Teagan’s Story

From having an abortion to finding God

Growing up I had a pretty normal life like most Kiwis who aren’t Christian but from the age of 12 a lot of trauma started happening. One of those things was the death of my father. He committed suicide which left me and my siblings with a lot of trauma. This led me into a destructive mindset where I thought if my father didn’t love me enough to live then what’s the point?

When I reached 18/19 years of age I tried to find comfort in the form of relationships. One of these relationships led to me getting pregnant. I felt scared. I felt alone. All the baggage that I carried from a young age poured into this relationship, and the two of us were quite toxic together.

I was also selfish and decided that I didn’t want to look after this baby and if I didn’t want to look after the baby, I didn’t want anyone else looking after it either. I decided to have an abortion.

Going into the appointment I wasn’t given too much information about how I might feel afterwards, or how this decision may affect me. After the abortion, I went into a spiral of depression and self-hatred. I really hated myself. I thought “How could I do this to my own baby?” I did not realise beforehand that I would be having these kinds of thoughts.

I spent the next nine years diving into drugs, alcohol and relationships. I was young and naive and often wondered “what’s the point in living?” I went into a spiral of trying to numb myself of everything I was feeling by partying, drinking and doing hard drugs.

Leading up to me becoming a Christian, I was running my own personal training business. Then covid hit. It was hard to get clients because of the fear around covid, and this left me without a job.

I spent a lot of time isolated, and got to a point where I like “Well if I can’t build the clients back up and this isn’t the job I’m going to have after covid, I’m going to wait and see what happens.” Little did I know God already had plans for me.

Around level 2 or 3 lockdown in New

Zealand my brother and sister-in-law had a baby. They had also started attending meetings called “The Gatherings” and wanted to continue to attend as many as possible. They asked me if I would babysit my nephew.

God was wanting me to go to these gatherings as well. In my heart I was having a tug of war. I now know God was pulling me and saying “I want you to go to these meetings” but my mind was saying “No I don’t want to go to these meetings. What’s the point?” It wasn’t until I arrived to babysit my nephew that I made a decision to go to a meeting.

There were guest speakers. I heard the perspective of other people who were Christians and what God was speaking to them. One of the things happening at that time was the abortion law being passed. I learnt that the church was protesting against it. God created us all and He brought life to every single person. The church wanted to defend the babies that couldn’t fight for themselves.

I was sitting in one of these meetings right before the altar call. The Pastor said “If you’re an adulterer, a liar, a thief, a homosexual or if you’ve had an abortion, you’re a sinner and you need to repent”. I felt confronted in that moment, but kept that to myself.

Something was happening within me. I felt I needed to keep going to these meetings, so I kept going. A couple weeks later the same thing happenedthe Pastor was preaching and at the end of his message he said the same thing, “If you’re an adulterer, a liar, a thief, a homosexual or if you’ve had an abortion, you’re a sinner and you need to repent.” Again, I went away feeling like what the heck? Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like this Pastor is condemning me?

Again something inside me was pulling me back to these meetings. I continued to attend and the same Pastor would repeat the same thing, “If you’re an adulterer, a liar, a thief, a homosexual or if you’ve had an abortion, you’re a sinner and you need to repent”. But this time he added, “However, we thank the Lord that you are here in this place today and we love you.” That’s when my heart felt the love of God and the acceptance of God.

Even though I was a sinner, He loved me and He wanted me.

I went up to the altar and I gave my life to the Lord, asking for forgiveness of the sins I had done that had been tormenting me for nine years. I asked him to be my Lord and Saviour and to heal me and forgive me. Then began the journey of healing, and that’s where my life changed.

God put it on my heart to read the Bible, and to verbally confess my sins. I shared about my abortion to a group of Christian girls. To my surprise they were really loving and accepting. I thought they were going to hate me. The perspective I had from the world was that Christians were judgmental, but instead I felt the love of God through them. They comforted me and let me know that’s not me anymore. I was forgiven. I can move forward from that and begin to get closer to God.

I was baptised and ever since, I haven’t looked back. God has helped me to heal.

“Confessyoursinstoeachotherandpray foreachothersothatyoumaybehealed. Theearnestprayerof arighteousperson hasgreatpowerandproduceswonderful results.”James5:16NLT

I wanted to share my testimony because I believe if someone had come to me at that time with God’s love and kindness, while I was going through the fear of being pregnant and having those thoughts of “I need to get rid of this baby cos it’s an inconvenience to me”, and talked with me, explaining my options, I’m pretty sure I would have accepted it.

My testimony about my experience is to help girls, whoever you are, that may be going through the same emotions and feelings that I went through. Find someone you trust and talk to them. If you can, find someone at a church that could help you. I know God will send you the right people to help you if you really desire that help. There are other options, like adoption. That baby is a person, even though we can’t see it inside our womb. That is a living, breathing baby. If we take it’s life, that is murder. We didn’t allow that baby to have a chance to become someone.

If you’re someone who has already gone through an abortion and is now going through the trauma and self hatred that brings while trying to numb the pain, God will forgive you. God can save more than one life through your testimony. Let God use you to be His vessel and testify about what He has done in your life because that one person who might be going through the same thing, can get their victory and get their healing by the touch and love of God.

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