Homebuilders

Quentin Jukes, Coordinator www.homebuildersfs.org

Clear communication

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” George Bernard Shaw Communicating openly, clearly and with respect is a learned skill and something we can all practice and improve. A key element of constructive communication is the desire to understand each other, rather than defeat each other.

Practical approaches that can help improve communication include setting aside time to talk and turning off screens, so we can focus on the other person. Expecting others to read our mind and to just know how we see what is happening and how it affects us, is generally not a winner. We need to talk about how we feel, what we want and what we need, as clearly as possible. How well we listen to the other person is also critical, but can be tricky. We need to consciously put our own thoughts to the side while the other person is speaking and really listen to them. Focus on what they are saying about how they feel, what they want and what their intentions are. If we are busy in our heads with our own thoughts and judgements, we won’t have been listening to what the other person is trying to communicate for the last sentence or two.

Our body language also matters. If you can recall a time when you have been trying to share something important with someone and you noticed them rolling their eyes, staring at their screen or out the window, you will understand how important this non-verbal communication is. The tone and volume of our voice is our responsibility, not the other person’s. Is our tone signalling that we don’t care what the other person is saying, or don’t believe them? We are responsible for how we behave.

Perhaps the hardest skill to develop is being brave. Brave enough to put our own desire to be right to the side and, instead, to open up and share how we feel and really listen to what the other person is trying to say to us. A key component of any healthy relationship is respect and equality. This means both people have equal power to make decisions together. Not one person believing they have the right to “be in charge” of the other person and decide for them. Likewise, being threatening or abusive isn’t okay. Like all learnt skills, conscious practice is how we improve. If you feel like you would like some assistance to improve your communication, please feel free to contact Homebuilders Family Services on 425 7048 or visit www.homebuildersfs.org. We have a range of services people can access to improve couples’ communication, parenting approaches and so on, and all of our services are free of charge.

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