Stress-free holidays

Dr. Liza Varvogli Psychologist and Parenting Expert

STRESS-FREE Holidays

Stress-Free Holidays

Dr. LIZA VARVOGLI

Copyright Š 2017 Dr. Liza Varvogli All rights reserved.

First Edition: December 2017

STRESS-FREE HOLIDAYS

DR. LIZA VARVOGLI

Contents A Note from Dr. Varvogli ............................................................ 4 The #1 Hidden Holiday Stressor and What to Do About It ........ 6 Beat the Holidays Blues ............................................................. 11 Tips for Parents to Cope with Holiday Stress ............................. 17 How to Deal with Difficult Family Members ............................ 23 Teach Your Kids the True Meaning of the Holidays .................. 30 Join my newsletter ..................................................................... 37 About the Author ....................................................................... 38

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A Note from Dr. Varvogli

This free e-book is my thank you for joining my newsletter.

It consists of a collection of practical advice about how to handle holiday stress. As you may know from first-hand experience, stress in not exclusively related to hard and difficult times; even good times can be stressful, taking away the fun and leaving us depleted and tired. That was the reason I thought to intrigue you to examine what’s stressful for you this holiday season and offer you some practical tips to manage your stress. After all, you deserve to enjoy the holidays stress-free!

Enjoy the Holidays, Dr. Liza Varvogli www.varvogli.com

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The #1 Hidden Holiday Stressor and What to Do About It The holiday season is the time of the year when stress and depression are on the rise. With presents to buy, decorations to hang, food to make, guests to host, endless lists of “to do’s” and still only 24 hours in the day, the holiday season can be exhausting before it even starts! How is that possible, when everybody wants to have a good time and enjoy themselves during the holidays? The answer is that there is a tricky and sneaky holiday stressor that most people don’t know about: overly high expectations.

We have overly high expectations when we think that we can do the stunning glossy magazine decoration in a couple of hours and the fraction of the cost. Another sign of high 6

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expectations is when we believe that we can deal with our job, the kids, the errands, the day-to-day responsibilities and at the same time transform our kids, their behavior, the needs of our household to fit a standard that we created with our imagination. We set unrealistic standards when we think that we can transform ourselves and lose the weight, tone, get a celebrity look in three simple moves. And when all that fails, we feel down, stressed, even defeated. And all that just because we get carried away by what we would like our reality to be, instead of focusing on what our reality is. So how can avoid the holiday stress that’s associated with high expectations, that goes hand-in-hand with perfectionism?

Maintain a realistic approach and keep your expectations balanced. Dream, imagine, plan, execute, but also keep in mind that things won’t necessarily go the way you want, that something will go wrong, and that life is not a mirror image of what we see in media and particularly in social media.

Let go of perfectionism. Do your best but acknowledge that things may go wrong because you cannot control everything and everyone. Accept that this is fine too!

Strike the right balance between doing and taking time to rest. If you are tired, lacking sleep, chronically fatigued, 7

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taking on too many tasks and responsibilities, chances are that you won’t be able to accomplish everything on your list.

Allow for time to rest and recharge. Remember not to overschedule and avoid going to extremes. Listen to your body for signals of fatigue and take time to recharge your batteries.

Follow your intuition. What’s good for one family may not be good for another, and that’s the way it is. If you and your family need a more relaxed pace, less scheduling, more spontaneity, then do just that. Don’t try to fit a model that’s not right for you -not to mention that there’s not a single best-model-that fits-all.

Stick to a budget. I know, everyone says that and there’s a good reason. It’s so easy to go overboard and overspend, usually on utterly useless items that don’t even make a difference, which we forget the art of mindful spending.

Create a budget and stick to it.

Redefine the meaning of holidays for you and your family. While we are on the ‘overspending’ section, most people get stressed and disappointed around the money they spent on presents to others, or the price of the gifts others gave them. Much of holiday distress has to do with the 8

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quantity and price of presents offered and received.

Apparently, when we complain about the gifts we received, we miss the whole point of the celebration and its deeper meaning. Remember to talk about the true meaning of the holidays and get into the spirit of giving by considering volunteering.

Holidays are about emotional presence and not about presents. If you think it’s cliché, see what happens when you give kids what they want, but you are emotionally unavailable and not really present in their lives.

Plan ahead. Make lists of what you need and create a timetable of when things need to be done. Take care of things and needs ahead of time, sticking to your budget and schedule.

Remember to forgive (yet not necessarily to forget). The holiday season is the time of the year when traumas from the past emerge, and we feel more vulnerable. It’s the time of the year when we hope and expect (again, high expectations!) that some significant people in our life will have an epiphany, behave better, show more love and generosity, etc.

When they fail to do so (as they failed in the past), we get surprised and devastated. It’s better to accept the fact that 9

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there may be people in your life who have their issues and they won’t change just because you desire them to do so.

Forgive their shortcomings so you can go ahead and live your life fully.

Practice self-love and self-acceptance. Why not for a change try to practice self-love and self-acceptance? It may be the best antidote to high expectations and perfectionism.

Learn to accept yourself with your strengths and weaknesses, embrace who you are and celebrate your diverse roles.

Remember you don’t have to be perfect, you have to be authentic and well-meaning. Show and give love to yourself and the ones you love.

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Beat the Holidays Blues The winter holidays bring all kinds of different celebrations, like Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, social gatherings, and gift-giving, along with feelings of joy, merriment, and sadness and stress. Many people feel sad, anxious, stressed, or even depressed during the holidays. Even the people who celebrate and don’t seem to have considerable difficulties in their lives may have their down moments and a personal taste of the holiday blues.

Common causes of the holiday blues Memories For many people, the holidays bring out memories of an unhappy past or remind of an emotionally hard period.

Happy times of celebration may trigger what seem to be ‘inappropriate’ unhappy memories, of loss, trauma, difficult

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times when you were a child, anything, and that may spoil the holiday fun and festive mood.

For other people, a sense of longing and nostalgia for past happy times that are now gone may bring about feelings of sadness. Holidays may remind you of happy family times, of loved ones, of cherished experiences, people, situations, and places that are no longer part of your life. It seems that the past beckons you and when you compare your current position in life to your happy memories,b which makes you tearful.

Tips on how to handle this: acknowledge the memory and don’t try to erase it. Admit that this was a good or bad time and file it away, paying attention to the here and now.

Toxic relatives and unhealthy relationships Another fact of life! During the holidays we often have to deal with extended families and relatives who make nasty remarks, sarcastic comments, always have something derogatory, insulting or plain hurtful word to say, focus on your one weakness and never on your nine strengths, in short, they are toxic and detrimental to your health. These are the occasional people (pretty much every family has a relative like that) whose presence create concern, nervousness, anxiety, even fear or disgust in some family members, spoiling the happy occasion.

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Tips on how to handle this: Recognize that it’s not your imagination, your fault, or your harsh judgment but it’s the other person’s problem.

Even this realization can be

liberating! Set boundaries as to what you will and will not tolerate and stick to them. Don’t expect people to change this time of the year magically, so come prepared to the dreaded family dinner, with a plan on how to avoid those toxic people.

Change Any significant life changes, including divorce, being sick or when a loved one is sick, loss, financial issues, unemployment, just to name a few, can change the happy holiday mood. Maybe you have valid reasons to feel down, and you are in the process of working through your issues.

No matter what the situation may be, you deserve to feel happy and enjoy the holiday season.

Tips on how to handle this: be patient with yourself and others. Be flexible regarding when you celebrate, as it’s not necessary to observe a holiday on the marked calendar day.

For example, if you are divorced, you can host a great Thanksgiving dinner the weekend you have your kids and not the official Thursday. Holidays are about the spirit and not the calendar, after all.

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Pressure to feel happy and ‘perfect’ The holidays bring with them happy songs, jingles, ads, and movies that feature happiness, abundance, perfect relationships and perfect families, and a great mood. That's not the reality for most people. Many people compare their situation to some unrealistic standards and feel the pressure to be super happy, super successful, and super ‘everything.’

Tips on how to handle this: be willing to accept that your life is good enough the way it is, and it doesn’t have to be glossy and perfect to be satisfying. Count your blessings, literally, and make a list of the good things in your life.

Routine Even though it is the holidays, for many people nothing changes much, and their routine continues as it was the rest of the year. They still have the same chores and responsibilities, they still need to perform specific duties and have no relief (i.e., caring for a baby) and the overall feeling is that there’s no change, everything is the same, day-in-dayout, with no exception.

Tips on how to handle this: Create new ‘traditions,' do things differently. You can create new, easy, tailored-made ‘traditions’ to suit your needs: thematic movie nights sampling a popcorn galore, decorating a nook in your house 14

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that you would usually leave as is, eat brinner, whatever it feels good. Try small ‘injections’ of novelty here and there to break the routine. Keep your expectations balanced and enjoy the small things.

Feeling of loss of control Holidays also foster overindulgence- more eating, more drinking, more spending, more staying up late. Although you may experience this excess as fun at the time being, chances are you know first-hand how hard it is the next day, when you think about your choices and suffer the consequences, like of this new pair of jeans that now you have a hard time zipping up. Being stressed-out, shopped-out, worn-out by all you have to do leaves you with a feeling of loss of control.

Tips on how to handle this: I would be the last person on earth to say “don’t eat, don’t drink, don’t spend, don’t have fun!” At the same time I would certainly advocate for controlling the parts you can- enjoy in moderation, have lots of fun, lots of quality time with loved ones, do all the great things that you wanted to do during holidays and vacation, but maintain your sense of control.

Fatigue The holiday's hustle and bustle can be taxing and create fatigue, not just for the body, but also for the mind. Between 15

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running errands, organizing festivities, decorating, and all the other holiday activities that you have during the season on top of your regular responsibilities, can be taxing and left you feeling tired at the end of the day. If in addition to that, you are also sleep deprived, then chances are that your stress level has hit the roof. The problem with fatigue, besides not having the energy to do things, is that it doesn’t let you enjoy things.

Tips on how to handle this: Consider taking some short breaks, even a cat nap if you can, and also get a chance to unwind. Instead of over-focusing on what you need to accomplish, add “get some rest” on your to-do list, as this should also be a priority for you. Find balance in what you do and how much you do and be realistic about how much you undertake. To beat mental fatigue, stop thinking in terms of “should” and “could” that sabotage you.

Enjoy the Holidays!

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Tips for Parents to Cope with Holiday Stress ‘Tis the season to be jolly’ and stressed too, most of us would add.

What with the holidays, the gift-buying, the gift-giving, the get-togethers, the visits from friends and relatives, the different schedules, the over-eating, over-drinking, or in general over-indulging it’s easy to lose our routines and daily balance and feel stressed out and depleted. Here are some simple yet effective ways to handle the holiday stress.

Stop thinking in “I should be doing more” terms.

Accept the fact that the day has twenty-four hours and that you have a limited amount of resources, energy, or desire to do all kinds of different things. Ask yourself “Do I really 17

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need to do more?” Also, define for yourself the term ‘more.’

You ‘ll be surprised to find that you probably have a vague idea of what is more, that doesn’t actually translate into meaningful and measurable actions. It’s more of pressure to do more rather than actually not doing enough. So, pick what’s most important and relevant to you and your family and concentrate on that. Remember that often in life “less is more.”

Stop thinking in “How others are going to see me/judge me?” terms.

For one thing, you have no control over what others think.

If they had a bad day or their reasons, chances are they are going to judge you unfairly, not because of your behavior but because of their emotional state. So, stop trying to worry about what the ‘generic’ others think about you. Instead, concentrate on how you want to present yourself to your loved ones -after all these are the people that matter- and their opinion counts. Make wise choices so that you can be the person you want and deserve to be. Keep in mind that people will remember for a long time how you make them feel- not what you said or what you did.

Keep realistic and balanced self-expectations.

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Make a list of what’s important and what would be a nice addition if you had time. Concentrate on the first list and remind yourself that everything is a matter of choice.

Therefore, you may choose to cook less variety of dishes, and by saving time, you can invite more people over or to buy more prepared food to have time to do other things during the holidays. There are no good/bad options in absolute termsmost choices are personal, and you need to accept that what’s essential for you and your family may not be as good for the next family. That’s the way it is, and if you have realistic expectations, then you won’t feel guilty about your choices.

Strengthen social connections.

The holidays are a good time of the year to connect with others. Spend time with loved ones, invest quality time with people you care about, whether friends or relatives. Engage in meaningful conversations and activities, share good memories and good cheer and create more fond memories for years to come.

Avoid negative people.

Family gatherings can bring trouble, as you may reconnect with people who are obnoxious or toxic. Stay away from negative and toxic people who drain your energy. If you cannot physically avoid them, remind yourself that you can 19

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be in the same room with them, yet you can wear your ‘emotional shield’ and protect yourself from their poisonous arrows. Imagine yourself having a large shield or even wearing a medieval armor that doesn’t let anything come through. Avoid conversations with them and when they become confrontational don’t hesitate to just walk away, with or without a polite excuse.

Talk to your children about the holiday spirit.

Before and during holidays, most children discuss presents- what they want, what they got, and what they hope to get in the future. While this is pretty much natural, it doesn’t have to be the only holiday discussion. Find opportunities to talk to your children about the holiday spirit and its meaning in our lives. Choose books that talk about love, sharing, giving, kindness, acceptance, tolerance, and the desire to bring a smile to our fellow human beings, without having something to gain personally.

Be present.

Holidays can be a rush-rush affair, but this way you will miss all the fun and emotional connections! Holidays are about you being present in the life of our loved ones, not just bringing presents to them. Kids get all excited when they see towering boxes of gifts; they rip the ribbons and the wrap, 20

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they open them, exclaim and often put them right away to open the next beautifully wrapped box, and the next, and the next‌ And when they are done what do they do? They may or may not play with their new presents; they are going to seek the parent’s presence and have mom or dad admire what they got, engage with them and spend time together.

Take care of yourself.

The most common mistake people make during the holidays that results in stress and distress is that while they take care of others, they forget to take care of themselves! I know, there is always one more present to buy, one more errand to run, but, at the end of the day, you need to feel good, not to just have checked off items from your to-do list.

Remember to breathe, go to the gym, take a nice walk, enjoy a steaming cup of tea or coffee, and do the little things that you need to smile and feel good.

Involve the kids.

Holidays is a family affair! Involve the kids in all kinds of ways- talk with them about the meaning of holidays, involve them in the planning of the holidays, assign them ageappropriate chores, let them express their opinions and do practical things to help you celebrate. From helping you pick decorations or flowers, to setting the table (or parts of it), to 21

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cooking a dessert or an easy dish, kids can get involved and enjoy the holidays in a fuller, meaningful way. Remember to turn on the holiday music, giggle, and have fun while preparing to celebrate.

Appreciate the good things in your life and teach your kids to do so.

Appreciation and feeling thankful are not exclusively reserved for Thanksgiving. Any holiday can be a special occasion to remind ourselves to be grateful for the small and big things that we have in our lives. It is so easy to concentrate on the ‘what I didn’t get/didn’t achieve/don’t have,’ that we lose sight of all the small (or not so small!) accomplishments, all the things we get, the things that we thankfully didn’t get, and appreciate the abundance in our lives, in any form and shape it takes.

Give love and attention to your children.

And if you ask what’s the most important key to stressfree, happy, meaningful holidays, I would tell you to give love and attention to your children.

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How to Deal with Difficult Family Members Holidays are about love, connecting, getting together with the extended family and having a good time. Or not! Sometimes holidays put a strain on people, especially when difficult or plain toxic family members are involved. Just like millions of Americans, chances are that you have at least one relative worst-case scenario more than one- that you can’t stand and find the behavior of this person towards you negative and offending. It may even be a close relative, a person you feel that you ‘must’ love, or that you want to have tender feelings for them, yet with their words and actions, they tend to alienate you and keep you at a distance. If you have to be at the dreaded dinner party with this or that irritating family member, I offer you some practical suggestions to survive it and come out of it intact!

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Come to terms with reality. Even though you may wish that the person you dread to meet with has changed since last year, hoping that they learned something from your fight and they were enlightened, chances are they are still the same.

People don’t change because we wish them to or because that’s the right thing to do. People change only if and when they desire it, and they need to work on it, as it doesn’t happen at the flick of a switch. In other words, go to that family gathering assuming that the toxic person you dread will continue being the same person as last year and the year before that.

Accept that this is their problem and not yours. Toxic people tend to behave in negative ways because of inner pressure that has to do with their emotional make-up and baggage and less with who we are. In other words, toxic people are toxic no matter what.

Be prepared and catch the early signs. Prepare yourself ahead of time about the interaction with this person. Don’t get carried away by wishful thinking or your own personal growth. Assume that they are going to be the same as they were in your last encounter. Play back in your mind the show “our last interaction’ and notice warning signs, recurring

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behaviors, and themes. Be prepared to face them again this year.

Can you find it in your heart to be empathetic? Of course, I don’t mean that you need to let the other person walk all over you. But if you stop and think, you will see that behind the obnoxious façade there is a secret, weakness, a character flaw, an incident, something that made the toxic person turn into this type of human being. Do not accept their behavior, set limits, and at the same time try to gain perspective where they come from. This will help you realize that their behavior has nothing to do with you, it’s their problem.

Recognize the three major personality problems behind the toxic person in your life Often, toxic people share traits found in personality disorders, as diagnosed by psychologists and psychiatrists.

Although your toxic relative may not have a formal diagnosis, and even if they don’t qualify for one, they still may have enough of the maladaptive signs for you to recognize and avoid.

The narcissistic toxic person: this is your toxic relative who thinks that s/he is the most important person and that the world revolves around them. They expect to be recognized as superiors and they exaggerate their strengths, talents, and 25

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achievements. They are manipulative, controlling, have a sense of entitlement, little or no empathy for others, very low self-esteem, and frequent outbursts when they don’t get their way. They tend to monopolize the discussion, expect agreement and compliance from others and look down on people they perceive as their inferior. They become irritated or plain angry when they don’t receive the special treatment they think they deserve and react with rage or contempt to make themselves look superior.

The borderline toxic person: this is your toxic relative who fears abandonment and has a fragmented sense of self. They are unstable regarding how they feel about themselves and others. They can idealize one person one minute only to change their minds and think that this person doesn’t care enough about them the next minute. They have intense anger or rage, they are sarcastic, bitter, condescending, and belittling others. They feel empty, bored, and isolated. They want to make their presence known and noticed all the time; they question you to make sure you remember them and behave in a very manipulative way. Mood swings and emotional outbursts are a major hallmark of their behavior.

These people lack stable relationships and boundaries, step all over you in any way they can and don’t really care about

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you. They overreact to real or imagined abandonment, which is the central fear that drives them.

The histrionic toxic person: this is your toxic relative who tries to gain approval, confirmation, and self-worth from others. They act in a grandiose, theatrical, exaggerated manner that doesn’t feel sincere or authentic. They overconcentrate on physical appearance and use their looks to draw attention to themselves. They are easily influenced by others, change their minds fast, and make rash decisions with negative consequences. They tend to think that their relationships are more intimate than they are in real life and tend to obsess with a display of emotion.

Here are some things you can say and do when a toxic family member corners you Use “I” statements. Instead of pointing the finger and telling the other person what they do wrong, focus on how you feel. After all, nobody can argue with you that this is your point of you and way you experience things! You can tell the toxic person “I don’t like your comments,” “I find this insulting,” and the like. This way you put a stop to the other person’s harassment and pave the way to leave the scene should they continue. Remember toxic people continue harassing others just because they find the ground to do so.

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Change the topic. Easier said than done, if the toxic person is insulting, offending, or belittling you, you can try to change the topic. If the toxic person doesn’t get it the first time, you can calmly yet clearly state “I will not discuss this/I will not tolerate this/This is the end of this discussion/I don’t need this type of comments.” Then just walk away.

Keep the discussion at the chit-chat level. Family gatherings are not a good time for soul-searching. Don’t fall into the trap of opening your heart or getting into sensitive issues, or heated debates.

Set and respect your boundaries. The toxic person will likely want to walk all over you. Set healthy limits and boundaries and don’t cross them or let the toxic person do so.

Avoid sitting next to this person and if you must have a conversation keep it on a neutral subject.

Put an end to the interaction. You can politely say “I was good talking to you,” or “I need to talk to other people now,” or even “I don’t want to discuss this.” Remember, you don’t need to prove your point, explain your rationale, or defend yourself. Just put an end to the discussion and walk away.

Clarify

misunderstandings.

Toxic

people

yearn

to

misunderstand things so that they can pick fights and accuse others. If that’s the case, you first can ask this person to tell you what they understood from what you said. Then you can plainly restate what you said, or you can just say “I am sorry 28

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you don’t want to listen to what I am saying, and you just keep putting words in my mouth” and cut the conversation short.

Give yourself a break. If worse comes to worse, don’t put up with the situation. Don’t pick a fight, just give yourself a break and walk away from the toxic person. Let them find their next target. Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about them.

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Teach Your Kids the True Meaning of the Holidays Make the holiday season less about presents and more about being emotionally present Parents with smaller or bigger kids agree that their needs, demands, whining, excitement, and pressure to get what they want, all these add to the holiday stress. However, no matter how good a discipline system you have into place to deal with all kinds of other behavioral problems, you will find that it is ineffective when it comes to kid behavior like that described above that adds to the holiday stress. The reason why disciplining a child is not going to work in this instance is simple: kids misbehave and pressure their parents because they want what they want and, of course, they want it now.

The key here is to teach children new behaviors and set them up for behavioral success instead of failure. Thus, once you 30

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realize that punishment or rewards don’t work to ‘shape up’ your kids, you can move onto teaching them the true meaning of the holidays. When the child starts seeing things from a different angle and can appreciate other things besides the material goods, their holiday-related nagging behavior will subside.

Teach that holidays are more about love and connecting and less about presents This is so true, yet we forget to teach our kids this simple lesson in the middle of the holiday's stress. Take some time to plan ahead and talk with your kids about the importance of love, staying in touch with loved ones, being connected, and fostering positive and soul-nourishing relationships. Send cards or pictures to your loved ones, wishing them health and happiness for the festive season. Involve the children in writing messages. Consider having your children send holiday cards to their classmates (that works well for elementary students). Get involved in a good cause: donate your time or things to a charity, volunteer, think of the less fortunate, and take some action, no matter how small.

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If your major concern is “how am I going to buy more presents to get my kids feel happier?” then you know where your kids get the idea that ‘the more the better.’ Which actually is not true. If you tend to go overboard in presents, chances are you go over your budget, which is stressful in and of itself and you later regret. Concentrate on buying fewer but more meaningful presents. Invest in quality and not quantity. When I refer to quantity, I mean choosing presents that promote skills and abilities and provide food for the soul and mind. I am not suggesting avoiding buying electronic toys, but your focus should be on selecting a variety of toys and games that are meaningful and relevant. Consider options that include the whole family, so everybody can have fun with an electronic game and connect with each other while playing with it.

Give them experiences instead of material things That’s another less explored idea. Offer your kids a variety of stimulating experiences, such as trips to museums, galleries, concerts, theaters, historic neighborhoods in your town, ethnic restaurants, trips in your state or out of state or abroad. Invest in providing your children opportunities to expand their mental horizon, to see, feel, hear, and taste different things and get a variety of stimulation for their brain and soul.

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Create memories by doing special family activities Creating good memories takes a lot of good will and good cheer and little money. Be engaging in activities to create good memories you instantly fight the stress that tends to build up in families around the holidays. The good news here is that the memorable family activities need to be emotionally significant and not necessarily extravagant or out of this world experiences. Declaring the beginning of school vacation with an epic pillow fight, for example, can create great memories and a fun time for the whole family and that will be something your kids will remember for years to come.

Create family traditions Consider doing arts, crafts, and decorations together as a family. Visit a tree farm to pick your tree. Decorate the house while listening to holiday music. Bake or buy holiday desserts and display them on your dining room table. Wear matching holiday pajamas, get holiday themed cushions for the couch in the family room and watch family videos.

Create Get in creative mood and mode and make something- a craft, a dish, a decoration item, a flower arrangement, 33

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whatever you like. The idea here is to do something involving your hands, which in and of itself is relaxing, and also to unleash your creative powers and set yourself in a happy mood. Make home-made presents and give them away.

Tell stories Story-telling is a powerful tool that helps people relax, find inner peace, connect with themselves and the people around them, lift their spirit, and empower them. You can pick and choose from personal stories from your childhood and the history of your family, inspirational stories from books, or stories of how people celebrate the holidays around the world.

Talk about people in need Don’t be afraid to talk to your children about people in need. Make sure you discuss relevant social issues, such as about people in financial need and strain, those who need our support through monetary or material donations. Remember to talk about the people with emotional needs: there are persons out there who are just lonely or isolated or sick.

Encourage your children to be empathetic and support these people through different activities, such as volunteering their

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time to participate in a school show that is offered at a local retirement home.

Donate As a family, consider donating time, money, or needed items to a charity. Lead by example, showing your children that the holidays are not an ‘all me time,' where we get what we want, but we stop and think of other people’s needs and try to contribute. Make sure that your child picks a couple of items at the grocery store and donates them to a local shelter or the food drive the scouts in your area run. Involve your children and encourage them to select toys or clothes they don’t need anymore and have them donate this stuff to different organizations.

Volunteer Help out at your child’s school, serve meals at a homeless center, the local animal shelter, be involved in catering to the needs of others and invite your children to volunteer as well.

Even helping an older neighbor counts as volunteering and is meaningful and essential. Have your kids pick where they would want to volunteer and make it into a family affair.

Be thankful

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STRESS-FREE HOLIDAYS

DR. LIZA VARVOGLI

Last, but not least, remind yourself and your children to be thankful for all there is in your lives. It’s so easy to get caught up in what we got or didn’t get, that we tend to treat what we already have as a given and don’t value it. This is an unfair practice, as what we already have contributes to who we are and is something that we need to cherish and not take for granted. Be thankful, smile more, give more, and make a conscious decision that you are going to enjoy the holidays and get in touch with the pure holiday spirit, love, and connection.

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STRESS-FREE HOLIDAYS

DR. LIZA VARVOGLI

About the Author

I have completed my Master’s degree at Tufts University, my Ph.D. at Northeastern and my post-doctoral training at Boston Children’s Hospital, Harvard Medical School’s training hospital. I have worked for over ten years at different outpatient programs at Boston Children’s Hospital, covering the range from infancy to young adult development.

I have also worked as a school psychologist at Brookline Public Schools, MA. I have taught various Psychology courses at Northeastern University, Boston, MA. In my career, I had a wonderful opportunity to see thousands of children, adolescents, young adults, and their families, covering a wide range of difficulties and problems of learning, emotion, behavior, and neurodevelopmental issues.

I love writing children’s books. I am married and the mother of four children. We currently reside in Wellesley, MA. 38