Editor: Yinka Sunmonu - Design: Thierry Lagrin The Voice supplement › page 21/22/27/28
START YOUR CONVERSATION
INSIDE:
› TIME TO CHANGE:
Supporting someone with a mental health problem - p22
› TIME TO TALK:
Segun Olotu
Hair we go: Conversations at the hairdressers and barbershops - p27
› TIME TO BE:
Herol Graham Interview: Behind the smile - p28
FEB 21 - 27, 2013
www.time-to-change.org.uk
www.time-to-change.org.uk
22 | THE VOICE FEBRUARY 21 - 27, 2013
Sue Baker is the Director of Time to Change, England’s biggest mental health anti-stigma programme run by the charities Mind and Rethink Mental Illness, and funded by the Department of Health and Comic Relief.
O
ne in four of us will be affected by a mental health problem, so all of us will know and care about someone who will go through it or you could experience it yourself. Sadly what is still attached to mental health problems is stigma and misunderstanding. When you have a mental health problem, you don’t want to face discrimination as well, you want the support of your family, friends, neighbours and workmates. One of the most effective ways to address stigma is for those of us with personal experience of mental health problems to start having more conversations about mental health within our own communities. We need to work together so that communities can start to have new conversations about mental health. We all need to do this in ways that feel the most comfortable and in places where this feels most natural – at home, in the barber shop, local café, place of worship, or even in the workplace. We’re working with The Voice to offer help, share tips and advice for having these conversations – from people who are already having them. We saw this in action at the recent Sterohype event in East London, led by Mellow and other local groups and a small ‘army’ of volunteers who sparked off new and open conversations using music, film, drama, food and wellbeing workshops for African and Caribbean communities. Our new campaign - It’s time to talk. It’s time to change – encourages people to have more open conversations around the subject of mental health. An advert running throughout February highlights the importance of staying in contact and being supportive when friends and family members experience a mental health problem. As part of the campaign, you can find tips on how to start your conversation as well as other ways of helping to end discrimination, for instance, signing our pledge wall or getting involved by talking about your own experiences. You don’t have to be an expert to start a conversation with someone experiencing a mental health problem. Being a supportive friend can include small gestures like sending a quick text or email, or an invitation to meet up. Our aim is to encourage the public to talk more openly, and for mental health to stop being a part of life people are too ashamed or embarrassed to talk about.
You don’t need to be an expert to talk about mental health find out what others are doing to be there for friends and family. COUTURIER CLARISCIA GILL
COUTURE DESIGNER ADEBAYO JONES
CHEF, CHOCOLATE AMBASSADOR AND AWARD WINNING CHOCOLATIER PAUL WAYNE GREGORY
PHOTOGRAPHER SEGUN OLOTU
“I offer a healthy combination of a relaxing afternoon tea session, a compassionate ear.
“I talk about everything and anything with the person concerned. I’m there to give support as I know how important that can be.”
AWARD WINNING CHILDREN’S WRITER AND PHOTOGRAPHER IFEOMA ONYEFULU “I cook for my friends when they’re feeling down and ask them for supper.”
MANAGER BIMTAN ELUFOWOJU
NOW IS THE TIME Trisha Goddard, Frank Bruno and Gary Beadle have done it, you can do it too.
“My friend withdrew from everyone and did not bother with her appearance when she became a widow with two children at the age of 24. I sent messages regularly and chatted about this and that on the phone. When we finally met, she opened up.”
MODEL SAMAR KHOURY
“I just try to be a good friend. I know people talk a lot about dignity and respect but it ‘s so important. My friend’s health does not define who she is and I tell her that.”
Tell us what you’ll do to start your conversation by adding your name to our pledge wall.
Follow Time to Change: Facebook: www.facebook.com/timetochange Twitter: @Timetotalk Youtube: www.youtube.com/timetochangecampaign
“I’d listen and respond and then, at an opportune moment, I’d serenade them with a tune like a lullaby. I‘ve meaningful songs for every occasion. “
“A picture reveals so much about somebody. For me, the camera becomes the lens to their emotions. If I have my equipment with me, I take some discreet shots and show them to my friends or relatives asking, “Who’s this?”. It’s the easiest way for me to start what could be a difficult conversation especially when respect is important in our culture. As they love photos, the image makes them visually aware and it starts a conversation.”
COLORBLIND CARDS FOUNDER JESSICA HUIE
“I try to let my friends and associates know that in life out of the most challenging times come the most incredible outcomes. That has been my experience and I believe it completely. I also tend to send them an uplifting card. Inspirational messages often do the trick.”
FASHION PHOTOGRAPHER TREVOR FOGAH GRIFFITHS
“I would give the gift of human company or a call to simply say hello. This is just to show them that they’re in my thoughts. Hopefully, I’ve made them smile.”
ARTIST KOSIBAH CREATIVE DIRECTOR YEMI OSUNKOYA
“I try to convey that I’m there to support and listen. I encourage people to verbalise why they are feeling down, if they can, and I tell them it’s okay to feel that way. I also try and see how they can come out of that space by telling them positive things about themselves or things they have done or people they have impacted on in a positive way to show them that they matter.”
TONDERAI “I text or send a sketch that gives a message. ”
GET PAID DIRECTOR RAMAN SUNMONU
“I listen and try to make the person feel at ease as I realise the trust they are putting in me. It can be a lot to digest but most times, it’s about finding strategies to help like taking them out, playing sport or being there. From a business perspective, learning that 1 in 6 employees experience anxiety, stress or depression, I’m going to learn more about the issues and promote mental wellbeing.”
www.time-to-change.org.
FEBRUARY 21 - 27, 2013 THE VOICE | 27
Tobi Shonibare
Time to talk Hair we go: conversations at the barber’s and hairdressers By Yinka Sunmonu
I
t is always difficult to talk about certain health issues in the community and when it comes to mental health, it can cause an awkward moment, writes Yinka Sunmonu. However, some hairdressers and barbershops in the capital are seeking to address this by embracing the It’s time to talk. It’s time to change campaign. They have started slipping the topic of mental health into general conversation as if talking about Rhianna’s latest hairstyle or azonto. Tucked away in a residential side street in Peckham is Amanda B, owned by Amanda Biddulph. She says, “I knew somebody with a mental illness that developed into paranoia. It was really difficult to witness and handle and I didn’t know how to help. Eventually, I called a few organisations to find out what I could do but it wasn’t easy. I’m up for promoting anything around this.”
ICEBREAKER
In Lakabo, a barber’s shop in East Ham, conversation consists of the Africa
Nations Cup, the economy and horsemeat until one of the regulars mentions a topic that makes everybody catch their breath. “How would you start a conversation about mental health?” asks Getnet Hailu. “ I don’t know if this is right, but I’d name somebody familiar or give some kind of example if I addressed a friend or family member I knew was acting
would not know what to say to a friend who had experienced one.
OPENNESS
Biddulph, who has worked as a hairdresser for seventeen years says, “ We need to try to be more open. It’s amazing the number of women who come into contact with people with mental health problems or have experienced it themselves
“A trip to us can feel like therapy ” differently.” It is the icebreaker. A few men discuss celebrities who have spoken out about their mental health issues such as ex-boxers Frank Bruno and Herol Graham, and comedian Lenny Henry. Two people mention somebody they know. A recent study by Yougov, commissioned by Time to Change, finds that 62% of British adults know someone who has experienced a mental health problem, yet 40% of those questioned said they
but won’t say anything until they are in a safe place. They can’t even tell you where that space will be but salons will be up there.” Traditionally hair salons and barbershops are seen as the hub of the community, the place where people go not only to beautify themselves but to chat, cheer themselves up, learn about what is going on and take part in a confessional. They can be an informal source of advice and humour, which is seen in films
such as Barbershop, Why Did I Get Married, Coming To America, and the classic British sitcom Desmond’s.
THERAPY
One can learn about life there. “The main thing with hairdressers and barbershops is that we provide an outlet where people can talk or gossip. Everybody gathers there and it’s not about how old you are, what job you have, the clothes you wear. Hair is a common denominator. A trip to us can feel like therapy as you leave a different person to the one who came in,” Biddulph says.
RELATIONSHIPS
She talks about clients who have come in looking down. On asking ‘How are you?’ she hears a bit of their story. When she prompts some more, she may hear much more…a bereavement, relationship breakdown, stress. “It’s amazing how people will tell you they are okay when they are not.” Back in East Ham, the conversation centres on why men avoid talking about mental health and why it is seen as a sign of weakness if they do. ‘Time will change,”
says Hailu. “We just need to create a dialogue. Hopefully,
Start Your Conversation will help.”
HEADY CONVERSATIONS What the men said: around mental health is a big cause “Silence of stigma and discrimination ” “The day my friend started talking about his issues, I suggested we save to go and watch the African Nations Cup in South Africa
“
”
Had a mate who said he had a mental illness. I didn’t know what to do. I went back and talked a few days later though
“
”
Once we started the conversation, it was surprising what came out
”
What the women said:
“
we are starting to talk about “I am glad thatmental health”
One of my relatives has a mental health problem and you know what, I talk about it because by talking, you open things up and hopefully, that leads to awareness and breaking down stigmas
“
”
Frankly, if you can’t talk, do something. Show your support for somebody you know with a mental health problem and give them the opportunity to talk
”
www.time-to-change.org.uk
28 | THE VOICE FEBRUARY 21 - 27, 2013
Time To Be: Herol Graham
B
oxing great Herol Graham, a former British and European light-middleweight and middleweight champion talks to Ben Letterman. As Herol Graham revealed in his autobiography Bomber: Behind the Laughter, life after boxing was far from upbeat.
MENTAL HEALTH
Due to his inability to accept his retirement from the squared circle and ending up penniless, amongst other problems, Graham fell into depression and attempted to end his life. However, he declared that he is now in a better place both mentally and physically. “In any community it’s there and there’s a stigma with some people in the respect that people think people with mental health problems are stupid. It’s nothing to do with that” said Graham. “It was a case of me being in a sport all my life. Every day I used to go running for six to eight miles, I was in the gym training and everything was focused on me. Then all of the sudden you come out of it, and it’s like ‘what do I do now?
FRIENDS
“I’ve got to live a life now. How do I live it?’ It’s like starting over again. “It was really hard to get out of but I only just managed with the help of my sweetheart Karen (Neville).” “After a 25-year split we met up again and got the help from there. I got some good help.”
HEROL GRAHAM: In action
Having been in a dark place following his retirement, father-of-six Graham advised others not to suffer in silence like he did. “Anybody who’s going through the same situation as myself, I’d just say to them to cling on. Cling on to your friends around you. You need friends to talk to, to express things to. Talking is the best thing. It definitely helps.”
Read the full interview: I’m Fine Being British Boxing’s Nearly Man by Ben Letterman at: www.voice-online.co.uk/ article/herol-graham-im-fine-beingbritish-boxings-nearly-man. Bomber: Behind the Laughter, by Herol Graham and Stuart Wilkin is published by TH Media.
Start Your Conversation with these tips from Time to Change
Time to Change volunteer Nikki Llewellyn – ‘Once I finally spoke out about my experiences, I felt a huge weight lifted. It wasn’t easy but it’s so worth it. I now have a group of important people in my life who understand my experiences, support me and feel comfortable talking about mental health.’
FACT 1 in 4 people will experience a mental
health problem in any given year.
v Take the lead: If you know someone has been unwell, don’t be afraid to ask how they are. They might want to talk about it, they might not. But just letting them know they don’t have to avoid the issue with you is important.
People don’t want to be defined by their mental health problem so keep talking about the things you always talked about. Just spending time with the person lets them know you care and can help you understand what they’re going through.
v Avoid clichés: Phrases like ‘Cheer up’, ‘I’m sure it’ll pass’ and ‘Pull yourself together’ definitely won’t help the conversation! Being open minded, non-judgemental and listening will.
v Don’t avoid the issue:
v Think about body language: Try to be relaxed and open - a gaping mouth, regular clock watching or looking uncomfortable won’t go unnoticed. v Ask how you can help: People will want support at different times in different ways, so ask how you can help. Don’t just talk about mental health: Keep in mind that having a mental health problem is just one part of the person.
If someone comes to you to talk, don’t brush it off because this can be a hard step to take. Acknowledge their illness and let them know that you’re there for them.
v Give them time: Some people might prefer a text or email rather than talking on the phone or face-toface. This means they can get back to you when they feel ready. What’s important is that they know you’ll be there when they’re ready to get in touch. v Find out more: If you feel awkward or uncomfortable about the conversation, find out more about mental illness.
Want to have these tips ready for your conversation? Go to www.time-to-change.org.uk to download your own tips card POCKET SIZE GUIDE