Bayside MamaMag Dec/Jan 2016 by MamaMag

BAYSIDE

Dec/Jan 2016

WIN a one-month membership at fernwood Summer fun Jimmy Giggle Quibbling siblings Active wear Australian adoption

free Local fun for the Bayside mum 1

WHERE EVERY CHILD MATTERS

NEW Bentleigh East Centre Now Open NEW McKinnon centre opening May 2016 Kids Time Early Learning Centre is a family owned and operated Long Day Care and Kindergarten facility providing high quality care and education for children from 6 weeks to 5 years old. Kids Time Early Learning Centre is a fully accredited, bright and spacious purpose built centre. We provide a secure and nurturing environment for children to play, learn and grow into happy and confident individuals.

Things that make our centre special: A new state of the art building A secure and nurturing environment for children Our friendly qualified and experienced staff 3 year old and 4 year old Kinder programs Fun filled programs enriching each childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s individual development Nutritious and delicious meals using the highest quality ingredients prepared by our in house chef Complimentary Yoga, Music and Sport and French classes Multicultural programming and events

Call us today 9532 9673 to secure a place for your child

31 East Boundary Road, Bentleigh East www.kidstimeelc.com.au

Tis the season I’m having a little bit of trouble coming to terms with the fact it is December. How did this happen? But I tell you what... what a year it has been. I moved back to Melbourne 3.5 years ago after my idyllic country marriage fell apart and the years since have been both trying and enlightening. But this year marks my most important one to date for sure. So much has happened at MamaMag in the last year. What started off as a little dream, a simple, local, Bayside mag for mums, has now become one of the most sought after reads in Melbourne. I’ve had PR agents from all over the shop wanting me to feature their stars (I loved meeting Jimmy Giggle this month!), showcase businesses and promote other amazing mums around town and I love every minute of it. My little team of 2 has grown to 9 amazing mums, all working for me causally and I tell you what, MamaMag would not be happening without them. After being a finalist at the AusMumpreneur Awards in September I got massively inspired from all the other amazing business owners and I just knew I had to take MamaMag’s success and grow it, so more mums could enjoy the fun. So 2016 will see some change, but don’t worry, it’s for the better! MamaMag will be a bigger, better mag, with twice as many copies printed, more features… some great lifestyle pieces, travel, styling, but still with that great balance of local. Mama loves local! Bayside will grow a little bit in distribution, with the nearby areas of Port Phillip, Glen Eira and Kingston joining us. I know right! So awesome! The Westside issue is growing too, so more mums over there can enjoy the fun. Then soon after we will be launching a Northside MamaMag and an Eastside MamaMag so by mid 2016 all of inner Melbourne can enjoy MamaMag, but each with their own dedicated local publication. Beyond excited right now! Gee I’m going to be one busy mama! So what else? Oh yeah, Christmas! Wishing you all an amazing ‘Silly Season’. Have some bubbles for me xxx

@localmamamag

WIN

Contents Jimmy made me giggle We chat with ABC”s Jimmy Rees

1 of 3 one-month memberships at Fernwood fitness cheltenham

My mama summer 10 Fashion & homewares from about town Love for reading Ways to help your child love books

Christmas bubbles Holiday drinking tips

Lovely locals Glen Eira Road Elsternwick

All the tiny fishies Swimwear for your little ladies

Active wear Doing literally everything in it

Quibbling siblings Advice from an expert

Mama of the month Alli Price the Motivating Mum

The amazing brain Understanding kid’s development

Local adoption lowdown A mama’s story

Mama can cook Try these for Christmas day

The journey of 5 under 4 Justine Tuffley’s amazing story

Join the toy library for Xmas The gift that keeps on giving

Only but not lonely Mama’s tale of an only child

MamaMag Dec/Jan 2016

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Parklife 44 Frankston Regional Forshore Playground Kid’s colouring comp

1261 Nepean Hwy Cheltenham 9584 0101

Entries open to Victorian residents only. Competition starts December 1st 12.01am and closes December 31st 2015 at 11.59pm. Memberships valid for new customers only and must be commenced by Jan 31st 2016. Visit mamamag.com.au full terms and conditions.

MamaMag is published monthly for the mums of the Bayside area by Grizzle Design Pty Ltd. ABN: 26 042 138 550. PO Box 8018 Brighton East VIC 3187 Phone: 1300 771 446 Email: info@mamamag.com.au www.mamamag.com.au

5,000 copies are distributed monthly. Editor in Chief: Sarah Cavalier Design & layout: Grizzle Design Sales & marketing: Linda Corr and Daniela Simonetta Distribution: Lara Schendzielorz Like to contribute an article submission or products for Facebook giveaways? submissions@mamamag.com.au Like to advertise in our next month’s issue? info@mamamag.com.au or download our media kit from www.mamamag.com.au The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publishing staff. Reproduction in whole or part is prohibited without permission of the publishers. Health related articles are designed to be informative and educational. They are not intended to provide specific medical advice or replace one-on-one advice from your health practitioner.

Jimmy made me Waiting for Jimmy Rees, the man behind the energetic Giggle and Hoot phenomenon, our excitement was as high as his trademark character voice. That morning at school drop off, the Mums had noticed a little extra care and attention had gone into the morning routine. Shift dress and wedge heels signaled something was happening. Upon reveal of the morning’s engagement, the Jimmy Giggle Mama fanbase was fully realised. As Rees casually entered our brunch destination, he instantly set us at ease with high fives! The tone was set for fun and casual conversation. Ever the consummate professional, there was not one hint that Rees had been on the back of a busy work-filled weekend in Darwin and an early morning breakky radio appearance. You get the sense that, although Rees had no formal theatre training, beside some amateur theatre outside of school, he is a natural magnet of energy and born to perform. It’s interesting to learn that Rees beat 5,000 other hopefuls to the Jimmy Giggle gig. Encouraged by his then, new girlfriend [now wife] Tori and his mum, to pursue his dream to perform on Television, Rees put together a last minute audition tape to answer an open call for talent search put out by the ABC3 network. “I loved performing and I thought, I have to give this a red-hot go at actually being on television, as that’s what I really wanted to do. I didn’t really know how to go about it. And I’d just sort of met Tori around that time as well. We were working at a restaurant together and I was full-time there. I just wanted to earn some money, move out of home and [get] a bit of life experience. And I said to Tori, ‘I actually want to be on television and she was like, righto, a struggling actor forever, what have I got myself into (laughs).’

Although unsuccessful in securing one of the advertised spots that ABC3 had been screening for, the casting director saw enough potential and talent to suggest Rees try for the new Giggle and Hoot series that was aimed at a pre-school, younger audience. “They flew me up and down to Sydney and I thought, gee I think I may be close! And they offered me the job. Then a few months later, I said, ‘what got me over the line?’ And they said, it was your eyebrows! Sideburns and the eyebrows. Facial hair got me over the line! So if you want to get into kid’s television, grow your sideburns and practice your brow lifts!” The sideburns are a bit of a trademark now, we asked Rees if they are a non-negatiable part of the Jimmy Giggle persona. “I don’t actually know. It’s not in my contract or anything. Maybe I should just shave them off and be like, ‘well, you should have told me! It’s like that unspoken thing. Lenny’s struggling with some hair at that moment, so I’ll stick it on his head!” Earlier this year, Tori and Rees welcome their first child, Lenny, into the family. Becoming a Dad has, like for most parents, given Rees a new sense of identity and responsibility. Like his relationship with Tori, the adaption has been quite natural and grown organically. “He’s seven months old now, little Lenny. He’s smiling and laughing a lot. I think they’re a bit of a blob for a few months.” And the greatest surprise of parenthood? “I think it’s just the responsibility (giggle!). Mainly for my wife Tori, and most mothers who are breastfeeding, you do that and it’s a job you’ve been given biologically. And not having that, I could still just zip off to the gym, go up the street, what I’ve always done and this is cool. But it’s that realisation, wait are you [Tori] ok?

giggle

“What got me over the line?’ They said, it was my eyebrows!”

Maybe I shouldn’t be doing that! Flicking that switch in your head, and after a while, I don’t want to do those things, I just want to hang out with Lenny and Tori and just chill at home. Tori’s thrown in at the deep end, because she’s feeding and she has to do that. You feel like your life doesn’t change so much, but it does.” And has parenthood changed Rees’ approach to his pajama laden alter ego? “I think it’s sort of given me more perspective when meeting kids, I don’t think my performance has changed a whole lot. Because I’ve always been energetic and that character hasn’t changed. I feel like I try to get smiles out of kids a bit more, I can gauge how old they are, especially the babies. I think it’s changed that knowing of what’s going on in their little lives.” Rees, a self-confessed hopeless romantic, proposed to Tori with a Burger Ring! “The worst thing is, Tori’s amazing at buying gifts and I’m so hopeless at those romantic type things. I just

second-guess myself, all the time! Sometimes it’s the thought that counts, but I always stumble at what to do, what to get. So I floated the idea of, why don’t we choose a ring together. I’d be looking and didn’t know. So I literally proposed with a Burger Ring. We were just at home. There was no big sky-writing or rose petals on the floor. The big moment was more the wedding, we had an amazing wedding down the Peninsula.” Grab a copy of Jimmy’s “Christmas Party” CD for the kid’s stocking. Jimmy has teamed up with special guest celebrities such as David Campbell, Tina Arena, Justine Clarke, Deb Mailman, FiFi Box and Kate Miller Heidke to deliver you and your family the Christmas album of the year. Join Jimmy at his upcoming Christmas Party tour with Hoot and Hootabelle, Santa, some cheeky elves and special guest Ally McGregor. Dec 21 & 22 at The Arts Centre, Melbourne. For tour details visit abc.net.au/abcevents

Palm Springs Barbi Jumpsuit, $180, < Mister Zimi, Albert Park.

Inca Stone Soy Candle, $39.95, emmelle.com.au

Martha Jean Necklaces, $69.95 each, Crate Expectations, Hampton.

Langdon Ltd Clutch, $135, Frankie+Coco, Hampton.

My Mama

Laguna Black Twiggy Top, $95, Mister Zimi, Albert Park.

Eb&Ive Santa Cruz Flat, $89.85, Frankie+Coco, Hampton.

< Basil Bangs Modernist Beach Umbrella. $259, Davies & Son, Hampton.

Sunny Life Inflatable Watermelon, $79.95, Frankie and Coco, Hampton. Jennifer and Smith outdoor cushion, $120, Coco & Creme, Port Melbourne.

Santorini River Dress, $150, Mister Zimi, Albert Park. >

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Kollab Cafe Small Poly Lunchbox, $19.95, The Supercool, South Melbourne Market.

Marimeko Paper > Napkin, $10.50, Turner and Lane, Middle Park.

Summer

< Soul Catcher sandals, $59.95, Somewhere Someday, Bentleigh East.

< Summer Salt Body Mandarin Scrub, $16.90, Somewhere Someday, East Bentleigh Govino stemless picnic white wine or champers glasses, $29.99 per 4 pack, www.govino.com.au >

Sunny Life Rockingham Beach Seat, $89.95, Frankie+Coco, Hampton.

Basil Bangs Four Seasons Love Rug, $155, Davies & Son, Hampton.

< Kate Spade Highball Glasses, $59.95, Coco & Creme, Port Melbourne.

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LOVE for reading Ways to help your child create a LOVE for reading! Helping your child to love reading is one of the most powerful gifts that you can bestow upon them. If they love the experience of reading, they will approach the process of reading with a positive mindset and attitude. Here are some ways in which you can help your child love reading. Make reading fun. Create a reading fort at home with your child using old blankets and sheets. Grab a book and a torch and snuggle into the fort with your child and read! You could even create a quiet reading corner somewhere in your home that has a comfy cushion or beanbag and a pile of books, ready for reading at any time of the day. Read book reviews with your child. Think about why you like to read. Has someone suggested a book to you? Have you read a review about the book online or in the paper? There are a few children’s book review sites that are monitored online. I used the Spaghetti Book Club site with my students to review books and find books that they might be interested in. Children love hearing their own voice! Use your mobile phone or iPad to record your child reading their favourite story. You could even record yourself first, modelling how you can change the tone of your voice for each character and to show an exciting or scary part of the story. Show your child that YOU love reading and they will too! Point out times when you are reading and talk about why you are reading. For example, you might be reading the newspaper online to find out what is happening around the world today or you might be reading an email from a friend who is telling you about their weekend.

Make a bedtime story a routine and a priority. Think about how over stimulated your brain is before you go to bed. Instead of TV or iPad time, take time to read a bedtime story with your child. This simple activity contributes to your child’s behaviour towards reading. Not only does this give your child an opportunity to enjoy reading and use their imagination it also instils a positive reading routine which they will continue to follow in their teenage years. Visit your local library! Show your child all the different types of books, audio books and magazines that are available for loan. Your child may prefer fiction books or they may like the opportunity to hear their favourite author reading an audio book. Even if your child can’t read the words in a text, they can still attempt to read the illustrations. Illustrations are VERY important. Reading and analysing the illustrations in a text is important, especially if your child is struggling with their ability to read and comprehend texts. Illustrations can add meaning and can help a child predict what may happen next. Imagery also contributes to hidden messages in a text that might require your child to ‘read between the lines.’ Reading skills are transferable. The next time you watch a movie, documentary or television show with your child, ask them to retell the story; make a prediction about what may happen in the next episode or retell the new information that they have acquired. Point out that they are using their ‘reading’ skills to make meaning of what they are watching. By Francesca Sferlazza of See Make Play, Master of Literacy, educator and published author. Francesca is the director of See Make play and runs literacy and craft based workshops for toddlers, primary aged children, teenagers and adults out of Das Studio Automat in Prahran. You can find out the latest workshops by visiting www.seemakeplay.com.au

Chris Humfrey’s

ZOOKEEPER EXPERIENCE!

Spend a whole day with zoologist Chris Humfrey from ABC’s hit series “Chris Humfrey’s Wild Life!” Work at his very own private zoo, and learn from Chris himself! Get up close and personal with over 2000 animals! Discover what drives Chris to work with animals. Who knows your child could follow in his footsteps! This is an exceptional hands-on experience, which is offered nowhere else. Chris has personally designed this exclusive program. Strictly limited numbers of children will ensure that your child will get the WILD experience which they CRAVE! Chris’ zoo is nestled in the foothills of Mount Macedon. It’s an easy 50 minute drive from Melbourne’s CBD.

GREAT GIFT IDEA!

Bookings and Enquiries www.wildaction.com.au Phone 0419 385 24513

christmas bubbles We are most definitely on the right side of the planet to be drinking sparkling wine over Christmas and New Year. As the weather warms up and the party invitations start rolling in, we tend to leave our heavy and hearty bottles of red in the cellar and start opting for delicate and effervescent wines that signal joy for all. Eighty percent of champagne sales in Australia take place in the last quarter of the year and the first week of January – incidentally so do most cork injuries! The grandest of all sparkling wines is created with passion about 90 miles North East of Paris in a region that shares the same name – Champagne. Champagne has a unique set of geological conditions that offers grape production a unique set of climatic conditions along with a limestone-chalk soil type, to ensure there is absolutely nothing quite like it in the world. The bubbles are small and fine and, through a controlled ageing process, it develops a refined complexity that has inevitably earned it the high price tag. The history of celebrating with Champagne dates back to sixteenth century when all of the Kings of France were anointed into power in a magnificent cathedral that was built in Reims, the unofficial capital of Champagne. The coronation service and celebration both featured the wines of Champagne, elevating the status of champagne above all other wines in France and forever etching it into the minds of the people as a celebratory wine. For many people the significant moments in their life have all been celebrated with a bottle (or even a magnum) of champagne – milestone birthdays, arrival of new babies, christening of new homes. However, we don’t need to wait for a significant moment this summer to enjoy a bottle of the finest sparkling. There are many different styles of champagne that all pair wonderfully with food and there is no better way of making a simple moment special; like 14

cooking a roast chicken and instead of an oaked chardonnay, have it with a bottle of Billecart-Salmon Brut Reserve NV. Why not? A non-vintage champagne is the entry level for most champagne houses. Its job is to reflect the style of the champagne house and it will be similar each year. But champagne houses will produce many styles of champagne and the guide below will help you understand different champagnes and how you can enjoy them with food.

Champagne styles and food pairing ideas Blanc de Blancs – 100% Chardonnay Characteristics – Fresh and elegant, can display tension and racy acidity with lemon citrus notes, white flowers and fresh orchard fruit with chalky minerality. Meal pairing suggestion – Start with this wine earlier in the meal as an aperitif or with pan-seared scallops, kingfish tartare and white fleshy fish like Hapuka or Barramundi with brighter, fresher condiments like finger lime, citrus salad, fresh mint and toasted grains. Recommendation: Ruinart Blanc de Blancs NV - Reims Vintage – Aged for a minimum of 3 years, the best grapes from one year’s harvest. Characteristics – Due a to longer ageing period whilst on its yeast lees, the wine tends to develop richer, creamier and more developed characteristics but with refined acidity and freshness. Each vintage wine differs greatly, but as general rule of thumb you can climb the flavour ladder to more equally rich, decadent and complex dishes. Meal pairing suggestion – Duck with pear puree, roast kipfler potatoes, asparagus and some baby vegetables. Recommendation: Pol Roger Vintage 2004

Rose – A pink champagne, which tends to be dry and savoury and can vary in colour from onion skin pink to deep magenta. This will normally have either a small addition of red wine made in the area or has it’s natural colour kept during the pressing stage of champagne production (known as “saignée”). Characteristics – Flavours vary as wildly as the colour can. For lighter rosés think cranberry, redcurrant, hibiscus and wild strawberries and for darker styles you can also find the above but with the addition of raspberry, blueberry, baked strawberry and blood plum. This is not including other aroma and flavour profiles from the floral, spice and baked goods spectrum! Meal pairing suggestion – Cured salmon with dill, lemon aioli, cherry tomatoes and perhaps a Moroccan-style couscous with fragrant spices. Recommendation: Perrier Joüet Blason Rosé Demi-Sec – A sweeter champagne style. Characteristics - This is no different in production from the usual non-vintage wine made by the producer, however there is a higher sugar addition at the end of bottling. For example a nonvintage usually sits between 7-9 grams per litre (g/L) and a demi-sec is somewhere between 30-35 g/L. The flavour profile is, as you would imagine, a racy fresh acidity combined with a decadent sweetness. Think flavours of lemon curd, acacia honey, warm brioche and candied mandarin/lime/lemon. Meal pairing suggestion – Pavlova with passion fruit, cream, strawberries and fresh mint. Recommendation: A.R. Lenoble Riche Demi-Sec NV By Kyla Kirkpatrick The Champagne Dame. thechampagnedame.com

lovely locals

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1. Earth mama - Little Green Footprints A beacon for all things organic and eco friendly, inside you’ll find products for newborns and toddlers (and mama bears!). Elissa is passionate about all things natural and her store specialises in modern cloth nappies. Free nappy workshops take place every Wednesday in-store at 10.30am (must pre-book). 272 Glen Eira Road www.littlegreenfootprints.com.au

2. Lovely lunch - Glovers Station It’s a philosophy that works. “We like our food to be happy so you can be too.” Expect locally sourced organic and free-range (where possible) seasonal food. Herbs and leaves are mostly picked fresh from the veggie patch out the back. The space itself is impressive, once an old car workshop - the heritage Tudor-like facade remains. Inside is a lofty space of clean lines, factory windows and curved walls. Plenty of space to maneuver a pram. 258 Glen Eira Road www.gloversstation.com.au

3. Early learning - Cocos ELC Cocos Early Learning Centre is a new, beautifully designed purpose-built childcare and kindergarten. The first thing we notice upon entry is the friendly welcome from Michelle at the front desk - and then the sense of community inside, as well as great facilities. As the centre is new, there are places available! If you’re looking for child care options, a tour here is well worth your time. 249 Glen Eira Road www.cocoselc.com.au

4. Arty fix - Glaze It Studio Get crafty and creative without the bomb-like mess at home! It’s a drop in studio where you can choose your own ready-to-paint ceramics. We love the idea of painted handprints or footprints on plates to give as sweet personal gifts. Different items are separately priced and once your masterpiece is complete they will professionally glaze and fire your art work to be ready for collection in a week! 328a Glen Eira Road www.glazeit.com.au 5. Retail therapy - Adore Homewares Besides good eats, this cute little strip of shops also has a homewares store filled with luxe textiles, gifts, jewelry, fashion and accessories. Spend a few moments getting lost in the colorful treasures. 266 Glen Eira Road www.adorehomewares.com.au 16

SOMEWHERE, SOMEDAY 678 Centre Road, Bentleigh East www.somewheresomeday.com.au

Shop local this

Chris tmas

Stocking your favourite Australian designers.



Live Local - Shop Local - and don’t forget to mention MamaMag!

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active wear... Doing literally everything in my activewear!

If you’ve not seen the recent social media viral from Skit Box parodying activewear then log on and take a look, it’s hilarious. With 15 million view it’s a spoof that has obviously struck a chord. Yes, we all know a suburb like this and we’ve all had a chuckle when that perfectly manicured lady in a hot pink, leopard print sports bra is just casually buying groceries. True story! However, since becoming a mum, my activewear has become my ‘go to’ outfit every morning. Clothes with Lycra are the only thing I can comfortably fit into until I eventually lose my baby weight and believe me I’m in no hurry to do so as I despise exercising. Just like with hipsters or bogans, ladies who wear yoga pants are now in the limelight so I found myself questioning why am I so ashamed to step out in my activewear? I often feel self-conscious that with all the negative connotations about non-sweaty Betty’s in gym gear people might think that pushing the pram down the high street is the only exercise I’m getting. If only they knew about the day in the life of a first time mum. I want mama’s to reclaim activewear as their first choice of outfit in a morning. So what if I haven’t actually stepped foot in the gym? I have however ironed, done two loads of washing, pegged it all out, fed, cleaned, changed the baby twice, made the bed, tidied the living room, put dinner in the slow cooker and cleaned my teeth all before 9am! Heck! I ought to be a brand ambassador for activewear! I’m kicking personal best’s all over the place! 20

Sure, I could wear some loose harem pants and a singlet but then sandals look best with these baggy trousers and my pedicure from two months ago is now offensive to the public. Or, how about denim shorts and a t-shirt? These choices are great but you have to consider underwear and if you’ve shaved your legs, ain’t nobody got time for that!

My top 3 reasons to wear activewear:

1. It hugs the postpartum body and holds everything in place. Making it comfortable to achieve 18 tasks in 4 minutes. 2. It doesn’t need ironing. #winning 3. You can be dressed for the day in 16 seconds (actually timed it) and your activewear can be layered up easily, to accommodate the Melbourne weather. Women, let’s rise up and unite in an activewear revolution! Be confident in your yoga pants and rock that running vest after all it’s the most sensible thing to wear as a mum. So what if you do encounter that lady with the perfectly styled hair, full make up, jewellery and the loudest leggings possible? Well you just give her a nod and smile as acknowledgment that she too may have just smashed her PB in her own race that day! www.facebook.com/SkitBox Written by Rae Kelly Hill www.instagram.com/verymaverick

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quibbling siblings You hear raised voices from the next room where the children are playing. It doesn’t sound too bad at this point, so you cross your fingers and hope they will work it out themselves. The voices get louder. You hear a few bangs and crashes. Someone yells “MUUUM!” Someone is wailing. There seems to be some kind of emergency, so you rush in to take control and restore peace. Sound familiar? Sibling relationships can sometimes be tricky to navigate, and there is no time when this is more apparent than over the summer holidays. Brothers and sisters spend weeks in each other’s company, having some lovely moments, but also bickering, dobbing or outright arguing. These interactions can leave parents feeling stressed and frustrated, wondering why their children can’t just get along. But what if I told you that this conflict is essential and can actually be beneficial for your children? Perhaps you wouldn’t dread the holidays quite so much if you thought about these spats as providing the optimal training

ground for your children to develop conflict resolution, problem-solving, empathy, and self-regulation skills. In order to turn conflicts into learning experiences, you firstly need to know that children do not have a natural ability to work out disagreements constructively and respectfully. It is a learned skill, just like tying shoelaces, which takes time and practice. Having this understanding will then allow you to switch your role from ‘the judge’ who determines guilt or innocence and dishes out punishments, to ‘the teacher’ who supports children to solve their own problems.

By Dr Sheri Todd The Family Psychology Centre www.familypsychologycentre.com.au

The following steps are a guide to help you manage conflict when it does occur: • Stay calm yourself. When children observe your peacefulness, it allows them to calm themselves more easily. • State the problem objectively, without blaming or taking sides. Your children will feel understood and connected to you, and will then be more able to follow your guidance. • Encourage each child to say how they are feeling. Expressing emotions will help your children to become more self-aware, and hearing their sibling’s point of view helps to develop empathy. • Assist your children to resolve the conflict by problem-solving. Brainstorm some ways to fix the problem and support them to find a win/win solution. This step can be quite complex and may involve teaching additional skills such as assertiveness and negotiation. • If a person has been hurt, an object broken, or a mess made, focus on making repairs rather than forcing apologies. Giving a hug, cleaning up, fixing what was broken, or playing a game together are some different and acceptable methods of repair. Ask the child involved to think of a way to make the situation better.

There are also several ways you could attempt to prevent conflict from occurring in the first place: • As a family, set up some household rules for the holidays so that everybody has a clear understanding of how they should behave and treat other family members. • Pre-empt common arguments and ask the children to problem solve before emotions are heightened. • Try to encourage a balance of together time and alone time. Remember that siblings are not accustomed to spending all day every day together. • Have some activities available that require co-operation rather than competition. Baking, water play, art and craft, physical/outdoor games, or scavenger hunts (with children working together) are good options.

Remember that this advice is not a quick fix that will banish all arguments from your house forever. Rather, consider it a long-term plan to encourage excellent interpersonal skills and sensitive, caring relationships. Eventually, when you hear those raised voices from the next room, you’ll be able to raise your eyebrows and smile to yourself, confident that you have taught them the skills to work it out themselves.

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MAMA of the month This month we chat with Alli Price, Caulfield South mama and founder of Motivating Mum, a business offering support and advice for mums in business. Alli runs networking events, provides mentoring, and runs a fabulous Biz Mum Expo and Awards among many things... What is the vision of Motivating Mums? hhhh! That’s an easy one as it’s stuck on my wall right in front of me – To help mums, the world over, to achieve their business dreams as efficiently, smoothly and happily as possible. In a previous life, your career was… I was Marketing Manager of fab ‘90’s Club – Bobby McGee’s – which helped me understand marketing and how you go straight to the heart of a customer. I also learned to run events here. I then trained in film and TV and was a Production Manager for commercials and corporate videos and it was here that I learned I didn’t want to make more money for big companies, I wanted to help people! I backpacked for many years and it was here I learned the importance of chasing your dreams and ensuring you’re always learning and being challenged. Training as a life coach started me on my path to developing Motivating Mum. What motivates you? Helping people – and most importantly – helping mums. I know how hard mums work, how much they juggle, how much they achieve in every single day and I know that given the time and money they have, starting a business is a huge mountain to climb. I want to help them get there. I want to help them have a fab business because if anyone deserves success in this world it’s these amazing women. Tell us about the little champions in your world, the ones who know you as Mum? melie is my very smart and very driven oldest child to whom perfection is everything. I have literally seen her re-do her hair 10 times because it isn’t perfect! She is also hugely independent and adaptable and has been flying on her own to the UK since she was 6 to visit 24

her Dad. Freya (named for the Nordic goddess of love, beauty and fertility) is my white-haired, funny littlie who isn’t so little anymore as she’s off to school next year. She’s also independent (I wonder where they get it from?) and loves belting out a tune. What’s been the most rewarding moment of your business? Every time I get a mum telling me I have helped her in some way is hugely rewarding for me. I also absolutely love it when mums cry in the Biz Mums Clubs. That may sound crazy, but I love that I have created a place where these women feel so safe and understood they can let the tears go. What has been your guiding pearl of wisdom for the moments where it all seems too hard? I am a gut person. 100%. I never make a decision based on anything other than my gut and can do so in under a minute. So it’s not pearls of wisdom for me, it’s my gut. It tells me this is where I am meant to and what I am meant to be doing and I believe it. Usually we ask what advice might you impart on aspiring mum’s looking to kickstart their own business – Motivating Mums is all about this, so what’s your top 3 tips to take the dream to reality… 1. Understand your target market before you do anything else – only once you know them should you choose a business name, design your business cards, set up your website, develop your packages etc. 2. Don’t assume once your product lands or website is set up that people will flock – this is when the hard work actually begins. 3. Don’t compare yourself to others – it’s 50% their marketing and 50% you projecting onto them.

What was your greatest challenge in establishing the business and how did you overcome it? My greatest challenge was my ex not understanding my business and the importance of it – which I know affects many mums in biz. We actually separated (partly because of the issues with him and the business) – but I would recommend to anyone starting a business that they lay it all out for hubby/their partner – as many just do not get it. Having helped many mums in business, what are a few common challenges you can identify? Starting a business is hard work and a lot of hours and mums really need to do a time audit so they know how much time they have in a week to get the work done. Do you really have enough time to achieve your business/financial goals? Mums in product businesses really need to crunch the numbers. I know of many mums who have no idea what it costs to make a product (including time) and when they work it out they actually find what they’re charging is less than it should be. There’s a fabulous limbo land in business of being so busy you can’t keep up, but then you’re not making enough to outsource. At this point, you will need to take a leap of faith and hire someone and believe that the work will come to pay for them. You can only grow in business through taking on others. What lasting lessons would you most like to impart to your daughters? Be curious and creative, never stop learning, travel, meet new and exciting people and see incredible places, think about who you want to be in this world and the kind of life you want to have – then make it happen, singing in the car and dancing in the kitchen is great for your health and looking after your mother in her old age is good karma ;-) How do you plan to recharge over the summer break? Ha ha ha! My recharging involves heading to a café with my biz planner/reviewer tucked under my arm and dreaming, creating, editing and planning for a new year in biz. And finally, what’s your guilty pleasure? A whole tub of Homer Hudson Chocolate Rock. In one sitting. www.motivatingmum.com.au 25

The Amazing Brain Did you know that babies have far more brain cells than adults? When a baby is born their brain has more neurons (specialised cell-transmitting nerve messages) than it will ever have later in life. This gives our children an enormous capacity to learn and thrive. These neurons form part of our nervous system which is the communication highway of the body, starting from our brain, our master controller, and it is all through our spinal cord and spinal nerves and out to our body, fingers and toes. This system sends messages around the body to enable childbirth, feeding, learning, moving, digesting, breathing and so much more! As our children grow, it is their nervous system which is developing and firing more messages between the brain and the body allowing for healthy brain development.

later on in life. You may have seen a Startle reflex and/or suck reflex in action; these are just 2 of many. As the brain begins to develop these primitive reflexes begin to disappear. However, if they remain present beyond the first 6 months of life, they are considered abnormal and are evidence of an immature nervous system. Poor co-ordination, constant tripping over own feet, recurrent bedwetting, fidgeting, poor posture, poor handwriting and reading skills, persistent thumb sucking and dribbling are typical signs parents should look out for. There is a broad range of what is normal and OK. These are not pathological signs, just that things are not as smooth as they should be in our child’s development.

We are now starting to understand more and more that our environment and our experiences primes and shapes brain development. Children today have many more obstacles to face than what we may have faced 20 to 25 years ago. One of the first stressors placed on our newborn’s spine is childbirth and as they learn to walk, they trip and fall over and later when they start sitting in school and use electronic devices they develop poor posture. These subtle traumas throughout childhood may affect the future development of the spine, leading to impaired nervous system function. Any interference to the vital nervous system may adversely affect the body’s ability to function and grow at its best. It is important to enhance our child’s environment, especially during this period of rapid growth, to reduce any problems developing later in life.

There are sequential steps our children should tick off developmentally. In newborns, we typically see their arms and legs on the go when they are awake. This is unconscious movement which starts feedback to the brain to help wire and connect the brain. We should start to see some head control by approximately 2 - 3 months during tummy time. From approximately 4 months, rolling should be noted and sitting with some support by around 6 months is typical. Crawling in a cross-patterned style (opposite arms and legs) is an important milestone from 8 months to help train both the left and right side of the brain, followed by walking by approximately 12 – 14 months. Once these are achieved, children are better able to perform ‘gross motor skills’ such as jumping, skipping and hopping, followed by the ‘fine motor skills’ like holding a pen and picking up small items.

Our babies are equipped with primitive reflexes which are essential for their survival to the new environment and to provide training for skills

What can we do to guide healthy brain development in our children? Early experiences matter! Enrichment is something we are

coming to understand a lot more of. This is about socially engaging with our children. When our children reach out, it is a drive to socially connect with us, this fires and wires their brain and drives new connections triggering all aspects of development. From a neurological perspective it is vitally important that babies have short bursts of tummy time. This simple act builds up their neck muscles and activates brain pathways critical for balance, co-ordination and cognitive development. A good time to perform this is each nappy change for approximately 30 seconds. Whenever possible, allow your baby to move about, explore their world and entertain themselves with a variety of objects, such as cups, balls, spoons and plastic mirrors. As your child reaches school age, tummy time can still be performed when reading books, watching electronic devices or colouring and drawing. You may also like to teach them stimulating activities like blowing bubbles or balloons, licking icy poles to help develop muscles around the mouth for language skills, perform superman/supergirl to develop back muscle tone and march like soldiers to help co-ordinate left and right brain.

By understanding how the environment impacts the developing nerve system we understand how important a good functioning nerve system is for our children. You now know the major developmental milestones: head control, rolling, sitting, crawling, walking and you have exercises which can be performed at home to enhance brain development. We know that healthy brain development is vital for our children to feel better, learn and engage with ease. Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s give them the best possible start in life! By Dr. Carla Vescio, Chiropractor BHSc(Chiro), MClinChiro, Webster Certified, College of Chiropractic Neuro-developmental Paediatrics (CCNP) Director Brighton Beach Chiropractic www.brightonbeachandsomervillechiropractic. com.au

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local adoption lowdown To say that people in Australia have very little understanding about the process of local adoption, is indeed a huge understatement. People never cease to amaze me. The strange, interesting and sometimes just downright rude questions that come out of their mouths still manage to catch me off guard.

We want our daughter to always know about her adoption, and that it is never something we are too afraid to speak about with others. I also know that this will become more difficult over time, as she gets older and the questions are asked in front of her and she understand more of the conversations.

There have been times when it has taken every ounce of my being to not slap some people for the things they have dared to ask us – but I am pleased to say that up until the point of writing this, I have been able to hold it together, and my record remains clean!

I would like to share with you the most common questions I am asked, and to share with you the best of my knowledge, the most appropriate way to respond when you are told that someone’s child is adopted.

Like the time a woman at my playgroup said to me “So what are you going to do when she wants to go and live with her real mother?” or the time my next door neighbour asked me “Is there something wrong with your daughter as her mum didn’t want to keep her?” or the time that my husband’s aunty told me that “She didn’t think it was right that our daughter’s birth mother should be allowed to see her after she gave her away”. There are days when we are happy to share our knowledge with the whole world, but then there are others when we just don’t want to talk about it anymore. As an educator myself, I have really struggled with this at times, as I know that it is partly my responsibility to create awareness about adoption. However, there are also days when I don’t even think about it and just get on with life enjoying my child and our beautiful family.

For us the process of adoption has been a learning journey. We had to undertake training days and personal interviews with our adoption agency, who made it very clear to us from the start that being open was of the utmost importance. I try to take this into consideration when people ask me questions, as I suppose in the beginning we had little understanding of it all ourselves.

1. Why didn’t her birth mother want her? Was her birth mother a drug addict? How old was she? Is there something wrong with her? Quite frankly – our daughter’s birth mother’s age, name, ethnical background or socio economic status is really NONE of your business. She is a human being – yes that’s right – a human being who has thoughts, feelings and fears all of her own. I get very defensive of our birth mother, because I know her. I have a relationship with her. I know how much she loves our daughter, and I know how difficult it was for her to make the decisions that she did. I was there on the day we bought our daughter home and held her birth mother whilst we both sobbed, and I promised her that I would love and take care of her beautiful child forever and ever. Please don’t judge her. Please don’t feel sorry for her. Just understand that sometimes in life we have to make very difficult decisions, which are not always about putting ourselves first. Never begin to assume that you can understand what it must have been like for her to have to make the decision that she did to relinquish her right to parent her newborn baby.

2. You adopted her in Australia? I didn’t know that was even legal anymore.

4. What are you going to do when she wants to live with her real mother?

Yes you can still adopt a child in Australia. The process is long and takes time, but they are not going to just give you someone else’s baby to take care of for the rest of their life, without doing the proper background checks and making sure you are both technically ‘sane’ and capable of caring for a child. These things take time. The adoption agency has to get to know you on a deeply personal level, and of course then match you with the right child.

This one hurts me the most, although I must say it has been said a few times now, I can sometimes laugh it off, but other days it still rocks me to the core. I am her real mother – I am NOT her birthmother. She didn’t grow inside me and I didn’t give birth to her, but I am her mother every single day of the week. I am the one who reads to her every night, the one who has just recently toilet trained her and the one who she calls out ‘Mummy’ to when she needs comfort.

Agencies work closely with birth mothers to find the people who they consider to be the best parents for their baby. I love the fact that we know our birth mother chose us. It means more to me than I ever can describe in words. I think the fact that our birth mother couldn’t do it herself, knowing that she made the final choice of family for her child, must certainly be of some reassurance to her. All adoptions in Australia are considered open – which means that the birth family have a right by law to see their biological child four times a year. Four times a year is actually such a very small amount of contact, and you have to wonder really how families can form any kind of real relationship with that amount. We share photos, phone calls and text messages more than face to face visits, at this point in time. I send them at the most random of times. Like the times when my daughter has tipped a bowl of spaghetti on her head – these are the moments that our birth mother is missing out on, and I am more than happy to share them with her. It is the least I can do. I am not threatened by my relationship with her. In fact I know in my heart that my daughter will be more emotionally secure in life, if she can see that we have a healthy and functioning relationship with her birth mother.

Her birth mother will always be such a special person in our lives, as without her we would never have even met this beautiful little human being we call our daughter. In all of the times I have met people and told them our daughter was adopted, only one person has ever said to me simply “How wonderful”. I could have just hugged that woman so tight. I understand that adoption is such a beautiful thing to so many people. They are intrigued and touched deeply by our story. But we are a family, just like yours, that are doing our best to raise a confident, self-assured and happy little girl. Her life is already been made so complicated by the journey she has been on so far. All I ask is that when you enquire, do it with genuine happiness for us. Love Chrissie xx Chrissie Davies is an educator, consultant, loving mama via an open adoption, and passionate advocate for understanding children with challenging behaviours. chaostocalmconsultancy.com

3. How much did she cost? The actual process of adopting a child in Australia costs you nothing. Other than the fact that you will be raising a child for the rest of its life! The only time we have had to pay anything was our lawyer fees after he drew up the legal documents for our daughter’s legalisation day.

mama can Cook!

Citrus Cured Ora King Salmon with blood orange and watercress Serves: 6 entre sizes

Method:

Ingredients: (make this 24hrs in advance)

In a food processor combine sugar, salt, dill and zest of lemon and orange. Leaving the skin on the salmon, rub this mixture all over the fish, top and bottom. Wrap in cling wrap and place in the fridge for 24 hours.

500g x Ora King Salmon (regular Atlantic salmon will be fine) 2 x tablespns caster sugar 2 x tablespns table salt ½ bunch of dill 1 lemon zested 1 orange zested Garnish Ingredients: 2 x Blood oranges segmented (or navel oranges or ruby grapefruit) ½ cup of picked flat leaf parsley ½ cup of picked dill leaves ½ cup picked watercress leaves 1 x shallot finely chopped 3 x teaspns white wine vinegar 2 x tablespns olive oil 100ml x Japanese kewpie mayonnaise

Serve this baby up on Xmas Day to impress the family! Thanks to the new Mr Humble restaurant in Highett for this winner.

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Remove from fridge, wash off the sugar and salt marinade under cold water, pat dry with paper towel. Now slice as thinly as you can. 3-5 slices per person. Leaving the skin on the salmon makes it easier to slice the flesh off in nice slices, do not serve the skin. For the dressing, combine chopped shallots with white wine vinegar and olive oil. To assemble, pipe a thin line of the kewpie mayo along the centre of the plate. Lay 3-5 slices of the salmon over the mayo, not on top of each other. Place 3-4 orange segments on top of the fish, mix together the parsley, dill and watercress leaves, dress with the shallot vinaigrette, spread evenly over the top of the fish. Serve with lavosh crisp bread on the side.

This decadent treat is the creation of Jaime from Home Social. He can cook your next dinner party as well! www.homesocial.com.au

White Mulled Wine Pear Tart Ingredients:

Method:

For the Pear Cooking Liquor

Pre-heat the oven to 180 degrees.

325ml white wine 3 cloves 1/2 cinnamon stick 1 inch sliced ginger (thinly sliced) 2 whole star anise 150g sugar

Put all the ingredients for the cooking liquor together and bring to the boil. Peel the pears and cut in half through the core. Remove the core. Poach the pears until cooked. The tip of a knife will go straight through without resistance.

For the Filling 3 packham pears 200g dark chocolate 3 Tablespoons store bought caramel 3 Tablespoons blood orange or fig jam For the Base 200g Ginger Nuts 60g soft butter

Put the biscuits in a food processor and blitz with the butter. Press into your mould. This recipe is measured to fit in a bread tin size mould. Around the outside raise the edges to help hold in the filling. Place the bread tin in the oven for 5 minutes. Melt the chocolate in a bowl over simmering water, pour onto the biscuit base and chill. Then remove the base from the mould. Spread the caramel over the chocolate followed by the jam. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry if it all gets mixed up. Slice the pear and place a layer onto the tart. You can serve this tart warm with ice-cream or, if served cold, I prefer a Chantilly cream.

the journey of five When we shared our Bayside Mama of the Month feature of Justine Tuffley in October on our Facebook page, the post went viral and quickly reached over 10,000 people. But we can understand why. Here is the full remarkable story of just how baby number five came into this world, without an oesophagus, and how Justine coped. In 2008 my 5th baby was born without an oesophagus. I had five children under the age of four when my baby was admitted to Intensive Care for five months. I was really looking forward to a simple pregnancy. I had big plans. After spending my two previous pregnancies, both with twins, on the couch and gaining over 20kg each time I was going keep fit and aim for less than 10kg weight gain. By 36 weeks I was getting really worried that something was wrong. I was rapidly gaining weight and it all appeared to be on my belly. My skin was stretched so tight it had a translucent shine and the smallest prod was painful. The nights dragged slowly by as I couldn’t lie down. I grew out of all my clothes from my previous twin pregnancies. This baby was going to be enormous. I listened in horror when the doctor murmured “10 pound baby”. The birth was a blur. My waters broke at home and instead of a trickle it seemed a torrent. I waddled into the hospital holding towels to contain the flow. Soon the clear fluid turned to blood and I remember the Obstetrician saying to me “You’ve clearly got polyhydramnios, a small baby and placental rupture so I’m calling the Royal Childrens Hospital NOW” and me thinking “Oh dear that really doesn’t sound good, there goes my drug free birth”. Hugo was a little thing, just 5 pounds. He came out frothing at the mouth and a strange blue colour. A team of doctors from Intensive Care took him off in what we fondly refer to as “The Spaceship”. Three days later I was well enough to go and visit. The doctor gave me 34

a run through of what to expect – months in hospital, major surgery at 3 months, a high chance of complications and eventually he would go home but require tube feeding. I was really cross. My response was “I am NOT taking him home tube fed. He will have to stay here until he is better. I cannot cope with a tube fed baby.” But as the days and weeks rolled on the daily hospital visits began to take their toll. I was miserable, exhausted and consumed with guilt. In an effort to feel better I began writing down positive thoughts in a notebook. My first entry was: 1. I am lucky my parents in law live in Adelaide 2. I am lucky they are only staying 1 week 3. I am lucky that there is free milo here I never wrote more than 3 things. Some days I could easily have written ten things for which I felt grateful, but that would have made the days when I struggled for anything positive so much worse by comparison.

“I remember the Obstetrician saying to me I’m calling the Royal Childrens Hospital NOW” and me thinking “Oh dear that really doesn’t sound good, there goes my drug free birth”. I learnt to slow down and savour my time. I would cradle Hugo in my arms, stroke his head and cheeks, rub his back and concentrate all my attention on him. This practice of “mindfulness” was simply appreciating the moment and paying attention.

under four My sleep suffered. I desperately wanted time when the kids were all in bed, which meant I was going to bed too late. And when I did go to bed my mind wouldn’t switch off. I learnt breathing techniques to combat the endless chatter in my mind. My chaotic and jumbled thoughts, my worry and guilt would be replaced by rhythmical counting and finally I found sleep. I was so fortunate. I had hope where others had none. I realised it was the simple things that made a difference. Getting enough sleep, going for a walk, learning to relax, remembering to be grateful and focusing my attention what was happening right now. I discovered that a healthy diet really does wonders for your mood compared to a diet of milo and toast.

“I am NOT taking him home tube fed. He will have to stay here until he is better. I cannot cope with a tube fed baby.” Hugo did come home tube fed. I assembled a homemade feeding system hanging from his pram so I could get out and about. He would vomit 10-20 times a day so I wrapped him in towels. I had many strange looks and some awful thoughtless comments.

He had more surgery to stop the vomiting and at the aged of 2 he still refused to eat. The RCH hospital suggested I look into a clinic in Switzerland specialising in getting tube fed babies to eat, but the cost was astronomical and with four other children it wasn’t practical. Instead I read all the papers the clinic had published and decided to do it myself from home. After months of frustration I removed his feeding tube for the last time. We celebrated that night. A chapter of our life was over. We were blessed to have had our time at the hospital. I learnt so many strategies to cope with challenges and set backs. It really is the simple things that are the most important. Dr Justine Tuffley, a former GP, helps women who are feeling overwhelmed get their health back on track through diet, exercise and stress management. She also runs Corporate Stress Management workshops. www.drjustinetuffley.com.au

join a toy library for Chistmas! She toddles in. Her whole chubby face lights up with delight. You can feel yourself relax. You say: “Would you like to take this toy home? Or this one?” Toy libraries are wonderful places. Unlike taking a small child to a toy shop (how on earth can one leave a toy shop with a small child in tow without a tantrum - or an unplanned purchase?), toy libraries are stress free, because at the end of your visit, your child gets to take toys home. Have you ever given a child an expensive present – only to find that they play with it for only a few minutes, and then never again? If your toys come from a toy library, this doesn’t matter – just revisit your toy library for a fresh batch of toys. Toy libraries are full of high quality, durable toys. Just imagine the most beautiful, most expensive toys in the toy shop, that you always wanted to buy for your little ones, but couldn’t quite justify the expense: that iconic Melbourne tram toy, beautiful wooden puzzles, a gorgeous recycled plastic tea set. Or, toys that you want for a fortnight, but not forever: a cozy coupe (those red and yellow toy cars that kids can sit inside and take up too much space), or a toy that plays electronic nursery rhymes. These are the toys that are available at your local toy library - at a fraction of the price. Your toy library

coordinator is a treasure of information about which toys are best for your child at each stage of their life. Christmas can be a stressful time, with family to negotiate, food to prepare, and presents to purchase. If you aren’t already a member, why not join a toy library for Christmas? For a typical annual fee of less than $100, you can borrow thousands of dollars worth of toys. What a saving! Every year, far too many broken or unwanted toys are thrown into landfill. By using a toy library, your little ones still get the benefit of playing with a wide variety of toys, but in an environmentally friendly way. Toy libraries are everywhere. If you don’t know where your local is, find out on the Toy Libraries Australia website, at www.toylibraries.org.au. She toddles to the front desk, cutely-yetawkwardly clutching a toy spaceship and a plastic baby doll. The lady squishes a toy library stamp onto the back of her pudgy hand. She toddle-runs into the foyer, you know she can’t wait to get home to play with her new toys. Melissa Makin is a mum of a 2 year old and 5 year old, most of the toys her kids play with are from her local toy library. She also runs SETLS: SErious Toy Library Software: www.setls.com.au 36

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Work your own hours and for yourself within the salon with colour supplied, established clientele and superannuation paid. Must have at least 7 years experience and be up to date with the latest trends or willing to learn. Contact Charlotte for details. 11 WALTHAM STREET SANDRINGHAM CALL 9598 1692 www.lesalonmelbourne.com

Hampton Children’s Playhouse Play and socialise in a fun, safe place Hampton Children’s Playhouse, established in 1978, is one of Melbourne’s best community facilities for young families. The Playhouse offers a place where parents and pre-school children can play and learn together in a safe environment. Enjoy the benefits of being a member You and your child/children can: • play on safe, toddler-friendly equipment and with hundreds of age-appropriate toys • participate in activities, including music and story-time sessions, as well as animal visits • attend events, such as Easter and Christmas parties For under $5 per week - Your children will love it and so will you! To join email waitlist@hamptonchildrensplayhouse.com.au 12 Willis Street, Hampton 3188 Phone: 9598 0729 www.hamptonchildrensplayhouse.com.au Tuesday and Wednesday 9.30am - 2pm | Mon/Thurs/ Friday 9.30am -12pm Live Local - Shop Local - and don’t forget to mention MamaMag!

only but not Let me set the scene and give you a glimpse into my childhood. I was born in the early 70s to my Mum and Dad, who had married four years before I came along. I was the first and only child from their union. When I was almost three, they divorced. Back in those days, that was pretty scandalous and not at all common. So here’s my Mum in the mid 70s – a single parent with an only child. I lived with Mum and spent time with my Dad on weekends. I was happy being an only child as I didn’t know any different. From memory, I didn’t give it too much thought that I didn’t have siblings and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t that kid who longed for one either. At primary school it didn’t matter to me or my friends that I was an only. Mum and I would go on holidays with other families and I didn’t feel as if I was missing out. It was when I got to secondary school where the real conversation around divorce and being an only child started. Suddenly it was a ‘thing’ and statements like ‘Oh, you’re an only child, that makes sense!’ and ‘It’s really sad that you don’t have brothers or sisters’ were thrown around. I was actually shocked and hurt by comments like this. Mum had done such a good job of creating a life that didn’t make me feel ‘odd’ and I became quite defensive about the whole subject. I felt lucky and loved and special – not ‘sad’ or ‘unfortunate’ because I didn’t have siblings. On top of the ‘only child’ comments came others like, ‘And she doesn’t have a steady father figure in her life’ which upset me even more. Like I was double-doomed because I was an only and I didn’t live with my Dad. I soon learnt that people love to pass judgement on situations they usually know very little about.

My relationship with my Dad wasn’t easy, but he did everything he could to make me feel loved and supported. I can’t imagine it was easy for him being a part-time Dad, especially of a young girl who had a very strong bond with her mother. Dad remarried when I was 13, and I gained a step-Mum and step-sister, who was 8 years younger than me. It was an interesting dynamic and I’m pretty sure my Dad felt outnumbered, as the three of us would often gang up on him (in a nice way!). A few years later, I gained a half-brother and a few years after that I gained another. So in my extended family on Dad’s side, there are two girls (including me) and two boys ranging from 20-42. Although I never lived with my new siblings, I now have adult relationships with them that I cherish. I still don’t have a grasp on stuff like sibling rivalry, fighting with them and all that goes with having your siblings in the same house, but I do know that I feel lucky to have them in my life. Fast forward to a point in my late twenties, when I wasn’t sure if I even wanted children. I’m certain my Mum had worries that she may never become a grandmother. Fast forward to now and here I am with my own only child, and a girl too. I had a very tough time with my pregnancy and my introduction to motherhood was extremely

lonely difficult. That’s a whole different story, but because of that, I have chosen not to have any more children. So, do I think Ava is ‘unfortunate’, ‘lonely’ or ‘spoilt’? No, I don’t. Sure, she asks me about whether I’ll have another baby, but I carefully explain that I won’t be having another child. Although, she’s only 5, I know part of her understands. For the first four years of her life, she saw me in and out of hospital, in pain, on and off crutches (etc, etc) and she gets that part of it – it’s normal to her. Thankfully the worst is over but what happened to me will affect me for the rest of my life and in years to come the hospital visits will start up again.

So what’s with the judgement surrounding parents who only have one child? Some people have one and then realise they are unable to have another. And for some, it’s a lifestyle choice. And not everyone can afford it either. Why do people think they can pass judgement when they don’t have a clue about your situation and your life? I would have thought, that in today’s society, we’d all be a bit more open to different scenarios. But it seems that not much has changed since the 70s. Sigh! I sincerely hope that as Ava grows older, it doesn’t become an issue for her. She is an amazing, strong, resilient little person, but she’s also a very sensitive little soul. Fingers crossed I do a good job of guiding her through it all. By Lauren Peters, mother to Ava and blogger at meandmygirl.com.au

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Parklife Frankston Regional Foreshore Playground The days are warm and long, the sun is scorching, it’s time for a roadtrip to explore Melbourne’s great beaches! Heading down the Mornington Peninsula is a popular day out, and any such venture should include a stretch and play at the grand Frankston Regional Foreshore Playground. In fact, this area is a destination all of its own, and may be your entire day out adventure. Grab some snags for the bbqs or pack a picnic and set up on the shaded table areas. The playground here is spacious, partially shaded by sail cloths and abundant with lush grass to run upon. There’s separate toddlerjunior and senior-level play areas, to ensure fun all ages. The park gets especially busy in summer holidays and as its quite spread out, if you’re outnumbered by a few children running in different directions, you will need to pay careful attention! The playground is fenced off from the highway, but not the carpark and there is direct access on to the beach in the corner behind the castle play structure – so be mindful of kids running around the back! As always, scope the park area fully before letting your littlies loose to burn some of the build up energy from the roadtrip!

There’s two lots of standard swings as well as one of the basket swings that we love so much due to their hammock like nature! But don’t get too comfy, hope you’re wearing your activewear, because this is the perfect playground for an incidental workout while you keep an eye on the children! The largest play structure is made up of a wooden castle. There are many nooks and tunnels to let the imagination run wild. Ramps twist around the castle, leading to chain bridges, a telescope look out and wave and tunnel slides! There’s a small wall that has a rock climbing face, as well as hidden tunnels to be explored will reveal musical features, colorful counting beads and wooden naughts and crosses. The more toddler friendly space includes a sandpit with digger, balancing blocks as well as some monkey bars and beams to delight. The sandpit is well shaded. Notable event dates: The annual Sand sculpting Australia exhibition (Zoo theme) runs 26 Dec – April 2016. Frankston Waterfront Festival – weekend 16th & 17th of January 2016.

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