April 1

WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015 | MACEANDCROWN.COM | Vol. 57, Issue 20

Freeman’s game winner. C1 ODU NAACP Hosts Third Annual Image Awards David Thornton News Editor

Amira Taylor won the Senior Award at NAACP’s Image Awards on March 26, 2015. Zack Chavis | M&C

The mellow tones of jazz filled the North Café as individuals and organizations being honored for their achievements in community outreach on campus were honored at the Third Annual ODU NAACP Image Awards.

“The main aspect I love is that they motivate others to achieve,” Jared Mays, a graduate and admissions counselor who was on hand to present an award, said.

This is the third year that the ODU NAACP has hosted the Image Awards. “The Image Awards are celebrating minority achievement on campus,” Kukua Osei-Gyamfi, president of the ODU NAACP chapter, said. Awards are given based on work that advances the goals of the NAACP, including community outreach and lifetime achievement awards.

Individuals and organizations associated with ODU that positively affect inter-cultural relations are

eligible for the honor. A committee of individuals, including the president and committee chair, choose the recipients of the Image Awards, along with help from a random poll of students on campus.

“I feel like it helps bring our organizations together,” Natasha Cook, the community service chair of Success Without Limitations, an organization nominated for best programming, said.

“We’re here to support the event and whatever our students do on campus to make ODU better,” Christopher Ndiritu, president of the ODU Student Government Association, said.

“ODU NAACP has been around for a couple of decades,” OseiGyamfi said. “The first charter I have is from 1995.” The group’s goal is to abolish discrimination based upon race. They meet every Tuesday evening at 7pm in the common room of Village Building Three to discuss topics that the national organization advocates, and how they can be applied to campus.

Allyship ODU: Religion, What is Religion?

T. Kieu Luu Contributing Writer I was raised as a Buddhist growing up in Viet Nam. I followed it as a cultural and societal practice. I understood the faith by stories and legends that we were told. I was brought up to understand morals and to do no harm to any living creature no matter how small or how large. Reincarnation, spirits, or a higher being – all of those beliefs went above my head. Aren’t those just stories told from mouth to mouth? Do people really believe in these things? I always had doubts

that I could not express.

My family migrated to America when I was nine years old. When I was introduced into the American school system, Christianity became more prevalent in my life.

When I was in seventh grade, an event left me speechless. I was in Band at the time, I can’t clearly remember exactly happened but we were talking about practicing our instrument, the proper way to do it. One of the girl who was getting upset by our conversation, she turned and asked me, “Is that what your Buddha told you to do or whatever his name is?” I was dumb-

founded by this question. What did Buddha have to do with practice?

Why did she speak of him in such a disrespectful manner? I have never in my life disrespected any other religion. I could not comprehend what was said to me. I was quiet for the rest of my time in Band.

It was another day with a familiar face at the nails salon. I was at the register waiting for a customer to make her payment. She was pulling out her wallet when she pointed at our Buddha statue and said, “Why do people worship him? He’s not even real.” I was baffled. I wanted to ask her, “Well do you know if Jesus

was real or just a story told by old men in a dress?” Of course I didn’t say anything. Once again I was left speechless.

My doubts on religion grew as I went through high school. I began my own research on Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism and Islam.

The deeper I went into my research, the less I was able to comprehend where faith should be. Religion was still a story told by old men in dresses. Something to give people hope. Something for people to find in common with each other.

Something to celebrate. Something to share.

April Fools Articles Z1 The Mace & Crown

@maceandcrown

@maceandcrown

To me, religion still is nothing more than a cultural and societal practice. Is there a higher power? I can’t say, I have never encountered a being known as God or a Spirit in my lifetime. I still appreciate the teachings of Buddhism. Just like a good story, the theme, the motifs, and the message of the story stays with you long after it is over.

It was hard to express my stand on religion, so I still attend the local’s Temple for holidays or whenever they need help. I joined Diversity Institute for Cohort fall of 2014. That was the first time

Continued on D1

A2

Face In The Mace Mace & Crown Staff : Sean Davis Editor-in-Chief editorinchief@maceandcrown.com

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2014| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Hashtag #ODU to see your face in the Mace.

Instagr a m

Brian Saunders Copy Editor briananthony93@gmail.com David Thornton News Editor news@maceandcrown.com Veronica Singer Arts & Entertainment Editor artsandentertainment@maceandcrown.com Nate Budryk Sports Editor & Distribution Manager nbudr001@odu.edu Zachary Chavis Photography Editor photo@maceandcrown.com Rashad McDowell Technology Editor technology@maceandcrown.com

Elijah Stewart Senior Graphic Designer estew010@odu.edu Jason Kazi Advertising and Business Manager advertising@maceandcrown.com Noah Young Digital Content Manager webmaster@maceandcrown.com Jugal Patel Digital Editor jpate016@odu.edu

Staff Writers: Alex Brooks Alyse Stanley Amy Poulter George Plank Jasmine Blackwell Jessica Perkins Josh Whitener Libby Marshall Michael High Matt O’Brien Ross Reelachart

Staff Photographers: Dawit Samson Jason Kazi Joshua Boone Joshua Caudell Nicolas Nemtala Schyler Shafer Shamon Jones

Mace & Crown is a newspaper published by and written for the students of Old Dominion once a week throughout each semester and once in the summer. Originally founded in 1930 as the The High Hat, the paper became the Mace & Crown in 1961. The Mace & Crown is a primarily self-supporting newspaper, maintaining journalistic independence from the university. All views expressed in this collegiate paper are those of the author, not of the University, Mace & Crown, or the editors.

Phone: 757-683-3452

T w it t er

NEWS

For even more campus crime information, visit maceandcrown.com.

Crime Log Date/Time Reported

CNN’s Sanjay Gupta spoke at Chrysler Hall on March 24, 2015.

Jason Kazi | MC

10 Things Sanjay Gupta Taught Us Sean Davis Editor-in-Chief Is purpose the secret to longevity? Is fat really the biggest thing to avoid in order to be healthy?

Professor and CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Sanjay Gupta, M.D. spoke Tuesday on these and other issues at the Chrysler Hall.

Below are the top 10 things we learned from a man that’s seen combat, reported on tragedy, turned down the position of Attorney-General and saved many a life.

10) To get the health benefits of red wine, you have to drink enough to kill yourself.

At the end of his talk, Norfolk

A3

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Forum President Chuck McPhillips facilitated a Q&A with Gupta. One of the last questions pertained to the health benefits of red wine.

“I’ve got no problem with a little bit of red wine. But I will tell you that these studies that look at the components of red wine that are beneficial for you… in order to get the legitimate benefits of resveratrol for example, you have to drink between 50 and 100 hundred glasses a day… I saw a couple hands go up.”

That’s very bad news for many of us. There was, however, a glimmer of hope.

“A glass or two of alcohol is probably not detrimental. it might even be associated with longevity.”

Take that squares! We’re gonna live forever!

9) Working out your upper body can prevent pneumonia/If your son is a doctor, you’ll have to exercise when you’re old.

“I encourage my own parents to do a lot of upper body exercises…

Upper body can not only make your posture better, [and] increase muscle mass, but it also decreases the likelihood that you could develop pneumonia… one of the biggest reasons people end up in nursing homes, and one of the biggest reasons they don’t leave those nursing homes.”

8) Genetically Modified Foods are maybe OK? Also #Firstworldproblems.

Location 1300 Blk West 49th Street

Larceny

Active 03/18/2015

03/16/2015 3:51 p.m

4400 Blk Killam Ave

Hit and Run Property Damage

Active 03/18/2015

03/17/2015 10:26 a.m.

4700 Killam Avenue

Larceny

Active 03/19/2015

03/17/2015 5:40 p.m.

4700 Blk Powhatan Ave.

Larceny

Active 03/19/2015

03/17/2015 10:54 p.m.

4700 Powhatan Ave

Larceny

Active 03/19/2015

03/18/2015 2:09pm

Scotland House

Narcotics Violation

Inactive 03/19/2015

03/18/2015 4:19pm

4300 Blk Colley Ave

Hit and Run Property Damage

Active 03/19/2015

03/18/2015 11:57pm

Rogers Hall

Larceny from a Building

Active 03/19/2015

03/19/2015 10:41pm

Scotland House

Larceny

Active 03/20/2015

03/19/2015 1:36pm

Whitehurst Hall

Vandalism

Arrest 03/23/2015

03/20/2015 1:19am

POD Market

Larceny

Active 03/23/2015

03/20/2015 9:14am

1400 Blk 43rd St.

Vandalism

Inactive 03/23/2015

03/20/2015 1:02pm

3800 Blk Colley Ave

03/20/2015 1:02pm

3800 Blk Colley Ave

Driving Suspended

Arrest 03/23/2015

03/20/2015 1:58pm

800 Blk W 43rd St

Larceny

Inactive 03/23/2015

03/20/2015 2:19pm

1500 Blk W 41st St.

Larceny

Active 03/23/2015

03/20/2015 8:05pm

SRC

Larceny

Active 03/23/2015

Park Interpreter Maintenance Ranger  Office Support  Contact Ranger  Lifeguards  Food Services  Housekeeping

Apply at www.dcr.virginia.gov/job www.virginiastateparks.gov

The Mace & Crown

@maceandcrown

Warrant Cleared

by Arrest

Arrest 03/23/2015

For more details, visit maceandcrown.com



800-933-PARK (7275)

Disposition

03/16/2015 1:59 p.m.

Spend your summer working in a Virginia State Park! 

Category

@maceandcrown

A4 (Continued from A3) “There’s still a lot of data that still needs to be collected about this. I mean people look at this and they immediately say ‘well this is unnatural, these are frankenfoods’… I think some of that may be true and this concern that they may be introducing new pathogens for example, into our diets, [could be true]…

We don’t have to worry about these things in places like the United States because again, we live in a world of abundance, the land of plenty, but there are countries around the world where they can’t get enough protein sources to feed the people and the idea of being able to create food faster and in more supplies may be a real benefit, so we don’t know yet, the true impact.”

7) Want to live longer? Go find your own Icky Guy. Actually it’s “Ikigai” – a Japanese term that means essentially a “reason for being.” “[In Japan] when I’d ask people, who were over 100 years old , why do you think you’ve lived so long?

They couldn’t really point to anything in particular… but one of the things that they did talk about was something they called Ikigai… this idea that you wake up every morning knowing why you’re here, what your purpose in life is, and how

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM you’re better today that you were yesterday… When we figure that out, a lot of the other things tend to fall into place. We start to want to take better care of ourselves. we start to want to be around peple that we love.”

6) Most of what Medicine knows about marijuana is flawed.

“I realized that most of the studies around medical marijuana in the united states that were getting funded were designed to look at the harm of medical marijuana and not most of the benefits. In fact 94 percent of the studies over a 14 year period, that were federally funded, were looking at harm versus benefit.”

He went on to endorse medical marijuana, which he had previously been opposed to.

“When I started looing at patients who I’d previously dismissed as malingerers who were just trying to get high, I started to see a different picture emerge. I started to see that for certain condition, out there, not only was medicinal marijuana potentially beneficial Sometimes it was the only thing that was beneficial… there are people who abuse this, but the trade-off is that there are people who could benefit from it as well and aren’t getting benefits any other way. Are you willing to deny

The Mace & Crown

those people treatment because of the concern about abuse? I didn’t think that that was morally acceptable. If that was my kid, and my kid were having epilepsy that could not be treated any other way, I would want them to have whatever options they could potentially have…

For me the decision was pretty clear – you’ve got to make these things available for the people that need them the most.”

5) Vaccines are the best.

“We talk about healthcare and we talk about the trillions of dollars that it costs. If we can’t do the stuff to prevent some of these diseases in the first place – [among other things] vaccines, I think it’s going to be very hard to win the battle of healthcare. Vaccines are one of the greatest public health advancements we’ve had over the last 100 years… Vaccines probably have saved millions of lives in the united states, and hundreds of millions worldwide. there are some unfounded fears that have subsequently been debunked.”

4) When you’re hungry, you’re probably thirsty. Idiot.

“Something that I find is quite simple is first of all this idea that our brains are not particularly good at distinguishing thirst and hunger… So many times we think that we’re actually hungry, and the

@maceandcrown

fact is we’re thirsty. If you live in a country that has lots of resources, when you get that twang in your brain, you reach for food instead of water. And as a result we walk around a country chronically dehydrated and overstuffed.”

3) Gunfire isn’t as dramatic as in the movies.

“I’ve learned a lot of things along the way… I’ve learned that gunfire is really not as dramatic in real lifeas Hollywood makes it out to be.

The first time someone took a shot at me, I didn’t even know what was happening.”

Way to be aware of your surroundings, doc.

2) We eat almost as much sugar as we weigh.

Gupta explained that in the ’70s, we started cutting fat out of our diets to be healthier. Since then: “Cardiac disease remains the biggest killer of men and women alike, child obesity rates have continued to go up, it is predicted that half this country will be diabetic or pre-diabetic by the year 2020… We eat more sugar now than we ever have before. sugar, high fructose corn syrup, all these sorts of things have more of an impact on our body than we even realize because the human body simply wasn’t designed to be able to eat like that.“ Fact: The average American eats

@maceandcrown

140 pounds of sugar a year.

Fact: According to a Pew study, the average American weighs 159 pounds.

1) America’s healthcare system is absurd.

“I think we’ll look back 100 years from now at the state of our country and say ‘so let me get this straight: You guys did so many wonderful things in the world of health and learned how to save so many lives and do so many things you didn’t think possible, but then you didn’t help the people who need it the most?’ That’s not going to make sense to anybody…

There are people who live at the rung of our society that are living near the poverty line, where, you know, they have to feed a family of five with 20 bucks every single night, otherwise they’re not going to make ends meet. And I think anything that can be done to ensure that they are not denied healthcare is really important.”

You know it’s bad when a guy who works for a network that is funded by multinational pharmaceutical companies sounds like a socialist…

Arts &

B1

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Visit maceandcrown.com for area concert photos and reviews.

E N T ER T A I NM E N T

Jason Kazi | M&C

Haunted by the Night Terrors of 1927 Amy Poulter Staff Writer Bathed in colorful lights of dreamlike-blue and fluorescent green, the NorVa was aglow on Friday night as the Night Terrors of 1927 took the stage. The audience stood with their eyes fixed as the lead singer, Jarrod Gorbel, and guitarist, Blake Sennett, dove right in to their hit, “When You Were Mine.”

The crowd was hypnotized as the lights dimmed and flickered over their heads.

“We just met, but I feel like there’s something very special happening in here,” Gorbel said to the crowd.

Their debut album has only been out for a little over two months, but

Night Terrors of 1927 are taking the music scene by storm.

Comprised of Gorbel of The Honorary Title and Sennett of Rilo Kiley and the Elected, the duo is no stranger to the industry having over 25 years of experience between them.

Born on the streaming service of SoundCloud, Night Terrors of 1927 became famous purely by accident.

They uploaded a couple of songs they wrote for fun, and were immediately noticed by listeners and record labels.

“The accessibility to people is a lot easier,” Gorbel said about SoundCloud, “but you probably can’t hold their attention as easy.”

Sennett joked that he knew feeling all too well as he recently dropped a

The Mace & Crown

magazine after perusing for a couple of minutes, but picked up his phone instead.

Since the album release, life has been busier for Gorbel and Sennett.

“Crazy! Just insane! It’s been really good,” Sennett said His band mate, Gorbel, had a different take on post-album release life.

“It’s like I was in this cocoon, and then my wings started to spread, and now I’m coasting like a beautiful butterfly,” he said.

Sennett explained the thematic elements behind the title track “Everything’s Coming Up Roses.”

“At first blush, it’s a little bit sardonic, there’s so much that broods,” he said, “but as you dig deeper, hope-

@maceandcrown

fully even if things seem terrible, maybe it will help you to grow in a way that will be beautiful, and I think that’s what the song is about.”

The track has a soft, warm finish to an album full of lush synthpop tunes and dark ‘80s new wave sounds.

Night Terrors recently finished a weekend packed full of performances at popular music festival South by Southwest (SXSW) in Austin, Texas.

“It’s kind of like throwing pennies in a fountain, you just gotta do it and have fun the best you can,” Sennett said. “But it’s Austin, and we have friends and there’s good food there, so that’s the bright side,” Gorbel added.

The Night Terrors are finishing a

@maceandcrown

lengthy tour with their tour mates and friends Bleachers and Joywave.

“My old band used to play with Jack’s old band, Steel Train, so we just reached out and wanted to play some shows together,” Gorbel said.

Jack Antonoff is currently the lead singer of Bleachers.

The Night Terrors of 1927 played a seven-song set, and even treated the crowd to an energetic cover of “Talking in Your Sleep” by The Romantics.

The NorVa was packed and heads and bodies were moving along to the sounds. Unlike the band’s eerie name, the ethereal melodies of “Always Take You Back” ended the show just as vibrant and dreamy as it began.

B2

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Chris Circeo Contributing Writer

Delta Zeta’s “Battle of the Boy BanDZ”

If anyone was passing through Mills Godwin Building Friday evening, they may have seen an Old Dominion police officer investigating a noise complaint. Likely, they may have walked right along, wondering what had happened inside that auditorium to warrant officer presence.

It was in the MGB auditorium that the sound of late ‘90s music played over a loud speaker, but was drowned out by the raucous applause of audiences yearning for the tight choreographies that have defined our generation. Delta Zeta presented their first annual “Battle of the Boy BanDZ,” a lip-synching competition to help raise money and awareness for various charities, all while making groups of young men “strut their stuff.”

The sisters of Delta Zeta raised over $360 through raffles of themed gift baskets and donations from audience members supporting their favorite dance team. The winner of the entire competition was able to donate all their teams’ proceeds to the charity of their choice.

The rest of the money went directly to the Starkey Hearing Foundation, a non-profit organization that provides free hearing aids for

impoverished people around the world with hearing disorders.

“It’s really cool to be part of an organization that internationally spreads awareness for hearing loss, while also providing free hearing aids to those in need,” said Alex Wray, the Vice President of Programs for Delta Zeta. According to Wray, about 360 million people worldwide have disabling hearing loss.

Delta Zeta also collected more than 40 school supply items through donations for the Painted Turtle Camp, an organization that supplies a fun camp experience for chronically ill children.

“The camp counselors and the children will be using all of these items,” Wray said. “It’s great that so many people were able to donate and contribute to these kids’ camp experience.”

Five teams entered the competition and it was time to see who would emerge as the true champions.

The brothers of Alpha Kappa Lambda set the tone for the rest of the competition with their rendition of N’Sync’s “Bye Bye Bye.” Wearing matching black shirts and performing pieces of the original choreography, they showed that they meant business. The crowd erupted into applause and money was shoveled

into their basket.

Next were the brothers of Pi Kappa Phi with a very smooth and soulful performance of The Temptation’s “Get Ready.” While not as glamorous and flashy as the previous group, the team still brought an aura of suave sensuality that audibly landed with the audience.

Finally, the brothers of Sigma Nu stepped up on to the stage sporting gold chains and delivered a performance of Mark Ronson’s “Uptown Funk.” Where Alpha Kappa Lambda lacked in spontaneity and Pi Kappa Phi was devoid of emotional excitement, Sigma Nu brought a level of carnal energy that had not been seen in this competition up to this point.

They tore down the walls of that building and erected them with soulful youth as their brick and sexual ooze as their mortar. The ladies were swooning, the men were jealous and we had ourselves a competition.

In a manner befitting of a true Battle of the Boy BanDZ, an unplanned freestyle dance-off was held between the teams’ captains to the tune of The Village People’s “Y.M.C.A.” What transpired was a slightly awkward free-for-all where some captains stripped off articles of clothing, some captains felt unwilling to push those limits, and still other captains felt the necessity to twerk aggressively

against the whiteboard. All in the name of ten extra points added to the final score. In a decision made by the cheers of the audience, Sigma Nu’s Terry Kitt, a senior Exercise Science major and self-described “funk-master,” brought home the extra points for his team.

“The energy of the crowd was electric,” Kitt said. “I knew I had to do whatever it took to get those extra points.”

After the judges scores were tallied, all the money was collected and the final scores were calculated, the captains of each team were brought back on stage and awarded a special superlative sash for their efforts – a fun prize to commemorate every team’s involvement in this noble cause. The brothers of Sigma Phi Epsilon took home “Best Music,” while the Associate Members of Pi Kappa Phi took home “Most Spirited Performance.”

But the moment had come to determine who would be the winner of the Battle of the Boy BanDZ and take home the coveted gold record trophy.

The brothers of Pi Kappa Phi sealed up the third place spot for their valiant effort.

Applause proceeded until the crowd hushed themselves down to hear the announcement of the winner. As the audience waited with

4 the Ultimate $

Deals are in session For Back to school

bated breath, it was announced that Sigma Nu would be awarded the top prize and crowned winners of the Battle of the Boy BanDZ. Thunderous applause and a standing ovation ensued as all the captains shook hands and congratulated each other on a job well done.

Sigma Nu’s charity of choice was Operation Smiles, a charitable organization that provides surgeries for children with cleft palates.

“We’re really happy to be able to support Operation Smiles with this win,” said Alex Brooks, a member of Sigma Nu and Chairman of Sigma Nu’s Operation Smiles Relations.

“We’re hoping to expand Operation Smile’s outreach on this campus with this event and with our upcoming basketball tournament, ‘Hoops for Smiles.’”

So, if anyone was passing through Mills Godwin Building Friday evening, they may have seen an Old Dominion police officer investigating a noise complaint. But if they had ventured inside the doors of that auditorium, they would have seen a successful philanthropy event that had dancers and audience members alike moving to the beat of beloved songs from our past. A slam-dunk for the ladies of Delta Zeta for rekindling the love for boy band anthems.

99

HersHey’s ChoColate Chip Cookie

®

wiTH Pizza PuRCHaSE Expires 5/31/15

Not valid with purchase of Personal Pan Pizza®. Valid only at participating NPC International-owned locations. One coupon per order. Minimum purchase ® required for delivery. Delivery areas and charges may vary. Cash value 1/20¢. The HERSHEY’S trademark and trade dress are used under license.

©2015 Pizza Hut, Inc. OLDDOMINION/10.5x7

7015

online exclUsiVe $

7

99

large Pizza up to 2 different toppings

®

Valid only on Pan, Thin ‘N Crispy®, Hand Tossed and Skinny Slice.

Flavor it up for FREE with a crust flavor and/or sauce drizzle.

Expires 5/31/15 Valid only at participating NPC International-owned locations. One coupon per order. Not valid on Stuffed Crust. Not valid with other offers or promotional pizzas. Additional charge for extra cheese and duplicate toppings. Charges may vary. Cash value 1/20¢.

©2015 Pizza Hut, Inc. OLDDOMINION/10.5x7

u799

stUDY groUP ValUe PIZZA

HUT.

COM

10 Dinner Box $

ORDER ONLINE N

DeliVerY & carrYoUt

Medium 1-topping pizza + 10 Cinnamon sticks + 5 Breadsticks

1302 monticello ave. • 757-640-9999

Expires 5/31/15 Valid only at participating NPC International-owned locations. One coupon per order. Not valid with other offers or promotional pizzas.

Additional charge for extra cheese and additional toppings. Delivery areas and charges may vary. Cash value 1/20¢.

©2015 Pizza Hut, Inc. OLDDOMINION/10.5x7

OLDDOMINION_10_5x7.indd 1

The Mace & Crown

@maceandcrown

@maceandcrown

3/6/15 3:45 PM

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Grab your popcorn: “Chappie” Chris Circeo Contributing Writer In 2009, director Neill Blomkamp burst on to the main stage with “District 9,” an innovative science-fiction film boasting a fairly small budget and a practically unknown cast. Four Academy Award nominations later, he was heralded as “the next big director” in Hollywood. Fast-forward six years and all there is to show for Blomkamp’s outrageous success is a vastly inferior Matt Damon vehicle, “Elysium.” But that was all subject to change with the newest addition to Blomkamp’s filmography, “Chappie.”

Blomkamp invents a run-down dystopia in the near future where robots serve as the chief police force to combat crime à la Paul Verhoeven’s, “RoboCop.” Created by Deon Wilson (Dev Patel), a nerdy artificial intelligence engineer working for a weapons company called Tetravaal, these robots are swift-moving, cold and calculating machines that keep humans away from the dangers of the desolate warzone that has become downtown Johannesburg. For all intents and purposes, they are a robotic army devoid of human thought. This doesn’t sit well with Deon’s co-worker, Vincent Moore (Hugh Jackman), who has created a gigantic, human controlled war machine that he feels is a better alternative to Deon’s robot units. Too bad no one likes his design.

At this point, it would be unwise of me to not point out how devastatingly terrible Hugh Jackman’s role in this film was. He sets himself up early on as the rugby-wielding, mullet-sporting villain that we all hoped he could be, but his lack of a true motivation and his downright refusal to act realistically antagonistic makes for a poorly constructed third act that brings the rest of this flying caper back down to Earth. I think I probably would have preferred the cliché “evil weapons corporation as the antagonist” over whatever Hugh Jackman was dialing in with that performance. It wasn’t that he didn’t fit; it was that he didn’t matter.

Unsatisfied with settling for the machines he’s created, Deon works tirelessly to crack the code of an artificial consciousness that would allow his robots to learn and feel emotions like humans. His eureka moment comes at the hands of a late night Red Bull fuelled coding session at his home, but after his boss, Michelle Bradley (Sigourney Weaver), shoots down the idea to experiment with this newfound artificial consciousness, Deon takes matters into his own hands and steals a robot that was slated to be scrapped.

Meanwhile, the movie delves into

crazily confusing territory when real life South African rap-rave group, Die Antwoord (Ninja and Yolandi), play a quasi-version of themselves, who after a botched drug deal, must pay back their mob boss, Hippo (Brandon Auret), in a week’s time.

They figure the best course of action is to capture Deon and force him to re-program a police force robot to accompany them on a heist. Just trust me when I say there’s definitely no flaw in that logic.

Worlds collide when Ninja and Yolandi hi-jack Deon as he’s in the middle of stealing the previously mentioned robot that was up for scrap. Back at their dismally grungy home in an abandoned warehouse, Ninja and Yolandi force Deon to insert the artificial consciousness into the broken robot, which is soon-tobe-named Chappie (voiced by Sharlto Copley).

What ensues is a strong second act where the world is viewed through the innocent lens of a robot learning to understand his environment and come to grips with his emotions and code of morality. This is definitely the meat of the film. This is where Blomkamp sets up the most powerful and moving scenes of the film, when the popcorn tasted the best.

I loved watching Chappie develop, grow and learn from his surroundings. I mean, how could you not enjoy him emulating “He-Man?” Likewise, it was interesting to watch Chappie get pulled into three separate directions as Ninja, Yolandi and Deon forced their extreme beliefs on him instead of letting him learn on his own. The end result of this tampering was an amalgamation of tough gangster mixed with law-abiding robot and sensitive momma’s boy.

Another shining element of this film was Sharlto Copley’s portrayal of Chappie. He brilliantly captured the essence of a sentient robot hungry for understanding his place in the world, not only through his words and actions, but all the way down to his nuanced mannerisms, he picked up along the way. It’s not often that motion capture can elicit such an emotional response, but Copley channeled his inner-Andy Serkis and turned in a remarkable performance nonetheless.

Technically speaking, this was a gorgeously produced film that really hit its mark. While not as ambitious as “District 9,” the combination of Trent Opaloch’s rich cinematography, Hans Zimmer’s wonderfully crafted score, and Neill Blomkamp’s truly moving direction of his own script (collaboratively with his wife, Terri Tatchell, of course) gives this film a grounded feeling that nevertheless still soars throughout.

The Mace & Crown

Flickr

@maceandcrown

@maceandcrown

B3

C1

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Sports

For updated Monarch sports coverage, visit maceandcrown.com.

Monarchs in a New York State of Mind Freeman’s Last-Second 3 Sends Monarchs to NIT semis

Josh Boone | M&C

The Mace & Crown

@maceandcrown

@maceandcrown

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Michael High Staff Writer Trey Freeman banked in a 30-foot runner at the buzzer, to send Old Dominion to the National Invitational Tournament semifinals, with a 72-69 victory over the Murray State Racers, Wednesday night Ted Constant Convocation Center.

Old Dominion (27-7) will take on the Stanford Cardinals at New York’s world famous Madison Square Gar-

den, Tuesday, March, 31. The tip-off is scheduled for approximately 9:00 p.m.

The winner will take on the winner of the other semifinal, between Miami and Temple, Thursday, April, 2.

Coming off a sprained ankle, Freeman rebounded from a zero point performance in 12 minutes of action, in the Monarchs’ last game, against Illinois State. He had 25 points, four assists and three rebounds, Wednesday. Jonathan Arledge registered 12 points, six rebounds, two steals and

The Mace & Crown

one block, while Jordan Baker recorded 11 points, four rebounds and one assist.

The Monarchs led 29-27 at the half and held a lead of between five and eight points most of the second half.

With 3:39 left in the game, Arledge hit a jumper to give ODU their largest lead of the night at 10, 65-55. The Racers countered with a full-court press, forcing four turnovers, sparking a 14-5 run.

After a big rebound with less than

@maceandcrown

30 seconds left in the game, Richard Ross was fouled intentionally and went to the line to shoot two. After his first shot rimmed out, the pressure was on for Ross to sink the second and make it a two possession game.

However, after rattling around, the second shot missed.Then, Murray State, sprinting up court, with only seconds left in the game, found an open Jefferey Moss behind the line, and his shot found the bottom of the net, to tie the game at 69.

@maceandcrown

C2

The clock showed three seconds and over-time seemed inevitable, however Freeman had other ideas. He took the inbounds pass and raced past the defender and down the sideline, launched the ball towards the basket, with a one foot runner from 30-feet away. Just as the horn sounded, the ball banked off the backboard and through the net, sending the sellout crowd into a frenzy, as the team mobbed Freeman on the baseline.

C3

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Wikipedia

Meet the Wolfpack: A Look at ODU’s Week 4 Opponent

Nate Budryk Sports Editor One year ago, the Old Dominion football Monarchs played their first ever game against an FBS opponent as a full-fledged member of the Football Bowl Subdivision and Conference USA. The team they played was the Wolfpack of North Carolina State.

In 2015, the calendar has turned, but the schedule looks familiar, as ODU will take on NC State once more on Saturday, Sep. 19.

Despite losing the last contest, ODU played very well, losing by only 12 points, and really looking like they

belonged in FBS. However, ODU’s defense was still very much a work in progress, and in the end, they simply couldn’t get enough stops to give their offense a chance.

With the last match-up played at North Carolina State, ODU hopes having home-field advantage this time around will be the push they need to get over the hump and beat the Pack.

Overall, State had a decent year in 2014, going 8-5. However, with a less-than-stellar 3-5 conference record in the tough Atlantic division of the ACC, the team hopes to improve.

NC State recruited heavily this offseason, with an eye on defense.

The Mace & Crown

Their highest-rated recruit, according to ESPN, is Kentavius Street, a 6 foot – 2inch, 265-pound defensive end who is rated as an 84 overall and a four-star recruit. Another new face on the defensive side of the ball will be Justin Jones, a four-star recruit with a grade of 80. Jones is a 6 foot – 3 inch 258-pound defensive tackle. Jones, who was recruited and given an offer

by Old Dominion as well as multiple other Conference USA schools, opted for the ACC and signed with the Pack.

In addition to new recruits, Head Coach Dave Doeren will also return his leading tackler from the team’s 2014 campaign. Hakim Jones, a safe-

@maceandcrown

ty, started all 13 games and racked up 80 total tackles on the year. On top of that, the team’s second leading tackler, linebacker Jerod Fernandez, will only be a sophomore, and will likely improve upon his impressive freshman season.

Returning for the Wolfpack will be redshirt senior quarterback Jacoby Brissett, who played a very tidy game against the Monarchs in 2014, completing 21 of his 29 pass attempts for 253 yards and two touchdowns.

NC State also returns its leading rusher from a year ago in Shadrach Thornton. Thornton, who finished 2014 with 164 rushing attempts for

@maceandcrown

907 yards and nine touchdowns, looks to feature heavily in the Wolfpack’s methodical, short gain-centered offense.

At wide receiver, the Pack has only room for improvement. The team’s leading receiver from a year ago, Bo Hines, will only be a sophomore and his role within the offense seems likely to increase.

With an ACC opponent coming to S.B. Ballard stadium, the Monarchs have to be at the top of their game if they want to stand a chance of beating a NC State team that is likely to be better than last year’s.

D1

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Technology

Visit maceandcrown.com for video game reviews and more.

The Sea Slice, and Other Military Hardware for Sale Ross Reelachart Staff Writer

In a time of recession, everyone is trying to save a few dollars here and there or trying to find the best deal they can to make the most of what they do have. For the everyman, this could mean cutting back on a few luxuries or using coupons whenever they can. For a global aerospace, defense, and security company like Lockheed Martin that means selling off an experimental naval vessel to the public at a 99.988 percent discount at $180,000. This price does not include taxes nor does it include any of the armaments necessary to make it appetizing to aspiring Bond villains.

The HSV Sea Slice was an experimental naval vessel that was developed and put into service around 1996 and cost the United States taxpayers a chunky $15 million. It was designed to operate in the same areas as a littoral combat ship-type, which is to say that it was a relatively small ship that operated close to the shore. Its unusual shape is a result of a hull design meant to increase stability by placing the ballast beneath the water, called Small Water plane Area Twin Hull, or SWATH. Unlike other ships that utilize that hull design, the Sea Slice has four submerged hulls instead of the usual two. The ship had a top speed of 30 knots and was equipped with a 35mm gun a self-contained missile launcher. Just remember: buying the Sea Slice does NOT include any of those armaments unfortunately.

While it might seem rather unusual, to put it mildly, that any random civilian with too much money can just buy an ex-military grade vehicle, it is not very uncommon. Militaries of multiple countries are extremely large and complicated organizations, not to mention expensive. So it seems reasonable that these massive organizations would want to recoup some of their financial losses wherever they can, and that sometimes means selling off former weapons of war, officially or unofficially. On the official side, the hardware is often legally required to go through a rigorous process known as “demilitarization” wherein the hardware is systematically disassembled, broken, or otherwise stripped of any ability to actually be used as a weapon. For example, the weapon systems might simply be removed entirely like with the Sea Slice, or the barrel of the main gun of a tank might be compromised with holes to the point of legal uselessness. After the process has been completed and the necessary bureaucratic measures have been taken, the hardware can legally be sold and owned by individuals or civilian organizations. Re-arming the hardware is understandably illegal even if the individual knew how to do it.

After all the forms have been signed and filed, and the proper procedures have been conducted, anyone with a little extra pocket change could buy an F-1 “Falcon” fighter jet for $685,000 from a dealer in California. If 600 grand is too much, there is also an F-86 “Sabre” available in

Vermont for a paltry $20,000. The US is not the only one selling off their old war-makers. Foreign countries, most commonly those that built up during the Cold War, have a surplus of tank and jets for sale! Some of them might even be legal! A T-72 Soviet main battle tank and a SU-100 Soviet tank destroyer are both available online for about $50,000 and $72,000 respectively.

But perhaps real estate is more

to your taste. Not to worry! It is entirely possible to purchase, own, and live inside abandoned military bases and missile sites within the US. Under similar guidelines as demilitarizing a tank, old missile silos are stripped of their important hardware and then sold to anyone with a few million dollars kicking around in the bank. Then you too can own and live in a silo than once held the first step in a nuclear Armageddon.

As of this writing, the Sea Slice is still available for purchase from a yacht dealer in San Diego, CA and the former Soviet tanks are still available for export once you have the license for them. So if you are a collector looking to own a piece of history or an annoying neighbor, know that there are ways to legally own the leftovers of war.

From A1 where I was able to freely say, “I’m an atheist,” without feeling ashamed or guilty. We created a safe space where our individuality would be protected, a space where

it is safe to share your stories and opinions, and a space to discuss what is right and wrong. This was the first time I felt Allyship – the feeling of being able to be yourself fully and feel that you are being

heard.

“Sometime we have to accept that we won’t understand.” Something I learned from a fellow DI graduate who was also struggling to understand religion. Religion

is still a very sensitive topic to talk about. But I welcome the conversations. I now take the idea of a Safe Space and apply it to my daily conversations. I bring an open mind and open ears when I have a

conversation with others. I invite those who read this to extend the hand of allyship to others, and create more safe space so we can preserve individualism.

The Mace & Crown

@maceandcrown

@maceandcrown

E1

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Opinion

Jason Kazi | M&C

To submit your opinions about issues on campus, e-mail sdavi116@odu.edu

Allyship at ODU: Making International Students Feel at Home in another Country

Benjamin Ipson Contributing Writer At Old Dominion University allyship shows itself in many different ways. Allyship is when a person from a dominant group stands beside a person from a minority group and it is exemplified through actions. Here at ODU that takes many different forms for various groups of people.

If one were to look at ODU’s student population they would see a myriad of different races, religions, sexual-orientations, and cultures from around

the world. Because we have so many different students, many times people forget how hard it may be for an international student to adjust to the culture. The culture here is different from many other countries and when that is combined with the fact that international students may not have the same support system here as they do back home, it is very hard to become a part of “regular” campus life. That is how I have found myself as an ally here at ODU. When I first came to ODU I became involved in the Office of Intercultural Relations, both working

The Mace & Crown

there as a student worker and attending many of their events. Now that I am a senior, I see how these influences have changed my life and my outlook on the world.

As a Jewish student, I have basically always been a minority wherever I have gone and have never really felt as if I was part of the majority, but when international students see me, they just see another American. In this way, I have been able to be an ally to the hundreds of international students who come through my office every year. When I see international

@maceandcrown

students, especially new students looking for places around campus, I always try to reach out a helping hand to show them where they may need to go and to inform them about the many resources ODU has available for them.

Also, I make an attempt to just talk to them and hear their stories about their life back home and what they feel about the U.S. and about American people. Because of my outgoing attitude, I have made friends from the UK, France, Germany, Austria, Poland, Russia, Australia, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Turkey,

@maceandcrown

Brazil, China, and Vietnam just to name a few. This comes so natural to me, that I forget how many regular students don’t reach out a helping hand or take advantage of the opportunity to help out international students, and in the process of doing that learn about another culture that could be thousands of miles away. Hopefully, this trend will change and we will see more students begin to take advantage of the resources and people at hand to learn about other cultures. Every day a person can travel the world at ODU!

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

The Mace & Crown

@maceandcrown

@maceandcrown

E2

Creative

F1

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Submit your creative pieces by emailing artsandentertainment@maceandcrown.com

E NC L AV E

sudokucollection.com

Jaywalking by R.A.W There come a time.

A time in every mans life Where he, A boy holding the weight of the world.

Let’s it go, To hold the hand of a girl.

As they walk together Stepping into the traffic of life Without looking both ways With nothing but love and faith Taking any unseen collisions Insured in the eyes of God. As One body One soul One mind.

Lord bless these two From day till night.I was born on a Monday baptized in dirty water fathered by an empty highway raised in the endless sky.

Break of the Day by Nate Fakes

The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn

The Mace & Crown

@maceandcrown

@maceandcrown

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

ODU Introduces Radical New Environmental Fitness Program David Thornton News Editor Old Dominion University is making some drastic changes in order to stay at the forefront of progressivism. On Friday, March 27, President Broderick announced a new initiative that will simultaneously make strides in environmentalism and in student fitness.

Starting April 1, all exercise equipment at ODU will be replaced with human-sized hamster wheels. These wheels will be connected to generators in order to harness electricity produced as the student runs. “In this way, Old Dominion will be a model for universities that are moving away from fossil fuels,” Broderick said. “Divestment is for losers. Man up, make some real change.”

All residential students will be required to sign up for two hours of running time every week, and every sports team will be required to do all running on the wheels. Any student found running for exercise anywhere on campus other than on one of the new wheels will be subject to immediate disciplinary action.

“We are going to have the sexiest student population at any university in the country,” Broderick said, referring to the new mandatory exercise plan.

“I personally plan to spend a lot more time at the gym, ya know what I’m saying? alright alright.”

Dave Harnage, ODU’s chief operating officer (pictured right), said the

administration got the idea from Occupy Wall Street protesters, who used stationary bikes in a similar set-up. “I think the Occupy movement had a lot of good ideas,” Harnage said. “I’d like to see more of the Occupy mindset among our students.”

Police Chief Rhonda Harris stated that ODU police will be stepping up its presence in order to discourage illicit running. “The patrol officers in our department will be diligently monitoring campus in order to ensure students are only running in a safe and well-monitored environment,” she said.

Harnage said that once the new program is implemented, the administration will shift its focus to finding a way to involve commuters as well.

“We’re looking at some pretty exciting and inventive ideas,” Harnage said. “The real challenge is figuring out a way to harness the energy of students walking between buildings. Once we’ve done that, we’re going to move all the garages even further away.”

“Universities have a long history of exploiting their students for cheap or free labor,” Broderick said.

“Old Dominion is extremely proud to be able to carry that tradition into new and unexplored territories.”

New Flavor of Rockstar Energy Drink George Plank Staff Writer

words, “the true heir to the Clinton legacy.” Nearly seventeen years after the initial inquisitions, one of the prime players in the Clinton impeachment hearings would finally have their time in the spotlight. For one night only Fox News played host to Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress.

The dress was brought into the public eye during the impeachment process and was a prime exhibit during the following trials. Today

With the recent revelations that Hillary Clinton has been using a personal email account while she has been in office, Fox News decided that now was the appropriate time to hold an interview regarding the possibility of another Clinton administration.

Fox News correspondent Wright Wiing recently sat down with, in his

retary, Cel Ootz “which is why we’re proud to announce the new flavor of Rockstar: Unleaded.”

The company promises that this new energy drink will provide all of that classic Rockstar kick without that pesky lead that tears up your insides.

Rockstar Unleaded’s greatest competition comes from within Rockstar itself. “Some people just aren’t ready for some of the more intense flavors that Rockstar has to offer.” Said college student, self-proclaimed energy aficionado and cousin to Cel, Bern Ootz. “The company also offers other varieties

College students across the United States, Rejoice! Rockstar Inc., the company that produces the Rockstar energy drink announced on April 20 at a press conference, from their headquarters in Las Vegas, Nevada, that they will be releasing a new flavor to their already extensive library of flavor combinations.

“We here at Rockstar always strive to provide the best to our consumers in terms of top quality products,” said Rockstar’s press sec-

such as Rockstar Diesel, Rockstar Priemium and Rockstar High Octane.”

The company has also invested time and effort into finding healthier alternatives to their traditional compositions. A side project, once called “Rockstar Ether-ol” was said to be a corn based alternative that would actually provide more energy per can, however this has recently caused the price of corn to rise and has made it extremely costly to produce.

When some people heard the news about Rockstar Unleaded they were less than enchanted with

it. “Man, those big corporations aren’t in it for the energy they’re just there to water down the product to collect as much money as they can.” said Hipp E. Green, owner of rival beverage company Green Energy Drinks. “They’re using their top scientists to stretch out the use of a product that has only limited applications in the first place. This is why Green Energy provides drink alternatives for everyone.” Among their catalog of flavors they offer Hydroelectrifying, Wind Millions, and Solarize.

Rockstar is taking all of this in stride; releasing their promotional

ventures in convenience stores across the United States. Rockstar Inc. has also hinted at a new flavor to add to their catalog, Rockstar Fractastic.

There is no way to say now whether consumers will buy Rockstar Unleaded or if it is doomed to the wasteland that is failed energy drink flavors. Rockstar knows to be wary after what happened to their rival company, Monster. Last year they attempted to sell a decaffeinated Monster that would serve as a flavored beverage and nail polish remover substitute.

Fox News Interviews Over Recent Hillary Clinton Scandal George Plank Staff Writer

The Mace & Crown

the dress has become the punchline in the jokes of those who remember the Clinton administration. As of the 2016 presidential election this particular punchline will be 18 years old; the legal voting age in the United States, so it becomes prudent that they gather its opinion.

When asked what it thought about Hillary Clinton using a personal email the dress was speechless. Likewise when confronted with the idea of having a Clinton

@maceandcrown

in the white house again the dress just could not seem to find the right words to convey how it felt.

It did have some strong feelings towards another famous dress that was recently in the media. Without naming any names the dress felt it was shameful that another dress would try to capitalize on their already established success. “People were arguing whether I was blue or white well before that other dress.

Before a court no less!”

Lieb R. AL, from CNN, went on record calling this interview a, “blatant attempt to reopen old wounds. We had better quit now before we create more of a mess on the situation.”

Fox News on the other hand appears to be playing the political nostalgia card saying simply, “Only ‘90s political commentators will remember.”

@maceandcrown

Z5

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Alternative Theories for Why the Seal is Missing Ross Reelachart Staff Writer Spring has finally arrived at ODU, which brings the arrival of tour groups meandering around the grounds. Walking tours both large and small (aka “school groups” and “families,” respectively), are being sold on the idea of going into debt for the possibility of education and prestige.

Whatever their reasons for coming here, all of them will be faced with the same sights: old buildings, students playing video games, and the missing ODU seal.

As of this writing, the spot of the former seal is being filled by an inglorious piece of wood. No doubt, the tour guides have to explain why the hunk of engraved metal is gone, and they, no doubt, probably have the same bland explanation: maintenance… or something. This explanation is not very satisfying, intriguing, or something that could

be leverage to gain more enrollments. That’s why I am prepared to offer a few alternative explanations for our missing seal. #1.) Captain America needed it The university can jump on the gravy train that is the Marvel Cinematic Universe and attempt to weave itself into the shared universe! In a battle to stop the forces of Ultron from destroying the “valuable” and brilliant minds of the students, Captain America engaged in a special effects-riddled battle with the metal menace. In the midst of the battle, his trademark shield was lost and he was forced to use the ODU seal as a substitute to beat back the robot hordes! Look for a cameo from the ODU seal in the Civil War movie. #2.) It’s part of kids’ game show This fall on the Nickelodeon: Legends of the Hidden Temple will be rebooted for the modern age! Olmec has returned in all his

The Mace & Crown

slightly racist glory to challenge a new, more obese generation of kids to solve his easy riddles and run his sweaty obstacle courses. The first episode will be filmed at ODU and the seal is used to get past the temple guardians. The WHOLE seal. Every child running the Temple must carry the metal plate weighing several hundred pounds the entire time. It was part of an effort to train an army of historicallyminded super children. #3.) ODU replaced it The seal is not actually missing.

The wooden plug they see rotting at their feet is the new Seal of Old Dominion University. The old one was scrapped in favor of an environmentally conscious campus seal that would better blend in with the world around it, and not leave such an ugly mark. In fact, it is part of an overall movement across campus to turn the university into an arts college, and the destruction of such a pro-cis-hetero-phallo-centric-male

@maceandcrown

seal was the first step towards realizing a more unified and liberated campus. NOTE: All tour guides giving this explanation will need to be trained to dodge incoming punches from their tour groups. #4.) PANIC The seal is missing? No. NO!!!

That can’t be! How could we be so foolish as to remove it?! The Circle is broken! The ward cannot maintain its hold on the Darkness! Run! RUUUUN!!!

@maceandcrown

Ross Reelachart Staff Writer Soon another spring career fair will be upon us and the huddled masses of campus will be drawn by the siren song of possible future employment. Resumes both bright and boring will be continuously spat out by a printer wishing for death. “Helping student organizers organize an impromptu rally does not count as work experience!

KILL ME!” Dusty suits will be dawned and summarily filled with flop sweat. Stiff shoes will be worn and cursed by their wearers as they commit themselves to the death march of going up to every table and putting on a show that ranks only slightly higher than a dancing monkey. In the end, the luckiest among them will be selected for something they did not want and the rest will be fed to the twin beasts of Retail and Food Service. I cannot give you all the answers and shortcuts to achieving mediocrity, because none of us will be achieving our dreams, but I can give you some tips to making sure that you can roar victoriously on top of a pile of corpses made up of other

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Z4

How to Win the Career Fair applicants.

Firstly, you need to properly research the employers available at the career fair, so you know whom you should debase yourself for and how much of that debasing should involve lips-on-butt action. Not every potential employer is going to want every major, and every employer seeking “All Majors” is either a scam or they are really seeking students to turn into chum. Once you’ve narrowed down the amount of employers you want to visit from “All of them” to “All of them except GEICO”, it’s time to learn the employer mating dance, and each one of them has their own tastes and proclivities. The Eastern Virginia Medical School might prefer people who have medical knowledge, and the Peace Corps might want people who have dreadlocks. Wells Fargo is going to want people with no empathy to handle their money, the Police Department would prefer non-racists, and Apple wants you to submit a blood pact to their One True Savior and Prophet Steve Jobs, praise be unto him.

Once you’ve learned the correct ways to bend over for the employers, you’re going to want to look the

part. Conventional wisdom and knowledge says that you need to dress professionally. This means you need to dig out the suit you only ever wear for career fairs and court arraignments, put it on, find out it no longer fits you, get it re-tailored, re-learn how to tie a tie, contemplate hanging yourself with the tie and then ruin how nice it looks the first time you sit down. If you’re a guy, congratulations! You will look halfway decent until you flood your outfit with a torrent of nervous sweat and pee. If you’re a girl, you have my sympathies. I don’t know the intricacies of wearing the right skirt or how much heel is too much heel or why some employers include “has nice cleavage” as a requirement. All I can say is that you need to look as professional as the males, but not too professional or too plain or too good-looking or if you’re looking to actually make as much as your male counterparts.

So now you know before whom to kneel, and you’ll look somewhat nice as they stomp on the back of your head. Now it’s time to make yourself look good in a completely immaterial way that actually makes all the difference despite it being a

socially-accepted form of lying. It’s time to write your resume! Also, it’s now time to look up how to properly put that stupid accent in resumé. Remember: your resumé needs to a total encapsulation of your life and work experience that fits on one page while also leaving out anything that could possibly work against you getting a specific job but might also be helpful with another job and oh God what do you want from me?! In the end, your resumé needs to avoid making your lies and padding too obvious, focus on actual achievements that mean something, and bribes are usually limited to the monetary kind. $50 or higher is the most commonly accepted “incentive”.

You got your lies on paper. You’re wearing a lie. You know who you should lie to. Now it’s time to spit some hot lies right in their faces!

Let go of your dignity and your sense of morals and embrace your inner sociopath. Paint a smile on your face and pretend you give a single damn about anything that isn’t money. Shake their hands with just the right amount of sweat to say that you’re nervous, and just the right amount of force to tell

them you mean business. Don’t know what they’re talking about?

Say something about synergy, technology, and wanting to make a difference in a corporate setting.

Say that you’ve followed everything they’ve ever done and that it’s your life’s dream to work for them. Fall to your knees with your ritual career knife and spills your entrails as an offering to the callous gods of employment! Crush all who get in your way, or attempt to hold the attention of an employer that you’re also talking to. This is survival of the fittest and the blood you spill on the fair floor will fuel your future employment prospects! Also, remember to refer to everyone by either “sir” or “ma’am” because the Thunder Dome of Career Searching is no place for rudeness.

So now you know everything you will need to know in order to woo your future employers and secure some amount of financial freedom in this world, and justify your college career. I wish you luck in your endeavors and I hope you don’t become more animal than human in the process.

Escaped Snake Eats Zoo Employee George Plank Staff Writer When Mrs. McGuiness’ second grade class visited the Virginia Zoological Park, last Tuesday, they expected to see a great many things.

They expected to see monkeys playing gleefully in a captive environment, they expected to play in the fountain that adorns the park at the entrance, they expected to learn about the other species that we share this planet with, but they did not expect to be wrapped-up in the escapades of a Eunectes Murinus, or green anaconda.

The snake had been sitting against its glass enclosure in the reptile/nocturnal animal house.

That’s when, according to Leigh Mann, the glass completely gave way.

“Yeah, I was in the next room over checking out the aye-aye, reflecting on how uncannily they resembled Steve Buscemi when I heard a scream. I hurried over to the enclosure where a small group had already begun to form. The glass on the case was cracked and the fracture was growing at an alarming rate. Then, all of a sudden the glass broke and the snake fell out.”

According to other eye witnesses the snake immediately righted itself and started making its way across

the park. It left the reptile house and headed towards the petting zoo. This resulted in several startled tourists and two spooked horses.

“We’ll now need to increase the horses’ treatment from two visits a week two three” said Dr. Ed Crock, Animal Psychiatrist.

The snake continued on until it was near the entrance to the park. At this time the zoo’s security had already been alerted and the entrance to the park had been closed off. This, however, did not stop onlookers from attempting to steal glances through the gates that separated them from the zoo.

Unfortunately a young hotdog cart vendor, named Zack Youngin, was not alerted as to the scene that was unfolding. From his position near the gift shop he was unable to see the crowd of people running from the reptile house. That combined with the fact that he had earbuds in at the time created a combination that would prove to be disastrous.

The snake inched its way closer to Zack, who was too busy listening to his music to notice that something was amiss. He looked up when he felt a jostling to his hotdog cart.

When he saw the snake it was too late. The snake used the force of its body weight to topple the cart, freeing some of the hotdogs from the

The Mace & Crown

cart onto the ground and simultaneously knocking Zack off of his feet. The snake briefly looked at the hotdogs, but ultimately turned its attention to Zack who had his ankle trapped under the handle of the cart and was therefore unable to get up.

@maceandcrown

That was when the snake unhinged its jaw and began to devour Zach.

The question on everyone’s lips was, if the snake had access to an easy food source, the hotdogs, why did it resort to eating the unsuspecting zoo employee?

The head zookeeper, Mar Soupiel responded to that line of inquiry in kind with the statement, “Isn’t it obvious why the snake didn’t want the hotdogs? My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, Hun.”

@maceandcrown

Z3

PBS

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Seal Turns Up Once Again On PBS

George Plank Staff Writer

For weeks now it has been speculated that a secretive group had taken ODU’s beloved seal hostage and was holding it hostage until such time that their demands were met.

In the time since that initial report the seal has still not been returned to its proper place on Kaufman Mall and many have given up all hope of ever seeing the seal again.

Fortunately it appears that we may yet again see the seal returned

George Plank Staff Writer A startling astronomic discovery was made last week when two scientists at the Maryland Space Grant Observatory, Jose Estevez and Sam Remi, discovered a resounding flaw in the world tradition that is daylight savings time.

Since the Universal Time Act of 1966 the entirety of America has come to the consensus that, for half the year, the clock should be moved forward one hour on the second Sunday of March. This serves as

to campus and the university will not have to succumb to any terrorizing demands. The symbol that sat at Old Dominion since 1930 was finally spotted once again on the Public Broadcasting Station.

On March 21, WHRO aired an episode of their immensely popular program, Antiques Roadshow.

Amongst the show’s usual participants, such as hordes of middleaged men attempting to evaluate their hockey card collection and women who invested their life savings in paintings that are scarcely

worth the canvas their on, one person was there to appraise the Seal of Old Dominion.

This piece of Old Dominion “memorabilia” was presented by Gertrude Oldnik, a 75-year-old ODU alumni. She claims to have found the seal in her attic while spring cleaning.

“I had no idea that it even went missing. I merely assumed that I had bought it on a whim while I was at the college bookstore. When you compare it to some of the things other people buy at the bookstore it

doesn’t seem as farfetched… ODU shot glasses? Come on!”

The Appraiser at the show had conclusively determined that the seal was in fact authentic.

While the show received recordbreaking ratings it was somehow not seen by any college students in the Hampton Roads area. It was only brought to the university’s attention when one of the programming supervisors from WHRO, located just down the street from campus, saw it on the program and alerted the appropriate personal on

campus.

At last the ceaseless and tedious search for the missing seal can at last brought to an end. Mrs. Oldnik has agreed to return the seal without any promise of remuneration.

“It’s not as if my other options were very profitable either.” Oldnik said. “When the appraiser valued the item he only deemed that is was worth, approximately, $152, or the cost of renting one used textbook from the bookstore.”

April First to Fall on March 31 an easy measure to conserve the sunlight that the earth so desperately needs to survive, and also as an easy reminder of the changing seasonal temperatures yet to come.

Unfortunately newly found evidence has come forward to suggest that this bi-annual tradition has led to a grievous error.

“The earth makes one complete rotation every 24 hours, as everyone knows. Due to the Earth’s axial tilt the days appear to be longer during the spring and summer months. However, since 1966 the axial tilt of the earth has

The Mace & Crown

sifted by just under one degree.”

Estevez said. “While at first this shift may appear inconsequential and minute, it has caused certain parts of the world to experience an oversaturation of.”

This evidence points to a current overestimation of the time displacement necessary by approximately a half hour per year since the act’s inception or about 24 hours.

If left unchecked this error could wreak havoc on the current calendar including harvesting schedules and business quarters.

@maceandcrown

Fortunately, Remi and Estevez has already contacted higher-ups in the government that can potentially handle the situation in a quick yet careful manner.

This information was passed along through the chain of command and eventually landed on the desk of the President of the United States. The President addressed all concerns at a press conference delivered by Josh Earnest, White House press secretary. “The President has heard your concerns.”

Earnest said. “He knows what these findings can do for the average

American. Therefore the president has issued an official cease temporum for one day. As of this moment March 31st rolls around the next day will also be 31st. then after a brief reprieve we will at last have April first.”

While many may be outraged or confused by this measure others find some solace in it. For many it is an additional day of rest and for others it is an extremely necessary extra day to prepare the finest in April Fools’ Day Pranks.

@maceandcrown

Making a dierence one section at a time Now Paying Writers, Photographers, Videographers and Artists Meetings Tuesday 12:30 in the U-Center

NEWS

M&C| WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015| MACEANDCROWN.COM

Z2

For even more campus crime information, visit maceandcrown.com.

????

Sean Davis Editor-in-Chief

Greeks Protest Austerity

A coalition of Greek letter organizations took to the streets Thursday to protest University-backed austerity measures. Protestors banged pots and pans in a march that ended in a bloody confrontation with police.

The protest comes just two days after Student Government President Christopher Ndiritu announced that despite promises he made during his campaign, he will not overturn measures put in place by the federal government to restrict funding for Greek organizations.

The march began at the Western end of 42nd St. and moved towards Hampton Blvd. Protestors chanted “skatá eínai bérdema páno̱ kai malakíes,” which loosely translates to “Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!”

“I can’t believe he would do this to us. Ndiritu is a liar! He has stabbed us in the back,” said Delta Beta Alpha member Jeff Berry. “We will not rest until he is impeached.

Also dead!”

Greek organizations had expected to begin receiving funding from the university again, after a provision of Title XI made it illegal.

They’ve long fought against the measure, which they claim is uncool and stupid.

“In what kind of world does it make sense that my college experience is less elitist and exclusionary than my parents or grandparents?”

Gamma Sigma Sorority Treasurer Randal Lee Krager yelled through a megaphone at a rally before the march began.

“We are the students that matter the most and have the most money!

We are the best looking and most well connected! We are the future!” she continued as the crowd erupted in applause.

The official reasoning for the funding restrictions is that fraternities and sororities are not co-ed and therefor violate the law’s inclusionary regulations. Efforts to roll back the law were set back when the global recession forced governments to decrease overall funding to universities.

While some economists point

The Mace & Crown

to the fact that most of the income gains since the recession have gone only to the top percentages of the population, the Greek people argue that since it’s technically over, funding talks should be restored.

“It’s like our money, and like, we like, want it now. Like this is like ridic. Like who do they even think they are?” Kappa Kappa Kappa Sorority founder Virginia Abernethy said.

Protestors stressed that the money is much needed and that much of the work they do goes unacknowledged.

“I work really hard to have this hard bod while at the same maintaining my killer alcohol tolerance. I think people like me deserve at least a large share of the school’s money,” Rho Alpha Pi member Ronald Edwards said in a Facebook post the night before.

“My dad doesn’t deposit $400 a week into my account for me to have to buy my own food, pay English majors to write my papers, or provide an entire house full of people with enough alcohol to kill ourselves several times over. That

@maceandcrown

should be the job of SGA. That was why the student activity fee was originally created,” he continued.

The post was picked up by college news site Totalfratmove.com and has received over three million likes at the time of this writing.

As the crowd moved down 42nd St., ODU police officers attempted to disperse them. The riled up crowd began screaming the chorus to Lil Wayne’s 2008 single, “Mrs. Officer.”

After Police Chief Rhonda Harris announced that all still present would be charged with rioting, State Police Riot Control units were called in. After the crowd failed to disperse again, the police fired tear gas and rubber bullets.

“Don’t you know who my dad is, you stupid motherfuckers,” one student screamed with blood pouring from a head wound.

In a move that some have speculated may signal a deep division within leadership, Governor Terry McAuliffe released a statement in which he sided with the protestors.

“I too was a member of a fraternity… Those were the best years of

my entire life. We pulled so much pussy you wouldn’t believe it.

Anyways, yeah this is a blatant case of police brutality. They’ve all been fired.” the statement said.

Talk radio host Rush Limbaugh suggested that their response to the event highlights the hypocrisy of the #Blacklivesmatter movement.

“These uppity thugs loot and burn down gas stations if the welfare checks are late. Now that we have a clear-cut case of police misconduct – and to be clear this is what these pinhead liberals idea of ‘hope and change’ looks like – where is Al Sharpton’s anger?

Where is the liberal media’s outrage?” he said on his show Friday.

ODU President John Broderick could not be reached for comment.

A video posted to Twitter early Friday purported to show him with his hands over his ears, screaming “LA LA LA LA I can’t hear you! Everything is fine!” The authenticity could not be verified, however.

@maceandcrown

Wikipedia

George Plank Staff Writer

WEDNESDAY | 4.1.2015 | MACEANDCROWN.COM | Vol. 57, Issue 20

Special April Fool’s Day Issue

Big Blue Added to the Endangered Species List

Big Blue has served as ODU’s Mascot for years now, and has brought hours of entertainment to our sporting events. Unfortunately recent world events have forced this beloved character to reevaluate his worldly position.

Many people may not be aware, but Big Blue is of the species Mascotus Leo, or the common Mascot Lion. This species formerly resided primarily in the Savanah of Africa eating the other local costumed

animals. They hunt primarily in groups and keep the furry ecosystem in regulation. Within the last 100m years they have begun to come in droves to America for jobs as performers and entertainers, Recently issues have arisen as poachers have hunted the mascot lion to the point of near extinction.

For many hunters, the hide of the mascot lion, made from cotton and teflon, is a reliable source of income.

Others hunt the mascot lion because their googly eyes are believed to have aphrodisiac qualities.

Big Blue has taken it particularly

The Mace & Crown

hard. During the last few games he has put on a brave face, but many of his fans could tell that his heart wasn’t quite in his performance lately.

He had recently taken some time off to have a face to face with his cousin, Chester, the mascot for Widener University. The two reportedly reminisced about the days when costumed lions roamed the plains and were as plentiful as any other animal mascot out there.

They also recanted about how, in 1927, their grandparents met each other at a local furry convention.

@maceandcrown

These are uncertain days for the mascot lion line, but Big Blue has not allowed these developments to hinder his attitude toward his performances here on campus. He has vowed to continue to try to give his all to every performance and keep student morale up.

In his off time he has made progress in creating a non-profit organization with the goal of creating a change for the lion mascot community. Among its many other numerous accomplishments the organization has already achieved their primary goal. As of March

25, 2015 the Mascotus Leo was officially listed as an endangered species and henceforth all hunting of the lion mascot will be punished with a severe fine and possible jail time.

His efforts have already garnered the attention of the other animal mascots across the country. Even the hawks at Hunter College cannot abide the unregulated hunting that is happening. With continued efforts on behalf of multiple supporters the threat of extinction for the lion mascot may not have to be a reality.

@maceandcrown