West Magazine July 29 2017 by DCMedia

29.07.2017

WIN

A THREE-NIGHT GLAMPING HOLIDAY WORTH Â£400

INSIDE

WILD COASTAL WALKS, YOUR NEW FAVOURITE WHITE WINES, FASHION, INTERIORS, STYLE, GARDENING AND A SEVEN-DAY TV GUIDE

WHO ORDERED THE

THE DORSET VODKA MADE FROM MILK EVERYONE SHOULD TRY

Morsø Outdoor Living range available to buy online at hearthandcook.com

Summer has arrived at Rangemoors and Hearth & Cook. Expertly gathered together at our showrooms, is a selection PG UIF mOFTU TUPWFT BOE SBOHF DPPLFST EFTJHOFE UP USBOTGPSN homes and inspire wonderful culinary creations, including an extensive range of beautifully designed Outdoor Living ovens from renowned Danish stove manufacturer, Morsø. Visit our showrooms to see live, working models and talk to our expert who can help you choose an appliance that’s perfect for you and your home. Alternatively, browse our websites for more information.

Winkleigh 01837 680068 • www.rangemoors.co.uk • Exeter 01392 797679 • www.hearthandcook.com

ONE SOLITARY VINE PRODUCED BUNCHES OF YELLOWY-GREEN COLOURED GRAPES WHILE ALL AROUND IT GRAPES TURNED THE USUAL BLACK - APRIL MARKS ON WHITE RIOJA (P29)

INSIDE: The Wishlist _________________________ 4 Holy Cow_____________________________ 8

Welcome Inspiration has a new home...

Fashion ______________________________14

hange and growth often go hand in hand. Take us for example. You’re looking at the lovechild of West Magazine and the esteemed Westcountry Life. We’ve taken the very best of our Western Morning News lifestyle offerings and merged them into a 60-page celebration of all things South West. There’s a lot to be said for taking a different approach. Ask Jason Barber, inventor of Black Cow Vodka. Jason is a descendant of the Barber dairy farming family, who have the oldest recipe for cheddar in the world. Jason’s idea to use leftover whey to produce his vodka has resulted in a spirit so good

Interiors _____________________________18 Gardening __________________________ 20 Food & Drink ________________________ 26 My Secret Westcountry _____________ 30 Martin Hesp’s walks ________________ 32 Travel _______________________________ 36 Books_______________________________ 40

Kathryn Clarke-McLeod, Editor

Television ___________________________ 42

pg32

it is now sipped in some of the planet’s hippest bars. Get a taste on page eight. Martin Hesp (p32) is also no stranger to the road less travelled. This week he heads off to the romantically named Wild Pear Beach in North Devon. He includes some fabulous recommendations for light lunches and indulgent stays – well worth making a note of. If you’re feeling a little less adventurous this weekend we have plenty of tips for your garden (p20) and a rather naughty recipe from great British Bake Off winner Candice Brown’s new book (p26). Whatever your plans, we hope you ﬁnd inspiration inside.

BIDEFORD

MARTIN HESP

“Even from its wave-torn base it is a thing of vastness”

EXETER

pg6

GOSSIP

An awkward moment for Olympian Helen

PLYMOUTH

TRURO

pg8

pg5 PENZANCE

MIX IT UP

ESCAPE

The dairy-based vodka taking the world by storm

Win a three-night glamping holiday

SHOP

WISHLIST Here at West, we believe in treating yourself. Stuck for ideas? Here’s some inspiration...

Isla drop earrings in cornﬂower blue £34 Wanderlust Life

Sequin palm tree tote bag £27 New Look

Light up letter £19.99 Magical Story

Happy Jackson water/vodka bottle £8.95 Cuckooland

Wine Rack £299 Houseology

Control swimsuit £150 Figleaves

Harlequin chair £449 Peter Betteridge, Your Bed Expert

Diesel Only The Brave Eau de Toilette for him £39.99 (sale price) for 125ml The Perfume Shop Drake Circus

Men’s Prague brogues £95 Dune

COMPETITION

If you do one thing this week... B ook a glamping retreat to the charming Cuckoo Down Farm in East Devon. This small family-run site has been a popular mini-break destination for nearly a decade. Their custom built yurts and safari tents are the ideal way to enjoy all the tranquillity of the countryside, with a healthy dose of luxury. All glamping tents have their own kitchen and comfortable double beds. At night you can snuggle up by your very own woodburning stove inside or enjoy some quality time outside around the campﬁre, toasting marshmallows and enjoying the clear, starry sky. Cuckoo Down is set in the East

WIN!

Devon Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty, which means there is plenty to see and do during the day. The campsite is nestled next to a beautiful three-acre wood which is home to swallows, foxes, rabbits, badgers, deer and even owls. Visitors can also pop out to visit the beautiful beaches of the World Heritage Coastline at Beer, Branscombe and Sidmouth. After a busy day exploring, you’ll be able to enjoy a lovely hot shower. Safari tents enjoy their very own facilities and yurts have access to an impressive shower barn. The best part? Your four-legged friends are welcome too. www.cuckoodownfarm.co.uk

We have a three-night weekend stay for up to six people at Cuckoo Down Farm to the value of £395 to be won. (Valid in September/October 2017) To enter, simply tell us where Cuckoo Down Farm is found. Send your answer with your name, address, email and phone number to: Cuckoo Down competition, westmag@westernmorningnews.co.uk to arrive by August 11, 2017. Alternatively, you can post your entry to Cuckoo Down competition, West magazine, Queen’s House, Little Queen Street, Exeter EX4 3LJ. Normal terms apply, West will not share your details.

WINNER:

Forthglade dog food Mrs J Turner, Bude NOTE: Due to the Olly Murs concert being cancelled, all entries will qualify for our glamping oﬀer instead.

PEOPLE

w between us! Just

Gossip, news, trend setters and more - you heard all the latest juicy stuﬀ here ﬁrst!

‘I saw a heavenly being’ I’d had a tricky run of relationships, and was getting a little bit desperate. I saw a heavenly being underneath the light at a book launch, being chatted up by several blokes at a time. She looked up and there was a spark in her eyes...” They now have a son called Jake, aged ﬁve and a one-year-old collie cross called Obi.

SIMON REEVE, the TV adventurer opened up about how he met his wife Anya and why she insisted they should move from London to raise a family in a 125-year-old converted barn on Dartmoor. Simon says he was lucky to meet Anya, explaining: “I was in my early thirties and all I could hear was the tick tock of my biological clock.

I GOT ASKED FOR ID BUYING ALCOHOL. I GUESSED I’VE REACHED AN AGE WHERE THAT FEELS DELIGHTFUL LILY COLE

Awkward! Olympic rowing champion HELEN GLOVER, who grew up in Newlyn, recently had an embarrassing moment at the gym, she revealed on Twitter. Helen posted: “Just trained at a diﬀerent gym, took a wrong turn out the showers and ended up poolside in a napkin-sized towel #GroundSwallowMeNow.” Oops! Helen recently married TV star Simon Backshall and is continuing to train hard.

‘I LOVE being ginger’ LILY COLE is reaching the age where it’s nice to be mistaken for someone much younger, she has revealed. The Torquay-born model and actress was just stopped when she tried to buy some booze, despite being 29 years old and a mum to baby girl Wylde. “Just got asked for ID buying alcohol. I guessed I've reached an age where that feels delightful.” She also had a less than delightful encounter with a fellow passenger on the London Underground, she said. “Someone just shouted "ginger" at me on the tube as if that were an insult Just to clarify, I LOVE being GINGER!” Quite right too, Lily!

westmag@westernmorningnews.co.uk @WMNWest ADVERTISING

Claire Chinn claire.chinn@dc-media.co.uk 07919564790 ON THE COVER

Black Cow Vodka This fantastic portrait of mixologist Massiiliano Terrile was shot by Matt Austin at Black Cow Vodka’s Gold Top Cup competition. We chat to the man behind the brand, Jason Barber, on page 8. CORRECTIONS & COMPLAINTS: If we have

published anything that is factually inaccurate, please contact the editor Kathryn Clarke-Mcleod on 01392 346 746, via email at kclarke-mcleod@dc-media. co.uk or post to First Floor, Queens House, Little Queen Street, Exeter, EX4 3LJ and, once veriﬁed, we will correct it as soon as possible. West magazine is published by DC Media part of Trinity Mirror PLC, which is a member of the Independent Press Standards Organisation. We adhere to the Editors’ Code of Practice as enforced by IPSO, which is contactable for advice at IPSO, Gate House, 1 Farringdon Street, London EC4M 7LG. Website ipso.co.uk, telephone 0300 123 2220, email advice@ ipso.co.uk. If you have a complaint concerning a potential breach of the Code of Practice, we will deal with your complaint directly or IPSO can refer your complaint to us. Please go to trinitymirror.com/howto complain where you can view our Complaints Policy and Procedure. A ‘How to Complain’ pack is available by writing to the Legal and Compliance Department, Trinity Mirror PLC, One Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5AP.

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INTERVIEW

BECKY SHEAVES TALKS TO JASON BARBER - THE INVENTOR OF A VODKA MADE FROM PURE WHOLE MILK - ABOUT HOW THE HIPPEST BARS ON THE PLANET ARE PUTTING THE WESTCOUNTRY SPIRIT INTO THE MIX PHOTOGRAPHY: MATT AUSTIN

Holy cow... I

’m still a struggling dairy farmer,” says Jason Barber, the man who invented vodka made from pure whole milk. “But I’m definitely one with a smile on my face.” Jason farms 280 grass-fed Holstein cross dairy cows in west Dorset, and has found a novel way to add value to the milk they produce. “I produced my first bottle of pure milk vodka in 2012,” he explains. “Since then, it has really taken off. I’ve calculated that I have produced 245,000 bottles of vodka. Full size, not miniatures.” It’s fair to say that Jason’s Black Cow vodka has been something of a hit. It’s made from the leftover whey after cheese is made from his milk – Jason is a descendent of the Barber dairy farming family, who have the oldest recipe for cheddar in the world, dating all the way back to 1833. Once the cheese has been made, the whey is turned into first a beer, then distilled and triple filtered to create a vodka that, say the experts, is exceptionally clear and creamy-tasting.

ly and their children Johnny, seven and Oscar, five, on their family farm at Seaborough Manor, recently invited cocktail experts from all over the world to submit their ideas for using Black Cow vodka in cocktail recipes. “The response was amazing,” says Jason. “Our finalists came from as far afield as Singapore, California and Hong Kong, as well as all over the UK. “We hosted the finalists for a three day stay with us, during which they enjoyed boat trips and picnics. We then then held the competition itself in our distillery at Childhay Manor near Beaminster. It was very hard fought – the top three or four were all outstandingly

It’s also the only vodka of its kind in the world. “People love it because it’s so pure, with no harsh kick. Vodka is usually made from potatoes or wheat, mixed with mineral water which can give it a ﬂinty taste. Ours doesn’t have that,” says Jason. It takes 20 litres of milk to produce one litre of vodka, but along the way that same milk also produces cheddar cheese and butter. And with Black Cow vodka being stocked by the likes of Marks & Spencer, Fortnum & Mason and Sainsbury’s, it is no wonder Jason is smiling. “For a dairy farmer like me, getting out and about visiting bars and meeting cocktail makers is great fun and totally unexpected,” he says. His business partners Paul Archard (known as Archie) and Archie’s wife Helen have brought new skills to the business, including an eye for design and branding that is rapidly making Black Cow vodka a real must for ontrend hipsters nationally and overseas, too. Jason, who lives with his wife Sal-

good.” In the end, the winner of the Gold Top Cup was Erica Brown of Bar Stella in Silver Lake, Los Angeles. Erica came up with the Beautiful Bovine cocktail, which combines Black Cow vodka with fresh basil, tomato water and rock salt, served over a tomato water ice pearl and with a side of the Black Cow cheddar cheese that Jason also makes from his milk.

9 P Br ictu A ow red le nge n o is M ft). les f B Go w att Co (m ar ld In ww Au ver ai Ste Top Fa sta .m stin ph n) a lla Cu ce gra att p oto nd in p bo m au ho a Ja Si wi ok : @ sti tog nd so lve nn : M m nim ra th n r L er at att ag ph is Ba ake Eri t A _a e y: pa rb , ca ge er Lo us us s.c tin tin o.u by (top s _ Im im k ag a es ges

BE ICA C W H AU T I A M E CO I C H F U L U P B A W V O CO M B O V I W I T H R O S I L , D KA B I N N E C T H E C K TO M W E S O C B K I SA LT A T O T H F L A C K T A I L , WA R E S TER H AN D

ME R A V I S , G E DA I R CO ITIN TTIN Y FA G R C K TA G B G O R M E EA IL AR UT R T F M S A AN LIK UN AKE ND D PI AB E 50 NK R M SI A m C EE OUT To ngo l B O S S ni s lac W JU TING G que c w tura k C AN ST ar e a ni ze te aro ow D T s

m h o r O Po w fl at N ith em ic IC da ur b a on ﬁl sh Bl itt s l a er lic ju To ed o c s e ic le p gl f An k C e o w m a o fl of o it s go w em le n h t s. st a m ju on ur nd on on ice ic a in a g . . G an to o ar d an od ni a sh sq ic e w ue ith e z a eo sl ic f e

Erica says: “In the 1970s my great aunt and uncle built a house in Tacoma, Washington. It became a hub where our whole family would meet and celebrate. My great aunt Jo and my mother spent hours in the bricklined kitchen hand-making pasta and drinking martinis. This is my most visceral memory of family. “My mother owns the house now and just remodelled the kitchen, keeping the brick as an homage to aunt Jo. This drink is an homage to the great bond these two women had and the memories they created in that house.” The Gold Top Cup judges commented: “Erica started her presentation in a self-deprecating manner, concerned that her drink was too simple. But what she did was bring together seemingly basic ingredients in a manner that was much more than the sum of its parts. A perfectly balanced, complex, savoury martini was the result. Her drink told her taste moment wonderfully and further we felt her recipe and execution truly championed Black Cow and its own ethos.” With cocktails in mind, here are some summery vodka recipes that we are sure you won’t be able to resist trying.

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J M ASO 5 AR N 37 0m TI B 10 .5m l fr N AR Sh m l B esh I BE gl ak l m la , c R’ a a c

B LO am y G OD ba eor A 25 ss gia ND ad B 25 m l or illin SA 25 m Bl l : g, ND 25 m Li ac Bl B 5m m l BO nd k C ac A l L l Bl LD isfa ow k NK o ap o A rn V Co S o e d Sh hr o pe M d w k o Vo ch ak ai ran riti ea a e dk g f i G lle a d g e a (H arn d nd j ui dr IN ish co d c e he y o T: I w up ou at ra f yo ith ett ble ). ng u d e st e d rie ra sl on d in ic ’t b ,s es h lo er in ave od ve th a or in a e a ov deh ng e en yd s on ra lice a tor, lo w

You can buy Black Cow vodka online for £28 for a 70cl bottle. www.blackcow.co.uk

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VOICES

All in a day’s work BECKY SHEAVES MAKES HAY (AFTER FEEDING SOME TO THE PONY)

ello, good morning and – if you’re Cornish like me – reet. Here I am in my new home, the revamped Saturday West magazine. And very nice it is too – do you like my picture? All very clever, especially when you realise that no, I didn’t actually pose for a watercolour portrait. It’s done with a photograph and the help of a very smart computer. The result is, may I hasten to assure you, extremely ﬂattering. As I write now, I look nothing like that. I am covered in hay and with a bird’s nest for hair, looking all my age (50) and more, sitting at our kitchen table at 7.22am, in attempt to please my new editor by getting this column in not only on time, but early. Which is unheard of, for me. Like a lot of journalists, I am a dreadful deadline surfer and can really only ever get anything done if there is a metaphorical gun to my head. Then, and only then, do I knuckle down and get on with it. To this end, I have already faffed around this morning far more than I

the Western Morning News for the past few years on the theme of (to the paper’s top man) “love, life and everything”. Today, however, my column has a new home and here I am in the updated pages of West magazine on a Saturday. If you’re a regular reader of Saturday’s paper, you may know me instead as the editor of West – but I’ve changed jobs. Yes, we’ve had a good old swap around here just recently. For my main job, I’m now working at DevonLive, our online news and features site, while my dear friend Kathryn Clarke-Mcleod takes on West magazine as the new editor. She’s been its designer for the past three years and I think you’ll agree she’s done a fabulous job of the redesign. It’s a chance for both of us to try something differ-

should have. Despite the early hour, I have already put tick treatment on the cat, emptied the tumble dryer and reﬁlled it. Yes I know it’s summer and I should put things on the line. But I am convinced that, if you avoid using an iron by whisking freshly-tumbled garments straight out of the dryer and onto hangers, you are using as little or less electricity overall. Please don’t tell me I’m wrong. I really don’t want to know. I’ve also procrastinated by popping out into our farmyard to give our little old Dartmoor pony Ebony some hay. She is in her stable, slimming, but gets very grumpy of a morning on an empty stomach – as would I if I was on a permanent diet like she is. Then, because I had hay all over me anyway, I thought I may as well give some to Honey the goat. And let the chickens out of their house. And have a quick scroll through Facebook. And so it goes on. But anyway, you may be wondering: Who is this woman? Well, I have been writing a column on Fridays in

ent – wish us luck. So anyway, in case you’re wondering, here’s my life story in a nutshell: I grew up in small village in Cornwall, school in Truro, went away to uni, faffed around a fair amount (a lifelong trait of mine, alas), did a stint as a school teacher in Bodmin, then worked in London where I did (unexpectedly) well as journalist but got fed up with city life. I’m now living in Devon, married to a farmer/ foodie called John, with four grown-up stepchildren, two sons in their teens, two horses, five pigs, six chickens, a collie, a cat, a flock of sheep and the aforementioned goat. Every week I will try to find something interesting amid all this to write about for your entertainment – let me know what you think:

EBONY IS IN HER STABLE, SLIMMING, BUT GETS VERY GRUMPY OF A MORNING ON AN EMPTY STOMACH – AS WOULD I IF I WAS ON A PERMANENT DIET

@WMNWest

Summer PAULâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S

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FASHION

C A N YO U KICK IT?

SNAP UP ONE OF THE SEASON’S KEY LOOKS FOR FEET.

tuck in a wardrobe rut? Take the shortcut to trend town with a pair (or three) of the season’s chicest kicks. From comfy ﬂats for daytime to statement-making high heels, these are the shoes to choose this summer... 1. FRILLED SANDALS Frilly, but not too fussy – that’s the sandal mantra right now. So think stilettos in punchy hues or metallics, paired with toughgirl ripped jeans and the latest Nineties revival, the “going out top”. Extra points if you can work a bit of tulle or velvet into the mix. 1. New Look Silver Frill Strap Heeled Sandals, £14 (reduced from £29.99) 2. V by Very Gisele Asymmetric Frill Heeled Pink Sandals, £32, Very. co.uk

3. FAIRYTALE HEELS

4. SPORTY SANDALS

Minimalist mules, move over – right now it’s all about ornate princess shoes with opulent detailing. Basically, if they look like they could have fallen oﬀ Cinderella’s foot at midnight, you’re on the right track. You’d needn’t reserve these beauts for balls, however. Wear metallic mules with a pleated midi skirt and cropped tee for daytime princess vibes. 5. Dune Delights Champagne Mules, £95 6. Hobbs Ophelia Gold Mules, £65 (reduced from £149)

Like the pool sliders trend but want a bit of lift? Then these chunky sandals are for you. Cool and comfy but not so massive that they veer into Spice Girls territory, they’ll become your holiday staples. 7. La Redoute Mademoiselle R Nude Platform Sandals, £23.40 (reduced from £39) 8. Dune Kassius Silver Sandals, £80

5. BACK DETAILING While mules may be having a moment, elsewhere embellishment is focused firmly on the backs of shoes, with frills and florals making a strong case for court shoes and strappy sandals. Liven up a much-loved LBD with a pair of these statement stilettos. 9. Topshop Rosebud Applique Stiletto Sandals, £46 10. Office Hibiscus Silver Sandals with Cherries, £60

2. NEXT-LEVEL TRAINERS The humble white trainer gets a makeover this summer with ﬂoral prints, embroidery and all kinds of embellishment turning this daywear staple from boring to bling. A pair of pimped-up kicks updates a simple jeans and bardot top combo, or punctuates an allblack-everything ensemble. 3. Jones Bootmaker Gemini White Trainers, £47 4. M&S Collection Lace-up Star Trainers with Insolia Flex, £29.50

STYLE

Style Q&A with Tamsin

Our Falmouth style guru can help you fulﬁl your fashion potential in every possible way. All you have to do is ask... Do I really need to use a toner as part of my everyday skincare regime? KM, Truro Toners are an extremely important part of any skincare routine, but the key is to choose one based on your skin’s speciﬁc needs. Joanna Vargas, celebrity facialist and founder of Joanna Vargas Salon and Skincare Collection has this advice: “Rose is hydrating, very light, and good for circulation. Lime is a great ingredient for oily skin because it tightens pores and acts as an astringent without over-drying the skin’s surface, while chamomile is great for soothing.” Toners also have the following beauty superpowers: 1. They help prevent breakouts: Toners containing alcohol remove excess oil from the skin and can actually help prevent breakouts for those with acne-prone skin. 2. They are hydrating: Toners with glycerine and hyaluronic acid can help hydrate the skin and prevent dryness. 3.They help get rid of any remaining makeup: Toners were originally developed as an extra cleansing step to remove dirt and impurities from makeup and environmental pollution. 4. They tighten pores: Toners clean and tighten pores, which not only makes the skin visibly smoother, but also makes it harder Vichy Purete for dirt and Thermale soothing bacteria to toner - £12 Boots penetrate it.

THE ANNOYING THING ABOUT JEANS IS THAT THEY TEND TO FIT DIFFERENTLY EVERY TIME YOU PUT THEM ON

Q After a few wears my jeans seem to stretch and lose their shape. Is there anything I can do to help shrink them back to a perfect ﬁt? LM, St Agnes The annoying thing about jeans is that they tend to ﬁt differently every time you put them on. When buying the perfect pair you need to do some research into how they wash,

Kick ﬂare cropped jeans £55 Long Tall Sally

how the sizing differs from brand If you have a dryer, you should then to brand, and how toss them in that and turn it to the often you should warmest setting. All the heat wash them. If your will constrict the ﬁbres in the denim has become denim, making your jeans ridiculously much snugger than they were stretched-out, here before. are a few simple 2. Boil them: This method is hacks to get them similar to the above but you’ll back into shape. get a more dramatic shrinkage 1. Turn up the faster. Heat a large pot of water heat on your until it reaches a rolling boil, and washer and dryer: then toss your jeans in, making If your jeans have sure they are fully submerged. got a little stretched Leave them boiling for twenty to out try giving them thirty minutes, drain as much as Skinny ﬁt frayed hem jeans a wash, but be sure possible, and then dry on a high £29.99 TK Maxx to set your machine heat. to its hottest setting. 3. Take a bath: This might

sound ridiculous, but for a super snug ﬁt, try wearing your jeans in the hottest bath you can handle. Once the water has cooled, get out of the tub and keep your jeans on until they are dry. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I’m on the hunt for the perfect woven basket bag and was wondering if you know of any brands I should check out? PP, Totnes Basket bags are no longer just for the beach, these days they’re a city essential too. 1. Nannacay: Nannacay, which means brotherhood of women, was born out of creator Marcia Kemp’s belief in helping others, as well as her passion for travel. Their mission is to be a way for the Peruvian artisan community to share the vibrancy of their culture. Each piece is unique and made completely by hand. 2. Cult Gaia: Los Angeles based label Cult Gaia gained social media fame thanks to its coveted Ark bag (a crescentshaped bamboo Cult Gaia Ark Bag clutch £77.15 - right.) www.shopbop.com Designer Jasmin Larian draws inspiration from vintage pieces and is committed to sustainable practices. 3. Blooming Dreamer: Blooming Dreamer’s Birkin basket was inspired by its namesake, Jane Birkin, and is handcrafted using natural local straw with a detachable lid. It is the epitome of the slow fashion movement. Handmade in the Algarve by an older generation of artisans, each basket takes three days to make.

Got a style or beauty question? Email Tamsin at westmag@westernmorningnews.co.uk with the subject Ask Tamsin

BEAUTY

Extracts & inventions From tea to turmerone, these are the ingredients making their mark on the beauty block, and where to ﬁnd them

very week there seems to be a new beauty buzzword, a magic product – they claim – you won’t believe you ever lived without! Obviously, there’s a lot of hyperbole around new launches, but it’s true that just a single new ingredient can sometimes, actually, make all the difference, particularly if you’re looking to target a speciﬁc concern. Recently, the cosmetic labs have been working overtime and there’s a host of hot new extracts and inventions just waiting to work wonders on your skin and hair. From the natural to the high-tech, these are the problem-solving ingredients you need to add to your beauty line-up...

7 10

1. LUTEIN Did you know, not only does the blue light from smartphones stop us from drifting oﬀ to sleep at night, it also causes ﬁne lines and pigmentation? Lutein, an antioxidant derived from marigolds and which acts as a shield against blue light, is one of the ingredients found in Murad City Skin Broad Spectrum SPF 50, £45 (1), which also protects against UVA and B, infrared and pollution.

2. MAQUI BERRY Move over goji, there’s a new wonder-berry in town. Maqui berry oil, which is found in Trilogy Very Gentle Restoring Oil, £32.50, Debenhams (2), is rich in antioxidants and essential fatty acids, helping to target skin irritation-causing free radicals.

3. LECITHIN Obsessed with ﬁnding a truly infallible foundation? BareMinerals BarePro Performance Wear Liquid Foundation, £29 (3), available September, contains mineral pigments coated with lecithin, a type of lipid naturally found in the human body, which means the formula binds seamlessly with your skin and won’t budge for 24 hours.

4. HIBISCUS Not only does Rahua Enchanted Island Salt Spray, £32, Net-APorter (4), give you eﬀortless surfer-girl waves, hibiscus extract strengthens the hair’s core, giving extra oomph and shine.

5. LAMELLAR TECHNOLOGY

7. WHITE GINSENG

9. TURMERONE

Using the same principle as all-day sunscreen, lamellar structure technology keeps active ingredients suspended in layers, so they’re gradually released over a 10-hour period, rather than in one dose when you ﬁrst put the product on. SkinSense by Abi Cleeve Highly Active Day Cream, £34 (5), also contains Lineﬁll, a sesamederived skin-plumper.

Inspired by Korean “lotions” (liquid, rather than cream, moisturisers), Erborian Spray to Mask Revitalizing Face Mask, £34 (7), available September, is a gel enriched with hydrating white ginseng. Simpler than a sheet mask, you spritz it on and allow it to sink in, blotting any excess oﬀ after 10 minutes.

The benefits of turmeric are wellknown (so keep on quaffing those yellow lattes), but if you really want to deliver a high concentration of the super-spice, try Clarins Double Serum, £56 (9), available August 27. The new reformulation delivers turmeric extract via turmerone molecules, thereby enhancing five vital skin functions at cellular level, meaning reduced wrinkles and increased hydration.

8. OLYMPUS TEA Hailing from the famous mountain, Olympus Tea is known for its powerful anti-microbial and antioxidant properties, which is why it’s the basis for two new cleansers from Korres. Choose from the Olympus Tea 3 in 1 Cleansing Emulsion, £15, or Foaming Cream, £18, Marks and Spencer (8).

6. MARSHMALLOW No, sadly, munching on those squashy sweet treats won’t give you perfect skin (sorry about that). We’re talking about powder from the root of the mallow plant, which selectively absorbs sebum, but not water, making it the star ingredient of Murad MattEﬀect Blotting Perfector, £32 (6).

10. DRAGON FRUIT Want luscious lips without having to endure the stinging sensation of a chilli-based plumper? Liz Earle Superskin Superlip Balm, £16 (10), contains Peruvian dragon fruit extract, derived from the resin of the dragon’s blood tree, which helps soften and plump your pout without any pain.

INTERIORS

house ﬂowers MAKE ROOMS LOOK BLOOMING LOVELY WITH FLORAL DESIGNS GUARANTEED TO GROW ON YOU

DRAMATIC BLOOMS

lorals never fade or go out of fashion, thanks to our enduring passion for reflecting nature and the great outdoors in our homes – and right now, they’re in full bloom everywhere. But just as you wouldn’t have a wilting bouquet of flowers in your home, any floral look you introduce should be fresh and bang up to date, too. Luckily, today’s designers are making sure their interpretations are a world away from the old-hat chintz and fussy “grandma” looks of yesteryear. They’ve embraced petal power with bright, bold, new designs, aided by up-to-the-minute digital techniques. So pick one of these looks – no water needed, and they’re guaranteed never to wither...

THE NEW PRETTY Think pastel pinks and wallpapers featuring petals and pretty blooms, for a fresh, feminine spin on florals... Rebecca Snowden, interior style advisor at Furniture Choice (www. furniturechoice.co.uk), says: “When people talk about florals, it tends to be centred around spring and summer fashion and interiors, with powdery pastel pinks a hot favourite both for the catwalk and the home this year. “Unusually, the trend will carry through late into winter and those pastel hues will move into deeper, darker reds and pinks. Plum and deep magenta against a smoky black background will conjure a dramatic, gothic effect.” Woodchip & Magnolia has a stunning Eunoia Watercolour Floral Wallpaper, £99 a roll (woodchipandmagnolia.co.uk).

Striking, pared-back, natureinspired designs and bold colourways are perfect for a nofuss or frills approach to this look. “Giant florals have been the stars of the catwalk shows, and now, from wardrobe to walls, we’re reviving floral patterns and embracing large-scale designs in bright, vibrant colours for a statement look,” says Paula Taylor, colour and trends specialist at Graham & Brown (www.grahambrown. com/uk). “Expressive, elaborate blooms are making their way onto our walls, furniture and homeware to create dramatic, coloured backdrops for the home. People are becoming much braver in their choice of design and colours and after decades of plain magnolia walls, Brits are falling back in love with these patterns. It’s time to be colour-confident again and express personality through dynamic palettes and opulent patterns.”

Decor Tip: Hot house botanical prints are packing an interiors punch this year, featuring vibrant Caribbean colours on dark backgrounds. Turn up the heat with English Blinds’ Menton Tropical Roman Blind, from £53.95.

Midnight Peony Cushion, £79, available from Reflect and Repeat Decor Tip: Plants and flowers will always stand out against a dark backdrop of deep grey or black. Test your taste by painting an alcove or the inside of a dresser in a dark hue and then arrange bright flower displays in front of the backdrop, so the colour really pops.

Loveseat armchair, from £1,400 (excluding fabric), available from Oﬁcina Inglesa

llumin Philo Pendant Light by Dyberg Larsen, £89, available from Limelace

Decor Tip: Wallpapering stair risers with floral papers is an inventive way to conjure a country-cottage look. Strip a staircase of carpet, sand and paint with floor paint, then use wallpaper off-cuts or a paper of your choice for each stair. Attach using wallpaper paste or a strong glue

Pink Rosa Velvet Pouﬀe, 180, available from Ragged Rose

CLASSIC COUNTRY Botanical illustrations that could have come straight from the pages of a traditional nature study book, combine with natural textures and a neutral colour palette for an update on that perennial favourite – classic country. “If, like me, you love reflecting the subtle tones that you find in the garden, a palette of lavender, sage, rose and heather is a perfect place to start,” advises Claire Hornby, creative stylist, Barker & Stonehouse (www. barkerandstonehouse.co.uk). “These can be incorporated into your scheme through soft furnishings, or smaller upholstered pieces featuring designs reminiscent of natural history drawings, which will inject character into your living space. “If an abundance of flowers, plants and all things natural appeals to your sense of style, then don’t be afraid to use a large variety of plants and blooms in one room, to help achieve a fresh feel. These can be potted plants, vases of flowers, or even indoor trees. Intersperse greenery with country-themed decorative objects.”

Windermere Accent Chair, from £849; White Washed Floor Lamp, currently reduced from £195 to £169; Herringbone Cushion with Pom Poms, £20, from Barker and Stonehouse

GARDENING

Tim Foster WHY USE A SCYTHE? TO SORT THOSE SLUGS OUT, OF COURSE

’ve just bought a scythe. Not, perhaps, this week’s most exciting news but it is to me. It is not an expensive prop (literally) as I lean on the shaft (technically, the snath), imagining myself as Poldark in a Cornish field, pausing between philanderings. In reality, I’m not kidding myself that the sight of a topless, pasty stick-man, sweating like a dray horse, being buzzed by a cloud of flies, is going to elicit reactions much better than a stifled guffaw. In fact, the fewer people that see me trying to use the thing, the better – it would only be embarrassing as I either dig the point of the blade into the ground sending a shock wave up my body that culminates in neck whiplash or I remove a foot. It has been purchased to cut the grass in a distant meadow where the smell, pollution and noise of a petrol strimmer would be deeply offensive. The effort involved with using a scythe is easily offset by the accompaniment of bird song. Is it as quick though? Apparently, at the annual scythe fair down in Somerset, the scythe beats the strimmer most times – it’s all about rhythm. I don’t think I’ve got much rhythm, certainly not with music. Put me in front of a drum and you’ll get a sound akin to rolling a tin of Celebrations down the stairs. With the scythe, I’m hoping I can learn it. I would use it on the allotment if a) the paths were level, b) I could swing it without taking out half a row of spuds at the same time and c) I wouldn’t look like a pillock. Actually, I don’t need to use a scythe to achieve that last one. The desire to cut the grass paths is primarily to reduce slug homes. It also looks jolly neat. The desire to cut the grass paths without a strimmer is mainly down to the reasons given above (combined with cost). I was driven from our site two years ago when four petrol machines opened up on plots around me, competing in the All-England Strimming and Noise Pollution Championships. The alternatives include mowers (manual), slashers, shears and long-handled shears. Bowling green paths, once achieved, are comfort-

Scythes can be ideal for cutting meadow grass

with the box on) in that the cuttings can be collected: a very useful compost ingredient. A more recent alternative has emerged, one that I can recommend, if only to prove I’m not such a Luddite after all. It’s also one I won’t be using, mainly because I’m too mean to spend more money after splashing the cash on the scythe. It is the battery-powered strimmer. OK, so by recharging at home it is still needing generated (coal, gas, nuclear, renewable) power but the new generation of batteries enable a more efﬁcient (and longer) usage. For allotmenteers with little time or inclination to use the other methods, it is extremely helpful. As I fumble around aimlessly on my nearby plot, I welcome the gentle buzz of the motor and the swish of the cord when a neighbour uses one, especially if they cut my bit of the path at the same time. Generous plotholders cut the whole regulation 45cm

ably maintained with a push mower but such paths are rare. Slashers are a bit random in their cutting, even more so than a scythe, with a small sharp blade on the end of a stick ﬂailing to and fro like a frustrated golfer’s niblick. Good shears give a good cut but you have to bend over. A neighbour regaled me (three times) with the tale of his shearing effort – he’d lasted just ten minutes before he was completely done in. I refrained from suggesting that he either got a new pair of shears or got down the gym. As with any gardening task requiring effort (digging, weeding etc) it is best approached in bursts – do a bit, do something else, do a bit more, and so on. Long-handled shears give an OK cut but are curiously cumbersome to use. Shears of any kind have a major advantage over all of the others (unless you are able to operate a mower

width – being a miserable git, I only do to the midway point, or grudgingly two-thirds, mainly because of the effort/time involved using shears. I then spend the next week or two grumbling under my breath that “them next door” haven’t cut their bit of the path and just think about all those slugs holed up in that long grass, waiting until dark to advance like a line of infantry towards my quaking carrots. I’ve just bought a scythe. But in the time it takes me to assemble it, adjust it, set it, sharpen it and learn how to use it, the meadow will have developed into woodland. Chainsaw, anybody?  Tim Foster teaches horticulture and organic gardening in Bristol and is the author of Good Earth Gardening. He can be contacted on timfostergardener@gmail.com

advice: dealing with greenhouse pests 1 A s crops swell and ﬂowers bloom, our greenhouses are ﬁlling up with gorgeous plants. The only trouble is, destructive pests are also intent on moving in, uninvited...

1 RED SPIDER MITE These are found on the underside of leaves where a fine web develops. They attack the foliage, causing a mottled appearance and, in severe cases, death of the plant. They attack a wide range of greenhouse plants, including peaches, cucumbers and tomatoes, and many ornamentals, including fuchsias and pelargoniums. To suppress red spider mite, damp the glasshouse down regularly during summer to raise humidity. Also, try to avoid growing susceptible plants. 2 THRIPS Also known as thunder flies, these tiny sap-sucking insects eat young plant tissue, including flower petals, causing mottling. Leaves can become dull and turn silvery-white and heavy attacks may stop flower buds from opening. Adults are yellowish brown or black with long, narrow bodies, but are often hard to detect unless you shake the plant over a piece of paper. Sticky traps can help control them. 3 WHITEFLY These are tiny, pure-white insects which reproduce quickly, laying white eggs on the undersides of leaves. They suck sap from the leaf undersides of tomato, cucumber and many ornamental plants, which can result in stunted growth. They also excrete a sugary substance called honeydew which makes the foliage sticky. They love warm conditions and fly up from plants when disturbed. Keep whitefly numbers down by suspending yellow adhesive strips above the plants. The insects are attracted to the colour and become attached. 4 MEALYBUG The white, sap-sucking pests leave sticky deposits where they feed. Cacti and succulents are among the vulnerable plants, and the insects, which are active all year round, can infest pretty inaccessible places. Females don’t fly or crawl far so are often brought in on an infested plant.

JOBS FOR THEWEEK

las are particularly susceptible. The grubs are creamy white, up to 10mm long and feast on plant roots and tubers. Vine weevil are hard to detect, but keep a lookout for the adults, which are grey beetles, about nine millimetres long, and have a distinctive snout. They feed at night, nibbling notches around the edges of leaves.

Check your plants carefully before putting them in the greenhouse. The ladybird Cryptolaemus montrouzieri, available from specialists, can be released into greenhouses to control them. 5 VINE WEEVIL Often, you don’t spot vine weevil until it’s too late, by which time the soilborne larvae will have devoured the roots of your plants. Cyclamen, fuchsias and primu-

NIGEL COLBORN – FORMER GARDENER’S WORLD PRESENTER

 Replace strawberry beds that are more than three years old once the crop has been harvested, as output will go into decline.  Take cuttings of rock plants such as aubrieta (pictured above), alyssum, phlox, thyme and dianthus.  Start to think about your bulb requirements for spring bedding, with a view to ordering early.  Save a few new potatoes to plant for a fresh crop at Christmas. Expose them to light for a few days until they turn green, then plant in a container so protection can be given when the weather turns cold.  Pinch out any weak shoots of large-ﬂowered dahlias.  Feed trees and shrubs that are performing badly with a high nitrogen liquid fertiliser.  Cut culinary herbs and dry or freeze to use later in the year.  Feed tomato plants regularly (pictured below).  Make sure leafy veg such as lettuces and spinach, as well as fruiting crops such as tomatoes and marrows, have suﬃcient water.  Top up garden pools to replace water through lost evaporation.

ALLOTMENTS

David Lifton GOURDS WILL GIVE YOU PLENTY OF OPTIONS FOR YOUR MEALS

f you really want to begin your journey to self-sufficiency, there are several main crops that will give you that fantastic starting point. In my journey so far, I have spent most of my time working out what grows best and, more importantly, what will fill my cupboards and my dinner plate for months on end. I’ve spent a lot of my allotment time focusing on squash plants. Pumpkins, courgettes and other gourds provide your larder with tonnes of food. Not only this, but the squash family is so versatile, making excellent additions to pastas, pies and more. One courgette plant, if given the space and the food to grow strong will give you up to 30 fruits in one season. Grate, slice and freeze the fruits as they crop and you’ve taken your first step to providing for yourself. However, if you don’t have a big freezer like me, allocate your space to pumpkins and other hard-skinned squash instead. I once had a pumpkin from my first allotment which kept unspoilt for nearly six months – a testament to the longevity of the fruit. By growing just one pumpkin plant, you could expect to harvest a couple of gourds – enough to keep you going for a month. This is exactly what I intended to do at the start of the year. The reason my other crops are a little bare this year is because I’m putting all my eggs into one basket. I’m betting on a dominating pumpkin plant, a promising Blue Banana heritage squash plant and two eager Canada Crookneck squash plants. Every week I feed my plants with a comfrey herb tea. The bases of the plants are also covered in the leaves of harvested rhubarb stalks, which are bursting with nutrients ready for the hungry squash roots. If I succeed this year, I will have made my first proper steps on the road to living off the land.

ONE COURGETTE PLANT WILL GIVE YOU UP TO 30 FRUITS

Grow courgettes and turn them in to spaghetti

COURGETTE SPAGHETTI WITH LEEK & STILTON SAUCE STEP 1 Begin by taking two or three courgettes and slicing the tops and bottoms oﬀ. Divide each of these into quarters and then slice through the vegetables so that you have long, thin segments around a couple of centimetres thick. Place these into a colander, cover with a little olive oil and sea salt and set aside for ten minutes.

STEP 2

For the sauce, heat up a knob

of butter in a saucepan. Thinly slice a leek and add this to the butter. Fry the leeks lightly for around ﬁve minutes or until they become translucent. Next, slice through a handful of chives and add these to the leek. Finish by grinding a little pepper into the sauce pan and giving the vegetables a stir.

STEP 3 Combine another knob of butter and three tablespoons of cornﬂour into the saucepan so

that it forms a paste and, as you stir with one hand, pour in a little milk each time until the ﬂour is absorbed into the milk. Continue to stir this until it begins to thicken. Break up several chunks of Stilton and stir this into your sauce, then remove from the hob.

STEP 4 Toss the courgette spaghetti into the leek sauce and serve.

DAVIDLIFTON.CO.UK

MOTORING

Charmed, A I’m sure IAN DONALDSON DRIVES THE FORD FIESTA AND DISCOVERS SOPHISTICATED DRIVING DYNAMICS THAT DELIVER A REWARDING DRIVING EXPERIENCE

couple of miles into the drive I realised the latest offering to come from Ford was humming quietly along the main road – in fourth gear. If ever you needed a demonstration that the new Fiesta has matured into an even more serious player here it was, with two gears left to go. At a stroke the best-selling car in the UK for the past eight years has turned from cheeky chappie (but loads of fun) into a car that feels bigger and softer and not quite so keen to have a laugh with you. That certainly applies to the likely biggest seller in the new range, the Zetec trim version with its 100 horsepower engine and – crucially – new six-speed gearbox instead of the previous ﬁve. There’s a more sporty, tied-down, ST-Line Fiesta due in the autumn which early signs say has fun factor 50 but it’s going to be a relatively small seller, thoroughly outgunned by less expensive versions – and with the Zetec taking more than half the total sales. So it’s good that the Zetec – second up in a Fiesta pecking order stretching from 70 horsepower petrol at £12,715 Style to 120 horsepower

diesel, £21,225 Vignale – is such an instant charmer. More so on the inside than out, you’d have to say. The exterior of the latest Fiesta has grown very modestly (70mm longer, 13mm wider but 20mm lower) and is completely restyled, although you might never guess. That’s as ﬁne a compliment to the outgoing model as you could pay; don’t mess with a look that’s won thousands of sales. Doesn’t do VW any harm with succeeding generations of Golfs, does it? The result is a car with space to spare in the front – and a near perfect driving position – but just enough room in the rear for a couple of adults and a boot big enough for a family’s supermarket shop, but less generous than some of the competition. Inside is where the attention needed to be paid, with the old car’s dashboard looking increasingly like a relic from the past, littered with meanly-sized displays and an excess of tiny buttons. All gone! Replaced in the modern minimalist fashion by a big iPad-like touchscreen that looks smart but doesn’t have a lot to say for itself without a satellite navigation map on

The 120bhp Fiesta Vignale

THE RESULT IS A CAR WITH SPACE TO SPARE IN THE FRONT - AND A NEAR PERFECT DRIVING POSITION

display (sat nav is standard on some of the dearer cars, a £300 option on others). There’s more soft touch plastic than previously, lending a gently more upmarket feel to proceedings. With the posh Vignale version you will enjoy the heated leather seats and steering wheel that a mere Zetec trim car can only dream about. If the all-change interior is a much needed step up, the engine choice is mostly as before, which is no bad thing if you enjoy the willing thrum of a three-cylinder petrol unit. Gone is the old and mildly asthmatic 1.25 litre engine, with most new Fiestas using versions of the established 1.0 litre EcoBoost three-cylinder unit in differing outputs – 100/125/140 horsepower and with CO2 readings from as low as 97g/km. The old 1.5 litre diesel engine remains, in two power outputs (85/120 horsepower, from 82g/km), but will take less than one in ten sales. The new six-speed manual gearbox will feature in the bulk of new Fiestas, which will have ﬁve doors too. Ford is sticking with a three-door option in a market increasingly ditching this choice on the grounds that not enough buyers bother these days to make it worthwhile. The on-paper list price of most cars is an irrelevance these days and that’s absolutely the case with the Fiesta, where 85 per cent of private buyers will opt for a personal contract plan (PCP) that provides a Zetec-spec car

from £116 a month over three years and with a £5,000 deposit. That’s an increase of £15 a month over the outgoing model but a drive in the new one makes that look a very sensible investment. Tweaks to the suspension and clearly a lot of work on soundproofing have changed the Fiesta into a car that quietly soaks up bad British road surfaces, only objecting a little to the biggest bumps, and turning into corners with most of the eagerness of old. Even with fourth gear standing in for sixth some of the time (blame that newfound quietness) the test drive showed 46mpg in a 100 horsepower version, which never felt underpowered. If a tiny bit of the puppy dog spirit has gone, you have to reckon the payback in reﬁned progress is going to be welcomed by the majority of owners. And there are quicker, ﬁrmer ones on the way soon, don’t forget.

FACT FILE PRICE: From £12,175 CO2: 97 g/km FEATURES: Active park assist, adaptive cruise control, lane keeping aid, traﬃc sign recognition, auto start-stop and a range of advanced technologies for safety and security

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Tel: 01392 285595

Marsh Mills Motor Park, Plymouth

Tel: 01752 636363

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Tel: 01872 226212

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RECIPE

GREAT BRITISH BAKE-OFF STAR CANDICE BROWN IS STILL PINCHING HERSELF TO CHECK SHE’S NOT DREAMING, EVEN WITH HER NEW BOOK ABOUT TO COME OUT

ince we spoke to her ahead of her appearance at Gloucester Quays Food Festival this Sunday, the baking queen herself was more than happy to speak to Ella Walker all about waiting for her new book. “It’s funny saying that... ‘my book!’” Candice says, with a small, bemused laugh. Winning Bake Off, the ultimate show for those who pride themselves on the quality of their lemon drizzle and the sturdiness of their pie crust, would, you’d think, prepare a person for automatic cookbook domination and a tasty TV career. However, 32-year-old former PE teacher Candice is still utterly gobsmacked. In fact, when she got the call conﬁrming her book deal, she was wandering around Fortnum & Mason, staring at the meat in the butcher’s section – and had to hang up to gaze, stunned, at the carcasses for a while longer while the news sunk in. Three manic months of writing, cooking, developing (and very little sleep) later, and the result is Comfort, a collection of Candice’s tried-andtested home classics: “The sort of things you want to grab a spoon, dive straight in and worry about burning your mouth later.” Between snaps of her pug Dennis, the recipes are huge, decadent and sometimes borrowed treats – think an enormous, bubbling shepherd’s pie, sausage rolls the size of bricks, and her beloved nan’s boiled fruit cake. “Everything has a story,” explains the London-born baker. “I’m so proud of it – it’s big ﬂavours, it’s big pots.” Piecing all the recipes together was something of a challenge though, as Candice admits she’s “bloody awful at writing them down”. “Liam [my boyfriend] would al-

ways say to me, ‘Are you writing that down?’ And I’d go, ‘YES, YES!’, knowing full well I’m not writing anything down at all, because I do what I call a ‘guess-a-cake’ - I just whack everything in and hope for the best. But then, if it works really well I’ll be like, ‘Argh, what did I put in that?!’” And if it goes horribly wrong? “Don’t worry about it,” she says. “You either don’t tell anyone and start again, or you turn it into something else and say it was supposed to look like that – that’s how I get by a lot of the time.” Minor mishaps aside, Candice, who started baking before the age of five, considers it “one of the only things that comes naturally to me”, but still doesn’t fully comprehend how she won Bake Off. “I don’t think I was the best baker in the tent,” says the pub landlord’s daughter, without artifice. “Some days I still don’t know how I did what I did, because I hadn’t been able to do it at home. Dad always said I was the same at university and school. I’d say, ‘I can’t do this, I can’t do it’, then the pressure would hit, and I’d get my head down and do it.” In the end, and (controversial) lippy intact, she beat finalists Andrew Smyth and Jane Beedle to the crown. “It’s crazy, it’s stressful, intense, it’s tiring – but I’d do it a hundred times over,” she says, recalling how demanding it was manning an oven while at the mercy of Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood’s taste buds. “I was going to work and, on lunch breaks, going down to town either to buy ingredients or popping into antiques shops [for props].” Then she was coming home, baking until the early hours, snagging a few hours’ sleep and then going back to her teaching job come morning:

“It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.” And yes, she will be watching the new series on Channel 4. “It’s always been my favourite programme – it’s going to be so funny. Prue [Leith] is a culinary legend, then you’ve got Paul who’ll just give that ice stare and wind everyone up. “And you know what? The breaks are just going to give you time to go for a wee and get a cup of tea.”

Comfort: Delicious Bakes And Family Treats by Candice Brown, photography Ellis Parrinder, is publishedby Ebury Press, priced £20

CULINARY

COMFORT 26

BLACK PUDDING SAUSAGE ROLLS

4. Stir in the paprika (both types), cayenne, dried thyme and mushroom powder. Turn the heat to medium. Add the tomato puree and stir in, then pour in the red wine. Allow this to bubble away for a couple of minutes before stirring in the beef stock and Worcestershire sauce. 5. Tip the whole lot over the meat in the casserole and give it a good mix round. The liquid should just be visible through the top layer of meat. Place the lid on the casserole and transfer to the oven to cook for two to two and a half hours – until the meat is tender. Stir occasionally. 6. With about one-and-a-half hours of cooking time to go, prick the sweet and baking potatoes with a knife, then set them on a baking tray and place in the oven with the casserole to bake for the remaining time. 7. Melt a knob of butter in a frying pan over a low/medium heat, add the leeks and cook for five to six minutes until soft. Set aside to cool. 8. When the meat filling is cooked, remove the casserole from the oven. Taste for seasoning, add more if needed and stir through. Cover the casserole and set aside. Increase the oven temperature to 180C fan (200C/400F/Gas Mark 6). 9. Using a sharp knife, cut each sweet and baking potato in half lengthways and scoop out the soft flesh into a large bowl. Mash all the flesh together with a splash of milk and knob of butter. Stir through the leeks and half of the grated cheese. Season with black pepper. 10. Cover the meat mixture with the potato and cheese mix. Scatter the remaining grated cheese over the top. Put the casserole back into the oven (without the lid) and bake for 25 minutes until the cheese has melted and the top is golden. 11. Serve hot, with a heap of broccoli and greens.

Give it a try: Chunky shepherd’s pie

Serves 4 Olive oil 1tbsp (heaped) plain flour 800g lamb stewing steak 1 large red onion, diced 1 red pepper, seeded and diced 3 small carrots, peeled and diced 2 celery sticks, diced 150g chestnut mushrooms, diced 100g chorizo, skinned and sliced Small bunch fresh rosemary, thyme and sage, finely chopped, and a dried bay leaf 2tsp finely chopped garlic (jarred or fresh) 1 small fresh red chilli, finely chopped 1tsp hot smoked paprika 1/2tsp paprika 1/2tsp cayenne pepper 2tsp mushroom powder 1tbsp (heaped) tomato puree 200ml red wine 300ml beef stock 1tbsp Worcestershire sauce Salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the topping 4 sweet potatoes, 4 large baking potatoes Milk Butter 3 leeks, trimmed and sliced 100g grated cheese Salt and black pepper Method: 1. Preheat the oven to 160C fan (180C/350F/Gas Mark 4). 2. Heat up a glug of olive oil in a large frying pan over a medium/ high heat. Season the flour with salt and pepper, then toss the lamb in the flour to coat lightly all over. Fry in batches until browned on all sides. As each batch of lamb is browned, transfer to a large casserole using a slotted spoon. 3. Add another glug of olive oil to the frying pan, followed by the diced vegetables and sliced chorizo, the fresh herbs, bay leaf, garlic and chilli. Fry for four to five minutes until the vegetables soften, stirring frequently.

Makes 6-8 sausage rolls 150g unsalted butter, frozen 110g strong white bread flour 110g plain flour, plus extra for dusting 2tsp dried sage 4-5tbsp ice-cold water 1 beaten egg Sesame and poppy seeds 400g pork sausagemeat 100g smoked streaky bacon, finely chopped 1tbsp finely chopped fresh sage 1/2tsp dried thyme 2 shallots, finely chopped 1/2tsp smoked paprika 100g chestnut mushrooms 1tsp finely chopped garlic (jarred or fresh) 1tsp finely chopped red chilli (jarred or fresh) 1tsp Worcestershire sauce 150g black pudding Method: 1. Coarsely grate the butter onto a cold plate. Return to the freezer or put into the fridge to keep cold. 2. Sift both types of flour into a large bowl and mix in the dried sage, salt and pepper. Drop butter into the flour, and mix to coat it. Sprinkle in water and mix in with the knife, then add a further two to three tablespoons of water until the mix starts to come together. Finish mixing by hand. 3. Flatten the pastry into a square shape, wrap in cling film and rest in the fridge for 30-45 minutes. 4. Put all of the filling ingredients (except the black pudding) into a large bowl with salt and pepper and mix. 5. Remove the black outer coating and cut the pudding into 1cm sticks. 6. Set the chilled pastry on a lightly floured surface and roll out to 60 x 30cm, 3mm thick. Trim edges. 7. Spoon the filling into the centre of the pastry and squeeze it together to make a sausage shape. Add the black pudding into the filling in straight lines. 8. Life each side of the pastry over the filling and brush the outside edge with beaten egg. Roll so the join is on the bottom and chill in the freezer for 10 minutes. 9. Cut across into 5cm pieces and add to greased baking sheet that has been lined with greaseproof paper. Preheat the oven to 180C fan (200C/400F/Gas Mark 6). 10. Glaze the pastry with beaten egg (or milk) and snip a small ‘V’ on top of each roll. Bake for 20-30 minutes until the pastry is golden brown and the sausage filling is cooked and no longer pink. 11. Remove from the oven and gently lift the sausage rolls on to a wire rack to cool.

FIVE O’CLOCK SOMEWHERE

RECIPE

Fun, fruity, feisty ﬁzzes for a touch of eﬀervescence

LES DAUPHINS SPARKLING BLANC DE BLANCS, France (£9.74, reduced from £12.99, until August 8, Waitrose) With striking Moulin Rouge-style labels, Les Dauphins Cotes du Rhone wines are a blend of classic Rhone valley grapes with a fruit forward, peachy freshness that will go down a storm. LUC BELAIRE LUXE, Blanc de Blancs Sparkling Wine, France (£19.95, reduced from £22.95, 31 Dover) Luxe by name, luxe by design and made from chardonnay grapes from Burgundy, this fresh balance of tropical fruits with a ripe, sweet nose of apricots ends on a lively, effervescent finish. MAGOT PINOT NERO, Spumante, Oltrepo Pavese, Castello di Luzzano, Italy (£17.50, Berry Bros & Rudd) Lighter than champagne and scented with aromas of orange blossom, the pearly-white, tiny beads of bubbles in this spumante offer crisp orchard fruits for aperitivo drinking.

Sweet treat... sugar, baking powder, eggs, lemon zest and juice.

VICTORIA SPONGE Serves 10-12 335g each of self-raising ﬂour, unsalted butter, and golden caster sugar 3tsp baking powder 6 large eggs Zest of 2 lemons and juice of 1 150g fresh raspberries 600ml double cream 500g fresh strawberries Method: 1. Preheat oven to 160C fan (180C/350F/Gas Mark 4), grease three 25cm round sandwich tins and line the bases with greaseproof paper. 2. Sift the ﬂour, add the butter,

3. Divide 2/3 of the mixture between two tins. Add all but ﬁve of the raspberries to the last third. Bake for 20 minutes until the sponges are risen and golden. 5. Whip the double cream and pipe a layer onto one of the plain sponges. Top with a layer of sliced strawberries. 6. Pipe a layer of double cream on the raspberry sponge and top this with the rest of the sliced strawberries. 7. Top with any leftover cream, and any leftover strawberries or raspberries.

H A P P Y HOUR WITH DRINKS EXPERT APRIL MARKS, CO-FOUNDER OF REGENCY WINES LTD, EXETER

f you think the Spanish region of Rioja is all about red wine then think again! Admittedly the majority of wine produced in the area is red but the whites really are well worth trying. I’ve tried many white Riojas of varying quality made from either the Viura grape (high in acidity, light and fresh) or the Verdejo variety (akin to Sauvignon Blanc with zesty stone fruit ﬂavours). Yesterday I returned from the area having visited Finca Manzanos now run by forth gen-

eration Victor Manzanos where I sampled their Tempranillo Blanco. Now, I know what you’re thinking; Tempranillo is a black grape that makes red wines. You are right. However back in 1988 a mutation of Tempranillo was discovered. In amongst a vineyard of Tempranillo tinto one solitary vine produced fully ripe bunches of yellowy-green coloured grapes while all around it grapes on all the other vines turned the usual black. It was almost two decades later before ofﬁcials of the wine industry in Rioja sanctioned the quality stamp of Denominacion De Origen (DOC). Today, through cuttings there are now small plantings of this lovely grape making absolutely delicious white Rioja.

GIN BUCK COCKTAIL

Wine of the Week

I use Black Dog gin from Dartmoor Distillery for its distinctive spicy ginger and orange character but any good quality gin is ﬁne.

BODEGAS MANZANOS, TEMPRANILLO BLANCO, RIOJA SPAIN

50ml of Black Dog Gin Juice of one lemon Ginger Ale for topping up Ice

I drank this with prawns and squid which worked really well, although this is a fabulous wine that will work well with any seafood. Tropical fruit and white flower aromas carry through onto the palate which is well balanced and rounded due to the wine being matured on the lees.

Place a good scoop of ice in a highball glass. Pour in the gin and lemon juice then top up with ginger ale, simple yet really tasty.

Available at Regency Wines for £11.97

Beer talk WITH DARREN NORBURY

or 51 weeks of my year my life revolves around the West Country, but this is the week when a lot of the West Country ﬁnds itself in London. A decade back the Great British Beer Festival at Olympia (August 8-12) was the only game in town this time of year, but with the advent of the craft beer scene we now have events such as the London Craft Beer Fes-

ONE TO TRY:

WEST COUNTRY BREWERS ARE AS GOOD AS ANY IN LONDON, NAY THE WORLD...

tival at Hoxton (today and tomorrow) and the capital-wide London Beer City event (until August 13). I recommend the trip because it’s a great way to see what’s happening outside of our South West bubble – and there are some terriﬁc brewers, beers and venues in London – but also because a lot of our brewers will be ‘in town’ (as they say up there, according to my ‘norf’ London wife) and it’s a great

time to chill and talk beer with them. Lest you think I’m in danger of going native, though, I stand by my oft-quoted assertion that our West Country brewers are as good as any in London, nay the world, when it comes to quality beer in all styles and strengths. But it never hurts to see what the competition is up to!

Okay, more than one to try… It’s the Devon Street Food festival in Ilfracombe this weekend and Powderkeg Brewery will be there with a selection of beers. Expect fresh, hoppy, fruity brews that pair well with the nosh. Diet tomorrow… @beertoday

PEOPLE

Bantham beach, Kingsbridge

My secret

westcountry MY FAVOURITE

OLIVER COYSH IS 34 YEARS OLD AND IS CO-DIRECTOR OF THE EXPLODING BAKERY. HE LIVES IN EXETER WITH HIS WIFE VICTORIA AND THEIR 3-MONTH-OLD BABY GIRL AGATHA

WALK I am absolutely loving The Wild Guide book at the moment. Despite growing up in the Westcounty this book has an extensive list of places I’ve never heard of. The latest ﬁnd is the Ashclyst Forest, which is part of the Killerton Estate near Exeter. There’s a 200-year-old redwood plantation hidden in the forest, ideal for a lazy walk and a picnic.

town of Totnes. There’s some serious talent playing there this year. Perfect for getting festive during the August Bank Holiday. Gold Panda is going to be great, I’m then most likely to spend the rest of the time watching gigs in St Mary’s Church recovering with pints of beer. It’ll also be cool to see James Hoare from Proper Ornaments, as he’s an old school friend. BEACH I’m still obsessed with Bantham. I used to surf this beach as a teenager so I have a lot of memories there. Best avoided in the summer, but perfect when it’s quiet on a rainy winters day.

WEEKEND Going for Saturday brunch at The Almond Thief with my wife and daughter, the biodynamic eggs are like nothing I’ve ever eaten, then a walk around the Dartington Estate to burn off the gluttony. If we’re feeling really greedy we might pop into Dartington Dairy for an ice cream made from goats milk. I’m such a fatty.

SHOP For clothes I tend to spend a lot of money at Finisterre. I need hardwearing attire and everything from there seems to stand up to my abuse. Feldspar Studio on Dartmoor produce the most amazing bone china cups, per-

FESTIVAL OR EVENT I’m really looking forward to Sea Change music festival in my home-

fect for drinking my Crankhouse ﬁlter coffee. VIEW Sharpham Vineyard looking over the river Dart and, of course, drinking a glass of wine. The walk along the river from Totnes is spectacular. WESTCOUNTRY ICON Nathan and Hayley from No Guts No Glory on Exeter’s Fore Street. They are the biggest assets when it comes to making Exeter a more progressive city. The Fore Street Flea, a market they started, feels like it has injected some fresh energy into Exeter’s independent scene and the seeds are being sewn for young businesses to grow into something great. PUB Tuckers Maltings Taphouse in Newton Abbot. It seems to have a cracking selection, from international craft beers to local ales. But most impor-

Sharpham vineyard

Nathan and Hayley from No Gut No Glory

The Taphouse at Tuckers Maltings, Newton Abbot

tantly the vibe there is right and it’s perfect for daytime drinking at the weekend.

get your appetite going before dinner. They make a mean Negroni using gin from the Fat Pig Distillery.

PLACE TO EAT Coombeshead Farm in Lewannick every time. This restaurant is off the chart and Tom Adams is probably the most talented chef in the UK. They raise their own Mangalitza pigs and grow nearly all the vegetables on the farm. During the winter they have a good storage of fermented goods from the abundant summer months.

SPECIAL TREAT The Pig Hotel near Honiton is magical. It feels like an escape from the world and they have spa treatments in the old potting shed to keep my wife happy. I’m content with just walking around the Victorian walled gardens looking at all the vegetables and herbs.

DRINK Polpo in Exeter serve up an aperitivo in the early evening, which is basically a boozy cocktail and nibbles to

INSIDER TIP Spend some time on Dartmoor at night, when the sky is clear and the stars are out. It’ll put your existence into perspective.

Dartmoor at night

WALKS

Higher ground WEST’S WALK GURU MARTIN HESP HEADS FOR THE INTRIGUINGLY NAMED WILD PEAR BEACH

N FACT FILE OVERVIEW: From Combe Martin beach west on the Coast Path over the Little and Great Hangmen and back via the inland route past Girt Farm. DISTANCE AND GOING: 5 miles. Steep at the beginning.

GET HERE: Type EX340DJ into your sat nav.

PARKING: Use the car park at Combe Martin beach. RECOMMENDED MAP: The Ordnance Survey Outdoor Leisure Map 9, Exmoor

So how do we go about ﬁnding some unique and romantic places? Well, one easy way is to spot an intriguing name on the Ordnance Survey map. And they don’t come much more intriguing than Wild Pear Beach, which lies directly underneath a great pyramid of a hill called the Little Hangman. Both a visit to the enigmatically named beach and to the hill begin at Combe Martin. What surprises people about England’s longest village is that it was once an relatively important port. It might have just a small cove today, but the last commercial cargoes were landed here in the 1930’s, and before that largish boats were actually built in the place. Between 1837 and 1843 John Dovell built no fewer than eight vessels here - four schooners and four smacks. The largest was the Combemartin and she weighed in at a hefty 94 tons. It is remarkable how quickly one

ew magazine, new layout for the walk - but same old glorious Westcountry peninsula which must boast a million different hiking routes for all those who’ve fantastic scenery, interesting nooks and crannies and plenty of Atlantic-borne fresh air on their list of priorities. One of the great delights in roaming our peninsula is in enjoying the sense of romance that our hills and dales, coasts and vales, moors and levels, all have to a legendary degree. We all love beautiful places - and if the location has some mystery, enigma or story behind it, then so much the better. The enormous popularity of TV programmes like Poldark prove that - but we don’t have to enjoy our landscapes through a screen. It is all too easy to get out there and ﬁnd fascinating places, as this column - in all its guises - has been advertising and aggrandising for the past 18 years.

can leave the crowds behind in just about any Westcountry coastal resort. At Combe Martin there is a public greensward stretching steeply east above the beach; walk to the top of this and you are likely to ﬁnd yourself alone. There’s a small hole in the hedge at the top and if you squeeze through and follow the tiny track, you’ll eventually meet up with the South West Coast Path proper. We are now high above Lester Point and heading east along Lester Cliff. It’s here that you can witness the remarkable geography of Combe Martin. In the village you have the impression that the valley runs at right-angles to the sea - but in fact it follows contours from the south east. This has the effect of creating an ever narrowing peninsula of hills. The path along Lester Cliff is on the very edge of all this - a cosy valley and village to your right - nothing but thin air to your left. The effect reminded me of those street frontages

The romantically named Wild Pear Beach

MARTIN’S MUSTS

ASIAN ASCENSION Walkers get hungry - especially on seaside hikes like this one. But you don’t want too much food in summer heat, so a light Asian-style lunch is ideal. The dishes served at Kahuna in Newquay ﬁt the bill. The inexpensive restaurant was recently recommended in a national newspaper by chef Nathan Outlaw.

FORAGING FUN

erected by ﬁlm-makers: go round the back and there’s nothing there. That’s not completely true at Lester Cliff, because far below is Wild Pear Beach which you can reach by descending a steep winding path. But our main walk continues up the coast path to the Little Hangman which to the east is dominated by its big brother - the Great Hangman. Why the pair were given their somewhat gruesome appellation, I have no idea. At 716 feet there is nothing small about the Little Hangman. Even from its wavetorn base it is a thing of vastness, like a Devonshire Matterhorn. We climb to the top on this circular walk. The Little Hangman offers

gles to the coast path and eventually curves around to run west along Knap Down. It terminates at a metalled road, which you walk down for just a small stone’s-throw before turning left onto another path. This threads its way down to the heart of Combe Martin where I can recommend a visit to the village’s beautiful church. St Peter Ad Vincula is a ﬁne old sandstone temple and just down the road is the bizarre and delightful Pack Of Cards Inn which not only looks like a house of cards but, legend has it, was built as a result of a fortune won at the gambling tables. A leisurely stroll down the main street and you are back where you began. You can loll upon the beach - and I, for one, was most happy to do so having climbed those spookily named, but magniﬁcent, hangmen. Ed’s note: Wild Pear Beach is listed as a naturist beach on some websites, but Martin hasn’t seen a single bare buttock on any of his many visits.

stunning views to the west. A climb up here at sunset would be well worth the effort, though you’d have to watch your step on the way back down as the light faded... The Great Hangman is exactly 100 metres higher than its little brother and the path slowly ascends to it high above Rawn’s Rocks and Blackstone Beach - a strand frequented by nothing but seabirds and the occasional seal. If you are in any doubt as to the whereabouts of the actual summit of the Great Hangman, a cairn marks the spot and from there our hike is all downhill. Just south east of the cairn a footpath sets off south across the ﬁelds at right-an-

THE PATH ALONG LESTER CLIFF IS ON THE VERY EDGE OF ALL THIS - A COSY VALLEY AND VILLAGE TO YOUR RIGHT - NOTHING BUT THIN AIR TO YOUR LEFT

Whortleberries are in season across many of the Westcountry’s moorlands and the little purple orbs oﬀer a wonderful treat to walkers. Take a small container to take some home so you can make that top Westcountry speciality - the whortleberry pie.

A REAL TREAT If you were thinking of going to North Devon for today’s hike you could pamper yourself at The Old Rectory Hotel, Martinhoe. The hotel won the Best Small and Intimate Property category in the 2017 Conde Naste Johansens Awards and also won 8 Awards in this year’s Travellers’ Choice Awards from Tripadvisor.

WELLBEING

Top tips: cool ideas for summer workouts 01

Valeria Necchio

Top tips How to cook like you’ve had classical Italian training

lways wanted to be able to cook like a true Italian? Well, Italian food photographer and writer Valeria Necchio should be able to help. The Venice-born cook is sharing regional recipes and dishes from her childhood, in her ﬁrst cookbook, Veneto: Recipes from an Italian Country Kitchen. So, if you want to fool your friends into thinking you’ve trained with bona ﬁde nonnas, hers is the advice you ought to follow...

The traditional way to cook something should never be sniffed at

“I prefer traditional cooking as there are so many fantastic recipes that need no improvement – they went through centuries of improvement before they got to us. A dish relies on the freshness of the ingredients. It’s diﬃcult to go crazy – and I don’t see that as a bad thing.”

Hate feeling hot-and-bothered after summer workouts? Check out our top picks for keeping cool.

ove summer, but hate the discomfort of overheating? Warmer months are great, but rising temperatures can lead to clammy, irritated and even sore skin, especially when it comes to exercise. Gyms might be air-conditioned but often, the changing rooms aren’t – which means you can end up sweating more after your shower than before.

PEPPERMINT PURE-CASTILE LIQUID SOAP £10.49 for 473ml, Dr. Bonner’s Vegan-friendly, Fair Trade and chemical-free, the natural peppermint oil in this versatile soap means it cools as it cleans and is gorgeously refreshing. It can also be used as a shampoo, cleanser and body wash – a great space-saver.

HYDRO FLASK from £22.95, Cotswold Outdoor Even on the hottest days, Hydro Flasks will keep those cool drinks ice-cold for up to 24 hours (or piping hot in winter!). Super-durable, scratch-resistant and BPA-free, they’re available in a choice of sizes and colours.

FOOT POWDER £3.49, Superdrug If sweaty feet are an issue, a foot powder like this one will help absorb excess moisture, and care for your skin (especially sensitive bits in-between toes) and combat odour at the same time.

CALMING ROSE SUPER TONIC £15 for 50ml, Odylique After something gentle and natural to soothe, refresh and moisturise ﬂushed skin all in one go? Odylique’s Calming Rose tonic might be just what you’re after; simply spritz on after your post-workout shower.

ANITA AIR CONTROL SPORTS BRA £56, Boobydoo.co.uk Excess sweat and friction can be a troublesome combination for busty women during workouts. The special mesh outers in Anita Active’s maximum support Air Control sports bra make it the brand’s best yet in terms of sweat-management and breathability. Available up to a G cup.

A true Italian will never tire of arguing over the best way to make tiramisu

“Some people say it must contain booze and some say it shouldn’t, some say egg whites or cream... There are some really iconic recipes that you’ll ﬁnd in each household, and every family will have their own recipe. There is no authentic recipe, it’s just what you like and prefer.”

Italians know their core ingredients, and stick to them “Olive oil – deﬁnitely – it depends on the region again, but for Venezia, it’s rice and cornmeal, wheat is also in the set of ingredients. And seafood.”

The secret to perfect pasta is in the flour

“Really good wheat flour, 00 [a grade of flour used in Italy but available here], as it’s nice, fine flour. Good eggs, too, that are fresh and free range, with a nice golden yolk.”

Stick with what you know when trying to impress friends... “Make things that you know how to make with your eyes closed. Don’t experiment too much and try to feel comfortable. I usually make antipasti, and a risotto. I make the risotto while people are finishing the antipasti and I disappear for 15 minutes, and then a baked fish and finally, cookies and good wine.”

VENETO: RECIPES FROM AN ITALIAN COUNTRY KITCHEN BY VALERIA NECCHIO IS PUBLISHED IN HARDBACK BY GUARDIAN FABER PUBLISHING, PRICED £20

INTERVIEW

FIVE MINUTES WITH

PAT R I C K

Oliver JacksonCohen as Michael and James McArdle as Thomas in Man In An Orange Shirt

GALE

With BBC’s Gay Britannia season in full swing, novelist Patrick Gale has applied his writing skills to the screen in order to dazzle with ﬂagship drama Man In An Orange Shirt. He tells Gemma Dunn how he used his own journey as an inspiration and why intervention is key when it comes to understanding – and accepting – sexuality TELL US ABOUT MAN IN AN ORANGE SHIRT

Man In An Orange Shirt is the most exciting screen project I’ve worked on to date: an original drama exploring strands of gay male experience since the 1940s. It has been such a privilege to be given such an open brief and then allowed to run with it. I don’t want to give too much away but after much experimenting, we’ve ended up with two hourlong ﬁlms – one set in the 1940s and ’50s, one set in the violently contrasted present; one depicting a love story made impossible by pressures from society, one a love story nearly derailed by the longterm fallout from the 1940s’ story.

HOW DOES SCREENWRITING COMPARE TO PENNING NOVELS?

It’s a very diﬀerent process. [Executive producer] Diederick [Santer] and the team were amazing; to start with they just left me completely alone and said, “Go away, go away and do this!” and I began with an idea that was wildly over-ambitious and much longer than this. But what I found so fascinating compared to writing a novel was when it got to the

but I know other men and women who would have taken a more violent attack on themselves, and I don’t think that’s going away with legislation.

collaborative stage. I really fed oﬀ that.

AS A GAY MAN YOURSELF, WAS THIS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SAY SOMETHING IMPORTANT?

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE ANSWER?

I owe Lucy Richer from the BBC so much, but she did give me the most terrifying commission I think any writer has ever had, which was basically to say, “OK, we want something with the ﬂavour of a Patrick Gale novel and we want you to reﬂect 20th-century gay male experience.” We did end up losing a lot. I did write about Aids, I did write about Clause 28, but ultimately the narrative had to be emotionally coherent.

I feel passionately it’s about education and intervention. I think you need to intervene very early in a child’s life. I knew I was gay at seven; a lot of mothers are very uncomfortable hearing that because they don’t like to think of their child as having any kind of sexuality, but this is not about sex. I knew at that age that I didn’t apply to the Disney model to gender and gender roles and a lot of [mothers] who have read my novel Rough Music have written to me saying how profoundly guilty the book made them feel, because they realised looking back that they knew their child was gay, but they were just waiting for it to go away.

GAY SHAME SEEMS TO BE INTRINSIC IN GAY DRAMA. IS IT A VITAL COMPONENT? My parents were very sweet and loving, very Christian. They never said the word “gay” out loud, they were physically incapable of it unless they were referring to a pretty something. They were very supportive and [yet] they passed gay shame on to me. I had appalling, really bad eczema through most of my teens, which was completely unspoken about. My shame came out in my skin,

WHO DO YOU HOPE WILL WATCH THE DRAMA?

The story is so universal. I want it to be inviting. I would love people who maybe are homophobic or whatever to ﬁnd themselves

watching this and almost forget it’s about gay people. Just sort of take the romantic story for what it is. And I think that’s part of the beauty of the writing and the drama as a whole, is that it should feel very, very universal.

YOU’LL BE EXPLORING YOUR OWN JOURNEY IN ALL FAMILIES HAVE SECRETS – IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WISH YOU’D SAID OR DONE DIFFERENTLY?

I’d like to know what my late father really thought about me being gay, because as some of you may know, the story of Man In An Orange Shirt is actually my discovery. I tried to come out to my mother at 22, but my father had had a love aﬀair with another man and when she was pregnant with me, she’d found the love letters and burnt them. In real life she never told him, never confronted him. But to my dying shame, I never had the conversation with my father, ever. He knew I was gay, he loved my lovers, but we never had the conversation and I still wonder.

MAN IN AN ORANGE SHIRT BEGINS ON BBC ONE ON MONDAY, JULY 31

TRAVEL

Stately home with a twist BETHAN EVANS GETS A TASTE OF ROYAL TREATMENT AT THE BEAVERBROOK ESTATE, SURREY

any great hotels have a delightful tendency to treat guests like members of the family. The’re welcoming, happy to help and want to make sure you are comfortable and settled – but a trip to the Beaverbrook Estate in Surrey made me feel like I was living a day in the life of a member of the royal family. Of course there was no red carpet rolled out, but that would have detracted from the beautifully stylish, country-chic décor spilling from every corner of the Garden House. We found the hotel easily after a drive passing fields and miles of perfectly manicured golf course bordering the stately home and its accompanying houses. The Garden House is picture-perfect and surrounded by more fields, one of which is dedicated to the Garden House Restaurant’s kitchen and filled with herbs, fruit and vegetables. But before we fully explored these fresh delights, we entered the house and were greeted by smiling faces tucked behind a snug reception booth under a large staircase. A line of Hunter wellington boots, ready for families who want to explore the great outdoors, stood next to the reception.

We were led up this great staircase to the landing, which is largely taken up by a deep oak chest of drawers decorated with cups and saucers, a coffee machine, a selection of teas, biscuits, brownies and bottles of single malt whiskey. These treats, we were told, were for us and any other guests of the Garden House to enjoy whenever we pleased. This was more than welcome after the motorway drive – but there was more to come. We were led into Lovage, a room towards the back of the house, which was quiet and calm and had views of the grounds and forestry. A gorgeous bedroom-sized bathroom greeted us, along with its vintage purple free-standing bathtub ﬁlled with lavender cosmetics and a walk-in shower. The bathroom was tiled in deep green which sparkled a little under the soft glow of the bathroom lights. There was deﬁnitely a feeling of spa-like tranquillity, helped by the thick, soft bathrobes which were waiting for us. The bedroom was cosy and beautifully decorated, with mismatched furniture, pastel shades and French doors, which led onto a private terrace. We were able to sample some

The main house at Beaverbrook, by Ross Edwards

The Garden House

of the hotel’s delights, including Laurent Perrier champagne and Sipsmith vodka. Although our room was the perfect haven for a weekend getaway following a hectic week, we made the decision to leave our elegant snug and explore what the estate had to offer. We toured the gardens around the house, which included an adorable “potting shed” area, where herbs and chillies were grown for the restaurant’s kitchen as well as the Garden House cooking school, which will soon be open for parties to book. The potting shed is also a great place to sit and enjoy a drink, comforted by woollen blankets draped over the wicker chairs. Looking beyond the Garden House, visitors can book into The Cottage – a house with enough space to accommodate a very large family, so don’t let the name put you off. The main house on the Beaverbrook estate – previously owned by Lord Beaverbrook, a business tycoon and newspaper publisher – stands proudly overlooking the glorious Surrey hills. It’s currently enjoying some refurbishments to make it ready to welcome guests into grand bedrooms and a restaurant, which will be separate to that of the Garden House. Beyond the stunning Mediterranean gardens, heading down to the woods towards the lower end of the estate, a secret lies waiting for youngsters to uncover. The line from the traditional children’s rhyme “if you go down to the woods today you’re sure of a big surprise” deﬁnitely rings true for Beaverbrook Estate, as families can explore an incredible treehouse, captained by children’s party team Sharkie and George. There are also trails, tree cabins and a huge tepee, all creating a magical experience for young ones. And while the kids explore the estate’s playground, the Hideout, as well as the deep woods, parents will soon be able to enjoy deep-tissue massages once work is ﬁnished on the Court House Spa, which is connected to the main house by an orangery. Visitors will be able to indulge in the delights the spa has to offer with or without a hotel booking, and the same goes for the new restaurant. The theme is still being kept under wraps but the idea is to create a variety of dining experiences at the

Beaverbrook estate. The Garden House Restaurant has an Italian feel mixed with traditional British dishes and desserts. My experience of the restaurant was truly superb; the food was impeccable and the flavours were spectacular. My fiancé and I dined on crispy duck and gnoccillini (a fusion of gnocchi and tortellini) with goat’s cheese and pistachio for starter. The gnoccillini was recommended to me by a lovely member of staff and she was spot on – the flavours of this dish need to be tasted to be believed, the softness of the dumplings was perfect and the melted cheese and shreds of pistachio bonded together perfectly. For mains we were treated once again. I enjoyed the pork belly and my partner said he tasted one of the best steaks he had ever had. The portion sizes were very generous, too. Dessert came in the form of vanilla cheesecake with olive oil sorbet – an admittedly unusual combination, but refreshing with just a little kick from the olive oil – and a deliciously rich, thick chocolate torte with salted caramel and ice cream called the “chocolate nemesis”. As a chocolate lover, this for me was truly incredible and the perfect end to the meal. We were lucky enough to have a quick chat with head chef Kaz Suzuki after dinner, too – the genius was casually chatting to one of the friendly barmen in the “snug” area on the ground floor of the Garden House, a room filled with plush sofas and chairs and with a little window opening onto a small bar where you can enjoy an after-dinner drink. If you need a recommendation, the Elderfizz cocktail is sweet and refreshing. Quite like my experience of Beaverbrook, if you add a dash of elegance and top it off with a swirl of impeccability.

THESE TREATS, WE WERE TOLD, WERE FOR US AND ANY OTHER GUESTS OF THE GARDEN HOUSE TO ENJOY

A room in The Garden House

THEFACTFILE The Main House at Beaverbrook Estate, in Reigate Road, Leatherhead, Surrey, KT22 8QX, is expected to open in July and the spa in late summer Rooms cost from £280 per night Contact 01372 571300 or info@ beaverbrook.co.uk

TRAVEL

Al-Fateh Grand Mosque

he deafening roar of F1 engines reverberates from my eardrums to the pit of my stomach. Somebody offers me a pair of earplugs to mufﬂe the sound, but I politely decline. We are just metres away from the starting grid at the Bahrain International Circuit and there is no adrenaline rush like it (if you like supercars, that is). The fact that we’re stone-cold sober – watching from a “dry” box to respect our local hosts – means we’re even more focused on all 57 laps as Sebastian Vettel cruises into pole position. Even the podium ﬁnish forgoes the traditional champagne spray in favour of a sparkling non-alcoholic drink called Waard (though drinking alcohol isn’t banned in Bahrain for non-Muslims). Hosting a Grand Prix since 2004, the annual race spectacle in mid-April is undoubtedly Bahrain’s biggest

“My grandfather was a pearl diver,” our city guide Fadhal proudly announces, “but that all changed with the arrival of oil.” Bahrain – still known as the “Pearl of the Gulf” – first discovered oil in 1931, which coincided with the collapse of the once flourishing world pearl market. We visit the very unassuming site of the first ever Oil Well No.1 at the foothill of Jabal Al Dukhan and check out the drilling equipment that helped trigger Bahrain’s boom. The clunky machinery is a far cry from the high-tech hydraulics we saw in action at the Formula 1. Now, with limited reserves and oil prices plummeting, Middle East countries like Bahrain have switched their focus from trade to tourism – attracting 200,000 visitors a week in the process. New Instagram-able additions in-

tourism pull (tickets from £123 (60 BD) at bahraingp.com). Revving up over three days, a schedule of practice sessions, driver meet-and-greets, pit lane walks and pre-race concerts (hello, Enrique Iglesias) means that hotels, hip restaurants and plane seats get booked up fast during the Formula 1 buzz window. But, Lewis Hamilton and co aside, the small island state in the gulf is gearing up to be a tourist destination in its own right; like a baby Dubai of sorts – but with way more history and cultural pull. Bahrain is made up of 33 islands but the majority of denizens are on mainland Bahrain and the island of Muharraq, which are connected by road. Islands such as Hawar and Umm An Na’san are mainly sanctuaries for Bahraini wildlife, including spiny-tailed lizards, sand gazelles and protected Socotra cormorant birds.

clude high-gloss hotels like the Four Seasons Bahrain Bay, which you’ll ﬁnd on its own exclusive island, and chic international restaurants such as the Asia de Cuba. This isn’t the Manhattan of the Middle East yet, but it’s slowly getting there. Bahrain Bay, on the north coast of capital Manama, is the equivalent of Dubai’s mega-luxe The Palm – an ambitious 2.5-billion-dollar project that includes the new Wyndham Grand Manama Hotel, an iconic twisted glass structure that you can see for miles. But despite the hype of shiny new development, it’s the Bahraini culture and history that’s perhaps the biggest draw for Brit ﬁrst-timers. We visit Haji’s Cafe, the oldest restaurant in Manama, to refuel for a day of sightseeing. A recent visit from celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck has made

Bahrain goes full throttle

Spice market in the heart of Manama souq

Bahrain Fort

IT PLAYS HOST TO FORMULA 1 BUT THERE’S MORE TO BAHRAIN THAN FAST CARS AND OIL. LISA HAYNES DISCOVERS WHAT THE ARAB STATE HAS TO OFFER the authentic cafe even more popular with locals and tourists. There’s no set menu because it changes by the hour, so we’re warmly welcomed by the charismatic owner with red tea and saffron milk as we receive plate after plate of surprise mini breakfast dishes. It’s a banquet of egg mixed with tomato and coriander, chickpeas, cheesy beans, warm Bahraini ﬂat breads and fresh natural yogurts. We brave the searing midday heat to explore an archaeological site which was once the capital of Dilmun, one of the region’s most important ancient civilizations. The ruins of the 16th-century Portuguese fort Qal’at Al Bahrain, now a World Heritage Site, perch atop layers of human occupation. Another trip highlight is wandering through the magical narrow alleyways of Muharraq, Bahrain’s sec-

the black coffee you’d find at home. Lighter and sweeter, it’s often flavoured with cardamom and other spices. We head back to Manama, which is much buzzier and more atmospheric than the sleepy backstreets of Muharraq. We weave through the colourful markets, which have a constant chattering of sewing machines and locals haggling for produce. The original location for Manama’s jewel trading, the gold souk is now a prime window-shopping location for magpies, with more than 30 family-owned stores selling nothing but shiny gold. The purest gold available in Bahrain is 24 carat and the price per gram is £31.86 (around 15.50BHD), with every piece weighed on small scales to determine the price. With his pearl diving ancestry, it’s only fitting that our guide Fadhal takes us to one of Manama’s most

ond largest island and another World Heritage Site. Extensive restoration projects – some still ongoing – have brought some of its oldest properties back to life. We seek shade at Sheikh Isa Bin Ali House in Muharraq, which gives you a glimpse into how 19th-century Bahraini royalty lived. With its ornate wall carvings and stained-glass windows, it’s considered one of the most impressive examples of Gulf Islamic architecture in Bahrain. Other features include a natural take on air-conditioning – we stand under a mini “wind tower” to feel the light breeze created by the building’s makeshift cooling system. We make a pit-stop at the House of Coffee for a mid-tour energy boost, a modern space that was once three traditional Bahraini houses. Gahwa (Arabic coffee) is a big part of Arabian hospitality but it’s nothing like

prestigious pearl shops, Al Hashimi Pearls. The owner proudly showcases one of the most expensive types of pearl, Dana, which can set you back around £20,000 for a necklace. I wonder who might splash out on such an expensive piece, but then you never know – there might be a Formula 1 driver just around the corner...

THEFACTFILE �Rooms at the Gulf Hotel (gulfhotelbahrain.com) start from £115 per night, room only Gulf Air (gulfair.com) ﬂies direct from London to Bahrain twice a day and has been the title sponsor of the F1 Gulf Air Bahrain Grand Prix since 2004 � For more information, visit btea. bh

BOOKS

Shelf portraits THE BEST KIND OF PEOPLE BY ZOE WHITTALL is published in hardback by Hodder & Stoughton, priced £16.99 (ebook £7.99) Canadian novelist Zoe Whittall’s latest novel examines the painful aftershocks of a rape accusation. Set in the ﬁctional wealthy town of Avalon Hills, Connecticut, life as they know it is turned upside down for the Woodbury family when father and popular science teacher George Woodbury is accused of sexually assaulting multiple female students. Having saved the school from a shooting 10 years before, the town is initially dumbfounded, but disbelief quickly transitions to hate. George’s trauma nurse wife Joan receives daily public harassment and when their straight-A student daughter Sadie is abandoned by her friends and bullied, she rapidly descends into a lifestyle of casual sex and drug use. Whittall delves into the waspy minds of Joan, Sadie and various locals and, through their inner turmoil, George’s true character is revealed drip by drip. Relevant, engrossing, believable, but never feeling opportunistic, you will be left wondering just who George is.

9/10

REVIEW BY LAURA HANNAM

DON’T CRY BY MARY GAITSKILL is published in paperback by Serpent’s Tail, priced £8.99 (ebook £4.31) The best of the stories in this new collection of shorts, from the author of Veronica and Two Girls Fat And Thin, are very, very good. The stand-out is The Arms And Legs Of The Lake, in which Gaitskill weaves a painfully intricate and absorbing drama from the perspectives of a group of strangers on a train journey to Syracuse, NY. Deftly, the narrative drifts in and out of the viewpoints of, among others, a damaged African-American Iraq war returnee, a middle-aged English teacher and peace activist, and Carter Brown, a World War II vet who can’t see the point of this more recent war. Economical, intimate and unsparing, the story’s control of perspective and acuity of insight give it the rich, satisfying feel of a novel.

In another story, College Town, 1980, we meet a group of shiftless ﬂatmates adrift at the start of the Reagan era; the desultory vibe contrasts with the pitiless penetration of the observations, just as the characters’ debates about personal power ring hollow in their world of endless coﬀee jags and petty vendettas. Some of the other stories are more conceptual in nature, aiming for a pleasure that is more cerebral and less immersive.

prizes in Norway, is published in English for the first time. Author Morten Stroksnes describes his efforts, alongside his old friend Hugo Aasjord, to catch a Greenland Shark, from an RIB (rigid-inflatable boat) in the Vestfjorden off Norway. This is a shark that can grow up to 26 feet in length, weigh more than a tonne and live for 200 years. Set over the four seasons of the year, Stroksnes visits the area several times in pursuit of the shark, and his story is told alongside titbits of history, fishing and ecology. It feels like there is a slight clash between the efforts that go into catching this beast of the ocean alongside the passages containing notes on conservation, depleted fish stocks and preserving the planet, but it isn’t like the two protagonists are trawling the sea in a destructive manner. Shark Drunk is a fascinating and educating journey, written in a beautifully descriptive yet crisp style that is a must-read for anyone who enjoys nature or just wants to escape to some Scandinavian fjords.

7/10

REVIEW BY DAN BROTZEL

THE BEDLAM STACKS BY NATASHA PULLEY is published in hardback by Bloomsbury Circus, priced £12.99 (ebook £6.47) Natasha Pulley had a lot to live up to after the runaway success of her debut novel, The Watchmaker Of Filigree Street. But she’s managed to do just that with The Bedlam Stacks. Sticking to a similar era (there are subtle connections between the two books throughout), Pulley abandons England for Peru. The book follows a crippled smuggler working for the East India Company as he – along with two companions – heads deep into uncharted territory to ﬁnd cinchona trees, the only source of quinine that can cure the outbreak of malaria across the Empire. It’s a fast-paced adventure story with great characters and a message about colonialism and discovering new worlds. The book is ﬁlled with wondrous images, from moving statues to exploding trees. It stutters slightly in the middle, spending a little too long establishing the magical and holy town of Bedlam, with its natural glass towers, Incan descendants and illuminated pollen. But once it gets back on track, it rolls along at speed to a satisfying ending.

9/10

REVIEW BY RYAN WARD

THERE IS NO DRAGON IN THIS STORY BY LOU CARTER is published in paperback, priced £6.99 (ebook £3.32) Dragons are having a moment – only a few weeks back, Elys Dolan’s Knighthood For Beginners saw Dave the rubbish dragon try his hand at being a knight and now, for younger children, Lou Carter and Deborah Allwright have a dragon (called Dragon) who’s fed up of being the baddie and wants to be the hero of any story that will have him. In his search for stardom, he meets a small gingerbread man, Jack up a beanstalk, a little pig, Goldilocks, but they all tell him: “There is no dragon in this story.” But, when the dragon comes face-to-face with the giant who’s chasing Jack, everything changes and suddenly, after one very big sneeze, Dragon gets his chance to save the day.

7/10

REVIEW BY JONATHAN BROWN

SHARK DRUNK: THE ART OF CATCHING A LARGE SHARK FROM A TINY RUBBER DINGHY IN A BIG OCEAN BY MORTEN STROKSNES

7/10

is published in hardback by Jonathan Cape, priced £12.99 (ebook £9.49) Shark Drunk, awarded ﬁve literary

REVIEW BY KATE WHITING

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TELEVISION

The lady of the lake AWARD-WINNING AND HIGHLY ACCLAIMED, TOP OF THE LAKE RETURNS WITH ITS SECOND SERIES THIS WEEK. WRITER-DIRECTOR JANE CAMPION SPEAKS TO KATE WHITING

ane Campion – giggly, warm and quietly glamorous – is describing how she and Ari Kleiman, co-director of Top Of The Lake: China Girl, used subterfuge to research the setting for the sequel to 2013’s acclaimed Top Of The Lake: Sydney’s sex industry. To get into a brothel, they pretended he was a virgin and she his aunt, who wanted to help. “We got ourselves into the sex room,” says Campion, 63, who won an Oscar for her screenplay of The Piano. “It was understood that he wasn’t there for sex, just to experience being close to a woman and talk to her.” Eventually, they found a group of sex workers who were happy to talk about “anything”. “We had the experience of hanging out at this one brothel and they were so generous and funny. It does feel like [they could say] anything, [like] how popular the ladyboys are with the married men.” Top Of The Lake: China Girl starts with the body of a woman (unidentiﬁed, so nicknamed China Girl for her ethnicity) washing up on the shores of Sydney in a suitcase, her dark hair streaming from inside. Mad Men’s Elisabeth Moss returns as Detective Robin Grifﬁn, who investigates the case and gets an unlike-

ly new partner in Game Of Thrones’ Gwendoline Christie. Those who watched – and loved – season 1 (it was Emmy and Bafta nominated and won Moss a Golden Globe) will remember we left Robin at the edge of the New Zealand lake, with Johno, who she likes, but who may or may not be her brother, having found missing pregnant girl Tui. At the beginning of the second series, she’s back home in Sydney and clearly unhappy. “You could have gone anywhere [with it],” says Moss, 34. “You could have had four years later and her and Johno had this great relationship and had a baby, or you could go the way we went, which was not the happiest. I requested that we go in a darker, deeper, more challenging direction, as I really didn’t think there was much to do otherwise.” One of the biggest changes this series is the move from the open skies of the New Zealand countryside (where The Piano’s Holly Hunter headed up an all-female commune beside the titular lake) to the hustle and bustle of Sydney. “I just couldn’t come up with any ideas set in New Zealand,” explains Campion. “But I also live in Syndey and [it’s] a really exciting location for me. The ocean really is that wild quality – the

L-R Elisabeth Moss, Jane Campion and Alice Englert

edge of the city that can be like a wild beach, it can be really peaceful, it’s really moody.” Besides the main investigation, the other big plotline is that of Robin reconnecting with the daughter she gave up as a baby. Now a teenager, played by Campion’s real-life daughter Alice Englert, Mary lives at home in a posh suburb of Sydney with her dad, who her academic mum (Nicole Kidman) has left for another woman. Moss explains: “The second season, far more than the first, is very much about female relationships and the complications and uniqueness of [them]. “It’s [also] about motherhood and different kinds of parenting. Robin is technically a mother, but she has never experienced being with her daughter, so she has to find her own way of being a mother to Mary.” Mary finds solace in the arms of “Puss” (David Dencik), a shady, German academic who lives in a flat with his cats and hangs out with the sex workers. So the question is what does Puss know of China Girl’s murder and is Mary in trouble? Well, the most either the mum and daughter duo will reveal is that some of Englert’s scenes were so distressing, Campion asked co-director Kleiman to direct them. “She found it upsetting to see me upset, which is so cute isn’t it?” says Englert, 23. “She’s a good mum! I really trust her and it’s a pleasure to work for her.” Campion wrote the role of Mary with her daughter in mind. “I didn’t realise how brave it was until I finished it all. I thought ‘Oh my God, what if she’d been really bad?’ I think she did really really well, but it did suddenly occur to me it could have been not a gift, but a bomb!” Also joining the cast was Gwendoline Christie, known for playing Brienne of Tarth in Game Of Thrones

Elisabeth Moss as Detective Robin Griﬃn in Top Of The Lake: China Girl

Alice Englert as Mary in Top Of The Lake: China Girl

and Captain Phasma in Star Wars: The Force Awakens, which she’ll reprise in The Last Jedi this December. A huge fan of the first series, she wrote to Campion, saying how much she’d love to work with her. “She’s a friend of a friend of mine and I didn’t know her or her work, so I Youtubed Game Of Thrones and thought, ‘Oh God, she’s amazing!’” says Campion. “And I really thought her and Lizzie, who’s 5-foot-something little, with this 6-foot-something partner, would be great.” On screen, they make an odd-looking crime-fighting team, but both Moss and Christie (who plays Miranda) loved exploring the female friendship. Christie describes it as “conflicted, complex, disturbing, unsettling and tumultuous”, adding that she and Moss “developed a glorious friendship that allowed us to embrace the work and do everything we could to make it really flourish”. Moss adds: “Neither of us want to spoil anything for anyone because it is actually a giant arc – it’s the main relationship of the season besides the one of me and my daughter so it’s very important to me. Miranda is really quite sensitive, open, enthusiastic and passionate, whereas Robin projects this exterior that she wants to be considered strong, fierce, tough, but really she is very soft and vulnerable on the inside. They do connect over what they have in common.” The actress also has a couple of scenes with Nicole Kidman, when Mary’s adoptive mother and biological mother meet. Moss reveals: “She came round for two weeks at the end [of the shoot] and I was so tired and got to have a few weeks off while she was working. I was very happy to see her!”

TOP OF THE LAKE: CHINA GIRL SCREENS ON THURSDAYS ON BBC2 AND ON iPLAYER

Saturday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

CASUALTY 9pm, BBC1

Duffy guides a pair of school-girls through an average hour in the ED, in a special episode of the medical drama written by Casualty co-creator Paul Unwin.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live (S,HD). 11.30 Nadiya’s British Food Adventure (R,S,HD). 12.00 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.15 Brendan Foster Documentary (S,HD). 2.00 Live Challenge Cup Rugby League (S,HD). 4.30 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 5.15 BBC News (S,HD). 5.25 Regional News (S). 5.35 Film: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (S) (2008). ●●●

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

ALL FAMILIES HAVE SECRETS – PATRICK GALE’S ART OF FICTION 8.30pm, BBC2

Stephen Fry interviews Patrick Gale, the bestselling novelist who first caught his attention 30 years ago, as a rare example of an out gay writer willing to explore the homosexual experience in his work. Here, Fry meets Gale to discuss some of his most popular novels.

BBC2

6.55 Film: Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo (S) (1977). ●●● 8.35 Film: Mars Needs Moms (S) (2011). ●● 10.00 Monty Halls’ Great Irish Escape (R,S). 11.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 12.00 Nigel and Adam’s Farm Kitchen (R,S,HD). 1.00 TBA. 2.00 Mastermind (R,S). 2.30 University Challenge (R,S,HD). 3.00 Only Connect (R,S). 3.30 Gardeners’ World (R,S,HD). 4.30 Jessica Ennis-Hill and the Next Generation (S). 5.00 Live Swimming: World Championships (S,HD).

WOULD I LIE TO YOU 10.10pm, BBC1

Comedy panel show, hosted by Rob Brydon, in which team captains David Mitchell and Lee Mack are joined by celebrity guests to deceive their opponents with plausible lies.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 8.25 ITV News (S). 8.30 Weekend (S,HD). 9.25 ITV Racing: The Opening Show (S,HD). 10.20 Gok’s Lunchbox (R,S). 11.15 1000 Heartbeats (R,S). 12.15 ITV News and Weather (S). 12.25 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). Game show, hosted by Ben Shephard. 1.30 ITV Racing Live: Royal Ascot (S,HD). Coverage of today’s meeting from Ascot. 4.00 The Chase (R,S,HD). 5.00 Little Big Shots USA (S,HD).

FORMULA 1 HUNGARIAN GRAND PRIX QUALIFYING HIGHLIGHTS 6pm, Channel 4

Action from the qualifying session at the Hungaroring in Budapest, where the drivers battled for pole position ahead of the 11th round of the season. It was the Mercedes drivers who performed best in qualifying at this track last season.

Channel 4

6.10 Mobil 1 The Grid (S). 6.40 Motor Sport on 4 (S,HD). 7.05 Triathlon (S,HD). 8.05 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 11.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 1.00 Four in a Bed (R,S,HD). 3.30 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (R,S,HD). Ben Hillman helps a couple finds a holiday home on the Algarve. 4.30 Big House, Little House (S,HD). 5.30 Channel 4 News (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! (HD). 10.30 Cats Make You Laugh Out Loud 3 (R,S,HD). Compilation of internet videos featuring cats doing bizarre things. 11.00 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). 1.00 Film: The Time Machine (S,HD) (2002). Sci-fi adventure, starring Guy Pearce. ●●● 3.00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door (R,S,HD). 5.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away (R,S,HD). A family with dubious immigration status finds itself homeless.

Catchphrase, 7.15pm

UEFA Women’s Euro 2017, 7.30pm

FIA Formula E Live, 8.30pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.05 ITV News and Weather (S). 6.15 You’ve Been Framed! Goes Wild! (R,S). Comical clips, narrated by Harry Hill.

6.00 Formula 1 Hungarian Grand Prix Qualifying Highlights (S,HD). See Choices Above.

6.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away (R,S,HD). 1/14. Two agents face a heartbreaking house repossession in Merseyside.

▼

7.25 Pointless Celebrities (R,S,HD). A star-studded version of the general knowledge quiz.

6.00 Cycling: Women’s Grand Prix (S,HD). Live coverage of the Prudential RideLondon Classique. 6.50 Proms Extra (S,HD). 2/7. Katie Derham presents. 7.30 Grand Tours of Scotland (R,S). See Choices Above.

7.15 Catchphrase (S,HD). 6/10. Guessing game, hosted by Stephen Mulhern.

7.30 UEFA Women’s Euro 2017 (S,HD). Coverage of a quarterfinal match (Kick-off TBA).

7.00 Cricket on 5. England v South Africa. 7.55 5 News Weekend (S,HD).

▼

8.20 Who Dares Wins. Game show in which strangers pair up to win money.

8.00 Dad’s Army (R,S). Classic comedy. 8.30 All Families Have Secrets – Patrick Gale’s Art of Fiction (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.00 The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (S,HD) (2013). See Choices Above. ●●●●

9.00 Casualty (S,HD). 44/44. See Choices Above. 9.50 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). Followed by National Lottery Update.

9.00 Queer As Art (S).

Pointless Celebrities, 7.25pm

▼

6 7 8 9

Proms Extra, 6.50pm

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

after

▼

round of the season.

10.00 QI XL (S,HD). An extended version of the quiz with a difference. 10.45 Imagine (S). Alan Yentob presents another documentary from the worlds of art and culture.

10.00 47 Ronin (S,HD) (2013). See Choices Above. ●●

10.10 Live Boxing (S,HD). Carl Frampton v Andres Gutierrez. Coverage of the featherweight bout from SSE Arena in Belfast, as The Jackal returns to the ring for the first time since losing his world title.

12.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (R,S). 12.50 The Last Leg (R,S,HD). With guests John Cleese and Nadiya Hussain. 1.50 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Omnibus. Grace prepares to take down her and Warren’s blackmailer. 3.50 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 4.45 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb (R,S,HD). 5.40 TBA.

12.00 SuperCasino (S,HD). Live interactive gaming. 3.10 TBA. 4.00 TBA. 4.50 Great Artists (R,S). Spanish painter Velazquez. 5.20 Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of volunteers at an animal sanctuary. 5.50 Chinese Food in Minutes (R,S). Chicken and black bean stir-fry.

11.00 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather. 11.25 The Chase (R,S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

▼

10.10 Would I Lie to You? (R,S,HD). See Choices Above. 10.40 Film TBA.

8.00 Live Boxing (S,HD). See Choices Above. 8.30 FIA Formula E Live (S,HD). The first Montreal ePrix race. Coverage of the first of two races staged at the Montreal Street Circuit, which serves as the 11th and penultimate

12.10 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 12.15 BBC News (S,HD).

12.40 Film: Sleep Tight (S) (2011). Horror, starring Luis Tosar. ●●●● 2.15 This Is BBC Two (S,HD). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.20 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Who’s Doing the Dishes? (R,S,HD). Model and businesswoman Caprice plays host. 3.50 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service.

If you had one chance to save your dying son, wouldn’t you take it?

A true story of courage, love, pain, fear and extraordinary resilience.

Order Or now at www.mirrorcollection.co.uk or call 0845 143 0001 Lines open 9am to 5pm, Mon - Friday. £12.99 (plus £2 P&P) Also available on Kindle and the iBook store 44

Paul Murton travels the country to trace the changes that have taken place since the birth of Scottish tourism two centuries ago. Using a variety of unusual means of transport, including a Victorian tricycle, he visits an array of unspoilt destinations and learns about the richness of the local landscape.

Carl Frampton v Andres Gutierrez. Coverage of the featherweight bout from SSE Arena in Belfast, as The Jackal returns to the ring for the first time since losing his world title.

FILM PICKS

GRAND TOURS OF SCOTLAND 7.30pm, BBC2

LIVE BOXING 8pm, Channel 5

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG 8pm, ITV

The party of dwarves and their hobbit ally face the dragon. Fantasy adventure, with Martin Freeman.

ITV2

Sky1

Sky Premier League Alibi

6.00 Emma Willis: The Hot Desk (R,S,HD). 6.10 Emmerdale (S,HD). 9.05 Coronation Street (S,HD). 11.35 Take Me Out (R,S,HD). 12.35 Catchphrase: Celebrity Special (R,S,HD). 1.40 Harry Hill’s Alien Fun Capsule (R,S,HD). 2.05 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 3.10 Film: See Spot Run (S,HD) (2001). ●●● 5.05 Film: The Smurfs 2 (S,HD) (2013). ●●

6.00 TBA. 6.10 The Goldbergs (R,S,HD). 7.10 Couples Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 9.10 Coach Trip: Road to Zante (R,S,HD). 11.40 Film: Astro Boy (S,HD) (2009). ●●● 1.30 Film: Toy Story OF TERROR! (R,S,HD) (2013). Animated Halloween special. ●●●● 2.00 The Goldbergs (R,S,HD). 4.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD).

6.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew (R,S,HD). 7.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,HD). 1.00 Futurama (R,S). 2.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 2.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 3.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 3.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 4.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 4.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 5.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

7.00 Premier League World (S,HD). 7.30 Premier League Archive: Sky Sports PL Best Goals (HD). 8.30 Premier League World (S,HD). 9.00 Premier League Archive: PL Greatest Games (HD). 10.00 Premier League Special (HD). 12.00 Football Countdowns (HD). 5.00 Premier League Archive: Sky Sports PL Best Goals (HD).

Evan Almighty, 7.10pm

The Big Bang Theory, 6pm

Duck Quacks Don’t ..., 8pm

Football Years, 8pm

6.05 FYI Daily (HD). 6.10 The Smurfs 2 (S,HD) (2013). Concluded. ●●

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 24/24.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9/22. . 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 18/25. Bart is forced to befriend Ralph.

6.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). A selection of memorable strikes.

7.10 Evan Almighty (S,HD) (2007). Comedy sequel to Bruce Almighty, starring Steve Carell and Morgan Freeman. ●●●

7.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 21/24. 7.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 22/24. The gang celebrates Star Wars Day.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 2/22. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 15/23. Bart decides to steal a kiss from a girl at school.

8.10 FYI Daily (HD). 8.15 Evan Almighty (S,HD) (2007). Concluded. ●●●

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1/24. Penny struggles with Leonard’s confession. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2/24. Leonard meets up with the woman he kissed.

8.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo (R,S,HD). 6/8. Radio 4 presenter John Humphrys, stand-up comedian Ed Byrne and The IT Crowd star Katherine Parkinson all join host Lee Mack.

9.00 The Hangover (S,HD) 9.00 This Is 40 (S,HD) (2012). (2009). Three men on a A couple face up to a stag weekend in Las series of crises as their Vegas wake up to find 40th birthdays loom on they have lost the groom the horizon. Comedy, and cannot remember starring Paul Rudd and the night before. Leslie Mann reprising Comedy, with Bradley their roles from Knocked Cooper, Ed Helms and Up. ●●● Zach Galifianakis. ●●●●

9.00 Crocodile Dundee (S,HD) (1986). An Australian hunter with a larger-than-life reputation accompanies a reporter from the Outback to the urban jungle of Manhattan. Comedy, starring Paul Hogan. ●●●●

10.00 FYI Daily (HD). 10.05 The Hangover (S,HD) (2009). Concluded. ●●●●

8.30 Football Countdowns (HD). The greatest goals in football history.

(HD). A selection of spectacular free-kicks. 10.00 Premier League Archive: PL Greatest Games (HD). Classic topflight action. 10.30 Premier League Archive: PL Greatest Games (HD). Classic action from the top flight.

11.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 11.00 Premier League Archive: Great PL 7/22. Goals (HD). 11.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 11.30 Premier League 8/22. Springfield is Archive: PL Greatest inundated with Games (HD). Christmas tourists.

12.05 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 12.35 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 1.00 Film: Keith Lemon: The Film (S,HD) (2012). Comedy, starring Leigh Francis. ● 2.45 Teleshopping. 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.20 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). 1.05 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 2.05 Tattoo Fixers (R,S,HD). 3.05 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). 3.50 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 4.20 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 4.50 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S,HD). Amusing internet videos.

12.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 1.00 Most Shocking (R). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (S,HD). 3.00 Hawaii Five-0 (S,HD). 4.00 It’s Me or the Dog (R,S). 4.30 It’s Me or the Dog (R,S). 5.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (R,S). 5.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue (R,S).

RADIO

Yesterday

7.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 New Tricks. (T) 8.00 Inspector Alleyn Mysteries. (T) 8.00 Death in Paradise. Humphrey investigates the shooting of a politician. (T) 9.00 The Coroner. Crime drama, starring Claire Goose. (T) 10.00 Rosewood. The body of an escape artist is found. (T) 11.00 New Tricks. The murder of a notorious biker-gang leader is reinvestigated. (T) 12.00 Death in Paradise. (T) 1.00 The Coroner. (T) 2.00 Rosewood. (T) 3.00 Perception. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Dave

7.20 Lizard Lick Towing. (T) 7.40 Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge. 8.30 Top Gear. (T) 9.30 Brojects. (T) 10.30 Dara O Briain’s Go 8 Bit. (T) 11.30 Go 8 Bit: DLC. 12.00 The Joy of Techs. (T) 1.00 Top Gear. (T) 2.05 Traffic Cops. (T) 3.00 Motorway Cops. (T) 4.00 Gavin & Stacey. (T) 6.00 Would I Lie to You? (T) 8.00 Not Going Out. (T) 10.00 Film: South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999) Animated musical comedy, with the voices of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. (T) 11.35 Dave Gorman: Modern Life Is Goodish. Dave suggests revamping the calendar. (T) 12.35 QI XL. 1.35 Mock the Week. (T) 2.50 Parks and Recreation. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

6.00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip. (T) 7.10 The World at War. (T) 8.00 Antiques Roadshow. (T) 9.00 Life on Earth. (T) 12.00 Yellowstone. (T) 3.00 Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. (T) 4.00 Impossible Engineering. (T) 8.00 Even More Guitar Heroes at the BBC. Performances by Status Quo, the Who and Dire Straits. (T) 9.20 Fleetwood Mac – Don’t Stop. (T) 10.20 Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. (T) 11.20 Monarchy by David Starkey. (T) 1.20 Samurai Head Hunters. (T) 2.20 Mummy Mysteries. 3.00 Home Shopping.

BBC4

7.00 The Secret Life of Rockpools. (T) 8.00 Britain’s Treasure Islands. 9.00 I Know Who You Are. 11.10 Rich Hall’s Countrier Than You. The comedian, writer and musician explores the early origins of country music. 12.45 Bob Harris: My Nashville. (T) 1.45 The Secret Life of Rockpools. (T) 2.45 Britain’s Treasure Islands. (T) 3.45 Close.

Film4

Drama

GOLD

7.05 The Piglet Files. 7.40 Waiting for God. (T) 8.20 To the Manor Born. (T) 9.00 Last of the Summer 9.00 Premier League Wine. (T) 11.40 Only Fools and Archive: Premier Horses. (T) 9.00 Mrs Brown’s Boys. League Hat-Tricks (HD). (T) 9.40 Absolutely Fabulous. (T) Featuring some of the 10.20 Jack Dee Live at the Apollo. Premier League’s hat-trick (T) 11.20 The Young Ones. (T) 12.55 Black Books. (T) 2.05 Steve Coogan: heroes. Live ’n’ Lewd. (T) 3.10 Nathan 9.30 Premier League Archive: Great PL Goals Barley. 4.00 Home Shopping.

11.35 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). 1/4. Views on One Born Every Minute, 16 Kids and Counting and Top Gear.

Playlist. 3.00 Radio Playlist: Love Songs. 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Easy. Radio 3 7.00am Breakfast. 9.00 News. 9.03 Summer Record Review. Noon BBC Proms 2017. 1.00 News. 1.02 Saturday Classics. 3.00 Sound of Cinema. 4.00 Jazz Record Requests. 5.00 Jazz Line-Up. 6.30 BBC New Generation Artists. 7.30 BBC Proms 2017. 10.00 Womad 2017. 1.00am Through the Night. Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 iPM. 6.00 News and Papers. 6.07 Open Country. 6.30 Farming Today This Week. 6.57 Weather. 7.00 Today. 9.00 Saturday Live. 10.30 (LW) Test Match Special.

A former slave leads a band of samurai as they battle monstrous and magical enemies in a quest for redemption. Fantasy adventure, with Keanu Reeves.

11.00 Bollywood Queen. (2002) Romantic musical comedy, starring Preeya Kalidas and James McAvoy. 1.00 We Bought a Zoo. (2011) Fact-based comedy drama, starring Matt Damon. 3.25 A Monster in Paris. (2011) Animated comedy, with the voice of Vanessa 7.00 Transfer Centre (HD). Paradis. 5.10 Baby’s Day Out. (1994) Family 7.15 Birds of a Feather. 7.45 The Last The latest football comedy, with Joe Mantegna. 7.00 The Way Detective. 11.00 Sharpe. (T) 1.00 When the transfer developments. Boat Comes In. 5.00 Porridge. (T) 7.00 Maisie Way Back. (2013) Comedy drama, starring 7.30 Premier League Raine. The DI investigates a stabbing. (T) 8.00 Liam James. 9.00 The Green Mile. (1999) Archive: PL Greatest Supernatural drama, starring Tom Hanks. Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. An antiques Games (HD). 12.40 As Above, So Below. (2014) Horror, dealer is murdered. (T) 9.00 Taggart. A loan starring Perdita Weeks. 2.25 Rec 3: Genesis. shark is murdered. (T) 11.55 Waking the (2012) Horror sequel, starring Leticia Dolera. Dead. Feature-length episode. Boyd 8.00 Football Years (HD). 4.00 Close. The events of the 1990/91 investigates a 25-year-old murder. (T) 2.20 Judge John Deed. (T) 4.00 Home season. Shopping.

11.05 Family Guy (R,S,HD). Animated adventures. 11.35 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 30/30. Part three of three. Stewie sees himself in the future.

Radio 1 6.00am Dev. 10.00 The Matt Edmondson Show. 1.00pm Alice Levine. 4.00 Radio 1’s Dance Anthems with Danny Howard. 7.00 MistaJam. 10.00 UKG Takeover. Midnight UKG Takeover. 2.00 UKG Takeover. 4.00 Diplo and Friends. Radio 2 5.00am Huey on Saturday. 6.00 Sounds of the 60s. 8.00 Saturday Breakfast with Dermot. 10.00 Alan and Mel’s Summer Escape. 1.00pm Pick of the Pops. 3.00 The Zoe Ball Show. 6.00 Liza Tarbuck. 8.00 I Feel Love – Live from Hull City of Culture. 9.30 The Craig Charles House Party. Midnight Ana Matronic’s Disco Devotion. 2.00 Radio 2’s Showtunes

47 RONIN 10pm, Channel 4

12.00 Premier League Special (HD). 1.00 PL Classics: PL Fans Vote (HD). 1.30 Premier League Archive: Sky Sports PL Best Goals (HD). 2.00 Premier League Archive (HD). 2.30 Premier League Archive (HD). 3.00 Premier League Archive (HD). 3.30 Premier League Archive (HD). 4.00 Premier League Archive (HD).

10.30 (FM) The Kitchen Cabinet. 11.00 (FM) The Forum. 11.30 (FM) From Our Own Correspondent. Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special. 12.04 (FM) The Death of Retirement. 12.30 (FM) The Museum of Curiosity. 12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) News. 1.10 (FM) Any Questions? 2.00 (FM) Any Answers? 2.30 (FM) Drama: Love Henry James: Roderick Hudson. 3.30 (FM) Love Henry James: The Master. 4.00 (FM) Weekend Woman’s Hour. 5.00 (FM) Saturday PM. 5.30 (FM) The Bottom Line. 5.54 Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special. 5.57 (FM) Weather.

6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News. 6.15 (FM) Loose Ends. 6.45 (LW) Loose Ends. 7.00 Profile. 7.15 Saturday Review. 8.00 Archive on 4: Roy Jenkins – Father of the Permissive Society? 9.00 (FM) Drama: DH Lawrence’s Gypsy. 10.00 News and Weather. 10.15 The Moral Maze. 11.00 Counterpoint. 11.30 (LW) Mother Tongue. 11.30 (FM) Mother Tongue. Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Short Works. 12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast. Radio 5 Live 5.00am 5 Live Boxing with Costello & Bunce. 5.30 5 Live Sport. 6.00 Saturday Breakfast. 9.00 The Danny Baker Show. 11.00 At

Really

A true story of love, loss & determination

6.00 Home of the Year. 7.00 Home Shopping. 8.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 9.00 Traffic Cops. (T) 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming. 12.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 2.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build. (T) 4.00 Countryside 999. 6.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming. 8.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 9.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. 10.00 I Am an Adult Baby. 11.00 My Tattoo Addiction. 12.00 Born to Kill? Class of Evil. (T) 2.00 Home Shopping. 4.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 5.35 Mayday Mayday.

6.10 Judge Faith. 6.35 The Bill. (T) 11.40 EastEnders. (T) 2.10 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars. 5.15 My Family Christmas Special. (T) 6.40 My Family. (T) 8.00 One Born Every Minute. (T) 9.00 Film: Rumour Has It (2005) Romantic comedy, starring Jennifer Aniston and Kevin Costner. (T) 11.00 Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. (T) 11.55 Louis Theroux: Under the Knife. (T) 12.55 MasterChef Australia. 2.10 Battlechefs. (T) 3.00 Home Shopping. Home with Colin Murray. Noon 5 Live Sport. 1.00 5 Live Formula 1. 2.00 5 Live Sport. 2.30 5 Live Rugby League. Hull FC v Leeds Rhinos. 4.30 5 Live Sport. 6.00 6-Duck-6. 8.00 Kermode and Mayo’s Film Review. 9.00 Stephen Nolan. Midnight 5 Live in Short. 1.00 Up All Night. Classic FM 7.00am Alan Titchmarsh. 10.00 Bill Turnbull. 1.00pm Tim Lihoreau. 3.00 Nicholas Owen. 5.00 Saturday Night at the Movies. 7.00 Alex James’s Date Night. 9.00 Backstage Pass with Anne-Marie Minhall. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Katie Breathwick. 4.00 Jane Jones.

SPECIAL OFFER £6.99 * (RRP £8.99)

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TV PICKS

Sunday’s Television Guide WORLD WAR ONE REMEMBERED: PASSCHENDAELE 7pm, BBC2

THE HEROES OF SUPER SATURDAY: JESS, MO & GREG 10.30pm, BBC1

Live coverage of the ceremony commemorating the battle. Dan Snow reports from the streets of Ypres.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 Sunday Morning Live (S,HD). 11.00 Cycling: Ride London (S,HD). Live coverage of the Prudential RideLondon-Surrey 100 and 46 Sportives. 12.00 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News (S,HD). 1.15 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 2.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.00 Songs of Praise (S,HD). 3.35 Cycling: Ride London (S,HD). Live coverage of the Prudential RideLondonSurrey Classic.

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

With the World Athletics Championships about to begin in London, Michael Johnson looks back at one of the most memorable dates in British sport – August 4, 2012, aka the London Olympics’ Super Saturday. He catches up with that night’s three gold medallists.

BBC2

6.05 A to Z of TV Gardening (R,S). 6.50 The Instant Gardener (R,S,HD). 7.35 Gardeners’ World (R,S,HD). 8.35 The Beechgrove Garden (S,HD). 9.05 Countryfile (R,S,HD). 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites (S,HD). 11.30 Nigel Slater: Eating Together (R,S,HD). 12.00 Food & Drink (R,S,HD). 12.30 Film: Miss Potter (S,HD) (2006). ●●● 2.00 Live Challenge Cup Rugby League (S,HD). 4.30 Live Swimming: World Championships (S,HD).

POLDARK 9pm, BBC1

WILD ALASKA LIVE 7pm, BBC1

Ross is determined to ensure that George loses in the election, and resolves to make up for some of Trenwith’s neglect – he also becomes aware of Hugh’s feelings for Demelza.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 8.25 ITV News (S). 8.30 Weekend (S,HD). 9.25 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD). 10.20 Long Lost Family (R,S,HD). 11.20 Love Your Garden (R,S,HD). 12.20 ITV News and Weather (S). 12.25 James Martin’s French Adventure (R,S,HD). 12.55 Rebound (R,S,HD). 1.55 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 2.55 Bear Grylls Survival School (R,S,HD). 3.25 Film: A View to a Kill (S,HD) (1985). James Bond adventure, starring Roger Moore. ●●

Liz Bonnin, Matt Baker and Steve Backshall conclude the coverage of Alaskan wildlife during the summer. The programme features footage of black bear cubs trying to catch enough food to make it through the winter, wolves competing with brown bears for the best fishing positions, orcas and humpback whales.

Channel 4

6.20 Last Man Standing (S,HD). Mandy dreams of becoming a model. 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 8.30 Frasier (R,S). 9.30 Sunday Brunch (S,HD). 12.30 Eat the Week (S,HD). 1.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 2.55 A Place in the Sun: Summer Sun (R,S,HD). 3.40 Homes by the Sea (R,S,HD). 4.45 Channel 4 News (S,HD). 5.15 Formula 1 Hungarian Grand Prix Highlights (S,HD). Action from the Hungaroring in Budapest.

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! (HD). 9.10 Film: Fireman Sam: Heroes of the Storm (S) (2014). ●●● 10.25 Cats Make You Laugh Out Loud 3 (S,HD). 10.55 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). 12.50 Film: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (S) (1994). Comedy, starring Jim Carrey. ●●●● 2.30 Film: Zookeeper (S,HD) (2011). Comedy, starring Kevin James. ●● 4.25 Film: Cheaper By the Dozen 2 (S,HD) (2005). Comedy sequel, starring Steve Martin. ●●

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

▼

6.35 BBC News (S,HD). 6.50 Regional News (S).

▼

7.00 Wild Alaska Live (S,HD). 3/3. See Choices Above.

▼

8.00 Countryfile (S,HD). A look at green spaces and wildlife in urban areas. Anita Rani visits a haven for animals in Stoke Newington, and Sean Fletcher meets Manchester airport’s environment team.

▼

6 7 8 9

Countryfile, 8pm

9.00 Poldark (S,HD). 8/9. See Choices Above.

The Dirty Dancing Story, 10.05pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.10 ITV News and Weather (S). 6.30 Diana, Our Mother: Her Life and Legacy (R,S,HD).

6.05 Now That’s Funny! (R,S,HD). 1/6. Internet-sourced videos with an amusing family friendly hook.

7.00 World War One Remembered: Passchendaele (S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

7.30 UEFA Women’s Euro 2017 (S,HD). Coverage of a quarterfinal match (Kick-off TBA). Subsequent programmes are subject to change.

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S). England v South Africa. 7.55 5 News Weekend (S,HD).

8.00 Dirty Dancing (S,HD) (1987). A dance instructor at a 1960s resort teaches a naive teenager about self-expression as they perform in an important show. Romantic drama, with Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey. ●●●●

8.00 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (S,HD) (2007). See Choices Above. ●●●●

9.00 5 News Update. 9.05 Dirty Dancing (S,HD) (1987). Concluded. Edited for language and violence. ●●●●

▼

after

Naked Attraction, 11.10pm

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.20 Regional News (S). 10.30 The Heroes of Super Saturday: Jess, Mo & Greg (S,HD). See Choices Above.

10.00 Pride (S,HD) (2014). See Choices Above. ●●●●

10.30 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather. 10.50 Judge Rinder’s Crime Stories (R,S,HD). 4/10. Barrister Robert Rinder reveals how the creator of DNA fingerprinting helped solve a 1986 murder and an incident involving two runners and a courier carrying a deadly package.

10.00 The Handmaid’s Tale (S,HD). 10/10. See Choices Above.

10.05 The Dirty Dancing Story (R,S,HD). See Choices Above.

▼

Diana, Our Mother … 6.30pm

11.20 The Peacemaker (S,HD) (1997). Action thriller, starring George Clooney and Nicole Kidman. ●●●

11.50 Lilting (S,HD) (2014). Drama, starring Ben Whishaw. ●●●●

11.50 Take Me Out (R,S,HD). 5/10. Dating game, hosted by Paddy McGuinness.

11.10 Naked Attraction (R,S,HD). 5/10. A 22-year-old woman and 25-year-old man seek their perfect partners.

11.35 Premiership Rugby Sevens (S,HD). Action from the preseason tournament at Franklin’s Gardens in Northampton.

▼

Live Swimming, 4.30pm

1.15 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 1.20 BBC News (S,HD).

1.15 Sign Zone: Countryfile (R,S). John Craven visits a conservation project for great bustards. 2.10 Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S). Donna is dealt a cruel blow by her ex. 3.10 This Is BBC Two (S,HD). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.50 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Motorsport UK (S,HD). Richard John Neil presents racing from Croft. 3.50 British Superbike Championship Highlights (S,HD). Both races from Brands Hatch GP. 4.40 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.15 Film: Moonrise Kingdom (S,HD) (2012). ●●●● 1.50 60 Days in Jail (R,S,HD). 2.35 KOTV Boxing Weekly (S). 3.05 Gillette World Sport (S). 3.30 Mobil 1 The Grid (R,S). 3.55 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 4.50 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb (R,S,HD). 5.45 Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free (R,S,HD).

12.35 FIA Formula E: Highlights (S,HD). 1.15 SuperCasino (S,HD). Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Drain the Bermuda Triangle (R,S). An exploration of the mysterious area of ocean. 4.00 The Railways That Built Britain with Chris Tarrant (R,S,HD). 4.50 Great Artists (R,S). 5.20 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.45 Chinese Food in Minutes (R,S).

‘I lied for my husband I lied to my sons I lost everything’ Anne Darwin Da was married to a controlling adulterer. Often disregarded at home, yet fearing how she would cope if he left, her conﬁ conﬁdence was zero. Emotional blackmail lead her to help her husband fake his own death. Then the nightmare began… The REAL STORY behind the Canoe Widow case

ORDER now at www.mirrorcollection.co.uk. Or call 0845 143 0001. 46

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Janine is sentenced to a brutal punishment for her recent acts of disobedience, which leaves Offred and her fellow Handmaids faced with an unthinkable choice between her life and their own safety.

THE DIRTY DANCING STORY 10.05pm, Channel 5

It is 30 years since Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey first captivated cinema-goers as bad-boy choreographer Johnny Castle and would-be dancer Baby. This documentary celebrates the Dirty Dancing phenomenon, revisiting favourite scenes and discovering what happened on set.

FILM PICKS

THE HANDMAID’S TALE 10pm, Channel 4

PRIDE 10pm, BBC2

A group of gay rights activists in 1980s Britain travels to Wales to lend their support to the striking miners. Factbased drama, starring Ben Schnetzer.

ITV2

Sky1

Sky Premier League Alibi

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 6.25 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 9.25 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 12.00 Ninja Warrior UK (R,S,HD). 1.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 1.30 Film: The Waterboy (S,HD) (1998). ●●● 3.20 Film: Yogi Bear (S,HD) (2010). ●● 4.55 Film: Nanny McPhee (S,HD) (2005). Period fantasy, starring Emma Thompson. ●●●

6.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 6.30 Couples Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 8.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 11.00 Come Dine with Me: Made in Chelsea Special (R,S,HD). 12.00 Binky & JP’s Baby: Born in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 1.00 Kevin Can Wait (R,S,HD). 1.30 New Girl (R,S,HD). 2.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5.30 Film: The Day After Tomorrow (S,HD) (2004). ●●●●

6.00 Hour of Power (R,HD). Religious service, with the Rev Robert V Schuller. 7.00 Futurama (R,S). 8.00 Drone Racing League (HD). 10.00 WWE Raw (R,S,HD). Wrestling action from the States. 11.00 MacGyver (R,S,HD). 4.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 4.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 5.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

6.00 Premier League Best Goals (HD). 7.00 Premier League Best Goals (HD). 8.00 Premier League Best Goals (HD). 9.00 Premier League Best Goals (HD). 6.00 Premier League Best Goals (HD). 10.00 Premier League Best Goals (HD). 11.00 Premier League Best Goals (HD). 12.00 Premier League Best Goals (HD). 5.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD).

HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX 8pm, ITV The wizard unites his fellow pupils into a secret army. Fantasy adventure sequel, with Daniel Radcliffe.

Yellowstone. (T) 12.00 South Pacific. (T) 3.00 Monarchy by David Starkey. (T) 5.00 Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. (T) 6.00 Even More Guitar Heroes at the BBC. 7.00 Fleetwood Mac – Don’t Stop. (T) 8.00 Wonders of the Solar System. (T) 9.00 Codebreaker. Docu-drama about British codebreaker Alan Turing. (T) 10.45 The Hunt for Hitler’s Scientists. (T) 11.45 Wonders of the Solar System. (T) 12.50 Codebreaker. (T) 2.30 Mummy Mysteries. 3.00 Home Shopping.

7.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 8.00 New Tricks. (T) 9.00 Dalziel & Pascoe. (T) 11.00 Judge John Deed. (T) 1.00 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 2.00 New Tricks. (T) 3.00 Dalziel & Pascoe. (T) 5.00 Judge John Deed. (T) 7.00 Death in Paradise. (T) 8.00 The Coroner. (T) 9.00 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 10.00 Inspector George Gently. An academic is found dead following a nuclear disarmament rally. (T) 12.00 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 1.00 Perception. (T) 2.00 Silent Witness. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping. 7.00 Nina Simone & Me with Laura Mvula. (T) 7.30 BBC Proms 2017. (T) 11.30 Norman Wisdom: His Story. (T) 12.30 Horizon: 10 Things You Need to Know About the Future. (T) 1.30 Beautiful Thing: A Passion for 6.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Traffic Cops. (T) 8.00 Top Gear. (T) 9.00 Traffic Cops. (T) 10.00 Porcelain. (T) 2.30 Treasures of the AngloSaxons. (T) 3.30 Nina Simone & Me with Laura Motorway Cops. (T) 11.00 Best of Red Bull Soapbox Race. 12.00 Top Gear. (T) 2.00 Would Mvula. (T) 4.00 Close. I Lie to You? (T) 4.00 Top Gear Winter Olympics Special. (T) 5.00 Top Gear. (T) 6.00 Best of Red Bull Soapbox Race. 7.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. (T) 8.00 Traffic Cops. (T) 9.00 11.00 Flight of the Navigator. (1986) Sci-fi Have I Got a Bit More News for You. (T) 10.00 adventure, starring Joey Cramer. (T) 1.00 Taskmaster. (T) 11.00 Live at the Apollo. (T) The Jane Austen Book Club. (2007) 12.00 QI XL. (T) 1.00 Mock the Week. (T) 2.15 Romantic comedy, with Kathy Baker and Room 101. (T) 2.45 Parks and Recreation. (T) Maria Bello. (T) 3.05 Gulliver’s Travels. 3.30 Traffic Cops. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping. (2010) Fantasy comedy, starring Jack Black. (T) 4.45 The Return of the Musketeers. (1989) Swashbuckling adventure sequel, starring Oliver Reed and Michael York. (T) 7.00 The Bill. (T) 10.45 Call the Midwife. 2.45 6.55 Home Alone. (1990) Family comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin. (T) 9.00 Lucy. Catherine Cookson’s Tilly Trotter. (T) 4.45 (2014) Sci-fi thriller, starring Scarlett Maisie Raine. (T) 5.45 The Musketeers. (T) 7.00 Jonathan Creek. 8.00 The Doctor Blake Johansson. (T) 10.40 The Family. (2013) Mysteries. (T) 9.00 Silent Witness. Double bill. Comedy thriller, with Robert De Niro and Michelle Pfeiffer. (T) 12.55 Devil’s Knot. A nanny is killed in a botched assassination attempt. (T) 11.20 Spooks. An assassin comes (2013) Fact-based crime drama, starring Reese Witherspoon and Colin Firth. (T) 3.15 out of retirement. (T) 12.40 Taggart. 3.20 Close. Garden Hopping. 4.00 Home Shopping.

BBC4

Dave

Film4

Ross Kemp: Extreme ... 9pm

Premier League ... 7.30pm

6.00 Nanny McPhee (S,HD) (2005). Concluded. ●●● 6.50 Step Up (S,HD) (2006). Dance drama, with Channing Tatum. ●●

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 10/22. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 22/23. A new neighbour moves in.

6.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD). 6.30 Premier League Legends (HD).

7.55 FYI Daily (HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 22/22. Bart betrays Milhouse during their school sports day. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 12/22.

7.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD). 7.30 Premier League Best Goals (HD). A selection of great strikes from the 2012/13 season.

8.00 Dogs: An Amazing Animal Family (R,S,HD). 3/3. Patrick Aryee follows a pack of African hunting dogs and meets a fox with ears longer than its legs.

8.30 Premier League Best Goals (HD). A selection of great strikes from the 2013/14 season.

Step Up, 6.50pm

8.00 Step Up (S,HD) (2006). Concluded. ●●

The Change-Up, 10pm

8.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S,HD). Husband-to-be Carl plans a Spanish wedding for his fiancee Rebecca, as he tries to plan the perfect day to meet her high expectations.

9.00 Love Island: The 9.00 Born in Chelsea: Baby Reunion (S,HD). Steps (S,HD). 2/2. Part Caroline Flack reunites two of two. Binky and JP this year’s contestants bring their daughter and finds out how things home and introduce her have changed since they to family and friends, left the villa. before the couple struggle with sleepless nights and dirty nappies.

9.00 Ross Kemp: Extreme 9.30 Premier League Best World (S,HD). 4/6. Ross Goals (HD). A selection gains unprecedented of great strikes from the access to the world of the 2014/15 season. Camorra crime syndicate as he investigates a street war that has claimed more than 4,000 lives in Naples.

Drama

GOLD

7.00 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 8.50 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 9.20 Live at the Apollo. (T) 10.20 Mrs Brown’s Boys. (T) 11.00 Men Behaving Badly. (T) 12.20 The Mighty Boosh. (T) 1.40 Big Train. (T) 2.50 The Thick of It. (T) 3.25 Men Behaving Badly. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Really

6.00 Home of the Year. 7.00 Home Shopping. 8.00 Traffic Cops. (T) 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 12.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build. (T) 2.00 American Pickers. (T) 4.00 10.35 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 10.00 The Change-Up (S,HD) 10.00 The Force: North East 10.30 Premier League 100 Countryside 999. 5.00 Escape to the Club (S,HD). A chance to Country. (T) 6.00 The Sheriffs Are (S,HD). 4/10. A burglar is 8/20. Brian enlists Stewie (2011). Two friends envy relive the best of Alan arrested twice within Coming. 7.00 Helicopter ER. 8.00 to help him get his each other’s lives, but Shearer’s 260 goals in the Secret Eaters. 9.00 Embarrassing days, a helicopter is used driving licence back. when they magically Bodies. (T) 10.00 One Born Every Premier League. to find a woman heard switch bodies, they both Minute. (T) 11.00 Babies: Special screaming in a park, and learn that the other Delivery. (T) 12.00 Born to Kill? Class an argument over does not have it so easy. of Evil. 2.00 Home Shopping. 4.00 cigarettes turns nasty. Comedy, with Jason Helicopter Heroes. (T) 5.35 Mayday Bateman and Ryan Mayday.

Reynolds. ●●●

11.00 Zoo (R,S,HD). 4/13. The team reunites with Abraham and Dariela.

11.05 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 5/18. Peter injures his hand. 11.30 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 3/18. Brian leads a protest against a new superstore.

RADIO

12.00 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.30 Film: Bachelorette (S,HD) (2012). Comedy, starring Kirsten Dunst. ●●● 1.30 FYI Daily (HD). 1.35 Film: Bachelorette (S,HD) (2012). Concluded. ●●● 2.15 Teleshopping. Bargain buys. 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.15 Tattoo Fixers on Holiday (R,S,HD). 1.20 Born in Chelsea: Baby Steps (R,S,HD). 2.25 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). 3.05 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 3.25 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 3.50 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus. Grace prepares to take down her and Warren’s blackmailer.

Radio 1 6.00am Dev. 10.00 The Matt Edmondson Show. 1.00pm Alice Levine. 4.00 Cel Spellman. 6.00 Radio 1’s Most Played. 7.00 Rock Show with Daniel P Carter. 10.00 Phil Taggart. 1.00am Monki. 4.00 Adele Roberts. Radio 2 5.00am Huey on Sunday. 6.00 The Sunday Hour. 7.00 Good Morning Sunday with Jason Mohammad. 9.00 Steve Wright’s Sunday Love Songs. 11.00 The Michael Ball Show. 1.00pm Elaine Paige on Sunday. 3.00 Johnnie Walker’s Sounds of the 70s. 5.00 Paul O’Grady. 7.00 Claudia on Sunday. 9.00 Clare Teal. 11.00 Don Black. Midnight Sounds of the 60s. 2.00 Radio 2’s Blues Playlist. 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Pop Ballads. 4.00 Radio 2

12.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 4.00 It’s Me or the Dog (R,S). 4.30 It’s Me or the Dog (R,S). 5.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (R,S). 5.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue (R,S).

Playlist: Monday Motivation. Radio 3 7.00am Breakfast. 9.00 News. 9.03 Sunday Morning. 11.30 Womad 2017. 1.00pm News. 1.02 BBC Proms 2017: Proms at Cadogan Hall. 2.00 The Early Music Show. 3.00 Choral Evensong. 4.00 BBC Proms 2017. 6.00 BBC New Generation Artists at the Buxton Festival. 7.00 BBC Proms 2017. 9.30 Womad 2017. 12.30am Through the Night. Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Bells on Sunday. 5.45 Profile. 6.00 News Headlines. 6.05 Something Understood. 6.35 On Your Farm: A Journey Through the British Isles and Beyond. 6.57 Weather. 7.00 News. 7.00 Sunday Papers. 7.10 Sunday. 7.55 Radio 4 Appeal. 7.57

11.00 Premier League Best Goals (HD). A selection of great strikes from the 2014/15 season.

What do you do when home is as dangerous as the streets? From the derelict terraces of Manchester’s Hulme comes this gripping story of one boy’s year of adventure, laughter, crippling poverty, abuse and an encounter with The Moors Murderers

6.10 Judge Faith. 6.55 Traffic Cops. (T) 7.30 Celebrity MasterChef. 1.00 Doctor Who. (T) 3.00 My Family Christmas Special. 4.20 My Family. (T) 5.00 Outnumbered. (T) 7.00 One Born Every Minute. (T) 10.00 Educating Yorkshire. 11.00 Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. (T) 12.00 12.00 Premier League Best Goals One Born Every Minute. (T) 1.00 The (HD). Memorable strikes from the Musketeers. 2.10 Battlechefs. (T) 2015/16 campaign. 1.00 Premier 3.00 Home Shopping. League Best Goals (HD). 2.00 Premier League Asia Trophy (HD). 3.00 Premier League Asia Trophy (HD). 4.00 Premier League 6.00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip. Best Goals (HD). 5.00 Premier (T) 7.10 Antiques Roadshow. (T) League Best Goals (HD). 8.00 Samurai Head Hunters. (T) 9.00

Weather. 8.00 News. 8.00 Sunday Papers. 8.10 Sunday Worship. 8.48 A Point of View. 8.58 Tweet of the Day. 9.00 Broadcasting House. 10.00 The Archers. 10.30 (LW) Test Match Special. 11.15 (FM) Desert Island Discs. Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special. 12.04 (FM) I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue. 12.30 (FM) The Food Programme. 12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) The World This Weekend. 1.30 (FM) When Greeks Flew Kites. 2.00 (FM) Gardeners’ Question Time. 2.45 (FM) The Listening Project. 3.00 (FM) News. 3.02 (FM) Drama: Love Henry James: The Portrait of a Lady. 4.00 (FM) News. 4.02 (FM) Open Book. 4.30 (FM) Mother

Yesterday

Tongue. 5.00 (FM) Understanding Prevent. 5.40 (FM) Profile. 5.54 Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special. 5.57 (FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News. 6.15 (FM) Pick of the Week. 6.45 (LW) Pick of the Week. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 It’s Funny and It’s True. 7.45 Hiding Out. 8.00 Feedback. 8.30 Last Word. 9.00 The Death of Retirement. 9.26 Radio 4 Appeal. 9.30 Analysis. 10.00 The Westminster Hour. 11.00 The Film Programme. 11.30 Something Understood. Midnight News and Weather. 12.15 Thinking Allowed. 12.45 Bells on Sunday. 12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am 5 Live Science. 6.00 Sunday Breakfast. 9.00 SportsWeek. 10.00 5 Live Sport. 11.00 Will Gompertz’s Heat Map. Noon 5 Live Sport. 1.00 5 Live Formula 1. 2.30 5 Live Rugby League. 4.30 5 Live Sport: Women’s Euro 2017 Football. 6.00 Flintoff, Savage and the Ping Pong Guy. 7.00 I Was There. 8.00 Eye of the Storm. 9.00 When Michael Met Johnny. 10.00 Stephen Nolan. 1.00am Up All Night. 4.30 5 Live Formula 1. Classic FM 7.00am Aled Jones. 10.00 Bill Turnbull. 1.00pm Tim Lihoreau. 3.00 Anne-Marie Minhall. 5.00 The Classic FM Chart. 7.00 David Mellor. 9.00 Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Classical Music. 10.00 Smooth Classics.

Available from www.mirrorcollection.co.uk or call 0845 143 0001 £7.99, £1 UK p&p, lines open 9am-5pm Monday-Friday. Also available in all good bookshops Paperback l Audiobook l ebook

Monday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

MAN IN AN ORANGE SHIRT 9pm, BBC2

Part one of two. Drama by Patrick Gale about two love affairs 60 years apart, beginning with the story of an army officer and an artist.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Animal Park Summer Special (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 World War One Remembered: Passchendaele (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Red Rock (S,HD). 2.30 The Code (R,S,HD). 3.15 Escape to the Country (S,HD). A couple hoping to make a fresh start in Cornwall. 4.15 Flog It! (R,S,HD). Making a profit at auction. 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

ORKNEY: WHEN THE BOAT COMES IN 7.30pm, BBC1

The small island chain off the north-eastern tip of Scotland will be visited by more than 120,000 passengers from cruise liners, and on its busiest days the capital Kirkwall will see its population of 7,000 almost double. As part of the Our Lives strand, this documentary focuses on the impact on the lives of Orcadians.

BBC2

6.00 The TV That Made Me (R,S,HD). 6.30 Wild UK (R,S,HD). 7.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 8.00 Sign Zone: The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S). 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire (S,HD). 11.00 Triathlon World Series Highlights (S,HD). 12.30 Coast (R,S,HD). 1.00 Two Tribes (R,S,HD). 1.30 A Taste of Britain (R,S). 2.15 The Best Dishes Ever (R,S,HD). 2.45 The Great Rift: Africa’s Wild Heart (R,S,HD). 3.45 This Wild Life (R,S,HD). 4.15 The Life of Mammals (R,S). 5.15 Antiques Roadshow (R,S,HD).

THE ACCUSED: AN INSIDE JOB? 9pm, Channel 5

NORMAL FOR NORFOLK 10pm, BBC2

Documentary following the journey through the criminal justice system of a 32-year-old bank worker charged with stealing tens of thousands of pounds from an elderly lady.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S,HD). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S,HD). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With Shaun Ryder. 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD). Real-life cases in a studio courtroom. 3.00 Tenable (R,S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). Game show, hosted by Ben Shephard. 5.00 Cash Trapped (S,HD).

It’s October at 17th-century manor house Wiveton Hall and pigeons are attacking the rape crop, the pigs are being prepared for their journey to the abattoir, and Desmond MacCarthy is trying to cajole his 101-year-old mother into buying him a new pair of binoculars for his impending 60th birthday.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 8.30 Frasier (R,S). 10.05 Undercover Boss USA (R,S,HD). 11.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S,HD). 12.05 Couples Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 1.05 Posh Pawn (R,S,HD). 2.10 Countdown (S,HD). 3.00 The Question Jury (S,HD). 4.00 A Place in the Sun: Summer Sun (S,HD). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! (HD). 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.15 The Yorkshire Vet (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Hotel Inspector: Million Pound Nightmare (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (R,S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 Film: Fight For Life: Ultimate Legacy (S,HD) (2015). See Choices Above. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Gary seeks advice from a breast cancer survivor.

Letterbox, 6.30pm

Cash Trapped, 5pm

Location, Location, Location, 8pm

All New Traffic Cops, 8pm

▼

6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather (S,HD). 6.30 Regional News (S).

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 20/95. Quiz show, hosted by Jeremy Vine. 6.30 Letterbox (S,HD). 11/15. Game show, hosted by Mel Giedroyc.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News (S); Weather.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 6/21. Homer abuses the internet. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Yasmine goes a step too far with Lily.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Justin persuades Brody to attend a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. 6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

▼

7.00 Regional Programme (S,HD). 7.30 Orkney: When the Boat Comes In (S,HD). See Choices Above. Followed by Regional News.

7.00 World War One Remembered: Passchendaele (S,HD). 3/3. Kirsty Young introduces highlights of the day’s events.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Aaron returns to the village. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Robert gambles with bistro cash.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S,HD).

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S). England v South Africa. Highlights of the fifth day’s play in the Third Test of the four-match series, which took place at The Oval. Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Whitney returns with a big announcement. 8.30 I Am Bolt (S,HD) (2016). See Choices Above. ●●●●

8.00 University Challenge (S,HD). 3/37. Southampton takes on Cardiff. 8.30 Nadiya’s British Food Adventure (S,HD). 3/8. See Choices Above.

8.00 Countrywise: Guide to Britain (R,S,HD). 2/15. Ben Fogle takes a dip in one of Snowdonia’s hidden lakes. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Robert is horrified to see that Michelle’s car has been vandalised.

8.00 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). Kirstie Allsopp helps Jacinta and Marco, who have outgrown their home in Didsbury, while Phil Spencer assists Olivia and Amy, who want to settle back in the North.

8.00 All New Traffic Cops (S,HD). Four police cars are needed to stop a vehicle with a motorbike hanging out of the boot, and officers chase a 4x4 from Bradford city centre to the countryside. Followed by 5 News Update.

9.00 Man in an Orange Shirt (S,HD). 1/2. See Choices Above.

9.00 Holiday Horrors: Caught on Camera (S,HD). 2/4. Another selection of clips showcasing what can go wrong on holiday, including a couple getting an unexpected visitor to their tent on a safari holiday. Postponed from June 14.

9.00 999: What’s Your Emergency? (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 The Accused: An Inside Job? (S,HD). See Choices Above.

▼

6 7 8 9

Peter Kay’s Comedy Shuffle, 10.45pm

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

▼

after

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather. 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.40 Britain’s Busiest Motorway (R,S,HD). 1/6. Documentary profiling the work of men and women who keep the M25 running.

10.00 Public Enemies: Jay-Z vs Kanye (S,HD). Documentary charting the rise to fame of the rappers and looking at what caused the huge rift between them, exploring how race, wealth and celebrity are shaping America.

▼

10.00 Normal for Norfolk (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

11.15 Have I Got a Bit More Old News for You (R,S,HD). 4/11. Extended edition. David Mitchell hosts, with Chris Bryant and Rose Matafeo.

11.10 Weather (S,HD). 11.15 Inside the Factory (R,S,HD). 2/6. Gregg Wallace and the team investigates pasta.

11.10 Sugar Free Farm (R,S,HD). 1/4. Seven celebrities attempt to live without sugar for two weeks.

11.05 60 Days in Jail (S,HD). 4/12. Two participants find themselves on the brink of dropping out.

▼

10.00 BBC News at Ten (S,HD). 10.30 Regional News (S). 10.45 Peter Kay’s Comedy Shuffle (R,S,HD). 6/6. The comedian wows an audience of 15,000 with his shovel. Last in the series.

12.00 Who Do You Think You Are? (R,S,HD). Adil Ray investigates his mixed Asian and African ancestry. 1.00 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 1.05 BBC News (S,HD).

12.15 Sign Zone: A Prescription for Murder? (R,S). A report on the devastating side effects of SSRI anti-depressants. 1.15 Sign Zone: Me and My Dog: The Ultimate Contest (R,S). Dog owners and their pets compete in the final stage of the contest. Last in the series. 2.15 This Is BBC Two (S,HD). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences. 3.50 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.05 Bear About the House: Living with My Supersized Pet (R,S,HD). 1.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (R,S). 1.50 Undercover Boss USA (R,S,HD). 2.40 The Supervet (R,S,HD). 3.35 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 4.30 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb (R,S,HD). 5.20 Shipping Wars UK (R,S,HD).

ONE The gripping story of Brian Reader, Britain’s most proliﬁc, old-school crook

Branded ‘The Master’ and ‘a Gentleman Thief’ Brian is a true British crime character. Gang insiders, family, friends and detectives talk for the ﬁrst time about Reader’s six-decade career. The authors reveal the Hatton Garden gang’s links to an unsolved gangland murder, bent cops, police supergrasses and an alleged establishment cover-up. The book also includes new details about Basil, dubbed ‘The Ghost’ after he became the only gang member to escape justice.

10.30 Inside Broadmoor (S,HD). 1&2/2. Documentary charting the 150-year history of the high-security psychiatric hospital from the Victorian era to the present day.

12.30 Criminals: Caught on Camera (R,S). 1.00 SuperCasino (S,HD). Live interactive gaming. 3.10 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door (R,S,HD). A retired couple’s dispute over the building of an 8ft boundary wall. 4.00 Britain’s Greatest Bridges (R,S,HD). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Great Scientists (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

Order now for £8.99 + £1 P&P at mirrorcollection.co.uk, or call 0845 143 0001

Lines open 9am-5pm Mon-Fri Also available on Kindle and in the iBook store

Former Great British Bake Off winner Nadiya Hussain is in East Anglia as she continues her culinary road trip around Britain, going out to sea with fisherman Richard Matthews.

Over the last decade, incidents of violence perpetrated by young men have risen by 22% and this edition examines the stories behind some of these calls and crimes. In Swindon, officers Emily Grigor and Simon Sanghera are called to arrest a man in his early twenties who has ripped off his top in a drunken rage.

FILM PICKS

999: WHAT’S YOUR EMERGENCY? 9pm, Channel 4

NADIYA’S BRITISH FOOD ADVENTURE 8.30pm, BBC2

FIGHT FOR LIFE: ULTIMATE LEGACY 3.15pm, Channel 5

A self-absorbed young man is challenged to develop a conscience and change his ways in order to receive an inheritance. Drama, starring Doug Jones, Raquel Welch and Brian Dennehy.

ITV2

Sky1

Sky Premier League Alibi

8.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 8.30 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 9.35 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 10.00 The Great Indoors (R,S,HD). 10.30 Guidance (R,S,HD). 11.00 LA Story (R,S,HD). 11.25 Vanderpump Rules (R,HD). 12.20 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 12.55 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (R,S,HD). 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 5.00 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD).

6.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 6.30 Coach Trip: Road to Zante (R,S,HD). 7.00 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 8.00 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD). 9.00 Blackish (R,S,HD). 10.00 Baby Daddy (R,S,HD). 11.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 12.00 The Goldbergs (R,S,HD). 1.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2.00 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD). 3.00 Baby Daddy (R,S,HD). 4.00 Black-ish (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Goldbergs (R,S,HD).

6.00 The Flash (R,S,HD). 8.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 11.00 MacGyver (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). Criminal mastermind Wo Fat tries to put an end to the team. 3.00 MacGyver (R,S,HD). 4.00 The Flash (R,S,HD). A former protege of Dr Wells returns. 5.00 The Flash (R,S,HD).

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). Today’s early stories. 9.00 Premier League Archive: PL Greatest Games (HD). 10.00 Premier League Daily (HD). Updates from the top flight. 11.00 Chelsea: PL Champions (HD). 12.00 Premier League Archive: PL Greatest Games (HD). 5.00 Premier League Daily (HD). Updates from the top flight.

I AM BOLT 8.30pm, BBC1

Documentary about the life of world-record breaking Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt, who has won the 100m and 200m gold medals at the last three Olympics. The film follows him as he prepares for the Rio 2016 Olympics. United Cakes of America. 2.00 MasterChef USA. (T) 3.00 Who Do You Think You Are? (T) 4.00 My Family Christmas Special. (T) 5.20 My Family. (T) 6.00 Tipping Point. 7.00 Celebrity MasterChef. (T) 8.30 Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals. (T) 9.00 Inside the Ambulance. (T) 10.00 The Catherine Tate Show. (T) 10.40 EastEnders. (T) 11.20 One Born Every Minute. (T) 12.20 The Catherine Tate Show. (T) 1.00 Battlechefs. (T) 3.00 Home Shopping.

7.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 8.00 Judge John Deed. (T) 10.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 11.00 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 12.00 Father Brown. (T) 1.00 New Tricks. (T) 3.00 Judge John Deed. (T) 5.00 New Tricks. (T) 7.00 Father Brown. (T) 8.00 Inspector George Gently. (T) 10.00 New Tricks. (T) 11.00 Silent Witness. (T) 1.15 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 2.15 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 3.10 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping. 6.00 Slow Train Through Africa with Griff Rhys Jones. 7.10 Forbidden History. (T) 8.00 Wonders of the Solar System. (T) 9.00 South Pacific. (T) 12.00 Planet Earth. (T) 3.10 Codebreaker. (T) 5.00 6.00 Home Shopping. 7.00 Traffic Cops. (T) 8.10 Chris Tarrant: Extreme Railways. 6.00 Forbidden History. (T) 7.00 The World at War. (T) 8.00 American Pickers. (T) 9.00 Storage Hunters. (T) Monarchy by David Starkey. (T) 10.00 Steptoe and 10.00 American Pickers. (T) 12.00 Top Gear. (T) Son. (T) 12.00 Forbidden History. (T) 1.00 The 2.00 Top Gear Winter Olympics Special. (T) 3.00 World at War. (T) 2.00 Chris Tarrant: Extreme Brojects in the House. (T) 4.00 Steve Austin’s Railways. 3.00 Home Shopping. Broken Skull Challenge. 5.00 Top Gear. (T) 7.00 The Joy of Techs. (T) 8.00 Nev’s Indian Call Centre. 9.00 Live at the Apollo. 10.00 Room 101. (T) 11.20 QI. (T) 12.40 Mock the Week. (T) 1.20 QI. (T) 2.40 Would I Lie to You? (T) 3.15 Parks and 7.00 World News Today. (T) 7.00 Weather. (T) Recreation. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping. 7.30 The Boats That Built Britain. (T) 8.00 Horizon: Dawn of the Driverless Car. (T) 9.00 Two Types: The Faces of Britain. (T) 10.00 Queers. (T) 10.40 Queerama – Storyville. (T) 11.50 Sex and 7.10 Great Expectations. (T) 8.00 Dangerfield. (T) Sensibility: The Allure of Art Nouveau. (T) 12.50 9.00 Monarch of the Glen. (T) 10.00 All Creatures Carved with Love: The Genius of British Great and Small. (T) 11.00 The Bill. (T) 1.00 Last of Woodwork. (T) 1.50 Horizon: Dawn of the Driverless Car. (T) 2.50 Two Types: The Faces of the Summer Wine. (T) 1.40 Waiting for God. (T) 2.20 Birds of a Feather. 3.00 Dangerfield. (T) 4.00 Britain. (T) 3.50 Close. Monarch of the Glen. (T) 5.00 All Creatures Great and Small. (T) 6.00 Waiting for God. (T) 6.40 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 7.20 Keeping Up Appearances. (T) 8.00 Hetty Wainthropp 11.00 The Rugrats Movie. (1999) (T) 12.40 Captain Investigates. (T) 9.00 Death in Paradise. 10.20 The Ron. (1992) (T) 2.45 The Boxtrolls. (2014) (T) 4.35 Inspector Lynley Mysteries. (T) 12.20 Taggart. 2.05 The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Hetty Wainthropp Investigates. (T) 2.55 Birds of a Treader. (2010) (T) 6.50 Small Soldiers. (1998) (T) Feather. 3.30 Garden Hopping. 4.00 Home 9.00 Child 44. (2015) (T) 11.40 The Guard. (2011) Shopping. (T) 1.30 Play. (2011) 3.55 Close.

Yesterday

Dave

BBC4

You’ve Been Framed! ... 6pm

Made in Chelsea: Ibiza, 9pm

A League of Their ... 9pm

Football Years, 8pm

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 6.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S).

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 21/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 22/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 11/16. The Earthicans receive an unexpected windfall. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 7/13.

6.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). A selection of memorable strikes.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 13/18. Crazy cats and daft dogs. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). Featuring a spring-cleaning dog.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). 7.30 Coach Trip: Road to Zante (S,HD). 6/40. The tourists take part in beachside yoga in Genoa.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 3/25. Bart destroys Lisa’s saxophone. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 18/22. The family spends Christmas on a ranch.

7.00 Transfer Centre (HD). The latest football transfer developments. 7.30 Premier League Archive: PL Greatest Games (HD).

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 10/19. Alan finds out Charlie stole his girlfriend. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 11/19. Charlie offers Alan advice on ending his relationship.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12/24. Penny makes an important decision. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 13/24. Sheldon is forced to take a holiday.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 9/22. An accident leaves Homer in a cast. 8.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 10/22. Krusty and his daughter spend Christmas with the Simpsons.

8.00 Football Years (HD). A look back at the 1991/92 season. 8.30 Football Countdowns (HD). The most important 7.10 Waiting for God. (T) 8.20 Ever transfers of all time. Decreasing Circles. (T) 9.00 The Brittas

9.00 Family Guy (S,HD). 10/20. Quagmire lands free plane tickets for a guys’ trip to San Francisco. 9.30 Family Guy (R,S). 6/18. Lois becomes a sex education teacher.

9.00 Made in Chelsea: Ibiza (S,HD). 1/6. New series. The gang heads off to the Spanish island for the summer, with a newly single Sam looking for fun and Victoria encouraging Mark Francis to find his spiritual side.

9.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 8/10. John Bishop, Katherine Ryan and Joey Barton join host James Corden and regulars Jamie Redknapp and Andrew Flintoff on the sports-based comedy quiz.

9.00 Premier League Archive: Sky Sports PL Best Goals (HD). A selection of the finest goals from the 2016/17 season.

11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Modern Family 11.00 Transfer Centre (HD). (R,S,HD). 11/24. (R,S,HD). 11/22. The latest football transfer developments. 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 12/24. Leonard (R,S,HD). 12/22. Cam and 11.30 Premier League and Sheldon fight for Mitch urge Lily, Haley Archive: PL Greatest control of a project. and Sal to stand up to Games (HD). Vintage their men. top-flight highlights.

12.25 Film: This Is the End (S,HD) (2013). Premiere. Fantasy comedy, starring James Franco. ●●●● 1.25 FYI Daily (HD). 1.30 Film: This Is the End (S,HD) (2013). Concluded. ●●●● 2.30 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

12.00 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). 12.50 Made in Chelsea: Ibiza (R,S,HD). 1.55 Binky & JP’s Baby: Born in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 2.50 Born in Chelsea: Baby Steps (R,S,HD). 3.40 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). 4.25 New Girl (R,S,HD). 4.50 New Girl (R,S,HD). 5.15 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

RADIO

11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 2/18. 11.30 The Cleveland Show (S,HD). 1/21. 11.55 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2/21.

Radio 1 6.33am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Clara Amfo. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 5.45 Newsbeat. 6.00 Greg James. 7.00 Annie Mac. 9.00 Radio 1’s Specialist Chart with Phil Taggart. 10.02 Huw Stephens. 1.00am Metrik. 4.00 Adele Roberts. Radio 2 5.00am Nicki Chapman. 6.30 Sara Cox. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Vanessa Feltz. 2.00 Ore Oduba. 5.00 Amol Rajan. 7.00 Paul Jones. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 Bruno Tonioli at the Opera. 11.00 The Russell Davies Archive. Midnight Johnnie Walker’s Sounds of the 70s. 2.00 Radio 2’s Jazz Playlist. 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Great

British Songbook. 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Hidden Treasures. Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Birth of Polyphony. 1.00 News. 1.02 BBC Proms 2017: Proms at Cadogan Hall. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune. 6.30 Composer of the Week: Birth of Polyphony. 7.30 BBC Proms 2017. 9.30 BBC New Generation Artists in Schumann. 10.00 Cecil Sharp’s Appalachian Trail. 10.45 The Essay: Cornerstones. 11.00 Jazz Now. 12.30am Through the Night. Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today. 5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

Film4

GOLD

10.00 Premier League 10.00 American Dad! 10.00 Born in Chelsea: Baby 10.00 Micky Flanagan Archive: PL Greatest Thinking Aloud (R,S,HD). 6/20. Steve and Steps (R,S,HD). 2/2. Part Games (HD). Highlights (R,S,HD). 2/6. The his friends take a road two of two. Binky and from the top flight. comedian explores trip. JP bring their daughter snobbery and the British 10.30 Premier League home and introduce her 10.30 American Dad! obsession with class as to family and friends, Archive: PL Greatest (R,S,HD). 7/20. Hayley he tries to understand before the couple Games (HD). Classic topand Steve start a fake ID where he fits into the struggle with sleepless flight action. business. social strata. nights and dirty nappies.

12.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). With Alan Shearer, Jason Manford and Frankie Bridge. 1.00 Most Shocking (R,S). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Brit Cops: War on Crime (R,S). 4.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (R,S). 4.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue (R,S). 5.00 Road Wars (R,S).

Drama

12.00 Football Years (HD). 12.30 Football Countdowns (HD). 1.00 Premier League Archive (HD). 1.30 Premier League Archive (HD). 2.00 Premier League Archive (HD). 2.30 Premier League Archive (HD). 3.00 Premier League Archive (HD).

9.00 Partition Voices. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: The Unwomanly Face of War. 10.00 (LW) Woman’s Hour. 10.00 (FM) Woman’s Hour. 10.30 (LW) Test Match Special. 11.00 (FM) The Untold. 11.30 (FM) 52 First Impressions with David Quantick. Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special. 12.04 (FM) Home Front. 12.15 (FM) You and Yours. 12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) The World at One. 1.45 (FM) Door Stepping. 2.00 (FM) The Archers. 2.15 (FM) Drama: Gibberish. 3.00 (FM) Counterpoint. 3.30 (FM) The Food Programme. 4.00 (FM) Public Indecency: Queer Art in Britain. 4.30

(FM) The Infinite Monkey Cage. 5.00 (FM) PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special. 5.57 (FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News. 6.30 (FM) I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue. 6.45 (LW) I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 Front Row. 7.45 Love Henry James: Daisy Miller. 8.00 The Invention of Free Speech. 8.30 Crossing Continents. 9.00 Natural Histories. 9.30 Partition Voices. 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The World Tonight. 10.45 Book at Bedtime: The Lie of the Land. 11.00 The Voices of. 11.30 Short Cuts. Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the Week: The Unwomanly Face of War. 12.48

Empire. (T) 9.40 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 11.40 Ever Decreasing Circles. (T) 12.20 The Brittas Empire. (T) 1.00 Porridge. (T) 1.40 The Good Life. (T) 3.00 The Vicar of Dibley. (T) 3.40 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 5.40 Porridge. (T) 6.20 The Good Life. (T) 7.40 The Vicar of Dibley. (T) 8.20 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 9.30 I’m Alan Partridge. (T) 10.10 Mrs Brown’s Boys. (T) 10.50 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow. (T) 11.50 Peep Show. (T) 12.25 Bottom. (T) 1.55 Big School. (T) 2.30 The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer. (T) 3.00 Little Britain. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Really

6.00 Home of the Year. 7.00 Home Shopping. 8.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 9.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 10.00 Oxford Street Revealed. (T) 11.00 Ghost Adventures Aftershock. (T) 12.00 Most Haunted. (T) 1.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 2.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 3.00 Oxford Street Revealed. (T) 4.00 My Ghost Story: Caught on Camera. (T) 5.00 Ghost Adventures. 6.00 Antiques Road Trip. 7.00 The Great British Bake Off. (T) 8.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 9.00 Traffic Cops. (T) 10.00 Louis Theroux – A Place for Paedophiles. (T) 11.00 Born to Kill? Class of Evil. (T) 12.00 Crime Stories. (T) 1.00 Nurses Who Kill. 2.00 Home Shopping. 4.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 5.35 Mayday Mayday.

True Crime. A cold case unsolved for nearly 100 years. Will dramatic new evidence ﬁnally reveal who murdered Bella Wright?

6.10 Judge Faith. 7.00 My Dream Home. (T) 10.00 The Bill. (T) 11.00 Tipping Point. 1.00 James Martin’s Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast. Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 5 Live Daily with Adrian Chiles. 1.00pm Afternoon Edition. 4.00 5 Live Drive. 7.00 5 Live Sport. 7.30 5 Live Sport: The Tuffers and Vaughan Cricket Show. 8.30 5 Live Sport: The Monday Night Club. 10.30 Phil Williams. 1.00am Up All Night. Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Bill Turnbull. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 7.00 Smooth Classics at Seven. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Sam Pittis.

£7.99 Free postage*

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TV PICKS

Tuesday’s Television Guide CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER: LIVE LAUNCH 9pm, Channel 5

Emma Willis invites a fresh group of famous faces to move in together, ready to have their every word and move recorded.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Animal Park Summer Special (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Going Back, Giving Back (S,HD). 11.45 Rip Off Britain: Food (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Red Rock (S,HD). 2.30 The Code (R,S,HD). 3.15 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

IS IT SAFE TO BE GAY IN THE UK? 9pm, BBC2

As we mark the 50th anniversary of the partial decriminalization of homosexuality in the UK, many people are understandably celebrating how far we’ve come – but this documentary asks how far we still have to go. With homophobic hate crimes on the rise, the film hears from victims, their families and the police.

BBC2

6.00 The TV That Made Me (R,S,HD). 6.30 Animal Park Summer Special (R,S,HD). 7.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 8.00 Sign Zone: Garden Rescue (R,S). 8.30 Sign Zone: Great British Menu (R,S). 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire (S,HD). 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live (S,HD). 12.00 Britain’s Great War (R,S,HD). 1.00 Two Tribes (R,S,HD). 1.30 A Taste of Britain (R,S,HD). 2.15 The Best Dishes Ever (R,S,HD). 2.45 The Great Rift: Africa’s Wild Heart (R,S,HD). 3.45 This Wild Life (R,S,HD). 4.15 The Life of Mammals (R,S). 5.15 Antiques Roadshow (R,S,HD).

IN THE DARK 9pm, BBC1

CRAFT IT YOURSELF 8pm, Channel 4

DI Helen Weeks finds herself in more danger as the investigation pulls her further into Manchester’s criminal underworld, as she tracks down the gang responsible for the shooting.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S,HD). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S,HD). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.00 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.20 Regional News (S). 1.30 ITV Racing Live: Goodwood Festival (S,HD). Coverage of the opening day of the event. 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). Game show, hosted by Ben Shephard. 5.00 Cash Trapped (S,HD).

The presenters seek to inject some craft love into an uninspired bedroom. Furniture maker Robin Johnson gets a sewing lesson from Clemency Green when they make a quilt. She also tackles the art of Sgraffitto, while car maker Ant Anstead gets gooey making geometric candles.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 8.35 Frasier (R,S). 10.05 Undercover Boss USA (R,S,HD). 11.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S,HD). 12.05 Couples Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 1.05 Posh Pawn (R,S,HD). 2.10 Countdown (S,HD). 3.00 The Question Jury (S,HD). 4.00 A Place in the Sun: Summer Sun (S,HD). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.15 The Yorkshire Vet (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors (R,S,HD). A baby is rushed into the surgery after vomiting for the past two days. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 Film: A Trace of Danger (S,HD) (2010). See Choices Above. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Sir Gareth Edwards at 70, 7pm

Midsomer Murders, 8pm

First Dates, 10pm

The Dog Rescuers with … 8pm

▼

6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather (S,HD). 6.30 Regional News (S).

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 21/95. Quiz show, hosted by Jeremy Vine. 6.30 Letterbox (S,HD). 12/15. Game show, hosted by Mel Giedroyc.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News (S); Weather.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 7/21. Homer and Bart become conartists. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Harry gives Ste something to live for.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). VJ and Ash work to stop Mick gaining access to Luc. 6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

▼

7.00 Fugitives (R,S,HD). 2/15. The search for a gang member. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Mick is stunned to learn the identity of Whitney’s fiance. Followed by Regional News.

7.00 Sir Gareth Edwards at 70 (S,HD). Gabby Logan invites the rugby legend to reflect on his life and career with the help of a celebrity audience.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Lachlan reassures Lawrence that everything is under control and he does not need to worry about Tim.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S,HD).

7.00 FIA World Rally Championship Highlights (S,HD). Action from the Rally Finland, the ninth round of the season. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

6 7 8 9

Flog It!, 4.15pm

8.00 Holby City (S,HD). 43/52. Nina strikes a deal with a face from her past, party animal Morven makes a regretful decision, and Sacha struggles with the new woman in his life.

8.00 Inside the Factory (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above.

8.00 Midsomer Murders (R,S,HD). 3/6. Barnaby and Jones investigate the death of an amateur astronomer who was killed by a blow to the head with a meteorite during a total eclipse of the sun.

8.00 Craft It Yourself (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.00 The Dog Rescuers with Alan Davies (S,HD). Mel Fisher rescues a dog after seeing footage of it being beaten by his owner. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 In the Dark (S,HD). 4/4. See Choices Above.

9.00 Is It Safe to Be Gay in the UK? (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Old People’s Home for 4 Year Olds (S,HD). 1/2. See Choices Above.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother: Live Launch (S,HD). See Choices Above.

▼

after

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather. 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.40 Martin Clunes: Islands of Australia (R,S,HD). 1/3. The actor visits 16 of the 8,000 islands in Australia, which provide an insight into the history and challenges of island life on the other side of the world.

10.00 First Dates (R,S,HD). Teacher Marie returns to the restaurant for a date with 32-year-old lighting technician Adrian, while sports enthusiast Stephanie is matched with former rugby player Stuart.

▼

10.00 Detectorists (S,HD). 5/6. Lance, Andy, Becky and Sophie try to come to terms with an uncertain future. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

11.45 Orkney: When the Boat Comes In (R,S,HD). The impact of visiting passengers from cruise ships on the lives of Orcadians.

11.10 Weather (S,HD). 11.15 The Mash Report (R,S,HD). 11.45 Queer as Art (R,S,HD). The LGBT community’s contributions to the arts in Britain during the past 50 years.

11.40 Play to the Whistle (R,S,HD). 4/8. With Dermot O’Leary and Romesh Ranganathan.

11.05 24 Hours in A&E (R,S,HD). An 80-year-old patient is admitted suffering from pain in her chest, arm and jaw.

11.05 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (S,HD). New series. Rylan Clark-Neal and guests comment on the new housemates.

▼

10.00 BBC News at Ten (S,HD). 10.30 Regional News (S). Followed by Regional Programme. 10.45 New Tricks (R,S,HD). 1/10. Part one of two. Brian is suspended for punching a senior officer, while the rest of the team visit Gibraltar to try to uncover the truth about a 1982 murder.

12.15 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 12.20 BBC News (S,HD).

12.45 Sign Zone: Sue Barker: Our Wimbledon (R,S). The presenter meets Wimbledon greats. 2.00 Sign Zone: How to Holiday Better (R,S). Finding members of the public the perfect holiday. 2.50 Sign Zone: Bus Wars (R,S). Documentary charting the work of tourist buses in Belfast. 3.20 This Is BBC Two (S,HD). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.25 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Loose Women (R,HD). Topical debate from a female perspective. 3.50 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.05 Music on 4: Sound and Vision (S,HD). 12.35 Public Enemies: Jay-Z vs Kanye (R,S,HD). 1.30 Real, Fake or Unknown (R,S,HD). 2.25 Gogglesprogs (R,S,HD). 3.20 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 4.15 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb (R,S,HD). 5.10 Shipping Wars UK (R,S,HD). 5.50 Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free (R,S,HD).

12.05 Celebrity Big Brother: Live from the House (S). Coverage of the new housemates’ every move. 1.05 SuperCasino (S,HD). Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Nightmare Tenants, Slum Landlords (R,S,HD). 4.00 Britain’s Greatest Bridges (R,S,HD). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

What do you do when home is as dangerous as the streets?

From the derelict terraces of Manchester’s Hulme comes this gripping story of one boy’s year of adventure, laughter, crippling poverty, abuse and an encounter with The Moors Murderers

Available from www.mirrorcollection.co.uk or call 0845 143 0001 £7.99, £1 UK p&p, lines open 9am-5pm Monday-Friday. Also available in all good bookshops 50

Paperback

Audiobook

ebook

We may consume thousands of them every day, some of us more than we should, but have you ever wondered what goes into making the good old chocolate biscuit? Well, if you have, now is your chance to find out.

OLD PEOPLE’S HOME FOR 4 YEAR OLDS 9pm, Channel 4 For some people, just the idea of spending six weeks with 10 four-year-olds may be enough to make you feel very tired. But could it have the opposite effect on a group of pensioners? That’s what this documentary sets out to discover as it establishes a new nursery in a retirement village near Bristol.

FILM PICKS

INSIDE THE FACTORY 8pm, BBC2

A TRACE OF DANGER 3.15pm, Channel 5

A defence attorney represents her highschool boyfriend, who stands accused of murdering his wife. As they discover they still have feelings for each other, the lawyer faces being a public hate figure as everyone is convinced of her client’s guilt. Thriller, with Emmanuelle Vaugier and Ivan Sergei.

ITV2

Sky1

Sky Premier League Alibi

8.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 8.30 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 9.35 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 10.00 The Great Indoors (R,S,HD). 10.30 Guidance (S,HD). 11.00 LA Story (R,S,HD). 11.25 Vanderpump Rules (R,HD). 12.20 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 12.55 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (R,S,HD). 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 5.00 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD).

6.00 The Flash (R,S,HD). 8.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 11.00 MacGyver (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Road Wars (R,S). Police officers combat vehicle crime. 3.00 MacGyver (R,S,HD). Angus goes undercover in a maximum security prison. 4.00 The Flash (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Flash (R,S,HD).

6.00 Football Countdowns A look at some of the greatest goals in football history, featuring the likes of Marco van Basten, Ronaldo and Diego Maradona. (HD). 10.00 Premier League Daily (HD). Updates from the top flight. 11.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). 5.00 Premier League Daily (HD). Updates from the top flight.

GI JOE: RETALIATION 9pm, Film4

An elite military team battles a terrorist organisation. Action adventure sequel, with Channing Tatum, Dwayne Johnson and Bruce Willis.

Martin’s United Cakes of America. (T) 2.00 MasterChef USA. (T) 3.00 Who Do You Think You Are? (T) 4.00 My Family. (T) 6.00 Tipping Point. 7.00 Celebrity MasterChef. 9.00 Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. 10.00 The Catherine Tate Show. (T) 10.40 EastEnders. (T) 11.20 One Born Every Minute. (T) 12.20 The Catherine Tate Show. (T) 1.00 Battlechefs. (T) 3.00 Home Shopping.

7.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 8.00 Judge John Deed. (T) 10.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 11.00 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 12.00 Father Brown. (T) 1.00 New Tricks. (T) 3.00 Judge John Deed. (T) 5.00 New Tricks. (T) 7.00 Father Brown. (T) 8.00 Rosewood. 9.00 The Coroner. 10.00 New Tricks. 12.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 1.00 Silent Witness. (T) 2.15 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 3.05 Murdoch 6.00 Chris Tarrant: Extreme Railways. 7.10 The Mysteries. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping. World at War. (T) 8.00 Forbidden History. (T) 9.00 Planet Earth. (T) 12.00 Africa. (T) 3.00 Steptoe and Son. (T) 5.00 Chris Tarrant: Extreme Railways. 6.00 Forbidden History. (T) 7.00 The World at 6.00 Home Shopping. 7.00 Traffic Cops. (T) 7.30 War. (T) 8.00 Abandoned Engineering. (T) 9.00 Impossible Engineering. 10.00 Blackadder II. (T) Storage Hunters. (T) 8.10 American Pickers. (T) 9.00 Storage Hunters. (T) 10.00 American Pickers. 10.40 Blackadder the Third. (T) 11.20 Blackadder (T) 12.00 Top Gear. (T) 3.00 Brojects in the House. Goes Forth. (T) 12.00 Forbidden History. (T) 1.00 The World at War. (T) 2.00 Chris Tarrant: Extreme (T) 4.00 Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge. 5.00 Top Gear. (T) 7.00 The Joy of Techs. (T) 8.00 Railways. 3.00 Home Shopping. Dave Gorman: Modern Life Is Goodish. (T) 9.00 Taskmaster. 10.00 Uncle. (T) 11.20 QI. (T) 12.40 Mock the Week. (T) 1.20 QI. 2.40 Parks and Recreation. (T) 3.30 TBA. 4.00 Home Shopping. 7.00 World News Today. (T) 7.00 Weather. (T) 7.30 The Boats That Built Britain. (T) 8.00 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Tsunamis. (T) 9.00 Explorers: Conquest and Calamity – A Timewatch Guide. (T) 10.00 Queers. (T) 10.40 The Secrets of 7.10 The Bill. (T) 8.00 Dangerfield. (T) 9.00 Scott’s Hut. (T) 12.10 Gunpowder 5/11: The Monarch of the Glen. 10.00 All Creatures Great Greatest Terror Plot. (T) 1.10 10 Things You Didn’t and Small. (T) 11.00 The Bill. (T) 1.00 Last of the Know About Tsunamis. (T) 2.10 Dangerous Earth. Summer Wine. (T) 1.40 Waiting for God. (T) 2.20 (T) 2.40 Explorers: Conquest and Calamity – A Birds of a Feather. (T) 3.00 Dangerfield. (T) 4.00 Monarch of the Glen. 5.00 All Creatures Great and Timewatch Guide. (T) 3.40 Close. Small. (T) 6.00 Waiting for God. (T) 6.40 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 7.20 To the Manor Born. (T) 8.00 Hetty Wainthropp Investigates. (T) 9.00 Death in Paradise. (T) 10.20 The Inspector Lynley Mysteries. 11.00 Rugrats Go Wild. (2003) (T) 12.35 Short (T) 12.15 Taggart. 3.00 Hetty Wainthropp Circuit. (1986) (T) 2.35 ParaNorman. (2012) (T) Investigates. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping. 4.25 Mirror Mirror. (2012) (2005) (T) 9.00 GI Joe: Retaliation. (2013) (T) See Choices Above. 11.10 Force Majeure. (2014) 1.30 Enduring Love. (2004) (T) 3.20 Close. 7.10 Waiting for God. (T) 8.20 Ever Decreasing Circles. (T) 9.00 The Brittas Empire. (T) 9.40 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 11.40 Ever Decreasing Circles. (T) 12.20 The Brittas Empire. (T) 1.00 Porridge. (T) 1.40 The Good Life. (T) 2.20 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 3.00 The Vicar of Dibley. (T) 3.40 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 5.40 Porridge. (T) 6.20 The Good Life. (T) 7.00 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 7.40 The Vicar of Dibley. (T) 8.20 Miranda. (T) 9.00 Absolutely Fabulous. (T) 9.40 Gavin & Stacey. (T) 10.20 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow. (T) 11.20 Peep Show. (T) 11.55 Bottom. (T) 12.30 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow. (T) 1.30 Little Britain. (T) 2.05 Bottom. (T) 2.40 French and Saunders. (T) 3.15 Peep Show. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Yesterday

Dave

BBC4

American Pie ... 9pm

Tattoo Fixers on ... 9pm

Crocodile Dundee II, 9pm

Football Countdowns, 8pm

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 2/18. 6.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S).

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 23/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 24/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 12/16. Fry’s nose is stolen by aliens. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 22/22.

6.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). A selection of memorable strikes from the 1992/93 season.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). A boy falls through floorboards. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). A poodle performs a handstand.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Ryan visits Ste in hospital. 7.30 Coach Trip: Road to Zante (S,HD). 7/40. The group go kayaking on the Italian Riviera.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 20/22. Homer tells the story of his first love. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 1/25. Homer takes the family to New York.

7.00 Transfer Centre (HD). 7.30 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). A selection of strikes from the 1997/98 season.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12/19. Rose returns from England. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 13/19. Alan dates one of Judith’s friends.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 14/24. The guys buy fake tickets for the Comic-Con. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 15/24. Sheldon and Amy take a train ride to the Napa Valley.

8.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 5/10. Rob Beckett, Denise Lewis and James DeGale join host James Corden on the sports-based comedy quiz.

8.00 Football Countdowns (HD). The greatest goals in football history. 8.30 Football Countdowns (HD). The most important transfers of all time.

9.00 American Pie: The 9.00 Tattoo Fixers on Wedding (S,HD) (2003). Holiday (S,HD). 2/8. The friends reunite to During the latest trip to celebrate Jim and the Med, Alice helps Jack Michelle’s trip to the rid himself of art altar – but events quickly reminding him of a spiral out of control. romance he would Comedy sequel, with rather forget, and Sketch Jason Biggs and Alyson covers Eileen’s saucy selfHannigan. ●●● portrait. 10.00 FYI Daily (HD). 10.00 8 Out of 10 Cats (R,S,HD). 4/12. With 10.05 American Pie: The Melanie C, Jessica Wedding (S,HD) (2003). Knappett, Joe Wilkinson Concluded. ●●● and Tom Allen. 10.55 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 13/24. Tension mounts when the gang attends a weekend science conference.

GOLD

Really

11.25 The Big Bang Theory 11.10 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 14/24. Sheldon (R,S,HD). 13/22. receives acting lessons. 11.35 Modern Family 11.55 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). (R,S,HD). 14/22. Gloria 4/4. Viewers’ comments gives Claire an on The Cube and unforgettable birthday MasterChef. experience.

12.30 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.55 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Rose returns from England. 1.25 Release the Hounds: Famous & Freaked (R,S,HD). Celebrity version of the horror game show. 2.25 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.45 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). 1.35 Tattoo Fixers on Holiday (R,S,HD). 2.30 First Dates (R,S,HD). 3.25 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 4.15 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 4.40 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). Marshall and Lily elope.

RADIO

Film4

9.00 Premier League 9.00 Crocodile Dundee II Archive: Premier (HD) (1988). The League Hat-Tricks (HD). Australian adventurer Featuring some of the lures the drug dealers Premier League’s hat-trick who kidnapped his heroes. girlfriend to the Outback for a showdown. Comedy 9.30 Premier League adventure sequel, Archive: Great PL Goals starring Paul Hogan and (HD). A selection of Linda Kozlowski. ●●● spectacular free-kicks. 10.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). A selection of 6.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 7.00 Home memorable strikes.

11.05 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 7/18. 11.30 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 4/18. 11.55 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 8/20.

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Clara Amfo. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 5.45 Newsbeat. 6.00 Greg James. 7.00 Annie Mac. 9.00 BBC Radio 1 and 1Xtra’s Stories. 10.02 Huw Stephens. 1.00am Annie Nightingale. 4.00 Adele Roberts. Radio 2 5.00am Nicki Chapman. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Vanessa Feltz. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Amol Rajan. 7.00 Jamie Cullum. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 Suzi Quatro – Quatrophonic. 11.00 Nigel Ogden: The Organist Entertains. 11.30 Listen to the

Drama

12.05 A League of Their Own: Unseen (R,S,HD). 1.05 The Force: Essex (R,S,HD). 2.00 Colony (R,S,HD). 3.00 Brit Cops: War on Crime (R,S). 4.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (R,S). 4.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue (R,S). 5.00 Monkey Life (R,S). 5.30 Monkey Life (R,S).

Band. Midnight Sounds of the 80s. 2.00 Radio 2’s Folk Playlist. 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist: 90s Hits. 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Wednesday Workout. Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Birth of Polyphony. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune. 6.30 Composer of the Week: Birth of Polyphony. 7.30 BBC Proms 2017. 10.30 BBC New Generation Artists. 11.00 Late Junction. 12.30am Through the Night. Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today. 5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

9.00 Behind the Scenes: David Greig. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: The Unwomanly Face of War. 10.00 Woman’s Hour. 11.00 Natural Histories. 11.30 The Strange Case of Henry James’s Testicles. Noon News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 Home Front. 12.15 Call You and Yours. 12.57 Weather. 1.00 The World at One. 1.45 Door Stepping. 2.00 The Archers. 2.15 Drama: MetaphorMoses. 3.00 The Kitchen Cabinet. 3.30 Making History. 4.00 A Place Called Home. 4.30 Great Lives. 5.00 PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 Weather. 6.00 Six O’Clock News. 6.30 Meet David

Shopping. 8.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 9.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 10.00 Oxford Street Revealed. (T) 11.00 Ghost Adventures. (T) 12.00 Most Haunted. (T) 1.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 2.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 3.00 Oxford 11.00 Transfer Centre (HD). Street Revealed. (T) 4.00 My Ghost Story: Caught on Camera. (T) 5.00 11.30 Premier League Ghost Adventures. 6.00 Antiques Road Archive: Premier League Hat-Tricks (HD). Trip. 7.00 The Great British Bake Off. (T) 8.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 9.00 Featuring some of the Traffic Cops. (T) 10.00 Louis Theroux: Premier League’s hatBy Reason of Insanity. (T) 11.00 Born to trick heroes. Kill? Class of Evil. (T) 12.00 Crime Stories. (T) 1.00 Nurses Who Kill. (T) 12.00 Football Countdowns (HD). 2.00 Home Shopping. 4.00 Stalked: 1.00 Premier League Archive: Someone’s Watching. 4.50 Selling Premier League Best Goals (HD). Houses Australia. 5.40 DIY SOS. (T) 2.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD).

If you had one chance to save your dying son, wouldn’t you take it?

A true story of courage, love and endeavour. Of fear, pain and extraordinary resilience.

6.10 Beauty and the Beast. (T) 7.00 My Dream Home. (T) 10.00 The Bill. (T) 11.00 Tipping Point. 1.00 James Sedaris. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 Front Row. With Samira Ahmed 7.45 Love Henry James: Daisy Miller. 8.00 High Rise. Documentary about tower block life 8.40 In Touch. 9.00 Inside Health. 9.30 Behind the Scenes: David Greig. 10.00 The World Tonight. News roundup 10.45 Book at Bedtime: The Lie of the Land. 11.00 The Infinite Monkey Cage. A look at whether the world is the product of an advanced computer simulation 11.30 Short Cuts. Josie Long presents stories of people testing their mettle Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the Week: The Unwomanly Face of War. 12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World

Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast. Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 5 Live Daily with Adrian Chiles. 1.00pm Afternoon Edition. 4.00 5 Live Drive. 7.00 5 Live Sport. 7.30 5 Live Track and Field: Usain Bolt – 100 Days That Shook the World. 9.00 5 Live Sport: Championship and EFL 2017-18 Preview. 10.30 Phil Williams. 1.00am Up All Night. Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Bill Turnbull. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 7.00 Smooth Classics at Seven. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Sam Pittis.

ORDER now at: www.mirrorcollection.co.uk Or call 0845 143 0001* Also available on Kindle and the iBook store

* RRP £12.99 plus £2 P&P. Lines open from 9am- 5pm, Monday-Friday.

Wednesday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

LONG LOST FAMILY 9pm, ITV

A man searches for his son from a previous relationship in the 1970s, and a woman raised in children’s homes longs to find her real mother.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Animal Park Summer Special (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Going Back, Giving Back (S,HD). 11.45 Rip Off Britain: Food (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Red Rock (S,HD). 2.30 The Code (R,S,HD). 3.15 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

OLLY ALEXANDER: GROWING UP GAY 10.45pm, BBC1

Recent figures show that more than 40 per cent of LGBT+ people will experience a significant mental health problem, compared to around 25 per cent of the whole population. In this eyeopening film, Years and Years frontman Olly Alexander explores why the gay community is more vulnerable to mental health issues.

BBC2

6.00 The TV That Made Me (R,S,HD). 6.30 Animal Park Summer Special (R,S,HD). 7.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 8.00 Sign Zone: See Hear (S). 8.30 Sign Zone: Great British Menu (R,S). 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire (S,HD). 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live (S,HD). 12.00 Britain’s Great War (R,S,HD). 1.00 Two Tribes (R,S,HD). 1.30 A Taste of Britain (R,S,HD). 2.15 The Best Dishes Ever (R,S,HD). 2.45 The Great Rift: Africa’s Wild Heart (R,S,HD). 3.45 This Wild Life (R,S,HD). 4.15 The Life of Mammals (R,S). 5.15 Antiques Roadshow (R,S,HD).

THE SWEET MAKERS: A VICTORIAN TREAT 8pm, BBC2

Four modern confectioners use original recipes to recreate a Victorian sweet shop, and discover how the quest to satisfy our national sweet tooth transformed Britain.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S,HD). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S,HD). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.00 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.20 Regional News (S). 1.30 ITV Racing Live: Goodwood Festival (S,HD). Coverage of the second day of the event. 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). Game show, hosted by Ben Shephard. 5.00 Cash Trapped (S,HD).

FARGO 10.30pm, Channel 4

The third season of the US drama comes to a typically tense and bloody end. After learning from IRS agent Dollard that Varga’s takeover of Stussy Lots is a tax fraud scam, Gloria digs into the paperwork and follows the money trail. Meanwhile, Nikki is playing a dangerous game.

Channel 4

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.15 Celebrity Big Brother: The Launch (R,S,HD). 1.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). Kat tells Ash she needs more time to consider the adoption. 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). A Marine is murdered in Baghdad. 3.15 Film: Escape from Polygamy (S,HD) (2013). Drama, starring Haley Lu Richardson. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Celebrity Antiques Road Trip, 7pm

Love Your Garden, 8pm

Tried and Tasted … 8pm

Celebrity Big Brother’s … 11.05pm

▼

6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather (S,HD). 6.30 Regional News (S).

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 22/95. Quiz show, hosted by Jeremy Vine. 6.30 Letterbox (S,HD). 13/15. Game show, hosted by Mel Giedroyc.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News (S); Weather.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 8/21. The children are trapped in school. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Ryan visits Ste in hospital.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Kat tells Ash she needs more time to consider the adoption. 6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

▼

7.00 Holding Back the Years (R,S,HD). Documentary series in which celebrities over the age of 60 reflect on their experiences of growing old. Followed by Regional News.

7.00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip (R,S,HD). 6/20. Former Strictly Come Dancing partners Zoe Ball and Ian Waite join experts Margie Cooper and Paul Laidlaw.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Chrissie makes a decision. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Dev discovers the truth about Erica’s liaisons with Kevin.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S,HD).

7.00 FIA Formula E: Highlights (R,S,HD). The Montreal ePrix. Action from the two races staged at the Montreal Street Circuit. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

6 7 8 9

Watchdog Live, 8pm

8.00 Watchdog Live (S,HD). 6/6. The team investigates big name estate agents, and singer Ricky Wilson explores why ticketing websites provoke so many complaints. Last in the series.

8.00 The Sweet Makers: A Victorian Treat (S,HD). 3/3. See Choices Above. Last in the series.

8.00 Love Your Garden (S,HD). 6/9. Alan Titchmarsh and his team transform a garden in Southampton into a superstylish contemporary outdoor space for the Jordan family.

8.00 Tried and Tasted: The Ultimate Shopping List (S,HD). The panel of experts try fish pie and smoked bacon. 8.30 Food Unwrapped (S,HD). Kate investigates claims that Brazil nuts on UK supermarket shelves are radioactive.

8.00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors (S,HD). A toddler has her heart valve operation delayed after developing a nasty head cold, and a young woman dealing with anxiety and insomnia visits the surgery. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build (R,S,HD). 3/9. Nick Knowles adapts Frank and Christine Burrows’ two-bedroom bungalow to accommodate their son Mark, who was left paralysed after an unprovoked attack in 2012.

9.00 Man Up (S,HD) (2015). Premiere. See Choices Above. ●●●●

9.00 Long Lost Family (S,HD). 2/7. See Choices Above.

9.00 Old People’s Home for 4 Year Olds (S,HD). 2/2. Ten four year olds are now half way through an ambitious experiment, as they share their classroom with 11 pensioners who all follow the same timetable in a nursery near Bristol.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother (S,HD). Highlights from launch night as a fresh group of familiar faces make their way down the staircase into the house that for some will be their home for the next few weeks.

▼

after

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather. 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.40 Holiday Horrors: Caught on Camera (R,S,HD). 2/4. Another selection of clips showcasing what can go wrong on holiday, including a couple getting an unexpected visitor to their tent on a safari holiday.

10.00 The Windsors (S,HD). 5/6. See Choices Above. 10.30 Fargo (S,HD). 10/10. See Choices Above. Last in the series.

10.05 Celebrity Botched Up Bodies (S,HD). 10/10. See Choices Above.

▼

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

11.45 I’m Coming Out (S,HD). 1/2. Young adults come out to their parents about their sexuality.

11.10 Weather (S,HD). 11.15 Birds of Paradise: The Ultimate Quest (R,S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two. Benedict Allen and Frank Gardner visit Papua New Guinea.

11.40 River Monsters (R,S,HD). 1/10. Tracking down a deadly fish in southern Africa.

11.35 999: What’s Your Emergency? (R,S,HD). Paramedics help a man who has tried to kill himself.

11.05 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (S,HD). Rylan Clark-Neal presents the CBB companion show.

▼

10.00 BBC News at Ten (S,HD). 10.30 Regional News (S). Followed by Regional Programme. 10.45 Olly Alexander: Growing up Gay (S,HD). See Choices Above.

12.15 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 12.20 BBC News (S,HD).

12.15 Sign Zone: See Hear (R,S,HD). 12.45 Sign Zone: Who Do You Think You Are? (R,S). Clare Balding researches her great-grandfather. 1.45 Sign Zone: Incredible Medicine: Dr Weston’s Casebook (R,S). Cases include a girl with two hearts. 2.45 This Is BBC Two (S,HD). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.35 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 May the Best House Win (R,S,HD). Homeowners in the south-west Midlands rate one another’s properties. 3.50 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.35 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (R,S). 1.30 Film: Arbitrage (S,HD) (2012). See Choices Above. ●●● 3.15 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 4.10 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb (R,S,HD). 5.05 Shipping Wars UK (R,S,HD). 5.45 Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free (R,S,HD).

12.05 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door (R,S,HD). A dispute leads to a man being attacked with a hammer. 1.00 SuperCasino (S,HD). Live interactive gaming. 3.10 The Dog Rescuers with Alan Davies (R,S,HD). 4.00 Britain’s Greatest Bridges (R,S,HD). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

Eatingthe

Like ... learning the terrible truth about a man you loved. Like ... discovering your child has been abused. Like ... realising you were living a lie.

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ELEPHANT

The shocking true story that every wife and mother should read…

A phrase used to describe a way of dealing with something so big, so overwhelming, that it seems impossible to manage.

£7.99, £1 P&P for UK Orders Lines open from 9am to 5pm, Monday-Friday Available on Kindle and the iBook store

The Royals have gathered at Balmoral, where Camilla is determined to exact revenge on Theresa May. Meanwhile, Charles is a hit with the Scots when it is revealed he has got no underwear on under his kilt.

CELEBRITY BOTCHED UP BODIES 10.05pm, Channel 5

Former boxing promoter Kellie Maloney was left fighting for her life after a second round of facial feminisation to make her face more womanly. Former model Linsey Dawn McKenzie managed to receive an unintended facelift, which left her with no earlobes and huge scars.

FILM PICKS

THE WINDSORS 10pm, Channel 4

MAN UP 9pm, BBC2

Premiere. A woman is mistaken for a stranger’s blind date and decides to spend a chaotic evening with him. Romantic comedy, starring Simon Pegg.

ITV2

Sky1

Sky Premier League Alibi

6.35 Vanderpump Rules (R,HD). 7.20 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (R,S,HD). 8.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 9.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold Top 100 Weddings (R,S). 10.00 The Great Indoors (R,S,HD). 10.30 Guidance (S,HD). 11.00 LA Story (R,S,HD). 11.25 Vanderpump Rules (R,HD). 12.20 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 2.00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (R,S,HD). 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 5.00 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD).

6.00 The Flash (R,S,HD). 8.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 11.00 MacGyver (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). McGarrett awaits trial for the Governor’s murder. 3.00 MacGyver (R,S,HD). Angus encounters an international assassin hired to kill him. 4.00 The Flash (R,S,HD).

10.00 Premier League Daily (HD). 11.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). 12.00 Premier League Archive (HD). 12.45 PL Classics: PL Fans Vote (HD). 2.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Hat-Tricks (HD). 2.30 Premier League Archive: Great PL Goals (HD). 4.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Hat-Tricks (HD). 4.30 Premier League Archive: Great PL Goals (HD). 5.00 Premier League Daily (HD).

White House Down, 9pm

Gogglebox, 10pm

Colony, 9pm

Football Countdowns, 8.30pm

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 6.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 1/24.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 13/16. Bender competes in the 3004 Olympics. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 11/21.

6.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). A selection of memorable strikes from the 1993/94 season.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). Harry Hill narrates a selection of camcorder calamities. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). 7.30 Coach Trip: Road to Zante (S,HD). 8/40. The group race Italian sports cars.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 8/21. Mr Burns wins a professional basketball team in a poker game. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 20/22.

7.00 Transfer Centre (HD). The latest football transfer developments. 7.30 Premier League World (S,HD). A round-up of the latest news.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 14/19. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 15/19. Alan worries Charlie’s womanising is getting out of control.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 16/24. Howard is offered the chance to go back into space. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 17/24. Amy tries to find Raj a date.

8.00 Freddie Fries Again (R,S,HD). 5/6. Andrew Flintoff and Rob Penn head to south Wales, where they join in with a choir in the village of Blaengarw before frying up fish and chips.

8.00 Football Countdowns (HD). The most entertaining footballers in history. 8.30 Football Countdowns (HD). The most inspirational captains in football.

11.40 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 8/18. Peter volunteers for the police force.

RADIO

12.10 Family Guy (R,S). 12.40 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 1.10 American Dad! (S,HD). 1.35 Safeword (R,S). With Louie Spence, Tinchy Stryder, Russell Kane and Johnny Cochrane. 2.20 Emma Willis: The Hot Desk (R,S,HD). 2.30 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

Reviewed shows include Line of Duty, Mary Berry’s Easter Feast, Saturday Night Takeaway, University Challenge and Big Little Lies.

World (R,S,HD). 4/6. Ross gains unprecedented access to the world of the Camorra crime syndicate as he investigates a street war that has claimed more than 4,000 lives in Naples.

Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). A selection of memorable strikes.

Yesterday

Dave

Drama

BBC4

Film4

GOLD

Tocelebrate her lasting legacy, 20 years on

Really

6.00 Helicopter Heroes. 7.00 Home Shopping. 8.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 9.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 10.00 Oxford Street Revealed. (T) 11.00 Ghost Adventures. (T) 12.00 Most Haunted. 1.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 2.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 3.00 Oxford Street Revealed. (T) 11.05 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Transfer Centre (HD). 11.00 Modern Family 4.00 My Ghost Story: Caught on Camera. (T) 5.00 Ghost Adventures. (R,S,HD). 15/24. The latest football (R,S,HD). 15/22. 6.00 Antiques Road Trip. 7.00 The transfer developments. 11.35 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 16/24. Howard (R,S,HD). 16/22. Phil gets 11.30 Premier League World Great British Bake Off. (T) 8.00 Escape is torn between (S,HD). A round-up of the to the Country. (T) 9.00 Obsessive ready for a charity Compulsive Cleaners. (T) 10.00 Louis Bernadette and his latest news. basketball match. Theroux: By Reason of Insanity. (T) mother. 11.00 Harold Shipman: Born to Kill? (T) 12.00 Crime Stories. (T) 1.00 Nurses 12.05 Don’t Tell the Bride 12.00 A League of Their Own: 12.00 Football Countdowns (HD). Who Kill. (T) 2.00 Home Shopping. 4.00 (R,S,HD). Groom Billy plans a pigBest Bits (R,S,HD). 1.00 Micky 1.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). Helicopter Heroes. (T) 4.45 Selling themed wedding. 1.10 First Dates Flanagan Thinking Aloud 1.30 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). Houses Australia. 5.35 DIY SOS. (R,S,HD). 2.15 Rude Tube (R,S). (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Force: Essex 2.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 3.05 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). 3.55 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Brit Cops: War on 2.30 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 4.20 Crime (R,S). 4.00 Animal 999 3.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 4.45 How I (R,HD). 4.30 Animal 999 (R,HD). 3.30 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 6.10 Beauty and the Beast. (T) 7.00 My Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 5.05 5.00 Monkey Life (R,S). 5.30 4.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). Dream Home. (T) 10.00 The Bill. (T) How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). Monkey Life (R,S). 4.30 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 11.00 Tipping Point. 1.00 James

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Clara Amfo. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 5.45 Newsbeat. 6.00 Greg James. 7.00 Annie Mac. 9.00 The Surgery with Gemma & Dr Radha. 10.02 Huw Stephens. 1.00am Benji B. 4.00 Adele Roberts. Radio 2 5.00am Nicki Chapman. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Vanessa Feltz. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Amol Rajan. 7.00 The Folk Show with Mark Radcliffe. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 Born This Way. 11.00 Kiki Dee: I’ve Got the Music in Me. Midnight Pick of the

A businessman selling his company desperately tries to keep his past crimes a secret from his family and the police. Thriller, with Richard Gere.

Martin’s United Cakes of America. (T) 2.00 MasterChef USA. (T) 3.00 Who Do You Think You Are? (T) 4.00 My Family. (T) 6.00 Tipping Point. 7.00 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars. 8.00 One Born 7.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 8.00 Judge John Deed. (T) 10.00 The Doctor Every Minute. (T) 9.00 Educating Yorkshire. (T) Blake Mysteries. (T) 11.00 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 10.00 The Catherine Tate Show. (T) 10.40 Cherry 12.00 Father Brown. (T) 1.00 New Tricks. (T) 3.00 Healey: How to Get a Life. 12.00 One Born Every Minute. (T) 1.00 The Honourable Woman. 3.00 Judge John Deed. (T) 5.00 New Tricks. (T) 7.00 Home Shopping. Father Brown. (T) 8.00 The Coroner. 9.00 New Tricks. (T) 11.00 Rosewood. 12.00 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 1.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 2.00 Father Brown. (T) 2.50 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping. 6.00 Chris Tarrant: Extreme Railways. 7.10 The World at War. (T) 8.00 Forbidden History. (T) 9.00 Africa. (T) 12.00 Frozen Planet. (T) 3.00 Blackadder II. (T) 3.40 Blackadder the Third. (T) 6.00 Home Shopping. 7.00 Traffic Cops. (T) 8.10 4.20 Blackadder Goes Forth. (T) 5.00 Chris Tarrant: Extreme Railways. 6.00 Forbidden American Pickers. (T) 9.00 Storage Hunters. (T) History. (T) 7.00 The World at War. (T) 8.00 10.00 American Pickers. (T) 12.00 Top Gear. (T) 3.00 Brojects in the House. (T) 4.00 Steve Austin’s Impossible Engineering. 10.00 Porridge. (T) 12.00 Forbidden History. (T) 1.00 The World at War. (T) Broken Skull Challenge. 5.00 Top Gear. (T) 7.00 The Joy of Techs. (T) 8.00 Sin City Motors. (T) 9.00 2.00 Chris Tarrant: Extreme Railways. 3.00 Home Room 101. (T) 10.20 QI XL. (T) 11.20 QI. (T) 12.40 Shopping. Mock the Week. (T) 1.20 QI. (T) 2.40 Parks and Recreation. (T) 3.30 The Indestructibles. 4.00 Home Shopping. 7.00 World News Today. (T) 7.00 Weather. (T) 7.30 The Boats That Built Britain. (T) 8.00 Inside Einstein’s Mind: The Enigma of Space and Time. (T) 9.00 Hyper Evolution: Rise of the Robots. (T) 10.00 7.10 The Bill. (T) 8.00 Dangerfield. (T) 9.00 Queers. (T) 10.40 Horizon: Is Your Brain Male or Monarch of the Glen. (T) 10.00 All Creatures Great and Small. (T) 11.00 The Bill. (T) 1.00 Last Female? (T) 11.40 The Joy of Logic. (T) 12.40 Voyages of Discovery. (T) 1.40 Inside Einstein’s of the Summer Wine. (T) 1.40 Waiting for God. (T) 2.20 Birds of a Feather. (T) 3.00 Dangerfield. Mind: The Enigma of Space and Time. (T) 2.40 Hyper Evolution: Rise of the Robots. (T) 3.40 Close. (T) 4.00 Monarch of the Glen. (T) 5.00 All Creatures Great and Small. (T) 6.00 Waiting for God. (T) 6.40 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 7.20 To the Manor Born. (T) 8.00 Hetty Wainthropp Investigates. (T) 9.00 Death in Paradise. (T) 10.20 11.00 King Kong. (1976) (T) 1.50 The Parent Trap. The Inspector Lynley Mysteries. (T) 12.15 Taggart. (1961) (T) 4.25 First Daughter. (2004) (T) 6.45 2.00 Film: The Last Musketeer (2000) Drama, School of Rock. (2003) (T) 9.00 The Gift. (2015) (T) starring Robson Green. 4.00 Home Shopping. 11.10 Ghost. (1990) (T) 1.40 Alleluia. (2014) 3.35 Close.

7.05 Waiting for God. (T) 8.20 Ever Decreasing Circles. (T) 9.00 The Brittas Empire. (T) 9.40 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 11.40 Ever Decreasing Circles. (T) 12.20 The Brittas Empire. (T) 1.00 Porridge. (T) 1.40 The Good Life. (T) 2.20 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 3.00 9.00 Premier League 9.00 White House Down 9.00 Don’t Tell the Bride 9.00 Colony (HD). 5/13. Will The Vicar of Dibley. (T) 3.40 Last of the Archive: Great PL Goals Summer Wine. (T) 5.40 Porridge. (T) (S,HD) (2013). A (S,HD). Groom Billy plans returns to an unfamiliar (HD). A selection of policeman on a tour of a pig-themed wedding, workplace, Katie tries to 6.20 The Good Life. (T) 7.00 Only Fools spectacular free-kicks. the White House has to complete with a world stay on her best and Horses. (T) 7.40 The Vicar of Dibley. (T) 8.20 Boomers. 9.00 The save the president when record pig parade, but behaviour at home and 9.30 Premier League terrorists seize control of his prim and proper Broussard and his cell Archive: Great PL Goals Rebel. (T) 9.40 Gavin & Stacey. (T) 10.20 Live at the Apollo. (T) 11.20 the building. Action bride Steph may not be make a startling (HD). A collection of Peep Show. (T) 11.55 Bottom. (T) thriller, with Channing pleased with his discovery about the Wall. breath-taking volleys. 12.30 Live at the Apollo. (T) 1.30 Tatum and Jamie Foxx. decision. Bottom. (T) 2.05 French and Saunders. ●●● (T) 2.40 The Thin Blue Line. (T) 3.15 10.00 Ross Kemp: Extreme 10.00 Premier League Peep Show. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping. 10.00 FYI Daily (HD). 10.00 Gogglebox (R,S,HD).

10.05 White House Down (S,HD) (2013). Concluded. ●●●

ARBITRAGE 1.30am, Channel 4

Pops. 2.00 Radio 2’s Country Playlist. 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Easy. 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Radio 2 Rocks. Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Birth of Polyphony. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 3.30 Choral Evensong. 4.30 In Tune. 6.00 News. 6.02 Composer of the Week: Birth of Polyphony. 7.00 BBC Proms 2017. 9.00 BBC New Generation Artists in Schumann. 9.30 Sunday Feature: Mongolia: Keeping in Steppe. 10.15 BBC Proms 2017. 11.30 Late Junction. 12.30am Through the Night. Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43

Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today. 5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today. 8.31 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament. 9.00 From Shame to Pride. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: The Unwomanly Face of War. 10.00 Woman’s Hour. 10.56 The Listening Project. 11.00 Clocking On. 11.30 Bad Salsa. Noon News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (FM) Home Front. 12.15 You and Yours. 1.00 The World at One. 1.45 Door Stepping. 1.56 Weather. 2.00 The Archers. 2.15 Drama: The Life and Times of Arthur Miller. 3.00 The Death of Retirement. 3.30 Inside Health. 4.00 I’m Here. Where are You? 4.30 The

Media Show. 5.00 PM. 6.00 Six O’Clock News. 6.30 Chain Reaction. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 Front Row. Arts programme. A round-up of arts news and reviews. 7.45 (LW) Love Henry James: Daisy Miller. 7.45 (FM) Love Henry James: Daisy Miller. 8.00 The Moral Maze. 8.45 Four Thought. 9.00 The Human at Play. 9.30 From Shame to Pride. 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The World Tonight. News round-up 10.45 Book at Bedtime: The Lie of the Land. 11.00 Love in Recovery. 11.15 Kieran Hodgson’s Earworms. 11.30 Short Cuts. Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the Week: The Unwomanly Face of War. 12.45 Sailing By. 12.48

Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast. Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 5 Live Daily with Emma Barnett. 1.00pm Afternoon Edition. 4.00 5 Live Drive. 7.00 5 Live Sport. 7.30 5 Live Sport: Darren Campbell’s Get Inspired. 8.30 5 Live Sport. 10.30 Phil Williams. 1.00am Up All Night. Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 7.00 Smooth Classics at Seven. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Sam Pittis.

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Thursday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

INSIDE LONDON FIRE BRIGADE 9pm, ITV

One hundred firefighters are mobilised when a garden centre near Heathrow goes up in flames, and things take a dramatic turn.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Animal Park Summer Special (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Going Back, Giving Back (S,HD). 11.45 Rip Off Britain: Food (R,S). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Red Rock (S,HD). 2.30 The Code (R,S,HD). 3.15 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Alexander Armstrong.

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

KICKED OUT: FROM CARE TO CHAOS 10.45pm, BBC1

At the age of 13, Rebecca Southworth was taken from her abusive family home and placed in care. Now, 10 years on, she’s meeting other people who have been in a similar situation to find out why such a high proportion of sex workers, rough sleepers and prison inmates spent time in care.

BBC2

6.00 The TV That Made Me (R,S,HD). 6.30 Animal Park Summer Special (R,S,HD). 7.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 8.00 Sign Zone: Museum of the Year (R,S). 8.30 Sign Zone: Great British Menu (R,S). 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire (S,HD). 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live (S,HD). 12.00 Britain’s Great War (R,S,HD). 1.00 Two Tribes (R,S,HD). 1.30 A Taste of Britain (R,S,HD). 2.15 The Best Dishes Ever (R,S,HD). 2.45 Natural World (R,S,HD). 3.30 This Wild Life (R,S,HD). 4.00 The Life of Mammals (R,S). 5.00 Golf: Women’s Open Highlights (S,HD).

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? 9pm, BBC1

8 OUT OF 10 CATS DOES COUNTDOWN 10pm, Channel 4

Jimmy Carr hosts the popular quiz as Sean Lock and David O’Doherty compete against Jon Richardson and Natasia Demetriou. John Kearns joins Countdown’s resident lexicographer Susie Dent in Dictionary Corner, while Rachel Riley looks after the numbers and letters.

Emma Willis traces her mother’s side of the family back to Victorian Birmingham, before learning that her father’s grandmother was born in Ireland.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S,HD). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S,HD). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.00 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.20 Regional News (S). 1.30 ITV Racing Live: Goodwood Festival (S,HD). Coverage of the third day of the event. 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). Game show, hosted by Ben Shephard. 5.00 Cash Trapped (S,HD).

Channel 4

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.15 The Yorkshire Vet (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Celebrity Big Brother (R,S,HD). Highlights of the famous housemates’ first evening together. 1.10 Access (R,S). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). 3.10 Film: Out of Reach (S,HD) (2013). See Choices Above. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Eggheads, 6pm

Emmerdale, 7pm

▼

6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather (S,HD). 6.30 Regional News (S).

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 23/95. Quiz show, hosted by Jeremy Vine. 6.30 Letterbox (S,HD). 14/15. Game show, hosted by Mel Giedroyc.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News (S); Weather.

▼

7.00 Thief Trackers (R,S,HD). 2/10. The team uses GPS to follow a criminal. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Lauren confides in Whitney. Followed by Regional News.

7.00 Athletics: World Championship Preview (S,HD). Gabby Logan presents a look ahead to the event, which takes place at The London Stadium.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Debbie reads Sarah’s diary. 7.30 Eat, Shop, Save (S,HD). 4/4. A family in Dudley who live off a diet of fast food and takeaway meals. Last in the series.

▼

6 7 8 9

Pointless, 5.15pm

8.00 Trouble at the RSPCA – Panorama (S,HD). Current affairs report. 8.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Whitney and Woody celebrate their engagement.

8.00 10 Puppies and Us (S,HD). 2/4. South London woman Delia is keen on the idea of a big-breed dog, so she is given to chance to try before she buys. Cocker spaniel pup Poppy joins the Vaughan family in Surrey.

8.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Emma has a surprise visit. 8.30 James Martin’s French Adventure (S,HD). 4/10. The culinary highlights of the lakeside town of Annecy.

8.00 Nightmare Tenants: Get Out of My House (R,S,HD). A tenant is found to have been running a business from a rented property. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Who Do You Think You Are? (S,HD). 5/10. See Choices Above.

9.00 Top of the Lake: China Girl (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Inside London Fire Brigade (S,HD). 2/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother (S,HD). Highlights of the housemates’ first full day at the mercy of Big Brother, revealing who is playing up for the benefit of the cameras and who is taking a more laid-back approach.

7.30 UEFA Women’s Euro 2017 (S,HD). Coverage of the second semi-final (Kick-off TBA). Subsequent programmes are subject to change.

7.00 All New Traffic Cops (R,S,HD). Four police cars are needed to stop a vehicle with a motorbike hanging out of the boote. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

after

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). John reflects on his father’s letter. 6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

10.00 BBC News at Ten (S,HD). 10.30 Regional News (S). 10.45 Kicked Out: From Care to Chaos (S,HD). See Choices Above.

10.00 The Mash Report (S,HD). 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather. 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.40 Schofield’s South African Adventure (R,S,HD). 1/3. Phillip Schofield and wife Steph visit South Africa.

10.00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (R,S,HD). 3/5. See Choices Above.

10.05 Nikki Grahame: In Therapy (S,HD). See Choices Above.

▼

Nikki Grahame: In Therapy, 10.05pm

11.25 Queer Britain (S,HD). 1/6. New series. Gay culture and religion. 11.55 Queer Britain (S,HD). 2/6. Body dysmorphic disorder, eating disorders and self-harm among gay men.

11.10 Weather (S,HD). 11.15 Birds of Paradise: The Ultimate Quest (R,S,HD). 2/2. Part two of two. The return of old injuries places the expedition in doubt.

11.10 Lion Country: Night and Day (R,S,HD). 1/3. Cameras follow lions in the wild.

11.05 Real, Fake or Unknown (S,HD). 6/6. The authenticity of the internet’s most famous clips. Last in the series.

11.05 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (S,HD). Rylan Clark-Neal presents the CBB companion show.

▼

8 Out of 10 Cats Does … 10pm

12.25 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 12.30 BBC News (S,HD).

12.15 Sign Zone: Horizon: Dippy and the Whale (R,S). Replacing the Natural History Museum’s famous dinosaur skeleton. 1.15 Sign Zone: The Sweet Makers: A Tudor Treat (R,S). Modern confectioners relive the world of historical sweets. 2.15 Sign Zone: Mini Monet Millionaire (R,S). 2.45 This Is BBC Two (S,HD). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.10 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Eat, Shop, Save (R,S,HD). A family in Dudley who live off a diet of fast food and takeaway meals. Last in the series. 3.25 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.10 One Born Every Minute (R,S,HD). 1.05 Old People’s Home for 4 Year Olds (R,S,HD). 2.00 Bizarre ER (S,HD). 2.50 The Supervet (R,S,HD). 3.45 Tried and Tasted: The Ultimate Shopping List (R,S,HD). 4.10 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 5.05 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino (S,HD). Live interactive gaming. 3.10 GPs: Behind Closed Doors (R,S,HD). A toddler has her heart valve operation delayed. 4.00 Britain’s Greatest Bridges (R,S). Rob Bell tells the story of the Humber Bridge. Last in the series. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

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The autopsy reveals more that expected about the victim known only as China Girl. Realising she was a sex worker, Robin and Miranda do the rounds of Sydney’s brothels.

The former Big Brother contestant, famous for her crazy outbursts, temper tantrums and ‘Who is she?’ catchphrase, undergoes a series of intensive on-camera therapy sessions with psychotherapist Mandy Saligari. She is keen to leave behind her childlike persona for which she has become known.

FILM PICKS

NIKKI GRAHAME: IN THERAPY 10.05pm, Channel 5

TOP OF THE LAKE: CHINA GIRL 9pm, BBC2

OUT OF REACH 3.10pm, Channel 5

A woman faces having her family torn apart when her husband enters into a business arrangement with two lifestyle coaches, only to end up joining their cult of followers. She struggles to get him away from their influence, but the conflict grows more serious. Thriller, starring Erin Karpluk.

ITV2

Sky1

Sky Premier League Alibi

8.30 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 9.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold Top 100 Holidays (R,S). 10.00 The Great Indoors (R,S,HD). 10.30 Guidance (R,S). 11.00 LA Story (R,S,HD). 11.25 Vanderpump Rules (R,HD). 12.20 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 12.55 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 2.00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (R,S,HD). 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 5.00 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD).

6.30 Coach Trip: Road to Zante (R,S,HD). 7.00 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 8.00 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD). 9.00 Black-ish (R,S,HD). 10.00 Baby Daddy (R,S,HD). 11.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 12.00 The Goldbergs (R,S,HD). 1.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2.00 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD). 3.00 Baby Daddy (R,S,HD). 4.00 Black-ish (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Goldbergs (R,S,HD). 5.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD).

6.00 The Flash (R,S,HD). 8.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 11.00 MacGyver (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). A 15-year-old paddleboarder is abducted. 3.00 MacGyver (R,S,HD). The US embassy in Latvia comes under attack. 4.00 The Flash (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Flash (R,S,HD).

6.00 Premier League Archive (HD). 6.45 PL Classics: PL Fans Vote (HD). Leeds United v Liverpool from the 2000/01 season. 10.00 Premier League Daily (HD). Updates from the top flight. 11.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). 12.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 5.00 Premier League Daily (HD). Updates from the top flight.

Horrible Bosses, 9pm

New Girl, 9pm

TKarl Pilkington ... 9pm

Football Countdowns, 8.30pm

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold A to Z of Animals (R,S). An alphabetical look at videos from the animal kingdom.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 4/24. 6.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). It’s the day of Armstrong’s hearing.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 14/16. Bender considers a radical upgrade. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 11/13.

6.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). Memorable strikes from the 1994/95 campaign.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Top 100 Shockers (R,S). Harry Hill presents a countdown of 100 memorable videos not for the faint-hearted.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Cindy is spooked. 7.30 Coach Trip: Road to Zante (S,HD). 9/40. The tourists take part in an aerial acrobatic class.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 5/21. Homer and Marge reminisce about their marriage. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 18/22.

7.00 Transfer Centre (HD). 7.30 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). Memorable strikes from the 2000/01 season.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 16/19. Alan plans Evelyn’s wedding. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 17/19. A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie’s house.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 13/24. 8.30 Kevin Can Wait (S). 16/24. Kevin and Donna’s chiropractor catches them with his colleague.

8.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo (R,S,HD). 4/8. Jason Byrne, Danny Dyer and Meera Syal reveal their favourite facts, which are then tested to see if they are scientifically accurate.

8.00 Football Countdowns (HD). The most entertaining cup finals in history. 8.30 Football Countdowns (HD). The most memorable comebacks in football history.

9.00 Horrible Bosses (S,HD) (2011). Three unhappy employees hate their bosses but cannot afford to quit their jobs – so decide to resort to murder. Comedy, starring Jason Bateman. ●●●

9.00 New Girl (S). 21/22. Jess and Nick both seek help with their love lives. 9.30 New Girl (S). 22/22. Jess prepares to tell Nick how she really feels about him. Last in the series.

9.00 Karl Pilkington: The Moaning of Life (R,S,HD). 5/5. Karl ends his journey with a look at differing attitudes to death. In Ghana, he attends his first-ever funeral and the accompanying parade.

9.00 Premier League Archive: Great PL Goals (HD). A collection of breath-taking volleys. 9.30 Premier League Archive: Great PL Goals (HD). Memorable team goals.

10.00 A League of Their 10.00 Premier League 10.00 FYI Daily (HD). 10.00 The Inbetweeners Own (R,S,HD). 5/10. Tony Archive: Premier (R,S,HD). 3/6. Will plans 10.05 Horrible Bosses (S,HD) Adams, David Baddiel League Best Goals to celebrate his birthday (2011). Concluded. ●●● and Aisling Bea join host (HD). A selection of with a dinner party. James Corden and memorable strikes. 10.35 The Inbetweeners regulars Jamie (R,S,HD). 4/6. The friends Redknapp, Andrew go clubbing in London. Flintoff and Jack Whitehall on the sportsbased comedy quiz. 11.05 The Big Bang Theory 11.05 Family Guy (R,S,HD). (R,S,HD). 17/24. 9/18. Brian and Stewie embark on an epic 11.35 The Big Bang Theory journey. (R,S,HD). 18/24. Priya asks Leonard to spend 11.30 Family Guy (R,S,HD). less time with Penny. 6/18. Lois becomes a sex education teacher.

RADIO

12.00 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.30 American Dad! (R,S,HD). Stan becomes a heroic do-gooder. 1.00 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 1.30 Mom (R,S,HD). 1.55 Mom (R,S). 2.15 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.05 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). 12.55 The Inbetweeners (R,S,HD). 2.00 Tattoo Fixers (R,S,HD). 2.55 Kevin Can Wait (R,S). 3.15 New Girl (R,S). 3.40 New Girl (R,S). 4.00 The Goldbergs (R,S,HD). 4.25 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 4.45 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

Radio 1 6.33am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Clara Amfo. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 5.45 Newsbeat. 6.00 Greg James. 7.00 Annie Mac. 9.00 Radio 1’s Artist Takeover with B.Traits. 10.02 BBC Radio 1’s Residency – Deadmau5. Midnight BBC Radio 1’s Residency – Will Atkinson. 1.00 Toddla T. 4.00 Jordan North. Radio 2 5.00am Nicki Chapman. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Vanessa Feltz. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Amol Rajan. 7.00 Bob Harris Country. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 The Radio 2 Arts

TAKEN 2 9pm, Film4

Former CIA agent Bryan Mills fights to rescue his ex-wife from an Albanian gangster whose son he killed. Action thriller sequel, starring Liam Neeson.

2.00 MasterChef USA. (T) 3.00 Who Do You Think You Are? (T) 4.00 My Family. (T) 6.00 Tipping Point. 7.00 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars. 7.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Murdoch Mysteries. 8.00 One Born Every Minute. (T) 9.00 John (T) 8.00 Judge John Deed. (T) 10.00 The Doctor Bishop: In Conversation with Louise Redknapp. (T) 10.00 The Catherine Tate Show. (T) 10.40 Blake Mysteries. (T) 11.00 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 12.00 Father Brown. (T) 1.00 New Tricks. (T) EastEnders. (T) 12.00 One Born Every Minute. 3.00 Judge John Deed. (T) 5.00 New Tricks. (T) (T) 1.00 The Honourable Woman. 3.00 Home Shopping. 7.00 Father Brown. (T) 8.00 New Tricks. (T) 11.15 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 12.10 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 1.00 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 2.00 Father Brown. (T) 3.00 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping. 6.00 Chris Tarrant: Extreme Railways. 7.10 The World at War. (T) 8.00 Forbidden History. (T) 9.00 Frozen Planet. (T) 12.00 Wild China. (T) 3.00 Porridge. (T) 5.00 Monsoon Railway. (T) 6.00 Home Shopping. 7.00 American Pickers. (T) 6.00 Forbidden History. (T) 7.00 The World at War. (T) 8.00 Unearthing WWII. (T) 9.00 9.00 Storage Hunters. (T) 10.00 American Pickers. (T) 12.00 Top Gear. (T) 3.00 Brojects in Impossible Engineering. 10.00 Some Mothers the House. (T) 4.00 Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Do ’Ave ’Em. (T) 12.00 Forbidden History. (T) 1.00 The World at War. (T) 2.00 Monsoon Challenge. 5.00 Top Gear. (T) 7.00 The Joy of Techs. (T) 8.00 QI XL. (T) 9.00 Not Going Out. (T) Railway. (T) 3.00 Home Shopping. 11.00 QI. (T) 12.20 Mock the Week. (T) 1.00 QI. (T) 2.20 Would I Lie to You? (T) 3.00 Parks and Recreation. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping. 7.00 World News Today. (T) 7.00 Weather. (T) 7.30 Top of the Pops: 1984. (T) 8.00 Shipwrecks: Britain’s Sunken History. (T) 9.00 Prejudice and Pride: The People’s History of LGBTQ Britain. (T) 7.10 The Bill. (T) 8.00 Dangerfield. (T) 9.00 10.00 Queers. (T) 10.40 Timeshift: How to Be a Monarch of the Glen. (T) 10.00 All Creatures Great and Small. (T) 11.00 The Bill. (T) 1.00 Last Lady – An Elegant History. (T) 11.40 Top of the of the Summer Wine. (T) 1.40 Waiting for God. Pops: 1984. (T) 12.15 King Alfred and the Anglo(T) 2.20 Birds of a Feather. (T) 3.00 Dangerfield. Saxons. (T) 1.15 Shipwrecks: Britain’s Sunken History. (T) 2.15 Prejudice and Pride: The (T) 4.00 Monarch of the Glen. (T) 5.00 All Creatures Great and Small. (T) 6.00 Waiting for People’s History of LGBTQ Britain. (T) 3.15 Close. God. (T) 6.40 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 7.20 To the Manor Born. (T) 8.00 Hetty Wainthropp Investigates. (T) 9.00 Death in Paradise. (T) 10.20 The Inspector Lynley Mysteries. (T) 12.15 11.00 Marmaduke. (2010) (T) 12.45 Parental Taggart. 2.55 Ain’t Misbehavin’. 4.00 Home Guidance. (2012) (T) 2.50 Bridge to Terabithia. Shopping. (2007) (T) 4.45 The Princess Diaries. (2001) (T) 7.00 The Way Way Back. (2013) (T) 9.00 Taken 2. (2012) See Choices Above. (T) 10.50 Middle Men. (2009) (T) 1.05 The Yards. (2000) (T) 7.00 Waiting for God. (T) 8.00 Ever Decreasing Circles. (T) 8.40 The Brittas Empire. (T) 9.20 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 11.20 Ever Decreasing Circles. (T) 12.00 The Brittas Empire. (T) 12.40 Porridge. (T) 1.20 The Good Life. 2.00 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 2.40 The Vicar of Dibley. (T) 3.30 The Best of Tommy Cooper. 4.00 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 5.20 Porridge. (T) 6.00 The Good Life. (T) 6.45 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 7.25 The Vicar of Dibley. (T) 8.20 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 9.00 Bottom. (T) 9.40 Gavin & Stacey. (T) 10.20 Live at the Apollo. (T) 11.20 Peep Show. (T) 11.55 Bottom. (T) 12.35 Live at the Apollo. (T) 1.35 Jonathan Creek. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Yesterday

Dave

Drama

BBC4

Film4

GOLD

Eatingthe

ELEPHANT

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The shocking true story that every wife and mother should read…

6.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 7.00 Home Shopping. 8.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 9.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 10.00 Oxford Street Revealed. 11.00 Ghost Adventures. (T) 12.00 Most Haunted. 1.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 2.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 3.00 Oxford Street Revealed. 4.00 My Ghost Story: Caught on Camera. (T) 5.00 Ghost 11.00 Transfer Centre (HD). 11.00 Modern Family Adventures. 6.00 Antiques Road Trip. The latest football (R,S,HD). 17/22. 7.00 The Great British Bake Off. (T) transfer developments. 11.30 Modern Family 8.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 9.00 11.30 Premier League (R,S,HD). 18/22. Mitch One Born Every Minute. (T) 10.00 Archive: Great PL and Cam race to catch a Motorway Cops. (T) 11.00 Born to Goals (HD). A selection Kill. flight. 12.00 Crime Stories. (T) 1.00 of spectacular free-kicks. Nurses Who Kill. (T) 2.00 Home Shopping. 4.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 12.00 A League of Their Own 12.00 Football Countdowns (HD). 4.45 Selling Houses Australia. 5.35 (R,S,HD). 1.00 Ross Kemp: 1.00 Premier League Archive DIY SOS. (T) Extreme World (R,S,HD). 2.00 The (HD). 1.15 Premier League Force: Essex (R,S,HD). 3.00 Brit Archive (HD). 1.30 Premier Cops: War on Crime (R,S). 4.00 League Archive (HD). 1.45 PL Animal 999 (R,HD). 4.30 Animal Classics: PL Fans Vote (HD). 2.00 6.10 Beauty and the Beast. (T) 7.00 999 (R,S,HD). 5.00 Monkey Life PL Classics: PL Fans Vote (HD). My Dream Home. (T) 10.00 The Bill. (R,S). 5.30 Monkey Life (R,S). 2.15 PL Classics: PL Fans Vote (T) 11.00 Tipping Point. 1.00 James (HD). Martin’s United Cakes of America. (T)

Show with Jonathan Ross. Midnight The Craig Charles House Party. 2.00 Radio 2’s Tracks of My Years Playlist. 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Have A Great Weekend. 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Feelgood Friday. Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Birth of Polyphony. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune. 6.30 Composer of the Week: Birth of Polyphony. 7.30 BBC Proms 2017. 10.00 South Korea – The Silent Cultural Superpower. 10.45 The Essay: Cornerstones. 11.00 Late Junction. 12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today. 5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today. 9.00 The Long View. 9.30 One to One. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: The Unwomanly Face of War. 10.00 Woman’s Hour. 11.00 Crossing Continents. 11.30 Natalie Haynes Stands Up for the Classics. Noon News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 Home Front. 12.15 You and Yours. 12.57 Weather. 1.00 The World at One. 1.45 Door Stepping. 2.00 The Archers. 2.15 Drama: The Tiny Problem. 3.00 Open Country. 3.27 Radio 4 Appeal. 3.30 Open Book. 4.00 The Film Programme.

4.30 BBC Inside Science. 5.00 PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 Weather. 6.00 Six O’Clock News. 6.30 The Pin. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 Front Row. Arts programme 7.45 Love Henry James: Daisy Miller. 8.00 The Briefing Room. 8.30 In Business. New series. 9.00 BBC Inside Science. 9.30 The Long View. The fashion for the male beard, today and in the 19th century. Last in the series 10.00 The World Tonight. With Razia Iqbal 10.45 Book at Bedtime: The Lie of the Land. 11.00 Daphne Sounds Expensive. 11.30 Short Cuts. Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the Week: The Unwomanly Face of War. 12.48

Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast. Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 5 Live Daily with Emma Barnett. 1.00pm Afternoon Edition. 4.00 5 Live Drive. 7.00 5 Live Sport. 7.30 5 Live Sport: 2017 World Athletics Championships. 10.00 Phil Williams. 1.00am Up All Night. Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 7.00 Smooth Classics at Seven. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Jane Jones.

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TV PICKS

Friday’s Television Guide WORLD ATHLETICS CHAMPIONSHIPS 2017 7pm, BBC1

Gabby Logan presents coverage of the opening night of events at The London Stadium in Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park.

BBC1

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE SECRET WORLD OF POSH PETS 8pm, ITV

Despite being just 21 years old, Rory has seemingly already cornered the market in supplying pet jellyfish. In fact, he is so successful that he employs his dad to help him export his jellies all around the world. However, it is sink or swim time for the young businessman – his latest project is his biggest yet.

BBC2

6.00 The TV That Made Me (R,S,HD). 6.30 Animal Park Summer Special (R,S,HD). 7.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 8.00 Sign Zone: Gardeners’ World (R,S). 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire (S,HD). 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live (S,HD). 12.00 Britain’s Great War (R,S,HD). 1.00 Two Tribes (R,S,HD). 1.30 A Taste of Britain (R,S,HD). 2.15 The Best Dishes Ever (R,S,HD). 2.45 Natural World (R,S,HD). 3.30 This Wild Life (R,S,HD). 4.00 The Life of Mammals (R,S). 5.00 Golf: Women’s Open Highlights (S,HD).

GARDENERS’ WORLD 9pm, BBC2

At Longmeadow, Monty Don plants up a new bed of irises and takes pelargonium cuttings. Meanwhile, Nick Bailey brightens up a dull and shady space at the side of a terraced house.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S,HD). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S,HD). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.00 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.20 Regional News (S). 1.30 ITV Racing Live: Goodwood Festival (S,HD). Coverage of the fourth day of the event. 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). Game show, hosted by Ben Shephard. 5.00 Cash Trapped (S,HD).

NAKED ATTRACTION 10pm, Channel 4

Anna Richardson presents the dating show in which two singletons choose their favourite from a line-up of potential dates who reveal themselves one body part at a time – in all their naked glory. First up is 22-year-old gym addict Sophie from Surrey, who is desperate to find a man who boasts a little banter.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 Will & Grace (R,S,HD). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 8.30 Frasier (R,S). 10.05 Undercover Boss USA (R,S,HD). 11.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S,HD). 12.05 Couples Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 1.05 Posh Pawn (R,S,HD). 2.10 Countdown (S,HD). 3.00 The Question Jury (S,HD). 4.00 A Place in the Sun: Summer Sun (S,HD). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.15 The Yorkshire Vet (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Celebrity Big Brother (R,S,HD). 1.10 Access. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). Two bodies are found at a building site on a Navy base. 3.15 Film: Jesse Stone: Stone Cold (S) (2005). Detective drama, starring Tom Selleck. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Golf: Women’s Open … 5pm

Benidorm, 9pm

The Last Leg, 9pm

Cricket on 5, 7pm

▼

6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather (S,HD). 6.30 Regional News (S).

6.00 World Athletics Championships 2017 (S,HD). Coverage of the opening ceremony.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News (S); Weather.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 9/21. Homer is transformed into a genius. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Cindy is spooked by something she sees.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Hunter breaks down after a confrontation with Mason. 6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

▼

7.00 World Athletics Championships 2017 (S,HD). See Choices Above.

7.00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip (R,S,HD). 7/20. Musician Rick Wakeman and actor Ian Lavender embark on the crosscountry treasure-hunting challenge.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Pollard tries to make a good impression. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Steve asks Leanne to marry him.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S,HD).

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S). England v South Africa. Highlights of the opening day’s play in the final Test of the four-match series. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

6 7 8 9

Not Going Out, 10.35pm

8.00 Mastermind (S,HD). 2/31. Specialist subjects include Margaret Atwood’s MaddAddam trilogy. 8.30 Only Connect (S,HD). 2/37. A team of geocachers takes on a trio from York with an interest in Vikings.

8.00 The Secret World of Posh Pets (S,HD). 6/6. See Choices Above. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). As Toyah and Eva crack jokes about Steve’s proposal, Leanne becomes defensive.

8.00 The Secret Life of the Holiday Resort (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.00 Funniest Ever Puppy Party (S,HD). Compilation of clips of young hounds doing the cutest and funniest things. Plus, a look behind the scenes at the internet’s best canine supervirals. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Gardeners’ World (S,HD). 19/31. See Choices Above. Including Weather.

9.00 Benidorm (R,S,HD). 4/7. Geoff stages an intervention when Pauline falls off the wagon, a new ID card system causes problems for the Solana’s staff, and Joyce goes on a date with her estate agent Monty.

9.00 The Last Leg (S,HD). Adam Hills, Josh Widdicombe and Alex Brooker are joined by celebrity guests for a comic review of the significant moments of the past seven days.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother (S,HD). The ups and downs of life in the BB house as friendships and alliances are made, battle lines are drawn and arguments erupt.

▼

after

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather. 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.40 Inside London Fire Brigade (R,S,HD). 2/3. The firefighters are mobilised when a garden centre near Heathrow goes up in flames, and to make matters worse, there is a large quantity of highly explosive gas cylinders on site.

10.00 Naked Attraction (S,HD). 6/10. See Choices Above.

10.05 Autopsy: Kurt Cobain (S,HD). See Choices Above.

▼

10.00 World Athletics Championships 2017 (S,HD). Reaction to and analysis of the opening night of events. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

11.05 Old School (S,HD) (2003). See Choices Above. ●●●

11.00 Weather (S,HD). 11.05 The Help (S,HD) (2011). See Choices Above. ●●●●

11.40 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 4/70. Game show, hosted by Ben Shephard.

11.05 Rude Tube (S,HD). Alex Zane’s internet clips include the worst wedding intro ever.

11.05 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (S,HD). Rylan Clark-Neal presents the CBB companion show.

▼

10.00 BBC News at Ten (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by Regional Programme. 10.35 Not Going Out (R,S,HD). 5/7. Lee worries that Charlie is getting a reputation for being the class clown.

12.35 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 12.40 BBC News (S,HD).

1.20 Sign Zone: I Shot My Parents (R,S). An American teenager who tried to kill his mother and father while they slept. 2.20 Sign Zone: Natural World: Sudan: The Last of the Rhinos (R,S). The story of the very last male northern white rhino on the planet. 3.20 This Is BBC Two (S,HD). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.35 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Storage Hoarders (R,S,HD). A bodybuilder tries to conquer his storage obsession. 3.50 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

12.05 Film: The Cold Light of Day (S,HD) (2012). Thriller, starring Henry Cavill. ●● 1.40 The Windsors (R,S,HD). 2.10 The Handmaid’s Tale (R,S,HD). 3.15 Food Unwrapped (R,S,HD). 3.40 Location, Location, Location (R,S). 4.35 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb (R,S,HD). 5.30 Shipping Wars UK (R,S,HD).

12.05 SuperCasino (S,HD). Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Celebrity Big Brother (R,S,HD). The ups and downs of BB life. 4.05 Criminals: Caught on Camera (R,S,HD). The use of CCTV to fight crime. 4.35 Access (R,S). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

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AUTOPSY: KURT COBAIN 10.05pm, Channel 5

On April 8, 1994, 27-year-old musician and self-styled prince of grunge, Kurt Cobain, was found dead at his Seattle mansion with a gunshot wound to his head. In this documentary, leading forensic physician Dr Jason Payne-James re-examines all the available medical evidence.

Cameras monitor life at the largest all-inclusive resort on Spain’s Costa del Sol to take a warm-hearted look at what Britons get up to while on holiday in the sun.

FILM PICKS

THE SECRET LIFE OF THE HOLIDAY RESORT 8pm, Channel 4

OLD SCHOOL 11.05pm, BBC1

Three friends relive the wild days of their youth by setting up their own fraternity house next to their old college campus. Comedy, with Will Ferrell.

ITV2

Sky1

Sky Premier League Alibi

7.20 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (R,S,HD). 8.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 9.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold Top 100 Senior Moments (R,S). 10.00 The Great Indoors (S,HD). 10.30 Guidance (R,S,HD). 11.00 LA Story (R,S,HD). 11.25 Vanderpump Rules (R,HD). 12.20 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S). 2.00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (R,S,HD). 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 5.00 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD).

6.30 Coach Trip: Road to Zante (R,S,HD). 7.00 Made in Chelsea: South of France (R,S,HD). 8.00 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD). 9.00 Blackish (R,S,HD). 10.00 Baby Daddy (R,S,HD). 11.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 12.00 The Goldbergs (R,S,HD). 1.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2.00 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD). 3.00 Baby Daddy (R,S,HD). 4.00 Black-ish (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Goldbergs (R,S,HD).

6.00 The Flash (R,S,HD). 8.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 11.00 MacGyver (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). The team reinvestigates the death of a Navy Seal member. 3.00 MacGyver (R,S,HD). The protegee of Mac’s old science teacher is kidnapped. 4.00 The Flash (R,S,HD).

6.00 Football Years (HD). 10.00 Premier League Daily (HD). 11.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). 12.00 Premier League Archive (HD). 1.00 Premier League Special (HD). 2.00 Premier League Years (S). Memorable moments from seasons past. 4.00 Premier League Special (HD). 5.00 Premier League Daily (HD).

The Hangover Part II, 9pm

The Big Bang Theory, 6pm

Zoo, 9pm

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold Strikes Back! (R,S). Harry Hill’s most off-the-wall observations inspired by viewers’ home videos.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5/24. The boys take up fencing. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 6/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 15/16. Bender finds fame on TV. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 15/22.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold Presents (R,S). Comedy inspired by viewers’ home videos.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). 7.30 Coach Trip: Road to Zante (S,HD). 10/40. The tour party visits the beach resort of Rimini.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 2/22. The Rolling Stones request Homer’s help. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 19/22.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 18/19. Charlie is attracted to an older self-help book author. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 19/19. Charlie faces a dilemma.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 18/24. Sheldon receives a nasty surprise. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 19/24. Raj tries to date Lucy and Emily at the same time.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 19/24. Phil and Claire get a worrying glimpse of the future. 8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 20/24. Gloria takes an instant dislike to Javier’s girlfriend.

9.00 This Is 40 (S,HD) (2012). 9.00 The Hangover Part II A couple face up to a (S,HD) (2011). Premiere. series of crises as their Three friends arrange an 40th birthdays loom on alcohol-free stag the horizon. Comedy, weekend in Bangkok, starring Paul Rudd and but things do not go Leslie Mann reprising according to plan. their roles from Knocked Comedy sequel, with Up. ●●● Bradley Cooper and Zach Galifianakis. ●●●

9.00 Zoo (S,HD). 5/13. While under arrest, Jamie manages to persuade Mitch and Logan to help her hunt for members of a secret and dangerous organisation responsible for sterilising humans.

RADIO

12.05 American Dad! (R,S,HD). Stan tries to infiltrate the Occupy movement. 12.35 American Dad! (R,S). 1.05 American Dad! (R,S). 1.30 The Almost Impossible Gameshow (R,S,HD). Actionpacked game show. 2.25 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.10 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.40 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). 1.35 Tattoo Fixers on Holiday (R,S,HD). 2.35 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 3.25 First Dates (R,S,HD). 4.20 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 4.40 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). Ted misses a job interview.

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Clara Amfo. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 The Official Chart with Greg James. 5.45 Newsbeat. 6.00 Radio 1’s Dance Anthems with Greg James. 7.00 Radio 1 in Ibiza. 8.00 Radio 1 in Ibiza. 9.00 Radio 1 in Ibiza. 10.00 Radio 1 in Ibiza. 11.00 Radio 1 in Ibiza. Midnight Radio 1 in Ibiza. 1.00 Radio 1 in Ibiza. 2.00 Radio 1 in Ibiza. 3.00 Radio 1 in Ibiza. 4.00 Radio 1’s Essential Mix. Radio 2 5.00am Nicki Chapman. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Vanessa Feltz. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Amol Rajan. 7.00 Tony Blackburn’s Golden Hour. 8.00 Friday

12.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 1.00 The Force: Essex (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Force: Essex (R,S,HD). 3.00 Brit Cops: War on Crime (R,S). 4.00 Animal 999 (R,HD). 4.30 Animal 999 (R,S,HD). 5.00 Monkey Life (R,S). 5.30 Monkey Life (R,S).

Night Is Music Night. 10.00 Sounds of the 80s. Midnight Anneka Rice: The Happening. 2.00 Radio 2’s Funky Soul Playlist. 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist: New to 2. 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: 21st Century Songs. Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Birth of Polyphony. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune. 6.30 Composer of the Week: Birth of Polyphony. 7.30 BBC Proms 2017. 10.15 Taking It All Back Home. 11.00 World on 3. 1.00am Through the Night. Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today. 5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today. 9.00

An aspiring journalist in 1960s Mississippi creates controversy by giving black servants the chance to tell their stories. Drama, starring Emma Stone.

Dave

Martin’s United Cakes of America. (T) 1.30 James Martin’s Brittany. (T) 2.00 Heston’s Fantastical Food. (T) 4.00 My Family Christmas Special. (T) 5.20 My Family. (T) 6.00 Tipping Point. 7.00 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars. 8.00 One Born Every Minute. (T) 9.00 Film: Rumour Has It (2005) Romantic comedy, starring Jennifer Aniston and Kevin Costner. (T) 11.00 Cherry Healey: Like a Virgin. 12.15 One Born Every Minute. (T) 1.15 The Honourable Woman. 3.00 Home Shopping.

Yesterday

6.00 Monsoon Railway. (T) 7.10 The World at War. (T) 8.00 Forbidden History. (T) 9.00 Wild China. (T) 12.00 Life in Cold Blood. (T) 3.00 Some Mothers Do ’Ave ’Em. (T) 5.00 Monsoon 6.00 Home Shopping. 7.00 American Pickers. (T) 9.00 Storage Hunters. (T) 10.00 American Railway. (T) 6.00 Forbidden History. (T) 7.00 Pickers. (T) 12.00 Top Gear. (T) 3.00 Brojects in The World at War. (T) 8.00 Impossible the House. (T) 4.00 Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Engineering. 10.00 The Two Ronnies Challenge. 5.00 Top Gear. (T) 7.00 The Joy of Sketchbook. (T) 11.00 Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. 12.10 Forbidden History. (T) 1.10 The World Techs. (T) 8.00 Deadly 60 on a Mission. 9.00 at War. (T) 2.10 Monsoon Railway. (T) 3.00 Film: South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut Home Shopping. (1999) Animated musical comedy, with the Football Countdowns, 8.30pm voices of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. (T) 10.40 QI. (T) 12.40 Mock the Week. (T) 1.20 QI. (T) 2.40 Parks and Recreation. (T) 4.00 6.00 Premier League Home Shopping. 7.00 World News Today. (T) 7.00 Weather. (T) Archive: Premier 7.30 Top of the Pops: 1984. (T) 8.00 BBC League Best Goals Proms 2017. (T) 10.05 Reginald D Hunter’s (HD). A look at some of Songs of the South. (T) 11.05 Oh! You Pretty the finest goals scored in 7.10 The Bill. (T) 8.00 Dangerfield. (T) 9.00 Things: The Story of Music and Fashion. (T) the 1995/96 campaign. Monarch of the Glen. (T) 10.00 All Creatures 2.05 Top of the Pops: 1984. (T) 2.45 Reginald D Hunter’s Songs of the South. (T) 3.45 Close. Great and Small. (T) 11.00 The Bill. (T) 1.00 7.00 Transfer Centre (HD). Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 1.40 Waiting for 7.30 Premier League God. (T) 2.20 Birds of a Feather. 3.00 Archive: Premier Dangerfield. (T) 4.00 Monarch of the Glen. (T) League Best Goals 5.00 All Creatures Great and Small. (T) 6.00 11.00 Run Wild, Run Free. (1969) (T) 1.05 (HD). Memorable strikes Waiting for God. (T) 6.40 Last of the Summer Thunderbirds. (2004) (T) 3.00 Millions. (2004) from the 2002/03 season. Wine. (T) 7.20 To the Manor Born. (T) 8.00 (T) 4.50 Home Alone. (1990) (T) 6.55 I, Robot. Hetty Wainthropp Investigates. (T) 9.00 Death (2004) (T) 9.00 The Green Mile. (1999) (T) in Paradise. (T) 11.40 The Inspector Lynley 12.40 Red State. (2011) (T) 2.20 Safety Not 8.00 Football Countdowns Mysteries. 1.35 Taggart. 4.00 Home Shopping. Guaranteed. (2012) (T) 4.00 Close. (HD). The most

BBC4

Drama

Film4

GOLD

controversial moments in football. 8.30 Football Countdowns 7.05 Waiting for God. (T) 8.20 Ever (HD). The greatest Decreasing Circles. (T) 9.00 The coaches of all time. Brittas Empire. (T) 9.40 Last of the

9.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). A selection of great strikes from the 1996/97 season.

10.00 The Force: North East 10.00 Premier League (R,S,HD). 4/10. A burglar Archive: Premier is arrested twice within League Best Goals days, a helicopter is used (HD). A selection of to find a woman heard memorable strikes. screaming in a park, and an argument over cigarettes turns nasty.

11.40 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Modern Family 11.05 Family Guy (R,S,HD). (R,S,HD). 19/24. (R,S,HD). 19/22. 10/18. Peter searches for Sheldon’s online gaming 11.30 Modern Family his real father. account is hacked. (R,S,HD). 20/22. A car 11.35 Family Guy (R,S,HD). park causes a major 7/18. Stewie falls in love disagreement between with an old friend. Jay and Phil.

THE HELP 11.05pm, BBC2

Summer Wine. (T) 11.40 Ever Decreasing Circles. (T) 12.20 The Brittas Empire. (T) 1.00 Porridge. (T) 1.40 The Good Life. (T) 2.20 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 3.40 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 5.40 Porridge. (T) 6.20 The Good Life. 7.00 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 8.20 Waiting for God. (T) 9.00 Jonathan Creek. (T) 11.30 Mrs Brown’s Boys. (T) 12.10 The Mighty Boosh. (T) 1.25 Limmy’s Show. 2.35 The Trip. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Really

6.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 7.00 Home Shopping. 8.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 9.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 10.00 Oxford Street Revealed. 11.00 Ghost Adventures. (T) 12.00 Most Haunted. 1.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 2.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 3.00 Oxford Street Revealed. 4.00 My Ghost Story: Caught on Camera. (T) 11.00 Transfer Centre (HD). 5.00 Ghost Adventures. 6.00 The latest football transfer developments. Antiques Road Trip. 7.00 The Great British Bake Off. (T) 8.00 Escape to 11.30 Premier League the Country. (T) 9.00 Ghost Archive: Great PL Adventures. 10.00 Most Haunted. Goals (HD). A collection 11.00 Paranormal Witness. (T) 12.00 of breath-taking volleys. True Supernatural. (T) 1.00 Haunting Australia. 2.00 Home 12.00 Football Countdowns (HD). Shopping. 4.00 Helicopter Heroes. 12.30 Football Countdowns (HD). 4.45 Selling Houses Australia. 5.35 1.00 Premier League Special DIY SOS. (T) (HD). 2.00 Premier League Archive: Premier League Best Goals (HD). 3.00 Premier League Years (S). Memorable moments 6.10 Beauty and the Beast. (T) 7.00 from seasons past. 5.00 Premier My Dream Home. (T) 10.00 The Bill. League Special (HD). (T) 11.00 Tipping Point. 1.00 James

Desert Island Discs. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: The Unwomanly Face of War. 10.00 (LW) Woman’s Hour. 10.00 (FM) Woman’s Hour. 10.25 (LW) Test Match Special. 11.00 (FM) Liberal Legalisers: The Times Cannabis Letter at 50. 11.30 (FM) To Hull and Back. Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special. 12.04 (FM) Home Front. 12.15 (FM) You and Yours. 1.00 (FM) The World at One. 1.45 (FM) Door Stepping. 2.00 (FM) The Archers. 2.15 (FM) Drama: Holding Back the Tide. 3.00 (FM) Gardeners’ Question Time. 3.45 (FM) Short Works. 4.00 (FM) Last Word. 4.30 (FM) Feedback. 4.55 (FM)

The Listening Project. 5.00 (FM) PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special. 5.57 (FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News. 6.30 (FM) The Museum of Curiosity. 6.45 (LW) The Museum of Curiosity. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 Front Row. 7.45 Love Henry James: Daisy Miller. 8.00 Any Questions? 8.50 A Point of View. 9.00 Home Front Omnibus. 10.00 The World Tonight. 10.45 Book at Bedtime: The Lie of the Land. 11.00 Great Lives. 11.25 Short Cuts. 11.55 The Listening Project. Midnight News. 12.30 Book of the Week: The Unwomanly Face of War. 12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 5 Live Daily with Emma Barnett. 1.00pm The Friday Sports Panel. 2.00 Kermode and Mayo’s Film Review. 4.00 5 Live Drive. 7.00 5 Live Sport: 2017 World Athletics Championships. Sonja McLaughlan introduces coverage from London. 10.00 Stephen Nolan. 1.00am Up All Night. Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 7.00 Smooth Classics at Seven. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Katie Breathwick. 4.00 Jane Jones.

‘I lied for my husband I lied to my sons I lost everything’ Anne Darwin was married to a controlling adulterer. Often disregarded at home, yet fearing how she would cope if he left, her conﬁdence was zero. Emotional blackmail lead her to help her husband fake his own death. Then the nightmare began… The REAL STORY behind the Canoe Widow case

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VOICES

Parting shots

TWO OF THE REGION’S FAVOURITE OPINION WRITERS HAVE THEIR SAY

Ain’t no sunshine...

MARTIN FREEMAN’S CANINE NEEDS COUNSELLING

hat do you do when the sun in your life has lost its shine? What do you do when the resident mental health professional has fallen victim to the ill he works so hard to protect you from? Our brown Lab has been visited by the black dog. He has returned home depressed. While we sunned ourselves abroad on holiday the usual procedure was put into operation: he took up temporary residence with my father-in-law. But the usual procedure did not follow when we collected him on our return. Normally the reunion has to be staged outdoors for fear of the havoc that 32 kilos of ecstatic, outof-control dog might wreak in collateral damage on prized ornaments. This time there was no crazed, Tigger-on-springs greeting for us. There was no head-ﬁrst charge that could ﬂatten an All Black forward. We had to make do with some leisurely tail-wagging. I’ve seen him give total strangers twice the attention. And all this in our hour of need. We’d had a fantastic holiday and re-

NORMALLY THE REUNION HAS TO BE STAGED OUTDOORS FOR FEAR OF THE HAVOC THAT 32 KILOS OF ECSTATIC, OUT-OFCONTROL DOG MIGHT WREAK

Game over

GILLIAN MOLESWORTH PREFERS HER CAMPING LOW-TECH

just saw a TV ad for the latest gaming gadget: a Nintendo Switch, which allows you to play video games “anytime, anywhere” by connecting to various devices. Glamorous people (all physically ﬁt, not the sort of body you get from playing constant video games, I note) demonstrated what uproarious fun this was. Among them were a father and young son in a tent. Their faces were lit by a blue glow as they battled it out, any birdsong replaced with electronic bleeps. Inner defences breached! Our last bastion has fallen! Parents, a moment’s silence. It’s ofﬁcial: nothing is sacred. A TENT? Honestly, if there was ANY family activity left to break the electronic thrall that holds our children, surely it was camping. Camping, where we get back to basics. Camping, where the rich tapestry of nature is our entertainment. I had a massive rant to my husband, who shrugged. “Camping can be boring,” he said. That brought me up short. Did I have my rose coloured glasses on? I remember camping very fondly.

turned to routine with a shock to rival the bump of the plane on the runway and the 10C drop in temperature outside. Our spirits were as low as the cloud cover. Mystiﬁed by the dog’s lack of enthusiasm, we asked whether he had been missing out. The morning grooming session? Check. Daily walk on the beach or the dunes? Check. The mid-morning snack? Lunchtime chew? Full evening meal? Lavish fuss and constant chatter all day long? Check, check, check, check. Plus extras: occasional marrow bones, stints of fetch and an extra, daily hour-long yomp. In short his twoweek stay on the north Cornwall coast was the perfect vacation. Which explains the dog’s subdued mood now the break is over: he’s got post-holiday depression. There’s no cure, but there is a preventative measure in the case of the dog: we can take him with us next time. Best not tell my father-in-law though: I think he’s got the post-holiday-dog blues.

We camped in some beautiful spots over the years. As the youngest of four, it meant that all my siblings HAD to do things with me, as there was no place for them to escape. I also remember how much my sister hated it. As far as she was concerned, it was sleeping uncomfortably, with no hair dryer, in close proximity to her annoying siblings, and having NOTHING TO DO. For hours and hours, a horizon of nothing stretching interminably ahead. All our family camping photos have ﬁve big smiles and one thunderous scowl. Mind you, experts are now extolling the value of boredom. It allows your mind to downshift and to drift. It encourages creativity and resourcefulness. None of this seemed to apply to my sister though. It just allowed the space for her and my mother to ﬁght like cats in a bag. So a little escapism might have helped keep the peace. I won’t go so far as to endorse video games though: if you’re getting pestered for a Nintendo Switch, resist. Chant with me now: “Keep camping wire free! Birds not bleeps!”

WE CAMPED IN SOME BEAUTIFUL SPOTS OVER THE YEARS. AS THE YOUNGEST OF FOUR, IT MEANT THAT ALL MY SIBLINGS HAD TO DO THINGS WITH ME

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