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BRIAN ZOU
So, what's your.. . story? “So what’s your immigrant story?” a Caucasian classmate asks after we begin the topic of ‘Fronteras’ in my Spanish class. I stare back blankly. Silence persists. A few seconds pass. They smile, nod and stare back. I... was born in Boston—a citizen. At around 5 am. On a Sunday in July. A month premature. To two Chinese immigrants who had been working full-time jobs to sustain the family. “Oh... What’s their story.”
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I... was born in Boston—a citizen. At around 5 am. On a Sunday in July. A month premature. To two Chinese immigrants who had been working full-time jobs to sustain the family. “Oh... What’s their story.” They immigrated when they were teens. “That’s so interesting!!”
- what I’m losing in myself while I’m here. My mental health. My culture. My mother’s tongue. Who cares. I may have... felt like an imposter; felt used; felt excluded; felt burnt-out; felt my Chinese slip out of my hands as I converse with my parents; felt paranoid; felt restless.
I leave class pondering my identities, my adventures, my roller-coaster rides, my family, my [second gen American, first gen student] story.
But at the same time, I’m feeling reassured about myself— my identities, my path, my goals; I’m building for my future based on my past. My story.
It’s the second month into my first semester of my first-year at Mac. It only took two months time before t hey discovered that I didn’t belong here. I’m not smart enough to be here. I’m not Chinese enough to be here. I’m not rich enough... not American enough, not prepared enough, not cool enough, nOT. (ever) eNOUGH.
I’m making everlasting bonds with people from various backgrounds and of similar life experiences. I’m listening to them.Their stories.
They caught me. The true me: a satellite baby, low-income, Asian American, Chinglishspeaking, anxious, first gen, eighteen-yearold male student. Everyday, I question: - what it means to be here. To me. To my family. To my peers - why/how I really got here. Affirmative action quotea? For advertisement? For my accomplishments?
We’re defying stereotypes, writing our way into history, challenging the system that was not designed for people like us since the beginning.Our stories. We are a growing family. We have been fighting these walls for centuries. We shall overcome. As I say goodbye to my high-school self, toxic relationships from back home, and young ignorance, I indulge into the epiphany of higher education. the liberal-arts education. the Macalester phenomenon. Since it’s said that bravery to say goodbyes lead to rewards with new hellos:
Hello to my new story. Hello to our stories to be told .Hello to you and your story.
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吀䠀䔀 䘀䤀刀匀吀 夀䔀䄀刀
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21 Mandy Ortiz I have seen God. He was blue eyes and brown hair sitting on a bed of black snow. He was wrapped in ungodly layers of fur and tie-dye, fingers wrapped around a half drunk bottle of whiskey and a cigarette. Fingers wrapped in torn rubber gloves wrapped around a glass bottle like the one my lips were wrapped around the night before. That was God. A mess of a man writing with the green sharpie he kept in his left pocket while waiting for the 21. He stared at me until I stared at him, blue eyes I could swim in. Blue eyes I would have drowned in if he had starred any longer. He laughed and set the bottle down as he moved to stand beside me. The closer he moved the more I could smell him. God reeks of cigarettes and stale bread -- a smell as strong as religion once was and the more I breathed it in the faster I was baptized into his religion of our reality. God told me his name in the form of smoke creeping through the cracks of his teeth. I allowed the smoke to grab hold of my face and run through my curls until I felt just as warm as whiskey. God smiled. Told me I looked familiar, that he hadn’t seen me in a while. I said no, that couldn’t be true. I’d never taken the 21 and I’d never seen a man so beautifully broken. I would’ve remembered something as beautiful as he. Something as beautiful as the holy trinity and the Lord’s Prayer. Chapped lips that once mouthed the words of the gospel find their way to God’s cigarette. We take turns breathing in the sensational impurity in exchange for accounts of unsensational events. In that moment I could have told God anything but instead we stood still on dirty snow moving nothing but our lips and cold fingers speaking in unholy tones about life being unpredictable. There was no priest to transcribe our conversation, no time to figure out exactly how to repent. How to address sin while silently being satisfied by all the decisions you have already made. But I’ve seen God and his stench screamed louder than anything I could be ashamed of. God, when you told me I looked familiar that familiarity was nothing more than a mere reflection of your irreligious actions resembling those we must have all committed some time before. I was told religion makes you innocent, but innocence has always been tainted by the absence of divinity. In that moment, God, your laugh was ten times mightier than the shame religious figures have bestowed upon me. We stood together, like we were summer in the snow. We were warm and beautiful without having to confess. There were no white gowns. There was no red wine. Simply a bottle of almost finished whiskey and a stale cigarette.
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her
Long Nguyen “this piece illustrates the concept of male gaze and female body transitioning into the object of both satisfaction and discomfort for the viewer.�
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The Mexican
ANDREA SALAS-DE LA O in the room I. The elephant in the room And the elephant in the city Of Sevilla, and all of Spain. To men’s stares; “que guapa” And to the female glare; “morena.” I’m not even that different from the rest, Sure, my tongue may not hold the lisp. But my Fenty shade is only 210, I think as I tip the bottle upside down every day to check, Still my nose, the round of my face screams different. The elephant in the classroom, of forty or so 18 year old Spanish children. The way they look me up and down every Monday morning, the way the boys Stare me down feverishly as if I were a red cloak they could hook around,
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They are bulls and I am no torero. I overhear the whisper of their hope of my having “Sangre caliente,” and I watch their Spanish girlfriends Grasp their novio’s hands a little tighter as they spite me. They’ve all discovered my body down at the local discoteca on Friday nights, And las tias hate that I can twist my torso to the beat of Daddy Yankee and J. Balvin. I roll my eyes. I don’t care for conquistadors.
II. I can’t seem to find comfort anywhere in Spain, With each day I seek within for that home I’m forgetting. California gets fuzzy when the Spanish history professor reminds me I’m not American, I’m the Mexican classmate. III. These Spanish girls in my university classes don’t understand how I’m American, if I’m Mexican. They don’t understand how I’m of Mexican descent, if I’m American. They cannot get their heads around the word; Chicana. - No entiendo. - Estás obsesionada con la raza. - La raza ya es algo anciano. - ¿Que no eres Latina? - No es su culpa, es que los americanos todavía piensan que hay racismo. I clench my teeth and hold my hands in prayer. They sneer, and the static in my ears scratches and hurts. I shut my eyes to their blinding white faces. - Perdonalas Virgencita Guadalupe por ser tan idiotas. Vol. I Ed. II | 40
Staff Highlight: Professor Gutierrez and Her Thoughts on ”Transitions” - OMI STRAIT Professor Gutierrez has had to transition through different spaces often over the past several years as she’s been working on her Ph.D. She’s used every move as an opportunity to self-reflect and see how she operates within that new space. She’s asked herself: What is it that you want to take out of this experience? How are you going to make sure you do the best to be focused on that intention? For example, the move to Minnesota pushed Professor Gutierrez to really figure out why she wanted to be here, what the purpose was for her moving to this place, and how she would make sure she would achieve that purpose. What she discovered during this transition is that she wanted to meet new people, learn what is meant to be a professor, publish work, go to conferences, and live in the lifestyle of a professor. And she did that. Currently, Professor Gutierrez is preparing for some new transitions as well. She is pregnant with her first child and will be finishing up her fellowship at Macalester. After her time here is over, she’ll be moving back to Washington and spending some time with the baby before going back to work.
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How do you think this next transition will change you? “Being a mom is going to provide a whole new awareness about myself. It’s going to require a lot of responsibilities and force me to really mature in ways I’ve never had to mature... I’ve always been selfish in that I’ve been alone, been able to invest in my career... To now have to worry about somebody else -- [that’s] a big transition. And to prioritize that person’s needs, it’s going to take a different direction in how I see my life but I’m excited for it. I think I have the characteristics to be loving and caring and nurturing, so I welcome the challenge.” Professor Gutierrez has been doing her homework on motherhood by reading, researching, and talking to her own mom. However, she realizes that there’s only so much you can do in preparation and that “... this is a whole new job that is just the best way to learn to do the job is to really immerse yourself in the experience.” She knows that she’ll be the type of mom to run to the hospital even when her kid has something as harmless as a cold. Professor Gutierrez knows that this is unexplored territory, and she’s “... open to not getting it right all the time... to be forgiving to myself as I embark on this learning process because it is a process. To be kind to myself as I learn how to take care of a child.” “I’m excited to have something that’s mine, not something, but to know that this is a reflection of me. The potential that this baby has with the world being available to them. I think that’s the most exciting thing... I want to make sure my child is not only smart but I want them to question things, to have their own passions and I want to be there to support whatever curiosity they may have about life. I want to stand by their side and support them as they learn about themselves and their body and their ideas and their relationships to other people and other things around them. I’m just excited to see what that is going to bring out of me. Having somebody else to love unconditionally, what is that going to mean?”
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Professor Gutierrez has always been very pro-therapy and utilizes that service when going through transitions. She also does yoga and takes walks in order to create space away from the fear and anxiety associated with change. However, community has been the biggest support Professor Gutierrez has used. “You can have yoga, counselors, but there’s something quite unique and special about caring friendships where you can be vulnerable, where they won’t judge you for that vulnerability, and will want to find support so that you can move and thrive forward. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, scared, confused about these transitions in my life, I rely on people I know love me for who I am, and will hold me accountable as well – will ask me the tough questions I don’t want to ask myself. Will force me to look at myself and reflect on where this fear is coming from, why I’m feeling this anxiety.” For students of color about to enter the Macalester community, Professor Gutierrez recommends, like her, to find community. Especially in a space like Macalester, where students of color are often marginalized and de-legitimized, community is vital to surviving. She says to find “Community that is going to reflect your values, going to support who you are as a person, that’s going to give you kindness and tough love at times.” Self-advocacy is necessary as well, says Prof. Gutierrez:
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“Life is a learning curve.” “It’s important to do positive self talk, to believe you deserve to be here, to tell yourself you deserve to be here. In many subliminal ways we’re told we’re not supposed to be here, we don’t belong here. To have a sense of awareness that you do belong and you’re worthy of being here. Asking for help when you need help, seeking mental health services if necessary. Speaking to your professors about your needs and letting them know ‘This is what I need to be successful in your class – how can you work with me to create an environment to support my needs?’ ... vocalizing who you are and what you need unapologetically – you have that right.” Professor Gutierrez says to students of color about to leave Macalester: “Life is a learning curve.” As students, especially students who to go high-level colleges like Macalester, the expectation after college is that you get a job and you achieve a kind of success that looks very specific. “I would encourage students to explore other things and not to hold their sense of worth on what kind of job they acquire right after undergrad.” She wants to urge students to find a job that gives them financial stability and speaks to their passions and values. For Professor Gutierrez, the most important thing she can say to students of color that are about to leave Mac is to just have courage. “Have the courage to dream, have the courage to pursue something that is in the unknown, have the courage to want more for yourself and to go for it... and be kind to yourself when things don’t work out in the way you envision them.”
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Thank you to our photographers: Juan Diaz, Long Nguyen, Alexandria Ang, & Franci SG
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HOVER
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TARA MERCENE Vol. I Ed. II | 58
T R AN S
Jenni
Studying abroad is typically the experience that many college students look forward to when pursuing their degree, if it fits their finances and course load. This was the case for me — one of the major deciding factors for me to commit to Mac was their accessibility for students to study abroad. During the summer after Freshman year, I did my research on the study away programs that Mac offered and knew exactly where I wanted to go. Once I received the confirmation email from Study Away, I started preparing for my semester abroad. Prior to leaving, I finished my major’s core classes, and took on an additional internship to save up. My schedule last semester consisted of morning classes, off-campus work, then homework and extracurricular activities. The routine was exhausting, but part of what motivated me was the fact that I would be able to relax the following semester.
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Come the start of my semester abroad, I felt conflicted. My outwards situation seemed ideal — I received study abroad scholarship money, no longer had work or on-campus obligations, and had a summer internship lined up. I should be feeling relaxed and excited for a semester of travelling. However, I felt even more burdens. There was a looming sense of inadequacy and remorse that I especially felt during my first few weeks. In the beginning, I kept comparing my routine with that of last semester, perpetually guilting myself with my lack of productivity. At Macalester, I felt that my sense of worth was heavily measured on how busy I was and how well-rounded I tried to appear. I made a list of goals and personal research I wanted to accomplish this semester, but still have not gotten around to start on it. Last semester, I rarely had any free time and was excited to finally be able to complete my goals the following semester when I knew I had more time. My semester abroad is coming to a close and I did not work on the things I have been meaning to do, but I’m learning to be alright with that.
N T I O I S
ifer Eng
Along with the pressures of attaining productivity, I also faced a sense of financial guilt. Growing up in an immigrant household where money was not easy to come by, spending money for vacation and non-academic traveling was nonexistent for me. My host university is in a central part of Southeast Asia, so exchange students commonly take various weekend trips during the semester. I have taken to a few trips and every time at some point I feel inwardly uncomfortable with every dollar I use. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty, for many reasons. My parents sacrificed a lot for me, so that I could get the resources and opportunities they never got in a country that was not made for them. I still am learning to reconcile with the idea that study abroad requires being okay with spending money on traveling, while being frugal in other aspects.
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I did not expect to face these internal battles prior to going abroad, as I anticipated a semester solely filled with travelling, meeting new people, and focusing on my academics. Although the culture at Mac insinuates that doing more is better, it is okay to step back once in a while— especially when studying abroad. People-of-color often feel required to work nonstop with no distinct stopping point or break. Feeling guilty for spending money on yourself is normal, but you should know that you have earned it. My adjustment to a new country and routine took many weeks, but I now feel renewed. Studying abroad in another country for multiple months is a unique opportunity, as you get a chance to befriend locals in your host country as well as other exchange students from around the world. You also get to take classes that are not offered at Mac on top of experiencing a different classroom setting. As my semester away comes to a close, I am grateful for the chance be immersed in a different culture and experience new things. If you feel guilty during your semester abroad, just know that you’re more than half way through undergraduate and you have worked hard enough to enjoy an exciting semester in a new country.
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JUTHI stD Chittagong, Bangladesh was to me the perfect mesh of all things good. I had lived in this city all my life, and as the saying goes, you can’t miss the things you’ve never had and so I was fond of this city, I loved her dearly. When I think of Chittagong, I think of empty rooftops with clotheslines, saturated with an array of vibrantly colored clothes - yards of cotton sarees and a medley of silk and cotton punjabis washed after Friday’s prayers. I think of the soporific late afternoon heat slowly giving birth to a deep blue dusk; I see cars going uphill and downhill, their rear lights and front lights, red and gold, illuminating the darkness of the incoming night. Then I think of myself at dusk, riding a rickshaw on my own, passing by the city’s art academy. Little tea stalls line the street. The artists and the musicians, they sip tea from their chipped porcelain cups and sing old Bangla songs in the darkness of the night. My bangles, they clink. I feel so lonely.
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DEWAN topping by Redlands, California was initially the amalgamation of all things terrible in my life. After having lived in Chittagong, I didn’t appreciate any of what Redlands had to offer. Quaint little Redlands, home to Augie’s Coffee and stretches of orange groves and old Victorian homes held a different sentiment, but it certainly grew on me. To me, Redlands is the smell of cheap lavender body wash that I douse myself with during my early morning showers before school. I smell the lavender wafting off my skin as I drive my car at the crack of dawn. It is only me and the dark green freeway signs against the pink sky, or at least it feels like it. When I think of Redlands, I think of my one LANY CD, the only music I play in my car. And then when I think of LANY, I think of driving at night with my windows rolled down. I marvel at the masses of city lights far into the distance to the left and right and I wonder what city or town these lights belong to, but I never find out, I don’t even make an effort to. It is just a passing wonderment, much like how when I listen to LANY in Saint Paul, which is rarely ever, I mistake the city for quaint old Redlands. I can almost smell my lavender skin, and trace my way to school in my head. All of this takes place in pink.
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coloring queer transitions documenting queer and trans people of color and their transitions to understanding their queerness by gabi estrada
how do you think your queerness has related to your identity as a person of color? “it means that by my inherent presence I bring more intersectionality to both just queer spaces and just POC spaces than the structure in place is comfortable with [ … ] queer organizations have a vision of white people” “growing up where the language you are around doesn’t reflect you is so confusing [ … ] how can i be comfortable in both worlds?” “i can’t separate them; i think people think i have to sacrifice one over the other [... ] i think in tandem they help me navigate who i am because regardless, i will always be the “other” because of who i am; if it’s not one, it’s always the other” “it’s like living in two different worlds [ … ] at home my asian side is always out but my gay side isn’t” “i feel like it puts a little downer on it because i know that as a person of color and as a woman i’m a step down [ … ] i get nervous about being seen as weak; how do i make myself look tougher and more powerful?” “sometimes it’s hard to find the in-between and find communities that welcome both of my identities and a lot of times it feels like i have to pick and choose” “in both identities there’s subversion and reclamation happening [ … ] i think that in many ways queer bodies of color are resistance manifested in life” “queerness is already a western idea [ … ] i always have to contest the idea of queerness while claiming it at the same time; it’s always a work of progress, subjective to change and instability” “understanding queerness within a white paradigm complicates racial existence; you can’t articulate queerness without operating within a white supremacist framework but there’s nothing wrong with living with an identity that poses contradictions” “it’s like a second layer of behaviors and things that i have to think about on top of how i have to act in certain spaces around certain people but it’s also united me with other queer people of color” “my problems with my sexuality weren’t really an issue with being mexican; i can attribute the positive aspects of my transition to the high values that family has in mexican culture” a special thanks to Christian, Maddie, Jennings, Haley, Cathlyn, Hassan, Tara, Zoe, Freddy, Toan, Gia, and Ayize for being incredible models and humans and Franci for her beautiful photography
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SPACES | 71 Maps, text compliation, and annotation by Jennings Mergenthal
and and Minnesota Rivers, the confluence of the Mississippi historic Fort Snelling, Some notable sites include: that is now the state of Minnesota. century, the United States acquired the land Through a series of treaties in the nineteenth north. conventions, the top of the map will be In accordance with European cartographic of the State of Minnesota. The following is a history
Minnesota a kp aW H ut
Tankapsaika Wakpa
a
Te wa p
a
Ta nk iy
an
Warahu Wakpa
Chanjushka Wakpa
W ak
Inyan Ṡa Papi
Wakan Ozanzan Mato-tamaheća Wak Zu Pata
Sunka Sapa Tinta Otunwe Tinta Otunwe
Kapozha
zika
a kp pi W
a
Hinta Hankphan Wozu
Inyan Ceyaka Otunwe
Icahtaka
Bdote
a Sa uhup Cand api K
Uta Pahida
pa ahu War a p Wak Sissteon Otunwe
Otehi Otunwe
Wapahasa Otunwe Wahcoota
Takapsica Tonwanyan
u Ta Pezih
Bde Tanka Icahtaka Tatanka Mani Anishinaabe aki
Gawakumig Zibi
Miskwawakokan Zibi
Menominikeshi Zibi
Intpah Wakpa
Heyata Otunwe
M
Ĥaĥá Wakpa
Ishkodewabo
ní so
ta
Bde Kandiyohi
W ak
pá
Mni Sóta Makoce
Misi Zibi
Sihahmin Totiwota
Red Cedar River
Sihahmin Totiwota
Mississippi River
St. Croix River
Mni Sóta Makoce
Rum River Ĥaĥá Wakpa
Bde Kandiyohi
Clearwater Lake
Bdote
Knapp’s Mill
Kapozha
Wisconsin Territory
Icahtaka
M
Heyata Otunwe Inyan Ceyaka Otunwe
Tinta Otunwe
u Ta Pezih
Takapsica Tonwanyan
Wapahasa Otunwe
La Crosse River
Wabasha
a kp aW H ut
Warahu Wakpa
a
Te wa p
a
Wak Zu Pata
ahu War a p Wak Sissteon Otunwe
Otehi Otunwe
Ta nk iy
ta
pá
Hinta Hankphan Wozu
Sunka Sapa
Mahpiyamaza Wahcoota
ní so
W ak
Intpah Wakpa
Fort St. Anthony
an
W ak
zika
a kp pi W
a
Mato-tamaheća Wakan Ozanzan
pa
Chanjushka Wakpa
Uta Pahida
a Sa uhup Cand api K
Inyan Ṡa Papi
Treaty with the Sioux, 1837 Rev. Milton Badger D.D.
February 23, 1850
Dear Sir, Four-Fifths of the Territory is in Indian Country, the abode of the warlike Ojibwa, the wild Dakota and the discontented Winnebago. Negotiations however are going on, which will shortly induce the Dakota to dispose of the lands of his ancient ancestors and to commence his painful Exodus towards the setting sun. Yours in the bonds of the gospel
Edward Neill
President Lincoln, “I have discovered numerous violations of law & many frauds committed by past Agents & a superintendent. I think I can establish frauds to the amount from 20 to 100 thousand dollars & satisfy any reasonable intelligent man that the Indians whom I have visited in this state & Wisconsin have been defrauded of more than 100 thousand dollars in or during the four years past. The whole system is defective & must be revised or, your red children, as they call themselves, will continue to be wronged & outraged & the just vengeance of heaven continue to be poured out & visited upon this nation for its abuses & cruelty to the Indian.” George Day
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Red Cedar River
Sihahmin Totiwota
Mississippi River
St. Croix River
Mni Sóta Makoce
Sauk Rapids
Rum River
St. Cloud
Taylor’s Falls
W ak
Intpah Wakpa
Fort Snelling
Knapp’s Mill
St. Paul
Tanpa Yukan Birch Coulee
Camp Release
Clearwater Lake
St. Anthony Minneapolis
Bdote
pá
Fort Renville M ní so ta
Minnesota
Fort Renville
Prescott
Wisconsin
Mazasa Otunwe
Wapasha Otunwe
Fort Ridgely New Ulm
Sissteon Otunwe
Pezihutazizi Pezihutazizi Psinta Wakpadan Otunwe
Wambditanka Otunwe Henderson Fort Ridgely
Traverse Des Sioux
Mankato
La Crosse River Wabasha
Tinta Otunwe Kapozha
Hinta Hankphan Wozu
zika Cansa’yapi Otunwe u Ta Pezih
Wapahasa Otunwe
a kp pi W
a
Mato-tamaheća Wakan Ozanzan Uta Pahida
Treaty with the Dakota, 1858
“The Lower Indians are playing the devil in general…so far as I am concerned, if they are hungry let them eat grass or their own dung.” Andrew J. Myrick
Colonel Henry Sibley, September 28, 1862 Destroy everything belonging to the Indians and force them out to the plains, unless you can capture them. They are to be treated as maniacs or wild beasts, and by no means as people with whom treaties or compromises can be made.” Maj. Gen. John Pope
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Red Cedar River Mississippi River
St. Croix River
Sauk Rapids
Minnesota River
St. Cloud
Rum River
St. Croix Falls
Taylor’s Falls
Minnesota Minnesota
Clearwater Lake Minneapolis
Camp Release
Fort Snelling
Knapp’s Mill
St. Paul
Prescott
Wisconsin Wisconsin
Henderson Fort Ridgely Yellow Medicine River New Ulm
Traverse Des Sioux
Mankato Eureka
La Crosse River Wabasha
An Act for the Removal of the Sioux or Dakota Indians, and for the Disposition of their Lands in Minnesota, 1863
December 6, 1862 “Ordered that of the Indians and half-breeds sentenced to be hanged by the military commission to be executed on Friday the 19th day of December…the following names:
The other prisoners you will hold subject to further orders, taking care that they will neither escape nor are subject to any unlawful violence.” Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States
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“currently untitled” interviewed by Gianella Rojas
“This semester, I had the honor of being part of a student-led theatre production, currently untitled. It was a theatre performance written, produced and performed by students of color, international students, and transgender students. In response to consistent stereotyping and microaggressions, nine performers wrote about their own stories and took control of their own narrative through comedy, vulnerability, and mutual support.”
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Karanja Karubiu My piece was entitled “Did You Know?” Essentially, the monologue was born out of a period of time when I was feeling uncomfortable being here, uncomfortable with myself. It was that uncomfortability caused by exhaustion. It had everything to do with my environment and the agency of my environment. I wrote it and it was kind of cathartic. I was able to expunge these emotions. I really valued the whole piece of currently untitled as that’s what it was for me, it was a cathartic experience. It was the real stuff going on in my mind. It was centered around an anecdote that I had right in the beginning of my first year, a moment when I was at a golf tournament. That was the first time in my life that I felt truly out of place. I didn’t process it at the time. It was very difficult and highkey traumatic. I think sometimes it’s hard for me to feel like it’s trauma, but it’s trauma. It has so much to do with my own person so if me, myself, is being questioned and interrogated on a daily basis I think that has a great impact on my mental state. It contributed to my journey up until this point. I think I would like for people to take away the fact that just because one is different doesn’t mean that they have a responsibility to make you understand that it’s okay that they’re different. For some of us, it’s very easy to see that we stand out, and that makes us seem unfamiliar. It’s not our responsibility. I definitely did make it my responsibility, but no. I’m here to be myself. If that’s on odds with anyone, that’s on them. That’s something I want to take away. We know who we are.
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Melissa Kingue My piece was “Who is She?” It was about the journey that I’ve gone through my time in the U.S to Cameroon to now. It’s basically my journey finding myself and asking myself questions about the space that I’m in and who I am. Becoming comfortable with the person in front of to me. It was about self discovery but also it was about asking the audience why they were not in love with who I was now. I thought the process overall was really good and sort of eye-opening as to what a theatre community or an acting community could be like at Macalester. What I really appreciated from this cast was that not everybody was an actor. Everybody was coming from different walks of life and different interests. It was a form of creativity that I never experienced before. Coming into this I was terrified because already putting yourself on stage is vulnerable, but as yourself, in one of your most vulnerable moments is just so scary. But the fact that everyone in the cast was so supportive, so welcoming, encouraging in terms of making me feel like I wouldn’t feel judged for showing up, yelling too loud. The way they made me feel let me dive myself more into the freedom that I let myself have for my piece. It opened more doors for what could be. It helped foster space where there could be more talks about difficult topics. It was inspiring to be in that space. Off the bat, our warm ups were always really, really fun. It was a way to prepare us and break a little bit of the nervousness. A lot of silliness would happen. I really loved our symbols of friendship, like with gummy bears. I don’t have one favorite moment, I have a bunch of little things that I keep on thinking back to SPACES | that I will always remember.
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My piece, for me, was about a process through which I am finding peace with my own national and racial identity. It was a perfect platform to do that. For our piece, more specifically, the way that Felicia and I come together to discuss the multiple dimensions that exist with one single image of Chinese people. We’re both ethnically Chinese, but who we are and who we represent, is very different. We were able to do a piece like this to tell people, ‘you may have assumptions, but just let you know, they may not be correct.’
I was very pleasantly surprised by the amount of energy that exploded in those performances. It was just so different from rehearsals. Everyone was so into it, everyone willing to take risks. It exploded. I remember the first night I almost cried through the entire piece. The first couple of performances I was thinking, ‘this cast is so great.’ It was very different from my experiences in the past. Other shows peak in the second or third performances and the energy drops because of the repetition. But it felt so fresh, and the emotions were so real. It took my own breath away.
Yucai Li
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Felicia Peterson My piece, I called it “Questions and Answers.” It was with Yucai Lee and it was about the nature of being from China, but in two different aspects. I was raised here while Yucai is a student from China. The piece was almost Oprah Winfrey-esque. We forced the audience to ask us questions based on stereotypes. We talked about how our experiences were similar and dissimilar.
This was my first college theater experience where I performed on stage. In high school, the closest I got to “being myself” was in the improv show where I entertained the audience with banter, puns, and ridiculous scenarios. It felt surreal displaying a more bitter side of myself to the world without worrying that people would hate me for it. My favorite moments were when we danced together during warm ups.
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just my whole expebackground in Tanzania and al ion cat edu my ut abo n’s My piece was at all, it’s just been Roo nk I had a title for it rience there. I don’t thi le. ng to have that as the tit piece, and I think I’m goi
I would say the over all experience was ve ry positive. I got to ferent part of myself explore a dif. I really had to ta ke a self back and vi actors see characters ew myself the way , ‘what does Roon th ink? What does Roon sidered it from the feel?’ I never conother side. The whol e process was very in I was very uncertain te resting. At first, about everything, bu t due to the supporti members that really ve cast and crew helped me through th is process, this self now I’m just- I get -d iscovery, and to show this communit y another part of my transition flow a bit self. It makes the more smoother. Mac is sometimes overwhelmi you need to breathe ng and sometimes and affirm yourself th at everything is goin g to be okay. [One of my favorite memories] was the time that we were making the videos and taking pictures. I thought it was very fun and listening to music and dancing and hanging out. We’re all just having a good time. As well as the first performance, I was very anxious. But everything was perfect. After the show, we were all huddled in the closet and being like ‘wow good job!’, just being a small community. That was great and that was definitely my favorite part.
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Juan David
My piece was about me meeting a friend from Colombian and starting to criticize all these little American things that I find annoying. Then I get to the meat of the problem. Coming to America, I felt that everything was money-centered and looking to the future rather than looking to the present and making connections. They worry more about all this networking and getting to know as many people as possible. It was about me saying that this makes me feel alone. We should worry about the connections that we make with people. People forget about community to be happy. They forget that community is a very core thing in our lives that gives us happiness. But, over the entire piece in general, it’s very important to remember that we all have a story to tell. All of our voices should be heard. It’s very important to give that space to people. Not being afraid to speak up and create something.
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Oliver Kamholtz-Roberts For my piece - so I made some grandparents. It’s about a time when I first was thinking intensely about my gender and realized I was trans, when I was needing some sort of family support that I wasn’t necessarily getting. I kind of created these mythical grandparents in my mind from what I knew about them. I found that I was able to create these memories for myself so that I could have this memory bank for myself that wasn’t complicated by someone else or my actual family members. Understanding me differently than I knew myself. It was about exploring the possibilities for myself and literally creating family. The piece was just a monologue about being in a specific situation in high school and invoking my grandparents and having to see me through that. It felt more vulnerable to portray yourself on stage, for me at least. Once the show is over, none of it is over. We all wrote about things that are pretty ongoing in our lives. Leaving the show the audience knows we continue to live these lives that they had a window in for an hour. It felt like in that dynamic when there is an audience there, it could’ve easily felt like hey teach me about yourself, but because of the rehearsal process where we emphasized that we were doing this for ourselves, that extra pressure of teaching people took that as much as possible. I think I hope people remember how many emotions and realities and truths we were all able to hold at once. I think often, not only in productions but also in conversations about marginalized identities, sometimes there’s pressure about whether it’s optimistic or sad experience, I think they were able to honor how everything was felt at once.
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Though the production was untitled, I decided to call my piece “Bite Me.” It was about feeling like the world was consuming me without seeing me. The nature of being a Latina woman— in the U.S and in the world—has to do with the body being up for consumption by men and by white people. My piece talked about this and challenged the Macalester community to see how they part take in practices that hurt me and others like me. It also established that I refuse to continue living in that hurt.
currently untitled is a criticism of the shows that theatre department has decided to put up in the past. The way that Macalester justifies their decision not to do shows for student of color is often that “there are not enough people of color in the department”. The truth is, if the department doesn’t feel like its for us, we will not stay. A big part of the process was choosing how we could best tell your our stories (in ways that acknowledged the our bodies on stage). I’d like to think that work we put in gave every single actor more experience with theatre, writing, and directing. It provided us all with tools to go into the world and tell our stories again, or help others tell their stories. We told stories that were personal in a space that felt very intimate. I think it was really rewarding and my hope is that this will change the kinds of productions the department chooses to produce.
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Gia Rojas
My piece wasn’t really titled, which I guess is why it fit perfectly in this production. It was about feeling confused that I felt so many things. My grandma passed away just before the semester and I missed the first week of school. It felt good to go home and see my family because we cried practically the whole week and I felt like I had let everything out. I was devastated. But then when I came back to campus, I found myself growing in a lot of ways. I felt proud of who I was, but there were still periods of time that I found myself in dark places of grief over my loss and depression. This piece really helped me explore that - that I am a multifaceted, complex human being and I don’t have to be one thing. I can grieve and grow at once. I hope that people remember that in the way they treat others. They can be happy while being extremely sad, and they can be sad while also being extremely grateful. There’s no one thing.
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FOR PEOPLE OF COLOR BY PEOPLE OF COLOR