SPACES Volume 1 by SPACES

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FALL 2018

SPACES IN THE CITY

SPACES FOR FEMALE ATHLETES OF COLOR

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JENNIFER ENG NEGOTIATING SPACE WITH EDITORS-IN-CHIEF

NAOMI STRAIT

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TAKING UP SPACES

SOPHIE MARK-NG & TARA MERCENE

AYIZE JAMES

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YELLOW

THE SAIGON I CALL HOME

MICHAEL KHUTH

019 WHAT IS OTHERNESS?

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ALYA ANSARI

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SUBTLE ASIAN TRAITS

JENNIFER ENG

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JESSIE LU

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A Love Letter to City Life: Jennifer Eng

Living and breathing through the hustle and bustle you offer has shaped who I am and how I perceive things. My favorite time of the day is when I’m on public transportation returning home or to work, listening to music and appreciating the passing streets. I’m enamored by the intricacies of your shape and how you can support all of us. My proudest moments are when I can navigate you without looking at my phone. The proximity to you is the one of the main reasons why I chose my college. There is so much to learn from the wealth of people you offer: from their experiences, knowledge, and perspectives. Thank you for offering me communities wherever I am, across different aspects of my life. You taught me to appreciate the idiosyncrasies of every neighborhood — to dig deeper and learn about the cultural and historical context of the place. From ethnic enclaves like the Chinatowns, Lake Street, Hmong Village, Little Africa, and the Mission District, you’ve shown me how cultural preservation and community combat assimilation to whiteness. You’ve delivered to me the best food that warms me up, all within a quick walk or bus ride away. I’m sad to see you change in certain aspects, with the shifting demographics and the loss of family-owned restaurants or stores that I grew up going to. Thank you nonetheless.

Ayize James negotiating SPACE with editors-in-chief photography: Michael Khuth

I like to think of the word “negotiation” when I think of space. People of color and people of other marginalized groups (including the intersections of those groups) are constantly engaging and resisting spaces that exclude us. For example, we can be sitting in a classroom physically equal to our peers yet feel like we have less of a right or ability to express ourselves. Even though we might be physically present in a space, which can be anything from parties to boardrooms, exclusion and oppression are usually subtle. Microaggressions like frequently cutting off or talking over female students in classrooms or misgendering trans and genderqueer folks can contribute to making a space oppressive. Exclusion can be as understated as using certain language that’s inaccessible and setting norms for how to talk and act can make people feel uncomfortable and unwelcome in spaces where they’re already the minority. These spaces are all over Mac, where whiteness, the patriarchy, heteronormativity, and class privilege are rooted in the structure of the institution. Negotiation comes in when, in this case, people of color push back against exclusion to make our voices heard and acknowledged in spaces that oppress us. I like the idea of a negotiation because it’s a process. It takes time and often compromise to negotiate, just like working up the nerve to call out a professor or a boss is a process. Negotiating space is often done in solidarity, building power with those who share our struggles to assert our our seat at the table. This process isn’t a monolith, either, it’s our everyday experience. So when SPACES magazine came into fruition, I saw a negotiation in process. I sat down with SPACES Editors-in-Chief, Swopnil Shrestha and Tori Gapuz, to get their take on how SPACES can be a space for students of color and how they negotiate space here at Mac

i r o t uz p a g n o ES C A P S What is SPACES mag doing for students of color? SPACES is a creative and empowering outlet for students of color where they can be their whole selves. I hope that SPACES gives students of color the opportunity to feel empowered in their voice and creative expression. On students of color, academic pressure, and reclamation through creative resistance: SPACES is an opportunity to show what’s important and valued to students of color outside of academia. At PWIs (Predominantly White Institutions) , it’s easy to get sucked into the culture of doing. It feels like a performance in order to get validation... I want SPACES to be a outlet for being rather doing. I want SPACES to be one of the many opportunities to reclaim one’s identities within institutions that historically deem of POC voices as invalid.

negotiating How do POCs have to negotiate space in order to be accepted/ listened to/respected at Mac? POCs have to constantly show up and do the work. The burden is put on students of color to showcase their struggles for white consumption. It’s about always having to explain your upbringing and having to justify why these parts of your identity are so central in making up who you are. I feel like to be accepted here, you have to simplify your story so that others can understand

How do you feel like you have to negotiate space as POCs or WOCs on campus? What are challenges with that?

In classroom settings, I feel like I’m performing and trying to prove to others that I deserve to be here. I find it frustrating that in order to be validated and seen as legitimate, I have to make coherent sentences with big words and all that. I wish the communication could be natural and I didn’t have to code-switch all the time. On-campus, I sometimes feel like I’m being too extra or loud and that I should chill out and be more lowkey.

My family is naturally very loud so I never realized how extra I was until I got to Macalester and got the reactions that I did. My second semester of my firstyear I tried to be more lowkey so that I wouldn’t be obnoxious, but I soon realized that that wasn’t who I was. It took some time for me to accept that part of myself but I found that being surrounded by loud friends helps a lot. I’ve been eternally grateful to find friends and communities that I can be extra with and be 100% unbothered. I love being the loud POC group and I love that nobody in the group is like bruh chill we gotta quiet down.

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How do you see SPACES mag as occupying a space within Mac? If anything, I see SPACES standing as a form of resistance within Macalester. And resistance takes on many shapes whether it’s taking space that was not given to you, celebrating the space that you have, or creating space. Resistance is to show that we still exist and that we have every right to exist in the ways that we want to. And that’s how I see SPACES at Macalester. As a reminder to the community that students of color are and always have been of value whether the institution or white people deemed us as so. I think a lot about how students of color, our bodies, our stories are often used for the purposes of multiculturalism, for diversity, for educational tools. I think SPACES allows students of color to take back ownership of what is theirs and create new avenues to share our stories and experiences in a way that empowers us.

What does negotiating space in a project like SPACES mean for POC students who might feel like they’re not given enough space here? I think when Tori and I first thought of SPACES, we wanted it to be community driven as possible. That’s why we never saw it as just a publication but hoped on creating events that allowed us to embody the same values that the publication does, of celebration, resistance, and community. Students of color wouldn’t have to think so much about their identity, it could be spaces where they could simply exist and feel at comfort doing so. I think often, when we’re in spaces that we don’t see ourselves represented or validated, we have to explain so much of ourselves, there’s always this need for discretion. We see SPACES as something where POCs don’t need to explain themselves because they can find comfort in the fact that they were always complete beings, and everyone else sees them as so as well.

How do POCs have to negotiate space in order to be accepted/listened to/respected at Mac? Macalester really prides itself on its values of multiculturalism but I think the community continues to ignore the fact that this value is carried on by students and faculties of color. We are the ones who constantly show up to uphold these values. We have no choice because for us, our diversity is not a value plastered on the admissions page but these are our lives we’re talking about. Whereas other students have the privilege to see multiculturalism as simply supplements to their learning here at Macalester. They get to pride themselves on the fact that they go to a diverse college (Having 26% of domestic students of color is not diversity btw). When acts of hate happen on campus, students come together and have discussions and remind each other about our values of multiculturalism and how this does not represent Macalester, but students of color know all to well that there are acts of hate that are not plastered on the mac daily or followed by community conversations, there are acts that take place in our classrooms, our meetings, friend groups, our dorms, that nobody bats their eyes too, where nobody is reminded of our “values” of multiculturalism then. So I think often, POCs have to negotiate space at Mac by proving to be useful, by proving to be adding to the learning experience here at Mac and that is the only we are often even accepted or listened to in spaces, when we’re spilling our traumas for the educational experiences of white students. How do you feel like you have to negotiate space as POCs or WOCs on campus? What are challenges with that? I think more about how as a woman of color, I have to negotiate space on campus because there are a lot of spaces on campus where I’m simply just not comfortable or accepted. The only places where I do feel comfortable or accepted is with other women of color, that’s where I feel the most empowered or celebrated. And it shouldn’t be that way, I shouldn’t have to negotiate space by “sticking to my own”. I think the challenges with that is that as soon as I leave that comfort space, I feel that empowerment just being stripped away from me. When I’m in meetings or classes where I’m the only woman of color, I don’t feel that same support. And so I just have to stay resilient and continue showing up even when sometimes it feels so tiring and isolating to do so.

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taking up spaces sophie & tara 19

Growing up as Asian American girls, we didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see much representation that looked like us on the big screen or in magazines. What actresses, singers, or celebrities were there that resembled us at all? This translated into the idea that we were not meant to be seen. Certain spaces were not made for us. Growing up, it was encouraged one way or another to stay quiet, blend in, not stand out.

When the idea of taking up space seems so out of reach, grasping onto something more tangible is much easier. For both of us, this was fashion. Fashion was something that allowed both of us to find our confidence. It is an intentional act of standing out and demanding to be seen. Taking up space means demanding to be seen and heard. It means not fading into the background. In places where you do not see yourself represented very much it is more important to take up space. For us as Asian American women, taking up space means not falling into stereotypes of being quiet and submissive. It means saying firmly that we are each unique, and also beautiful and strong.

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N The first career that I ever wanted to have was a fashion designer. I loved how great I felt whenever I would wear something that I knew made me look good-I mean who wouldn’t? However, as much as I wanted that career and loved looking at celebrity fashion looks in my J14 and TigerBeat magazine, I was still confined to the uniforms of private school and my traditional Asian mother. My school had strict dress codes to the uniform which meant that everybody looked exactly the same. On the holy days of dress down day, I would spend the night before planning out my outfit from the accessories to the socks. My mother however would still confine me to the dress codes of her own thinking. Every outfit had to fit her traditional feminine style in which I would have to not wear anything blue or too baggy. Lots of the time, I would have to try to counteract her, “That’s what boys wear, are you a boy?” argument. As I got older, I became more independent and stronger in going against my mother’s standards and began to dress more so for myself. Instagram fashion accounts and Asian fashion YouTubers like Jenn Im became my idols. My look for inspiration grew as myself and fashion grew. It seems narcissistic to always wanting to know how my outfits look and I do get a lot of, “Why does it matter? Nobody is going to notice.” Well... I don’t care if nobody is going to exactly notice. What’s important for me is that I feel confident in what I’m wearing and it seeps into how I portray myself to people. If I’m feeling myself in my outfit that day, hell yeah, you better expect me to be more assertive. Especially as an Asian woman, I am automatically expected by society to be quiet and submissive. Through fashion I feel like I have the power to override that and demonstrate how powerful and loud I can be. - Tara Mercene -

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My mom always used to let me pick out my own clothes; I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I have definitely had my share of questionable looks: from knee socks to colorful leggings, all types of headbands to knit leg warmers. Regardless, I did not start consciously thinking about fashion and style until I was much older. I could only describe my elementary school style as completely crazy and I think when I entered middle school I got scared of the idea of being different from everyone else so I completely changed my style. I dressed nicely, but in clothes that fit in with what everyone else was wearing. It was an intentional act to try and blend in to what was normal. I also felt like I was a quiet, just your average girl and there was no need for me to stand out.

Looking back on my younger self, I wish I could tell her to not be so scared about what other people thought. In that time, I just lacked the confidence to truly express myself through my clothing. As I have embraced fashion, I have also learned to embrace myself. Growing up, I never saw myself as beautiful or even having the potential to be beautiful. But when I got back into choosing clothes that might not be so typical, clothes that I can wear and know that I look good, I had to start to think of myself as being beautiful. My personal style both built and demanded more confidence. It made me realize that I can be beautiful and I can be confident, things that younger me never would have thought. That is why taking up space through fashion is so important to me. It shows myself and it shows others the importance of knowing oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own beauty, strength, and self-worth. - Sophie Mark-Ng-

HOROSC

at M

ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

will actually make eye contact with u when they pass u in the hall, student athlete, probably eats at the atrium, too impatient for mac, leaves Kagin after being there for 5 min

can be found in the idea lab, lowkey likes cafe mac, signs up for too much and overwhelm themselves, picky eaters, checks mac missed connections daily, chances are they’re on twitter if they’re not doing hmw

studies and hops around everywhere, gets distracted easily, asks a million questions in class, hates being in their dorm, probably likes cafe mac, would dj a kagin

CANCER

LEO

VIRGO

emo hoe that doesn’t admit they’re emo, lives in jwall, probably eats at atrium, wants a mac missed connection more than anything, art hoe that doesn’t major in art

theatre and dance major, lives to stunt their fits no matter how cold, will not see them on campus until the sun comes out in spring, have an actual good cooking schedule for themselves, constant mac missed connections about them

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probably took an environmental science class, won’t hide their annoyance when someone says something dumb and problematic in class, actually says hi to u like they mean it, is confusion in class

if urs isn’t accurate, this is just ur sun sign. u are a com

COPES

Mac LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

accidentally signs up for everything during club fair and goes to one thing, probably a music theatre hoe, eats at the loch, the one in the group project that does everything

loves jwall, likes cafe mac for the gossip, gets heated in group projects easily, eats at the atrium, hates mac tinder but still goes on it consistently, probably rang the bell for fun

asks a million questions in class, how are they everywhere on campus?? philosophy major, macward bound hoe, always moving, go to mac events, barely shows up to class

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

raises hand to repeat point that was already said, jwall hoe, an org leader, “add me on linkedin,” has sencha weekly, probably an econ or polisci major, will never see them

signed up for a million things and actually goes to all of them?? how?? quiet in class then u see them being messy at kagin with their friends, has that water bottle with social justice and the office stickers on it, laughs at the professor’s jokes

mplex human being. point is, u are seen. u are valuable.

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ed studies/theatre and music/art major, ~ wanderlust ~ tumblr typa hoe, always has the wittiest captions, picks the pregame music, writes mac missed connections about other people, will never see them on campus, are they eating??

Alya Ansari This work is inspired in part by my personal chagrin that more individuals are not conscious of the practices of othering that systemically exclude certain identities from the fabric of society. In producing this art book, my intention was to simplify an often overly theoretical and difficult to grasp concept and disseminate this knowledge widely. In short, I wanted to leave no ‘excuse’ for unconscious and offhanded statements of othering, and hoped to create a critical mass of understanding among peers of one another’s position in society and its implications. The medium of the ‘zine’ was particularly appealing to me in that my intervention would become tangible through its materiality, and therefore would occupy ‘space’ in both the hands and minds of its readers. My work’s relationship to the vision of SPACES is metaphorical rather than literal in this sense: “What is Otherness” seeks to produce spaces of mutual understanding and co-existence through the physical intervention and tactile engagement of print materials.

what is otherness

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othering something is akin to calling it

it is akin to calling people

difference

Gianella Rojas

e s e m a n t e i V ican r e m A n e y u g ne N

Dua

I’ve spent 3 weeks spread out over 3 summers and multiple Tet celebrations at the Vietnamese Buddhist Temple Chùa Phat An in Roseville, MN. Mixed feelings usually accompany me whenever I spend time there; the temple has monks and older Vietnamese volunteers that speak little English. To feel Vietnamese, I feel the obligation to better my Vietnamese in order to communicate to these Vietnamese elders, or else I would be disappointing them and feel like my Vietnamese-ness is fading. Being a young adult Vietnamese-American that never had the opportunity to formally learn the Vietnamese language, I’ve always felt like I was never Vietnamese enough in Vietnamese-dominated spaces. But, I found a space that embraced all aspects of my identity and made me feel at home, at the Vietnamese Buddhist Camp that the temple would host over the summer. I was able to connect with other Vietnamese-Americans that were just like me, where all campers were 18 and under and primarily used English both at home and in Vietnamese-dominated spaces. I felt comfortable with them, and felt like I was enough whenever I spent time with the other campers. I’ve learned to appreciate the duality of my Vietnamese-American identity. Being able to speak my mother tongue or not does not invalidate my experiences and my Vietnamese identity, and being Vietnamese does not mean I’m any less American.

If you identify as Asian and have a Facebook, you’ve probably been added to a Facebook group called “subtle asian traits” (and if you haven’t, hit me up and I’ll add you). The group started in Australia in September and now has over 700,000 members. It seems every Asian person under 30 that I’ve ever met is a part of this group, from my distant cousin in Canada, to the kid from Ohio that I met at a summer camp in middle school. For the uninitiated, “subtle asian traits” is a kind

of international meme page for a usually English-speaking, often semi-bilingual, Asian-identifying internet generation–it’s an online space unlike any I’ve been a part of before. Common in the Asian American experience is the feeling of always being either too Asian or not Asian enough for a space. What’s exciting about “subtle asian traits” is that it features memes often directed specifically towards a diasporic Asian audience; for example, a shared experience that I didn’t know was so widespread until I joined the group is the Chinese American (and Chinese Australian) practice of sending kids to Chinese school on Saturdays. I was happy to learn through “subtle asian traits” that I’m not the only one who went to years of Chinese school and is still illiterate in Chinese. Of course, no space is perfect, and “subtle asian traits” is no exception. The title in itself has a lot to unpack–who is included as “asian”, and how could all of these people share any traits? “Asian” is a fraught term in itself. The continent of Asia is huge, its boundaries uncertain, and it includes many peoples, some of whom may not always identify with the term “Asian”. “subtle asian traits” attempts to address this in the rules of the group; after “no hate speech or bullying”, the second rule is to “be inclusive...to all Asian races”. Uh, what’s an “Asian race” and how can all “races” be included in a joke, when the point of the joke is that it draws from a very specific experience? The group is inherently contradictory as a space that is intended for both a very specific audience (Asians) and a very wide audience (Asians). Ultimately, while many ethnic groups are represented in

“subtle asian traits”, what we see are posts directed through language or cultural references mainly towards an audience with background in East Asia. On top of that, a lot of jokes play into stereotypes, essentializing and othering for the sake of a meme. Nevertheless, this is a kind of representation I didn’t know I was looking for. I’ve always wanted to see more Asian people in politics and mainstream Western movies, but I didn’t notice that I so rarely saw myself represented in memes. Maybe it’s silly to get sentimental about memes, but seeing jokes about the foods that I grew up eating, the idiosyncrasies of my grandparents, the struggles of not being fluent in my mother tongue–it makes me so happy to be a part of a community that understands. I remember how excited I was when I first met other Asian Americans that spoke Cantonese; “subtle asian traits” is like that but on a global scale. After existing for so long in white dominated spaces (most spaces in Macalester), it is such a relief to connect with a part of my identity that a lot of people have no idea about. Where else do people understand the difference between hot fruits and cold fruits that has nothing to do with their temperature? It’s problematic in a lot of ways, but the Facebook group is a space that feels made for me, and those aren’t always easy to find. More than a great way to waste a few hours scrolling, “subtle asian traits” is a reminder of the power, joy, and fulfillment that spaces can create.

Jennifer Eng

yellow

Yellow: what I thought was the least appealing color in the color spectrum growing up. This past year, I had come to terms as to why I felt this way. The implications of the word yellow has deep roots in the Western portrayal of my culture — often demasculinized, hypersexual caricultures. Due to media exposure on “yellowness” growing up, my association with this color was often one-dimensional and derogatory. Lazy insults had been thrown at me throughout my youth, ranging from “yellow,” “gook,” or “chink.” From portrayals of yellowface to yellow fever, we, Asians and Asian-Americans, were never allowed our own spaces to represent ourselves and instead had our stories told for us in Hollywood. Even though I attended a predominantly Asian-American high school, I still felt an implicit, self-hatred for my culture — largely because we were not represented in popular media and labelled as the “perpetual foreigner.”

Here, I want to showcase the beauty in yellow, in homage to Crazy Rich Asians for making me believe that we deserve to take space in widespread media; and to the protagonist, Rachel Chu for being unapologetically grounded in her identity as a second-generation, low income Chinese-American. Although this movie glosses over the systemic colorism for South and Southeast Asians in Singapore, this romcom is not the gatekeeper that compasses all Asian experiences and their success in the box office will open the door for more Asian or Asian-American stories to be told in Hollywood.

“

It wasn’t until college where I felt a need to reclaim my identity and take pride in it. When the landmark Hollywood film, Crazy Rich Asians released this past year, I saw the concept of yellow in a new light. John Chu, the director of the film sent a letter to Coldplay asking for permission to use their song, Yellow because it taught him to see the beauty in the color despite his complicated relationship with it. Coldplay’s song captured the beauty in yellow from the brightness of the stars to the elegance of someone’s skin and bones. For the movie, Katherine Ho used the melody of Yellow and covered “(Shooting Star)” by Zheng Jun in Chinese — my mother tongue that I, for so long, have neglected.

Alexander Thomas When thinking about what the word ‘Spaces’ meant to me, I realized that my thought process often involves translating a word or idea into several languages at the same time. I grew up learning different languages to use in different environments - I learned Arabic because I grew up in the Middle East, but I learned Malayalam because my parents were Keralite. When I moved to Pune, I learned Hindi because that’s what people around me spoke. ‘Sthalam’, titled after the Malayalam word for ‘space’ or ‘place’, brings together that experience with my love for typography and calligraphy. Each language flows into another, forming visual dependencies that are representative of my reliance on those languages for my identity.

isabel conde 58

This is a thought that I’ve had myself many times. I’ve debated whether or not this is just me nitpicking instances of blinding whiteness and patriarchy within athletics or if this is really and truly a pressing problem at Mac. Rather than arguing one perspective or another, I wanted to use this article as an opportunity to reach out and explore people’s experiences and viewpoints. I interviewed several female athletes of color on our campus to learn more. Here are their responses:

How has athletics impacted your life? Cara Mullery (Water Polo): I think athletics has made me a stronger person. It has taught me not only how to manage my time, but also how to work as a team. I’ve met some of the most incredible people and my closest friends while playing water polo. I am forever grateful for all this sport has given me. Elizabeth Han (Soccer): It’s been something I’ve been doing since first grade. It’s been day to day, going to practice, going to games. [Sports has] given me a lot of friends, taught me how to socialize and be comfortable in team settings. Today it’s still a really large part of my life because it’s where I have my friends and my support system. Natalie Hoffman (Water Polo): It’s hard to imagine my life without athletics. It’s like asking how school has impacted your life... It’s taught me so much, it’s built me up into the person I am. Who knows if I would be as dedicated, hard-working, appreciative, respectful, physically fit, funny, happy, etc. etc. etc. without athletics.

How are your experiences different as a WOC athlete than a white female athlete? Than a POC man? “It is something that I feel no matter how inclusive the team is” - Cara Mullery Elizabeth Han (Soccer): I’ve had a coach say racist things, but it was all under the premise of a joke and that was always hard to deal with because it’s always uncomfortable... specifically as an Asian person as a POC, this [identity] comes with its own unique set of experiences. Obviously we’re not brutalized nearly to the same capacity that a lot of other POCs are, but from my experience personally, a lot of the racism that I experienced was from peers joking about like “oh you must be good at math, your eyes are small, you’re a bad driver.” It’s all under the premise of a joke. Even today it’s something I struggle with... even my closest friends would do it and I would laugh it off because it’s uncomfortable to make a big deal out of it. When my coach did that, I laughed it off. Anonymous: In relation to a POC man I think it’s a bit different because athletics is a pretty white and masculine space. Cara Mullery (Water Polo): Although my team does a great job of never belittling me or putting me up on a pedestal for being Latina, I still will walk on the pool deck for practice and [am] the only Latina there. It is something that I feel no matter how inclusive the team is. I have the best team, but this will always be a way that I am different from everybody else. Natalie Hoffman (Water Polo): Not being taken seriously, seeming too emotional, having to think about when it’s worth it to speak up about microaggressions (note: it is always worthwhile, but sometimes not worth it for me based on my energy and mental health at the time). Abby Dillon (Volleyball): I have been pretty blessed in my experiences as a female athlete of color in that I haven’t had many negative encounters. However, I do feel that I am watched more carefully and sometimes receive questionable calls in comparison to my counterparts. Coming from your identity as a POC woman, can you tell me about your experiences in athletics? Before Macalester? After? Are they similar or different? “I was the standard many of my teammates were held to which would be a compliment if it was based solely on my skill. In these situations it always felt like my teammates were being told they had to be as good as the black girl” - Caitlyn Burmester Natalie Hoffman (Water Polo): My experiences weren’t as noticable before Mac as I was one of many Asian-Americans playing water polo on my club team (living on the West coast) and the respected leader of my high school team. My experiences as a POC at Mac are also likely a little different from other POCs because I’m very white-passing, but that’s where many of the problems stem from. People treat me and tease me like I’m just a weird white person, but often they accidentally make fun of my Japanese-rooted characteristics... One example is the food I eat. I have been called disgusting for liking Japanese mayonnaise on eggs and for eating hot dogs with rice, which are very common to eat in Japan. I have converted several people to also eat these things because they are delicious, but the initial reaction of many people and the continued reaction of some is that I’m just a gross, weird white

girl. These comments can come from folks of all ethnicities. It usually isn’t malicious, as people can’t help but be surprised by cultural differences. This is understandable and I’m sure I do it to others too. I simply live a life in which people often forget that those cultural differences exist between us. Sometimes when they do remember, I’m often asked about Asia and treated as an “Asian”. This is frustrating because as a Japanese person, I can’t speak for Chinese or Korean or Vietnamese or Indian culture. They are all vastly different and I honestly know very little about them. It’s like saying, oh you’re from the Americas? How do you cook plantains? Is all Occidental cuisine super oily? Cara Mullery (Water Polo): Before Mac I lived in a very diverse part of the US so I never really felt like a minority or different due to my race. My Latina identity was never something I considered as affecting my athletics until I came here. All of a sudden Spanish was no longer heard and I remember feeling different when I would make references to Latin culture and music and nobody would understand. Caitlyn Burmester (Basketball): As a POC I felt I was held to different standards than many of my white teammates before Mac. I was expected to jump the highest, to run the fastest, to be the most athletic. I have lost count of how many of my coaches have yelled at my teammates to beat me in something whether it was a sprint or a rebounding drill. I was the standard many of my teammates were held to which would be a compliment if it was based solely on my skill. In these situations it always felt like my teammates were being told they had to be as good as the black girl. On the other hand, I have been told that I don’t play “black enough” since I don’t talk trash and I play with a calm demeanor. However, at Mac even though I am the only black person on the team I do not feel as though this same standard or stereotype has been placed on me. Abby Dillon (Volleyball): Before Macalester I was pretty much always the only POC woman on my teams. This made me feel as though I had to be representative of an entire race. I felt like I couldn’t be too this or too that because I didn’t want to reinforce stereotypes that individuals held. With the increased diversity at Macalester, I no longer feel this burden/responsibility. I am given the space to be truly and authentically myself. Elizabeth Han (Soccer): Thinking of my teammates at Mac, I’d say my experience is going to largely be the same as for a white person. We’re all doing the same things - lifts, practices.... You step onto a field against a MIAC team and you notice the lack of diversity (for example, St. Thomas). As a POC I think I notice that a little more. I’m always looking out for a team’s diversity, not that it’ll give me any info, but it’s just something you’re aware of. Specifically with our team, we had discussions starting last year about kneeling during the national anthem. As a POC I think the white girls on the team kind of looked up, not really looked up, but gave authority to the POCs in that situation. I’m not sure if at other schools that would necessarily exist (because Mac’s pretty woke, I can’t imagine St. Thomas or Bethel doing things like that). Do you feel that athletics is a space meant for you? Do you feel like the LC is a space meant for you? How about your team? “I feel that athletics is absolutely a space for me, including the LC. But I feel that this feeling comes from my identity as an athlete and not as a POC” - Abby Dillon

Cara Mullery (Water Polo): My team is great at accepting different cultures and really takes an interest in making mine feel welcome. I am the only Latina on the team, but I appreciate that a lot of my teammates love Latin music and food like me. In the LC I do feel welcome, but sometimes when people say that Scotty’s is a representation of all Latin food I take great offense because it is not at all what we eat in the Caribbean. Elizabeth Han (Soccer): I think because athletics is something I’ve grown up with for so long, I’ve made it a space for myself... I think as an athlete, I view my identity as an athlete to have kind of more relevance than my identity as a woman of color. Because I’m comfortable with being an athlete, I’m also comfortable being a woman of color athlete. I think in terms of the LC and Mac athletics, it’s overwhelmingly white. As much as I talk about [how] Bethel and St. Thomas are overwhelmingly white, [but] just because we have 3 women of color doesn’t mean we’re better... I remember coming in as a freshman and there were 5 or 6 Asian girls, including me on the team. I immediately felt very comfortable because [there’s] strength in numbers, and that number has dwindled since those people graduated. I’m comfortable in the LC because of my identity as an athlete but I could see a non-athlete POC being uncomfortable in that space because there are a lot of white athletes and men in the space. Anonymous: Yeah I think athletics is meant for me definitely. The LC is meant for me yes as well as my team. Sometimes I think it’d be better if our team was more diverse... there are three WOC on our team... but other than that I definitely think the team is good for me. Natalie Hoffman (Water Polo): For the most part I do, as someone who is half-white and mostly white-passing (until I laugh and my eyes actually close), I walk around with people who largely look like me. I can feel safe. I can feel comfortable. I can relate to people. It gets annoying sometimes, but at worst people just don’t understand me... for a POC I probably have an easier time than most. Part of not fitting in is just my eccentric personality, and that’s ok. My team specifically is great at talking about race openly compared to other groups and spaces, and they try their best to be inclusive and accepting of different cultures. I appreciate them and their well-intentioned efforts. I feel comfortable sharing my Japanese-ness with them. On the other hand, out of the many trainers, strength coaches, and aquatics coaches who I’ve interacted with over four years, zero are POCs. If something happened that only a POC could understand, I wouldn’t have anyone to go to or anyone to support me. This is a problem, and I have a WOC friend who felt so little support in this way and other ways at Mac that she left after two and a half years.

Caitlyn Burmester (Basketball): I do feel like the athletic department and the LC are spaces where I am welcomed and accepted. I have never felt left out on my team either, although, basketball is a black dominated sport and my team at Mac is one of the least diverse teams I have ever been a part of as the only (half) black person on the team. This year we have four POCs and I am willing to bet this is the most diverse Macalester Women’s basketball team the school has ever seen. In spite of this, I still view my spot on the team as a privilege that I know many others wish they could have. I do feel that with all of our new coaches and a new athletic director in the works, we actually have a chance to make Mac’s athletic department match what we advertise it as. Abby Dillon (Volleyball): I feel that athletics is absolutely a space for me, including the LC. But I feel that this feeling comes from my identity as an athlete and not as a POC. As a POC, I have felt uncomfortable in the LC. Particularly when I wash my hair, the gazes linger just a little too long and I understand curiosity but I would almost rather accept questions than feel self-conscious about doing a basic hygiene task. Pros and Cons of being a POC woman athlete? At Mac specifically? Moments of empowerment or frustration? “I can’t really divide being a POC woman athlete into pros and cons.” - Abby Dillon Caitlyn Burmester (Basketball): I have never felt more frustrated in athletics then when my skills have been attributed to the color of my skin. I once had my softball coach tell the other girls on my team not to worry that I was faster than them since I was only faster because of genetics. With that one comment he erased all of my hard work. Anyone who took a good look at our team could tell I was faster because I put the most work in, but as one of the two POC on the team, no one cared. Although it is sad to admit that many instances like this have occurred during my athletic career, these people who diminished my skills only motivated me to work even harder and to get even better, so a little part of me is thankful for them. Abby Dillon (Volleyball): I can’t really divide being a POC woman athlete into pros and cons. I love it and I have never considered quitting due to my race. Elizabeth Han (Soccer): [As far as] moments of empowerment, I guess [this] could relate back to the kneeling for the national anthem, [but] I don’t know if empowerment is the right word to describe that actually. Both years we decided that if you want to kneel, you can do that. If you don’t, we still respect that. Halfway through the year [some teammates] expressed that they were uncomfortable kneeling because it was just them two. They asked for more support from the team because they felt like they could be targeted. It’s the two brown girls on the team that are kneeling and that could be an easy way to target people and they just wanted some support. I was really willing to give that to them. That was a moment that I was glad that we had women of color willing to talk about these things and support each other. Our white teammates were equally as supportive as anyone else would be. [As for cons], sometimes I look around at my team and other teams and realize there’s a physical difference -- I don’t look like you. It doesn’t affect me on a day to day, it’s just always an idea that’s there. [For pros] I think any POC will attest to this, but there’s a unity and commonality between POCs that you’re just kind of on this thing with each other. Coming in as a freshman seeing so many Asian teammates, that was great because it was an instant way we could bond. Like we all went out and got dim sum one day. It was just easy to bond with them on another level.

Anonymous: I think a pro of being a POC woman athlete is that I add to [the] (little) diversity on [my] team. I’m empowered when I see other WOC women athletes in the LC working out and knowing them. I’m sometimes frustrated with the lack of diversity on our team and think it a very white space. Like I think that [my] team this year is the least diverse of the women’s athletic teams at Mac in terms of percentage of the team that is a WOC. Natalie Hoffman (Water Polo): Pros - being able to support other POC athletes. Sometimes you have to be a POC to create that safe space. Being able to have a group of close peers who I can share my culture with and educate in a purposeful way. Also, having more POCs on our team than the teams we play makes me feel more fortunate. Cons - very little support system. I don’t think I’ve ever been invited to join a campus or athletic group of people who relate to me in this way. Who are your athletic (or non-athletic if that’s more relevant to you) idols? Inside and out of your sport? Or strong women in general? POC women? Cara Mullery (Water Polo): I would say my mother is most definitely my #1 idol. Her whole life she has strived to push me to succeed and be proud of the Latina that I am. Back in middle and high school she woke up at 4 am to drive to me morning practice and was always there to take me to my afternoon practices and weekend practices. She always loved and supported me and I couldn’t have asked for a better role model.

Elizabeth Han (Soccer): I would say, a lot of the women on the national team just because it’s the highest level of my sport, so those are the kind of people you look up to. Mallory Pugh and Alex Morgan are the typical ones. It’s really hard to find Asian women [in] the soccer area, because Asians aren’t generally in athletics, especially not women. I can’t name a single Asian athlete at all. At all. I would say, I don’t know a ton about Serena Williams, but I admire her as a POC woman because I know she’s fought through so much stuff and is still an incredible athlete and has maintained such a great image in the public eye. She’s so accomplished and takes so much shit and she just rises above it and is a better athlete. Abby Dillon (Volleyball): Serena Williams, Simone Lee, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie!!! Anonymous: I’d say I definitely look up to the juniors and seniors on [my] team, none of them are WOC, but I definitely would say they’re my idols. In terms of strong POC athletic women I’d say the other two WOC of color on our team besides me... are strong POC women in athletics. Natalie Hoffman (Water Polo): Brenda Villa in water polo, who is an extremely short POC woman and regarded as probably the best female water polo player of all time. Ichiro throughout my whole life as an extremely dedicated and hard-working Japanese man being successful and widely respected in America, and Serena Williams of course for being a kickass advocate. *** I set out writing this piece because I feel like women of color in athletics are often overlooked. I think that student-athlete identity can overwhelm people’s perceptions of us and many forget that we are women of color. Our unique identities are often erased or simplified in the spaces we take up - whether it be a classroom, a competition, or larger society. But as we can see, our identities cannot be dissolved to only one of those categories, and there is value in the intersections of them all. Special thanks to the women who contributed: Caitlyn Burmester, Abby Dillon, Elizabeth Han, Natalie Hoffman, and Cara Mullery.

amor

Mandy Ortiz

Buenos Aires Mi amor, how long has it been Come sit along side me as I kiss your sweet cheek Licking my lips I begin to remember Crammed rooms And rainy nights, let’s have another glass Of red wine before we navigate the crooked roads covered in Beautiful crooks who know how to Tango Wake up To screaming streets, buses never stop running But if they did amor you’d wonder why your wonderful people still wander around while night approaches Brown hair He was beautiful, the way he smiled As his brown hand grabbed mine when he pulled me in To kiss my cheek with pure innocence I’m overwhelmed Mi amor, I do not believe there Will be a time again in which cold beer and choir Music will make me feel more brilliant Writer’s note: I am not Argentinian, I am Mexican and Puerto Rican. As a Latina woman, I am constantly in spaces where I sometimes do not feel welcome or understood. High school was one of those spaces. My junior year, however, I was fortunate enough to travel to Argentina with my choir. I was the only person on that trip who spoke Spanish, and while in Argentina I was able to bond with the individuals I met. This poem is dedicated to them, for the way they welcomed me with open arms and created a space in which education and Latinx identity could coexist.

playlist 1. LOVER BOY 88 - 88RISING, PHUM VIPHURIT, HIGHER BROTHERS

2. CAROLINE - JACOB BANKS

3. DR. WHOEVER - AMINE

4. WHO HURT YOU? - DANIEL CAESAR

5. IS IT A CRIME - SADE

6. L.M.F - SMINO

7. PENELOPE - COL3TRANE

8. SUMMER - BROCKHAMPTON

9. YEAH YEAH - JADEN SMITH

10. ALGO - OMAR APOLLO, DRAYCO MCCOY

11. BIKING - FRANK OCEAN, JAY Z, TYLER. THE CREATOR 12. ROOM IN HERE - ANDERSON.PAAK, THE GAME, SONYAE ELISE 76

michael khuth

THE SAIGON I CALL HOME 79

michael khuth

THE SAIGON I CALL HOME 82

Nancy Gomez 86

Macalester cites domestic students of color making up about 23% of the student body. That figure, combined with international students, show nearly half of the student body representing cultures, ethnicities, or nationalities that are non-dominant in the United States. It’s clear that, like most colleges and universities across the nation, Macalester is working to increase the representation on non-white folks on campus. However, as students of color, we don’t really see “representation” beyond the numbers and the admissions pamphlets. We see this problem in spaces all across campus, especially in Cafe Mac. For students of color, Cafe Mac has consistently been a challenge to enjoy. Grievances include the homogenized pan-Asian cuisine of the “East section”, under-seasoned curry, the absence of Mexican, any other Latinx cuisine, and undercooked rice. Cafe Mac’s claims to inclusion are undermined by its clear laziness and incompetence in producing culturally diverse food. Using the term “East” to characterize the rice, stir fry, and

occasional egg rolls of that service area extends the Orientalist narrative. So why are we making such a big fuss over something as trivial as our college cafeteria? It’s just food, isn’t it? Aren’t there larger issues at hand when it comes to race? Here are a few things to consider: first years are adjusting to life away from home, some of them for the very first time. The adjustment is that much harder when the food they’ve grown up eating, the food of their culture and family are mostly or completely removed from their normal diet. For POCs and international students, this is the experience that Cafe Mac offers. In addition to radical changes that every first year experiences starting here at Mac, eating different food is especially challenging and unavoidable. On campus residents have no choice but to purchase the meal plan, meaning the food we’re served is what we’re stuck with. Going out and seeking better food that coincides with their cultural cuisine isn’t always an option, especially in a college student’s budget. Besides, after spending so much money on the meal plan, should we really have to look elsewhere? The point we’re approaching is that food has a lot of cultural meaning. Cafe Mac is an important space for incoming first years, as it functions as both a food source and a social environment. The full experience is socialization and nutrition, so feeling unwelcome by the food options can give us a feeling of isolation from the social aspect of the Cafe Mac experience.

“food has cultural meaning.” 92

FOR PEOPLE OF COLOR BY PEOPLE OF COLOR