How to Become a Drug Addict

HOW TO

become a drug addict *

* how to ruin your life

NO SERIOUSLY

drugs aren’t the answer to anything

this is our 12 step program TO THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL

peer pressure

8

Start of the binge with listening to every piece of advice the gum smacking 13 year old in your gym class told you.

talk the talk flirt with the law

14 18

Since you’ll be on your way to jail soon enough, lets learn all the prison lingo as soon as possible.

Not what you imagined when someone put you in handcuffs, make the law your boyfriend and spend the night in the cells.

homeless probs

Now that you’ve been living in a cardboard box you can’t exactly run to the bathroom for a quick shower, so get ready to stink!

Rehab, it’s where talk circles and finding yourself are plentiful so get used to sharing your feelings.

36 figure it out

try to make me go

whats a shower?

22 26 32

Considering the amount of two night jail runs you’re parents probably won’t let you live with them anymore. Hello cardboard!

Now that you’re clean it’s time to start over. It’ll be hard and the shakes will be unreal but know you at least had the mental capacity

5

METH

Meet Irritability, he has a horrible case of prolonged insomnia, and unfortunately for him it’s mostly nightmares but it doesn’t matter because he’s always Confused and anxious.

Meth is always a little shaky and has tremors and convulsions. He knows he messed up but the paranoia and aggressiveness aren’t helping his criminal record.

know you HEROIN

Meet determination. Heroin is the queen of singlemindedness. Heroin has this ability to feel like your sole purpose in life; she really gets yah like that. All your money and all your time is dedicated to finding and taking this drug. Without it the shakes and cold sweats will break out and then you’ll just be more of an eye sore than you already are. Don’t forget how much she vomits everyone and the constant diahria that hits after a few hours of not taking Heroin. She’s crazy but determined.

LSD

LSD really knows how to have a good time.

From accidentally putting their own baby in the oven, to thinking their house is full of aliens and shoots up their own family, LSD is a real trip. The best part is the involuntary flash backs, so even when you don’t take the drug it’ll creep on you during that important job interview. I’m sure the employers will understand when you run screaming through the lobby and run into traffic.

ur drugs X

Extacy has a special job. Basically to poison you considering about all of the stuff sold on the street containes rat poison, caffeine, dog deworming substances, and other goodies that we aren’t even sure have names! It’s not a problem though because if you wanted to create a drug tolerance that worps your sense of how much is too much, and you figure it out whilest overdosing on some random dudes bathroom floor. Tough luck i guess...you were just looking for a rush, right?

7

don’t try to hard try this wear blue look pretty you can’t be smart fit in

Step 1 circum to peer pressure

9

1

circum to peer pressure

If you think you can be your own person and become one of those numbers you see on those really God-awful anti drug commercials, you are sadly mistaken. It only takes one person to fall on their face and into a table of crack. Certainly it won’t be difficult to maintain some sort of anonymity, especially with the cops constantly on your tail.

44% lie steal and cheat

Pressure. The first thing you need to do it find the people your mommy told you not to hang out with. Most likely the crowd with the least amount of hygiene concerns, because you’ll be rancid.

then remove your

personality entirely

They won’t like you if you choose to think for yourself. You have to mold your ideas into the crowd and make sure they forget your name because soon enough your name won’t matter.

Sarcastic comments at a minimum, but please just make sure all that the pressure doesn’t get to you too much. Because you’re on your way to becoming a drug abuser, you won’t have any expectations to live up to it’s only a matter of time before the only expected is vomit on your pillow.

65% of teens dress a certain way

blending is the easiest way to be invisible

its the only way to get what you want...

11

YOU WILL

never

influence the world you’re trying

to be a part of

13

Step2 learn how to talk drugs

15

2

learn how to talk drugs

dime

a 10 ten year prison sentance year prision sentance minimum for drug busts

growing daisies hot shot hit

dead.

intentionally overdosing on intervenous drugs

taking a dose of drugs

piper

a snitch

Time to talk drugs. I mean actually learn the lingo because if not you won’t seem like a legitimate loser. Especially when you’re begging for your next hit you’ll

might as well

learn jail lingo

need to know what to ask for. Try to keep whatever you say to a minimum because no one really wants to see those new decrepit teeth you’ll be sporting once you’ve really delved in the true sense of a drug addiction.

weapon

shank

inhaling heroin

through a makeshift tube

child molesters

baboot bacons 17

get caught.

Step3 live with the law

19

3

get caught

I guess going to jail has some benefits.

For starters you’ll start to realize all the ways you’ve screwed up until now. That kind of reflection is really key to the epic downward spiral that is about to happen. Don’t worry though there is an abundance of creative shanks from the prisons brightest of criminals. Not that you’ll need to use them but just showing you can protect yourself will make it so you’re not at the bottom of the foodchain.

Considering I’ve already tought you all the lingo regarding the jail situation doesn’t mean that you’ll be able to actually talk to anyone thats actually already in jail. Changes are the “head down” approach to life behind bars is usually the safest one. Anyone who makes a name for themself in jail probably was born into a pack of wolves and usually can break things with their pinkies. Overall, eat what evers infront.

/ // / / // / / // / / // / / // /

//////////////////// //////////////////// //////////////////// //////////////// 21

so you’re homeless now.....

Step4 a cardboard box life

23

4

A cardboard box life

a

w e n

e m ho

So your parents aren’t really cool with having a drug addicted child, especially after the drug induced anger rampages you’ve been gracing them with recently.

So this is the part where the kick you out, because they can’t bail you out of jail every tuesday, it’s just unreasonable, especially the amount of money it is.

Cardboard boxes are a great source of shelter for about an hour. You’ll need to visit a library (god forbid) to learn about squatters rights because once your box is soaked through and full of mold you’ll need to start taking advantage of other people,mostly other drug addicts so you guys will have something to talk about.

Your parents will use several strategies towards kicking you out of the house.

The most common way is of course the yelling and screaming with a lot of hand gestures but personally i prefer the awkward note left on the front door with the locks changed telling you to just leave while the cops don’t know your address.

25

pimples tooth decay hair loss

Step5 stop taking showers

27

5

Stop taking showers

dull senses You’re basically going to be confined to your melody of brain activity; what little is left. There really isn’t going to be anything left to smell the delicious leftovers from the dumpsters out back behind your favorite restaurant, so it really doesn’t matter that you’re eating trash; you can’t smell it anyway. They always tell you that smell is a big part of taste; they were right you don’t taste pretty much anything except anguish because everything is similar to a tan colored smelly cardboard at this point.

blood shot Sunglasses are going to be a given now that your eyes are so sunken in you would be pressed luck to turn into potato head and get a new set.

Those darling sparkles will have the light sucked right out of them now that your sleep is ridden with nightmares and heavy hallucinations. You probably won’t sleep the night unless you’ve really doped yourself up nice and good.

tooth decay Remember when your mom told you to brush your teeth often? - well considering you’ve probably been kicked out by now theres no one to remind you; not that it would matter considering all the drugs have eaten away at your enamel, only to leave gross crusty peg leg teeth.

29

It was only going to happen once right?

It was just going to be a fun night out with your friends and because for some odd reason the only way to have fun was to forget where you are or ask if a sense of morals remained. There was this one time a babysitter who put the child in the oven because she was so doped up on PCP, i guess playing Shoots and Latter’s with the baby was too much to handle for a 17yr old girl.

i thought i was cool everyone else was doing it

i was only going to do i once 31

REhab

Step6 try to make me go

33

e

Anxiety Sweating 6

try to make me go

Nausea,

Irritability Insomnia diarrhea Headaches Muscle tension Poor concentration Depression vomittin Social isolation

thing

25.6

25.6 million people people in the USA that need rehabilitation for drug abuse.

MILLION

So there’s a ton of great things about rehab, for starters you got yourself there. But as you are still aware it’s all your fault you got here in the first place.

It’s like the backwards winners circle because all you’ve won at this point was the mental capacity to now realize what you’ve done was a huge waste of time money and years off your life.

n n ng

Sponge baths, sweating all the time and wreaking of day old pee is what you get to look forward too. This is the place where people have actually started to smile in your general direction in months. They’re smiling because they feel sorry for you, it took you long enough to get here, let alone long enough to make it your only realistic option towards leading a decent life.

Rehab is like a double edged sword because first of all it’s your calculated genius that got yourself here in the first place but now you are the real live person responsible for making sure you recover. How does someone both dive this deep only to recognize that they did something wrong in the end. That shows me that you had it in you not to start at all! Being strong enough not to take drugs is just as strong as realizing when it’s time to stop doing them.

35

start over.

Theres all these magical quotes about falling and knowing how to get up. I get the value is letting people know theres always somewhere to go once your life has seen the depths of the dreamless.

However, what ever happened to the quotes that just simply told you not to fall in the first place. It takes a strong person to stay above water. I do believe that strength is also exemplified in how your ability to resurface once you have already sunk. Therefore, this book is the kick in the ass that makes sure you don’t have to worry about the rise up.

Getting your ass to rehab is already the toughest part, because falling is easy all you have to do is slip. Recognizing that downward spiral is the hard part.

Drowning can be avoided with the proper flotation I can go on metaphor simulations with regards towards your apparent doom that you’ve gracefully landed yourself into however lets be straight with each other,you messed up... A lot, more times than we’d all like to remember and see.

Don’t worry usually your parents still have that horrible conscience of theirs and will still talk to you if you come crawling back with enough apologies.

However, if you have siblings, they’re usually harder grudge holders, but then again i don’t know how your family works you may have a rougher time with the rents while your sister is hiding you under her bed and sneaking you cookies at bedtime. Overall, this is the time of reconsideration so find god, or someone similar becuase thats about the only person who will forgive you.

37

SPARK

up

ideas

Don’t think you’re creative enough or fun enough of a person without drugs?

Try some candy bars for some energy, maybe put your big head in a book for once instead of a crack pipe. If your life is too difficult to deal with it then go out and get a new one. We all have the capacity to at least try for even better, things, things that even without drugs seems unattainable, unimaginable.

You were given the gift of a living breathing thing that you are maybe responsible for...

Wasting that responsibility on long and meaningless hours spent starring at the ceiling counting cracks. You’ve probably heard it all, mostly on ways to not screw up your life, I cannot exactly stop you from doing it, I know you’re going to try it, fine go ahead but be the person who knows whats good for them and stop.

If you aren’t fun enough without drugs then go figure out why, there’s probably a good reason why you suck so much without hallucinogens, it’s all up to you, because there’s this magical unicorn called free will and

by God we hope you use it wisely.

this book is brought to you by

BECAUSE I SAID SO we find the dont’s and crush them

tm.