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WWW.MANCUNION.COM 14th MARCH 2016 / ISSUE 18 FREE

The bodies that nobody cares about

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Do-it-yourself: Beauty Recipes

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Manchester International Film Festival

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UoM to ‘cut catering staff and lower wages’ Jennifer Sterne Head News Editor An email leaked to The Mancunion appears to reveal how University of Manchester Conferences Limited (UMC) plans to make 43 staff redundant and lower wages paid to other staff.

This comes after last month’s implementation

by UMC of the living wage for all staff of all ages, following years of campaigning by staff and students.

UMC is a private, wholly-owned subsidiary company of the university that provides catering services across campus and in the University’s Halls of Residence. UMC runs the Chancellors Hotel, The Chancellors Collection, FoodOnCampus, FoodInResidence, and BarsInResidence on behalf of the University.

In the leaked email received by The Mancunion, it was claimed that 60 out of UMC’s 283 staff have been told that their jobs are at risk. The email goes

on to say that if less than 43 of these 60 do not accept voluntary severance, then UMC have announced that they plan to go ahead with compulsory redundancies.

Alongside this, UMC are allegedly planning to impose inferior contracts on the remaining staff, cutting salaries by up to a third.

Staff and students campaigned for several years for the living wage to be implemented across UMC and, as of the 1st of February 2016, it was announced that all UMC staff would be paid at least the living wage as set by the Living Wage Foundation, which currently stands at £8.25.

The company had said that the pay increase was just one of their planned actions within catering services, aiming to develop and improve “their financial performance and service quality.”

The new rate is £1.05 per hour more than the government’s National Living Wage, which comes into force in April. The National Living Wage is also only to be paid to people over the age of 25, where-

Exec Elections 2016 Jennifer Sterne Head News Editor

10,169 students voted in this year’s Exec Team elections—short of last year’s record-breaking 13,500. The results of the elections were announced on Thursday 10th March to a packed Club Academy in the Students’ Union.

The night was hosted by Henri Egle Sorotos and Trish McGrath, who announced the winners of the contests to be next year’s Campaigns & Citizenship Officer, Community Officer, Diversity Officer, Education Officer, Wellbeing Officer, Women’s Officer, Activities & Development Officer and, finally, General Secretary.

The first announcement was for Campaigns and Citizenship Officer, which went to Sorcha Floyd with 3,016 votes. Floyd told The Mancunion after winning: “I’m so proud, I can’t believe it. Thank you all so much.”

The next position announced was Diversity Officer, won by Illyas Nagdee with 2,479 votes. Nagdee apologised for his inability to give a speech but said “thanks guys, thanks for backing the beard!”

Saffa Mir was announced as the new Community Officer and thanked the Islamic Society for their support throughout her campaign. Mir spoke to The Mancunion and expressed feeling “overwhelmed, it’s been such a long experience, I’m just ready to sleep. I am so tired; it’s been such a tiring experience, but so worth it.”

Next up was the results for Education Officer, which had 13 rounds with 5,255 votes in total. Rather than knocking out candidates round-by-round, they jumped ahead to the final rounds. In round 14 there were three candidates left—Jack Metcalf, Emma Atkins and Michael Spence. Eventually, with 1,738 votes Spence was re-elected as Education Officer.

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as UMC announced they planned to pay £8.25 regardless of the age of their staff.

At the time of this announcement the University of Manchester’s Students’ Union Living Wage Campaign told The Mancunion that it was “a massive win for fair pay in the work place here at the University of Manchester, as over 300 members of staff will benefit from the change.”

According to our source, the company turned a loss of £114,554 in 2013/14 into a profit of £164,362 in 2014/15. The source suggested that this was why the company decided to join the student and trade union campaign for the living wage.

These claims of redundancies within UMC comes on the back of redundancies and further threats of redundancies to 38 employees and 68 IT staff last year, alongside 28 other staff this year.

Our source expressed concern with the direction the university is taking, especially expressing concern over the treatment of lower paid staff in contrast with those who earn the most at the uni-

versity.

The Mancunion recently reported that the 103 staff are paid over £100,000 which, according to data obtained by the Taxpayers Alliance, this stands at almost one per cent of the University’s total employees.

The University of Manchester had the 23rd highest number of staff paid above £100,000 in the country.

These concerns are all to be raised with senior management at the university within the coming days. There will also be a meeting organised by the University of Manchester’s Students’ Union to begin a campaign against these job losses on Tuesday the 15th of March at 5.30pm in Room 4 of the Students’ Union.

The University of Manchester were approached for a statement when this news was broken to The Mancunion on Friday evening—they were unable to comment before our print deadline, but their response will be added to the website once received.

Naa-t Again!

2016 Exec Elections the full story: p3 Photo: The Mancunion

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ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

LSE SU fails to elect Gen Sec

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Features: Sex Week

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Opinion: Does the Labour Party have a problem with racism?

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Music: Interview: Kölsch

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Food and Drink: Cooking with Kale

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Marcus Johns Deputy Editor-in-chief

The students of the London School of Economics Students’ Union (LSE SU) have failed to elect a General Secretary role in their 2016 elections. A majority of students voted for to re-open nominations (RON).

The LSE SU will now have to open a new election, the date of which will be announced in the morning.

This is the first time that RON has been elected in a British Students’ Union election.

In the first round of voting, Mohammed Rayhan Uddin received 992 votes and Harry Robert Stuart Maxwell received 768 votes. Both failed to reach the 1399 quota needed to win the role. Of the total 2,798 ballots were received, RON received 1,038 votes.

In the second round of voting, Maxwell was eliminated and the number of RON votes reached 1,333, which defeated Uddins’ 1,208.

An anonymous source from LSE told The Mancunion: “Unfortunately, despite starting positively, the campaign for General Secretary descended into mudslinging allegations of bullying and antisemitism. I think, unfortunately, as that was the direction the campaigns took, RON was the best result.”

Earlier in the day, an Emergency General Meeting (EGM) motion was circulating at the LSE SU, which called for the re-opening of nominations even if Uddin or Maxwell won the contest. At LSE SU, an EGM needs 250 signatures, and then the student body is required to vote on it. Sources told The Mancunion that the EGM looked as if it would succeed, but was ultimately unnecessary, as RON won the election regardless.

However, another anonymous source said: “I think that because they would have asked all the supporters of whoever lost to sign in [what was already] a very close contest, the EGM would have undermined the

Support for junior doctors stays strong at third walkout Charlie Spargo Editor-in-chief Support for junior doctors in their dispute against the government’s imposed contract changes remained high as medical professionals went on strike for the third time on the 9th of March.

A 48-hour strike began at 8am on Wednesday, with junior doctors walking out again in the hopes of reversing the decision, though yet again emergency cover remained as more than 5,000 appointments and surgeries had to be postponed.

A poll by Ipsos MORI for the BBC in fact showed that opposition to the strikes had fallen from 22 per cent to 17 per cent since before the February walkout. Support remained strong at 65 per cent.

In the same poll, opinion that the government was the party at fault remained the highest at 57 per cent, though this has fallen from above 60 per cent, with an increased number saying that both parties were equally at fault—up 10 per cent to 28 per cent.

The three walkouts have caused a total of 19,000 treatments to be postponed and two more are planned for April. The strikes, beginning on the 6th and 26th of April, will both last 48 hours and emergency care is planned to remain.

However, worries have been raised that momentum may begin to drop off the longer the dispute carries on, particularly after the imposition by the Health Secretary of the unpopular new contract.

However Dr Max Thoburn, an FY2 doctor from the Central Manchester University Hospitals, says “If anything, I think the imposition has made things easier, as people have become even angrier and more determined. In a sense, we have absolutely nothing to lose now. The worst has already happened and so we can only achieve improvement from this point.

“I think that the reason for such strong public support has been our clear and honest message that this is about the future of a sustainable NHS and certainly not greedy doctors trying to grab money. As we go into the future, we are looking to again emphasise this message and further tie in to issues such as cuts in social care, disability benefits and health education, each of which serve both to persecute the vulnerable and put an ever greater burden on the NHS. “By showing our solidarity with their plight, I think the public see that the entire dispute is, at its core, for their benefit. For that reason, they will stay on our side.”

Dr Anne Rainsberry, of NHS England, said: “This is clearly going to be a difficult couple of days. A 48hour strike will put significantly more pressure on the NHS and the cumulative effect of these recurring strikes is likely to take a toll.

“The safety and care of patients is always our number one priority and staff across the NHS are doing all they can to minimise the impact on patients of the action.”

Current Affairs Editor: Joe C. Evans Magazine Editor: Elise Gallagher

Visit Our Website www.mancunion.com

@TheMancunion Editor-in-chief: Charlie Spargo editor@mancunion.com Deputy Editor-in-chief: Marcus Johns deputyed@mancunion.com

UoM Jiu Jitsu

Photo: Nigel Goodman @Flickr

Medics walked out for the third time on Wednesday ahead of two more 48-hour strikes in April

The Mancunion Mancunion Extra

Sport:

democratic process.”

At the event where the election results were revealed, students were heard chanting: “RON! RON! RON!” A Facebook page for RON was also created, Ron Lse Gen Sec posted “Mischief Managed” as the results were announced and one LSE student posted: “Ron Weasly wins LSE Student Union General Secretary Election, first time at any UK university.

“Well deserved! Clean campaign, full integrity, no scandals. I wish this candidate was electable in all kinds of elections.” Students also updated LSE SU’s Wikipedia page, adding Ron as the Union’s General Secretary, though this was soon reverted back to the current General Secretary.

A Masters student, studying a MSc in the Social Psychology Department told The Mancunion: “The only thing that came across my news feed before the election was how every candidate was flawed. So there was bullying, threatening of legal action, so everything that was said about it was super negative. And that was the only advertising that I received. It was really poorly advertised and just badly publicised.

“Plus, the union hasn’t really impressed a lot of the student body because they keep cancelling a bunch of talks that are really interesting and it just seems like they’re babying the student body because they’re like: ‘no you can’t listen to this talk, it’s too abrasive’ when really students are capable of making their own decisions and being critical.

“So, not a great attitude towards the Students’ Union; really bad publicity that the elections were taking place; and all the things that came across about the election were about how bad the candidates were.”

They added: “The union is garbage, the candidates were garbage, and I didn’t even know there was an election the day before.”

Postal address: University of Manchester Students’ Union, Oxford Road, Manchester, M13 9PR Phone: 0161 275 2989 Subeditors: Gemma Sowerby, Shaun Carter, Nadia Cheung, Lauren Nolan, Karenza Cutting, Jack Howell, Emily Piper

Head News Editor: Jenny Sterne News Editors: William Brown, Merle Streck Science Editor: Andy van den Bent-Kelly news@mancunion.com science@mancunion.com Features Editor: Liam Kelly features@mancunion.com Opinion Editor: Isaac Atwal opinion@mancunion.com Head Fashion Editor: Kassi Allcock Deputy Fashion Editor: Kathryn Murray Deputy Fashion Editor (Beauty): Millie Kershaw fashion@mancunion.com Head Food & Drink Editor: Ellie Gibbs Deputy Food & Drink Editor: Helena Maxwell-Jackson foodanddrink@mancunion.com Head Film Editor: James Moules Deputy Film Editor: Nicole Tamer film@mancunion.com

Photo: The Mancunion Head Lifestyle Editor: Eva Katz Deputy Lifestyle Editor: Alice Williams mancunion.life@gmail.com Head Music Editor: Henry Scanlan Deputy Music Editors: Matthew Staite, Rob Paterson music@mancunion.com

The Mancunion is the official student newspaper of the University of Manchester., established in 1969 with a readership of around 20,000. It is printed weekly for 20 editions and is distributed across campus and the city.

Head Sport Editor: Will Kelly Deputy Sport Editor: Harry Newton sport@mancunion.com

All writers are volunteers and new contributors are always welcome. You can get involved by turning up to a meeting, the times of which are listed on the Mancunion website’s Join page.

Books Editor: Yasmin Mannan books@mancunion.com

the University of Manchester.

Games Editor: Josh Goldie games@mancunion.com Theatre Editor: Elise Gallagher theatre@mancunion.com Arts Editor: Ashley McGovern arts@mancunion.com Head of Photography: Hannah Brierley Photographers: Ege Okyar, Przemek Piwek, Thomas Chan, Avinash Kumar, Daniel Saville, Kayleigh Brook mancunion.photography@gmail.com

We gladly accept contributors from outside

The Mancunion is part of the Manchester Media Group, along with Fuse FM and Fuse TV. This body encompasses all of the Union’s official media outlets, and organises training, outside speakers, and social events for Manchester students interested in student media.

If you have any comments, questions, or complaints, or would like to contribute, please e-mail the Editor-in-chief or Deputy Editor-in-chief.

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Gender pay gap exposed at Manchester A report released on International Women’s Day reveals that male professors at the University of Manchester are paid over £6,000 more than female professors A report released for International Women’s Day by the University and College Union (UCU) has exposed the lingering gender pay gap within universities across Britain, where, on average, female academics are paid £6,103 less per year than their male counterparts.

At the University of Manchester, the report states male professors earn £82,851 per year, compared to just £76,711 for female professors— a gap of £6,140 per year—meaning that females earn less than 93 per cent of males’ salaries.

In the combined pay gap rankings, calculated by assigning higher scores to the institutions with the largest pay gaps amongst four contract levels (all, early-career, mid-career, professors) and correcting for the ratio of males to females, Manchester is relatively low at 70th of 87. The worst offender, receiving 93 points in the combined list, is St. George’s Hospital Medical School.

For all academic staff, the University of Leicester has the largest disparity once specialist institutions are eliminated, with females earning 78.7 per cent of males’ salaries.

At some universities the disparity in professors’ pay drops as low as 83.6 per cent, and the report notes that Russell Group universities generally have a greater gender pay gap. The study, which examines both further and higher education, found that unless the rate of progress seen over the last ten years changes, the gender pay

gap could remain until 2050.

UCU, who are striving to close the gender pay gap within further and higher education, outlines a four-point plan to end the pay gap within the report, including conducting equal pay audits and analysing the results, and working with the UCU to address any pay disparity. However, they note that many employers not only fail to stick to these steps, but do not even undertake equal pay reviews.

University of Manchester Students’ Union Women’s Officer, Jess Lishak, told The Tab: “It’s disappointing to see that not only are women underrepresented in the University, making up only 20 per cent of professors and 34 per cent of all academic staff, but that they are also paid less for the same job.

“The University should not only be a better and more equal employer, but they should also be setting an example to their students (who may well go on to be leaders and employers themselves) that regardless of gender there should be equal opportunities and their work should be valued the same.

“Until the university insists on paying its women staff the same as their male counterparts, perhaps they should be charging their women students 7.4 per cent less tuition fees as well.”

A University of Manchester spokesperson said: “The University of Manchester takes issues of equal pay very seriously. We conduct equal pay audits every two years, in accordance with guidance recommended by both the Equality and Human Rights Commission and the Joint

Negotiating Committee for Higher Education Staff. These audits are overseen by a Joint Working Group comprising University and trade union representatives, including representatives from UCU. The audits examine pay differences by ethnicity and disability as well as by gender.

“The most recent of our audits shows that out of a possible 54 grades and categories examined, there are 47 with such a small pay gap that there is no need for further attention. There are also no significant gaps for staff in grades 1-8 across gender, ethnicity and disability. For the pay zones in which a vast majority of our professorial staff are paid, the gender pay gap is negligible (less than 1%) and overall, the gap is 5%. 23% of our professorial staff are women, though we have a target, which is supported by a number of measures, to achieve much greater gender balance.

“The audit shows that the University’s implementation and application of Higher Education Role Analysis—a standard for higher and further education institutions—and the associated pay structures provide a framework within which the University continues to provide equal pay for like work. This means that it is continuing to meet its obligations in this area under the provisions of the Equality Act. “The University has developed and is maintaining a fair and equitable reward system and, in so doing, is supporting its equality objectives in a critical and measurable way.”

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

Eve Forster Reporter

Manchester takes in Continued from page 1... £47m as universities announce record £1.8 billion surplus Paul Scott Senior Reporter In 2015, universities across England gathered a collective surplus of £1.8 billion, which has largely been attributed to the rise in tuition fees in the 2012/2013 academic year.

The highest ever surplus figure published by the Higher Education Statistics Agency for 2014/2015—up £0.7 billion from the previous year—preceded a record number of successful university applications in August last year. Over 400,000 students were accepted onto higher education courses starting in Autumn 2015 after the government lifted a cap on university places.

However, while overall university enrollment is on the increase and universities are enjoying record surpluses, part-time and mature student applications are down. As news of the record £1.8 billion sum was announced, the Open University declared a deficit of £7 million as well as falling applications.

As a largely “distance learning” institution, the Open University is primarily used by those unable to attend university full-time—often by those already in employment or with families. Despite being a non-taught university, where degree programmes are studied for solely using academic materials and resources, students still incur a payment of £1393 per module.

The Open University prides itself on its accessibility and their “mission,” according to their website, is to “promote educational opportunity and social justice by providing high-quality university education to all who wish to realise their ambitions and fulfill their potential… We are committed to promoting equal opportunities for all.”

The drop in numbers will certainly be cause for concern for the Open University and for proponents of equal access to higher education.

Conversely, like many English universities, the University of Manchester has seen an increase in student numbers and currently has the highest student population in the UK, with a total of 37,925 enrolled.

However it is the Oxford University that tops the surplus table, registering a considerable £191 million; Imperial College London also gathered a healthy surplus, with £143 million; Liverpool behind them, posting £65 million and the University of Manchester retained a surplus for 2014/15 of £46.9m (4.6% of income) according to a university spokesman.

A University of Manchester spokesman added: “Our surplus is used for investment in the University, such as funding our capital investment in new facilities. Until a few years ago we used to receive formula capital funding from the Higher Education Funding Council of around £30/35m per annum, however this is no longer the case, so universities need to generate surpluses to fill this gap.”

Development works are well underway in Manchester, as the university sets out to transform the campus through its “£1 billion Campus Masterplan.” Recently the university outlined plans to revamp its Oxford Road campus by creating “a parkland at the heart of campus to benefit staff, students, visitors and the local community”.

While universities like Manchester say they’ll be able to invest in new facilities, more widely accessible institutions like the Open University are struggling to even break even. The university being £7 million in the red attests to the precarious future of part-time and adult higher education in the UK, while mainstream universities reap great financial rewards.

Spence told The Mancunion: “Relieved, I’m just relieved, I’m over the moon. I’m so excited, I can actually do the things I want to do next year, I can start that now. I’m so excited—I’m so happy.” When asked by The Mancunion if he was going to dye his hair black again, Spence responded: “Oh hell no, it’s staying green!”

The results for Wellbeing Officer had even more rounds of voting, with 16 in total and 4,885 votes cast. The final three candidates were Izzy Gurbuz, Oliver Lloyd and Annie Vasiutina. Gurbuz was eventually declared the winner, with 1,420 votes.

Gurbuz, the new Wellbeing Officer, was so overwhelmed by the news that she could not stop crying to answer any questions about her victory.

Jenni Smyth, a mature student and parent, was elected as Women’s Officer with 2,529 votes after only two rounds of voting. Speaking to The Mancunion Smyth stated: “As I said in my speech, I’m a mature student and a student parent, and when I started uni I felt a little bit isolated during Freshers’, like there was nothing for me. I went to Conversation Corner, met the women’s campaign, and suddenly I didn’t feel like a mature student, I just felt like a student, a woman, and that’s where I found my university family.

“Since then I have been absolutely dedicated to the women’s campaign, Jess Lishak is amazing and has done such a good job. She’s done two years, and I’m proud and honoured to at least try to attempt and carry on the good work she’s done.

I can’t believe it, I’m in shock! Thank you!”

Following Smyth’s victory, the Activities and Development Officer results were announced. The

vote for this position proved to be the closest of the night, with 16 rounds of voting. From the first round the overall winner Tamara O’Neill was in the lead and eventually won the position with 1,626 votes.

O’Neill, speaking after her election, said: “I’m extremely, extremely happy. Overwhelmed, shocked that that many students voted. I feel really happy! […] Well done to all the other candidates because it was very hard, very strong competition.”

O’Neill had also earlier in the night won the joke award for best banner of the campaign.

The final announcement was for the position of General Secretary. Incumbent Naa Acquah was re-elected with 2,576 votes. Acquah thanked many people, including some of the newly elected Exec Team including Mir, Spence, Nagdee and Smyth.

Acquah told The Mancunion: “I feel absolutely over the moon. It was a really hard competition this year, it was hard, we worked so hard and there were some people who I really, honestly, wanted to win. I’m going to party now, I’m going to drink, and I’m going to carry on doing the work I did, and keep doing it, and keep loving life! I’m so happy, thank you so much!”

Next year’s eight member Exec Team is made up of six women; with three Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic (BAME) members; two Muslims; and two members of the LGBT community. For the first time ever, there are no heterosexual white men on the Exec Team, making this the most diverse a Manchester Students’ Union Exec Team there has ever been.

Photo: The Mancunion

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University of Sheffield forces the eviction of protesting students

Protesting against the current quality of higher education, student demonstrators occupy auditorium in “freezing conditions” Merle Streck News Editor The Free University of Sheffield movement has been occupying the Richard Roberts Auditorium for over a week to demonstrate against “the current assault on higher education”. Shemina Davis, Sheffield’s Media Relations Manager, confirmed to The Mancunion that the university has in fact taken out a possession order against the protesting students.

Christy McMorrow, the Students’ Union President, appeared in court yesterday to represent the protesters. He said that some academic staff members supported the movement and that the demonstrators did not intend to disrupt teaching.

Reports indicate that the protesting students received an email from the University of Sheffield management on Thursday, 3 March stating that: “We would much prefer it if the occupation could be brought to a swift conclusion.” Judge Robinson was later quoted as saying that students have a “free and democratic right” to protest against the quality of higher education. However, since the University of Sheffield is the rightful owner of the Auditorium, Robinson would be willing to grant the university’s possession order.

In their press release, a spokesperson from the University of Sheffield said: “As a university, we fully support freedom of speech and the right of students to express their views peacefully and within the law. The university recognises the commitment of the occupiers to peaceful protest, however cannot condone occupation of a building that could cause disruption to our staff and students.”

The demonstrators have conducted general meetings to discuss their concerns about access and quality of higher education. Their aim is to protest peacefully for “an education that is free and fair.” Outlining their intentions to occupy the auditorium on campus, the students stated: “In recent

years, we’ve seen the complete separation of the public from our ‘public’ education system.”

“In this era of marketisation, we’re seeing students treated as consumers - to be passive recipients of information for the sake of employability—rather than producers of knowledge.” The protesters claim that student fears of debt and competitive job markets have jeopardized the “reciprocal engagement between academic and student which should underpin learning in the university.”

The University of Sheffield management, the students claim, is not seeking to provide students with an education, but are instead higher education’s

“plunderers.” By commencing legal action against the protestors, the Free University Sheffield Movement claims that the university management is only confirming their concerns about the quality of higher education nowadays.

During their occupation of the auditorium, the Free University of Sheffield movement delineated their four main objectives. Firstly, protesters advocate the university active resistance against the reforms of the higher education green paper.

Secondly, they are demanding regular open forums between the vice-chancellor and students and for the University of Sheffield management to

Photo: The Free University of Sheffield Movement

Photo: University of Manchester

New park for campus

Marcus Johns Deputy Editor-in-chief The University of Manchester has unveiled plans to turn Brunswick Street into a park—to be named Brunswick Park.

As part of the university’s £1 billion campus masterplan and concurrently with the Cross City bus corridor works

by Transport for Greater Manchester (TfGM), the road will be blocked off to traffic and it will be replaced with an area of green public realm.

The park will sit in the heart of campus between the Simon and Williamson buildings. The removal of traffic will improve safety for students and other pedestrians alike; currently the crossing is uncontrolled and is particularly busy as lectures come to a close every ten-minutes-to-thehour.

One third year student told The Mancunion: “I think it’s a great idea to replace this hazardous crossing with a nice green area, to juxtapose the grey university buildings and busy Oxford Road with some peace and quiet. I think campus sorely needs a touch of environment.”

Diana Hampson, Director of Estates and Facilities at the University of Manchester said: “The University is transforming the campus through its £1 billion Campus Masterplan and that includes a commitment to environmental sustainability by improving our green spaces and public realm.”

The area will be extensively landscaped and will feature pedestrian paths, cycle lanes, wildflower areas, trees, and benches. It comes as preparation begins on works to turn

the Oxford Road into a bus, bicycle, and hackney carriage only road during the day time.

The entire street will be converted and plans show a large circular area in outside the Zochonis, Roscoe, and Simon buildings, which leads to the Oxford Road along a wide paved area.

“Improved pathways” will be provided between Oxford Road and Upper Brook Street for pedestrians and cyclists, which aim to form “an important gateway to the campus,” according to the University of Manchester’s plans.

These pathways come as TfGM gets ready to revolutionise transport along Oxford Road, widening pavements and planting trees to create a boulevard feel along the ‘Corridor’, in addition to the introduction of ‘Dutch style’ cycle lanes, which will go behind bus stops. The plans hope to increase the speed, reliability, and safety of using public transport, cycling, and walking along the Oxford Road.

Hampson added: “These proposals form a centrepiece of our vision and will create a heart of the University campus for staff, students, visitors and the local community to enjoy” Sitting between the open area outside University Place and the small areas of greenery in front of the Williamson and Simon buildings, the park will also be used for large-scale campus events such as graduation, with plans drawn up for a central space to accommodate these.

Consultation with Manchester City Council has already taken place with community base consultations planned imminently.

Subject to planning, work is expected to begin on the Brunswick Park scheme later in 2016.

“publicly pledge non-compliance” with the government’s PREVENT programme which they deem “racist and Islamophobic.” Finally, the students want to see an end to “unfair casualised teaching contracts.”

A spokesperson for the University of Sheffield responded to these demands, saying: “the university understands that the increasing marketisation of higher education is rightly an issue very close to the hearts of many of its staff and students and along with universities across the country, we have outlined these concerns in detail as part of our response to the government’s Green Paper on Higher Education.”

During their occupation, the students have directed further complaints against management stating that they have been forced to occupy the auditorium in “freezing” conditions. After having asked management about the heating, the students received a response stating that the heating had been turned off as management had never received an official booking for the auditorium.

The protesters expressed their resentment against management’s hypocrisy stating their confusion that the university is “content to let us freeze” even though “excessive security provisions” were ordered for the students’ safety.

As part of the campaign, the students organised rallies, a poetry night, stand-up comedy performances, and also hosted a gig-night with special guests such as Grace Petrie—an activist and folk singer-songwriter. Additionally, the demonstrators have reached out to management on multiple occasions asking them to join them in a series of workshops set to take place in the week where the students’ objectives will be discussed in detail.

The demonstrators have yet to receive a response.

McMorrow is hopeful, however, that talks between the protesters and university management will take place after the case is finished in order to discuss the students’ demands further.

Whitworth strikes gold in VisitEngland Awards

Photo: Whitworth Gallery

Tori Blakeman Senior Reporter The Whitworth has won yet another gold award, this time from VisitEngland in the large visitor attraction category.

The University of Manchester’s art gallery beat an array of renowned competitors—including Chester Zoo and Salisbury Cathedral.

The Whitworth reopened its doors to the public in February 2015 after a £15 million redevelopment, which doubled the size of the building—the largest renovation in the gallery’s 125 year history.

Since then, the gallery has scooped multiple national and international awards, including Europe’s Best Emerging Culture Destination, Museum of the Year 2015, and North West Building of the Year.

The most recent gold award for the The Whitworth is from the VisitEngland Awards for Excellence, which represents

the highest accolade in English tourism.

The Awards are firmly established in recognizing the highest excellence in practice and customer service, celebrating businesses of supreme quality and innovation.

Sally Balcombe, CEO of VisitBritain and VisitEngland, said: “These awards are the highest accolade in the industry, recognising the world class tourism experiences that can be found throughout England. As ever competition has been fierce, with winners from the regions coming through to compete at a national level so my congratulations to all our winners, especially the Gold Award winners who are the standard bearers for English tourism.”

Gallery Director Maria Balshaw said: “It has been a momentous period for the gallery—and winning this award, one of several now, is again a wonderful way to say thank you to all those who made it possibl e.”

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Westminster refuses to defer student’s exam due to no “proof” of father’s death After the University of Westminster rejected Saima Haq’s request for mitigating circumstances after the death of her father, The Mancunion looks into similar cases in Manchester Simon Taylor Reporter A University of Westminster biochemistry student was denied an exam deferral after not being able to prove her father’s death. Saima Haq took to Twitter to vent her frustrations: “I explained in my statement that there is absolutely no way for me to provide any original documents at this time, since they are being processed in the country of his death, but I have given photocopies of all the evidence that my uncle has been emailing me.” Her tweet has since been retweeted over 7,000 times, receiving widespread support and gaining the attention of the press.

In an interview with the Standard, Haq stated: “In a country like Tanzania, it is not a simple process to obtained typed up documents translated into English.” She added that “the medical report I gave was handwritten, which the uni have said does not have a clear medical opinion, even though it has been stamped by the hospital.”

Haqs course uses “personal tutors”, who she claims has been ignoring her emails in the two weeks since her father’s death.

Describing the whole institution she said she has been “amazed at how unprofessional and unsupportive” they have been throughout the process.

The University of Westminster responded, tweeting Miss Haq saying they were “very sorry to hear about your loss” and prom-

ised to look into her case. A University spokesperson has since emailed The Independent expressing their sadness for Miss Haq’s loss. They added “However, we have clear and robust procedures for students submitting exam deferral requests, which must be substantiated by original, independent documentary evidence.”

In a later tweet Saima Haq said she had received support from others in similar situations and claimed that a fellow student had been kicked out of her university due to spending a month in hospital because “in their view she should have handed in her mitigating circumstances claim before going in.”

Similar stories were not hard to find at the University of Manchester. Lexi Bickel, a second year student, found out from her mother that her grandmother had terminal cancer halfway through the first semester of this year. Having told her tutor, who she describes as “very supportive”, Miss Bickel found the process of being given approval for mitigating circumstances “complicated.”

“They required proof that any of this actually happened - they suggested a letter from a medical professional [...] my mum had to independently contact my grandmother’s consultant and was charged a fee to be given an official letter”. In January Lexi received news of her Grandmother’s passing. She told The Mancunion: “We had to call the mitigating circumstances

committee in case it affected their decision, something that we shouldn’t have had to worry about over such an emotional time.”

“I still came back to university a few days later to complete my exams, which I found very difficult to do. I didn’t receive any extra support over this time, not even a check-up email, which I thought was poor – it would have taken 5 minutes to do and made me feel a lot less isolated.”

She also described the process as “stressful and felt horribly clinical and detached.”

“I know of several other people who have had similar problems or have even had their circumstances denied because the proof wasn’t sufficient – I understand that there needs to be some kind of evidence provided, but the current system seems heartless and confusing.”

Lexi is certainly not alone, a second year biology student explained the struggles they went through applying for mitigation.

“I have depression and anxiety issues, and have had them before I came to university. In first year I just managed to complete all of the work, but in second year I’ve struggled”.

“I have recently been trying to apply for interruption, so that I restart second year this September, but the faculty is telling me that because I have registered attendance from 12/2015 that I can only come back and resit my January exams (which I didn’t take), and start again in university in early 2017.”

Photo: non-partizan @Flickr

The student also revealed that their “mitigating circumstances were denied without any follow up emails asking for further proof; I am in the process of registering for Depression Anxiety Stress Scales (DASS)”.

They added “It’s been about 3 weeks since my first meeting with DASS and I’m still not officially registered, due to a combination of incompetence at the GP and my illness taking away productive days”.

They claim that they were not informed of the importance of registering with the disability support until after they applied

for mitigation. “The University of Manchester’s mitigation/special circumstance protocol is archaic and potentially very damaging to students like myself. They do not seem to consider caseby-case factors and do not seem to be well prepared in helping people with mental illness, and left me to do everything by myself even when I told them that I would prefer help/guidance” The University of Manchester in a statement to The Mancunion A University of Manchester spokesperson responding to these claims said: “The Univer-

sity is unable to comment on individual cases, however the mitigating circumstances process is designed to be as thoughtful and sympathetic as possible to the students who apply. The University makes a simplified guide to this process available to all students online and also signposts access to counselling and disability services where needed.

Like other universities we do require evidence that requests are genuine, though we seek to be as understanding as possible when asking for it.”

Papers misreport anti-racism campaign Amidst a range of campaigns denouncing universities’ colonial pasts, several papers misreported an anti-racism campaign at Royal Holloway University Eilzabeth Oakley Reporter Both The Sunday Times and The Independent were forced to remove articles which claimed that the ‘I, too, Am Royal Holloway’ campaign advocated the removal of a statue of Queen Victoria on campus.

The campaign intended to promote the inclusion of Black.

Asian and Minority Ethnic (BAME) students by raising awareness of casual racism present at the university. This was inspired by previous movements such as ‘I, too, am Oxford’ and ‘I, too, am Harvard’, which similarly used a compilation of photographs of BAME students holding up quotes of racist slurs or micro-aggressions they had experienced.

Confusion of its purpose arose when The Tab in Royal Holloway reported the campaign with the headline ‘BME students ‘feel excluded’ by Queen Victoria’s Empress of India statue’. The Sunday Times followed on the 6th of March with ‘Anti-Imperialist Students Turn

Fire on Victoria’, whilst The Independent claimed ‘Students Have Demanded That a Statue of Queen Victoria at Royal Holloway Be Removed’.

Royal Holloway’s Students’ Union responded with a statement denouncing the the headlines, asserting: “the campaign does not call for the removal of the statue of Queen Victoria in Founder’s North Quad” and that this alleged purpose of the movement was “completely untrue”.

In addition, Grace Almond, who was thought to be at the forefront of the ‘I, too, am Royal Holloway’ campaign later tweeted: “There are no plans for a #Victoriamustfall campaign at Royal Holloway. The articles written by @Independent and @thesundaytimes are false”.

All three articles have now been deleted.

The controversy over the misreport of the anti-racism campaign comes at a time where the colonial pasts of several universities are being disputed through student protest. This was initially sparked a year ago with the Rhodes Must Fall

The Queen Victoria statue at Royal Holloway Photo: Ian Taylor

(RMF) campaign at the University of Cape Town in South Africa, where a statue of Cecil Rhodes—a Victorian Imperialist who supported Apartheid-style measures—was defaced before being taken down.

RMF then spread to the University of Oxford, where a number of students began to challenge the presence of a Cecil Rhodes statue at Oriel College.

Despite unsuccessful attempts to remove it, the attention provoked a ‘Mass March for Decolonization’, which occurred on Wednesday the 9th of March.

This saw over 100 students take an ‘alternative walking tour’ of sites linked to Oxford’s colonial past.

A number of other universities have also faced anti-colonial action. On Wednesday, Jesus College Cambridge pledged to remove a bronze cockerel from its dining room. This was looted from Nigeria during a British colonial expedition in the 19th Century. A college spokesperson on Tuesday stated that the rightful location of the ‘Benin bronze’ was a complex matter requiring further discussion.

Meanwhile in the United States, the Harvard Law School Committee has put pressure on the University to remove its crest that has ties to 18th century slave traders. The image, which depicts three sheaves of wheat, is based on the family crest of Isaac Royall Junior, the son of a wealthy slave owner and trader whose bequest endowed Harvard’s first law professorship. This comes after the successful campaign for the removal of the term ‘master’ from academic titles due to the word’s contentious connection with slavery.

Amherst College Massachusetts has also faced scrutiny due to its link with informal mascot, Jeffrey Amherst, an 18th century general accused of permitting the infection of Native Americans with smallpox.

Princeton is another, whose school named after Woodrow Wilson has been questioned, due to the former President’s allegedly racist views and contempt for ethnic minorities.

News

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91 per cent of Manchester life scientists concerned ‘Brexit’ could impact research An opinion poll from The Mancunion reveals that 91 per cent of academic and research staff from The University of Manchester’s Faculty of Life Sciences are concerned that an EU exit could impact their research Tori Blakeman Senior Reporter A opinion poll exploring the impact of Britain’s European Union membership status on life science research received 56 responses in less than 20 hours, with the majority of respondents expressing concerns over an EU exit. The 56 respondents included both academic and research staff from the Faculty of Life Sciences here at the University of Manchester.

73 per cent of respondents expressed concerns that leaving the EU would result in reduced funding for their research, with one staff member stating: “The UK is among the largest beneficiaries of European funding for research. If we lose this funding source these amounts will most certainly not be matched by the UK government.”

However, 9 per cent were not concerned about potential funding reductions, with belief that research funding would be more wisely spent if Britain were to separate from the EU: “For life science research the British government would get better value funding spending its money in the UK, through the UK research councils, as opposed to contributing to EU research funding.”

Others commented on the bureaucracy of the EU: “UK funding is merit-based, whereas other factors such as politics play a greater role in dictating how research funding is spent in the EU. The EU funding schemes are also extremely bureaucratic.”

More, however, seemed to be concerned over the potential disruption to the “collaborative endeavour” of science, with 82 per cent worried that an EU exit could damage Manchester research partnerships with European universities.

One correspondent stated that an EU exit could portray Britain as a nation unable to collaborate: “We should undertake it [science] for knowledge and subsequent understanding to benefit as many as possible. We are best able to do this in international collaborations [EU or not], and leaving the EU at a time it is expanding has the potential to portray Britain as an insular, petulant nation unable to partake in effective collaborations.”

“We are better in the EU, as we will then be able to partake in meaningful discussion about issues, funding—anything that concerns us, instead of just having it imposed on us.”

Further respondent comments considered the impact of tighter border control that would implemented if Britain left the EU: “Leaving the EU would restrict free movement of people and would make it more difficult for academics, postdocs, and PhD students to enter the UK.” “I think that the attractiveness of Britain for European scientists could decrease [with an EU exit]. Now many scientists are highly motivated to come here to develop their research, but leaving the EU I think this will change.”

When asked whether Britain should stay in or leave the EU, from a solely scientific perspective, 94 per cent stated that they’d prefer for Britain to remain within the EU.

Photo: Novartis AG @Flickr

Despite the results being significantly skewed in favour for EU membership, interestingly, responses in the opinion poll were very “all or nothing”. The large majority of respondents were either completely concerned that an EU exit would impact life science research, funding and collaborations, or wholly sure that an EU exit would not impact any of these things.

Researchers and academics from the Faculty of Life Sciences are clearly concerned that “Brexit” could impact research, however, it is apparent that there are opinions that life science research could go on as normal despite Britain’s membership with the EU. Background Image: Yanni Koutsomitis @Flickr

Dr. Helen Pankhurst speaks to The Mancunion For International Women’s Day 2016, the Global Development Institute celebrated the history of feminism with a screening of Suffragette. Afterwards, The Mancunion spoke to Helen Pankhurst, greatgranddaughter of the iconic Emmeline, about how the fight for equality is far from over.

Georgie Hines Senior Reporter Continuing the commemoration of women throughout the week, The Global Institute held a special screening of British historical period film Suffragette—starring Carey Mulligan, Helena Bonham Carter and Meryl Streep.

Suffragette follows the story of Maud Watts, a working class woman with a family, who, along with a small but determined group of women, loses everything in the fight for a woman’s right to vote. Whilst most action portrayed in movies is dramatised, the militancy shown by the women in this film and the horrendous treatment they received is real.

The film is inspired by the suffragette movement—spearheaded by Manchester’s own Emmeline Pankhurst. Whilst her appearance in the film was fleeting, her speech made sure that her presence was felt. The action of suffragettes can be described by one of Pankhurst’s most famous quotes: “I’d rather be a rebel than a slave”.

The screening was followed by a Q&A session chaired by Professor Uma Kothari, Director of the Global Development Institute. The panel consisted of three experts on women’s rights and its history: Penny Summerfield, Professor of Modern History at the University of Manchester, Sohela Nazeen, Professor of International Relations at the University of Dhaka and Helen Pankhurst, CARE International UK’s campaign ambassador and great-granddaughter of Pankhurst.

After the Q&A, The Mancunion spoke with Pankhurst personally about why this story is important to be told, Ms Pankhurst replied: “I think it’s still relevant today, a lot of the issues they were campaigning about still apply here and globally” “It’s really important that it doesn’t get forgotten” and we should remember “how much our ancestors, not just mine” sacrificed for the rights that UK women have today.

She spoke about the perspective of the movie and why it was significant that the suffragette movement was told by an average working class

woman. “It universalises it”, she said. It’s “told about somebody that anyone can relate to, rather than just a biopic”.

But just because women now have the right to vote does not mean that the issue of gender equality has ended. There are many problems still to solve and Ms Pankhurst says that “it’s up to each one of us to decide which ones we feel most passionately about.”

“I think the wonderful difference between the world we live in now and a hundred years ago is social media” and “you can make a difference to both local causes and to more global ones.

“We want to get there this generation [but] there are so many issues to still campaign about”, she said. “If each of us just tackle a little bit, we’ll get there.”

Ms Pankhurst has spent her life dedicated to international women’s rights after witnessing the situation in Ethiopia during her childhood. “[It] made me particularly interested in international feminism, which is relevant to us more and more because we live in an interconnected world.

“If we don’t listen, if we don’t

On the week of International Women’s Day, The Mancunion spoke to Helen Pankhurst: the great-grandaughter of Emmeline Pankhurst. Photo: The Mancunion

care what’s happening in other countries it will come back and haunt us” because “we don’t exist in isolation”.

This belief led to her disagreeing with the comments of Minister Priti Patel, who likened leaving the EU with the suffragette movement.

After being asked why she

spoke up about the issue, Ms Pankhurst replied that “I objected to the name being used in a way that I felt was so opposed to what I felt and I stand for” and “I just felt I couldn’t be silent about it.”

But if she were to say anything more about the EU, it would be to vote. “This is prob-

ably the most single important vote you could use as women and youngsters”.

The event highlighted that with the referendum just around the corner it is important for women not to waste the vote that the suffragettes fought so hard for us to have.

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In theThenews this week... important and interesting stories from the wider world this week.

Stories by: Charlie Spargo, Paul Scott, Isaac Atwal, & Joe Evans

“World’s hottest criminal” finishes term USAThe “world’s hottest criminal” has completed his jail sentence and is now free to begin his new career as a model.

Jeremy Meek’s mugshot racked up over 80,000 likes after being posted to Facebook following him being arrested for possession of a firearm. He pleaded guilty to the allegation and was convicted for 27 months.

Following his arrest women offered to pay his bail and extended the opportunity for him to “hide out at their houses”.

Despite the huge female interest Meeks is married man and has said that he is looking forward to spending more time with his children now that he has served his sentence.

Meek’s new career is already underway. He has been snapped up by modelling agency White Cross Management.

He has also become “instafamous” with more than 30,000 followers.

In a post on his social media accounts he said, “‘I want to thank my family and everybody for all your love, support and prayers. I’m overwhelmed and grateful for what lies ahead. I’m ready.”

Hot, cross, and very bothered UK The English Defence League has fallen for a spoof news story stating that a bakery has removed the crosses from its hot cross buns for fear of causing offence.

The Facebook page English Defence League London Division II shared the story ‘Anger as Southend bakery launches Hot Cross Buns WITHOUT “offensive” cross’ with the comment “Hot cross buns without a cross. Well that’s just a bun. We must not upset the islamic invaders must we ?”

One commenter, Alec Lang, called for a boycott of the bakery due to their decision.

However, the story was produced by the Southend News Network, a joke news website whose recent stories include ‘Fireman Sam actor: My drink and drugs HELL after sacking’ and ‘OUTRAGE at Southend school after girl is sent home for looking TOO PRETTY in uniform’.

Part of the hot cross bun story quotes the owner of the fictional bakery explaining that “a maths teacher came in and demanded that we stop selling them as they can be rotated slightly, leaving an ‘X’ – he felt that the buns do not give out a clear signal about whether or not they are a ‘plus’ symbol or a ‘multiply’ symbol.”

Bingo ding dong UK Drunk and disorderly behaviour erupted into a brawl at an establishment in Derby city centre last Saturday night.

This would be quite unremarkable if the establishment in question didn’t happen to be a Gala Bingo hall.

Commonly thought of as being filled with quiet pensioners looking to while away long afternoons, a bingo hall would not be the first place people would suspect a drunken scuffle to break out.

This is not the first time violence has come to bingo - in 2013, Gala Bingo handed lifebans to six female players involved in a fight at an establishment in Torquay.

Tension had been simmering as a group of excited, youthful bingo-goers reacted nosily to the announcement of numbers. The mass brawl was then sparked as some middle-aged regulars objected to the excessively boisterous behaviour of the group in their 20s.

Around ten men were involved in the fight which was broken up by Gala Bingo security and staff before three police arrived on the scene.

A 20 year bingo veteran said she had “never seen anything like it” in all her years of playing, and that a friend had found it very entertaining.

However, an older player who saw the fight unfold played down the incident: “It was just a few stuffy old sorts getting their knickers in a twist.”

In Science this week...

Science by: Andy van den Bent-Kelly

Virtual reality to be added to roller coasters The theme park operator Six Flags has announced that virtual reality technology will be added to nine of its roller coasters across North America, which in some cases will result in interactive game play.

One of the rides due to receive the upgrade will be the iconic New Revolution coaster at California’s Six Flags Magic Mountain, which has recently been undergoing renovations. The introduction of virtual reality coincides with the ride’s 40th anniversary as the world’s first steel looping roller coaster.

Riders will wear wireless Samsung Gear virtual reality headsets, powered by Oculus. When wearing the headgear, riders will find themselves immersed in an interactive storyline with high resolution imagery and 360-degree views. Six of the coasters, including New Revolution, will have a story based around an alien invasion – people on the rides will act as fighter pilots defending a city from the attackers.

The other three coasters are already Superman-themed and the accompanying storyline will see riders flying alongside the superhero as he battles Lex Luthor.

Several of the upgraded rides will be open for sneak previews on select days in March and will open to the general public later on in the year.

Swan succumbs to selfie treatment

Macedonia The unrelenting obsession with selfies seems to show no signs of easing just yet.

People are continually attempting to push the limits of what can be achieved by what is essentially just taking a photo of oneself from close range.

Whether it be a selfie hanging off a cliff, underwater, with a dangerous animal, or in any other ‘original’ setting (where the photographer’s face still constitutes the majority/ focus of the frame), it seems any situation could be made better with a selfie to share with the world.

But the oft-labelled narcissistic craze has once again showed its evil side and has claimed another victim.

In this case, an unsuspecting swan in Macedonia met its fate after a Bulgarian woman decided to haul it out of a lake by its wing for some photos.

Possibly becoming the ugly - the “bit they don’t want you to see” - side to the woman’s Snapchat story or Instagram post, the swan clearly did not get anything positive from the experience.

Builder in bear scare Unidentified A construction worker fell over whilst running for his life from what he thought was a savage bear—but what was, in fact, his friend in a costume.

A video shows the man at work walking through the site on which he works, carrying a coil of wire, before being jumped by the costumed colleague who was hiding around a corner. Immediately he turns and sprints away— despite his friend standing up and waving to try and defuse the situation.

He makes it around 50 metres before tripping and landing on his face, while his colleagues who are filming laugh at his misfortune.

Pro-gun poster girl shot by son

USA A pro-gun campaigner who was the “poster girl” for the progun lobby was shot in the back by her four-year-old son who was sat in the back of her car.

Jamie Gilt may face negligence charges after her young son picked up a loaded .45 semiautomatic pistol from the back seat of her truck while they were driving through Putnam County, Florida, and fired it.

She was not killed and was taken to hospital where she is reported to be in a stable condition. Police officers deduced that the firearm had definitely been fired from inside the vehicle, and that the only other occupant was Gilt’s son.

Gilt had been up until the accident a vehement supporter of full gun rights, running a page on Facebook called ‘Jamie Gilt for Gun Sense’ where she before had posted “Even my 4 year old gets jacked up to target shoot with the .22.”

Huge Ballsy wife gets rabbit gets new testy home UK Atlas, the giant rabbit in need of a new home, has been adopted and given a surprising new name.

Jen Hislop, aged 43 from North Ayrshire, has christened her new addition to the family Atilla the Bun Binky Master Jazz Paws. Hislop was carefully selected from hundreds of applicants to taken on the fury pet after he grew too massive for its former owners to care for.

Hislop is clearly delighted with her new pet saying, “Atlas is an absolute hoot and doesn’t stop running around unless he’s crashed out on his massive beanbag. He even has his own pet stroller, so my 15-year-old daughter, Laurrie, and I can take him out and about.”

Atilla the Bun Binky Master Jazz Paws is a seven-monthold continental giant rabbit and has grown to the same size as a west highland terrier.

Romania A Romanian woman allegedly tore off her husband’s testicles after he forgot to give her flowers on International Women’s Day and refused to help with the house work. After being rushed to the emergency room with his left testicle hanging out of his scrotum, Ionel Popa’s wife said she was fed up of being ignored by her husband and didn’t know her own strength.

Marinela Benea said her husband had come home drunk the night before and then the next morning had shouted at her that she was “not entitled to give him orders”. “I told him he was not any kind of man and I grabbed his balls. It was not my fault he pulled away” said the moxey spouse. “I thought maybe that some ice would solve the problem, but he insisted on calling an ambulance” she continued.

Her husband is now in hospital after undergoing emergency surgery to repair his scrotum after his left testicle was left hanging out.

Black hole merger generated yottawatts of power The collision of two black holes that led to the recent discovery of gravitational waves generated an astonishing million billion billion watts of power – more than the combined output of every single star in the Universe.

When the two merged, three suns’ worth of mass transformed into energy in the form of gravitational waves in a fraction of a second, creating “a violent storm in the fabric of space and time.”

The figure can also be expressed as 36 septillion yottawatts, and was announced by Caltech astrophysicist Kip Thorne.

Iconic SeaWorld orca Tilikum dying SeaWorld’s iconic killer whale Tilikum is dying of a fatal infection, according to the company.

The orca, star of the damning documentary Blackfish, is believed to be 35 years old and has controversially spent 23 of those years in Florida.

After killing one of his trainers during a live show, Tilikum inspired filmmakers to investigate the treatment of captive orcas across the world, shining an unflattering light on SeaWorld.

The company have stated that Tilikum has a bacterial infection in his lungs that is resistant to treatment.

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Let’s Talk About Sex

W

hat do you think when you hear the word sex?

Although your experiences of sex and sexuality will undoubtedly shape your response, for many, the concept of sex is still rooted in penetrative penis in vagina sex. In fact, this is the only type of sex that British state schools are required by law to teach. Sex education in many schools is therefore limited to that which forms part of the national science curriculum, covering: puberty, reproduction, information about HIV and STDs, and the use of condoms. Beyond that, sex and relationship education (SRE) varies hugely in quality, with a quarter of secondary school students reportedly receiving no SRE in schools whatsoever.

But sex isn’t just functional—it is a social and personal activity, whether monogamous or polyamorous; whether heterosexual, gay, lesbian or queer.

It is deeply intertwined in culture, politics, and our relationships. Why, then, do discussions around sex seem to focus on such a narrow set of topics? In doing so, we lose the breadth and depth about what sex means to us, ignoring pleasure, stigma and all factors in between. How can we expect consensual relationships without an open and honest dialogue about what healthy relationships look like?

Despite widespread parental support for compulsory SRE, last month Nicky Morgan, Secretary of State for Education and Minister for Women and Equalities, rejected calls from MPs to enshrine SRE in the curriculum. Without this statutory status, student-led groups such as Sexpression are stepping in to deliver lessons on body image, consent and sexuality. These lessons may be the first time students have discussed sexual orientation and gender identity, with volunteers also facilitating discussions of asexuality, which is often erased in our sexually-charged culture.

Our lack of quality sex education isn’t just a problem in its own right, but a symptom of a wider reticence to discuss sex. In educational settings, conversations around sex often focus on the negative: avoiding pregnancy or avoiding STDs, contributing to stigma surrounding the latter. Despite science classes supposedly educating us about our bodies, the nature of the hymen is subject to widespread misunderstanding, contributing to the belief that first-time vaginal sex should hurt and that bleeding is normal. This normalisation of painful sex and disregard of female pleasure is endemic.

Whilst the penile orgasm is taught in science class due to its role in reproduction, vaginal and clitoral orgasm is often completely ignored. With mastur-

bation and orgasm both linked to positive effects as diverse as social bonding and alleviation of pain, why is talking about pleasure such a radical proposition?

According to a large-scale survey of American adults, women have just one third of the number of orgasms that men enjoy. This so-called ‘orgasm gap’ is not simply down to a difficulty in reaching female orgasm, as women in lesbian relationships have been found to have nearly 20 per cent more orgasms. Rather than physiological difficulties, the problem behind the orgasm gap is social, with women often depicted as passive recipients of sex, and men as the pleasure-seeking instigators. This narrative places male pleasure as integral to sexual encounters, whilst female orgasm is often relegated to optional foreplay.

Ignoring the role of pleasure in sex removes it from its context, restricting an understanding of its wider impact beyond either heterosexual reproduction or the negative aspects of sexuality. Whilst it is incredibly important to bring focus to systematic problems such as objectification, rape culture, and sexual violence, ignoring the positive side of sex can also give rise to the dominance of victim narratives. This can frame sex as a power play, placing women and LGBTQ+ people solely as victims, rather than active participants in sexual relations who are capable of pleasure and enjoyment.

“Sex isn’t just functional—it is a social and personal activity” It is empowering to understand and know your body, and understand the ways in which it can give you pleasure. If you can’t talk about your pleasure with your partner(s), how can you discuss reproductive choices? The implications are vast, with research finding that being unable to exercise choice in sexual relationships affects not only women’s wellbeing, but “ultimately undermines political, social and economic empowerment”.

Healthcare provision worldwide is similarly hindered by the omission of sexual pleasure. Sexual side-effects of medication are chronically underreported, including a bias against vaginal pleasure.

Joanne Melville explains why we need to use upcoming Sex Week as an important political and social tool to improve our society

“Our lack of quality sex education isn’t just a problem in its own right, but a symptom of a wider reticence to discuss sex” Whilst incidence rates of erectile dysfunction are reliably reported upon in medical reviews, anorgasmia, the inability to orgasm that is more often reported in women, is frequently omitted. Even in the realm of reproductive health, sexual pleasure is left off the agenda. Whilst an estimated 222 million women worldwide lack access to family planning, provision of contraceptives almost exclusively focuses upon associated health concerns.

Issues affecting relationship dynamics and enjoyment of sex are excluded from the agenda, such as the lack of awareness surrounding barrier methods for oral sex on vaginas, or support for couples who experience decreased sensitisation using condoms. Intimacy and relationships—whether sexual, romantic, or both—are such a core part of our lives that we cannot afford to ignore when discussing health provision and policy.

To tackle systemic inequality, from ending sexual violence to recognising the role of pleasure, we therefore need to revise how we speak about sex.

We need a dialogue that recognises the realities of people’s lives, and the interplay between power dynamics, health, reproductive choice, and pleasure.

We need a full understanding of sex that takes account of what sex is to everybody, including those who may not enjoy sex or may choose not to have it. To move beyond one-dimensional sexual schemas requires understanding that our sexual experiences are inextricably linked to sexual and gender identity, and expression, class, race, and norms, and to properly challenge this we need to talk about sex, and what sex means to us.

This is why Sex Week was set up, to discuss sex: not only the negative, but the positive, and our personal experiences with our bodies, our relationships, and our identities.

By holding events on topics as diverse as debunking myths about sex work, sexual pleasure, LGBTQ+ issues in healthcare, body positivity, and living with HIV, Sex Week facilitates discussion around what we often shy away from. The personal is political— and if we want to create real change, we need to ensure sex is at the forefront of our discussions.

Preview: Sex Week For the second year running, The University of Manchester is hosting Sex Week. From the 14th to 18th of March, over 20 events will facilitate discussions about sex, gender and relationships.

This year, events open with “I am a Slut”, a workshop addressing slut shaming. Monday’s line-up also features a sexual pleasure workshop, a talk by volunteers from George House Trust about living with HIV and a sex themed pub quiz. With at least four events a day, the array of topics means there’s something for everybody - whether you’re interested in a zine making workshop asking you to “define sex” or attending a body positivity workshop, finding out more LGBTQ+ issues in healthcare or going to a conversation corner on the topic of porn.

Highlights include a burlesque workshop on the Tuesday, a mini-masterclass giving attendees a peep into the art of the tease. Taught by Lady Wildflower, recently voted a Top 20 UK Burlesque Artist Performer, the £1 donation on the door goes straight to Rape Crisis Manchester.

Other events include a poetry workshop, guiding you to write your own poem focusing on the theme of “lust”, and an event by Manchester Action on Street Health which will bust myths about sex work. The week also includes unique opportunity to hear from a delegation that visited Bosnia in January 2016, centralising the experiences of survivors of the Srebrenica Genocide.

The topic of not having sex is also addressed, with a conversation corner facilitating discussion around the many reasons people may not have sex, whether they may not enjoy it, may be unable to or may choose not to.

A full list of events is available at http://www. manchesterstudentsunion.com/sexweek

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Ola Youssef Feature Writer

W

omen have been used, objectified, and sexualised in the media since the media became a thing.

We’ve been used to sell beer, motorcycles, and even cheeseburgers—whilst ironically being told that all these things are not for us.

So when it comes to a debate about women’s body image, we all know the drill: Barbies are evil, everything’s Photoshopped, and Victoria’s Secret is bulimia; I know it, your grandfather knows it, and, if you don’t know it by now, then how is that cave you have been living in for the past ten years? Is it rough during the winter months? I bet it is.

But in more recent years, men have been getting in on the body shame game too, with six-packs on Abercrombie & Fitch bags, the Calvin Klein bulge, and G.I. Joe’s shrinking waist and growing shoulders, it begs the question: When it comes to men’s body image—should we care?

“As we work towards gender equality we are going to have to drop our rigid stereotypes.”

I asked around about what peoples’ thoughts and experiences with the issue. The responses I got were broadly of three types.

The first: “…”

It turns out an awful lot people have actually never thought about it. The whole concept of men having issues with body image, eating disorders, or dysmorphia, is talked about so little that the gears don’t start turning nearly as quickly as when you mention women’s body image.

The second type of response was a “Yes… and no…”

People told me that they felt men have their problems, sure, but they are not as common as those faced by women, and they have not been an issue for nearly as long. They seem to think that with all that women go through, it seems almost petty to ask the world to turn its attention to men.

Finally, the third type: Near outrage. “Of course it’s an issue! Men have bodies don’t they? Your mental and physical health shouldn’t matter any more or less because of your gender.”

These responses were pretty evenly split between men and women, but as I was not specifically gathering data here, I won’t attempt to present any trend. What I will say is, they all make sense.

When you look to the media, the stereotypical image of eating disorders is a fragile young woman, preferably in black and white, throwing up on the regular and wincing at the sight of food. Meanwhile, the image of body positivity is a middle aged, size 16 lady, who just doesn’t care what you think, dammit!

So, having it never cross your mind that men can even experience these issues is understandable.

It’s also undeniable that the media puts more pressure on women to try and get them to feel bad about themselves. There’s a whole industry dedicated to it, in fact. Have you ever seen a man star in a dieting ad? Me neither.

But when it boils down to it, in my search for opinions, I have talked to men who starve themselves to be skinny, men who do not feel that it is fair that they are forced to erase any hint of femininity from their image when masculinity in women is so celebrated, and I have talked to men who just plain have a hard time looking at their bodies in the mirror. The more you notice it, the more it starts to become apparent that this problem of mental health in relation to body is not as rare in men as its level of representation would have you think.

But what to do the professionals say?

I talked to counselling psychologist Dr Heather Sacco to find out what her thoughts were on the issue.

According to Dr Sacco, dysmorphia and eating disorders in men and boys is “on the rise”. As usual, it seems the media has a definitive role to play, as she notes that the increase in numbers correlates with the rise in male objectification in the media.

She also notes how much easier it is for the problem to be missed in men; partly because some men with Body Dysmorphia Disorder (BDD) are more geared towards gaining muscle rather than losing weight, otherwise known as muscle dysmorphia (or ‘Bigorexia’ for those of you who follow the tabloids). However, it is mainly because men, are on the whole, less likely to actually recognise the problem, as are their friends and family.

(As a side note, the fact that we have given a disorder that involves over-exercising, being ashamed of one’s appearance, obsessing over diet and looks, and—especially when steroids are involved—poses serious health risks, and is usually accompanied by depressive moods and suicidal tendencies, a name as silly as ‘Bigorexia’, is further proof that we are not taking men’s mental health seriously enough; but I digress.)

This is also common for problems that are seen as ‘women’s issues’, and a similar phenomenon is

Photo: qiaomneg @ Flickr

The bodies nobody cares about

The media and societal spin on body image is causing dangerous consequences for a generation of body dysmorphic men; what can we do?

seen in cases of domestic abuse and rape. The fact that body issues are so regularly viewed as being ‘women’s issues’ means that men who do recognise they have a problem are less forthcoming in seeking help for fear of stigma. We need to bear in mind that people with mental health issues such as anorexia or muscle dysmorphia are hyper-aware, to the extent of paranoia, about how they are viewed by others, so this stigma would be a prominent fear in their minds.

In the end, dysmorphia is a mental illness and it is always very hard to convince the sufferer they have it, adding in our twisted ideals of who should and should not need help and the problem can only grow.

So. Back to the big question. Should we care?

Yes. Yes we should.

It is true that these issues affect women more, but simply because a problem affects one group more

& live

than another does not give us a pass to ignore issues in the latter completely. The idea that a boy or a man can brush off an illness with the throwaway statement, “But I’m a guy,” (yes that is a real life example) and everyone around him can nod and move on, is not okay. He will get worse. And then what?

As we slowly (so… very… slowly…) work our way towards gender equality we are going to have to drop our rigid stereotypes. We are going to have to stop viewing women as weak, and characterising asking for help as feminine and therefore weak by association. We are going to have to stop telling men to “man up” and ignore their problems until they are catastrophes; and then ignore them some more.

We need to be vocal and to help people realise that when it comes to mental health, everyone can be affected, and that everyone who is needs and deserves help. We need to care.

PRESENT

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The case for a Men’s Officer Harry Bithell As another year’s Students’ Union Executive Team elections come and go, it appears that yet again an opportunity has been missed for the creation of an officer whose role it is to represent men and men’s issues in the Students’ Union. This is something that needs to be created in order for men’s issues to be truly represented on the Executive Team.

From the outset, I would like to point out that I am not denying the need for a Women’s Officer. I am simply saying that there also needs to be a Men’s Officer. It is not fair or even equitable in the slightest that men’s issues are left floating in the ether in the hope that some other Exec Officer will actually care about them. This must stop, we need true representation for both men and women on our executive team.

Whilst researching this for this piece I came across an article written in opposition to a Men’s Officer by Helen Stevenson in 2013 in this same publication, and I would like to deal with a point she raises in her article.

Helen notes that men are vastly overrepresented. This is true, to some extent. I—in fact, no one—could deny that men are represented more than women in most areas of society. However, this does not ring true with our previous executive team, out of the eight roles available, only two were occupied by men. If we exclude the role of Women’s Officer, which it would be extremely difficult for a man to hold, this means that around 29% of the executive team, who are supposed to represent the entire student population, are women. To put this into perspective, 44% of the university population are male. Now, I do not plan on claiming that there is a need for a 50/50 gender split on the Executive Team, nor that women are incapable of representing men. I imagine that myriad factors mean that men are less inclined to run for Executive Team positions.

However, I am firmly of the view that the inclusion of Men’s Officer would go a long way to rebalance the gender parity on the Executive Team.

This an excerpt from Harry’s article, read the rest at mancunion.com/ opinion

ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

Labour and the problem of racism Have ethnic minority voters and members been neglected for too long?

The Mancunion recently brought attention to Young Labour’s alleged racism towards Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic (BAME) students. This follows the resignation of Alex Chalmers, chair of Oxford University Labour Club, over the organization (and Oxford’s student left) having “some kind of problem with Jews.”

Despite Labour’s righteous attitude, these occurrences are not anecdotal.

In the 1950s, despite its links to Labour, the Movement for Colonial Freedom (MCF) similarly raised issues of racial discrimination within the party. The Labour Party’s cultivation of prejudice was not direct and perhaps that’s what made it so insidious as to continue today.

As a socialist party they did little for decolonization policies, seeing themselves responsible for the indigenous. This is evident in The Labour Party’s Post-War Policy for the African and Pacific Colonies, which in 1943 stated: “For a considerable time to come these peoples will not be ready for self-government, and European peoples and States must be responsible for the administration of their territories.”

White man’s burden extended into the 1950s when disputes over Britain granting freedom to her colonial possessions split the party into “Liquidationists” and “Ameliorationists.”

Immigration from colonies into the UK started to increase a couple years before India and Pakistan gained independence.

But an inflow of minorities wasn’t favorable among the Labour government either. In June of 1950, a review was established to consider ’the extent of the problems presented by the immigration into this country of colored people from British Colonial Territories’. Proposals for restricting the entry of Commonwealth

Jessica Chow-Lau Opinion writer

Photo: chodhound @Flickr

workers included: applying aliens control on British subjects from overseas, legislation to deport British subjects, and confining stowaways (the 1950s version of an illegal immigrant). They were clearly sympathetic to the Irish though, as justifying these methods would be difficult if they were to pick and choose.

The Review specifies that, “the use of any powers taken to restrict the free entry of British subjects to this country would— be more or less confined to coloured persons”. Indians, Pakistanis, and Blacks (the Cabinet document does not specify) were major targets for restrictions.

The only reason stricter rules weren’t implemented was because they didn’t feel the timing was appropriate. Keep in mind that this review board suggested a concealed color test to deem whether someone was worthy of coming into the country. It should be emphasised that these ideas weren’t rejected, just put aside

until politically opportune.

What it did manage to produce was a difficult environment for non-white immigrant workers. There was no progressive, anti-racist framework that allowed the working class to properly respond to the growing minority presence.

Racism was viewed as an accompaniment to colonial affairs, something exterior to the mainstream labour movement, not relevant to the cause and outside the concerns of Labour. The party had no incentives to enact policies that could alleviate negative portrayals when they were in office and when the Conservatives took over. Because, motivations aside, prejudiced responses were coming from them.

Toleration of discriminatory tendencies becomes perpetuations of racism.

Presently, it is being manifested in Jeremy Corbyn’s associations with Holocaust denier Paul Eisen and references to

Hamas and Hezbollah as friends. Like the 1950s, intolerance spreads from the top to the bottom. Resulting in occurrences like those involving Young Labour and OULC. But because political correctness must be maintained, intense prejudices are hidden behind claims of being anti-Zionist. This is not to say that anti-Zionists are racist but that incidents where members use that label to conceal themselves are becoming more common and less of an anathema within the Party.

Cutting ties with previously radical members is impractical. But promotions and endorsements could be limited to people who best represent the values of the party. It certainly is not the case now, being that Labour put a former British National Party (BNP) member to represent them on the Darwen council recently. I would be remiss to realise that BNP and Labour have strong ideological ties.

If ethnic voting patterns are any indication though, there is a chance that Labour might start to shift and maybe even stand up from its comfortable chair of inaction. A vote they could once count on, 2015 saw a decline of Labour to 52 per cent and the Conservatives’ doubling of votes to 33 per cent. Hindus, Sikhs, and Asians are all becoming more likely to vote blue, possibly giving Labour the political motivation to modify its passivity towards the problems of minorities.

There is no comparison being done here. The Labour Party could improve regardless of the Conservatives. Though its core beliefs are admirable, it stands in dichotomy with the conducts of the modern Party. The sanctimonious air that Labour students convey is hypocritical and fails to acknowledge their politicization of a higher moral ground.

The dark side of the pharmaceutical industry Heather Jackson highlights the effect of profiteering in drug manufacturing On Wednesday February 19th, Manchester Youth Stop AIDS society hosted the 10th annual Speaker Tour.

Manchester Youth Stop AIDS is part of a national network of groups and societies who are passionate about campaigning to bring about an end to AIDS. There is currently no cure for HIV, however, with the currently available treatment, the continuous spread of HIV could be prevented. This is why one of the three targets Youth Stop AIDS wishes to achieve by 2030 is zero new infections. The other two goals are zero AIDS-related deaths and zero stigma and discrimination.

The Speaker Tour visited 17 different locations over a three week period, eventually finishing in the Houses of Parliament. George and Brian were the two HIV-positive speakers that spoke in Manchester. Brian, who was born HIVpositive in Uganda, spoke about the shame he felt when his teacher asked him—in front of his entire school class— about the pills his teacher had found.

Those pills were Brian’s HIV medication, and after that day he felt ashamed and excluded from the rest of his class. George, from England, told us about the drastic side effects he had experienced when he first started taking his medication and about his feelings towards his status— both now and when he was initially diagnosed. Both George and Brian told us about their desires to turn their HIV statuses into something positive. They believe that, through speaking out about their own personal experiences with the virus, they will inspire more people to do the same—but not just those living with HIV. There is a myriad of problems surrounding HIV and AIDS. The stigma that has historically been associated with the virus still remains today, meaning that many people are incorrectly fearful of HIV-positive people based on how

they believe the virus is transmitted; the consequences of a diagnosis; and the types of people that can catch it. By speaking out about HIV, we are helping to reduce this stigma so that a HIV diagnosis does not come attached with other nonhealth-related problems.

Over 36 million people are currently living with HIV, however only 15 million of them have access to the treatment that they desperately require. This treatment reduces the chance of transmission by 97 per cent, meaning that it could essentially be used as a prevention method. Not only that, the life expectancy of a patient on treatment can be the same as someone without HIV. It seems completely counter-intuitive that, given its efficacy, this treatment is only accessed by few.

The reason for this inequality is based on the current system of biomedical research and development.

Currently, more money is invested into research for treatment for Male Pattern Baldness than HIV and AIDS, this is due to the enormous discrepancy in the amount of revenue that can be generated from the subsequent drugs developed. This situation does not apply to HIV alone. The first Ebola outbreaks occurred in 1976. However, there was limited research into the means by which Ebola could be treated, due to the epidemiology of the virus. Consequently, the most recent Ebola epidemic killed five times as many people as all the previous Ebola epidemics combined.

Is it even worth speculating about the number of lives that could have been saved if pharmaceutical companies had been interested in developing treatment for Ebola back in 1976?

The stringent patents applied to the drugs in question also mean that treatment for HIV, and other diseases, can be extortionately expensive due to certain drug companies having a

monopoly over the prices of the drugs. As a result, even if the appropriate drugs did exist, the possibility of being able to afford them is completely out of the question for many people. This is especially the case in Sub-Saharan Africa where 70 per cent of the world’s HIV-positive population live.

Until “pharma bro” Martin Shkreli hiked up the price of Daraprim from $20 to $750 per tablet, the flaws of the pharmaceutical industry have rarely been exposed in mainstream media.

Daraprim is used to treat toxoplasmosis, a condition sometimes developed by AIDS patients that can be fatal if untreated.

Shkreli justified his 5500 per cent price increase by comparing the medication to cars, stating that “if there was a company that was selling an Aston Martin at the price of a bicycle, and we buy that company and we ask to charge Toyota prices, I don’t think that that should be a crime.” His actions have been deeply criticised by people with varying levels of knowledge in the biomedical industry.

He was subsequently considered to be the personification of the dark side of the pharmaceutical industry and was nicknamed the “pharma bro”.

An article published previously in this paper, written by Jessica ChowLau, defended Shkreli and his actions.

In this situation, however, it is essential that the overall picture is taken into consideration, rather than simply the actions of individuals. It is completely absurd that the man who pays $2 million for a one of a kind album by Wu-Tang Clan also has the control over the price of life saving medicines. Such people like himself should not be able to prevent access of essential medicines to those who require them.

If healthcare was truly considered to be a basic human right, large companies and individuals would not be able to profit

from the lives of others, as is currently the case. The entire system is focused around the ultimate profit made from the drug developed, however there appears to be some discrepancy between the real cost of drug development and that stated by pharmaceutical companies. This is exemplified by the Indian drug company, Cipla, who have offered anti-retroviral medicines (to treat HIV) at under $350 per year, per patient.

Given the complexity of the system of biomedical research and development, there is no simple solution to how the price of drugs should be determined.

Despite this, a shift is urgently required so that health is prioritised over profit with respect to the reasons for drug development. Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF) have been a driving force in ensuring that this switch occurs by pioneering new approaches to the ways in which affordable, essential medicines should be developed. As a result, the World Health Organisation (WHO) are holding a meeting later this month to push for reforms to the research and development systems to take place.

Currently, the UK government are yet to confirm their attendance at this meeting. Youth Stop AIDS however, would like to change this. Their petition to convince the UK government to attend the meeting is rapidly acquiring signatures—indicating that people really do believe that global health should be prioritised over profits. As a result of the Youth Stop AIDS Speaker Tour, it is hoped that an increasing amount of people are aware of the issues associated with the pharmaceutical industry and are inspired to push for the essential changes that must take place in order to save millions of lives.

To find out more about the work of Youth Stop AIDS, and to sign the petition, head over to www.youthstopaids.org.

Opinion11

ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

We need to talk about North Korea Are we in danger of not taking the hermit kingdom seriously in the wake of recent threats? proach should be adopted, and talks recently took place in the U.S. at the end of February in which a Republican Senator and the Commander of U.S. Forces Korea agreed that military action should be “on the table”.

That North Korea’s threats were issued in re-

Joely Thomas Opinion Writer North Korea has threatened (again) to deploy nuclear weapons, so shouldn’t we be a bit more concerned? The threat, targeted at the U.S and South Korea, comes after the two countries began joint military exercises that are carried out annually to test their defences against the regime. The exercises were the largest yet, following claims by North Korea regarding its fourth nuclear test in January and a rocket launch last month that supposedly sent a satellite into orbit.

It seems odd, therefore that no-one is particularly bothered. There is certainly much eyebrow-furrowing taking place at state level, mostly between white men in military uniforms talking in cinematic tones, but among the general public, no-one seems to be too panicked about this increased threat to the human race. The media successfully whips people into a frenzy over ‘terrorist threats’ from the Middle East, but dangers originating from the Far-Eastern part of the globe are frequently played down, mocked even. Like a screaming child, our reaction appears to be one of closing the door and waiting for the tantrum to end. CNN’s Paula Hancocks even gives assurance that such threats are to be “expected at this time of year”, as though the North Korean dictator was simply experiencing a particularly heavy menstrual cycle.

“Some claim that the regime has ‘nothing to lose’.”

The questionable haircut certainly doesn’t help his case, and reassures us that, in Kim Jong Un’s barber exists an ally whose scissors might one day be directed a couple of inches lower. But we are also encouraged into denial by the belief that, even

“It seems odd, therefore, that no one is particularly bothered about North Korea”

Photo: flijckr @Flickr

if such a danger is real, there is nothing we can do about it.

Many believe that the only options currently available to the international community are more sanctions and resolutions, with the UN Security Council, last week, passing a resolution to impose the toughest set of sanctions on the country for two decades. They attack 50% of the country’s export market, whilst unilateral sanctions initiated by the U.S. and South Korea seek to completely exclude the country from the global financial system, as well as closing industrial projects employing tens of thousands of North Korean workers.

Yet many believe that such moves risk turning threatening words into devastating actions, and An-

drei Lankov, a professor of Korean Studies in Seoul, argues that the regime now has “nothing to lose”.

Others claim that sanctions will have little impact on those in charge but will rather starve a population already suffering under tyrannous rule.

There also exist those who believe a ‘firmer’ ap-

“The only options for the international community are more sanctions and resolutions.”

sponse to South Korean–U.S. military exercises, however, suggests that more military bravado is the one thing we could do without. Such military exercises are a display of militarism at its most arrogant and, though they are claimed to be training exercises, they also act as shows of force to display to the opposition that violent tactics will be employed if necessary.

It is therefore understandable that such drills can be seen as being used as much for offensive as defensive purposes, and can easily be manipulated to provide an excuse for “pre-emptive” action. The security dilemma also shows that when one side increases its fire power, the other seeks to match it, leading to scenarios that can result in conflict even when previously desired by neither party.

Though many children respond positively to having their sweets banned or being threatened with a light smack, we must remember that there exist Kevins in the world who remember the time when they were given a black eye, and one day turn from sulking toddler to killer youth. While we certainly don’t want states who take the threat of North Korea less seriously to supply the country with arms (on this point, what father buys their son a bow and arrow, anyway?), to reduce the threat from North Korea, such ostentatious shows of power are not conducive, and short-sighted attempts at military action could prove fatal.

Give me ale, reasonable food and quick service or give me death Does the Students’ Union bar need to improve its levels of service?

Colm Lock Opinion Writer The Union has long been the hallowed ground of uni students everywhere to escape after a hard day’s lectures or a particularly tiring seminar for which you might not necessarily have done all the required reading. All you want at the end of your day is a nice cold pint, or as I prefer, a glass of the sweet elixir that is Doom Bar. Now, I am not saying Doom Bar is the be-all and end-all of beverages.

Other ales are of course available. But it is by far the best. However, the SU bar does not come close to living up to the standards that we should expect from a student bar. It is not great. It’s not THE place for uni students to go. It is merely very ‘meh’.

My criticism of the mediocrity of another part of the SU may lead some of you to think that I have some colossal problem with anything containing the word union in it. You would be wrong. The Union of England and Scotland is one of my favourite kinds of union; and the Union of Great Britain and Ireland is something I would like to see return as soon as possible.

The SU seems to be under the delusion that they should be competing with the likes of Kro Bar across the street or some gastro pub that has decided to stock one too many types of cider. Upon seeing the unnecessary volume of cider, I think even a resident of the West Country would blush. Might I make a helpful suggestion to the SU bar operators?

Try diversifying to ale.

Some of you might think it peculiar to harp on about this specific drink but I think it is a cause worth championing. The Campaign for Real Ale will probably be defined as one of this century’s greatest campaigns. As a great man named Marcus Buist

is one of the most popular drinks in the country. It is a drink of kings and commoners alike. Where is the Bishops Finger, Spitfire, Help for Heroes, Hob Goblin, Black Sheep, Pedigree or anything from the Ringwood Brewery or Sharps?

The selection is as endless as a wait for a pizza in the Union. Do they think that we should prefer the sickly sweet sensation of a Kopparberg or the terrible piss water that is Blue Moon. I say to them, give it a trial. Have a broad selection on tap for just a week or two and watch it fly off the shelves. I expect demand is as high for ale in the union as the demand is for ketamine at Antwerp Mansion.

“It takes them longer to produce a bowl of Denver fries than it has taken me to write this article.”

The bar needs serious reform and we all know this. The food is crap, selection of beer is terrible and the prices are high enough to the point that Marie Antoinette would wince at the expense. Why do we not ask for more? Why do we tolerate such unbelievably dire service? Were it a bar in London, it would have gone out of business long ago and been replaced by a Cereal Café or some other hipster type bar. Let’s have a union we can be proud of; one which serves ale and can get your food to you in less than half an hour.

This will be my last article of the year. I know, my readers, that you will be sad. Possibly even borderline inconsolable. But I say do not fear. Feel free and prepared to dissent from all aspects of the Union and hold these people to account for their copious failings. Follow your spirit, and upon this charge cry god for ale, good food and reasonable pricing.

“I expect demand is as high for ale in the union as the demand is for ketamine at Antwerp mansion” I only ask for decent services to be provided for a decent price. The SU bar seems to defy the laws of economics. It provides bad food and a poor selection of drinks for wholly unreasonable prices, something that were it operating as a private business in the real world lead to its closure thanks to a slew of bad reviews from TripAdvisor. I was in there just last Monday that and it took them longer to produce a bowl of Denver fries than it has taken me to write this article. The food is quite frankly sub-par at best.

once said, “it is the historic and inalienable right of every Englishman to have real ale, and it must be preserved.” They currently stock a measly amount of ale to the point that when this writer makes it into the bar around 8 or 9 o’clock, the taps are dry and yours truly is quite disappointed.

There is no Doom. No Trooper. Why is this you ask? Well the bar seems ignore the needs of those who like to partake in the quaffing of this drink on a regular basis. They might say that it would be too expensive and that no one would drink it.

Well, it certainly seems to sell well at the Ford Madox Brown, and at not too extortionate a price. It

Photo: nordique @Flickr

Music

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ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

Live

Club

Mr Scruff: Keep It Unreal

Kaluki Musik at Albert Hall 26th February @ Albert Hall

5th of March @ Band On The Wall

Eats Everything served up a tasty set, but the portion was too small, thankfully Joris Voorn saved the day with melancholic grooves Nirav Chande Contributor

8/10

The Manchester-born imprint Kaluki made its homecoming stop of their 10th anniversary world tour, bringing along an exceptional line up to an equally exceptional venue.

If you’ve ever strolled past The Albert Hall whilst an event is taking place, like the one I attended last Friday, you will probably notice the bewildering sight of sporadically flashing lights canvasing a mural onto the grand Victorian windows of the venue. This novelty is fully realised inside with the gallery and high ceiling which give a feeling of being in a bright an open space, a nice change to the dark and claustrophobic spaces one often finds oneself in when listening to house and techno. All of which might not have been appreciated by those who had trouble getting in due to the close ending times of an earlier event, which resulted in long queues and some people being turned away.

Fortunately for myself this only meant I would miss the early supporting acts, as I did not run into any issues with the venue, bar the ex-

Photo: Albert Hall

pected expensive drinks. Darius Syrossian began the night and, despite having parted ways with Sankeys, the ex-resident played tracks that very much reminded me of it, such as Bas Ibellini’s ‘That’s Right’ and Cuartero’s remix of his own ‘Hans Trippy’, which was certainly no bad thing. Syrossian closed out his energising set with a final few groovers, including the effervescent Walker & Royce remix of 12 Stories’ ‘Bright Lights’.

Of course the most anticipated that night was the so-called “hardest working man in dance music”, Eats Everything, proving to be a master of his craft throughout the course of his heavyhitting and high energy set. A set which took many guises, whilst initially bringing out tracks the like his cheery latest release ‘Big Discs’ and then teasing in elements of the infamous ‘Dancing (Again!)’ amongst other songs to keep things fresh. Everything continued bringing out unknown treats, or tracks that seemed unknown and unreleased, but would turn out to actually be old school house tracks from the nineties, such as Hole In One’s ‘Life’s Too Short’. The only downside was that he only played for one and a half hour, which didn’t feel long enough me.

Nonetheless, Joris Voorn was still very much welcomed, despite his more sombre and melodic brand of techno. In fact Voorn’s feel complemented the previous set perfectly. The crowd embraced the warmer sounds as the night dwindled into the morning, and hearing him play blissful tracks like his remix of Rokysopp’s ‘I Had a Thing’ was just what we needed. As he basked us with his melancholic hit, ‘Ringo’, I found myself struggling to decide which set I enjoyed more, yet I resided on the fact that they were two different beasts.

Every month or so, Mr scruff hosts a party with tea, cakes and records and you’re all invited Will Whiting Contributor

11/10

Mr Scruffs sets are veritable feasts of eclecticism.

As one of the lesser known Manchester musical heroes, Scruffs legendary ‘Keep it Unreal’ club nights have developed a deserved cult following over the last decade. To start with, Band on The Wall is a great choice of venue; aside from the levelled dance floor there was a spacious chill out zone full of sofas. Music is piped through to this room so you won’t miss anything; with Mr Scruff’s sets being as eclectic as they are, this is a godsend– you don’t want to miss a beat. I challenge you to name any other club night that has a stand selling tea, biscuits and fruit like Mr Scruff’s tea shop, alongside heavily discounted records and merchandise.

The set itself was a work of art, lasting 5 hours and spanning nearly every genre, from disco, to jazz, to reggae, to house, to reggaeton. In what would normally be a jarring mix of genres, Scruff managed to perfect craft the atmosphere and ease through each transition of style. Example: our arrival was met with Born Under A Rhyming Planet’s ambient gem ‘Analogue Heaven’ drifting seamlessly into Paul McCartney dazzling ‘Secret Friend’, the most eclectic of choices. Genius. Who knew Macca was making proto-house in 1980? Mr Scruff, that’s who.

As night approached morning, Scruff turned things up a notch with Bileo’s disco screamer ‘You Can Win’, as well as the rare cut that is Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes’ ‘Prayin’. Somehow, the atmosphere dipped at no point, even as Scruff moved into Peruvian tropical house from Quechuaboi, and into the better known ‘Disco Balls’

by Flying Lotus. As the set began to close up with 30 minutes to go, Scruff played some choice cuts from his own back catalogue including the fantastic ‘Get On Down’.

The ‘no phones on the dance floor’ policy gave

the night a very relaxed vibe, as fears of being captured drooling in the side of someone else’s picture or being dazzled by camera flashes were allayed. Worryingly this also meant no Shazam.

For those of us prone to FOMO, being stuck on a dancefloor with no Shazam is like being stranded in the peak district without a map, but thankfully Mr Scruff uploads all of his sets online afterwards, the code for which you are given on a card upon entry, so that the next day you have a ticket to go on an expedition across the internet discovering all of the obscure artists and labels that Scruff has so lovingly stitched together into one giant patchwork. If we can recommend one thing to do before you leave Manchester, this is it.

Photo: Mr Scruff

Album

Cavern of Anti-Matter: Void Beats/ Born from the ashes of Stereolab, Cavern of Anti-Matter have delivered Invocation Hex a glorious retro-futurist bolt of energy Released 19th February via Duophonic Records

Jacob Nicholas Music Critic

7/10

Stereolab were one of the most consistently brilliant and inventive bands around for most of their 19 year run, releasing many bizarrely named masterpieces, from Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements to Chemical Chords. Leading man Tim Gane has a new band: Cavern of Anti-Matter, krautrock revivalists even more indebted to Neu than Stereolab were. The group previously released a record on a tiny Berlin label that’s now rarer than a decent episode of Doctor Who, but Void Beats/Invocation Hex is their first proper album, a retro-futurist throwback with the tracklist revealing references to science fiction, bizarre philosophy and indeed the BBC’s shit show time bollocks. Cavern of Anti-Matter have a lot to follow, but have they delivered a worthy follow up to Stereolab?

Well they’ve sort of just side-stepped the question. Void Beats/ Invocation Hex is very different to Stereolab. Instead of using multiple vocal melodies, almost every song is instrumental and strongly rhythmic, relying on either carefully crafted beats or Joe Dilworth’s exceptional drumming. The overall sound is closer to Beak>>, Geoff Barrow from Portishead’s own krautrock homage.

Opening track ‘Tardis Cymbals’ begins with careful guitar strum-

Tracks of the

Week Jane Simmons Contributor

ming, before switching gears to ultra-motorik repetitive rhythms and punchy analogue synths, slowly swelling and shifting over its monolithic 13 minute runtime. It showcases everything Cavern of Anti-Matter can do in a single track. The brilliantly named ‘Blowing My Nose Under Close Observation’ and ‘Melody in High Feedback Tones’ follow, experimenting with rhythm and texture over more normal song lengths.

These rhythmic experiments are the band at their best, and it’s only when singers appear that the album falters. Deerhunter’s Bradford Cox appears on ‘Liquid Gate,’ which is a brilliant single, but musically a step backwards, only two minutes long and sandwiched between the album’s two best tracks; the towering, astonishing ‘High-Hats Bring The Hiss’ and ‘Pantechnicon’. The combined effect is just a bit jarring. Sonic Boom of the exceptional Spacemen 3 appears on ‘Planetary Folklore,’ but suffers from the fact that, while he is an incredible musician, he isn’t a very interesting singer, although he does provide one of his best performances, and his cryptic declarations fit the album’s sci-fi feel.

However, despite these two minor missteps (both of which are great outside the album), Cavern of Anti-Matter have delivered a glorious retro-futurist bolt of energy, one that’s definitely worth listening to, both through its relationship to Stereolab and in the band’s own right.

5/10

Photo: Album Artwork

DMA’s: ‘Delete’ From Hills End, released 26th Feb via InfectiousRecords

INHEAVEN: ‘Baby’s Alright’ Self-released on 1st March

Johnny Lloyd: ‘Hello Death’ Released 2nd March via Xtra Mile Recordings

If you google Brit-pop inspired Aussie group DMA’s you come up with a polarized reaction from the public, some furiously questioning what the song’s chorus line “Don’t delete my baby” can possibly mean. Title dispute aside, ‘Delete’ is a raw, organic, albeit slightly perplexing love song. You can certainly hear the Britpop influence in the song too, as singer Johnny Took sings in a Gallagher-esque croon. It could almost be a song straight out of 1994, in a good way. Whether you love or hate the band, ‘Delete’ is an unforgettable, odd love song that’s worth a listen.

“Lonely kids of the USA, fight a war in a foreign state” are the loaded first words of ‘Baby’s Alright’. Although hailing from south London, InHeaven could be an American band straight out of Boston or New York; their sound is slightly reminiscent of the feverish anger of the Pixies. ‘Baby’s Alright’ makes for an indie-dancefloor classic. With exhilarating fast drums, frantic rhythm guitar and strong thudding bass, this song has the delicious dancefloor feeling of The Dandy Warhols’ ‘Bohemian Like You’, only much more pissed off. Fans of bands such as Interpol or The Strokes will adore it.

Ex-Tribes singer Johnny Lloyd has risen back onto the music scene with this slow, dreamy melodramatic ballad. It starts with sorrowful minor chords that build into a cascading, climactic dénouement of guitar and cymbals, perhaps symbolising the said death in the title. Produced by Jamie T, much of his influence is resonant in the song; fans will recognise the same searching, wistful sounds of ‘Don’t You Find’, even with the same haunting call of “ooo-ooo-ooo” crying throughout the song. Far from the punchy tunes of Tribes, this doomed melancholic anthem is a pleasure to wallow to.

Music 13

ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

the

Watch the Tapes: Are Cassettes Making a Opinion Comeback?

Cassette tape sales are the highest in decades. Joe Casson considers why people are drawn people back to the much-maligned medium?

You’re unlikely to read any thinkpiece on the music industry without being reminded of the startling resurgence in vinyl sales over the last five years. Sales last year reached levels last seen in the 1990s, challenging conventional wisdom about music consumption that has declared the death of physical formats on an almost monthly basis. And now, a curious development suggests we might need to shelve that obituary for a good while yet: Are cassette tapes really set for a comeback?

The National Audio Company, one of the last remaining cassette manufacturers, announced it had produced 10 million units last year, with sales up 30%. That’s nothing compared to digital album sales, or even CD sales.

But few formats seem to attract as much derision as the cassette tape; when asking friends and family for their thoughts on this purported renaissance, I didn’t receive a single positive response and most were incredulous that anybody could feel affection for them. “The hissing...”, my Dad sighed—he certainly didn’t sound wistful.

A New York Times editorial claimed, “The cassette is the embodiment of planned obsolescence.. .each time you play one it degrades. Bad sound gets worse. Casings crack in winter, melt in summer. Inescapably, a cassette tape unspools: It’s only destiny.” Even in The Mancunion Music section, of all places, I don’t know a single Walkman-owner.

So what, then, explains this revival of interest in a product many consider to be rightly dead and buried? Esther Ford, owner of Withington’s Deco Records, believes nostalgia is central to why her shop’s cassettes have sold so quickly. Having bought her first albums on cassette, Esther is well-placed to discuss their appeal. As music consumption becomes increasingly digitised, she says, many are drawn to the artwork and detailed liner notes

Record Store Day Releases Oscar Talbot wades through the diamonds in the rough trade outlet and ranks them hot to not Wake Up You: The Rise and Fall of Nigerian Rock Vol. 1.Various Artists

Photo: Pixabay

only rising from a lower starting point. As such, an inoffered by physical formats. This has been highlighted dustry has yet to form around cassettes as it did around as a factor in vinyl sales, but seems particularly appropriate to cassettes; as she shows me boxes of intricately vinyl; while the latter’s profitability is fuelled by the hand-decorated mixtapes and speaks of hours spent premium price tag attached to new releases, cassettes taping and splicing tracks, the sentimental appeal is have attracted minimal commercial activity. Most cassettes sold are second-hand or independently-released: evident. Numerous online services boast of their targeted playlists and recommendations, but are unable to Esther tells me about local independent artists, reacting against polished production techniques, recording match the mixtape’s personality. straight to tape for its warm, warped effect. There is In the current musical climate, a fondness for something truly one’s own is understandable. As increasing some evidence this could change—Justin Bieber is now available on tape—but for the time being, the format’s numbers of people use Spotify, Apple Music, and Tidal staunchly alternative market seems unlikely to propel to stream music (okay, I’m joking about Tidal), music ceases to be ours as we rent it rather than own it—even the cassette industry towards commercial viability.

All in all, it is difficult to proclaim a ‘cassette renaismp3s can be copied and burned to disc. That’s why Kanye West is at liberty to pull online-only The Life of sance’ when the format overwhelmingly attracts a Pablo from all official outlets on a whim—his control small market of independent-minded musicians and consumers nostalgic for a cheap, unpolished medium and ownership is absolute. Contrast this with the lyrics 70 (12” remember: The cassette tape’s profitability to Bow Wow Wow’s ‘C·30 C·60 C·90 Go’, the world’s Casanova first they don’t Coloured Vinyl) and reach remain limited. What use is Cassette Store ever cassette single, which boasted “I don’t buy records Day when, as Esther reminds me, there aren’t any casin your shop, now I tape them all on Top of the Pops”, Air and you might see the tactile, portable cassette’s appeal sette stores? On these grounds, it’s hard to see cassettes becoming the commercial juggernaut they once were. for those concerned about the implications of renting Then again, in a world where I can play Justin Bieber on music.

This isn’t to say cassettes will take the world by storm a Walkman, I think I’ll decline to make any predictions. soon or ever. Sales remain comparatively low and are

Record label review: Feature Opal Tapes

the

Started in the small, unassuming town of Redcar, North Yorkshire, Stephen Bishop’s cassette label Opal Tapes is Jacob Bernard- Banton’s mecca for off-kilter electronic music Started in the small, unassuming town of Redcar, North Yorkshire, Stephen Bishop’s cassette label Opal Tapes is a kind of mecca for off-kilter electronic music.

The ballast of Opal Tapes’ output occupies an uneasy grey area between techno and house: none of the artists here truly share the former’s stern, machine-like pulse, while the tunes are too bleak and introverted to replicate the jubilant bounce of the latter. It all makes for extremely absorbing and intelligently made electronica that flirts tentatively with the dancefloor.

Bishop himself, bred on punk and hardcore, records under the moniker Basic House: a slurry of unsettling beat-heavy melancholy, drizzled with a post-industrial flavour. A great deal from the label isn’t for the faint of heart – the super-charged acid of Worker/Parasite’s ‘Prophet’ isn’t so much disturbing as oppressive and petrifying – and fans of Actress’ gloomy Ghettoville will find much to love here. But that’s selling this terrific label short. Some of the most exciting modern music is to be found here. Highly repetitive electronic music often drifts perilously close to being completely characterless and dull, but it’s the endearingly lo-fi quality to all the stuff here that really delights – the palpable sense that human hands were involved in their creation.

L Neils’ glacial textures has echoes of deep house producer Vincent Floyd (‘Caribbean Drive’), while elsewhere it reimagines Zomby’s moody racket as though disappearing into a despairing k-hole (‘Puzzlebox’).

Inbetween the slicing scariness of more abrasive artists (Violet Poison) or the quirky, over-crowded jolt of Lumigraph, lies Personable’s playful ‘Just Cool’, a fantastic slice of gleefully deconstructed synthpop. The curi-

Litmus Test

ously titled 51717 (real name Lili Schulder) makes variously creepy, sexy and astonishing avant-garde noise experiments.

It’s not as pretentious and joyless as that sounds, purely because 51717’s compositions are so otherworldly and enigmatic it’s hard not to be swept along. Michael Vallera imitates the sound of Oneohtrix Point Never, circa Replica, retreating into a black hole. Ñaka Ñaka’s brooding concoction of Aphex Twin’s first Ambient Works album with punishing bass is enormously affecting and visceral.

With music this cold and sombre-sounding, there’s always the temptation to overPhoto: Opal Tapes state just how cold and sombre-sounding it is; it is testament to Opal Tapes’ calibre mutations to 1991’s jaw-dropping album High-Tech Highthat its unique and distinctive sound often yields diLife – the unusual, transcendent sound of Tycho and verse surprises. Cloudface’s productions, perhaps the the 80s nostalgia-laden subgenre chillwave engulfed in most outwardly upbeat of the label’s roster, are infused the worst bad acid trip imaginable. But if you wanted a with an emphatic sense of warmth that bounces over sense of what Opal Tapes do best, a precise distillation purling waves of bleepy electronics. It successfully manof their ethos, then you could do worse than settle on ages to be both alien and deeply human. Unlike other Patricia, who specialises in hypnotic, ambient styles. acts on Opal Tapes, Masks’ lo-fi house – covered on the ‘Josephine’, from 2013’s Body Issues, is an absolute stunspectacular Food Plus Drug (II) – is actually danceable, ner: embalmed in tape hiss, its muffled, squelching bass, channelling the uncontrolled mania of a particularly clacking 4/4 thrust and airy synths dovetail together bacchanalian club night wrapped in cotton wool; somewonderfully. The label has since branched out into vithing like the overheard noise of a house party bleeding nyl with their offshoot Black Opal, exclusively releasing into the bedrooms of the houses next door. material on wax, a sign that they are slowly but surely Crucially, given the label’s musical aesthetic, Opal accruing more devotees. Head over to their Bandcamp Tapes doesn’t suffer from a dearth of variety. There’s page and indulge yourself. everything from Heurco S.’s profoundly disorientating

Showcasing lesser known afrobeat this record is at the top of my wishlist. Sadly it will probably cost an obscene amount, and why is it arbitrarily limited to a ‘limited’ RSD release, when it clearly deserves a proper release?

Casanova 70 (12” Coloured Vinyl)Air The French electronic duo’s second single gets a funky re-release, although it somehow is a ‘Japanese’ release. Because Japan is foreign and cool and will cost more.

Positive Songs For Negative PeopleFrank Turner Like the Nissan Micra or unseasoned tofu Frank Turner merely is. Neither good, nor truly offensive its all your least enticing man-with-a-guitar songs, this time with reduced guitar. The epitome of meh.

Disney’s Favourite SongsVarious Artists ‘A companion to the Crosley Turntable […] mums and dads set your inner Mickey free!’ i.e. the ‘get them while they are young’ starter pack. Expensive and pointless.

Never Mind the Bollocks 12” Picture DiscSex Pistols At least the 3rd consecutive year that some Sex Pistols record is re-released for RSD. AND THIS TIME WITH REVERSED COLOURS!?!?! Whoever allowed this is clearly utterly soulless. You needn’t mind the bollocks, because RSD has officially castrated the Sex Pistols.

14

Music

Rec

rd Reappraisal

Arthur Russell: World of Echo Released 1986 via Upside Records

Joe Hunt explores the mysterious world of the infamous perfectionist’s 1986 masterpiece Arthur Russell is still an almost total mystery to me, as he was to most people who knew him. A musical force unto himself hailing from the corn fields of Iowa, he went through multiple musical mutations and contortions throughout his career, never settling on any style in particular. Flitting from minimalist swirling compositions birthed in the New York avant-garde performance space The Kitchen during the early 70s, to strange unsettled disco tracks seemingly dreamt up on some far away planet, his songs always feel not quite of this world.

In short, there’s something utterly different about Arthur Russell.

Russell was an infamous perfectionist: never quite satisfied with what he’d produced, he’d constantly tweak it. Some of his friends believed he found more satisfaction in the immediate act of creating music rather than actually finishing it, and indeed this quality led to many of his collaborations ending in disaster. Despite recording reels and reels of music during his lifetime, Russell only ever released one album, World of Echo, which came out in 1986, six years before he lost his life to AIDS. Composed largely on the cello, World of Echo is an incredible piece of work. I’m not sure what genre you could place it in other than ‘experimental’, but that seems like both a cop out and a misleading description. While it could not be described as dance music, it bears the marks of his complex musical past with disco and proto-house. Indeed alternate versions of many of the songs on this album (such as ‘Wax the Van’ and ‘Let’s Go Swimming’) can be found on posthumous releases, replete with synth drenched beats. In a way a few of the tracks, such as the opening ‘Tone Bone Kone’ or penultimate ‘Canvas Home’, sound like disembodied dance tracks tracing a rhythm not quite heard but implied, while strange electronic rim shots have a tendency to ricochet out of the belly of a song quite unexpectedly.

No song on World of Echo is straightforward. ‘Answers Me’ is the closest you’ll get to a conventional

Photo: Album Artwork

piece of music, a slow burner about time wasted, the auditory equivalent of a flickering candle, and incidentally a song sampled on Kanye’s ‘30 Hours’ (love him or hate him he’s definitely good for something).

While many of the songs in this section of Russell’s catalogue may not necessarily command the listener’s attention, they certainly deserve it. The second track on the album, ‘Soon-To-Be Innocent Fun/ Let’s See’, is one the most beautiful pieces of music I’ve heard in a long time. It’s a song indicative of the album as a whole, constantly shifting focus and form but somehow offering cohesion, like a wisp of smoke.

The album ends on the heart wrenchingly sweet ‘Our Last Night Together’, a joyfully melancholic tune about strained love, and the difficulty of saying goodbye. However, as is the way with all of Arthur Russell’s music, while the album ends you feel it never quite finishes. That’s not to say this unfinished work is anything close to unsatisfying. In fact it is quite a comfort to imagine this alien record continuing its interdimensional orbit of style and genre among the stars unheard.

Quick Q&A: Kölsch

Danish producer and DJ Kölsch’s melodic albums bravely reject dance music’s throwaway culture. Matthew Staite talks to him about his writing process and friendship with Joris Voorn Q) You play back to back with Joris Voorn a lot - how did this relationship come about?

A) Joris and I have known each other for years. We’re really close friends, and we’ve spent hours talking about music that we love. From these talks, one day, we decided it would be fun to try a B2B set. It worked out really great,. We compliment each other very well. Since then we’ve been doing it maybe three times a year!

Q) As a DJ, you play sets all over the world. What is your favourite country to play?

A) I don’t have a favourite country, every place has something magical and special to focus on. For instance, French people have an incredible energy level, they just go nuts from the moment they enter the club. German crowds are very cultured, and I can get away with playing some very experimental records. English people love melodies, so they’re a match made in heaven for me.

Q) What do you think makes the perfect party for you to DJ at?

A) Open-minded people, and a killer system. That’s all I need.

Q)You’ve released two studio albums, and I love how expansive and melodic they are. Do you think you will release a third album? If so, what direction do you see the album going in? Are there any new sounds that excite you?

A) I’m actually slowly working on it. I’m trying to take it in a very musical direction, and experiment more with live musicians. It’s super exciting. The concept is already done, but I’m working on the structure.

Q) What inspires your music? Does being on tour and visiting new places inspire you at all?

A) Of course it does. I love producing on airplanes; it always feels like I’m part of the future, producing music for the future. It’s also a great time to focus, and really spend hours on pouring emotion into my music.

Q)Your albums feel like musical journeys - do you spend a long time thinking about their structure and feel?

A) Every album I’ve done, I’ve spent a lot of time on the concept, and the execution. It’s super important for me that it is a good listening experience. I’m very happy you noticed.

Q With so much music available on the internet, it feels like dance music has quite a throwaway culture. Do you agree with this, or are the albums you release going against this trend?

A) I feel the problem with throwaway culture also stems from a lot of producers themselves. If you bang out thirty tracks a year that mainly consist of loops and white noise, how can you expect anyone to invest in your work? I am convinced, if you spend time and focus your money and energy towards producing the very best you can, people will respond to it and support your work. I can say that I have probably around 30 tracks in my vault that I’ve decided not to release. They weren’t good enough. My audience only deserves my best.

Q) Is the underground culture that influenced your music the same as what it once was?

A) The beauty of culture is that it is ever-changing. It’s just as beautiful that inspiration is also ever-changing.

Q) How do split your time between writing new music and going on tour? Which do you prefer?

A) I feel they belong together. There is no touring without the producing, and there is no producing without the touring. I really love days in my studio where I can finish off and mix songs I’m working on. But also, performing and interacting with the audience is an absolute pleasure.

GRAB YOUR FIRST BURGER AND GAME CARD FROM SATURDAY 6TH FEBRUARY. ONLY IN THE UNION BAR.

Games 15

ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

Retro Review

Pokemon Red/Blue & Yellow Joshua Goldie Games Editor A few weeks ago we had what was collectively known across the internet as ‘Pokemon Day’. This celebration happened on February 27th 2016, 20 years to the day after the release of the very first Pokemon games in Japan. It’s amazing to see where Pokemon has come since then and this day was just one of the many planned events that Nintendo and the Pokemon company have laid out to celebrate the 20th anniversary of their beloved franchise.

To go along with these celebrations, Nintendo decided to tap into the everfruitful nostalgia pipes by re-releasing the very first Pokemon games on the Nintendo 3DS eshop as a Virtual Console title. For us in the United Kingdom, this means getting to relive the original two Game Boy titles, Pokemon Red & Blue, as well as the third version of the game released for Game Boy Color: Pokemon Yellow. This is a game that many of us will have grown up with, regardless of whether we called ourselves a gamer or not, but after 20 years do these games still hold up? The short answer is just about, but for the long answer you are going to have to keep on reading.

The first thing to do when reviewing any Pokemon game is to specify why there are multiple versions of the game. As stated above the game has three different versions, all named after a colour, and these three different games are for the most part the same experience. The reason for having two versions initially was to emphasize the idea of trading Pokemon. The series slogan was ‘Gotta Catch ‘Em All’ but with just one version of the game this was actually an impossible feat. See, out of the 151 Pokemon included

in the first generation of games there was 12 Pokemon missing in each version, 11 of which can be obtained by finding someone with version of the game you did not own and trading with them (while the last Pokemon was Mew who could only be obtained via a special event or through glitches).

Trading was a major part of the Pokemon franchise and its appeal and in these 3DS re-releases trading has been made even easier. You now no longer require a long cable to connect your Game Boy’s together as the 3DS can trade over wireless with one another. This with the promised addition of Pokemon Bank support in the future means that trading has never been easier. Pokemon Yellow also has its share of Pokemon that are unobtainable but the appeal of this third game was different. Pokemon Yellow not only had the addition of colour and slightly better looking graphics for the monsters but it allowed you to follow the story of Ash, the Anime’s protagonist. You are forced to start with a Pikachu just like him and certain Pokemon locations have been moved around to match how it was in the show. Apart from all these specified differences the games play exactly the same so when picking which version you wish to play you only need to take this paragraph into consideration.

Photo: Nintendo Co., Inc., Pokemon Company, Game Freak Inc

If the gameplay of Pokemon is not already ingrained into your body, right next to how to ride a bike and the proper way to hold your cutlery, then allow me to enlighten you. In Pokemon you play as young boy who sets off from his home in Pallet Town to become a Pokemon master by travelling around the region of Kanto, capturing various different Pokemon, defeating the 8 gym-leaders and working your way up to battle the Elite 4. In order to do all this though you need a Pokemon and you need to train it up through battles. Everyone remembers their first ever Pokemon and in this game you get the choice of Bulbasaur, Charmander or Squirlte (or you get a Pikachu forced on you when playing the Yellow version). Each of these Pokemon have a special type being Grass, Fire and Water respectively and this helps to show new players the type mechanic in a rockpaper-scissors style of gameplay. Grass beats water which beats fire, which beats grass. Taking advantage of these types and knowing which type your opponent has is the way you are going to win all the battles that come your way. Battles play the same as they always have done with your options being to attack, run, use and item or swap out a Pokemon. However, due to this game being the first in the series the battle system is very simplistic.

This game does not follow the same rules as future installments and it has less types to consider. This is something that Pokemon veterans should keep in mind, but for brand new players it makes these games a great starting point as there is less to consider.

A big part of this game is its simplicity and while this makes it good for new players in some aspects, it also makes it a chore in others. While all the menus are simple and obvious in their layout

Photo: Nintendo Co., Inc., Pokemon Company, Game Freak Inc

there are some obvious missing features that are caused by this game launching when it did. There are not any quickbutton options available and a lot of the benefits found in future games like the ability to run and not losing certain items after one use are completely absent in this game. For veteran players this will make this game seem like more of a chore than it needs to be and for newer players it may come off as just too outof-touch for a modern audience. With all that said it does not ruin the game and I myself, as someone who has been following Pokemon for the last 20 years, did not find these issues as deal-breaking as some others might have.

My view could possibly be blocked by nostalgia but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Everything from the graphics and music in this game makes me think back to my childhood and the fun I had playing these games and it made me want to continue. This is certainly a good thing and I found myself enjoying the game immensely as I worked through it.

If you are a big fan of Pokemon and had fond memories of it growing up then I almost certainly recommend re-buying these games, especially if you no longer

Review

Want to meet fellow gamers in Manchester?

Where’s My Mommy?

Connor McBride Contributor Going through the list of new releases and looking for something to review can be a tedious task; the choices being I go into my overdraft buying the latest triple-A game, or I find some artsy piece regarding flowers with few redeeming features other than being short so it’s less painful. Occasionally, however, you will find a game that not only intrigues you, but speaks to you on a personal level. A game that really resonates with player and is an experience that everyone can relate to, regardless of age, gender, or creed.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to the video game version of ‘Everybody Poops’.

‘Where’s My Mommy?’ is a continuous running game where you, a small nugget of feces called Poopy, are cruelly separated from your mother by an ‘Earthquake’. You chase after your mother through the dark catacombs that you call your home. But be careful!

No one has ever come back from ‘the other side of the dark tunnel’. Between you and your mother lie obstacles to make your journey all the more perilous.

The only tricks at your disposal are the ability to change to a hard form, which allows you to break through objects in your way, or a soft form, which allows you to flow through permeable things. If this sounds about as subtle as a starting pistol in writing, then imagine how in your face the final product is.

If I had to describe this game in one

word, it would not be ‘highbrow’. In game, you are treated to the finest in sophisticated humour. As you traverse the depths of an unnamed digestive tract, you encounter tea strainers, small animals, and bags of white powder that turn the screen psychedelic colours when they burst. It’s funny, because those things shouldn’t be up there! It’s hilarious! The first time you see it at least, then the one tune this game has turns boring and you are left wondering what ‘Where’s My Mommy?’ has left to offer.

The answer is not much, unfortunately.

If you are a fan of internet memes last seen in 2009 however, then you won’t be disappointed. Troll faces and Legolas jokes are strewn across the landscape in a desperate attempt to be seen as funny and ‘with it’. Like your father taking an interest in your favourite band, it comes across as contrived and forced.

This could all be forgiven, however, if the game itself was solid. In fact, I may have praised it for not being yet another pseudo minimalistic affair attempting to be Canabalt and trying something at least a little bit ‘out there’. Instead you feel as though you have no control whatsoever as you are being forcefully shoved through the small intestine and thrown at various obstacles. While this may be accurate for the human digestive system, it does not make for good gameplay.

One weird quirk of this game is as you transfer between soft and hard states to move through different obstacles, there is no conservation of momentum whatsoever. Changing between soft and hard states alters your speed very

quickly, killing any flow or rhythm you may have had. This gets infuriating as the levels become harder and instead of feeling like you are gracefully gliding through the game, you have about as much control as being dragged through a hedge. The procedurally generated levels feel unforgiving at best and flat out impossible at worst, spitting out some combinations that seem to be impassible barring divine intervention.

‘Where’s My Mommy?’ is playable, but I would not call it fun.

After the cult hit that was ‘Goat Simulator’, one trend that seems to be creeping into some smaller games recently is treating bugs and glitches as if they were intended features and trying to reward them as such. ‘Where’s My Mommy?’ does this by having steam achievements awarding players for getting stuck on the terrain of a procedurally generated endless runner game, something that I did not think possible before this game. There are also achievements available for glitching out certain obstacles. If these occurrences were very rare, then it could be a nice easter egg; even the best games sometimes act weirdly. But it’s not very rare, it’s annoyingly frequent.

As you sit stuck in an intestinal wall, waiting for the game to realise that you cannot move, you wonder why you even bothered. When the game does realise you are stuck, you get greeted with a slap to the face in the form of a ‘LOL you got stuck’ comment on the game over screen. In ‘Where’s My Mommy?’ it seemed to be easier to patch a frequent problem with an achievement as

have your old carts or if the battery died in them (an issue that you don’t have to worry about here). If you’ve never played a Pokemon game before then I also recommend using this game as an entry point. If you can stomach a few ageing gameplay mechanics then you will find a very enjoyable monster-hunting RPG. The game is simple enough that you will not feel overwhelmed by picking it up and may end up becoming a fan of the series yourself. However, if you are already a Pokemon fan and had no memories of the old games because you started later on then it really comes down to your motivation. If you are curious about where the series first began then definitely give this game a go, however if that is not your goal then you might be better off sticking to the more recent titles.

A lot has changed in the last 20 years and the current games are certainly more user-friendly in some regards.

With the release of these games, Pokemon’s 20th anniversary is off to a great start and with Pokken Tournament and Pokemon Sun & Moon on the way, this is certainly looking to be a good year for everyone’s favourite collectible monsters.

Photo: Exquisite Games

opposed to fixing it. By fixing the spelling errors I make when writing a review and not calling it a ‘typo treasure hunt’, I am already putting more effort into quality assurance than Exquisite Games did.

The only saving grace to be found is the soundtrack. Not made entirely out of fart noises as one would expect, it is a chiptune affair that is actually very well produced. Made by American composer Inverse Phase on a Sega Mega Drive, it is a homage to the games that inspired him and is certainly worth a listen if you like chiptune music. It really feels like that he threw audio pearls to video game swine here. A gem in a pile of manure, if you will.

About as funny as staring at a toilet bowl before flushing, ‘Where’s My Mommy?’ may look intriguing from the outset, but when you get into the bowels of the game it falls down upon closer dissection. The endless runner genre is already large and varied. With many better games available that are asking for much less than the £4.79 that ‘Where’s My Mommy?’ asks for, it really is hard to recommend this for anything other than an expensive gag gift. Good if you need something to laugh at, not with.

Easter is coming up, and that means this is the last week of university before we break up for the April holidays. To slow down and relax on the 16th of March we are having a near-standard console night. The Dreamcast, Xbox 360, PS3 will all be there, but there is one thing special happening. With the help of Nintendo’s toy-to-life amiibo figures, we will be hosting an amiibo Super Smash Bros tournament. The tournament is just for fun with no real prize, but you can bet Gaming Society fun-bucks if you want. So bring your amiibo down, register, and have them square off against other people’s amiibo for both fun and for glory!

After the Easter break there are still 5 weeks left until exams and you bet we will be keeping you all entertained until the end. The first week back will have both a Pokemon themed event as well as our 24 hour charity event so look forward to it! /GamingSociety

Fashion & Beauty

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7 of the very best in budget beauty

ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

Lost skills: Knitting Do-it-yourself: Beauty recipes cardigan, but it was my first try and I kept coming back to it.

With more practise I could feel myself getting speedier and before I knew it I had finished!

Understanding the pressure that beauty products put on your bank account when on a student budget, Rebecca Thomas gives you her top seven tips to save some cash while remaining radiant Photo: Derya@ Flickr

Perisha Kudhail gets woolly with knitting The evolution of woolly clothes has gone from geek to chic and it seems that knitting still has to catch up. With this skill slowly becoming endangered, is it any surprise that knitting seems to be a lost fashion skill? We should celebrate knitting and bring it back into fashion! After all, you can make anything from scarves to socks without breaking the bank!

We caught up with Zoe, a knitting advocate, who recently finished a gorgeous cardigan.

Photo: katieulett @Flickr

Homemade Foodie Lip Balm Anyone with an experimental streak and a passion for natural ingredients is able to capitalise on this sneaky trick. You can allegedly make tinted lip balm using one teaspoon of extra virgin olive oil, mixed with any one of the following crushed ingredients: one raspberry, three blackberries, three cherries, or the juice from three pomegranate seeds. Mix well, strain, and play around with quantities to find the perfect recipe. If you can master the best ratio for you, then you have discovered a lifetime of chemical-free, dirt-cheap lip care.

Life is balmy.

False Eyelashes: Swapping the Falsies for Baby Powder This trick is best approached with caution, but does work; baby powder used between mascara coats makes eyelashes look thicker. The method is to curl eyelashes as usual, apply one coat of mascara, and then, taking a cotton wool bud dipped in baby powder, coat lashes until they look ashy grey. Add another coat of mascara to finish off.

Vaseline Perfume Setter The tub of miracles has a lesser known use alongside its many moisturising purposes. Applying a dab of Vaseline to skin prior to spraying perfume on the site helps to lock the scent in and make it last much longer.

Nivea Men Post Shave Balm: as Good as a High End Primer YouTube beauty mogul Nikkietutorials introduced the online populace to this trick after running out of her own moisturiser and using the next best thing in her boyfriend’s bathroom cabinet. She used Nivea Men Post Shave Balm under her makeup and was impressed by how unaltered it looked ten hours later. Use it like a normal primer and wait for it to go slightly tacky before applying makeup—I can testify that it lives up to the hype. Beauty bloggers claim the high amount of Glycerine it contains is what makes it so effective.

The best news is that it costs less than a fiver and smells delish.

Starbucks Napkins This is a great tip for managing oily skin—Starbucks napkins function well as alternatives to blotting paper. The freebie napkins have developed such a cult following for their blotting paper qualities, that they even have their own page on MakeupAlley.

Steam Facial This beauty hack costs virtually nothing and feels like a deep pamper session. Remove all makeup, bring a few cups of water to the boil, and leave in a bowl. Drape a towel over your head so you look like a Dementor and then steam for ten minutes with your eyes closed, finishing the treatment with another cleanse and moisturise .

Argan Oil Foundation Argan oil or, alternatively, coconut oil, can be bought online for very little expense and has many beauty enhancing properties. It can be used as deep treatments and is the current trend for making super glowy foundation. A drop can be added to any oil-based foundation and it will make the skin glow— this is best for people with dry skin but powder can be applied to the T-zone so that the glow is in the correct places.

Fashion & Beauty 17

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What got you into knitting?

Well I found this book lying around the house, and in our house we make our own little Christmas gifts. So I decided to make these little woolly monsters, they were so cute and they came out really well. After this I bought my own knitting needles and some wool and decided to make myself a cardigan.

How did it go?

Well it was a bit tricky at first, but with the help of this book and lots of practise I learnt new patterns and designs and got to work. A cardigan is a pretty big thing to start with, so it might be worth starting with something small, so you can practise patterns. It took me about 200 hours to complete this

What would you recommend to people who want to start knitting?

Well set yourself a project that isn’t too tricky. If you start with something that won’t take up too much time and that you’ll actually wear, it’ll be really worthwhile. Once you’ve done a couple of small things, you can move onto something bigger and you get to wear it! There are two basic stitches that can pretty much make everything up and then you can take it from there.

By using forums and Google, you can knit whatever you want.

What do you love about knitting?

I love the fact then when you finish working on your piece, it’s yours and there is no other replica of it because you designed it. When you get the knack of it, you can make small little gifts and great pieces of clothing for yourself for half the price than at the retailers. It might start off a bit fiddly, but once you get the hang of it you will have learnt a new skill that is useful and rare.

I feel so great now that I’ve finished this cardigan and I can’t wait to start on my next piece of work. Step by step instructions are available all over the internet, so more people should get into it.

So why not try out a new hobby and bring back knitting! If you need some supplies to get you started, I recommend Abakhan Fabrics in Manchester’s Northern Quarter.

Photos: The Mancunion

Do-it-yourself: Fashion Sophie Soar tell us how to DIY, changing the life of every fashion conscious student forever The continually feared moment by university students, occurring about three times a year and expected with bated breath, has once again clawed its way back into our calendars; we knew it was coming, we watched it silently approach and denied its existence for as long as possible. But low and behold, the moment has come. The second instalment of our loan has run out, our overdraft near to maxing out, and even our savings have taken a rather painful hit.

We now count down the days until Easter arrives when we can vegetate on a sofa, basking in the knowledge that the fridge has been filled without lifting a finger or a contactless debit card. So how do we sufferers of O.C.S.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Shopping Disorder) navigate around such a difficult time?

Carrie Bradshaw’s advice during financially challenging times isn’t always the most practical to be obeyed, such as, “When I first moved to New York and I was totally broke, sometimes I bought Vogue instead of dinner. I just felt it fed me more.”

Whilst an interesting testimony to cultural nourishment, simply skipping one meal sadly won’t fully heal the hole in our bank accounts. However one of Carrie’s statements that determinedly resonates would be “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.”

But how is this possible on a strict budget and with slightly more realistic life difficulties than those of a fictional columnist who dines out every night, rents her own apartment in New York and spends less time behind a computer screen across six seasons than any dissertation student in the space of two months?

Whilst I spend the majority of my time in Oxfam or Affleck’s rather than Dior or even Topshop, a recent epiphany (which any fashion design student, or even recreational knitter, will despair at) was to simply make my own clothes.

This seemed like a ground-breaking and revolutionary idea, until I remembered I have no fabric, abilities, or patience. I can tell you what a sewing machine looks like, but in terms of working one, I am at a loose end as soon as a thread comes undone.

Here presents another challenge: moulding my current, limited abilities of yielding a needle and thread to my extravagant notion of designing, sewing, and filling a wardrobe overnight.

Upon contemplating and accepting this reality check, I set my sights on a small task: chokers. Four velvet ribbons, four large buttons, a metre of elastic and 40 minutes later (I’m a slow stitcher—don’t judge), I had four new necklaces and an insatiable desire growing within me to go bigger and better. The success went to my head, partially aided by the third choker being slightly too tight and occasionally cutting off the blood supply to my brain.

An opportunity soon presented itself for further creativity: my boyfriend surprised me with tickets to LFW, resulting in a response of pure elation, excitement and utter panic. How do I dress to impress with next to no money? Motivated by sheer dread at wearing my charity shop rip offs in front of designers, models, and journalists alike, I trusted in my own creative flair (often a dangerous thing, but by some miracle I think I pulled it off) and headed to the shops.

Two hours, four meltdowns and a near death experience involving two trams later, my ideas were there and the fabrication of a new pair of trousers was soon to be attempted. Despite an agonising evening spent attaching a dismembered Topshop fur scarf to my H&M Photo: The Mancunion trouser cuffs, almost losing a couple of fingers and my sanity in the process, I travelled to London for Fashion Week with a unique pair of trousers and a smug grin glued to my face.

Whilst the DIY wardrobe isn’t for everyone, even the most limited of sewing abilities can be turned towards creating a cheaper, unique wardrobe. Even better still, the more you do it, the better you become and the riskier your creations may be. In spite of its time-consuming and, in my case, often injury-inducing nature, the incredibly rewarding feelings towards the end result are undeniable—and a smug smile is for once justified.

Struggling to look good on a student budget? Film Editor Nicole Tamer imparts her wisdom by sharing her cheap and easy beauty recipes

Photos: The Mancunion

Let’s be honest; as a student, it’s not always easy to find the right beauty products, especially with a lack of money and time. Luckily for you, I’ve found easy methods to create your own beauty products for a tenth of the price. They can be used either as a replacement, or in a situation when you’ve just run out of certain products. So let’s get started! And remember, a lot of it is trial and error, but it’s a very gratifying and fun experience to use products that you have created yourself.

First of all, you’ll need to invest in four staple products which can be combined to make useful, cheap, and cruelty-free versions of overpriced shelf products. You’ll have to buy them in bigger amounts than needed, but they all last for at least a year and can also be used for other purposes. Try to test them inside your elbow to make sure that you don’t have any allergic reactions.

The four products are arrowroot powder, virgin coconut oil, unsweetened cocoa powder, and baking soda. Each of the products can be found for around £3 in bigger supermarkets or online. Cinnamon, beetroot powder, mica powder, activated charcoal, and essential oils are optional and a bit more pricey.

Eye and Facial Makeup Remover Simply dip a cotton pad into the Coconut oil, press it onto your closed eyes for a few seconds and wipe all the eye makeup away. It can also be used to remove makeup from the rest of your face, but coconut oil is quite greasy and lighter oils such as almond or jojoba oil might be better for sensitive skin.

Dry Shampoo Spray dry shampoo is quite pricey and the white leftover is often difficult to massage into the scalp. Arrowroot powder is a lot cheaper and can simply be massaged into blonde hair similar to spray shampoo. If your hair is darker, mix cocoa powder into it as needed. Cinnamon or beetroot powder can be mixed with the arrowroot powder for ginger or strawberry blonde hair.

Deodorant If you’re in a rush and just can’t find your deodorant, or it just ran out before the important job interview or date, you could either use baking soda or lemon juice, which both have antibacterial properties preventing any bad smells for a few hours. If you want to create a reusable longer-lasting deodorant, mix 6 tablespoons of coconut oil, 4 tablespoons of Baking Soda, and 4 tablespoons of arrowroot powder together and fill it into an empty stick deodorant container or a small glass or plastic container. After leaving it in the refrigerator for half an hour, the hardened mixture is ready to use.

Baking soda and coconut oil have antibacterial properties, and the latter acts a base while moisturising your skin. You could add your favourite scents to the mixture in the form of essential oils. A few drops of citrus oils are especially nice in spring.

Mineral or Compact Facial Powder Only arrowroot powder and cocoa powder are needed for this product. Arrowroot powder gives the skin an HD finish after applying asit immediately minimises the appearance of pores and smooths out small wrinkles with its fine texture. Combined with the wonderfully smelling cocoa powder, a colour closer to your skin tone can be achieved.

Start with one tablespoon of arrowroot powder and mix it with half of a teaspoon of cocoa powder. A chopstick or the end of a teaspoon are adequate mixing tools. Experiment a bit and try it out on the back of your hand to find the colour that fits your skin tone best. Afterwards, fill the powder into an old mineral foundation container or into a small resealable box and use it as any other mineral powder with a soft facial brush. If you add a small amount of alcohol (Vodka from last night, anyone?), the powder can be pressed into an empty compact powder container with a kitchen towel and used after the alcohol evaporates. Bronzer and Blush In order to create a bronzer, simply follow the same steps for the mineral powder and add a bit more of the cocoa powder into the mixture to make it darker. If a rosy colour is preferred, you could add beetroot powder which can be bought very cheaply online and, if you have any cinnamon left in the kitchen, the bronzer can be made even darker to contour the face better.

Toothpaste Baking soda itself can be used as toothpaste and its soft abrasiveness can even whiten the teeth. Simply sprinkle a bit of the powder on the wet toothbrush and brush your teeth as usual. If you want to create a proper ‘paste’, mix any needed amount of baking soda and coconut oil in a 1:1 ratio and fill it into an airtight jar. The mixture can be blended to make it extra smooth. The toothbrush can be dipped into the mixture and used as a toothpaste that whitens the teeth and contains antibacterial properties fighting plaque naturally.

Have fun trying out the recipes and remember; they all should be stored in airtight containers and kept in dark and cool places to ensure the longevity of the products. If anything smells off or funny, dispose of it to stay on the safe side. I have tested all of the products beforehand and they have worked great for me, but everyone’s skin and hair is different so don’t expect results or the same scents as high street products.

Eyeshadow, Eye Liner, and Mascara (Advanced, requires more products) Arrowroot powder creates a smooth eye shadow base and, mixed with cocoa powder or mica powder, brown or colourful eyeshadow can be created.

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Half of a teaspoon of activated charcoal or cocoa powder mixed with 4 teaspoons of aloe vera gel and 2 teaspoons of coconut oil makes wonderful black or brown eyeliner. Just fill it into an airtight container, dip a slim eyeliner brush into the creamy texture, and apply it closely to the lash line. A cleaned mascara brush can also do the trick if you need a quick mascara fix. Store the liquid eye products in the refrigerator and don’t use them for longer than three months.

“Re-wardrobing” your wardrobe Sarah Kilcourse helps you recycle your wardrobe to stay on trend As the first half of second semester draws to a close, the effect of our student loans can no longer be seen in our bank balances, yet the internet is awash with street style looks from fashion week. What’s a fashion lover to do? With all this new inspiration and so little money, full of hope and creativity, we must look to our current wardrobes.

Being stylish is often less about buying the latest pieces and more about creating your own style. However, it is easy to fall into a rut of wearing the same outfits because they are easy and comfortable. So when you are procrastinating, look to your wardrobe for hours of entertainment. You never know what might work unless you try.

The 90s trend is still going strong so this is a good basis tor your re-wardrobing inspiration. T-shirts layered under cami dresses gives a subtle nod to Cher Horowitz, and also means you can wear the most darling summer dresses in March. Similarly, throw your biggest jumper over the top of a summer dress and play with seasonal style. Layering is essential in the spring because of the changeable weather, and a great way to create new looks.

Chances are, if you see an outfit that you like on Instagram, Pinterest, or from your favourite blogger, when you take the individual items apart you’ll have some of them in your wardrobe. Then work with the pieces you do have to make your own version of said outfit.

Sometimes a bit of inspiration can make you appreciate what you’ve already got.

Photo: emilysnuffer@ Flickr

We have weekly meetings on Wednesdays at 12pm. Find us on the first floor of the SU.

Film

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Festival Review

ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM Feature

Made In Taiwan Manchester International Film Festival

Photo: Pete Nance

Nicole Tamer Film Editor Having been highly impressed by the feature film Made in Taiwan—which is about a filmmaker who realises that his flickering films can be used as a drug—I couldn’t wait to interview the filmmakers. After spending three years in Taiwan, Jonny Moore became inspired by the country to make this unconventional film set in Taiwan and wrote the script with his sister Leonora. Funded with Kickstarter and with the support of their family, the siblings created a mind-blowing film which was only filmed at night within one month. The highly strenuous shooting hours messed up their concept of time and gave lead actor, Alexander Jeremy, the worn out look which he features at the end of the film. Another behind the scenes secret was to apply lipstick around the eyes to create dark under eye circles.

The duo had already produced a feature film and learnt a lot from their experience. “To any aspiring filmmakers out there: my advice is to just do it. You’ll learn from your mistakes and there are so many funding possibilities out there. On top of that, equipment has become cheaper and lighter, we wouldn’t have been able to follow through with such a project fifteen years ago.”

Their journey is not going to stop with this project; they are planning to film another feature which might also be set in Asia, too. Their enthusiasm is truly inspiring and this translated well into the film which had a dreamlike feeling to it. Alexander mentions that as a foreigner, one easily loses boundaries in another country where everything is different and foreign. He tried to translate that feeling into his role on screen and succeeded in creating a threedimensional character plagued by his own creation.

The film won the category for Best UK Film at the Manchester Film Festival 2016 and the filmmakers will certainly continue to win prizes with their talented crew.

Festival Review

Memories On Stone Mritunjay Sharma Contributor Memories On Stone is a film based on Al-Anfal Campaign, otherwise known as the Kurdish genocide in Northern Iraq.

Photo: Mitosfilm The beginning of the film pays homage to Italian film, Cinema Paradiso. Memories On Stone is about two friends—Hussein and Alan—who want to direct and produce a film based on the Al-Anfal Campaign. The narrative style is similar to Abbas Kiarastomi’s Through The Olive Trees, where the filmmaker tries to make a film with non-professional actors. Whilst making the film they realise how hard it is to make it work in unsuitable landscapes while trying not compromising with the integrity of the film. However, they have to compromise due to various reasons—which are an integral part of post-war Kurdistan. In the film, most of the characters who were influenced by Al-Anfal Campaign go through a journey from their past to the present day difficulties of making a film set in post-war Kurdistan. The filmmaker also goes through a lot of trouble while casting his lead actress, which occurs due to a highly patriarchal Kurdish society where a woman working in a film is considered unsuitable. A woman has to sacrifice a lot in order to do what she wants to do—she needs a man to grant permission for her to work in a film. The lead actress insists on doing the film due to her past in which she has had links to the prison where the film is located. The film features a lot of dark humour and a variety of shooting locations and it beautifully hops from the actual plot to the plot within the film.

Nicole Tamer Film Editor After receiving my press pass and having made acquaintance with two film directors from New York and Sydney on my way, I had found out that I only had one hour left to get ready for a Gala night at Cloud 23 at the Hilton Hotel. Since I just came from the university, I had my most comfortable clothes on and was as bare-faced as could be. I realised that going home to change was not an option and decided to buy a whole new outfit and to put some glamourous makeup on within that hour.

Surprisingly, I succeeded and managed to spend less than £35 on the whole outfit (thanks to sales at Primark and H&M) and apparently looked presentable in the end—a skill that clearly should be added to my resumé. After meeting up with a film contributor, we were escorted upstairs to the high echelons of Manchester society. After shuffling around intimated by the vast amount of well-dressed and important people, awkwardly clinging onto our champagne glasses, we started a conversation with two

guests who looked somewhat approachable.

As it turned out, they were directors from Italy and one of them—Giuseppe Oliverio—directed the short documentary A Conscious Dream which featured at the festival. He had also been at the Academy Awards Ceremony the weekend before—which must have made the Manchester Film Festival experience a tad underwhelming. We then went over to the red carpet into the AMC which was a very surreal experience, and the camera flashes made my eyes hurt. I don’t want to imagine how strained the eyes must be of actors at big award ceremonies.

Dennis Violett—A United Man premiered on that day and it was a very informative documentary. Though it was not my cup of tea since I am not much of a football fan. The short film selection shown before the documentary on the other hand, was captivating. Break and Strange Weather were especially well-received and starred big names such as Sir John Hurt and Maxine Peake.

These short films were moving and featured breathtaking scenes set in beautiful locations. The buzzing

Photo: Alice Holloway

evening ended with a Q&A session with the directors.

The rest of the festival was not as glamourous but still as enjoyable. I made acquaintance with incredibly inspiring people who have worked hard to showcase their talents and network with people at this weekend. Some of the nominees complained that some things did not go as smoothly during the projection of the films and there had been some uncertainties about accommodation arrangements. A lot of the films were not very well visited and the Q & A sessions turned out to be a

bit meagre, too.

Overall, the festival was highly enjoyable and brought culture into this very scientifically minded city. Films from all over the world inspired like-minded people with the aim to enjoy and discuss documentaries, shorts and feature films.

Since the film festival is not as established, there is a lot of room for development but it was still an unforgettable experience which proved once again that Manchester is a city of substance instead of mindless superficiality which is often commonplace in the film industry.

Festival Review

A Conscious Dream Photo: Photographic Museum of Humanity

Dan Cuty Contributor A Conscious Dream is a clear example of a reflexive documentary. It plays with a specific reality in which the author presents its philosophical-abstract point of view through the use of aesthetic resources.Following the journey of band along Latin America, the author reflects about issues related with the culture of this region of the world and adds interesting insights about what is the meaning of life and death.

This film is a reflection in which the author presents multiple characters in the journey a band along Chile. The style of the director creates a constant oscillation between what these

characters in the journey think about the culture and mix it with interviews of writers and philosophers who perceive the same topics from a different perspective.

In this sense, the film breaks the old-fashioned documentary style in which tries to present an objective reality composed by historical records.

Instead, it mixes the interpretation of the author portraying its particular point of view through the creative portrayal of the characters that met along the way. A Conscious Dream then, presents innovative and creative content not only in terms of the content of the topics that are discussed, but also on the style that gives a deeper connotation towards what apparently is real.

Review

London Has Fallen Sarah Jane Thoms Contributor In Babak Najafi’s London Has Fallen, the action takes a trip across the pond from the White House to the City of London as this adrenaline fuelled sequel to Olympus Has Fallen brings Gerard Butler and Aaron Eckhart face to face with a mass act of terrorism once again. With an event in the British capital that requires all major leaders of the Western world to attend, a terrorist attack is able to leave London injured and down on the ground—forcing the President of the United States and his trusty bodyguard Mike Banning onto a two-man crusade against, what appears to be, the world.

Scenes of fiery explosions, ferocious fist fights and nail-biting shootouts bring back the feel of a classic Hollywood action film. The film has been criticised in regards to the use of poor special effects. But when wanting to show London’s greatest landmarks being blown to smithereens, how realistic can you make it look? It gives off this old-school action effect—a Die Hard notion with a hint of the aesthetics from The Expendables— minus the comedy. London Has Fallen gives you the chase scenes that drive an action film and unlike its prequel, allows the President and Mike to work together as a team, leaving viewers to turn to social media to refer to the pair as an onscreen ‘bromance’.

Some of the original cast members from Olympus Has Fallen come back for more in the next round of the action. Morgan Freeman returns to his role as the Vice President to watch the action unfold from the safety of the White House and uses his famously known ‘God-like’ voice to fiend the attackers off from afar. Angela Bassett reprises her role as the Director of the United States Secret Service, who joins both the President and

An explosive and somewhat controversial action film sequel that watches another city fall to the ground

Banning on their journey across the Atlantic and feels the heat of the attack personally to say the least, claiming that “it’s one thing to plan for this… it’s another thing to live through it.” Both provide plausible supporting roles in the film and by choosing to keep several of the same actors for this sequel, a somewhat saga is created.

Aaron Eckhart’s performance is stunted due to the helpless characterisation of the President and likewise, Gerrard Butler provides an admirable performance as Mike Banning as much as the narrative and genre of the film allows him to.

There were moments of Butler’s performance within London has Fallen that reminded me of his performance during his role as Clyde Shelton in F. Gary Gray’s Law Abiding Citizen. It is these moments of Mike’s pure anger and hatred that are portrayed by Butler in London as Fallen that stem from certain catalysts. The film touches on some controversial matters as the plot revolves around the Western world being attacked by the Middle East—a topic relevant in current affairs at

Photo: Lionsgate Films

the moment. In a scene which shows Mike Banning in a head to head with one of the leading attackers, Gerard Butler’s character refers to the home country of the terrorists’ as ‘Fuckheadistan’, which leads me to question what sort of message this film emits to its audience members.

The West is presented as the hero and the East as the enemy. In a highly anticipated Hollywood blockbuster, is this really what needs to be presented given the current circumstances of global politics?

If you like the non-realistic stereotypical cheesy action film, then London Has Fallen may be just for you. But if you are into an action film with a little bit more of a thrilling and stimulating drama to the narrative, then you may need skip the trip to the cinema to see this one. The White House has fallen and the City of London has fallen but is there really any need for anywhere else to take the fall?

Film 19

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Top 5

Review

Hail, Caesar!

Tristan Goldsmid Film Critic Hail, Caesar!, the latest film from the Coen Brothers, explores the extravagant goings on at Capital Pictures in 1950s Hollywood. The Golden Era of Hollywood is beautifully recreated and reflects the silliness of film-making at a time when studios would make the decisions at the expense of directors and producers.

This silliness is embodied in Capital Pictures’ attempts to counteract the imminent arrival of television by creating more spectacular dance routines, cheesier westerns, and the grand prestige picture: Hail, Caesar!: A Tale Of Christ’s Life—featuring global star Baird Whitlock (George Clooney). Despite a large portion of Hail, Caesar! is devoted to Baird Whit-

lock and his film, the real focus is guiltridden studio head Eddie Manix (Josh Brolin), who is tasked with keeping things from ticking over, rushing from set to set to deal with the mounting problems.

These problems include key studio actress DeeAnna Moran (Scarlett Johansson) playing a mermaid in a mesmerising underwater swimming routine, giving the studio the headache of being pregnant and unmarried, and sophisticated English director Laurence Laurentz (Ralph Fiennes) being furious for having to cast Western star Hobie Doyle (Alden Ehrenreich) for his English drama. The biggest headache for Manix to unravel is on the set of Hail Caesar!, where world famous actor Baird Whitlock has been kidnapped, threatening to derail Capital Pictures’ most important film.

Photo: Universal Pictures

The latest Coen Brothers movie is a hilariously Directors DiCaprio should work with next absurd take on the classic era of Hollywood With the pressure of winning an These forays into exuberant sets form the majority of events, which are joyous and indulgent sequences but aren’t afraid to push the boundaries of their welcome.

A riff between Hobie Doyle and increasingly frustrated Laurence Laurentz—who tries to get heavy southern accented Doyle to don a sophisticated English dialect—is ludicrously long; but for many, it will be full of laughs. Similarly a dance routine featuring a tap dancing Chaning Tatum as an outbound sailor distraught at the absence of ‘dames’ on his voyage, is superbly choreographed, but is essentially irrelevant to the story despite its long routine. To anyone not spellbound by the charms of these sequences, they may seem unnecessary voyages from the plot.

The chunk of the story revolves around the capture of Whitlock, but any intrigue or suspense surrounding his kidnapping is lost to the journey through the different studio sets. Instead, the real focus is Manix’s internal battle with the film industry itself. On the one hand he’s tempted to leave the poorly paid, painstaking fantasies of Hollywood behind and enter into a more serious business, but on the other hand—there may be joys to be found in the escapism and excitement of Hollywood. Manix’s internal battle embodies the key questions Hail, Caesar! asks about why people make films,

Oscar lifted, here are some directors that he has yet to collaborate with, and whether the film industry actually who could showcase a different side means anything. This storyline is clevto the actor erly woven in, but gets lost at times under numerous gags and set pieces and ends up as a whole seeming a little incoherent. 5) J. J. Abrams Yet these brilliantly entertaining set pieces are enough to carry the film and DiCaprio has successfully evaded are helped by some excellent perfor- many pitfalls by avoiding superhero mances. Clooney provides some big films and generic blockbusters. But there laughs as the simple-minded Whitlock is one director who has proven to be who is put through a rollercoaster ride attuned to making films with a golden of surreal situations, yet seems as happy Hollywood sheen —akin to the days of as ever. In one particular scene Whitlock ’80s Spielberg, Abrams has successenjoys a bizarre meeting with his captur- fully reinvigorated the Star Trek and Star ers due to its educational value, and be- Wars franchises—and whatever project lief that it’s a ‘study session’. Ehrenreich’s he takes on next, having DiCaprio in the Hobie Doyle is similarly hilarious as a lead could lead to movie magic. cowboy singer lost in the glamourous but serious production of a classy English 4) Paul Greengrass drama. Although given the most screen time Brolin’s Manix is the straightest of There are a lot of great action directhe bunch, looking consistently weary as tors out there (George Miller, Kathryn a stressed studio manager, but success- Bigelow and Michael Mann to name a fully holds the story together through his few). But Greengrass has proven with the entertaining interactions with the cast.

Bourne movies, that he is the most skilDespite the long takes and large parts ful at juggling frenetic fight scenes with a riding on the audience connecting with gripping thriller heartbeat. DiCaprio proits sense of humour, Hail, Caesar! is a claimed in his Oscar acceptance speech brilliantly entertaining celebration of that we need to take care of our planet.

Hollywood and the absurdity that is film- He is the perfect man to save the world making. on screen.

3) David Fincher

HOME Pick of the Week

Hitchcock/Truffaut

Photo: Cohen Media Group

Alasdair Bayman Film Critic An enigma, genius and the ‘master of suspense’ all tip the iceberg upon the discussion of the man that is Alfred Hitchcock. The nature of Hitchcock is full well know in today’s society, but was something lesser known to his contemporaries. Yet fellow filmmaker, François

Truffaut, saw Hitchcock for whom he really was—a true artist and auteur. This notion was developed in his 1966 book, Cinema According to Hitchcock. The book offered an in-depth insight into the mind of the director through transcribing the dialogue of extended interviews that were held between the two greats.

Similar to their respective film, the text influenced generations of cinephiles

Hitchcock/Truffaut is a fascinating look at the artistry of one of cinema’s greatest directors into understanding the manner of Hitchcock’s work, alongside becoming a holy grail to many directors. The explorative nature that was at hand from Truffaut is centralized into Kent Jones’ latest documentary, Hitchcock/Truffaut.

As much as the Jones’ creates an autobiographical piece for Hitchcock—outlining his origins as a title card designer and continual growth into the film industry— an atmosphere of critical appreciation towards such films like Rear Window, The Birds and many more—is paramount.

The narrator, Bob Balaban, is articulate in this manner. Through incorporating a wide variety of acclaimed directors as Martin Scorsese, Richard Linklater, Wes Anderson and Kiyoshi Kurosawa in the role of talking heads only serves to underline the cinematic importance of Truffaut’s book. Their discussion is not only key in developing the contextual background for the book, they also serve as significant reminder of the impact of the text, alongside both director’s works.

Their passionate interviews place them amongst us—the audience—into our cinephilic nature.

Being an auteur, in theory, brings

along with it boundaries in audience’s expectations for a director’s distinct style. Similarly, in regards to Stanley Kubrick, audiences of the time perceived Hitchcock as simply outstanding at one thing—suspense. Truffaut, however, saw past this social stigma in recognising and appreciating all of Hitchcock’s films as individual, and rejected to succumbing to audience’s stereotypes for Hitchcock as a director. In playing with audiences, Hitchcock transgressed the barriers of cinema in classics like Vertigo and Psycho. Jones is quick to draw attention to this particular factor in using them as a base for discussion and exploration.

Hitchcock/Truffaut is fully deserving of its subject matter and baring the title of two of the greatest film makers to have lived. Its deep focus on Hitchcock himself does not really leave any room for discussion up Truffaut as paramount to the French New Wave movement with films like The 400 Blows. Nonetheless, Kent Jones has created something that is a must see for any avid film lover and film enthusiast.

Fincher on paper would be the perfect fit to DiCaprio’s brand of acting. His dark, complex stories such as Se7en and Gone Girl provide a platform for sociopaths and serial killers. DiCaprio has played the villain before with great success in Django Unchained, but that was very much a supporting role. Place DiCaprio front and centre as an unhinged psychopath and the next iconic screen villain could be born.

2) The Coen Brothers The Coen brothers have worked with everyone—Clooney, Pitt, Damon, so it comes as some surprise that DiCaprio hasn’t joined the party. The Coen Brothers are most effective when telling stories that incorporate their zany brand of humour with a character dealing with real pathos. The Wolf of Wall Street demonstrated DiCaprio’s comedic timing—and with the Coen’s at the helm, DiCaprio could stretch his acting range in ways audiences have yet to see.

1) Paul Thomas Anderson And if DiCaprio just wants to win another Oscar, he should work with Paul Thomas Anderson.

Imran Bukhari Film Critic

TV Binge

Cuckoo Elena Gibbs Food & Drink Editor Back as an online exclusive, the late Cuckoo’s unlikely son Dale is played by Taylor Lautner, who has just returned from a business trip in China. Naïve innocence dressed in a suit and aviators provides instant comedy as he prepares ‘di shui-dong ribs with braised eggplant’, exotic fruits and chicken chop suey for the family.

Meanwhile Lorna (Helen Baxendale)—pregnant and convincing Ken (Greg Davies) to take six months paternity leave—oversees the household and acts as the beacon of normality that clashes

with her husband’s new scarlet corduroys. Dylan, the all-grown-up Jake (Tyger Drew-Honey) from Outnumbered, is left unquestioned to his teenage boy pursuit of sleeping with his girlfriend as many times as possible before she goes abroad: ‘9 more shags to go’. Slipping out of the door before a chance of reprimand from the family.

Daughter Rachel (Esther Smith) is still seeing the clingy two-shoes Ben, Matt Lacey from her ‘gap yah’, and is searching for something more than the sit down office job with the uninspiring target goal of promotion to manager. Perhaps a volunteering scheme in Perah.

Easy to plunge into without the prerequisites of the first two series, each episode begins with a brief recap of what happened before so you’re not left completely clueless.

A surprising hit from Andy Samberg’s series debut in 2012, Cuckoo has progressed to involve

familiar characters with ups, downs and frankly hilarious cameos gracing the screens after children’s bedtime (if you haven’t seen the clip of ‘Ken on E’ you haven’t lived).

With Twilight star Taylor Lautner in a new, playful light as he bounds around the family home like an untrained bunny, the gold of the show shines from his kind soul and misguided actions. Unaware of his romantic competition with Ben, his every move wins over the hearts of Rachel and the viewers as he jogs the 12 mile journey to the hospital after getting excluded from Ben’s car.

With Dale’s tribal upbringing so removed from the stereotypical indirectness of English emotional awkwardness, the contrast provides hilarity as the foreign bird settles in to nest.

With plenty of back story, character development and plot twists, Cuckoo is an easy-watching experience with intermittent laughs and without fear of

the implausible. Settle in for kidnapping, drug barons, Shanghai brides and above all, Greg Davies in magenta trousers.

Photo: BBC Three

Books

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ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

Upcoming

Young Adult fiction: home and away Elizabeth Gibson Books Contributor Young Adult fiction is flying high, with titles from the UK, US and beyond crowding bookshops. Primarily aimed at around ages sixteen to twenty-six, YA can just as easily be enjoyed by older readers as it tends to deal with big issues that standard adult literature can be afraid to approach. Here are some recommended recent releases. Between them they tackle illness, trauma, suicide, abuse, addiction and murder – but also love – including LGBT –, family, friendship, redemption and empowerment.

Unspeakable by Abbie Rushton (UK) Unspeakable is very much a setting-based novel. While its premise – the story of a girl who becomes mute after witnessing a death – is fascinating, it is the glorious descriptions of the New Forest that make this book. Prepare to be transported to a land of ancient trees, magical clearings and camping under the stars.

Explorations of many different kinds of love combine with a thriller element to create an engaging read.

This Raging Light by Estelle Laure (US) Full of flowery prose and big ideas, the hugely hyped This Raging Light offers us a window on the sad day-to-day life of Lucille, who is responsible for her little sister after their mother’s disappearance and who is falling for a highly unsuitable boy. Poetry is integrated nicely into the story, as is art. The frilly metaphors can

be over the top but there are some very strong moments and the sisters are great characters.

7 Days by Eve Ainsworth (UK) Many books about mean girl behaviour are American so to read one set in a British school was refreshing: the character named Keren who goes by Kez brought the memories flooding painfully back of when everyone did that with their name. It is interesting to read the same set of events from two points of view: the chief mean girl and her victim. While it is slightly hard to believe that so many big things could happen to a small group of people in just one week, Eve Ainsworth’s début is still a powerful and emotive novel.

through a hard time and wishes her mum were still alive. When she finds some letters written to her from her mum before her death, she begins to embrace life and discover love. Betty is an adorable protagonist and again, it was a pleasant change to have a British book dealing with some of the subjects that Love Bomb covers. Her mother’s final letter is genuinely heartbreaking yet simultaneously wonderful.

Dangerous Lies by Becca Fitzpatrick (US) Dangerous Lies hops neatly between inner city crime drama and rural romance, with a major twist. Parts did feel a little sensational and the characters act much older than they are; however, it is lovely watching the development of certain relationships and trying to guess what on earth is coming next in this rollercoaster ride of a book.

The Silent Sister by Diane Chamberlain (US) Although not officially a YA book, The Silent Sister has great crossover appeal as the two protagonists are twenty-five and sixteen at the time of their respective narratives. In leafy PoNorth Carolina Riley uncovers unwelcome secrets about her family and tries to bond with her veteran brother, while in hot, chilled San Diego Lisa tries to build a new life. Bluegrass music plays a major role and as in most Diane Chamberlain books, there are plenty of twists and turns as well as moving moments and one particularly tear jerking reunion scene.

Love Bomb by Jenny McLachlan (UK) Love Bomb is the sweet, sad but ultimately uplifting tale of quirky Betty Plum, who is going

Upcoming

Upcoming: MA Creative Writing Anthology Teaser Shaun Carter Subeditor Manchester is a City of creative talent. You’re thinking of Morrissey, of Steve Coogan, and of the Gallagher brothers.

You might also be thinking of Michelle Keegan, and Max from the Wanted. Intimidating, I know. Well, did you know that the University of Manchester teaches an MA in Creative Writing?

In between the absinthe and existential crises, the class of 2016 are putting together an Anthology of their work. Late in the summer, there will be a collection of extracts from all of these upcoming poets and fiction writers, bound together in a lovely print book with cover art and author photographs; what’s more, the anthology will be offered to a readership of agents, ever seeking new talent.

On September 8th, there will also be a launch night. More details will follow soon, but it will be amazing.

Who knows, you might get to read the work of the next E.L. James, or one day, with luck and hard work, Katie Price? Don’t miss it.

Photo: rversede23 @Flickr

Feature

Man Booker International Prize Longlist 2016 contains banned books The longlist for the Man Booker Prize 2016, which boasts a £50,000 prize for authors and translators, as award rewards individual books for first time, includes both banned and pseudonymous authors.

The pseudonymous Italian author Elena Ferrante and the Novel-prize winner Orhan Pamuk both have works longlisted, as well as a political novel banned in mainland China. The prize celebrates the finest global fiction translated into English.

The Man Booker International Prize Longlist 2016 A General Theory of Oblivion by José Eduardo Agualusa (Angola), translated

by Daniel Hahn and published by Harvill Secker.

The Story of the Lost Child by Elena Ferrante (Italy), translated by Ann Goldstein and published by Europa Editions.

The Vegetarian by Han Kang (South Korea), translated by Deborah Smith and published by Portobello Books.

Mend the Living by Maylis de Kerangal (France), translated by Jessica Moore and published by Maclehose Press.

Man Tiger by Eka Kurniawan (Indonesia), translated by Labodalih Sembiring and published by Verso Books.

The Four Books by Yan Lianke (China), translated by Carlos Rojas and published

by Chatto & Windus.

Tram 83 by Fiston Mwanza Mujila (Democratic Republic of Congo/Austria), translated by Roland Glasser and published by Jacaranda.

A Cup of Rage by Raduan Nassar (Brazil), translated by Stefan Tobler and published

by Penguin Modern Classics Ladivine by Marie NDiaye (France), translated by Jordan Stump and published Maclehose Press.

Death by Water by Kenzaburō Ōe (Japan), translated by Deborah Boliner Boem (Atlantic Books) White Hunger by Aki Ollikainen (Finland), translated by Emily Jeremiah & Fleur Jeremiah and published by Peirene Press.

A Strangeness in My Mind by Orhan Pamuk (Turkey), translated by Ekin Oklap and published by Faber & Faber A Whole Life by Robert Seethaler (Austria), translated by Charlotte Collins and published by Picador.

Food & Drink

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ISSUE 18/ 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

Feature

KRO

A vegan and a carnivore go for dinner Henry Scanlan Elena Gibbs “A whole rack o’ ribs,” ah yelled at the waitress behind the bar, “with extra sows n a side o’ fried puhtaders.”

T’whole bar roared with excatment. This wus it. Ah wus gettin loaded.

Next thing, ma name’s gettin put in flashin red lights on a placurd ‘buv the counter. A bell rings lak the get go from a wrestlin match.

The sweet smell o’ BBQ sows ‘n’ deep frad crispy unyuns fills ma snowt. This takuhs me back. Back to the good old daze.

Ah undo a couple buttons on ma shirt, blue n black checkered what a got from momma in the hills. If its one thing ah learn from ma time as a hillybilly; it’s this. Never pass up on a’ppurtunity t’eat ribs.

I don’t know what possessed me to join this cretin for supper, but as I stared at the slobbering mess sat opposite me, dribbling a trail of barbecue sauce down his faded cobalt shirt, I decided it must have been pity. It took one look at the menu for him to decide that he’d be taking on the challenge of a whole rack of ribs, as if eating dinner were some crude competition. He looked proud, and I looked disgusted. Etiquette aside, he wouldn’t know a copy of the New Statesman if I slapped him across the face with it. When I asked him if he was aware of the carbon footprint of the meat industry, he asked me what carbon was. When I asked him if he was aware of where the meat on his plate came from, he replied, “from the kitchen?” I opted for the halloumi and falafel salad and a glass of water; I find that in the age of grave overconsumption and greed in which we live, understatement can be a virtue. I took one more glance at the gelatin-lathered ribcage sat opposite, looked to the heavens, and thought to myself: why can’t everyone be more like me?

Ah see the way she looks at me. That disgust, that repulsion. But unerneath it ah see su’in else; pyoore desire. Temptin isn it? The dark sahd.

She all over there in her tortus round spectacles, sleeves rolled up, vision smugly restin on her peachy clean nose. S’mtimes I think

‘The gelatin-lathered ribcage sat opposite’.

Photo: The Mancunion

uh sayin to er; we ain’t so different, you n I. The piece o fatty grilled cheese on her plate, s’posedly representin some kinda liberal movement for food. Hell, I say this, if you gots to make more whacky meals in the name o some mindful consumption friendly for the planet, then why you gotta make somethin that dont already exist? You just makin more waste. Thats the way ah see it.

Before this whole vegetable movement all I knew is ah ate what I wus given! ‘N’ I sure as hell enjoyed it. Yu’ll never see me struttin up t’that bar requestin this n that, no yoghurt, hold the cheese, can ah get a whole grain doughnut w’that. No sir-ee.

She all up in planet organic thinkin’ she all high and mighty. But

BUNZILLA

me, down here, I really knows where its at. I’ll jus let ‘er keep on smirkin’.

People like this remind me that ignorance isn’t bliss. How can ignorance be bliss when you can’t even distinguish an oven chip from a sweet potato wedge? And yet something about the evening told me that this man’s mind bore hidden complexities. There was a trace of hostility in those insipid eyes of his that had me pondering on my journey home whether it was more than just ignorance that kept him in the dark ages. The encounter with the imbecile provoked a period of introspection, from which I emerged with some fairly profound thoughts regarding the cyclical relationship between vegans and carnivores.

There is a stubborn dignity in the meat-eater’s idiocy: just as I take pride in my superiority, so too does he take pride in his obstinacy.

Where would one be without the other? We depend on each other for our spiritual capital. He is the yin to my yang. But must it be this way? As long as we remain entrenched as polar opposites, staring at each other with contempt from across the dinner table, then reconciliation is out of the question, and vegan utopia can never be realised. The meat-eater will never join the vegan in modernity as long as the cycle of mutual contempt between the two is perpetuated. No, first we must find harmony. Only then can we learn from each other. Or rather: only then can he learn from me.

As a licked the last remnants of the sowsy bones from ma paws ah caught her starin’. Waitin’, probly. For me tuh give in, put mah hands up, surrender the challenge n admit defeat. In some ways she may be right, but in this here case she be wrong.

The bell rung again, n a pushed ma plate to the centre in victory.

Ah’d won this round. That skeleton o’ pig may not’v been the same juicy texture of the porky rind back in Texas Alabama, but ah sure as hell finished it.

My empty piece o porcelain looked pretty impressive next t’her ikea white import filled with some wilted leaves n half chewed clusters o’ chickpea. Looks like greed won this time, cos ah let nutin’ go to waste.

Ah watched as ma name rose to the top o the wooden leaderboard. She threw me a pained x’preshun as the waiter took ‘er remains o unfinished food.

“Maybe get the ribs, next tam.” ah smiled.

325 Oxford Rd, Manchester M13 9PG Price £££ • Food 3/5 • Drinks 3/5 • Service 3/5 • Atmosphere 2/5 • Value 3/5

Spotlight on Veg

With a promise of Japanese flavours, Byron Burgers' new creation challenges the traditional Western burger recipe. Nicole Tamer and Guy Whittaker report Being an admirer of all kinds of Japanese food, I was very excited to try a burger which has been inspired by Japanese cuisine. The head chef of Byron Burger created a new burger after a research trip to Tokyo and it is advertised with the catchy slogan “Unleash the Beast from the East”. Before being able to unleash the beast and challenge my taste buds, a decision about the starter and drinks had to be made. Since films are another passion of mine next to Japanese food, my eyes fell on a caramel and salted popcorn milkshake. To make the menu even more diverse, we ordered Nachos as a starter.

While waiting for our chosen delicacies, we had a chance to admire our surroundings: To our delight, the location and set up of the burger chain created was well chosen. The Corn Exchange offers a relaxing atmosphere in a building full of history which is now packed with food chains and restaurants which all have a quirky interior. Byron Burger stood out with an open kitchen, promising freshly prepared food, and a menu with a decent selection of staple and exotic side dishes and burgers. The service was forthcoming and quick to recommend and serve our food.

The milkshake did not disappoint with its creamy texture and a taste that can only be described as ‘cinema in the mouth’. The nachos were thicker than the usual cheaper variety and they were topped with a freshly prepared guacamole, jalapenos, and cream cheese. While the quality of all ingredients was su-

perb and fresh, the small amount of molten cheese, which was hidden in the core of the Nacho hill, made the starter dryer than it could have been.

After enjoying our drinks and the starter, it was time for the star of the evening. The Bunzilla burger was sat proudly in the middle of the plate, accompanied by some lonesome slices of Japanese pickles around the edges. A shining brioche bun encased what to the eye would seem like any normal burger – a beef patty, a streak of bacon or two and an onion ring – the only exception being that holding up those ingredients was a layer of chopped cabbage, and topping it was a wasabi mayonnaise.

However, both the cabbage and bacon were cooked in miso sauce, and the wasabi topping gave the whole package a nice kick. Ultimately, although its authenticity as a burger worthy of Japanese cuisine could be challenged, the Bunzilla burger was a burger of delight; with strong flavourings of a sweet and sour kind following through with a mighty meaty munch from the traditional burger set up. Overall, a burger to savour for sure!

We finished our evening with a chocolate brownie dessert since the Oreo cheesecake was apparently so popular that it was not available that day. Nevertheless, the soft texture of the warm brownie contrasted the cool vanilla ice cream on top perfectly and served as a sweet ending to a great evening with delicious foods.

Perisha Kudhail shows us three ways with kale For our vegetable in the spotlight this week we’re going to be giving you three delightful ways to prepare kale. This underrated green gem is a great source of fibre and is considered one of the healthiest foods in the world. Alongside fibre kale is also known for lowering the risk of cancer, so it’s great to factor it in to your diet.

1.

Smoothies A refreshing way to start the day or have a healthy snack is to incorporate your favourite fruits into a smoothie. Why not add kale to add extra nutrients to your smoothie. Try our recipe for a great smoothie.

Ingredients ¼ cup of frozen berries ¼ cup kale ¼ cup banana ¼ cup yoghurt Preparation Add all the ingredients into a blender and blend until smooth.

If you prefer a more liquid texture then use milk instead of yoghurt and if you don’t get a chance to freeze your berries, then add some ice to the mix.

2.

Kale chips Another way to make the most out of kale, is to pair your burger with some kale chips instead of fries. These also make for a great case for O’dourves instead of pastry.

Ingredients 1 bunch of kale.

1 tablespoon of olive oil Salt to taste.

Preparation.

Preheat the oven to 190 degrees (c).

Line a baking tray with greaseproof paper Remove the thick stems of the kale and tear into chunks.

After washing the kale, make sure they are thoroughly dry (you could use a salad spinner to save time).

Drizzle oil and sprinkle with salt and bake until the edges are brown.

You could try seasoning your chips with different herbs mixed with the salt. Dried garlic adds great flavour.

3.

Mini Kale Frittatas A kale frittata is a tasty way to incorporate kale into something simple. These mini frittatas make for the perfect starter or lunchbox filler.

Ingredients Butter (for greasing) 100g dried kale.

3 large eggs 3 spring onions (chopped) 6 tbsp of feta cheese Dil Nutmeg Preparation Preheat the oven to 180C. Grease a 6 hole muffin tin with butter and then line with greaseproof paper.

Roughly chop the dries kale and mix with the eggs, feta, spring onions and herbs.

Divide the mixture between the muffin cases.

Bake for 18-20 mins and leave to cool slightly before removing from the tin.

You can experiment with the herbs and cheese to find your favourite flavour. You also keep these mini frittatas in the fridge in an airtight container.

Food & Drink 23

ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM Reviews

I Am Sam’s Smiling Face Felix Sanders Both in society and culture things are tiered, there exists a gap between what is considered high and low brow. It is apparent in the restaurant scene like anywhere else. The division between fine dining and fast food is seemingly obvious but, in my opinion, the most important part of any dining experience is what I eat. Therefore, it makes no difference what kind of establishment it is, if the food is good, then I would consider it high cuisine.

Siam Smiles is a Thai restaurant on George Street in China Town. You enter through small double doors and descend tiled steps into what is half-restaurant and half-supermarket.

You take your drinks from the supermarket section, take a seat, and order off a laminated menu.

I chose my dining companion for this meal with some care, I wanted an individual who had actually been to Thailand, so I could then use them as a point of reference for authenticity.

As Miss Duncan descended the tiled steps, though the small double doors she instantly raised her head, ‘the smell,’ she said, reminded her straight away of restaurants in Thai and Vietnamese towns.

After we ordered we had a look around the aisles. Megan’s face kept lighting up with the glow of nostalgia as she grabbed various items exclaiming, “oh my God, when me and so-and so were on this coach from Koh Tao to that secret island in The Beach, all we ate were these pea snacks,” and so it went on. It was a sweet image, you rarely see someone enjoying themselves that much just by picking up items in a supermarket that they have no intention of buying. It was also reassuring, if the ingredients in the supermarket are authentic, then so too must they be in the kitchen.

Siam Smiles offers Thai street food in three basic formats: noodle, rice, and salad dishes. We started with one of each.

For me it was basically food roulette, having never eaten anything on the menu before, I was going on the little descriptions in English along with Miss Duncan’s sage words of advice. Our salad was som tam pla ra, baby crab with green papaya, fresh raw cabbage served e-san style. It literally had

a baby crab in it, about the size of walnut, it was actually really tasty. The salad as a whole though wasn’t quite to either of our palates, but had we known what it was we may have ordered something else.

For the rice dish I played it safe with the pork belly (£8.50), which erred on the side of average. It did come with a ‘homemade sauce’ that had some serious flavour. Our noodle dish was pad sii eew (£8.50), stir fried flat noodles with soybean paste, chicken and Thai broccoli. The broccoli was like a skinnier tender stem, and was indeed tender, but still had that crunch.

We had a little room left and had both been keen to try a noodle soup, not least because this was that random Friday in March when it was snowing. For some reason the door of the restaurant was left half open and you could see your breath in front of your face. We chose kiew goong moo dang (£8.00), prawn & pork won ton soup with rice noodles, choisum (pak choi) and tom-yam seasoning. It was the best thing we ate, the right amount of spice and the dumplings were wonderful.

London food critics rarely grace Manchester with their presence and when they do it is not often with kind words.

The Guardian reviewed Siam Smiles in 2014 and sung its praises. For me, it has one of the highest no-frills to food quality ratios I’ve ever experienced. It was really cold, the brickwork was exposed and I’m pretty sure there was a shower in the bathroom, but none of that mattered because the food was so strong. Margot Henderson, of The Rochelle Canteen and wife of Fergus Henderson, owner of the acclaimed St John, gave a brilliant statement about no-frills cooking, “if God had intended us to eat carrots in tiny cubes, he would have made them grow that way.”

Price ££ • Food 5/5 • Drinks 2/5 • Service 3/5 • Atmosphere 1/5 • Value 2/5

Busaba Eathai Eva Katz reveals whether or not she succumbed to Busaba’s Oriental seduction

When reviewing restaurants, you should always enter the doors with a blank slate inside your head, ready to be splashed with unimagined colours, flavours and smells.

Ideally.

However, a grumbling stomach paired with a roaming imagination make this an impossible feat, at least for me. Minds inevitably wonder, but that is in fact Busaba’s very intention: to distract you from everyday life and leave you with a happy heart. Although as to whether or not Busaba succeeded in fulfilling this heart’s delights is another matter.

Much to our surprise, the restaurant’s interior was the first element not to conform to our expectations.

Conjured images of a rather zen, Dojo-inspired space receded back into the depths of my mind in reaction to the scene before us. Instead, housed within the rather unsightly Printworks, Busaba Eathai has successfully managed to transform the space into a reflection of the modern day Orient. Although the traditional is still weaved into the fabric through carefully placed features.

Every aspect exudes homage to the restaurants cuisine, from the shape of the fans’ blades which spin lazily overhead to the canvassed cubes which shed a warm glow over the restaurant. A mural, depicting a young buddhist monk is splashed across the far wall, the vivid splash of orange liven the otherwise neutral setting The degree of attention to detail sets the bar high for the service and cuisine alike. Although, disappointingly, this particular branch has chosen not to adopt the communal dining layout that can be found at the chain’s London locations.

For a rather early dinnertime the restaurant was already quite busy, a good sign, if not also a warning omen of a slightly longer delay between our arrival and much anticipated first bite.

Laid out like a flip chart of enticing options, the menu displays a number of small plates, soups, curries, sides and recommended dishes. Forever indecisive, it took me longer than usual to come to a decision. Keen for something different, our selections consisted of a number of small plates followed by two of Busaba’s recommended mains.

The arrival of our starters was a bittersweet event.

Aromas of Thai spices filled the air as our table was crowded with an array of small plates. But something

Photo:The Mancunion

Photo: The Mancunion

was missing. A starter had been forgotten. Eager to dig in, we informed our baffled waitress and began to apease our growling stomachs. The Thai Calamari, on which the chain prides itself, is not to be missed.

Hell, I’d return to Busaba Eathai for that heavenly dish alone.

The starter version of the Northern Thai Laksa, too, was a joyous affair. As I began to near the end of my Laksa, our Salt and Pepper Cod was yet to be added to the myriad of colourful and exciting dishes adorning our table. Upon a second query, we finally received confirmation that it was en route. The sweet cod arrived and soothed my growing disappointment with the restaurant’s service until our drinks order too was forgotten. Not only once but twice; even their spectacular lychee and lemongrass infused gin and tonic was not sufficient to wash down our mounting disenchantment.

The mains, unfortunately, only furthered our dismay.

As is so often the case in Asian restaurants, the mains did not retain the same splendid flavour that made the smaller plates so irresistible. I’m sad to say, that unlike Busaba, who highly recommend my main of Red Chilli Beef Fillet, I would not join them in their suggestion.

For one, the description of fillet is slightly misleading, as what I received was merely a stir fry, with a couple of morsels of beef within—a rather unimaginative dish in comparison to those which preceded it.

My companion’s main, the Grilled Sriracha Chicken accompanied by cucumber salad and sticky rice, did nothing to regain our favour. Once again, it lacked the vivid imagination that made their smaller plates so mouthwatering. However, that which completely shattered our dwindling enchantment with Busaba Eathai would have to be their rice. Dry and even crisp in places, I left mine vastly untouched. This failure only emphasised Busaba’s need to revaluate its attention of the more basic elements.

Frankly, it seems as if Busaba Eathai is still finding its feet within the murky shell of Printworks. With a little tender guidance they have the potential to become the zen zone with fine food that they so clearly strive to be in the near future. For now though, my heart remains dampened by the dismay brought upon it by Busaba’s more disappointing delicacies, having been tantalised by those through which they excel.

1, The Printworks, 27 Withy Grove, M4 2BS Price ££ • Food 3/5 • Drinks 4/5 • Service 1/5 • Atmosphere 3/5 • Value 2/5

Jaipur Palace Sophie Wyburd explores a vegetarian hotspot in Fallowfield

From its appearance, Jaipur Palace is not the sort of place that you’d think one would find a good meal. Opposite the Shell garage on the Wilmslow Road, the tacky bright lights of this vegetarian curry house are attached to a small hotel reminiscent of the Bates Motel made famous in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. Hesitantly, we stepped through the door and were pleasantly surprised to find a smart and clean looking restaurant, albeit rather empty, with mauve walls and intimate booths.

Oddly there were no drinks menus on the table. The waiter asked if we would perhaps like a Cobra or a Kingfisher, but only after we had asked if they had any beers. I was hugely excited to see batata pav on the food menu—fried spicy balls of mashed potato which were favourites of mine on train platforms in India many moons ago.

They were smooth with potato, chunky with peas and given a good whack of spice that kicked off the meal to a good start. The cubes of tikka paneer were exactly as they should be, ruby red with edges blackened in the tandoor and filled with squeaky white cheesy goodness.

We ordered the daal makhani as the menu claimed it was one of their specials; it was almost gravy-like in taste, dark and rich and creamy but not at all similar to the kind of milky, garlicky tarka daal that I usually so love. Malai koftes in a creamy cashew sauce and the aloo palak (potatoes and spinach in a vegetable gravy) were also tasty, but sadly the taste of all three dishes were indistinguishable from one another. This was possibly down to our menu choices, so I will not hold it against the establishment; but the daal, the koftes, and the potato dish all had the same oily, gravy-like taste to them, meaning that we did not have the variety of spice combinations and heats on the table that make eating at Indian restaurants

so fun and special. Having said this, everything tasted really good when mopped up with a good hunk of buttery naan.

The service was good apart from one detail which really niggled. The waiter continually only addressed my male companion—“How is the food, sir?”, “Would you like another drink, sir?”, “Shall I clear the table, sir?” I barked replies to these questions despite them clearly not being aimed at me. He was a very attentive and a 10/10 waiter for my boyfriend, but in 2016 this refusal to acknowledge the woman at the table seemed deeply sexist and offensive. As I was the one who ordered the food and paid, it was a very odd decision on the part of the waiter, and sadly left a sour taste in my mouth after quite a pleasant meal.

I don’t want to scare people away from this restaurant. Poor ordering and Victorian waiters aside, the food was quite flavoursome. It definitely wasn’t outstanding, but it was decent food at decent prices and in a location so convenient that it adds to its appeal. I would say it’s a good spot for a larger group of friends to come for a meal where they can opt for a wider selection of the menu to make sure that they get the maximum flavour combinations, and for ladies to make a stand against everyday sexism!

346 Wilmslow Rd, Manchester M14 6AB Price ££ • Food 3.5/5 • Drinks 4/5 • Service 2/5 • Atmosphere 3/5 • Value 3.5/5

Facebook: The Mancunion: Food and Drink Twitter: @MancunionFood Email: food@mancunion.com

Photo: The Mancunion

Arts

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ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

Reviews

Exhibition Guide

What’s On Ben Rivers: The This Month Two Eyes Are

Not Brothers

Your inside guide to the best exhibitons around the city this March

An inside out exploration of storytelling and film-making at The Whitworth Neil Greenhalgh Art Critic On entering the main part of this exhibition we’re immediately struck by a beautifully lit jungle of quite clearly reclaimed wood and chipboard.

Wood showing evidence of re-use, notes scrawled on by marker pen, random bits of paint, bits of leftover wallpaper and all joined together in a very mismatched way to create this random and exciting looking jungle-like facade.

There’s a strong sense of the inside out and back to front Archives before we’ve even New Zeabegun and it seems we have to walk around the back to get to the entrance, which prepares us for

the unique experience Ben Rivers has created.

The arrows on the wall dictate the viewing order, which is vaguely left to right, back to front, with four of these wooden jungle facades to navigate around.

Inside each wooden structure is a film screening. The video works themselves are heavily built around a focus on storytelling, some fact and

some fiction. There are some main aspects that tie these films together: the setting of Morocco, the theme of storytelling, and the ‘collapsed form of seeing-in’; the invitation of the viewer to see behind the scenes.

All of the films in this exhibition display this ‘collapsed seeing-in’ in some form or other, whether its the voice of

the director instructing the actors, a clapperboard in vision, or the inclusion of all other elements that would usually be edited out. This makes for an un-edited, raw account of the film experience. It is clear that we are experiencing both the film and the making of the film simultaneously, which is complemented by the use of salvaged wood and film set bits, because it is an indiscreet viewing experience, unrefined and unpolished.

The general feeling is a sense of involvement and that is what is great about this exhibition; a feeling of exploration, of journey and discovery, and all the excitement that goes with it.

The Pilcrow Pub Build it and they will come... craftsmen and volunteers unite to design a pub from scratch

On a crisp and sunny Friday morning in Manchester I found myself in the heart of Castlefield surrounded by industrial Victorian warehouses. In one of these sites is Joe Hartley’s workshop, now serving as the heart and development centre for the exciting community-spirited project, The Pilcrow Pub. In this dusty, dynamic and creative workspace are the team behind the project that is soon to be built in NOMA, behind Manchester Victoria. The aim for this venture, as the brains behind the idea Ben Young explains, is to create a pub, therefore a social welcoming space, which has been supported by the best of Manchester craftsmen. In turn this site will also house multiple workshops specialising in true craft skills, such as workshops in wood and ceramics, skills that have been eclipsed by technology for the youth of Manchester.

So why a pub? As Ben enthusiastically addresses, for him and his team it is the first original social network; the pub is the heart of a neighbourhood. By creating a pub there is the hope to create a community, a hope to create a welcoming, earthy, and completely inclusive space.

These ideas are already evident in the pub accents that have been created in previous workshops, from bar taps that have

Photo: The Pilcrow Pub

Verity Howard: Behind Closed Doors @ Manchester Craft and Design Centre – until May 29 2016 Free entry.

Verity Howard, a recent graduate and winner of MMU Graduate Solo Exhibition Award in 2016, showcases work from her final year and new ceramics made during a residency at Guldagergaard: The International Ceramic Research Centre in Denmark. Monoprinted onto pebble-shaped ceramics are images of chance views through people’s homes, a cold surface permeated with slightly faded interior light.

Howard’s interest in homeliness and it’s opposites, dereliction and rubble, are apparent in the formal meeting of dusky imprints and the eroded forms of her ceramics; she says how aim in this series was to try and “capture the warmth and stillness and really strong sense of absence of presence that a room without a person has.”

The promise of aspiring artists is something that Manchester Craft and Design Centre explores further with their Future Makers show, comprised of talented graduates across the UK including glass makers, jewellers, textile printmakers.

Deb Covell: Here and Now @ Object A gallery – until 2 April 2016 Free entry.

Photo: Whitworth Art Gallery

Elsie Horsell Contributor

Photo: Tim Jovkl @Flickr

Malevich’s Black Square (1915), one of the most stringently abstract works of modern art, a work that consumes and banishes interpretation, was recently found to have a racist joke about black people being invisible in a dark room scribbled underneath the scuffed paint. Shortlisted for the Aesthetica Art Prize in 2014 and included in Castlefield Gallery’s Real Painting exhibition last year, Deb Covell exhibits a brand new floating black work called Present (2016), clearly inspired by Malevich’s Suprematist icon. (I’ve searched for casual racist jokes, off-colour jottings and traces of Farage humour in Covell’s latest work but couldn’t find any.) Present certainly agrees with one of Malevich’s principles: that art “can exist, in and for itself, without “things” (that is, the “time-tested well-spring of life”).”. The work strives for a ‘zero state’, an aesthetic condition completely free of symbols, allusiveness or familiar matter of any kind. Covell’s unique process begins with a single strip of paint of polythene, then gradually blots out the indeterminate space by adding layers upon layers of black paint. Eventually, she peels off the foundational polythene, leaving her signature folds and draperies of acrylic paint hanging – or in this case hung from the ceiling, hovering ominously.

all been individually sculpted, to the bar cornices that have been fashioned to form the shape of a pilcrow, a paragraph sign.

There is no control over who will design the space; the pub is constantly in transition depending on new creative activities and involvement.

So what can this pub do for us students? Aside from the obvious fact that it serves alcohol! Building the actual pub starts in a couple of weeks and once constructed the workshops will be Karenina Fabrizzi @ Artzu Gallery Photo of the Week open to anyone, with any level of skills. So if you’re hoping to Free entry. learn a new skill aside from your degree or wanting to revisit a previous one, this pub is the place. The team are sure to make With titles like ‘Dream forest’ and ‘Decadent Circus’ its no surprise to see mythical anyone feel welcome and confident in your abilities; I was only imagery like three women in pink dresses with foxes heads marching forwards, or there for ten minutes before I started creating my own journal another female with a rabbit head and plunging red blouse reclining insouciantly using traditional techniques and fabulous local materials, such on a chair. Fabrizzi’s stylish use of scumbled backgrounds and vivid floral patterns – vines are constantly writhing around her women with the comfort of couture as paper from G. F. Smith.

I am sure that this community-spirited, wholesome, and vi- clothes rather than a botanic snare – means her subjects resemble a cross between sionary drinking hole will be a much welcome addition to Man- freakshow exhibitionists, modern-day dryads in heels and the female sitters of Renaissance portraiture. Influences that come to mind are Balthus’ languid girls, chester’s famed drinking scene.

Leonora Carrington’s magical figures and Pisanello’s mid-fifteenth-century Portrait Thanks go to Ben Young, Project Leader, Joe Hartley, Head of a Princess. When asked why nature plays such a big role in her work she said Maker, and to the other helpers and crafters for making me feel “nothing is fixed for eternity, everything moves and transform into something else, so welcome. and nature is the best example of this. It is both fragile and extremely powerful at To find out more about this designer boozer, or to become part the same time.” of the 600 volunteering team visit: thepilcrowpub.com Nico Vascellari @ The Whitworth – until 18 September 2016 Free entry.

Photo: The Pilcrow Pub

Whitworth’s Landscape Gallery has been overtaken by the bosky installation of Italian artist Nico Vascellari. His inspiration was the Cansiglio forest in the Alpine foothills of North Italy, once the home to a Germanic nomad tribe of craftsmen known as the cimbri scatoleri (“box-builders”), in particular its secretive karstic underground caves. Vascellari’s art is permeated with the sights and sounds of forest glades and, as a collection, adds up to an adventurer’s transcription of woodland living. In Forest Untitled (2010) he gathered together all his albums whose covers showed images of forests, assembled the tracks into a mixtape and then installed it the forest of Vassivière, where the machine flicked alternately between play and record. Due to unpredictable switching, the pop and rock hits were eventually erased by swaying leaves, bird calls and trampling feet. This installation, flickering as does in mossy green over his dark magazine-strip collages, reminds me of a magic slide lantern presentation, given by an explorer fresh back from folkloric research in Italy’s mysterious Prealps.

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ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

Review

Review: Chris Ramsey’s All Growed Up

Harry Newton Sports Editor

A six month wait for the show at Salford’s The Lowry was well worth it, as Chris Ramsey came to stage and performed a polished act that left you both crying and cringing!

Ramsey told the story of becoming grown up, retelling his life from childhood all the way up to buying a house and becoming a father. He seemed to enjoy being back in the north where

Photo: Isabelle @Flickr

the beer is better and the humour is friendlier, after a troublesome time in London the week before. Ramsey had found himself being pinned against a wall in his hotel by a policeman in his underpants. I must make it clear that it was Ramsey in his underpants—not the policeman. This turned out to be a mix-up as Ramsey wasn’t the knifewielding criminal they were actually looking for.

The jolly Geordie made it to stage in Salford without threatening anyone along the way… presumably.

Ramsey’s energetic style on the stage was infectious as the whole crowd was in tears of laughter; the show overran by half an hour as they just couldn’t get enough. The show included some jokes that made you wince more than laugh—not because they were bad, but because they simply hurt to think about. The latter part of the show particularly made it difficult for me to look my dad in the eye once I had arrived back home.

Whether it’s just a Northern thing or not, I’m not quite sure, but Ramsey felt very relatable

as he spoke about family holidays that everyone in the room had been on, playing games as a child that everyone had already played, and a dislike for parts of the south that everyone except southerners has.

Personally I haven’t seen much of Chris Ramsey on his own, as I’ve mostly seen him on panel shows like Celebrity Juice. Often it’s dangerous to go and see a comedian that you have just enjoyed on a panel show, as they may be completely different on stage alone, or repeat old gags.

However, with Ramsey it was the complete opposite impact! Panel shows don’t highlight just how funny he is, as when he started to talk to the audience he really flourished and showed how genuinely funny and spontaneous he can be.

Despite how funny he is though, the largest audience reaction didn’t come from anything that he said—it was when Pete on the front row announced that he worked for Inland Revenue. What a bastard.

Review

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

Annabel Cartwright Reviewer This academic year has seen some exciting changes taking place in the University of Manchester’s Musical Theatre Society (UMMTS), the most significant of these being the decision to double their number of annual productions.

Two smaller-scale performances were scheduled to bridge the gap between the winter and summer musicals: The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, and Songs For A New World.

Maths student Joe Dickens, who is the current Chair of the society, has explained that the decision to put on the additional productions was centred around the intention to create artistic opportunities: “We wanted a way to give more opportunities than the requisite two for people to be involved creatively, and hopefully to offer another set of shows where new people could be welcomed into the society.”

Funded independently by each show’s respective creative team, the cast and production value of Spelling Bee and Songs For A New World were significantly smaller than those of the typical performances put on by the society.

Sitting between the two largescale UMMTS productions of the year, Betty Blue Eyes and Grand Hotel, The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee served as an impressive demonstration of the quality of performance that may be achieved on a comparatively small budget.

Shaped around the individual thoughts and feelings of young children participating in a spelling

What’s on this week?

Tuesday Footloose – Palace Theatre, 7:30PM PALAVER 2016: Kabale und Liebe – Contact Theatre, 8PM Wednesday Husband & Sons – Royal

Photo: garryknight @Flickr

performance as Olive Ostrovsky, a shy young girl who is desperate for her parents to come and see her spell. Eiméar’s vocal ability was astonishing in the best kind of way. Her impeccable tone and quality of voice rang out above the wonderfully directed live band, lead by Aine Mallon. Paired with a truly honest portrayal of a girl much younger than herself, Eiméar had the audience crying tears of joy and sadness respectively.

With a little more rehearsal time and a larger budget, kinks in the performance might have been ironed out, however an audience member would have to be rather pernickety to identify any real flaws in the performance. The dances were a little rough around the edges, and it was a shame that not all actors were able to sport their own personal microphone, however these are the sorts of issues that come hand-in-hand with creating a piece of theatre in an independently-funded student production.

The versatility and intelligence of UMMTS’ performers, and the expansion of their annual repertoire, is reassuring when considering the prospects of student-run theatre, and the future of this particular society. While the skill of musical theatre practitioners, and the emotional, and often social, power of musical theatre works often go unrecognised, the University of Manchester Musical Theatre Society are forcing theatregoers to sit up and take notice.

Review

Editor’s Picks

Monday Husband & Sons – Royal Exchange Theatre, 7PM In Conversation: Marianne Elliott and Sarah Frankcom – Royal Exchange Theatre, 7PM The 80’s Invasion Tour – Manchester Opera House, 7:30PM

competition, Spelling Bee is a sensitive and comic portrayal of the complexities of childhood.

The simplicity of director Sarah Teale’s interpretation of the musical worked wonderfully alongside the simplicity of the plot. Each child has their say about spelling, parenting, and friendship whilst taking their turn in the competition, through songs ranging from the laugh-outloud, ‘My Unfortunate Erection’, to the truly heart-wrenching, ‘The I Love You Song’. Attentively, Sarah did not obscure the individual experiences of the children with over-production in terms of set and choreography (a surprising bonus of having a limited budget, I suppose).

Most notably, the ability and group chemistry of the ensemble cast is what melded together the various theatrical aspects of this energetic performance. It was blatant that every single cast member felt a sense of joyousness in the presentation of their role, encouraging the audience to share in their collective fun. This feeling of collaboration between performer and audience was only exacerbated by the clever and comic use of audience participation. The actors proved that they did not need to rely on scripted lines to effectively create comedy; Lucy Scott and Jack Harrison impressively displayed a penchant for improvisation, coming up with clever quips in response to audience-nominated spelling bee contestants spontaneously.

While each member of the cast portrayed their character with both light-heartedness and integrity, one performer stood out from the crowd, both as a vocalist and actor.

Eiméar Crealey gave a stunning

Exchange Theatre, 7PM Psychic Sally – Call Me Psychic – Manchester Opera House, 7:30PM Footloose – Palace Theatre, 2:30 & 7:30PM Thursday Steve Steinmans – Meat Loaf Greatest Hits Tour – Manchester Opera House, 7:30PM PALAVER 2016: Huis Clos – Contact Theatre, 8PM Friday Husband & Sons – Royal Exchange Theatre, 7PM

A few picks throughout the week in Manchester

Fancy getting involved?

We’re always looking for new contributors who have a passion for all things theatre.

No experience is requried.

Simply email us at: theatre@mancunion.com Or join our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/ groups/388450984644679/

Review: Birmingham Royal Ballet’s Romeo and Juliet Mia Davis Reviewer The Birmingham Royal Ballet’s 2016 Shakespeare celebration brought the infamous tale of the most infamous ‘star-crossed’ lovers to the Lowry theatre and did not disappoint. Kenneth MacMillan’s adaptation, set to the Prokofiev score, was beautifully dramatized— accompanied by a wonderful set, it transported the audience to Renaissance Verona.

Act I perfectly sets the scene for the audience, even those not firmly familiar with the story, as an audience, we are dropped among the sparring Capulets and Montagues who sport different colours; both as opulent as the other. The drama of the expertly choreographed sword fights which are timed to perfection immediately demonstrate the drama and tension to come throughout the following couple of hours. We see Romeo (William Bracewell)

and his friends laughing and joking throughout the first act, and young and naïve Juliet (Yaoqian Shang) unimpressed with the young man her parents want her to marry. However, the first meeting of the pair at the Capulet masked ball oozes chemistry and is the beginning of their secret-filled love affair.

The act ends with the infamous balcony scene, which expertly uses the set to its advantage, yet doesn’t lose any of the secluded romance which is so familiar.

The romance is however

tragically short-lived.

The drama massively intensifies during the second act, which mostly takes place among the bustling market. Romeo’s friend Mercutio and Juliet’s cousin Tybalt fight extremely dramatically—ending in the tragic death of Mercutio. In a fit of rage, and revenge, Romeo kills Tybalt, and as a result is banished from Verona, and from his love.

To read the full review visit: mancunion.com/theatre Photo:Andrew Ross

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Lifestyle

ISSUE 18 / 14th MARCH 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

Burnout Generation

Evangeline Katz Lifestyle Editor

It’s either time out or burn out

Gone are the days where stress only reared its ugly head in the countdown to deadlines or exams. As if our parent’s incessant nagging has been ingrained into us, there are times where that second night out in a row or relaxed evening in front of the television inspires not bliss, but guilt and subsequent tension. Yet instead of heeding our mind and body’s warning, we, as a generation, seem to snowball from there on. Stress manifests into more stress until it’s all-encompassing. Work builds up, but focus is absent when we need it most. But how do you know if you’ve been burning the match at both ends for too long?

Exhaustion We all need to get more sleep at the best of times, but if bed is beckoning from the moment you get through the door, then this could be the sign of a problem. Whether its emotional, mental, physical or all of the above-it’s the feeling of being completely drained.

Lack of motivation Getting up in the morning even more difficult than before? Excitement may seem like a distant memory and you may find yourself neglecting activities you once relished.

Frustration, Cynicism and other Negative Emotions Effectively these all amount to the feeling that you’re stuck on a slippery slope of negativity. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t get that chip off your shoulder, but you don’t really know how it got there in the first place either.

Cognitive problems When stress becomes an ever present shadow, it’s unlikely that your brain will be able to function at its full potential. Your memory too, may suffer and you may find yourself being more forgetful.

Interpersonal problems at Home and at University This can go one of two ways. Either you’re irritable and as such having more conflicts with others or you’ve become a recluse-opting for alone time in the place of socialising. Otherwise, you could find that even when you are around others, you’re elsewhere and not engaging as much as usual.

Not taking care of yourself Self comforting is all well and good, but control is key. Drinking copious amounts of alcohol, sleepless nights and consuming unhealthy amounts of fast food may temporarily soothe but they are by no means a solution.

Generally decreased satisfaction Home, university and other activities just don’t inspire the same sense of achievement anymore. You may feel lost with the absence of fulfilment in your life.

If these seem overly familiar then it’s probably time to take a break. Effectively it’s a weigh up between time out or burn out. As a remedy, you need to give yourself something to look forward to. Find something that challenges and engages you-television does not count. Unplug from technologywhilst it may increase productivity, it can also distract you from downtime and stop you from socialising with those immediately around you.

Without sounding too much like your mum, sleep is key. As students, it’s easy to neglect the recommended eight hours per night of slumber, but ignoring your body’s basic needs will only end badly.

Introvert vs Extrovert

Anon

We interview an unidentified introvert and an extrovert to see what they would make of different social situations.

With the many social situations university puts you in, it’s often difficult to imagine approaching situations any differently to how you usually do. So, for the purposes of social experimentation, we asked someone who considered themselves an introvert and someone who considered themselves an extrovert about how they would deal with these particular situations.

Extrovert “I think everyone gets a bit nervous before a first date but it’s just human interaction, you don’t have to over think it too much. I do have to try and not talk too much though, which is what my natural reaction is when I’m nervous. I’ve never had a date that’s gone horrendously –it’s just sitting down and talking to someone, which I’m pretty good at.

Amongst other things.”

Going into a seminar or lecture Photo: Ron Mader @Flickr

Introvert “I generally spend the hour before a seminar on edge because I’m so worried about being late for it. If I was late then I’d have to go into the classroom in front of everyone and potentially get called up on it by the lecturer.

Because of this, I’m normally about half an hour early for everything. It’s funny though, because you can tell the other anxious people because we’re always so punctual. Once I get into the lecture or seminar, I spend the majority of the time hoping that I don’t get asked anything. If I’ve really got no choice or I decide that I’ve got something really worthwhile to say then I usually spend about a minute rehearsing what I’m going to say in my head before I actually say it. Getting asked something when I’m not prepared is my worst nightmare.”

Extrovert “If I’m well prepared and other people are actually prepared to talk then I really enjoy my seminars since there’s a chance to talk through

my ideas. It gets really frustrating when some of the quiet people literally won’t say anything.

I don’t understand what the point of coming to the seminars is if you aren’t going to make the best out of them by voicing some of your own opinions. You are always told that there’s no such thing as a stupid question and no-one’s going to laugh at you making a well-educated point.”

Going on a date Introvert “I spend the day before panicking about how it’s going to go and freaking out that the conversation will be really awkward. Then I worry about having something on my face the whole way through. Don’t even get me started on panicking about the potential of sex. It’s a miracle that some of my dates have even gone well when I finally manage to get over my shyness.”

Going to a party Introvert “I think parties are generally seen to be the thing that would be most horrifying to an introvert, but they’re not always that terrible.

People getting drunk tends to make things easier and I’m not so worried about what they might be thinking about me when I know they most likely won’t remember it the next morning. Potentially having to arrive on your own is scary, but once I’ve got over that I don’t mind them too much. I just have to avoid sitting in the corner on the sofa or only sticking to that one person I know really well.”

Extrovert “It’s a cliché for an extrovert, but I do really love parties. I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t love parties. No-one cares or is judging what anyone else is doing and it’s an excuse to have fun. I have been known to get far too drunk but generally nothing can go wrong at a party!”

Photo: S B @Flickr

Fancy getting involved?

We’re always looking for new contributors who have a passion for all things lifestyle.

With lifestyle you can write about anything you feel is relevant not only to your lifestyle but our readers.

No experience is requried.

Simply email us at: lifestyle@mancunion.com Or join our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/

Lifestyle 27

ISSUE 20 / 18TH APRIL 2016 WWW.MANCUNION.COM

Overheard University of Manchester It was almost as bad as the time that the bottom dropped out of my bag for life.

- Overheard in Fallowfield It was the ultimate dilemma— whether to risk not wearing a bra or potentially be brutally stabbed with my underwire.

-Overheard on a 143 Seriously though, her face kind of resembles a shark.

-Overheard on a 142

I have the gut pain of an obese judge in a Charles Dickens BBC adaptation.

-Overheard in Withington I haven’t washed my sheets since I brought them to uni, I’ve just been febreezing them every couple of weeks.

-Overheard in Fallowfield Sainsburys Some of my finest work has been done in the Ali G. My magnum opus, if you will.

-Overheard outside Sam Alex

We could purposely get a dog that wouldn’t last more than a year to live with us, then there’d be no issue about who could take it home.

-Overheard in the SU

The Seven Study Sinners More than anything, exams bring out our inner maniac… whether we know it or not

Louisa Hall Contributor The University Kingdom is rife with a large variety of different species, but during the annual Exam Season in the summer months, 7 new specimens emerge and seize control of campus and its surrounding area. They may have binge-eating as a common trait, but other than that their characteristics are far from the same.

Perhaps the most common species is the Procrastinator. They may not be able to tell you what they’ve been learning for the past 6 months, or where all of their time has gone, but they do know the lyrics to every Eminem rap, the full account of How I Met Your Mother and can now speak fluent Welsh.

Now if you listen quietly, you’ll be able to hear a cackling sound coming from the kitchen. It’s that ‘study sesh’ that the Psychology clan are having which sounds too much fun to be educational. The house, tainted with the smell of baking to act as their study snacks (they iced the cake with ‘Freud’ so they’re still learning), becomes a social hub, decorated top-to-bottom with comically large sheets of paper full of so-called ‘brainstorms’. The cleanest of them all is the fresh-

faced, smartly dressed Library-goer who arises early to bagsy a computer. Breezing out of the house with a fully-prepared rucksack at the crack of dawn, their main role in the University Kingdom is to add to the guilt and stress of the other studiers. But don’t be fooled!

There are many sub-species to the Library-goer: the ITV Player addicts, the ‘I’ll-do-all-my-printingat-u n i - t he n-go - home -a ndtell-myself-that-was-all-Ineeded-to-do-for-today’ phoneys, and the poor, despairing ‘reading but not retaining’ pupils.

After spending 3 days drafting the revision schedule, and having blown half their student loan on stationary, the Post-It note warrior is now hidden under a mound of brightly coloured paper. Need a stapler? They have three sizes, and 14 colours (but you can’t use magenta because it’s their favourite). Need a sticker? No. Neither do they, but they reward themselves for every top-notch poster with a gold star, secretly knowing that, deep down, they’re not worthy of it. That spell-

ing mistake on the mind-map isn’t glaringly obvious, but they know it’s there. They will try to stick it onto the wall but, inevitably, it’ll eventually have to be redrawn.

After all, it was the wrong shade of blue anyway. The Caffeine-oholic pulled an all-nighter again last night and was surprisingly productive, as you can tell from the waft of success coming from their room… or perhaps that’s just the sickly sweet odour of Red Bulls. As you try to sleep every night, the constant pulse of the bass from their speakers vibrates through the kingdom. A

persistent reminder that people are learning stuff whilst you’re just lying there, thinking about all the stuff that you have to learn.

There’s something stirring upstairs. A strange aura fills the house. They’ve emerged from the pit in a state of confusion, a layer of grease, and wearing the crumbs of last week’s cheese and onion crisps in a trail from chinto-PJ top. Apparently self-hygiene isn’t important to everyone during Exam Season. We don’t know what they’ve been doing, we don’t know how much work they’ve done, but we do know that that they need a nice, long shower. The Wallower has emerged.

The seventh, and perhaps most deadly, study sinner? The selfproclaimed, Moron who, having insisted that they haven’t done any work at all, comes out with better results than everybody else. F*ck them!

Project Parent: the inevitable embarrassment of graduation

What’s the worst that can happen when your friends and parents get together for one big, embarrassing occasion?

Alice Williams Lifestyle Editor There are only two camps who are exempt from being embarrassed by their parents. There’s those who are best buddies with their exceptionally cool parents and all their friends can ring up your mum Jocelyn anytime they like, and there’s those who are so chilled and laid back that they see no reason to be embarrassed. Sure, your mum may have turned up looking like she’s Princess Eugene at Ascot and your dad hasn’t worked out how to put his phone on silent so his BBC News notifications won’t stop going off but why should that bother you – you’re

your own person. For the rest of us, graduation is potentially going to be a bumpy ride. Never before has there been such a minefield for disaster. Nicknames that you casually chuck about at uni are going to have to be thoroughly vetted, lest you have to explain in detail why your friend Mike is being called ‘Juiceifer’ and no, he doesn’t work at a smoothie place. Similarly, now might be the time to warn your friends that Mum and Dad are not going to ‘lol’ at that hilarious story where you vomited into your bag and fell asleep on your friend’s doorstep. Not the one where you did 48 hours of work straight because you’d left it until the last min-

Ask Us

ute and then had an unfortunate incident with some energy drinks.

Definitely not the one where you took home ‘Rick’, sang him ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ and realised the next morning that his name was Nick. NO. None of these. Talk about that great day trip to the Lowry museum, the hilarious time that Sarah accidentally burnt the sausages one Sunday morning and other equally tame situations. Once you’ve set the ground rules for conversation between parents and friends, now all you have to worry about is your mum potentially sobbing through the ceremony or shouting when you go up. If you’ve got older siblings or

your dad went to uni himself, he will most likely spend the majority of the day comparing prior graduation ceremonies and admiring the architecture. Seemingly harmless, until the whole family realises that your older brother Tim is now going to need therapy after the 3 hour period of your Dad indirectly telling him his 2:2 degree in Economics from Bangor university is worth shit if we’re basing it on graduation ceremonies.

Generally though, just treat it as what it is – a highly embarrassing day to celebrate you scraping that degree, with you getting to wear a floor length black cape and a cap.

Enjoy.

?! ?!

My housemate won’t stop watching Dance Moms really loudly and really late at night. She’s got through all the seasons and has started watching them again from the beginning. She says it’s the only relief from her dissertation, but I think I’m going to go nuts if I hear any more shouting about lyrical performances and leotards.

Second Housemate Decide that you’re suddenly really into late-night programmes on TV and claim that her on-demand re-runs will clash with them. Admittedly, if the reason her late-night watching has been annoying you is because you want to sleep then this defeats the purpose, but if you’re stubborn enough about stopping her watching it then this doesn’t matter.

First Housemate Remove the lead from the television. There’s every chance that if she’s determined enough, she’ll just buy a new one, but it’s the most passive aggressive thing you can do without actually having the address the issue to her face.

Third Housemate Just buy her some headphones and send her into her room with her laptop.

Either that, or draw her up a timetable for when she’s allowed to watch Dance Moms. Colour code it and stick it on the wall in the living room. That will definitely go down well.

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SPORTLIGHT University of Machester Jiu Jitsu club rule Randori Will Kelly Sport Editor

The University of Manchester Jiu Jitsu club had a very successful outing at the Randori nationals on the weekend of the 27th of February, an event that celebrates the Judo heritage of the Jiu Jitsu style. For those who do not know what Jiu Jitsu is, the sport encompasses a wealth of throwing techniques from Judo and combines it with Aikido. The latter involves a lot of arm locks and wrist techniques which were essential in samurai combat. The samurai were covered in body armour and so the aim was to land them on their unprotected neck or break a joint such as arms or knees. Over the years, Japanese jitsu has existed in many forms under various names before ‘Shorinji Kan’ was formed in the 1950s. This took on the traditional techniques but shaped them to form a realistic self-defence; using them to defend from bottle attacks, knives, batons, chains etc. This is the current style of the University of Manchester club. The goal is to throw attackers to the floor, staying on their feet whilst keeping themselves safe and controlling the fight. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu differs from this style as it is essentially a 1v1 sparring sport that is dominantly ground pins and holds.

The club had 10 of its members travel to Wolverhampton to compete against 60 different clubs from around the country. Those that are below green belt (3rd belt) do ground fighting and aiming to pin their opponent to the ground whilst those that are green or above will do both the ground fighting and standing judo.

Ged Parkinson enjoyed notable suc-

cess, winning silver in the ground fighting and bronze in the green belt standing Judo competition and Joshua Buckingham-Bostock put in an emphatic performance to secure bronze in the purple belt standing Judo competition.

Kamila Polujanski certainly showed she was no pushover as she competed against grades two belts higher to secure silver, an outstanding achievement.

Kamilla herself recognises that there are significantly less women involved in the sport but was pleased to see that at least third of participants competing at the Randori were women. Team captain Tom Rosso explained that grappling martial arts has traditionally not attracted women to the sport but due to recent success of many female fighters, he believes that womens’ participation is on the up because the fighters are showing that women can be successful at this sort of sport. “It’s becoming socially acceptable for women to actually go out and fight”, Kamilla added, “It’s a big thing at the moment because it’s not feminine really”. Certainly increasing female participation at the club is on the agenda, with James Sharples reflecting that they were looking into the creation of a women’s officer for the club. In fact, increasing overall participation has been Tom’s target since the start of the year and is delighted by the fact more members of the club are competing. “Last year we only had 2 members of the club travelling down for the Randori Nationals so to get 10 people going down this year was great to see.

Martial arts is growing in popularity but it’s about getting people to feel more secure to compete is the end goal really”.

There is a sense that there is very

much a Jiu Jitsu community in the north-west of England. As a member of the Jiu Jitsu foundation, members of the club often join up with other universities and train together. James recently attended a training session in Liverpool, and was able to make new friends with people from the Liverpool club. At the Randori nationals, he lost against a friend he had made at the Liverpool club and although he wanted to win, he remarked that ,“it was great to have that sense of camaraderie between the clubs”. This Saturday, no doubt James

This week in Sport Will Kelly & Harry Newton

Premier League to cap cost of tickets for away fans at £30.

Premier League clubs have agreed plans to cap away tickets at £30 for the next three seasons.

The cost of watching football has been a hot topic of debate, with supporters at Liverpool organising a highprofile protest over proposed increases in season ticket prices.

Now the top flight’s 20 clubs have “unanimously agreed” that more should be done to help away fans.

The £30 away ticket cap will be introduced from next season.

In a statement, the Premier League said away fans were “essential for match atmosphere” and helped make the league unique.

It also recognised that away fans often had travel costs to pay on top of the price of a match-day ticket.

Benitez for McClaren This week has seen the inevitable happen as Steve McClaren was given the boot from Newcastle. The ex-England manager was sacked from the club on Friday 11th March 2016 after a poor showing saw Newcastle in a relegation dogfight alongside Norwich, Sunderland and Aston Villa. It looks like Villa will go down, and that Newcastle will be fighting with Villa and Sunderland for that last spot in the Premier League. With this in mind Mike Ashley has pulled a fantastic appointment out the bag, as he’s signed Rafa Benitez as manager. With Liverpool, Chelsea, Real Madrid and Inter Milan on his managerial record, he is not short of the experience! The question will be, will this trophy-winning manager be up for the relegation fight? After signing a three year contract with the North-East club, Benitez said; “c’mon Toon Army. The club and I need your total involvement,” and my goodness is he right. With a Champions League to his name, Benitez will not want to spend his time in the Championship next year. Manuel Pellegrini was also linked with the job; however the Chilean said that he isn’t considering his future in management until May once his time at Manchester City is finished.

Crolla to defend title against Barroso Britain’s Anthony Crolla will defend his WBA world lightweight title against Ismael Barroso at the Manchester Arena on 7 May. The 29-year-old won the title by beating Darleys Perez in November, less than a year after fracturing his skull when confronting burglars.”This is a tough task but there was no way I was not going to take the fight,” said Manchester’s Crolla.

“I enjoyed a break since winning the title, but I have been in the gym for a while already and I am in a good place.

“People said I was going to duck him. If I don’t fight him I lose my belt, simple.

Of course I am going to fight him.

“I’ve worked too hard to become world champion to give it away.”

Barroso, 33, has won 19 of his 21 fights, drawing the other two.

will meet members of the Liverpool club again as the Manchester club will be undergoing it’s grading. In Judo, you can gain your belts through competing whereas Jiu Jitsu, even though you can win medals you still need to go and be graded to be promoted to another belt.

Grading is an assessment to demonstrate all the available techniques and that this can be applied under pressure.

“If you do particularly well in the grading, you will get a particular stripe on your belt called a mon”, added James.

It is with the rise and success of the

Man Utd condemn chants Manchester United have criticised the fans who sang chants about the Hillsborough disaster during Thursday’s Europa League defeat at Liverpool in the first leg of the last-16. Ninety-six Liverpool fans died as a result of a crush at Hillsborough in an FA Cup semi-final between Liverpool and Nottingham Forest in 1989. United said the chants “have no place in the game”.

“It had always been the position of Manchester United that chants of this nature, which refer to historical tragedies, do not reflect the values the club holds”, a spokesman said.

“We are in discussion with our fans’ groups to seek their support in preventing this type of behaviour in the future” The chant ‘The Sun was right, you’re murderers’ was heard, which reflected a Sun article four days after the Hillsborough tragedy. The article criticised Liverpool fans’ behaviour at the time. The newspaper is still heavily boycotted in Merseyside as a result.

club that have caused concern amongst Christie cup rivals, Leeds and Liverpool. Tom tells us that the other clubs are trying to have the rules changed to favour them. “Many of our people have been successful at the ground fighting aspect of the sport and a few of the clubs want to limit that aspect and its relevance to the Christie competition. I assume it’s because they don’t feel confident”. The team are certainly ones to look out for as they look to help bring the Christie cup home.

Maria Sharapova Maria Sharapova has found himself in a bit of hot bother recently after testing positive for drug use in January’s Australian Open in January. The Russian will be suspended from competing for four years, which will definitely dent the 28 year old’s career. The drug in question is meldonium (also known as mildronate). Sharapova has taken the drug since 2006 due to indications of diabetes, which is what the drug is used for.

Her racquet manufacturer ‘Head’ are sticking with her, however, as they have signed her to another contract despite the ban. A statement from Head said: “We question Wada’s decision to add meldonium to its banned substances list in the manner it did; we believe the correct action by Wada would have been to impose a dosage limitation only.

Brit Andy Murray is not standing buy Maria Sharapova though. “Clearly if you are taking performance-enhancing drugs and you fail a drugs test, you have to get suspended,” said the Scotsman as he backed her ban.

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The Demise of Aston Villa Kyle Huggins Sport Reporter To paraphrase Lemony Snickett, if you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading something else... The rollercoaster of turmoil which Aston Villa Football Club have ridden for the last five years appears to almost be at an end, with even the most optimistic of Villa fans embracing our impending relegation.

A lethal combination of poor football, lacklustre performances and the draining of confidence have led to the manifestation of the current position of the club. However, these are the factors displayed on the pitch, yet only represent the tip of the iceberg in terms of the deep-rooted problems faced by Villa. Further analysis reveals a complex, multifaceted combination of variables behind the demise from potential Champions League qualifiers to bottom of the Premiership, nine points from safety.

The times of Young, Downing, Milner, Barry, Mellberg, Laursen, and Carew hailed quick, aggressive, attacking football, and goals were never amiss at Villa Park—the combination of Agbonlahor, Downing and Young being a central feature of an explosive attack, Barry and Milner controlling in midfield and Laursen and Mellberg solid in defence a long with many others who played a role.

These times came at an extraordinarily high price fiscally and psychologically. 120 million in four seasons with a net spend of £81 million, and a wage-to-turnover figure that reached 85 per cent. Yet many argue it wasn’t the signings of the stars of the show which led to the degradation of this wage situation, but instead the carelessness of O’Neill investing in players rarely used on large wages who were hard to remove subsequently. Nonetheless the seeds of doubt were sowed into Randy Learner’s mind around the extent to which the Villa project could be a success.

A change in tactic ensued, with cost-cutting starting up front replacing spending to success, despite the proven record of Chelsea and the rising success of Man City at the time. O’Neill jumped ship days before the start of the 2010 season, with the holes which had started to appear in the hull unable to be repaired thus proliferating the sinking ship that Remi Garde inherited.

Firstly, the loss of quality players, with the instalment of various incoherent transfer policies starting with ‘young’, ‘hungry’, and ending with ‘foreign flair’ players, in essence gutted the squad of all quality. Out went Milner, Downing, Young, Petrov and others. In came Holman, El Ahmadi, Sylla and Tonev along with a raft of others who simply have not made the cut for the Premier League.

Undoubtedly, Vlaar—when fit—managed to put in good performances, Delph came of age and started to look like a world beater on his day and Benteke, being the cream of the crop, putting in many ‘unplayable’ performances. Yet even with these three in the team, Villa limped to safety each year, consistently holding on to a belowmid-table finish since 2012.

Yet the recruitment policy of the last two transfer windows is indicting of the board’s reluctance to fight for survival and re-establish the club. Upon the back of an extremely lucky escape last season, the club took the position to sell the spine of the team. The extent to which they had a choice is unknown. And they further gambled with signing untried and untested players from Ligue 1, a player from Barcelona B, and put pressure on 19-year-old Jack Grealish, who undoubtedly has talent, but is not ready for the weekly strains of the Premier League as yet.

Needless to say how this gamble worked out.

The board’s reluctance to spend a penny in the January transfer window despite being stone bottom, clearly signalled to the footballing community the intentions of Randy Learner.

Lacklustre, recruitment of managers further encapsulates Villa’s woes. Although finishing

ninth, Gerard Houllier’s short tenure at the club was also poor, characterised by the inability to score goals or win games. A flurry of last minute wins at the end of the 2010/11 season temporarily covered the cracks in the hull left by O’Neill.

The replacement with Alex McLeish who had just been sacked by Birmingham City, however, was the first nail in the coffin and a great insult to the fans. Renown for defensive football, and sacked by local rivals, it was inevitable the Villa faithful would never take to him. The football was poor, and he admits himself he was “drained from the Birmingham City experience.” His management signified the loss of the reminisce of the ‘old guard’.

Paul Lambert started his career with a slight optimism due to the good job he had performed at Norwich, yet it was clear that the board did not back him as they had failed to financially back McLeish, and even more clear after two seasons that he was not the man for the job, yet there was the insistence for him to remain, and in congruence the football quality was degraded. Lambert’s sacking being poorly timed should have happening sooner after scraping survival two seasons running.

When we were finally put out of our misery as relegation looked like a certainty, enter the fray with his cockney swagger Tim Sherwood.

And possibly the most cliché and predictable footballing stories, Sherwood getting a shortterm reaction from the players but quickly being found out for his lack of tactical knowledge this season, giving away a plethora of winning situations and leaving us dead bottom of the Premiership.

This left Remi Garde, personally recommended by Arsene Wenger himself, a potential bridge to the French players in the squad; yet without backing; with a squad of such poor quality; without Premier League experience; a cynical person may say he was doomed to fail from the get go, with Learner reportedly choosing Garde over David Moyes. It would not be unfair to say that although to a certain extent Garde’s hands

Photo: Ozzy Delaney @Flickr

are tied, his inability to inspire passion or a bit of fight from the players is his largest shortfall. All the managers were betrayed by the lack of support from the board with financial management being priority over team management.

Ultimately, any blame, any criticism and all accountability lies at the feet of the board and Randy Learner. It is not a secret Learner has tried and failed to sell the club for a few seasons, but his disdain for the club has become its largest hindrance to the development of the club.

And the owner’s apathy towards the club and lack of empathy for what the club means to the fans. Until we are rid of Learner and the rest of the misfits on the board we will not be able to reestablish ourselves. Revelations from inside the club reveal the firing of staff who had worked at the club for years and replaced with agency staff, players being held back an hour after the game to avoid fans, bodyguards being hired for board members, staff being sent home from matches at half-time to save money. Relegation is hard, but it’s the manner and timing of relegation which is most hard hitting with a £5.41 billion TV deal for the Premiership commencing next year. Teams of the calibre of Blackburn, Bolton, Fulham and others who were once staples of the Premiership have been incapable to return.

“We want our Villa back” are the calls from Holte End, representing the voice of the fans who look around and just see mediocrity and decay of a once great club all around. But no matter how hard we hold onto being one of the founding members of the league, one of the most successful English clubs in history, our European cup win, or the fact that we haven’t been relegated since 1987—before my own birth no less—no team has a divine right to inhabit the Premier League. The last five years undoubtedly have tarnished any fond memories of Villa, and when pondering whether we will be missed, the answer is unquestionably no.

Is there any stopping Michael Van Gerwan?

Joe Murphy Sport Reporter After a record breaking performance against Michael Smith where Michael Van Gerwan averaged over 123, he then went on to win the UK open in style, hitting four 170 checkouts and the famous 9-darter in the process. So after beating Dave Chisnall with ease this week, he seems as near as a guarantee to make the top 4 as possible. It would take a miracle the scale of turning water into wine for him to miss out on a place at the O2 arena come May. But who will be joining him?

Phil Taylor Currently in second place and on the back of a 7-0 destruction of Robert Thornton, The Power looks in good shape to make the top 4 yet again. He faces MVG next week and would certainly take a point against the best player on the planet at the moment.

There were doubters after his World Championship performance earlier this year, myself included, but he is playing well and if he continues in this form, he should qualify with relative comfort.

Likelihood : 8/10 Adrian Lewis The jackpot is a funny one, he has the potential to beat anybody on his day but sometimes stutters and puts on a dreadful performance. He has only made the top 4 on two previous occasions

in his career, that is really poor considering how good a player Aidy is. After a decisive win over Peter Wright this week in Nottingham, he too looks in good shape, but don’t be surprised if he falls just short.

Likelihood : 7/10 Peter Wright Snakebite will be concerned after picking up no points in the last 2 weeks. Admittedly, he has played two of the worlds best, and had the UK open final to deal with but it is easy to question whether he can find his form again. If he can, he will be assured of a top 4 finish, although he does have a tough run of fixtures, and and one does have a few players breathing down his neck.

Likelihood 6/10 Gary Anderson It has been a rocky road for the reigning champion. Starting the season with illness before 2 defeats has made the task of achieving a top 4 finish harder. However, if anyone has the potential to make ground on players above then it’s the Flying Scotsman. He may be outside the top 4, but if he can win those games in hand, he will be confident of making it on judgement night.

Likelihood 7/10 James Wade It surprised me that he won this week against

Barney, but this doesn’t change the fact that he has played for too inconsistently. He beat MVG but looked appalling against Phil Taylor. His doubles have hurt his chances of a top 4 finish, especially with players such as Gary Anderson and Adrian Lewis coming into such form. He needs to win all his remaining matches to stand a chance.

Likelihood 4/10 relegation 1/10 Raymond Van Barneveld If you were to ask me a few weeks ago, this score would have been a lot higher but he hasn’t been getting the results. If anyone in the world can scrape a place in the top 4 it would be Barney, but it’s not looking good.

Likelihood 5/10 relegation 2/10 Dave Chisnall It started so well, a whitewash 7-0 win against Robert Thornton had people thinking he would make the top 4. However, he hadn’t won since the opening night and has left that gap too big to come back from. He has too much to do.

Likelihood: 2/10 of relegation 6/10 Michael Smith Much the same as Chizzy, he has left himself too much to do. Still in the relegation places, having played a game more it isn’t possible for him to make the top 4. His focus will be avoiding relegation, and

if he does so, he will consider that a success. He is starting to pick up points so that may happen.

Likelihood 0/10, of relegation 8/10

Robert Thornton Poor Ro b e r t T hor nton. At least he has a point to his name. He will finish bottom, it’s a shame but he is playing poor, and illness didn’t help his momentum.

Likelihood 0/10 relegation Photo: Isabelle Puaut @Flickr 9.99/10

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British Cycling End World Championships in style Alex Whitcomb Sport Reporter East London’s Lee Valley Velodrome, the venue of Team GB’s record medal haul in 2012, saw Britain take an impressive medal count for the first time since Olympic triumph four years ago.

Five golds, one silver and three bronze were enough to see the British team placed above rivals Germany, Australia and Russia respectively. Despite this, the road to Rio is not paved in the same colour as the medals that once again hang around Bradley Wiggins and Mark Cavendish’s necks. The championships showed some of GB’s weaknesses that will have to be improved upon if they are to achieve their aim of bettering their performance in London.

Good showings by both men’s and women’s endurance were the backbone of the strong performance. The near miss by GB to win the men’s team pursuit on the second day showed that they are in good form and seem to be peaking at the right time in the Olympic cycle.

One significant milestone was Jon Dibben’s points race gold. Not only was it Dibben’s first World Title - thoroughly deserved after a consistently successful 2015/16 - but it was also the first gold medal won by a british man at the World Championships since 2013. When he spoke to the Mancunion in October last year, GB endurance coach Chris Newton was adamant in his belief that Britain’s men would finally end their gold medal drought before the Olympics. That duck having now been broken appears to have vindicated that confidence and will come as a tremendous relief to the management team.

Part of the revitalisation in the success of the men’s team is surely down to Team Wiggins. The existence of a special squad, spearheaded up by Wiggo himself, devoted to the men’s endurance team the whole year round will have eased commercial pressures on all the riders to do unnecessary road racing during the rest of the year. All four of the silver medal winning pursuit team are Wiggins riders, along with points winner Dibben and Individual Pursuit bronze medallist Andy Tennant.

Laura Trott once again showed her class as the preeminent female endurance track rider, claiming two golds in the scratch race and omnium. She has been the world number one for some time and is fast becoming Britain’s only safe bet for glory in Rio, by consistency being at the top of the sport in all four years of this Olympic cycle. She will be the favourite for the Omnium in the summer and a key part of the pursuit team, that will be raced with four riders over four kilometres at the Olympics for the first time, matching it with the men’s event.

Jason Kenny also made his mark by taking the individual sprint title - his first gold medal since Keirin glory in 2013.

After a poor recent few years, Kenny appears to have peaked at the right time, especially with younger British sprinters like Lewis Oliva and Matt Rotherham having strong seasons breathing down his neck.

However, matter how Britain fared at other events at these Championships, Mark Cavendish’s performance in the Omnium was always going to come under the most scrutiny. The rider L’Équipe named as the greatest sprinter in the history of the Tour de France has famously never won a medal at the Olympic Games, being the only empty handed member of the track team in Beijing.

He managed sixth place in the omnium and gold with Wiggins in the Madison on his return to the world championships but will have to improve on that over the spring. This will be especially difficult as most of the international track events take place between September and March, meaning that there will be precious few opportunities to make any gains.

Under these circumstances, it is now highly likely that they will opt for points race victor Dibben, seeing as he had been the first choice for the omnium until Cavendish declared his intention to compete in the event. Cavendish’s road commitments also complicate things somewhat, with potential dispute between his employers on the road - Team Dimension Data - considering him for all three weeks of le Tour and GB director Shane Sutton insisting that he leave at least a week early to prepare for the

Olympics.

What will also be the major disappointment of the Championships is the failure of the Jess Varnish and Katy Marchant to qualify for the Olympics in the team sprint. They finished fifth overall, seemingly enough to see them through but were only two places ahead of France, and needed to be three ahead to gain the final European place at Rio. Varnish, disappointed to have missed out by one place and angry at the GB management for not prioritising their qualification, told BBC Sport “How many more times can I keep putting my life on hold, making these choices for my

career, if it’s not going to pay off, through no fault of our own?”.

It will also be disappointing that GB failed to hit the mark in as many Olympic events. Three of the five golds came in events that are no longer in the Olympic programme - points race, scratch race, and Madison. While winning them shows good form, they will really have to finely hone the events that they will be competing in at the Olympics.

This year’s World Championships have shown that Great Britain are still a force to be reckoned with in track cycling. The usual suspects of Trott, Wiggins and Kenny are now back to their

best, with new talent like Dibben and Tennant looking to make waves on their Olympic débuts. However, as has been the case for the last four years, domination is by no means assured and we may well be in for a shock if we expect GB to surpass their 2012 haul of seven gold medals, especially as there are now only 9 up for grabs to start with. Britain have performed above expectations compared to how they’ve been over the last four years. Let’s hope this means they can translate this into more Olympic glory.

Photo: Chrsic @Flickr