Her Highness: Coitus on Cannabis

Consider this piece a handy starter manual for those beginning or rekindling their use of cannabis.

What up, my fellow cannabis enthusiasts, are you ready to PARTY?

Yeah, me neither. Social distancing is so exhausting. You know what, life in general is pretty exhausting these days, isn’t it. A party just sounds like a lot of weird emotional work, and who’s got the energy for that? I mean, look, real talk, I am so horny for a real party. I dream of the moment I can interact with humans face to face, pass some fat joints around and then ravage a tray of pigs in a blanket. Wake me when it’s safe to venture back into meatspace. Anyway, partying. You can’t do it safely in public right now, but behind closed and quarantined doors, a garden of delight awaits. I’m talking about coitus on cannabis, my dudes.

“I’m talking about coitus on cannabis, my dudes.

With yourself, with a toy, or with one or more consenting adults.”

With yourself, with a toy, or with one or more consenting adults. I recently heard a podcast about a lady who claimed to be having sex with a ghost. Hey, I don’t judge—you get down with that poltergeist, you freaky sex goddess! Do it high, even! Before we get into it, a couple of notes. First, whether you’re pleasuring yourself or the entire population of adults in your population of adults in your quarantine bubble, it is quarantine bubble, it is always worth repeating: safety, consent and respect are everything. Dig? Second, I suspect that for many readers of these pages, the use and enjoyment of weed in the sack is old hat. Consider this piece a handy starter manual for those beginning or rekindling their use of cannabis. Now, fellas, take a break. Ladies, listen up: most of us know all too well that sex for us gal types can be an endeavor fraught with emotional, physical and even social challenges. Cannabis in all of its glorious forms, fl avors and functions can help ease some of the burden. While studies about the effects that cannabis can have on sexual activities are slim, there are enough reputable organizations out there touting the benefi ts of using weed before sex that giving it a whirl seems worth conquering our fears. And there are a lot of ways to do that. Unless you’re living under a rock, you already know you can eat, vape or smoke cannabis. But you can also take the edge off with tinctures, topicals or even weed lube. They make everything these days, the world is our oyster! The Society of Cannabis Clinicians, a non-profi t organization helmed by medical professionals, advocates for medicinal cannabis across a wide scope of use cases. They report a remarkable range of potential benefi ts to using cannabis as a complement to sex, including heightened emotional bonding, enhanced touch sensation, heightened libido, more intense orgasms and even the relief of chronic pelvic pain. Sounds pretty good, right? But let’s not minimize the barriers to entry. Maybe every time you get high you get that anxious feeling and start remembering all the embarrassing shit you did in high school. Or maybe weed puts you right to sleep. Or what about that time you ate a brownie, tripped balls for nine hours and ended up with an unshakeable “highover” we talked about in our last piece? You don’t want that if you’re low on time and trying to fi t in a quality bang before the kids wake up. Don’t despair. With all these doctors out there advocating for cannabis enhanced copulation, they must know something we don’t know. I bet a cursory Google search will turn up something useful... Yikes! The internet. Some moderately deep Google searches on cannabis and sex resulted in a whole lot of bros fighting online about the method of ingestion, indica vs. sativa and what strains are best for the old stone-n-bone. Pretty confusing stuff, and no real answers to be found for those of us lugging around a vulva. So I decided it was time to do the research myself and boldly go forth into the bedroom armed with an array of stony treats to find out what cannabis and sex is all about.

First, let’s take a solo run before we call up the old ball and chain and ask for participation. I chose some sativa-leaning fl ower called “Wonka Bars” that I had on hand from a local delivery service and grabbed a glass piece to fi re it up. I like this cultivar because it kicks off with a delightful heady high and a burst of creative energy, and then mellows into a body high that lasts for quite a while. I love being stoned, but I don’t love being too stoned, so three hits and I hit the sheets to see if I could woo my own body into submission. The results were mixed. While I enjoyed my solo play and felt really good physically, my mind was wandering off like a toddler in the sugar cereal section of the grocery store. Little things that have been stressing me out served as irritating distractions, and it took what felt like forever to get over the proverbial, uh, hump. The next time I try this experiment, I might try to let a little time pass after smoking, to let the mental effects settle before having a lovely wank. But we still have work to do, so let’s try another combination. This time I phoned up my partner and invited them over to enjoy dinner, vaping, and pants feelings. They arrived armed with their dry vape packed with some flower given to them by a neighbor, and I unsheathed my vape pen locked and loaded with a 1:1 THC to CBD cartridge from Live that they call Soothe. To preserve the integrity of this obviously very scientific experiment, we forewent the dry vape and its mysterious contents and stuck to the cart instead. After a few hits, we got to relaxing horizontally and things progressed naturally from there. And boy, did they progress. We chose some rhythmic music (DJ Drez, who mixes traditional tantra drumming and ragas with dancehall beats), dimmed the lights and blasted off to Sexy Town without so much as a second thought. As fully matriculated (read: not exactly young anymore) adults, there are times when the activities of the day will prevent one or both of us from having an orgasm, but the sex is nice anyway. Not the case on this fateful day. We felt naturally adventurous, tried a couple of new-ish things and my partner experienced what they called “electric” sensations emanating from their junk to their face. The electricity was a bit intense for them, but did they get off? They certainly did—powerfully. And I did too. It makes sense; vape cartridges containing an even blend of THC to CBD (often called 1:1) are produced by adding CBD isolate to pure, broad-spectrum cannabis oil extracted from the plant’s flowers. They’re less psychoactive than

“After a few hits, we got to relaxing horizontally and things progressed naturally from there.”

regular cannabis oil-only regular cannabis oil-only carts, but the addition the addition of CBD offers deeper of CBD offers deeper body sensations, relaxation and anxiety relief and a broader but more mellow range of effects than a more THC-leaning high. The verdict? 10 out of 10, would bone again. I loved having sex during this high and would wholeheartedly recommend the 1:1 vape carts for any and all sexings.

But that might be too much for some gals new to the ganja scene. So we also took it upon ourselves to try something neither of us had yet experienced: cannabis lube. My partner was quite skeptical, wondering if it was just another way to sell pot to naive people. I had high hopes though, having tried topical THC in the past for sore muscles with good results.

We tried Tetra Maine’s THC-infused lubricant from OMG Cannabis Company, made with coconut oil, THC extract and vanilla. We applied it liberally to our respective parts, and in about 20 minutes I started to feel a stirring of my loins. I may have been ready to rock from the anticipation of sex, or perhaps it was the lube itself, but either way, we got down to business about half an hour after application.

Neither of us got high per se, but for me it was remarkably easy to orgasm with a clitoris covered in coconutty cannabis. I felt a lot more sensitive than usual, which led to slippery, enthusiastic and relatively quick sex. My partner reported feeling quite warm in their naughty bits and enjoyed the feeling of hand and mouth stuff more than of hand and mouth stuff more than usual—they’re primarily a genitalusual—they’re primarily a genitalon-genital enthusiast under normal on-genital enthusiast under normal circumstances. circumstances.

So what’s the takeaway from all this? I’ve decided that cannabis lube stays in rotation for any and all sex going forward and hope to see more Maine-made full spectrum products hit the market soon! I love that it won’t get you high so you can use it any time, and I loved how it made my body feel. It was effective, and I’d point to it as a great entry point for anyone looking to start experimenting with cannabis in the bedroom.

But beyond that, everyone’s body is so different. The way our brains and bodies react to different types of marijuana and how we ingest it is going to be different from person to person.

So if you want to get freaky on weed, experiment. But take it slow! Of the three modes of ingestion I tried, lube ranks as the least Reefer Madness of the bunch and would be a great place to start for anyone new to the game. Vaping and smoking are by now standard-issue ways of using cannabis, and for me, when sailing the high seas of fornication, I prefer the 1:1 THC to CBD vape for its balanced mix of body sensations without heady effects that can cause anxiety. Maine producers and retailers offer an unbelievable array of THC to CBD balanced products that offer that same pleasurable mix of relief to the body and brain. We skipped edibles this time after doing our deep dive in the last issue, but I can report from experience that very low-dose edibles (5mg max), like the Green Apple 5mg Gummies from Le Kine Kitchen, would be another solid way to achieve that yummy, mellow sex high. As we discussed in our last YH, the key to feeling great and avoiding disaster when you ingest any type of cannabis product type of cannabis product is dosing low and then dosing low and then waiting at least one to two hours to see how you feel. It’s your body, and you left peer pressure behind in high school, so never feel compelled to take more than you feel comfortable with, and keep checking in with your body and your emotions. Oh, and pro tip: if you’re sailing the slippery seas of pot-sex for the fi rst time, don’t drink any alcohol. Booze and weed have a bad habit of suddenly going wrong on you if you’re not careful or wellseasoned in terms of tolerance. Just one substance at a time, ladies, don’t be a hero. Drink water or some yummy herbal tea instead, and keep that sweet kitty cat hydrated for that sweet kitty cat hydrated for maximum lubrication! maximum lubrication!

And with that, I leave you until the next issue, in which we’ll continue our adventures together with… well, you’ll just have to get the next issue to fi nd out! Stay safe out there, be kind to yourself and your community and get your masked face to the nearest Maine pot shop to gather all the provisions for the best sex of your life. XO,YH

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