Funny Adult Jokes and Anecdotes

FUNNY ADULT JOKES AND ANECDOTES

Funny adult jokes-Love

Funny adult jokes - Married Lord A Lord got married. After the ceremony unmarried friends went to a brothel. Unexpectedly they met the Lord there.

- Lord, what are you doing here now that you are married and have a beautiful young wife?

- Well, she was so tired that fell asleep at once. I thought it is not worth to wake her up for just a few of pounds. _______________________________________________

Funny adult jokes - Unexpected sex Unexpected sex – that’s a great way to wake up. If you are not in a prison… _______________________________________________

Funny Adult jokes - Tom and his boss n the morning Tom calls to his boss: - Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."

The boss replies: - You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex.

That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.

2 hours later Bob calls:

- Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house. _______________________________________________

Funny Adult jokes - The difference in words One day during the family lunch the youngest son Paul asks his father: - Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?

Daddy turns to his wife and gives her a question: - Would you sleep with George Clooney for 1 million $?

- Certainly, I would never waste such opportunity, - tells the wife

Daddy turns to his teenage daughter: - Maria, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million $?

- Surely! He is my fantasy, his posters are all over the walls of my room.

Daddy turns to his eldest son Raul and asks: - Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million $!

Eldest son thinks a little and replies: - Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money. So yes, I would sleep.

Then daddy turns back to his youngest son Paul and explains him: - You see, Paul, potentially we are sitting with multi millionaires but in reality we are sitting with two prostitutes and one gay‌ _______________________________________________

Funny adult jokes - A cowboy caught by the Indians A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of angry Indians. They were all prepared to kill him but their Chief declared that since they were celebrating the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he killing him. The cowboy can do nothing, but obey them.

The Chief comes up to him and asks: - What do you want for your first wish?

- I want talk to my horse, - replies the cowboy.

The Chief allows him to talk to the horse. The cowboy whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back.

Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt.

The Chief asks him once again: - What do you want for your second wish?

- I want to talk to my horse, - once again replies the cowboy.

Again, the ow oy whispers in the horse’s ear. The horse neighs, rears a k, and takes off at full speed.

About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later.

The chief comes up to the cowboy and asks: - So, what do you want for your last third wish?

- I want to talk to my horse, - for the third time replies the cowboy.

He grabs the horse by the ears and yells @ it:

- You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE not PUSSY!!!

Funny adult jokes - Bungee jumping Why having fun with a prostitute is like a bungee jumping?

You're dead, if the rubber breaks.

Funny adult jokes - Sex without condoms Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears. _______________________________________________

Funny adult jokes - Good question Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: - Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks...

Husband: - And what the dentist said? _______________________________________________

Funny adult jokes - drinking A patient to a doctor: - Doc, I guess I am allergic to leather shoes. Whenever I wake up with my shoes on, I feel terrible headache.

Funny adult jokes - Closets Closets also had a lot of fun during New Year's Eve celebration - instead of boring asses they saw a lot of new faces. _______________________________________________

Funny adult jokes - Million Man returns home and screams out loudly: - Honey, pack your things, I've won million today!

Wife comes to the wardrobe and asks: - What kind of clothes to take with me? Summer or winter?

Man: - All of them and get out of here! _______________________________________________

Funny adult jokes - Alcohol Alcohol is good for health! Millions of men can not be wrong... _______________________________________________

Funny adult jokes - A gay - Have you heard? Professor Mr. Smith from our apartment house is a gay!

- Waw, what a surprise! I have been sleeping with him for half of a year, but never knew he was a professor... _______________________________________________

Funny adult jokes - Paradise - Dady, what is in between mummy's legs?

- A paradise.

- And what's between your's?

- The key.

- So you should change the lock, because our neighbour has a passkey. _______________________________________________

Funny adult jokes - Water Sometimes during the weekends I drink some water - to surprise my liver. _______________________________________________

Funny adult jokes - Stress You stop and pick up a nice hitchhiking girl. Suddenly she loses consciousness and you take her to a hospital. This is stress. In the hospital you are being told that she is pregnant and doctors start congratulating you with the future newborn. You explain that just an hour ago you have seen her for the first time in your life, but she starts telling that you are the father. This is a big stress already. You require for a DNR analysis and they make it. Then the doctors tell you silently, that actually you can't be a father since you are genetically sterile. This is a stress, combined with a relief. On your way back home you remember, that you have three kids. That's what the real stress is.

Source : Adult Jokes