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The Secret Life of a Wake County Teacher Written by Fuquay-Varina Memes Photographed by Jonathan Fredin
FUQUAY-VARINA MEMES (also known as FVM) is a freelance writer, meme guru and an anonymous resident of Fuquay-Varina. She is the creator and manager of the FuquayVarina Memes Facebook page and has a talent for making people laugh and always taking the joke too far. Check out her blog at fvmwrites.com. fuquaymemes thefvmemes
Let me begin this dumpster fire of an article by saying that I’m not a teacher and I’ve never been a teacher, unless I was in a previous life — but I’m pretty sure I’ve been a memelord childbed linen warehouse keeper in every century (look it up, that’s a thing). My point is, I don’t have a lot of expertise in what teachers do when they’re not educating Satan’s little helpers, but I do happen to have 40K followers on Facebook to hit up for information when I need it. Yes, that’s the extent of my research. No, I will not be revealing the names of my sources. Yes, I asked them all of the things you never thought to ask because, unlike me, you mind your business. Our local educators had a lot to say, so I’ve broken it up into sections (CliffNotes, if you will) because we’re all students at heart, and too many words is literally the worst. You’re welcome.
WHAT DO TEACHERS REALLY DO DURING THE SUMMER? Do teachers lead secret lives when they’re outside of the classroom? The answer is yes. 60 August/SEPTEMBER 2022
Obviously. When they’re not fighting demogorgons in Russia and starting super-secret fight clubs, teachers can usually be found doing domestic crap that they never had time for during the school year, because our kids need to learn and stuff. “I catch up on reading, plan to do DIYs and closet clean outs, start closet clean outs and buy all things for DIYs, and then remember I’m supposed to be on break and decide to ignore it until next year,” said one Wake County teacher, who obviously can’t even focus because your loin fruit sucked out their life force over the past nine months. Other teachers chimed in and said they drink, go to the pool, drink, travel, drink, and cry in the arms of their therapists. You know, normal stuff. FUN FACT! The vast majority of teachers agreed that the school year is like labor — you forget how bad it was, and before you know it, you’re doing it again. And again. And again. Like Mama Duggar. And no, they didn’t use an epidural, and there was a fourth-degree tear. Nothing will ever be the same down there, ever again.
