GOODFOOD ANGERS LOCAL RACCOON

Goodfood’s doing GOOD-ER for the planet by including perfectly-portioned locally grown, seasonal ingredients in our meals kits. We thought there were nothing but upsides to this zero food waste policy (after all, according to Second Harvest, 58 percent of the food produced in Canada is thrown out) until we heard from local raccoon, Richard, who had some complaints. We sat down with him to hear his point of view.

How did you find out about Goodfood’s meal kits?

As much as I don’t personally love the term “trash panda”, I’ll admit it’s accurate, okay? I shop for my meals in back alleys and dumpsters, all right? And lately I’ve been finding a lot of Goodfood boxes in recycling bins and nothing to eat.

So, I decided to find out who this “Goodfood” was. I peeked in a few windows and you know what I saw?

People cooking delicious meals from scratch, using unique ingredients I’ve never tried before. They were learning new cooking skills and eating something exciting every night of the week. Know what I didn’t see? A single scrap for me.

So, what, I’m supposed to just sit back and miss out?! Not a fan.

And GOOD-ER? Pphhh, NOT FOR ME!

Why did you decide to share your story with us?

Look, normally I try to take a “trash can” not “a trash can’t” approach to life, but a raccoon can only be pushed so far. People are happy to make raccoon memes and laugh it up at us on late night TV, but we’re just trying to eat. I’m out there scavenging every single day and I’m not about to chow down on recycled cardboard, so I spoke up. Why should Goodfoodies get it all and leave nothing for the rest of us?!

Is there anything we can do to come to a compromise on this?

Unless you’re going to stop providing deliciously easy meals with perfect portions, I doubt it. I’m over it. This interview’s over and you can fork off. HISS!!

Well, there you have it. Sorry, Richard.