How exactly do you ‘let it go’? thelovingheartcafe.com /how-exactly-do-you-let-it-go/
What’s with all this ‘Letting Go’? I seem to be bombarded with ‘letting go’ messages at the moment. First my teenage daughters have been singing the ‘Let it go’ song from the movie Frozen, loudly and passionately, all around the house, for days. Then my husband excitedly introduced me to some of the You Tube spoofs of the same movie. And yesterday, Leo Babauta (of Zen Habits) announced a very useful free eBook about ‘letting go’ where he explains his approach. It got me thinking about it. What could I let go of in my life right now? What could I let go of that might free me up for something new? And how do I know what to ‘let go’ and what to keep?
Seems like a great idea. ‘Letting go’ sounds like a useful concept and many gurus offer it as a way to move beyond pain, broken hearts and other negative states. Buddhists practice ‘non-attachment’ which is a more passive version of ‘letting go’. But none of them really address the issue of HOW SPECIFICALLY we can ‘let go’. This is likely because we are all unique in the way we attach ourselves to people, ideas and things.
What is attachment? In order to ‘let go’ of something we need to be attached to it. So what is attachment? If we really understand how we attach ourselves to stuff, then perhaps we will get some insight into how we can ‘let go’. Attachment is an emotional identification with someone or something including non-physical things like ideas, emotions and beliefs. This means we feel a deep connection with the object of our attachment, as though it forms a part of our identity. So our attachments feel precious to us even though they operate mostly out of conscious awareness. For example, I am attached to my daughters and call this attachment ‘love’ and ‘family’. This is a valuable attachment because it motivates me to care for them, even when they are being horrible. This attachment is challenging at times but overall it is healthy because it fits with my identity of being a good parent. An unhealthy attachment would be one that causes a conflict with our identity, higher level goals or other attachments. I currently have an unhealthy attachment to sugar because it conflicts with my health goals and my desire to be a good role model to my daughters.
Sugar Babe Now I have identified an unhealthy attachment to ‘let go’ I can use it to explore my unique strategies. I love sugar. So how exactly do I do this attachment to it? I imagine sweet things by literally picturing them in my minds eye. I can conjure up images of cakes,
cookies and sweets, and those images are big, bright and vivid. As I picture those sweet delights, I tell myself I will treat myself to something and start to imagine the sensations of putting those things in my mouth, even ‘hearing’ the crunch of the cookie and feeling the sensation of chewing the cake or sweet. This triggers an experience of the textures, smells and tastes. So that’s certainly how I motivate myself to visit my fridge, biscuit tin or sweetie jar, but what triggers this highly active bout of imagination? Well, I have discovered that there are multiple triggers. Sometimes it is hunger or a low blood sugar level that causes a physical trigger. More usually though, my trigger is emotional, caused by feelings of vulnerability, loneliness, frustration or boredom.
Letting Go So how does this level of awareness help me to ‘let go’? Well now I know how specifically I trigger my attachment strategy I can look for useful intervention points. For example, I could change something about the triggers or change the way I attach myself to things. It would be more effective to focus on the triggers as this would probably be a faster and more reliable change but I am going to explore both. There are two things I could do with the attachment strategy. First I could simply paste a photo of me looking fabulous on my fridge, biscuit tin, sweetie jar and shopping list. This might trigger different internal images to disrupt the attachment process. Secondly I could do a special trick I learned from the NLP community called a ‘Swish’. It is a very individual and creative process and I recommend you experiment with this as it is a very powerful technique. My version goes like this: Imagine one of the images from the attachment strategy. I have chosen a larger than life sized image of my favourite sweets. Now check how you feel when you focus on it. I feel a kind of craving in my mouth and throat. Next imagine a picture of you looking healthy and fit. Check how you feel about that one. I feel calm, centred and a bit excited. Now slide that image behind the attachment one (in your head) and make a small (imaginary) hole in the front image to allow the one behind it to pop through. I make a popping sound as it comes through and completely covers the attachment image. Some people would put the ideal image down in one corner of the attachment one and slide or grow it across. You could make a swishing sound as you do that. Don’t ask me why, it just seems to help. Do your swish thing a few more times then check how you feel when you look at the original attachment image. I now feel quite indifferent and have no desire at all to eat anything. To make a change at the trigger point I could do some serious and time consuming therapeutic work on my vulnerabilities or I could opt for a faster and simpler pattern interrupt. I have chosen the latter
(because I have been doing the former for years now!) and this is what I have decided to experiment with. I have written this question: “What do I REALLY want or need now?” And stuck it to my work space, fridge, and car dash; and I have made it my screensaver on my PC and phone. If I can genuinely ask myself that question and make a smart choice then I will be letting go of my attachment strategy before it even kicks in.
What about you? What are you attached to that doesn’t really fit with your best intentions now? What could you learn about your attachments that will help you let go of the things that get in your way? Remember the key is to discover your unique approach to attachment so you can find ways to intervene and let go. So, let it go, let it go, and enjoy your week. Love Laine x The Loving Heart Café provides the resources you need to stay sane in a crazy world including our 6 module Expressive Writing programme. Click the link to discover The Creative Soul Journey, a creative, guided experience utilising art, creative writing and powerful psychological exercises to help you to get clear about what you want in your life, relationships and work.