Together Jan 12

T gether

Joey Pants: How I Found Serenity Page 11

A voice f or health a n d rec overy

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New York Edition

What’s Wrong With My Brain?

Inside Mind over milkshakes

Addiction causes physical changes in the brain, which cause compulsiveness, bad decisions, relapses. New imaging technology helps us see how.

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Persuading someone you love................................ 3 A soldier’s journey..........23 The dangers of bath salts............................. 8 When beauty becomes a beast............... 13 The first year of recovery Page 10

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By Suzanne Riss

n 12-step meetings people are always saying, “After five years, you get your marbles back. After ten, you remember how to use them.” You also hear, “Don’t make any major decisions in your first year of recovery.” Some say it’s more like your first two years.

People in recovery often recognize that something mysterious is going on with their brains. They’re forgetful. They have trouble concentrating. They don’t think clearly.

Now doctors and scientists are gaining insight into what’s going on. They know that an addicted brain undergoes physical changes. And they know that the brain’s plasticity -- its ability to change -- allows it to heal over time. Now they can chart some of these changes using SPECT scan images, which can identify differences in blood flow in a normal brain and an addicted brain.

This information, according to some

This 3-D image shows the brain of an alcoholic. At the top of the image is the prefrontal cortex. The holes there indicate decreased blood flow. This decreased blow flow is also evident in the parietal and temporal lobes. This decreased blood flow means these parts of the brain are not working as they should.

Image: Hanley Center

doctors and addiction specialists, can help them develop more effective treatment plans, allowing them to prescribe different medication that can compensate for the portion of the brain that has too much or too little activity. Those who use the scans say they deliver, at long last, a way to examine the target organ for the disease of addiction—the brain.

“If you’re not looking at the brain, you’re guessing and prescribing treatment based on symptoms,” says Dr. Daniel Amen, a pioneer in brain imaging. A physician, psychiatrist, brain imaging specialist and the CEO and medical director of Amen Clinic in Newport Beach, Calif., Amen has been using the scans for more than 20 years to target treatment for addicts and “help patients understand they’re dealing with brain illnesses rather than character problems.”

Though the biomedical community now agrees that addiction is a chronic brain

The Man Who Carried the Dark Lantern I find myself sitting in rooms filled with bromides, slogans, clichés, isms, and the other people broken by the people who let the Demon ride them

By Gerard Van der Leun The man that wandereth out of the way of understanding shall remain in the congregation of the dead. -- Proverbs 21:16

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January/February 2012

atching an ancient demon return to take control of someone you love and begin to kill them slowly with euphoria is a hard witness to bear alone. They’ll all tell you you have no power to stop it, but that cannot be true.

Surely somewhere in the mountainous library of studies written about the Demon there’s a magic spell, an incantation, a potion, a pill, a recipe for rescue. You find yourself, as you always have, turning to books where, most certainly you’ve told yourself, all answers lie. But this particular library is, you will find when you go there, vast, unmapped and illuminated in the manner of Milton’s Hell,

A dungeon horrible, on all sides round, As one great furnace, flamed; yet from those flames No light, but rather darkness visible, and the card catalogue has long since been ripped from the drawers and scattered madly about the floor by others seeking the same secret. Still, I stumbled about blind in this dark place which held no braille, nor could I have read it if it had.

Like untold millions of others before me, I became disoriented deep in the towering labyrinth of stacks obsessively organized in perfect manic randomness. At some point I reached out and plucked a book at random from this chaos, but since I held no light it could not be read, and I probably would not have understood its language could I have seen the text.

Useless, I dropped it as so many others before me had dropped their randomly grabbed books. It

didn’t matter, in the end, how many books were dropped or thrown onto the heaps, there were always more being written and tossed in from all sides. Each, in the dark, as useless as the centuries of books that had come before.

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n a short time, I became utterly lost.

Then I could neither find what I had gone into the library for, nor could I find my way out. In my frantic quest to save what could not be saved, I had gone deep into the far corridors far beyond any faint glimmer and lost the way back.

I felt the fear that cavers feel when, in a tight space far below the surface, their helmet lights fade and die and the weight of absolute darkness presses hard all around

(Continued on page 21)

(Continued on page 16)

EDITOR'S•DESK

The Two-Sided Coin one doctor says. Another says he’s seen patients break into tears after they see a scan of their brain. “It shifts the conversane challenge in tion from shame, guilt and lack of effort to editing this news- a neuro-biological conversation. It helps paper is keeping explain why it’s been such a struggle.” it from becoming a litany “It was the season of Light, of gloom. We deal with it was the season of Darkness …” matters of life and death – literally. Recovery is life In our other page one piece, “The Man changing, and it’s not alWho Carried the Dark Lantern,” author ways pretty. In fact it’s hard.

But we are a “voice of health and recov- Gerard Van der Leun uses the imagery of darkness and night to describe the confuery,” as we proclaim on the front page.

Recovery is a coin with two sides, one sion and despair of trying to help somebeing the darkness of addiction, the other one in addiction. He contrasts this with being the light of a new life. One can’t ex- the light of the lantern of a man who has perience the second without acknowledg- given his life to helping others, and with the bright light of a diner where the waiting understanding the first.

In this issue we look at both sides of the resses keep the place open in the middle of the night when the lantern man is docoin, often in the same article.

Our lead piece on page one, “What Is ing his work.

Therapist Janice Blair pulls no punches Wrong With My Brain?” by Suzanne Riss, discusses the physical changes that addic- in “The First Year of Recovery” on page tion causes in the brain and how these af- 10. One side of the coin: “The vast majorfect behavior for the worse. These chang- ity of addicts are continuing to die — suies can be seen using imaging technology. cides, organ failures, car accidents, overThis is one side of the coin. The other doses — even after receiving treatment.” is that doctors are learning to use these The other side: “Today, treatment is much images to treat addiction. And when pa- more informed and sophisticated; we tients see pictures of their brains, “they have specialists who are able to make fine understand they’re dealing with brain ill- diagnostic distinctions, and programs nesses rather than character problems,” that provide critical adjuncts to 12-step “It was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair … “

O

Published by

recovery. Today we are clear about what it takes to arrest the disease of addiction.

“For most of us,” she writes, “recovery is a divine and bumpy quest to find the highest and best in ourselves and why we are here.”

Editor-in-Chief | Terry A. Kirkpatrick Contributing Editor | Barbara Nicholson-Brown Contributing Editor | Suzanne Riss Art Director | Mario J. Recupido

“It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness …”

Web Director | Maggie Keogh

Because it is our tendency to glom onto gloom I have deliberately included in this issue a piece entitled “Addiction: It All Adds Up” by a demented soul who cowers behind a pseudonym because he writes such things as: “Personally, I think this recovery thing can be explained with some simple math. Let’s assume that x = time, and that the start is x = 0, our date of birth. It’s all downhill from there: y = Ö (r2 – x2). We’ll set “y,” our level of serenity and sobriety, at an arbitrary value of 100 (100%). The “r” factor is the radius of descent. Some of us fall fast, others slowly.”

If you understand any of this, please write to me. Or for any other reason.

Publisher | Richard Horton Marketing Director | Rosalie Bischof NYC-In-Recovery Film Fest Curator/Creative Director | Kurt Brokaw

Contact Together: General information: info@together.us.com

Letters to the editor: letters@together.us.com

Editorial submissions: editorial@together.us.com

General correspondence:

Terry A. Kirkpatrick

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The road to recovery begins at Marworth When your loved one makes the decision to seek treatment for alcohol or drug dependency, help them make the best choice for their recovery. Marworth offers personalized programs based on the 12-step philosophy. We involve the family and our team has a proven record of success.

We offer residential and outpatient programs for adults as well as specialized programs for dual diagnosis, healthcare and uniformed professionals. We provide a serene setting in the beautiful mountains of Northeast Pennsylvania, where recovery is confidential and compassionate.

For more information, please call 1.800.442.7722 or visit www.marworth.org.

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www.together.us.com | January / February 2012

GUEST•COLUMNIST

The Art of Friendly Persuasion Reaching folks who really don’t want to listen

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By Richard Truitt

he public relations profession, which is where I spent my entire career, is a miserable place -- a hangout for tense, frustrated, insecure people who always expect the worst. We’re pleased with whatever success we might enjoy because success comes so infrequently, and when it does materialize the client almost always gets the credit.

Those of us in the trade seem to get along fairly well among ourselves, however, because we have a little tie that binds. It’s called “misery loves company.” This derives from the fact that our relatives and friends have no clue about what we do, our clients often seem to feel the same, and most of the people we are trying to reach with our various messages of hope and promise would just as soon be fishing.

For those of us who seek to help others find themselves, however, there might be a lesson or two we can learn from the experts whose job involves creating messages that bypass or overcome rejection.

Reasonable cannibals Remember the Mark Twain story about the missionary among the cannibals? It said, “They listened carefully to what he had to say and then they ate him.”

Actually, that’s not unreasonable from their point of view.

The missionary had his message to deliver and he did so.

But being well tuned into the world around them through advanced percussion communications systems, the cannibals were well aware that the missionary’s message of goodness and the actual facts about human behavior were divergent.

This was resolved by throwing the hapless fellow into boiling water.

When we set out to convince others – our friends, our family, our neighbors or the TV repair guy – about something that’s important to us, we often face the same problem. They might listen to our well-reasoned plea, but they often harbor personal fears, reservations and disbeliefs that make the message hard to swallow.

Since these folks are familiar, they normally do not resolve the conflict by munching on us. They do something much worse, at least from our point of view. They simply ignore the message. I know this is true from personal experience with three very close family members who fought significant battles with alcoholism.

I once had a colleague who was good at getting around this problem. As an example, he began all his letters with the word “you.” He said it grasped the readers’ attention and galvanized their interest. He was a public relations genius and a very compelling person so I listened. I decided it was a neat trick and I did it myself.

I began to realize, after about three years, that there was more to this than simply beginning my letters on the other person’s terms. The value really lay in building the whole message around what that person wanted.

This notion has a practical application. From time to time, nearly all of us find ourselves trying to convince a friend or relative or business associate to perform some action based on our rational argument that they should do it. But that doesn’t work very well unless our rational argument makes sense in terms of the values and commitments they already embrace.

Social psychologists will tell you that given a choice, most people will go with what worked for them yesterday instead of what you claim might work for them tomorrow.

Neurotic rats When experimenters want to turn a white rat into a neurotic, they teach the rat the rules of everyday life and then change the rules. They build a little box with roads in it and teach the rat what to do when he comes to each fork. He en-

Together - A Voice for Health & Recovery

We thought our job was to straighten out everyone with a few facts, but that would not have worked. They had their own entrenched values, and we would have spent months trying to rationalize them out of these emotional beliefs. That’s very hard to do. ters at one end, takes a left at the first fork, then a right, another right, then a left. Then he trips a lever and gets a piece of cheese.

As soon as he has learned this, the psychologist blocks up the last hole. The rat goes in, takes a left, then two rights and a left and bangs his head against the wall. Then the rat is retaught and sent again through his proper rights and lefts, but this time when he trips the lever he gets an electric shock.

If you continue this kind of thing, even a normal rat from a healthy home will simply give up. He will lie down at the beginning of the maze and not try to get through for the food.

The reason is that he has learned that life is not systematically rewarding but rather that it is randomly punishing. If you convince any animal or human of this, she or he is quite likely to quit.

Why people resist The normal reaction for all of us is to resist change. Getting people to change their minds in favor of what we are proposing is hard. Folks resist changing their minds because they frequently don’t see things the way they really are. They see things the way they want to see them.

Consequently, most people accept communication that presents information with which they are in sympathy and they tend to avoid communication contrary to this. It was a newspaperman and not a public relations genius who taught me that. He studied how people read his newspaper and learned two critical things.

One is that the reader remembers stories that support his point of view better than stories that attack it. The other is that the reader almost always manages to miss the point of a story in which his basic beliefs are under fire. In our own lives, this can be a major problem if we play it wrong, but it can be made to work well for us if we are clever.

Professional communicators know that the most successful way to overcome resistance is to demonstrate persuasively that the change is worth the effort – that there’s a reward at the end of the line. So to be successful persuaders, we need to find a way to jettison our own value systems and instead work to understand the values of the people whose attention we covet and whose favorable response we seek.

It’s not about you Too many times our arguments, even those designed to persuade our friends to take action about fighting addiction or abandoning abusive behavior, are “us” oriented. They desperately need to be “you” oriented, presented so they will penetrate the consciousness and touch the sensitivities of the ones we want to help.

If we are smart about understanding the emotional values of the folks we are trying to reach and then structure our arguments to deal directly with those values, there is likely to be a payoff for this extra effort.

Brown eggs anyone?

I’d like to explain how this works with a little story about brown eggs.

I spent much of my youth around a farm and one of the things I learned there is that brown eggs and white eggs are pretty much alike. They come from different chickens but they have essentially the same taste and same nutritional benefits.

I once had a client, the Great Atlantic and Pacific Tea Company, that was troubled by a significant percentage of shoppers who thought there was a big difference and that white eggs were better. So these egg buyers were going into the store, switching brown and white eggs between cartons in the store and departing with cartons holding only white eggs.

This left, at the end of the day, a cooler containing only cartons of brown eggs. In their changeover process, some of the customers managed to drop an egg or two on the tile floor. I know all this because I spent three or four hours in a store near Chicago watching the shoppers (and an occasional fellow with a mop) through a one-way glass window.

The A&P wanted a solution, and the one I suggested played on needs of the egg buyers that we already understood. We divided the eggs by color into cartons ourselves and separated these with the white eggs on one side of the cooler and brown on the other.

Above the white eggs we put a sign that said “White Eggs.”

Above the brown egg cartons, we put a sign that said “Brown Eggs, Now Cost No More than White Eggs of Comparable Quality.” I didn’t stick around to find out, but the store manager told me it worked. (It’s important to remember when you’re thinking about this case that half of the people in this country are below average in intelligence.)

We initially thought that our job was to straighten out everyone with a few facts, but that would not have worked too well.

They had their own entrenched values, and we would have spent months trying to rationalize them out of these emotional beliefs.

That’s very hard to do.

It’s difficult to convince others – putting it bluntly – that we are right and they just haven’t gotten there yet.

We’re not about to reach that goal until we convince them that what we have to offer is what they have wanted all along – or would have wanted if they had looked at things the way we figured it from the beginning.

Richard Truitt is the former head of Doremus & Co. and Carl Byoir & Associates, two of the largest U.S. public relations firms.

He taught graduate journalism courses as an adjunct associate professor at New York University for six years. He holds a master’s degree in journalism from Northwestern University and served for three years as an editor and reporter for the Chicago Tribune. Truitt has been a consultant to more than a dozen chief executives of major corporations and, as a contract writer, researched and wrote speeches for two former U. S. Presidents. His book, Strategic Public Relations Counseling, was published by Longman, Inc., as a college text and now is available in paperback.

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BODY•MIND•SPIRIT

Mind Over Milkshakes How we think determines how we eat

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By Thomas Crum

ure, we want to eat healthily. But when given a choice between the French fries or the salad, which calls to us most loudly? An article in the May, 2011 issue of the Health Psychology journal written by my daughter, Alia Crum, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at Yale University, might shed some

light.

Ali wanted to explore the role of the mindset on food consumption and to find out if one’s mindset when eating influenced the body’s physiology beyond the actual nutrition and calories.

She decided to measure ghrelin, a hormone released in the stomach in response to eating. While eating, ghrelin levels normally change, spiking downwards, basically speeding up your metabolism and telling you that you are full.

Ali gathered 46 volunteers (18-35 years of age) who were told that they were to evaluate the labeling and the taste of two milkshakes: one a “high fat 620-calorie Indulgent shake” (“Decadence You Deserve”) and the other a “no fat 140-calorie Sensible shake” (“Guilt-free Satisfaction”). Each volunteer evaluated the labels and tested both drinks -- one week apart. Each time they were given blood tests before and after drinking the shake to measure their ghrelin levels.

What the participants did not know was that they were actually drinking the same 380-calorie shake both times. One would think that the ghrelin reaction would be the same for each. Indeed, when volunteers tested the "Indulgent" shake, they experienced a sharp decline in ghrelin, which is consistent with the body telling the mind that it is satisfied after the shake was consumed. (More specifically, the gut telling the brain that adequate nutrients have been digested and that it is speeding up metabolism to digest the nutrients present.)

Mind over matter But, bizarrely, the ghrelin levels did not drop when they consumed the supposed low-calorie “Sensible” shake -- an indication that their bodies did not signal a feeling of fullness or satiety.

These findings offer insight into the power of mindset on food consumption: the body reacts based on what you think you are consuming rather than what you actually are consuming.

We can literally change the state of our body by changing the state of our mind. But what is more fascinating in this study is that the effect of the mindset is somewhat counter-intuitive.

Consuming the milkshake in the indulgent mindset had the more appropriate response. This might tell us why so many

healthy eating habits and diets fail: we think that these healthy options are not as satisfying and our gut reflects that mindset in its physiological response.

"People should still work to eat healthily,» Ali suggests. «But, do so with a mindset of ‹indulgence› -- believing that a food will be enough to satisfy and fulfill nutritional needs."

Wow! Eat healthy, but think indulgently. How do we do that?

A different nourishment Does that mean if we’re having a bowl of lentil soup and a salad for lunch that we need to work at feeling satiated? If it’s a mindset issue that dictates fullness, what might be a healthier form of “nourishment” that could fill us up? How about gratitude? How about getting centered and feeling thankful for nature’s continual abundance in our lives, for our daily nourishment, for the food harvesters and preparers? Perhaps we could fill ourselves up with the present moment -- enjoying each morsel of food slowly and mindfully without the distraction of multi-tasking on our Blackberries or iPads.

I once met a Japanese woman who traveled frequently between Japan and the U.S. She would eat only one rice ball during the entire multi-hour flight -- and take the entire flight to eat it!

Healthy eating might be far more satisfying when we add a pinch of mindfulness and a dash of gratitude.

Thomas Crum is an author and presenter in the fields of conflict resolution, peak performance, and stress management. For more than 30 years, he has been a teacher of Aikido, a graceful martial art that uses energy rather than force to resolve conflicts, and he includes principles and movements from Aikido, Tai Chi Chuan, Qi Gong, and other mindbody arts in his presentations to government and corporate groups.

He is the author of Three Deep Breaths and other books. This article originally appeared on his blog, Centering Hint, at www.thomascrum.com.

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together.us.com www.together.us.com | January / February 2012

BODY•MIND•SPIRIT

Just Press Delete Beware the ranting ego, someone else’s or yours

By Alan Cohen

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hen I listed a property for sale on Craigslist, I received a few bona fide inquiries along with lots of replies from scammers. At first I took the scammers seriously and engaged with them until it was obvious their inquiries were illicit. After a while it was easy to distinguish between honest people and con men.

One day I received a scam inquiry that was unusually long and complicated.

The supposed buyer wove a lengthy tale about why I should turn the property over to him before he paid, and blah, blah, blah. As soon as I smelled the ruse, I realized it would be a waste of my time to read another word, and I just pressed “delete.”

This interaction symbolizes how we can deal with the ranting of the ego, others’ or ours. The ego, as A Course in Miracles explains, is, by nature, a scam. It is a false limiting identity and worldview based on illusions. It tells us that we are separate from God and each other, we are limited to our body, and that attack, defense and conflict are the ways to gain happiness and success.

None of this is true, but the ego goes on and on and on about why we should follow its bloody dictates.

Hurt people hurt people When we encounter someone who is absorbed in their ego, we do them and ourselves no service by engaging with them at the level of illusion. If they are upset or attacking us, they are in fear (“Hurt people hurt people”) and the answer to fear is not more fear or attack, but love. To not engage with fear is to heal it by removing the reinforcement of attention. Country wisdom tells us, “Never wrestle with a pig. The pig likes it, and you both get dirty.” Not to identify a person as a pig, but to recognize that the part of them that wants to duke it out is not the part you choose to meet.

Native American folklore tells of a brave who came to the tribe’s medicine man and told him, “Two wolves are continually fighting in my head. One of them is kind, beautiful, and sane. The other is ugly, vicious, and crazy. Which one will win?”

The elder replied, “The sane one will win.”

“Why is that?” asked the brave.

“Because that is the one you will feed,” answered the medicine man.

A college behavioral psychology class did an experiment that proved this principle.

The class professor had a habit of pacing back and forth in front of the classroom while he lectured. When the professor stood on the left side of the classroom, the

students paid attention to him, took notes, asked questions, and laughed at his jokes.

When the professor stood on the right side of the classroom, the students looked away, did not engage with the lesson, and ignored the teacher. It was not long before the professor was teaching strictly from the left side of the classroom.

A good kind of denial When someone attacks or tries to scam you, they are standing on the right side of the classroom, and that is the time to withdraw your attention and energy from them. When they engage you in a kind and meaningful way, that’s the time to empower them. You are sending them the message, “If you care to speak to me intelligently and respectfully, I will be happy to interact with you. Otherwise I will not respond. I do not engage with people who abuse me.” You might actually speak these words, or you might simply let the principle quietly be your guide. If you are true to it, you will get results.

“Denial” has become something of a dirty word in pop psychology and recovery circles because so many people have been in denial of their self-defeating patterns and addictions. In this sense denial is indeed a process to be illuminated and healed. Yet there is a form of positive denial that we need to employ if we are to advance in our personal and spiritual growth. It is to deny credibility, attention, and power to illusions, lies, thoughts, behaviors, events, and people that would hurt us. When you deny an illusion, you affirm the truth. You can’t have both living in your house at the same time (although we have all tried).

Be equally willing to ignore, deny, and withdraw reinforcement from your own ego games, attacks and scams. When you go crazy, don’t get involved with your own drama.

Be as vigilant to refuse to engage with your own crazy self as you are vigilant to refuse to engage with the insanity of others.

The next time you smell a scam or the hint of one—from your own mind or someone else’s—press “delete” before you become enmeshed. There are lots of wonderful, powerful, uplifting, rewarding and inspiring conversations you could be experiencing instead. For those, simply press “save.”

Alan Cohen is the author of many popular inspirational books, including his new metaphysical thriller, Linden’s Last Life.

Listen to Alan’s weekly radio show Get Real on Hay House Radio at www.hayhouseradio.com. For more information about Alan’s books, programs, or his free daily inspirational quotes via email, visit www.alancohen.com, or email info@alancohen.com.

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BODY•MIND•SPIRIT

The God of My Understanding When my plane was going down, it was God I called out to, and God who answered

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n the fall of 1999, my family and I were traveling on board a commercial airliner out of Memphis, Tennessee, when the cabin filled with smoke and the plane suddenly dropped right out of the sky.

In popular cinema, the flight crew is all over such moments — stowing trays, returning seats to upright positions, making announcements designed to get your attention but not causing undue alarm. In real life, they’re nowhere to be found. It’s easy to follow a manual when the plane seems to be winning its battle against gravity. When it loses, suddenly the term “safety belt” is exposed for the lie it always was.

At that moment, you feel it all at once — I suspect everyone feels it. That’s when you start to pray.

As it turned out, that was also when my six-year-old daughter, Sophie, reached across the aisle to hold my hand. “Daddy, are we going to die?” she asked. I’d forgotten that young children pray to their parents in such moments. Not knowing what to say, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and asked the same question myself, listening to see if anyone would reply. And, indeed, I did hear a voice. Speaking in a whisper, with imperturbable calmness, it said four simple words directly into my ear.

“I don’t think so.”

Bizarre as those words were, coming from the one Being in all the universe who ought to have been able to answer that question with yes or no, they calmed me down a bit, and I was actually able to relax. So I repeated them to my daughter, who passed them along to my wife, Perdita, who reached over to hold hands with my son, Jonah, who, like his biblical namesake who slumbered at the bottom of the storm-tossed boat, remained blissfully asleep throughout the whole ordeal. And ten minutes later, we were safely back on the ground.

“I don’t think so” wasn’t an answer you’d have gotten from the God I grew up with down South — the one with an opinion on everything political and a punishment for every liberal act. That God was certain about everything, especially when it came to homosexuals, feminists, Hindus, and the Jews.

He’d have killed a planeload of ordinary sinners to get one certified Christ-killer, or saved us all to his greater glory on a whim.

I’d run as far away from that God as I could get, which turned out to be a Buddhist monastery, and even that sometimes felt too close. But a God who admitted calmly — serenely, even — that he didn’t know for certain whether my family and I were going to die? That was another matter entirely. It gave me the feeling that we would be taken care of either way; that, in fact, we couldn’t lose as long as we surrendered fully to whatever came next. If God could relax enough to stay open to what the next moment would bring — whether it brought the softest of airplane touchdowns or a ball of fiery shrapnel and oily smoke — then, God-willing, so could I.

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thinking and believing in the same way.

The first night, 50 people showed up, an astounding number for a winter Thursday in a small Catskill Mountain town, even if the town was Woodstock. It seemed that the logic of bringing the God of your understanding to a Bible study meeting was more appealing than I would have thought.

I gave a talk that first night, explaining what it meant to read the Bible as a question, not an answer — the idea being to open our minds, not shut them down — and the next week we began in earnest. We sat in a large circle, meditated as our conscience moved us, then read a chapter of the Bible and started to talk.

That was ten years ago, and we have been talking ever since — a group of individuals from diverse religious and spiritual backgrounds, including atheism, with only two simple rules to guide us:

By Clark Strand

1. We get to question anything.

2. We don’t get to throw anything out.

The God of my understanding That was my first experience of what the 12-step recovery movement calls “the God of my understanding.” That God wasn’t interested in theology and had a hard time telling Jains from Jehovah’s Witnesses or Jihadis from Jews. But he came when you called him — even if he sometimes turned out to be a “she” or an “it,” and was so indefinable that, in most cases, you just gave up and let the matter slide.

In relationship with that God, the emphasis was on realizing your dependence upon a power beyond the self. Whether that power manifested in the laws of physics or in random acts of kindness mattered little, as long as you were willing to ask for help and wait for guidance, even if the help wasn’t always what you expected and the guidance turned out to be “Relax and trust. And stay open to whatever happens next.”

That was a revelation that had eluded me for over 20 years of Zen practice. By the time I found myself on that plane out of Memphis, I’d been a Buddhist monk, a senior editor for the largest Buddhist magazine in America, and a meditation teacher for over a decade. But I still hadn’t learned how to live fully in the moment. The trick is to believe in a power beyond the self, even if you couldn’t say exactly what that power was.

I got on another plane the next morning, a different person than I had been the day before, although I didn’t know it yet. I should have realized that my days as a Zen teacher were over, but it took a while to grasp what

had happened. When I finally understood it, I did something very peculiar and started the world’s first Buddhist Bible study group.

Koans of the Bible That January I posted a flyer around Woodstock, New York, advertising a new kind of spiritual community called “Koans of the Bible,” after those paradoxical sayings of the ancient Zen masters that made sense only when you learned to stop making sense of them. It read, in part: "You are invited to participate in an ongoing study of the mystical teachings of the Bible. Participation in the group requires nothing more than a willingness to spend some time with the Bible’s more puzzling stories, parables, and sayings — from Genesis to the book of Revelation — reading them as a question, not an answer; cultivating openness in place of certainty, acceptance in place of denial. Please note, however: This study group is ecumenical and is, therefore, open to anyone of any religion whatsoever — or no religion at all."

These last words were meant to warn pious church-goers that we welcomed atheists. After all, this was a spiritual study group, not a religious one. We weren’t out to convince anyone of anything. They could bring the God of their understanding to reading the Bible, even if that was no God at all.

I feared that would weed out a lot of people, but I couldn’t see any way around it.

Alcoholics Anonymous had thrived, beginning in the ’30s, not just because it provided a lifesaving service to recovering alcoholics, but because it offered a new model of spiritual practice that did not rely on everyone

We discovered these rules early on in our discussions about the Bible, and in the years since, they have become a topic of constant conversation in our Woodstock group and the other Koans of the Bible groups it has inspired.

When they come to a Koans meeting, most people understand the first rule right away. It’s what kept them out of church in many cases — the idea that they had to check their doubts at the door. In most churches, people are there to learn what the church thinks about God and the Bible. The church is definitely not there to learn what its people think.

The power of the literal text The second rule arose as a reaction to the first. Not throwing anything out meant we didn’t get to rewrite the Scriptures, as strong a temptation as that might sometimes be. Our job was to question the Bible, not dismantle it.

Over the years we discovered that the very stories from the Bible that troubled us the most — the ones that had never truly left our minds since childhood; tales of a lost paradise, of an irrational sacrifice, of a deceitful brother who nevertheless is favored by God — were the very stories that could become the vehicle of our spiritual liberation, once we questioned them openly and honestly and came to them as we were, rather than as some church or synagogue would have us be. But that wouldn’t happen if our purpose in reading the Bible was simply to get rid of it, to deny its relevance, or to pretend its teachings were simply untrue. To our great and lasting surprise, we discovered that we could agree with the fundamentalists about one thing: the literal meaning of the text was important, just not for the reasons they thought.

One day, a woman at one of our meetings asked a deceptively simple question: “Why is it so important for people to believe that the Bible is God’s word?” She’d wrestled

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with this question herself for a while before At last, I think I know why. their daughters. a mom placesto a huge peaceful so. Of course, handing it overIfto the group see what quite Many yearsafter ago doing I taught high school in stress on physical appearance in her what she doesn’t realize is such serenity they would say. Several members thought Jacksonville, Florida, a city known for its own life, this can easily be passed onatoway of ismany the result of endorphins flooding herto and the divine origin of Scripture was beautiful gardens. On my walk her daughter.the Sometimes, daughter’s — the body’s attempt legitimizing authorityaof a priestly elite. bloodstream from work each day, I passed thetohouse of Such priests themselves responsible soothe an elderly, stoop-shouldered man obsession withsaw calorie countingasand itselfsomewhat after vomiting.

The next time for interpreting thatection “divine word� and en- she with a shock pure white hair, whose name, clothing size is a refl of her mother’s feels highof anxiety, she copes by eating forcing what it said. The word likefavorite mine, was Clark.

Before his attitudes and behavior.

Fathers aregave also them her foods, without fear ofretirement, gaining power but only if it came from God. Othhe’d been the last fully employed telegraph important because they are a daughter’s weight. This is often how it starts, and just ers thought it was a response to existential operator in the continental United States. first, and often most significant, male as with anorexia, she becomes addicted to panic. In reality, human beings had no idea There wasn’t much work for him in the end, relationship.

It cannot be stressed behavior.

Because afterRailroad all, it works. what the meaning of life was, norenough did they the he told me. The Southern just kept how critical it is for fathers to focus on a What people rarely realize at the outset know where, if anywhere, they were headed him on “for insurance purposes,� in case they daughter’s good instead ofquestions her of any eating disorder is how much it will after death.

Thequalities, Bible answered received an emergency distress signal from physical appearance. a profound— but eventually In the casea rethey couldn’t answerWhat for themselves some ruralcontrol outposttheir andlives. needed to send again, onlyit ifwould it came from God.could ply.

This never happened, and instead, Clark difference make if girls of bulimia, a great deal of effort inevitably someone who’d been listening to goes spentinto tenacquiring years sitting his planning office with sevjustFinally, grow up confident in the knowledge the in food, the the what discussion some time eral hundred on roses,environment looking forthat really for mattered in lifeasked, was “What binge, ensuringbooks the immediate if weyou wrote What if we’re respon- isward the only day he who are,the notBible? what you looked like. safe to to not eatcould all thisretire food,and but have a sible for every single word?� I remember a garden of his own, which he eventually did. perform the ritualistic vomiting. It is all stunned silence spreading over the room as When I met him, Clark had won every bulimics roses don’t in engage BULIMIA NERVOSA people took this in. We’d heard it said many consuming. prize there You was see, for growing northin this unhealthy behavior just occasionally; All eating disorders hold one thing in times that human beings wrote the Bible, ern Florida. I once asked what his secret is not unusual the person to bingewhere common: But never whereas anorexia not God. food.

But we’d followed that idea itwas, and he tookfor me into his garden, purge a dozen or row moreafter times a day. istodefi by restriction, bulimia is the Bible and itsned natural conclusion — that we stepped through row of astonis Western humanity’s oldest, longest, most That’s ishingly beautiful doing just a lot of food flowers. and even“You’re more planning. characterized by bingeing and purging. passionate, and most troubledenormous letter to itself. When what everybody doesis when they’re looking laxative abuse involved, a whole Those with bulimia consume You might read that letter with any regu- for my trick,� he told me. “Don’t look at the new dimension enters amounts ofnot food, often larity or even know for certain what it said, flowers; look at the roots.

That’s where you’ll the equation. It is not thousands of calories, in a Most experts but it still had your name on it. It had all our findbelieve your answer.â€? I followed his instrucuncommon for a person short period of time. They names on it. Its story was our story — the tions. Even so, it took a while to understand American media bothI saw foodit. and eat much would the the good, themore bad, than the beautiful, ugly ‌ ev- what I was looking to at.steal Finally, laxatives, due to the be considered reasonable ery single word. “Every rose in your garden is grafted plays a key role in this involved.rose,â€?

Another andProbably far beyond thewould point ofhave brought me onto the root stockcost Zen of another I said, aspect that a bulimic comfort.

When they simplyfor, had the peace I was looking my Japaastounded at the care and patience such a problem by consistently nese teacher been entailed. recognizes cannot consume anyable to explain it to me project had to haverarely reecting society’s in terms that age-old was my our“Bingo,â€?

Clark said. “Any foolofknows at the outset the you more, theyofpurge the food,letter. That initial rationale in developing our Koans of can grow whateverdisorder you want part of is in thethis profound usually by vomiting.

In obsession with thinness. the Bible study groups.

They were a necesFlorida, as long as it’s grafted onto the root shame, guilt and addition, they often abuse sary hybrid. It didn’t matter to most of us of a Cherokee rose. It’s indigenous, you see embarrassment she will laxatives, ingesting up to The message is if a girl what the sound of one hand clapping was (a — been here all along. Took me seven years ultimately experience.

200 laxativesZen a day.

These traditional Koan).

The question didn’t to do that.� can just lose enough Thethis absolute behaviors are extremely even make sense. But ask any of us why God I thought back on story truth years later is that no one — not hard ontell the Abraham body. The to sacrifice weight, would his son onsheand realized he’d been more correct than he can, and individual medical consequences of find ourselves in a knew. Before that even a mountaintop, and we’d planeanride out of Memhave it all.always thought state of include profound spiritual ferment will, — prophis, I’d of myself as a Budcompletely engaged in bulimia injury to vided we chosestomach to tackle the question hon- dhist. But it was mostly an — illusion.

You can bulimia can defend, the esophagus, estlyintestines and not run away from it into simple- take the boy out oforthe Bible Belt.

You can even really explain, and as well minded faith or post-modern despair.

Those shave his head and give him black robe her behavior. They and as damage to the heart, were the real and koans for Although Westerners, a Japanese Youmore can even isolate, Buddhist becoming name. more and lungs, kidneys teeth. theI real- often ized, not the obscure Chinese texts from make him a Buddhist teacher. But you can’t dependent on,—the mortality rateAmerican is not as high anorexia, which most Zen as masters insisted alone, get theand Bible out of him notdisorder. if it was there Unlike anorexics, who often like theCherokee way those with bulimia can die from medical on teaching. in the first place, just like Clark’s they andmy areplane proudwas of their discipline, complications related to their disorder. rose.look When going down, the self-loathing quite common for nowhere bulimics.to Why would anyone willingly Buddha, likeisthe flight crew, was and God bulimia are extremely subject themselves to such a high be Anorexia found. It was I called out to and God who answered — the God of myhave understandImagine the of my old Buddhist complex disorders.

People who never consumption of surprise food in tandem with ing.an Oneating my return to Woodstock week, peers when I purging announced one day, seven had disorder are usually that baffled the subsequent behavior?

I bought a Bible and began to read it again years later, that I had trained two individuby the very idea of them.

Yet, those who Here’s why: bulimia, like many eating after a lapsein of these 30 years.

Time to get grafted, als, a manisand his wife from are engaged behaviors absolutely disorders, not about food, it’sMontgomery, about New York, in a complete course of Zen koan I told myself, if you want your Buddhism to know why they do them. What’s more, feelings. Those who engage in bulimia do study, using only the Bible as my text. As ever look like those roses. It was the smartif these of individuals so as a form of emotional regulation, in est decision my life. look terrible and strange as it might seem to use the spiritual even effect, a way to cope(the withZen unpleasant tool ofasone tradition koan) to un- feel even worse, they may find it nearly to giveisthe up.How Thisto Beemotions.

Consider this a young Clark Strand thedisorder author of lock the spiritual text ofexample: another (the Judeo- impossible whyin professional help You is frequently woman goes away Itofound college, leaving home of islieve God: Whether Believe in ReliChristian Bible), that the effect gion or Not (Doubleday, 2009). has Reprinted doing doubled the benefits of required, especially if the disorder for the fiso rstroughly time. Nothing is familiar, with going permission Spirituality & Health spiritual practice.

Like on forfrom a long period of time. everything is foreign — amany wholemixed new breeds, been âœş (March/April 2011), a bi-monthly magazine it might lookfriends, a little academics, funky at first environment, etc. glance, She that offers resources for wellness and the but it so made for a healthier dog — in our Dena wants desperately to do well, to and make Cabrera, Psy.D., is a licensed spiritual journey. case, a healthier God. a success of her life. Her anxiety level is psychologist and has been on staff at very high. She is homesick and scared. She Remuda Ranch Treatment Centers for notices that her stress level diminishes 10 years. Dr. Cabrera is an expert in the while eating; the food provides comfort, psychodiagnostic assessment and treatment like an old friend. She consumes more than of eating disorders. She presents to national normal and worries about weight gain. She audiences on state-of-the-art treatments of has heard talk around the dormitory cult the mental health To resist the frigidity of oldthat age one eating must disorders combineand thedifďŹ body, mind manyand students vomit after they to stay Cabrera written numerous the heart - and to eat keep them inproblems. parallelDr. vigor onehas must exercise, thin.study She tries it and it works. Although articles in journals and magazines and and love. she feels a certain amount of repugnance has appeared in several national media -- Karl von Bonstetten by the act of throwing up, she actually feels interviews.

Teenagers and Treatment (Continued from page 12) one time had very little hope of a successful adult life were truly happy, exchanging sober war stories, laughing and having a great time with long-term friends they had sobered up with. They had been there for one another throughout their lives.

How wonderful it is that having dealt with their alcohol and drug use early on they were able to focus their young lives

on happiness, relationships, fun, pursuit of passions and helping others. It was obvious that their positive energy is infectious.

Recovery is a powerful thing to witness.

These miracles are happening every day for young people, and so much of it starts with something so simple and often given too little priority in treatment and recovery: FUN! âœş Josh Azevedo, LISAC, CAC II, is the Owner and Program Director at The Pathway Program.

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7

IN•THE•NEWS

“Bath Salts”: A Crude and Dirty Designer Drug The innocent name given to these chemicals belies their danger Nothing to do with a bathtub

By Jeffrey C. Friedman

G

rowing up on his family’s 180-acre spread outside of Covington, Louisiana, Richard “Dickie” Sanders, III divided his time between sharing with his father the rigorous chores of ranch life and amazing friends and neighbors with the tricks he could do on his BMX bike.

Gentle, bright and well-muscled from long days of ranch work, Dickie also struggled with some of the common challenges of young adulthood, including a fondness for marijuana that earned him a stint in rehab and a slot in the St. Tammany Parrish drug court program. But despite his problems, Dickie’s father and stepmother – both physicians – were hopeful that their son would eventually sail into the calmer waters of adulthood. He was, after all, basically a good kid with healthy values and the support of concerned parents whose medical training and years of professional practice insured that they had a realistic appreciation of the dangers of drug use.

Their hope for a better life for their son dimmed when Dickie came to his parents in an agitated state triggered by what he told them was a single dose of a legally purchased stimulant concoction called Cloud 9 Bath Salts.

Dickie pleaded frantically with his father to protect him from the swarm of police he was convinced had surrounded the family home.

Despite his family’s repeated assurances that there were no police about, the young man was unable to shake this frightening delusion.

Standing in the kitchen, and before his horrified father could react, Dickie snatched a carving knife and drew the sharp blade across his throat opening a wound that went nearly ear to ear. His father reacted instantaneously and applied life saving pressure to his son’s wound before rushing him to the local emergency room where, in a sad irony, his stepmother was one of the physicians on duty.

There was great relief for all when doctors realized that, miraculously, the knife had missed all of Dickie’s vital veins and arteries. The wound was stitched up and the young man was brought home under the close supervision of his exhausted father, who wrapped a blanket and his arms around his troubled son and lay down with him in a dual effort of comforting Dickie while keeping him safe. Both were worn out by the ordeal and father and son were soon deep asleep.

When Bath Salts turns on the user, it produces agitation, psychosis and suicidal thoughts. And the suffering can go on for days.

Psychotic state But sometime during that chilly night in November 2010, Dickie awoke and, again in the frenzy of his terrifying and prolonged psychotic state, the suffering young man slipped from his sleeping father’s grasp, crept to a room in another

8

part of the house and ended the terrible Bath Salts trip, and his own life, with a .22 caliber bullet he fired through the roof of his mouth.

As the slate-gray sky was lightening over the lowlands just north of Lake Pontchartrain, Dr. Sanders awoke to the realization that Dickie was no longer asleep in his protective embrace. Groggily, he searched the house only to be shocked into wakefulness by the sight of his son lying on the floor of an adjoining room bleeding from the mouth and with a long-forgotten so-called “youth rifle” clutched in his still hands. Dickie’s father and step-mother exhausted themselves taking frantic turns performing CPR on their young man before, in the most heart-breaking act of his medical career, Dr. Richard Sanders pronounced his own son dead.

Among Dickie’s last words to his parents were, “This is not a high thing, this is… schizophrenia.”

Dickie Sanders’ death is just one of scores of fatalities in the United States and Europe attributed to an emerging and highly dangerous recreational stimulant tagged with the improbable name “Bath Salts.” Never intended for any bathtub, the concoction is sold in smoke shops, convenience stores and over the Internet under a variety of names, including Ivory Wave and Vanilla Sky. The fact that there were over 200 calls to state poison control centers across the U.S. in 2010 is grim testimony to the drug’s toxicity. And the use of Bath Salts is gaining a perverse popularity in all parts of the country. The tally for calls to state poison control centers related to the toxic effects of Bath Salts is over 2,700 for the first six months of 2011.

In October The Drug Enforcement Administration took emergency action to ban key ingredients in Bath Salts -- mephedrone, methylenedioxypyrovalerone (MDPV) and methylone, placing them under the D.E.A.’s most restrictive category for at least a year, pending a permanent ban. Thirty-seven states have taken action to ban or control these substances. Whether this will slow their use is yet to be seen. There are reports that these substances are still being sold and used, a D.E.A. spokesman says.

Regardless of the trade name it is sold under, Bath Salts is really just the latest crude and dirty addition to a category of substances called designer drugs. Designer drugs are chemical compounds similar in structure and mimicking the effect of existing drugs, but which differ enough in molecular structure to elude existing drug laws. Designer drugs are usually easy to synthesize and are produced overseas or in clandestine homemade laboratories in the U.S. MDMA or Ecstasy is probably the most well known of the designer drugs.

Meth substitute Bath Salts is touted by sellers as a more affordable cocaine or meth substitute and the stuff can be ingested just like coke and methamphetamine -- by snorting, smoking or injection.

Its powerful stimulant effects are usually experienced by users as halfway euphoric, and the high usually last 3 to 4 hours. But this describes only a “best case” scenario. When Bath Salts turns on the user, it produces agitation, psychosis and suicidal thoughts. And the suffering can go on for days.

Psychopharmacological researchers do not yet understand why a Bath Salts trip can go so suddenly and horribly bad or what kind of psychological conditions or personality traits might put one at risk for a bad and potentially deadly Bath Salts trip. Research on the neurobiological effects of the drug in human beings is practically nonexistent, mainly

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for heart attack and stroke.

Because Bath Salts could be legally purchased in some states and over the Internet, many users and even some parents of users discounted the dangers of the mephedrone/ MDPV cocktail. Astonishingly, some parents seemed resigned to the fact that their kids were using the stuff – with almost a sense of relief that their children were not into some so-called “harder” drug.

But those who have expertise in the field of substance abuse have a radically different perspective on Bath Salts. Bernadette Sayre, a therapist at Cottonwood Tucson recently commented, “In my twenty-year career as a drug and alcohol counselor, I have never seen a drug that scares me more than Bath Salts.” When asked if she had anything to say to the parents of Bath Salts users she was pensive for a moment before adding, “If your kid is using this stuff and you’re not worried, I know a couple of doctors in Covington, Louisiana who have an empty bedroom and a story you ought to hear.”

One researcher commented, “I would feel guilty giving this stuff to a lab rat.” because the combination of active ingredients in Bath Salts is so dangerous that most researchers feel that giving them to human subjects would be both reckless and highly unethical. One psychopharmacological researcher commented grimly, “I would feel guilty giving this stuff to a lab rat.”

But regardless of the brand name the drug is sold under, Bath Salts contains two active ingredients: mephedrone and methylenedioxypyrovalerone (abbreviated as MDPV).

Both mephedrone and MDPV are gnarled, malignant analogs in the amphetamine/ cathinone class of drugs. Mephedrone and MDPV are well known to neuroscientists for the powerful effect they exert on the neurotransmitters dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin (respectively, the chemical messengers the brain uses to make feelings of pleasure, excitement and intimacy) with a neurobiological action that is roughly similar to that of cocaine and methamphetamine.

Both mephedrone and MDPV are chemical cousins of cathinone, a stimulant that occurs naturally in khat, a shrub native to the horn of Africa and whose leaves have for centuries been chewed by the inhabitants of that area for their stimulant effect.

Mephedrone was first synthesized in 1929 and MDPV in the early sixties but both drugs were shelved and generally considered pharmaceutical curiosities. MDPV was briefly tested in the mid sixties for the treatment of chronic fatigue but this research was halted abruptly when the drug’s shocking side ef-

fects became evident. Both mephedrone and MDPV remained dormant for decades until the drugs were discovered and synthesized by recreational users in the early 2000s. The use of mephedrone and MDPV as drugs of abuse seems to have begun in Europe and by 2008 the compound had appeared in the United States and had acquired the improbable moniker “Bath Salts.”

Jeffrey C. Friedman, MHS, LISAC, is a primary therapist at Cottonwood Tucson, an inpatient behavioral health treatment center in Tucson, Arizona. He treats chemically dependent and disordered gambling patients, lectures on the neurobiology of addictive and mood disorders, and presents workshops on a range of behavioral health issues at counseling conferences throughout the Unites States, Europe and Asia. His articles have appeared in Together AZ, Counselor Magazine and Addiction Professional.

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Dark and ominous Soon medical and chemical dependency treatment professionals noticed that there was something dark and ominous going on with the mephedrone/MDPV cocktail that continues to puzzle neuroscientists and trouble members of the medical and treatment communities. Bath Salts has proven itself to have a much more powerful potential than either cocaine or methamphetamine to produce in the user a stimulant psychosis -- an acutely dysphoric state of agitation, accompanied by bizarre and paranoid delusions, frightening hallucinations and energized suicidal thoughts.

The suicidal thoughts triggered by the drug, which are often accompanied by suicidal intention, can persist for days after the Bath Salts were ingested and even after the drug’s other effects have worn off. The effects that mephedrone/MDPV can produce in the central nervous system present yet another set of dangers, including a racing heart beat and an often dramatic spike in blood pressure that can increase users’ risk

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9

INFORMED•OPINION

The First Year of Recovery It will be stormy, but storms literally make the roots of oaks grow deeper and stronger.

By Janice Blair “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair...”

C

harles Dickens might have been talking about me.

At 25, I found myself in No Man’s Land, the territory between the Known, which was killing me, and the Unknown, which promised freedom but was out of my emotional reach. I had a handful of AA friends who told me that the Unknown held things that would become more deeply and emotionally meaningful to me than alcohol. I didn’t believe them.

Alcohol had been the love of my life before it turned on me, and the concept of freedom was moot because I was entirely unaware of how un-free I was. But the thing about No Man’s Land is you can’t just stand there, so I moved; in hindsight I’m quite certain that what moved me was not so much my own feet as the collective spirit of my new friends. I owe them everything. There has since been untold foolishness, inexplicable hope, transcendent Light. And no season has yet trumped the Darkness of that particular winter.

I’ve come a long way since 1981; so has treatment. My healing began with 60 days in the psych ward where very competent doctors misdiagnosed me with bipolar disorder and medicated me with lithium. In their defense, the symptoms of untreated addiction and manic-depression look quite similar and particularly difficult to distinguish with all my lies in the mix. Today, treatment is much more informed and sophisticated; we have specialists who are able to make fine diagnostic distinctions, and programs that provide critical adjuncts to 12-step recovery. We have libraries full of personal testimonies and empirical data elucidating what works and what doesn’t. We have outstanding people in every field dedicating their lives to casting light on our darkness. Today we are clear about what it takes to arrest the disease of addiction.

That’s the good news The unbelievably bad news is that the vast majority of addicts are continuing to die — suicides, organ failures, car accidents, overdoses — even after receiving treatment. This loss of life coexisting with our ability to put an end to it is yet another harrowing example of the duality of nature. The rose and the thorn, the wisdom and the foolishness. I am ever hopeful that I will see the scales tip in my lifetime, but it will take the scientific realities catching up to the misconceptions. Misconceptions cause fatal mistakes and I blame two in particular.

Dr. Stephanie Brown, phenomenal researcher and author, articulates the first one. “Abstinence marks a positive beginning rather than an end. Recovery is a difficult, painful process of radical change that is never easy and rarely smooth for anyone involved. Without knowledge about what to expect, including the paradox that what is normal and necessary to long-term positive change is also disruptive and even traumatic in the short run, the impact of such turmoil can cause further damage.”

Mistake One Despite all evidence to the contrary, people are still treating addiction like an acute disease, cured with 28 days of treatment or 90 days of aftercare. Treatment for chronic diseases necessitates a daily commitment to a lifestyle change, an exceedingly tall order because we are intentionally de-

10

stabilizing ourselves. No one knows the challenges inherent in lifestyle change better than Role Model Extraordinaire, Oprah Winfrey, who attributes her inability to maintain a healthy weight with a resistance to adjusting her routine (specifically as it pertains to working 17-hour days).

If you want to avoid the rollercoaster attached to this mistake, you need to know what we in the addiction field consider to be a fundamental truth: the best treatment experience is only as good as what patients do when they return home.

In- or out-patient treatment is Phase One, designed solely to stabilize chemical recovery (abstinence) and prepare the patient for Phase Two. Phase Two is all about emotional recovery, adding to the foundation, honing and maintaining changes. “To keep a lamp burning, you have to keep putting oil in it,” is how Mother Teresa put it.

tant to understand that any deviations will decrease your odds of success. This is where doctors and pilots have the advantage. If they want to keep the privilege of doing what is most meaningful to them, they’re required to follow the plan to the letter, and they do it for 2-5 years. Their boards understand this disease to be uncompromising and impartial.

I’ve added a few criteria of my own but, as a person of science, of course I didn’t just throw things on the list willy-nilly. The three little pigs, in fact, clearly established that straw and sticks are fine for low-to-medium stress days, but where the Big Bad Wolf is concerned, the ones left standing are surrounded by bricks. In keeping with this finding, the following plan is considered the standard of care for anyone looking to build a house that will protect them through all manner of huffing and puffing. As you look it over, notice that each brick provides both support and accountability.

For 365 days in a row, one at a time, you will need:

Mistake Two Forgetting that addiction is a brain-based disorder. Diseases that impair the brain, by definition, impair logic, impulse control, good judgment, insight, free will and moral behavior. Dr. Seuss, a veritable encyclopedia of the human condition, postulates, “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” And I would add: when the brains in your head are in post acute withdrawal, hedonic dysregulation (a fancy medical term for an inability to feel pleasure), compromised by a broken stress system/allopathic state and symptomatic of acute stress syndrome, they are apt to steer you in the wrong direction.

To avoid making Mistake Two, navigation should be delegated to those who know the ropes until brain homeostasis and optimal thinking are restored. In professions where the stakes are high (doctors, pilots), licensure boards mandate abstinence and participation in a program of recovery because both are required for full restoration. Data based on decades of following these recovering professionals show that upwards of 90% are maintaining sobriety after 5 years, a whopping 80-95 point spread between them and those of us who are non-mandated.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” — Aristotle If your personal stakes are high and you want to put yourself in the 90-100th percentile — in other words, give yourself the same chance at success — follow their path. Simple, but surely not easy. The non-mandated group generally approach the master plan much as they would a smorgasbord, picking and choosing and filling up on bread, so it’s impor-

A case manager, although I prefer “coach.” This is an addiction specialist who knows how to assess recovery and respond effectively to any signs of relapse. If this person is trained to double as your counselor so much the better. He/she collaborates with you to outline your road map, and you meet regularly to course-correct.

A 12-step (or the like) support system.

Included here is working on these steps with a sponsor.

A family team, which meets regularly (albeit more infrequently) with you and your coach. This is a brick often thrown at me by one or more team members and I won’t lie to you — it hurts. Nevertheless, these meetings are very strongly correlated with a low-to-zero relapse rate.

Regular drug/alcohol tests.

Facilitated group therapy. Groups are like Canadian Geese. Each flock is its own unique community; each flock finds its own rhythm. The pulsating sound of the all those wings beating together excites and energizes the entire formation, replenishing their courage and stamina. The geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep going.

People join my groups because of their problems; they stay because of the honking. You can trust me on this because I watch Animal Planet and I’m from Canada.

Recreation, fun and purpose. Your personal goals, interests and passions must be integrated into your new routine as soon as possible. This is critical in rebooting the brain.

Any additional therapies recommended by your treatment professionals (e.g. couples counseling; individual therapy to address anything in your life that has the potential to sabotage your recovery; addiction psychiatrist to assess medications).

Community service. Not mandated by boards but should be. Happy people are disciplined about getting out of themselves. They use one hand to push themselves up and the other to lift up somebody else. Remember Bill Murray in Groundhog Day? His world opened up only when he began to look beyond himself. A classic.

“A Funny Thing Happened on My Way to the Future.” — Michael J. Fox When Parkinson’s disease coupled with addiction knocked all four wheels off his flying car in one fell swoop, Michael J. Fox needed a new plan. These days, the first thing he does is to get his feet into his custom-made, orthotic, hard-like-rock loafers which sit at the side of his bed.

(Continued on page 14)

www.together.us.com | January / February 2012

TOGETHER•INTERVIEW A conversation with

Joey Pants

How I Found Serenity

By Terry A. Kirkpatrick

W

hen he was growing up on the streets of Hoboken, New Jersey, Joey’s friends couldn’t pronounce his last name, Pantoliano, so they called him “Joey Pants,” and it stuck. He believed that his route out of the projects was Hollywood – he would be a star – and at age 17 he crossed the Hudson River into Manhattan and began his training as an actor.

It would not be too many years before he did make it to Hollywood, and we would all get to know Joey Pants through such films as The Matrix, Memento, The Goonies, Risky Business, Bound and The Fugitive. In 2003 he won an Emmy for his role as Ralph in The Sopranos.

In 2010 he made a different kind of film – No Kidding, Me Too! – about mental illness and the stigma attached to it. Three years before that he had announced that he suffered from clinical depression and that he was speaking out about it to try to counter the prejudice against brain disease.

This year he is publishing his second book -- Asylum: My Hollywood Tales from the Great Depression: Mental DisEase, Recovery, and Being My Mother’s Son (Weinstein Books, March 2012). In a way, the book is a continuation of the documentary, but it’s a lot more.

Together: What is serenity?

Joey: I just think it’s peace of mind, where my mind is not wasting away with anxiety about the future or thoughts of my past jumping out of dark corners at me. Just now I’m reviewing the book from the copy editor, and I was looking at what was wrong with me. My wildest dreams had come true. I was one of only 700 actors in a union with 120,000 members making a living at what I love to do. I didn’t have a shot at the brass ring -- I had the brass ring. It was in my hand. Then why was I so miserable when I was surrounded by goodness? It wasn’t my mother’s fault, it wasn’t my father’s fault, it wasn’t even my fault.

Actually I know what the lack of serenity feels like way better than what serenity feels like. The seven deadly sins – envy, sloth, the sexual desire; you see a pretty girl and you’re living in this moment of wondering what it would be like and you wind up feeling guilty. When am I going to be old enough that these feelings disappear? I know it’s not sixty.

times the director would say “action” and “cut.” Or when the curtain went up and the curtain came down. Acting was an outlet, a joy and pleasure, especially when it felt right.

It was because I had better information, better intel. Real life is kind of scary, because you don’t know what’s going to happen next. And there was this terrible beast inside of me, this terrible person. So early in my career I went to group therapy to try to make it go away.

What really was inside me was that I only had one interest in life, one thing I really cared about, and that was Joey Pantoliano. I put Joey Pantoliano in front of everything and everyone I knew. In front of my mother, my father, my children.

Joey Pants was the love of my life. I loved him more than sex drugs and rock and roll.

How did you try to find serenity?

But serenity eluded you, even though you looked for it. In the book you talk about the “seven deadly symptoms.” What are they?

In the tenth grade, when I went to high school in Cliffside Park, New Jersey, it was the first time we actually had an exterior playground, so running was my first experience with a feeling of wellness. I started jogging in high school and then made a career of running three to five miles, four to five times a week to help me to feel good.

Acting helped me to feel good. I was somebody else. I knew my character. Being my character was way better than being me. It was the only time that I knew who I was, where I was, where I was going. I had this unusual freedom between the

1. Food, either over-eating or starving myself to feel better, feel serenity.

2. Vanity, being the popular guy, respected by everyone.

3. Shopping and shoplifting, compulsively spending to feel better or going with the “five finger discount.” And then bragging about it.

4. Success -- fame and admiration to avoid nihilistic thoughts.

5. Sex. 6. Alcohol. To wind down.

Together - A Voice for Health & Recovery

7. Prescription drugs to avoid my pain and avoid the calories the white wine spritzers would give me. To help me enjoy success and make myself too tired to worry about losing what I had. To kill the psychic pain.

But I never knew serenity. The first time I ever heard the word serenity was in the 12-step program. I thought death was the only way to achieve serenity. And the only way to achieve death was to die.

You’ve found something different.

I didn’t go to the 12-step program to stop using substances.

By the time I got there I had stopped drinking for three years and I had come out of rehab for prescription drugs. What was appealing to me was the ability to share the sickness inside of me and not be judged. These people share theirs with me. A friendly agreement is made that what you hear there stays there.

I’ve just been offered an opportunity to be in a movie, but there’s all this secrecy around this movie, so before I can talk with the director and producer they want me to sign a confidentiality agreement. I’m having a hard time understanding why they want me to sign some legal document to keep me from opening my trap. They could just say, let’s keep this to ourselves, like they did on The Sopranos. I never had to sign a piece of paper for The Sopranos. David Chase, the producer, would say we worked really hard and our audience is dedicat-

(Continued on page 15)

11

Together Welcomes Together AZ

HUMOR

Addiction: Sober and Grieving significant life events and how these events impact on their lives in the present. Viewing these timelines, I often observed that directly t has been said that the only guarantees after the occurrence of tragic life losses in these in life are death and taxes. This applies patients’ lives, it appeared that their substance to everyone whether they are in recovery use spiked — sometimes dramatically. In some or not. Various aspects of the grieving cases the loss triggered a downward spiral of process, however, hold special challenges using and depression that ultimately resulted for recovering alcoholics and addicts. in admission into treatment. I was drawn to Everyone grieves uniquely. In the past it was learning more about how grief, addiction and thought that there are predictable stages that recovery affect each other and how I could help grievers must go through to achieve accepnewly sober people negotiate their grief more tance of the loss. Twenty-three years of peradaptively. I came to believe that if life losses sonal and professional experience tells me that, were not adequately addressed in treatment, when it comes to the process grieving, one Inpatient treatment for of addiction is only the first step on a young man’s road to the neglect of this would be a contributing facsize does not Turning fit all. In my privatethree practice and program of reintegration exposes young recovery.

Point’s phase tor in potential relapse. My own experience of also at Cottonwood Tucson where I work as a men to a drug-free world gradually as theyalsodevelop recovery skills around loss reinforced my emerging viewpoint. grief counselor, I have conducted grief therapy My father died in February of 1986, time self,newly family and take those skills and knowledge into life aafter with clean andcommunity sober clients,and and found, when, sadly, I was not yet sober.

My response treatment. graduated time and again,Combining that they respond to their sober living with a comprehensive clinical to that loss was that I used more of the sublosses differently.

I havemen discovered track, our young buildthat, on inthe clinical gains made in treatment while stances I was then addicted to. Throughout the working with clients like these, the treatment developing a sustainable sober lifestyle. initial mourning rituals of my religion, I was of grief requires an individualized approach. physically present but emotionally checked out and unavailable.

GRIEF, ADDICTION AND RECOVERY In November of 1987 I hit my bottom and In 1997 I had been working at Cottonwood began a new journey of recovery and hope. for two years. One of the assignments that paAs my body and mind healed, an interesting tients at that time presented in primary group phenomena occurred when I had about three was a timeline in which the patient depicted

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It All Adds Up

BY DAn STonE

If you can follow the math here, you’re smarter than the editors

I

By Pat S.

t has been said that alcoholics possess above average intelligence, which is a bit of a puzzle given the depths to which we sank before seeking help.

Great minds have pursued solving the riddle of the alcoholic. There’s the Nature vs.

Nurture debate. Chemists have looked to explain our addiction by speaking of receptors and complex chemical reactions. They have tried to develop medications to prevent us from medicating ourselves. Go figure. months of sobriety.have I wasattempted now rememberElectricians to explain ing dreams astendencies my sleep pattern beganwiring. to ourmyaddictive on faulty normalize.

Why, when the shit hits the fan, do we drink Onecreate night Ieven dreamt that shit?

I was in a New Yorkto and more We’re wired City subway car. The car was empty with the drink, of course! exception of someone next to me.troubles That Psychiatrists try sitting to relate our back torole ourinchildhood there’s some person’s the dream(perhaps was to listen to me or hope they Idescribe alcohol as asvalidity I spoke there) of the new was experiencappearing toInmake whole, or car filling a ing in recovery. the farus corner of the a hole –was something do with a The hole.

Doesn’t person reading atonewspaper. paper make a whole lotface. of sense to me. was shielding their Personally, I think this whole thing can As I spoke of my new life, the person in the be explained with some simple math. Let’s corner putthat down newspaper andthe stood assume x =the time, and that start is x up.

It was my father but not as I remembered = 0, our date of birth. It’s all downhill from him.

Heywas there: = Önot (r2the – x2eighty-two ). We’ll setyear “y,” old ourwho level of had recently died from pancreatic cancer. He serenity and sobriety, at an arbitrary value looked he did The in photos I hadisseen him of of 100like (100%). “r” factor theof radius Some of us fall fast,with others indescent. his twenties, healthy, robust darkslowly. hair — the prizefighter he had been in his youth. I said, “Dad! What are you doing here? You’re dead!” He replied, “I just wanted to tell you to keep doing what you’re doing. It’s going to be O.K.” I woke up with tears running down my face. Shortly afterwards I went to his grave at the cemetery. Standing by his tombstone I wept as I spoke to him about my life. I walked back to my car feeling relieved as if a weight had on this iniThere are of—course, variations tial equation. of us are ok for a while: been lifted from Some my shoulders. yOver = 100 the x = t1. In this situthefor next tenduration years I continued ation, lifeofisrecovery fine. We are deliriously happy my pursuit and eventually until it all goes to hell (t ). entered my current profession as a 1 There are who fall fast: therapist.

Inthose 1988 my mother died of a stroke at the age of 81. I left Tucson to go to her bedside as she layfall in amore coma.gently: During a sevenand those who day death vigil, I stayed in touch with my recovery support system and received support from new friends I met at 12-step meetings in Florida. When my mother finally died, I was there hold point her hand her sucks. in her But Attosome we and hit ytalk = 0.toLife because we’re so smart, we try to solve this last moments. problem ourselves.

We drink thinking My mother’s death helped me toless, realize that tough it out.a spiritual We drink more.I We aswe an can alcoholic working program drink few than if any was abledifferently. to cope with Unfortunately, adversity differently of usIbother to keep a lab notebook to docuwhen was using substances.

I was supported ment our experiences with drinking. So we every step of the way and I found that I could are forced to repeat our research again and be there for my family as well as for myself. again until 1) we are told we are going to die, This was a realtocontrast to the whenorI loved 2) we want die, or 3) ourtime spouses lost my father and was self-medicated and ones threaten to kill us.

Life sucks

Together

This is the “Trough of Terror,” or y = - Ö (r2 – x2). If “y” stays in negative territory too long, we may not get out. How low our “Bottom” is depends upon our openness. Sometimes we may slosh around in our bottom, repeating the same harmful behaviors, again and again.

Some say it takes a Gift of Desperation (GOD) to provide the traction we need to move towards positive territory. thoughtless of the needs of others.

By definition, this happens at t2. At some In grief, people experience point, werecovering accept the simple truth: the alcohol same struggle as “normies.”

We too with are faced has clouded our ability to deal alcohol with the tasks of accepting reality the put (cunning and baffling, the no?).

We ofmust loss, ourand feelings, the experiencing plug in the jug seekcoping help. without the loved one we have lost and accommodating to a world that has changed.

The puking stops

THEThere RITUALSmay

be many paths to recovery.

I am familiar with one.rituals But often I suspect the Participating in mourning involve equation iswith thefamily same members. regardless.

We move, interactions Many slowly at first, up the “Hill of of aHope.” cultures celebrate the passing loved one with wakes, funerals and the like. Participating in these ceremonies can often be problematic for those new in recovery. To be thrust into a situation where family members might be drinking is difficult enough. When this is compounded with unresolved family conflicts and mistrust of the recovering person, the chances of relapse increase. Even when we are mindful of this risk, we often feel an Early on, we are to delighted with ourselves. obligation attend and somehow The puking stops.

We didn’t offend we must find a way to cope. anyone last night. We remember where we parked Many recovering addicts and our car. We get pulled over for merely alcoholics come to the realization speeding, not drunk driving. We may expethat some their grieving processCloud.” had been rience what call a “Pink Life delayed or postponed until their seems good. began. This fact,get I think, As the recovery slope steepens, things tougher. is open evident inletter my story and also in The We finally the from the IRS. the stories of manyfrom clients I have sheriff drops off papers our spouse’s lawyer. We realize that, our counselor alcoholic Ifog, worked with.

Asin a grief we haven’t putadopted oil in the for the last year have thecar position that I am and a half.

Son of a Bitch, Everything’s “companioning” people in the firstReal mayjourney feel like hell, but it’sBy really fi(SOBER)! tful steps ofIt their through grief. the start of an awakening that is characteraccompanying them on the first stage of their ized by a true sense of gratitude and joy. journey through the grief process, I am able Once we hit that inflection point (t3) the tograde help them to narrate the story their day loss begradually flattens, andofeach without This of paramount comes judgment. a bit easier totask get isthrough.

Not beimportance successfully negotiating the is no cause life isineasier, but because alcohol grief process.

Addicts and exlonger our master.

Ouralcoholics reality isoften expressed perience grief where as a result their as y = Öcomplicated x (HP + HW), “y” of continues self-perceived failures andaslapses to increase with time longinasbeing faitha(HP) and hard (HW) aresibling in positive terri“good” child,work parent, partner, or friend.

Ittory. is common to hear statements beginning with “If only I had…” or “I should have…”

Sometimes people will have had an ambiguous relationship with the deceased. The fact that the deceased family member might have struggled with his or her own issues and inappropriate behavior can also complicate

www.together.us.com May/June 2011 www.together.us.com | January /|February 2012

SPECIAL•REPORT

When Beauty Becomes a Beast Child beauty pageants can do long-term harm to the little girls pushed on stage

F

or years, child beauty pageants were fairly benign: girls wore frilly party dresses and satin ribbons. That innocent vision was permanently shattered in 1996 with the murder of six-year-old JonBenét Ramsey in Boulder, Colorado. Although seemingly unrelated to her death, much was made of JonBenét’s involvement in beauty contests. Provocative clips of this beautiful little girl singing and walking the runway were a staple on television news for months.

Fast forward to 2009, a mere 13 actual years and a million media light years away from that tragic time.

In this first decade of the new millennium, sensationalism became standard and reality shows were crowned king. Enter TLC’s Toddlers & Tiaras. This television show took viewers behind the scenes of the unique world of child beauty pageants. Each wildly popular episode showcased the tears and tantrums of the “divaesque” toddlers and the extreme lengths pageant parents went to in order to claim the cash and crown. Nothing was off limits—not hair extensions, stage makeup, spray tans, fake teeth, padded breasts – nothing.

Recently, Toddlers & Tiaras managed to catapult the scrutiny and controversy surrounding child beauty pageants even farther – straight into the stratosphere. The catalyst proved to be three and four year old girls dressed like Dolly Parton or Julia Roberts’s prostitute character from the movie Pretty Woman.

Suddenly child development pundits and behavioral health professionals throughout the country began weighing in on the ethics of such contests.

Whereas participants in adult pageants are there by choice, possess real talent and hope to possibly win a college scholarship to further their education, enhance their career opportunities and make a difference in the lives of others, those in child pageants are there due to parental influence, and therefore, are often unwitting participants in a highly exploitative world.

Two experts react We asked two professionals to provide perspective on this topic.

Dr. Kim Dennis is a board-certified psychiatrist and Medical Director at Timberline Knolls Residential Treatment Center just outside of Chicago. A nationally known speaker and writer, Dr. Dennis specializes in treating addictions,

nothing more than an object. Their worth is in their looks. Each girl is either better or less than her peers, based on her appearance. As a mental health professional, I find many of the things people do for this show to be abusive.

Kirsten: I think this show exposes a real perversion in our country of what is considered beautiful, and what value females have versus what value they are taught they have. In this show, they’re being taught their value is how pretty, tan, made-up, “perfect” they are, and whether or not they’re the best. Although this show is highly dramatized for impact, I believe it still sends a harmful message to young girls. When they see a show like this, they don’t understand, as adults do, that it is extreme behavior. This behavior is glorified, and ultimately dangerous.

What effects could this have once the girl enters adolescence or adulthood?

Dr. Dennis: The impact could be dramatic. When self-worth is wrapped up solely in looks, girls may try to exert strong control over their bodies as they enter adolescence. The goal would be to keep their bodies the same rather than allowing them to develop into natural woman bodies. This behavior predisposes them to developing clinically significant eating disorders, which can be fatal.

eating disorders and co-occurring disorders.

Kirsten Haglund, Miss America 2008 and eating disorders awareness advocate, is a community relations specialist at Timberline Knolls. Kirsten made eating disorders her platform during her reign as Miss America and continues to lead her own non-profit foundation to help educate and prevent eating disorders.

What message does a show like this send to young girls?

Dr. Dennis: The message can be very damaging to a child’s emotional and spiritual well-being, personality development, and eventually her physical health. It says they are

Kirsten: There is the reinforced belief that as a girl, the only worth you have, the only thing you seriously have to offer is your physical beauty. Of course, this lie is perpetuated by the media and advertisements. It’s not just kiddie-pageants that reinforce this. Especially if the young girl received lots of positive reinforcement and attention in pageants, once she gets older, this will lead to that constant need for the adoration of others for self-worth. What can be especially damaging is the introduction of so many false beauty enhancements to girls at such a young age: plastic surgery, veneers, tanning, heavy makeup and wigs. These girls might grow up thinking they are not created naturally beautiful enough. This can lead to behaviors such as substance addiction to cope with the pressure and stress to be beautiful, a nd eating disorders in the pursuance of this ideal that does not exist in nature.

T gether

(Continued on page 19)

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INFORMED•OPINION

First Year

(Continued from page 10) This takes him the better part of an hour.

His loafers anchor him, restraining the uncontrollable shaking and jerking of his body, allowing him to go where he aims himself.

His body has a will of its own; the shoes are his vehicle to overriding the body’s autopilot and keeping him on his intended course.

If you are a recovering addict, think of the master list as your own personal brick loafers, mindfully overriding your unconscious behavior and thought patterns. It is prudent

to leave the basic therapeutic design to the specialists. You get to pick the color, the tassels and the attitude.

“Things may happen and often do, to people as brainy and footsy as you.” — Dr. Seuss Relapse is a difficult and also expected feature of recovery from any and all chronic diseases. Most relapses happen early in the game during “the trauma of recovery” period, so named because it is a time of such great change, uncertainty 7.45 x 9.1and turmoil. It is a personal 9-11 for most recovering addicts who find themselves center stage, en-

veloped by the wreckage, yet called upon to repair and rebuild at a time when they’re carrying a great deal of pain, shame, fear and loss. The typical addict is surrounded by loved ones who are every bit as confused, hurt and desperate. Most are still unwittingly shackled to the old dysfunctional cycle. The luckier addicts get intervened on by a professionally guided and informed family equipped with its own plan and prepped for the turbulence, but they are the minority.

For an exasperated family, relapse means failure, setback, dead end and all too often a time to give up. For the addiction counselor, it means feedback, opportunity and a time to recommit. It’s understandable that

families lose their steam when the recovery process fails to match their expectation of steady and linear improvement…but it’s not productive. And even my clever reframing of such events (“relapse isn’t possible without recovery in the first place”) will not budge the family members who haven’t been fit with the loafers. An effective response to a relapse strengthens the individuals and the team as a whole. Handled well, relapses are often the catalyst to even deeper acceptance and resilience.

I am much less concerned about the client who reports drinking or using drugs than I am about the one who is abstinent but has a weak recovery program. The latter may appear asymptomatic in the short run but will invariably end up back in my office or, if the course corrections haven’t come soon enough, back in another treatment center. The amount of repeat business for treatment centers is staggering and unnecessarily invasive, costly and draining on the whole family and they can be avoided by investing in bricks.

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Storms literally make the roots of oaks grow deeper and stronger; we know this because Tree PhDs who have way too much time on their hands measure them.

If you prefer history to biology, pick up any history book and I guarantee you will find one long laundry list of setbacks. Abe Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Thomas Edison, the Beatles, JK Rowling, Charles Darwin, Isaac Newton, Steve Jobs; none of them strangers to the setback.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross put it as well as anyone: “The most beautiful people I have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” Nor do beautiful equations (my own addendum on Einstein’s behalf ).

Healing from addiction is not going back to the way things were before. For most of us, it is a divine and bumpy quest to find the highest and best in ourselves and why we are here. I wish you Godspeed on your journey. If ever you run into someone sprawled out on the path, road maps scattered about, loafers askew, babbling about green eggs and ham — evidently having tripped over yet more foolishness — please notify my flock.

Janice Blair received her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology at Arizona State University and is trained in the treatment of psychiatric disorders, with an expertise in addiction. She completed internships in neuropsychological assessment, pediatric trauma, depression and ADD, forensic assessment, chemical dependency, and assessment/treatment of the Seriously Mentally Ill. She received post-doc training at the Betty Ford Center.

Dr. Blair has a private practice in Scottsdale, Arizona, where she offers individual, couples, family and group counseling. She is a preferred interventionist for several leading treatment centers. Visit www.janiceblairphd.com or call 480-323-5209.

www.together.us.com | January / February 2012

T O G E T H E R • I N T E R V I E W• N • e • W • S •

Joey Pants

(Continued from page 11) ed and likes being surprised, so please don’t share this information with any of your family members. Just keep it to yourself. It’s fair to our customers. That I understand. That’s standup. Not some piece of paper.

Do you experience serenity today?

Well, I feel pretty good talking to you.

I just went downstairs and held my newborn grandchild and had a nice talk with my daughter. Right now I have it. I’m pretty good. I’m sitting in my chair looking at the computer. I’m talking to you. I’m listening to Bogie (a Soft Coat Wheaten Terrier) who is on the chair next to me in my office. I hear him. He’s snoring. That’s good, too. It’s a nice place to be.

Being in the moment.

Uh huh. My daughter and grandson. More important than Joey.

How do you manage your serenity?

I had all of these negative behaviors that in the beginning gave me an imitation of the effect, an artificial feeling. And then I needed to do more of it, take more of it, to make the bad feeling go away. What I found most in the 12-step program, the number one thing, is the presence of God in my life. There’s nothing I do in the 12-step program that I didn’t do in group therapy. Except the 12step practice is kind of my religion. I love the idea that I can go to a place where everybody has their own understanding of God. I no longer wake up in the morning with my first thought being, “Shit, I’m still here.”

Now I think, “Your will be done.” I make a daily agreement with this power, the power of the universe. “I’m going with your flow,” I say. “I’m not going to try to get in the way of it. Your will be done.” And I take a minimal amount of antidepressants, a baby aspirin, I brush my teeth, I go to a 12-step meeting, and I go to yoga three or four times a week.

Why did you write the book?

I needed the money.

Uh huh.

I have this idea in my head that I can share with others what I’ve gotten out of the 12-step program. And it’s a continuation of the documentary. I wanted to set the record straight, because I was diagnosed with this particular brain style, which in the field of science is called clinical depression, which consists of my brain not producing equal parts of serotonin and dopamine, thereby rendering it kind of unbalanced. I don’t have enough of it so I have to produce more to be balanced and have a peaceful and serene mind.

It seems that everything my body does, everything that I do, comes back to feeding my brain. My brain’s very sensitive. It reacts to the caffeine I put in my body, the sugar, the air I breathe. I have to eat balanced meals.

As far as alcohol was concerned, it wasn’t the alcohol, it was the sugar inside of it that took me up and then came the crashing low.

I found out not drinking alcohol that if I just took Vicodin it would help me curb my appetite. So when I stopped doing that and

started going to the 12-step program the first thing I did was onof40 seen between theput ages 65pounds. and 74.

So now I’m going to Alcoholics Anonymous and Over Eaters Anonymous and then I started spending uncontrollably and so I’m going to Over Spenders Anonymous and then I started wanting to shoplift again after all these years – my first impulse in 30 years.

I resist it, of course, but the impulse is there. uman adolescence, lasting Anonymous. roughly between They don’t have Shoplifters So the ages of 12 reading to 20 years, marks awho critical if there’s anyone this article has period for on brain development.

This is when the one going please contact me.

I’m trying get into meditation.

If I am growth of the to cortex, our gray matter, reaches a exposed some kind of traumatic experipeak andto is coupled with major rearrangements ence as a child orguess as anthat adult it’sbrain goingremodto afof neurons.

Some such fect A parking tickethelps or someone giving elingme. during development us adapt to life’s me the finger on the Merritt Parkway. Today demands as we mature toward adulthood. instead of having a drink I’ll say a prayer. s also a time when the brain’ s developing I “It’ heard a guy who believes he has to get on neural circuits more sensitive to And disruption,” his knees everyaremorning to pray. thank saidFather.

FultonThat’s Crews,the PhD, professor of pharmahis God of his understandcology director of the Bowles Center for ing.

Ourand Father.

Everything is “we,” Our FaAlcohol atOur the University of going North to Carother, andStudies he tells Father he’s try to goatHis way.Hill School of Medicine. “And we lina Chapel So others what have he does is he his wallet and shown thatthrows the growing adounder bedcortex so he ishas to get onsensitive his knees lescentthe frontal much more to every morning. that frontal brilliant? damage than theIsadult cortex, given the same amount of alcohol.

Do “The you question do that?is, what impact does alcohol binge-drinking in the teen years have on the No, because I have nothing in my wallet. and how might thatknees affectevery our lives as Ibrain certainly do get on my mornadults?” ing, however, because I gotta get out of bed, “Our don’t I? findings suggest that human individuals who drink heavily during adolescence may beTerry moreKirkpatrick likely to haveisdefi in being able to thecits Editor in Chief of Together. adapt successfully to changing life situations as adults, possibly tied to chemical and or struc-

Underage binge drinking can create lasting brain changes

H

Alcohol Drugs Food Smoking Gambling Video Games Internet Sex Shopping Work

Addiction is too hard to go through alone.

Are you or someone you care about drinking too much?

Would you like to talk about it?

We would.

Joey Pantoliano on brain disease

our impulses, refine our reasoning, and evaluate long- and short-term rewards.”

Crews points out that just because the brain changes observed in his experiments ’ve come to believe that the term mental illness are subtle, is stigmatizing. People go around saying,implications “He is mentally ill.” We don’t do that other disfor with individuals with a eases. You don’t say, “I am breastbinge-drinking cancer. You sayhistory I have breast cancer.” may be immense.

“There is no discussion about the long-term tural changes in the frontal cortex,” Crews said.

I call brain dis-easiness.

It’s an drinking. uneasiness. of underage There’s “This is the part of the brain that allows us to itconsequences It’s highly treatable. And it’s not permanent. predict consequences of our actions, control discussion about alcohol intoxication risks durThese moments they come and they go. Most of the time for most people it’s something happening in your life. You walk into your bedroom and your wife is sleeping with your best friend; that’s going to initiate an emotional uneasiness.

Unless you’re kinky, and then you jump in right with them.

I

Events cause emotions. I’m happy, I’m said, I’m mad. I believe that having your feelings is appropriate. Stuffing our feelings causes all of the commotion. The book is about how I came to believe there is a real stigma – no, I don’t use that term anymore; I think it’s prejudice. People who don’t have mental uneasiness think they’re better than people who are living with it. They think we’re retarded or stupid or lazy. And I think in the case of mental dis-easiness, people are so afraid of it, because it’s not unlike being gay or black, where prejudice and discrimination occur.

You don’t wake up and discover you’re black or gay. It’s just the way you are. But you can wake up and discover you have a dis-easiness in your brain.

The documentary – “No Kidding, Me 2!: Mental Illness Documentary” – can be ordered from Amazon or www.nkm2.org.

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COVER•STORY

Brain

(Continued from page 1) disease, controversy surrounds the use of SPECT scans to treat the addicted brain.

Opponents dismiss them as “SPECT scams” because of their inability to diagnose addiction and their $3,200 to $4,000 price tag.

Many believe it’s premature to use SPECT clinically. Proponents, however, say that while more research needs to be done, the scans are useful treatment tools that work much like radar, providing insight that has never been available before into activity in different regions of an addict’s brain.

Brain envy SPECT scan technology has been used in cardiology and other areas but its application to treat addiction is relatively new. In recent years, several leading addiction treatment facilities have purchased SPECT scan machines. “We’re changing what we’re doing therapeutically as a result of the information we get from SPECT scans,” says Dr. Barbara Krantz, Medical Director and Medical Director of Research at The Hanley Center, an addiction recovery facility in West Palm Sierra Tucson, a psychiatric hospital that Beach, Fla. Since the center acquired a machine in 2010, every patient receives a scan. treats addictions and behavioral disorders, “The scans help us recommend more effec- purchased a SPECT machine in 2009. “The tive treatments, ask better questions and scans are very helpful in a variety of ways identify other brain-based disorders that af- as they’re not used for something they can’t fect addiction. They can also help us scientif- do, like make a diagnosis,” says Dr. Robert R. Johnson, medical director of the hospital, ically document working in addiction Together Q pgwhat’s CH 10/27/11 4:20 PM Page 1 where about 25 percent of patients receive treatment and what isn’t.”

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The large gap at the top of the image of an alcoholic brain (left) indicates atrophy, brain tissue that has shrunk. This can be a normal function of aging or caused by a toxin, in this case alcohol. The red areas are increased blood flow to the basal ganglia and limbic part of the brain. The image on the right is a SPECT scan of a normal brain. It has no obvious gaps in its structure. The red areas indicate normal blood flow.

Images: Hanley Center the scans. “There’s no signature image for addiction. Scans won’t tell you what substance is being abused, but they will show signs of a toxic brain.” Like Amen, he has found that the images can be great motivators. He’s seen patients break into tears after they see a scan of their brain. “It shifts the conversation from shame, guilt and lack of effort to a neuro-biological conversation,” he says. “It helps explain why it’s been such a struggle.”

The scans can not only show the damage that has been done but also can chart the progress of recovery. Plasticity, the capacity of the brain to change, means that the adult brain can create new neurons and new connections despite damage from addictive behavior. In other words, an addicted brain can rewire itself and heal. “This neuro-plasticity allows the brain to change in ways that engrain drug-seeking and drug-taking behavior,” says Kathryn A. Cunningham, Ph.D., director of the Center for Addiction Research at University of Texas Medical Branch Galveston, Texas, an academic health sciences center. “But this same property also allows the brain to correct and strengthen connections to improve neurodegenerative and psychiatric disorders, including addiction.”

Addiction specialists say it would be a mistake to underestimate the brain’s ability to heal. “It’s always possible to compensate or stimulate other areas of brain,” says Dr. Ruben Baler, a scientist at the National Institute on Drug Abuse. “The message is very hopeful if you’re looking at the plasticity of brain,” he says. With Methamphetamine abuse, he has seen dopamine receptors coming back at least partially after 14 months. With alcohol abuse, he says the recovery time depends on the level of damage.

Johnson delivers this message of hope to patients at Sierra Tucson. He uses SPECT images and software to show patients what their brain will look like in 12 months if they stop using and what it will look like if they continue using. He then asks, “Which of these two brains do you want?” According to Amen, the scans “teach addicts to have brain envy. Then they’re more willing to engage in lifestyle changes.” The scans also

increase awareness about the importance of taking care of your brain, Johnson says.

“Most of us are not taught about the role the brain plays in sustaining healthy relationships or even keeping your job. It’s not just about recovery from addiction, it’s about leading a more fulfilling life.”

Read my mind It turns out that addicts have a lot in common. Indeed, researchers are finding similarities between individuals suffering from a variety of addictions. “All addictive substances affect similar pathways in brain,” says Dr. Susan Forster, vice president and director of policy research and analysis at the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University.

“The reward pathways get compromised by significant substance use.” Regardless of the substance, the same brain pathways are involved – most involve the neuro chemical dopamine, a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers.

“If you think about the brain in terms of the parts that drive you to experience pleasure and parts that say, ‘wait a minute, let think about the consequences,’ when a brain becomes addicted, that brake isn’t applied,” Forster says. “It’s overridden by the part of brain that says there’s a reward.” In effect, the brain is hijacked by continued use of an addictive substance. The brains of people with addictive disorders reflect similar functional and structural changes, she adds.

“When those changes happen, you see characteristic behavior: compulsive use of substances in spite of negative consequences.”

Despite the similarities, there are also individual histories and unique differences in which regions of the brain are impacted, Amen says. “SPECT allows us to target treatment to the individual type of brain being examined.” While a CT or MRI looks at brain anatomy, SPECT (“single photon emission computed tomography”) looks at brain activity. If you have your brain scanned after suffering a concussion in a car accident, a CT scan or an MRI would take pictures of your brain’s structure. If you

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Relapse Dreams A hidden Message?

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Customized treatment

believe we are seeing on the SPECT scan.�

SPECT scans have uncovered significant similarities in the varied patient population at Sierra Tucson, says Johnson. “We draw patients from all over the country and the world, and we have a very diverse patient mix. Many have failed multiple programs in the past. SPECT has helped highlight the and typical scenarios they be confronted effects of traumatic brainwill injury, which can with in waking life after leaving have a big physiological effect.�treatment. In these cases, the importance is not placedeveryon These brain injuries can include thing from falling skate boarding or the individual dreamwhile but the manner in which skiing to football orIffalling dream content shiftsinjuries over time. clients down like while drunk. to He says about initialusing datasubstancshowed Jean continue dream that 40 percent of Sierra Tucson patients es, they should be encouraged to record their have had symptomatic brain injuries, and dreamshave and had note more any shift in content.

Thisscans many than one. “The process may instruct clientsofand counselors showed more instances traumatic brain about significant triggers that need “What to be adinjury than we thought,� he says. this speaks is impaired frontal lobe functiondressed,towhile challenging clients to examine ing the ability to say no to temptation. theirorreadiness to change.

When pre-frontal cortex it’s One the particularly useful studyisofimpaired, drug-using hard to maintain recovery.� dreams demonstrates that a client’s personal response to the dream is more important than dream content when it comes to predicting a positive treatment outcome (Brown, 1985).

Today we have a much better understanding the neurobiology of who the brain we Theofstudy finds that clients dreamthan about did 30substances years ago, Krantz was using fallwhen into two mainherself categories: in As a young mom trying to keep onerecovery. group experiences frustration that their up with her 6-month old and a busy medidream isn’t real and the second group experical practice, Krantz started getting poundences relief that their dream isn’tgave ing migraines.

When her neurologist The first group is described her a shotreal. of Demerol, she was relievedasto relapse-pending dreams. This find that ahaving sweeping euphoria replaced the debilitating headaches.

Soon she wasintoxiinjectgroup longs to re-experience ing Demerol daily.

She triggered eventually entered cation and feels toward a programsubstance for addicted physicians.

During use. The second group her recovery, she struggled. is described as having recovery“My brain wasn’t back,� she says. “I didn’t This group wakes feel right.affirming None of dreams. the doctors who treated disturbed by their dreams me could up answer my questions aboutand what actual was goingfeels on repulsed with myfrom brain.

It substance was very disturbing.� she became an aduse.Krantz Clientssays like Jean clearly belong diction specialist to help answer to this second group andthese often quesneed tions. Had SPECT scanshelp beenperceiving in use to their treat addiction at the time, Krantz believes they using dreams as a rewould have helped her. “My scan would covery-affirming prohave shown a lot of emotionally charged cess.

They maycould find it memories,� she says. “My treatment helpful inventory have been more focused.

It to would have made more sense to me.�their motivations for In AA comes the promise that, will recovery and“We review intuitively know how totheir handle actionsituations plan. The which used to baffle us.� This ability to think be more clearly is the resultusing of adream healedcan brain, harnessed as a “wake says Krantz. In fact, she has noticed that upfinding call� challenging many AA slogans are now a scientifclients Jean ic basis. “It’s amazing that AA like knew, fortoexample, to advise those inre-examine recovery totheir HALT,� she says, referring to the recommendation assumptions about that you don’t allow yourself to get too Hunrecovery. gry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. “We are finding out 50 years later that those are all functions of the lateral hypothalamus in the reDREAMS’ RELEVANT ward pathway for the disease of addiction.�

MESSAGES

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have your brain scanned after years of abusing alcohol, a SPECT scan can produce images of the blood flow in your brain. These pictures of the brain in action result from having radioactive tracers injected into the patient that concentrate where the brain is active. “SPECT scans basically tell us three things,� says “areas of the brain that BYAmen, chArLES giLLESpiE work well, the areas that are low in activity and the areas in activity.

Oncefor we know ean, ahigh patient in treatment how the brain works, the goal of treatment is substance abuse, came to my group to balance brain function, such as calm the disturbed about the following overactive areas and enhance the under ac“using� dream she had the night before: may tive ones.� As an example, an alcoholic “I dreamed I wasactivity in the cafeteria teaching have too much in the anxiety centers of thepatients brain. “When wetosee thislines on of the scan, other here how chop we can and findsnort waysthem.� to calm downshe those parts cocaine Though laughed of the brain.

Or if there’s too little activity in at the dream because of its ridiculous the front part of brain, it may need stimuplot, Jean also wondered what it might lation. We can also see instances of prior mean,trauma if anything, herduring recovery. brain dueabout to a fall a blackout or someone getting hit over the head with a THE VALUE beer bottleOFinDREAMS a bar fight.�

Amen finds the scans most value The purpose of this article add is to the briefly outline when treatment isresearch failing. “I put imaging in some of the clinical that’ s been the protocol when are confusing,� he conducted about thethings occurrence, meaning and says. “There could be an underlying probvaluethat of drug-using dreams. is my intention lem the scan can pointItto.� to The demonstrate drug-using be scans ofthat addicts oftendreams revealcan what useful in counseling when clients and clinicians appear to be dents in the brain’s surface are informed functionThese this that make itabout look the likepossible Swiss cheese. apparent holes, which would not be visible type of dream serves. onOne a CT scan or MRI, areas of study, a classic in therepresent field of subthe brain with reduced activity due stance abuse treatment, demonstrates to low blood flow. Begin to heal these areas, which that alcoholics dream aboutin drinkKrantz says is who usually possible a matter of ing duringand the you course of treatment tendpatient. months, begin to heal the to achieve longer By contrast, the periods surface of ofsobriety a normal brain is smooth.

When a pilot program (Choi, 1973).

ThisKrantz findingdid suggests that with patients test about out the clientsnine like Jean whoto dream thescan machines, shethey saware interesting substances attemptingcommonalities. to ab“Every person had a engaged significant decrease stain from may be more in the in blood flow in the prefrontal cortex of treatment process than those patients brain, which governs impulse control,� she who don’t report says. “That areadrugof the brain wasn’t getting using dreams. enough bloodIn toother function properly.� words, these clients take their struggle with substance abuse seriously For those who about wonder why recovering adenough to dream dicts continually relapse, SPECT scans proit at night.

As Freud vide insights, Krantz says. These patients observed, matters can’t stoponly using drugs or alcohol because of greatest importance they can’t control their impulsivity, she says. are permitted towillpower,� disturb “It’s not lack of she says. “It’s just that the part of the brain that tells most peoour sleep.

In this regard, ple tos drug stop using is damaged Jean’ dream in addicts.�

The compulsion may be understood as to a drink or pop pills despite losing a marriage, having repeated positiveorsign, dreamed DUIs getting fired from a job is all eviby a person is seridenced in who the prefrontal cortex, she says. ously concerned “This is why weabout see patients who have been in different treatment centers yet conthe10 consequences of tinue relapse.to relapse,� she says. “I always wondered what we were A more recent studymissing, how we could do a better job.� Krantz believes that SPECT of crack cocaine addicts scans are beginning to help provide some who dream about drugthis information influanswers.

How does use demonstrates that ence treatment? “Impulsivity was a big issue the content of using so I might put them on for these patients, anti-craving dreams is alsomedication important early in the process to make suretreatment they don’t walk out or relapse in predicting yet again,�(Reid, she says. another patient, it outcomes S. andFor Simeon, D., 2001). might mean prescribing antidepressants to Over a ninety-day period, clients who report enhance recovery. their dreams changing cocaine to Krantz believes thatfrom she using can target mediactively refusing cocaine tend to achieve longer cation more effectively when she knows periods of which abstinence. finding suggests precisely area This of the addict’s brain is over active orfor under active. “The scans take that readiness change is reflected in dream out a lotand of the she says. “If pacontent thatguesswork,� dream-life can provide clients tients in withtoalcoholism and bipolar with ancome opportunity rehearse change.

These disorder, there are certain patterns that we dreams provide clients with an exposure to cravings, interactions with “using friends�

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The using dream can be harnessed as a “wake up call� challenging clients to reClients with relapseexamine theirAassumptions lot of hoopla? pending dreams will need helpembrace in about recovery.

Not all treatmentalsocenters

to receiving a SPECT scan machines.regard Promises Treatment relevant from Centers, the alcohol rehab andmessage drug rehab addiction treatment facilities in Malibu and the reactions they have Los Angeles, do not. Counselors “SPECT scan are not to their using dreams. can direct treatment limited diagnostic vathese clientsand backhave to interventions that address lidity,� says Dr. David Sack, M.D., CEO of the contemplation stage ofcomplaints change. These Promises.

His primary areclithe ents may benefit a reviewinability of the costs and lack of data andfrom the scans’ to preconsequences of their substance use. dict which treatments will work. “When you look beyond hoopla, The relapse-pending dreamthe may bring how much clinical information is there? I to lightuseful their impoverished view of sobriety.

Counselors can challenge these impoverished pagenew 18)beviews and (Continued direct clientson toward (Continued on page 17)

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17 13

COVER•STORY

Brain

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think very little,” says Sack. “The scans are not harming people but when they start to believe that they can guide their treatment, it’s misleading.” For Sack, until the scans can tell doctors how to treat patients, he doesn’t see the value.

Dr. Hal Urschel, a psychiatrist and author of Healing the Addicted Brain, believes it will be another five to eight years before SPECT data are analyzed and understood.

“There’s still a long way to go,” he says. “It will be a better tool in the future.” Urschel sees SPECT as a possible piece of a treatment plan but “not necessarily critical.” The price of a scan and evaluation “could buy a lot of medications to control the cravings,” he says.

Those who embrace SPECT are the first to admit that more study is needed. The Hanley Center is currently analyzing the data it has been gathering to see what patterns emerge. “We need evidence-based data,” Krantz says. “We are starting to see patterns but need more research and statistical analysis and mapping.” Though repeated scans have shown improvement in blood flow to impaired areas, Krantz says it’s too soon to tell the success rates. However, she remains an optimist about the future potential of the scans: “I believe the

scans will give us predictive severity measures that will impact treatment planning.”

There’s a growing consensus that neuro imaging is playing an important role in research and clinical practice with addiction medicine and psychiatric illness, says Johnson of Sierra Tucson. “We’re moving away from traditional symptom driven, syndrome categories to genetic and neuro biological imaging.” Part of the resistance to SPECT scans, he says, is that they require that clinicians make a mental shift that isn’t always easy. “They need to shift to what’s happening in the brain of the person in front of them and not just default to a diagnosis,” he says. When SPECT scans were discussed at a recent American Psychiatric Association symposium in Honolulu, the majority of critics “were won over when they heard about the data and clinical efficacy and practice,” he says.

For Amen, the naysayers are nothing new. “We’ve been at this for 20 years,” he says. “People said we were crazy when we started out. Initially there was a lot of resistance. People said the scans were nonsense.

They’re not. We think they’re really important.”

Suzanne Riss is a writer and editor who specializes in health and women’s issues.

Most recently she was Editor-in-Chief of Working Mother magazine. Her first book, The Working Mom Survival Guide, was published by Weldon Owen in October.

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www.together.us.com | January / February 2012

SPEC I A L • R ETogether P O R T AZ Together Welcomes

Beauty

the grieving process. Clients sometimes need encouragement to talk about their painful experiences so that healing, (Continued fromforgiveness page 13)and acceptance can ultimately be achieved. Working withare a counselor who understands the todWhat the dangers of entering grief process can help the griever address these dlers in these pageants where everyissues is so based that resentment and shame are not thing on physical appearance? suppressed for fear of being disrespectful to the Dennis: dead.

Dr. Activities with an inordinate focusInon appearance and increase myphysical work at Cottonwood in myrisk pri- for developing eating disorders. sexualizavate practice, I begin any grief Early counseling with tion also increases the risk of an seating disora consultation to assess the client’ need and to der, well as the risk of developing sexually fullyas hear their story.

Developing a strong and compulsive behavior as a teen or adult. The trusting of therapeutic relationship a client parents these young childrenwith desperately is essential to a successful outcome.

In need help. Some of what they do cansome even be cases the death is a abuse. sentinelAevent thatwilling has to considered sexual parent profoundlyand disrupted of athree-year-old client. Prior sexualize pimp the outlife her daughter treatment. little girl that to the lossneeds the client may haveAenjoyed a fairly has been sexualized and adultified will also contented life. Understandably, their worldneed at some pointchildren to cope would with the loss view help assumed that their outlive of her childhood and obliteration of self. them, that they would enjoy a long life with their partner and that their parents would liveof Kirsten: It impedes the girl’s own sense to a ripe age. Death in the what sheold enjoys.

Girlsresults should be bursting able and of these expectations.

Suddenly world is no encouraged to participate in athe wide range of longer as safe a place as it their had activities, so and theypredictable can discover where true talents andWe abilities lie. When are earlier seemed. are propelled into athey strange pushed into pageants, can get ‘stuck’ and terrifying landscape.they Nothing is the samein the grind, never pursuing what their heart as before. desires.

TOOLS AND SUPPORT

What mom who dressed her One of about the toolsthe I have found to be helpful for toddler as Dolly Parton or has thebeen prosticlients whose presumptive reality tute fromisPretty Woman? shattered an exercise called a Loss Charac-

on what theirdistance children’s Ithis thenhorrible ask theminfluence to determine lives. Nothe child has dreams of dressing between chairs is comfortable.

The clientlike a prostitute. mother failed in one then begins to The read the letter.has At the concluof two ways, or perhaps both. She has either sion of the reading ask the questions to on pushed this kind Iofwill costume or “image” assist the client in further in touch her daughter, orgetting she has exposed her with child their feelings.

If I feel shows it is appropriate, I will to films, television and other media ask to speak in the voice of so thethe deceased, thatthem are not age appropriate, daughter aspires to bewhat likethey an adult woman at far telling the client need to hear from too early age. their lovedan one.

We conclude the exercise by

processing what has happened. Clients often Thesefeeling moms say pageants are no difreport relieved as a consequence of doferent than other sports that girls are ing this exercise. involved as gymnastics.

Do Activitiesin in asuch grief-specific group setting are these claims have any validity? also helpful in assisting clients in addressing their losses. One involves identifying Dr. Dennis: Asexercise a former college athlete, I athink person’ s greatest pain by it a name, the comparison is giving ludicrous.

Look up shape, color and sound.

Afteransharing theiractivthe definition of sport: athletic descriptions pain, clients areand then asked to ity requiringofphysical skill prowess. To compare these child pageants to sports give their pain a new shape, color, sound and is absurd.

Sports --them real tosports about name.

I encourage use this--asare a tool what people can do, in many cases as a in reducing the intensity of the feelings when team, and not about how they look.

And as overwhelmed. much as proponents say they›re about doSometimes the mourning ing good andduring developing talents,process when was one has to deal with well-wishers who some-but the last time anyone saw a talented, times make statements that areOr thoughtless ugly, winner in a pageant? even an avand inappropriate.

An winner? example of this might erage to overweight Never.

This is because is about contestants be, “Don’tpageantry cry. Everything will how be okay.”

Anlook, remark about how they objects. other might be, are “They are in a better place.” It’s okay if the griever chooses to believe Kirsten: As someone was involved this.

Sometimes, this kindwho of thoughtless state-in dance and ballet, I can see how one might ment just a sign Dance of the well-wisher’ s anxiety draw isparallels. schools sometimes in experiencing grief of others. dress children the in costumes that are too sexy, people need to give orRecovering demand that they wear toothemselves much stage permission to cryisifnot they“OK” needeither. to. For so long make up. This The sexualization of girls is occurring we medicated our feelings.

Some ofearlier us were and earlier,inand many industries sharewas a responraised environments where crying consibility in this.

It is ultimately the sidered unmanly or childish. Many of usparents’ have responsibility to monitor the things that a heard the expression “Pull yourself up by your child is being asked to do or wear. I highly bootstraps.”

When the world is full of sorrow, advocate for girls’ participation in team statements like these can be cruel and insensisports, so they can develop a sense of camative.

What I found be helpful is the presence raderie and teamtowork, and are not judged of people Support is always available based onwho theircare. appearance. at 12-step meetings. Sometimes the words of comfort are not needed but the hugs are.

terization. The Loss Characterization is basiDr. This is sexual abuse.

Although callyDennis: a character sketch the client composes covert, it is still sexual abuse. The only group about him or herself that is written in relation to eventually gain from this aberrant behavto aisloss. client writes in the thirdsince ior theThe mental healththis community persontoddlers from thewill perspective of a close and these need treatment for their loving personal friend who knows theand client ineating disorders, substance abuse trauma whenWhen they hit orcompleted adulthood. timately. theadolescence assignment is I ask that they share it with me. Together we can Kirsten: Themeaning biggestthetragedy here is the explore what author perceives of problems withinofthe their experience loss.mothers that result in In one recent session a client had experienced the death of a teenage son. At the conclusion of sharing the loss characterization DISCOVERING TRIGGERS with me she expressed anger at God for takIn recovery we learn to identify triggers that ing her child from her. As she was a religious could lead us to relapse. Grief has its own woman, the thought of anger toward God was triggers. They can arrive without warning, a difficult one for her to express. She felt inreminding us of our pain. Photos, films, tensely guilty about being disrespectful toward articles, songs and anniversaries can prompt God. I gently encouraged her to dialogue with thoughts of our pain. At these times the pain God using the technique of an empty chair brought on by these reminders of our loss can dolescence is a she time changes can result in gestalt. After some initial reluctance, was when elicitbrain thoughts of using substances.

In relapse able to go with it.

Along with expressing her addiction prevention workshops that and I have mental facilitated high-risk behaviors, vulnerability, anger, she was able to ask questions like, “Why the grief-related riskdifferent factors that illness, as different parts we of address the brain mature at did you do this to me?” and, “When will you can precipitate a return to using substances. rates, the Society Neuroscience reports.

Thanks to advanced give me the strength to go on?”for Concluding Among these are difficult emotions, conflict this exercise the client reported feeling comwith others and testing control. brain imaging technology, scientists know that the brain continfortedues andto relieved.

In fact, reported There are ways for alcoholics and addicts develop atshe least intothat a person’s twenties. afterwards she felt that her relationship with to cope with loss so that the experience can her Higher Power was healing. be meaningful. We have learned to value a OnAreas several occasions I have with our higher power. Turning involved in suggested planning and relationship decision-making, including the that my grieving clients write a letter to their to the God of our understanding can provide prefrontal cortex -- the cognitive or reasoning area of the brain deceased. I provide these clients with a format comfort even when our prayers express only important forabout controlling impulses and emotions -- appear not that cues them to write what is missed, anger and confusion.

Journaling has proven whatto is not missed, and appreciation.

I to be beneficial. can be twenties. therapeutic on have yetregrets, reached adult dimension duringWriting the early encourage clients to write what feels appropriboth a physical and emotional level.

After the The brain’s reward center, the ventral striatum, also is more active ate and authentic. When the letter has been death of my mother I returned to the twelve during adolescence than in me. adulthood, and thea fourth adolescent brain completed, I ask my clients to share it with steps. Completing step inventory and This still is also aistime when I have used the empty sharing it with a sponsor proved helpful. strengthening connections between its reasoningand chairemotion-related technique with positiveregions. results. I begin There are many books related to bereavethe gestalt by asking the client to describe the ment. Some may seem to reinforce the idea physical appearance of the deceased including that grief is a predictable process. I tend to their posture, clothing and expression. Somesuggest other books that recognize the uniquetimes a photograph is available and we use it.

(Continued on page 17)

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Together

19 11

Together Welcomes Together AZ EVENTS

The Forbidden Addiction

using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate also emphasize the importance of learning difficult experiences or emotions; when in about and developing healthy self-esteem, a relationship, being detached or unhappy; healthy intimacy, and healthy sexuality. A key when out of a relationship, feeling desperate focus will include marital and family therapy some people dispute whether this type of and alone; inability to leave unhealthy since the partnership and family members

BY KAY BUTLEr-LUEKing extreme sexuality can actually be considered relationships despite repeated promises are so intricately involved. Honesty, empathy, an addiction. Since no chemical or substance is to self or others; returning to previously and disclosure should also be key aspects of involved physical symptoms such as tolerance unmanageable or painful relationships treatment. Dealing with boundaries he taboo topic of sex addiction is and withdrawal are not measurable.

However, despite promises to self or others; and shame willfilm be included since plastered all over the media these days. to use to engage New York City’s first annual three-day celebration of classic and con- Festival, and we are excited about the opportunity research indicates that on sexalcoholism, addiction follows mistaking sexual experiences and most with for sexthe addiction So, what is sex addiction and whytemporary is people in a focus on recovery from alcoholism andpeople addiction, indi- live feature films focusing addictions, treatment similar and affects brain similarlySeptember romantic love. in the shadow of shame. Learning there so much controversy surroundingand it? recovery vidualfor and for the family.” has patterns been scheduled forthe Friday-Sunday, 28-intensity The Earles state that other warning Film Fest is now completing to control the Noted expert, Dr. Patrick Carnes defines The NYC-In-Recovery its addictive first year behavior selec30,sex 2012. to other addictions. Although it is not currently tion of films, to Kurt Brokaw, curator creative director. by thisin newspaper and the included the Diagnostic and Together StatisticalFamily Foundasigns to watch for include: outaccording of will be aand major goal. Establishing addiction as a recurrent behavioral patternProduced “test-drove” an alcoholism/addiction film series for sevtion, in partnership NCADD, 30-hour(DSMNYC-In-ReManual forwith Mental Healththe Disorders control behavior, timeBrokaw lapses, severe a healthy recovery support system which includes the inability to resist engaging eral years at The New York Society for Ethical Culture, andprocess is a covery Film Fest will feature distinguished actors, singers, IV), efforts are underway to include it under consequences due to sexual behavior, is crucial. The treatment in extreme sexual behaviors. Sex addiction senior film critic for The Independent and a professor at The writers, producers and directors, as well as top profesthe the titlerecovery of Hypersexuality in the 2012 edition. inability to stop despite adverse may include Cognitive-Behavioral can also be seen as the use or dependencesionals on New School. from community, with opportuniCurrently,after a diagnosis of Sexual Disorder,plan consequences, persistent pursuit of therapy,the Experiential therapy, and sexual expression to deal with life’s stressors.

“There’s great value in revisiting great alcoholism ties for discussion the showings.

Producers Not Otherwise Specifi ed does exist. self-destructive or high risk behaviors, a solid relapse prevention plan. For Like other addictions, sex addiction usually dramas like ‘Days of Wine and Roses,’ ‘The Lost Weekend,’ to offer CEU credits for selected showings. and ‘Under the Volcano,’ Brokaw said. “And asome documentary New short subjects by emerging filmmakers are ongoing desire or individuals, follows several distinct and predictable like Eric Steel’s ‘The Bridge’ about suicides off the Golden to accompany many showings. effort to limit sexual medications to deal patterns. When a pattern is continually expectedWHAT ARE SOME SPECIFIC EXAMPLES In addiGate Bridge illustrates how mental illness frames so many showing of the behavior, using sexual with obsessions repeated despite negative consequences, ittion, a special WHICHdouble-feature MIGHT INDICATEbenefit SEX ADDICTION? addictions.” He’s also enthusiastic about music-oriented Hayward film “I’ll Cry Tomorrow” and obsession and fantasy may be prescribed can be considered an addiction. The cycle 1948 Susan Compulsive use of pornography and or portraits of substance abuse, like “Lou Reed’s Berlin,” “God the 1995 Meg Ryan film “When A Man Loves A Womas a primary coping as part of the of addiction also predicts the addicted self-gratifi cation, numerous affairs or sexual Bless Ozzy Osbourne,” and “Hit So Hard,” a documentary on an” is in formation. The evening will include a panel of treatment process. person will experience the onset of cravingskey women partners, compulsive of phone computer in the arts and use recovery andorwill benefit thestrategy, severe mood Courtney Love’s drummer, Patty Schemel. changes addiction to continue the behavior, intense pleasure National sex,Council use of prostitutes, and violent sex would Together New York is now accepting DVD submissions Sexual of narrative on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc. around sexual or documentary short films through June 1 (preferably under minutes) (NCADD). activity, and neglect is 20 viewed

by Dr. and relief in planning and acting out all be examples of possible sex addiction. on addictions, alcoholism, treatment and/or recovery. ThereRalph is noEarle fee for Partner of Drs. the Ralph NYC-In-Recovery Film Fest, social, of important as a rituals, followed by a period of withdrawal As Founding According to experts, and and filmmakers whose shorts are chosen for screening will be NCADD, headquartered in New York City, and its national net- submission, occupational, or sign of an “intimacy and onset of cravings once again.

Marcus Earle of Psychological Counseling work of affiliates have provided nearly 70 years of hope, help and notified during the summer. Films to be shown will be chosen by a Togethrecreational activities. disability.” The basic Engaging in risky behaviors and distorted Services, Ltd. (PCS), individuals who are healing for millions of individuals and families confronting alco- er New York committee. Mail to: NYC-In-Recovery Film Fest, c/o Together They also note that thinking patterns also often go hand-in-handholismconcerned about the possibility of sex or th New York, 51 East 25 St., Lower Level, New York NY 10010.building blocks to and drug dependence. other compulsive behaviors might be involved intimate relationships are Foundincomplete. with sex addiction. Examples of distorted addiction for thehas following “Forlove decades the can filmlook industry used addiction to alcohol The NYC-In-Recovery Film Fest isform also in the process of securing such as work, drugs, eating(corporations, disorders, andinstitutions, Therefore, the road toFor healing willinforbe based thinking patterns include: obsessions, warning Constantlyorseeking sexual in thousands and drugs as signs: an underlying centrala theme of ing Sponsors and individuals). further movies,” said Robert J. Lindsey, president and CEO ofperfectionism NCADD. mation, Rosalie Bischof, Director, at 917-370-2173 or via — whatcontact Dr. Patrick Carnes calls Marketing on learning to trust, to rebuild relationships rationalizing, justifying and denial. partner, new romance or signifi cant other; it is time to use raisesex, awareness, under- interaction email at disorder. rbischof@together.us.com.

Information on general admission tickaddiction Significant with one’s Higher Power, with oneself, The controversy surrounding the subject “Nowinability or diffi cultythese beingfilms alone;tousing and support for recovery.

NCADD is honoredchanges to be the ets, group rates and discounted passes will be announced in sexual behavior may bespecial evidenced. andthree-day with others.

Their healing process of sex addiction may stem from the fact that standing seduction and intrigue to hold onto a partner; Founding Partner with Together of the NYC -In-Recovery Film in Together New York’s next issue and online at Together.us.com.

Intimacy may be decreased due to the intimacy promotes interdependence on a Higher disability through the acting out behaviors.

Power, self, and others. They underscore the importance of learning to tolerate WHO IS AT RISK FOR DEVELOPING SEX ADDICTION? conflict, ambiguity and imperfection; being willing to self-disclose and to answer Many professional therapists in the field of “Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?” sexual addiction believe these behaviors are The Earles highlight the importance of traceable to early childhood development. supporting the family members of persons Individuals who grew up without sexual with sexual addiction, particularly the information and education as children may Inter-care is dedicated to providing high quality individualized outpatient spouse or partner. According to the Earles, be at risk. Individuals who encountered treatment to individuals and families impacted by substance use disorders the devastating impact of behaviors which early sexual experiences or were neglected directly impact their partners include: in childhood are at risk. Childhood ... identity. the betrayal of lying and living a “double shame affects a person’s entire life,” objectifying and sexualizing other Shame at a young age, coupled with other Services acompulsive novel behaviors centered on people; time taken from the relationship puts individuals at Substance Use Evaluations and work due to sexual binge pursuits; and risk for developing sexual addiction.

12 Step Recovery.

Motivational and Early Intervention Services rapid and unpredictable mood changes.

The stigma surrounding this type of Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) Perhaps more than with any other addiction may be tied to the shame associated Early and Advanced Recovery Programs addiction, the self-esteem of the partner with it. Unlike other addictions, this type Executive and Professionals Programs is battered; they feel they must be lacking of behavior is characterized by the deepest Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) Groups A terrifi c gift to something. It is vitally important for the kind of boundary violation — to one’s self Dual Diagnosis Program partners to learn they did not choose and his or her loved ones.

Dr. Marcus Earle anyone interested DWI/DUI Programs their addiction and there is a way out. describes this type of addiction as tied to one’s Drug and Alcohol Testing in spiritual verythe essence and who they are at the core.

Individual Counseling and Psychotherapy Like other addictions, sex addiction WHAT CAN WE EXPECT IN THE FUTURE? aspects of recovery.

Gender Specific Counseling does not discriminate. Individuals With the extreme advances in technology, Gay Men’s Groups affected come from all socioeconomic experts predict that we can expect accelerated Other Addictions Group backgrounds. The stereotypical image sexually-related issues with not only adults Relapse Prevention most people hold of sex addiction is not but particularly with youth and teens. For Drug and Alcohol Education accurate. Individuals struggling with sex example, Dr. Carnes notes that combining Always available at Family Program and Codependency Treatment addiction can be found in both professional sexuality and technology will increase Amazon.com, Barnes IMAGO Therapy for Couples and blue collar environments. unhealthy sexual experimentation among 12-Step Recovery Groups & Noble Internet, and teens and youth as well as adults. Both Drs. Ralph and Marcus Earle report that WHAT IS THE TREATMENT? Alumni Association LindaMeyerholz.com. since more adults are exposed to Internet An initial goal will be education and 24-Hour Hotline Support technology than ever before, more adults are “carefronting” as Dr. Ralph Earle calls it. engaging in sexually-related activities who According to the Earles, most individuals with 51 East 25th Street, New York, NY 10010 (between Park Avenue and Madison Avenue) might otherwise never have. The news media sex addiction don’t know or can’t admit they Phone: 212.532.0303 Fax: 212.532.9225 www.inter-care.com is reporting an increase in cyber sex and sexual are addicted, so it is important to help them texting or sexting among youth. The explosive admit and accept they have a problem. They

t

Coming Soon:

New York’s First Annual Recovery Film Celebration

Will two weeks be enough time to influence the mind and spirit of a writer who could spend the rest of his life on San Francisco’s skid row?

FINALLY

Available in hard cover and e-book format.

20

16

Together

www.together.us.com | January / February 2012

www.together.us.com | May/June 2011

COVER•STORY

Lantern

(Continued from page 1) their bodies. What I needed then was not The Book with The Secret -- somewhere in those endless shelves it may well exist -- but a guide to get me out. And for a reason I do not yet comprehend, but hope to, a guide was sent.

He was one of the rough, hard working men of America and he held a dark lantern -- an ancient device in which the light within is either concealed or revealed by means of a sliding panel. He did not know me at all, but he did know himself as he walked out of the night in a small town up by the Canadian border. He didn’t know my story but he did know his story and that, at rock bottom, it was not that different at all from mine.

His dark lantern didn’t light up the place where I was lost in some shattering burst of illumination, but instead, by sliding the panel back and directing what little light he held towards the exit, we were in time to find ourselves outside the black library and sitting in that most common of American spaces, a small town coffee shop where I could, at last, see what he looked like.

T

he waitresses all knew him. It seems he’s been guiding people out of the dark for some time in this town, and the ladies understand what he’s doing when he shows up with yet another shattered pilgrim like myself. They put us in a booth at the back, refilled our mugs for free, then went away and let us talk far past closing time.

He was a carpenter by training and by trade. About my age but without any of the soft edges that I’ve either always had or more recently acquired. His hands were scarred and had the flattened nails and tips the fingers get from too many encounters with boards, hammers and the other daily hazards of the job.

You could see that his face, when angry, would have been sharp, vulpine and cold, but he no longer had any anger in him. That had been burned out long ago or stored in a vault over which he kept a careful, constant guard.

His hair and mustache had faded into almost complete gray and his skin and body had the look that decades of working outside in all weathers gives you. He was a man’s man and a good man. But, as he was about to tell me, that had not always been so.

First he sat and listened long to my sad little pathetic story as he had I’m sure listened to hundreds of others. I won’t bother with the details of that story now, but save it for a time when it no longer seems so ordinary and boring to me as, at the end of this week of telling it over and over, it does now.

I

nstead, from the hours of talk that followed, I’ll try to give you a sense of his story and the path that led him to the small town coffee shop deep into that April night.

Listening to him tell it was like watching him work his dark lantern. A panel would slide aside and the light would come out for a bit and then it would slide slightly back dimming the details. I only heard it once and I didn’t get it all. As a writer I should have made notes, but I wasn’t a writer in that night, just someone grateful to have been guided out of a labyrinth. What I remember now is...

He’d always had a hardscrabble existence from a childhood that, if it wasn’t in the log-

ging town we were in, was in some other place where logging was scattered all around and the railroad trains never stopped moving over the rails in the center of town. His family all had the Demon inside them because that was, in the end, what they had if they didn’t have God. Sometimes they had the Demon right alongside God in the primeval co-existence that’s furnished the hu-

trophe. About how he lost it all -- house, job, money, business, health, love, freedom.

About how his family either left or took on a Demon or two from him. He told me about some jail time. He indicated but did not tell me about worse things.

He told me about the women he’d been with, about the Demons they carried and the dark places they’d been ridden. Down,

“As close as I can figure it, the reason for His Grace is so that I can, in this town, every so often come and talk to a man like you that has someone he loves that has the Demon.” man soul since the beginning. They lost no time in making sure, by hook or by crook, that he got his own personal Demon as a present from his town and his family along about the time he entered puberty.

Because everyone around him had and liked their Demon, there was no reason for him not to like it. Indeed, his Demon, it seemed at the time, was a lot of fun and the fun just got better as he got older.

True, he saw other members of his family and his friends in the small town go down under the Demon. Their lives went to the standard stops on the road -- fist fights, knife fights, job loss, crime, rehab, jail, prison or, at any time and age you might care to imagine, death by natural or unnatural causes.

Lots of friends and family members went down over the years, but he was, he told me, always a bit tougher, smarter, cagier, sharper, quicker, more charming, and more ruthless. He was “the special personal exception” and he rode the Demon. It was never going to be the other way around. Until, of course, it was.

It rode him long before he knew it. It always does. By the time he knew that it had reversed roles and taken the saddle, he’d become used to being ridden and so he galloped on ever deeper into the darkness.

By that time it had been 20 years of life with the Demon and all its assorted friends.

One Demon is never, it seems, enough if others are around. When they were, it was no longer just the Demon and him, but a party in his body.

Other bodies came in and out of the party over the years. Some he used and some used him, but it was always a using. They used him for fights and for other things of even lower degree. He got so it was not a question of how low he would go, but if he could find a way to go lower.

always down, under the relentless riding and the unremitting tug of the heavy gravity that the deep realms of degradation always emit.

He told me how he’d learned to spot the ones that wanted to be used the most, and that he’d take them up on it, and be sure to take them deeper than they thought they could go. The slide on the dark lantern moved often as he talked.

“It’s easy to go to these dark places around here,” he said. “When winter sets in there’s nothing else to do. But I’ve also found it’s just as easy to go there in Chicago, so what do I know?”

He was a strong man and his Demon used every bit of it until to pull others into its thrall, until at last it used him up. As it often does, the Demon took him at the end of the ride down towards an ugly death, the kind that happens in clapped-out broken trailers, or cheap hotel rooms with a bare light bulb.

Not exactly where he found himself, but close enough. At which point, he was -- for no good reason that he could ever think of -- saved and slowly returned to life.

“Some one backed the Demon off me when I’d proved to everyone and myself that what I really needed to do was die,” he said. “I didn’t know then Who’d done it and it didn’t come quickly or easily and I turned back dozens of times. But one day, I guess when I prayed to God to just kill me, He didn’t. Instead, He led me back.

“I’m not going to tell you how because I’m not here to sell you a Bible. I’m just going to tell you that He did and as close as I can figure it, the reason for His Grace is so that I can, in this town, every so often come and talk to a man like you that has the Demon, or has someone he loves that has the Demon.

“Sometimes it seems to help and some-

times it doesn’t and sometimes I never know. What I do know is that while I’m far from free of it, when I come home from work sore and aching, I get in my hot tub with the Bible and some ice tea and I keep reading through it. It took me two years to get through the Old Testament and I’m glad and happy to be starting on the New. In between, I wait for the phone to ring and when it does, I go out and listen and talk to the person calling no matter how tired I am, no matter what time is it, no matter how long it takes.”

He seemed then to close the slide on his dark lantern and set it aside.

“My life’s still not really right. Not really right at all. Given what I’ve done it probably never will be right. The family is still fighting the Demon just like me. Trouble still comes when you expect it least.

“I’m still upside down with money. I was down so deep I’ll probably check out before getting it straight. I go to meetings when I go and I take my church seriously. But I still don’t know what purpose I have. So I just do this because it seems to be what is given me to do. I can’t do much in the way of spiritual work like the preacher can. I’m just a carpenter. But I can do this.”

W

e parted then and he walked out into the dark early morning. The waitress, who had waited long past closing, locked up with some relief. “I don’t mind staying at all when he comes in,” she said. “Sometimes people just have to talk to other people.”

I went upstairs and slept for a few hours, waking at dawn and walked through the tiny small town three blocks to the Catholic Church where I’d learned there was a meeting, not for me but for those who had the Demon. He was there, looking tired but ready to go to work for the day. Others, rough men and women all, were there too, bringing with them what they had to bring, taking away what they chose to take, and leaving, if they could, some of the Demon behind.

When it was over he said, “Come to breakfast with us.”

And so it was I found myself riding along in a carpenter’s pick-up over the sand and snow scoured roads of the town to a local hash joint of ancient vintage by the side of the road. By the time that was over, I’d managed to meet many more good people in this town in one morning than I’ve met in the two years in Laguna Beach where I know hardly a soul.

On the way back to my hotel, we stopped

(Continued on page 22)

H

e moved the slide aside on the dark lantern: “I don’t remember everything because I either can’t or it was so horrible God has, with His grace, removed the memory from me. I do remember some things. I remember lying on a filthy bed somewhere in Mexico.

I had a bottle of Cuervo empty on the table next to it and another one full and ready to go. I had my pistol on the floor. There were a lot of lines of coke still waiting to be snorted.

There was an old whore working me on one side while my other arm cradled my infant daughter. I’d wedged a chair under the knob of the locked door so I wouldn’t be interrupted. I hated interruptions.”

He moved the slide back and closed the dark lantern.

He told me other things, the full catas-

Together - A Voice for Health & Recovery

21

A look at gambling

W

RESOURCES

by bobbe mcginLey

hen you read the words “gambling addict,� what is the first image that comes to mind? A mob type male, puffing on a cigar in a dark room playing poker with shady looking people as we often see depicted in crime movies? Or maybe it’s a mission womanisintoaserve boldthe dress that iscommunity of individuals and families seeking information Together’s extended too tight, with heavy makeup in the weeto lead healthier and happier lives. Here is a partial list of about relief from addiction-related issues referrals with a more comprehensive list on together.us.com. Together is not affiliated with any 12-step hours of the morning in a casino? Because or organization, although support them all. One essential of recovery is knowing you ofprogram the stigma all addictions carry, we anddothe don’t have to walk alone. fact that gambling addiction is so well 12-step organizations Telephone Website hidden, rarely do we visualize someone national problem gambling Adult Children Alcoholics addiction as an 562-595-7831 adultchildren.org struggling withof gambling Awareness week Al-Anon & Alateen Familygoing Groups 212-941-0094 average looking person about life. isnycalanon.org March 6-12, 2011.

Alcoholics Anonymous

212-647-1680The goal ofnyintergroup.org Like other addictions, gambling doesn’t disthis week is to educate the Chapter 9and | Couples in Recovery between 2%888-799-6463 general chapter9couplesinrecovery.org criminate studies show that public and health care

212-262-2463

canewyork.org 3%Cocaine of theAnonymous U.S. population will have a gambling professionals about the warning signs of Codependents

codependentsnyc.org problem in anyAnonymous given year, thereby affecting646-289-9954 problem gambling and raise awareness Crystal of Meth Anonymous

millions people in the United States alone.212-642-5029 about thenycma.org help that is available both Debtors Anonymous 212-969-8111 locally and danyc.org Gambling addiction has devastating nationally. Please visit Food on Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 781-932-6300 foodaddicts.org effects family and friends, destroyhttp://www.NPGAW.org/

gam-anon.org ingGam-Anon lives as well as livelihoods, and today 718-352-1671 for ideas and more information.

Gamblersaddiction Anonymousis not only found in 888-424-3577 gamblersanonymous.org gambling

Do You Need Help?

Resources & Links

Marijuana Anonymous Narcotics Anonymous Overeaters Anonymous Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous Nicotine Anonymous

those over the age of 21; kids underage have discovered ways to gamble as well.

Pathological gambling is believed to be a progressive behavior disorder that has the trademarks of out of control thinking about gambling and urges to gamble.

This leads to gambling beyond limits, which in turn leads to more and more problem gambling, as the gambler tries (Continued fromthat page 21) unsuccessfully to get back first dollar ever lost, and every dollar in between. off For at amany job apeople younggambling man wasisdoing not a for him.

Tearing down an old ramshackle garage to problem.

Gamblers are natural risk takers, put many up a new one forsimple an elderly couple and begin with activities suchwho needed it done.

As far as I could tell it was as sports betting, turning perhaps to trading being done for free because it could be. He stocks and commodities because of the higher spent a few minutes talking to the kid and excitement and the impression that they are advising, but not telling him how to do it. applying great skill.back Pathological gambling, Then we drove to my hotel and shook however, is described as an impulse disorder, hands and said goodbye.

He turned left at one that mimics addiction the corner and was gone. to alcohol and drugs, withback the most traits I went to myimportant hotel room to being pack for the drive to the airport.

My phoneloss rang. emotional dependence on gambling, of It was theand person I had come to see activities. calling to control, difficulties with normal ostensibly thank me suspects for the dinner If a family member a gam- and the talk from the night but also bling problem, or hasbefore, experienced theto be sure Iconsequences was indeedofleaving and would not be approblem gambling, the pearing suddenly at a function that night. best recourse is to seek counseling with It wouldn’t do for a part of their old life to asuddenly trained gambling counselor. âœş of this “clean appear in the middle

212-459-4423 212-929-6262 212-946-4599 212-946-5298 212-824-2526

ma-newyork.org newyorkna.org oanyc.org slaany.org nicotine-anonymous.org

National and institutional organizations

Center for Alcohol and Substance Abuse casacolumbia.org Center for Substance Abuse Treatment csat.samhsa.gov National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers naatp.org National Clearinghouse of Alcohol and Drug Information health.org National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc. ncadd.org in the Hamptons National Eating Disorders Association nationaleatingdisorders.org Alcohol & Substance Abuse Treatment National Institute on Drug Abuse drugabuse.gov National Institute on Alcohol AbuseWhere and Alcoholism

the healing begins..... niaaa.nih.gov Partnership at DrugFree.org drugfree.org

SEAFIELD

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Lantern

break,� this “fresh start� at living with the new-old Demon. As we talked I began to understand that I would now always be speaking with two whenever I spoke to this person and would be required to remember that as hard as it might be.

In truth, it was clever to ask. I had thought of doing just that the night before. Checking out of one hotel and checking in to another just to spring up and see what else was being hidden, concealed and kept secret from me as it had been for such a long time. Instead I began to accept that whatever I could imagine was either true or was going to be. I was tired of the game even though I knew I was not done with it, and there was -- if I looked at it coldly -- really nothing left to keep me where I didn’t want to go in the first place. So I just gave assurances that I had a long drive and had to be going. Things became warmer after that and we said goodbye. I drove out of

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Addiction is too hard to go through alone.

Are you or someone you care about drinking too much?

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If you are looking for answers for yourself or a loved one, The Together Warmline can help. It’s a free service staffed by addiction professionals and lay people who share their experience and knowledge about addictions. We are a non-emergency, non-crisis support and referral service not affiliated with any treatment program or service.

6

Serving New Jersey/ New York Metro • Palm Beach

he National Council on Problem Gambling (ncpgambling.org) is a national advocate for problem gamblers and their families, with a 24-hour confidential national helpline (1-800-522-4700).

In addition, Gamblers town and, at last, towards my home.

Anonymous (gamblersanonymous.

I’m back home now and am, as is the sad org) a 12-step state ofisour times,program findingdesigned myself for sitting in rooms filledgamblers with bromides, slogans, clichÊs, problem and Gam-Anon isms, and the other people group broken (gam-anon.org) is a support for by the people who let theand Demon ride persons them. Just family members concerned another onebyofathe remaindered affected gambler’ s behavior.souls set out on the bargain shelves.

I’m already loathing my story and shocked In New York State, if you think you and frightened by some stories I hear that a gambling problem are,might so far,have much worse than mine. call I’ve the never 24-hour Helpline at 1-877-846-7369. been a man who spoke the truth without first being asked, nor have I been one who could listen, but I’m trying to learn that when you Bobbelisten McGinley MA,interesting MBA, CADAC, don’t the only storyLISAC, in the room yours.

And you’re known sick of it first.

NCGCisII, is a nationally speaker, They say that alland of life is a series of lessons author, presenter trainer, consulting that will be repeated until you learn them. At many different industries about problem which pointFor youmore will information be given a new lesson. gambling. call 602- I don’t thinkor I asked for this particular lesson, 569-4328 visit www.actcounseling.com. but I’ll take a shot at learning it since that’s the lesson that has arrived.

(Adapted fromtoanthe article appeared I’ve talked manthat with the dark lanin Together AZ Feb. 2011 edition) tern on the phone a couple of times since the night he took me out of the black library.

He’s still wondering what his purpose can be and working on getting through the New Testament. I’m not a religious man and I’m no expert on the Bible, but I think I know an apostle when I meet one.

Me? I’ve no idea what I’m going to do and even less about what my purpose can possibly be. God knows I’veSpecialists chosen wrongly up Addiction until this point every time. So for now I’m just writing down what happens to me as clearly as I am given it. It’s my way, I imagine, of learning how to make my own dark lantern.

Gerard Van der Leun describes himself as a recovering book and magazine editor and publisher, sometime writer, onetime literary agent, and web-site publisher on the run from New York City, currently ensconced with a great wife and wonderful stepson in the hills above the Pacific at Laguna Beach. Van der Leun has been the Senior Editor and Director of Trade Paperback Publishing for Houghton Mifflin, and has held numerous positions at Penthouse Magazine. His articles have appeared in several magazines including Time, Omni and Penthouse. He is the author of Rules of the Net: Online Operating Instructions for Human Beings, The Quotable Sherlock Holmes, and Let It Bleed: The Rolling Stones, Altamont, and the End of the Sixties. He has also worked as publications director for the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) and as the Drama and Literature Director for KPFA-FM (Pacifica). Gerard has one daughter, Justine, an editor at Oprah Magazine. He has been online since 1988, and blogs at AmericanDigest.org.

W it

To

“One must keep one’s character. www.together.us.com | March/April 2011

Together

Tony Murphy

22

T

there's help

Earn a character first if you can, and if you can’t, then assume one.

From the code of morals I have been following and revising and revising for 72 years I remember one detail.

All my life I have been honest--comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly--I could only lend it.� – Mark Twain

www.together.us.com | January / February 2012

FINAL•WORD

Crawl, Walk, Run A soldier and Wall Street dealmaker discovers his true self worth

I

By Evan B.

began my journey into sobriety just over three years ago. Living a clean and sober life continues to be my most significant and rewarding accomplishment. I don’t say that lightly: I had accomplished a lot academically and professionally. And that’s who I thought I was. Some people might even have been envious of what I achieved. Ironically, though, one of the biggest challenges of sobriety has been discovering my true identity and establishing a genuine selfesteem.

Throughout most of my life I have identified myself through my career and based my self-worth on my professional accomplishments. All of that changed when I started my journey of recovery. I was forced to see myself through clear eyes and rediscover who I am at the most fundamental level.

I graduated from one of the military academies in 1990 and entered the service as a soldier, a platoon leader and an officer. Me, a lieutenant! During the first Gulf War, I led an engineer platoon of 32 soldiers through the deserts of Iraq. I was in my early twenties and I was on top of the world -- respected by my peers and subordinates alike. I was a leader.

Playing the market Following my service, and an MBA from a prestigious school, I landed on Wall Street, where I traded complex financial instruments a lot of people can’t pronounce and few understand. I took big risks, placing bets in some of the most sophisticated financial markets. Every day I was responsible for sizeable financial positions taken with my employers’ capital.

My position commanded respect, and I was rewarded for my efforts. I was now in my

thirties, and I was flying higher than ever before: a good career, filled with autonomy and responsibility. I was successful.

My life was complete, or so I thought.

I had a good job, a loving wife, financial security and really no significant problems of any consequence -- or so I thought. I had always been a bit of a partier, a heavy drinker or at least one who would occasionally over indulge.

I never admitted to myself, let alone anyone else, that it was a problem, but it was always in the back of my mind.

My financial career lasted ten years and ended when my firm decided to close my unit. For a while I was unemployed, taking a mid-career sabbatical, exploring new career options, taking it easy for a year or two. My life was a party with little accountability or responsibility of any sort. By the third year I had become a “professional” drunk, unemployable, drinking around the clock. My marriage shattered.

I could no longer function without alcohol, let alone look for even the most basic job.

My next stop in life was a medical detox unit. They don’t salute you here.

They don’t hand out yearend bonuses. Eventually I checked myself into three separate detox units over a period of six months. I started

Together - A Voice for Health & Recovery

attending AA meetings, found a sponsor in the program, and attended group outpatient therapy. I began seeing a private therapist, resumed exercising and began meditation classes. All of these helped me to stop drinking and begin to live a life without alcohol.

I was forced to start over, first as a sober individual and then gradually rebuild my identity in both my personal and professional lives.

Alcohol will do that

My first job after five years of unemployment and eighteen months of recovery was with the U.S. Census. The job market in the summer of 2010 was still terrible, and I really wasn’t in a position emotionally to handle much beyond knocking on doors and helping people complete the survey. My self-esteem was still pretty low at that point, as you can imagine. For some reason, still inexplicable to me, I wasn’t able to regain the sense of self-worth I had built over the prior course of my life. I guess three years of unabated alcoholism will do that to you. I made a decision too start over with a clean slate and reestablish my identity: one step at a time, one day at a time.

A few months later, I landed a position that allowed me to use my former industry experience: writing about the capital markets. A fellow veteran found me through Linked In and offered me a role in his firm.

He would provide a platform for me

to produce and sell research, and I’d be paid on commission. In the first year I earned less money than in my census gig, but I could not have found a better opportunity for what I needed: to rebuild a sense of selfesteem.

The military has a training slogan: “crawl, walk, run” that explains my new path very appropriately. I spent the better part of a year learning how to function as an employee, slowly building back my confidence, gradually feeling that I might have something to offer. I was fortunate in that the job forced me to push myself, to confront many of my insecurities and to begin to live to my potential.

Today I still do research and also consult with financial firms. I’ve been fortunate that the role continuously forces me to push myself and live and function outside of my comfort zone, forcing me to grow as an individual well beyond the confines of the job.

A friend visiting my local AA group once said, “If you want to build self-esteem, do esteemable acts.” In my case he was correct.

In my former life, I defined myself in many different ways, though primarily through my occupation. To be where I am today, I was forced to start over, first as a sober individual and then gradually rebuild my identity in both my personal and professional lives. I can’t explain why it had to be that way, but for me starting over worked and continues to work. It’s kind of funny that in my former life, my job was my identity. In my current life, it has been a medium for me to learn and grow and find my true identity.

23

A voice for health and recovery / NY EDITION

presents the 1st annual

NYC-IN-REC VERY

FILM FESTIVAL September 28-30 • New York City

30-hour Film Fest!

With distinguished actors, singers, writers, producers and directors

Featuring:

Top professionals from the recovery community, with opportunities for discussion after the showings.

FOUNDER

Aspiring Film Makers: Together New York is now accepting DVD submissions of narrative or documentary short films through June 1 (preferably under 20 minutes) on addictions, alcoholism, treatment or recovery. No fee for submission, and filmmakers whose shorts are chosen will be notified during the summer.

Films will be chosen by Together New York committee.

Mail to: NYC-In-Recovery Film Fest, c/o Together New York, 51 East 25th St., Lower Level, New York, NY 10010

FOUNDING PARTNER

For Sponsorship Opportunties contact Rosalie Bischof, Marketing Director, at 917-370-2173 or via email at rbischof@together.us.com 24

www.together.us.com | January / February 2012