Feminist Entrepreneurs Magazine 15

WELCOME.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, at least in my neck of the woods. Here in the Nothern hemisphere the days are almost at their shortest and as I walk my dog in the evening more and more windows are decorated with fairy lights, to keep the dark at bay. I quite like evenings like this. Where I get to put on ALL my knitwear and walk around the quiet streets (although there are increasingly frequent fireworks going off, poor doggie). I often record voice notes to my friends, telling them about my day and all the amazing things I am grateful for. It’s an introspective time of year. We get to reflect on our achievements, the memories we cherish, the gratitude we feel and the progress we made on our life journey. We also get to look ahead and create a vision for the 12 months to come. Yeah, daydreams galore! Enjoy this final 2022 edition of FEM. It’s full of information to help you navigate the holidays (they can be a little tricky sometimes) and get 2023 off to a great start! We’ve even included some beautiful Christmas gifts! Have fun with this latest FEM edition!

Mags Thomson Editor In Chief

Photo by Evamaria Kulovits

Surviving Heartbreak Over the Holidays

The Holiday Season is here, and it has a way of bringing out the best in most people.  The lights and trees go up, the parties begin, sales are everywhere, and you can’t turn on the television without seeing a Christmas movie or holiday-related commercial. Celebrations are in the air, and the anticipation that people have is growing.

Unfortunately, for those who are experiencing heartbreak, it’s a very different time.

By LaNise Thrasher

Imagine this, everyone around you is preparing for the party, experiencing the joy of the season. You are not feeling it because you are torn between completely isolating or forcing yourself to interact. Both scenarios can have dire consequences that could last a very long time.

Heartache comes in several variations. It is most commonly thought to come from the end of a romantic relationship but can also be from the loss of a loved one (including pets), job loss/job unhappiness or even sickness. Regardless of the heartache, the results are often very similar or the same.

While you are experiencing heartbreak, feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and isolation are just a few

of the many distractions being felt, and any one of those can lead to you taking life-changing or fatal action.

The feeling of emptiness can lead to sulking and a loss of energy and motivation.

While all your friends and family are making joyful plans to enjoy the time, you’re just going through the motions, and quite frankly not having fun at all.  All you can seem to be thinking about is “What Happened?” while the stress is increasingly clouding your already overwhelmed mind.  Depression can creep in during these times that could require medical or psychological attention.  One of the major ways you may try to handle this situation is to be alone and work through your thoughts.  Again, this can have a negative outcome!

Despite the type of heartbreak you are experiencing, it will impact how you feel and what you do during this Holiday Season. Your emotions may be up and down, and you may just want to just sit on the couch or just stay in bed and commiserate.

The good news is that you don’t have to do that. You can get up and get going again, and as a matter of fact, you deserve to get going again, to be present, and to enjoy your life! One thing to remember, the holiday season lasts for only a short time, however, the heartbreak could last for much longer if it’s not addressed. I know it may feel terrifying to do it alone. So, let’s work together to shift the way you are feeling this Holiday Season.

I need you to stop asking, “How can I possibly enjoy the season with all this heartache?”.

I have a few things to share with you that will help you not only overcome the heartbreak but also help you get back to your life and enjoy the freedom that you desire.

#1. End the pity party immediately

You are experiencing one of the most unpleasant events of your life, but the pity party will not change your situation. Actually, it is one of the worst things that you can do. It will keep you stuck in your pain instead of moving forward to a positive future.

While grief can rear its ugly head during this time and may have you confined to your couch, you must not beat yourself up. When you are experiencing this, take a deep breath and redirect the thoughts that are floating in your mind so you can press forward.

#2. Enjoy your loved ones

You were not meant to be alone. You were meant to be surrounded by your village. Your village can be family, friends or even coworkers who became family. Whoever those people are, reach out to them this holiday season and stay close to them. You would be surprised how much healing you can receive by spending time with people who feel like sunshine.

#3. Say NO to activities that make you relive your past

When you are planning events for the holiday season, it is easy to retreat to the previous experiences that were special to you. In order for you to heal, you must remove yourself from those experiences. Despite what everyone says, NO is a complete sentence! You have the right to say NO to painful memories. Remember you must protect your heart every single day. As you say NO to events, keep your word and do not backtrack.

#4. Create new holiday traditions

This new season is about YOU! Create new memories that you actually enjoy and that highlight who you are becoming!

Ask yourself two very important questions: What do you like to do? What new activity are you willing to try during this season?

Create a list of all items and start checking things off your list. Now is YOUR time to enjoy this season!

Join LaNise as she teaches you how to Survive and Thrive this Holiday Season! Click here to join her course.

THE ARCHAEOLOGY & ARCHITECTURE OF CREATING CHANGE

Many of us want to change or improve aspects of our lives - whether it’s creating healthy habits, managing our work routine, how we show up in our relationships, or any number of things. But for some of us, it feels like we’re fighting an uphill battle, or there’s some saboteur destroying our efforts.

These feelings are often compounded by misconceptions about how our brains and emotions work, and what really creates and supports change.

By Deirdre Morrison

Information Supports Change and Healing

The scientist Jill Bolte Taylor, author of ‘My Stroke of Insight’, talks about the experience of having a devastating stroke, her long road to recovery, and the advantage that her neuroscience knowledge gave her. She described it as giving her a ‘road map’ so that she could understand what her brain needed to recover.

I’ve actually seen how having relevant information about our brains can completely change a situation from one of fear and confusion to one where we understand the process, and let go of our anxieties about it. My gran, bless her, is about to turn 94. She’s had little mini-strokes, or TIAs as they’re known, for a few years now. For context, she’s still a very sharp, independent lady, and lives on her own. However, after this particular turn, she started seeing and hearing things, which

ARCHAEOLOGY OF CHANGE

really worried her, because she thought that she was losing her faculties, and would have to go into residential care.

When I explained that the brain sometimes takes a little time to do some repairs after an event like this and that the things she was seeing (flowers everywhere!), were a common phenomenon in this situation called Charles Bonnet Syndrome, she was incredibly relieved. Basically, a little bit of the visual apparatus had been damaged, and the brain recognised that there were gaps in the visual field, so it ‘coloured them in’. Fun fact, right?

“So, it’ll get better?” she asked me, and it was my incredible pleasure to tell her it would. It was wonderful to be able to help her understand what was going on, just by giving her that little bit of information about her brain. She wasn’t going crazy, she wasn’t losing her marbles. Her brain was doing the best it could while ‘reorganising the furniture.’

As with these examples, relevant information is key to successfully navigating change. This is why I advocate so strongly for more widely available access to practical, up-to-date brain-based tools and information.

A New Hope That Was Always There

Change, for example, is possible because of a feature of our brains that we call neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the technical term for how our brains learn and adapt and change. It has been described as ‘a six-syllable word for hope.’

Neuroplasticity is quite magical when you think about it. But it’s actually a double-edged sword. It is not in any way tilted toward ‘positive’ learning, as anyone who has tried to switch out an unhelpful habit for a more productive one will tell you.

Neuroplasticity is something that’s been happening your whole life. Your brain has worked hard to put in place all of the neural pathways that

you think of as skills or habits, or even ways of reacting to certain things. It’s done this through a mixture of analysis and repetition. Some of the pathways it’s created may have been useful or necessary in some way when you learned them, but that may no longer be the case.

We need to think about change in a number of ways. I like to use the metaphors of archaeology and architecture to help people understand the bigger picture of what needs to happen in our brains before we can successfully bring about change.

Dig Deep Before You Build

When people arrive at a stage where they want to do something a different way, change something about their lives, create a new habit, or learn a new skill, it seems logical to go straight to the architecture. “Let’s just start doing this new thing, or start doing this thing a new way,” they’ll think. They want to dive straight in there and fire up the old neuroplasticity/motivation/willpower combo, and change the world - or at least their world - in some way.

But if you’re not taking into account your brain’s existing ‘archaeology’ - all the things you do, think, and believe at such a deep level that you don’t even recognise them as actions, thoughts, or beliefs anymore, then you’re most likely going to derail your efforts.

If you want to see an example of this in action, try the toothbrush challenge. You’ve been brushing your teeth with your dominant hand multiple times, every day, for literally decades…. So, how easy would it be to switch and use your nondominant hand? Try it out. Notice how awkward it is. In the course of a week, notice how many times you just forget to do it.

If something this simple can be so challenging to change, then we need to recognise that creating more complex change can require new

information, tools, and support. In addition, we need to ask ourselves, if we’ve taken, let’s say two decades, to build our current habit or way of doing something, that means we’ve been repeating these actions strengthening these networks in our brain for that long. Why do we think that we should be able to overwrite the neural pathways that support that habit in two weeks or even two months?

Expecting to reverse or erase these pathways quickly can sometimes lead to frustration or disappointment. And we never truly erase the pathways - we just build new pathways and strengthen them to the stage where they are an easier choice for our brain to make.

And this is why the archaeology is important. Archaeology is how we discover structures that were put in place at some point in the past and are still there in some way. We look at what’s connected to existing behaviours and determine whether that’s going to help support change or get in the way. The comparison with archaeology and architecture helps us to remember the various aspects of creating change and that in turn helps us to remember that we’re working to create changes that we want to see - changes that will help us be more effective and aware, and ultimately able to make better choices and decisions.

COMING MARCH 2023

If you want to learn more about your own architecture and archaeology, and use neuroscience to inform how you take your personal development forward, visit NeuroCreative Studio where you can find information on Deirdre’s 4-week ‘blended learning’ virtual programme with 1-1 coaching at https://neurocreative.studio/creatingchange

THREE TIPS TO TAKE YOUR SALES PAGE FROM FLAMING MESS TO FINE-DINING DISH

Do you know what truly really MAKES the Maccie D fries, KFC chicken or Coca-Cola? It is the secret recipes; the special sauce, the spice blend or the proprietary blend.The same is true for your business. What makes you irresistible to your clients, is your secret ingredient, the ultimate taste-maker, the special sauce you add to every single thing you do... YOU!

By Sandra ten Hoope

There may be other people offering similar services to you, but there is only one you! Only one person with your exact skills, insights and experiences. That means that what sets you apart may not necessarily be your offer, it is you! You are the spice blend that sets you apart from others in your field. So, how do you make sure that YOU show up in your sales copy.

The Benefits Behind the Benefits

Have you ever thought about what your client is REALLY getting out of working with you?

Are they gaining more time? Great! But what does that mean? Time is an elusive concept. Does it mean more time to spend with their kids? More time to work IN their business instead of ON their business? Now that speaks to the imagination.

Are they becoming fitter? Again, that doesn’t really mean anything. What does fitness get them? More energy to play with their dog? More fun when going for a hike with friends? That paints a picture!

When speaking to your future clients about the things they will gain from working with you, ask yourself:

What does that mean in tangible effects; AND what will the ripple effect be in their life and that of their loved ones?

Because isn’t what we really want for our loved ones to be happier? For our life to be easier and full of quality time with those that we’re closest to?

Be Upfront About Your Prices

Nobody likes a surprise charge or an unexpected bill, I am sure you agree.

Restaurants list the prices of their dishes, so we can have an educated guess as to what the bill will be AND if we even can afford the food. Will we have a starter? Are we ordering a glass or a bottle? Will we sit down or move along to the local chippie?

Nothing is more frustrating than getting excited about a service or product and then realising we cannot afford it. That’s why people often stop browsing your website when they cannot figure out your price point. The assumption is usually that you’ll be too expensive for them.

To avoid the feeling of disappointment, they’ll move on before they become too excited about working with you.

So, make it clear what the cost is going to be early on!

Don’t Overcomplicate Your Offers

Variety may be the spice of life, but on a sales page it can easily spill over into overwhelm. Imagine being in a restaurant and not being able to understand if it’s Italian, Chinese or Mexican you’ll be served. Or when you get a menu with 21 starters and equally as many mains, deserts and sides! It’s too much to even contemplate!

The same is true for your sales page. Too many options, add-ons or exceptions make things overwhelming and will send your potential clients running!

How is your business’ menu? Is it clear to your prospects what their choices are? Or could there be a case of too many options? Should some of the products become bump offers or upsells that are only available to existing clients?

Your sales page doesn’t have to be a fusion-style degustation menu that includes wine pairings. Keep it simple, and straightforward and focus on your chef’s special!

READY STEADY SELL!

Sandra ten Hoope, Certified Master Persuader and Sales Page Consultant, and Mags Thomson, Repurposing Specialist and Content Strategistare teaming up to bring you Ready Steady Sell!

Are you working on a new business, a product launch or looking to revamp your offering? Do you need an extra pair of eyes, input on your branding, marketing or sales copy or a solid brainstorm about the foundations of your offer?

In that case, Ready Steady Sell is for you!

Sandra and Mags both have a very practical approach to online business. Between the two of them they have years of experience supporting entrepreneurs with everything from branding, messaging, USPs, offers, pricing, audience building, sales pages and social media marketing. They are here to help you set up the foundational pieces of your offer so you can share it with the world. Ready Steady Sell gives you practical inspiration to take you from Brain Dump to Jump Start!

Take advantage of the introductory offer by booking before the end of the year and get 2023 to a stellar sell-out start!

LUCK DOESN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT

My father had been kicked out of our home because he found himself a little new little hot thing on the side. My mother was an immigrant, she didn’t speak the language, didn’t have a job, was absolutely set on being a stay-at-home mom, she didn’t drive. She was not very independent. So, for her to have the courage to say, ‘if you don’t want to treat me right you don’t get to live here,’ is unbelievable. But my father would come in the middle of the night, and eat all our food. Like a barbarian, he’d leave food everywhere and leave the fridge door open ruining all the food in there. So when we’d wake up the house would be a mess. Yet, my mom never complained, never said a bad thing about him.

Then, when I was almost seven years old, my father murdered my mother in front of me. A conversation with Iman Gatti Thankfully he is a terrible criminal, and he was caught immediately. For the year it took them to convict him, my father still had custody of me. He put me with a family that was very religious. He was a lovely man, actually, but his wife was not so keen on having me, and she was very cruel. As soon as I got in the door, they took away all my mother’s things. I had pictures of her and a small bit of money. I had to sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor, in the front room, right by the front door. As a seven-year-old who had just witnessed a murder, it was absolutely terrifying. I felt very vulnerable, very afraid. I was a child, and I still had this fear that my father would come in and hurt me. I didn’t understand how prison worked. I remember as I was laying there thinking, ‘this isn’t good. I don’t have a good life, and I don’t understand why.’

Then, I was placed in other homes that were worse. It just kept getting worse. I thought, ‘if anyone could pick a hand, they certainly wouldn’t pick mine.’

Now, I’m 41, I have my own business, have a beautiful home, a beautiful family, I’m a mom... Okay, I obviously have a wacky sense of humour, because of my experiences. Because, quite frankly if you’re not gonna laugh, you’re not gonna get very far. People sometimes see my life now and comment, ‘Oh, you’re so lucky.’ But I think, it’s not about luck.

It’s about the determination that I deserve to be here just as much as everybody else. And if you don’t start laughing and going with the flow and even making your own flow? Then you’re not going to have any fun.

About Iman Gatti

Iman Gatti, author of the best-selling memoir, Cracked Open ~ Never Broken , is a four-times published author, a Creative Consultant, a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist and a Transformational Speaker. Through her work, she helps people, elevate their self-esteem, deepen their authenticity, recover from grief and trauma and step fully into the greatness we are all born for. Find out more about Iman on her website www.imangatti.com or connect with her on Instagram @imangatti

WHY INTEGRATING COMPASSION INTO YOUR 2023 GOALS IS VITAL!

This world is constantly telling us that we aren’t enough: not good enough, pretty enough, successful enough, productive enough, and the list goes on. As a result, much of our drive to grow and develop seems rooted in our wish to convince the world to like us. We just want to be loved, feel that we belong, and—at the end of the day— have a sense that we’re accepted for who we are.

Yet, when we set these types of goals (driven by these kinds of motivations), we often give up before getting halfway to reaching them. This is because, deep down, we know that our shame-based attempts at self-improvement aren’t actually going to make us feel the way we want to feel. And furthermore, the following sense of failure leaves us weighed down by frustration and disillusionment. So we give up. And maybe even stop setting goals altogether.

By Mags Thomson

Do you identify with this?

This makes me sad because having the ambition to achieve things that are important to you really can be helpful on the way to building a life you love. Our goals can keep us focused as we build the life we dream of. However, the way we approach them will determine our success. The reasons why you’re setting a certain goal (as well as how you go about doing it) are just as important as the goal itself.

We make choices and engage in behaviours because we get something out of it. Even when on the surface we just do what “needs to be done”. Even if it’s something, like a bad habit, that we hate doing. There’s usually some underlying benefit to us.

In very general –and quite sweeping terms— we can identify two core motives: We get a reward, or

We avoid a punishment

REWARD /ri-wawrd/

Something given or received in return or recompense for service, merit, hardship, etc.

PUNISHMENT /puhn-ish-muhnt/

A penalty inflicted for an offense, fault, etc.

SURVIVAL /ser-vahy-vuh l/

The act or fact of surviving, especially under adverse or unusual circumstances.

Definitions taken from Dictionary.com

Survival is at the centre of our instinctual nature as human beings. Of course, it often appears more nuanced on the surface. But if we peel away the justifications we make and the complex intellectual stories we tell ourselves, we can see them for what they are: actions that will determine whether we get a reward or avoid a punishment.

And more often than not there’s a combination of both motivations in the mix. You might be wondering, “Mags, how does this apply to me?”

Well, let’s break it down and apply the concept of reward and punishment to situations that are relevant to your life.

I’m going to hang out with Charlotte today because, even though I’m tired and want to stay home, she’s my friend and I love her. That’s what friends do.

Translation: I want Charlotte’s approval, company, and gratitude because it makes me feel wanted. Reward.

Now let’s reframe this. I want to hang out with Charlotte today because, even though I feel tired, I feel like I’ll be judged if I don’t go?

Translation: I’d like to sleep, but nurturing my relationships is vital to my survival in this big old world. I don’t want to be alone or have her get angry at me. Avoiding punishment. And both of these together equal survival.

The External Motivation Trap

The rewards and punishments refer to external factors; extrinsic rewards and punishments that can cause our motivation to wax and wane. They depend on people, society, and culturally acceptable norms around us. And because of this, we tend to compare ourselves and our accomplishments with other peoples’.

Now, don’t get me wrong: extrinsic motivation has its uses, for sure! It may be what motivates you to show up for work every day to collect your paycheck at the end of the week, for example. However, too much focus on external rewards can actually sidetrack us from the larger goals in life. Consider the paycheck I just mentioned: imagine what could happen if you became obsessed with it? It could cause you to neglect the family you were motivated to take care of with your salary in the first place.

Besides, external motivation is dependent on other people and outside circumstances. So leaving that kind of influence over your ambition in the hands of anyone (or thing) outside of your own control? That’s a slippery slope.

Doing this will leave you scrambling to be successful, useful and valuable according to someone else’s set of values—not your own! And it will affect your self-esteem negatively

because 1) you won’t respect yourself for not being true to who you are and 2) you’ll be deeply unhappy because you’re not being true to yourself.

Stop Looking At The Bear!

When we make choices about our wants and needs in life we can come at it from different angles. Either we approach our choices from an optimistic angle, or we base our choices on fearbased responses—often rooted in our past. Our survival instinct is more likely to keep us stuck in that fear-based programming.

Even if our higher, rational brain can understand that we’re not actually at risk, our more primal instincts can be ringing alarm bells based on situations we’ve encountered in the past.

When we look at our life through the lens of fear, we trigger our problem-solving skills.

For example, if you were walking along a road and saw a bear up ahead, would you start thinking, “Oh, I think I want tacos for tea tonight!”? No. All you’d be able to think about is how to survive.

Do I run? Fight? Play dead?

This is the famous fight, flight, or freeze

response. In a nutshell: you’re in survival mode and can only focus on this situation right in front of you.

The fight, flight, or freeze response is a nifty system that comes in pretty handy when there’s a bear on the road ahead. But when you take that survival approach into your daily life, you’ll only be able to react instinctually rather than respond intuitively and rationally; limiting the opportunities available to you—and maybe even hurting your health, relationships, and financial stability.

When you take a step back from your fear responses to consider the broader picture, you can move forward with peace and allow yourself to get creative about building a life you desire and love.

Without bears on the road to distract us, we can think about how lovely the forest looks, what we want for dinner, and where we want our lives to be five years from now.

Would you like some more support to set compassionate goals?

I wrote a book about it a few years ago. Get yourself a copy from Amazon !

FOUR DIVERSITY, EQUITY AND INCLUSION MYTHS BUSTED

We often think about Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) as a corporate theme, something the big bosses have to think about. But I want to know what role DEI plays in your life. How does it impact how you show up, as a business owner, as an employee, as a CEO, and in your personal life as well? Have you made the connection between the two?

By Abbiola Ballah #1.

DEI Affects All Parts of Us

A lot of times people think about the workplace only, when they think about DEI. Or they think about it as just being about race. It is important to look at diversity, equity and inclusion through an intersectional lens, and as it being part of our overall mindset rather than just a work issue.

Are you willing to have these uncomfortable conversations? Are you willing to start to take action? Getting started with DEI can be daunting because most likely the action we will take is going to be imperfect. Are you willing to start doing things, thinking and talking about things that may make you feel uncomfortable, that may have you realise parts of yourself that you’d rather deny?

On our DEI journey, we are unlearning generational patterns, societal patterns, and some personal patterns as well. That is very uncomfortable, and it requires introspection. That introspection will not be confined to our work persona. It is pretty much guaranteed when we start taking action, that we’ll mess it up somehow. BUT it’s better to do something and do it incorrectly, do it incorrectly, and learn from it than let inequality exist. DEI is hard enough without us wanting to do it perfectly all the time.

#2. DEI Isn’t About Grand Gestures

Another idea that stops people from taking action is the idea that they have to make a grand gesture, in order to say that they’re being inclusive. A lot of companies will put out this big statement, that they’re “being inclusive.” You see it all over their websites, allowing them to pat themselves on the back saying: “We made the statement, y’all. It’s in black and white on our website.” But what is behind that grand gesture? More often than not those grand gestures are meaningless, in terms of ongoing action to support the grand gestures and make them tangible. So what do we do instead of these grand gestures? We have to actually come down to our orbits, our circle of influence. We are not trying to save the world. Think about how you can impact the people in your office, the people on your team, the people in your home or the people in your sports team. From that impact, watch the ripple effect as others start showing up in their circle of influence too.

#3. DEI Isn’t JUST About Race

For a long time, I have hidden pieces of myself. I’m from the Caribbean, but I’ve lived internationally for the majority of my adult life- in Japan, the US, and Belize. I’ve hidden other aspects of who I am, different identities that I have, whether they’re privileged or marginalised. Over the years, I’ve come to realise that I cannot just walk into a room being only ONE thing. I can’t just be ‘the person of colour’, or some people may even assume I am ‘the black woman.’ I’m of mixed ethnicity, so I am not just another black woman, I grew up very differently. All of these pieces of me influence my perspective.

The DEI space is very US-centric, and it’s also very single issue focussed. It’s about race or gender. I

take more of a holistic approach because through my experiences, I recognised every person has intersectional identities. For example, this list is not exhaustive: I am a woman, a person of colour, I am also a person with a larger body, I have to think about certain things that others who aren’t in a larger body don’t have to think about. So because of that, because of those experiences, because of that lens, I approach diversity and equity and inclusion in that intersectional way.

We have to be open and non-judgmental in having these conversations. We have to challenge some of the ideals or thoughts that we may have had around certain topics. Considering what privileges we hold can be hugely unsettling. This work is not just for white people. It’s not just for CIS people. It’s not just for men. It’s for everyone because we’re all made up of all these different intersectional identities. Some of this can change. Our socioeconomic status changes. Our age changes. Our housing-status changes. Things can change, as we go through our lives.

DEI isn’t about only ONE -ism. We need to look at it through an intersectional lens.

#4.

DEI Is Not a Checklist to Complete

Change and iteration are important words for me. When we’re putting DEI structures into place, when we’re putting action plans into place, you have to understand that that document or plan is based on the current situation. You have to implement, and then assess. From that assessment and the feedback, you make changes, and you iterate. And then you create the next version, which is based on all the information you have at THAT moment. It’s a continuous cycle. This scares a lot of people because this feels never-ending. However, let’s reframe this idea of DEI. Inclusion is not the goal. For me, it’s a journey. DEI is cyclical and it’s a theme we have to revisit again and again over time, depending on the space you’re in, the people you’re around since our priorities and topics may shift. There are so many nuances within the DEI discussion. You cannot just say, it’s a straight line from A to B. It’s not a checklist where you can implement this, this, and this and now you’re inclusive. It’s a commitment that you have to make to keep doing the work one step, one action at a time.

WE’VE GOT YOUR NUMBER!

There are a lot of identity systems out there, anything from Myers Briggs to Human Design. Susan Bennett Fisher and Martin Fisher, Co-Founders and Teachers of Body of 9, found that these are too vague. Through the discoveries that Susan made (Martin was somewhat cynical at the start), they found there are nine physically different kinds of human beings. Of course, that still leaves us with seven billion different nurtures, but there are only really nine different natures.

A conversation with Susan Bennett Fisher and Martin Fisher Knowing your number will not only help you understand, value and honour who you are, but it also helps you understand and be able to better connect to the eight different kinds of people. Because what’s truly world-changing is that we discovered the numbers don’t repeat in families. So your siblings and your parents are all different, you all have a different natural number. So it’s this awareness that one, we’re all different physiologically (we like to use the term physio spiritual) and two the numbers don’t repeat in families. So you were never raised by your parents in a way that necessarily honoured you because your parents didn’t know who you really were. It means that words like intuition, relationship, seeing, hearing and interacting have nine different meanings depending on our natural number. So the nine numbers are similarly spaced through the body as the chakras. There are three that are centred in the head, three in the chest, and three in the core of the body. Your area is where your movement is centred. So you essentially initiate movement and balance from your natural number’s physical location. And there’s a specific set of muscles, bones and fascia that’s involved in a physical and at some level spiritual activation that happens when you assume your most natural posture.

So our bodies are already set up to do this. If you collapse your body, take a breath, and then roll up to as tall as you can be, your movement centre will move you into the most activated position for your body.

So there’s a lot that we’ve discovered that I think it’s important for the world to know because we assume at some level, either that we’re all completely different, or completely the same. Two ears, two eyes, nose, muscles... the reality is somewhere in between. How we experience the world is determined by our natural number. The nurture that sits on top of that, that’s where personality and how we behave tends to show up. Your natural gifts, things that you’ve been good at since you were born, or there until you die? They are physiologically based, and they’re unique for each natural number.

More About Body of 9

Susan Bennett Fisher and Martin Fisher are the Co-Founders and Teachers of Body of 9. Body of 9 is an innovative, body-based personality assessment that, through your posture, body type, and how you physically express yourself, identifies your Natural Number.

Susan Bennett Fisher and Martin Fisher are pioneers in the study and research of the 9 Natural Numbers. With over thirty years of combined research and experience with Body of 9, their work has led to many new discoveries and a deeper understanding of the importance, power, and impact of knowing your Natural Number and learning to consciously use this aspect of your body.

Since 2012, Susan and Martin Fisher have been working together to identify over 8000 people from around the world and to build and share the understanding of how the Body of 9 shows up in so many aspects of the human experience.

Find out more on bodyof9.com

An Energetic Treat For Self-Nurturing by Dr Anne Whitehouse

Dr Anne gifts you an energy clearing to release stress, anxiety and tension from your mind and body.

A Little Help | Christmas Short Film by Phil Beastall

A little Christmas cheer for you to spread this holiday season. Share this beautiful video to your socals, send it to your friends in a DM... Let’s spread the message that sometimes, people just need a little help!

The Video | Website | LinkedIn

Access it here

CHRISTMAS GIVE-AWAYS

She also would like you to have this Winter Solstice Power Upgrade.

the healing will still be very powerful if you want to release the old and make ready for the new year. Find out more about Dr Anne below. Website | LinkedIn

How to Have Happy Holidays when dealing with toxic people and their aftermath Christmas can bring out stress in even the most peaceful people. Add a toxic family dynamic to the mix and the stress can be overwhelming. So let’s talk about some ideas for how to survive the holidays without losing your mind. DOWNLOAD IT HERE

the holidays a little easier, cheesier and breezier! means, spread the joy around!

EMBRACE THE POWER OF NOTHING

How often do you just sit and do nothing? Not often, I bet. Even when we’re not giving in to the relentless pressures of our increasingly productivity-obsessed world, you are swiping through newsfeeds, consuming content... or feeling guilty for not being productive (because, internalised capitalism). Yet, our brain needs downtime. We need rest, and we need some boredom sometimes, so we have some synapses available for our next stroke of genius.

By Mags Thomson

This is where the Dutch have created a verb that can help: niksen. It simply translates ‘to nothing’. “Niksen “literally means to do nothing, to be idle or doing something without any use,” says Carolien Hamming, managing director of  CSR Centrum , a coaching centre in the Netherlands that helps clients manage stress and  recover from burnout . Practicing niksen could be as simple as just hanging around, looking at your surroundings or listening to music — “as long as it’s without purpose,” she says, and not done in order to achieve something or be productive.” (from Time.com ) Despite being Dutch, I am not particularly good at niksen. I realise increasingly the need to become better at it. Staring out the window while sipping some tea, or just looking at the world go by as I wait for the bus to arrive. No podcast in my ears trying to teach me something. No news feed telling me about all the things I am missing out on. Just engage in some people watching, or some enjoying the sunshine on my face. Shall we try improving this skill together? We can start with 2 minutes a day, and work our way up from there. I am going to pour myself a cuppa just now, come join me on the windowsill and let’s watch the world go by.

NOTHING

TAKES A TROLL TO KNOW A TROLL

If you have a public account on social media, chances are, you’ve encountered a troll or ten. A huge following is not a requirement to be on the receiving end of their vitriol; trolls liberally dish out their regurgitated opinions, with more speed and enthusiasm than a billionaire’s accountant sending taxable dollars offshore. However, despite them earning a (deserved) bad reputation, they have, ironically, been an integral part of my own healing journey.

By Cara MacB

As an elder millennial, born in the mid-80s, online spaces and communities weren’t things I had access to until the back end of my teens. Had social media been a thing during my adolescence, I’m quite certain I would have engaged in trolling behaviours. Being raised in an abusive home, not only was I miserable and full of suppressed rage, I had learned from the master how to dish out insults that strike your very soul…

I was a real live troll, a bully. Although, young me didn’t understand that at the time. Bullies, in my mind, were people who launched relentless attacks on their peers, every day, for no apparent reason other than to relieve their boredom. I was far more discerning; spitting out venom only when I felt threatened.

I couldn’t possibly be a bully, because I always had that justification in my corner. You hurt me, I hurt you back (with interest) that’s how it works, right?

So, how does this tie into online trolling?

When it first came on my radar, I began noticing similarities between their comments, and the tools I had employed when retaliating as a youngster. I was reading things that sounded so familiar, scathing words I was sure had come out of my mouth at one time or another. I also clocked these were the same words that, when levelled against me, sent my own confidence and self-esteem down to rock bottom. I finally made the connection that this is exactly why I used them. Because I knew they worked.

Being called fat, ugly, stupid, gay (and nastier variations of) all poked at my deep fear of being unlovable.

And I knew other people feared this too. The 90s/00s society solidified this fear (and we’ve still got a long way to go in the 2020s). The ostracisation of anyone who didn’t perfectly conform to white cis/heteronormative culture and Eurocentric beauty standards was obvious. Every demographic, except for the slim, lightskinned, non-disabled cis hets, were either invisible in media or set up as spectacles to

be mocked. The message was clear - if you are, or associate with, anyone outside of that narrow margin of what’s acceptable, you’re setting yourself up for ridicule and rejection. And a move straight out of the Trolls, Bullies and Bigots playbook, is to use the fear of that rejection to wound.

mirror and decided that was a good outfit for the day, who the heck am I (who is anyone) to declare that wrong?” The more I practised this, the more utterly bizarre my entire human experience up to this point looked. I felt like a human version of Pavlov’s dog - taught to associate certain characteristics with disgust and unworthiness. I committed to my retraining — my reparenting — and the more I swiped left on those old thought patterns, the more hospitable my headspace became.

How do you protect yourself against that? How do you, as a person in their formative years, adapt to stay safe? Well, my tactic, was to abandon all sense of self and curate a personality I felt was suitable for consumption. Part of that personality involved chiming in like a parrot with Daily Fail-esque talking points. Until my mid-twenties, I was like an automated machine. Every decision, every thought and feeling, was filtered through a lens. A lens based on the criteria I’d been fed thus far, on what was the correct, and incorrect, way to live. What would render me loveable, and what would not? The problem was, that the data set was seriously corrupted.

When I moved out of home (and away from my abuser’s influence) everything I processed was no longer censored. I got to review it all, by myself. I was able to witness and experience things and ascertain how I truly felt about them, uninterrupted. No one was interjecting with how I should think and feel. No one chastised me heavily when my view didn’t align with theirs.

I went from judging my every move (and those of everyone around me) harshly, to wondering why I ever did that in the first place. I recognised that the initial reactionary thoughts were from the old, corrupt data file, and I needed to ditch that to input my own new data.

Opinions appeared on the screen in my head, and I’d swipe left to consign them to the discard pile immediately. “Why is someone who looks like that, wearing a short skirt?!” was satisfyingly flicked away, like a crusty bogey that finally leaves your finger. Swiftly replaced by: “Why the f*** do I care what a stranger is wearing?? If they looked in the

Most notably, I felt kinder towards others. I didn’t fully comprehend how isolating conformity is. No wonder I’d never been able to form a friendship or relationship I felt truly safe in. I was far too judgemental for that, and I believed everyone else viewed me with the same level of scrutiny. I felt like I was infiltrating enemy territory, with every interaction. Desperate not to get caught out. Everything felt so tenuous, all the time. As such, I spent so much energy trying to reach “infallible human” status, that there was no room left for any authenticity.

The more I worried about

fraudulent I became.

And that’s my theory on trolls, and why we can dismiss their comments. (Ok, #NotAllTrolls some people are just committed to arseholery and are the aforementioned bullies who are simply bored). Generally though, I see them as people lashing out to affirm and justify their own decision to adhere to arbitrary societal norms. If they can’t point to a “wrong” how can they be right? So they have no choice but to perpetuate tropes and harmful stereotypes, otherwise all their effort to appear better than others has been for nothing.

Their comments are not for us to internalise. They are motivational post-it note reminders for themselves. Stay on the treadmill! Do not be tempted to deviate from the path of conformity with the heretics!

As we approach the end of the year, and all the “New year, new you!” inspirational business, let us wish the trolls a very merry fuck you but, also, an enlightening new year.

“Hey, you, everyone hates you because - *insert perceived flaw / act of non-conformity here____*”

being exposed as a fraud, the more

IF I DIED IN FIVE YEARS’ TIME, WHAT WOULD I THINK OF THE LIFE I’VE HAD?

The world is an extraordinary place. It’s not an ordinary place. You’re only here once, it’s a onetime rodeo. That’s it. So why do so many people settle for ordinary?

A conversation with Amanda Wheal

I was relatively happy, or at least I thought I was quite happy. I had lived a really safe life so far. I was a teacher, a safe job and a safe life. I had a few doubts about the direction I was going, but not enough to course correct. Then some crazy things happened in my life.

I just reconnected with my eldest brother, and that was really good. We talked a lot. He was an ageing hippie really. So, he had lived, you know, really LIVED. We had a lot of things in common, and I was fascinated with some of the things he’d done. He kept saying to me: “There are so many things that you could be doing with your life,” and we started planning lots of things... But then, he died unexpectedly.

It was awful! It was the first major bereavement that I experienced, even though I’m from a big family. At the funeral, there was an inspirational celebrant there. I didn’t even know what a celebrant was, but he made what I thought was going to be the worst day of my life into just an amazing occasion. I had written a eulogy as well, which I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to read. But I did. I read it. I realised I really wanted to do this for other people. It almost felt like this was my brother’s message to me.

Now, at the time, there were lots of other things going on in my life that weren’t too good. So, I said to myself: “If in six months’ time, I still feel like this, I’m just going do it.”

Because I think when you’re in that place when you’ve lost someone close to you, you realise how precious life is. You reflect on the things you could be doing and what you’ve done so far. If I died in five years’ time, what would I think of the life I’ve had?

About Amanda Wheal

Amanda is a modern quirky celebrant creating beautiful ceremonies that express your love in a way that says everything about you as a couple. From the sublime and sentimental to stunning and surprising, it’s all about you, the only limit is your imagination. She can make your special day a unique and beautiful expression of your love, where you choose the words, the setting and the time, for a day you will never forget. Working with you she will create a ceremony exactly as you want it, where your dreams become reality, and you share special once-in-alifetime moments.

Find out more about Amanda on her website or follow her on Instagram