Courtney Thompson's Testimony

Tena koutou katoa

Ko Hikurangi toku maunga

Ko Waiapu toku awa

Ko Ngati Porau toku iwi

Ko Rongomai Aniwaniwa toku hapu

Ko Peter Thompson taku tane

Ko Courtney Thompson toku ingoa

E rua tekau ma whitu taku pakeke

My earliest memories were around three years old. I started having paranormal encounters, out of body experiences, sleep paralysis, sleep walking and talking. Some of these experiences were fun, others were so terrifying I remember them like it was yesterday.

Later in life these encounters led me to practice very dark witchcraft, yoga, worldly meditation and channelling spirits. I was a practicing psychic medium and owned an online and private home business which reached hundreds of people. I was a Reiki healer, and had a lot of shamanistic influence using crystals, herbs, plants and other instruments to perform energy healing. I used tarot cards and oracle/angel decks –some of which had biblical themes. My drug addiction and self-harm enhanced these experiences when I could no longer do it sober.

I was searching for truth, for aroha and light in the darkness that was my life. I was wanting answers to why I was here and what was my purpose. I just wanted aroha but unfortunately, I was looking for it in the wrong places. No matter what I read, what I did, what I saw or how many drugs or how much alcohol I consumed, I was never satisfied.

During 2019 I was angry, depressed and full of hate towards myself and the things I had done, and also towards others and what they had done to me. I found myself in a very dark place and had a plan to end my life.

Then God showed up in a profound way. He used my broken-down car and a certain mechanic to bring me the bad news about sin, but also the good news of hope, forgiveness and most importantly being able to have a relationship with someone who truly had aroha for me. God used this method of reaching me four times. I was also researching and gathering information about Christianity off the internet. There’s some weird stuff on there. Once I got a hold of a Bible that’s when God got a hold of my heart.

It took about four months before the Lord broke through the pride I held, and I went to church. That day was the first day I ever went to church. It was Easter Sunday and the first time I had ever heard what Easter really was about. I was crying so hard because my heart broke when listening to a detailed account of what Ihu Karaiti suffered on the cross of Calvary. I heard loud and clear that He was nailed there, not only for each and every one of us, but for ME!

“Koia anō te aroha o te Atua ki te ao, hōmai ana e ia tāna Tama kotahi, kia kāhore ai e ngaro te tangata e whakapono ana ki a ia, engari kia whiwhi ai ki te ora tonu.”

The worldly sorrow I had that made me want to end my life was replaced with a sorrow that made me want to get right with God, and finally be rescued from my pain. God and I had that time together on my bedroom floor day after day for weeks on my knees in prayer - repenting, reading the Bible, rejoicing with Him as each of Satan’s lies fell away.

I can honestly say I no longer feel ashamed and can openly talk about everything. This is only because Ihu Karaiti has given me freedom. He’s given me the ability to not only be forgiven for what I’ve done, but to forgive those who hurt me. Reading the Bible, praying, getting to know who God is personally, what He says about me, about this world, about where we’ve come from and where we are going has really changed my life for the better.

I had an amazing year and a half of resting and being in God’s presence. Experiencing joy, peace, aroha, comfort and forgiveness in ways that are so inexpressible.

But one day God spoke to my heart. I had fleeting thought that was “Okay NOW we have some work to do.” I knew what this was but I ignored it because I was holding back on surrendering something to the Lord. He could have all of me, except this one thing. I couldn’t trust God with this, or so I thought.

“Nā ko te whakamātautauranga o tō koutou whakapono, nui atu tōna pai i tō te kōura e memeha nei, āe rā, i te mea kua oti te whakamātautau ki te kāpura, ā, ka kitea tōna tukunga iho, he whakamoemiti, he hōnore, he korōria, ā te whakakitenga mai o Īhu Karaiti.”

1 Pita 1:7

In Peter’s first epistle, He talks about trials. That was me for about eight months where I was being distressed by various trials. I would have one after another, after another. Even though I had experienced God’s aroha and the type of joy no words can describe, I turned my back on Him because of these trials and because I hadn’t fully trusted God. I stopped studying and reading the Word. I couldn’t pray. I had no peace. I didn’t have the Lord’s presence as strongly as I did, and I was going back to all the things I shouldn’t be doing.

The proof of my faith was as Peter says –like gold, being tested and refined by fire. God was bringing everything to the surface - all the impure thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, actions. He was bringing them to the surface, scooping them up and throwing them away as I surrendered each and every one.

The biggest one was the sexual abuse I tried to hide from God. He was wanting me to not only aroha Him but TRUST Him with all my heart, mind and strength. It has been one of the most difficult lessons God has taught me so far but it has been the most rewarding.

When I was younger, I was sexually molested by two family members and three other people on and off for ten years. I was exposed to pornography when I was very young which led to a pornography addiction, then a drug and alcohol addiction to mask the shame.

My home life wasn’t the best either – we did have great moments but the lows were low. It’s one thing to experience living in an abusive environment, but watching my siblings, especially my younger brother, being hurt is something I’ll never forget.

During primary until my second year of high school I was bullied severely by kids. That’s when self-hatred and self-harm started. So, I turned my back on God when I was eight or nine years old. I really hated Him. When immoral things were happening to me, I would cry out to God but got no answer, No one rescued me. No one saw or hear d me. I only acknowledged a God when I was shaking my fists at Him.

I couldn’t see the bigger picture back then but now I know that only God can see the bigger picture – that scared little girl wasn’t what He intended me to be. I trust that this me right now is not God’s final master piece. In 30-40 years time I still won’t be perfected but I can’t wait to see what the good Lord has in store for me. What I have been through in the past, doesn’t matter because I know that God took no pleasure in the wicked things that were done to me. No evil can dwell with Him. I am now safe in Him. He is taking what’s happened to me and what I have been through, and is going to help me use it for the benefit of others when I become a qualified sexual abuse counsellor.

When I look back now at the ways the Lord was with me especially when I didn’t care about Him, or when I fall short in seeking, trusting and loving Him with my whole heart, I see God in certain moments in my life. He has protected me from so much, and provided for me and my family far too many times to name but that shows to me the realness of these precious words “Not that we aroha God, but that HE had aroha for us first”. God formed us in our mother’s wombs. He saw us before we were born. Every day of our lives are recorded in his book - every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. His thoughts about us are so precious and cannot be numbered.

1 Hoani 4:10

By His amazing grace, we all have a purpose for life, put together before we were born. An amazing plan that only God can unfold for you when he draws you to Him. When He calls you by name to place your faith in Ihu Karaiti , don’t hesitate, don’t turn your back on Him, instead turn your back on sin - pornography, gossip, jealously, pride and hate. Turn your back on struggling to do things your own way or the way the world tells you to and turn to Him. Cry out to Him. That is the first step to finding out what His good and perfect purpose for your life is.

By Courtney Thompson