The Journey Winter 2015 by Mainstreet Marketing Boone

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

THE JOURNEY

7 BEN COX

Love Came Down 12 JACK ROTEN

12 16 20

32 34

16 IN MEMORY OF JACK ROTEN Testimonials Honoring the Legacy of Jack Roten

20 DR. RAY RUSSELL The $6000 Pinhole

22 SYLVIA EDSEL & SHIRL DAEMER Helping at Risk Children

28 REVEREND BRANDON WRENCHER Race Relations in the Christian Community

32 BISHOP TIM SMITH Life is What Happens When You’re Making Other Plans

34 PASTOR TIM SMITH Laying Down Your Idols

828.263.0095

mainstreetmktg@gmail.com Carriage Square 324 Highway 105 Ext. Suite 14 Boone, NC 28607

Never Miss an Opportunity

MAIN STREET MARKETING

38 BETSY BOLICK

Finding Joy in the Journey and Purpose in the Pain

Cover photo courtesy of the family of Jack Roten.

Online version available

MainStreetMarketingBoone.com This magazine is intended to present people’s stories about their personal relationships with God. Though we endeavor to have a diversity of view-points represented in our stories, sometimes we don’t achieve that. However, we always endeavor to let people tell their stories, uncut, as is. Because of this, it stands to reason that we are not always able to personally endorse all that is said, nor can we be held responsible for the total veracity of every story. The common denominator is that the people who share have experienced God’s love in real ways. The encouragement that we want for you is that you, too can experience His love in whatever challenge you face. Any type of reproduction of this magazine is prohibited without permission from Main Street Marketing.

Love Came Down

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

elcome to our 2015 Winter edition of The Journey. As we enter into the Christmas season when we celebrate the birth and life of Jesus Christ, it’s fitting to share stories of people whose lives have been so impacted by the love and grace that Jesus’ birth, life, death and resurrection brought into our troubled world.

Jack Roten experienced that love on a deep level and then passed it on to others. As we honor his legacy in these pages and remember the impact of a life lived with purpose, may it spur us on to receiving God’s love in a deep way and then spreading that love to others in the unique way He has designed for each of us. Besides Jack’s story, every other story we share here demonstrates that God uses different ones of us in different ways to keep on shining the light and love that He brought to this dark planet when He came here. How He works in one person’s life might differ dramatically from another’s, but the point is, Jesus still pours out love and grace to those who will receive it and share it. As I write this, I’m reminded of an incident in Jesus’ earthly ministry where a very religious man came up to Jesus and asked Him what was the most important commandment in the Law. This man was a part of a religious system that was very meticulous in knowing and keeping 613 laws that consisted of 365 “thou shalt nots” and 248 “thou shalts.” Of all those commands, many of us are familiar with or have heard of The Ten Commandments. What’s interesting to note is that Jesus didn’t mention any of those 10 when answering which one was the most important one. He simply said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength, and love your neighbor as yourself.” He went on to say that this love for God and for others is the essence of true life and meaning and that if we get that right everything else will fall into place. But, He didn’t just say stuff like that, He demonstrated what that love looks like in how He showed compassion and mercy on everyone who reached out to Him for help. Then He went so far as to lay His life down to open up a way for everyone to experience the life changing power of the love of God. Though loving God and loving others is the essence of the good news of the Christian faith, the reality is that many who make the claim to be Christians aren’t very loving, aren’t very kind and aren’t very happy either. That’s because they haven’t kept LOVE and GRACE and MERCY as the centerpiece of their lives. When we lose that, we lose the essence of the message and the light that Jesus brought into the world. If you’ve had it and lost it (as we all have at one time or another) my prayer is that something you read here will draw you back. If you feel like you’ve never understood or received this life changing love and grace and mercy may these stories open the way for you to receive that. Our goal in this magazine is to share the kind of “spiritual journey” stories that will provide encouragement to those who need it and that will challenge the religious stereotypes and denominational prejudices that dilute the message of Love that Jesus came to bring. Happy reading, and may you experience the love and peace and joy that Jesus came to this earth for you to experience.

Ben Cox, Owner of Main Street Marketing & High Country 365

meet our crew. . .

Ben Cox Owner

Sarah Lynn Mills Office Manager

Becky Zaragoza Graphic Designer

Deck Moser Business Development

HC365 Brand Manager

Hannah Maxson

Caroline Gray Business Development

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

A Plug for the High Country United Way

igh Country United Way is a way for citizens of Watauga and Avery County to come together as a community to help fund worthy organizations that provide money and services to people in need.

As a person of faith, I believe that a central message of Jesus’ teaching and lifestyle was to reach out and help anyone who came to Him for help. He was particularly mindful of the poor, the disenfranchised and marginalized people of society who needed help. One place He made this clear in His teachings is recorded in the Bible in Matthew 25:31-40. In this passage, Jesus talks about Judgement Day and rewarding people who loved enough and cared enough to feed the hungry, to give drink to the thirsty, to invite the stranger in, to clothe those who need clothes, to care for the sick and to visit those in prison. Jesus even went so far as to say that whatever we do to help “the least of these” is like doing it for Him. That’s why I’m a supporter of the HCUW and that’s why I want to personally encourage everyone to consider giving a donation to help them in their mission to help those who are less fortunate than ourselves. Whether you’re a person of the Christian faith, another faith or no faith, please consider giving. You can donate by calling the HCUW office at 828-265-2111 and speaking personally to Gary Childers, the new Executive Director of HCUW. Or you can go to the website to learn more and donate online at highcountryunitedway.com On a seperate, but related note, my company will be donating a generous portion of our gross sales for 1 whole year beginning on Black Friday at our NEW retail sales location and online.

Winter 2015 Journey Writers: Chelsea Charping, Tim Smith, Connie Cox, Ben Cox, Nate Roten, Ray Russell, Betsy Bolick

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

Never Miss an

Opportunity In Memory of Coach Jack Roten

ack Roten accomplished many great things in his lifetime. If you asked him, he would probably say his greatest achievement was his family. God and family were his two great loves, though you likely remember him as the star college athlete, or as head coach for the Watauga High School football team. Maybe you knew him more for his Powerlifting abilities or how he led kids in the Special Olympics. A lot of what he did was in the realm of sports and athletics. I bet many of you hardly ever used his real name, but simply called him ‘Coach.’ Because Dad’s life was spent in the world of sports, it’s tempting to go into how he ‘ran the race’ or dedicated his body as God’s holy temple, but I think that would be a little too cliché. While those verses are very fitting, I think they’re a bit too obvious and lacking the true richness of character he lived on a daily basis. What he did went way beyond sport. Yes, he loved athletics, but that was only a carrier, a conduit, a delivery method for something more, and I did not see the full power of it until after he was gone. As letters and messages flooded our family after his death, we had the opportunity to hear about the difference he had made in the lives of others. We stood in the reception line for over six hours during his viewing, listening to story after story from people about how Dad reached out, comforted, gave, mentored and loved each person. We all got to see the impact he left behind him, not only on the football field or in the weight room, but more so in the hearts of the members of this community. We got to see his Legacy. Legacy is a big word. It’s something we all want to leave behind for the next generation, but we rarely take the time to define it in our own life’s context. Dad

successfully touched thousands of lives over the years, though he never stood on stages or traveled overseas to hand out food in remote villages, or built a nationally known football dynasty. He didn’t have a massive platform to use in order to influence others, yet he was still able to make such a huge impact. So, as my family and I spoke at his funeral and we listened to the rest of the community speak of him, I was left wondering how on earth he touched so many. How could I do the same? I wanted so badly to build on the Legacy he left behind, but how do you go about carrying on such a thing? I wanted to make the same impact he did; to build up others like only he could, but without Dad here to tell me, I was at a loss in more ways than one. I told my mom this a few days later, and I will never forget her reply. She said that while he did make an incredible impact, he never set out to change the world. He just loved people and met them where they were. I stood perplexed for a moment after my mother’s remark. As she walked away a spark of clarity came, and it’s because of this clarity that I can so clearly see my Father’s heart. It began with this: I believe Dad was able to leave the Legacy he did because he never really chased one to begin with. Not long ago, my mom told me that he began with a conviction, burdened with the thought of playing church on Sunday morning and then going back to ‘business as usual’ that afternoon. He wanted for others to not only find faith in Jesus Christ but to also build their faith on solid ground instead of shifting sands. Looking at the state of affairs in the High Country he saw that a change needed to be made. Second Corinthians 5:19 says: “… in Christ, God was reconciling the world

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

wall brick by brick, laying each one in its place, Jack Roten lived his faith in ordinary days and circumstances by using his position as teacher and coach to mentor and love any and all who God put in his path. He just loved so well, so the pain I saw in others after his death was not just because of a fallen friend, but also a loss of the love, encouragement and support he so freely shared. He told us all we could be something more and we believed that, so we strived to go a step beyond our current circumstance. When he died so suddenly, it felt like a rug was pulled out from underneath us, which left us a little unstable. His encouragement and interest in our lives shined a light in us and when it was gone, we stumbled in the resulting darkness. How do we trudge forward without the man who spurred us on? What do we do without the security he gave us? I think we were left feeling like this, not because he would ever consider himself a great man, but because he allowed an even greater man, Christ, to work through him.

Jack Roten with his wife, kids and grandkids to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.” Dad saw a community that needed the truth of this message. He knew Christ took our sins once and for all, bringing salvation and right standing with God to any who accepted him. Jesus did not offer a religion, but a relationship with the true and living God. This is where you would think he would begin to preach or host a rally of some sort, but he didn’t. Instead, he took it one person at a time through a relationship. He kept his office door open to wandering students. He would tell a frustrated and defeated football player that winning was not just about points on a scoreboard. He would show love and patience with a student in the midst of making life-altering mistakes. He would be a father figure to a kid who never knew his real dad. I don’t think he ever strived to leave a legacy, but he was intentional about pouring into others daily. It was so easy to notice this burden because he didn’t just stop at school or on the football field. Both my parents were very intentional about opening their home as well. When they got married, they decided to let God use their home how he saw fit, and God took them up on it.

They took this approach, standing on three specific verses: “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.” –Romans 10:17 “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” –Hebrews 4:12 “…you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” –John 8:32 That’s a pretty good recipe for anyone to follow. They knew that no one can come to faith without hearing it said, that it is the very word of God that comes with power, and that the truth of the message will set anyone free who accepts it. They kick started this desire by hosting what they called Fifth Quarter there on Friday nights after the varsity High School football games. Not being limited to just the football players, though, they would host the kids at their house and faithfully proclaim the gospel. His outpouring continued as he led FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes), with the weekly count reaching as high as ninety

kids. Some of my best memories as a kid come from having the FCA group at the house; playing Frisbee in the yard, throwing me in the pond behind the house and worshiping in the living room. I know it had to have been mayhem and chaos at times having that many teenagers running rampant through their house, but they never seemed to care about that. I am sure that Dad just focused on loving each person, keeping those three verses in the back of his mind every time something in the house broke. Even when FCA was over, they continued to host a bible study at their house during my college years. I’m pretty sure it was an equal measure of continued discipleship of the kids, as well as reining me in for those four years. They succeeded on both fronts. I was kept from making some pretty dumb mistakes and a crowd of twenty or so college kids were discipled on a weekly basis. Throughout my entire lifetime from Fifth Quarter to FCA to the College bible study, my parent’s home was open to anyone and everyone, especially the kids of Watauga High School and Appalachian who so badly needed the truth of Christ spoken into their formative years. Like a brick mason builds a

Dad accomplished many things, but it all pointed to one very specific purpose and talking about how he ran the race and kept the faith would make it about him and he wouldn’t want that. He’d rather make it about you, making sure you had what you needed to succeed in life, both physically and most importantly, spiritually. He would not only make you push one more rep in the weight room because he knew you could, but he also never missed an opportunity to let you know that God loves you; that Jesus is the fulfillment of your deepest need. He was so good at living out the two greatest commandments: to love God and love your neighbor. Finally, I was able to see and understand this on that day. Dad had built a mansion of bricks, one by one during his lifetime, placing each one with care. His accomplishments in life reflected the strength of his moral fiber, leaving us a well-rounded example of how we can all move forward and impact the High Country, not focusing on formulating a Legacy, but letting the love of a compassionate God flow through us into others on a daily basis. He carried the burden to make Christ known. He started with his fierce love for God and his family and extended to the rest of our community. He showed us a clear and effective way to fulfill the Great Commission right here in the High Country. That was his parting gift. I believe my dad fulfilled his mission, but the battle is far from over. He didn’t just pass the torch off to Matt and me, but to every single person he poured into over the years. I firmly believe that our community has been rattled at his sudden passing, and it has served as a wake-up call. The spiritual deficit in our community remains. So many people need to hear of the transformative power of knowing Jesus Christ and the freedom we have in Him. I write this, not only as a tribute to an incredible dad and mentor, but also to honor the purpose, the One, for which he lived his life. He wouldn’t want an article written about him that did not also point to Christ. Galatians 2:20 says: “I have been crucified

with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” He is living in the fullness of that verse now, but we still have work to do. Perhaps we can take the model he left behind and each one of us - take daily steps to be active in sharing our faith, being rooted and established in love, in order to pull back the veil of ‘religion’ to show the power of God’s love. We can do this right where we are in our current occupation, reaching out to others where they are, letting no debt remain outstanding, except the continued debt to love one another (Rom. 13:8).

...

Written by Nate Roten

Special thanks to Nate Roten for writing this article about his dad. We asked him if he would be willing to do this story because we knew he was a writer, having authored 2 books withanother on the way.You can check out Aegis and Embark online at: www.NathanRoten.com

Testimonials Honoring the Legacy of Jack Roten Michael Gragg: Coach was a man of great wisdom and generosity. He was always giving, giving of his time, his energy and his resources. He always had something to give. We are most like God when we give and that was why Coach was so loved. When he spoke, you head something that sounded much like Jesus. I know that no one will ever fill his shoes, but it is great to know that his legacy lives on in the hearts of his family and friends. I don’t know anyone that ever met him that didn’t go away better off after a “Coach Encounter.” He had that kind of impact on the people around him. In the famous words of John Wooden, “Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there. His character always kept him at the top! Wes Berry: Coach Roten’s life was the greatest living example of Jesus Christ I have ever seen. His actions displayed his love of all people, and he truly lived the gospel with relational terms. He embodied the famous quote, “Preach the Gospel always, if necessary, use words.” - St. Francis of Assisi. Coach, mentor, father, friend, he did all with success. Casey Gragg: Coach changed my life. He demonstrated with his life that just one ounce of God’s Amazing Grace changes everything. The way we breathe, walk, honor, lead, and love are wrapped beautifully in Grace, and only God’s Grace is sufficient for all of our needs. Coach knew Grace, and he gave it away so generously. Jeff Keller: Coach Roten inspired me to invest in others by the way he invested in me. I am forever grateful for his interest in me and inspired by the legacy he left for my family and me. After he knew you, he was always there for you, no matter what the situation. He had a quiet demeanor but the heart of a lion. He fought the good fight and finished the race. I hope and pray that his family and all of us will continue the work he left for us to see. Doug Franklin: Coach was always an encouragement to me and everyone he was around. When you saw Coach Roten, you saw a servant of Jesus! He has been a great inspiration to me. Tim Bailey: Coach always said, “Don’t miss Jesus.” So simple, but so impactful and clear to those listening to him. Macky Tugman: Jack Roten changed my life. I would not be the man I am today without knowing him. I am devastated by the news, but I know Jack is with the Lord smiling down at us. He was the very best the Lord sent to be among us and I am blessed to have known him. Rejoice in his life, he gave so many so much. God bless his family and keep them safe. Jody Corum: As a former student of Coach Roten, I’ve had the pleasure of knowing him and his family for many years. For me he was a role model. His daily actions with students and athletes taught young people how to treat and respect one another with true sincerity. I believe he truly had a positive effect on many young people and gave a light to many who may have otherwise found the dark corner. Beverly Aderhold: A kinder man I never knew. Coach Roten was so selfless and giving of his time an resources. I never heard Coach complain, and he was always first to offer to help. He planted the seed of the Lord in so many young men and women, and was so humble about it. His love for others was ever present and obvious. Coach is missed immensely, but he is in a glorious place with his Father in heaven and he has left a wonderful wife and sons who have picked up the torch and are lighting the world for Jesus. David Aderhold: Jesus said, “When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples, this brings great glory to my father.” Coach Jack Roten was a caring and loving man with a a huge heart. He provided an abundant amount of fruit in this community, and he gave all the glory to God. He also took on the characteristics of his teacher, and his teacher was Jesus, and the resemblance was remarkable. I love you Coach, you’ll always be my friend.

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

The primary beneficiaries of our decisions to go and to return were our real estate agents. We owned three houses in the span of 11 months—one sold in Boone, another bought and sold in Abilene, and a third bought when we returned to Boone. While we do not regret our decisions, it was a stressful time in many ways. That Pipe But by far the most stressful event in our moves was selling our house in Abilene, TX. The house was a comfortable 40-year-old home. Most houses in Abilene are built on concrete slabs. Curiously, in years past, they dug the foundations for the house and trenches for air ducts and water pipes. Next they ran the ductwork and covered it in a generous layer of sand. Then they laid the copper pipe and put down another layer of sand. Finally, they poured concrete to finish the foundation.

THE $6,000

About two weeks before we were to close on selling the house, I heard a mysterious “pssssssssst” in the master bedroom. Initially I ignored it, thinking it was nothing. But when Rhonda mentioned it (my wonderful wife, who can be oblivious to major mechanical problems), I knew it HAD to be real—a water leak under the concrete slab.

Pinhole Dr. Ray Russell President, RaysWeather.com

Follow-up to the Summer 2015 Edition

was honored to be a part of the Summer, 2015 edition of The Journey Magazine. Countless people have commented about the article. It was a story about me that few people in Boone knew, but one I wanted to tell. Many thanks go to Ben Cox for carefully crafting the article and to his staff for the photography and production. And thanks for the hundreds of kind words that have come from so many. For several days, I could not go anywhere in the area without someone I did not know stopping me to say they enjoyed the article. As a follow-up, Rhonda and I returned to Ashland, MS, last summer for a brief visit. It was the first return since we left in 1980. We visited two couples who were among our best friends there. Wow, had they become old! We remembered good times, and a few not so good events. All three families had been through so much in 35 years, but

both of the other couples are now grandparents in strong, extended Christian families. These two men were my close friends in Ashland. One had been a church elder for many years, and the other had been a State Senator in Mississippi for 12 years. Upon retirement from the State Senate, his closest election was decided by a 65%-35% vote. He was beloved in his community and district for being an uncharacteristically honest and independent voice in Jackson, Mississippi (not surprisingly, this angered both political parties!). I felt honored to have been a part of both of their lives. The visit this summer vindicated a difficult time for me, when I was a 23-year-old minister in a tiny, poor, southern town.

Friends recommended a plumbing company that specialized in locating problems like this with ultrasound equipment. They came while I was at work. When I returned home, there was a section of carpet pulled up in my office with a large “X” painted on the concrete below. “X marked the spot,” they told me over the phone. A day later, they came with a jackhammer; dust was as thick as fog on the Blue Ridge. After an hour or so of digging, they uncovered a pipe—dry as the day it was placed in the ground. So they brought back the ultrasound equipment, traced the “pssssssssssst” to the living room, pulled up carpet, jackhammered again. And yet again when they reached the pipe, it was as dry as the day it was installed. An evening and a morning; the second day. Next, they followed the trail into the master bedroom--carpet torn up; jackhammer; dust. And there it was… The hot water line with the tiniest of pinholes. I have kept the pipe as a memento. The photo evidence is shown here.

More Stories to Tell I’m a storyteller at heart, looking for meaning in the mundane. I was thrilled that The Journey asked me to contribute an article in the Summer 2015 issue. So here’s another story… As many know, Rhonda and I had a wild idea to move from Boone, NC, to Abilene, TX, in 2001. Abilene was nice enough; we made good friends; we could have finished our careers there. But the draw of cool air, lush mountains, and friends in Boone brought us back in 2002.

40 years earlier someone had failed to put enough sand between the hot water pipe and the air duct. 40 years of expanding and contracting of that pipe as it rubbed against the duct produced the pinhole. That small

act of negligence covered up by concrete 40 years earlier cost us over $6000. It took two frantic weeks of finishing, carpeting, and cleaning to put the house back together. But we did, and the house sold on schedule. Life Lesson I have been reminded of that pipe many times--those seemingly small things that I covered up in my own actions or in my own character that I thought were hidden so deeply they would never matter and no one would ever know. When they come back in costly ways, I think about that how that pipe’s story is sadly evidenced in my life. Thanks be to God who does not need ultrasound!

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Written by Dr. Ray Russell

Ps 19: 7-14 “The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever. The decrees of the Lord are firm, and all of them are righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honeycomb. By them your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward. But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression. May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

Helping at Risk Children Sylvia Edsel & Shirl Daemer

Children Learn What They Live If children live with criticism, They learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, They learn to fight. If children live with ridicule, They learn to be shy. If children live with shame, They learn to feel guilty. If children live with encouragement, They learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, They learn to be patient. If children live with praise, They learn to appreciate. If children live with acceptance, They learn to love. If children live with approval, They learn to like themselves. If children live with honesty, They learn truthfulness. If children live with security, They learn to have faith in themselves and others. If children live with friendliness, They learn the world is a nice place in which to live. Copyright © 1972/1975 by Dorothy Law Nolte Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D. This is the author-approved short version.

hildren from abusive or neglectful homes do not know the power of kind words, encouragement and praise. Rather, their world is often full of a gray touch, loud voices, harsh tones, or just as bad, silence. The Guardian ad Litem program (GAL) was set up by the North Carolina General Assembly. It is a program whereby trained volunteers advocate for children who are already in

the judicial system due to at home abuse or neglect. This program empowers and protects children, giving them a voice in the court system. It is set up to ensure that children in these vulnerable situations are secured in environments that offer stability, love and a future. They are cared for and cared about.

children. Many hours are spent researching each child’s case, their needs and desires, as well as talking with parents, extended family, and schools, and acquiring records and past history which help them make wise decisions on the child’s past and future wellbeing. So it is with knowledge that they can speak and act on the child’s behalf.

For volunteers, it is not just being present in court with these

Shirl Daemer and Sylvia Edsel are two such volunteers; cousins

The Guardian ad Litem Staff & Volunteers (Tracie McMillian, Tamara Lakey, Shirl Daemer, Sylvia Edsel, Tammy Baity

with equal desires to improve the lives of at risk children. Shirl has always had a heart to help others, working with both the elderly and children in various capacities, but she finds herself repeatedly drawn to protect the needs of vulnerable children. “It is like a calling...when you wake up in the night and cannot sleep because you feel the weight of these children’s needs. Often it seems the adults in their lives just don’t care.” She recalls times, when working retail, seeing young children wandering aimlessly around the store without supervision. It was clear that no one cared. One pivotal point, she reflects, was seeing a mother slapping a child repeatedly as they walked across a parking lot to enter a store. Other family members following seemed to feel that this was normal behavior. She wanted to intervene, but felt helpless. “Children want and deserve a stable, loving environment to feel welcomed in… they long for the sense of community belonging that should come with family. Sometimes this does not happen. There was a young man, close to our family, he even lived with

us for a time, who was drawn to commit suicide because he didn’t feel like a part of his own family. When I see a child with a black trash bag full of their belongings, well, I know why I am so motivated.” She continues, “It is a child’s right to have the stability of a family with love, disabling boundaries, the sense of being wanted and cared for.” She commented that she recently read an observation that in past years when a relationship was broken, you did everything you could to see it mended. Nowadays, when a relationship gets tested or becomes difficult, it is just discarded, not being important enough to repair. “This is very true, families are hurting.”

by a bible believing momma who set an example of caring for other people’s children in their own home. Sylvia’s own heart for children is apparent through her active involvement in Sunday school, Good News Club, and taking in her own atrisk grandchildren.

It is this passion from the Lord that keeps Shirl awake at night, but she has found a way to make a difference. Throughout several years as a GAL volunteer, Shirl has worked numerous cases to ensure each child’s voice is heard. “It is their right, it is my calling.”

She worked in the office for the school system for many years. She saw children coming in from needy, neglectful, or at times seemingly abusive homes. She saw the toll it took on the children. She recalls one pivotal point, ”A brother and sister left on the bus one day. It was clear they were not from a stable home. As the bus driver dropped them off his own heart sank. There was no home left in that house. The parents had moved away without their children. Not knowing what to do, the bus driver brought them back to school so proper authorities could be reached.” Seeing this kind of neglect and abuse left a lasting impression on Sylvia.

Cousin Sylvia was raised

She left her job in the school

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

system not long afterward to care for her own grandchildren, and became part of the GAL program when they reached preschool age. “Advocating on behalf of at risk children is what I need to do. I am still advocating on behalf of my own grandchildren. It is a key to not let these children fall through the cracks in our society and judicial system. Someone must be there to ensure their safety, to advocate on their behalf, so that the judge can ascertain what is most beneficial for that particular child. There are many parents imprisoned, many homes unsafe. We gather all the information so the judge can rightly judge.” Compassion seems to be the core value of the GAL volunteers, and a dedication to a cause they deem valuable. Sylvia’s heart is toward these children. “It’s not that I don’t care about the parents. They have made mistakes, but the child is not at fault. We must push past all of the excuses and consider what is best for the individual child. Seeing them positioned in an environment surrounded by love and security is what we strive to accomplish.” Sylvia, a cancer survivor, comments on how faith is such an important part of her life and what she does. ”If I did not have faith, I would go insane! God has let me know my life’s purpose is much more than a job, working, or pleasure. I have found His purpose for me through being a child advocate. How could I turn my back? God put it in my heart to do. I don’t want the Lord to say to me one day, “Where were you? Why did you not do the things I put in your heart to do?” We must listen to the Lord in our own hearts, finding our purpose, following the passions the Lord puts there. It is like our mission.” So Sylvia gets involved to search out each child’s spiritual, emotional, and physical needs, so they can be met. “I support the child. And I pray, I pray for all these children and their families.” Both Shirl and Sylvia agree that it brings stability to the child to have the same person helping them throughout the process of finding a safe environment. A friend, not someone who is always prying. Someone to laugh and share with, and to have the reward of seeing the children, as they get older, wanting to give back in their communities. Because the volunteers are unpaid, the families they are trying to reach seem to trust them more, letting them in their homes and lives to communicate a bit more freely. Volunteerism seems to be a key in dissipating their suspicions and pulling down defenses. If children learn what they live, this group is dedicated to ensuring that the children they come in contact with are learning encouragement, acceptance, security and kindness, so they too can know confidence, justice, and faith, and become adults who give back in their own communities.

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Written by Connie Cox

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

Merry

Christmas

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

An African American pastor discusses steps for change.

ven before the shooting in Charleston, South Carolina, the Rev. Brandon Wrencher was concerned about race relations. After the shooting, he knew the issue would no longer be ignored. On June 7, 2015, Dylann Roof walked into Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in downtown Charleston. After sitting through the service, he opened fire, killing nine people. While it wasn’t the first act of racial violence to make national news headlines in recent months, it put many people on edge because of the location. “Before it was easy to paint it as other people’s issue, people outside the High Country, off the mountain,” Wrencher said. “White and black High Country folks typically say, ‘We don’t have those sorts of issues [shootings and racism] here.’ But with this, because it happened in a church, in a sacred space, a space where it’s clear it was a case of terrorism, folks were outraged.” Living in Cross-Racial Spaces

Race Relations in the

Christian Community Reverend Brandon Wrencher

Wrencher is the African American pastor of Blackburn’s Chapel United Methodist Church, an all-white church located in rural Todd, North Carolina. He grew up in North Carolina and said he has experienced overt racism in his life. His parents were more educated than those of his peers, making him a minority of minorities. Eventually, his family moved to an affluent all-white neighborhood, where almost everyone owned homes but his family rented. He had friends, but when they were with other white people, they acted differently toward him. “I had always gone to school with white folks, but I had never lived in a white community,” he said. “That was a really tough experience. It was there that I experienced overt racism.” Eventually, Wrencher, his siblings, and his mother moved in with his grandmother, and he felt displaced again in a rural community that wasn’t affluent and all white. He said it wasn’t until he started attending college at UNC-Chapel Hill that he was able to start thinking critically about his experiences and to develop a stronger sense of racial and social awareness. Soon after Wrencher moved to Todd, the Trayvon Martin case concluded. He said it was hard for him and that he couldn’t sleep at night. He didn’t yet know the community, and he was afraid for his 4.5-month-old son’s life and his own.

A year later, Michael Brown was shot, and Wrencher went through a similar period of grief and anger. Although it was different, in some ways, it felt the same. “I had developed relationships and gotten a lot more familiar with the social landscape of the community,” Wrencher said. “It was no less traumatic, though. I felt like I had no outlet to speak about the hurt and pain I felt. I just needed some level of empathy and solidarity.” To cope, Wrencher helped organize a vigil in Boone. He later organized another one at his church, which was well attended. People traveled from Boone to Todd to participate. “Those spaces were healing for me, but I still felt this sense of disconnect between wanting to go and be in Ferguson and being in Todd,” he said. “I felt pulled in different directions. I felt, what is the work I’m doing here? How does it relate to my commitment to racial justice? What happened was I started taking more serious being faithful to the call God has on our lives to be salt and light in this community, to love beyond differences. I had tons of opportunities to go to Ferguson and other places, and I chose not to. I chose to try to connect Todd to Ferguson through preaching in particular and through our ministry of prayer.” A Group is Formed After the attack in Charleston, Wrencher said he felt numb because it was too painful. He gathered with the two other black clergymen in the High Country and several other clergymen and women and church leaders to form a group called the High Country Clergy and Leaders Group. “I remember when I broke down finally, it hit me because the black church has always been the hub of social uplift, of peace and care and healing and affirmation and dignity,” Wrencher said. “For that to not even be a space of freedom and harmony and peace, it broke me down. It hit closer to home.” During the first meeting, Wrencher said that the black pastors were given the floor to talk about race and social justice. As the conversation continued, he found that many of the white members had trouble bringing up race relations with their congregations. “The High Country faith community in particular has struggled to know how to respond, primarily because we have such a small population of African Americans and people of color in general in this area,” Wrencher said.

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The group of around 20 people gathers regularly to have a safe place to discuss issues of race and issues of social justice. They seek understanding among one another and hope to change the way that the Christian community in the High Country sees racial relations. The discussions have centered around how the church can respond without trying to convert one another to a particular political party. Eventually, the group settled on hosting a training for clergy called Mobilizing the Gospel: Transforming Leaders and Communities, for clergymen and women and church leaders in the area in November. The Rev. Alexia Salvatierra, author of “Faith-Rooted Organizing: Mobilizing the Church in Service to the World,” spoke at the November conference about multiple topics, including about how to talk to parishioners about race and how to engage with issues of systemic injustices. In the spring, the group will host a larger conference for the public that will discuss how faith, the community, and justice intersect. “My personal commitment to this is recognizing that it’s impossible for me to not feel what other persons of color, even though they’re in different cities, feel in the aftermath of such racial unrest and racial violence,” Wrencher said. Along with discussing race, the group also discusses social issues, such as poverty. Wrencher said that he thinks poverty in the High Country is more invisible than it is in cities because the area is rural. The group hopes to lead Christians in responding to these issues.

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

Wrencher described the goal of the group through the words of John Wesley. Wesley had three rules: Christians should stay in love with God, do good, and do no harm. Wrencher said that he believes Christians do a good job of loving God and doing good. Where we often fail is in doing no harm.

dominated Blackburn’s Chapel. Still, he comes from an eclectic and culturally diverse spiritual background, so he has faced some challenges in pastoring a rural, all-white church. He said that he’s used to verbal affirmation and celebration while he preaches; instead, he’s now learned to be attentive to the ways his congregation does respond— through tears or smiles.

“It’s a commitment to resist injustice and to discover the ways in which we might be silent about injustice or be unaware of it even if we’re not explicitly engaging in it,” Wrencher said. “The old saints when I grew up called it sins of omission and commission. Sins of omission you don’t really know that you’re doing, but they’re nevertheless just as important. To do no harm is to stay in love with God. The three are connected.”

Before moving to Todd, Wrencher attended seminary in Chicago. When his wife got pregnant with their first child, they decided to move back to North Carolina. Wrencher knew he wanted to pastor a Methodist church but wasn’t actively searching for jobs. But at his school, the church in Todd showed up in a job advertisement.

One of the most important steps white Christians can take to be sensitive toward racial issues is to speak with gentleness, Wrencher said. He hopes that people will be willing to listen and learn.

“We just felt connected to the mission,” Wrencher said. “At that time, I just knew that the church took this huge risk on starting an intentional community. We had always been fascinated by intentional communities. There’s a type of slowness and attention to the mundane in life that we really long for. It felt like a God thing.”

“The biggest thing white Christians can do is just to simply learn how to have better language, and I don’t mean that in being politically correct,” he said. “I’m talking about shifting our language to be more caring and loving and compassionate and careful. Political correctness lacks the internal motivation, the kind of integrity I’m talking about. It’s more about posture and about attitude than about doing something. Having the wrong perspective drastically can corrupt and create a diseased social imagination.” Pastoring an All-White Church Wrencher is thankful that racial divisiveness hasn’t

He spent a year observing the church and building trust and relationships. When the pastor left, Wrencher was in a position to take over. He’s been in Todd for two years now and enjoys the rural community. He said that sometimes in multicultural ministry, diversity can feel commodified. It’s easy to talk about it in areas where diversity already exists. Wrencher has enjoyed including Todd in that conversation and authentically seeking fellowship with his church members. In Wrencher’s church, racial justice and multi-ethnicity aren’t a core feature. But the congregation does address racial issues, and he hopes to connect the church to those issues through imagination. He wants the congregation to take seriously their racial and moral formation. He said he once taught a series on the importance of embodiment, in which he discussed the vision for God restoring and reconciling and about what embodiment means for one’s moral and spiritual life. Wrencher said that he wants all Christians to take part in changing the community, but first, he wants white Christians to listen. He said that they often seek instant gratification in fixing problems when the Scriptures tell us to first renew our minds and be transformed (Romans 12:2). He suggested that people find resources to learn more before acting. If you have questions about race relations in the High Country and how you can be a part of the conversation, you can contact Wrencher at brandonwrencher85@ gmail.com or 910-603-0199.

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Written by Chelsea Charping

Members of Blackburn’s Chapel United Methodist Church

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

Life is What Happens When You’re Making Other Plans Bishop Tim Smith Bishop Tim Smith - Overseer to the NC Lutheran Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.

Over 15 years ago, when I was in full time pastoral ministry, I had the pleasure of becoming friends with the pastor of Grace Lutheran Church. His name was Pastor Tim Smith, and he was widely known and loved by the many of us who were blessed by his ministry. Tim and I enjoyed fellowship and prayer together and were a part of a unity and prayer movement in the High Country that witnessed churches of all denominations coming together to worship and pray for God’s grace & Mercy to be poured out in our region of these NC mountains. Well, for those of you who don’t already know, a lot has happened in Tim’s life since he and his family left Boone in 2010. Pastor Tim is now Bishop Tim, overseeing and helping churches in the NC Lutheran Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. In the story below, he tells how this came to be and offers us encouragement for being open to the unexpected in our own spiritual journeys. However, I’ve also chosen to go down memory lane to post a story that we carried in our 2008 edition of The Journey, when Pastor Tim was still here. The message he shared with us then was, and still is, a powerful reminder of our need to make wise choices with how we spend our time and how we determine our priorities. By reading these 2 stories together we get a “Where are they now?” story with lessons for our own lives. May you be as blessed, challenged and encouraged as I was. - Ben Cox

y wife Wendy and I, along with our children Matthew (2nd grade), Isaac (kindergarten), and Ruth (age 2) moved from Catawba County to Boone in 1993 when I received a call to serve Grace Lutheran Church. Boone and Grace were truly home for us. All three children graduated from Watauga High, and Wendy taught for 17 years at Blowing Rock School. In January of 2010 I accepted a call to serve Redeemer Lutheran Church in Atlanta and moved

there—by myself. The plan was for Wendy to join me that summer, finishing out her year of teaching in Boone and selling our house. With the tanked economy though, the contract we had to sell our house fell through, Wendy couldn’t find a job in Atlanta, and we were told that Ruth’s in-state tuition would be in jeopardy if Wendy moved. What we had hoped to be a fivemonth separation actually lasted two whole years! At least Wendy

got her 20 years in with the state retirement system and retired with full health benefits. I was 50 when I went to Atlanta. Wendy teases me that it was my mid-life crisis. I tease her that it could have been much worse! All teasing aside, I had almost gone to Redeemer in 2006, but decided not to since we had two children still in high school. At the time, Wendy told the Call Committee, “The timing just isn’t good for our family. If this were three

Bishop Tim Smith and his family at his daughter Ruth’s wedding.

years from now it would be a different story.” Well, the pastor who went to Redeemer left after 16 months, and they contacted me again almost exactly 3 years later and asked if I would consider a call now! This seemed to me more than mere coincidence, given what Wendy had told them. With much trepidation, and yet grieving our empty nest and figuring that I had one good call left in me, I accepted the challenge of being the Senior Pastor of a large urban church. Redeemer had 3,000 members when I arrived, but they were struggling due to the economic downturn. When I arrived, the budget was exactly $1 million less than the previous year. Hundreds of people had left in the conflict surrounding the previous pastor’s short tenure as well as due to other conflicts in the larger denomination of the ECLA (Evangelical Lutheran Church in America). So here I was in Atlanta serving a large, proud, but wounded congregation with my wife 300 miles away. More than once, I wondered, “What have I done?” Still, as in almost every congregation, there were really good, faithful, supportive people who stepped up to help me find places to live, and slowly but surely, to begin to change the culture. More participation of children and youth in worship. Communion every Sunday. Continuing to find ourselves by losing ourselves in service to the less fortunate. The economy helped, too. We were beginning to grow. We had, relatively speaking, immense resources, great staff, and incredibly gifted, faithful, and generous members. By the time Wendy moved down at the end of 2012, we were turning some corners! We started a new preschool, sent 11 people to seminary, including 9 through our contemporary House of the Rock worship, and started a new ministry called Atlanta Beer and Hymns! Yes, a bar church. We figured if we couldn’t get millennials to come to where we were and do what we were doing, we would go to them! All this time I felt like God really was calling me to be in this place. I felt that I was the right person at that time to be a bridge between the very traditional and formal Redeemer culture and the need to be church in new and different ways to address a changing and decreasingly-churched culture. Meanwhile, Wendy was very happy for three years in her job teaching Middle School in a Catholic School. We finally bought a house in Atlanta in late 2013. We assumed we would come back to North Carolina to retire.

Then, in late May of this year, I got a call from the NC Lutheran Synod Assembly in Greensboro. They were electing a new bishop after the 18-year tenure of Leonard Bolick (now back in the High Country in the Blackberry community). The process was the ancient “ecclesiastical ballot”--a blank piece of paper on which each of the 650 present write one name of one ELCA pastor from anywhere. The top 7 are invited to speak to the Assembly. Though some had told me they would write my name, I was shocked to be in second place! I had to decide at that point whether to leave my name on the ballot. I really wasn’t ready to leave Redeemer, as I felt we were finally poised to do proactive rather than reactive ministry. If you leave your name in at that point, you can’t take it out later. The NC Synod, though, was my home, and their need for leadership combined with the fact that both my and Wendy’s parents and all of our adult children live in NC, led me, assuming I wouldn’t be elected anyway, to leave my name in. On the fifth ballot, I was elected—barely—as bishop for a 6-year term. We moved to Salisbury, NC, where I began my term on August 1. What does a bishop do? I “oversee” the affairs of all the ELCA congregations and professional leaders in NC. I lead worship in a different congregation almost every week, I oversee the call process for congregations needing a pastor or pastors needing a church. I manage conflicts and I help raise up and guide candidates for ministry. I also go to lots of meetings, dedications, ordinations, anniversaries, and homecomings. I’m still learning! What is abundantly clear is that God continues in each of us to work in unexpected ways. Someone said, “Life is what happens while you’re making other plans.” God’s call, for all of us, works that way, too. It would only stand to reason for those who believe that Jesus is risen from the dead that God is still alive, still creating, still calling forth. I encourage you to keep your eyes open and pay attention also. It’s likely that God is on the verge of doing a new thing in and through you!

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Written by Bishop Tim Smith

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

Laying Down Your Idols Reverend Tim Smith A Stroll Down Memory Lane from the The Journey 2008 Edition

Jesus is all you need until Jesus until Jesus is all you have.” Tanzanian Christians know this for a fact. Unconsciously, Boone Christians are spending their time on false gods. We worship at the altar of entertainment and amusement. The amount of time we spend on these “gods” is staggering. In Tanzania, they worship the Lord by spending an hour and a half singing gathering songs-their call to worship. Watching their unashamed worship of God for three or three and a half hours with their entire being astounded us. In Boone, Christians begin looking at their watches after an hour or hour and a half. After worshipping God, Tanzanians share their food and their heart as they ate together. In their villages, they practice radical hospitality. They see unexpected guests as an incredible blessing from God and offer the best they can provide. As our family approached a Massai hut in the wilderness, I wanted to cry out, “Don’t kill the goat!” but I was too late. We ate one of their two goats. I choked down fried goat liver offered as a special delicacy to an honored guest. Returning from Tanzania I realize I’m too busy with things and circumstances that distract me. Something is churning in me and right now and I’m not sure where it’s going. I’m calling my congregation away from self-centeredness and selfishness, of being centered on yourself.

“He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and love kindness and mercy and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God?” (AM Bible) Micah 6:8

t sounds so simple and it is exactly how I want to live. I’m forty-eight years old and taking stock of my life. As a Lutheran pastor, I want to lead my congregation to a simplicity of faith. I want to inspire them to love God and their neighbors. I want to lead them away from the business and circumstances that distract and keep us from doing the things we’re commanded to do in the scriptures. But how do we eliminate the necessary, functional, time consuming problems of ordinary daily life? For example, take the problem of church parking. The state is widening King Street that runs in front of our facility. This will eliminate much of our parking. Therefore, I have been obliged to spend my time looking for property and securing a two million dollar loan to purchase this property because we must meet city codes and provide adequate parking. Yet, just a few blocks down the street, The Hospitality House, our homeless shelter, has outgrown their building and are desperately trying to raise funds to secure a new place. God has commanded the church to take care of the poor and to feed the

hungry. He hasn’t said a word about parking spaces yet without them we would have to close our doors. Somewhere, somehow, we have to find a way to take care of both situations, but how? This past summer my whole family took a three month trip to Tanzania. Eli Lilly, a pharmaceutical company, gave the clergy one hundred grants for sabbaticals. In all, they gave us $44,000 for our expenses and even provided a salary for a temporary pastor to assume my duties while we were away. In Tanzania, I received a real “wake up” call. We live in a charmed community here in Boone, surrounded by mountain beauty and great people. In Tanzania, they are surrounded with famine, HIV and malaria. Death is a matter of fact. Here in Boone, we are concerned with our economic crises, like the falling stock market and 401K’s. In Tanzania the average daily wage is $1.25 a day, approximately $450 per year. Mother Teresa said, “You will never know that

In this world there are two great truths. One, there is a God and two, you’re not it. God commands obedience, not emotions. He says where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Heart follows treasure, not the other way around. We must escape the distraction because God’s purposes require time. Twenty years ago I heard a Catholic priest say this, “Hush, get one thing straight! No one is busier than they choose to be.”

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Each of us must choose between the temporal versus the eternal and the merely important versus the essential.

Written by Pastor Tim Smith

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

He has written in our lives have often led us on different paths. She was the athlete and I was blessed with sacral agenesis. Two very different stories that created a beautiful picture only a Creator God could make. I am so humbled and grateful I get to take part in this beautiful story. Thank you Jesus for choosing me.

Betsy with the Bolick family.

Finding Joy in the Journey and

Purpose in the Pain Betsy Bolick Betsy with twin sister Brittany.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:13-16

As I reflect on this passage I am so thankful for the Creator God. He saw my sister’s unformed substance, and mine. He knit us together in our mother’s womb with precise detail and loving attention. He does not make mistakes. He intricately wove us together for His glory. He wrote the days of our lives in His book for His Kingdom work and our good. The story that

Betsy with her brother and sisters.

Our story began on June 11,1987. It was a typical summer day in Boone. My parents and older siblings, Ben and Blair, were anxiously awaiting our arrival. We only had three more weeks until our due date. Yet, we did something Bolicks never do; we arrived early. I am sure Brittany was already driving me crazy and I needed some space (just kidding Brit). Later that evening Brittany arrived first; weighing in around five pounds. She was the typical perfect healthy baby that every parent prays for. As usual, I made a grand entrance fifteen minutes later. I was born breech and was much smaller. I weighed around three pounds, but unlike Brittany, I was not the picture of perfection. Upon further review by the pediatrician, my parents’ worst fears became reality. My legs were bent and twisted together. They were unable to straighten them or separate them from each other. My left foot was a rocker bottom and my right was a clubfoot. As if that wasn’t enough, I began to vomit blood. Doctors and nurses decided the best option was to send me to Winston-Salem for further observation at Baptist Hospital. My sweet mama had to stay behind while my dad followed me to Baptist. My parents were in sheer panic, unsure of my fate. They pleaded with the Lord to “save and protect me,” yet they trusted in their Sovereign Savior. At Baptist they discovered that I had developed a stress ulcer, most likely due to the difficulty I had experienced in utero. Doctors were unsure I would survive, and if I did survive, would I ever walk? Specialists were brought in for diagnosis, and much to my parents relief, they were told that I would survive and most likely walk. I was diagnosed with sacral agenesis (Caudal Regression Syndrome). Sacral agenesis is a congenital disorder in which there is abnormal fetal development of the lower spine—the caudal partition of the spine. It occurs at a rate of approximately one per 25,000 live births. I was 1 out of 25,000. Doctors explained to my parents that Brittany had received more nutrients in utero than I did. Because of that, I am missing three parts of my lower spine, my bladder does not function normally, my feet are paralyzed, and I have no calf muscles. It is always easy to focus on the things we do not have, isn’t it? To dwell on what could have been? To sit and wonder “If only…” Yet, I pray as you read this story you will not dwell on my missing calf muscles or my broken body. Instead, you will see the many undeserved blessings God has given me. You will rejoice over the beauty that is found in brokenness and the hope that only Christ can bring in the midst of hopelessness. You will see He is a great Author writing a great story. You will see the joy found in the journey, and the purpose found in

the pain. Elisabeth Elliot once said, “God’s story never ends in ashes.” I am so grateful for that truth. He truly does bring beauty from ashes. He truly blesses His children with good gifts, even those we would never deem good. For me, sacral agenesis never seemed good. As I look back on the last 28 years of my life, I can truly see the good God has done in and through it. I have discovered that with every journey there is real joy, you just have to find it. Where Jesus is, there is joy and hope. No matter the circumstances, they are good because He is good. I would never change the diagnosis given to me at birth. I would never trade it, because it has shaped my life and the lives of the Bolick family. Oh, what a precious family He has given me! I could weep as I dwell on each one of them and the blessing they represent in my life. Our family bond is strong, so very strong. They are my most favorite people in the world. I truly believe apart from the brokenness and the difficult diagnosis of sacral agenesis, our bond would not be the same. We have a unique divine closeness birthed out of brokenness. Jesus has the most beautiful way of sealing hearts together in the most painful of circumstances. He has done that for my family. My parents never allowed the breaking of my disability to break us or to break me. They never told me “I couldn’t” because of my disability. They taught me to ask “What do you want to do with this God?” Even when they struggled and questioned, “why,” they never let me see that. Instead they allowed the Holy Spirit to work through them to shape us. He has protected my heart from bitterness towards my siblings. I never desired for them to have my diagnosis or walk the road set out for me. Instead, I wanted to follow in their footsteps. I wanted to be just like them. They, along with my parents, are my heroes. My best friends. My protectors and my warriors. They have loved me with a fierce, protective, Godly love. Ben has taught me God’s word and shown me how to cling to that truth at all times. Blair has believed in God’s plan for me even when I have wanted to quit on it. She has an unshakable faith that spurs me on. Brittany has a tender servant’s heart that humbles me and shows me Jesus daily. God knew, oh how He knew, I needed my family. As I have traveled and shared my story people often ask “Were you bitter that you were the twin with the disability?” It is crazy to imagine that out of 25,000 people God allowed me to walk this journey, One out of two in my mother’s womb and God chose me to journey with sacral agenesis. Am I bitter? That is a great question, and the answer is always, “No.” It’s impossible to be bitter at the biggest blessings in my life. During my first two years of life I was unable to walk. My mom said that I would cry because I could never reach the toy I wanted. I would scoot on the floor desperate to reach it, yet never close enough to get there. Brittany would see my struggle and immediately drop what she was doing

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

to bring me the toy I desperately wanted. Even if it was the one she was playing with. My mom doesn’t remember her ever keeping something from me that I wanted. If I took her toys from her she would never cry or complain. She selflessly loved me and served me often at the expense of her own desires. At the young age of two the Lord gave her the gift to see my frustration. She has shown me the picture of Jesus from the very beginning and has never stopped; even when I wanted to rail at her in my pain. Our parents would come to our nursery and find us holding hands in the crib. That lasted for many years. Even though we shared different rooms as we got older, I often would become scared in the middle of the night. Brittany would come sleep with me. She always acted tough as she grabbed Ben’s metal baseball bat. She promised she would protect me. Yet, as we laid there I would feel her hand snake under the pillow to grab mine. I knew she would protect me. Just as I knew Ben and Blair would as well. They were always watching out for me, loving me, and making me feel like any “normal girl”. Because to them I was normal. I was their sister and their best friend. I shared their DNA, their eyes, and their heart. I may not have looked like Brittany in every way. She was always several inches taller than me. Many would peg us as sisters, but due to height, never twins. However, my mom said we acted “more identical than fraternal.” Even when we were separate in classrooms we picked the same colors and said the same things. We were are so similar, yet at the same time, so different. Ben and Blair still laugh hysterically when we try to mimic the characters and the language Brittany and I made up as children. As we got older, I would beg her to play Barbies with me, and she would beg me to kick the soccer ball with her. We discovered that the best option was to split our time. She would dress up my Barbie and drive her around in the pink Jeep, if I would lose miserably at a game of Horse. Oh, how I would lose! Blair would always rescue me to play dress up. Ben would take Brittany and show her how to correctly shoot a jump shot. We had the best time together, the four of us. We laughed, joked, fought and loved each other. Those were such precious moments for me in the midst of some difficult days. Over the years I have endured surgeries and hospital visits. I saw many people look twice when I walked by. I heard snickers and saw pointed fingers through eyes filled with tears. I sat on

Betsy with her parents.

the sidelines while Ben played football, Blair cheered, and Brittany played basketball or soccer. I spent a few nights in a hospital bed with my amazing mother by my side. I would always get so excited when Dad would sweetly bring my favorite meal while I chatted with my siblings over the phone. They would tell me all about what they were doing and ask how I was feeling. I was never bitter at the games they played or the life they lived. I just wanted to live it with them. My middle school years were not the best. I always say, “Satan gets his mail in hell, but he lives in middle school.” I mean, I only had one eyebrow that went straight across, one front tooth, a rolling backpack, and a terrible knack for fashion. Blair tried to help me, but I was too prideful. She loved me a lot and was quite patient with me; she still is. I felt I had nothing going for me. Brittany was the athlete, Blair was the cheerleader, Ben was the football player, and then there was me. The Lord rescued me from 12 years in diapers, yet I wanted to be normal. I did not want the story God was writing for me. I knew I would never be able to play basketball or kick a soccer ball more than two inches, so I chose something else I loved, cheerleading. I wanted to follow in Blair’s footsteps. Those are big shoes to fill! I loved my time as a cheerleader following in the steps she laid out for me. I loved cheering Brittany on at every basketball game. I beamed with pride when people commented about her talents. Yet, I sometimes wanted to be the player she passed the ball to. I wanted the ability to play alongside her. I remember lying on my floor and reading Jeremiah 29:11 late one night my senior year, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” I surrendered to the plan God had for me. I finally let go of wanting to be in the game. I surrendered the desire to do something else with my time on earth and surrendered myself to my Savior. He deserved all of me and I wanted His plan for me. Later that year, Brittany signed her letter of intent to play soccer at Charleston Southern University and I enrolled at Liberty University. We were no longer going to be a couple of steps away from each other’s rooms and lives, we were now a couple of states away. I had no clue how hard it would be. We

Betsy with her parents and siblings.

missed our friends and family terribly. We missed each other. We missed Blair and Ben. We missed our parents. We missed sleepovers at our best friend Ashley’s house. We missed home. In spite of being homesick God knew that was where we needed to be. It was here that God began to weave our stories together even more than before. Brittany excelled in soccer and I changed my major way too many times. I will never forget giving a speech in my Psychology class and my professor saying, “Betsy, you are in the wrong major. You belong in ministry.” That was such a wake up call for me. I knew the Lord had called me to full time ministry but I had been running in the other direction. I was afraid. After I changed my major, a friend asked if I would share my story with her small group. I remember calling my family, full of joy as I expressed how powerful it was to see God use my brokenness for His glory. I told them it was what I was made to do! It was healing for me to see my pain used for a purpose. Not long after, I was sitting in a parking lot at work and Brittany called me. She was the captain of her soccer team and she felt like they were in a place where they took everything for granted. Whether it was running, working out, or playing the game. Her coach had asked her in a meeting, “What drives you?” Brittany saw playing as a gift. She was driven to play for the glory of God and also for her sister. Her twin sister that could never kick the soccer ball because she did not have calf muscles. Her twin sister that was unable to run sprints due to a dysfunctional bladder. She asked if I would come and share my story. If I would remind these girls of the gift they had been given. I had no clue the journey God would begin the day I traveled to share His hope with those precious female athletes. I had no clue the freedom that it would bring and the process of healing it would start for both of us. I sat in the locker room full of college girls from all different backgrounds and wept as I shared the story God had written in our lives. I wept as I shared with them my desire to run 90 minutes without a bladder spasm, or to kick the ball and feel the connection it makes with your foot. I also shared the hope Christ has shown me in my brokenness and the dreams He has placed in my heart through my pain. He did not want me on the field using those gifts for His glory. He wanted me on the sidelines preaching His goodness to girls that needed to hear it! I looked over and I saw Brittany cheering me on with a smile on her

Betsy with her parents and siblings.

face and tears in her eyes. Our roles had reversed. There she sat cheering me on in the game of life God planned and purposed for me. My heart was full, and I was so humbled! After that moment in the locker room, I received calls from the Charleston Southern University volleyball coach and FCA director, who eventually became the Campus Minister, asking me to come and share with their athletes. I was able to share with a local church there as well. It would be just the beginning of our journey to fully understanding why God blessed us; she, as the athlete, and me, the voice. We are still on that journey and I pray it never ends. As the years passed, I began to understand Brittany’s answer to her coach’s question more deeply. I have asked her honestly what she meant when she said she “felt the need to succeed for both of us.” For so long Brittany struggled with “survivor’s guilt.” She had to be the best in life because she felt she had stolen mine. The only way to make up for it was to score more goals, make the best grades, and be successful. She couldn’t fail me. She had already failed me in the womb. Her talent meant my trouble. Her joy meant my sorrow. Her ability meant my disability. No, that’s all wrong. That is how the enemy of our souls wants us to see it. He wanted me to believe that I got the short end of the stick. That I should have been like my siblings. I should have been like my womb mate. That God robbed me of the life I was supposed to have. I should have been a collegiate athlete alongside her. He wanted Brittany to live in guilt. He wanted her to blame herself and feel the weight of imperfection and failure. I asked her when she finally began to see the truth that God wanted to reveal in the midst of the lies she believed for so long. When was it that she finally started to see that she could live her life in freedom and not shame? She sweetly said, “When you shared your story with my team. I felt God showed me that He was using your story and He could use my story. I felt the weight of guilt and pressure begin to lift.” God in His great mercy gave her the ability to leverage Her gifts on the field for the glory of God. God in His great mercy used my disability to leverage the gift of sacral agenesis for the glory of God. It is all for His glory!

Betsy and her twin sister Brittany.

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

A few years later, she had graduated and God led her to coach the girls’ soccer team at Watauga High School. During those years I felt the Lord calling me to an adventure in ministry with Him. I was unsure what that adventure entailed, yet, I felt He was asking me to hold on for the ride. As I was sitting in our living room talking to Blair, my phone rang. It was the Campus Minister at Charleston Southern University, the same man Brittany had introduced me to all those years ago. I remember looking over at Blair and saying, “I wonder if he is calling about a job?” As I listened to his voicemail he said, “Hey Betsy, its Jon. I am calling about a job.” Several weeks later I accepted the job as the Director of Women’s Ministry at Charleston Southern University. The exact school that Brittany attended and played soccer at. The place that I shared my story so many times. The place we shared our story together for the first time. The place that Brittany began to walk in freedom. Where she began to discover the life God gave her was good and was meant for His glory, not for her shame or guilt. God used her ability and my disability for His glory and His mission. He brought her through those years on the field for many reasons, but one of those was to help lead me to a place where He could prepare me for His plan for my life. I am in awe of His plan and how He weaves our lives. Most recently she accepted a full time position as the Women’s Soccer Assistant Coach at Appalachian State, and I left Charleston Southern University to chase my dreams at Southeastern Seminary. No matter the journey, no matter the circumstances, and no matter the pain, there is purpose and there is joy. We just have to seek Him to find it. When we find Him we desire nothing else than to live solely in His presence. Because in His presence is fullness of joy. He uses the difficult diagnosis, the shame from misplaced guilt, and the broken dreams for His glory and our good. My prayer for myself, my sweet family, and for you is to live out Acts 20:24: “But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.” We all have a course, a ministry that God has given us to testify to His gospel and His grace. I may not be the athlete, but that’s okay. I wouldn’t trade my story, and Brittany would never trade hers. The course God has given us was created just for us. It may not have been the course we would have chosen at the very beginning when He knit us together in our mother’s womb, but now, looking back, we would never choose differently. For in our brokenness we have seen that only He can make us whole. In our struggles we have seen Him as healer and comforter. In our hurts and sorrow we have seen that His presence is enough. He is a good author. His plans are perfect. He is faithful. His story is beauti-

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

ful. His journey is joyful. His grace is great. He knit us together for two very different courses with one very beautiful goal; to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. May we always be a megaphone of His grace. To learn more about Betsy’s journey of seeing God’s goodness, mercy, and purpose through the painful circumstances of life, look for her book Small Enough, which will be published next summer.

...

Written by Betsy Bolick

Betsy with the first printed draft of her book.

THE JOURNEY / 2015 WINTER

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