Notes from Jess (Author

I initially wrote up our group’s meeting notes to give full transparency to Mason’s friends and their parents. I couldn’t cope with the weight of responsibility of our conversations. I could have the conversation, but I didn’t have any faith in myself to manage the kids’ needs well enough anymore. I’d spent years working with children and young adults with mental health issues and had used my experience to support Mason through some really dark times. I thought I had everything covered. I thought Mason would tell me if he’d again reached the point of not wanting to live. But I was so very wrong. The loss of Mason opened a cavern inside of me, I lost my identity and my purpose. My confidence was non-existent and for months I struggled to do the most basic things. I was desperate not to lose any of Mason’s friends to suicide and I wanted them to know how important they were. I began regularly reminding myself of Mason’s essence, asking myself what he would have wanted me to do after he’d gone. Mason was my only child; he was all I had ever needed and now he is gone forever. I really hope that our group will create a positive change in the system in Mason’s name.

Although I work for children’s services in Surrey County Council, the views shared in this document are not necessarily the view of my employer.

This document

This document is going to share feedback verbatim. It’s no holds barred, gloves off honest account of people’s experiences. The names of charities have been removed from the feedback as we felt the messages about experiences were clear enough without potentially deterring someone from trying to get help. And we are a small sample size of a much bigger picture. We are attempting to show where improvements need to be made. This is not about bashing particular organisations. Resources are scant, people are exhausted, and we need to come together to genuinely make a difference. The feedback is intended for anyone with an interest in suicide prevention; those working in mental health, schools, parents, guardians and those making decisions for teenagers. Since Mason’s death I’ve spoken to various parents in similar circumstances to my own. We all tell stories with similarities and it’s been going on for too long now. Things need to change.