The #1 Resource for Addicts and Their Families
NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2017
RUSSELL
BRAND His Recovery Story
SOBER FOR THE
SEAS N Help for the Holidays!
From the edge...
FLIGHT TRANSFORMATION TO
LARRY SMITH
How alcohol, cocaine and self-sabotage turned his incredible life into a living hell.
More online at www.InRecovery.com
The Failing Marijuana Experiment From the CEO’s desk:
l
JEFFREY FIORENTINO, MACC As one of the first states to legalize marijuana in 2012, Colorado serves as ground zero for evidence on how our country’s grand experiment with legalized marijuana is working out (the state of Washington was the other, for those who are curious). Unfortunately, recently reported results seem to be bearing out many of the concerns I mentioned in my previous articles on the subject. The following is just a sampling of the disturbing statistics: l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
The number of marijuana-impaired drivers involved in fatal crashes more than doubled from 10 percent to 20 percent since 2013.1 oison control calls for children more P than tripled since legalization of marijuana.2 olorado has experienced 14 percent C higher auto collision claims than its neighboring states since 2013.3 ax revenue from marijuana sales in 2016 T was just slightly more than $13 million. The additional cost to law enforcement, healthcare and addiction treatment is unknown. At least $1 million was spent on public education with an emphasis on the dangers of impaired driving. 72 percent of marijuana consumers believe it’s safer to drive under the influence of marijuana than under the influence of alcohol. More than 50 percent admit to driving within two hours of consuming marijuana.4 ast month use of marijuana among 12-17 P year olds increased from 9.82 percent to 12.56 percent.5 arijuana related emergency room visits M by teens has more than quadrupled.6 umerous federal seizures of marijuana N in Colorado were destined for states in which marijuana is not legal.7 hile national crime rates have dropped W or remained stable, during this period, Colorado has experienced increases in rape, murder, robbery and auto-thefts.8
InRecovery.com
l
Black and Latino youth arrests for marijuana possession, which were expected to decrease, actually increased 58 and 29 percent, respectively, since legalization.8 ollege students with access to recreationC al marijuana, on average, receive lower grades and fail classes at a higher rate.9
We’re also hearing similar things from the people with feet on the ground. “We’ve definitely seen an increase in the number of DUI cases in which marijuana is involved,” noted Denver deputy district attorney Rich Orman, “and that’s been just since the legalization of recreational marijuana.” Then, there’s the average person on the street who believes things such as “I’m generally a pretty impatient guy, but when I’m stoned, I’m more tolerant,” as reported by the Denver Post. In response to which the Colorado Department of Transportation safety and communications spokesman Sam Cole replied, “It’s a myth that driving high is somehow safer than drunk driving. Reaction times, motor skills and general perception of speed, time and distance are all impaired by marijuana.” The average marijuana user’s perceptions don’t seem to match up with reality. Sadly, all of this evidence flies in the face of justifications made by marijuana advocates for approving legislation. We were promised that: (i) tax revenue would help shore up state budgets, but marijuana tax revenue represents a paltry 1.18 percent of Colorado’s state budget, (ii) legalization would take a bite out of the thriving black market, but that continues unabated, with some cartels now trading heroin for marijuana to launder their money, and (iii) alcohol sales would decrease, but that has not turned out to be the case either. Moreover, we were assured that strict processes would be put in place to limit access to minors, another broker promise. This is a scary harbinger of things to come on a national scale, given the mass legalization that has occurred in Colorado’s wake. All is not lost though, perhaps there’s still a chance to regain control of the situation. After all, growth, distribution and possession of marijuana is still illegal under federal law. On August 29, 2013, the federal government offered up enforcement guidelines,
trying to square the contradictions between state and federal law, in something referred to as the Cole Memo.10 They include: 1. Preventing distribution of marijuana to minors. 2. Preventing marijuana revenue from funding criminal enterprises, gangs or cartels. 3. Preventing marijuana from moving out of states where it is legal. 4. Preventing the use of legal marijuana sales as a cover for illegal activity. 5. Preventing violence and use of firearms in growing or distributing marijuana. 6. Preventing drugged driving. 7. Preventing growing marijuana on public lands. 8. Preventing marijuana possession or use on federal property. Unfortunately, Colorado’s experience contravenes every single one of the eight priorities established in the Cole Memo. That’s probably why Attorney General Jeff Sessions seems prepared to rip it up and start from scratch, with stricter enforcement. However, strict enforcement is clearly no panacea either. So what’s the answer? It’s becoming increasingly apparent that we all need to become more actively involved. We are in the midst of creating a generation more prone to both addiction and greater dysfunction. By lending our experience and expertise to the issue, and lobbying for what’s right, we can hopefully stop this madness in its tracks and help reverse it’s course, before it’s too late to turn back. For a full transcript of additional commentary and footnotes, go to: www.inrecovery.com/failing Jeffrey Fiorentino is a writer, teacher and speaker in the areas of Business, Technology, and Addiction. He is the CEO of Kipu EMR, an electronic medical records system built specifically in, and for, Addiction and Behavioral Health Treatment. Mr. Fiorentino is also CEO of InRecovery Magazine, and CEO of PingMD, an Android and IOS telehealth app for connecting addicts in aftercare with their addiction treatment professionals.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
3
The #1 Resource for Addicts and Their Families
101 TIPS
FREE
FOR STAYING CLEAN & SOBER
New eBook Release:
101 Tips for Staying
Clean & Sober
It’s our gift to you l Available for download at InRecovery.com l
$12.99 ISBN 978-0-9993421-0-7
51299>
P
R
E
S
S
9 780999 342107
Subscribe to The Voice Of Addiction Recovery Don’t miss an issue! Get the best writing on the subject of addiction and recovery delivered to your mailbox.
You Can Save…
70%
A Full Year Is Just
9
$ 99 6 Issues
Off Newsstand Price
Subscribe Today!
Read More Online!
Want more? Visit our website and you’ll have access to more content and breaking news headlines in the world of addiction treatment and recovery. You’ll find a complete library of articles from past issues, affirmations, forums, family resources, a treatment center directory and much more. Dozens of topics covered in depth. And while you’re there, don’t forget to sign up for our free newsletter, featuring up-to-the minute news and our most popular stories and articles. 4
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
InRecovery.com
We are RECO, one of South Florida’s most trusted addiction treatment providers. Since our founding, RECO Intensive Outpatient Program has been a leader in the addiction treatment field. At RECO, we believe that each individual is unique. Consequently, each treatment plan and metamorphosis in recovery must be unique, too. As we work to recreate joy and to instill patience, self-awareness, and responsibility in those who are suffering from addiction and co-occurring disorders, we understand and address the specific intricacies of each individual’s history. Through our utilization of therapeutic techniques, distinctive group programming, and aftercare, we aim to create an environment that facilitates progress in recovery and emboldens clients within their newfound independence from addiction.
Toll-Free: 844.900.RECO Office: 561.808.7986 www.recointensive.com 140 NE 4th Avenue, Delray Beach, FL 33483
Top of Mind
A Cure for Smart Phone Addiction
L
ast issue, we featured an article here at InRecovery on our “National Obsession with Social Media”, postulating whether it rises to the level of addiction. Our smart phones serve as a very clear long-arm extension of that problem. Well, a new company named Essential, thinks it has a cure, and there’s good reason to believe. After all, it’s headed up by Andy Rubin, the man who created Android. That software powers 85 percent of the world’s smart phones. Essential’s solution is to have the phone answer all of those pesky emails and texts for you. ‘How?’ you might wonder. At the beginning, you might be offered up to six responses to choose from and you’ll pick the best one. Then, over time, through reinforcement, it eventually won’t need to ask you anymore. “If I can get you to the point where your phone is a virtual version of you, you can be off enjoying life...and you can trust your phone to do things on your behalf,” Rubin waxed philosophically. “We all lived happy lives before we had alwayson internet,” he added. And, perhaps thanks to Essential, we will once again return to those simpler more relaxed times soon.
InRecovery Magazine November/December 2017 Issue
CEO
Creative Director
Dan Brown
General Manager
Bruce Matthews
Production Manager
Copy Editor
Marketing Director
Subscriptions
Layout/Design
Dear Dr. Josh
Jeffrey Fiorentino
Nestor Suarez/Marketing Addicts Marieke Slovin Nestor Suarez/Marketing Addicts PFS Mags Errol Naraine Dr. Josh Lichtman
Contributing Writers
L. Scott Hartman, JD
Paul Fuhr
Michael Burke
Jodi Wright
Tracy Chabala
Dr. Danielle Delaney, Th.D.
Matt Williams
Dr. Rafael Alalu
Michael Rohrs
Kate Edwards
Dr. Nicole Gilbert, Ph.D
Hadley Thayer
Gilbert Fiorentino, JD Jim Curtis
Thomas Covenant Jose Goyos Mark Astor, JD Sean Frehner Dr. John Dombrowski B.A. Austin
6
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
444 Brickell Avenue, Suite 850, Miami, FL 33131 InRecovery.com
InRecovery Magazine is published 6 times a year by InRecovery Magazine, LLC, 444 Brickell Avenue, Suite 850, Miami, Fl 33131. Subscription rates (US dollars): 1 year $9.99. Single copies (prepaid only): $5.99 in US, $5.99 in Canada and Mexico and $9.99 in all other countries. All rates include shipping and handling. See website for subscription details. The magazine is published by founder Kim Welsh, printed in the US by American Web and distributed by Disticor Magazine Distribution Services. ©2017 InRecovery Magazine, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including by photocopy, recording, or information storage and retrieval without permission in writing from the publisher. For use beyond those listed above, please direct your written request to Permission Dept., email: editor@inrecovery.com InRecovery Magazine does not verify any claims or other information appearing in any of the advertisements contained in the publication and cannot take responsibility for any losses and other damages incurred by readers in reliance of such content. Publication of any advertisement is not to be construed as an endorsement of the product or service offered. InRecovery Magazine (IRM) reserves the right to editorial control of all articles, stories and letters to the Editor. InRecovery Magazine assumes no responsibility for errors within its publication. The opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the policies of IRM and should not be construed as endorsements. Furthermore, IRM will not be responsible for any claims, losses or damages (whether direct or indirect) arising out of or relating to the use of or reliance on the contents of this magazine.
InRecovery.com
K-9 Dogs at Risk for Overdose With the increased influx of such potent forms of opioids such as fentanyl and carfentanil, specially trained police dogs are at unusually high risk in the war against drugs. This is particularly so because canines don't search with their eyes and fingers like humans, but literally breathe in the toxic chemicals while looking for illegal substances. For that reason, officers now carry naloxone with them, to revive their four-legged fellow lawmen when they overdose from just doing their job. Naloxone immediately blocks the effects of opi-
Where You
oids, reversing an overdose in its tracks. Since even grain-sized particles of these new super-opioids can be lethal, it's becoming an ever-growing problem in all aspects of police work. Officers often love their dogs like family. Society also owes a debt of gratitude to these canines for helping to stem the flood of drugs hitting the streets. Perhaps soon we'll get a better handle on this epidemic. In the meanwhile, it's good to know we're doing all we can to help our furry friends, who do all they can to ensure our safety.
Turn Your Setbacks... ...Into Comebacks Addiction Treatment for Men and Women DETOX INSURANCE ADVOCACY DISEASE EDUCATION GROUP & INDIVIDUAL THERAPY SESSIONS FAMILY RELATIONSHIP THERAPY YOUNG ADULT PROGRAMS SOCIAL GATHERINGS FITNESS & EXERCISE REST & RELAXATION AFTERCARE PLANNING & TRANSITIONAL SUPPORT
Clean. Fun. Lifestyle. Addiction treatment for men and women should be customized to their unique physiological, psychological, and emotional needs. Separate programming allows clients to build friendships during therapy, and give them the best opportunity for successful recovery. We tailor drug and alcohol addiction treatment to the unique needs for individuals 18 and over. We draw clients out of isolation and help them develop healthy relationships and lifestyles. InRecovery.com
melroserehab.com
imaginerehabgroup.com
800-217-3710 InRecovery Magazine November 2017
7
Articles
The #1 Resource for Addicts and Their Families
NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2017
RUSSELL
BRAND
COVER Russell Brand
25 | My New Normal During the
Brand was fortunate enough to have a brilliant sponsor. Great sponsors in 12 Step Programs prove time and again that everyday people perform heroic acts every single day. Page 36
26 | Ghosts of Holidays Past
Holidays
HIS ROAD TO RECOVERY
His Recovery Story
SOBER FOR THE
SEAS N Help for the Holidays!
From the edge...
FLIGHT TRANSFORMATION TO
LARRY SMITH
How alcohol, cocaine and self-sabotage turned his incredible life into a living hell.
CONTENTS More online at www.InRecovery.com
Feature Stories
Theme
16 | Treatment Center of the Month
27 | What to Drink When You’re Not
Imagine creating a nurturing environment assisting people struggling with the disease of addiction throughout the entire continuum of care.
20 | Every Enabler Needs an Addict
Drinking
The social pressures of drinking are particularly perilous during the holidays.
For me, the holidays are nothing more than a stressful reminder of all the times my addiction got the best of me.
30 | Going On The Offensive This Holiday Season!
The mere mention of the word “holiday” sends shivers down my spine.
35 | Being Stabbed and Shot At
Nearly Killed My Hollywood Dream
Sitting there in my special tiny chair, I fell in love with television and movies -- and acting.
40 | Shatter Proof: The Short, Tragic Life of Brian Mendell
It is a shock of epic proportions when your child is diagnosed with a deadly disease.
48 | MusiCares
35
Life was good until Joe turned 14; and, almost overnight, transformed from a happy-go-lucky boy into a dark, gloomy adolescent.
After I began to recover from addiction, what I thought of as my favorite time of the year began to feel more and more like a prison sentence.
MusiCares® provides confidential services and resources that cover a wide range of financial, medical and personal emergencies.
22 | Self-Care
58 | The Many Layers of Shame
A crisis counselor, spiritual counselor and interventionist who works in addiction and recovery aftercare offers advice for a constant recovery conundrum.
I’m bad because I’m ill or I’m ill because I’m bad?
52 | The 11-Year-Old Raising Money to Fund Depression Research
GOING ON THE
They say a lot of things in life are as easy as riding a bike.
OFFENSIVE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
32
27
26
30
COLUMNS
14 | Rehab Professionals of
32 | Putting the Tree Back
62 | Running: Away from or towards
What does it take to get through to someone deep in the throes of addiction?
The joy of waking up and finding an abundance of gifts surrounding our family Christmas tree.
My days were consumed by running, by myself, hours on end, until I finally collapsed from exhaustion.
33 | Planning Your Sober Vacation
63 | Sober Fit - with Matt Williams
the Month
19 | Love and Security
The source of human emotional difficulties is identified as the result of instinctual excesses.
29 | My Not So Merry Christmas
I was far from home and couldn’t afford to make it back for the holidays this year. 8
in Christmas
Helpful ideas to help you stay sober during this all important time of year.
42 | America Needs to Beat Opioid Addiction
The common forms for Opioids are Heroin, Oxycodone and Hydrocodone, also known as Vicodin.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
myself
My unlimited energy could not always be channeled into organized sports or activities but I spent a lot of time outside.
64 | Never Give Up Hope
Reconciliation can happen early in recovery, or it may not happen at all. InRecovery.com
T RE AT M EN T M ANAGEMENT C OMPAN Y Helping others lead a life of recovery, sobriety, serenity, and peace. At Treatment Management Company, many of us have our own personal experiences with addiction that is built into our culture, driving our passion to serve our commitment to quality care and our desire to grow our service offerings.
FLORIDA
ARIZONA
CALIFORNIA
www.wellnessresidentialdetox.com www.serenitycarecenters.com
RECOVERY CENTER
www.mountainsiderecoverycenter.com
www.treasurecoastrecovery.com
www.redrocktreatment.com
www.westcoasttreatmentcenter.com
www.executiverecoverycenter.com
Get Help 24/7
866-591-1616 www.treatmentllc.com
Joint Commission Accreditation We know our clients deserve the best possible treatment. We earned the coveted Joint Commission gold seal of approval in our treatment facilities in all the states where we provide services.
A Mother Who Launched a Recovery Speakers Agency When her daughter developed an addiction, Tracy Smith discovered how ill-prepared she was. This led to the birth of the world’s first agency for speakers in recovery.
T
racy Smith, President and Founder of SpeakersForChange.org, understands the pain of watching a child fall into addiction. She understands that family recovery is as important as recovery for the affected individual, and she firmly believes that improving the health and well-being of family members increases the odds of the loved one with addiction getting well. With this in mind, she founded a speakers bureau, which aims to educate people about addiction and the importance of family recovery. When her daughter started using substances as a freshman in high school, Smith eventually found her own wellness deeply compromised. A former sales executive for American Express, earning a six-figure income, Smith was forced to take family leaves on two separate occasions. She took the first leave to help her daughter and the second to help herself after falling into a crippling depression as a byproduct of her daughter’s addiction. “I was ill-prepared,” Smith said. “Even though I was a smart businesswoman, I had probably all the wrong information on substance use and addiction. I was not educated—like many families. I was lost and went through a variety of emotions. It broke me.”
10
It was not until she began attending family support meetings that Smith begin to pull herself out of the fog and find her way back to wellness. She did this before her daughter entered recovery. “The key is working a recovery type of program regardless of whether your loved one is working a program or is in active addiction,” she says now. “My recovery journey started way before my daughter’s.” Change for Smith began after attending free family support meetings at a local treatment center. After personally experiencing and witnessing the life-transforming impact of family recovery, Smith started helping other family members who were struggling with the addictions of their loved ones, taking them to meetings, and speaking to them at treatment centers. It was her service work—an essential aspect of 12-step groups like Al-Anon and Nar-Anon—that inspired Smith to switch from the world of finance to building a business model dedicated toward helping educate others. The idea began while Smith was speaking at different events. She felt that many of the other speakers lacked education and information. “I would end up onstage with someone else who was absolutely horrible,” she recalls. “They would either be giving the wrong
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
message, like ‘Don’t do drugs, they’re bad, and they’ll lock you up,’ or it could have been someone who was totally outdated. “I thought, ‘How can we inspire change in communities, at colleges, at high schools, at police departments and at ERs; how can we do that and make it affordable?’” Speakers for Change officially launched in January of 2016. “One in three families is affected by addiction today; that’s a current state,” Smith says. “Until we first understand addiction, we’re never going to find recovery solutions.” Tracy Chabala is a freelance writer for many publications including the LA Times, LA Weekly, Smashd, VICE and Salon. She writes mostly about food, technology and culture, in addition to addiction and mental health. She holds a Masters in Professional Writing from USC and is finishing up her novel.
InRecovery.com
Letters to the Editor Have something to say? We’d love to hear from you. Send your compliments, criticisms, secret dreams, love letters or all of the above to us at editor@inrecovery.com. To the Editor: I’m writing to thank you for the informational and inspirational articles on Judy Crane and her book The Trauma Heart. I have been in recovery for many years and never considered exploring past trauma as an underlying reason for my addiction. I’ve recently taken that up with my therapist and, while it’s still too early to come to any conclusions, I am extremely thankful for the perspective on my road to wellness. Susan, Ohio
Dear Eric: I am glad to hear that both of your sons are now in recovery. It’s important to help keep them focused and grounded, constantly using the tools they learned in treatment. Overconfidence can be a huge challenge to our sobriety. Help guide them with loving persuasion and I’m sure they’ll stay solidly on track.
Dear Susan: Thank you very much for your thoughtful letter. We take great pride in selecting our luminaries of the month. Ms. Crane is someone who stands out as a role model for both people who have struggled with addiction and those in the profession seeking to help them. Her in-depth analysis of trauma as a root cause of addiction has helped change many people’s lives for the better. Good luck on your ongoing exploration in recovery.
To the Editor: Your last issue was my favorite by far. I am an animal lover in every sense of the word and I got the “warm fuzzies,” like it said in one of the articles, just by reading the entire spread on animal assisted therapy. I wish I’d known about all that when I went through treatment, it could have made the process even that much more therapeutic. Ellen, Idaho
To the Editor: Your article on Tough Love really hit home for my family and I. We’ve actually had two children who’ve battled addiction and are thankfully now in recovery. It was so painful and difficult at the time. There are so many doctors with different opinions on the matter, it was so hard to decide the right thing to do. Interestingly enough, we went through and did many of the things set forth in the article. It was rough re-living past memories but well worth it as a reminder, God forbid one of our sons should ever relapse. Eric, Texas
InRecovery.com
To the Editor: I share your magazine with the folks at my regular AA meetings. We find you provide interesting insights that make for good topics. Is that something you find common among your readers? Is that something you recommend? Ken, Florida Dear Ken: To be perfectly honest, I’ve never been asked that question. We try very hard to be topical and educational. We also make it a point not to favor one type of treatment over another, provided they’re evidence based (the same position taken by the Office of the US Surgeon General). My experience is that most AA groups prefer to stick with the Big Book and As Bill Sees It, but we are honored to fill the gap and be a resource to people however they deem fit.
Dear Ellen: It was actually one of the more fun issues for us to produce. We were pleasantly surprised to discover all of the interesting and innovative techniques out there. One of the best things about my job is that I never stop learning. Thanks for your loyal readership and I hope we continue to meet (and exceed) your expectations.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
11
The Lawyer’s Perspective On Addiction MARK ASTOR, JD
M
y name is Mark Astor, JD and I am the founder of Drug And Alcohol Attorneys, a law firm dedicated to helping families and individuals who are in crisis because of the diseases of substance abuse and/or mental health. A huge thanks to all those that have suffered due to this terrible disease for giving me the energy and passion to get out of bed every morning to make a difference in someone’s life. It has been said that the disease of addiction is the greatest battle this country has faced since Word War II. We face losing more people to addiction than any terrorist threat could ever take. This is a battle we dare not lose and one that will require all hands on deck. After spending the past twenty-three (23) years practicing law in the criminal justice system, on both sides of the courtroom, what has become abundantly clear to me is that the vast majority of men and women in the system are there because of the diseases of addiction and/or mental health. Without help, these diseases only get worse with time, never better. There are only three (3) places that someone with theses diseases can end up if they do not get help: (1) the morgue; (2) prison; or (3) treatment. We work very hard to prevent options (1) and (2) and facilitate option (3). This past week while attending a Bar event, I was asked by a friend what our success rate is for individuals we place in treatment (voluntarily or involuntarily). It seems an obvious question but not one I’d ever considered, in large part because it assumes that addiction can be “cured” by an individual going into treatment. While I am a lawyer and not a clinician, one thing that I am certain of is that there is no “cure” for the disease of addiction any more than there is a “cure” for cancer. Someone who has cancer is either in remission or not. Someone who is an addict is either in recovery or not. We believe that in order to get into recovery, and more importantly, stay in 12
recovery, an addict must make a “life-style” change. Treatment alone is not the whole answer. For someone who has been a long-term addict, anything less than ninety (90) days of in-patient treatment is insufficient to sustain long-term recovery. Small wonder that many addicts, whose insurance (if they have insurance) will only cover up to thirty (30) days of treatment, end up back in treatment shortly after getting clean. Once in recovery, the addict needs access to follow up treatment and a terrific support system. Access to outpatient treatment, sober living, working the twelve (12) step program, getting a sponsor and regularly attending AA and/or NA meetings, ensures the greatest opportunity for a successful outcome. For those in recovery, the upcoming holidays can be treacherous with temptation everywhere. We are only weeks away from Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve. The temptation to hang out with the old crowd (many of whom are still partying the same as always) and drink and drug can be overwhelming. For many the temptation will be too strong to overcome and they will relapse. This can have serious physical, emotional and legal consequences. For those clients that are arrested and charged with a drug possession crime, unless it is Possession of Marijuana (less than 20 grams) they are looking at potential incarceration in the State Department of Corrections. If the client is arrested and charged with DUI, unless this is the first arrest, with no aggravating circumstances such as high breath alcohol level and/or an accident, the client is, in addition to jail time, looking at a period of probation, random drug testing, loss of his or her driving
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
privileges, community service hours, impoundment of their car, the installment of an ignition interlock device in their car, and the imposition of a hefty fine and court costs. It took me twenty one (21) years to find the courage to finally open my own law firm. It took me five (5) minutes to decide what the focus of the firm would be. For many years, unbeknownst to me, I was surrounded by people in recovery. When they started, one by one, telling me their story of addiction and recovery, the decision to help people like this was an easy one to make. I never charge for a consultation and I give anyone who reaches out to me and asks for help, access to my connections and resources. If you know someone who has fallen off the proverbial wagon please give them my name, I am here to help. We can be reached at (561) 419-6095 or on the web at http://drugandalcoholattorneys.com
InRecovery.com
ALCOHOLISM STILL A MAJOR PROBLEM
The White House and states like Florida have declared states of emergency in an effort to battle the widespread devastation of opioids, from which one American is killed every 16 minutes. In the meanwhile, an even bigger and more common killer is lurking in our midst. Twice as many people died from alcohol related causes, over a recent five-year period than from all types of opioids combined.
A study cited by the Journal of the American Medical Association on Psychiatry noted that abuse by high-risk drinkers has increased by 30% over a ten year period. It’s estimated that as many as 30 million people might be affected, as compared to 2.6 million who struggle with opioid or heroin addiction. Disturbingly, a 2007 report by Duke University suggested that as many as 24 million people had an average of 10 drinks per day. Also alarming, is that much of the increase is concentrated in three groups previously least impacted: minorities, women and the elderly. While the fast-growing opioid crisis requires an extraordinary commitment, we cannot let it sap all the focus and resources dedicated to addiction. Alcohol is still as big a problem as ever, warranting equal awareness and action.
Alcohol Consumption on the Rise The International Agency for Research on Cancer, announced the results of a recent study that indicated Americans are now drinking alcohol in dramatically larger quantities than a decade earlier. Particularly troubling is that alcohol abuse itself grew at an astonishing 29 percent. This is occurring in spite of the fact that we’ve since learned that as few as two drinks per day increases the likelihood of cancer, on top of all the commonly known dangers. InRecovery.com
30% MILLION 30MILLION 24
Abuse by high-risk drinkers has increased by 30% over a ten year period.
An estimated 30 million people might be affected, as compared to 2.6 million who struggle with opioid or heroin addiction.
A 2007 Duke University study suggests that as many as 24 million people had an average of 10 drinks per day. The problem is increasing in minorities, women and the elderly.
Some professionals link the increase to the proliferation of reality TV shows in which personalities drink alcohol as if it was water. There’s also a concern that the perception of harm from alcohol has decreased, along with the mass legalization of marijuana. Finally, there’s a belief that increased stress from the prevalence of technology is taking a toll. Whatever the reason, it’s a disturbing development. Perhaps it’s time the government applied the same lessons learned
in the battle against tobacco addiction. Increased regulation and taxation may be just the answer to help people make healthier choices.
29%
Alcohol abuse grew at an astonishing 29 percent.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
13
RECOGNIZING INDUSTRY LEADERS
Rehab Professionals of the Month L. SCOTT HARTMAN, JD
W
hat does it take to get through to someone deep in the throes of addiction? With our country now facing a national crisis of epidemic proportions, finding an answer to that question is now more urgent than ever. Walt Ybarra and Tim Storey have at least found a seminal starting point - love and encouragement - and they’ve infused that throughout their programs at Imagine Recovery Group and Melrose Recovery Group. Imagine and Melrose deal with some of the most difficult cases you can imagine. Many of their patients come in straight from living on the streets, often strung out on either heroin or crystal meth, and increasingly addicted to both. Some kids grow up in households where parents use and sell dope. These children develop a habit while out running deliveries, sometimes getting abused by clients in the process. “We once treated three siblings from an entire family addicted to heroin,” Ybarra noted. “That’s what we’re up against in today’s battle against addiction.” “We purposely keep our program small,” he continued, “so Tim and I can attend to and touch each patient on a personal level. We sit with them, talk to them and encourage them. It’s about really believing 14
in these kids and listening. We always remember where they came from. We love them, understand them and care for them because most of our staff is in long term recovery themselves. We are sympathetic when they’re cranky because they’re detoxing. We demonstrate through our actions how much we care.” “We focus on building these patients back up,” Storey adds. “Many of our patients have had their confidence shattered, and don’t know which way is up. We need to re-build their sense of self and help them understand they are truly competent individuals because addiction impacts their entire life. I focus on seven critical areas: (i) physical life, (ii) mental wellbeing, (iii) spiritual life, (iv) family life, (v) job, (vi) financial wellbeing, and (vii) social life. These are all areas in which patients require solid skills to succeed in both life and recovery.”
Comeback Kids to inspire youth around the world to follow their dreams. He chose to apply this formula to people struggling with drug and alcohol addiction “because so many are just looking to check out and avoid. Addiction really beats people down. That’s why our program is about recovery AND discovery. What is your purpose? We all need a reason to get out of bed in the morning and be excited about this incredible life.”
If Tim Storey’s name sounds familiar, it’s because you’ve likely already heard of him. He is a celebrity life coach to the stars, who travels the world, but still makes time for what he makes clear is “most important.” He began his adult life in the seminary and graduated with a doctorate in religion and a specialty in family counseling. From there he founded a program called
“We need to provide unconditional support, particularly at the beginning,” Ybarra concurred. “They’ve lost their self-confidence to the haze of addiction and whatever trauma led them there. I train the staff to be seed planters. We plant seeds in the kids and water them. You’d be amazed at how quickly we see dramatic results.” Walt Ybarra made helping substance abusers
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
Walt Ybarra Tim Storey Melrose Recovery Group / Imagine Recovery Group
InRecovery.com
his mantra, around the time most people would be considering retirement. After 35 years of owning and operating a successful industrial packaging company, he grew tired and disillusioned. He found inspiration counseling young men and realized there was a lot more to life than material wealth. That dedication shines through to the very way he runs Imagine and Melrose. “I take every call and screen every patient to determine if they really want help. We are investing our blood, sweat and tears into aiding our patients. We need them to be as focused and dedicated to recovery as we are to helping. This way, more patients get their lives firmly back on track.” In addition to traditional treatment, Imagine and Melrose offer both art and music therapy run by a well-known artist named Crista Hope, and a recording artist named Chill Aguilar. A huge variety of options outside of treatment can be distracting to the types of patients that attend these programs, so they prefer focusing on just two, providing each patient with special attention to foster success. These dedicated programs also take patients on excursions to expose them to the outside world, together as a group. The zoo might be a typical example. “Some of my clients are shocked when I make such InRecovery.com
a recommendation,” Storey mused. “They say ‘what does a zoo have to do with my treatment?’ Then they go and enjoy the experience, sober and reliving innocent memories from when they were a kid. Something so simple can be so profound.” Attending religious services is another option provided by staff and management, to assist patients in connecting with their Higher Power. “Spiritual awareness can be a huge motivator in treatment and in life. Many patients are experiencing this for the first time, giving them greater understanding of their sense of purpose.” Imagine and Melrose pay great attention to detail as well. They only provide detox, residential and PHP (partial hospitalization) treatment because that’s when it’s most difficult. Storey and Ybarra select some of the most challenging cases because those are the patients most urgently in need. That explains their 2-to-1 patient to therapist ratio and the fact that Ashley
melroserehab.com
Furniture sees fit to generously donate furniture in support of the cause. Eighty-percent of the patients successfully complete the programs, which is highly reputable in of itself, but all the more impressive considering that the majority of patients have failed to complete treatment numerous times before. So, what is it exactly that makes Storey and Ybarra so effective at reaching their patients? The 2016 US Surgeon General Report on Addiction noted that the single most determinative factor for shepherding a patient through treatment, is how the patient relates with his or her therapist. It seems obvious that the warm, non-judgmental ambience combined with unbounded encouragement play a huge role. “We want to be that facility that touches patients’ hearts in a way that nobody else does,” added Ybarra. “We want this to be their last time in treatment and we want it to be memorable.”
imaginerehabgroup.com InRecovery Magazine November 2017
15
RECOGNIZING INDUSTRY LEADERS
Treatment Center of the Month Mount Sinai Wellness Center
T
he medical professionals in charge of developing the program at the Mount Sinai Wellness Center had a vision. Imagine creating a nurturing environment assisting people struggling with the disease of addiction throughout the entire continuum of care. With their 43 acre compound, nestled next to a federally protected forest in North Georgia, they’ve found the ideal location to implement that vision. The Medical Director, Dr. Ayman Fareed, and Clinical Director, Leanne Jamison, seem as if they were specifically paired together to run the program, even to the point of finishing each other’s sentences. Their excitement and passion for effecting Mount Sinai’s ambitious goals are contagious and evident throughout the interview. 16
Dr. Fareed has been involved in addiction treatment for over 20 years and has one of those high-caliber resumes that include an illustrious fellowship at Mass General Hospital and the Harvard System in Boston. He was drawn into this area of practice, as a result of a tragic accident. His good friend was hooked on heroin and jumped off the second floor of a building, leaving him paralyzed from the waist down. It affected Dr. Fareed deeply and sent him on an incredible journey that began with his initial medical school training in Alexandria, Egypt. Ms. Jamison has over 10 years of experience throughout all fields of addiction treatment with a special emphasis on Mindfulness for both recovery and selfcare. Addiction is extremely personal for
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
Dr. Ayman Fareed Medical Director
Mrs. Leanne Jamison Clinical Director
her, because it runs in her family. She grew up watching family members struggle with both addiction and in recovery, as she attended programs like Alateen and AlAnon. Ms. Jamison’s intimate connection to the disease and extensive professional development imbue her with unique insights and perspectives for enhancing patient treatment. Mount Sinai’s modern facilities are impressive, including a heated pool, sun deck, fully-equipped gym and fitness instructors. They also have saunas, steam rooms and Jacuzzis to help induce relaxation. Patients may additionally take advantage of acupuncture, massage and chiropractic services, stroll along woodland trails, enjoy classes of Yoga or Tai Chi, or simply chill out watching a movie or hangInRecovery.com
ing out in the recreational center. Mount Sinai’s administrators foster a holistic environment to enhance evidence based treatment that is otherwise at the heart of their program. It’s in providing that evidence based treatment that Mount Sinai seeks to truly set themselves apart as an elite facility. They are in the early stages of creating a complete biosphere of addiction treatment ranging from Detox to safe social living quarters from which patients can segue’ back into everyday life. Each step of treatment poses its own set of unique challenges and requirements. Mount Sinai’s exceptional eight-to-one patient to therapist ratio helps them effect a high quality of care, providing individual attention at all levels of treatment. What I found particularly compelling was Dr. Fareed’s and Ms. Jamison’s focus on exposing patients to different types of treatment and support groups to see which works best for each patient. That is critical because studies have demonstrated that all proven evidence based treatments provide similar overall results. However, those studies also showed that certain patients respond to some types of treatment better than others. So, a key factor that many facilities miss out on, is pairing the patient with the treatment that best suits him or her. By providing a full breadth of exposure, Mount Sinai increases the likelihood of success in both treatment and recovery.
InRecovery.com
Dr. Fareed and Ms. Jamison also identified the need to address co-occurring mental health issues as part of the process, and therefore emphasize a whole patient approach because sobriety alone is not sufficient for long term recovery. “We give our staff flexibility to modify treatment based on how patients are responding both medically and mentally,” remarked Ms. Jamison. “We encourage spiritual counseling, individualized to each patient’s specific needs.” “We also make patients focus on what they eat, how they exercise and being careful not to isolate,” added Dr. Fareed. “We need to help them change their old, detrimental habits into healthy new lifestyle choices.” Another great thing about Mount Sinai is their strategy of providing the entire continuum of care. Many patients have a difficult time transitioning between levels of care, like from detox to residential. Their options are also typically more limited when it comes to moving back into more intensive treatment, when such is required. The open communication and consistency of treatment in one care facility, like Mount Sinai, can make all the difference between success and relapse. Out of curiosity, I asked these two professionals what they considered the biggest challenges facing their patients. “Some people don’t understand the seriousness of addiction,” according to Ms. Jamison. “They come in understanding they have a
problem with one substance but think they can simply substitute in others to take its place. Increased legalization of marijuana makes this particularly problematic.” “I agree,” noted Dr. Fareed. “However, something else I regularly see involves patients’ cravings. It happens after patients complete detox, when they’ve gotten past needing a fix to keep them from being sick, once the withdrawal is gone. They think they’re healed and want to leave. They don’t appreciate the dangers still ahead of them. Then, sometime between two and three months later they forget how sick they were and feel the urge to get high. It can be overwhelming.” Mount Sinai also stresses giving back to the local community, by inviting professionals from different disciplines such as nearby medical students, nurses and social workers, to train at their facility. It’s a great way to spread the wealth of knowledge on best practices for treating addiction. “When I went to medical school, I only received one month of training in addiction out of four years in my Psychiatric Residency,” Dr. Fareed pointed out. “We need to do more.” The need to do more. That seems to be the motivation driving both Dr. Fareed and Ms. Jamison in their mission - to make Mount Sinai the premier destination for addiction treatment. Based on everything I’ve learned, they certainly seem to be well on their way.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
17
GENDER MATTERS IN RECOVERY. MEN AND WOMEN OFTEN ENTER INTO ADDICTION FOR DIFFERENT REASONS and recovery is most successful when you’re able to address the underlying issues in a gender responsive program. See what happens when you build a new campus around the most contemporary ideas in addiction treatment.
RECOVERY CAN MEAN MANY THINGS. HERE, IT MEANS FINDING YOUR TRUE NORTH. LakeviewHealth.com/findanswers or call 866.314.5750
18
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
InRecovery.com
Love and Security
I
n the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) book, The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, the source of human emotional difficulties is identified as the result of instinctual excesses; specifically, the basic needs for emotional and material security, social approval and acceptance, and the need for sex. “Yet these instincts . . . often far exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, many times subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling our lives. Our desires for sex, material and emotional security, and for an important place in society often tyrannize us. When thus out of joint, man’s natural desires cause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is. No human being, however good, is exempt from these troubles. Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct. When that happens, our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into physical and mental liabilities.” (pp. 43-44) I believe that excessive basic instincts are at the root of addiction: be it alcohol, drug, gambling, work, sex or love addiction. What AA literature doesn’t explore is the root cause of self-centeredness, or these instinctual excesses, other than to suggest they are the result of fear. If you listen carefully to what AA members share in meetings, there is often a common theme of low self-esteem or
shame. Low self-esteem, shame, and the resulting emotional insecurity, seem to be common characteristics among alcoholics and addicts. The origins of low self-esteem are generally thought to be found in the developmental years of childhood and adolescence. If children do not receive the love and attention they require for healthy development, the results are often emotional instability and relationship difficulties. These children grow into adults with a strong sense of shame and unmet needs for love and security. They often experience a chronic feeling of emptiness and rejection. It’s natural to want to escape such a painful emotional state of being. Thus driven by distorted instinctual fear, they attempt to fill this emptiness in various ways. The addicts’ demands are excessive due to the acute sense of hunger or emptiness felt. They may feel persistently threatened, fearful, and therefore self-centered, because of their chronic sense of deprivation. They are “in the realm of hungry ghosts,” to quote the title of Gabor Mate’s excellent book about addiction, which comes from a Buddhist phrase for the addiction realm of human existence. In relation to the psychological, emotional and social aspects of addiction, which drive neurobiological changes, the alcoholic or addict is merely attempting to meet unmet needs for love and security. Mate explains that, unfortunately, the behaviors, objects and substances they relate to in addiction are “poor substitutes for love.” They fail to meet the real needs; hence, the insatiable desires of addiction.
The ultimate answers are self-love and compassion. Help from others is often needed though, as addicts begin their journeys of recovery and self-actualization. A Spiritual Solution to Fear. “Selfishness – self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity . . ..” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 62). Spiritually speaking, fear is said to be the opposite of love, and how do the Twelve Steps help free the alcoholic from his fear? Through love. In my case, the causes of my excessive fear and insecurity originated in childhood through a lack of love and emotional security. I was “brokenhearted.” AA views alcoholism primarily as a spiritual illness, and the Twelve Steps as its spiritual solution. Alcoholism is seen as an illness of the mind, body and soul. In healing spiritually, the alcoholic will also heal mentally, emotionally and physically. AA literature suggests that the root cause of the alcoholic’s spiritual illness is self-centered fear, which only God or a Power Greater can remove. As an agnostic within the AA fellowship, I favor the idea that “God is Love,” a common concept which can be related to both spiritually and naturally. Within this viewpoint, fear can be seen as a barrier to God or Love and the term “brokenhearted” as being cut off from God or Love. Alcoholics are seen as full of fear, and therefore self-centered in their attempts to satisfy their unmet needs for love and security. They’re merely trying to fill the emptiness and sadness left by love or God’s absence. Turning to Love. It is by practicing the spiritual principles contained within the Twelve Steps and inspired by the AA Fellowship that the alcoholic embraces love, the practice of letting go, and eventual freedom from self-centered fear. The practice of the Twelve Steps facilitates inner change, awareness and growth. Change happens to a person’s thinking, feeling and behavior over time, and the Twelve Steps bring about a more loving relationship with self, others and the world. I believe insecure alcoholics and addicts heal through love’s triumph over their fears.
InRecovery.com
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
19
Every Enabler Needs an Addict JODI WRIGHT
W
henever I hear a Jimi Hendrix song, I think of my friend Donna’s son, Joe – birth name “Hey Joe” – and wonder if he’ll ever realize what his drug addiction has done to him and his mother.
Joe is Donna’s only child, and even though he’s put her through the emotional wringer, she loves and adores him. He’s 25 now and not much to brag about, but when he was little, he was something else. Joe was one of those precocious kids who kept busy with projects. By the age of 10, Joe knew how to repair a dishwasher, plant a vegetable garden, play chess, and would often respond to my questions with a quote from Carl Sagan: “Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” Life was good until Joe turned 14; and, almost overnight, transformed from a happy-go-lucky boy into a dark, gloomy adolescent. Donna struggled to cope, and we both hoped it was nothing more than a teenage phase. It wasn’t. When Joe showed up at Donna’s 45th birthday party and handed her an empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s with a card he’d made from a cigarette pack and signed with blood and snot, I made him leave. After he’d gone, a few of Donna’s friends suggested Joe undergo a mental health assessment. Donna disagreed. “It’s my 20
fault. What kind of mother names her baby after a Jimi Hendrix song? ‘Hey Joe’ is a curse song,” Donna yelled as she gathered her things and left her party to find her son. I understood. Perhaps it hadn’t been the wisest choice to name her baby after a guy with a gun who shoots his girlfriend, but that excuse had become one of many for Joe’s destructive behavior. I wasn’t surprised by Joe’s lack of getting help, but I couldn’t understand why Donna would refuse to seek professional advice. After all, Donna knew just as much as I did about addiction, enabling and codependence. These were hot topics in the recovery support meetings we began attending together after we both sobered up in 1985 – meetings that Donna stopped attending after she met and moved in with a guy who told her she no longer needed them. It was almost two years later when Donna phoned to let me know that she was single with a newborn baby. I was happy to hear from my old friend, and I moved Donna and baby Joe into my spare bedroom the day after she called. They lived with me until Joe started school, when Donna inherited her grandmother’s house on the other side of town. Even though we no longer saw each other daily, we did our best to stay close, supporting each other through
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
the good times and the bad. It wasn’t until Joe turned 18 that our friendship took a turn for the worse. One night after several hours of driving around town looking for Joe, I lost my temper with Donna. When we found Joe just after 2 AM in a vacant warehouse parking lot smoking from a glass pipe with a group of scruffy-looking men, Donna insisted that I get out of the car with her to confront Joe and convince him to come with us. I was scared for myself, but went along because I didn’t want Donna to go alone. Joe went berserk when he saw us. He took a swing at Donna, which thankfully missed her, and spat on me. I ran back to the car, but she kept at him until he pushed her down. When she finally got back into the car, she acted like nothing had happened. “Oh, well, I guess he’d rather be with his friends than go home with me,” she said. I was shaking with anger and couldn’t stop myself from saying, “You’re so stupid sometimes. You enable him and his addiction, and it’s making you crazy.” I thought she’d agree with me and apologize. Instead, she looked right at me and insisted, “Stop calling him an addict, because he’s not. He’s bipolar!” Six years passed before I heard from Donna again. She called to ask me if I’d go with her to check out a new drug InRecovery.com
rehab center for Joe. I was so excited to hear from her that I could barely stop myself from yelling out, “Yes, yes and yes!” The next evening, I drove Donna to the rehab center. We arrived 20 minutes early and helped ourselves to coffee and cookies before finding seats in the back of the center’s conference room, all the while hoping more people would show up so that we weren’t the entire audience. Two cups of coffee later, when the director of the treatment center walked into the room and introduced himself, there were 20 people seated in the overly air-conditioned room, most of whom were frantic parents seeking help for their children. We listened for an hour to a compelling lecture presented by the center’s medical director, a charismatic Dr. Drew type. He spoke about the symptoms of addiction and was adamant that family members cannot help their addicted loved ones. He also described their inhouse medical detox unit, the healthy food available from their organic cafeteria, and rattled off a few impressive statistics regarding the success rates of previous clients. As he wrapped up his presentation, he said something like: “My unique treatment method works on all alcoholics and addicts, even those who don’t want to quit.” Donna’s facial expression went from sad to glad when she heard that. She was clearly impressed with the doctor and whispered in my ear that he could fix Joe. I had my doubts, especially about his claim to make addicts and alcoholics quit even if they weren’t interested. I was going to ask the doctor to elaborate, but after seeing the relief on the faces of the other attendees, I decided not to. Who was I to rain on their hope parade? Thirty minutes of questions and answers ensued, followed by nearly everyone, including Donna, signing up and paying a deposit for a professionally-facilitated intervention. InRecovery.com
Watching an addict and his enabler in action was an eye-opening experience. On the drive home, Donna told me she was sure Joe would admit himself to rehab after an intervention. “I’ll probably give him the money he wants to get his teeth fixed, too,” she added. It was hard for me to keep my voice calm when I brought up the cost of the place, which I thought was outrageous. It cost more per night than a five star NYC hotel room. She said she didn’t care about the cost. “Four weeks in that place will save my boy’s life.” I hung out at Donna’s place for the next few days, helping her to prepare for Joe’s intervention and offering whatever support I could. We were careful not to talk too loudly, as Joe, who was recuperating from a sprained ankle and a bruised hip, had taken up residence on Donna’s living room couch. From there, he barked orders at Donna throughout the day for food, beer and painkillers. Each time he called, she jumped to his aid without hesitation. Watching an addict and his enabler in action was an eye-opening experience. It made me think about the rehab medical director’s guarantee, as I couldn’t imagine anyone being able to get Joe to do anything he didn’t want to do. It also made me wonder if the medical establishment had come up with a new method of treating addiction that I just hadn’t heard about. Perhaps the doctor’s guaranteed method would have worked on me. There was a time when I loved being stoned so much that I couldn’t stop using drugs and alcohol no matter what. I thought being high was the only way I could cope with life, and never considered my drug use to be a problem until I lost my job, my boyfriend and
my desire to live. It was only then that I agreed to go into rehab. My treatment center was not-for-profit; it wasn’t costly or fancy, nor did it have a medical detox unit, a nice cafeteria or comfortable beds. What it did have were seven ex-addict staff members who knew how to help someone like me. I stayed in rehab for 40 days because it took that long for me to understand that I was responsible for my addiction and that I needed to stop blaming everyone and everything for my messedup life. When I got out, I began attending recovery support meetings. There I met other recovering alcoholics and addicts who were living productive, peaceful lives and not hanging out for a drink all day. They all spoke of being able to change their ways only after they’d made the decision to stop using. I dreaded the idea of never being able to take a pill or drink a beer again, but my life was crap. I was desperate for something to change. I began writing myself a note each morning, promising not to use drugs or alcohol no matter what happened that day. After that, I began to feel better in almost every way. Two weeks after Donna and I attended the rehab’s information evening, and one week after Joe checked himself in, he checked himself out. He told the rehab’s medical director that he wanted to get high more than he wanted to make his mom happy. I encouraged Donna to take the advice of the rehab’s family support manager, which included locking Joe out of the house. She didn’t take that advice. She thought Joe had left rehab because he was lonely and missed her. The last time I went to visit Donna, Joe was passed out on her living room floor, looking like a poster boy for an anti-meth campaign. Donna was in the kitchen cleaning his shoes.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
21
SELF-CARE
In an Age of Instant Gratification A crisis counselor, spiritual counselor and interventionist who works in addiction and recovery aftercare offers advice for a constant recovery conundrum. DR. DANIELLE DELANEY
I
find it fascinating that, as a society, we constantly lament about not having time for all of our responsibilities while simultaneously complaining we need to change our habits and find time for selfcare.
busy schedule, or what I might be in the process of doing when they call. It is my responsibility to dial down the chaos. If I can’t remain calm in the eye of the storm, Then I’ve certainly picked the wrong profession.
As a crisis counselor, interventionist and doctor, I am often on call for emergencies. I handle urgent problems like assault and suicide attempts. The people who reach out to me are in crisis; the last thing they need to consider are my needs, my
It is often said that one cannot serve from an empty vessel. This truth applies to those of us who work in the field of recovery and mental health care, as well as for any person in recovery. Simply stated, you have to take care of your own spirit
22
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
first. With practice, I have learned how to handle almost any situation without losing my head. Awareness of what is realistic and important is absolutely necessary to maintain our sanity. Many of us in recovery are self-admitted “people pleasers” who feel immense guilt when we put ourselves first or have to say “no” to others. We feel guilty if we cannot or do not respond immediately to the incessant ringing, pinging and flashing of our ever present smart phones and social media. InRecovery.com
We compromise peace in our own souls when we over-commit. It has almost become a badge of honor to complain about having so much to do and to beat ourselves up for being “behind.” This has become a constant conundrum. I repeatedly address this in my personal life, and advise my clients and people working for my company to do the same. I invite you to begin the process by thinking about how much you can realistically handle. When I am feeling overwhelmed, I ask myself the following two questions: “Is it on fire?” and “Is this situation, text, call or email something that cannot wait?” I ask these questions because in my line of work, some things are, figuratively, on fire. I may have a book deadline, a live radio show that I need to be present for, or a client in distress. Some fires can be put out easily or at least kept at bay. “Can I ask the publisher for a few more weeks?” “If I call my client and offer some helpful words, will that soothe the urgency of their situation?” “Does that friend of mine need me to text right now to reply to the picture of their child going down the slide?” “Can I lovingly say no?” The answers most of the time are no, it isn’t on fire, and yes, the matter can wait. There is something to be said about allowing yourself to be in the moment and not pulled in all directions by the increasingly hectic, high-tech pace of our lives. Selfcare means taking care of yourself. Getting dragged into high drama or into the needs of every person who asks for your time is a recipe for disaster. For many of us in recovery, it is also a recipe for relapse. Not everyone and everything deserves a front row seat, and we need to respond and adjust thoughtfully and accordingly. We cannot sustain a healthy existence if we are under too much stress and pressure, or we are feeling rushed and chaotic. Therefore, we must learn to stand up for ourselves. Just ask yourself, “how necessary is it to jump into the fray?” Oftentimes, issues will resolve themselves if we simply “stay in our own hula hoop.” Our own recovery comes first. Our own peace comes first. Our own families, our own healing, and our own livelihoods and lives, depend upon that reality. InRecovery.com
This is important for creating a more manageable life. We can set boundaries with the electronic devices we depend upon by using already-installed features to make them more amenable to a busy lifestyle and by not allowing ourselves to be at their mercy all of the time. Our phones are not beepers; they only make noise if we have sounds turned on. There is a “do not disturb” feature so that only the most urgent calls ring through. You can even put individual texts on silent and answer them later or not at all. Seek professional counseling if you need support or assistance in creating new structure in your life. This is a major life transition, and most of us need help to power through to the other side. Finding a balance that works for your individual needs is a great way to exercise that selfcare muscle. Learning to say “No” to people who cause you stress or with whom you no longer enjoy common ground can be an opportunity to grow. Professional support can help if you are finding it tough to speak up for yourself. Learn to make and keep appointments for your Self, just as you would for a friend or loved one. Set an appointment on your calendar for 15 minutes to meditate, to have a hot bath and tea, or for a reasonable
time to power down and go to bed. Set that reminder on the “repeat daily” setting, and your device will work with your self-care rather than against it. Item-by item. Language is powerful, and looking at a list that you can’t possibly finish breeds negative self-talk. Break tasks into bitesized, manageable chunks. It is difficult to handle a list like this: exercise; run all errands; pay bills; finish book. It’s easier to complete a measurable list: take a 30-minute walk; buy dog food; pick up dry cleaning; pay phone bill; complete a chapter. Designate a set time to work on a project you have been procrastinating over, and work on it over the course of a few days. In doing so, that closet will actually get cleaned out, and you will no longer feel behind. We move ahead if we are taking steps forward, one step at a time and in our own time. Time is not our enemy; it simply is. We all have the same 24 hours in each day. More than ever, self-care must be part of our daily recovery. Time is non-refundable, and it is up to us to spend it wisely. An investment into the time and care of and for your Self is something you will never regret and you will reap endless dividends in the process.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
23
10 Tips for Staying Sober During the Holidays
T
he holidays of Thanskgiving, Christmas, Kwanza, Hannukah and New Year are upon us, and that brings up all types of euphoric recall, confronting us with triggers. Therefore, it’s an important time to take stock of the vitality of our recovery and how to fortify it while going through this exciting but challenging time of the year.
7. Know thy meetings. Whether it’s an APP that increases awareness of 12 step meetings in the area, or gatherings of sober friends, we travel during the holidays and aren’t always on our home turf. However, support is all around us no matter where we go. Seek and ye shall find.
1. Plan ahead. We do this before we go on a trip, prepare for a hurricane, or even go shopping. Doesn’t your recovery deserve the same kind of attention? Practice the polite “no, thank you” to protect yourself during the ho-ho-holiday season. 2. Write a speech about sobriety. You won’t necessarily be delivering it to anyone but yourself. However, it’s critical to remind yourself of all the benefits, every now and then. 3. Bring along recovery materials. Athletes play their favorite music while waiting for game time or the starting buzzer. Motivation is a hugely helpful X-Factor, like a built in fan base for recovery. 4. Create new traditions. There may be some old ones you can’t avoid, like aunt Gertie’s fruit cake, but do your best to otherwise party with others also in recovery. These friends are your safe harbor during the holiday storm.
5. Don’t go it alone. More people contemplate depressing thoughts during this time of year. It’s much tougher to be depressed when you are around supportive friends and family. Reach out and keep in touch.
6. Volunteer. There’s nothing that can make you as cheery, as spreading the holiday cheer. Help at a soup kitchen, wrap toys for tots or go with a community group to comfort the elderly. Trust me, give and ye shall receive. 24
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
8. Consider a sober vacation. This is a popular alternative popping up more and more to cater to our unique requirements in recovery. Search online or even call a travel agent (yes, they still exist). It will help you fly straight into a Happy New Year.
9. Stay sharp. Get a haircut, dress up and try a new perfume or cologne. When we dress to impress, we set off a whole bunch of happy hormones to make us feel better about ourselves and pass that sensational feeling along to others as we power through the holidays.
10. Create a holiday gratitude list. Seriously, I know it can be sad at times. It’s easy to get side-tracked. Stop! Shake yourself out of the doldrums by reminding yourself of all the wonderful things in your life. There is so much to be thankful for. InRecovery.com
MY
NEW NORMAL DURING THE
H LIDAYS JOSE GOYOS
I
used to find it so disheartening to talk about how to get through what is supposed to be the best time of the year, without ruining my sobriety. Before I became an addict, the holiday season was my favorite. I loved seeing the whole family together for Thanksgiving and Christmas. After I began to recover from addiction, what I thought of as my favorite time of the year began to feel more and more like a prison sentence. I can tell you that my first few years sober, I had to stay away from all holiday festivities. I was so consumed with the fact that someone might offer me a drink and I would have to tell them that I can’t drink because I am an alcoholic, among other things. You see, I’m also an addict and suffer from the addiction of MORE, like gambling, sex and even work; whatever gets those addictive urges flowing. It was so difficult to make it through these times that I opted to begin pretending that the holidays weren’t even happening. Seriously, I would make my family have Thanksgiving dinner at like 2 pm so that I wouldn’t have to be there when all the evening drinking started. I’m from a big
InRecovery.com
Latin family and they know how to drink, and keep drinking until they’ve all passed out. I found that it was much easier to just eat lunch and then go home, watch movies and go to sleep early. I’d then repeat the pattern on Christmas. My family would usually have a big Christmas eve party, but instead of attending I’d just arrive Christmas morning, open presents and eat breakfast with everyone. It’s interesting, in a way, because I had to reverse my thinking and revert back to how everything was when I was a kid. Children have fun in different ways and find adults boring. The fun part is waking up in the morning to find all the gifts Santa brought. That became my new normal. It’s interesting because I dealt with most of my early career in the same manner. I had this interesting dichotomy between my social life and work. I was a generally shy person and needed a few drinks as a social lubricant to get me to open up. I’d turn from the wallflower to the life of the party. On the other hand, when it came to work, I was somehow able to keep my addiction in check at business events or “meet and greets.” I was able to get into the role and
“just do it,” like the Nike slogan says. I found motivation from the book by Dale Carnegie called How to Win Friends and Influence People. For some reason I was able to compartmentalize my social and work lives, much like I did with my preand post sober life during the holidays. However, that trick only worked for so long. Eventually the wall I created between work and play began to break down. Just like I knew that one day I would need to finally face up to my fears of the holidays. It took a few years to get ready and find that strength and courage, but it eventually came. The first step was eliminating the shame I carried as a burden all of those years. I found the courage to open up to aunts, uncles and cousins, who I suppose already knew. It was much more liberating now, though, with my secret out in the open. I also asked everyone to help me out and hold me accountable if they ever again saw me slipping, and that built up trust with people I may have hurt in the past. Slowly but surely, I brought my holidays back to normal, but my new normal, sober and much happier for it.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
25
Ghosts of Holidays Past M
y anxiety begins the moment Halloween decorations start to go up. Most people get excited, as kids eagerly anticipate trick-or-treating and adults prep for a theme party night of fun. For me, the holidays are nothing more than a stressful reminder of all the times my addiction got the best of me.
crazy aunts in the kitchen, as a dull haze made the day pass more quickly. Sparkling wine seemed to mesh so well with turkey dinner as afternoon turned to evening. I’d then say something inappropriate to offend someone at some point and piss him or her off. He or she would then conveniently let it pass until next year - after all, we’re family. It’s no wonder I had no close family relationships till I found my sobriety.
It would start with Halloween and end around New Years, or sometimes a week or two past. It was generally two months of a blur, as one party or event melded into the next. At the time, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world, as my girlfriends and I would notch our party mode up to 11 for this special time of year.
The office party, oh, the office party. I’d love to forget all the taboos that fell this time of year. I’d have a few drinks just to loosen up and managed to keep things sufficiently in check so as to not jeopardize my career. However, there’s no undoing the times I discreetly snuck out with my secretary, took off with a married partner, and made out with a paralegal in the stairwell. What was I thinking? It seems I really was jeopardizing my career and preferred not to think about it.
For Halloween, I’d sass things up with a sexy costume to show off my assets. I’d usually select something in the cat theme department, to emphasize my femininity, but would not shy away from the odd superhero motif. On occasion, I’d even combine the two and go as Catwoman. Pre-party drinking at a friend’s apartment would morph into shots at the bar. I was typically pretty good at flirting my way into getting others to pay, it was all part of the game. I hate to look back on it now, but I had most of my one night stands during Halloween. It was like playing out my own personal fanstasy of the movie “Eyes Wide Shut”. However, there’s something particularly eerie about waking up next to some stranger, not remembering how I got there, and wanting to bolt so fast I would surely leave skid marks. I’d, of course, conveniently forget that depressing thought come next Halloween. Thanksgiving would start with mimosas around noon in my family. The guys typically galvanized around football in the living room, but I couldn’t care less about the sport. I’d chatter with cousins and some 26
New Years eve was always a crap shoot. Maybe I’d have a boyfriend or maybe I wouldn’t. Most of them used to love the fact that I could “keep up”, until the night wore on too long and I’d get a bit sloppy. Call me sexist, but we women don’t wear sloppy well. I suppose no one does. If I was out with the girls, the loneliness was magnified by the champagne. I always wanted to have someone to kiss at midnight. Sometimes it was a guy friend and that just made things awkward. Other times it was some lucky random guy to my right. Whatever. I was drunk and horny and it suited my purposes. It’s a wonder I never caught a disease.
It would start with Halloween and end around New Years, or sometimes a week or two past.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
I look back on those times, and even though I now remember them how they truly were, ugly and depressing, I still get the urge to drink. Old habits die hard. However, by looking back on the horrors of my war stories, it helps motivate me to use my tools to get through this challenging time of year. InRecovery.com
What to Drink When You’re Not Drinking
T
he social pressures of drinking are particularly perilous during the holidays. We all want to fit in, especially at an office party or some formal event where champagne flutes and fancy cocktails with colorful umbrellas abound. What’s someone in recovery to do?
Well, first of all, realize that you are not alone. A 2015 National Survey on Drug Use and Health reported that 44 percent of the US adult population had not drunk an alcoholic beverage for the entire month preceding the survey. Moreover, those of us in recovery, now have
more options than merely fruit juice or sparkling water as viable alternatives. Seedlip, for example, is a popular alcohol-free spirit made from herbs and flowers, that creates cocktails which taste eerily similar to the real thing. It’s now being sold at trendy bars in major cities such as New York and London, to capitalize on the growing aversion to sugar and a renewed focus on health. During this tempting holiday season, it’s of course best to avoid triggers as often as possible. However, we don’t have the luxury of sheltering like groundhogs until February. Be open-minded but careful for a sober excursion through the New Year.
Surviving the Holiday Party
F
or those of us in recovery, and especially for the newly sober, it can seem like holiday life revolves around drinking and parties. The tantalizing temptations of invitations are rough enough, and then we get hit with the practically mandatory holiday parties at work. Not attending isn’t an option, that would be committing career suicide. We therefore need some advice and escape hatches to get through these events with flying colors. Know what you will do if someone offers you a drink. Without thinking this one through in advance, you might unwittingly accept the drink, you know, just to hold in your had. Then comes the obligatory sip, now and then. Next thing you know, you’ve guzzled a dozen and are running around with a lamp shade on your head. Not pretty. Have an alcohol free drink in hand to help smooth this one out. Have an answer prepared for when someone asks why you’re not drinking. This person isn’t trying to pry, he or she is only trying to make small talk. However, it can feel really awkward. While you can simply
InRecovery.com
brush it off with a quick “I don’t feel like it,” other options include mentioning that you’re the designated driver or that you’re watching your weight during the holidays. Know what you’re going to drink at the party. Bubbly drinks, like sparkling water with a splash of juice, both fill you up and help to avoid uncomfortable questions to begin with. After all, it looks like an alcoholic drink. I’d avoid asking for a virgin version of your old favorite drink, though, because the euphoric recall might just be too stimulating to resist the real thing. Have an escape plan. The longer you stay at a party, the more likely it is to turn into a teetotaler’s nightmare. The heavy drinkers typically stay the longest. Drive yourself, have a friend on call, contact Uber or Lyft, or be aware of the local bus and train schedules. You never want to feel trapped in a bad situation. Holiday office parties can actually be fun and help you build bonds with co-workers and senior executives. Enjoy it wisely to help promote both your career and your recovery. InRecovery Magazine November 2017
27
An Attitude of Gratitude MICHAEL ROHRS
Your holiday will be better, or worse than you expect - in either case, that’s OK.
on goals I’ve accomplished and set new ones. And I let the people who are important to me know how much I appreciate them.
12 Step literature promises “a grateful addict will never use.” When I first started coming around the program, I had no idea what that phrase meant. Words I would use today to describe myself at that time include spoiled, entitled, sullen and decidedly ungrateful. Webster’s defines gratitude as “the state of being grateful,” and grateful means “thankful or appreciative of benefits received.” Gratitude is a state of being -- addiction is also a state of being, but in many ways, addiction is the antithesis of gratitude. When you think about it, the diseases of addiction and alcoholism both create, a longing for things to be different. That’s how I felt when I was active in my addiction. I wasn’t happy and didn’t like my place in life, so I used mood altering substances to escape my reality and to feel different. Today, I understand my past behavior lacked acceptance and gratitude. Why focus on gratitude? For me, that’s what the holidays are all about. I use the final portion of the year, including Thanksgiving, Hanukah and Christmas, and New Years as a period to slow down and think about the preceding year. I take stock of and appreciate what I have. I reflect 28
It wasn’t always like that for me. When I was younger, the holidays were pressure-filled. I created in my mind, a version of what I thought the holidays should be; unfortunately my experiences never lived up to my expectation and I was perpetually disappointed. I didn’t appreciate much of what I had back then - I was never satisfied with my relationships, my job or my social life. My priorities were all screwed up. I remember rushing home for Thanksgiving or Christmas and always feeling like the visit was a chore. I knew I should be home with my family, but it was really the last place I wanted to be. I made a habit of arriving right before the meal and dashing immediately after dessert. I don’t think I ever stayed to do the dishes - that’s the sort of guy I was then. Things are different today. I cherish my family and friends - I look forward to and enjoy every single conversation and every moment spent with them. During the intervening years, I lost my mother and regret I didn’t spend more time with her. My life experiences have led me to the conclusion that time with family and friends is the most important thing in life, because at the end of the day, that’s all I have. Everything else is fleeting - the job, the things, the vacations -- those things will come an go, but family and friends cannot be replaced. So how to make a shift from spoiled, sullen and entitled to an “attitude of gratitude” is a central question that must be considered for success in recovery. I’ll tell you what I did and still do. A very simple shift in perspective is required. Rather than focusing on what I don’t have, I focus on what I do have. In early recovery, the second I start-
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
ed to complain, my sponsor would tell me to make a gratitude list. For what am I grateful? If you need some help figuring that out, turn on the news and take a look at all the suffering happening in the world. If you’re reading this article, that means you’re alive which is a great place to start. The diseases of addiction and alcoholism take tens of thousands of lives annually. Just being alive, you have a daily opportunity to make a fresh start. Another exercise my sponsor always suggests is service. Something happens when I go out of my way to help someone less fortunate than me. And these sorts of opportunities abound. Share your experience, strength and hope at a meeting. Volunteer - there are kids who can’t read and homeless people who need feeding. Or go to a nursing home and listen to an elderly resident -- you might learn something. Make a point this holiday season to help someone in need - I guarantee you’ll be glad you did. It will get you out of your own head and in the end, you’ll appreciate what you have all that much more. Next, call your family or friends and tell them how much they mean to you, but do it without an expectation of getting anything in return. Consider what your life might be like without them. Don’t tell them just once - get in the habit of regularly letting the people in your life know that they are important to you. Doing this will be meaningful for both you and them too. Finally, lighten up. Try to minimize your expectations. Your holiday will be better, or worse than you expect - in either case, that’s OK. Your parents, or your spouse will likely embarrass you and your children will be noisy and probably spill things -- that’s also OK. You won’t get everything you want - so focus on what you get and not on what you don’t. Remember to smile and breathe. Relax and enjoy yourself. One last thing; please, please, please stay and help with the dishes. Happy Holidays! InRecovery.com
My Not So Merry Christmas
I
t was senior year of college and we were bracing for a beautiful white Christmas. I was far from home and couldn’t afford to make it back for the holidays this year, so I thought I’d just grin and bear it with a TV dinner and a rented movie. I was nonetheless in a festive mood, enjoying all of the lovely decorations around town, full of the joyous spirit that comes with the season. My roommate Dave’s family lived nearby and he invited me at the last moment to join them because “it broke his mom’s heart” to think of someone alone for the holidays. This seemed like a much better plan than the one I had in store, so I appreciatively took him, and his mom, up on this generous offer. It had already begun to snow in a light sprinkling of powder, as we left the dorm to his house. It accumulated a good couple of inches by the time we arrived, his neighborhood now covered in a soft, white blanket. We pulled into the driveway of the Colonial style home Dave had lived in since childhood, and I was welcomed at the front door like one of the family. A warm, cozy fire was ablaze in the fireplace, with a huge ornamented tree decorating the other side of the living room, rooted by an abundance of colorfully wrapped presents underneath. It was just like one of those perfect scenes you’d come across on a holiday card or made-for-TV special. The festivities began as my friend cracked open a couple of cold beers for us to kick back and relax, as the home began filling with aunts, uncles and cousins, all of whom lived in the area. This was so much unlike my family, which spanned the coasts from New York, to California and Florida. All of Dave’s family lived nearby in an extended interwoven kinship that instead of spanning the country, spanned four generations. It felt particularly wonderful to be included in this special slice of Americana. Dave and I shared a couple of more beers and then moved on to egg nog, along with
InRecovery.com
other members of the family. It seemed that drinking was part of their holiday tradition. This suited me just fine, because back on campus, I was never one to shy away from a party or excuse to get hammered. It was a way to escape from all the stress, and an ever present part of college life. Liquor helped grease the wheels of my social life, every single weekend. In fact, sometimes the “weekend” lasted all week, but I didn’t have a problem. I was just like every other college kid - wasn’t I? The celebration continued on into dinner, which was scrumptious and included over-flowing bottles of wine. Things began to get hazy, as I kept up, continuing to drink more than my share. However, everyone else was drinking too. I wasn’t embarrassing myself - was I? I used Dave as my marker. He seemed about the same, so I kept on going even as I spilled a glass of Cabernet across the table, making a mess. Accidents happen. The family all retired into the living room, where we had some after dinner drinks, awaiting desert. Dave’s mom brought out a massive, rectangular cake, adorned with images of snowmen, Evergreen trees, and all the rest you would expect, with “Merry Christmas” written in red and green icing
across a coating of white background. I got up and stumbled a bit, offering to help, and tripped over my own two feet. The next few seconds are forever recorded in my memory, in slow motion, as the final thoughts to cross my mind before I blacked out. I began to fall, headlong in the direction of the cake. I stuck out my arms to somehow brace for impact and avoid the inevitable, but it was already too late for that. My face slammed into the pillowy angel food cake, which then went flying onto the floor, splattering into an oozing mess. The next morning, Dave’s parents couldn’t have been any nicer or more kind, actually helping me nurse my hangover. Interestingly enough, it would still take me over a decade before I came to terms with my alcoholism. I knew I had a problem, I just wasn’t ready to address it. However, this pivotal event sticks out for me during the holidays as a dramatic reminder of the many reasons I need to stay sober. Years later, Dave sent me pictures of my face covered in Christmas cake, from the night of the fall. I pin them up annually, at this time of year, as a symbol of the dangers and embarrassment that came with my alcoholism. It serves as a solid reminder that I can never turn back.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
29
GOING ON THE
OFFENSIVE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
DR. RAFAEL ALALU, Psy D.
I
t’s 86 degrees, the relative humidity is 90% and its only 6:45 in the morning. I’m dripping wet and I have not even begun my daily 5K run through the neighborhood. There are pro’s and con’s to living in South Florida but the weather allows me to take advantage of the outdoors as part of my recovery. I am grateful for being in recovery and my new lifestyle balance program includes a daily morning run along with a well balanced nutritious breakfast in order to start my day right. I am coming up on 5 years clean and sober and as I approach that milestone, I am reminded that the holidays are once again approaching. The mere mention of the word “holiday” sends shivers down my spine. That simple word triggers my stress and induces thoughts and feelings of relapse. I know many of you in recovery feel the same. The question is; can we turn this typical holiday stress into a new positive and so-
30
bering experience for ourselves and our loved ones?
outcomes that we would like to implement in order to manifest our goals.
In order to answer that, allow me to submit yet another question in order to set the stage for our conversation. What is your priority? I humbly believe that whatever your priority is, it will come to pass. Whether we stay clean and sober or fall into a relapse, we are ultimately responsible for our own sobriety.
Before taking part in this exercise, lets go back for a second and answer the question above. What is your priority? If you answered, my priority is my sobriety, then you have the green light to proceed forward in establishing and outlining your specific plan in order to turn this holiday season into a positive experience for you and your loved ones.
Our priorities can serve as a motivation and or inspiration to our desires and outcomes. However, without a plan we may be doomed to fail before we even reach the starting line. Instead of just waiting for something to go wrong and maintaining a defensive posture, consider switching gears to go on the offensive. Going on the offensive does not include wishful thinking, magical spells or fairy dust. It requires strategies and visualizing
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
4 Points to Victory: 1. What are your expectations? Clearly write out your expectations and those of your family for this upcoming holiday. Sounds simple enough, but there are pitfalls that exist which can easily sabotage a sober holiday experience, Although expectations are often perceived as genuine, they may not reflect reality. Some family members may believe that because the InRecovery.com
holidays are a time for family, fun and parties, they may not be privy to the fact that their loved one in recovery may be struggling to avoid their drug of choice to help cope with stress. The recovering addict must also have realistic expectations. A very common scenario faced during the holidays is whether to even attend family holiday functions. Families that choose not to invite their recovering loved ones for the holiday celebration risk the possibility that it may cause isolation and shame and ultimately lead the addict deeper into relapse. Likewise, those in recovery may not feel ready to participate in holiday celebrations and have to accept that this holiday season may just not be the time to get together. A mutual agreement is best. If a loved one experiences a relapse, the family needs to deal with the situation and take immediate action. Options include taking him/her to a meeting, contacting the sponsor and even personally taking the loved one to a treatment facility. 2. Prepare ahead of time. Do not wait for the last minute to prepare your holiday tool kit. Smartphones are a great tool these days for providing recovering addicts with tools and back up all on their phones. Consider using an app connected to a GPS system that automatically gives you directions to the next meeting. Simply put in your desired zip code. Whether you are traveling or staying local its just an app away from planning ahead. Since you’re already on your phone, have your sponsor’s contact information handy as well as back-up contact person. Help is just a speed dial away. You may also want to have in your possession a copy of the Big Book from AA or recovery magazines along with a book on daily mediations and positive affirmations. You can even journal electronically by jotting down some thoughts on the notes app of your smart phone. Another helpful hint is arriving and leaving early from holiday parties. Alcohol and drug use tend to become more prevalent as the party lingers on. Consider bringing along a bottle of sparkling water to toast the event while reminding yourself that you have made sobriety your priority. 3. Self-care time. Finding time for self care is non-negotiable. It is essential and InRecovery.com
crucial to have an iron-clad plan. Just imagine a diabetic going on holiday without pills or insulin or a person suffering with sleep-apnea traveling without a C-PAP machine. This is the equivalent for us in recovery. Not making time for our own self care is a recipe for disaster and a relapse about to manifest. Topping the list for self care is sleep. Studyafter-study documents the enormous negative consequences to our bodies/mind when we deprive ourselves of sleep. Sleeping less than 8 hours per evening may sig-
The question is; can we turn this typical holiday stress into a new positive and sobering experience for ourselves and our loved ones? nal a red flag that something may be lurking in our minds causing us to lose sleep. Next, what are we putting into our bodies for fuel? Eating a well balanced and nutritious variety of foods is paramount to giving us the right energy to confront our daily challenges. It’s important to keep check of your sugar intake as it can cause erratic mood swings. Make sure to have on hand or close by pieces of fruit, carrot sticks, mixed nuts, yogurt and bottled water as healthy snacks to regulate blood sugar. Imagine if the tires on your car were low on air, or that you put sugar in your gas tank instead of gas? It’s obvious that the car would be stuck and so would you. Not having enough sleep and improper nutrition can stop you even with your well intentioned holiday plan. In addition to proper rest, sleep and proper nutrition, incorporate regular daily exercise. Whether it’s a brisk walk, jog or run, the holidays are not the time to skip these much needed activities. As a reward
for all this work, make time for peaceful and quiet meditation and restoration where you can be grateful for everything you have in your life. If necessary, you may even want to schedule some face time with your sponsor as a preventive measure. 4. An evacuation plan. Okay so you’ve planned and stuck to your carefully drafted outline in order to turn this holiday into a positive experience. Then all of a sudden, life happens and you are thrown a curve ball you didn’t see coming. That’s okay, no need to panic because you already have an escape route in place. City governments have plans for evacuation in order to secure their citizens until a storm has passed. The storm you may be weathering can manifest when you become exposed to a situation during a family gathering or dinner party. You may be visiting with friends and may all of a sudden feel pressure to drink alcohol. The mere potential for arguments is also unfortunately very common during this time of the year, as tensions and stress run high. These scenarios alert our minds to be calm and take decisive action instead of panicking, because we have a plan in place. Once you have removed yourself from this dangerous situation and are out of harm’s way, your support system begins to guide you back to safety. After you’re successfully implemented your plan and avoided negative fallout, take a moment to look at the view of the road ahead. It is large and full of opportunity. Then take a look at the rear view mirror and notice it is small in size representing the past. While its important to glance back at the rear view mirror in order to switch lanes safely we must keep our eyes on the road ahead. In other words, instead of getting stuck in the past, we must learn from our past while staying in the present in order to enjoy a clean and sober future. Whether you initiate or continue treatment during the holidays, it could simply be the best gift you give yourself and your loved ones this holiday season. Wishing all a positive and sober holiday season.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
31
Putting the Tree Back in Christmas MICHAEL BURKE “Tis the season to be jolly,” as they say. I remember when I was a child, I so used to look forward to this time of year. Vacation from school, sleeping late, indulging in the many fine delicacies that my mom had prepared, spending quality time with my family, oh, and how could one forget the presents!!! Those wonderful toys!!! The joy of waking up and walking downstairs to my living room Christmas morning and finding an abundance of gifts surrounding our family Christmas tree. This was always my favorite time of year! Even throughout my active addiction of seventeen years, I still found joy in decorating my home with lights and preparing the house for Christmas. My son who is now nine, would help me as a little boy set everything up.
tion during the worst of my addiction. On that note, I would like to pass on some sober advice on how to prevent yourself from a possible relapse during this time of year.
is important.
BE MINDFUL OF TRIGGERS:
Having a plan of action is much needed in recovery. You never know when you will have to plan a quick escape. Early on in recovery, your exit strategy may be to simply avoid any holiday function for the simple reason of temptation. Another one may be to have your mentor / sponsor accompany you to the function for support, particularly during your early stages. Just think of it as having multiple back up plans to keep you clean and sober.
Alright, so let’s be honest - the most common triggers that we all need to be aware of are people, places and things. This time of year, we are all confronted with the holiday parties, company networking events and crazy friends and family members. In my family, it’s my cousin Joel. He’s the guy whose phone call you want to ignore. I’m sure everyone has their own cousin Joel, but in any event, staying clear from anyone or anything that may cause you to relapse
Unfortunately, I lost the “tree meaning” of the holiday early on in my addiction. By age eighteen, my days of waking up to presents had long been gone, exchanged for staying out to the wee hours of the night and partying heavily with what I thought at the time was a close group of friends. I may have spent time with my son on a sober night or two leading up to the holiday, but went AWOL on him and everyone else who truly mattered when it came to the big day. I regularly let him and everyone down. It’s a scarlet letter of shame I now make up to them, and those difficult memories help keep me sober this time of year. The holiday season for any alcoholic or drug addict in recovery can be an extremely stressful time. We tend to engage in “euphoric recall” and reminisce about the good times we had while drinking and drugging. I believe that anyone early on in recovery need to be extremely mindful around this time of year. There are many triggers out there that we need to know how to handle. As addicts, we must constantly remind ourselves of who we are and what we are capable of. I know I caused a lot of destruc32
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
BE READY TO IMPLEMENT EXIT STRATEGIES:
SUPPORT GROUP: This is very important to have throughout your recovery and especially this time of year. We all need people we can count on for support. Maintaining sobriety is not an easy thing and keeping people around to help us is essential. We can’t do this alone. Key players in your support group may be mentors, sponsors or clinicians, a significant other, mother, father, son or daughter. Now, you must be mindful not to include those within your circle that might be an enabler. Enablers will do more harm than good, which could potentially lead to a relapse. Think of your support group as your front line of defense, so make sure you set up the right people. Your sobriety depends on it. All in all, I leave you with these fundamental tips on staying sober this holiday season. Remain clean minded, follow your exit strategies and your support group, and avoid all phone calls from crazy cousin Joel. I wish you all a happy and healthy holiday season. InRecovery.com
PLANNING YOUR
SOBER
VACATION
A HANDY GUIDE
Y
ou’ve waited the entire year for a much-needed break from the daily grind. While you look forward to all of the excitement, have you given any thought to how will you handle the many triggers that will abound? Remember you’ll be in an unfamiliar environment, around other people who will be drinking on the plane or nearby. Plus there are plenty of stressors such as lost luggage, flight delays and the like, just waiting to jump out and give you aggravation. Moreover you might be with travel companions not in recovery who, while sensitive to your needs and concerns, have a right to enjoy themselves as well. What to do? Here are some helpful ideas to help you stay sober during this all important period of the year.
2. Choose your travel partners wisely. Vacation is an escape. For those of us in recovery, it can be tempting to even escape our sobriety, just for a while. We need to hold ourselves accountable, and the best way to do that is be around supportive relatives or friends. Also, make sure you are with people who won’t be out of control, people who know “when to say when”.
1. Consider a Sober Holiday. We have an entire article dedicated to this very subject on the next page. There are so many incredible alternatives nowadays. Investigate and be open-minded to discover a world of opportunities, safely in the cocoon of sober support.
4. Continue basic self care. You may be in an unfamiliar environment and wanting to relax, but that’s no reason to stop eating healthy, exercising and doing whatever else is involved in your normal routine. If you miss a day or two because of travel or adventure, that’s just fine. However, get
InRecovery.com
3. Minimize stress. Obviously situations will not be under your control. On vacation, that’s more so the case than usual. Keep reminding yourself of the mantra that even though you can’t control situations, you can always control your feelings. Start the trip with a “go with the flow” attitude, and you’ll be doing a huge favor to yourself and your sobriety.
back on track as soon as possible. Constant reinforcement of positive habits is a huge boon in recovery. 5. Investigate local resources. Do you regularly attend meetings? I once met a famous singer at our local, out of the way, AA meeting. He stopped by since he was in our city on a leg of his tour. That is someone who had his priorities in order. Do likewise on your vacation, to help keep you sound in body and mind. 6. Prepare in advance. What will you say when someone offers you a drink? How about asking the hotel for a room without those tiny bottles of liquor? Thinking things through before-hand can avoid awkward moments, and help you avoid unnecessary consequences. Vacations are supposed to be fun! There’s no reason why that can’t still be the case. It’s no different than putting on suntan lotion before laying out by the pool. With simple protective measures, we can easily avert dangerous situations. So, Bon Voyage and I’ll see you when you get back.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
33
SOBER VACATION OPTIONS
M
ost of us really look forward to taking that holiday vacation. We’ve worked hard all year long for that well-earned chance to blow off some steam. We think back on past trips and then...wait one second...a flash of realization...“that is going to put my recovery in serious jeopardy.” Well, I’m happy to tell you that there are now a lot of sober ways to spend your time off and still have a great time. Sober vacations have become all the rage, as a solid niche catering to those of us in recovery. Many resorts, cruise lines and travel companies offer alcohol free vacations. These can include sober music festivals, spas, camping trips, surf and ski getaways, sailing expeditions safaris and golf outings. There are many ways to enjoy ourselves, removed from the triggers of addiction. Holidays, vacations and even weekends may be known for overindulging and partying, but there are plenty of fun ways to celebrate without resorting to drugs and alcohol. Let’s explore some of those options in more detail. 34
12 Step Program Extensions. Several tour operators offer standard vacation packages but with regular 12 step meetings built into the program, to keep you on track. Others hold them in locations away from bars and shops selling alcohol. The objective is to keep you focused on recovery in a safe, supportive environment, while desensitizing you to certain triggers. Ecotourism. This typically involves travelling by yourself, or with small groups of like-minded individuals, to ecologically sensitive regions for exploration and education. There’s so much to learn and get excited about without exposure to substances. Volunteer Tourism. This speaks directly to the service part of our credo. There are plenty of opportunities to travel to exotic locales and give back to needy communities while mixing in some touring, and experiencing the native culture. It’s an adventure in giving and receiving. Retreats. These vacations are an exercise in self-exploration. They usually re-
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
volve around a theme such as meditation, mindfulness, yoga, weight loss or general wellness. You’ll bask in an overall sense of relaxation and happiness, returning home rejuvenated and refreshed. All of these vacations offer the same unique opportunity to meet people who have gone through similar struggles, enabling you to expand your network of sober friends. Living sober involves significant change, however it by no means requires locking yourself up in a Nunnery. So, fill the gap by opening new doors and expanding your horizons in a vacation of recovery. For more ideas and information on sober vacations - please check out the following websites: www.sobervacations.com www.gonomad.com www.Addiction.com www.sobertravelers.org www.travelsober.com InRecovery.com
Being Stabbed and Shot At Nearly Killed My Hollywood Dream
F
rom a very young age, I knew that my life would include a career in Hollywood. Growing up in Honduras, I spent countless hours at my neighbor’s house watching the classics: The Wizard of Oz, It’s A Wonderful Life, Lawrence of Arabia, Gone with the Wind, I Love Lucy, Gunsmoke and Star Trek were some of my all time favorites. Sitting there in my special tiny chair, I fell in love with television and movies -- and acting.
ARMANDO DUBON, JR. member of the Actors Theatre of San Francisco under Artistic Director Christian Phillips. This period of time was critical to my development as an actor. It was during the rise of my acting career that I began to feel the pull of addiction from all sides. Before long, I was involved with a crowd and an edgy lifestyle that had me taking more and more risks.
Several years ago, I began acting in local theater productions to see what it might be like to pursue my lifelong dream again. After many small steps and lots of support from loved ones, I have gradually gotten back into the flow of acting in larger scale theater productions, feature films, and network television.
When I learned of an opportunity to become involved with the best theatrical talent in the region, with the support of my family, I decided to pursue my passion with all my heart and soul.
It has been my pure passion for the craft, persistence, and a high level of respect for Then one very dark night, after being my own life and everyone around me that stabbed and shot at, I saw from my hospi- has me on track to becoming a “working tal bed that this could have easily been the actor” again. A true testament to the path end of my life. Instead, it was the begin- I have chosen is the kinds of projects that ning of my waking up and placing my Hol- I am being hired for, including a recent lywood story on pause for nearly a decade. opportunity to co-star alongside Academy Award winning actor Louis Gossett Jr, I moved to Southern California to rejoin Shirley Jones and Della Reese in a movie for family members who had already left San television called Miracle at Gate 213. Francisco for a quieter life. I knew in my heart that I must disconnect from the neg- It was very hard to be on the Hollywood ativity that was eating away at me person- sidelines for those years. However, in hindally and limiting me as a creative profes- sight, I know that there’s no way I would sional. For the first time in my life, I took have recently achieved 15 years of sobriety good care of myself and only associated and been prepared for realizing my childwith people with similar values. hood dreams without having done so.
My early training began with the great Jean Shelton at Jean Shelton’s Actors Studio and included being selected as a company
The further I moved away and healed from my past, the more comfortable I felt about returning to the craft that I dearly love.
Flash forward to my family’s arrival in San Francisco when I was still a young boy. Suddenly, my Hollywood dreams were close enough to be real. My childhood became a rich multi-cultural experience that catered to my curiosity about people, humanity and life in general. And in the “City by the Bay,” my creative interests flourished.
InRecovery.com
“I am truly blessed to be alive and able to play great characters and tell important, real life stories.”
InRecovery Magazine September November 2017
35
RUSSELL BRAND’S STORY OF
RECOVERY by
L. Scott Hartman
Why are people driven towards addiction? Brand breaks it down to connection. His addiction to overeating, porn, alcohol, drugs and sex, were all driven by his lack of connection.
W
hen I first heard that Russell Brand wrote a book about recovery, I thought it was a practical joke. After all, he’s a raunchy comedian whose made a career out of playing lovable, memorable characters seemingly enjoying their struggles with alcohol and drug abuse, in movies such as Arthur and Get Him to the Greek. I half expected Ashton Kutcher to jump out of the bushes and 36
tell me I was being Punk’d. However, as it turns out, Brand has made this bold decision, because he has been sober for almost 15 years and feels he has a tremendously important message to share with others like him, whose lives have veered woefully out of control.
a book tour, including interviews with Dr. Drew, Bill Maher, Megyn Kelly and Wendy Williams, among many others. I am struck by his movie star presence as he walks up to the table, but surprisingly at ease as we begin the interview because he’s so down to earth.
We meet in a lounge adjacent to the lobby of the luxurious Peninsula Hotel in downtown Beverly Hills. He is in the midst of
In most ways, Brand’s saga is not all that much different from the typical stories we share here at InRecovery. It all began
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
InRecovery.com
with a troubled childhood. Brand’s mom was diagnosed with cancer when he was only seven, and she was frequently sick. Brand’s father abandoned him, his relationship with his stepdad was “tense” (as he describes it), and there was some type of abuse, which he elects to leave vague. All that trauma left him feeling empty and afraid as a child and he sought solace through food. When he came of age, he added excessive drinking, drugging and obsessions to sex and porn, to his overeating and bulimia, as everything began to spiral out of control. By age 19, medical professionals and professors at college told him that he really needed help, but he still wasn’t ready. Most of us aren’t, at least not at the beginning. His feelings of inadequacy and shame most likely also fueled his search for attention and affection through stand-up comedy and pursuit of an acting career. However, he does not address that, like Pagliacci, the sad clown, enduring his own pain and suffering alone in silence. By age 27, Brand was plagued with unpaid debts, legal problems, hospital visits, lost jobs, lost relationships and friends running for the exit. His life was in absolute chaos. He finally walked into treatment, high from one last party with heroin and rounds at the local bars, desperately hoping to discover there was something more to life. Brand mentions feeling like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. However, to me, it seems almost as if he was a voyeur, watching two separate personalities compete for control of his body. Which would win out? One very poignant moment he recounts is attending his first party sober, with a bunch of other people in recovery. He hated every minute of it. ‘I like drugs. I like drinking,’ he thought at the moment. ‘I’m an addict and I’m going to stay an addict and I’ll be dead in my twenties.’ Thankfully, that was only his addiction speaking, going through its last death shudders, screaming out in one final rebellious act. Brand was able to let go of his self-described narcissism and self-pity, or was at least able to examine them and appreciate their lack of utility. Thus began his true journey of recovery, one day at a time. Brand was fortunate enough to have a brilliant sponsor. Great sponsors in 12 Step Programs prove time and again that everyday people perform heroic acts every single day. While Brand successfully InRecovery.com
Brand uses his iconic wit in a stream of consciousness style that makes the material both funny and informative. maintained his sobriety, since checking into treatment, it actually took him a while to fully embrace the Program. His sponsor was patient throughout the arduous process. “I don’t like being told what to do and don’t like the idea that I’m not in charge of my own destiny.” “Like most people, I did not want to change. I wanted to justify staying the same. ‘If you had my childhood, my problems, my mental illness, then you would be like this too.’” “My understanding of God before I got clean was...an abstract authority icon... placeholder for the mysteries...an irrelevant attempt to get me to be more moral.” These were all thoughts and ideas Brand harbored getting in the way of his progress. In fact, it took him five years and two days to finally complete Step 4. “Five years not to do it and two days to do it,” as he puts it. Then, after a massively cathartic pouring out of his guts to his sponsor in Step 5, Brand immediately has a meltdown when a real estate agent wants to show the Malibu home he is renting for the week during the filming of Get Him to the Greek. However, that outburst is tempered by evidence the Program is starting to take hold. He immediately identifies his irrational behavior and adds the agent to his next inventory list. You see, we are all flawed actors (pun intended) in the movie of life. So what is it that qualifies Mr. Brand to write a book about addiction, walking you through the 12 Step Program? According to him, it’s because he was a world-class drug addict. It’s like reading a book about social media written by Mark Zuckerberg. However, I believe it’s more than that.
Take away the fame, and he’s just like you and me. The fame is his platform and he’s using it to call out to everyone afflicted with the disease of addiction. “If I can lick this then anyone can.” His book might be littered with F bombs and frank conversation that may make the weak of heart blush, but that’s who he is - raw and brutally honest. He is a comedian who uses shock as his stock in trade. Expecting him to tone things down would be like asking Kim Kardashian to attend a gala without make up - it ain’t happening. Brand wants to get through to your average Jane and Joe. “This disease is f#%@ing killing you, recognize you have a problem and get some help.” That’s why every chapter finishes with tips, exercises and helpful hints. “I’ll not only share my travails with you, but I’ll walk you through how all this works.” Why are people driven towards addiction? Brand breaks it down to connection. His addiction to overeating, porn, alcohol, drugs and sex, were all driven by his lack of connection. He unconsciously used short term gratification to fill the gap, only to feel more hollow than he began after the episode wore off. The 12 Step Program gives him connection. It just makes sense, and he indicates that he had to do it separately, in some ways, for each addiction. He found that the subtleties between the different types of addiction made a difference. Then, as he progressed, he had an epiphany. The 12 Steps weren’t just this amazing formula for “Freedom From Our Addictions,” they provide a roadmap for living a healthy and rewarding life for anyone willing to follow their precepts. That was a huge revelation. He still struggles like we all do, but that’s inherently normal. His biggest challenge seems to be in applying them at all times. It requires the need to “stop, think and not be a selfish ass.” I think that’s something we all can relate to. When he remembers to do that, his life works out exponentially better, and so will ours. Interestingly enough, Brand is strangely ambivalent and apologetic in his belief about his Higher Power. I suppose in our modern, secular world, people find it uncomfortable or too religious to admit faith in an omnipotent but unseeable deity.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
Continued 37
“I don’t know if there’s a supreme being out there in the limitless cosmos, in fact, I don’t think there is. I do know that my thinking is limited. I am open to the possibility that...[there are] other forces that are likely beyond human comprehension.”
“I know a lot of famous people and they are some of the most discontent people I have ever met. They got to the other side of their dream and discovered, as with all illusions, there is nothing of substance there.”
Therefore, his Higher Power is really more of a Higher Consciousness, that we all commune with. He recognizes that serendipitous coincidences occur more frequently when he’s full engaged in his 12 Step Program, but he shies away from calling them miracles. I suppose that helps explain the fact that he’s currently studying for an MA in Religion in Global Politics. It comes back to connection. He sees the tremendous value in what the Program has graced him with and wants to understand it better.
There it goes, that connection thing again. It seems that Brand has a seriously good point. “There’s always someone more famous than me that could walk in at any
Brand’s biggest task is, how do you turn the 280, or so, words of 12 Step wisdom into a 271 page book? He recognizes Bill Wilson (the founder of all 12 Step fellowships) as a prophet. The wisdom of the Program was way ahead of its time, considering that back in the 1930s most addicts were institutionalized for both their and society’s “greater good.” Brand uses his iconic wit in a stream of consciousness style that makes the material both funny and informative. Most people are more open-minded to a message when they are both educated and entertained at the very same time. Brand clearly cares deeply about the topic and his fellow addicts, I notice it in his eyes as he speaks. This also shines through when he shares stories about his mentees and helping others. What I like best about Brand is that he doesn’t only “talk the talk”, like so many celebrities, he’s actually willing to “walk the walk” as well. He takes on the tough challenges even when there’s nothing materially in it for him. Besides dedicating part of the proceeds of his book to addiction related charities, he has been campaigning to get drug addiction treated as a health issue for the past five years, counsels fellow addicts in his spare time, and has created two documentaries on the subject (available on Netflix). This is a man who willingly forewent $20 million he was entitled to in his 2011 divorce from Katy Perry. It’s clear that his principles now matter more to him than mere material gain. 38
moment. But if I’m only valuable in that regard, then my value is quite limited.” We need to re-write our narrative and reprogram ourselves. We must rid ourselves of opinions on how other people, places and things ought to be. “If I make my happiness contingent on them behaving in a certain way I am F#%@ed. My perceptions of reality, even my own memories, are not objective or absolute, they are a biased account that can be altered.” The problem is, “no one wants to be miserable but few people are willing to do the work required to change...we accept our suffering and only attempt to tackle it through outwards means.” Therein lies the key to breaking the cycle of addiction - we need to put in the effort, we have that all important choice. In order to get something you need to be prepared to give it away. Whether it be sobriety, happiness or peace, it’s all interconnected. If your goal is only fulfillment of your own picayune needs, you’ll
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
never make that connection and reach your higher purpose. “[T]he fame did not fulfill, the sex did not fulfill, nor the money, the glamour and the evanescent power. None of it could get inside to where I truly resided, within I remained alone.” In being of service to others and striving to practice humility - “acknowledgement of our relative insignificance...compared to the infinite” - Brand finds a way to plug into what he refers to as his neglected compassion, empathy and kindness. “I do know that when I live my life, one day at a time, and follow a simple program, I am a more whole and useful man.” Freedom From Our Addictions is a thorough and insightful book with a powerful message, leaving me with just one final question - “Why now?” Brand is in a solid marriage with a saintly woman (she’d have to be, right?) and they have a newborn baby girl. He knows peace, happiness and purpose on an entirely new level, an extension of how his 12 Step Program works for him. They live on the outskirts of London, away from all the clutter and noise, a calm and tranquil place where he gets to just be Russell. He pops in every so often, like to do this book tour, but he now seems so at ease with the insanity of his crazy life acting out on his addictions behind him. He clearly has a solution that works for him, which he wants to share with you. Let him in and you’re likely to find that connection you’ve been searching for.
Life comes at us fast and from many different angles, challenging our ability to cope.
Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions by Russell Brand. See page 51 for full book review InRecovery.com
Setting the Standard in Remote Alcohol Monitoring The Soberlink Share™ Program allows care to continue beyond the walls of a treatment facility. Soberlink allows patients to share sobriety with their recovery network. Empower your patients by recommending Soberlink’s Share™ program. Call toll free 844.975.7200 Our team does all the set up
FDA Cleared for Medical Use
Soberlink’s Share™ Program
PA-007-17-001
Provides Structure, Adds Accountability and Builds Trust Patients receive scheduled test reminders via text messages
InRecovery.com
info@soberlink.com
Submit test remotely with wireless technology and Facial Recognition
•
844.975.7200
•
Recovery circle receives real-time alerts via text and/or email
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
www.soberlink.com
39
A Parent’s Tribute: The Short, Tragic Life of Brian Mendell
The Shatterproof Story
GILBERT FIORENTINO
Shatterproof is a national non-profit organization dedicated to ending the devastation addiction causes families.
S
ome of the most powerful movements are formed from exceptional circumstances. Shatterproof is just such an organization, arising from the extraordinary efforts of one man’s grief. Gary Mendell may have lost his son Brian to a terrible disease, but Brian’s legacy lives on, in search of solutions for our nation’s third largest killer. It is a shock of epic proportions when your child is diagnosed with a deadly disease. At first, you feel helpless, as friends and family reach out with overwhelming sympathy and support. You then seek out the best specialists you can find, as the illness is treated with well-tested, medically verified techniques. With God’s help, the disease is put into remission and then monitored with ongoing, thorough check-ups for several years. Tragically, all of this is often noticeably absent in the treatment of 40
addiction, all too frequently leading to a parent’s worst nightmare. “My best guess, is that Brian started experimenting with beer and marijuana around the age of 14,” Mr. Mendell shares, “I didn’t become aware of it escalating until he was 17.” Brian was brought to a psychologist in search of answers, who, in turn, recommended a wilderness program out in Utah. “Brian did really well there,” Mendell remarked, “I think it was good for him. So, when they then strongly recommended a therapeutic boarding school in Atlanta, I went along at the recommendation to help my son.” Unfortunately, that turned into the first of successive poor decisions. Brian wanted to leave almost from the very start. However, since the school was so highly recommended, Mr. Mendell was in a tough po-
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
sition, assuming it might just be his son’s addiction, rebelling on his behalf. That is, until Brian ran away and placed a call 10 minutes later, “Dad, I just can’t stay there any longer.” Mendell trusted his heart and took Brian home. It turned out Brian was right, and that school was shuttered two years later in the wake of a class action lawsuit. From there, Brian attended eight different treatment programs over the next eight years. Mendell was fortunate enough that he could afford to pay for what he thought was the best treatment money could buy, and would do anything to save his son. He sent Brian to some of the most expensive treatment centers in the country, only to watch him return home sober, for the moment, and relapse shortly thereafter. Mendell felt more and more desperate with each experience wondering what it InRecovery.com
would take to finally help his son’s addiction. Mendell finally found a program that worked for Brian, who actually called and asked to stay longer. Things were looking up and Brian maintained his sobriety. However the shame and stigma were eating away at him emotionally. “I remember like it was a minute ago. He looked at me and said, ‘Dad, 300 years ago they used to burn women at the stake in Salem, Masschusetts because they thought they were witches. Then they learned they weren’t and stopped. Some day people will realize I’m not a bad person. I’m a good person with a bad disease.’ The shame caused Brian to feel a lot of pain and that’s what’s so horrible. If he had cancer, or diabetes, no one would make him feel as if he was a bad kid.”
Brian committed suicide 13 months later; sober but emotionally worn out by treatment that ignored his anxiety, and the stigmatization of those with his disease. Brian’s suicide note thanked everyone for all of their help but also derided our country’s outdated addiction treatment system, that failed to serve him and others he met on his journey, during their desperate time of need. That’s where most stories would end, but not for Mendell. In the midst of his tearfilled grief, Mendell sought solace in the Serenity Prayer, “God, grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can.” That’s when it struck him that he needed to apply all of the valuable skills that made him a successful hotel entrepreneur and executive, to help solve the nation’s addiction crisis. He quit corporate life for a more
Gary Mendell and son Brian
InRecovery.com
Shatterproof Ambassadors with Mendell
important calling - to honor the life of his late son Brian and to spare other families of the tragedy his family had suffered. “Every major disease has a well-funded organization leading the fight to protect families; but not addiction. Why is that? Too many people struggling with addiction, and their families, are caught up in a cycle of shame, that addiction is somehow their fault and they could have done something about it. Addiction is not anyone’s fault! Similarly contracting cancer is not anyone’s fault. I founded Shatterproof to eradicate the stigma of addiction and make a difference.” Mendell was also unbelievably frustrated by the absence of regulation and uniformity in the addiction treatment community, and the lack of self regulation or government intervention in this area of vital social importance. “Too many addiction treatment programs aren’t based on any kind of proven (evidence based) research. Timeafter-time, Brian received various types of treatment but it was only at the last facility they identified and addressed his underlying issues of anxiety. By then, it was clearly too late.” Shatterproof was formed to create
awareness, with 5k fund-raising walks and runs organized in a number of cities including Kansas City, Washington, D.C., Boston and Atlanta. It is also focused on action, actively lobbying state legislatures around the country. They’ve championed legislation in 14 states, saving thousands of lives that would otherwise have succumbed to overdose. In order to better effect its goals, Shatterproof has additionally assembled a world-class Substance Use Disorder Treatment Task Force that reads like a “Who’s Who” of the medical treatment community. They are pressing for better and more stringent standards to ensure greater use of, and uniformity in, evidence based treatment throughout the industry. As Mendell reflects on his son’s life, he realizes he did all that he possibly could, but was handicapped, as many families are, by a lack of understanding of the disease. He wishes he could have better appreciated what Brian was going through and provided more empathy. “I wished I’d said, ‘Brian, this must be really hard for you.’” That’s a huge part of Mendell’s motivation, so other parent’s need not go through the same harsh learning experience. Too many people are frozen into inaction by this puzzling disease, wondering “what can I possibly do as just one person?” Gary Mendell and Shatterproof demonstrate that anyone filled with passion and a just cause can move mountains and save countless lives. And, the most amazing part of this story is that Mendell’s still only just getting started. For more information please go to www.Shatterproof.org.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
41
America Needs to Beat Opioid Addiction DR. JOHN DOMBROWSKI, M.D. FASA
42
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
InRecovery.com
I
t is hard to imagine that Opioid use has quadrupled in the past 15 years, claiming 183,000 lives, according to the Center for Disease Control. Fair Health, a nonprofit organization committed to Healthcare, says claims increased 3,203% for Opioid patients diagnosed from 2007 to 2014. The common forms for Opioids are Heroin, Oxycodone and Hydrocodone, also known as Vicodin. White men represent the largest group prone for Opioid overdose. This rapid increase in opioid use created a nationwide health emergency. The jump in prescriptions caused a ripple effect in the American Healthcare system that had already experienced a wave of change with the Affordable Care Act. Fair Health reports, “non-medical use of prescription Opioids alone was estimated to have cost the U.S. economy $53.4 billion in 2006.” So what does the Healthcare opioid crisis look like? Everyone wants this addictive pain killer. One of the problems is a single patient can refill one prescription with multiple doctors who financially benefit for promoting the drugs. The number of refills increases when patients can travel over state lines. This phenomenon of patients selling their medications to others has caused a significant amount of unintended consequences. There have been state improvements to eliminate double dipping by patients. In Michigan, a model that streamlines the prescription system allows doctors to instantly see the history of patients on addictive drugs. A GCN special report says “the state will begin using Apprises’ next generation substance abuse tracking platform: NarxCare. Part analytic tool, the new system automatically analyzes MAPS data and a patient’s health history to provide a patient risk score, or NarxScore.” The most recent data demonstrates that half of the overdosed patients require medical admissions. The nature of overdoses surged the number of emergency department (ER) admissions that are often not fully covered by insurance. The length of stay is approximate four days costing an average of $30,000 in care. Also, 22% of these patients required nursing facilities because Opioid overdosing can causes brain damage. The current numbers are 100 patients per day die from opioid
InRecovery.com
overdose. This is fast overcoming the number one killer in the United States. As an anesthesiologist and pain physician, I specialize in treating the whole patient. I listen to my patients describe their pain. My medical decisions are based on more than a number on a scale of 1 to 10. This total care approach is more comprehensive which creates a greater chance that the patient will experience relief from their pain symptoms. Opioids and Corporate Greed Some think the American way of making a buck is at someone else’s loss. This philosophy seems apparent in the Pharmaceutical industry, and its relationship with Opioids. “80 percent of people with substance abuse problems start their downward spiral with pharmaceutical pain relievers,” the Sun Miami Sentinel reported. Then, there’s the disturbing legal developments. One case in Virginia handed down a conviction to pharmaceutical executives, but did not give them jail time. The New York Times reported that three executives were given probation and fines for misleading their brand, but no hard time. This sends a signal to other high paid industry experts, that despite clear evidence that their drugs are causing deaths, they could essentially get away with murder. “Purdue Frederick, the holding company, agreed to pay $600 million in fines and other payments and the executives agreed to pay $34.5 million.” Unfortunately, that is just a drop in the bucket and does not bring back the lives of those who died of opioid overdoses. In the healthcare system, getting paid is also a major incentive driving opioid abuse. Patients can be held hostage in a system where they never are completely healed, but instead medicated. Patients reporting that they were not treated adequately can affect, Medicare reimbursement and physicians’ pay. We see the exact same problem at hospitals. Hospitals are encouraged to make sure patients have enough medications so the hospital can
receive a favorable rating. Yet these tactics don’t solve the pain issue and often take additional money from the patients in co-payments or drug store refills. The best way to solve this cycle is holistic treatment that utilizes specialists. First, we need to stop the number of oral pain medications that a patient gets monthly. Recent studies demonstrate that postoperative pain requires 12 pills versus the 30 physicians typically prescribe for a month. This opens the door for drug abuse or patients selling their extra pills or having someone they know steal the extra supply. Second, patients with chronic pain should think holistically in terms of healing vs. just taking pills. Creating management techniques outside of medications could help break the cycle of Opioid abuse. Hopefully, this will reduce the need of opiate-based therapy or decrease the amount of pill therapy. Third and perhaps most importantly, is treating addiction. A chronic medical illness cannot simply be solved with more medication. Treatment for addicted patients must be a high priority in their overall care. Successfully treating addiction will help the patient from feeling shame, hopelessness or depression. So addiction must be treated like other medical conditions and not simply ignored. This invariably could involve medicine, but also more importantly counseling. This broad approach will address those suffering with opioid addiction and more importantly decrease the number of new cases. The healthcare industry must also focus on patient care vs. the money oriented pharmaceutical industry which is content keeping patients stuck in a cycle of drug dependency.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
43
Opioids: Hand-to-Hand Combat
L
ouisville, Kentucky, overdose capital USA. Or is it somewhere in Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, or some other rust belt or coal mining city whose economy has been hit so hard by the opioid epidemic? It can vary from week-to-week, as paramedics rush from emergency-to-emergency knowing that 9 times out of 10 heroin will be involved. Its disheartening and disillusioning as they labor on the front lines of the battle, essentially filling sandbags trying to hold back the inevitable flow of a rising tide. Yet, they soldier on, fighting the good fight, until politicians and society arrive at a solution. Louisville in particular, with a population of 766,000, has been hit hard. Emergency services there can get as many as 40 calls over an average 24 hour period, and they’re not alone. EMS workers and police frequently arrive just on time to administer a dose of Naloxone (most commonly marketed under the commercial name Narcan), which stops opioid absorption in its tracks, provided it’s not already too late. The change in the patient is instant and dramatic, like the scene in Pulp Fiction when John Travolta injects adrenaline directly into the heart of Uma Thurman, to save her character from an overdose. The next stop though, is trying to get them to a hospital, and that’s where the process usu-
44
ally breaks down. Some patients run off fearing arrest, others are belligerent and violent, and most just simply refuse. The overdosed addict, severely in need of therapy, counseling or at the very least a stern reminder from a doctor that they may not survive the next one, goes off, likely to be the reason for another emergency call within weeks. The cases are overwhelming. EMS and firefighters are now regularly running out of Naloxone mid-shift, ensuring addicts are playing Russian Roulette with their lives, depending on the time of their overdose and available supplies. Some people even need several doses to be revived, one recently required as many as seven. Emergency services are spread thin and other emergency situations are typically put at risk because of something that otherwise feels so preventable. If only something could be done. Overdoses can occur anywhere; to people in their homes, at restaurants, in movie theaters or parking lots, or even slumped over in their seats awaiting a changing stop light. It’s sad and depressing. People are also getting hooked on more powerful forms of heroin as their tolerance increases, driving up the need for even stronger doses of Naloxone. The rate is alarming. Statistics aren’t going up year-over-year,
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
it’s happening at such a rapid rate that it’s noticeable from month-to-month. It’s hand-to-hand bio-warfare taking place on the streets between the good guys and heroin. Any given night it can easily feel as if heroin is gaining the upper hand. Yet there’s hope. At a public health building in the middle of Louisville, people gather at a meeting to learn how to administer Naloxone. Many are mothers and fathers of kids who have overdosed, and they’re becoming proactive as a precaution, so they can be ready if their child backslides. They’re also getting counseling on how to be more involved in their children’s lives, a key root issue of addiction. Addicts can’t solve the problem alone, they need love and support. Sometimes that love needs to be tough love. Are you ready to offer it? Are you ready to accept it? Addiction is a disease, but it requires personal willpower and dedication to be overcome. It’s not easy. We can’t afford to wait on politicians, the war on drugs has been waged for decades with no end in sight. We need to be personally accountable for ourselves and our loved ones to make a difference. We need to address the scourge of addiction one individual, and one family, at a time because, in reality, that is what it will take to ultimately turn back the force of this rising tide. InRecovery.com
A Deadly Dose
2015 Age-adjusted rate
Opioid Overdose Deaths Around The Country
Location
n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n
Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas
2015 Number of deaths
736 122 1,274 392 4,659 869 800 198 125 3,228 1,302 169 218 1,835 1,245 309 329
Location
n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n
Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina
2015 Number of deaths
1,273 861 269 1,285 1,724 1,980 581 351 1,066 138 126 619 422 1,454 501 2,754 1,567
Location
n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n
North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming
2015 Number of deaths
61 3,310 725 505 3,264 310 761 65 1,457 2,588 646 99 1,039 1,094 725 878 96
Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention InRecovery.com
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
45
ALCOHOLISM Is a Terrible
Disease BA AUSTIN
It can take away everything you have including your own sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
A
lcoholism is a terrible disease. It has no interest in who you are. It does not care about how much money you have, where you fit in society, or what you have accomplished in your life. It can take away everything you have including your own sense of self-worth and self-esteem, and it has destroyed many lives and hurt many families. I know all of this because I am an alcoholic. It could be said that my journey into the abyss was lying dormant in me for years as a number of my family members before me had succumbed to the devastation of alcoholism. Not only did it grab them by the throat, it killed some of them as well. I was headed down that exact same road. Thankfully, I had the love of my two wonderful children who eventually were the ones that helped save me, and it was only then that I could begin the process of saving myself. My story towards alcoholism began in 1990 when my mother passed away, and shortly after that I separated from my husband of thirteen years. I was now without my own mom and was a single mother to Savannah and Steven who were ages nine and six. It was up to me to help these innocent children survive the stigma of being from a broken family. Each day I would force myself to face the hurt of losing my mom, as well as facing the shame of being a divorced woman trying to hold my head up as high as possible as I attempted to raise my children. On the
46
outside, I was continuing to raise them with as much love and direction as I could give. On the inside, however, I felt nothing but hurt and a sense of failure as I struggled to make sense of my life. So I began the process of trying to unwind after each lonely day. A glass of wine at night would help to calm my senses and relax my mind so that I could sleep. But over time the one innocent and harmless glass of wine became two glasses, then eventually a bottle each day, and before I knew it, maybe even two. By the time this seven-year odyssey peaked in the spring of 1997, Savannah and Steve, now sixteen and thirteen, decided to inform my brothers Will and Matt that I needed help. On April 23rd, a day and date that will always be a part of me, I was invited to what I thought was a family barbeque just after my 43rd birthday. Instead as I walked into my brother’s house to a deafening silence, the family room was filled with many people that truly cared about me. An Intervention had begun. My brothers were there, my dad was there, my pastor who was a recovering alcoholic was there, and of course Savannah and Steven were there, tears streaming down their faces as I entered the room. I will never forget the words that my children said as they read a letter pleading with me to get the help that I so desperately needed. So just a few hours later there I was, walking through the front door at the Betty Ford Center, in fear of where this ultimate step would be taking me. I knew I would
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
be there for the next 30 days, wondering where I would find the strength to rise from the rock-bottom place that I had put myself in. The one thing I did know through all of the humiliation, embarrassment, and sense of failure that enveloped me was that I desperately WANTED to get better, and that I was going to make certain that April 23rd of 1997 was the last day I would ever have an alcoholic drink. Whatever adversity I was currently going through would eventually be replaced by happiness and hope and that I could and would have a positive future. That was a promise I made to myself and now, more than twenty years later, I have kept that promise. I had my last drink before entering the Betty Ford Center and I remain sober today. It has not always been easy. It never is when you are an alcoholic. The well-known phrase “one day at a time� is the bible in which all of us who have suffered from this illness need to live by. I do not take my sobriety lightly. I will never take my sobriety lightly. Each and every day I count the blessings I was given and I have so much to be thankful for. I have been blessed to have Savannah and Steven as my children. The love and support that they showed me when I needed it most made it possible for me to survive when everything was at its bleakest. That love and support continues to this day as life goes on and I have been blessed with three wonderful grandsons who bring me such joy and pleasure. I am so grateful to many other family members and friends who have been so kind. None of them were willing to give up on me, even when there were times that I was ready to give up on myself. When you have been in such a dark place as I have and been given a second chance to experience such brightness, being able to share my journey with others who may be dealing with similar issues is a true gift, one that I am truly thankful to have. For those of you that are suffering from addiction, you are not alone. So many people struggle with this every day and you need to know that people are there to help you. They want to help you. Just ask for it. What waits for you on the other end is sobriety. Please reach out and grab it. What a wonderful experience it is. InRecovery.com
EFFORT AND
TIME KATE EDWARDS
M
y name is Kate, and I’m a 30-yearold recovering alcoholic and addict. I had my first drink when I was 14 years old, and I drank like an alcoholic even that first time. I drank for 16 years. I drank to have fun. I drank to forget my problems. I drank to celebrate. I drank to turn off that tape constantly playing in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough. I drank for every reason imaginable.
As I recovered, I began to discover the root of my addiction: my core belief that I wasn’t good enough. I intended to prove that I wasn’t good enough by drinking and using. I couldn’t tell you when and where it started or why, but I can tell you I grew up with an alcoholic father who now, by the grace of God, has 17 years of sobriety. I can also tell you my brother has six years of sobriety, and that my grandmother had 20 years of sobriety when she died.
Luckily, I never got arrested, fired or divorced. On the other hand, I also never earned the master’s degree I dreamed of. I never got to be a blushing bride, I never got to be a young mother and I never had a baby.
These examples proved to me that recovery is possible, and that things can and do get better. Recently, my brother told me that it wouldn’t be easy, but it would always be worth it. I really needed to hear that because, believe it or not, I thought I was the only one who wasn’t enjoying every single minute of sobriety. Everyone told me how much better my life was going to be sober; and for the most part, it was. However, I still have to deal with life and all
I chose to put alcohol and other drugs in front of everything and everyone. I knew the only way I was going to get sober and stay sober was to do the same with my recovery. I had to put my recovery in front of everything and everyone. I had to chase my sobriety like I chased my high. I knew if I didn’t give recovery my all, then I wouldn’t make it. InRecovery.com
those feelings I numbed away for years with drugs and alcohol. Some of the advice you get in recovery might be tough to hear: “Don’t start a new relationship until you have a year of sobriety” or “You can’t hang out with your old friends who drink and use.” I now know that all of the hard-hitting advice comes from years of experience and has proven to keep people sober.
Sobriety doesn’t happen by accident. It takes effort and time – effort and time well spent.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
47
MusiCares ®
The Music Community’s Safety Net MUSICARES® STAFF
T
he Recording Academy® is best known for its annual GRAMMY Awards®. In 1989, this entity established MusiCares®, its charitable health and human services organization, which provides a safety net of critical assistance for members of the music community. Often referred to as the Red Cross of the music industry, MusiCares® provides confidential services and resources that cover a wide range of financial, medical and personal emergencies. To understand the need for a nonprofit such as MusiCares, let’s look at the life story of Woody Herman, a Milwaukee born jazz artist, who began performing as a child singing in vaudeville. At the age of eleven, Herman had mastered the saxophone and garnered a substantial amount of professional experience and credibility, performing with the big bands of Gus Arnheim, Tom Gerun and Harry Sosnik. In 1934, Herman joined the Isham Jones Orchestra; and after the band broke up, Herman utilized the remaining talented members to construct his own orchestra. His career continued to flourish, and he soon became recognized as one of the most influential band leaders of his time, producing tunes that are still applauded 48
today, such as “At the Woodchopper’s Ball,” “Early Autumn” and “Four Brothers.” Sadly, despite a notable career spanning more than 60 years and which included countless legendary contributions to the music industry, Herman passed away virtually homeless and alone. While his influence on the music industry was greatly appreciated, music industry professionals were outraged that someone of his stature, particularly someone who had contributed so much to the world of music, could pass away in such tragic circumstances. Stories like Herman’s, which illustrate the heartbreaking health and financial hardships faced by too many members of the musical community, prompted the Recording Academy to establish the MusiCares Foundation more than 25 years ago. MusiCares®’ Senior Executive Director Debbie Carroll explained that the circumstances of Herman’s unfortunate passing led “. . . a number of musicians and industry professionals, to come together to take a stand, noting that no one in our music family should end up in this type of situation.”
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
MusiCares® offers members of the music community multiple programs and services, including emergency financial assistance for basic living expenses, medical expenses, psychotherapy and substance abuse treatment. The foundation also offers nationwide educational workshops on a variety of subjects, including financial, legal, medical, and substance abuse issues. In collaboration with healthcare professionals, programs provide preventative services such as flu shots, hearing tests, hearing protection, and medical and dental screenings. MusiCares also serves as one of the leading organizations helping with addiction. The MusiCares MAP Fund® allows access to addiction recovery treatment and sober living resources for members of the music community. Staffed by qualified chemical dependency and intervention specialists, MusiCares offers Safe Harbor Room® support. Sponsored in part by the Bohemian Foundation, this program provides a network for those in recovery, or interested in recovery, while they are participating in the production of televised music shows and other major music events and festivals. MusiCares holds free weekly addiction support InRecovery.com
MusiCares is a place music industry professionals can to turn to in times of need. ®
groups in various locations around the country where members of the music industry discuss how to best cope with the issues surrounding the recovery process. The MusiCares Sober Touring Network is a database of individuals across the United States who are qualified to bring musicians to recovery support meetings while on the road. Each year, the MusiCares Map Fund Benefit Concert recognizes a prominent music professional who has overcome addiction. Last year, renowned Motown singer and songwriter, Smokey Robinson, received the Stevie Ray Vaughan Award for his dedication and support of the MusiCares MAP Fund as well as for his commitment to helping others with the addiction recovery process. This past June, the Recording Academy and MusiCares honored the multi-GRAMMY, award-winning musician, Adam Clayton, for overcoming his longtime battle with substance abuse. The foundation has previously awarded iconic artists such as Chester Bennington, Dave Gahan, Ozzy Osbourne and Pete Townshend. Research has indicated that women are among the fastest growing segment of alcohol and drug users within the United States. While addiction is an equal opportunity disease, studies show that women become addicted differently than people of other genders, engage in substance abuse for different reasons, progress faster, recover differently from people of other genders, and relapse for different reasons as well. Studies on the impact of substance abuse on women have shown that issues related to hormones, menstrual cycles, fertility, pregnancy and breastfeeding could influence women’s struggle with drug use. Additionally, women have also described unique cultural and social reasons for using drugs: controlling weight, fighting exhaustion, coping with pain, and selfInRecovery.com
treating mental health problems. Women are also more likely to self-medicate to cope with uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, stress and depression. Last year, addiction claimed the lives of approximately 55,000 individuals within the United States, a statistic that has become increasingly prevalent among women. The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence stated that up to 4.5 million women in the US over the age of twelve suffer from substance abuse; over 200,000 American women die due to alcoholism and drug dependence; and there are approximately 4 million women in need of treatment for addiction. Within the music industry, numerous female music icons and legends have died prematurely due to their ongoing battles with addiction or other circumstances. Prior to the 1990s, the majority of research on substance abuse and dependence focused primarily on men. For years, large numbers of alcohol and drug-dependent women remained hidden within the culture. This culture of hiding addiction began to shift when former First Lady, Betty Ford, publicly acknowledged her own struggle with alcohol addiction. Her courage in speaking openly regarding her addiction served as a turning point in our history. At the 2010 MusiCares Map Fund benefit concert, MusiCares honored Betty Ford for her spirited effort to bring attention to this growing epidemic amongst women. The evening’s theme of women in recovery was inspired by data from the Department of Health and Human Services and the Department of Transportation, which had indicated that only 8% of women who have a problem with addiction seek help.
in their employment, and lack of health insurance. Today, addiction and substance abuse remain an increasing issue within the music industry, and members of this industry continue to experience financial, personal and medical crises. MusiCares provides a place for music industry professionals to access help in times of need through a phone call to one of its toll-free numbers, followed by a very brief application. Eligibility consists of documented employment in the music industry for at least five years or credited contribution to six commercially released recordings or videos. If you or a loved one is in need of assistance, please contact one of the MusiCares toll free numbers listed below or visit www.musicares.org. MusiCares West Region and MusiCares® MAP Fund 3030 Olympic Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90404 Ph: 310.392.3777 Fx: 310.392.2187 Toll-free Help Line: 1.800.687.4227 MusiCares South Region 1904 Wedgewood Ave. Nashville, TN 37212 Ph: 615.327.0050 Fx: 615.327.0876 Toll-free Help Line: 1.877.626.2748 MusiCares East Region 104 West 40th St., Suite 400 New York, NY 10036 Ph: 212.245.7840 Fx: 310.449.6525 Toll-free Help Line: 1.877.303.6962
While addiction continues to be a growing epidemic, many individuals remain unaware of the severity of the issue. Addiction is a complex disease. It is imperative to understand that gender may affect susceptibility, recovery and the possibility of relapse. Addiction among women continues to grow as a serious issue with unique challenges. Sadly, studies indicate that nearly 7 million women within the US are in need of treatment; however, these women are not receiving treatment for various reasons, including not knowing where to find help, fearing negative effects
Established in 1989 by The Recording Academy®, MusiCares® provides a safety net of critical assistance for music people in times of need. MusiCares’ services and resources cover a wide range of financial, medical, and personal emergencies, and each case is treated with integrity and confidentiality. MusiCares also focuses the resources and attention of the music industry on human service issues that directly impact the health and welfare of the music community. www.musicares.org
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
49
Book Review
A Burning Desire Dharma God & the Path of Recovery
“….does anyone have a burning desire to share?” Kevin Griffin, apparently, who takes his title and begins his book with a question that is asked before the close of Twelve Step meetings. “You’re not supposed to start a book by apologizing,” Griffin writes in the preface, clarifying that his viewpoint does not represent some “absolute truth;” he does not “speak as an authority on Buddhism;” he claims “no special knowledge of the Twelve Steps;” nor does he represent any program. He does, however, speak with honesty and humility from over 20 years of his own experience with Buddhism and AA. Griffin pours forth the story of his own intense, ongoing quest for peace in sobriety in this book, which is composed of two parts: “Dharma God” and “The Path of Recovery.” He shares his experience, strength, and hope. In the first chapter, Griffin explores the Buddhist “Dharma,” which can be understood as “truth.” Dharma is similar to the Twelve Steps’ Higher Power, as both are the “unseen forces of work behind all of existence.” Griffin explains that since we are powerless over these forces, we will find happiness and freedom if and when we can “live in harmony with them.” 50
Griffin links “Higher Power” to several aspects of Buddhism: Karma, Mindfulness, Love, Faith, and more. There is a prayer at the end of each chapter in Part I, followed by a simple exercise. The prayer at the end of “The Higher Power of Mindfulness,” which begins, “I set my intention to be mindful today,” was particularly soothing for me. Four exercises follow this prayer, each with straightforward explanations for practicing mindfulness of various kinds, beginning with the breath. Readers are nudged to follow the procedures, assured that they can succeed. Griffin invites readers to experience the power of Buddhist concepts like metta, loving kindness; karuna, compassion; and mudita, sympathetic joy. We’re led to see how we might incorporate these concepts into our lives and how they might assist us with Step Eleven, improving our conscious contact with the God of our understanding. In Part II, the author delves into the six “God Steps” of the Twelve. He prefaces his exploration by explaining that for him, “God is not a He or a She, but an It.” The six chapters that follow link the God Steps to Buddhist principles. Griffin incorporates his own experiences, which include a final alcoholic binge before he came to believe in some inchoate and evolving power greater than himself (see Step Two).
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
Griffin’s guileless sharing of his foibles and insights makes us feel we’re in there with him. If he can find serenity, so can we. Griffin began meditating as a young musician still active in his drug and alcohol addiction. He reflects on how and why that wasn’t enough to bring him serenity and how he struggled to find a better way. Like many of us, he tried a Twelve-Step program in desperation and began to heal through the “Higher Power of the Group.” Griffin draws readers into his journey. It is as if at the close of an intense, inspiring Twelve-Step meeting, we have heard and heeded his burning desire. Griffin has come to think of recovery “not as getting over some addiction or illness, but as learning to live with the Truth of Suffering,” and we addicted, compulsive, imperfect, human readers get this. When Griffin proclaims Buddhism and the Twelve Steps to be good tools for living with this “Truth of Suffering,” we’ve long since been sold. A Burning Desire: Dharma God & the Path of Recovery by Kevin Griffin Hay House, Inc.
InRecovery.com
The BOOKSTAND Recovery is the subject of countless books, blogs, films, CDs and apps. Below are some titles worth a look. If you would like us to include your books, blogs, films, CDs or apps in this column, please contact editor@inrecovery.com.
Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions. (by Russell Brand, 2017).
With a rare mix of honesty, humor, and compassion, comedian and movie star Russell Brand mines his own wild story and shares the advice and wisdom he has gained through his fourteen years of recovery. Brand speaks to those suffering along the full spectrum of addiction–from drugs, alcohol, caffeine, and sugar addictions to addictions to work, stress, bad relationships, digital media, and fame. Brand understands that addiction can take many shapes and sizes and how the process of staying clean, sane, and unhooked is a daily activity. Available on Amazon.
Expect Delays: How to Reclaim Your Life, Light and Soul After Trauma (Dr. Danielle Delaney, Th.D. 10-10-10 Publishing and Raymond Aaron Group, 2017).
You CAN heal ENTIRELY from severe, deep trauma – without needing a lobotomy. The author shares the traumatic experiences of her assaults, and her journey of recovery and growth into the powerful woman and trauma expert she is today. Recovery is not a simple path, and you will encounter detours and delays along the winding road. Learn new tools and belief systems for living through it and surviving. Discover how to endure and to emerge victorious. Available on Amazon.
101 Tips for Staying Clean & Sober (by L. Scott Hartman, InRecovery Press, 2017).
Some days in recovery are more difficult than others. Life comes at us fast and from many different angles, challenging our ability to cope. Mr. Hartman offers 101 engaging tips for staying on the road to recovery. Includes exercises and affirmations for staying inspired and focused. Things run more smoothly with preventative maintenance. Does your recovery deserve any less? Available on Amazon. P
R
E
S
S
Flight To Transformation (by Larry Smith, 2017).
This is a two-part book: The Flight, and The Transformation. The Flight is a brief memoir of the life of Captain Larry Smith. It exposes the details of how alcohol, cocaine and selfwill turned his incredible life into a living hell. The Transformation features author Captain Smith’s profound insight into humanity and spirituality as he examines the differences between perception and reality, pleasure and happiness, ego and spirit, and time and eternity. Available on Amazon. InRecovery.com
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
51
SHANE’S RIDE When Shane Boylan lost his father to suicide, he found a surprising way to heal: by launching a bike riding fundraiser. PAUL FUHR
T
hey say a lot of things in life are as easy as riding a bike. For Shane Boylan, riding a bike has been perhaps the most beautiful, difficult thing he’ll ever do. An 11-year-old from Highland Park, New Jersey, Shane has been working to ensure that people never forget that depression can take a devastating toll on countless people worldwide. According to the Hope for Depression Research Foundation, a depressed person dies from suicide every 14 minutes in the United States. It’s a staggering statistic, which unfortunately hit close to home for Shane last year when his father Timothy took his life after a battle with depression and alcoholism. Shane did not let the tragedy get the better of him. He started asking questions, hoping to help other families to avoid the same suffering. Shane’s father had been an 52
avid bike rider. Eventually, Shane hopped on his own bike to take action, creating “Depression Doesn’t Ride,” an 11-mile fundraiser to raise awareness about and combat depression. Every year, the distance will grow to match Shane’s age. “Last year, we had no idea how many people to expect,” Shane’s mother Aanika said, claiming that they were originally overwhelmed by the turnout. “It was really shocking and surprising to see so many people come out.” What started off as a tribute to Shane’s dad has turned into something much larger and inspiring for others; even USA Today and The Huffington Post have picked up the story. Shane’s original goal of $400 to fund depression research quickly reached $4,000, all of which was donated to the
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
Hope for Depression Research Foundation. In its second year, the race was held just after Father’s Day and attracted even more riders than the first in 2016. “There were more people riding with us than there were watching us ride, which was good,” Shane said, noting that there were dozens of others pedaling alongside him. The ride is a lot more than just the time spent on a bike seat, too. According to Shane’s mother, it’s about the conversation this project gets going. “It’s really remarkable how many people share their personal connections to addiction and depression,” Aanika said. “Once you mention the ride, it really opens up the doors for conversations about depression. People start talking about their own issues, and that’s healing for us and for the people willing to share their stories with us.” InRecovery.com
This is a conversation well worth having, particularly since the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that one out of 20 Americans suffer from depression. If nothing else, Shane’s ride reveals that no one is truly alone in their battle. “The overall support has been wonderful,” Aanika said, practically smiling through the phone. “At his school and in our community and neighborhood, everyone cheers him on and acknowledges what he’s doing.” Executive Director of Hope for Depression Louisa Benton went one step further in describing Shane’s event as both unique and quietly profound. “Shane is wise beyond his years,” Benton said. “What he’s doing can change the world, and that’s what touches us so deeply. He represents the future and is an ambassador of hope.” At the end of the day, however, Shane takes all the attention in stride. He’s a kid who’s as unassuming as he is determined, crossing the finish line with a pretty straightforward motivation: “I just think of my father, and I keep going for him,” he says. While the course for the second year hasn’t changed—it’s the same hour-long journey around historic Johnson Park and through the colonial buildings of East Jer-
InRecovery.com
sey Olde Towne—the mood was certainly different for Shane’s mother. While the first year was overwhelming on a number of levels, this year’s ride was hugely sentimental. “There was a picture of Shane this year riding in Johnson Park, and I suddenly remembered years ago, back in 1991, that Tim and I were at the same place. The park had been flooded, and we’d had our picture taken there,” Aanika said. “This year, that was a profound moment for me: Shane was riding in the exact same park where his father and I had been.” The ride is as meaningful as it is cathartic for Shane and his mother. Still, it’s not the memories or the outpouring of support that have been the most rewarding part of the experience. Rather, it’s been seeing Shane turn an activity his father loved into something rewarding, heartwarming, and important to countless others. “[Shane’s dad] was already proud of Shane,” Aanika said, “but he would be extremely proud of what he’s done.” For his part, Shane plans on riding every year in memory of his father. It’s clear that although Shane has crossed this finish line, his singular fight against depression is nowhere close to being over.
If you’re interested in helping Shane get started for his 2018 ride, visit the HDRF website (http://www.hopefordepression. org). At the bottom of the Donate page, in the “In Memory Of/Comments” section, write “Shane’s Ride.”
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
53
Flight to
Transformation
An Interview with LARRY SMITH “Lying naked and shivering, face down on my cold kitchen floor with the business end of a cop’s shotgun pointed at the back of my head,” are words that are sure to capture your attention. They’re haunting, like straight out of a nightmare. However, they only begin to describe the horror of addiction and how it came crashing down like an avalanche on Larry Smith’s life.
greater serenity toward a more fulfilling life in recovery.
IR: Tell me about what redemption means to you.
We had a chance to catch up with Captain Smith and interview him about both his life and the message behind “Flight to Transformation.”
This true-life tale of a retired United States Air Force officer and fighter pilot will send shivers down your spine as you come to the stark realization that addiction can truly impact anyone. Smith’s booze-filled, cocaine induced haze is explored in his transformative book “Flight to Transformation - Beating the Turbulence of Addiction,” published by Burman Books Media Corp. It is certainly a riveting story, but it is so much more as Captain Smith breaks his book down into two distinct sections. The first, is a memoir detailing how addiction turned his idealic life as a high-paying pilot for United Airlines into a living hell. The second half features the Captain’s unique insights into humanity and spirituality, to help you, the reader, gain
Smith: I kept journaling in my sobriety after the shock of my arrest. To be perfectly honest, I was suffering a lot at the beginning and writing was therapeutic. That’s when I began to examine my life story and realized that I had something vitally important to share with others going through the same ordeal. I discovered a tremendous amount of spirituality along the way, giving me rich perspective beyond my own experience.
Smith: I was a 747 pilot working for United Airlines at the time of my arrest. It came as a huge shock to everyone who knew me. I’d kept my addiction pretty well hidden from all my peers. I expected to get fired and ignored, but was happily surprised by just how supportive they all were, helping get me get into treatment immediately. I was very fortunate. I took my recovery seriously from the outset and was able to put my past behind me. However, I’ve never run from it. I acknowledge my mistakes but refuse to let them define the rest of my life. As a result, I’ve regained people’s trust and respect, flying again within 9 months of my arrest and becoming CEO of Get Real Recovery in Orange County, CA.
54
InRecovery: What inspired you to write this book?
IR: Who would you like to reach with this book? Smith: Basically anyone who wants to either learn more about the recovery process or who is interested in exploring his or her inner self.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
IR: You write about the four levels of transformation in your book Can you please describe them? Smith: Gladly. There are four levels of transformation required for taking on the major task of recovery. InRecovery.com
PORT FOR A FRIEND OR Y MEMBER IN RECOVERY. 1. Unconscious incompetence - you’re really screwed up and aren’t even aware of it.
conscious competence. Many people then stay at phase 3 and live wonderful lives. d is an app-based, healthy approachHowever, to aidforinthose fortunate enough to 2. Conscious incompetence - you recog- attain unconscious competence, you get to someone’s recovery process. nize that you have a serious problem but be “on autopilot in God’s world.” don’t have a clue what to do about it. IR: Can you kindly share more of your 3. Conscious competence - you know you spiritual insights? have a problem and need to follow certain Smith: I’ve read numerous books on steps to solve it. spiritual guidance and am constantly jot4. Unconscious competence - You’re so ting down thoughts and ideas that come used to doing the right thing that it be- to me after prayer and meditation. I incomes second nature. clude spiritual bites in each chapter and expound upon quotes from well-known To give you an example, I was at point 1, celebrities to help give the reader topical unconscious incompetence at the time insights. I also make regular use of the adof my arrest. Oddly enough, I even had vice I give, in my own personal life. My ck of Spending Habits a premonition that I’d get busted, but ig- goal isn’t to preach but rather to inspire by it because I wasn’t ready to stop sharing my experience. e Alerts ofnored Spending (text/email alerts) using. Many substance abusers have this same problem until there’s a catalyst that IR: What key message would you like s Need for Cash or Gift Cards makes them want to change. Although people to take with them after reading not all are as serious as having your front your book? Purchases (liquor/ATM/casino, etc.) door busted down by the Feds. Smith: A God of our own understandd with Direct Deposit ing istowithin Point 2 involves taking some action like 12 Care Card is an app-based, healthy approach aid inall of us. We are incapable Steps or some other programrecovery to get you on of understanding God, but we intuitively someone’s process. ds ACH, Load Center, Direct Deposit, Link knowReady right from wrong. However, the ego track, which quickly melds into point 3, Visa
SAFE, SECURE FINANCIAL SUPPORT FOR A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER IN RECOVERY. SECURE FINANCIAL RT FOR A FRIEND OR MEMBER IN RECOVERY. e Funds Available after Transfer
n app-based, healthy approach to aid in meone’s recovery process.
rd-to-Card Transfer
ile App
Keep Track of Spending Habits
Sign up
Today!
Real-Time Alerts of Spending (text/email alerts)
AtCards Eliminates Need forCall Cash Us or Gift
888-216-4680
SafePurchases and Reliable Wayetc.) to Spending Habits ABlocked (liquor/ATM/casino,
provide aFree Loved One Support. s of Spending (text/email alerts) Load with Direct Financial Deposit
attempts to disrupt us and edge God out. We need to align ourselves with the will of God. That best stems from gratitude. When you see and appreciate all of God’s blessings, both large and small, why would you want to do anything but His will, anything other than good? “Flight To Transformation - Beating the Turbulence of Addiction” is now available for sale at Available on Amazon. Captain Smith is a masterful story-teller who provides inspired perspective. I highly recommend his book to anyone struggling with addiction, in recovery, or in search of knowledgeable, spiritual guidance.
Flight To Transformation by Larry Smith. See page 51 for full book review
The McShin Foundation
Virginia’s Leading Nonprofit, Full-Service Recovery Community Organization
Keep Track of Spending Habits d for Cash or Gift•• Cards Load funds ACH, Load Center, Direct Deposit, Visa Ready Link Eliminates Need for Cash or Gift Cards
w.integritycarecard.us Email: info@integritycarecard.us • Immediate Real-Time of Available Spending (text/email alerts) ases (liquor/ATM/casino, etc.)Alerts Funds after Transfer
Direct Deposit
• •
Blocked Purchases (liquor stores/ATM/casino/tattoo parlors etc.)
WU or funds Card-to-Card Load ACH, LoadTransfer Center,
Sign up
Today!
Direct Deposit, Visa Ready Link, H, Load Center, Direct Deposit, Visa Ready Link Free Mobile App WU or Card-to Card Transfer
ds Available after Transfer
Card Transfer
Sign up
Today!
p
Call Us At
888-216-4680
Info: www.integritycarecard.us Email: info@integritycarecard.us
Call Us At
888-216-4680
Healing Families … Saving Lives
itycarecard.us Email: info@integritycarecard.us The Care Card is a Simple, Safe
Call 804-249-1845
and effective Way to Send Money. visit us at www.integritycarecard.us
InRecovery.com
We are a recovery resource foundation whose mission is to deliver a message of hope to recovering addicts and alcoholics and to facilitate their journey to a healthier life.
email: info@integritycarecard.us
Online at www.mcshin.org
info@mcshin.org
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
55
Family. Job. Money. 56
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
Just how much are you willing to lose?
1-800-NEXT-STEP problemgambling.az.gov
InRecovery.com
The Science of Addiction Cancer Drug Could Replace Opioids for Pain Relief
S
cientists at McGill University in Canada recently made a very surprising discovery during routine cancer treatments. Amazingly enough, a drug created to help lung cancer patients inhibit tumor growth, demonstrates highly effective results in reducing inflammation and chronic pain. Studies on mice have shown tremendous promise, using what is known as an EFGR blocker, one of the most studied proteins in all of biomedicine. Researchers believe the benefits of the EFGR pathway they found in mice will also hold up in humans because of another, separate study on chronic facial pain. The correlation between the impact on mice and humans was proven in that instance. The scientists are optimistic that their findings will soon lead to clinical trials. The biggest determination to be made is whether they can simply re-purpose the current lung cancer fighting drug or they’ll
need to tweak a re-engineered version, to be more effective. They will also need to answer three main questions: (1) Is this really effective for chronic human pain? (2) What dosages are required to treat the pain? (3) What side effects might arise as a result of treatment? If they can successfully answer those questions favorably, then perhaps we’ll have another formidable ally in our battle against addiction.
Fish Enlisted into the War Against Addiction
S
cientists at the University of Utah have uncovered a novel way to test potential treatments for opioids - Zebrafish. As it turns out, this garden-variety tropical fish has neurological structures very similar to humans, making them perfect test subjects. Randall Peterson, the dean of the College of Pharmacy at the University of Utah noted that most current therapies merely replace one addiction for another. Since early stage testing on humans is unethical (and illegal), researchers require suitable surrogates to serve as proverbi-
InRecovery.com
al guinea pigs. Oddly enough, Zebrafish fit the bill. In one experiment, Zebrafish were placed in a tank that allowed them to self administer opioids. Fish were first trained how to trigger food and the food was then replaced by opioids. Fish went wild and began administering ridiculous amounts of opioids, as if they were out of control, even after negative consequences were added to try and slow down this erratic behavior. The fish also showed signs of severe stress and anxiety once the drug was removed. The process of bringing a new drug to market is very slow. By finding new ways to test potential treatments, scientists can speed up that process and provide sorely needed help that much sooner.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
57
THE
MANY
LAYERS OF
SHAME JIM CURTIS
S
hame on you, shame! Shame is a sense of failure, hurt, or harm; it’s the emotion that comes up when we feel that we’ve done something wrong to others or ourselves. At its core, shame is secretive: We rarely share our shame with others. The burden of shame is the belief that if this secret should ever get out, or if people should ever uncover this ugly piece of your story, then they will think less of you. Shame often looks like I’m bad because I’m ill or I’m ill because I’m bad. Have you ever shut down and tuned out when it comes 58
to doing something or talking about yourself? You probably have shame to thank for that. Shame creates stress, despair, loneliness, and disconnection, and it’s often the emotional driver of the chronically ill. It sets the tone for everything you do regarding decision making for your care, your relationships, and more. For example, I was lying to everyone I met out of shame, and that drove the emotions I allowed myself to feel. When I hid in the shadows of shame, my denial, depression, and fear about my ill-
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
ness were the catalysts that helped me create a facade. The motorcycle accident that never happened could explain my disabilities rather than admitting to people that I was sick. A motorcycle accident doesn’t relapse; a motorcycle accident doesn’t get worse with time; a motorcycle accident wouldn’t lead people to ask if I was contagious. A motorcycle accident could happen—even to a good person. So I would tell this lie when I applied for a job or when I went out on dates with new women. It was my shield, but it was so strong InRecovery.com
that it prevented me from getting close to anyone. My lack of vulnerability and the disconnection that my lies created left me lonely, sad, and sick. No one really knew me outside of my immediate family. The underlying belief about shame is my body doesn’t matter; I don’t matter. I’m not worthy, and so my body’s not worthy for anyone to take the time to make it better. For example, when someone gains weight and the weight won’t go away, shame becomes his codependent coping mechanism. Until you’re able to change your story, the healthiness of your body is an extension of the healthiness of your story. Social media can be shame’s biggest ally. Shame on you, social media! It produces a negative self-image and disconnection. On social media, everyone appears happier than you, richer than you, more beautiful than you. You don’t see the mundaneness of life, and it gives us all a warped view of what life is like. When we’re not feeling enough to begin with, this has a tendency to make us feel like we are even less. In response, we manufacture a false story of our own happiness, but again, living within a lie leaves you living without any vulnerability. Social media will also happily hand you the trigger for your shame. One of my favorite ways to get through a sleepless night was stalking my ex-girlfriend’s boyfriend on Facebook. I know, I know—that is an obvious no-no. But of course I would find what I was looking for, as all things hold the meaning you give them: pictures of them together “in love” and “happy” in some awesome location. I’d spiral into inadequacy and not enough-ness around the loss of the relationship, then shame myself for not only the relationship’s ending but also for Facebook stalking them. Now I know better, and I recommend taking regular vacations from social media and treating it like a loaded gun: with caution. Fear is an emotion associated with shame; it comes along for the ride. There is the fear of losing social standing or being humiliated, and if you’re sick, there may be a real fear of death, maybe for some perceived wrong you did. My old story was that I couldn’t be loved until I got better. I was afraid that someone would discover my inadequacies and think less of me. I was embarrassed about the first imInRecovery.com
pression I presented to new people when they saw me walk. I feared my limitations would never be resolved. There’s also a cycle of shame and anger: Shame causes anger, and anger causes shame. It doesn’t matter where you are in the cycle, because both emotions can make you feel like a victim, trapping you in your illness and creating a cuckoo, anxious mind. Victims use anger as a wall against vulnerability, leaving them stuck and alone, believing that nothing can be done. There is another sense of shame that is closely related to guilt. It is the part of shame that is associated with not wanting to be a burden on our family, our friends, and even our doctors and professional caretakers. It manifests when you think, my illness is a burden on someone else. This burden can be especially hard if you have previously been self-sufficient: In that moment when you need people the most, you don’t know how to ask for help. I felt this burden when it became clear that even with their best intentions, my parents were getting tired of taking me from one hospital to another.
In fact, you’ve already started tossing off your shame by embracing your recovery: recognizing your old, distracting story; changing your beliefs by creating a new, bolder one that is aligned with the truth; and then using tools to calm yourself and reprogram your fears, the shame and anger will no longer have a place to camp out in your mind. This is exactly how I learned to move on from being stuck in my past stories and create an awesome current story built around what I want for the future. Stimulati Melvin Britton-Miller was integral in helping me release my old story and its heavy burden of shame. Along with that, I released 40 pounds of weight, which allowed me to be much more comfortable in my own body, both figuratively and literally. I realized I was holding on to the heaviness in my heart that was literally keeping me heavy physically. It was at this same time that my body began to heal. Releasing anger and shame lowers stress in both the body and the mind, and lower stress levels, once again, have been clearly shown to reduce the inflammation that causes pain, weight gain, and low energy. You, my friend, are no victim! You are ready to start using a superpowered Thought Igniter I learned from a Momentum education class. It’s called the Oh, what the F#*$, do whatever it takes! reaction. Try saying this phrase out loud five times, now try again, and this time, really mean it. Sing it: Oooooh, what the F#*$, doooo whateeeever it taaaakes!
Have you ever shut down and tuned out when it comes to doing something or talking about yourself? Once I was able to let go of the guilt, anger, and shame that had become such a large part of my illness, I could break free from my survival mode and actually allow people to give me support and love. As I let more people into my life and practiced this, I became less fearful and more vulnerable. I was no longer a victim of my illness. Whoa, I know that is big, confusing, and overwhelming when you think of it as a whole. Is it possible to let go? Wake up and presto, your shame is gone? I’m an optimist, but I will tell you that it takes work, and if you do the work, you can get there.
Oh, what the F#*$ is letting go of everything that might be holding you back: fear, shame, guilt. Do whatever it takes is part of an unstoppable you. This idea goes beyond an affirmation; it’s a declaration. Declare that you will not hold yourself back from getting stronger, better, or bolder. That you will let go of the guilt, shame, and fear and allow yourself to do whatever it takes to heal. Make this declaration at the moment you’ve convinced yourself not to go to physical therapy or the gym, and push yourself to go. Make this declaration at the moment you find yourself not wanting to be vulnerable or ask for help from the people whom you truly love. Make this declaration when fear creeps up and tells you that you can’t do something— because you can.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
59
Common Signs of Addiction Include: Constant money problems Arrests Track marks Irritability Unusual blotches or infections Frequent, unexplained sicknesses involving: 1. Shaking 2. Dilated pupils 3. Nausea 4. Diarrhea 5. Vomiting
Common Conditions Co-Occurring in Connection With Addiction Include: l
60
Depression l Anxiety l PTSD l Attention Deficit Disorder l Bipolar disorder l Antisocial personality disorder l Borderline personality disorder
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
InRecovery.com
BEHIND THE COUCH HEALING CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
DR. NICOLE GILBERT, PhD
A
woman in her mid-30s came into my office for a consultation. She was poised, attractive, and cleanly and carefully dressed, like a flight attendant. She said that she had been feeling constantly agitated and had trouble with relationships, trust and sleep. Oh, and she “drank too much.” Her father was “dead, thank God,” and she felt close to her elderly mother. She was in law enforcement and did well in her job on the street beat.
drank a whole bottle of wine and fell asleep on the kitchen floor.
As we ended our session, she disclosed that she had habitually felt suicidal for years, but had never made an attempt. Was this a shot at me? I reverted to the usual practice of making a suicide pact and asked her for her gun for safekeeping. As I uttered that request, I realized how stupid it was; she thankfully interrupted me, eyes blazing, “It’s part of my job. I can get another one today!”
To place images in their timely context, she had to recall what she was wearing and who her friends were in school. This type of forgetfulness frequently happens with people who have experienced trauma. In an inescapable trauma situation, executive functions shut down and the amygdala, the “911” of the brain, flashes on, making learning and remembering much more difficult.
I realized that the idea of death was the ultimate relief over which she felt she had control. I apologized. That served to pass her unconscious test and let her know I could be trusted and was not afraid, as she had been for years. I later learned that as a child, she had hidden behind the couch, speechless, as her father regularly beat her mother. There must have been many nights where she fell asleep not knowing if her mother would be alive the next morning, yet she didn’t remember that fear.
The woman also said she couldn’t be sure, but she might be crazy. I asked her what she remembered of the domestic violence that took place week after month after year in her little house of horrors. She remembered very little except for the sound of the blows to her mother and the irate voice of her father. She saw nothing, as she crouched behind the couch, wordless, emotionless.
She finally agreed to call me if she felt like acting on her ideation. So, we went forward on the razor’s edge between life and death, which traumatized people routinely negotiate. That night, she later told me, she InRecovery.com
As we continued to meet, I delved into her history, though this often proved futile, as she could not remember much except playing with her mother’s jewelry. She refused to consider rehab and was afraid of losing her job. Up to this point, she had been able to limit her drinking to the nights she wasn’t working.
In one session, she dissociated and found herself silent and behind that couch, as I sat there with her. I talked with her gently and slowly, so she could hear my voice as she went back to her earliest dissociation. Eventually, she was able to get up from behind her childhood couch and stay in the present with her hand firmly in mine.
Over time, she began to understand her early association with death; it had been her only escape. She saw how she unconsciously reproduced her childhood trauma in her choice of profession. As is typical of traumatized people, she excelled in crises. Having been so terrified of her father as a child, she became adept at executing search warrants and catching “bad guys.” When she was able to stay present for longer periods of time, she also tackled her fear and her defiance toward relationships with men. She accepted a date with a man who was also in law enforcement, and we processed her slow approach to dating. She often asked me what was “normal.” She brought the man into a session, because she didn’t trust her feelings with him or her perception that he was safe and that he loved her. She was able to express her feelings to him and share how frightened she had been of him. Her use of alcohol varied but eventually decreased, as did our conversations about death as the ultimate exit from the pain of her childhood trauma. Healing trauma is essential for maintaining sobriety; however, this kind of healing almost never happens if there is a physiological dependence on a substance. Before it became the problem, addiction was originally the solution to trauma. My patient’s past never materialized into a detailed narrative; however, she became more able to remain in the present during our sessions, and eventually in her own life. She imagined and executed something far more valuable than search warrants: a normal life.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
61
Running: Away from or towards myself HADLEY THAYER wrist, which I am repeating over and over: “Stay, stay, stay.” “STAY!” I command myself. Stay here. Stay in this moment, this precious moment. Stay present with your emotions. Stay steady. Stay strong. Stay, for you cannot run from yourself. It is scary how quickly I fell back into my addiction. The illusion that my running obsession is “under control” has been shattered, and a new awareness has set in. Fighting the urge to run is exhausting, and not worth the small “escape” it provided while I was on vacation. Looking at my tattoo is helpful, but it does make me regret not having done so a week ago, before taking my first run. Despite this, I am 100% committed to turning this into a learning experience, rather than allowing guilt or shame to take me down.
“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”
I
have only one tattoo. It’s located on the inside of my left wrist, and simply says, “Stay”. I got it immediately after leaving my first ED (eating disorder) treatment center, at 18 years old, and haven’t gotten another since. It’s the most important message from myself, to myself. It’s also the reason why I feel like sh*t today. I recently went on a trip to Hawaii, my first trip since being back from living abroad, about 9 months ago. I was VERY excited. Many things happened on the trip, but one thing in particular turned my world upside down: I went for a run. Let’s rewind a bit. When my eating disorder began at age 14, I had been playing soccer my whole life, but suddenly I felt the need to take up cross-country. Needless to say, as my ED developed, so did my solo exercise career. My days were consumed by running, by myself, hours on end, until I finally collapsed from exhaustion. It has been years since I went
62
to a gym, and in the past 9 months I have eliminated exercise completely, mainly to help with weight gain. So when I began running in Hawaii, I didn’t expect I would last long, maybe a couple of minutes, since I was completely out of shape. Wrong. I ran for two hours straight. After that, the days were a blur. If I could have, I would have run 24/7. All of a sudden, my craving was sky high. No matter how many miles I ran, I never felt satisfied. It was back: the unquenchable thirst, the bottomless well. The more I ran, the more my body hurt the next day, and the only thing that made it feel better was to keep running. So I did. Until the blackout spells got longer, the muscle spasms more frequent, and eventually fainting became a daily nuisance. After all of these years, I didn’t think I still needed my tattoo to remind me NEVER to numb my emotions with running. But here I am now, four days run-free, and the only thing keeping me from sprinting out the door is the word engraved on my left
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
For those who can relate, my heart goes out to you. I am with you now, living from moment to moment, praying the urges subside the more I ignore them. I know there is someone else out there experiencing this exact same thing, in this exact same moment, and that knowledge strengthens me. I am not alone. If such a person happens to be reading this right now, my parting words are for you: We can do this. We are doing this. We are becoming who we are meant to be, and we are improving the world by doing so. Courage!
“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as in being able to remake ourselves.” - Ghandi InRecovery.com
Sober Fit - with Matt Williams
F
itness has been an important part of my life since I was a young man. I was always encouraged to be moving and doing something physical. My unlimited energy could not always be channeled into organized sports or activities but I spent a lot of time outside. I enjoyed being outside and hiking trails in New York. As I grew older, organized sports became something to do for the fellowship and team camaraderie, prepping for a season with weight/strength training and other agility skills. I grew to love the gym and the ability to focus my energy into something that got results. The gym is where my effort, hard work, and determination was all on me. I was taught by my coaches and mentors that you needed to have goals, a plan of action and a “WHY”. During the learning process of training and the beginning of my fitness routine I began to enjoy the weekend downtime. The downtime consisted of house parties and other extracurricular activities. I thought I had a good balance; train hard and play hard. I rationalized the downtime as a reward for all my hard work during the week. I had a great handle on both until my college years where the downtime began to affect my training and served as a distraction. This continued until my desire for
InRecovery.com
drinking and drugs took over and things got out of control. My training continued but it was a fight against late nights, lack of proper sleep and unhealthy eating. For years, I fought the inconsistency until I was fortunate to lose everything in 2010. I use the word “fortunate” because without losing everything I would have never been open to what was to come. I had lost my way over several years of poor choices, severe consequences, and was finally beaten down emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially and physically to accept whatever help and guidance was available. I had to start from the beginning, take suggestions, and go to whatever lengths possible to change my everyday behaviors, actions and reactions to life. This began with a daily routine of proper sleep, healthy eating, basic workouts, journaling, prayer/ meditation, fellowship, service, commitments and most importantly not picking up a drink or drug, one day at a time. When the alcohol and drugs had been removed from my life, my fitness program and results started to change dramatically. I plugged back into my original drives and WHY. My WHY had changed since my youth and I wanted to experience life
and feel better every day sober. I began to run in the early morning in the parking lot at the treatment program I attended, lift weights, and eat clean and healthy, avoiding sugary foods and salt, while getting plenty of rest every night. I was very fortunate to have the knowledge and basics to train myself when I started over but the biggest push for me were the WHYs and WHATs. Why do you want to feel better? What are you willing to do to be the best version of yourself? What am I willing to do to stay on track, eat better, live better and train to perform at my best? I approached my fitness and routine as I had learned to approach my sobriety. When you find and determine the WHY you have a clear picture. You can remind yourself of it as you push forward each and every day. If you are struggling to find a workout routine or the drive then ask a local professional, get on the internet and reach out to those who are sharing their content for free. There are plenty of people out there willing to help and all you have to do is ask. Enjoy each day you get, stay focused, fit, give back and help others looking to do the same.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
63
NEVER GIVE UP
MIKE LYDING “I played in the rain with my three little boys.” – Kristen K. risten’s story was heartwarming. When she shared the quote above, she had little more than four months of sobriety. She nearly reached a year, but relapsed. Her sons had to drag her from the gutter where she had fallen. Can’t you just see those boys, looking around, hoping none of their friends saw? Now, picture those same boys, hoping everyone is watching.
Never give up hope. Never give up love. Pull your love one out of the gutter if need be. Pray. Pray. Pray for rain and the chance to dance.
Reconciliation can happen early in recovery, or it may not happen at all. Not every addict reconciles with his or her family. It was clear from Kristen’s story that her family never gave up their hope or their love for her.
What about the family where reconciliation is not happening? There are many promises that induce us addicts to recover, assuring us that we will be changed for the better. However, no
K
64
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
promise can be made for how someone else deals with the recovery of a person they love. If they need their own recovery to regain hope and love, then they must do so, or reconciliation may not be possible. What can we do? Kristen’s story answers this question. We can be like her three little boys. Never give up hope. Never give up love. Pull your loved one out of the gutter if need be. Pray. Pray. Pray for rain and the chance to dance. Can you see a smile inside yourself as you visualize dancing with the four of them? If so, you have a solution. Dance with them in your dreams and in your prayers. That smile and that feeling are signs that God is working even harder – on us. InRecovery.com
Another Anniversary THOMAS COVENANT
I
t is another anniversary, a different one for me. It is the anniversary of my sister’s 26 years of sobriety. Some people think I’m strange to celebrate such an event. For me, it is an important step in remembering just how bad things can be, and all of the horrible things that can happen, when drugs are involved in a life. I want to talk a little about these things so other suffering family members will know we are all behind them.
come over, push my mother down the stairs and steal money from the house. I was at school when it happened. Of course, the police were involved. When my sister was found, she was so strung out on drugs that I hardly believed she was my sister. She was quickly back in the hospital and in treatment again. The treatment did help, for good this time. She was so close to death that I knew she had hit her true rock bottom.
I was young, only four years old, when my sister became seriously hooked on drugs. Now at 50, I look back at that time and simply remember the fear that enveloped our house. My sister was a “love child” and was deeply into the drug culture. Worse still were all the hippie guys she brought home. They caused so much trouble in our house that to this day, I still feel a strong negative bias against any man with long hair.
Still, it took years of treatment, psychiatry and psychotherapy for her to embrace recovery. Even at 60, her therapy continues. She has not touched any drug for 26 years and is entirely sober. She does not crave anything, and although her daughter smokes from time to time, she herself will not touch anything. She is a mentally stronger, more gentle and kind person.
My parents finally sent my sister away for treatment. She was gone a full year, and it helped. I remember her calling; once or twice, I picked up the phone and she would be crying. I remember my heart breaking because she felt so horrible and wanted to come home. My parents stood strong, though, and they made her stay. When she did come home, I remember that she was angry, very angry, all the time. As I grew up, she kept using drugs. When I was 14, she actually had a boyfriend InRecovery.com
I write this to every family member of an addict. I don’t judge my sister or the addict; I have always tried to help. I remember when I was 12 years old, riding my bicycle for 30 miles each way to my sister’s apartment to give her all of my saved money because I was so worried about her. I write this because I love her and always will, and now I understand that addiction is driven by physical and mental influences. I want to be there for others who, like me, are the “secondary causalities.” I know the feelings I had during this experience.
It is another anniversary, but a different one for me. It is the anniversary of my sister’s 26 years of sobriety. I hate with a passion drugs and anything drug-related. To me, there is a cloud of fear and disgust associated with drugs and the drugging lifestyle. The negative fear I lived through during all of my childhood still at times causes a bias in the way I view people, though I recognize that my feelings are not always reasonable. I realize now that everything I have struggled with was simply the result of the trauma I experienced growing up: the pain and anger caused by my lack of understanding. I hope others are able to share their experiences and work through their anger and shame as I have. The addicted family member is a treasured loved one who truly does not want this to happen to their loved ones. Open up to someone; have true empathy, as I now have with my sister. If you can say you still love your family member, you have the world in your heart.
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
65
Sobriety: Is Abstinence Enough?
When we finally discover the strength of abstinence, we are overjoyed with relief. The addiction was so strong, we never imagined we’d be able to break free. Then we did and are grateful to be in recovery. However, some of us feel blind-sided when we sense that something still just doesn’t feel right. The problem is, while our addiction caused us to act or use substances in a certain way, it also deeply impacted how we thought about everything. It caused disordered thinking, a sort of internalized emotional drunkenness that lingers well after we’ve learned how to better control our disease. It’s a lasting psychological trauma that also need to be brought under control in order to help sustain our sobriety.
A number of addiction professionals believe that being an addict or living with one can cause significant mental trauma. This in of itself poses one of those “which came first, the chicken or the egg” scenarios, because past trauma itself is a key primer for addiction. However, we’ll leave that issue for a later day. The important thing, is to realize that the environment in which we’re raised, molds our capacity for intimacy and to have healthy relationships, in the exact same way that what we eat affects our minds and bodies. That’s why recovery does not end with mere abstinence. In many ways, that’s really only the first step. We also need to learn critical skills of sobriety to achieve a state of normalcy in our emotional outlook and relationships, be they with friends, family, a spouse or our children. When we do, we discover an entirely new and purposeful sense of serenity in recovery, a peaceful realization that we are on the right path. Recovery is an ongoing journey of wellness and we brighten our lives with each step of self-improvement.
POT
Now Rated Like Wine "It has a robust, smoky flavor with the aroma of oak," is something you're most likely to associate with a wine pairing you may have ordered in the past. Well, marijuana producers are now taking a page out of the alcohol makers' playbook in an effort to glamorize drug use. Distributors of drugs and alcohol, legal or otherwise, attempt to entice potential users by glorifying its use. In this instance they are even recruiting media in California to help out. These websites and 'zines, of course, are also graciously willing to accept the growers' advertising dollars in the process, just as you might expect. Do yourself a favor and don't be fooled by their shallow scam. Marijuana is a problematic drug, just like any other. It's not a safe, aromatic alternative to your drug of choice. Be smart, be safe and stick to strict zero tolerance to secure your recovery. 66
InRecovery Magazine November 2017
InRecovery.com