Lost & Found by Maile Sur

MARCH ‘18

VOL. 1

LOST & FOUND FINDING VALUE IN MY WORLD

COMPASSION

RIGHTEOUSNESS

PERSEVERANCE

a mother’s influence on her little one

a daily phrase that went a long way

finding the “why” within one’s self

p. 8

p. 10

p. 12

"Be your" self. Every" one else is already tak" en."

table of

CONTENTS ABOUT THIS ISSUE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

ECO-WHAT?

COMPASSION

RIGHTEOUSNESS

PERSEVERANCE

about this ISSUE

his zine was made as part of my Family and Human Services final project to describe my own ecological model and reflect on how the systems within my ecological model have influenced the values I hold near and dear to my heart. Throughout the term we’ve talked about many services and issues in the Human Services field. Though I don’t see a future in Human Services, I think everything that is being taught is completely useful and can be applied to any field. It has been really interesting to learn about the many different facets of Human Services, and it’s been fascinating to see how my own ecological model has

shaped my views on each of the issues we talk about. In “Eco-What?” I will dive into my ecological model, which includes my microsystem, mesosytem, exosystem, and macrosystem, and reflect on the different influences that have shaped who I am and what I value most. I talk a lot about my family, my school, and experiences that have had a large impact on me. I go further in depth about the three values that mean the most to me in the sections after that. Compassion, righteousness and perseverance have been a huge part of my life and I owe it all to my mom, dad and the game of soccer. I hope you enjoy my journey on finding value in my own life.

about the

AUTHOR

y name is Maile Sur and I am a junior majoring in advertising at the University of Oregon. I was born and raised in Maui, Hawaii to Wes and Karen Sur. I’m a die-hard cold brew gal, and when I’m not freaking out about how much I miss home, I’m usually hanging out with my cat, @rookahthecat. My dad is a jack-of-all-trades and has worked literally everywhere, and my mom is a retired customer service representative at Delta Airlines. When they got divorced my mom moved to Whidbey Island, Washington, where we had a vacation home.

This pushed me to want to be a Husky (don’t judge me) for a while, but when I walked the halls of Allen in the fall of my junior year of high school, I knew I was meant to be a Duck. As a senior, I got a full-ride scholarship to play soccer at Lane Community College. Oregon has this cool policy that allows you to be dual-enrolled at both a university and community college at the same time. It was pretty sweet. I had known for a while that I wanted to become an art director or designer, and UO was pumping out creatives like there was no tomorrow. I wanted to

be part of that, so I jumped right in and got my hands dirty by getting involved in Duck TV, Ethos Magazine, Flux Magazine and numerous internships. Junior year of college came around and I needed an elective that was not only interesting, but something I cared about. Hence, Family and Human Services 215. I hope you enjoy my journey on finding value in my own life. XO, Maile Sur

ECO-WHAT? a look at my ecological model MICROSYSTEM

y microsystem is filled with influencers who have largely shaped my experiences in life. Besides my parents, who I’ll talk more about later, I’ve had numerous coaches, teachers, friends, teammates, and co-workers who each have their own values that helped me figure out what I think is most important and what I personally value. Growing up I played a handful of sports. This active lifestyle was something I adapted from my older sister, Pua, and our dad, Wes. My sister was the boy our dad never had. She played every sport from basketball to volleyball and everything in between. She and our dad would do so much together

and their bond over sports was something I wanted, too. I’ll dive deeper into my love of sports a little later. I attended Kamehameha Schools Maui my entire life. It was a private Hawaiian-Christian school that taught me almost everything I know today. From a young age I was taught how to be well-behaved, I was well-versed in multiple languages, and we were taught life-long values that I still hold dear to my heart. Through my years of community service both with my school and on my own, I was taught how to be selfless, humble and accepting of others. My school allowed me to have privilege. With privilege, however, there must be humility. Any chance I was given,

I always gave back. It was what was instilled in myself and my peers from the second we stepped foot on the grounds of Kamehameha. My family didn’t have a ton growing up and that has really made an impact on the way that I view the world and treat others. I know that I am not defined by how much money my parents make or don’t make, and no one else should be either. Hawaii is such a melting pot of cultures and experiences that, growing up, I never recognized would be so impactful for me. In a world with so much hate towards others it blows my mind because this isn’t the case at all back home. I’m not saying there aren’t disagreements, but race, sexu-

ality, and gender are not at all talked about in negative lights. I’m thankful for the island I get to call home and the people who live there because I think being accepting of others is the best thing one could learn.

MESOSYSTEM My parents got divorced when I was about six years old. Their relationship has been through hell and back, but at the end of the day they both would do anything for me. They always remembered that I was what was important in their relationship, and that no matter the argument or the differences that they faced, what was best for me was always the solution. With that being said, since their divorce and

still today their communication is great. Even though I am a lot more independent now, they both like to stay updated with each other in regards to decisions based around when I visit each of them, finances and school. In both elementary and middle school parent-teacher communication was pretty heavy. I think that when we’re younger our home life is so impactful that it helps teachers get a better understanding as to how a child may learn better or what to avoid to minimize conflicts. Moving into high school and college, though, parent-teacher interaction was essentially non-existent. Not because either party didn’t care, but rather there was a push to become more independent as students. I have always been a good student and really care about my academics, so my parents never had the need to call my school or ask questions about attendance or grades. If anything, I was always so ecstatic to share my good grades with my parents! When it comes to my friends, my parents never told me specifically that I couldn’t hang out with someone or couldn’t be friends with someone. I think the approach that they took was that I would learn more by actually experiencing life, rather than them trying to control my life. With that being said, I have had numerous run-ins with people who were just bad friends. My parents, being the knowit-all’s that all parents are, always sensed something wrong when I first would introduce these people, but allowed me to see why these kids were bad apples, rather than just telling me what I could or couldn’t do. This was extremely beneficial for me because it showed me that my parents trusted my judgement, and

it also allowed me to see first-hand what good and bad friendships looked like.

EXOSYSTEM The saying, “It takes a village to raise a child,” could not be better suited for a place like Hawaii. No matter what was going on I always knew I would have a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my body, and a way to get to school. If my parents couldn’t provide that for me, there was surely someone in our family or in the community that would. Growing up I never had to worry about

I’m extremely grateful for. Being that my school was a private school, there was a ton of funding via tuition, donors, and the foundation that it was based upon. I was given state-of-the-art facilities, access to technology starting in elementary school, swimming lessons, healthy meals, and free textbooks. The access I had to all of this was extremely instrumental in instilling the value I put on education. I excelled in school because I not only had the drive to do well, but I had a huge support system of family and faculty members who pushed

“The saying, ‘It takes a village to raise a child,’ could not be better suited for a place like Hawaii.” these things, and it’s because of the incredible exosystem that I grew up in. My dad has been my main provider for healthcare since his jobs always included health benefits. There has never been a time in which I couldn’t go to the doctor if I was sick or injured. This allowed me to focus on other things in life and never held me back from missing any opportunities. I also had dental care, which is something that

me to do better, as well as the resources to do well.

MACROSYSTEM Looking back at the 20 years I’ve spent on this earth so far I’d have to say that society hasn’t been the greatest factor in my life, but there are definitely others who experience a far greater toll. Like we’ve learned from our lectures on disabilities, society doesn’t put a ton of value

on those who are disabled. My mom was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis before I was even born, and it wasn’t until I was older that I noticed the effects that both her disability and society have had on not only my mom’s life, but mine, as well. Her disability has kept her from opportunities such as holding a job, getting life insurance and even attending certain events. Her ability, or lack thereof, to maintain a job (which, might I say is not because she is incapable, but rather that companies would rather not make things more complicated for themselves) has impacted me because it has a significant influence on whether or not my mom could provide help with my tuition or keep her electricity on in her home. Though growing up my parents have been able to provide the things I deem necessary to live, there was a time in which my dad was laid off and it put a lot of pressure on our family financially. This was at the beginning of high school, so it freaked me out a bit because I knew how society viewed people who were “poor,” especially high schoolers. I was honestly worried about the consequences I would have to face at school because of our economic status, which pushed me to try to hide our situation and avoid talking about it. Looking back at it now I realize that the reason why I chose to hide my financial status was because I was ashamed. Something that I’ve learned through this class is that there is no reason to be ashamed and that the reason we feel that shame is because of societal norms. My experiences growing up have pushed me to want to help others feel less ashamed of their different statuses.

com • pas • sion /kəmˈpaSHən/ - noun sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others

learned the meaning of compassion through my mom, Karen. From a very early age she instilled in me the need to give to others who are in greater need than I was. In the eyes of my mom and I both, compassion means caring for and about others and having sympathy for what other people may be going through. Since my older sisters were already out of the house by the time I was born I was basically an only child growing up, especially when I was at my moms house. This meant I was extremely spoiled because I had such a large extended family. To balance out all that I was receiving, my mom made sure I was giving back to the community, too. When I was four years old I donated all of my Barbie dolls to Maui Family Support Services. I bathed them, did their hair, went to Wal-Mart with my mom to buy them all new clothes, and took them to the girls at Maui Family. I vividly remember the joy in my mom’s eyes because this was something I came up with entirely on my own. Compassion is embedded in who my mom is and now, who I am. No matter her circumstances, my mom always finds a way to give to those in need. Something that we’ve found to help in our times of struggle is to help others. It not only takes my mind off what

I’m personally going through, but also does a world of good for someone else. Over the years the emphasis I put on being compassionate has only grown. I think college is one of the toughest, yet most rewarding, times of our lives and with that comes so much struggle. I have friends who were kicked out of their homes, friends who went through unhealthy relationships, friends who lost their loved ones, others who experienced injuries and one friend whose parents went through a divorce. All of these situations required compassion. I want those that I meet to know me as someone who is compassionate and someone who genuinely cares. In regards to my future career aspirations I think being compassionate is applicable anywhere. Just because I don’t see a future in the Human Services field does not by any means mean that being compassionate is unimportant. I have dreams of being an art director or designer for a publication or at an agency. With that being said, I’m going to meet a ton of people who are going to go through things that require me, as a colleague or friend, to show compassion and let them know that they’re not alone in what they’re going through.

Compassion means caring for and about others. Having sympa" thy for what other people may be goi" ing through. - KAREN SUR

right • eous • ness /rīCHəsnəs/ - noun the quality of being morally right or justifiable

hen I was younger my dad would always drop me off at school on his way to work. Every day as I would get out of the car he would say to me, “Be pono, Mai Mai. Always do what is right.” Pono, in Hawaiian, means rightiousness. For years this annoyed the crap out of me. “I know, Dad,” I’d say. “Got it.” I felt like I was a pretty decent daughter, so I was so confused on why he’d always tell me to be pono. I always did my homework, I almost never got involved in drama, I got good grades and had good friends. What more did he want from me? It wasn’t until I was in high school when I finally asked, “Why do you always tell me that?” He replied, “Because that’s what my dad told me every day. And if there’s anything you should be in the world, it should be pono.” My dad’s dad passed away at an early age and I know that my dad regrets not having a better relationship with him. I could tell that this meant a lot to him and finally everything clicked for me. He wasn’t saying it to nag me. He was saying it to remind me of the other people who take pride in the last name Sur. To do as they did and make sure that when people remember Maile Sur, they remember some-

one who always did what was right. Righteousness is just that. The ability to do what is right based on morals. Though there can sometimes be a little bit of a grey area when it comes to morals, for the most part everyone knows what is wrong and what is right. I want to say that I always do what is right, but honestly, that’s not the case. I think everyone can say that they’ve been in situations where they haven’t made the best decisions, but those are the moments in which we learn from and move forward with. I think as a junior in college I’m really starting to understand the repercussions that making poor decisions have on my future. With that in mind, I think being righteous goes hand in hand with integrity when I think of my future career aspirations. I not only want to do what is right when it comes to publishing stories or photographs, but I want to make sure that the choices I make don’t compromise my integrity. This goes for just every day co-worker interactions, as well. I want to make sure that everything that I do is right so that I will be known in the office as someone who can be relied upon.

Be pono, Mai Mail. Always do what is right. - WESSELY SUR

per • se • ver • ance /pərsəˈvirəns/ - noun

steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success

verything I know about persevering, I owe to the game of soccer. In my freshman year at Lane Community College (I was dual-enrolled at both LCC and UO) I faced a lot of adversity on my soccer team. I was playing on a full-ride scholarship, which meant practices five or six times a week. I also took between 18 and 22 credits per term and worked three days a week. That is a lot of stress for someone who is 18 years old and fresh out of high school. Not to mention completely on her own for the first time in her life having to live, practice, and go to school with the exact same people day in and day out. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that team and we kicked some serious ass, but it was a huge adjustment, especially being from Hawaii. Perseverance means having the determination to push through absolutely anything to reach success, no matter how hard the road may be or how hard you might have to work. Mid-way through my season my coach, Erica, got the sense that I didn’t want to be there anymore, that I was just there to go through the motions but didn’t really care. She held a meeting with me and was very blunt -- either you take the money and run, meaning I keep my scholarship but quit playing, or I stick it out till the end of the season and make a decision then. For one, she was completely wrong with how I was feeling. Soccer has been everything to me for years, I would be completely lost without it. I had no idea where she was getting the idea that I didn’t want to be there anymore, but I set out to prove her wrong. I was the first one to practice and the last one off the field. I helped clean up

the field every day, collect balls, and I made sure my water breaks were short so that I was the first one back and ready for the next drill. I did weights on my own twice a week and did conditioning drills on the other days. I didn’t step foot on the field during a game for the rest of the season, but that didn’t stop me. During winter and spring I stepped up to use my voice to be a leader on the team. I didn’t care if I wasn’t captain, anyone could speak up for the good of the team. I made sure I was the best one out there so that she had no reason not to play me. By the end of spring season my coach was extremely impressed. Going into the summer and back for the next season of training I was at the top of my game. I not only killed preseason training, I started every single game of my sophomore season. I scored goals like there was no tomorrow and had amazing stats. Had it not been for my perseverance I would’ve given up and not gotten to experience the high of my sophomore season. That season ended up being the last year before I hung up my cleats for good. I think that perseverance is a value I hold most dear to my heart. I think that it not only shows that you care enough about something, but that you’re not willing to give up. It shows heart and character, and it shows that you deserve to be there (wherever “there” is). I think it applies to my career path entirely because the job that I am shooting for is in a competitive field. I am going to be told “no” more times than I’ll be able to count and I’ll be rejected from numerous companies along the way. I will not survive in this industry without the ability to persevere.

Perseverance is stay" ing true to yourself through the ups and the downs... believing in your end goal and not letting any obsta" cle get in the way of reaching it. - ERICA MERTZ