J-17 Magazine - May 1999 (UK teen magazine)

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Life on the city's mean silreets

The real price

of plasticsutElery

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Melinda MessenEler "She's got a lovely pair of eyes," a nation of dads chorus in delight

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KellyBtook Those boys are almost in the barracks, but not quite

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'1 ruaiatr Garcy - The saucy songbird

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f Madtyn Manson Only half a contender ;,,

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Gamercn Diaz She made it through the whole of There's Something About Mary without the aid of a bra

'cause he takes them off at night

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BOY ALERT!

most of the night telling her a all the other girls he fancies. ln fact, I've got my own toxic Sometimes I think he's the boy me. We can spend hours talking about how we're going to go on road trip across the States or

They're poisonous, harmful and downri$ht letlial, rbckons J17's Sarra. So Set wise to 'em and avoid them like the pla$ue'.. o Toxic boys refuse to commit.

We're not talking about marriage or buying a house together, iust a firm date next Saturday night.

Because they're always hoping that a better girl will come along.

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t's taken me a lon( time to aamit it. but there's

somethinEl I've realised: boys are toxic. Any type of lad can be toxic - Cleeky onest smirky ones, footie ones, snake-hipped ones with dreamy eyes and soft smiles...

And the worst thin( is that the more toxic the boy, the deeper the crush you get on him.

What makes a boy toxic?

Regular readers will probably be aware of the way we )17 gils bang on about something called boy disease. Boy disease is what toxic boys suffer from. Y'know, those little mind giames they don't want you to know about.

The tricks they play with your heart that makes you so smitten.

Depending on the toxicity of the boy you're dallying with, the more severe the symptoms. Here are the main ones to watch out for:

o foxic boys prey on youl weaknesses. They know full well you go red every time you see 'em because you have a planet-sized crush on them, but they won't tactfully ignore that fashionbackward flush on your face. lnstead they'll smirk knowingly and murmur, "Oooh look, you're blushing. Am I embarrassing you or something?"

o foxic boys make you wait.

They know you fancy them. And even though they don't let on, they fancy you too. But instead of doing something about it, they blow hot and cold. One minute

o Toxic boys have a toxic radar.

This enables them to appearjust when you're up to something embarrassing, like having a hissyfit at your mum in the middle of the high street. Then they'll wink at you and smile knowingly.

o Toxic boys can arch one eyebrow. And they use this ability to devastating effect.

Iales from the

toxieboyfrontline

All my girl pals have tangled with toxic boys. There's my friend Cristina, who's dynamic and clever and drop-dead gorgeous, but spends far too much time angsting about a lad who tells her he loves her and wants to go out with her, but most of the time his mobile's switched off and he won't return her calls. Then there's Alice, who's

"When you're with,a to_x[c boy yori always $et a sick feellnâ‚Ź of excitCment" they're snogging you breathless (toxic boys are always really good snogs - it's all part of their diabolical masterplan), the next

gone into deep mourning because her toxic boy, Ben, always arranges to meet her and then turns up with his gang of toxic boys and spends

move to Las Vegas. l'm like, wow, I've finally found someone can connect with. Then there the other times when he spen hours banging on about his problems and how he has no money. "Hey, Sarra, that girl there has been eyeing me uP the last hour. D'you think l'm in with a chance?" ln the end, I stomp off in a foul mood he didn't even offer to walk me the bus stop or notice how splendid my new hairdo was.

I vow to be strong - after all, I'm a kickass chica who takes prisoners - and refuse to call hi I sooo don't call him for weeks weeks and then the phone

It's my toxic boy telling me how much he's missed me and that he doesn't see me soon he's gonna die. And I forget all my doubt and anger and go off to meet him. I know, I know.

I can be such a saphead sometimes. But non-toxic boys. don't do it for me. l'd rather an evening pulling out my leg with a pair of tweezers than some quality time with a wellmannered yet ultimately dull boy who refuses point-blank to mess with my mind.

H&u;,Fsman, just

are. Some boys Iive football but toxic boys prefer n: games. OK, there could be reasons why they've chosen the toxic path. lt could be down to their genes, it could be heck, it could even be becausâ‚Ź there wasn't much on telly!

They

minute they blank you.

o Toxlc boys talk about

themselves. But they do it

in

such a way that you don't realise you've spent the last three hours hearingi about them. The fact you're a fun, witty, opinionated person in your own right goes completely unnoticed by them.

o Toxic boys never call. Except when you least expect it.

o Toxic boys iElnore you when

they're with their mates.

Or

else you hear them say something charming like, "Oh, that's the weird girl I was telling you about, The one who really fancies me."

3A )L7

Toxicthings boys o "l'l! call you, yeah?" a "Let's make it early. Ot late. Or why don't we keep it loose?' a "lifhatever." a "You're not like other glirls. I see you more as a friend." a "That Clirl over there soooo fancies me." o "l really hate it when you start EettlnEl all possessive." o "l was going to call you but, you know, stuff came up." a "You look so cute when you go red like that," o "Er, yeah, I did notice you'd had your hair cut actually." o "We can both see other people. I mean, it's not like we're Eoing out with each other or anythinEl." a "Oh, that Elirl? She's my sister' duh!"

Jt7 39

BOYALERI!

Addicted to never knowing what stunt he's going to pull next. And you could go into romance rehab but you just don't want to.

We are independent, strongminded glirls, but toxic boys seem to be able to wriegle through our

defence systems. lt's almost as if they secrete a weirdy chemical that makes us lose all control of our cognitive thought processes.

And because toxic boys are always the boys with the most cake and the most friends and the most girls hanging onto their every murmur, it's impossible not to be flattered when they decide they're going to spend some time with you. And, quite franklY, sometimes we get fed-up with being strong-minded and sensible, and a few hours with a toxic boY makes us feel like the kinda girl our'rents warn us about.

ls there a cute for toxic boY? Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there is no known cure.

You can hope that a toxic boy will eventually grow out of it, but the sad truth is he won't.

)

Basically, if the toxic boy was the kind of boy who spilled, he'd tell you he practised his poisonous charm because it's fun, it gets results and it means he's never bored. Like, in his head, he reckons if it ain't broken, then why the hell do you need to fix it?

But he'd be lying. Because the real reason for the existence of the toxic boy is all to do with You and me. Toxic boys do it because they know us girls find the whole toxic-boy thang irresistible. And before you start to feel flattered, remember that being toxic requires very little effort on his part - it's something that comes completelY naturally to him and it saves him

"A few hours with a toxic boy makes us feel like the kinda girl our'rents warn us about" having to come up with any real social skills to impress the laydeez.

Toxic boys are a heady mixture of danger and drama, probably because they're completelY impossible to pin down.

Whv we love

toxlc boys

When you're with a toxic boy, you always get a sick feeling of excitement in the pit of your stomach. You know you're doing something that could get you grounded, but the thrill of doing it outweighs any punishment

you're gonna get. Even though you know the toxic boy will break your heart into pieces just for the sheer hell of it, you stop listening to the voice of reason inside your head while he's at your side giving you sultry looks or soulful kisses.

And when you're not with toxic boy, you feel just plain sick 'cause he hasn't rung or the last time you saw him he was acting all weird with you. ln the end, you become addicted to the toxic-boy thrill. To the "will he?/won't he? call" angst.

40 )77

You could try beating the lethal boychik at his own game by becoming a toxic girl. But wait a second - become the kind of girl

who doesn't commit and isn't possessive? Well, a toxic boy won't be interested in you because it takes all the fun out of his love-life.

And if you try your toxic girl thang on a not-very toxic boy, you'll just end up making his life miserable.

At least knowledge is power.

And the toxic boy can be isolated and rendered less harmful if you let him know that you're onto all his devious little ways. The only problem then is that he suddenlY stops being all the things that attracted you to him in the first place. But at least that way You keep some self respect in all of this. And discover a bit about yourself in the process. @ :,.

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Toxic_boys

we IoVe Trent Lane

You might think Trent is just a harmless slacker crush for our'toon girl-hero, Daria. But let's examine the evidence.

He never commits to anything that interferes with his nap schedule, he made Daria get

her navel pierced by arching one eyebrow and he always shows up when Daria's at her most vulnerable. Yup, he's toxic alright.

Jordan Gatalano

My So-Called Llfe's king of the toxic boys. Jordan was happy to snog Angela's face off in the boiler-room, but holding her hand in school?

Quite another thing. Plus he was really good at acting like he couldn't care less and was always talking about his car, his crappy band and how going out with Angela would do his head in. Hmmm, smells like toxic boy to us.

Dvlan from 'DiarY A CrusF

ilTs (X

When you look up 'toxic' in

the dictionary there should bi a pic of Dylan next to it. Fact.

Leonardo DiGaprio Always hangs with a posse of mates - check. ConstantlY

seen with beautiful girls check. ls our generation's ultimate eye candy and knows it - check. Reputation for getting into trouble check. Sorry, but Leo's a toxic boy all the way through.

Darren Day We've only got Daz on this list so you can take comfort

in knowing not all toxic boys are completely rresistible. i

"lillrsn I went to tfte p{fttcrr to watch the lery flrstmordhlyrlTbelngpdntsd'IiVhenlrras handael the flrgtfiew ihâ‚Źâ‚Źt8' lt iYas so go83v and colourftil - I was so proud!'

J17 BIRTHDAY SPESH

JOIN THE FUN AS BRITAIN'S NUMBER.ONE TRENDSPOITING CETEBRATES IIS SECOND ANNIVERSARY IN SIYLE...

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THE STARS WE'VE SNAPPED (OOH, AND THE FUN wE',VE HAD!)...

trlp to Sydnoy, Australla, to shoot fashlon and beauty plca for tho summer issues last year. I never lmaglnod l'd lloi there and when I dld I felf ltt loYG wlth the plaee! Shame lt'3 so far away or l'd be thsre tomoIrow" "Our

44 )L7

J17 BIRTHDAY SPESH

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6

aby Ben weighed in at Slbs 8oz in January 1998 after 14 hours 0 of labour described by Emma as o E 'absolute hell'. Sean was around, but not for the actual birth.

"Adjusting to being a mum was o very hard at first," admits Emna. !o "But Ben was a really good baby. a He'd sleep most of the time and o only wake for a feed or a nappy o change.

My parents have helped c E

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so much. I don't think I could have coped without them. Mum looks o after Ben when I'm at school, 6 then I take over when I get home.

E She's very strict about thatl" Going back to school six weeks o 2 after Ben was born was daunting c 6 for Emma. Most of her teachers ts have been supportive, but a few older ones have given her funny Io looks. "A couple of my close 0 o friends no longer tal^ Io me. says Emma. "At first they either ignored & me or talked behind my back. o

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Perhaps they didn't think what I did was right, but it was still

hurtful to lose thelr friendship."

Emms has made lots of new friends who accept she can't go out all the time 'cause of Ben. Emma and Sean split up when Ben was six months old. "l don't think it hit him at first that he was a dad," she says. "He'd come round to see Ben, but he didn't really take much notice of him."

Sean still lives next door, but he and Emma no longer speak. "We agreed to stay friends, but things seemed to change. Hrs mum doesn't talk to me now either."

.7

Emma has a new boyfriend who is supportive and great with Ben,

but she admits the past couple of years have been hard. "Things are slowly getting easter now Ben is growing up a bit," she says.

"But I've got no regrets because he is such a wonderful baby."

PROM KIttER METISSA DRBGER WAS 18 WHEN SHE WAS ACCUSED OF I$ttING HER NETIU.BORN BABY AT

trial ended on 29 October, ller I t1998.

Melissa, now 20, faces 15 years in prison after a New Jersey court found her guilty of strangling her baby, cutting the umbilical cord and then leaving the body in a bin.

She was originally charged with

HER HIGH.SCHOOT PROM IN THE US, IIIEN PARIYIilG THE NIG}IT ][TJ"T]:ii::[Tf,:1;5' preaded euirtyto a resser charee AI,UAY. WE FEAIURED llER J17'S N0VEMBER 1997 IS$UE... fiffi'"X'-X':1':;::J:[:T:",

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46 )17

anything, Melissa showed remorse. "l'd like to tell yoi l'm really, truly sorry tor wt;: I've done, OK?" she said.

Hertearful boyfriend Johr

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wept as she was sentencec :: 15 years in the Edna Maho.

Correctional Facility, New .Je-s= only all-women prison. Judg. -: Ricciardi said that Melissa s- a monster, but someone wi-: is entitled to our understanc -:. compassion and prayers.

J17 BIRTHDAY SPESH

T I{OYEMBER T997, AUSOil HOOPER IOU' US AMUT HER Ai,IBTIIOI'I M GET HTR OMI SET OF HI{GS AI{D STEEP Iil A COFFIil. ilOW T7, SHHS m0 IllE yAil,lPlRE VIBE M0nE IHAN El,ER...

tllffnen

I

did the interview,

UUr rix"o Suede. But since I've

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more goth people at college,

= 'eally fallen in love with the - -s c and books. I go to goth : -:s and I'm really into bands like -: lnch Nails and Cradle Of Filth. still a member of the Vampire r:,: ety and last year I was really ous because they all went to =,.. Orleans for Halloween, but - ::st f.1,OO0 which I didn't have. :',entually got my fangs - they ::-.:.f95, but it was worth it :-=-se they look so real. They :.,-e in handy when I was in

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a short film my boyfriend made recently about a vampire. He doesn't mind me nibbling his neck - in fact, he loves it! l'm doing my A-levels at the moment and my best mate is also well into goth stuff. I plan to go to university, but I'm taking a year out first to work in a theatre, My ward robe is completely overflowi ng with black clothes now - Lycra, PVC, lace gloves and I've even got a crushed velvet ballgown. The day I wear a Ben Sherman shirt and Reebok Classics is the day Satan ice-skates to work."

A TEENAGE UAMPIRE''

hen we ran the True Love Waits story, it stirred up so much -::rest from J-17 readers that -:rbership leapt from 8,000 to -: 000. "The reaction was great," :.,_,s Jon Bicknell, who runs TLW, ,',e had hundreds of letters from

::Jers. Most said they felt the

:.:-e

way, but were too scared to anyone and were so relieved ': 'nd out they were not alone." the teenagers we spoke to -:,e stayed true to their pledge ': say no to sex before marriage. .:: e Hayworth, who's now 18, .,s the only girl at her school in --,!'. Only her close friends knew =:cut her pledge - until she =:ceared in J77. "The general -:sction from everyone was, ',',, God, was that you in J17?' ', -en I said yes I got loads of stick - some harmless mickey-taking .-C some more bitchy stuff. But . :,dn't really bother me. At the ofthe day I know what I want ,-J I'm not ashamed to say no."

-:

:

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'MY PARENIS HAVE YAHISIIED WITHOUT A TRACE''

Joe Whitton, now l_8, went through a rocky period a few months ago. "l was doubting my Christian faith and kept asking myself if TLW was that important," he admits. "But then I spoke to a lot of other members and our leader, and now I feel my faith is even stronger than ever."

Joe is now going out with Lucy, who isn't in TLW. She knows how he feels about sex and it hasn't been a problem so far. "l don't know what will happen if things get more serious and we go out for a long time," says Joe. All the people in True Love

lil JUI{E 1998, BRoilm AI{D SEIER A}IH ilIARIE AI{D RODI'Y AIII(E{ MM US H&YIHSR PAREI{Is vAl{lsllED

mfltE qrl sfloPPtl{G,..

ll nn Marie called her mum's llroo,," pnone, and the tast thing her mum said was, "See you later." But her parents never returned and the police weren't able to get any definite leads.

Then, just as J17 went to press last summer, Strathclyde Police stated that two men, aged 27 and 29, had been arrested in connection with Mr and Mrs

Waits have been amazed at

the amount of attention they've attracted since they appeared in J17, "l never realised virgins were such a novelty," says Ed BaddamWhetham, who's now 18. "My girlfriend Charli and I have been on daytime TV and interviewed for national newspapers and women's magazines."

uilEllgl

ts

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Aitken's disappearance.

Since the story was printed, we've been told that Ann Marie and Roddy's parents had in fact been murdered. The two men who were being held are now in prison for their murder.

One was an acquaintance of Mr Aitken's, and it was reported that the murders were drugs+elated. Now, as then, our thoughts and sympathies are with Ann Marie and Roddy

Aitken. @

Jt7 47

TIME

M HND OUT IF YOI

GOT THE KNOWLEDGE...

{ lt's been a celeb-fllled two Iy"rrr. But can you match the celebs io thelr chat? a "l always try and forget Valentine's Day'cause I've only ever had one Valentine's carci in my Iife." (March 1998) b "l'm happy doing what I'm doing and I'm not planning on getting married. Well, not tomorrow anyway!" (July 1998) c "l don't think I'd go out with a six-foot woman 'cause l'd need to stand on a boxl" (June 1998) d "lf girls like us because of the way we look, well, what can we do?" (September 1_998) e "When I was 15 I had a mullet.

At the time I felt cool, but now I look at the photos and cringe."

(November 1997) 1 Rich from Five 2 Mel from All Saints 3 Darren Day

4 Ronan Keating 5 Lee from 911

It t)

Who played BatEIrl ln ftlcf Batman And Robtn? (July 1997)

tne

a Alicia Silverstone

b Drew Barrymore

c Neve Campbell How goon after unprotected rex should you take the emolEloncy mornln(.after plll?

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(January 1999) a Two hours

b 24 hours c Any time up to 72 hours

f

How dld we flnd our cover

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Mla Garvana and Llsa

lrwln? (lanuary 1998) a We spotted them in Sainsbury's b They won our model competition c They're both J17 Editor Ally's daughters

D Which of these effects are

O ltnt"a to the drug ecatasl/?

(November 1998) a Liver problems

,

&

Who eamo top ln our roap boy poll? (November 1997)

h Nervous breakdown

c Panic attacks

a Matthew Marsden (Chris b Des Coleman (Lenny

7 How much do models f welgh compared to

from EastEnders) c Ben Hull (Lewis from Hollyoaks)

a 12% less

from Corrie)

normal (lrls? (March 1999) b The same c 23% less

{llfflWhat ls Scary Spice Mel B's favourlte acent? (August 1997)

a Escape

Q How many countrles O played ln the World Gup

flnals? (Iuly 1998)

a12 b32 c48 Q What does Kat rscommend

rf dolng to glet really klssable llps? (January 1999) a Sucking on a lemon to make them taste nice b Practising snogging with your slobbery spaniel c Giving them a once-over with a toothbrush to get rid of all the annoying flaky bits 4A )77

E$&

by Calvin Klein

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b Polo Sport Woman by Ralph Lauren

c Eau De Wet Nappy by Phoenix

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J17 BIRTHDAY SPESH

slt's Slct te br ths monn€$t I rangl ths wlnner df 06rr Bl$lfl€s'i Loo Fan competttron. She eeuld$'t bGlleys tt, *hr wa* rooo ctlstfiad!"

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VEGETABTES IN BIKINIS

HAIKU HEAVEN

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that special :=1 and worshipped the king We created

MAD FER Y-FRONIS 17 WAYS TO PUtt A MOONY

6 F

--'totty. Long may he reign!

Codename Lifesaver to repeat ','-r So-Called Life a'fher

WHY

.J77 Cot C4

US$

FOR A TAMPON

DOGS THAT SURF

-ckloads of readers wrote

-

PMI KICKS ASS

ATIERNATIVE

DOGS IN GTASSES

to support our campaign.

DOG MAKEOVERS

Ssx education

(0K, THAT'S ENoUGH Doc STUFF ilot/tl...)

Our sex special gave you all the knowledge you need to make

IT].,

the right decisions - and ,we campaigned to.get your 'ibachers to rteit att,

PoP

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pregiiurneles The gossip: pages rvere full of bulging

Spice Girls and spreadin'All Saints.

World Cup France'98 fuelled our footy fever - and it was the first time we saw Michael Owen and our Robls legs.

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Soatb Park Life before Cartman is one big blur.

Hair mascara Dye-ityourself fun!

Poncho$ We laughed when Jl"7's Neil said they were in, but we're

all crying, 'Arriba!' nowl Romeo & lullet Best film ever. it here first.

You saw

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Watching Star Wars - The Phantom Menace, Scream 3 and Jennifer Love Hewitt's new Party Of Five spin-off series. Watch this space for more news! Shakingl our booty at hugle BiSs Iike Backstreet Boys and AII Saints at Wembley. Grooving to the hottest new pop from Next Of Kin, Westlife and 'N Sync - you saw'em here first!

Watching the hottest film talent like Edward Furlongl, Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon. Gettin( into cute ElinElham and floral (ear. Plaiting our hair. Wearing pale pearlised colours under our eyes. Deciding who to snogl on New Year's Eve 1999.

)17 49

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GoNGENTRATION QUIZ

#t

f,F

-dF

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z. lhen z squared is greater than the sum of x and y.

Honest!

-:.:s. are you ever going to need to know alplebra in adult life? : - con't like all that foreign food.

SBr.

,-.'

An

elepha nt.

A donkey.

A ferret.

A goldflsh

Since you were both in nappies. on your first day at school when she wet her pants in the playground '=,', yeafs.

-ce ast week, when she got that new skirt you wanted to borrow.

':

-

:

- lret

All the way. lt wasn't nearly long enough.

'Til the end, but it did drag a little. lf you never hear another toff banging on about Monet. it ll be too soon.

Er, the openin€ credits were good.

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Yes, can't wait for another

question.

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It's alright so far.

Yes, but get on with it.

What quiz?

lm!

alry better than a$oldfislr's?

Ir )our poulensof conenHion ffi otftwith llTraer, quiz..

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^-3i h nr. tlut you

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All day. every day, Most of the trn.re, Only on special occasions, A week on Friday.

now.

: .,

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:.-.

about how

,',:sey was just

...-

--o

glaze over as =- - oned his name.

:: j OU Wefe ' :^o:ised bythat -.

.'creek.

ln the middle of a quiz, you idiot.

What do you nrean?

Where were you?

This is dragging on a bit.

Huh?

Relive the mon.tent over and over again.

Think about it for ten nrinutes and then sw tch your attention to something more important, like halr.

Smile. but then don't even give it another thought.

Where's the remote control?

''Look. another lovely tree."

=n

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"Not another tree!"

"Are we nearly there?

Are we nearly there?'

l{owUm the pagBb see howlouscorcd

"Zzzz." ,i

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)17 57

GoNGENTRATION QUIZ

Misttressofdehil

Congratulationsl You're one of those really annoying girls who don't suffer double history, but soak up every detail. Some people might think its a bitsad to pride yourself on knowingthe name, address and postcode of every single plague victim, but hey - these things can come in handy. lt's great to have the capacity to concentrate, as long as you don't make a llst of fascinating facts and bore all your mates with them

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Yes, you're with us most of the tinre, but if sonrething

One word: concentrate! We'll need to keep this one brief, because it's near the end of the quiz. You probably

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to grab your attention you could be persuaded to let',coff at a tangent. That's no bad thing though. lt's not I - follow a conversation with a luicy popsy, but you do ha'= with less inlportant people. like teachers. Just ren'len't= little nrantra you can shout at your brain when it sta[s : walkies: "Back to the point, back to the point.'

jl J

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mind. Yours is a world where only yellow

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brain

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Deficiency alertl Deficiency alert! Your mind doesn't just wander when you lose interest - it takes a boring

situation's handbag, does a runner and refuses to stop until it can be tempted back with the mental equivalent of a huge bar of chocolate. ls this making any sense? What do you care? You probably gave up reading this half an hour ago

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co '}i slJril, "Jettimd sff to i{ew Vetk ts $t,*e1 doins Eot$ of shsppimd t!?sv* ar-rti iirrd]n:: the t?e$t trainer 3l*op ift tCis ue?i{1"

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DERANGING ROOMS

Need to explain that untidy boudoir to your 'rents? Simple lf you've been Eiet{ing grief for having la refuse tip for a bedroom, now is your

;l -

principles of well-beinEl (yeah, riglht!),

F#r}.-=ri:;it* ; **ewffi ffi Draw a circle - or maybe just a pretend one if you've got mardy 'rents - on the floor. This mystic, magnetic force-field of lurve should keep you all snogged up and happy:

time to answer back. OK, so your parents may thlnk you're a lazy slattern who nevet gets down 'n' dirty with a pair of Marifolds.

But little do they know that the oblects seeminfly randomly placed about your room are actually based upon ancient Ghinese

. ,

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q.f ,-is.,;,.

Being hungry sucks, right? So to ensure you never go too long without sustenance from all five of the major food groups, place these items on your Wall Of Food: Gartman poster - this should be placed ; in th" centre of the wall to guard against running out of potato-based snacks.

Pazza menu - always place on part of the wall nearest to the door. Why? So you can grab the menu, run out ofthe door, grab the phone and order yourself a Hawaiian Stuffed Crust before you expire on the spot.

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iIr

Fizzy-pop sculpture - don't chuck out tho." empty cans of soda, stack 'em bigltime and stack 'em high. Almost like a shrine to the great god of artificial sweeteners, if you will. crystals - instead of scoffing all !l Ghoccv those edible Crimbo tree decs, save them to hang from your Wall Of Food. Not only do they give off an authentic Feng Shui vibe, but you cfln also kcoff thcm down lf yr:u'ro pooklnlr.

Junk-food hieroEllyphics - with a gigantic

golden M, a crude drawing of a chicken, or maybe even a crown-wearing burger on your wall you'll be able to feel the positive energy of junk food flowing through your living space.

Ir***:

'N ltems, erm, bortowed from your crush - - preferably something worn close to the

skin so you can channel his energy in your direction. And smell 'em, and stuff. rl Favourite lippy - it's not just there 'cause

:I f, I

itf"ll outof yourmake-upbag,ohno. lt's

there to maximise your snog potential.

Mints - see above.

SomethinEl heart shaped

-

anytnrng

will do, be it a cushion, sweet or genuine offal. The heart in your snog circle will pump out biorhythms of the tongue-sarnie kind.

F:.&!+: :,- 4,:*${, !#f lf you wanna get your bootie bogling on a Saturday ni€ht, then harmony must reign in this part of your queendom: i [r' Miniature disco ball - hung from the I ceiling, this glittery orb will reflect all the good times you're going to have once you've negotiated thet trlcky 0urf@w tltumllon wlth tho old$,

I

- it's FenElShui, innitif

I I Platform shoes -

buy the most spangly

stack heels you can find in your local -charity shop and use them as the base of a shrine to the twin deities (that's gods to the rest of us) of disco and dancin'. r r, Musiemaking equipment - your stereo r should be placed in the party corner for obvious reasons. And remember, loud music can mask the hideous sound of bad psychic energy and annoying family members.

I kr Feather boa - the feathers are a I potent symbol of the light heart which always goes with a good party. Apparently. r 7 t Glitter - chuck it in a devil-may-care I fashion all over your party corner for optimum stamina when it comes to dancing the night away in higlh heels. r Ll Lots of posters of top tottlt - these r represent the popsies you'll unwittingly snare when you take to the dancefloor of a Saturday evening.

,$;..",.; ' :

:*.":Ii."'.,.

Some people miElhtthinkthis is justa chair with a load of junk shoved on it. But then some people just ain't spiritually evolved: 1 y 3 Gast off clothing - to mask the hard I lin". of the chair which could otherwise send icky negative enerry out into the world. r r/ Homework - it's believed that placing J fini=h"d homework in the Area of lnner Wlrclom oould r$dlcally ltnFlovo your flnril mfirk,

Ioy stolen from a younEler siblin$

I t:. once the object has soaked up a r

-

few ounces of wisdom, give it back to your bratty bro' or stroppy sis' and watch as they become much better behaved and altogether more thoughtful. r 1; Gameboy - those spiritual chakra thingies I will get to work on improving your Ietrrs score while you watch the soaps. Result! r, t Sleeping pet - instead of spending money - on obedience classes, encourage wilful pets to sleep in this section. lt'll work wonders.

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i {i.i:isfr :1€y

Every object in your room is yet another

weapon In life's great spiritual arsenal: I Bed - store negative objects like your crosscountry kit, presents from elderly relatives and several mouldy mugs under the bed where they can't mess with your karma levels. rr, Windows - good sources of liElht and r ventilation, but it might be an idea to keep the curtains shut at all times. All that UV liSht and fresh air could play havoc with the finely balanced ley lines that run through your room. ,4 MaElazines - wedged under the door will - block out negative ions from other parts of the house. They'll also make it difficult for people to enter your room without knocking. tf:' Dead plant - to remind you of the - trt,ru Dattre man conrnues to wa€le 6&lilnbl nsturo, Why, orh? @

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It's comlng up to the Gobaln'e death thle Aprll and I

could.have-been. r*"4'" if.it wasn't-forher. So I took this picture to

hlm. I've alwayr been incPlred by his lndividualitY and because

to

be yourself, whoevet you are.

Please Slve this talented artist

embarrass her and let her know how I feel.

the respect he deserves.

Grts+y, *llddlesex

Please print it so she she deserves.

Kaf} tanes, s'urrey

Elets rvhat

Thanks so much for writing, CrissY. There are loads of Nirvana fans in the J77 office, and it's great that five years after his death, the music and the memory of Kurt live on.

lhe Dlary

Of A Crush Frcnch Kfss book was rYicked! lt's the best book I've read in a long time and ! couldn't Put it down, I'm an art and drama student myself, and the storY was almost identieal to mY own life. I want Sarra to know she's a very talented lass.

Please please please write another Crush book soon I don't know if I can survive very long without one.

Laura, Bath We've had a massive response to the book, and we're glad You liked it, Laura. We'll pass Your appreciation on to 'Crush' scribe The Manning, who is currently in 6 some discomfort what with all o c that arm-twisting we've been ! doing to convince her to write a follow-up. She's red-raw.

Okey-dokey, sailor. We can only

assume this was taken on the first day of her summer beach holiday - she's certainly a little pale. Guffaw.

I've just been to Phi Phi lslands in Thailand where Leo fllmed The Beach. I stayed in the same hotel he was in iust a weekbefore! ImaEline, I may have sat in the same

chair, drunk from the

same Ellass even slept in the same bed as him!

Nina, Argentina We've a similar story. We're big

Natalie lmbruglia fans and were very excited to sit in the same chair, drink from the same glass and sleep in the same bed as her. Until she slapped that injunction on us. Cop-tastic!

"Hayinâ‚Źl my pieture taken with Next Of l{iB

ard asking lhern why ihey wâ‚Źren't at seh6oi"

64 )L7

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to

Billy Worth, who played Nicky Vickery in G4's Boyz Unllmlted,

in front of my friends and boyfriende-who-

thlnk that your maglazine should fsature some klnd of trlbute to OK

I could write Xlckln'bueketl

to

embartass me

flfth annlvercary of l(urt

of Kurt I can see that lt's

Please tell me where

Help! My sister Lucy, who ls 21, always

IEEN SPIRIT

Billy's forgeous and a brilliant actor. I'm

r,

infatuated with

him, so please print a pic.

Hopefully we'll see more of Billy on fV very soon. *uby Fortis, Co. Antrim You can write to the impish Young

pup al Boyz Unlimited, C4, 124 Horseferry Road, London, SW1P 2TX. Here's a Nicky Vickery picker!

I'm lust wrltln$ to say that your'Mockney RhyminEl Slan('on 'Krazy World' is not very accurate, I myself am

i

Cockney and you tet your phrases

{!r

completely rvronEl. You

have the right ldea,

but are uslngl the actual word instead of a rhyme. So 'pen and stink'should be'Pen and ink', 'plates of feet' should be 'plates of meat' and 'apples and stalrs' should be'aPPles and pears'. Sorry to be PickYt but you're iust not riElht!

Sara, erm, Surrey.

Sorry Sara, our old china mate.

Now that you pointed out our mistakes, we shall certainly endeavour to rectify this right two and state.

Hfrtol*fit, *,o

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oun Ro*vs RoAn

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# J

YOUR LETTERS

li i I

i

AT! ro+ne dosh? As part of our biEiEler, better 'Mail bonanza, we want you to inundate us with stuff

J77 - boyfriend of the month, sizzling/ photobooth fiascos, envelope of the month, the bunE[ you a tenner if one of yours is printed!

inarnir see in oâ‚Ź

I

this weird pic by Sarah Ghatfield from Essex.

We were sent

"Atew weeks ago, me and my mates Sarah and Michelle had this photo taken," she wrttes.

"We think it's brilliant and have nicknamed rt'mixed doubles' as it's totally spooky and crazyl" Sarah, you just kill us.

This pic, sent in by Dawn

Metcalf from Co Dwham.

SOUTH PARK

lntellectually stimulating, don't you think?

SNOW

is of her mate Daz Bryant doing his in'personation of Harry Enfield's scouser. But we reckon he looks more like Marilyn Manson on a bad-hair day. Still, it's a grand effort. Have a tenner...

Great fun, but stay away

from the yellow stuff!

STEPS

cheesiest band ever, but we still know all the

The

moves for fra$edy CARRY O'Y FITMS

They're old, but they still know how to kick ass

GLIITER NAIT VARNISH

How do you get it off?

PEDAL PUSHERS

Glam di8klers, cropped

trousels... all I can say is, "Whatever" FIVE

Drop the attitude boys

- it ain't big and it certainly ain't clever LEO

Chuck us a pin so I can deflate his ego Rachel lleap, Walsall

The BieElest,rTT fan, Lancs, sent us this foxy furry festival of fun and frippery and we thought it was fantastic.

I

a

Dylan 'n' Edie

E II

o ct) cE o E

aa

l*l * -F

{et

busted fuice and bust up onse. So, [usiness as usual...

Dylan and I are,

8 April

well, seeint each other. lt took a week in Paris and a lot of maklnEl-up

Now Dylan's my boyfriend, I have to handle his weirdness head-on.

Like, he won't let me go to his house or hold my hand in public, but once he's got me in a dark corner he won't leave me alone.

I mean, he was more affectionate when we were bickering mates.

and breakinEl-up.

But it's kind of

weird now that we're together -

all I can think about is the stuff

I

that miElht tear

I was

us apa*.

April

sitting by the piddly college fountain with Shona when Dylan sauntered over to us.

"God, Edie," Shona muttered when she caught sight of Dylan.

"*%@t otfl" snarled Dylan, not bothering to turn round.

It was lvartyn the photo tutor and I was suspended for the afternoon.

As I was leaving college, Dylan caught up with me. "Soooo, are we going back to yours?" he Purred. "l'm in enough trouble," snapped. "You know my'rents don't trust us to be alone." lt was true. Dylan was banned from my room unless the door was open.

"Oh, c'mon Edie," hesaid, nudging me. "l don't wanna go home and Martyn told me to get out of his sigiht for the rest of the day."

I

..IWHAT THE HELL YOUR W'{II PROBLEM?' I SHOWED. 'S AREN'TYOU TALKING TO ME'"' "You're not planning to go off and snog agaln? You look like You've had collagen lip implants as it is."

"Shhh!" I whispered. "You make me feel like I'm just a snog object."

She arched an eyebrow. "Oh, I'm sorry, I must be confusin6! you with someone else."

Then Dylan was there. "Which hand?" he drawled, putting his arms behind his back.

My heart leapt. Had he bought me a present? "The left?"

"That was the right answer," he said, swinging a key in front of me.

I looked blank. "lt's the key to the darkroom. You coming?"

"Who said romance was dead?"

I heard Shona mutter as I followed Dylan into the art block.

I meant to tell Dylan some stuff, but once we got in the darkroom I forgot. We were wedged up against the enlarger and his lips were causing havoc wherever they went, when suddenly the door opened.

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I L 6 E

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66 )L7

"Well, OK then," I conceded.

"l need to talk to you anyway."

"Sounds ominous," he grunted. to my house in silence. lt was like Dylan had forgotten how to speak to me!

"What the hell is your problem?"

I shouted at him the minute we got in. "Why aren't you talking to me?" "l am!" he protested. "You're the one who's not talking to me."

"You're treating me like a... a... snog object," I said furiously.

Dylan snorted. "Like, you don't treat me that way too."

I shrugged. "Dylan, I don't reallY know anything about you..."

For a moment I didn't think he was going to speak. But then he was pouring out all this stuff about how his dad walked out five years ago, how he wanted to leave home but his mum was really unstable, how she'd pick fights but get hysterical every time he packed his bags. lt was obvious he was really We walked

upset about it'cause once he'd started talking he couldn't stop. "l guess I love her'cause she's my mother," he said finally. "But a large part of me hates her too.''

I didn't know what to say so ljus-. hugged him - and whaddya know'?

Two minutes later we were rolling about on my bed. lt was when we landed on the floor with a thud that Mum came charging up the stairs and banished Dylan from the house. lt was all I could oo to stop her from grounding me.

1A Apfil I needed some girl-to-girl bonding so I went round to Shona's. "so, are you going to have a go at me now for not telling you about Dylan's dysf unctional family?" she asked belligerently.

"No, I wouldn't expect you to betray Dylan's confidence," I saic.

"Sorry," she muttered. "But, you know, sometimes it's hard being stuck in the middle of you two."

By the time I got home, it was really late and the 'rents were fuming. They were waiting for me to get back before going to my gran's for a couple of days, and they said Dylan had rung about five times. I managed to persuac: them that I hadn't seen Dylan all day and they left. Time for some pizza and Family Fortunes.

7O April

(later)

Oh God, Dylan's on his way rounc.

I wasn't going to let him, but whe* he heard that my 'rents were ofi the premises for 48 hours there was no stopping him. He didn't exactly ask if he could stay over

but then it's 1O.3O pm now.

Oh, that's him at the door now--d

I

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.

FOND'N'FANCIED

JI { lf I

A football with loads of highly

polished 5p pieces stuck to it makes a stylish glitterball which will impress any trendy '7os-retro mates.

Expensive maybe, but well worth it.

HuneM Why not try eating some hooa.-. iltavo" .o." hurn, "o.u fruit, couscous or a sandwich. Or some Want to Eet vour ears oierced?

J um woi't tet youz simply attach two highly polished 5p pieces to your earlobes with Blu-tak and wait for the E//e covergirl offers to start rolling in. lf vou love footv but can never g"t to a match, nere's now ro recreate the excitement in your very own front room. lnvite twenty mates round, open your patio doors, stand in the doorway and watch your iittle bro' kicking a ball about in the garden.

Stand behind them and make sure they swear loudly, constantly get in your way, and sporadically drop boiling cups of tea on your feet.

Stitl utilising that highly polished J sp piece, you can make a handy,

Jl,l tf

if rather small, vanity mirror that will

Jltl {f

fit snugly

JI I {f t

lf

in your shoe. This means you can check your slap when out clubbing, but negates the need for a cumbersome clutch bag. Brilliant!

Jtre LookinE for a oen oal? Sam 0nipr"v,1z. pi"tui" editor. woutd love to hear from you. Please write to her at the usual address, and if you don't get a reply immediately, panic not. Just keep writing until you do.

J+7A highly polished 5p piece can oe redeemed for goods to the

lf I

value of 5p in most high-street shops.

Shall we stop this nonsense now?

Do you have any top tips that will make ev6ryone's livgs better? Write to us at the usual addr6ss (seo below),

JIE lf

lhew! Another month zooms by leavinEl us frantically pgraurin! at the memoraes of the Elood times we've had.

Marc's had loads of fun planninE a weekend away in I

Brighton with some of his little pals - we'll bring[ you an update *r his adventures by the coast next month. Rob visited the London l{uarium and was heard to remark that some of the fish had very Lumanoid faces, Then a mate pointed out there were, in fact, pâ‚Źople on the other side of the fish tank - boy did he ever feel silly! \till the lauElhter ever stop? Well, frankly yes, and it probably elready has. Sigih. Anyway, remember people, Iife is just like ralkingl a tiglhtrope - if you don't keep moving, you're headed tur a fall. 'Til next time then,..

(and don'ts) CRIIGY IADIES, YOU'VE REAttY DONE US PROUD! TOADS OF YOU SE}IT IN PICS OF IOI COMPTETE WIH t{EW HAIRDO FOTLOTVING HER APPEARANCE I(OJAI(SIYTE LAST MONTH. WE'VE SORTED OUI IHE WHEAI FROM IHE CHAFF TO BRIIIG YOU THE VERY BEST EFFORTS. IHESE CRAZY SCARE.CU$ Y()U SEE BEFORE YOU WERE DEEMED IHE

0REAM

M

Scam

0t

rHE CRoPS (HA!). rlrANr$ A GO.

EVERYONE WHO HAD

/-

ummer's.just around the corner and you know what that means don't you?

That's right, lawn mowing! As far as 'rents are concerned, once the grass is a millimetre too long the world will end in a flaming ball of molten lava. So when you inevitably have to take to the garden flymo-style, why not give your lawn a cool new look, plaiting a few cholce blades to give lt some hippy-chic. Point out to your mum that a new image from the likes of Nicky Clarke would set you back L25Q, but'cause she's your mum you'll only charge her tLo. Bish bosh, everybody's happy! Thanks to from for that fab scam. Think you could do any better? Write to the address below.

t,r ftvr' i i*.; V| _--.1

ri

@PARVIIIDER

I

SIDIIU, WOIVERITAMPTO'I

"ereating my orvn boy - Dylan in 'Diary of a crush' - who never lets me down, never forElets

to'phone and glves glood snoâ‚Ź|. I'm gonna klll that Edle when I get my hands on her,"

Translation

Face

Usagle "And then I siapped him in the boat face. That'll teach him to put his hands on rne Bristolsl"

NHfi M0NTH -

Um...

Discover your destiny with

llll's psychic agony aunt... or at the weekend. You maY be able to break into their group quite easily. And don't forget the boYs. They're not aliens, even though they might sometimes act like it.

PASSION IN THE POOI

I GAN'T SETTLE AT MY SCHOOL

There are only six firls in mY classn includin$ me, and the rest are boys. The glirls are very friendly to me, but also act as if they don't reallY want to Bet to know me anY better, So I feel teally isolated' but

since it's not affectingl mY schoolwork I'm not allowed to change classes. I'm so depressed. Gan you tell me

if this situation will Cet any better? Thanks Sam' Anon, born 3/6/85 I sympathise with you - being Part of a small minority can't be easY. I sense there's no resentment of you by the other girls, so there's no deep-seated problem. lt's just that they are quite settled in their little group and don't quite realise how lonely you're feeling.

Why don't you invite them round to your house after school one daY

I recently had a dream where the man I fancy (who is several years older than me) was a swimmin$ instructor. He was very serious and shoutin$ at the class. My mate and I took ages to get in the pool and it was icy cold when we did' That's when I woke uP. ! reallY fancy this mann but I know he's anxious about the difference in our ages. Can you see a future for us?

He was born on L6/2/75.

Love-smitten Ca p ti co rn, botn 5/l/8O at 8pm I don't think a five-year age gap is the end of the world.

The real issue here is that, for some reason, he sees you as a pupil and you see this man as an authoritY figure, l ve done a reading on this situation based on both Your birth dates. I have to tell You that I don't believe this guy is actuallY free - in fact, he's in a long-term relationship and may even get married in a couple of Years.

So if I were you, l'd look elsewhere. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the omens for the future of this relationship don't look good.

SUPERMARKETSPOOK Recently I was in Tesco and it was very quiet, As I walked down the aisle, a mistY white figlure passed in front of me' It made me really iumP and when I looked around there was nobody there, What do You think it was? l'm so Puzzled. lH, born 4/8/86 68 )17

Any large public space that You normally associate with crowds is creepy when it's suddenlY emPtY. Supermarkets are no excePtion.

There may be natural explanations for what you saw - we all get a chill as we pass down the aisles holding the frozen goods, and many supermarket staff have white coats - but l'm not so sure" From my rune stones I sense that you did actually have some kind of supernatural encounter.

Nothing alarming - in fact, a rathe benevolent spirit - but still a little startling. lt's clearly had no illeffects on you, so I should just

try to forget about it.

I DREAM OF JAMIE I've recently found mYself having lots of dreams about Jamie Theakston, the totallY EorEleous TV presenter.

Sometimes I'll be kissingl him quite passionatelY, but in one dream I dreamt he was very upset about somethingl and I was comfortin$ him.

What do these dreams mean?

Anon, born 3/7/85 at 6.2oam When you ask what these dreams mean, I guess You want more than 'they mean you fancy Jamie Theakston', but to be honest that's exactly what theY mean.

You are also drawn to his boYish charms - he has that 'little boy lost' look we all glo for. That's wh1' you want to look after him too.

Sorry, but it's as simPle as thatl

HAVE YOU GOT A SPOOlry QUERY? WRTTE TO PSYCHIC SAM ATJ17,

1A9 SHAFTESBUFilT AVENUE, LONDON WC2H 8JG AND INCLUDE THE DATE AND APPROXIMATE

TIMEYOU WERE BORN. SORRY BTITSAM CANTAI\SWER QUESTIONS OVER THE PHONE.

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icture yourself lying under an almond blossom tree munching on a fruit salad and it'll give you an idea of these two new scents, Almond Amour and Spicy Delight i75.95 from Les Belles de Ricci range.

We love 'eml Available from most major department stores.

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There are also some top bags, excellent hair bits and some cool jewels :::: lf you wear contact

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to know that Dollond & Aitchison have launched Contact Lenses By Post. After a consultation and lens

fitting at D&A, you can get your lenses and

solutions dropped off at your door every month.

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Bloomin' marvellousl Take your pick and get'em on your chest...

Sunflower tee rlo from fammy Palm tree tee r25 from Blue Nlle Statue of Liberty tee rElTfrom Pilot Green flower tee 112,99 from H&M Daisy tee 19.99 from Select Skyline tee rlo from C&A

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It's from as little as 89.95 per month so just pop into any branch and ask for more info # Nip to your nearest chemrst and bag yourself a free rosy wrist band sprayed with the new Loving Bouquet

fragrance l79.5Ofrom

Escada (while stocks last). That's what we call a result! .:1 We always want cool stuff and the latest shop to get with it ls

We're i Xl candle I Sl l# I Sl f,3.99 and coloured t S l cushions f,5,99. And qrr Woolworths.

Manchester. They've gc'

mad for their pots f,1.99. blue stone studded piccie frames

some classy gear from peasant girl chic to urban sportswear.

Fantasticl S The new range from Crabtree & Evelyn is called Cooks - we love the Patisserie

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"lit room spray:E3.5O. Woolies (catchy -r'in phrase that!) + lf your bedroom smells Nile are opening like a stinky old sweaty ., new 'shops within shops'. sock, spritz this and it'll You can pay them a visit in smell yummier than a Debenhams in Harrow and sugar doughnut.

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for turfier6 skaterl, and snowboarderi.,.

Timex have launched a rad new timepiece called the Trlathlon watch.

It'll set you back 829.99, but you get smart-looking silver watch with lndislo, light system, alarm system and large i - ooerl Call O!a1326 6900 for ists info * Top label Hooch have some fab new gear out for summer board babes - cool fishtail skirts, tees, drawstring trews and workshirts. Call 0167-273 1274 more info & We've been lucky ,h to have a gander at the Ki[lah .

gearthat'll be hittingthe shgps autumn. It's on a heavy Japanese tip vtith punky tees and bondage trews, stuff and sheepskin denim. more about that later on in the . To check out their summer range

Fancy one of these Slroow Grochet

neck purses by Chunky Dory?

VYell, their head honcho Danni is a glood mate of ours, so rl7 readers Gan tet them for a barglain.tastic :84,95

(including post), while other ma3l readers will have to shelt out f,6.95. Aren't you glad you read the coolest magl in the world?

W{,Diigt's

Scan the shelves at Boots and you might

just find a little secret called Petunia among the other make-up ranges. Thls funky new US brand will make your world

multicoloured. We liked their wicked

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866 7263, or see 'Where lt's At'for the address. Get youl

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There's a bit of maglie involved when you give yourcelf a dramatic nerv haireut. lt glets iou thinkingJdifferently and gives you a confidence boost. We asked Brendan, the Greative Dlrictor of Re$is Hairstylists, to cut, colour and cdmp 1O readers' halr. See for yourself the amazingl results!

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Describe yourself Wacky, insane, outgoing, fun loving What do you do when you're hangiin'? Play piano. go shopping and go to gigs

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World Doscrlbe your.elf Sporty, shy and Wh.t do you do when you,re hangln'? co to

the S/m, and chill with friends Dercrlbe your halr Ftizzy, dty, curly and long Brâ‚Źndan say6 Abda's hair is dry so we put on a moisture treatment to recondition it and added red and copper highlights, We plaited the hair on her crown, pulling it back off her face so we could see her, and left the back loose and curly Abda's verdict lt was weird at first 'cause I've never had it coloured or worn it loose before, but I love it!

lf your hair's dry. taketimc outto f

fr f!'FX conditloner, tt reaily works! fL L

apply a hail mask or leave.in

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What do you do when you're hangln'?

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Spotsn beaded curtains and strapless bras are on the blltzing llst for Kat, J17's style dlva... gct palnful spots on my chln but not anryhere else on my face. l've trled everythlnEl to I

get rid of them. Help! ft Molineaux, $utton Coldfield Babe, you're not on your own.

Me and my posse get'em all the time. But then that doesn't make you feel any better, The science bods reckon we blame our hormones for the It's got nowt to do with or greasy food, but you be allergic to food dairy products so should go and see There's a fab new Laboratoires Garnier Express Patch, which onto the offendinA

f5.99 from Boots until '99. Worth a try,

Sophie, I{crUlamfs What you need is a strapless bra that's slightly padded and underwired to give you some lift and support. And guess what, I know just where to get some!

Look AElain catalogue have a lacy bra (style #11C 3041 whity' black) with detachable straps.

You get a black one and a white one for a tenner. Can't be bad!

Pretty Polly have also launched a smart new range of undies and they've got a strapless bra, in white or peach, for 2O quid and you can bag one at Debenhams.

I

I really want to I can glet a cool

from. ! thlnk they're you help me out, i(ate, Doncastar lf you want to set up boudoir then contact

the beaded curtains you're after for L29.95, as well as loads of other cool'stuff for your room.

They'll send you a catalogue and it's all available by mail order.

But if you're feelin' a bit arty then you could make your own beaded curtain, Kate. Buy loads ! c of different coloured beads in E different sizes, thread them onto t Io some strong string and then o attach the pieces of string onto A a piece of bamboo rod. You can o get all you need from local F g haberdashery shops (check your = localYellow Pages). Have fun!

LOO )77

Wlth cummer comlnEl up l'm gionna bc wearinlt loads of strappy vest tops and boob tubec, Do you know where I can baEl a cheap straplesc bra?

I'm ElolnEl to my school ball soon and I want to woar a dress like Rose wore at the end of Tltanlc. Please could you tell me lf they sell them anyrvhere and for how much. &eo's narrB&er cne fan I don't know about the dress, but

I wear glacces and would really llke a palr wlth yellow-

coloured lenses.

Where can I Elet some from, Kat? Jane, Lanc* I reckon you

should have a gander at the new Edge range of glasses from Dollond & Aitchison.

You can get a spec-tastic pair of frames with bright yellow tinted lenses from around ,39.99. But then you have to have a UV coating put on the lens which costs an extra tenner. This can be done on any glasses so you can wear them without worrying about the sun's harmful rays.

l've been after a palr of DM's for aElo3 and wai wonderlngl where I can got them from. Also do they have a webslte I could check out?

Fretfy Ffy {for

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I know where you can get some

punk), tlerts

cool life jackets! only kidding, chica. Your best bet for a retro '2Os-style ballgown is to try local second-hand shops - you might find some real bargains. Sometimes you can find old wedding dresses and ballgiowns in markets or car-

You didn't say where

boot sales. 'Cause if you go to a designer, it'll cost you a fortune.

But then a sparkly vest top with beaded cardy, flirty skirt and a tiara should set you off nicely. lf all else fails, go to a fancy dress shop (check your local Yellow Pages) and get yourself decked out. Titanic, decked out... geddit?

their customer services department on 01933 653111.

The top goss is that Dr Martens

in Hertfordshire you live, so to find out your nearest

:ffiiff',]|'qb Martens call

are launching a wicked website sometime this month. I haven't got all the details yet but it's gonna rock, with great music and details of products. You can hook up with 'em at www.drmartens.com.

I(ATSOI'TFIIFON M'TY1'' Green tiedyed tee J14.99 frcm a Red Airtex tee ,14.99 from

,1,

Second-hand faded jeans shop i Blue hat from a selectin Frark O Platform flipflops ,:l

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TIIE BEST PIIP

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S]AYIN'IN... GOIN'OUT

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National PetWeek

Check your pet isn't down in the mouth with the People's Dlspensary for Slck

Animals'five

doEI

blscuits of advice...

,l Your pet should have a clear nose, lorigr,i eyes, a smooth glossy coat or feathers, and be a frisky old mucker. {lExercise is important. Dogs love a run, 4cats love their toys and small fellas like hamsters and caged birds like to be let out and handled quite regularly. ,lPets need balanced meals washed Jao*n with a nice bowl of clean water, not stuff that's been out all night and peed in by all the local hedgehogs. /lYour pet needs a clean, warm, dry bed 4}or they'll try and nick yours instead. fA healthy pet is a happy one. Make tlsure yours is properly vaccinated and free of fleas, worms and other li'l nasties.

Top SEs

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this month

8 April Fun Lovin' Criminals at Blackpool Empress

3O April Super Furry Animals

Ballroom

Barrowlands

26 April The Cardigans at

2 May

Wolverhampton Civic Hall

at London

29 April

3 May Beastie Boys

%y@t

at Glasgow

Stereophonics Brixton Academy

Happy Mondays

at Glasgow SECC

at London

8 May Reef at

Brixton Academy

Doncaster Dome

Got spots? Get Acnecide.

It's tough on acne because it clears II IIT

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So ask

your chemist for Acnecide,

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STAYIN' IN.., GOIN'OUT

@trtrootr r nation's mums mourn fl this month as Dr Ross fll"ru". chicago county

General and our screens.

Ross gets the sack after bucking against the system one too many times and disappears into the sunset leaving a grieving Hathaway behind. But word is that ER's bosses have made it possible for him to return and he's planning a few visits to Chicago County in the next series, apparently.

So, George, you may be a bit old, you may be a bit grey, but we'll be standing

CWOffiNffiY

ffilruNffiD

by with the smelling salts for our poor old mothers.

See SkyOne 8 and 15 April.

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rmagine a cadbury's Dalry Mllk Elooey deesert wlth llttle, scrummy morsels of Grunchle on the slde.

That would be a Cadbury's Crunchie Twinpot, that wouldt and it's bllmmln' lovely.

A snlp at 61p from all Elood

supermarkets.

Vlc and Bob get blzarre dhallenges for familles

idohas llmbo dancing rw.hJle

Friel, Richard E. Grant

urDiEtrXictiT r, ' "i,rli,,l ,' ll ',1,r' ,

MtAllll 7

It's a galloping set during the

romance

Music-makihgrnornmaE,,

Muslcal turn6 from gals plu8 a full 'fight' between

play 7

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fire ooa liio nere

Your socks wlll laugh

tiemselves off iou watoh.

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Napoleonic

Wars. Jacques, the hero, falls for Flora, Anna Frlel.

New British actors pop group S Club

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and Miranda Richardson

Ati Saints, LBuryn Hlli, Maoonna, MaryJ. Blige afld Sheryl Crow.

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the Who need6 boy bands? blown Courteney Ii coxandJeflnlfer,Ani$ton,, ,."

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Jean l\4arc Barr is what the French call '/e tony'

10 April, BBC 1 (ct press for more det

EEEE

9,30prn; Monday l

There's nothlng llke a tasty alien to tiokle a Eirl's fancy.

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this, hats.

The band are hard up and Why not? There's always lf there's no totty in stuck on the Florida coast, a bit of mileage in a band- we'll eat our sun

5.10pm, Thursday April, BBC 1

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, , $*qp$*Mmafu* Jitl is still critica!ly ill" Ginargoes to see her but can't forgive heri,oarol fancles Luke I I butsenses something has happened with,Ruth; Ruth has a girlsr night out and Mandy admits shefs,got a qrush:on, Finn. Mr Benson praises Claire for helping Lucy.

Show off your favourite boy!

EastEnders lan gets heavy with Mel on a first

Plus:

date, Eioes:horne to gethis forgottâ‚Źnlwallel tndr finds Martin Fowler stealing his dosh. The di Mbreoses trrr to make $ule Rosa doesnrt go out with Jeff, simon's out of hospital. o o Matthew still hasn't dot his tape back.

,,'r

Family Aff-ains

Daverbeoorrne$ ah.i

,n*uspe.titng pom peddler, whil6 babb,

I

is considering a career as a'profes-sio,qel' escort' , Cllve, Dectan and Roy break intoP,ete'$ flat and Gabby reaps the benefits. Clive ,n becomes more and more depresseO. ;6-----.. .

t

A,nd Away is off our screens for a,few weeks 'causeiwe're catchlng up too fast wlth the Australian sehedules.

Home And Away Home

Van Der Beek

talks to you - only in Big!

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*J17's version of the freakiest alien/horrorlschool flick out this month...

fake us to your leader 01 you're toast

one minute top poP star Usher, the next I'm a bit player ln a horlor fllck

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E 6 6

I'm not scaled or anything, but I hope there aren't anY aliens hlding ln here

p E .9

all the teachers from Uranus? And enou$h already with the Clum faces. We'll see you in the third row f,rom the back!

Gan Zeke Eiet any more giorgieous? Are

1

fhey're always ban6ind

on about the solar sYstem.

2 You often find Yourself

driftin$ off in their lessons.

Boredom or the MothershiP abducting! you? Your eall..'

3 lnability to communicate

in plain Engllish.

LLE JL7

4 Baaaaaad dress sense.

5 The strangle odour emanating! from their bodles.

6 Failure to feel the cold on a wintry day in doqble l{etball7 fotat lack of humour exeePt at their own very unfunnY a{*empts at comedY.

I

Ability to eat school dinners

without dry heavlng.

9 Staff-room door is alwaYs

closed. What the hell are they doincl in there?

1O They don't have bel]Y buttons. Not that You'd know.

Just take tt from us, theY don't,

S]AYIN' IN... GOTN' OI'T

RETURN IO PARADISE (15)

fiudmmb,,,,

Starll4l Vince VarEhn, Joquin Phoenix and Anne Heche A highly charged thriller about three pals chilling out in Thailand. Two of them go back to the US, while one stays behind. Years later, the two back home find out the other one's got the death penalty for drug possession, but they could save his life if they return to Thailand and do time in a pikey jail. This causes J17 office heart-throb Vince Vaughn much soulsearching as Joaquin languishes in chokey.

What would you do?

On screen 16'April

ESIEE

Startlng Minnie Driver, Cate Blanchett, Jullan Moore and Rupert Everett Set in Victorian England and based on the Oscar Wilde play, An ldeal Husband is the story of rich folk who are married, or looking to get married, or trying to doublecross each other about beingi married. Your English teacher will probably love this flick, but it made us fidget after a few minutes.

Onscreen

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Therc's Somethfi4f Afrplut Mary Goodie BagF! 177 and 2Oth Gentury Fox have teamed up to bring you this fantastic competition... lhete's Somethin$ Ahout Mary,staningl Cameron Diaz, Matt Dillon and Ben Stiller, was one of the blglglest flicks of last year.

-And nowonder. ltwasfttnny, roma:rticand comptetetyslckThat's | *hy we made it Video Of fhe Morth last ish and that's why we're bringfing I |ou this fantastie comp. Tlrerc arc 15 Thereb Som effitng AbttaMary $oodle bagB up lor Clrabs. Each bag contalns a Tchirt, the CD soundtrack and, best of all, the actual

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Ctrirt and record breakln' Brltney Spears tells us about her five favourite femmes... and knows exactly what she wants, and goes and gets it.

,'irHER MUM, LYNN My mother has suPPorted me 1O0%, even moving mY familY to New York so I could attend a performing arts school. As a teacher she also made sure I kept up with school work and if ever I'm feeling down, she never fails to cheer me uP.

{:FELICIA CULOTTA Felicia is my personal assistant and without her mY life would be manic! She's really orgianised and whenever there's a crisis, she'll sort everything out. She's a lovely person and we have some great times together.

:iiMADONNA She had a rough childhood but worked reallY hard to fulfil her dream to make something of herself. Every record she releases becomes a hit.

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*WHITNEY HOUSTON When I was little I always sang her songs around the house.

She's got the best voice ever and she's just a fantastic woman. Oh and her name rhYmes with BritneY!

gftSHANIA TWAIN I really like the waY that she is a strong woman and that comes across in her music.

She's young but level-headed

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The were

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joking!

lrish band Cranberries absolutely rnassive a

Aftel taking two years offta getwed T'Berries return with their'most fully realisqd album to date,' so they say.

There's something to suit every mooo. furious guitar workouts to sad pop, the Cranberries have got it covered.

Alex, Andy and three other lads who just wanna rock.

This is the second album from the 'Cane and features already-released

It's a great album full of good old-fashioned rock 'n' roll, and perfect if You like playing air guitar.

AIex does it for us every time.

few year3 ago. Now Dolores and the boys are back.

singles such as Ihe

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Shelby is a l$Yearcld singerlsongwriter, but she ain't no Billie.

More like a non-sucky Alani$ Morissette.l

This is her debut album and those who know about these things reckon sheir gonna be huge,

Full of angsty songs about toxic boys and other teen traumas. But aould we ever sound thi5 â‚Źiood?

Could we heckl

Shelby's a finelooking girl but we'd be more interested if she had a hot elder bro'.

Good-looking ex-soaP star with a record contract.

Gosh. what a surPrise.

Matt's hoping to hit paydirt with this sort of swins/sort of slushy collection of saPPY songs.

See above. Best thing about Say Who is the OTT thank-you section. Sorry Matt, but nobody knows that many people,

Matt is a spunky lad but this album still sucks.

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STAYTN'TN... GOING OUT

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The skinny blokes in black are back with a stompin', sneery colossus of a song.

And by God it's {ood.

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It might be mum rock 'n' roll, but we like it.

BIACISMEEf WITH ,AIIET GmmEilD/BoYtRtB{D 'AS60}I Janet's also guesting on a Busta Rhymes cut this month, but we

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lf you like Steps then you should check out ABBA, the '7Os Swedish supergroup who taught 'em everything they know.

ABBA, or Agnetha, Benny, Bjorn and Annifrid as they were known to '7Os teens, were the biggest group in the world and responsible for some all-time pop classics like Waterloo (remember the karaoke competition in Muriel's WeddinS), Dancing Queen and Super Trouper. lt's 25 years since they won the Eurovision Song Contest and there are all manner of celebratory things going on including Mamma Mia, a musical based on ABBA songs, and the release of a special boxed set. They don't make 'em like that anymore.

totally love the smoochy grooves goin' down on this :sexy little number.

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bebut singe from the Boyzone-influenced bunch of wid+eyed pop puppies. Are they going to be huge? We'd put money on it.

MOilrcA rtsloE One ofJ17's fave pop girls dims the lights and get down with her boy-induced pain.

'fryinâ‚Źl to get Louise into a pair of Miss

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About four years ago, TLC were the biggest girl band in the world. With songs like Waterfalls and the huge-selling album, Crazy, Sexy, Cool, Tionne, Chilli and Lisa paved the way for the likes of All Saints, Brandy, Monica and The Spice Girls.

They're back with a new album, Fanmail, and they're still kicking some serious ass. This is going to be one of the albums of '99, so check out their chillin' hip-hop grooves.

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1t's National Video Week from 19.25 April and to celebrate one of our favourite chiltin' occupations, !I the boffins at Blockbuster - after months of serious research - have come up with this cheeky little gluide. It'll help you suss out the personatity of that dreamboat in your loca! Blockbuster and tet you know whether that vid clutched in your sweaty paw will make him want to share your popcorn.

TottyBpe Whafs he Eke? Mad, bad and dangerous to know. He dresses to kill and likes to flash his cash.

Whatsection will he bc aoitedngin?

Horror, thriller, science-f iction.

His kloal fli.Jr ctrir* Someone who won't hide behind the sofa when the action gets too much.

Musthave rcntatrs Scream and Scream 2, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Armageddon and Reservoir Dogs.

ToryUp6 YVhds he like? A laugh-a-minute lad who's into showing his feminine side. tthatsecffon will he be loiterirglin?

Adventure, off-beat comedy, thriller.

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Hls ideal

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Someone who thinks he's just as funny as, erm, Jim Carrey.

Must{pre rcrtals T h e Tr u m a n Show, There's Something About Mary and Lethal Weapon 4.

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Iottytype Whds he like? He's the lad

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who seems to be dead quiet and shy. but beneath his serious exterior he's smart, witty and a hopeless romantic. fflhatseciion wi[ he be loitering in?

Romance, romantic comedy.

Hii klâ&#x201A;Źl ffcr( chk{< Someone who'l hold his hand and provide a tissue when the going gets a bit too much.

Musilftarc rentats Pretty Woman, The Horse Whisperer and Out Of Sight.

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Whafs he tike? Loves his ma and his little sibs and wants a girl who he can take home to spend some downtime with the folks.

Urlrat sedion wi[ he be loitering in?

Romantic comedy, family films, Disney, drama. ideal ffck cft ftJr Someone who will sing along with him to the songs in The Jungle Book.

Iylust{ave rcntak The Lion King, Antz, Small So/dlers and anything at all by Disney.

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But before you rush off to Blockbuster in your best pulling gear, take some time out to enter our competition. We've got 10 free video rental cards to give away.

And these babies are valid for a whole yearl Just call 0894 103186 or write in to the JLTBlockbuster competition (see p123 for details).

Are we good to you or what?

BOOKS ARE SOOOO IAST YEAR. WEVE SEEN THE FUTURE AND IT'S FAN FICflON...

Fan flctlon is one of the blgfiest c]azes on the Net. Around the world, thousands of entertalnment iunkles are fed up waitinEi for another series of Dawsonb Creek ot Frlends or South Park, and have started wrltlnd episodes that they'd llke to see. fhis is extremely cool.

'Gause lf you thlnk about it, watchlngl the box ls a passive

thinf. OK, we mifht love dolnf It, but we don't glet to be involved ln any of the decision.makinJ. !f we were, Dawson ryould never haye

locked lips with Jen, Kenny wouldn't get killed and MySoGalled Lr-fe would still be on alr. Fan flction lets us, the Yiewers, do somethlngl creatlve wlth our Iove of telly and take control of what we watch.

Next issue we'il be bringing you a fantastic fan-fiction comp. But until then, check out our favourite fan fiction sites and get your creative juices flowing...

Surflnf for fan flctton

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Sccalled Life Fan Fiction website

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No treehuEging hippies in sight...

There's toadsa South park fan fiction websites

found at

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atudlo/2O3O Daria fan fiction? Hooray, I'm so excited...

The Daria Fan Fiction website at Iw.I|oocltc

Gm AolGddo*lrylatudlo/lr,4A

3!rteh, .lmplilct-@m/dailVf.D_ltcdon.html outpost Daria Fan Fiction website at

Where kids get sexualised way too young...

Dawson,s Creek Fanfic website at

mcmbeBaol, @tryc.lt$/t

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STAYIN' IN... GOIN'OUT

@Btr@trtr iH? ".#e&bffib RUGRAIS"SEARCH

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Anothet quost - this tlme you're searchlnd for an old man who mlElht bo youl father, teacher or frlend.

The RuEIrat3 aro her6! You can choose to play a3 Tommy,

chuckl6, Phll or Lll, ths ovll AnElollca or ovon Roptar. Atl tho gamo lovels ar6 from cartoon oplsodca llks Flnd Grandpa'3 foeth and lncld6nt In Al.16 7 - whlch, strangely,

fhoro's also an elf.human that you can ronamo Robblo Wllllamc lf you roally want (lust typo lt ln), fhe game's d€ad Elood but wlll take most of your coclal tlme and then you may havo to gllve up school as well. Oh, and ths hcro's qulte flt blond and w.ll-built, yay!

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lnvolve, er, flndlnEl Grandpa'g

teeth and causlng havoc ln a supermarket. It's Elroat fol about an hour, but then the

iarky movements make you feel a bft sick (we did anyway). e34,99

@mtrremrcrerc8 Payphones arurund the wodd! www.sorabj i.c!m/livewhe/payphonog A website about payphones might not sound thrilllng - but, trust us, it is. This site has payphone numbers from around the world, so you can calL 'em up and mess wlth someone's mind in a

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www.harflsfurdanosoom Remember the dancing baby from Ally McBeal? That started off as a web craze and this year it's the turn ofthe dancing hamsters. Watch those crazy critters get on down and boogie and... er, that's it actually.

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you kill? www.whowouldyoukill.com

Completely top site whlch asks its visitors which characters they'd like to kill in popular US telly shows such as Dawson's Creek, Ally McBeal and the like. Not only do you get to vote on who you'd like stiffed, you can also tell 'em how your ce luloid nemesis should meet their maker. oh yeah, and

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The Unofficlal

Gameboy

Te{rits Home PaEIe synorEy,d6lgrr.u cla,edu/ Eallory /

kobashih/totris

A must-see site for Tetris addicts. TUGTHP addresses your every Tetris need. You'lL nod your head ln agreement that someone else recognises such bad Tetris tactics as the Tower Of Babe , the Double Alley

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when Wufindyoutsellf...

Speaking in Cockney rhymin6i slang all day. Cor blimey, tnose apples 'n' pears in me 'rents' gaff leave me cream-crackered. And i can't get near the dog'n' bone as me ol' lady likes a good ol' yarn..."

Findinâ&#x201A;Ź yourself strangely attracted to Gunther from Central Perk in Frlends.

Changing your name by deed poll to Anne Robinson then winking, twitching your mouth and moaning a lot when anybody asks you for some advice.

Being addicted lo Family Fortunes. We asked LOO .J17 readers what they thouSht of the show - all 100 agreed it sucks.

Shimmying down the high street carrying your portable CD player on your shoulder with Steps playing at fuil volume.

Going off choccy. It's not

natural, that.

Soiving complex matlrs problems for f un.

Building an underground bunker in your back garden and stocking it full of tins of beans in preparatlon for Armageddon on Ja December 1vv9.

Believing you're the sixth member of Five and looking like you're trying to shake a chip from your shoulder as you practise jerky arnr movements.

Wearing a bright orange

hooded parka, mumi:ling obscenities and dodging traffic.

Sacrificing your Saturday morning lie-in to laugh at Mr Blobby's hilaflous shenanigans.

Asking the hairdresser for a 'Zoe Ball'.

ln a tattoo padour enioyinEl the pain of havir4la Iife+rize Leo'n'lkte fitanic pose etched on yow back

Convincing your rnates that'1"{um Fashion' will be big for the summer and staging a fashion parade to showcase your new gold sequinned handbags and Pat Butcher earrings Refusing to eat anlthing unless you know it's been genetically nrodified.

Dressing up fronr head to toe in fake fur in the hope that Chewbacca from Star Wars will find you attractive.

Forgetting lo buy J17 on the da) it comes out. Are you insane?l @