The Torah Times What’s Cookin’? STUDENT ATTACKED: הקהל
“Living with The Times!”
VOL 6, TOLDOT
Maimonides Hebrew Day School
Copyright © 2015 The Torah Times
ONE SHEKEL
RRAlbany@gmail.com
FOOD REVIEW:
BY RED ADMONI
“YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE”
CHARAN—A young gangster brandishing a murderous weapon ambushed a lonely Yeshiva student traveling on the road, but the victim escaped unharmed after surrendering all his money and jewelry. A full-time student pursuing an intensive 14-year day/night course at Yeshivat Shem V’ever, Yaakov Isaacson was en route to visit his cousins, where he had hoped to find work and get married. Originally from Israel, the Yeshiva student was traveling to escape danger at home, only to be attacked on the road. “You’re not safe anywhere today. Trouble and gangsters follow you wherever you go,” he said. Although classified as a robbery, money was not the attacker’s original motive. Informed sources identified the assailant as Eli Faz, an organized crime family member sent to track down and kill the student. “I’m Penniless! I’m as good as dead. How could I ever get married so empty-handed?” the victim cried. Tired? ted? s Exhau
Junior’s
Thank s makin for g us
#1!
RED HOT
LENTIL SOUP M
OU
EE RNIN ENTR G
Hot from the pot, it hits the spot!
• Good all Around Soup de Jour: • Price is Right! Homemade Adashim • At home Shiva Catering a la bowl Distributor: J. Isaacson • Family Style • Hefty Haliteni helpings Under Supervision of Harav Yakov I. Tam Contents: Water, Lentils, Red #13
WARNING: Excessive gluttony may result in birthright loss.
World Premiere This Week! PRESENTING
“SIBLING RIVALRY” Real life Drama
**** A Historic Family Tragedy Plus:
“BLESSING IN DISGUISE” EXCLUSIVE:
One showing only! Directed by Rebecca Coming this week to a Bima near you.
PLAY REVIEW:
Oh Brother! BY ESAU
This week’s big dramatic act features Mother (Rivka) conspiring with Son (Jacob) to con Dad (Isaac). Pushed last minute on stage by his aggressive mother, the actor got his role with little time to rehearse, yet he surprised everyone. Who’d expect a smug Yeshiva boy to debut as an actor, reverse roles and dress up like his antithesis? But the leading actor definitely stole the show! Actually, impersonator Mr. Smoothie was back to his old tricks, weaseling his older brother out of the inheritance. But he shouldn’t dream of going up the success ladder based on this performance. Even a blind man could sense that his politely soft, weak lines were out of character. ‘Please’...Momma’s little boy gave himself away with his goody goody talk. A very touching moment got hairy as the pretender was almost exposed. Theatre thrives on foul language and violence. We can’t live without the sword! A good actor needs rough, hard-hitting words to get the audience to SIT UP!! Wattsamatter, got rocks in his head? $%^*! Expletives may annoy the old folks, but that’s helluva nerve to walk away with the fat of the land and cream of the crop. The final scene is a real tear jerker. The realistic costumes looked familiar (must’ve raided someone’s private wardrobe) but the food was so-so. The roast wasn’t wild, just tame kid stuff. The audience was small; half the people came after it was all over. But the old folks were impressed by the acting and gave it their blessing. Makes me so angry, I can Kill! So don’t judge this play by what you saw, or by what he saw, but by Esau!
I might as well spill the beans. This may not be pleasant, but that’s me-I’m a sharp shooter. I’d just made a killing, and was dead tired. Dressed to kill, I dropped in to Lentil’s for a drink. Entering, my cheerful “good mourning!” elicited a weak and nerdy “hello.” No smile, no welcome, no greeting. SAD SCENE The funerary ambiance was depressing, somber and morbid. Good Grief! The old man’s old man just died. So what? I see people dying right and left all the time. It’s good the old man didn’t live to see what’s happening, or he’d drop dead from shame. Dead shmead, Life goes on. Don’t lentils represent the life cycle, what goes around comes around? Enough of this circular reasoning; let’s get to the food! SOUP SPECIALTY The aroma wafted into my nostrils. My tongue drooled as the soup-de-jour bubbled to a boil, but there was no selection to choose from. The menu featured just one dish: Lentil soup. But when you’re exhausted, you eat anything. (Slurp) Hey, red’s my favorite color! (Slurp) More, waiter, more, pour it on. (Slurp) Down the hatch (Glug) Ahhh...To paraphrase scripture: “Thou hath splattered over my head, my Mouth Runneth Over.” LOUSY SERVICE Food was ok, but the service was lousy. Not that the waiter was overworked; just a single customer to serve. It’s not the food, but the cook who needs to add spice to his personality, pizzazz to cure his blandness (a toupee to cover his baldness would help). The waiter was just about my age, you’d say we’re twins, but he looks so drastically different. Ugh! That smooth, pale faced type, the heel that’s always pulling my leg. The guy’s sheltered, his nose in the books. Where does all that learning get you? Personally, I prefer more privilege and less responsibility. GOOD RIDDANCE I had my fill, now it’s time to go out and make a killing, I’m in a cut-throat business! I rushed out, relieved of birthright’s burden, a load off my shoulders. On a related menu, this chef cunningly cooks up a Passover concoction with similar tasting goat substitute to deceive the consumer. Personally I prefer Venison, real wild, but that’s a whole other chapter.
For Cryin’ Out Loud!