Choose kindness

Wouldn’t it be nice if all children were kind?

As kids head back to school, it’s a timely opportunity to read the following advice from Dolly’s Dream and think about bullying and how we can spot, and stop, it.

Dolly’s Dream was created by Kate and Tick Everett following the shattering loss of their 14-year-old daughter, Dolly, to suicide, after ongoing bullying. Kate and Tick’s goal is to prevent other families walking this road. They want to change the culture of bullying by addressing the impact of bullying, anxiety, depression and youth suicide, through education and direct support to young people and families.

So what is bullying?

Bullying is behaviour which causes harm or hurt and is done deliberately and repeatedly. A person being bullied may feel intimidated, helpless, or unable to stop it happening.

Bullying can be:

• Physical – such as hitting, shoving, tripping or kicking • Verbal – such as insults, threats, or nasty teasing • Social – such as spreading ugly rumours or telling people not to be friends with someone • Cyber – such as spreading nasty gossip about someone online or posting embarrassing pics without their permission.

Cyber bullying can be anonymous, involve large numbers of people, and go on 24/7.

The national definition of bullying for Australian schools (bullyingnoway.gov.au)

says: Bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that intends to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening. Bullying can happen in person or online, via various digital platforms and devices and it can be obvious (overt) or hidden (covert). Bullying behaviour is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time (for example, through sharing of digital records). Bullying of any form or for any reason can have immediate, medium and long-term effects on those involved, including bystanders. Single incidents and conflict or fights between equals, whether in person or online, are not defined as bullying.

Did you know:

• Around 1 in 4 school-aged children in

Australia has been bullied recently, with 1 in 5 bullied online recently • Each year, approximately 45 million bullying incidents occur in Australian schools. • School is the most common place where teens experience bullying, followed by online spaces. • Most of those who have been bullied online have also been bullied in person. • Young people affected by bullying may suffer harm to their wellbeing, education and relationships. • Compared to unaffected young people, they are at higher risk of various health problems, including mental health concerns. • The risks are especially high for those who have been bullied and have also bullied others. • Sometimes teens understand bullying differently to adults or have been hurt by other bad behaviours. Rather than arguing about ‘is it really bullying?’, we should focus on finding out what happened, the impacts, and what we can do to keep everyone safe and respected.

What can parents do to support their kids?

• Teach our kids to recognise when they need help – when they can’t solve a problem, or are feeling stressed, upset, scared, sleepless, or overwhelmed. • Help them make a list of trusted adults they could talk to. • Teach them the key steps to asking for help, including deciding who to ask, thinking about what to say beforehand, finding a quiet time and place to talk, and telling other people if the first person can’t help them. • Remind them that everyone needs help sometimes – including parents.

What advice could you give to other parents or carers?

• Children sometimes don’t want to tell parents that they’re being bullied because the parent might take their device away or the parent might go down to the school. • If your child says they’re being bullied, it’s important to stay calm and let them know they’ve done the right thing by telling you. • Ask them for the full story and explain that bullying is never ok and that’s it’s normal to feel upset. • Don’t respond to the bullying by becoming aggressive yourself, as this is likely to make things worse. • Connect with your child’s school to discuss the situation. Make an appointment and bring a list of the incidents mentioned by your child. • Every school in Australia should have an anti-bullying policy which you can often find on the school’s website. So prepare yourself by reading the document before your meeting. • The school and teachers will also want the bullying to stop so remember that you’re on the same team.

What can we do about cyber bullying?

• Bullying often takes place at and around schools. But it also happens online. • Many parents might have experienced bullying when they were young, but home would be their safe place where they wouldn’t have to deal with that anymore.

Yet, for today’s young people, the bullying can feel like it never stops. When they’re at home, they might be receiving messages and seeing things online. • If the bullying happens online, you can report it to the website where it happens, like Instagram or Facebook. • If the content is not taken down, the eSafety

Commissioner has an online reporting tool where they have a strong compliance rate and provide valued advice to families.

For more advice visit dollysdream.org.au. Following two years of severely disrupted school and home life, Smiggle and Dolly’s Dream are asking Australian kids to choose kindness when they head back to school for 2022. To help spread the message they have created a cobranded Choose Kindness keyring to be sold to raise funds for the anti-bullying organisation as part of its ongoing partnership supporting young people and parents. The Choose Kindness keyrings are just $2 and available from Smiggle stores all over Australia and online now, with the proceeds from the keyrings sold donated to Dolly’s Dream.