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MARCH/JUNE 2018
I N
M E M O R Y
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John Southworth 1938 - 2017
The Passing of A Real Life Hero.
John’s influence on the addiction treatment field was immense. He pushed for enhanced professionalism for interventionists and helped create a national professional organization. He also supported national organizations working on behalf of better substance use disorder treatment and was one of the best-known professionals in the field.
Luminary of the Month:
Dr. Andrea Barthwell on Addiction Treatment More online at www.InRecovery.com
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InRecovery Magazine January 2018
InRecovery.com
1/31/18 8:04 AM
Farewell To A Real-Life Hero.
In Memorium: John Southworth 1938 - 2017 From the CEO’s desk: JEFFREY FIORENTINO, MACC
“A Career Well Spent...”
The addiction treatment community has lost a tireless warrior, a brilliant teacher, and a loyal friend. To say that I admired Mr. Southworth is certainly an understatement. He was an example of true professionalism and genuine concern for those suffering from the disease of addiction. An inspiration for my own work.
John believe in the importance of credentialing and in adhering to the standards and rules of those credentialing bodies. He was certified as an Alcohol and Drug Counselor (CADC) through the state of Idaho as well as through the National Association of Alcohol and Drug Addiction Counselors (NAADAC) as a Nationally Certified Addiction Counselor (NCAC), Level I. John was an Internationally Certified Advanced Alcohol and Drug Counselor (ICAADC) and Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) through the Pennsylvania Certification Board.
John spent more than 40 years on the front lines in the battle against addiction, helping patients with substance abuse and mental health disorders. Here was a man that battled addiction and became a hero of recovery. He brought understanding and empathy to addiction treatment, and stood up and took action in the face of overwhelming odds. John established national standards for intervention and treatment, worked to make a difference... and succeeded.
In order to maintain the highest level of services possible for individuals and families suffering from substance abuse and mental health issues, he maintained professional affiliations nationwide and was a member of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers (NAATP) as well as a committee member of the Association of Intervention Specialists (AIS) and the Federation of State Physician Health Programs (FSPHP). Through these affiliations, John built and maintained a comprehensive network of services throughout the world, and provided assistance at a moment’s notice.
When I learned of John’s passing last month, I was shocked and saddened, unable to imagine how we will proceed without his voice, his determination and his keen intelligence. I learned a great deal in my time with John, and I will miss him terribly. I’m certain that our community will miss him as well. John Southworth: The Trailblazer The impact that John Southworth has had on our work is virtually immeasurable. His journey began more than 40 years ago, when John chose to fight back against his own addiction. John’s sobriety became the driving force behind his educational efforts and his own continued sobriety. Vowing to help others find their own path to recovery, John spoke openly of his battle with addiction. He concluded that there is no cure for the disease, and that without the appropriate education and steps to recovery, it can be fatal. John Southworth survived several major heart operations and bouts with pneumonia, only to come back stronger than ever in his work to assist addicts in recovery. I love that about him. John was tough as nails and as gentle as a puppy. InRecovery.com
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“Anyone can diagnose an alcoholic when they are horizontal. We need to intervene before they are horizontal.” - John Southworth A Stellar Career John began his career as a licensed DUI evaluator in 1983 at the Nelson Institute. After receiving his CADC in 1984, he began providing both inpatient and outpatient counseling for groups and individuals. This experience led to a deeper desire to not only provide counseling and education but to provide interventions which “help people help others”. John started his professional career as an interventionist in 1984 and has since conducted hundreds of successful interventions. He was a preferred interventionist for numerous prestigious treatment centers throughout the United States and abroad. John Southworth: Educator John tirelessly provided comprehensive trainings on drug abuse and awareness for school employees, community agencies and health care professionals. He was a popular national speaker at major conferences and events in the addiction field, including The House of Lords for Rt. Honorable Lord Mancroft in Great Britain, the vice-chair of the All
Party Parliamentary Group on Drugs Misuse, as well as the United Kingdom European Symposium on Addictive Disorders (UKESAD). A Life Well Spent John once mentioned that he considered it his mission to share his knowledge of intervention and the substance abuse field to help train new leaders in the industry. “So we can all assist individuals and families through their own personal struggles.” Goodbye, John. We in the industry will carry on. We’ll never forget you. Jeffrey Fiorentino is a writer, teacher and speaker in the areas of Business, Technology, and Addiction. He is the CEO of Kipu EMR, an electronic medical records system built specifically in, and for, Addiction and Behavioral Health Treatment. Mr. Fiorentino is also CEO of InRecovery Magazine, and CEO of PingMD, an Android and IOS telehealth app for connecting addicts in aftercare with their addiction treatment professionals.
InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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Want more? Visit our website and you’ll have access to more content and breaking news headlines in the world of addiction treatment and recovery. You’ll find a complete library of articles from past issues, affirmations, forums, family resources, a treatment center directory and much more. Dozens of topics covered in depth. And while you’re there, don’t forget to sign up for our free newsletter, featuring up-to-the minute news and our most popular stories and articles. 4
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InRecovery Magazine March 2018
InRecovery.com
1/31/18 8:13 AM
We are RECO, one of South Florida’s most trusted addiction treatment providers. Since our founding, RECO Intensive Outpatient Program has been a leader in the addiction treatment field. At RECO, we believe that each individual is unique. Consequently, each treatment plan and metamorphosis in recovery must be unique, too. As we work to recreate joy and to instill patience, self-awareness, and responsibility in those who are suffering from addiction and co-occurring disorders, we understand and address the specific intricacies of each individual’s history. Through our utilization of therapeutic techniques, distinctive group programming, and aftercare, we aim to create an environment that facilitates progress in recovery and emboldens clients within their newfound independence from addiction.
Toll-Free: 844.900.RECO Office: 561.808.7986 www.recointensive.com 140 NE 4th Avenue, Delray Beach, FL 33483
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1/31/18 8:13 AM
Top of Mind
Addiction - Everyone and Anyone
A study by Washington University discovered that retired NFL players were four times more likely to be addicted to opiates as non-players. Brett Favre, the superstar Hall of Fame, former quarterback of the Green Bay Packers admitted to downing pills by the handful to kill the pain. He also described the horrible shakes and night sweats he endured while fighting his way back. The NFL has become aware of this situation and is now more proactive, ensuring that team doctors don’t continue to over-prescribe pain meds. This serves as yet another reminder of how devastating this disease is and how it truly impacts everyone and anyone. InRecovery Magazine March/June 2018 Issue
CEO
Creative Director
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Jeffrey Fiorentino Dan Brown Nestor Suarez/Marketing Addicts Nestor Suarez/Marketing Addicts PFS Mags Errol Naraine
Contributing Writers
L. Scott Hartman, JD
Shane Piccolo
Gilbert Fiorentino, JD Mark Astor, JD
Linda Digloria
Jennifer Hansen
Rafael Alalu, PSY.D.
Michael Burke
Carlos Lucas
Moshe Dunoff
Patty Powers
Laura O’Reilly
Don St. John, Ph.D.
Sheryle Cruse
Kevin Goff
Dawn Luttrell
JT Claremont
Jose Goyos
Alan Myers, Ph.D.
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Michelle Whitaker Matt Nagin
Megan Petersen Alan Meyers Allen Weintraub
InRecovery Magazine March 2018
444 Brickell Avenue, Suite 850, Miami, FL 33131 InRecovery.com
InRecovery Magazine is published 4 times a year by InRecovery Magazine, LLC, 444 Brickell Avenue, Suite 850, Miami, Fl 33131. Subscription rates (US dollars): 1 year $9.99. Single copies (prepaid only): $5.99 in US, $5.99 in Canada and Mexico and $9.99 in all other countries. All rates include shipping and handling. See website for subscription details. The magazine is published by founder Kim Welsh, printed in the US by American Web and distributed by Disticor Magazine Distribution Services. ©2018 InRecovery Magazine, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including by photocopy, recording, or information storage and retrieval without permission in writing from the publisher. For use beyond those listed above, please direct your written request to Permission Dept., email: editor@inrecovery.com InRecovery Magazine does not verify any claims or other information appearing in any of the advertisements contained in the publication and cannot take responsibility for any losses and other damages incurred by readers in reliance of such content. Publication of any advertisement is not to be construed as an endorsement of the product or service offered. InRecovery Magazine (IRM) reserves the right to editorial control of all articles, stories and letters to the Editor. InRecovery Magazine assumes no responsibility for errors within its publication. The opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the policies of IRM and should not be construed as endorsements. Furthermore, IRM will not be responsible for any claims, losses or damages (whether direct or indirect) arising out of or relating to the use of or reliance on the contents of this magazine.
InRecovery.com
2/13/18 1:21 PM
Recovery Job Fairs
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ecord high employment and an economy firing on all cylinders adds up to promising new opportunities for people in recovery. Employers are now more willing to overlook gaps in resumes, criminal records and messy pasts for the sake of filling jobs. Hard hit states such as New Hampshire, Ohio and Colorado, which have had a difficult time finding employees who can pass drug tests are more than happy and willing to give newly clean and sober people a second chance. Many communities are now organizing these job fairs to help both employers and employees make a difference in the battle against addiction. Getting back on your feet is one of the biggest obstacles you can face in recovery. It appears that a thriving economy may just be the boon we need to help recovering addicts overcome their pasts and create incredibly bright new futures.
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Clean. Fun. Lifestyle. Addiction treatment for men and women should be customized to their unique physiological, psychological, and emotional needs. Separate programming allows clients to build friendships during therapy, and give them the best opportunity for successful recovery. We tailor drug and alcohol addiction treatment to the unique needs for individuals 18 and over. We draw clients out of isolation and help them develop healthy relationships and lifestyles. InRecovery.com
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1/31/18 8:18 AM
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COVER John Southworth The Passing of A Real Life Hero.
He was a man who dedicated almost every waking hour of most of his adult life toward improving and saving the lives of others. Page 3
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CONTENTS Features
Columns
14 | Luminary of the Month -
12 | The Best Kept Secret in the Fight
Ask anyone in addiction treatment to recommend a trusted expert and one person’s name will be repeated time and again.
I have lost count of how many crying moms I have met over the past several years.
Dr. Andrea Barthwell
16 | Treatment Center of the Month RECO
If I had to sum up their environment in just one word, that word would be “family.”
36 | My Insane Life: Diary of Addiction
I had some visitors come look for me. No, they weren’t friends or family, rather, two special agents from the FBI.
Against Addiction
It makes you begin to question the notion that “everything happens for a reason.”
57 | The Science of Addiction
The reinforcing behavior of addiction rewires the brain to a dangerous new normal.
61 | Sports and Recovery
Sports engages our brains and releases many of the same hormones as using drugs and alcohol.
63 | Starting Your Fitness
“By the grace of God I was sent to prison.” Who says something like that?
The most important part is GETTING STARTED so let’s get going!
Theme
64 | Inside Alcohol and Exercise
20 | Tobacco - The Forgotten
Articles
Addiction
We seem to have forgotten that all tobacco products contain toxic and cancer causing chemicals.
22 | Smoking - The Problem Continues Cigarette manufacturers actually tinkered with nicotine delivery in order to make it more addictive.
32 | Goals for the New Year
Party hats are in the closet, smart phones are full of selfies and it’s time to get serious about New Year’s resolutions.
35 | Finding a Sober Support Network
Mental fog from prolonged alcohol use will clear after a short period of consistent exercise.
Faith and a sense of something greater than one’s self is essential for recovery.
24 | Everyday Miracle: Dancing with the Beast
This new year is an unpainted landscape. I hope and long for true love. I am optimistic.
26 | From Hopeless to Hopeful
39 | 2018 - Reflections For a New Year
28 | Why Me?
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InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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13 | Hands Made for Holding
You never know, one day it may just save your life.
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39
New Year Right
Recovery is an everyday journey for me, and will remain so for the rest of my life.
We unwittingly and unknowingly seek out drama to feed our addiction not realizing it’s all tied in together.
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34 | Tribute to Daniel Fonte
54 | A Conversation with A&E’s “Dope Man”
24
My addiction took me to places I never before imagined. Life seemed hopeless.
30 | Tough Luck
Before long, he’d pawned his father’s Rolex, then begged a friend to wire him a grand.
40 | Getting Saved
I once stayed at a women’s residence in lower Manhattan run by the Salvation Army...
48 | From Recovery to the Frontiers of Wellbeing It generally doesn’t take long for us to discover there was ample wounding...
InRecovery.com
2/13/18 7:21 AM
T R E AT ME NT M ANAGE MEN T C O MPANY Helping others lead a life of recovery, sobriety, serenity, and peace. At Treatment Management Company, many of us have our own personal experiences with addiction that is built into our culture, driving our passion to serve our commitment to quality care and our desire to grow our service offerings.
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1/31/18 8:26 AM
Seven Steps To Confronting The Addict In Your Life If you’re lucky enough to never have experienced addiction yourself, chances are, you know someone who has. You may have experienced the struggle – the countless failed attempts, the lies, the heartache. You may have tried to help, but each time, they’d seem to drift further away and deeper intothe addiction. I know. I’ve been there. Confronting an addict, whether they are addicted to alcohol, heroin, tobacco, food or pornography, can be extremely frustrating and anxiety-provoking. You debate with yourself, you weigh the pros and cons of addressing it again, perhaps for the thousandth time, or just ignore it. It’s a fair debate. You’ve been told that you can’t control your loved one and that it’s their choice to break the cycle of addiction – so what’s the point? The truth is that you can’t control the addict in your life. But, enabling them – taking the easy route – is a far more dangerous choice. Beyond that, there is an incredible sense of freedom in knowing that you tried. If you’ve found yourself ready to talk to that person in your life, here are some suggestions that have helped me:
STEP 1
STEP 3
STEP 7
Present the facts.
Never lose hope.
Denial and defensiveness tend to be the default setting of most addicts when confronted, so be prepared. Seeing yourself for who you are, is for many, the most dreaded step of all. Addict or not, no one likes to be called out because of bad behavior. When presented with clear facts, reconsideration is possible. This may not be outwardly evident, at that moment, but it is likely to happen internally. They will realize the truth deep down inside, and it will continue to linger long after your conversation has ended.
Never, ever, ever. The truth that most addicts want to get better, it’s just incredibly difficult to quit. No one wants to lose friends, perform poorly at work, embarrass themselves, watch their lives spiral completely out of control – of course they don’t want that. Deep down, they want to stop and each day brings a new opportunity for the switch to flip. In my moments of fear and doubt, I’ve always turned to something greater than myself to find that hope, knowing that alone I could never be stronger than any addiction. And I trust that addicts are some of the strongest and most resilient people out there.
STEP 4 Suggest a plan. Stopping an addiction is not an easy undertaking. It takes incredible courage to take the first step towards recovery and helping them see that first step more clearly may be exactly what they need. Suggest a treatment center, a therapist, print out a list of anonymous recovery meetings or connect them with an addict in recovery. But don’t forget, these are just suggestions, and their decision to make that step is out of your control.
Write down what you want to say.
STEP 5
Putting pen to paper can be incredibly cathartic and productive, allowing you to release pent-up feelings and can even serve as a script for an intervention. As I’m sure you’ve realized, the crux of the addiction dilemma is that we find it hard to talk about our problem. It is incredibly challenging to confront an addict and perhaps even more difficult to get them to talk about the dark side of their lives. Writing has the potential to be confidential, or it can choose to share with the addict, during the intervention process. This ensures that you reveal the fears that you have avoided addressing.
Don’t be afraid to let go.
STEP 2
STEP 6
TRY to let go of expectations. We all want to think that an intervention will spark a change, but going in with high expectations will most certainly result in disappointment. I get it, eliminating expectations seems almost impossible, but this pivotal step will set the stage for a positive mindset moving forward. Focus on why you are there, try not to judge, and remind yourself that the decision to accept help lies with them, not you. 10
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InRecovery Magazine March 2018
I’ve known many addicts who have recovered, but many who didn’t. I’ve confronted many addicts, with a mixed response to help. And one thing is for sure, I’ll never stop believing in addicts and their families, and I encourage you to do the same.
If you think that confronting an addict, is the hardest step, think again. You can’t continue to let someone else’s addiction steal your joy. If you’ve been feeling this way for a long time, and at some point, you’ve got to let go. This step may actually be the most helpful for them. Sometimes addicts need to lose everything before they are willing to change. While it may seem counterintuitive, to distance yourself, you’re actually helping everyone involved, including you.
Get help for yourself. There are many anonymous groups and professionals available to support you along this journey. Explore your feelings with others who have been in your shoes, will his help you more than you could ever imagine. Living with or loving an addict comes with a multitude of difficulties which seem to grow when bottled up. Make sure that you get the same help for yourself.
InRecovery.com
2/16/18 9:26 AM
Letters to the Editor Have something to say? We’d love to hear from you. Send your compliments, criticisms, secret dreams, love letters or all of the above to us at editor@inrecovery.com. To the Editor: Your article on Shatterproof made me cry. Our family has struggled and suffered in a similar way to Mr. Mendell, but we had neither the strength nor means to do anything about it. Who knows? Maybe that’s a cop-out. I’m very confused. But, what I can tell you is that Mr. Mendell’s story motivated me to do more than just sit around and wallow in sadness. I felt like I needed to do something before, but I was lost. I had no idea what to do. The Shatterproof article opened my eyes to other possibilities so that I too can ensure that my daughter did not die in vain. Sherry, California Dear Sheri: I am sorry for your loss. There is nothing that is comparable to losing a loved one to this disease. Many people, like yourself, are looking for answers to the ultimate question - “why did this have to happen?” There really is no satisfactory reply. That’s why we felt it was vital to publish The Shatterproof Story and we will continue to search for others like it. Addiction kills thousands of people each month. They all have names, mothers, fathers, children, and the like. Unfortunately, much of that gets lost in the statistics. By making it personal, we stand a better chance of having a greater impact. To the Editor: The Russell Brand article was one of my all time favorites. I’d read a number of other articles about him in the past, and even other current reviews of his latest book. However, nothing else I’ve read took the time to go into great depth about Mr. Brand or his battles with and insights on addiction. Kudos to you and your staff for landing such a well-known celebrity and congratulations on putting other publications to shame with such a powerful article. Ben, Utah
InRecovery.com
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Dear Ben: What can I say? We are humbled by your words of encouragement. Russell Brand is a very unique individual with a compelling story. We did our utmost to try to capture his essence in a way that also encourages our readers in what matters most – their recovery. Our goal is to educate and entertain, and we attempt to put our best foot forward in everything we do. To the Editor: I really enjoyed the holiday theme of your last issue. I found there was so much I could relate to. I don’t even want to think about all the ways I’ve embarrassed myself over the years. I suppose it’s important though. Those ugly memories keep me from making the mistake of using again. For that reason, I guess I am thankful for them. In any event, I typically don’t write, this is my first time, but I was very motivated. Keep up the good work. Jenny, New York Dear Jenny: I’ve personally experienced the same feelings as you in assembling and editing the last issue. We all have our own stories and they’re all too familiar. The bridges that span the gaps between us are bonds that unite us all. You really should consider writing more often and I welcome you to contribute your own war stories. We’d be glad to consider them for publication either in print or online.
To the Editor: Sober Fit - with Matt Williams made me want to leap out of my chair and head straight to the gym. I have to admit, I’ve always been a gym rat, but I get lazy sometimes. My alcoholism in particular really threw me for a loop. That’s now all in the past though. I am so happy to be sober but I still get lazy. That’s why Matt’s concept of the WHYs and WHATs really struck me. I’ve been back training and am feeling better and more motivated than I have in a long time. Will Mr. Williams have an ongoing column going forward? Jim, Virginia Dear Jim: I am happy to report that Matt Williams has an article in this issue and has agreed to be an ongoing fixture with a regular column in our magazine. Fitness is an important element of recovery on so many levels. Our magazine would be incomplete without a firm dedication to the subjects of health and fitness. So, we’ll do our part and keep doing yours. Stay active and focused to maintain your sobriety.
InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/16/18 9:26 AM
The Best Kept Secret In The Fight Against Drug Addiction MARK ASTOR, JD
T
lization (and detox if needed). After review by a judge for legal sufficiency, the Court will order law enforcement to take the Respondent to a receiving facility where they are to be held for up to five days.
I have lost count of the crying moms that I have met with over the past several years. Moms and dads come to us for one reason, they are emotionally, physically, financially and often spiritually exhausted and they are desperate for someone who can help them to save their son or daughter. One of the best kept secrets in the battle against the opioid epidemic in Florida is the Marchman Act, legislation that has been on the books since 1993. The Marchman Act permits the involuntary commitment of an individual suffering from an addiction and/ or a co-occurring mental health disorder.
Following the period of assessment and stabilization, a second petition is filed with the Court requesting that the Respondent be involuntary committed to treatment for a period of up to ninety days (this can be repeated for a further period of ninety days). In order for the Court to determine if treatment is necessary, a hearing is conducted wherein the Respondent has the right to have an attorney present (an attorney will be appointed if certain financial requirements are met) and the right to challenge the facts in the petition that constitute the grounds for the treatment request. Once treatment is ordered, if the Respondent leaves treatment prior to the term ordered by the Court, he or she can be held in contempt and ordered to jail.
The Marchman Act is a two step process, part one is a period of assessment and stabilization and part two is a period of treatment. Part one is initiated by the Petitioner (the person filing for the Marchman Act), without the knowledge and consent of the Respondent (the person on the receiving end of the Marchman Act), files a petition with the Clerk of Court in the county in which the Respondent is physically located to request a period of assessment and stabi-
We have found the Marchman Act to be a very effective tool. This disease, when untreated, only gets worse with time, never better. As a result, an addict, when left untreated, can only go to one of three places: (a) the morgue; (b) prison; or (c) treatment. We cannot help someone in the morgue but we routinely represent individuals who have been arrested because the nature of this disease means that addicts lie, cheat and steal, and as a result
he President’s Commission on Combating Drug Addiction and the Opioid Crisis estimates that one hundred and seventy-fivepeople die in the United States because of addiction every day. To put that number in perspective, that is roughly the same number of people that would be killed by two 9/11 style terrorists attacks every month for a full year.
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InRecovery Magazine March 2018
face the possibility of a lengthy period of incarceration. Addict are rarely capable of making the decision to attend treatment on their own, if they could, they would have done so already. Therefore, you as a father, mother, brother, sister, guardian, or just a friend, must make that decision for them by initiating the Marchman Act process. I am fortunate and proud to have a brother who is a doctor currently finishing his residency at Mount Sinai Hospital in Miami. He has shared the horror of working in the Emergency Room and treating a child who has been brought in after suffering a heart attack caused by opioid ingestion. “There is nothing worse than having to tell a mother and father that their 18, 19, or 20 year old child is gone because they suffered a heart attack after shooting up with heroin. The brain cannot survive when it’s been starved of oxygen for ten or fifteen minutes.” I strongly believe that we are our brother’s and sister’s keeper so it is incumbent upon us all to help those in need of help. We are attorneys in Boca Raton, Florida who help those that suffer from substance abuse and mental health disorders. We clean up the wreckage of their past so that they can build a better future. We never charge for a consultation and give everyone access to our free resources. We can be found on the web at http://drugandalcoholattorneys. com or via email at mark@drugandalcoholattorneys.com.
InRecovery.com
2/16/18 9:39 AM
Hands Are Made For Holding SEAN FREHNER
I
n the days preceding my crash course introduction to the world of sobriety, I was running ragged, I was exhausted from living the life of a dying racehorse, galloping faster and faster toward my death and had run my last race. I was stuck between the biggest of rocks and the hardest of places. Rock bottom, as subjective as it is, is something known intimately by every addict, and I had reached it.
One morning, I awoke in a haze at a rest stop just off I-95 after an excruciating 16hour attempt to escape from myself. For lack of a better plan and with a complete lack of common sense, I had run out of gas somewhere in South Carolina. It took me a few minutes to wake up from my foggy state. As my surroundings became clearer, I saw that I had another reckoning to answer to. In one hand, I found the cold steel of a pistol and in the other, the warm plastic of my cellphone. I had a choice to make, and I thank God every day for the decision I made. My brain began to wake up as well, at least enough for me to turn on my phone. There was a series of missed calls from my parents, they had visited my apartment in my absence and found the paraphernalia of a nightmare-gone-on-too-long. They had been calling my phone nonstop in an attempt to find me ever since. I finally answered my mother’s call. I was somehow able to get myself back to Florida, though the details of my return are a blur. InRecovery.com
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I woke up in detox two days later. I was alive, and I knew I had God to thank. I could no longer ignore the force that had saved my life more times that I could count. I also knew that something needed to change. I was in debt for this grace, and made a decision to turn my life around and help others find their own reconciliation with a higher power. With this realization came a new spiritual sense of purpose. This was something I was not used to, and it felt good!
In one hand, I found the cold steel of a pistol and in the other, the warm plastic of my cellphone. I became more lucid day by day, as I slowly began to fall back into my body in an aching and uncomfortable way. I had spent the last ten years physically alone and emotionally cut off from the people in my life. With my newly discovered fellowship, I was shocked to find myself sharing intimate details of my journey with other men who had gone through a similar experience. It was new to me, and I relished it. The Twelve Step Program (AA, CA, GA, NA, etc.) is a blueprint, a design for living where we can let go of control and recognize that our will is often the cause of our distress and disorders. My sponsor once told me, “If you truly are an addict – one of the hopeless, irritable, discontent kind – there is no lasting happy sobriety through
any other medium.” While I know there are other options for attaining abstinence, I do believe that a sense of spirituality is the most important lifeline to an addict or for that matter, anyone else willing to change their lives. Faith and a sense of something greater than one’s self is essential for recovery. I have adopted the “Twelve Step Design” for living for myself. I used to take and take, never giving back. I felt this world owed me something; and felt wronged by reality, as though the life I had been given was unfair. I was ungrateful. In my recovery, I found myself in debt to this world and to my God. My sense of gratitude increased tenfold and I no longer felt myself to be a victim, and continue to keep this in check with gratitude. I have been clean and sober for over two and a half years. I’d be lying if I said my life was perfect, or that hopelessness and spiritual dehydration were nonexistent. The difference between my life as an addict and my life today is that I now possess the tools and skills to combat my bouts of discontentment and self-loathing. Today I am the captain of my own future, or at least of the choices that inevitably determine my future. I live by the motto, “Do the right thing, or do the next thing right.” It isn’t easy to get your feet back on the ground. It is of utmost importance to reach out to the people who can guide you down that hallway, out of the darkness and into the light, where through God’s eyes we all meet ourselves for the first time. It is my absolute pleasure to sponsor those in need of help. I now have hands made for holding.
Sean Frehner
InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/16/18 9:39 AM
Luminary of the Month Many people look at Dr. Barthwell’s long and illustrious career and take it for granted. She makes it look so easy. However, her accomplishments become more impressive when put them into proper context. We can’t ignore the reality of the times that shaped Dr. Barthwell’s life and passions. She came of age in the aftermath of the Civil Rights Movement. This was a pivotal time in US history but it’s not as if opportunity opened up overnight. As a woman of color, Dr. Barthwell had to overcome both racism and sexism to attain her goals. Incredibly enough, she lives her life “colorblind” as if none of that even matters. It’s just one of the many uniquely incredible aspects of this woman of tremendous character.
Andrea G. Barthwell, MD, DFASAM
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r. Andrea Barthwell is one of the most highly respected and well recognized names in all of addiction treatment. After all, she’s served as president of the American Society of Addiction Medicine, received the Betty Ford Award from the Association for Medical Education and Research in Substance Abuse, and has been named one of the “Best Doctors in America” in addiction medicine. What most people don’t know, though, is that but for the myopic vision of the Republican Party of the State of Illinois, we might also be calling her Madame President. Dr. Barthwell was working in the White House in the early 2000s under President Bush as Deputy Director at the Office of National Drug Control Policy. She resigned in July 2004, in preparation of a run for the United States Senate. The local party unwisely chose former United Nations Ambassador Alan Keyes instead and he went on to lose in a landslide to an up and coming political newbie named Barack Obama. Had Dr. Barthwell run, I’m sure she would have crushed that election just as she’s crushed every other obstacle she’s ever faced in her life. Imagine the possibilities.
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She graduated from the elite Wesleyan University and went on to medical school at the University of Michigan. She then participated in post-graduate studies at the University of Chicago and through the medical school of Northwestern University. She had a prestigious resume that gave her the pick of specialties, yet she followed her conviction toward the lower paid realm of addiction treatment. She saw firsthand how the disease was destroying entire communities and wanted to make a difference. That’s why she focused on helping pregnant women, ethnic minorities and the incarcerated. It’s also why she later went on to become an active member of both the White House Task Force on Disadvantaged Youth and the White House Domestic Violence Working Group. Dr. Barthwell now makes much of her presence felt by tirelessly lecturing at conferences and operating the Two Dreams addiction treatment centers located in Chicago, the Outer Banks and New Orleans. Together with her husband Dr. David Barthwell, they form a formidable power couple advocating for the disenfranchised both in and out of addiction treatment. For example, Dr. Barthwell has taken a firm stand on the ineffective administration of what’s known as the Parity Act. It was passed into law ten years ago yet it’s still not universally enforced. Mental health reimbursement, including addiction treatment, is supposed to be dealt with identically to that of general medicine InRecovery.com
2/16/18 9:45 AM
The Honorable Andrea G. Barthwell, MD, DFASAM Deputy Director, Office of National Drug Control Policy (2002-2004) Founder and Director, Two Dreams Outer Banks Chief Medical Officer, Treatment Management Company, LLC Past President, American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM)
but that’s proven not to be the case. Dr. Barthwell aggressively assists patients in receiving all the benefits that they’re entitled to and vigilantly pursues denials to get them reversed. She’s also taken a position on Medically Assisted Treatment (MAT). It’s a hot button topic slowly gaining wider acceptance, particularly in light of the nation’s opioid epidemic. Dr. Barthwell suggests that the spike in opioid dependence comes with the silver lining of increased momentum to eliminate some of the restrictions that limits greater use of MAT. She believes that MAT combined with comprehensive, traditional addiction treatment is a realistic response to the overwhelming problem. As if all that were not enough, Dr. Barthwell is widely published and has served on a number of national advisory boards and committees, most notably the National Institute on Drug Abuse, the Center for Substance Abuse Treatment, the US Food and Drug Association (FDA) Drug Abuse Advisory Committee and the National Advisory Council of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. She has additionally served on numerous editorial boards such as the Journal of International Drug, Alcohol and Tobacco Research, the Journal of Global Drug Policy and Practice and the American Journal on Addictions. So, how does someone like Dr. Barthwell attain such an incredible lifetime of achievement? True grit combined with an unwavering belief that anything is possible. It’s that kind of contagious attitude which helps us all realize that when it comes to gaining the upper hand against addiction, it’s truly not a matter of “if ”, only a question of “when”.
The Honorable Andrea G. Barthwell, MD, DFASAM Deputy Director, Office of National Drug Control Policy (2002-2004) Founder and Director, Two Dreams Outer Banks Chief Medical Officer, Treatment Management Company, LLC Past President, American Society of Addiction Medicine InRecovery.com
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InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/16/18 9:45 AM
RECOGNIZING INDUSTRY LEADERS
David Niknafs Founder
RECO Intensive Treatment Center of the Month
RECO Intensive is an addiction treatment facility with empathy at its core. It’s Founder, David Niknafs and the Director of Communications, Christopher Pasquale, understand the struggle first-hand and have personally experienced what it takes to guide people through the treatment process. They relate to their patients on a very close-knit basis, treating them with a delicate balance of tight structure and tender loving care. If I had to sum up their treatment environment in one word, I’d choose the word “family”. Their objective is to create a nurturing environment that fosters recovery in a special and unique way. The intimate process is evident from the very start. Prospective patients are invited to tour the facility to see exactly where they will live and what they’ll be exposed to. David and Chris even go so far as to invite potential clients to sit in on a group meeting to see how things operate, where all questions are welcome. This process enables everyone to see if RECO is a good fit for the patient, and also gives the treatment specialists the chance to evaluate if the patient will succeed in that environment. After all, the most promising path to recovery begins with a committed and willing participant. 16
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One thing in particular that I found compelling, is that David and Chris both firmly believe that all addictions can be traced back to the same root cause. Whether someone is addicted to sex, drugs, alcohol, video gaming or even social media, there is a single driving force behind those behaviors. It’s interesting because, at the outset, they’ll have group sessions involving people with all different types of addiction, who wonder what they could possibly learn from others who they don’t believe share the same problem. However, as the conversation progresses, they quickly begin to realize exactly how much they DO have in common. It’s a fascinating experience to behold. As a result, most patients gain unique insight into their disease, emphasizing the point that recovery requires a lot more than mere sobriety. As we see with the majority of treatment facilities today, RECO is particularly patient centric. The US Surgeon General’s 2016 report Facing Addiction in America made it clear that evidence-based treatment works best when it’s modified to the individual so that he or she can relate to it better. RECO adopted this strategy prior to that Report and their treatment methods continue to evolve along with the needs of its patients. “As society changes,
and the individuals seeking treatment are raised differently, we have to re-examine how we approach the process,” Chris remarked. “You’d be amazed at just how much things have changed in just the past five years.” RECO recognizes the need to be flexible and to stay on top the latest trends to meet their patients where they’re at in their lives. They firmly believes in creating a strong, direct and personal bond with everyone who comes through their doors because that’s what it takes to succeed. In addition to traditional therapy, RECO likes to mix things up with equine and art therapy, involvement in community service through a local charity, by offering yoga and chiropractic services, and providing career preparation and advice. It’s part of their whole-person approach. The best way to keep a patient active and engaged in their treatment and transition to recovery is by making it fresh and interesting. The funny thing is that some patients may not even want to participate these extracurricular activities in the beginning, but once they do, it becomes their favorite part of the program. It’s a subtle lesson in willingness and open-mindedness, two key elements essential for recovery. InRecovery.com
2/16/18 10:10 AM
The Range House
What sets RECO apart is the administrations investment into aftercare. Everyone officially becomes part of Team RECO at the conclusion of treatment. The facility as many as 450 patients a year, most of whom then want to “pay-it-forward” creating a dedicated recovery biosphere. RECO utilizes its incredible resource of alumni, many of whom live nearby, to help foster the recovery of those in treatment. They call them “Accountabillibuddies”. It’s a name that might make you chuckle, but with a simple word they make a powerful point. You can’t go this alone, even after treatment, and we’re here to help you maintain your sobriety long after your last fee has been paid. And, it’s not just about meetings. RECO has a volleyball team that plays against other facilities, they go out to dinners and take part in other fun activities as well. The best part is that they all do it because they want to, not because they have to. What makes Bruce and Chris so dedicated? They approach the disease of addiction from both sides of the equation. David went through five different types of treatment, gaining invaluable experience as to what worked and what didn’t on a very personal basis. Then, after his
hard-fought sobriety, he began working as a tech (an entry level position) on the graveyard shift, the least popular assignment. Yet, he loved it and worked his way up from there. He found his passion and chased the “American Dream” at the same time, while saving people’s lives. Chris had his own brushes with the disease, which took the saddest of turns when he lost his brother to addiction. He reached out to a Pastor finding both his Higher Power and the moral values that come with the process. He went on to graduate from college, with a calling for teaching, and found a position in the New Jersey jail system, as a counselor. That’s where he learned firsthand the reality that 70-80% of the people in prison are there, in one way or another, as a result of addiction. Chris had us calling. One of the more interesting developments they’ve seen as of late is greater diversity in their patient population. In the past, treatment was heavily weighted toward young to middle aged white males. However, with the growing opioid epidemic and greater awareness of the urgency for treating addiction as a disease, people seeking addiction treatment are comprised of both genders, all ages, and all ethnicities. They
The Van Epps Residence
The Parker Residence
InRecovery.com
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also notice that the younger patients have no appreciation for consequences. That’s always somewhat been the case for late teens and young adults, but it’s now evident to the extreme. While it’s significantly problematic that they’re taking greater chances than ever and have a clear lack of respect for authority. They also give little thought to the value of their own lives. That’s why it’s so dangerous. Many of them readily embrace the discipline of a 12 step program because it finally helps them find order in their disorganized lives. It’s an order they’ve unconsciously been yearning for that provides comfort, aiding in their progress. David and Chris integrally involve staff in all parts of the program. The RECO magic has everyone involved in the process, from patient to president, as vested stakeholders in recovery. In fact, many staff members were once patients, and have been given the same opportunity that David was given - and look how great that turned out! RECO believes in creating opportunity and giving second chances, it’s in its DNA, which is a key reason they are so successful at shepherding people in the right direction on their road to recovery.
The Tapper Residence
The Siebold Residence
The Heart Residence
InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/16/18 10:11 AM
GENDER MATTERS IN RECOVERY. MEN AND WOMEN OFTEN ENTER INTO ADDICTION FOR DIFFERENT REASONS and recovery is most successful when you’re able to address the underlying issues in a gender responsive program. See what happens when you build a new campus around the most contemporary ideas in addiction treatment.
RECOVERY CAN MEAN MANY THINGS. HERE, IT MEANS FINDING YOUR TRUE NORTH. LakeviewHealth.com/findanswers or call 866.314.5750
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InRecovery.com
1/31/18 9:35 AM
Ways to Start Your Morning Right in Recovery Above all, start each day with a grateful heart.
Rest up!
The amount of sleep your body needs depends on your age and level of activity. It’s also different for each individual. Get yourself into a set sleep routine that has you waking fully rested, and you can’t go wrong.
Have A Healthy Breakfast! Eat just enough to feel full and stay away from empty calories. Excess sugar and carbs are the enemy of energy and great performance.
Get Going!
Exercise first thing in the morning before work, gets your blood flowing and metabolism going. Can’t fit morning workouts into your routine? Do it at lunch or after work. It improves cellular development and tires your body for better rest.
Tackle A Project
Your brain functions at its optimum level in the morning. You’ll find that you are more productive before noon. Take advantage of the time to perform stellar work.
Check Your Schedule
By reviewing your schedule at the beginning of the day, and preparing for what’s on your plate, you’ll maximize efficiency and feel more at ease.
InRecovery.com
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2/14/18 2:21 PM
Tobacco - The Forgotten Addiction
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s a result of the crackdown on smoking tobacco, some people have turned to smokeless alternatives believing them to be safe. In fact, 8.7 million Americans use chewing tobacco or snuff on a regular basis. The problem, however, is that: (1) nicotine is addictive, regardless of how it is ingested, and (2) there is no safe level of smokeless tobacco.
All tobacco products contain toxic and cancer causing chemicals. Smokeless tobacco has been proven to cause oral, esophageal and pancreatic cancer, and can also lead to gum disease. Negative health effects can appear at any age. This is an issue that particularly impacts men, since male users outnumber female users 20-to-1.
Smokeless Tobacco use by gender
Smokeless tobacco is no less addictive nor problematic than smoking. So, please, understand the risks and know that tobacco is lethal and highly addictive, to be avoided in all its forms.
Hollywood - Part of the Problem?
H
ollywood has had a love affair with smoking ever since the early days of movies. It has been glamorized and glorified as huge stars are seen puffing away on the big screen for dramatic affect. Unfortunately, it seems that life imitates art. The US Surgeon General has concluded that there is a relationship between smoking in movies and the likelihood that young people will start smoking. Youths heavily exposed to onscreen smoking are two to three times more likely to begin smoking than those who are less exposed. Trends were heading in the right direction from 2005 to 2010, but seem to have reversed since then. The early gains were the result of pressure put on movie studios beginning in 2001 by federal public health departments, investors, state health departments and state attorneys general. That led to six major motion picture companies adopting policies to reduce depiction of tobacco use in youth-related films. The lesson, was short-lived, depictions of tobacco use went up a whopping 70% in 2016 as compared to 2010. What can be done now? For starters, we can apply pressure on the Motion Picture Associ20
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ation to recommend R ratings for any movie with excessive smoking. We could also petition a softer option, by recommending that a warning at least be included at the start of the movie, like they do on TV for language, violence, nudity and sexual content. Finally, direct pressure on the movie studios worked once before. We need to remind them that
concerned citizens have not disappeared. Based on current levels, 5.6 million youths alive today are projected to die from tobacco-related diseases. Tobacco use may be down, but it is still a huge killer. By keeping up the pressure, we can make a difference and rein in the Titans of Hollywood for the greater good. InRecovery.com
2/13/18 2:19 PM
Nicotine Replacement Products
Not All They’re Cracked Up To Be
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ost people think of nicotine patches and gum as wonderful tools to help people quit smoking. However, a recent study from the University of California at San Francisco (UCSF) has proven that far from being the case, when users go it alone. Without effective counseling to go along with those products, they can actually make it more difficult to quit tobacco. “You can’t plop on a patch and expect to quit smoking,” remarked Derek Smith, director of the San Francisco Department of Public Health’s Tobacco Free Project. “It takes 8 to 10 times before it sticks...a patch isn’t a magical solution.” As it turns out, most smokers simply use patches and gum as compliments to their smoking, when smoking is otherwise banned. Many use these nicotine substitutes during work or on airplanes just to get them through a rough spot, till they can smoke again. A 2009 study by the British Medical Journal found that only 6.75% of people were actually able to quit smoking by using nicotine replacement alone. Nicotine patches and gum were first approved by the US Food and Drug Administration in 1984. However, by 1992 tobacco executives found that these products were just another form of nicotine delivery, to help foster addiction. They got directly involved by selling their own products shortly thereafter. Big Tobacco is now “all in”, jumping on the e-cigarette craze as well. “The problem is, without behavioral support, they (nicotine replacement products) actually inhibit quitting,” noted Stanton Glantz, director of the Center of Tobacco Control Research and Education. “A lot of people think that they’re making progress and quitting when that’s not the case.” So here we have it. Another instance of Big Tobacco taking advantage of addiction by manipulating the masses. Perhaps’s it’s time for another round of lawsuits to finally put these long-time abusers out of business for good.
Cigarette Smoking in the USA (2017) Regular Smoker 9.7% Never Smoked 60.3%
Occasional Smoker 2.7% Former Smoker 27.3%
InRecovery.com
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Big Tobacco Finally Paying the Piper
E
leven long years after a court order, Big Tobacco is finally coming through on its obligation to advertise about the dangers of smoking. Of particular note, the facts include (1) smoking kills an average of 1,200 Americans every day, and (2) more people die every year from smoking than from murder, AIDS, suicide, drugs, car crashes and alcohol COMBINED. Moveover, 9 out of 10 smokers start smoking in their teens, emphasizing the value and importance of prevention. So, before you mindlessly light up another cigarette, or vape, to take the edge off, don’t forget that tobacco addiction is just as bad and dangerous as any other. It might take longer to get you, but it also leads to an awful and painful end. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/15/18 9:31 AM
Smoking - The Problem Continues
W
ith all the attention paid to the massive opioid crisis, illicit drug issues and alcohol addiction, it’s easy to lose sight of what was once the world’s greatest killer - smoking plain old cigarettes. It’s crazy looking back now, realizing that cigarette manufacturers actually tinkered with the dosages of nicotine delivery in order to increase the addictive effect. While the problem is shrinking in the US, it is still a major issue, almost 13% of the population still smoke and many have switched to vaping electronic cigarettes, the safety of which is still very questionable. Moreover, cigarette smoking is still a huge problem in the rest of the world. While fewer Americans are smoking, the gains seem to be particularly one-sided. Smoking continues to disproportionately impact the poor, uneducated and those living in rural areas. The smoking rate for this demographic is greater than 40%, and they exhibit cancer rates 18-20% higher than the rest of the population. So, essentially, they smoke more and die younger than the rest of America. The growth of e-cigarettes also gives reason for concern. While it generally produces lower levels of harmful carcinogens, the devices can easily be manipulated to raise nicotine levels and the likelihood of addiction. It is a product that has found favor among the young, many people get their start on something they think is relatively safe. Sound familiar? It should! Cigarette smoking was actually promoted as exercise for the lungs during the early days of modern advertising. We do not yet have sufficient evidence on the long term impact of vaping, since it is relatively new. The rapid growth of this technology could prove problematic if researchers discover that long term use is considerably more dangerous than currently promoted by e-cigarette advocates. In many European countries, more than half the population still smoke cigarettes despite all we now know about the dangers and the serious warnings printed on the packaging. This “tragedy in the making” is much greater in developing nations in which fewer people are educated and restrictions more loosely enforced. Politicians in these nations often turn a blind eye to the potential impact, more interested in using the vice as a way to soothe and pacify the masses. I was actually shocked when I visited China and it seemed that practically everyone smoked, and so frequently that they could barely take 22
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a breath without the aid of puffing on a cancer stick. When I asked one young man if he was concerned about his health, he replied, “No, I drink green tea which reverses the effects.” While I’m sure green tea must do something, I was surprised by the ignorance of his reply and how most Chinese ignored the obvious dangers of smoking. Back here in the US, a lot was accomplished by the mass lawsuit against Big Tobacco in the 1990s, and the subsequent smoking bans in towns and cities, making it illegal to smoke in bars, restaurants and within a certain distance of buildings. However, I’m also pleased to report that something more is being done about the issue. Back in 2009, Congress granted sweeping power to the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to regulate tobacco. At the end of July (2017) the FDA said it would move to order the reduction of nicotine levels in cigarettes down to what it deems non-addictive levels. This is a huge positive step in the right direction. It certainly helps that the head of the FDA, Scott Gottlieb, is a doctor and cancer survivor who appreciates the gravity of the issue. However, the FDA has also delayed regulation of e-cigarettes by an additional five years, pushing it back to 2022. This has led one key Senator to state “By dragging their feet, the FDA risks rolling back the incredible gains we have made to protect a new generation from a lifetime of disease.” In his defense, Gottlieb countered that there is a need for a “balanced approach” and to “recognize the potential for innovation leading to less harmful products.” In other words, outright prohibition has proven not to work in the past and is unlikely to be more effective now, espe-
cially considering the growing marijuana movement. The tobacco industry is also not giving up without a fight, heavily lobbying Congress while quietly shifting into the vaping business. This brings us to the issue of co-addiction. We all know we have to avoid engaging in co-addictive behavior, yet outside every AA and NA meeting you see people regularly puffing away. Abstinence is clearly preferable, but there seems to be this unspoken tolerance because at least cigarettes won’t send your life into a psychological and emotional tailspin. However, if you do still smoke, seek to modify your habit to less addictive and dangerous options because your physical health is a key component of your recovery.
In many European countries, more than half the population still smoke cigarettes. The point is, while we’ve made great strides in the anti-smoking agenda, this is no time to take our eyes off the ball. Smoking cessation products such as nicotine patches, gum and support groups abound. If you are addicted to smoking, understand that it is not a harmless substitute - there are still serious consequences. Let’s also continue to remind our friends and loved ones of the dangers so we can eventually know a day when considerably fewer people elect to take on this extremely harmful habit. InRecovery.com
2/16/18 10:29 AM
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2/27/18 11:01 AM
Everyday Miracle: Dancing with the Beast LINDA DIGLORIA
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y first meeting of the New Year was a revelation. Since then, the revelations have been nonstop . . . amazing, Godfilled, tiny miracles. I have traditionally called these shifts “transformations.” Using the word “revelation” to describe my frame of mind, body and soul could be misconstrued as a reference to the Holy Bible, the book of Revelations. The reference might make a Christian cringe. But this particular book focuses on the end of times, which is a whole other topic. Either way, I don’t want to break tradition, so let’s just say that I was feeling undeniably amazing. After eleven long months of being ill in one way or another, I was feeling wonderful. I could feel the presence of God again. This makes life worth living. The first person to share in the meeting opened with, “I’m so sick of meetings on gratitude.” Maybe you hate meetings on gratitude because you aren’t grateful. We’re in the middle of a grand opportunity to reinvent ourselves and reboot for a new year and this is all he has to say? Maybe he has good reason for not being grateful. I began to immediately feel calm instead of irritated and had the revelation of compassion for a sick and suffering addict. So, this is what they have been talking about for all these years! Instead of going to an uplifting meeting for the New Year celebration, I was in a meeting where most of us was unhappy and miserable, so all they could do was dump. 24
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Just don’t get loaded. Another guy complained that his mother wanted him to work on her house for free. Mom gets everything. A poor woman who worried herself into a psychiatric institution more than once should get everything! I slipped into judgment again – I wasn’t irritated; I was judging. My dear old friend, Crying Bob, had invited me to the meeting, as his home group was sponsoring the 8 AM slot at the 24-Hour Room. He told me there would be doughnuts and hot, fresh bagels with cream cheese. Oh, my goodness, that bagel was good. After I ate my toasted pumpernickel bagel with cream cheese, I shared, “I woke up from surgery and was high on Thursday, and it didn’t frighten me as much as it reminded me of where old-timer addicts go to die after surgery on prescribed pain meds.” When the beast asked me to dance, I said “No.” I took measures to ensure that I would not let my addiction come back to life. If you feed the beast, he will kill you. The beast destroys lives and families. I really did not want to end up a statistic, so I attended meetings every day, made a list of my support network and kept it on my desk something that I hadn’t done that in ten years. After nearly 23 years without pain medication, I now have to take pain meds. I won’t feed the beast, but I did name him and called him Gorilla Joe. If I feed Gorilla Joe, he will dance on my chest. I feel the transformation taking over, pulling me away from the old and into the un-
Get naked and let recovery wash over you. Most of all, get well soon. known: unknown friends, sponsors, lovers and coworkers. I feel my spirit coming back to life. I honor the spiritual principles of Step Two and Step Three. I am bathed in faith and hope. These revelations are worlds away from where I was a few days ago. For months, I struggled with health issues that prevented me from working. I had to quit my 20-year career in massage and healing. I nearly gave my weapons to a trusted friend because my brain told me that I was better off dead. So I ate, grieved and slept. This new year is an unpainted landscape for me. It’s an empty canvas on which I can reinvent myself. I am optimistic and hope for true love and a prosperous future. The ungrateful guy at the meeting did apologize. He’s facing his own demons and need me to tell him he’s sick. He certainly didn’t need me to shoot daggers and bad juju at him. He needed me to tell him to keep sharing, no matter what. If it keeps him from getting loaded one more day, dump it all. Leave it in the room. Keep sharing the secrets, the anger and the fear. Get naked, and let recovery wash over you. Most of all, get well soon.
InRecovery.com
2/16/18 11:10 AM
The Latest News of Interventions
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f you have a loved one who is struggling with addiction, you are probably familiar with the reality TV show Intervention. Is the show about using “tough love” to shock your loved one into finally doing something about their addiction. It typically involves strict guidelines or even expulsion from the family. According to some leading professionals, that’s exactly the wrong thing to do.
family not rely on the justice system to effect treatment for them. Prisons tend to be neither safe nor drug free. They can also lead to lifelong problems including additional trauma and a permanent record affecting both future job prospects and housing applications. The justice system generally does much more harm than good for someone facing addiction.
“The pure tough love approach does not seem particularly effective and is sometimes quite cruel and potentially counter-productive,” agreed Dr. Wilson Compton, deputy director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse.
So what’s a loved one to do? Community Reinforcement and Family Therapy, known by the acronym of CRAFT. Research indicates that it is at least twice as effective as an Intervention. Through implementation of CRAFT, family members are educated on how to positively motivate loved ones and gently guide them towards a long-lasting recovery. It also eliminates the need for the painful, full-frontal confrontation and the risk of completely cutting off a family member. Everyone is taught self-care skills along the way to help avoid relapse.
It is also recommended that friends and
This doesn’t mean family members must
“Don’t do it,” says Dr. Mark Willenbring, the former director of treatment research at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, who now runs a clinic that treats addiction. “Interventions are almost always destructive, and sometimes, they destroy families.”
tolerate the addicted person’s behavior at all costs. There are “certainly times that people’s behavior is so significantly impaired that they’re impossible to live with,” noted Compton. Family members, of course, must protect their own mental and physical well-being. “There quite understandably, there needs to be limits set, but that’s different from thinking there will be benefit in being homeless and without support.”
“Interventions are almost always destructive, and sometimes, they destroy families.” It can feel unbearable watching a loved one self-destruct due to addiction and take the rest of the family down with him or her, into the abyss. It’s always best to seek professional help for advice and assistance. And now, armed with the knowledge of what’s most effective, it will be easier to make good decisions on how to best heal your family through this crisis.
10 Key Reasons To Maintain Your Recovery 1 Clear-minded thinking
2 Strong personal relationships
3 Revitalized health
4 Renewed sense of purpose
5 Rediscovery of your five senses
6 Your family needs you
7 The best is yet to come 9
Powerful emotional growth InRecovery.com
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8 You feel great helping others
BONUS TIP:
Connection to your Higher Power
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Inspired fun InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/19/18 7:19 AM
From Hopeless to Hopeful MICHELLE WHITAKER
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M
y name is Michelle. I am a grateful believer in God, I struggle with both addiction and mental health issues that include depression and PTSD.
I grew up in a small town in California with two wonderful parents and two little brothers. I was a pastor’s kid and grew up in church. The problem was that I never felt I belonged anywhere. My issues with depression and loneliness began because I didn’t have many friends at school or at church. I was bullied because I was always very skinny and dressed like a boy. My family didn’t have a lot of money, my clothes were handme-downs. In high school, I accepted that nobody liked me and I gave up trying. As it turns out, my sense of humor and lack of care for what my peers thought of me brought about a confidence that I enjoyed. I started drinking and partying because, at least temporarily, I felt accepted and my concerns about my image were erased. Following graduation, I entered the Army because it turned out that the few “friends” I had made while partying were not really friends after all. I was devastated and I just wanted to get away. I lied to get into the Army, when they asked me if I had ever been injured. Although I had shattered my wrist and broken my back while horseback riding, I told them that I had no prior injuries. During basic training, I ended up fracturing the same two vertebrae and the Army asked me to leave. They discovered my previous medical records and my lies were exposed. I was sent home embarrassed, lost and disappointed in myself. I was welcomed home, but I was angry and miserable. I could not find acceptance anywhere, even though I tried to be what everyone wanted which led to more drinking. In college, I got pregnant, but was no longer with the father. I met a new man who would soon become my husband; my daughter was delivered in May of 1999. Finding acceptance from a man seemed to work for me, for a while, but unfortunately he was a drug addict. I realized later when I learned to recognize the signs. I found myself struggling with severe depression after repeated instances of emotional, verbal and physical abuse. I thought perhaps if we had another child together, he would be happier with me.
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Our second daughter was born in January of 2001. Shortly following her birth, we had to move back to my parents’ house. Again I was embarrassed and sad that I still was not able to be the person I thought people wanted me to be. While my parents were away in Germany, the abuse turned sexual. My husband, who had sworn to protect me, was physically and sexually assaulting me. I finally kicked him out after he severely injured me but felt ashamed and useless. I was convinced that I was a worthless object and drinking was my only coping mechanism. By the time my parents returned from their trip, I had become a full-blown alcoholic and was in denial. I thought I was being a good mom because I took care of my girls during the day and refused to get drunk until after they were in bed. It didn’t take my family very long to realize that I was in self-destruct mode. I had begun bringing men and women home from the bars I frequented and I was putting everyone, including myself, in danger. My parents eventually asked me to leave home without my children.
It’s a blessing to offer outreach on the streets with the police who used to arrest me. Depression set in full force and I was a failure as a parent, daughter, friend and wife. I eventually found myself on the streets with nowhere to go. Methamphetamine became my new coping tool, drugs, theft, jail and life-threatening situations became my new way of life. I believed I had lost my daughters forever and I became suicidal. Life was pain, depression and loneliness; I was a lost soul. I became pregnant again by a man I met on the streets. I had been told that I could not carry any more children after the assault by my husband, so I ignored the symptoms and continued using meth. At seven months pregnant and in a desperate attempt to be able to lie in a bed, I went to a hospital and faked pregnancy concerns. It
was there that I discovered I was having a boy and that he seemed healthy. They told me I would not be able to keep him if I continued down my current path. That wakeup call prompted my first attempt at sobriety. My son was born in June of 2009. I gave birth in the hospital, where the only company by my side was the man I had met on the streets. My family wasn’t there and I was devastated. I stayed clean for about six months before I relapsed. I found myself repeatedly back in jail and in a relationship with one of the most violent and abusive individuals I had ever met. At one point, he even lit my son on fire. I was desperate for a way out and ended up finding a program that eventually helped me. I had developed a hatred for authority figures and refused to follow the basic rule, of not start a relationship while in the program. I was soon kicked out of that program, but was referred to a local family shelter called Hope Family Shelters where I began attending Celebrate Recovery (CR) meetings. I finally realized I had more than just chemical addiction; I was also a love and relationship addict. Hope was where my recovery began and where life became exciting. I enrolled in a substance abuse counseling program, majoring in psychology. As a part of my practicum, I came back to the shelter as a volunteer. Shortly after my internship, I was offered the position of Director of Client Services. I still attend CR and continued to work through the CR Steps, where I am discovering the sources of my hurts, habits and hang-ups. I am blessed to have all three of my children living with me again. Every day, I help individuals who are struggling with similar issues of addiction, low self-esteem and trauma. I guide them through the CR step studies where they learn about tools and new behaviors that will help them become residentially and occupationally independent. It’s such a blessing to offer outreach on the streets, with the same police who used to arrest me, and to bring hope to some of the same people with whom I have been in jail and done drugs. They believe that if I did it, maybe they can, too. I celebrated five years clean and sober on May 15, 2017. Recovery is a daily journey for me, and will remain so for the rest of my life. I love every minute of it! InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/16/18 11:23 AM
Why Me? JENNIFER HANSEN
I
came from a good family and lived a somewhat privileged life. My parents were successful pillars of our community, and I guess that was why I started feeling of never being good enough. They believed in education above all and sent me to the best private schools in the area. This meant that I never went to school with any of the neighborhood kids, I had a hard time fitting in. None of the schools in our area were good enough for high school, so they sent me to a boarding school in Massachusetts which was five hours from our home in New Jersey. I didn’t fit in at boarding school either, and the kids were really mean to me. Every night, I would call and beg to come home. One night I went out for a break during study hall and someone asked me if I wanted to smoke a joint. This is where it 28
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all started. The more drugs I did, the more friends I made. Soon, I was doing a lot of LSD and cocaine, and had become a daily pot smoker. I was really into the Grateful Dead and the whole hippie lifestyle I had finally found a home where I fit in. After getting kicked out of three boarding schools because of drugs, I went to my first rehab. It was a really scary place on the AWOL risk unit at the Institute of Pennsylvania Hospital. Needless to say, at 17, I was not ready to stay clean. I took my GED and went to college in Burlington, Vermont. My parents routinely drug tested me while I was there, but, I found ways to pass the tests and make them think everything was okay. They caught me once then came up to take my car away. I continued using, selling drugs
Jennifer Hansen
to support my habit and to fund my travel around the country to see the Grateful Dead. I would go from show to show, city to city, selling drugs all day and dancing all night. I stayed in the best hotels and hung out with all of the hippies. I was living the high life! I got to know people and got drug connections all over the country and was in a little network of people who took care of each other. Lots of crazy things happened along the way and I ended up in the Santa Cruz County Jail on distribution charges. After a mandatory rehab and another eightmonth stint of clean time, I went back to college in New Jersey. Again, I was faced with the same old problem when trying to meet friends. The only way I knew how to meet people was by InRecovery.com
2/16/18 11:50 AM
asking, “Hey, you wanna smoke a joint?” Back to the races: using, selling, and dabbling with heroin and crack on the weekends. I managed to keep it semi-together until I graduated college, then I was off to more Grateful Dead concerts and back out West. I wanted to get as far from my parents as possible. The heroin out there wasn’t white powder anymore, I turned to the needle. My addiction took me to places I’d have never imagined. In the end, I lived on the streets with a $300-a-day heroin habit, dark circles under my eyes and track marks along my arms, I felt dead. My soul was gone and my life seemed hopeless.
After several attempts at rehabilitation, I finally successfully detoxed at Seabrook House in Seabrook, New Jersey. I then entered a women’s transitional facility in Southern California where during threemonth stay, I began to gather the tools I needed to live without drugs. I learned the simple life skills necessary to stay clean and achieve serenity in my life. I stayed in California for over two years while working and participating in a Twelve Step recovery program before returning home to New Jersey. InRecovery.com
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There, I saw the need for something that would follow up on the short-term treatment addicts were receiving. I began to work on opening housing for recovering addicts, similar to what I experienced in California. In 2001, The Hansen Foundation, Inc. was formed.
In 2016, we opened a facility using equine therapy and organic farming help addicts find recovery. We opened a café and another IOP in Ventnor, New Jersey, along with a recovery resource center for the community. A detox is slated to open soon in Atlantic City, New Jersey.
I worked with others to open a halfway house for men in 2004, one for women in 2005 and we continued to open more so-
I have now been drug-free for 21 years, along with continuing to keep recovery my #1 priority, I practice yoga regularly and believe in eating healthy and organic foods. We are what we eat after all and our body is all we have, so we better take good care of it.
My addiction took me to places I had never before imagined.
ber living homes as the demand increased. In 2015, we opened the first luxury house for women in New Jersey, followed by one for men in 2016 and 2017. In 2015, I founded the New Jersey affiliate of National Alliance of Recovery Residences which provides quality standards for recovery residence operations. That same year, we opened a program to provide partial care, intensive outpatient program (IOP), and outpatient holistic substance abuse treatment.
I used to say, “Why me? Why did I have
to be an addict?” Now I know. Some of us have to get down in the hole and learn how to get out so that we can show others. Every step I took along the way was God leading me. There is nothing better than when someone says to me, “That house saved my life; thank you so much for giving me a place to recover.” I know one person’s recovery can make a huge difference in everyone’s world. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/16/18 11:51 AM
TOUGH LUCK MATT NAGIN
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am revved the engine as he zipped through the Pine Barrens on the Garden State Parkway. The thought of what awaited him made his heart race: luscious craps tables, resplendent blackjack, mystical roulette wheels and a Pai gow poker bazaar. It all radiated intensely, seeming otherworldly. He honestly felt like those weirdoes who trekked to Peru to ingest a couple pounds of ayahuasca on This is Life with Lisa Ling.
“Where you headed?”
Blue and white headlights flashed into his windshield. Suddenly he was on the side of the road walking the old straight line.
“YEAH,” Sam repeated. “I HEARD YOU.”
“Have anything to drink tonight?” “Nah.” 30
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“A.C.” “You were swerving.” “If you say so.” “I’ll let you go if you stop at the next rest area and get some coffee.” “YEAH,” Sam said. “Excuse me?”
There was a long silence. The cop studied Sam’s license and registration. At last he shook his head, and with a groan, told Sam to carry on. He’d practically begged
the bastard to throw him in the slammer. But the protector of stale order and puerile conformity let him off easy. It was lucky he was white, he thought; otherwise he might have a bullet in his brain. As he raced back onto the highway, he imagined he’d soon be swimming in Olympic-sized pools filled with $100 bills, money popping out his ears and swimming out of his mouth, while disco dancing to the Bee Gees. He remembered an old high school friend of his who, after seeing Sam play $200 worth of scratch-off tickets, insisted money was an illusion. Money, he claimed, would never fill the void in Sam’s soul. Ha! InRecovery.com
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Overly-enlightened clone! He was going to have enough money to build a palace. A goddamn marble palace! With gorgeous swimsuit models popping out of every suite and precious jewels lined up like soldiers! Was that an illusion?
****** That evening Sam went up $9,000 on a brilliant string of cards. He walked along the dilapidated boardwalk, feeling the ocean breeze, inhaling the cotton candy scent, and played skeeball to control his nerves. This is it, he told himself. When he went back to the craps table, he experienced the kind of miracle normally reserved for preachers who speak in tongues. The shooter rolled and Sam pressed all his bets . . . a four-hour Xanadu. He hit 23 points before crapping out. It was the kind of roll that could get a casino manager fired, the kind of roll that not only got Sam out of debt, it put him up another $85,000.
As he raced back onto the highway, he imagined he’d soon be swimming in Olympic-sized pools filled with $100 bills. Sam danced the Macarena. He bought double-decker corned beef sandwiches on rye for twelve strangers. He kissed a blackjack dealer on the lips . . . a 93-yearold man with prehistoric dentures. But did he stop? Of course not. The casino offered him comped meals and a lavish hotel room, he indulged himself. He ordered lobster tails, hired call girls, did blow on the nightstand through tightly
rolled $100 bills, the large denominations offering the ritual a kind of totemistic power. By the fourth day, he was very nearly tapped out. He stayed another week, sleeping in his car, brushing his teeth in the parking lot and subsisting on beef jerky and Pop Tarts. He played blackjack, craps, poker, baccarat and the fruit wheel until he could hardly see straight, until the games merged and he founded himself talking to the guy next to him in what resembled Farsi. Before long, he’d pawned his father’s Rolex and he begged his friend to wire him a grand. When that ran out, in exchange for services, a weird perv with glasses in the bathroom gave him a measly 60 bucks. By the eleventh day, his wife was texting and calling on the hour. He didn’t answer. It was easier that way. He was too focused on his own problems, besides, there was nothing to say.
EXCESSIVE ENERGY DRINKS = COCAINE USE?
A new study has determined that excessive consumption of energy drinks could lead to higher risk of cocaine use in young adults. Researchers at the University of Maryland School of Public Health studied over 1,000 college students aged 20-25 and kept track of their caffeine loaded energy habits. The study discovered that those with the highest drink consumption were most at risk for cocaine and other stimulants, as well as alcohol use disorder. While the study did not prove a direct cause and effect, the correlation provides more than enough reason to be cautious. As with everything, be careful about what you put into your body. Consider the fact that those initial short jitters may indicate the potential for larger problems down the road.
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4. Eating healthier 5. get out of debt 6. s pending more time with family and friends 7. I need to feel connected with people and events
1. losing weight 2. quit smoking 3. learning something new
8. traveling around the country or to exotic destinations in different countries 9. t ime to a worthy cause and share your kindness amongst others. 10. getting more sleep
Why Is This New Year’s Resolution Different From All Others? DR. RAFAEL ALALU, PSY.D.
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kay, it’s that time of year again. The party hats are back in the closet, your smart phone is filled with holiday selfies and sitting on top of your coffee table, is a note pad with some scribbles outlining your 2018 New Year’s resolutions. 32
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You pick it up and it seems a lot like last year’s, but, you believe in your heart that this year will be different. However, somewhere in the back of your mind, there’s some lingering doubt. You’re not alone! Research suggests that approximately half
of all Americans make New Year’s resolutions, yet only 8% achieve them. If we do the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result, well, that’s just the simple definition of insanity. InRecovery.com
2/16/18 11:59 AM
So, how about making this year different. Let’s examine the top ten list of typical resolutions and identify reasons why they’re typically not achieved. Let’s go one step further, let’s identify some pitfalls and replace them with realistic and achievable resolutions for this coming year. (1) Just as you imagined, topping the list at number one is losing weight and getting fit. In the U.S., obesity rates are off the scale with major search engines reporting a dramatic increase of 300% more fitness InRecovery.com
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related searches this time of year. However, researchers claim that about 60% of gym memberships signed in January never get used and most of the remaining 40% are ignored by mid February. (2) Trying to quit smoking comes in at number two. It’s a noble resolution, yet only 15% of people remain cigarette free after six months. (3) Third on the list is learning something new, like a foreign language or becoming a chef. Sounds exciting, but do you really have the time and patience to see it come to pass? (4) Eating healthier is always a concern and makes number four on our list this year. Preparing meals with fresh produce and ingredients during your limited free time can be a bit challenging considering your busy work schedule. Fast food and deliveries notoriously interfere with this resolution. (5) “I promise to get out of debt and save more money,” that’s number five. Considering your rent or mortgage went up at the beginning of the year or that you still may owe back taxes from last year makes this resolution a bit difficult. (6) Number six is extremely common, spending more time with family and friends. It’s awesome and rewarding, however, with all your new hobbies and work commitments, who really has more time for family and friends? (7) How about spending less time watching reality shows and on social media? At number seven, this resolution invites contradictions. Do you have discipline to follow through? (8) Number eight has your eyes set on traveling around the country or to exotic destinations in different countries. It surely sounds adventurous, but is it financially realistic this year? (9) At number nine, is volunteering more time. It’s very thoughtful of you to dedicate your time to a worthy cause and share your kindness amongst others. However, do you really have time to take on additional commitments? (10) Last but not least, rounding out number ten, is getting more sleep. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports that one in three adults don’t get enough sleep. Being sleep deprived sets all your resolutions up for failure. Your intentions and resolutions are straight from the heart, yet with time they seem so difficult to achieve. Lets look into some possible reasons why your goals may be in limbo even though your intentions are spot on. Resolutions are personal challenges de-
signed to make you grow and learn new things in the process. However, by taking on too much, you can feel over-burdened, making you more likely to give up. For example, “I will work out every single day and will no longer go out for dinner but will instead prepare healthy and nutritious meals at home.” Are these realistic or are you biting off more than you can chew? Unrealistic expectations are the basis for resolutions being doomed right from the start. By defining your resolutions and avoiding vague declarations, you are more likely to achieve a specific desired outcome. For example, instead of “I am going to be more responsible with my money.” Try using, “I will put away 10% of my earnings in a savings account.” Specific targets make goals more easily achievable. Having the right mindset allows you to focus on your objective. Your desire to accomplish it is one thing, being able to work towards it with a clear mind is what makes the difference. Being mentally prepared is more than half the battle to success. You may decide to quit drinking but if you do not avoid temptations, or you stick around with the same people, go to the same places and do the same things, how can you possibly succeed? You have to be mentally aware to deal with potential obstacles. Managing your time efficiently will give your hard work and perseverance a change to success. This involves much more than crossing off items from a to-do list, it requires actually prioritizing your resolutions. Before setting out on this year’s resolutions, consider the following: Think about what it is that you really want in life for this coming year and how you plan on achieving them and remember to take small steps. Some people believe that its all about will power, however, will power can be overpowered by setting unrealistic, unattainable goals. The formula for creating your New Year’s resolutions should include goals that are specific, measurable and achievable. While new year’s day may be in the rearview mirror, there’s still plenty of time to start off the new year right by implementing these important lessons. Make this new year different and more rewarding with solid, attained resolutions. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/16/18 12:00 PM
Tribute to Daniel Fonte MICHAEL BURKE
T
here comes a time in everyone’s life when certain incidents or tragic events take place, they leave you wondering why things happen the way that they do? It makes you begin to question the basic notion that “everything happens for a reason”. That question really hits home for me now, this time of year, ever since February 27, 2016 when my cousin, Daniel Fonte, passed away from a drug overdose. I’d always heard about drug overdoses on the news and casually followed some of the yearly statistics on casualties from this deadly disease, out of morbid curiosity. However, it never really hits home until it happens to someone within your inner circle. In my case it was a first cousin, but in any event, when a tragedy of this magnitude occurs in your life, it can’t help but leave you asking why? I don’t believe my family ever really understood the extremity of Danny’s illness or the complexity of the disease of addiction. Daniel “Coco” Fonte was only twenty-eight years old when he passed. A life taken, way too young. Even since he was a child, Danny was always the center of attention. Whether it was a family gathering or some event, everyone enjoyed watching him put on a show impersonating some family member or singing classic Cuban songs. He regularly had the entire family in tears laughter. Danny just had a way of captivating a room with his presence. You were drawn to him, his aura and demeanor were so unique, so special, he always made us all feel so upbeat and happy. Danny was also very much into martial arts, along with his brother Carlos. He even went through a transition as a model/ actor, going on to star on a live local TV show here in Miami by the name of Sabado Gigante. Many of us used to say he was able to attain all of this at such a young age because he was so outgoing. The family labeled him our “social butterfly.” During his young adult life, Danny got into day trading, was an owner/operator of a cellular wireless store and was a real estate investor. He was making some34
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abstaining from drugs. The phrase one is too many and a thousand is never enough comes to mind. The outcome from these thoughts are never promising and I’m sure we all know where it went from there. The addiction overpowered him and Danny lost the battle at home, one night, due to an accidental cocaine overdose.
Daniel Fonte
thing of his life but it sadly took a tragic turn when he was twenty and experienced a bad break up with an ex-girlfriend. He began self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. In treatment we learn that this type of action is referred to as an “unhealthy soothing behavior”. We do this to escape from the pain and responsibilities of doing something productive about it. I know this now because since then, I too became a recovering addict. The sad part is, that too many of us go through these same emotions every day, looking for a way out only to find ourselves falling deeper and deeper into addiction. All the while, the so called “beast” that lies within intensifies. I used to satisfy my pain in the same way only to come to this pivotal realization seventeen years later. In reality, a lot of us could have ended up like my cousin Danny. I look back now and recall his moments of clarity when he would search for a way out, pondering thoughts of only having one drink or strictly consuming liquor while
Danny just had a way of captivating a room with his presence.
Most of us don’t understand just how powerful or severe addiction is until something like this happens to us, personally. We are not taught how to deal with addicts or even how to detect that someone might be an addict. I know I never accepted it. I would justify it by coming to terms with the fact that it was socially accepted. I truly believe that if my cousin had received the right treatment, his odds of recovery would have been much greater. One big important part of this process is that we must be prepared to surrender and come to terms with the fact that we are powerless. Danny never came to that realization. Steps 1 through 3 of the 12 step program are very crucial for initial treatment. Treatment provides us with tools, and with these tools we learn concepts we must utilize daily as addicts. Many of us also struggle with family members, significant others or close friends who are alcoholics or drug addicts. With a proper program such as ALANON, or a similar program, we can learn how to deal with loved ones who suffer from this disease. I encourage everyone to reach out. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE!!!!! BE PROACTIVE!!!! Do not let a loved one become a statistic, like my cousin Danny. In closing I would like to say, Danny, I know you’re in heaven smiling down, watching over all of us. We will never forget you. You are forever in our memories and will always remain in our hearts. You are my inspiration to “fight the fight” against this disease. To his mother, father and brother, Tia Iris, Tio Carlos and Carlitos, may his spirit flourish through you all and know that he is no longer suffering. We will always love you “Coco”!!!!! ALWAYS... InRecovery.com
2/16/18 12:57 PM
Finding A Sober Support Network
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o, after the holiday season, I was reminded of how important it is to have a great support network. Miraculously resisting all the holiday temptations has a way of doing that. If you are an addict and don’t have clean and sober friends to help you in difficult times, make sure this is the year that you put yourself out there and get involved in addiction programs. Don’t be afraid of being judged (I know I was) because the truth is that some people are going to like you and some people aren’t. It’s time to get over that. The fundamental idea is to meet a bunch of like minded people who could potentially become your support network, especially when you’re having a bad day or feeling vulnerable. You really never know when you are going to need someone. Often times the urge to use substances comes suddenly and without warning, leaving you defenseless at a critical time. This is why Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA) use the spirituality principal, because faith in a power greater than ourselves gives us someone to talk to when no one is picking up the phone. To an extent it is a great concept, because people are not always going to be available. However, it’s often
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JOSE GOYOS best to have a real person to speak back to you in a time of crisis. That person needs to be able to talk you out of doing the wrong thing in real time. I once believed that if I could fix my own problems then I wouldn’t need outside help, however, I could never seem to get sober alone. One thing to be mindful of in establishing your support network is to avoid those with whom you’re interested in having a sexual relationship. I’m not saying that meeting people you’re sexually attracted to is wrong, but don’t use them as your addiction support network. Staying sober and clean is difficult enough without adding sex to the problem. Make sure that the people who you’re bringing into your network are there to help you, not sleep with you. Also, if you are currently in a relationship with someone who’s also sober make sure they’re not your only sober support. One day you might be in a fight with that person and won’t have anyone else to talk to about that problem. This is what I did that worked for me. At your next addiction meeting share with others and say something like “my name is ‘.....’ and I would really like to expand my addiction support network.” Don’t be
self-conscious about speaking up, who cares what people think. Besides, the fear is only in your head, no one attends meetings to knock each other down. I know that the winter season can be an extremely tough time for addicts because some of us don’t have any family. Others might have too much family and that can drive us crazy too. That’s why it’s the perfect time of year to be tempted to drink or do drugs because, seriously, what else is there to do? Well it turns out that there is a lot, if you’re open minded and expand your friends circle and horizons. Meeting new people can introduce you to things that you otherwise would never have known existed.
When I employed that strategy it workout even better then I imagined. As it turns out, other people there knew exactly where I was mentally and knew what to do to help me out. One of them even told me that they would never have spoken to me because I didn’t seem very approachable. Since I allowed myself to be vulnerable in that meeting, a lot of people came up to me afterwards and said “hi” and exchanged phone numbers with me. I have seen countless people try to recover alone and fail. I’ve seen and met people who never said anything and wound up drunk, high or dead. This is your life and no one else can get sober and clean for you. This is the one thing that you will have to do for yourself, but you don’t have to do it alone. You have to want sobriety and be willing to speak up for yourself. If you don’t no one will know what is actually going on inside that head of yours. I hope that you can muster the courage at your next meeting, to let people know who you are and that you need some help, because you are worth it. All I can say is fight for yourself and even if the people you meet seem weird at first give them a chance. You never know, one day they may save your life. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/16/18 12:57 PM
My Insane Life: Diary of Addiction
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n 2009, I was living in London with my wife I was in and out of the house, using drugs, partying and trying to stay under the radar, I couldn’t keep a job, I had no money and I was running out of options. My continuous negative actions were causing my marriage to fall apart and I had completely lost touch with reality in all my relationships, especially my role as a father. One day, a man who made my narcissistic personality feel welcomed, approached me. The man painted a picture of extreme success and I quickly built a connection with him, it satisfied my desires for money and power. After several coffee shop meetings, he offered me a money-making proposition to work with his network of financial opportunists. At that time, I was lazy and only really cared about getting high, I felt honored to accept his proposition not really knowing what I was getting myself into. He made it sound simple, just accept money from his clients and deposit it into various business bank accounts. Through these simple actions, I would earn a percentage of what came “in and out” of my account as his “account man-
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ager”. My earnings started anywhere from $500.00 to $2,000 every time a deposit came in. I was ecstatic! I had finally found the means and ability to keep my expensive habits afloat! As money was coming in, I continued to convince myself that I had a real job with financially powerful people who trusted me. This empowered me to continue keeping my vices in check just long enough to complete each transaction. In 2010 I decided to walk into a substance abuse treatment facility, but only with the egotistical mindset that I wasn’t like everyone else there. I wasn’t as bad as everyone else because I had some money in the bank and a career. I was there to do it my way. I told the facility that I needed some extra privileges and that I couldn’t just leave “my business” in limbo. The staff there told me that I was no different then anyone else and I lasted only 14 days before I left against treatment advice. I was overwhelmed with my own anxiety and the pressure from my “boss” who wasn’t able to contact me to know what I was doing with the funds during that time.
On my way out of the treatment facility, the owner and other staff warned me that my decision would lead to my death in no time. Up to that little treatment stay, I had an opioid and heroin habit of approx $300 a day and was shooting up four roxys or five bags of heroin in a sitting. I knew I couldn’t keep going at that rate or what I was told would come true. I’d be dead. After I left treatment, I made the appropriate arrangements with my boss to be “on vacation” for a few weeks, I returned to treatment, again on MY TERMS. Willing to stay for two more weeks (which in my mind was a total of 30 days). This was a time frame that I believed was enough to get myself back on track, to get my head right, to be able to function “normally” again. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t stay sober. Shortly after I left treatment, I was forced into a divorce with a wife who wanted nothing to do with an active user, prone to sporadic and unexpected absences from my family. My soon to be ex-wife left with my one year old daughter, she went to live permanently with her family for emotional support and financial help. InRecovery.com
2/15/18 3:35 PM
I decided to relocate from London to Florida, but continue working for the same people. I regularly had money in my pocket and perpetuated the lies to my family that I was doing well, but, times were really tough. Besides the battle I was waging against the demons of my addiction, I had been robbed at gunpoint in my own apartment, it was over a 70 pill transaction, with a drug dealer, gone bad. After that, I decided to move back up north to Philly, closer to my family, since they all thought I was doing so well. That decision unraveled very quickly as they saw for themselves what was really going on. I was couch surfing and house crashing for almost six months. I then ended up living in a crack house and a driving for a drug dealer. Over the following six months I was in and out of treatment centers and detox facilities. My work with the London boss also came to an end because I just couldn’t hold it together, I no longer had the means to get high at my disposal. I started stealing from my family, boosting at stores and trying to make frazzled ends meet. My life was in complete disarray, with nowhere to turn.
I got a job as a dishwasher at a restaurant, earning $9.50 an hour. I came to appreciate the meaning of hard work and the ability to have self-respect and not take life for granted. It was a real struggle at first, but the rewards are what continued to push me forward. For once in a long time, probably since I was a little boy, I was experiencing the meaning of God’s work in my life. The ability to be around selfless people in the program, allowed me to become a member of that same selfless community, giving back to others the way the programs had given to me. Being able to feel and see that other people just wanted to give and show love with nothing in return was truly uplifting. In 2012, while at work, I had some visitors come looking for me. These weren’t close friends or family, these were two special agents from the FBI. They asked if I was willing to sit down and speak with them and my stomach turned, knowing what was about to happen. I told them I was definitely willing and that I had a pretty good idea why they were there. They asked if I could tell where certain people were and if I had been in touch with anyone.
firm. It was all a lie. I didn’t know the total number of frauds committed or how much the clients were being sold. I only knew what to expect in the form of a wire transfer into my account and sending one out after subtracting my commission, which was on average 3-6%.
I will never forget that experience walking into a place so broken and, for the first time ever, so humble, truly wanting to entrust my life to someone else. The FBI asked if I would be willing to try and rekindle the relationship with my former boss who once gave me all the instructions on a daily or weekly basis. I emphatically agreed. I told them I had no problem with that, but since it had been over a year since we spoke and he knew I was not in good shape, I wasn’t sure if he would even speak to or meet with me. They asked me to phone a certain phone number prior to each call, which would record the calls.
I finally hit bottom and gave up. I went to my parents and asked them to support my decision to go to treatment, one last time. They told me that they would make it possible for me financially, however, I would have to make the arrangements and make the calls. I called a facility in Florida and was on a flight two days later. I will never forget that experience, walking into a place, so broken, and for the first time ever, so humble, truly needing to put my life in someone else’s hands. I stayed for 92 days. When I got out I took every suggestion given to me. I agreed to be set up with sober living, kept myself accountable, got a sponsor, attended meetings daily, and even went to an aftercare program. But I had no money and my father (rest in peace) gave me $50 and a prepaid phone and told me that he was there for me emotionally and wanted to speak to me, but, I had to figure out the rest on my own. His tough love made me grow up fast and his lack of enabling, gave me the opportunity to become a real man. I now had direction and an opportunity to actually empower myself to do something good with a vision for the future. InRecovery.com
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I was terrified. What could I possibly do? I started to tell my story. I told them I was three months sober and that I wanted to clean my side of the street. I told them I was willing to cooperate in any manner necessary. I told them that I was not there to hide or pretend like nothing ever happened. This was truly my first real test in sobriety when it came to admitting my past and being able to be completely honest, to do the right thing even at the hardest time. The people I was working for were running a boiler room operation in Asia. I was their American guinea pig who was known to their “clients” as the person who would make an American stock purchase for them through my American brokerage
I dialed the man’s number and was shocked that he answered. He was thrilled to hear from me I was extremely nervous. He started to tell me how I’m missing out on some really good money and that he was happy to hear that I was doing well, back on my feet and back on track. The Agent called me a few days later and instructed me to ask him if he would give me work. So I did as instructed. My former boss said that if I opened a new bank account, he could easily move over a million dollars, over the next six months. The Agents were happy to hear his admissions, on the recorded line. The Agents gave me an account that they set up. I called my boss several times over the next few months. Continued InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/15/18 3:36 PM
In early 2013 the government presented me with a plea agreement, which was extremely wordy and not easily understandable. I barely had a clue what I was reading, let alone signing. In any event, I took the advice of a court appointed public defender and pled guilty to the counts that were charged against me. My sentence would be deferred until I completed the required cooperation. I had no idea what that meant. But what choice did I have? Soon thereafter, the Agents requested that I travel to London with them to try to set up a face-to-face meeting with my boss, and I did so without hesitation.
I flew to London and met the “boss man”. I had first met him three years before at the same location, I was serving him coffee. This time I was sitting down drinking coffee with him, wired with a recorder, video watch and a dummy cell phone that was actually a recording device. In a way it felt like espionage, an exciting international event. But in other ways, I was terrified, realizing that I was truly a sitting duck, with no real protection in a foreign country. No any family or friends who knew what I was doing. The meeting went well. Two days later I flew back home. I continued to live my clean and sober life, working with other men and women who were struggling with addiction. I saved as much money as I could from my restaurant job and opened up several sober living homes. I continued to really grasp the ultimate joy of giving back to those who so desperately needed it. In the meanwhile, days led to months and months led to years. I was yet to be sentenced but knew someday I would need to face the music. Time went on without any communication with the government and I carried on my purpose as a recovering addict, practicing the principles of my program in all my affairs. 38
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The federal case was a huge burden hanging over my head and wasn’t easy to deal with, knowing that any day I could get the call to say, “please come to court and face the judge.” However that didn’t stop my drive to build a life. It only gave me greater ambition to do better. Every year, I would get a letter from the government stating that the case was still pending and that the investigations were still ongoing. It was almost six years after I met with the agents, for the first time, that I was finally informed that a sentencing hearing would be coming up. I began preparing and reached out to people I touched over the years, and, people who truly touched me. I received numerous heartfelt letters supporting my character and letters from many organizations that I supported philanthropically. The letters were all so deep and moving. I never appreciated the kind of impact I had made on my journey through recovery. We put together a video for the judge and for the government to view, showing the countless people and lives I’d helped change and save and all the good I truly strived to accomplish over the years. I stood humbly in front of the 70 year old, well educated and professional judge. His patience for me and my team of lawyers and numerous witnesses who had come of their own volition on my behalf, was admirable he turned his full day’s attention to see and hear the complete story of a man, in addict who transformed into the man who now stood before him. A mon, remorseful and filled with a lifetime of good, bad, and truly ugly experiences. He gave us 7.5 hours of his day to make sure he heard and saw everything, he would.
tried to focus again on all of those lives I’ve helped transform. It was an opportunity to reclaim my dignity and express my true character. I didn’t have to lie to try to get out of my mess and for the fist time, I was able to humbly express my remorse and, it was absolutely pure. The judge was compelled to send me to prison because of the severity of the crimes and ordered me to a federal camp, for less than one year. He noted my willingness and actions to pay back more than four times what I personally gained and expressed his admiration of the remarkable transformation I carried on my life, since the throws of my addiction. The judge personally called me over to his bench and shook my hand and said, “I’ve yet to see someone like you in front of me and I’m admire what you have accomplished over the last five years. I have been very touched by what you have done.” I felt like these were the words coming from my dear deceased father who had yet to discover the fate of his son, after all these years. He passed away only a few months before my sentencing date. The Judge’s kinds words, which I have been told is almost “unheard of ” truly meant a lot to me and definitely gave me more courage and strength to continue striving and not to let this be a setback in my life. I feel blessed and believe I can overcome any obstacle as long as I live with God and continue living my life with the principles that this program of sobriety has given me so freely.
The charges against me were scored against the sentencing guidelines and required a sentence of up to 72 months. The total funds defrauded from mostly unknown victims, under my accounts or other business names, was $1.3M, of which I was paid $80,000. Over two years, prior to the hearing, I paid the government $500k, since I was legally liable for the entire amount. The judge was taken aback by what was presented and the fact that I had paid back a substantial amount of money, even before there was an actual court order requiring me to do so. I presented my own words to the Judge requesting mercy and consideration for my past mis-deeds and InRecovery.com
2/16/18 7:29 AM
REFLECTIONS FOR A NEW YEAR
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find that the new year is a perfect time for self-reflection. Sometimes it’s about the past year, and at others it’s about my life in general. This year I chose to reflect a bit earlier than usual so I can share a story from my past that might help others like me who have struggled with addiction. I’ve had plenty of relationships in my life, but there was one in particular that set my soul on fire. We met on a ski trip, only to discover that we lived on opposite ends of the country. However, I wasn’t about to let that stop me from being with the potential love of my life. So, I pursued her like my life depended on it. Two weeks later we met up in Las Vegas at the Stratosphere Hotel. We barely made it through dinner at the revolving rooftop restaurant before running downstairs to rip each other’s clothes off. It was purely animalistic and at weekend’s end, in a ridiculous moment of passion induced insanity, with thinking evoked from a location other than my brain, I said, “I think you should move to New York.” Her jaw dropped. “What?!? Are you out of your mind?” “Probably, but I’m crazy about you. I need to see where this takes us.” “But I just got accepted to acting school. I start in a few weeks.” “There are plenty of acting schools in New York,” I countered. “But we barely know each other.”
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We began the next day with a tear-filled apology and a vow not to drink, which lasted all of one week. “I know, I know, but there’s something special going on here. I can’t just let it go.” “This is all too much, too soon.” “And if you don’t move to New York, it won’t be anything.” Just like that, she moved to New York and I began the most intense, insane, passion-filled relationship I’ve ever had, but it was abundantly filled with equal parts drama. You see, that’s the thing with us addicts. We unwittingly and unknowingly seek out drama to feed our addiction, not realizing that it’s all tied in together. As for my unfathomably rash decision, that too is a symptom. Another funny thing is that we addicts also have a certain knack for finding each other. I had no idea in the beginning how “perfect” things would work out. Our mutual addictions fit hand in glove leading to crazy nights partying, explosive arguments and incredible make-up sex. We became so co-dependent on each other that we
couldn’t even figure out how incredibly abnormal and unhealthy all this was. Even after one night out, where she slipped away in a bar and started stripping for a table full of guys, the addiction was so powerful, I just let it go. We began the next day with a tear-filled apology and a vow not to drink, which lasted all of one week. You see, deep down inside, I wanted her drunk. I needed my drinking partner and as long as she was worse than me (at least in my mind), I didn’t need to stop. Besides, I had my own set of indiscretions, she just had no idea. We lied and hid things from each other, but that was acceptable behavior. We kept things going on like that for a full four years. It’s incredible just how far justifications and rationalizations can get you. Addiction involves a lot more than just drinking and drugging. It includes an entire collection of horrible attitudes that we think help get us through life, but only end up destroying our relationships. Suffice it to say, that relationship went down in an eventual ball of flames. I would go on to screw up many more, blindly seeking drama and finding others who enabled me along the way. How about you? What do you reflect upon this time of year? While it’s good to reflect on good things, sometimes it’s helpful to focus on tough lessons. I’m sure you have a story similar to mine, and by remembering how yours turned out, it will aid you in recovery to ensure there’s no going back. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/16/18 7:30 AM
GETTING SAVED CAROL LUCAS
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once stayed at a women’s residence in lower Manhattan run by the evangelical Salvation Army. It wasn’t as much fun as Damon Runyon’s version in Guys and Dolls, but fun wasn’t really my goal. I chose it because I was trying to stay sober and the Army frowned on booze. You could sit in the massive lobby on West 13th Street with its portraits of its commanding officers in their black uniforms, and feel, well, protected. Rehab would have been a safer option. At least there, the inmates know they’re sick. Molly plunked herself next to me in the dining room on my first night. A petite bleached blonde, she showed me all her battle scars before I’d made a dent in the lime Jell-O salad or the noodle surprise (the surprise being that if you’re hungry enough, you’ll eat it). Molly’s hit parade included marrying a country singer to flee her hillbilly family in Tennessee; dumping him for an Indian swami, later arrested for statutory rape; getting fished out of the East River, high on crystal meth; and being an Avon sales associate (did I need any moisturizer?). She made a point of saying she’d just celebrated 90 days clean. I later learned Molly had her booze delivered from a liquor store on 6th Avenue, where she had a standing account. Then there was Alice, who joined us in her slippers at mealtimes only to pack away as much food as she could fit in her cooler. Maid service of our barracks-like rooms (it’s the Army, after all) was mandatory every ten days to prevent pest infestation, but Alice’s door warned “Do Not Enter.” A dis40
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tinct odor in her neighborhood warned away visitors anyway. Occasionally, a sexy bunch of Swedish or French tourists added a touch of glamour to the cavernous dining room with its beige, windowless walls and plastic decorations (turkey or tinsel, depending on the holiday). Their high spirits would hang in the air until they were swallowed up by the near-suicidal gloom. As a writer, I sought out the library and its eclectic collection of religious tomes, ’50s motivational manuals like Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking, or the more recent Growing a Soul, the Time-Life series of nature books, the National Geographic back to 1967, and the daily New York Times. (The day I read that my country had invaded Iraq was the day I swore off reading that news option. I could tell that the Pentagon was dictating reports.) Like Jehovah’s Witnesses and other religious organizations, the Salvation Army owns a fortune in Manhattan real estate, much of it dating from an era when it was thought young, single women needed a Christian home away from home to protect them in the big city before they married or moved on. Rules for these female residents haven’t changed much in the last century. The policy on male visitors, for example, was only slightly less relaxed than the alcohol ban. I remember when a date picked me up in the lobby under the watchful eyes of Major Abernathy, and laughingly asked whether there was a curfew. There was, but for the five months I lived there, I needed a nun-
The residence had been a way station, not a permanent address; but then, what in this life is permanent? nery, or at least a quiet place to sleep between AA fellowship meetings. Certainly there were residents like Alice, whose acquaintance with the male sex may have been sketchy, but others were more aggressive in flouting the no-men-in-rooms rule. Tapping into this folklore restored my faith in women’s lib. There was the gal who had her beau delivered in a UPS box (he was short) and another who seduced the TV repairman and frequently required his services. Of all the residents, my favorite was Nikki, whose body was twisting itself into arthritic knots, but whose mind was as sharp as the day she started teaching in Harlem in the ’40s. I spent hours sitting in a rocking chair that faced her bed, listening to her stories. To her immense delight, I gave her my father’s collection of jazz on tape. We both left West 13th Street about the same time, she to a nursing home on the Upper East Side and me to a new apartment. The residence had been a way station, not a permanent address; but then, what in this life is permanent? InRecovery.com
1/31/18 10:21 AM
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1/31/18 10:22 AM
My Tuesday Morning Reminder Our favorite tips and humor for people traipsing the Road of Happy Destiny.
We admitted we were powerless over others – that our lives had become unmanageable. A few weeks ago, I found myself overtired, over-emotional, over-anxious and full of debilitating anger over a political situation in which I had become embroiled. I felt as if my entire world was crashing in on me, and there was nothing I could do to help myself. I was close to being unable to function. Why was this happening to me? What had I done to deserve this? Why were people doing this to me? I just didn’t understand how people could make choices that so negatively impacted my life; how dare they! I would go to bed at night feeling feverish, restless, unable to relax enough to allow my body and mind to rest. Night after night, I would go to bed and wake up in the morning hoping life would somehow be different, magically better, my issues resolved. That didn’t happen – until I had an unexpected run-in with my Higher Power on a rainy Tuesday morning as I was getting ready to leave the house to run some errands. 42
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I had been complaining to my husband about how poorly I had slept the previous night and how much I wanted a certain outcome in a particular situation, I suddenly heard myself loud and clear. Somehow, despite working my program, I had slipped right back into the old familiar rut of playing the victim of my own circumstances; my life had become absolutely unmanageable. I was humbled and quieted when I realized how out of control I was and how easily things had gotten that way. I had stopped caring for myself and had wrestled complete control of my life away from my Higher Power. I thought I knew better than this. After my husband left for work, I sat down at the kitchen table and with a humbled heart, reached out and turned my day over to my Higher Power. The feeling of relief was instant, as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was reminded of what was and wasn’t mine and of the unmanageability that invariably follows when I mix the two up. I have not completely resolved my sleep issues or my anxiety, and I am still
embroiled in an uncomfortable political situation. However, each day that I connect with my Higher Power, I am reminded that He will carry the load for me and restore me to sanity. All I have to do is to remember to take care of myself and that I am powerless over others.
Heard at a Meeting
The party’s not over when you live life in recovery; it just means you can remember what you did last night. If you hang out at the barbershop, you’re eventually going to get a haircut. Take the Twelve Steps and weave them into the tapestry of your life. Happiness is not a place where you arrive; it is a way you travel. InRecovery.com
2/15/18 9:57 AM
Stigma And Addiction: Let’s Challenge and Change It Together
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pproximately one in ten Americans over the age of twelve is addicted to alcohol and drugs, while over 20% of Canadians are affected by addictions and mental health issues at some point in their lives. With so many people in recovery, why is it that we sometimes feel guilty or embarrassed to admit that we’re one of the affected? The answer: stigma. Stigma is a negative stereotype. Stigmas can be way off base, and they can also change or dissipate over time. For example, when some people hear the word addicts, they might imagine that we’re all junkies living on the streets. People in recovery from addiction may be subject to stigma and negative judgment from families, friends, colleagues, communities and even themselves.
LAURA O’REILLY that we always have options. Here are a few ways you may consider dealing with or working to overcome the stigmas that surround addiction. Educate others. Common misconceptions about addiction often include the idea that addicts simply lack self-control. As a person in recovery, you know differently. When you hear someone say, “it’s their own fault, they should just stop,” take a compassionate approach. Instead of becoming angry, recognize that they simply don’t know better. If it’s important to you, consider explaining that addiction is a disease, not a choice.
Divorce was taboo 30 years ago in North America, due to stigma, people tried to hide and/or avoid it. Nowadays, divorce is almost as common as marriage, and it is normal and acceptable for people to openly discuss their previous relationships.
Find strength in numbers. The number of people who are addicted to alcohol and drugs in this country is equal to roughly the entire population of Texas! If that many people are affected by one type of addiction, just think how many more are struggling with food, gambling, sex or other forms of addiction. You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you. Addiction touches the lives of many.
So, what can you do about it? While you may feel hurt or frustrated when facing negative stereotypes, the good news is
Be open about your recovery. Are you a model citizen who can help dispel misconceptions about living in recovery?
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People in recovery, all around the world, are leading amazing lives they are respected professionals, upstanding family members and community contributors. People may not always believe what they are told, but they can’t deny what they experience. If you are a person in recovery, show others what that looks like. You never know whom you might inspire or help along the way. Maintain anonymity. While maintaining anonymity is a complete opposite of the previous suggestion, it is an equally valid choice. Who you share personal information with is up to you. If you feel unsafe or prefer to remain anonymous in any aspect of your life, you certainly should. Sometimes, people are attached to their judgments, and it’s not worth the energy trying to change their mind. There’s no shame in having overcome adversity, quite the opposite. Recovery takes work, and your path of healing is empowered and inspirational. Compare who you are in this moment with who you were at the height of your addiction, and recognize that you have come a long way.
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2/15/18 9:57 AM
Sex AND THE
SOBER
WOMAN
PATTY POWERS
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Secrets will always try to keep us in the dark, but if we allow it out spirit will always move us into the light.
was told to sit on the chair positioned in the center of the room. It was one of those uncomfortable, hard, wooden chairs last seen in a classroom or a doctor’s office in 1969. Other chairs formed a large circle around the room. Those chairs were contemporary. Only mine was made of wood. When the door opened, every person on the grounds filed in and found a seat. My addictpeers and the entire staff surrounded me. The purpose of this elaborately staged event was to provide me with an opportunity to beg for forgiveness, repent my transgressions, and plead for a second chance. My crime? I had sex in rehab.
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The entire scene seemed a little over the top, even by backwoods Louisiana standards, but they had their eyes on me ever since I arrived with a suitcase full of ratty, old stripper costumes. After a year of homelessness, the contents of this bag were all I had left in the world. Inspecting my cassette tapes—Zodiac Mindwarp, Southern Death Cult, The Violent Femmes and The Cult—one person asked if I was a Satanist. I couldn’t tell if he was joking. This was, after all, the Deep South. I explained that as a Canadian, my work options were limited, and the costumes were my equivalent of a debit card to
rebuild my life after rehab. I caught the look they shared. I was about to fill them in on my pre-stripping career in New York City when I realized that it didn’t matter what these rehab workers thought of me. They left me alone for a few minutes and returned with a third person whose role was to inform me that sex was prohibited in the facility. They told me that I wouldn’t be sharing a room, an unexpected perk that came from being judged as a sexual deviant. They probably thought that no one was safe with a bisexual, when the lights went out. The joke was on them. I’d had sex less than five times during the 18 months since my marriage ended. InRecovery.com
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Minutes into my tribunal, I was begging them not to kick me out of rehab. Finding a place that accepted Canadian health insurance was nothing short of a miracle. I’d never been able to get clean on the streets, and I knew this was my only shot. Yes, I was guilty of having sex in rehab and I don’t know why I did it. Boredom? Restlessness? Maybe, I just needed relief. I was experiencing insane levels of anxiety without drugs in my system. What I didn’t tell them was that I hadn’t been particularly horny or remotely interested in the person I’d had sex with, who had cracked under pressure and confessed to his counselor. Most likely, I did it for the cheap thrill of rule breaking and because I could. If this had been a scene from the movie Peggy Sue Got Married, I would have said something like, “Shaming is ineffective, especially in a treatment environment. I’ll discover my own moral compass, thank you, through the process of recovery. Please don’t force yours on me. I happen to know for a fact that sex is going to play a significant role in my recovery, and one day it’s going to belong in the recovery conversation. Oh, and by the way, in a few years you’ll all be singing songs by The Cult.” I rarely think about my time in New Orleans post-rehab. Whenever I do, isolated moments rise up like scenes from a movie rather than scenes from my life. Bourbon Street is a sea of intoxicated pre-Mardi Gras tourists, roaming strip clubs like frat boys at a pub crawl. I’m naked, lying face down on a slab of wood, swinging back and forth above the bar at Big Daddy’s while men wave dollar bills and heckle me. I quit an hour into my shift. I’m staying with a gay friend from rehab. I take cabs to NA meetings, three blocks away, because the air stings. The thickness of my skin is no match for the rawness of my nerves. Balmy nights feel like heroin to me. I’m shy, insecure and socially awkward; I don’t recognize this version of myself. Mardi Gras passes through town like a slow-motion carnival. Between meetings, I kill time by chain smoking and trying not to think about the future. To celebrate 60 days clean, I have sex with a skateboarder I meet in a record store. He makes me a mix tape. I play it for my roommate, who laughs and says, “Girl, if you have sex with four more people and InRecovery.com
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get four more mix tapes, you’ll have a soundtrack for the bus ride to LA.” When I got to Los Angeles, the entertainment value of sex escalated. I discovered NA meetings filled with people also needing to laugh and have fun, above all else. We weren’t consciously manipulating reality as much as we were sidestepping our fear of boredom. We aimed for lives filled with stories and adventures. On weekends, we danced to industrial music at a fetish club. In lieu of performance art, people got tribal tattoos and body piercings on stage. Despite our penchant for debauchery, we were serious about our recovery. With a few exceptions, we’re still alive and sober 28 years later.
After a year of homelessness, the contents of this bag were all I had left in the world. In retrospect, many of us were suffering from untreated trauma, but this wasn’t talked about in the ’80s. We figured out, on our own, how to hold on until other solutions became available. In early recovery, boredom and restlessness were excruciatingly painful. Sex dulled the edges until we gained the capacity to exist in the grey area of our emotions. What saved us from ourselves was our unity, honesty and willingness to grow up in public, however messy. I began therapy when I had a little over a year clean. My sponsor told me to say, “I’m f**king everyone and can’t stop.” I laughed. This was an exaggeration, but I got her drift. A thick sheet of armor had formed around my heart after my husband abandoned me, and I didn’t know how to take it off with the Steps. During this time, I spoke at a very large meeting. It was a filter-less share: “I never confused sex with love. It’s always been a fun, consensual activity. It was never meant to be a replacement for love. Everyone I know is in a relationship. My best friend, who happens to be the most promiscuous gay man I know, is in a relationship. I keep wondering, what if I’m the one who’s too
damaged for love? I’ve been feeling lonely and lost for the first time since getting clean, and I’m scared.” Horrified and embarrassed by my own words, I planned to make a quick exit as soon as the meeting ended. This was impossible. As happens in recovery, honesty begets honesty. Half of the people at the meeting stuck around to talk with me afterward. One straight man kept his sugar daddy around to supplement his income, and the secret was making him feel like a fraud. A few married women were tormented by their sexual fantasies about coworkers, others asked if I thought unsafe sex was really another form of suicidal behavior. I hadn’t realized how much people were suffering because they were too afraid to talk about sex. Thus, the open dialogue began. This story is meant to be a window into my early recovery during the late ’80s. Self-discovery and healing happened over time. When I say that promiscuity was fun, I speak from my own experience. I own the choices I’ve made throughout my life because they were the very best I could make at the time. Expectations of perfection are a great weight on the human spirit. Thankfully, my tolerance for suffering has diminished. There’s wisdom in the saying, “When the pain of staying the same is greater than the fear of change, we change.” Change came with work. Thanks to Step work, service work, therapy, trauma work, EMDR, neurofeedback, time and aging, I now have a relationship with myself that I never imagined possible. For several years, I’ve been hosting “Sex Talk,” a free, monthly, online open discussion about sex in recovery. When people share their stories of conflicts in their sexual behavior or confess about their current relationship to sex, they often ask, “What’s the right way?” I always remind them that this is their journey of self-discovery. Honest self-examination shared with others is a first step, an act of faith, and like everything else, more will be revealed. Secrets will always try to keep us in the dark, but our spirit will move us into the light if we let it. www.pattypowersnyc.com
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2/15/18 11:09 AM
Symptom Substitution SHERYLE CRUSE
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ane was in a facility getting treatment for her bulimia and self-multilating behavior. She reached out to me about her struggles, informing me that she had just started smoking. As a way of “honoring” her challenges with eating disorders, she had also gotten a tattoo and a nose piercing.
When I asked her what the staff at the treatment center thought about these choices, she said they preferred she focus on her recovery and not get distracted. However, because she was an adult and was free to make her own choices, they could not stand in the way of her decisions. Jane was excited about her new choices, she told me that smoking, her tattoo and the piercing were far better than the eating disorder and self-multilating behaviors that landed her in treatment in the first place. I saw something else. People struggling with an addiction or disorder often become convinced they’re improving when they switch from one destructive behavior to another. I tried this myself. 46
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In college, after an intervention by my roommates and the college’s social services department because of my eating disordered, I started calling psychic hotlines. Desperate for relief from my bulimia, the large phone bill was just another consequence of my addiction. Symptom substitution has taught us that if you don’t address the root of the problem, you will forever be chasing symptoms of other addictions. Distractions and symptom substitutions are tricky issues for those in recovery. Twelve Step meetings are filled with people declaring, “No, I’m not using,” “No, I’m not sick,” “No, I’m not enslaved,” as they chain smoke and drink endless cups of coffee. Sometimes this need manifests from a desire to commemorate the struggle, the courage, and the life-affirming recovery process. Tattooing may begin as the date of someone’s last drink. John Lennon once sang, “Whatever gets you through the night, it’s all right.” When someone is desperate, any avenue will do. However, substituting
Confronting our pain is always the answer. Accept no substitutes. one addiction for another is not the answer and it may even be detrimental to long-term health. Some of my recovering alcoholic family members have died from cancer because of their “substitutions.” Some of my friends have regretted their piercings and tattoos. As their recovery moved forward, they came to view their body modifications as failed coping attempts. Addicts tend to see the substitutions and distractions as possessing the power to reinvent one’s self and heal old wounds; however, these external fixes often only produce disappointment when problems are not resolved. They simply enable the addict to avoid, or put off, addressing the actual pain. Confronting our pain is always the answer. Accept no substitutes. InRecovery.com
2/15/18 10:57 AM
The Latest Alarming Opioid Side Effect
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s if the opioid epidemic sweeping the nation hasn’t been devastating enough, public health officials have recently identified another alarming side effect from excessive use and abuse of opiates - Amnesia. While officials have only identified 14 cases so far, in patients ranging from 19 to 52, they fear that it may just be the tip of the. Clinicians may have missed many other instances of this side-effect, for the simple reason that they were not looking for it. The pattern emerged when a neurologist at the Lahey Hospital and Medical Center in Burlington, Mass., named Dr. Jed Barash, reported four such cases to the state’s public health department. The department then sent out letters to specialists around the state asking about similar cases, they identifyed 10 instances between 2012 and 2017.
The patients experienced memory problems, affecting both short and long term memory. In some cases, these symptoms presented themselves during episodes of overdose. In others, family members merely brought in patients who seemed InRecovery.com
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confused, unable to recall basic facts or recognize familiar faces. Other side effects included disorientation, attention deficit issues and the breakdown of motor functions. Officials are concerned that perhaps these occurrences were tied to the use of synthetic opioids sold on the street like Fentanyl and K2 (synthetic marijuana) laced with opiates. They wondered if all these instances were connected to a bad batch, since the cases identified were all in Massachusetts. While that remains a possibility, the five year range in the cases identified seems to argue against it. Researchers are unsure whether this was just an isolated situation or if we are likely to see more of this in the future. The other theory is that the memory loss is a consequence of excessive use of the opiates themselves, which depresses breathing and reduces oxygen flow to the brain. In fact, brain imaging conducted on some patients indicated some wider damage beyond just memory loss. However, most of the damage was particularly focused on a part of the brain known as the hippocam-
pus. If it was a result of reduced oxygen flow, we’d expect to see more widespread damage. The lack of clarity leaves scientists puzzled. The growing strength and intensity of opioids on the streets is changing the equation in so many ways. We know that substance abuse re-wires the brain, but even after all these years of study, our understanding of the brain is still in its infancy. Discovery of this new disturbing side effect of opioid is so troubling that public health officials are making a coordinated plan to increase awareness. The more they can learn about opioid induced amnesia, the better they can determine the cause and try to do something more concrete about it. Please note, if you or a family member have experienced an opioid induced amnesia, please contact your state health officials immediately to report it. This may help them connect the dots of this troubling new development. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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From Recovery to the Frontiers of Well Being DON ST. JOHN, Ph.D.
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hose of us who have descended into the hell of substance abuse know too well the pain and darkness of an addicted lifestyle. We know the challenges of recovery. We also know the satisfying sense of accomplishment when turning a corner, of celebrating even a single year of sobriety. If fortunate, we feel strengthened by each anniversary, resolved to forge ahead. Sometimes, though, we may wonder if sobriety is all it’s cut out to be. We may miss the raucous days of using, when the highs and lows were intense and life moved at a fevered pitch. Sometimes, reality seems tedious, boring or just plain stressful. What 48
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if reality could get better and better? Many people simply don’t realize how much more is possible: depth of intimacy, freedom of expression, a greater sense of self, a more enjoyable experience of living and moving in our body. The purpose of this article is to provide a map leading to what I refer to as the Frontiers of Well-Being. I was twenty-one years old when I awoke in the back seat of my car bleeding from my throat. I’d been drinking until the bars closed at two in the morning, it had become a very bad habit and this time I was really scared. Barroom fights or being picked up by the police semi-conscious in
gutters hadn’t been enough to get my attention; but this time I knew I needed help. Fifty two years later, including over forty as a psychotherapist and somatic therapist, I continue to pursue the edges of well-being. To understand how we can enjoy a previously unimaginable level of well-being, it is important to learn where we have been wounded in our developmental process. Believe me, we have all been wounded. I have been amazed time and again when a client who is early in his recovery process enters my office and tells me he had an okay childhood. It generally doesn’t take long for us to discover there was ample wounding, though InRecovery.com
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it wasn’t physical, sexual or obvious emotional abuse. His childhood was “normal.” There was a mother, a father and good meals were provided. In addition to the more obvious traumatic experiences, there are two things that cause a great deal of pain and affect a child in a number of ways. One is to not have an emotionally present parent engaged in relationship; a parent with the ability to attune, to empathize, to soothe, to regulate, to truly be there. If a parent is depressed, moderately anxious, deeply unfulfilled in marriage, sick, or living under high stress of any kind, then it is not easy to meet this infant or child’s needs.
to withdraw because he is uncomfortable with her emerging sexuality, the message she receives is “an aspect of you is not ok.” Somehow, she is not good enough because she is being punished for who she is. It becomes a source of shame. The pain of having aspects of one’s self judged as unacceptable is unbearable. In order to not feel pain, we develop life diminishing protective mechanisms. Underneath these mechanisms the pain hovers. However, as those who have been there know, we feel relief when we ingest substances. It can feel so liberating, even though we know it’s an illusion.
as, “If I get close to someone, I will lose my freedom”. “I’ll never get the love I crave.” “If I show my strength, I won’t be loved.” Obviously, such beliefs are obstacles in the way of having the relationships that we want. Thus, the next place on our map is the ongoing examination of core beliefs and our willingness to challenge them.
Thus, the second part of the map involves reclaiming aspects of Self we have disowned, or developing those we have not yet developed. This can be a lifetime’s work. Further, we need to grow an “aware center,” a place within us that recognizes polarities, such as embracing both our power and our vulnerability, our spirituality and our sexuality. Otherwise, our sense of self becomes truncated or split to some degree. As we discover and own more parts of self and embrace both sides, we develop a more spacious and freer sense of who we love.
for ease of movement and for resiliency. We need help restoring the natural fluidity and grace of our body. There are a growing number of somatic disciplines that can provide that help.
The next area is perhaps the most difficult to understand. The wounds of childhood affect our entire body, not just our brain and nervous system. Over time these wounds compress and rigidify our muscles and connective tissues. We lose some of our capacity for easy, full-body breathing, for pleasure,
Thus, the first part of our map to the frontiers of well-being begins with relationship capacities. If we did not receive plenty of connection, presence, “being-with,” then we will have challenges in the area of intimate, open-hearted connections. Learning to attune to, empathize with and deeply connect to another are challenging and can require skilled guidance or therapy; but the effort is well worth it. Good intimate relationships are essential to optimal well-being.
Sometimes, reality seems tedious, boring or just plain stressful. The second way a child is wounded is when an essential aspect of the growing child’s “Being” is not supported or is punished as it emerges. These aspects include autonomy, power, spirituality, sexuality, sensuality, vulnerability and others. When these aspects are not met and supported, it leaves a sense of deficiency in the child’s Being. For example, by the time a child is three years old, there are many moments of conflict with parents. How many children are taught to respectfully and kindly stand up to their parents, to argue, to insist? Assertiveness and power are natural human qualities that should be given space to grow and express in a way that is considerate and respectful. Too often these qualities are punished overtly or covertly. Here is another example. Humans are sexual beings. When a young girl begins showing signs of womanhood, and if her father begins InRecovery.com
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Two other areas of Being are affected by our childhood wounds. The first involves deep and often unconscious beliefs about ourselves, others and the world. Many humans, and especially those that end up addicted, carry beliefs such
All four areas on this journey to the frontiers of well-being—relational capacities, sense of Self, deep beliefs and embodiment— are inter-related. Each affects and is affected by the others. I have personally discovered it is vital to engage all four. The resources are increasingly available. Never in my wildest imagination did I believe how rich my life would become. It isn’t easy. It requires a fierce and unbending commitment; it requires patience, risk taking and a willingness to let go of many positions and points of view. A tall order, for sure; but a life long adventure that yields awesome returns. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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DAWN LUTRELL
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE DAWN LUTTRELL
E
veryone is from somewhere, but sometimes where you are may not be where feel you belong. We all hope to find a place of refuge that allows us to grow and thrive. That place that fits us. 50
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We live, wander, search, define, compare, dig, alter, learn, grow, dissect, borrow, trade, and eventually evolve, into a greater understanding and realization that no matter where we may be from, it is through the journey of discovering
ourselves where and as we are that we ultimately find the place where we truly belong. Every one of us is a biologically complex, diverse, culmination of experiences. InRecovery.com
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I recover, I learn the gift of remaining authentic and teachable. I become more willing and more courageous in sharing with all of my heart the story of who I am.
When I sat down to write this article, I decided to make an open and honest, albeit humorous and maybe not-altogether-so, list of who I am: the parts, beliefs, ideas and traits that are me. These are all elements of me, housed within my experiences, struggles, likes, dislikes, opinions, circumstances, thoughts, actions, tendencies, gifts, tragedies, triumphs, truths, facts, DNA and genetics. First on my list: I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict with more than six years clean and sober; and for that, I am truly grateful. Last on my list: I am gay, and for that I am also truly grateful. As I reviewed my list, I could clearly see all that was beautifully woven in between my first and last truth, which I fearfully hid from others for a long time. That provided the catalyst that eventually gifted me with recovery and the necessary path to understanding the amazing person that I am. Maybe there were moments along the way that you, too, resisted or shutdown. Perhaps you were simply tired, too tried to force the proverbial square peg into the round hole. You, too, might have tried to reinvent yourself, creating imaginary realities or blaming your parents, childhood, teachers, past partners, life, or even yourself for your current state. Maybe you changed friends, jobs, religions or hair color. Maybe you shopped, smoked, over-ate, overachieved or overworked. Maybe you drank and used like I did. I spent a lot of time and energy hiding, living within the confines of who I believed I should be. I could not just be my authentic self, and I was unable to find a place of comfort within my own skin. It doesn’t matter when that voice inside begins to whisper, ever so softly, “You’re not okay,” “You’re not worthy,” or “You don’t belong.” As it grows louder, so does our certainty that our truths somehow make us less than. I believed that if anyone ever found out that I was a gay addict, I would swiftly be cast aside. Like an incredulous game of “Two Truths and a Lie,” I believed, with fear InRecovery.com
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and shame, my inner critic and its lies regarding the truths of who I was, where I came from and where I belonged. Drugs and alcohol provided a reprieve as I searched tirelessly for a sense of self and belonging while concealing the all of me. Eventually, however, addiction took a deadly turn. I have to be honest. Writing this article was arduous. I felt stuck. I wrote, rewrote, got up, sat down, walked away and came back. Multiple bags of M&M’s weren’t helping, so I phoned a friend. After a lengthy conversation, she said that maybe I was writing about vulnerability. A synonym for vulnerability is exposure. My friend was right. Once again, I was experiencing that all-too-familiar fear in exposing certain truths about myself that may bring censure, criticism, judgment, emotional injury or the appearance of weakness. Once again, I was wrestling with the process. No matter our own personal, unique truths, we all share this process. My struggle with addiction and my sexual orientation are the two truths that provided a path to my own vulnerability and courage to be seen as an authentic, amazing someone from somewhere who belongs. Acceptance is the first step of recovery. Recovery has not only offered me sobriety, but acceptance of myself, as well. As
Through the gift of connection, I have found a collection of shared miracles in experience, strength and hope involving the same, similar or different truths. I have embarked upon a shared journey of unique, amazing paths of lives lived. I searched, defined, compared, altered, learned, borrowed, traded, chosen and not chosen on a path to where I ultimately belong in place, in progress, in purposed, in presence. What once defined, directed and destroyed me now offers the light in which I am truly seen. I have chosen to celebrate and offer voice to my truths as a standup comedian in recovery. I share my authentic, transparent and humorous journey of where I am from, what has happened, and what it’s like to be me now. I stand before a room full of complete strangers and willingly out myself as both a recovering alcoholic/addict and as a gay woman. It is in this space where I have found not only who I am in this vast somewhere, but also where I belong. Whoever would have seen that coming? Certainly not me. I hope my voice gifts my audience with hope and a laugh or two.
An Amazing Someone from Somewhere, Who Belongs. I am grateful for the ever-evolving process that furthers my journey in being One Face of Addiction – One Voice of Recovery, a gay woman who is proud to be in recovery “and when I say gay . . . I don’t mean bouncy.” Thank God for progress and the grace to evolve into a greater understanding and realization that I do, in fact, truly belong within my own skin – I’m grateful to be here now, and to not have given up before the miracle happened. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/15/18 11:24 AM
ADDICTED TO NEEDLES KEVIN GOFF
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ife is like lightning: quick, unpredictable, radiant, beautiful and sometimes terrifying. Sometimes we see the clouds coming from miles away, but, other times we don’t realize the storm is upon us until we are standing in the grip of danger inside the tempest. Despite our fears, the crack in the sky almost always leaves us wanting more. There is a science to all of this, but usually the squalls are moving too fast for us to truly understand them. The flesh is weak and the spirit strong, but the metal is mighty. When metal comes into contact with the flesh, it leaves a permanent mark. When that metal is a needle, it can change more than just the flesh; it can leave a scar on the soul. I walk into the dark tattoo parlor and hit the lights, hearing the familiar buzz of the halogen ballasts as they flash on. It’s a different darkness and better buzz than my former days of desperation. The smell of green soap and bleach hang in the air, pleasant leftover reminders of last night’s victories. The promise of a new day brimming with creative possibilities stirs my spirit. I am the artist; you are my canvas. For a brief moment in this crazy, fleeting life 52
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wrought with uncertainty, we will be infinite. Together, we create some sense of permanence. Tattoos are addictive. Many people say, “Not me, I’m only going to get one,” or “This is my last tattoo,” only to find themselves back in the chair, covering blank areas and dreaming up new and bigger ways to illustrate their stories and paint their own personal living canvas. Why is it so? What is in the human condition that compels us to purposely endure pain and then beg for more? I believe the drive for tattoos runs far deeper than the surface of the skin. There’s something primal and savage in every single one of us, screaming from within our souls and driving us to alter ourselves in some way. I spent many years of my life as an IV drug user. For me, there was something romantic and attractive about the ritual behind using, something often even more enticing than the actual high itself. I was searching for answers to the many questions in my head; and unlike the drugs, the needles didn’t lie. Tattooing is a ritual of trial by fire. We sit through an exhausting experience of pain only to become forever changed; we come out on the other side a stronger, more beautiful person.
I am the artist; you are my canvas. For a brief moment in this crazy, fleeting life wrought with uncertainty, we will be infinite. I have since come to believe that the art of tattoo shares with recovery many of the same emotional and physical parallels. As an artist in recovery, many of my clients run in these same circles. Many of them have also found a sort of solution in substituting their previous using rituals with tattooing. They are participating in a much healthier “hobby” and have the opportunity to tell others the story of the storms they have braved. The tides are receding, the storm clouds are clearing, at last they are able to adorn their skies with tattoo pigment and sail on calm waters to safer shores. InRecovery.com
2/15/18 11:31 AM
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“BY THE GRACE OF GOD I WAS SENT TO SHERIDAN PRISON.”
A CONVERSATION WITH A&E’S
DOPE MAN
THE TIM RYAN STORY Tim Ryan
L. SCOTT HARTMAN
“By the grace of God, I was sent to Sheridan prison.” Who says something like that? A drug addict, at the end of his rope, who lost his family, was clinically dead twice from overdoses and, but for prison, would now have a needle sticking 54
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out of his arm just so he can feel normal. That’s who! Tim Ryan is now National Outreach Director for Transformations Treatment Center and Executive Director
and Founder of A Man in Recovery. He speaks all over the country, is a regular on radio talk shows and as a “talking head” on TV, and has written the book From Dope to Hope: A Man in Recovery. He is now also starring in the A&E reality TV InRecovery.com
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show entitled Dope Man. This incredible man and his astonishing transition is also the force behind thousands of lives saved and more than 1,500 interventions. Thank God for prison. Tim’s life in addiction is a familiar story. He started drinking heavily in his early teens and graduated to cocaine just a couple of years later. But, it was the 1980s, the drinking age was only 18 (and loosely enforced), drinking and driving was socially accepted and drugs were glamorized not criminalized. Ecstasy was even legal in the state of Texas until 1985, which presented an enterprising business adventure for young Mr. Ryan who started running drugs in college to make some money. The only thing that money did, though, was fuel his addiction to an ever growing buffet of drugs. He never made it to class, sabotaged all of his relationships and eventually got kicked out of college. He was always the last guy at the party, and it was a party that never stopped. Somehow, along the way, he became functional in his addiction, incredibly managing to start a successful business, get married and start raising a family. The problem was, it was a fragile sense of responsibility that ebbed and flowed with his permanent addiction to heroin, which was the beginning of the end on many levels. You see, While Tim tried his best to hide his addiction and keep it to himself, that wasn’t realistic. One day, while puking in his bathroom at home, he lashed out at his son Nick who asked if he was okay. “What do you think, you idiot? I’m dope sick.” Undeterred, his son promptly returned to his rescue, throwing two bags of heroin on the counter. “Not any more dad. Today’s your lucky day.” A concerned Tim later approached his son, fearful that his son would turn out just like him. However, Nick allayed those fears, “don’t worry dad, I’m just selling a little. Besides, look at you. You’re a successful drug addict.” Despite the shame, Tim took that as a compliment and was glad his son wasn’t using. Unfortunately, that fallacy quickly faded as they began using together a few months later. In the meanwhile, Tim was still doing drugs and describes his second to last InRecovery.com
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overdose as his worst drug experience ever. His dealer warned him it was a new batch, but Tim was in no mood to wait or take things easy. He pulled into a McDonald’s parking lot on the way home to shoot up and then started driving. That’s when the drugs kicked in. He hit two cars and put four people in the hospital, including a 9 month old baby. Tim had no vital signs for three to five minutes and it took five shots of Narcan to bring him back from the dead. Astonishingly enough, that wasn’t enough to stop him. It took one more overdose, another neardeath experience and entering prison at a gaunt 158 pounds (for his 6’1” frame) for him to finally face his demons. He crapped and vomited for two weeks straight. There are no nurse’s aides to help you detox when you go to jail. It’s
Somehow, along the way, he became functional in his addiction, incredibly managing to start a successful business, get married and start raising a family. straight, hard, on your own, cold turkey. No one even cleans up after you while you’re locked down 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It was in that pit of hell that Tim first learned how to surrender. He was fortunate enough to then get placed in one of Illinois’s only two (out of 28) prisons with a drug program. While he left his family in dire straits, he knew it was vital to get himself right first if he was ever going to be of any use to his family again. Tim got out a changed man 14 months later, focused on rebuilding his shattered life. Now clean and sober, he began speaking about his addiction and started touring the country. At this point, his son Nick was bouncing in and out of treatment himself with the hope of joining his dad on tour in newfound sobriety. Sadly, Nick’s story also involved jail but did not take the same positive turn as it
did for his dad. Nick died of an overdose. At this incomprehensible moment of incomparable sorrow, Tim Ryan now had two choices. Most people would have elected to get high but, thankfully, the only thing on Tim’s mind was the 6pm NA meeting. This entire experience, of course, left Tim searching for answers, as he dealt with his grief. He became ever more involved in his crusade against addiction and began examining his life. For the longest while he had no idea what drove him to addiction. However, he gained tremendous insight from a lecture given by Dr. Gabor Mate’ at a conference in Chicago, at which Tim learned the tremendous impact that trauma has on addiction. A light bulb went off in Tim’s head. “I had learning disabilities growing up, my older brother was narcissistic and abusive, and a female baby sitter molested me when I was 12.” He was also adopted which exponentially increases the odds that someone will develop addiction. Frankly, with all that emotional baggage, it would have been a miracle had Tim not become an addict. The benefit of that knowledge helped Tim deal with Nick’s tragic death. He still accepts blame for his role, but he’s importantly learned to forgive himself and use the pain as a motivating force. Addiction is a disease triggered by circumstance, for which there is still no cure. Our only weapons in this battle are treatment, support and a will to survive. Tim is out there every day to impart this critical message. He is a “Hope Dealer. Most people struggling with addiction want help, they just don’t know how to ask for it.” Tim provides that solution to help them start on the path. So, the self-described “happiest person to walk through the gates of prison” refused to let jail define him. He’s re-written the story of his life, which by all rights could have ended just like it did for his son. This stark contrast of events stands out as a compelling example of what could happen to any one of us. Choose life, meaning and purpose, or succumb to our disease. Tim Ryan’s life mission demonstrates the immense value of living a rewarding life in sobriety and it’s a gift he wants to share with every struggling addict he meets along the way. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/16/18 7:54 AM
MoneyBall Analytics in Addiction Treatment ALLEN WEINTRAUB
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ecently, a non-profit organization called Fair Health, conducted a study using claims data from insurers representing 150 million patients to draw some interesting conclusions regarding opioid abuse. It offers interesting insight and enlightenment regarding some of the problems we face with opioid addiction and how to best counteract them. Fair Health found that health care costs related to opioid dependence have increased sharply since 2011, exploding as a new wave of the epidemic overtook the nation; particularly among younger patients, aged 19 to 35. The number of medical services such as office visits and lab tests for patients with dependency also surged dramatically from around 217,000 in 2007 to almost 7 million in 2014. Interestingly enough, while men were more likely to be diagnosed with dependency, it was women who were more likely to overdose. They also discovered that while younger
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patients were more likely to overdose on heroin, the reverse was true for overdoses related to pills, especially for people in their 40s and 50s. Researchers further examined that last particular point, in search of an answer, determining that while young people most often start with prescription drugs, they are more likely to turn to street drugs because of lower cost and difficulty in getting ongoing prescriptions. On the other hand, older people have an easier time getting refills and are more likely to be intimidated by a street purchase. One further point of note was that the increase in drug monitoring programs by the individual states was beginning to have an impact, but it seems that illicit drugs were quickly taking their place to the point, that they far exceed the gains being won in the doctor’s offices. In 2001, only 16 states had laws requiring monitoring programs. That number increased to 41 states by 2012 and all of them today in 2018. These programs led to a significantly lower number of prescriptions being issued and pills being offered, as both doctors and patients acted
more responsibly in the face of better information and education on the dangers of addiction. However, the number of overdoses and arrests continue to rise, even as the medical community begin making a dent on legal opioid distribution. Why is this information so critical? Without this study and information from other studies like this, we’d just keep fumbling around in the dark as the opioid problems continue to get worse. Without database analysis, we’d never understand the areas in which we are winning the battle and the distinctions necessary in treating people of different ages. We need analyses like these in order to best allocate our resources, to understand what is working and what is not. At the end of the day, the old adage proves useful, “knowledge is power”. The more we understand the challenges faced by the average opioid addict in the street, and by individual subgroups, the better we can implement recovery and strategize how to best sustain them. Let’s face it, temptation lurks around every corner. With better understanding of what tempts who and why, we can begin to finally start getting the upper hand in this epic battle. InRecovery.com
2/16/18 7:58 AM
SCIENCE
Implantable Device Shows Potential in Opioid Therapy
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oderate to severe opioid substance abusers may soon have the option of an evolutionary new implantable device, using buprenorphine therapy. CAM 2038, as it’s called, was recently tested a the University of Kentucky Center on Drug and Alcohol Research and demonstrated positive results when compared to daily usage of a buprenorphine/ naloxone mix. The point of this study was not to prove the superiority of the implant, but rather that this long lasting implant could be deemed at least equally effective as a daily dosage. Patients who require other substitutes like methadone, are required to show up at a clinic to receive their daily allotment. That’s not always convenient or possible. Even daily doses of buprenorphine to be taken at home can be forgotten. The ability to implant a device and safely ignore your addiction every month or two is a very attractive option for someone struggling with opiate addiction.
The study was part of what’s known as a Phase III Trial, one of the final stages for obtaining full Federal Drug Administration approval. The positive results provide the supportive evidence necessary to move forward with the submission process. Dr. Michelle Lowfall, a psychologist and associate professor at the UK College of Medicine, who served as a principal researcher on this study, got involved because of the personal struggles she’s seen in her patients affected by substance use disorder in her clinical practice. She stresses the need for progressive and practical therapies, and particularly likes the implant because it eliminates (1) cases of relapse due to patients inadvertent non use, and (2) instances of diversion to third parties. The discreet nature of the treatment also reduces the stigma and shame a patient can feel from taking a daily dose.
CAM 2038 is not currently available for use and there is no set schedule for when it will be because the FDA approval process is expensive and time-consuming. However, it does hold out promise as a compelling alternative for some of the 2.6 million Americans afflicted with opiate use disorder now using a daily MAT. While we would prefer complete abstinence, we sometimes need to be open-minded and practical. Hopefully this is just a first step in finding other scientific solutions to promote recovery.
Breakthrough Technique for Fighting Cravings
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ne of the biggest challenges we face in treating alcohol and substance abuse is the powerful urges created by a brain trained to want more. The reinforcing behavior of addiction re-wires the brain to a dangerous new normal. Some of the toughest cases to treat are when the addiction becomes so serious that the patient loses all interest in everything else, including even food and sex. Perhaps with a major investment of time and money in treatment, the patient can get sober, but it rarely lasts. It is extremely difficult to re-direct a brain now so hard-wired to addiction. That’s why a process used to combat depression and migraines, which now shows promise in addiction treatment, holds out so much hope. Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) is a mouthful, and a very interesting technique that involves applying electromagnetic pulses to the prefrontal cortex. A pa-
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frozen computer. They were hoping to see the same affect on their human patients.
tient sits in a chair, like at a dentist’s office, while the doctor painlessly stimulates the brain with a simple wand that alters electrical activity. Dr. Luigi Gallimberti is a psychiatrist in Padua, Italy, at the forefront of using this revolutionary new process. He and his partner Alberto Terraneo, a neurocognitive psychologist, recruited a group of cocaine addicts, after reviewing results from tests with rats, in which their interest in cocaine basically vanished. The researchers believe that the repeated pulses re-activate drug damaged neural pathways, essentially rebooting them like a
The initial results have provided great reason for optimism, as most patients were still craving free a full six months after treatment. This was particularly impressive because most of these patients had relapsed numerous times before and cocaine is a notoriously difficult drug from which to break free. Further research is required to confirm the results and test the technique’s success on addiction to other substances. Moreover, it is highly recommended that TMS be conducted in conjunction with traditional addiction treatment because addictions stems from a lot more than just cravings. However, quelling those cravings could be a huge step in helping people stay clean and sober as part of their long term recovery. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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Spring Clean Your Recovery 7 Declutter your triggers. 7 Wipe clean your pantry. 7S pray down your exercise equipment. 7 Rinse off your negative thoughts.
7S pruce up your spirituality.
SUSIE ALALU
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pring time has finally arrived. It’s overwhelming and breathtaking to observe the natural beauty that surrounds us during this time of year. As flowers begin to bloom you can sense the scent of optimism in the air. The sky is a tranquil blue 58
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giving the impression that you are admiring a picturesque post card from a Caribbean Island. Children put their video games on hold and exchange their winter coats and gloves for a jump rope and stickball bat. Parks are filled with parents pushing tod-
dlers on swings while families enjoy a picnic and spend quality time together. The traffic at the outdoor malls is also on the rise, with shops enticing customers to special spring sales. Mother nature has also done her part by providing us with exquisite scenery and InRecovery.com
2/6/18 8:00 AM
refreshing our senses. Its a time of year that fosters renewal, a fresh start. It’s a perfect time to do some physical and emotional spring cleaning. Decluttering your physical space, provides you with more room to breathe. Furniture can be re-arranged giving you a sense of living in a new environment that you love, brightening your mood. Perhaps the walls could use a fresh coat of paint while the carpets get a good vacuum. Check out the garage and consider donating items you no longer need. Organizing your closet can be empowering while you see what you want to keep and what you can give away. How about degreasing the stove? Ugh! I have to come to accept the fact that the longer I allow for stains to remain, the harder they are to clean, both in my oven and my personal life. There are an infinite amount of positives in doing a thorough cleansing and revitalization of your physical space. So, imagine the benefits of spring cleaning in your sobriety? You may think of it as a process of discarding things you no longer desire and replacing them with things that allow you a fresh start. It’s like when you work out, your muscles get stronger with time and perseverance. Consider your sobriety as a muscle, the more you flex it, the less likely you are to experience a relapse. When you take the time and effort to spruce up your home, you will experience inner peace and joy while receiving compliments from friends and family. The same goes for your sobriety, by dedicating time removing issues that may be triggers, you make room for positive energy to help you deal more effectively with them. Addiction doesn’t magically disappear, it requires us to make a daily commitment to personal growth and awareness.
ing by old hang-out spots that could easily trigger a relapse? As you discard the people, places and things that you no longer need, replace them with people who are clean and sober. Attend get-togethers and events that compliment your sobriety. Add positive things in your life such as a new hobby or begin a journal. (2) Wipe clean your pantry. To begin with, what’s in there? Is it loaded with sugary snacks that are high in carbohydrates with no nutritional value? Perhaps, you have a variety of fruit juices high in fructose or an assortment of soft drinks loaded with sugar? Eating a healthy diet can increase your physical and mental well being. What you choose to consume has immediate and long term effects. Studies have shown that good nutrition in conjunction with a Twelve Step program, lowers alcohol cravings and increases your chances of staying sober. Consider stocking up your pantry with healthy nutritious snacks like nuts and seeds, raisins, almonds, oatmeal and granola bars. Make sure to always have plenty of bottled water, and consider flavored water as a treat, if you like.
5 Points for spring cleaning your recovery:
(3) Spray down your exercise equipment. Maybe you haven’t been as active as you’d like to be. That’s okay but now it’s time for change. If you have exercise equipment at home, spray down the treadmill or elliptical machine and jump on. Alternatively, you can always wash your sneakers with soap and water and once there dry, go for a walk. Walking the dog is better than laying on the couch watching TV. Time constraints can always serve as an excuse to stay inactive. It’s necessary to schedule at a minimum of 15-30 minutes, 3 times a week. As you build up strength and stamina, you may be able to participate in group sports like volleyball and racquetball.
(1) Declutter your triggers. Think about the people, places and things you need to let go of. You still may be in a relationship or friendship with an active user. Ask yourself if that’s the beneficial to your recovery? Perhaps you are holding on to resentment and having difficulty forgiving someone who caused you pain. Suzanne Somers, a famous TV star from the late 1970’s believes that, “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” Holding on to resentment and anger is detrimental to your recovery. Forgiveness is an essential part of your daily routine in living a sober lifestyle. Are you walking or driv-
(4) Rinse off your negative thoughts. Fear and negativity can easily trigger a relapse. When fear settles in or a negative thought process enters your mind, visualize yourself rinsing off those thoughts and fears, washing away doubt and insecurity. The way you think will ultimately lead to the way you feel. If you feel sad or down, the chances of picking up drug and drink in order to numb the feelings, increases dramatically. It is extremely important to filter the thoughts that penetrate your mind and clog your heart. Staying vigilant to this process can be life changing and empowering.
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(5) Spruce up your spirituality. Connecting with your spirituality can be a vital part of recovery. Being spiritually isolated can be devastating. People often feel a sense of numbness compelling them to relapse. Consider sprucing up your spirtuality by talking to a religious authority. Perhaps, prayer or meditation can help clear your mind and connect you with your higher power. Strengthening your spiritual beliefs will enhance your sense of purpose, giving you the recovery success you deserve.
Your sense of accomplishment and vitality will increase with each step. Regardless of whether you are spring cleaning your home or your sobriety, they can both be challenging and time consuming. However, the benefits are priceless. Decluttering your physical space sets into motion a desire to get your affairs in order. It sends a signal that you are committed to removing things that may have lead to your stagnation. Removing triggers takes you to the next level in the recovery process. Following a healthy dietary regimen coupled with a steady and moderate exercise program increases the possibilities of staying healthy and sober. Monitoring your thought process with potential intrusive and ruminative thoughts safeguard against the idea of contemplating irrational and destructive behaviors. As you progress with your cleansing journey, remember that the most important aspect of addiction recovery is spirituality. Focusing on things that you can do instead of obsessing about the things you have no control over, will bring you inner peace and blissful joy. Your sense of accomplishment and vitality will increase with each step. Plus, the great news is that you don’t have to do this alone. Help is always available. Dont forget, you can posses all the latest fancy cleaning gadgets and material available on the market, however; if you choose not to use them, you will continue to look and feel like you could use a good cleansing. Recovery is a lifelong process. As you apply diligence and dedication, you will feel that you have cleansed your life and reinfocred your permanent sobriety. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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2/6/18 8:00 AM
Adventure Therapy
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ave you ever considered Adventure Therapy as part of your ongoing recovery? If not, then perhaps you should. Many people describe a wide variety of benefits that they are unlikely to experience had they merely stayed at home on the couch. It also helps to create incredible memories to help sustain your recovery. Most Adventure Therapy combines a trip to a fascinating locale along with therapeutic activities. This can include skill development, trust building and cooperative games, among many others. These outdoor expeditions encourage participants to ac60
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tively engage both physically and mentally, including sharing their past life challenges and experiences. Adventure Therapy can be enjoyed with groups of like-minded individuals focused on recovery or some other common theme, but can also be done just with family or even alone, one-on-one with an adventure therapist. Each type has its own unique attributes depending on your goals and objectives. You can also experiment with different types to see which works best for you. Regardless, they all provide huge therapeutic value.
Adventure Therapy is particularly beneficial for adolescents and teens. A recent study by The Open Psychology Journal, following up on prior research from decades earlier, confirmed a marked improvement in participants who engaged in adventure therapy as compared to traditional therapy alone. The experience creates bonds and relationships that simply can’t be replicated in an office. Wilderness Therapy, in particular, fosters an environment conducive for growth. Campers learn survival skills and develop greater self-awareness and interpersonal connections while deeply involved with nature. It creates opportunities for group problem solving while promoting a sense of independence. Participants also complete the excursion with a greater appreciation and respect for Mother Nature. Still not sold on the idea just yet? Studies have proven that outdoor activities are extremely beneficial to a healthy mental outlook. Being away from modern society and in tune with nature helps quiet the mind. The clean air and sunlight provide fresh oxygen, serotonin and vitamin D. Moreover, the ongoing activity improves circulation and augments endorphin and dopamine production, improving your overall sense of well being. There’s a very good reason why mental illness is more common in urban centers as compared to rates out in the country. We could all use a boost every so often to help re-invigorate our recovery. So, consider Adventure Therapy the next time you’re feeling like you could really use a break. It will do wonders for your recovery and you might just have the time of your life. InRecovery.com
2/16/18 8:09 AM
Sports and Recovery JT CLAREMONT
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ddiction is a lifelong battle. For many of us, that will always be the case. Fortunately, there are avenues for all of us to cope. One of my time-tested coping mechanisms is sports. Yeah, sports.
You may be wondering what sports has to do with addiction, or rather coping. The answer lies in the fact that, like much of coping with addiction, it’s the process of how we integrate sports into our life-design rather than sports itself. Below, are a few time-tested strategies that have been my “go-to” activities in the sports arena (pardon the pun) when I sometimes just “wanna get away.” 1) Playing Sports - This is, by far, the best mechanism for coping with addiction. There have been many times in my recovery when I’ve been feeling depressed, lonely, and helpless. What I’ve found works best is, rather than wallowing in my misery and sitting on the couch, I get up and do something active. Anything active. I never really understood as an addict, why playing sports was so integral to my recovery. Recently, however, science has shown why we addicts flock to sports like fish to water. In addition to being a positive distraction, playing sports engages our brains and releases many of the same hormones as using drugs and alcohol. InRecovery.com
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I’m sure many of you are familiar with the phrase “runner’s high”, that feeling of euphoria that runner’s get at certain times, deep into a long run. Well, science has shown, that feeling very accurately mimics the feeling of actually getting high regardless of what activity you choose. It release the same exact endorphins and dopamine that we experienced while we were using. 2) Fanaticism - Sometimes, you just can’t get out there and play sports. Maybe you have a nagging injury, perhaps you’re traveling, or maybe you’re just not in the mood. It doesn’t matter, you can still use sports to help you cope by being a fan. That’s right, just being a fan. The word fanatic implies a single-minded devotion to a cause or dogma. In the modern sports sense, it’s a dogged commitment to a team or sport, in lieu of everything else. And that is the key. When you are a fan, a true fan, you start obsessing over your team and, just like exercise, that can serve as a healthy distraction. That single-mindedness helps us cope with cravings. Just imagine the last time you were watching your favorite sport on TV or the stadium. Do you remember thinking about anything else other than the action on the field or court? Nope, you didn’t. What you do remember are the highs and lows, the excitement, the tension, and ultimately, win or lose, the fun
you had. Being sports fans takes our minds off of our troubles. It’s entertainment and fantasy wrapped up in pure enjoyment. 3) Talking Sports - This last sports coping mechanism may seem like it falls in line with being a fan, but it’s a bit more nuanced. As most recovering addicts know, talking with others is one of the most powerful mechanisms to aid you in your recovery. Talking sports is just another path along that line. Communicating with others, about any positive topic, can go a long way to helping us cope. So, the next time you feel distracted or uneasy, call up that childhood friend who rooted for the other team, and just talk smack to each other for an hour. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel afterwards. Letting your mind roam via the ancient art of communicating is a tool that you can always fall back on in recovery. One word of caution when it comes to coping with sports. Just like everything in recovery (and in life), moderation is the key. Play sports, but don’t become maniacal. Watch sports, but don’t let it effect your mood negatively. It should only be used as entertainment. Talk sports, but don’t take anything personally. As always, live life and cope every day. Dealing with recovery, it’s about the journey, and that alone will give you the result: sobriety. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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Spirituality In Addiction Recovery: The Missing Link ALAN MEYERS, PH.D., NBCFCH, ORDAINED MINISTER
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ince the very beginning of recovery services for alcoholism and drug addictions, the term “spirituality” has been associated with 12 Step AA, NA, CA, etc. and has immersed itself in the many non- traditional protocols of current recovery philosophies. The concept and understanding of spirituality remained relatively confined to the AA Big Book, Church and formal religion, prayer and faith. As the recovery field progressed, many programs began to see the value and importance of spiritual activities in their treatment programming and have adopted activities such as Meditation, Yoga, Tai Chi and others that prove important additions to AA and clinical programs alike. The question remains, Do a few isolated activities provide the spirituality that is obviously required to give the client the strength needed to reinforce recovery? More importantly, what exactly is the program’s intention in including these non-traditional exercises? After 50 years of progress and knowledge about addictions and how to treat them, the common phrase continues to emerge. Mind-Body-Spirit. These three parts make up a human being and our recovery programming should reflect and pay attention to all three parts. In reality, what we see in general regarding the extent of spir-
itual activity is group therapy, individual therapy, exercise (sometimes very limited), AA meetings, and Church. Potential clients in increasing numbers feel neglected when it comes to the spiritual education provided by programs to give strength to their recovery. There are many that have no spirituality or spiritual understanding at all, others with no belief in a Higher Power, and still others who do not practice a religion yet still seek spirituality in their lives as an integral part of their recovery process. It is the program’s responsibility as recovery planners to meet the needs of each client and in terms of spirituality, meet the client where they are. “The missing link” in recovery treatment is the comprehensive protocol for spirituality and the development of a client spiritual practice that is targeted specifically for recovery. The goal of a spiritual practice is to expand awareness to attain a life that is filled with hope, health, peace, and happiness. There are a great many options that constitute a spiritual practice. These may include self-inquiry, eating practices, Yoga, prayer,
meditation, chanting, healing work, service to others, devotional practice, etc. As we attach to the learned perceptions that formulate our belief systems, we look at the world around us to find a spiritual practice instead of looking within. Any of the available options for a spiritual practice, when used in a productive way, can be individualized needs. Keep in mind that they are only techniques from which to choose and should not be confused with the spiritual practice itself. The spiritual practice is the devotion that one has to expand awareness and attain a hopeful happy life. The technique chosen is just a technique to support the devotion. A spiritual practice is one of self-healing. This concept is one of utilizing the powers within to heal as opposed to relying on an outside source for all the healing potential. An outside source with a higher consciousness might, along with their expertise, help to empower one’s own practice of self-healing rather than creating a dependency on a source other than oneself. The goal of self-healing would be to bring into alignment those aspects that make up the client as a person, namely Mind-Body-Spirit-Environment. In bringing all those together, you open yourself up to wonderful healing and connection on your road to recovery.
There are a great many options that constitute a spiritual practice. 62
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2/16/18 8:12 AM
Starting Your
Fitness
New Year Right MATT WILLIAMS
Fitness is a hugely important prong for your recovery.
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he holidays are over, the new year’s begun and hopefully you are all on track towards meeting those new goals you just set. Whether it was to eat healthier or be more active, now is the time that motivation starts to wane. So, let’s kick things into gear and look for ways to keep the exercise routine fresh. This is an excellent time to explore name brand gyms, boutique workout centers, group fitness classes and personal trainers, because they are all offering various deals either in packages or through Groupon. com. There are tons of options available, so do yourself a favor and take advantage of them to see what works best for you. Where do you feel most comfortable? When you find a place you like then you are more likely to keep up the routine. That’s half the battle. However, the most important part is GETTING STARTED so let’s get going! If you are struggling to find a routine or just starting, think about your goals and objectives and share them with the people you are working out with or the place you are working out at. They’ll be more than happy to give you helpful advice to get on track. They can set you up with exercises
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you can work through at your own pace, either by yourself, in tandem with a trainer or in groups. When you do things in a positive and supportive environment and with other like-minded individuals, it inspires you to keep going and do even more. By engaging with a social fitness network in your community, you are planning to succeed. Then, once you’ve established your routine and see the amazing results, you can help encourage others. Hmmm.... sounds a lot like something else I know. Oh yeah, recovery. Working out not only helps sustain your recovery, but it also has a lot in common with it. Moreover, it’s great for your health and develops a virtuous emotional cycle that you perpetuate by maintaining a regular schedule. If you are currently very dedicated to training, perhaps you should try a personal trainer. There’s always new things to learn to help you improve your body and health, and keep your mind active. I like to switch things up every so often for just that reason. For example, when I started boxing again, I wanted to learn more so I hired a coach. The funny things is that I had I forgotten more about boxing than I remembered. He helped push me for better performance and even got me out of
my comfort zone for a while and the results were spectacular. If you don’t think you can afford a trainer, talk to her or him about package deals or group rates. Most are flexible and open to negotiations depending on both your and their circumstances. A trainer also helps keep you accountable. If you have an appointment and have to pay regardless, you are much more likely not to miss the gym that day. Other great options nowadays include online fitness programs, videos and apps you can follow. Most of this may seem like common sense, but with you highly focused on your sobriety, you might feel too overwhelmed to consider all your options. However, we need to focus on mind, body and spirit in recovery every day. We require a balance. Things that are unbalanced fall and we can’t afford to let that happen again. Fitness is a hugely important prong for your recovery. So get out there and join a gym, take some classes, sign-up for a running club, and follow through on those new year’s resolutions. Then, include variety to keep things interesting. That’s all it takes to stay on the road to recovery for a happier and healthier you. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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INSIDE
ALCOHOL AND
EXERCISE
SHANE PICCOLO
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have never been an alcoholic or an addict in the typical sense. I do, however, work in an addiction treatment wellness center, where I am viewed as an expert on all things fitness and nutrition. I started exercising to transform a body I was unhappy with. When I started training in clinical settings rather than in for-profit gyms, I found my passion in 64
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helping those who need to exercise to better their health. Working with people in the beginning stages of their recovery has been an eye-opening, rewarding experience. Whether or not someone is recovering, we all have similar motivations. My team and I work to instill the importance of exercise in recovery with every
person who enters our doors. We discuss how to remain consistent in a workout program. We also teach people about proper diet and nutrition. People who are new to recovery often look at working out only as a means of changing their appearance. It takes a few weeks or more for most people to compare how InRecovery.com
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much better they feel after a workout to how they felt during their former using, inactive lifestyle. They typically chalk it up to the building of muscles, how they feel when looking in the mirror, and how their clothes fit. What many don’t realize, which is also the point of this article, are the unnoticed changes going on inside of their bodies. As a former client shared, “Fitness and healthy eating were two things that had absolutely nothing to do with my life prior to coming to [treatment]. I made attempts, but never stuck to it or took it seriously. After all those years of abusing my body with drugs, I went to [treatment] and decided to make changes, partly because I could no longer rely on drugs to keep me thin. [Treatment] was my entry into healthy eating habits and working out. I slowly began seeing results. I felt good – a natural good.” Alcoholism affects every working system of the body. The liver is most affected, as the constant demand of filtering the toxins puts it on overdrive, potentially leading to alcoholic fatty liver. This overdrive then overburdens the pancreas, which must work harder to produce insulin to regulate blood sugar from the alcohol, typically leading to an increased risk of Type 2 Diabetes. The stress on the pancreas causes inflammation, thus affecting the digestive system, which leads to irritable bowel syndrome, incontinence and gastric ulcers or esophageal varices. The kidneys take on the effort of regulating hydration and electrolyte levels, leading to altered mental status, dehydration, personality issues and cardiac issues. The early cardiac issues lead to cardiomyopathy – better known as heart disease – as well as heart attacks, circulation problems and stroke. Stemming from these issues, the reproductive systems in men and women are often affected by alcoholism, leading to erectile dysfunction and irregular menstruation. In both men and women, alcoholism can lead to infertility. The skeletal system is frequently affected by the inability to absorb the right nutrients, leading to thinning bones, weakened muscles and loss of motor control. InRecovery.com
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These internal battles would strain the immune system in a person who doesn’t drink; but alcoholics with systems weakened by chronic drinking are more vulnerable to any type of illness, including pneumonia or tuberculosis. The potential for acute and chronic damage can be catastrophic. However, the people I work with are proof that with exercise and proper nutrition, the possibility of returning to normal functioning is greater than with detox alone. From an external standpoint, the body increases muscle mass and decreases body fat. Internally, this increase in muscle mass leads to stronger muscles that allow for better movement and control throughout the day. Weightlifting strengthens the skeletal system as bone density increases.
An exercise program will make the road to recovery that much easier. Implementing any type of cardiovascular routine helps counter the disrepair of the cardiovascular system by lowering the dangerous levels of low-density lipids, the usual causes of heart attacks and strokes. Whether the cardiovascular work is a traditional exercise like running or biking, any activity that elevates the heart rate for a prolonged period of time will work. As the fatty cholesterol blocking the arteries begins to dissipate, the more efficient cardiovascular system can better oxygenate the cells. Proper oxygenation of cells across the body allows the body to begin healing. The immune system strengthens as the boost in white blood cells allows for a faster removal of problematic germs. Increased circulation benefits the kidneys, which become better equipped to filter hydration levels and excrete excess. Though diabetes is not a curable disease, resistance training will help regulate blood sugar levels and can often lessen or eliminate the need for medications. Alcohol-induced fatty liver disease is another illness that
cannot be reversed completely, but exercise and a healthy diet full of vegetables and fruits will help. Mental fog from prolonged alcohol use will clear after a short period of consistent exercise. The brain will release chemicals that improve mood, increase brain functions, and provide the body with an overall stronger control center. “I have worked out most of my life, but the depression killed that part of me . . . I came to treatment with low self-esteem and hated my body. [The trainers] all helped me want to be fit and not focus on being fat,” another client shared with me. What she related is common; most of our clients are faced with mental anguish and a poor self-image. As someone who began working out to change how I looked, I know how harmful these thoughts can be. Some of the underlying causes for excessive drinking could be treated through exercise, as well. Low self-worth, depression, anxiety and trauma are usually at the top of the list. Exercise allows a person to feel energetically stronger through personal accomplishments. The inevitable fear of the unknown can be alleviated as they learn how to assess the situation, plan appropriately and reach their goals. The benefits of exercise are far-reaching! Exercise has been proven to increase and regulate serotonin levels, and more studies are being conducted to support similar effects for dopamine levels. Depression caused by trauma or a chemical imbalance responds well to an increase in dopamine and serotonin. Low levels of these neurotransmitters are linked to depression, an increased risk of suicide, and a higher risk for mental illness. Mental instability, problematic illnesses, and the domino effect of systems failing due to the effects of alcoholism, are a concern for us all. The first step is to stop drinking and begin a supervised detoxification at a medical facility. The next, and equally important, step is to replace a drink with an exercise program that will make the road to rehabilitation much easier. The lessons learned will be lifelong, reaching beyond the walls of the wellness center and into recovery. InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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THE TOP TEN GREATEST EXITSOF ALL TIME!
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You!
Eugene Cernan!
Yes, you!...by taking the bold step from addiction into treatment and thriving in recovery.
Eugene Cernan...the last man on the moon, left his daughters initials behind for an eternity.
2
Socrates! Socrates...first crumbling his prosecutors, then getting the final say by drinking poison.
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7 "The secret of happiness is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less"
George Washington!
George Washington... setting precedent by retiring after two terms, when he could have served the rest of his life.
Jefferson and Adams!
Thomas Jefferson and John Adams...dying on the same day, 50 years to the day after signing the Declaration of Independence.
Lou Gehrig!
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Lou Gehrig...saying his last goodbyes to a standing room only crowd at Yankee Stadium, retiring because of the debilitating disease named after him.
InRecovery Magazine March 2018
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Thelma & Louise!
Thelma and Louise...joyously driving off a cliff at top speed - roll credits.
Walter Cronkite!
Walter Cronkite..signing off as anchor from CBS news for the final time.
M*A*S*H!
10
MASH..the last episode, still one of the most watched events of all time.
Marie Antoinette!
Marie Antoinette...famously stated “let them eat cake,� as the peasants were revolting and lost her head - literally. InRecovery.com
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