Renovate your relationship

3 ways parents can practice selfcompassion

Have words to the effect of, ‘I never signed up for this!’ ever leaked out of your mouth? Maybe it was whilst desperately wrangling a fiercelooking child as you wrenched them away from their screaming sibling? Was is it in the form of a frustrated sigh whilst on all fours trying to wipe up the aftermath of an upturned bowl of cooked rice now stuck to the furniture? Maybe you’d contemplated this during the dark hours nursing a feverish baby and wracked by worry as you calculated the precious hours of sleep that you might never get back? Could it have been the nervous anticipation as you waited up for the newly licensed driver to return home safely? Run into another parent down the street and the majority of them will usually mention how ‘busy’ they are. Most of us want to provide a life that was just as good as, or better than, what we had.

Many mums and dads are feverishly seeking to keep up with the abundance of activities on offer that expose our children to a myriad of pre- or after-school sports and arts in the hope they’ll be the best that they can be. In the meantime, we can neglect what’s inherently important—the relationship we have with them and the example we set. I love to think of the impact of the amazing people I work with in counselling on their future generations—with their newly acquired conflict resolution and communication skills amongst other things.

RENOVATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

Whether you’ve mucked up at work, forgotten the dress-up day at school or your teenager refuses to detach from that online game, your brain is the key to responding positively to all these challenges.

We won’t always seamlessly execute the greatest response, but when we do there’s certainly no point in continuing to repeat that pattern of overwhelm. The secret is to learn skills to manage anxiety and frustration. I draw your attention to the importance of nurturing parental physical and psychological wellbeing. It’s our responsibility to model this for our children by focusing on our continued growth and change. Whilst parenting involves plenty of self-sacrifices, we create a beautiful nurturing environment for our children when we nourish ourselves. Here are three examples:

Sweat so you don’t forget:

One great way to rejuvenate your mind is through exercise. Sorry mum and dad bods, there’s no avoiding this one. Your brain loves it and you’ve got a better chance of keeping up with your children’s energy levels too.

Encourage your little student cherubs to take short bursts of exercise before they try to accomplish a new task as they’ll have a far better chance of remembering how to do it. Meanwhile you’ll be able to focus better at work, and improve your comprehension both for tasks at hand and up to 48 hours later! Don’t set yourself up for failure. Start slow and build up to longer stints of exercise so it’s a habit. Repetition and consistency are key.

The benefits will undoubtedly flow through to all your relationships when you’re feeling better within yourself from all those happy endorphin chemicals, as well as looking great.

A beautiful mind:

Parenting involves so many joyful, exciting, sad and frustrating twists and turns. For this reason, it’s handy to develop a game plan for being more flexible and resilient and able to deal with challenges in the most optimum way. As a start, perhaps you could set aside some regular 15-minute time slots to visualise, plan and write down what your best version of you looks like? Your core values about parenting and relationships can be quite different from the next person. Who is the ideal you as a parent, sibling, daughter, son etc? What blockages exist that are stopping you from making any changes required? You can do anything you put your mind to and inspiring your children should be right up there in your top priorities. Seek out authors or experts in the fields you’re challenged by and enjoy a beautiful mind.

Stay social:

A parent with a rich private life that features integrity through contribution as well as plenty of fun launches healthy, balanced children to their success! Whether you join some sort of meet-up group, find a new hobby, join a fitness group or chat online, your children will benefit from learning about your enriched social life.

Edited extract from Renovate Your Relationship by Joanne Wilson, now available at all good bookstores and online at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com