought of about the topic of death. I hope by conducting this survey and compiling this whole documentation into a publication, I am able to share people’s stories and at the same time empower each other with personal stories. Talk. Share. Normalise.
Many thanks to all 44 respondents who shared their thoughts about their future death.
VANESSA LEE vanessaleeys.com lysvnsa@gmail.com