STAGING
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THE ENDLESS WAITING I am in the midst of the personal and family crisis that hits when, from the start the threat of cancer looms. At the start, when only slight indications and issues are known, the wait is full of hope, full of a strange reality that resonates as this could just be a false indication, a strange anomaly, a mistake! Waiting is then not difficult or indeed stressful. The wait to the next stage is slow and sleepy and there is no hurry. All is quite, quite, normal. Gradually you move on to the next stage of diagnosis. Things are becoming a little clearer and yet more worrying, but still, initially there is a sense that enough is surely known to be able to move to treating something? Waiting has just become a bit more tense, a bit more questioning, But, it seems, more has to be known to ascertain greater clarity, and so the wait must go on. How far has this demon called cancer travelled? The following scans are weeks apart, followed by further weeks of waiting for results or consultations. Why cannot someone speak to me, why must everything be so formal, be so slow? Why must I wait? Nevertheless, the days and weeks in between the waits are free, they are full of some good days, normal days, and yet nights beginning to be full of doubt and anxiety. The waiting becomes the norm, and strangely everything is fine. An odd reality fills in the cracks, the waits. Things are not so bad after all. Or are they? So, the wait goes on still further, as now further tests need to seek even more clarity. All that you want now is for a full picture to be painted. All you want now is for something to be done, for treatment to be started, for a start and for an end. Your patience is now being stretched, but you feel helpless. By this time not just friends and family are aware of what is going on, but the extended wait has allowed your acquaintances and the wider community to hear your news. People are kind and gentle and caring and that brings its own warmth and comfort, but all within an endless unknowing.
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FIGHTING PROSTATE CANCER - A SURVIVAL GUIDE
