FAMILY MATTERS DECEMBER 6 - 12, 2012
Yinka Sunmonu Consultant | Email: ys@cherishcommunications.com | SUPPLEMENT › page 19 , 20, 21, 22, 27 28 29, 30
› FASHION AND BEAUTY Christmas looks (p20)
› HOW I FOUND MY CALLING IN LIFE Sally Baffour (p21)
CALLED › IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD The Story of Possum Trot (p22 & 27)
to serve
Making every moment precious
› WHO DARES WINS From homelessness to the catwalk (p26)
In association with:
Family Matters
20 | THE VOICE DECEMBER 6 - 12, 2012
Fashion and beauty Yinka Sunmonu CONSULTANT Welcome to the December edition of Family Matters. The festive seaonis approaching and we’ve named this issue ‘Called to serve’. Be inspired by ‘The Possum Trot’ story whereby a Bishop in a small town in America encouraged members of his congregation to adopt children. It’s a real call to arms, sets the tone for good practice and is surely a Hollywood film in the making. Take stock of how adoptive mother Sally Baffour found her calling in life on adopting her twins. Reflection is the order for this supplement. How has an incident made you rethink your life? How much strength do you have to effect change like Trevail Anderson in Who Dares Wins? We start, however, with fashion, beauty and great looks for the holiday season. Have a safe and joyous time and may the future be bright.
Luxury on the street Smith and Brandon is the latest fashion trend in street wear for young men. Described as street luxury, designer Drake Smith says, “It’s high fashion but it’s from the street, which is something I know about. I’m here to get an upgrade on the image of street wear that can be seen as baggy, grimy fashion”.
D tures.
Getting festive for the holidays
esigner Kemi Farquharson tells Nat Disu how curvaceous women can accentuate their best fea-
Enjoy yourself Have fun. Don’t look for items that slim but rather items that flatter and celebrate your curves. Some trends don’t work well on curvy silhouettes so start with a style that works for you and accessorise. For party dresses, opt for empire, wrap styles or short printed dresses. Choosing colours You can wear any colour at any size. The key is finding a shade that flatters your complexion. Colour can be a great way to flatter your curves. If you opt for something dark, contrast it with bright accessories. Just remember that too many colours may clash so choose wisely! Affordable fashion If you’re on a budget and can sew, why not redesign items in your wardrobe or shop for a simple item and add the detail yourself? I purchased a plain black dress and sewed on detailing from left over African print. The customised dress cost less than £20! You could also look in charity
Picture credits: Kemi Farquharson Boutique
WELCOME
BIG AND BEAUTIFUL : Flatter yourself
shops as it’s surprising what you could find such as a vintage style accompaniments to go with an outfit you already own. Alternatively, contact a dressmaker or designer who will work with you to create a look. Fashion plus Build core wardrobe staples
Shoe tips
that you feel and look great in. Accessories are a great way to bring colour and definition into a look. Keep an eye on the current trends and work them into your staple items. You can create the image you desire – sexy, trendy, fashion forward, girl next door – they are all achieved by confidence in yourself. The key to any look
is knowing what works for you and knowing where to shop. There are lots more options for woman with curves in the UK than there were a few years back. Looking good is about selfconfidence not size. Beauty really does start on the inside and confidence shows on the outside.
Footwear is as important as the clothes you wear. Shoe designer Dionne Gooding offers advice on how you can stand out.
• The quickest way to jazz up shoes • is to add shoe clips.
• If you don’t want to spend lots of money, buy plain court shoes in a colour you always wear. Accessorise with different shoe clips to suit your outfits.
When buying shoes buy the correct size and a heel height you can walk in.
Flori Roberts created the first brand of cosmetics aimed at black women in 1965. In 1967, it became the first line to sell in a major department store. Eunice Walker Johnson of Johnson and Johnson, publishers of Ebony magazine, launched Fashion Fair in 1973. In 1994, Supermodel Iman launched her own range of cosmetics.
How I Found My Calling in Life
S
ally Baff o u r , adoption p a n e l member, founder of the Maya Angleou Libraries Project and former British Agencies of Adoption & Fostering Trustee, is the adoptive mother of Arata and Lawei, the twins who appeared in our ‘Enlighten’ edition. She adopted the children as toddlers and catches up with Yinka Sunmonu to continue the story. The twins were placed with me in 2002. They were two and half at the time. It was July 15th. I’ll never forget that as it seems like only yesterday. They will be 23 in December. We’ve been on this journey for nearly 21 years already and it’s amazing. The children becoming mine is something that evolved over a period of time. They are absolutely mine and I am theirs. That is without question. EXTRAORDINARY They are just as much mine as they would have been if they had been children by birth. I got my children through adoption. We are not going to deny it and we’re not going to make it seem as though it’s anything
else but that. We celebrate it because we see the extraordinary blessing that being an adopted family brings to us. Even though we are an adopted family we are exactly as a birth family would be in the way we relate to each other. Motherhood to me is an extraordinary privilege. Every day I wake up and when I look at the kids around me, I feel like the luckiest woman on this earth. OPPORTUNITY I haven’t got a clue about the moans and groans of childbirth but I’m a mother in every sense of the word with my two kids. I am so grateful to God for the fact that my mother gave me the wisdom to adopt when I could not have children and that I had the courage to listen to her and do what she said I should do. What a blessing it’s been. The blessing of being a mother is more than words. I haven’t got the words to describe how wonderful this has been for me as a person. I am grateful eternally for this opportunity and I’m living it to the full. My message to anyone who is considering adoption is go
for it. It’s going to be a very tough journey. Lots of highs and lots and lots of lows but you know the sum total of it is phenomenal joy, a great feeling of accomplishment and a sense of fulfillment. JOURNEY Apart from the fact that you are making a tremendous difference in their lives, they are also making a tremendous difference in your life. It makes you a better person. I looked at myself and realised rather quickly that there were certain things that I had to iron out if I were to make a good job of parenting my children. I needed to be a better example for them, a living example. Sometimes, the journey that these children have taken before coming to you is so challenging and so difficult. Some of them have been through extreme trauma and may have come from dysfunction families. It is so important that the family you create for them is one that has good practice and positive examples they can emulate. If there are certain kinks from their past, you can use
“Makeup can increase a woman’s confidence and bring out your best features, cover imperfections and give you a glow”, says international make up artist Joy Adenuga whose work has been featured in luxury magazines and Vogue.It.
Multicoloured smokey eyes, a very modern approach from the normal black and greys. The look consists of layering various colours side by side and blending well for a clean finish. Start off by priming the eyelids. Using a small eyeshadow brush, pat on a blue shade in the corner of the eye, then a green shade in the middle and finally a purple shade at the outer corner. Make sure that you blend the edges of each shade side by side.
your life as an example to help iron them out. That has been my ambition. I am glad for
the person I have become as a result of being their mother. I think a lot of the charitable work I’m doing now would not have happened if my children had not been part of my life. The adoption itself has
been an extraordinary lesson for me. It has been the purpose that I have been brought into this world. And just think that it is through my infertility that I found my calling in life. How awesome is that?
Let’s adopt together Across the UK there are over 2,000 children waiting to be adopted but only about 300 families approved for adoption. For black children and children of dual heritage the wait for a forever family is generally much longer. Adoption agency Adopt Together is keen to address this and urges more black and inter–racial couples to come forward. One inter-racial couple, who adopted boys of dual heritage through Adopt Together, urges others to consider adoption saying, “It was a positive experience throughout, from the assessment and preparation process, which only took about eight months, to completing our family with wonderful twin boys. They were only nine months old when we brought them home. The quality of care within Adopt Together was excellent. They supported us throughout a rigorous, probing, but ultimately respectful process and now we are extremely proud to be adoptive parents to beautiful boys. They have brought us such joy.”
The adoption team stress that Adopt Together is looking for people from all kinds of backgrounds and assures enquirers of an efficient, thorough process. “As an OFSTED ‘Outstanding’ adoption agency, we welcome the government’s focus and commitment to adoption,” commented Sumerjit Ram, CEO of Faith in Families. “We also welcome any changes that will encourage more black and inter-racial adopters to come forward.” ¢ For more information on whether adoption is right for you contact Adopt Together on 0115 9558811 or visit www. faithinfamilies.org
Monthly meetings The organisation keeps adoption in the spotlight through regular Adoption Open Evenings that are held in their Nottingham office on the first Thursday of every month.
Could you be our Family? Trey 5 years & Aston 2 ½ years are brothers who need to be adopted together. They have a close relationship and Trey “looks out” for Aston. Trey and Aston are of dual heritage African Caribbean and White British.
Christmas 2012 shoe colours are purples and nude teamed with delicate embellishments.
What’s a great look for Christmas 2012?
make-up pioneers
DECEMBER 6 - 12, 2012 THE VOICE | 21
•
Festive Makeup
BLACK HISTORY:
Family Matters
Considering adoption? You are warmly invited to Adopt Together’s
What colours should we look for?
‘First Thursdays’ AdopTion open evenings
Jewel tones.
Pressed for time, what would you concentrate on the most - eyes or lips? Lips definitely, just the right lipstick with the right sheen is all your need. Even for a party, red lips can transform your whole look. What’s an avant garde look for lips?
Ombré lips and this look is bang on trend. It’s achieved by using different lip shades to create stunning effects. You can apply a red shade in the middle of your lips and a deeper shade at the outer corners. This gives a stunning 3d effect. What’s a common make up faux pas?
Wrong foundation shade.
Trey is an affectionate child who loves to give and receive hugs. He is popular with children at school and is an active little boy. He loves playing outdoors on his bike and trampoline. He enjoys singing and music. He especially likes JLS. Over the past year he has grown in confidence and self esteem. Aston is very inquisitive and is developing well. He loves going to nursery two days a week which has helped his vast emerging vocabulary and improve his social and emotional skills. Aston also loves to be outdoors and enjoys going to the park and playing on the swings. Aston also loves music and singing. Trey very much wants a family where he and Aston can feel cherished and loved for the rest of their lives. If you feel that you could be the family that Trey and Aston are looking for then please contact: Laura James at Coventry City Council on: 024 7678 6071 or 024 7683 2828 or email laura.james@coventry.gov.uk alternatively please contact Jan Ryder at: Coventry City Council on: 024 7683 1873 or email jan.ryder@coventry.gov.uk Family Placement Service on: 024 7683 2828
Adopt Together open their doors on the first Thursday of every month to anyone who is considering adoption Come and chat with our adoption team at 7 Colwick Road, West Bridgford, nottingham ng2 5FR any time between 5.30pm and 7.30pm There will be a short presentation at 6.30pm We need all kinds of families for all kinds of children and particularly welcome enquiries from the black community
together we can change children’s lives
Contact us:
0115 9558811 www.faithinfamilies.org Adopt Together is Faith in Families Adoption service
Family Matters
22 | THE VOICE DECEMBER 6 - 12, 2012
It takes
T
here is a place in East Texas, about 10 miles from the Louisiana border, called Possum Trot, writes Yinka Sunmonu. It is surrounded by woods. Reportedly, there are no street lights and it has a population of 600-700 people. Yet in those woods is the Bennett Chapel Baptist Church led by Bishop W.C Martin and his wife Donna and they are working wonders. Collectively, church members have adopted 76 black children from foster care and they have created a blueprint for raising awareness and recruiting adopters within faith communities. The journey started in 1997 when Donna Martin’s mother died and she started to grieve. She prayed for some form of healing and received the call to “foster and adopt”. Although parents to two children, which included a son born with brain damage, the Bishop and his wife looked into foster care and adoption, driving 120 miles to attend classes. Donna involved her sister Diann for moral support. Diann adopted the first child in Possum Trot.
ADOPTION ON TRIAL
The Martins followed next adopting two bi-racial children - a three year old boy, Tyler and a five year old named Mercedes. What stunned the Martins was that Mercedes did not want to be adopted by a black family. “She thought that black people had roaches in the house and no food”, he says. The children were tough at first but they persevered. Bishop Martin started preaching to his congregation about the situation of children in foster care. “There are 66 reasons why people should adopt in the bible”, he says pointing out that Moses, Esther and Ruth were adopted. Members of the congregation became interested and wanted to attend classes but many were unable to take the 120 mile round trip to attend. Bishop Martin contacted the Child Protective Services who told him they would be willing to travel to Possum Trot if he could find five families interested in adoption. “I sent the message to the congregation and they got the message and got involved because they knew it was God
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DECEMBER 6 - 12, 2012 THE VOICE | 27
a village to raise a child driven. I found 15 families”.
PERSEVERANCE
The families adopted some of the most vulnerable children in society – some who were used to stealing food because it is how they were raised, others who were destructive and children who had been physically and sexually abused. They did not sugar coat the needs of the children who required adoption and the adults persevered. Bishop Martin relates the story of Theresa who adopted five children even though she had three of her own. Her sister Mollie adopted three. However, Mollie passed away followed by her husband Joe six months later. Theresa adopted the children with her husband to become a family of 11. The last adoption was about two years ago. A lady in Beaumont, Texas had a little boy that she wanted to be adopted. Bishop Martin, who is experienced enough that he could carry out home studies, received the call and helped to place the child in the community. “We broke the mould to a whole load of different things
that were going on.” He said and of that there is no doubt.
FUTURE
The Possum Trot initiative has received national attention with the Martin’s appearing in several publications and on Oprah to tell their story. The future for many of the children has been bright. As for the Martin children, Mercedes has her sights on a professional career and Tyler will be starting college in January 2013. The dialogue about the role of the church in placing black children is beginning. It became the subject of a groundbreaking national conference called Adoption Renaissance in Texas where the church is being promoted as one of the answers where black communities are concerned. Though in its infancy, the conference has laid the groundwork for in-
teresting debates and creative ways to move forward. The orgainisers are in the process of producing lit-
erature and information for a clearing house based on contributions from well renowned
speakers including: Joyce James, Texas Health & Human Services Associate Deputy Executive Commissioner, Center for Elimination of Disproportionality & Disparities; Dr Ruth McRoy, the award winning adoption and fostering specialist and Ruby Lee Piester Centennial Professor Emeritus, who recently completed a paper for BAAF on transracial adoption; and Thomas L Hoyt, Jr, the Senior Bishop of the Christian Methodist Episcopal Church. One of the participants said, “There are no throwaway children. We know what to do to take them to the next level and we need an army of Gideon’s” Significantly, attendees heard that team work leads to dream work. Attention, however, is still on Possum Trot. It is a mat-
ter of time before academic papers are written, training packages produced and Hollywood comes calling. Despite media attention, which included the Oprah Winfrey show, Bishop Martin remains focused on the children,
community investment and church engagement. “I would love to see other churches look at this and want to do it,” he says. “It can be done. I’m right there in the thick of it all and we want to ensure that children have a good home.”
Ebony Reads… ‘Small Town, Big Miracle’, Bishop W.C Martin with John Fornof, published by Tyndale Press The story of how Bishop W.C Martin and wife Donna started a movement culminating in members of their congregation collectively adopting black children and creating a blueprint for galvanising people and faith communities into action. The book tells things as they are drawing on the challenges and the rewards. It should have the subtitle it takes a village to raise a child for Possum Trot residents believe a child belongs to the community. ‘Small Town Big Miracle’ is an easy read. It is part memoir, sermon and resource guide where readers can make notes. If you want to know what adoption really means, read this book. It should be required reading for social workers, faith groups and anybody tasked with finding creative solutions to adoption and fostering.
Michael and Aisha need an adoptive family to love and cherish them Michael and Aisha are brother and sister aged 5 and 4 years respectively. They are African Caribbean and have been waiting for an adoptive family for a long time.
Can you be that family?
Michael is an active, outgoing and confident little boy
who is very chatty and sociable. He loves going to school where he has made many friends and doing well. He has an inquisitive mind and loves learning new things. He has a healthy appetite, sleeps well and has very warm and affectionate relationships with his foster carers. He is caring and protective over Aisha.
Aisha is a bubbly, happy and endearing little girl who
enjoys cuddles with her foster carers. She is a bit more shy and reserved than Michael especially with people she doesn’t know very well. She has settled well at school, has made many friends and is making good progress. She loves princesses and anything pink. Like Michael, Aisha has a good appetite and sleeps well. Both children need the stability of having a loving and nurturing family. They want a family of their own where they can put down their roots and belong to for the rest of their lives. *Not their real names For more information, please ring Viva Perumal at Coventry City Council on: 024 7683 1873 or email: viva.perumal@coventry.gov.uk or Jacqui Mitchell on: 024 7678 7980 jacqui.mitchell@coventry.gov.uk Family Placement Service on: O24 7683 2828
www.coventry.gov.uk/adoptionandfostering
We’d like you to meet Daniel; he’s 10 months old. Daniel is a happy and content baby boy. He has a gorgeous smile that makes his foster carer’s heart melt. Daniel loves being around people, he’s a vocal boy who will giggle and ‘chat’ with you and he’s very affectionate. He loves listening to his favourite musical tunes on the TV and makes his own music at music club. Daniel would fit nicely into any family with parents who can nurture and guide him, he has a lovely calm character and he is developing well. Daniel needs a new adoptive family who can love him, care for him and support him to meet his potential. We’d like that new adoptive family to be you. Could you be Daniel’s new family? We’ll help you all the way, the adoption team in Islington can provide valuable support and
guidance, there are allowances available if you need it and lots of our adoptive parents are there to give advice too. You can be single or a couple, with or without children. We welcome your experience of life. We all have areas of our lives when things haven’t gone to plan, but we’ve survived, and your experiences in life could be valuable as Daniel grows up. As well as being fun and rewarding, being an adoptive parent means you’ll make a big difference to Daniel’s life – AND YOURS TOO! For more details about Daniel and adoption, please contact the team. Call 0800 073 3344, email us on adoption@islington.gov.uk or text DAN and your email address to 07786202195
Family Matters
28 | THE VOICE DECEMBER 6 - 12, 2012
Could you be our family?
Family Matters
T
he children have always lived together and are thriving in their current foster placement where they have good relationships with their foster carers. The carers describe the children as delightful and a pleasure to care for.
DECEMBER 6 - 12, 2012 THE VOICE | 29
NAMES
Fabien (4 years old) Gisele (3 years old) Chanice (2 years old) Bernadette (9 months old) ETHNIC ORIGIN All the children are African Burundi/White UK. RELIGION None specified.
HELEN WALTER
PARVEEN NAGRA
Tel. 024 7678 7980 Fax. 024 7660 4328
Tel. 024 7683 1873 Fax. 024 7629 4660
Looked After Children’s Team Logan Centre Logan Road Coventry, CV2 1AG
FAMILY PLACEMENT SERVICE Tel. 024 7683 2828
Fabien is the eldest sibling and the only male amongst three sisters. He started school in September 2012 and settled well very quickly, he is especially good in maths and can count and recognise his numbers. Fabien is a very polite and caring boy and is a popular member at school. He goes to dance classes and really enjoys it. Generally he is doing well academically.
Gisele is a lovely girl who attends nursery part time and is progressing well. She enjoys dressing up in anything pink and loves Peppa Pig. She also attends dancing sessions and really looks forward to this. Gisele takes her time in making relationships and can initially come across as quiet; however, once she becomes familiar with someone she will show her true, happy personality.
Chanice has a strong character and knows what she wants for such a young girl. She attends nursery part time and has settled in really well. Like her sister she likes dressing up and playing with her dolls. Her vocabulary is improving all the time and she likes to sing along to nursery rhymes, although her favourite word at the moment is NO!!
Bernadette is a lovely 9 month old baby girl with a great appetite and a lovely temperament. She is achieving all her relevant milestones. She sleeps through most nights now and is sitting up well and making the first moves to try and crawl. Her siblings adore her dearly as do her carers.
Family Placement Service Civic Centre 1 Earl Street Coventry, CV1 5RS
Family Matters
30 | THE VOICE DECEMBER 6 - 12, 2012
DESIGNER: Trevail Anderson
TRES BELLE: Anderson design
Who Dares Wins H
Trevail Anderson went from living under a bridge due to a failed relationship to launching a couture label, writes Nat Disu.
Mosaic Adoption and Permanency Service Finding and supporting families for black, minority ethnic and mixed parentage babies and children
Mosaic Adoption and Permanency Service was formally Adoption Black Families
We’re with you every step of the way Could you share your life with vulnerable children who may not get the chance to be adopted such as older children or brother and sister groups? If so, Mosaic Adoption and Permanency Service will provide you with extensive training and support from an experienced, friendly and responsive team, for as long as it takes. Our passionate team reflects the ethnic diversity of the families we work with.
Call 0845 603 3398 or visit actionforchildren.org.uk/adoption
Transform a child’s life and yours. Adopt Registered charity nos. 1097940/SC038092 Company no. 4764232 Produced by Action for Children 09/2012. 12/13/0128
is mother gave birth to him at 17 years of age and Trevail aka Tre was raised by his grandmother from three weeks old. As the eldest of four children (two boys and two girls), he had to grow up quickly to help his grandmother raise his other three siblings. “I got my first job at 14 as a gopher at the City Court office through my grandmother’s sister”, says the 24 year old Louisiana native. On his 21st birthday, he travelled to Dallas as it was the closest city to his hometown where he would be able to consume alcohol as part of his celebrations. Pride Soon after his return home, he fell in love and moved back to Dallas. It only lasted a few months as he found himself in an emotional and physically abusive relationship. Making the decision to leave, he became homeless and lived under the Lyndon B Johnson bridge. Too proud to ask for help from his family, his grandmother, especially, he survived as best he could. “I’m a bit stubborn when it comes to asking for help. I lied to my grandmother and told her that everything was alright and really, going back home wasn’t an option,” He says. Living under the bridge led to deep reflection and the need to find a solution. Tre had always had an interest in fashion as result of a ritual he and his grandmother used to have. “I was around 14 at the time and when I came back from school, we would sit and watch Oprah,
who would come on around 4pm. One day, she had a special on Valentino. I was hooked.” Dreams While living rough, he decided to apply for an internship in fashion with Nicolas Villalba, an international award winning couture designer whose address he found in a telephone book. “I got an interview and basically, I had to go to a convenience store, clean up in the sink and present myself as a clean person and someone who wasn’t homeless. I had nothing to lose. I had already hit rock bottom and the only thing was to move up.” It was then he reached out for help and contacted a friend who lived in Dallas who said he could stay with her. He secured the internship with Villalda for two reasons. “He told me I had initiative by contacting him and because I took a dress with me. I’d made the wrap dress a few hours before the meeting from three yards of material and use of an old sewing machine. I wanted to show I had motivation.” Talent The M word is key to this designer’s outlook. “If you don’t have motivation, how can people take you seriously? It is something that has to radiate from within. It’s a non verbal tool that you must have in yourself. If you don’t see it, how will other people?” During the internship, he learnt the basics of couture, design and sewing techniques and found a mentor in his boss. Socially, he entered another relationship and with that sta-
‘Black By Design’ ‘Black by Design: a 2 tone memoir’, by Pauline Black and published by Serpent’s Tale, describes her adoption experience, success as the lead
singer of The Selecter, the Coventry formed ska band, and transforming her life from radiographer to singer and actress.
bility he enrolled in Wade College. Although he managed to get financial aid, he still had to work three jobs to support himself and so he waited tables, assisted in a men’s wear shop and undertook alterations in a shopping mall. His talents were recogniSed by his tutor and his creativity pushed. He graduated with an Associate’s Degree in Merchandising and Fashion Design in January 2012. His designs are based on French and English aristocracy and old world art and his signature is the use of feathers. Backbone Motivation, belief and strength have been his motivators. He launched the Tre LaVoux label this year and showcased his designs to acclaim at the Designers Choice Fashion Preview with Korto Momolu of Project Runway. He is preparing to move into studios. Looking back on his experiences, he says, “My belief in myself is strong because I’m too stubborn to give up. My grandmother was the backbone in this. She raised four of us as a single woman with no male figure in the house. She was the perfect role model of how to never give up and just stay grounded and keep family values. She was strong and kept the house in order. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel and you work at it and do things in a positive manner and respectfully, it won’t be in vain. I felt in my heart that I was meant for something more than life under a bridge and that I hadn’t made this journey for nothing.”