12 minute read
OVER THE RAINBOW BRIDGE
Our animal family members bring boundless joy and unconditional love, and are such an integral part of our lives that we can’t imagine being without them. Sadly, it’s an inescapable reality that, one day, we will have to bid them farewell. This is an incredibly hard process, made worse by not knowing what to expect. This regular column aims to demystify it in order to help you when the time comes for your pet to cross the Rainbow Bridge.
GOING THROUGH GRIEF
Your pet has passed away and your heart feels like it’s been torn from you, leaving both an echoing emptiness and deep heaviness within. You want to tell everyone about them, cry on someone’s shoulder, scream your sorrow to the world… but it’s ‘just an animal’, so you shouldn’t be so sad. Right? Absolutely not!
Your pet is your best friend, child, family member, cheerleader, consoler, and so much more. Every moment of their lives is in your hands and part of your routine. They need you and you need them. So, their death is a truly devastating loss, and you have every right to feel heartbroken. Unfortunately, because society doesn’t always see it that way (or we think that it won’t), the usual grief support systems and sympathy tend to be less or absent, or we are fearful of reaching out, lest we are judged.
But you’ll be surprised at how many people know exactly what you’re going through. In fact, research has shown that the pain of losing a loved pet is comparable to, or worse than, the loss of a human family member. Your pet is family and you were blessed to have had them in your life, so grieving when they’re gone is completely understandable and normal.
UNDERSTANDING THE FEELINGS OF GRIEF
Grief is not one thing; it is a non-linear rollercoaster with many stages that can start at any time, from long before your pet passes away, until days later. Everybody experiences it differently - some go through all the stages in the below order, some go back and forth, some only experience a few of them… Each feeling is normal and should be acknowledged, felt and accepted, not avoided and/or feared.
• SHOCK AND DENIAL: These buffer you against overwhelming emotions. Shock numbs you and makes it easier to cope at first. Denial - of a diagnosis, the reality that your pet is gone, and even that you’re grieving at all - also provides space to process.
• PAIN: Pain can be a tiny trickle or an all-consuming torrent and should not be suppressed (think about what happens if you try to hold back a river). Cry if you want to, stare into space, scream into your pillow – do what you need to do, without self-judgement or censorship. If you can’t mourn whenever you want, set aside time, for example, after everyone has gone to bed or while sitting in your car.
• GUILT AND REGRET: These are extremely common (and usually unfounded). Regret is about what you wish you had done; guilt is about what you wish you hadn’t. You may feel guilty for your decisions, how you handled their medical care, if you were too hasty in putting them to sleep or not hasty enough, for feeling relief when a suffering pet passes, for every decision you made. You might be consumed with remorse for every time you didn’t play with them, came home late, reprimanded them, etc. Constant secondguessing is part of this, too. Remind yourself that your aim was never to cause them suffering – you did what you could at the time.
• ANGER: People may blame and be angry with themselves, others, or even a higher power. Allow yourself to feel angry (without taking it out on others, of course) as this is a way to externalise your grief.
• BARGAINING: You begin to concede that the outcome is inevitable, but still try to regain control, for example, by ‘buying time’ (‘If they can just live a few more weeks, I’ll do everything to make them happy.’) or negotiating with a higher power (‘If you heal my pet, I’ll be a better person’).
• DEPRESSION: Intense, overwhelming sadness, changes in eating and sleeping patterns, aches and pains, exhaustion, helplessness, and even numbness or apathy can appear, because you’re finally starting to accept that they’re gone.
• REBUILDING: You may start doing things that bring you joy, interacting with others, or honouring your pet’s memory, for example, by planting a tree in their name.
• ACCEPTANCE AND HOPE: You begin to have more good days than bad, and you may even start considering welcoming a new animal into your life. Acceptance can be confusing as we fear we’re losing our connection with our departed pet (‘If I’m not sad, I’m forgetting them/not honouring them enough?’) but, as the saying goes: your loved one’s memory does not live in your grief. You are not moving on from them; you are moving on from the pain.
Grief for a lost pet is something you cannot go around - the only way is to go through it. Be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to feel, and go through the process mindfully. One day, you will see a glimmer of light and in that light will be all the joy, love, and good memories of your beloved animal friend.
And that’s what you can carry in your soul forever, keeping their memory alive and knowing that they never really left you at all.
In the next issue, we investigate how to know if the time is approaching, how a veterinarian can help you make the decision, and what happens next.
IMPORTANT
Grief can sometimes get out of control and turn into major depression. If you or a loved one are struggling, it’s important to seek help. Visit the South African Anxiety and Depression Support Group at www.sadag. org for guidance.
WHAT IS THE RAINBOW BRIDGE?
The term ‘crossing/going over the Rainbow Bridge’ is about a pet’s passing away. The idea is that they cross over a beautiful multi-coloured bridge to a wonderful meadow where they run free and are happy and healthy. There, they wait for us until we, too, pass away and are reunited to cross the Rainbow Bridge to heaven together.
Saying Goodbye is never easy...
Our trusted and compassionate cremation services will ensure a dignified end for your faithful friend, and provide you with comfort during your time of grief. Let the memories of your loved one live on through our range of hand-selected caskets, urns and keepsakes, honouring their legacy for years to come.
For more information talk to your vet or visit www.legacypet.co.za
A
lthough many hotels are now realizing that people want to travel with their pets whenever possible, the Radisson RED at the V&A Waterfront in South Africa’s Mother City, Cape Town, decided this would be a singular part of their identity from the get-go.
While Baxter, the Boston Terrier who “signs” welcome letters and features in their corporate design is no longer on the team (he and his owner moved to another property), the spirit of Baxter is very much alive and well at this high-energy property in the Silo area of the V&A Waterfront.
The lobby area of the Radisson RED instantly spells out how this may be different from other hotels. There is no traditional reception desk, but rather a freeflowing area on the left, where staffers are ready to check you in. There are giant red beanbags instead of couches and a natty red-coloured fridge, too. On the opposite side of the lobby is a long table at which people work or just hang. When we visited there previously there was a ping-pong table there, which, I was told, will return soon.
If ever a hotel was built with millennials in mind, this is it. The important stuff: lightening-speed internet and fully interactive big-screens in the rooms, as well as fashion-forward design, makes this property pop with colour and energy. The roof top features the Red Roof Bar in a converted truck, a long lap pool, and a kitchen serving pizzas and grills. There is also undercover seating on the roof and, with views over the Waterfront and 360 degrees around it, this is a prime party space. There are yellow hexagonal shaped plastic chairs and tables that are as comfortable to sit on as they are great to look at, while a perimeter border planted in red plastic crates adds greenery.
A table and chairs works as a dining and working area. The wall-side consul contains a coffee plunger, freshly ground coffee, a kettle and takeaway coffee cups. The bathroom, which features a walk-in rain shower with an additional high-power hand shower, has quality bathroom amenities at the ready for your use. The ground floor eatery, OUIBar & KTCHN, serves an all-you-can eat breakfast and has a Selfie wall where you can screen-grab yourself and friends.
Travelling with Julie was also a pleasure. A dog bed, water and food bowls were provided. Do let them know in advance how large a pet you are travelling with, as the standard dog bed was too snug for Julie. We always travel with her bed in the car, so it wasn’t an issue at all for us.
Of course, there is a bar fridge and a laptop sized safe provided for your use, and we were happy to find fluffy disposable slippers and robes in the wardrobe. There is a 24-hour gym in the hotel too. Frankly, we loved being in the Red.
By Dani Mc Neill
Quick Tips for Child Safety Around Horses
•Teach your kids through example; what they observe and see practically stays with them longer. •While selecting a horse for your child, keep in mind your child’s size as well as experience level. •Never slack or lose attention when your child is near the horse. •Treat your kids for following the rules, just like you would for a horse. Similarly, tell them that there will be consequences if the rules are broken. •Hire an instructor for your kids to help them learn better.
Even the calmest, most mature and well-trained horse can act out. As a horse rider, your child should be aware of that and should know how to act in such situations. Making safety a habit can save you a lot of trouble when your kids are learning basic horse care and riding.
Why the outside of a horse is so good for the inside of a child
Kids Can Develop a Sense of Responsibility
One of the biggest things that a pet requires is regular and responsible care. They need to be fed, exercised, groomed, taken to the vet as needed and, of course, loved. While all of this applies to every pet you may introduce your child to, it applies even more so to horses.
Because of their size, horses need a lot of space, and take a lot of work to maintain. The good news is this offers many layers of responsibility and duties that you can help your child to grow into through the years. For example, you may not want younger children being responsible for cleaning out your horse’s hooves, but they can watch you do it, then take over this chore as they get older.
Horses also present a unique opportunity when it comes to being responsible for training an animal. Children can reap the direct benefits of training a horse, because a properly trained horse is a horse they can ride and bond with, as opposed to a dog or a cat that they may be able to train but can decidedly not ride. This benefit can help to motivate kids to stick with their new responsibilities.
Children Learn Empathy
Another benefit to children being introduced to animals is that they can begin to understand how their actions impact another living thing. This can help them to develop a sense of empathy and compassion at a young age. Horses, in particular, have been shown to have intense emotional impact on the children they interact with.
In fact, some child psychologists use horses for therapy, to help treat emotional and mental issues that children may live with. This is called equine therapy, and it’s been shown to help children have enough space to foster positive emotional health. Part of this success has to do with horses’ innate ability to emotionally connect with humans, as they have done for centuries.
Horses are among the few animals that have been around humans for almost the entirety of civilization. They were present in ancient Greece, helped to move Native American families across North America before colonists arrived, and have continued to be integral working members of modern society despite the invention of cars. Horses have been with humans for what feels like “always,” which may be why we associate them with having human-like emotions.
Because of their high emotional capacity, horses are great role models for kids to learn empathy. Children may immediately feel connected with their equine friends and want to do the best they can with them in order to keep them feeling their best at all times. This kind of emotional bond, for those who can’t keep horses too close to home, has also been found in dogs and some domesticated pigs.
They May Discover a Lifelong Passion
Finally, introducing your children to horses may be introducing them to the one thing they want to dedicate the rest of their life to: Caring for and working with horses can be an entire career path, with varied avenues and journeys. You never know — one moment they will be asking to decorate their room with horses and the next they may be training worldfamous stallions.
We all have that one fascination or passion from when we were young that has followed us through our lives. Introducing your child to horses could help them to find that passion and carry it with them for a long time. The bonus is that their passion will come with a deep, intense sense of responsibility and empathy for the world around them.
Being around large animals, like horses, from an early age could help to spark an interest in things like livestock husbandry, horse training, or even veterinary science. Your child could potentially work with large animals on the set of the next big action thriller in Hollywood, or help kids like themselves learn to love horses as well. In the world of animal care, the possibilities are endless.
