THE FIGHT A GAY REVOLUTION NOV. 2011

ISSUE 010 NOV 2011 THEFIGHTMAG.COM

FATHER, IN LAW

RICHARD VAUGHN SHARES FAMILY SECRETS

BORN THAT WAY

CAN YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION BE ALTERED

TRANS DISCLOSURE

ZINNIA JONES PONDERS GENDER REVELATIONS

BAD IMPRESSIONS

GAYS AGAINST “GAY BEHAVIOR”

PANIC CONTROL

OVERCOMING ANXIETY DISORDERS

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IN EVERY ISSUE

LGBT ADOPTION

Nearly Tripled In The Last Decade

ISSUE 010 NOV 2011 THEFIGHTMAG.COM

BORN THIS WAY

Praying Away The Gay, Revisited

TRANS DISCLOSURE

Zinna Jones On When To Reveal

FATHER, IN LAW

Richard Vaughn On Creating His Family

LIFE CHANGERS

If Homophobia Did Not Exist

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FATHER, IN LAW

RICHARD VAUGHN SHARES FAMILY SECRETS

BORN THAT WAY

CAN YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION BE ALTERED

TRANS DISCLOSURE

ZINNIA JONES PONDERS GENDER REVELATIONS

BAD IMPRESSIONS

GAYS AGAINST “GAY BEHAVIOR”

PANIC CONTROL

OVERCOMING ANXIETY DISORDERS

Lesbian Health Needs

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8 10 16 20 26 28 30 32 34 38

Letter from THE EDITOR THE HEADLINES San Diego Lesbian Couple Harassed THE LAW Defense Of Marriage Act Hurts Business THE MIND Treating Anxiety Disorders THE BODY Aaron Savvy’s Fitness Tips THE EPIDEMIC Altered HIV Possible Breakthrough THE ROSTOW REPORT Don’t Ask Case Dismissed As Moot THE DINING GUIDE Recommended Restaurant Options THE PETS Signs To Watch For THE CALENDAR Events, Groups, Resources

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Editor-in-Chief Stanford Altamirano Managing Editor Mark Ariel Creative Direction POPTHEPIXEL.COM Marketing Consultants Lisa Radamaker Nathan Looney Larry Wood Lora Mae Juslow Contributing Writers Ann Rostow F.E. Cornejo Nathan Neuman, M.D. Brodie Hubbard Foster Zinnia Jones

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ELLNESS

A GAY REVOLUTION

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Reading this month’s interview with acupuncturist John Convey (“Conveying Wellness,” pages 20-21), I was struck by the fact that Convey, at the young age of six years old, had already realized that his “homosexuality was as genetically based as were the color of my eyes.”

S

Reading this month’s interview with acupunct cientific research has been consistent in showing that (“Conveying Wellness,” pages 20-21), This realization, it and seems, assisted Convey infitcoming to terms withI was str gay lesbian parents are as and capable as hethis homosexuality muchparents, quicker and thantheir many LGBT folks I have met erosexual children are as psychoConvey, at the young age of six years old, ha throughout the years. logically healthy and well-adjusted as children reared heterosexual parents. that his by“homosexuality was as genetically b Many of us continue to deal with, in varying degrees, throughout Major associations of mental health professionals in our lives, internalized homophobia - self-hatred aimed at ourselves color of the myU.S., eyes.”

Canada, and Australia have not identified

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one 323-297-4001 213-281-9648 fo@thefightmag.com

gazine LEGAL CAVEATS

Fight Magazine, advertisthat they do business in ration, fairness and serg a high level of integrity y. Providers of products ully and solely responsible me as advertised. The assumes no liability for The Fight Magazine assumes no liability igent business practices for any claims or representations contained anywhere in this magazine, and reserves the right to cancel or refuse THEFIGHT 8 advertising at publishers’ discretion.

their agencies assume

for being gay/bi/trans men and women.

credible empirical research that suggests otherwise.

This realization, it seems, assisted Convey in co his homosexuality much quicker than many LG throughout the years.

Most of usand have experienced and absorbed negative labels and Adoption surrogacy in the LGBT community has been steadily ideas about for In years.

Even if you came from a growing overhomosexuality the past few years. fact, at California’s Independent family thatCenter, did not about homosexuality Adoption gay speak familiesnegatively have consistently made up about or a even supported heard absorbed a lot of third actively of the 200 adoptionsit,a you year,still within the and last five years (“LGBT messages Adoption,”from pagethe 12).culture as a whole.

Closesingle to the most start ofimportant their relationship Angeles based fertility The step inLos liberating oneself from attorney Richard Vaughn and his partnerthat Tommy Woelfel internalized homophobia is recognizing the source is realized external both wanted a written family, and surrogacy was theisbest -they “programming” by adecided societythat which, in general, still route for them. negatively disposed towards homosexuality

Many of us continue to deal with, in varying de our lives, internalized homophobia - self-hatred “Raising children has been the deepest and richest experience of for being gay/bi/trans men and women.

Realizing source of this the first step to dealing our lives. the Nothing else evenhomophobia comes close.isWatching our kids grow with and it. change day by day and seeing the world through their eyes has been the greatest privilege,” says Richard (“Father, In Law,”

Most page 22). of us have experienced and absorbed n ideas about homosexuality for years. Even if family that did not speak negatively about even actively supported it, you still heard and messages from the culture as a whole.

THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE T

ROSTOW REPORT HEADLINES LAW EPIDEMIC COVER BODY MIND

SAN DIEGO LESBIAN COUPLE HARASSED

A San Diego high school where a lesbian couple were selected as homecoming king and queen has been the subject of hateful phone calls and emails, reports The Los Angeles Times.

Officials did not detail the messages but described some of them as disturbing.

Bill Kowba, San Diego school superintendent, said adults criticizing the selection of Rebecca Arellano and Haileigh Adams are “demonstrating such a lack of tolerance and are presenting such a negative role model for children with their hateful comments.”

Kowba said that he supports and congratulates the Patrick Henry homecoming king and queen “and wishes them and the school well.... I look forward to the day when all students can come to school, free of harassment and bullying.”

COMMUNITY PAYS RESPECTS TO FRANK KAMENY

DR. FRANKLIN E. KAMENY, the LGBT rights pioneer whose activism began when he took on the federal government in the 1950s after he was fired for being gay, was honored last month with a farewell viewing held at the Carnegie Library in Washington, D.C. He died on October 11 at age 86.

and DHS deputy press secretary Matthew Chandler.

The working group’s inclusion of McNamara, one of several openly LGBT presidential appointees in Homeland Security, is “a very big step in the right direction” as DHS and Department of Justice officials undergo a review of some 300,000 current deportation cases, said RACHEL TIVEN, executive director of the LGBT immigration advocacy group Immigration Equality.

STUDENT-MADE DOC EXAMINES DISCRIMINATION A new student-filmed documentary, “Breaking the Silence,” examines the discrimination faced by LGBT teenagers in Colorado and how they determined to become antibullying activists.

SHEA ALEXANDER DIETZ came out as gay during his senior year in high school and, deeply affected by the rash of suicides due to antigay bullying, he decided to chronicle his own journey to becoming an activist. When his principal denied him filming access inside the high school, Dietz decided to film the lives of his friends away from the school. Dietz obtained some powerful footage, including that of one female student who came out to her teacher who told her she was going to hell. Dietz and his friends eventually created their own anti-bullying campaign.

For more info visit: www.breakingthesilencethefilm.com

MONEY PETS DINING GUIDE Founder of the Mattachine Society of Washington, Kameny, an astronomer who worked for the Army Map Service, had vigorously fought his dismissal in 1957.

He eventually penned his own appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court, arguing that the discrimination faced by him and thousands of other federal employees forced out of their jobs during the McCarthy era was “no less illegal and no less odious than discrimination based upon religious or racial grounds.”

DEPORTATION REVIEW INCLUDES LGBT LIAISON A new federal working group tasked with a system-wide review of pending deportations will include an LGBT liaison to oversee cases involving gay binational couples, reports The Advocate at www.advocate.com.

The interagency working group, announced in August by Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano, includes DHS executive secretary Philip A. McNamara as the LGBT liaison,

THEFIGHT

10

STUDY: HOMOPHOBIA HURTS PROPERTY VALUES A study shows that same-sex couples lift property values in neighborhoods that support marriage equality and hurt prices in neighborhoods that do not, which suggests that the perception of antigay discrimination can lower market prices.

“The economics professors, who studied home values in 2000 in and around Columbus, Ohio, concluded that an increase in the number of same-sex couples by one in 1,000 households is associated with a 1.1 percent price premium in enclaves that backed gay marriage,” reports Bloomberg. “The same influx in areas that didn’t support same-sex marriage was linked to a 1 percent discount.”

The study refines the long-held view that gay and lesbian residents increase housing prices by helping to gentrify neighborhoods.

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he number of gays and lesbians adopting children has nearly tripled in the last decade despite discriminatory rules in many states, according to an analysis of recent population trends, reports the Associated Press.

“It’s a stratospheric increase. It’s like going from zero to 60,” said Miami attorney Elizabeth Schwartz, who has coordinated more than 100 adoptions for gay and lesbian families in the last year. “I think many really dreamed of doing this but it wasn’t something they ever thought would become a reality.”

About 21,740 same-sex couples had adopted children in 2009, up from 6,477 in 2000, according to the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law. About 32,571 adopted children were living with same-sex couples in 2009, up from 8,310 in 2000. The figures are an analysis of newly released Census Bureau estimates.

The New York-based Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute released a report last month culminating a four-year project surveying 158 gay and lesbian parents and their experience with the adoption process. Their researchers found the highest number of gays adopted children from Massachusetts, California, New York and Texas.

In the past, adoption was often an option only for wealthy gay families who could afford to adopt internationally or to pay a surrogate. Allowing gay couples to adopt from foster care, where healthcare and college is paid for, opens it up to more people, experts said. The study estimates about 50% of adoptive gay families adopt children from foster care.

According to the Adoption Institute, at least 60% of U.S. adoption agencies surveyed accept applications from non-heterosexual parents. Nearly 40% of agencies have knowingly placed children with gay families. About half the agencies surveyed reported a desire for staff training to work with such clients.

At California’s Independent Adoption Center, executive director Ann Wrixon has seen an increase in gay couples adopting. In the last five years, gay families have consistently made up about a third of the 200 adoptions a year.

The Fight 11

T BORN THIS WAY

YOU CAN’T CHANGE YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION, BUT YOU CAN CERTAINLY DECIDE NOT TO ACT ON IT. IN THEORY, WE HUMAN BEINGS CAN DO MOST ANYTHING.

BY ANN ROSTOW

THEFIGHT

14

T

he question of whether sexual orientation is innate or under the control of the individual hits us both in the arena of law and on the battlefield of social debate.

In our court challenges to the Defense of Marriage Act, lawyer Paul Clement and our adversaries argue that, unlike race or gender, sexual orientation is a personal choice that does not warrant special protection against prejudice. And the religious right has long pushed the notion that you can pray away the gay through faith and discipline.

All the scientists in the world, and all the gay pandas, lesbian albatrosses and bisexual monkeys can’t resolve this dilemma to anyone’s satisfaction.

But the answer, actually, is right in front of us. Not only that, but people on both sides ignore that answer because it’s slightly more complicated than the black or white certainty everyone insists is true.

The answer is that no, you can’t change your sexual orientation. But yes, you can certainly decide not to act on it. Further, you can even act on the opposite sexual orientation if you put your mind to it.

Think about it. If you were in a prison camp and ordered to perform heterosexual sex on pain of death, you could do it. Well, you could at least do something sexual. Likewise, if you decided-for whatever insane reason-to turn your back on your gay self no matter what it took, you could do that too.

In theory, we human beings can do most anything. We could eat nothing but eggs and bacon for the rest of our, arguably short, lives. We could refuse to bathe or wear socks. We could learn sign language and pledge never to say another word.

Anything’s possible, and likewise, it’s possible to ignore one’s sexual orientation and act on its opposite. Straight people can do this too. Why not?

It’s therefore not surprising to see various characters pop out of the woodwork claiming to have changed their sexual orientation with God’s help.

It’s also not surprising that there are numerous gay men and women who have determined that their homosexuality is something to be prayed away if possible. They may have been raised in a strict religious environment. They may be insecure, immature or just nuts. But let’s just say that if someone wants to change their sexual orientation that badly, they can find a way to make it happen.

At least for awhile.

Eventually most of these people abandon their efforts, much like former Love in Action head John Smid recently became the latest ex-gay poster boy to admit that sexual orientation is fixed, even if one’s behavior can be altered through discipline. You can indeed fit a square peg into a round hole, but in the process, you damage the peg.

This brings up the larger question of whether, in the words of the late Frank Kameny, “gay is good.” Alcoholism might be genetic, and alcoholics who give up liquor then spend their whole lives in a struggle to resist the siren call of a drink. We applaud this will power because alcohol destroys lives. But what of those who say homosexuality is a sin?

And here’s the thing. The question of whether or not homosexuality is perverse or sinful is the real question we continue to debate with those on the conservative right. They’re wrong, obviously. But this is the only relevant issue. The fight over whether sexual orientation is innate is a red herring.

As such, our efforts to insist that sexual orientation is genetic, and their insistence that it’s a “lifestyle choice,” are both beside the point. The discussion is useless. If someone proved that being

“

issue with our equally obsessed legal foes.

It’s essential for our side to prove that sexual orientation should be a protected class under constitutional law, like race, national origin, gender and religion. A protected class, in turn, is defined as a group that has historically suffered discrimination for a feature that has no bearing on their ability to contribute to society.

The definition of a protected class has two other prongs that are considered significant, but not absolutely necessary. One is a lack of political power. The other is the notion that the class is defined by a feature that is innate.

Religious groups are protected even though you can adopt a new faith at any time. So innateness is not required for legal protection.

Nonetheless, the courts believe that one should not be obliged to change one’s faith in order to avoid discrimination. Likewise, sexual orientation is a profound and inextricable aspect of individual makeup. Even if you could change your sexual orientation through some kind of superhuman effort, our advocates insist that forcing Americans to change their orientation in order to avoid systemic discrimination is, or should be, unconstitutional.

Again, as much as we argue about scientific studies and finger lengths and prenatal hormones or whatever, the question is moot. Even if sexual orientation is not innate (which few of us believe) it is an aspect of our life, like religion, which we should not be forced to change in order to fit into the round holes of social and legal norms.

Here’s the bottom line. It doesn’t matter whether sexual orientation is fixed at birth or subject to will power. There may be a gene for se-

Former Love in Action head John Smid recently became the latest ex-gay poster boy to admit that sexual orientation is fixed, even if one’s behavior can be altered through discipline.

gay is innate, that would make no difference to those who see homosexuality, like alcoholism, as wrong. Likewise, if we can change our gay behavior through a sustained and destructive exercise in self control, so what? That makes no difference to those who see homosexuality as a natural characteristic to be embraced.

Over in the courtrooms, the question is just as irrelevant and yet we continue to contest the

rial killers, but we still disapprove of mass murder.

You might be able to control your sexual drive and ignore your romantic feelings, but no one should force you to do so.

The only question that counts is whether there is something morally wrong with being gay or lesbian. That’s it. That’s the whole ball of wax.

As for the origin of sexual orientation, it’s interesting. But it’s a sideshow.

THEFIGHT

15

THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE TH

HEADLINES WHO FILED? LAW EPIDEMIC COVER BODY MIND HURTS DOMA MONEY PETS DINING GUIDE The brief was filed on behalf of the following businesses: ABT Associates Aetna, Inc.

Akamai Technologies, Inc. Alere Inc.

Bank of New York Mellon Corporation Biogen Idec, Inc. Blue Cross Blue Shield of Mass., Inc. Boston Community Capital, Inc.

Boston Medical Center Corp.

Bright Horizons Children’s Centers LLC Calvert Investments, Inc. CBS Corporation The Chubb Corporation Communispace Corp.

Constellation Energy Group, Inc. Diageo North America, Inc. Eastern Bank Corp.

Exelon Corp.

FitCorp Healthcare Centers, Inc.

GammelgŒrden, LLC Google Inc. Integrated Archive Systems, Inc.

Kimpton Hotel & Restaurant Group, LLC

Levi Strauss & Co. Loring, Wolcott & Coolidge Trust, LLC Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Co. Massachusetts Envelope Company, Inc.

Google, Microsoft, Starbucks say the Defense of Marriage Act hurts business.

T

op companies, including Google, Microsoft, and Starbucks, took the unusual step this month of legally documenting their opposition to the Defense of Marriage Act, reports The Advocate at www.advocate.com.

A brief filed in court comes from 70 businesses and organizations that want their voice heard on the constitutionality of DOMA, which bans same-sex marriage from being recognized federally and stops couples married in states such as Massachusetts from having their weddings recognized in less accepting places such as Alabama.

The companies paint the law as an overburdening government regulation that should be repealed.

Their brief points out that the Republican leadership in the House of Representatives is defending DOMA in court on the notion that it imposes “a uniform rule” on whose marriage is recognized. “The perspective of the American employer who must implement DOMA is very different,” the companies state. “Employers are obliged to treat one employee spouse differently from another, when each is married, and each marriage is equally lawful.”

The companies say DOMA “forces” them “to investigate the gender of the spouses of our lawfully married employees and then to single out those employees

THEFIGHT

16

with a same-sex spouse.” For example, HIPPA laws usually consider marriage a “qualifying event” that automatically enrolls a spouse in an employee’s health insurance. Companies now spend time and money weeding out any gay employees who get married.

If companies don’t want to discriminate, because it hurts their recruiting efforts or they’re just opposed to it in principle, then DOMA causes a bunch of “workarounds” that come with wasteful administrative costs of their own.

Companies complain that when a same-sex couple legally marries, it requires them “to maintain two sets of books.”

That’s because the couple is considered married under state law but not married under federal law. “The double entries ripple through human resources, payroll, and benefits administration,” they write.

Some of the companies have had to pay consultants to jury-rig systems used to track benefits and taxes so they can accommodate the double records. “These dual regimes have spawned an industry of costly compliance specialists,” they complain.

“The burden on the small employer is especially onerous,” the companies point out. Small businesses can’t afford to hire consultants, and “such burdens, standing alone, might chill a smaller employer from employing an otherwise qualified employee because she happens to be married to a same-sex spouse.”

Massachusetts Financial Services Company Microsoft Corp.

National Grid USA, Inc. Nationwide Mutual Insurance Co.

New Balance Athletic Shoe, Inc. New England Cryogenic Center, Inc. NIKE, Inc. The Ogilvy Group, Inc. Onyx Pharmaceuticals, Inc. Partners HealthCare System, Inc. Reproductive Science Center of New England Skyworks Solutions, Inc. Starbucks Corp.

State Street Bank and Trust Co. Stonyfield Farm, Inc. Sun Life Financial (U.S.) Services Co., Inc. Time Warner Cable, Inc. Trillium Asset Management Corp.

W/S Development Associates LLC Xerox Corp.

Zipcar, Inc. LAW AND PROFESSIONAL FIRMS: Burns & Levinson LLP Edwards Wildman Palmer LLP Foley Hoag LLP Goodwin Proctor LLP Goulston & Storrs, P.C. McCarter & English LLP Nixon Peabody LLP Parthenon Group LLC Ropes & Gray LLP Salera Consulting Seyfarth Shaw LLP Sullivan & Worcester LLP PROFESSIONAL, TRADE AND CIVIC ORGANIZATIONS: Greater Boston Chamber of Commerce The Boston Foundation Massachusetts Association of Health Plans Massachusetts Biotechnology Council, Inc. The National Fire Protection Association Out & Equal Workplace Advocates Retailers Association of Massachusetts AND THE FOLLOWING CITIES: The City of Boston, MA The City of Cambridge, MA The City of New York, NY

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TRANS DISCLOSURE ZINNA JONES SUGGESTS THAT POST-OP TRANS WOMEN ARE NOT ALWAYS OBLIGATED TO DISCLOSE THE FACT THAT THEY’RE TRANS, INCLUDING PRIOR TO SEX.

BY ZINNIA JONES In one of my recent youtube videos, I proposed something that is perhaps the most controversial thing I have ever said. Briefly, I suggested that post-op trans women are not always obligated to disclose the fact that they’re trans to a prospective partner, including prior to sex. Judging from the responses to this idea, it’s clear that this is quite a divisive issue, and I think it’s something that we should discuss further.

Many people insisted that not disclosing this fact would constitute a kind of deception. But how is anyone being deceived here, and what would they be deceived about? My suggestion was that men for whom this is a concern should first ask if their partner is trans. I did not recommend lying in response. But these people have flatly refused to ask, and claim that simply not telling someone that you’re trans means lying to them. These people feel they should be able to assume that women aren’t trans - but if that were a valid assumption, this wouldn’t be an issue to begin with.

Some women are trans, including the women these men might take an interest in, which is why this is a concern for them. Their assumption does not hold true, and wishing to act as though it does is like saying that the mere existence of trans women is an inconvenience to them, and that they should not have to account for that reality. But if you make a knowingly inaccurate assumption, and make no effort to verify it, and you end up being wrong, it doesn’t mean that anyone else has deceived you. If this is a concern for you, it’s nobody else’s responsibility to divine your expectations when you intentionally refuse to make them clear.

These people then claim that trans women should already know that something like 99% of men would not want to be with a trans woman. In other words, 99% of people would apparently drop them like a hot potato, not even because there’s anything wrong with them, but simply because of who they are - and trans women are expected to inflict this upon themselves with no hesitation. But when men say that they don’t prefer trans women, this stands in blatant contradiction to their actions. After all, what most distresses them here is the possibility that they might sleep with a trans woman and enjoy the experience, without knowing that she’s trans. So, they don’t prefer trans women, yet they have no problem sleeping with them. What does that say about their true preferences here?

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S

S ome people have compared this to other information that one could be aware of which might alter their decision to sleep with someone: things like being married, or having HIV, or being a convicted sex offender. (Those are their examples, not mine.)

And this seems like an obviously different situation.

Nobody is being exposed to contagious and deadly diseases. No one is being dragged into the middle of someone else’s pre-existing relationship. And they haven’t committed some horrible act that would reflect strongly upon their character. So why should the fact that they’re trans change anything?

The principal objection here seems to be to trans women’s bodies: what their body once was, and what their body now is. Yet this objection rings hollow given the reality that they would have had no problem with enjoying the company of trans women and their bodies, even intimately. They claim they don’t like what trans women are, and yet it’s a very real possibility that this is something they would like. But for some reason, they wish to avoid that experience. Why? Many of them depict this as an unquestionable preference: something that just is, beyond the realm of criticism and beyond their ability to change. Much like how some people prefer the same sex or the opposite sex, these people would prefer not to be with trans women - although, for the aforementioned reasons, this is hardly an accurate comparison. And I suspect this stated preference is more informed by common attitudes toward trans people than by a person’s own innate desires.

The world we live in tends to see trans women as something less than women, as if they fall short of being so-called “real” women. As a result, a straight man who sleeps with a trans woman might consider this a threat to his sexuality. Even though she’s a woman, people refuse to accept her as one. And from there comes the idea that trans women are obligated to identify themselves - like they should have to attach an asterisk to their womanhood.

This is a social problem, not just an innocent preference. If a racist was very distraught to find out that his partner was of fractionally African ancestry after they’ve slept together, would we have

any sympathy for him? If he didn’t even ask about this first, would we have expected her to know that she should have told him? Well, what if 99% of the population were incorrigible racists? Should she then be expected to disclose this from the outset, even though it doesn’t make any difference? Would we be at all surprised if she doesn’t volunteer this information? Has she “deceived” anyone by not mentioning her ancestry, even when they haven’t asked? And can her partners be said to have been harmed in any way by this? People are certainly entitled to their preferences, and they’re entitled to have those preferences respected. Likewise, the rest of us are free to believe that their preferences are stupid - and their refusal to articulate them, doubly so.

Many people again insisted that they absolutely cannot ask a possible partner if she’s trans, because it would be taken as an insult and hinder their romantic

“

have serious consequences.

But what are the consequences of sleeping with someone who’s trans? Certainly nothing comparable to catching a disease - and this is reflected in these people’s actions, or lack thereof. They’re definitely not acting the way that they would if they were trying to avoid contracting HIV. They’re taking no precautions here at all. If this is supposed to be such a terrible fate, then either they’re being flagrantly irresponsible, or this isn’t really as bad as they’ve made it out to be. If they’re prioritizing sex before avoiding this, which they appear to be doing, that’s their choice. Otherwise, there’s no excuse for not being proactive. If this is something they feel the need to protect themselves from, why aren’t they protecting themselves?

Finally, some people pointed out that being trans is a major part of trans people’s lives, and hon-

If a racist was very distraught to find out that his partner was of fractionally African ancestry after they’ve slept together, would we have any sympathy for him?

ambitions. It really says a lot about people’s attitudes that being trans is itself considered an insult, and it’s quite ironic that this mindset could end up frustrating the desires of two people who aren’t even trans.

If that’s how you feel, then you probably should make your preferences heard, just so any trans women will know that you see them as literally unspeakable. It’s hard to see how this is supposed to be an insult - after all, you’ve already shown an interest in her, and if you’re asking whether she’s trans, that means you can’t tell. Not all trans people are visibly trans, anyway. And if both parties would stop acting like there’s something insulting about being trans, this wouldn’t even be a problem.

What’s really disconcerting is that I’ve seen these people explain, at length, how utterly crucial it is that their partner not be trans. I’ve seen them compare it to exposing someone to HIV in its seriousness. And yet they can’t bring themselves to say this to someone’s face. If people are going to compare this to STDs, then just think about what their attitude toward safe sex must be like. Can you imagine never wearing a condom, never asking anyone if they’re clean or getting tested together, and just assuming that nobody has any sexually transmitted diseases, while doing nothing whatsoever to protect yourself ? That would be insane, and there’s a reason we discourage this reckless behavior: it can

esty about such significant things is important in a relationship. And that’s absolutely a valid concern in some cases. Depending on whether it’s a committed relationship, or a one-time thing, it may be important to mention, or it might not. In the long term, of course it’s something to be disclosed as part of the trust that should exist between committed partners, but in the context of something more casual, it might not even be relevant. Someone compared it to sterility, and while it’s hardly an exact parallel, if it’s serious enough that you and your partner are considering children, it’s probably serious enough that you should share this with them.

All of this depends on the individual circumstances, and it comes down to individual judgment.

It’s hard to say what everyone ought to do, but as a general guideline, I don’t see why being trans should be regarded as something especially different here. It can be treated the same as other such things that you would share with a committed partner, like corrective surgeries or developmental conditions. Honesty is important here, and I see no problem with expecting people to disclose this at the appropriate time. But depending on the nature of the relationship, it may not need to be disclosed prior to sex, or even after.

It seems rather unbelievable that this is as serious an ethical violation as people have claimed. And I think most of them already know that.

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[ ]

MONEY PETS DINING GUIDE ANXIETY

Individuals with panic disorder can be awakened during the night by a sudden rapid heart rate, shortness of breath and an overwhelming feeling of dread.

DISORDERS

Only about one third of those suffering from an anxiety disorder receive treatment, even though the disorders are highly treatable.

A

nxiety is a normal reaction to stress.

Sometimes you become anxious before you begin a new job, or take a test. Anxiety under these circumstances can be very useful. It helps one cope. Most of the time this type of anxiety ends shortly after the situation that created it ends.

When anxiety lingers and becomes excessive it has a disabling effect. For many individuals, anxiety does not go away and will get worse over time. They may suffer from chest pain or nightmares.

An estimated 40 million Americans suffer from anxiety disorders. According to the Anxiety Association of America, only about one third of those suffering from an anxiety disorder receive treatment, even though the disorders are highly treatable.

Types of anxiety disorders include: Panic Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Post -Traumatic Stress disorder, Phobias and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

The cause of anxiety disorders is not fully understood. In general the likelihood of developing anxiety involves a combination of life experiences, psychological traits and or genetic factors. Panic disorder tends to have a stronger genetic basis while other anxiety disorders are more rooted in stressful life events. What all these disorders have in common is a heightened state of fear.

Ordinarily when a fearful or threatening event is perceived, humans react innately to survive; they

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are either ready for battle or run away. This is called the fight or flight response. Symptoms associated with this response are rapid heart rate, sweating, rapid breathing or shortness of breath and tensing of muscles. Symptoms of panic disorder are quite similar to the fight or flight response.

Determining if one is suffering from an anxiety disorder is fairly simple. Often the anxiety doesn’t appear to have resulted from any particular event. Individuals can experience a general uneasiness throughout the day. This uneasiness may increase over time. Individuals with panic disorder can be awakened during the night by a sudden rapid heart rate, shortness of breath and an overwhelming feeling of dread. Oftentimes these individuals will think they are having a heart attack and end up in a hospital emergency room.

Effective treatments for anxiety disorders usually include Psychotherapy and or medication or some form of both. Anxiety disorders are responsive to a wide variety of psychotherapies and for some situations Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Techniques (EMDR.)

Dr. Carole Olson, PSY. D. is Licensed Clinical Psychologist who has worked in many different mental health settings. She knows how to help with problems. Dr. Olson provides psychological assessments and psychotherapy for adolescents and adults with a variety of mental health issues. She can be reached at 310-360-0331. www.drcaroleolson.com

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EPIDEMIC COVER BODY MIND

MONEY PETS DINING GUIDE

FATHER, IN LAW

RICHARD VAUGHN, A LOS ANGELES BASED ATTORNEY WITH THE “INTERNATIONAL FERTILITY LAW GROUP,” ON COMING OUT AT 27, FINDING TRUE LOVE, CREATING A FAMILY AND RAISING CHILDREN. I am 43 years old. I was born in Jacksonville, Florida and grew up in Florida, Tennessee, Mississippi, Alabama, Texas, Missouri, Ohio and Illinois. My family eventually settled in Chicago when I was junior in high school.

When I was about 26-27, I was married to a woman. I had no pre-conceived ideas or feelings that I might be gay - none. But, after almost 2 years of marriage, we stopped having sex. I wondered if it was me; she wondered if it was her. I think we both got some counseling, but it was in my counseling that I finally began to uncover how regimented I’d been in my growing up. Going from one task to the next, checking off my life’s to-do list, but not really focusing on me.

As we dug a little deeper, I started to wonder why I’d often compared myself to men - wanting to look but not looking at them - and I just practically stumbled across the logical thought that maybe a guy would know how to make another guy feel good - sexually, emotionally, etc. And that was it...it was serious breakthrough for me - a very logic focused lawyer type. That “a-ha” moment allowed me to start thinking that maybe I was different. Being the driven, type-A guy, I acted on it to explore and experiment.

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EMOTIONAL VERSUS SEXUAL I had one drunken night at a girlfriend’s birthday party where most of the men in attendance were gay hair stylists because she was in the hair care products business.

That sexual experience was not a good one, so I tried again a week later - sober - to see if it made a difference.

Neither one was a great experience - not terrible, just not meaningful in any way. In fact, I told myself I was curious, tried it, and wasn’t gay. But, that didn’t last long.

The unhappiness in my marriage continued, however, and we separated about a month later. During the next month, I met a guy - through the same girlfriend (she probably knew me better than I did myself). This guy got me thinking emotional, rather than sexual thoughts. He intrigued me. He made me laugh. And I couldn’t stop thinking about him, which of course was odd for me because I assumed I was still straight. One thing led to another and very soon I realized I was probably not straight...maybe bi...but I could no longer call myself straight.

I went to Mexico with this man, and when we came back we went out for a drink to a gay bar...where of course I ran into one of my wife’s friends on, of all nights, show tune night (she was an actor at the time).

At that moment I realized I needed to tell her I might be gay. The next day I told her the truth - that I thought I might be gay. She immediately said she wanted a divorce.

She thought I had been lying to her about myself, which wasn’t the case...but she wasn’t willing to hear it. For me, it turned out to be a good thing that we ripped off the “band-aid” and moved on.

MOVING TO LOS ANGELES

“

“

I was an exercise physiology major and emergency medical technician in college and was also interested in health care laws, so I went to one of the only law schools at the time that had a health law program - Loyola University Chicago School of Law. I started out in personal injury litigation, using my familiarity with physiology and medical terminology. This transitioned into a brief stint in medical malpractice as well. Then I came out and got divorced and took a year off from law and waited tables.

When I got back into law, I worked for the City of Chicago as General Counsel for the Department of Cultural affairs, which gave me a lot of hands on experience with contracts. I moved out to Los Angeles - for a guy... and to practice entertainment law. Neither one of those worked out. But then I met the man who would become my partner and eventually husband.

I moved out to Los Angeles - for a guy... and to practice entertainment law. Neither one of those worked out. But then I met the man who would become my partner and eventually husband.

Richard Vaughn (L), with his partner, Tommy Woelfel

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“

“

Raising children has been the deepest and richest experience of our lives.

Nothing else even comes close.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT I found my way to an in-house counsel position with a medical start-up company. This start-up gave me exposure to building a national network of sales reps and distributors. While working at this company, my partner and I also realized we both wanted a family, and we decided that surrogacy was the best route for us.

When my partner and I started our surrogacy journey, the start-up company had different budgeting priorities, and while I remain on the board of the company, I stepped out of the salaried position. While looking for something meaningful to do with my law license, I thought practicing in the surrogacy field might be very interesting as well as fulfilling, so I asked our surrogacy attorney what it was like...and it happened to be a great fit at the right time. They were looking to expand the firm nationally and wanted someone who not only knew how to do that but was also, preferably, gay - because a large percentage of the firm’s clients were LGBT. It was also a bonus that I was going through surrogacy and would have a very personal perspective to bring to the clients. It was sort of love at first sight - and I can honestly say I think I’ve found my home - emotionally and professionally. Not only do I get to come to work and help people build families, the majority of my clients are LGBT, so I have a very profound sense that I am giving back to my community.

OUR SURROGACY JOURNEY Our surrogacy journey started in 2002-2003, but it didn’t gain momentum...and our commitment to it... until 2006. Our twin boys Aiden and Austin were born in 2008. When we started the process, we interviewed lawyers (including the attorney I am now law partners THEFIGHT

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FERTILITY LAW Thinking about creating a family? Here are a few legal pointers to consider

CONTRACTS Surrogacy and Egg Donor contracts are essential to frame your assisted reproduction arrangement - they are also highly specialized documents.

WOMEN If you are using a known sperm donor, you should also have a sperm donor contracts.

PARENTAL RIGHTS Court and other statutory procedures are necessary to establish your parental rights through surrogacy. These procedures vary significantly from state to state.

BIRTH CERTIFICATES Not all states will allow a second same sex parent to be listed, so a second parent adoption may be necessary.

ESTATE PLANNING Guardianship and other Estate Planning Documents will help round out your parental rights protections and protect your family.

Consult a lawyer familiar with the family formation laws in your state and the state where your surrogate gives birth.

with - Will Halm). We interviewed doctors and agencies as well, and by the time we chose Growing Generations, we coincidentally had also chosen the doctors and lawyer the agency had recommended. We also found our egg donor at “A Perfect Match,” a boutique agency in San Diego. Our first donor cycle wasn’t bad but wasn’t great, and we did not get pregnant on the first try. We also didn’t have any remaining embryos left over to freeze and use for a second embryo transfer, and we really didn’t have any strong indicators of why the first transfer failed. So, we had to decide whether to try another cycle with the same donor, switch donors or switch surrogates. Albeit a risky move, we decided to try another cycle with the same donor and hope for better results. Fortunately, we got pregnant with twins...and we’re pretty sure (though we’ve never tested it to find out) we each ended up with a biological son. If we’re right, then technically our boys are half-sibling twins!

TELLING THE CHILDREN Not long after the twins started pre-school, at age 2, we mentioned in casual conversation with them that they had 2 dads and that some kids have 2 dads, some have a daddy and a mommy, some have only one daddy, or one mommy or two mommies. They got it pretty quickly much earlier than we thought they would. We recently took them to a baby shower and showed them the mom-to-be and explained that she was carrying a baby in her tummy.

They didn’t seem to grasp that...but they will in time. Our goal is just to introduce all of this early and periodically, starting with small concepts they can grasp and expanding over time so that when they are ready to understand the full story...it won’t be some grand revelation. In terms of discrimination they may face at school, we know that no

RESOURCES INTERNATIONAL FERTILITY LAW GROUP If you’re planning to become a parent through surrogacy, egg donation, embryo donation, sperm donation, or a co-parenting adoption or agreement, the International Fertility Law Group can help you. For more information call (855) 405-7500 or visit their web site: www.iflg.net

THE CENTER FOR SURROGATE PARENTING (CSP) CSP, a world-renowned surrogate-parenting program, was the first surrogacy agency in the world to help a same sex couple realize their dream of becoming parents. For more information call 818-788-8288 or visit their web site: www.gaysurrogacyagency.com

BEVERLY HILLS EGG DONATION Physician-recommended Beverly Hills Egg Donation continues to be one of the most highly regarded egg donor agencies in the industry. Beverly Hills Egg Donation works with the top fertility clinics in the U.S., and with clients worldwide. They provide a caring, consultative approach to help you through the egg donation process. For more information call 310601-3132 or visit their web site: www.bhed.com

CALIFORNIA FERTILITY PARTNERS California Fertility Partners is a medical practice dedicated to the evaluation and treatment of male and female reproductive issues. For more information call 310-828-4008 or visit their web site: www.californiafertilitypartners.com

THE POP LUCK CLUB Los Angeles based Pop Luck Club (PLC) is to advance the well being of gay prospective parents, gay parents and their children. For more information call 323-854-0656 or visit their web site: www.popluckclub.org

MAYBE BABY Maybe Baby is a co-gender group for LGBT prospective parents that meet to learn about and discuss various topics about forming a family. For more information, including topics and meeting time and location, please send an e-mail to: maybebaby@lagaycenter.org.

matter where they are in school, some kids are going to joke or tease them about having gay dads; but we also are seeking out schools who understand that there are all sorts of families and whose teachers will know how to deal with and educate the students and our kids about issues of discrimination when they come up.

THE GREATEST PRIVILEGE Raising children has been the deepest and richest experience of our lives.

Nothing else even comes close. Watching our kids grow and change day by day and seeing the world through their eyes has been the greatest privilege. Some of the cliché’s are true - it changes everything, and we actually get to re-live some of our childhood through them - through play, singing and dancing, and also by seeing their frustrations at things they do not yet understand about life and the enormous amount of learning that goes on every day. Sometimes their frustrations can make it hard for us too.. and then we also re-learn everything we thought we knew about our parents and how we might want to do things differently or how - without even trying - we end up doing things exactly (sometimes eerily) the same as our parents!

But the sum total of the experience is truly incredible.

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Richard Vaughn can be contacted via his law firm, the “International Fertility Law Group” at www.iflg.net or by calling (855) 405-7500.

ysl11@columbia.edu 3550 wilshire blvd, suite 835 los angeles, ca 90010

The Fight 23 THEFIGHT 25

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COVER BODY MIND

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]

Don’t doubt yourself and your ability.

Take one day at a time.

MONEY PETS DINING GUIDE

W

hat if I told you that you could obtain the physique you have been longing for? Not only would you get your physique, but you could sustain it and never lose it. Is this possible? If I’m a guessing man, you are either saying to yourself “I don’t believe you,” “eh... whatever” or “do tell Aaron.”

It all starts with your thinking process, your mind! For example, I want you to stretch out your arm, open your hand and now close it. How were you able to do that? Because without second guessing yourself, you were able to relay the thought process from your mind to your arm and do just that. As easy as that was you will still limit yourself every day, because you tell yourself it’s too hard, I don’t have the time or I’m not good enough. Either way you and I both know this type of behavior is unacceptable.

Your life right now is in a constant state of choices. It’s what you do with those choices that will either allow you to progress and move forward or hinder your progression. Now, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that to physically get the physique you want is going to take at least 5-6 days a week in the gym working each muscle group evenly. Your meal intake should be full of protein (lean meats), carbohydrates (brown rice, oatmeal, whole wheat,) healthy fats (avocado, olive oil, almonds) a ton of vegetables and a lot of H2O. If you know this, then why don’t you apply it? It is because you either doubt yourself in your ability to envision and see the final outcome or you just lack the knowledge or know how of obtaining such. I never said obtaining this physique was going to be easy, but the simple tools I am laying out for you will give you solid ground to build upon. If you are unsure about how to work out, hire a fitness trainer.

Going on thirty-six, I have maintained my physique since I was twenty-one. How was I able to maintain this? There were no excuses! I always kept myself in check and when I did have a bad day, I told myself just that and that tomorrow was going to be a better day. If you want this lifestyle and I know you do, be good to yourself. Do not doubt yourself and your ability. Take one day at a time (baby steps) and just don’t look back.

For more personal fitness tips visit Aaron Savvy’s website at: www.aaronsavvy.com

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GET THE

BODY YOU WANT AND KEEP IT

BY AARON SAVVY

AARON SAVVY Photo by ADAM BOUSKA

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LAW EPIDEMIC COVER BODY MIND

[ ] Biologists create neutralizing antibody that shows increased potency.

MONEY BUILDING BETTER PETS HIV ANTIBODIES DINING GUIDE

U

sing highly potent antibodies isolated from HIV-positive people, researchers have recently begun to identify ways to broadly neutralize the many possible subtypes of HIV, reports ScienceDaily at www.sciencedaily.com.

Now, a team led by biologists at the California Institute of Technology (Caltech) has built upon one of these naturally occurring antibodies to create a stronger version they believe is a better candidate for clinical applications.

Current advances in isolating antibodies from HIV-infected individuals have allowed for the discovery of a large number of new, broadly neutralizing anti-HIV antibodies directed against the host receptor (CD4) binding site -- a functional site on the surface of the virus that allows for cell entry and infection. Using a technique known as structure-based rational design, the team modified one already-known and particularly potent antibody -- NIH45-46 -- so that it can target the binding site in a different and more powerful way. A study outlining their process was published in the Oct. 27 issue of Science Express.

“NIH45-46 was already one of the most broad and potent of the known anti-HIV antibodies,” says Pamela Bjorkman, Max DelbrŸck Professor of Biology at Caltech and senior author on the study. “Our new antibody is now arguably the best of the currently available, broadly neutralizing anti-HIV antibodies.”

By conducting structural studies, the researchers were able to identify how NIH45-46 interacted with gp120 -- a protein on the surface of the virus that’s required for the successful entry of HIV into cells -- to neutralize the virus. Using this information,

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they were able to create a new antibody (dubbed NIH45-46G54W) that is better able to grab onto and interfere with gp120. This improves the antibody’s breadth -- or extent to which it effectively targets many subtypes of HIV -- and potency by an order of magnitude, according to Ron Diskin, a postdoctoral scholar in Bjorkman’s lab at Caltech and the paper’s lead author.

“Not only did we design an improved version of NIH45-46, our structural data are calling into question previous assumptions about how to make a vaccine in order to elicit such antibodies,” says Diskin. “We hope that these observations will help to guide and improve future immunogen design.”

By improving the efficacy of antibodies that can neutralize HIV, the researchers point to the possibility of clinical testing for NIH45-46G54W and other antibodies as therapeutic agents. It’s also plausible that understanding effective neutralization by powerful antibodies may be useful in vaccine development.

“The results uncover the structural underpinnings of antiHIV antibody breadth and potency, offer a new view of neutralization by CD4-binding site anti-HIV antibodies, and establish principles that may enable the creation of a new group of HIV therapeutics,” says Bjorkman, who is also a Howard Hughes Medical Institute investigator.

The research was funded by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, the National Institutes of Health, the Gordon and Betty Moore Foundation, and the German Research Foundation.

This column is sponsored by Edwin’s Prescription Pharmacy, www.edwinsrxpharmacy.com

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EDITOR ROSTOW REPORT DON’T ASK CASE HEADLINES DISMISSED AS MOOT LAW EPIDEMIC COVER BODY MIND CALIFORNIA DREAMING

The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit issued an irritating decision last month, dismissing the challenge to Don’t Ask Don’t Tell as moot, and vacating the lower court ruling that struck the statute as unconstitutional last year. “Vacating” is a legal term for taking a magic wand and making U.S. District Court Judge Virginia Phillips’ powerful gay rights opinion disappear in a puff of smoke as if it never existed.

I know you’re wondering why the hell this makes a whit of difference, given that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is officially off the books.

But listen. There’s nothing to stop another Congress or another president from restoring some kind of military ban. A big thumbs down in the law books would serve as a deterrent, and now the prospects for that helpful precedent are gone.

PROPS TO ARETHA FRANKLIN

What’s a “whit?” I’ll look it up in a minute. You know what else I don’t know? I don’t know what the “G” means in “3G” or “4G.” And I also don’t know how the word “props” became a synonym for “praise.” It’s short for something, but what?

I’m back. I spent far too long looking up “whit,” which is not a thing but just a word meaning teeny tiny bit. That’s disappointing. I was hoping it was a little bird or a fig seed or something.

As for the “G,” it stands for “generation.” Another disappointment. And “props” is short for “propers,” which is a slang term for “proper respect” popularized in the Aretha Franklin song.

Now that’s good to know, don’t you think? Did you know that?

Oh, don’t be smug about it.

MONEY PETS DINING GUIDE

So, I don’t know what’s going on at Equality California. Last month they decided not to pursue an attempt to repeal Prop 8 in 2012, effectively making that decision on behalf of the entire gay community of the Golden State. I kind of agree with this non-repeal strategy, but many others think it’s a cop out, and indeed at least one group, Love Honor Cherish, is going forward with a repeal measure of its own.

Running a statewide gay rights ballot measure without the support of the main gay rights organization will be, let’s say, tricky. And wasn’t Love Honor Cherish a Carpenter song?

At any rate, I gather that Equality California’s brand new executive director has now resigned for vague reasons. What’s up with that? I’m going to leave it to others to figure out, but it sounds as if the gang over there isn’t shooting straight at the moment, so to speak.

Returning to Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, here’s the really annoying aspect of the Ninth Circuit’s decision. Adding insult to injury, Judge Diarmuid O’Scannlain penned a ten-page concurring opinion of his own, ripping the Supreme Court’s decision in Lawrence v Texas. If this were a longer column I’d go into a frustrated rant about the large loopholes in Justice Kennedy’s opinion that allow court conservatives to dismiss Lawrence as a little more than a narrow ruling on criminal law with no consequences for gay rights cases in general.

There are some pieces of good news coming out of state politics however. Governor Brown signed a trans rights bill that makes it far easier to change one’s official gender on a birth certificate or other state records.

And it looks as if the people trying to repeal the “teach about gays in high school” law have failed to get their measure on the next ballot. They will no doubt still try for 2012.

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U.S. DISTRICT COURT JUDGE VIRGINIA PHILLIPS

NEW FRONT IN DOMA FIGHT Moving on, the Servicemembers Legal Defense Fund is filing a challenge to the Defense of Marriage Act on behalf of gay soldiers, who as you know, do not enjoy any of the family benefits that other military types take for granted. This will be the seventh or eighth major lawsuit against DOMA, but it stands out because it highlights the unique conundrum faced by our gay brothers and sisters in the armed forces.

The other day, a lesbian national guardswoman was ordered to attend some kind of family reorientation program, but she was forbidden to bring her civil union partner until her Senator intervened.

ZACHARY QUINTO COMES OUT

WHERE ARE THE SCI FI GAYS? So the guy who played Spock in the latest Star Trek movie, Zachary Quinto, came out of the closet the other day. Actually, I’m not sure he was in a closet to begin with, but whatever.

This reminds me of an observation I made last year that I believe has stood the test of time and bears repeating. Do you remember, back in the days of James T Kirk, that the future in Star Trek was supposed to be free of bigotry? We had a black woman at the communications station, a Russian at ops, etc.. So, why didn’t any of the subsequent Star Trek series have any gay characters? Even minor ones? Voyager is set about four hundred years in the future and there are no gay relationships on board and no gay crew members?

How is that possible?

I know that there was this one Next Generation episode where all the people on some planet were gay and hated heterosexuals, which was supposed to teach us a lesson about sexual orientation. But that’s not my point. These progressive and futuristic television writers could not imagine that being gay would be an average and integral part of human society centuries from now.

They just didn’t think about it. And this was only, what, five or ten years ago?

Also, why is it that every time someone goes on an away mission they find a cave? Not just any crevice, but a classic cave with a big cave opening and big tunnels that are easy to walk around in. How many caves like that do you find on Earth? Not that many because otherwise you wouldn’t see signs advertising these rarities on the interstate highway for fifty miles in either direction now would you?

In a different lawsuit, a Navy lesbian seeking pension benefits for her wife is suing before the U.S. Court of Appeals for Veterans Affairs, so let’s just say that our community is not simply sitting back in humble gratitude for the end of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

We’re fighting for full equality. That includes a PX card for your husband or wife.

NAME THAT BIGOT Finally, do any of you recall the fabulous essay I wrote last month on the attempt by antigay forces to play the victim card (“Free At Last,” THE FIGHT, Issue 009)? Oh, you liked it? Thank you! Well recently, a federal court ruled that the people who signed petitions to repeal Washington State’s domestic partner law cannot remain anonymous based on their fear of a rampaging gay community bent on revenge. The state authorities wasted no time in publishing all their names, which sends a simple message. You can be antigay if you want to. But if you take a public stance, you can’t do so in hiding.

The Supreme Court had said as much, but the justices sent the case back to federal court so that our cowardly foes could prove that they faced a real danger of harassment or violence if their names were released. This absurd claim was rejected by the court, since although we might boycott and we might protest, as a rule we don’t break kneecaps.

Now don’t go making me a liar! Oh, by the way. That repeal effort lost at the ballot box last November.

Ann Rostow writes news analysis columns for THE FIGHT and other gay publications across the country.

Rostow can be reached at: arostow@aol.com

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THE TH

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THE THE T

AN IMA L

MONEY PETS DINING GUIDE

SIGNS TO WATCH FOR

W

hile we’d all love to turn back the clock and have our pets be puppies and kittens again (fully potty-trained, of course!), unfortunately, they too must deal with the same aging process that we experience. However, there are common conditions that you can help control by implementing preventative health care measures.

One sign to watch for is a decline in energy levels, stiffness, and/or difficulty rising.

Pain can decrease your pet’s mobility as well as cause changes in conduct-leading to potentially uncharacteristic “snappy” behavior. Thus, managing your pet’s pain levels is very important not only for his or her comfort, but the safety of yourself and your family, especially any small children.

What you can do: Regular exercise is essential for keeping joints flexible and muscles and ligaments strong, and also helps prevent weight problems (which can further aggravate arthritis).

Regular moderate exercise rather than sudden bouts of activity will also help to keep joints in good shape.

Feed your pet a diet high in essential nutrients and low in processed foods, additives and sugar. Nutrition is a key element in the promotion of healthy joints and muscles - as well as for promoting the integrity of the entire skeletal system.

Another sign to watch for is persistent bad breath, bleeding gums, and a dark yellow or brown substance build-up on teeth.

Conditions such as liver, kidney, heart inflammation and infectionare many times triggered by poor dental hygiene and periodontal disease. Regular inspection of the teeth is a good idea to establish your pet’s level of dental health. Normal teeth in pets are shiny white all the way to the line of the gum. Any deposits or build up of a dark yellow or brown substance on the teeth, especially near the gum line, indicates a problem.

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new study recently featured in the journal of Sexuality Research and Social Policy asked, “What do you think your life would be like without homophobia, racism, or sexism?”

Four hundred lesbian, gay, and bisexual New Yorkers participated in the study, which sought to document how sexual minorities experience social stigma and inequality in today’s world. While the answer may seem fairly obvious at first, the responses, comprised of the participants’ own narratives, were varied.

The following is a sampling of the responses received:

“It would be peaceful. I would be free to be my own self without looking over my shoulder.”

“I would most likely be at home with my family where I came from.”

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PHOBIA DID NOT EXIST?

“We would have better access to resources, such as education, career opportunities.”

“People could marry who they loved and international couples could live where they pleased.”

“We would be able to hold hands in public, and kiss in any restaurant.”

On the other hand, respondents found what’s called “positive marginality,” identifying character because of their sexuality. “I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t gone through what I did.”

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The Fight 33

THEFIGHT

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THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE T

CONTENTS CALENDAR EDITOR ROSTOW REPORT HEADLINES LAW EPIDEMIC COVER BODY MIND

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12TH L.A. GAY & LESBIAN CENTER’S 40TH ANNIVERSARY GALA & AUCTION

Saturday, Nov. 12, 6pm, at the Westin Bonaventure Hotel, 404 S. Figueroa St., Los Angeles. For more information, or to purchase your tickets, go to www.anniversarygala.org.

$400 for a VIP ticket.

For more information, or to purchase your tickets, go to www.anniversarygala.org.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 16TH ROJO 2011

For more information go to: thewalllasmemorias.org or call 323-257-1056, ext.29.

Saturday, November 16, Cicada Restaurant, 617 S. Olive St., Los Angeles.

Join The Wall Las Memorias Project for an evening of great food and fun at the 3rd Annual ROJO, an HIV/AIDS benefit charity. Over eight of the finest Latin cuisine restaurants will be participating in this exciting food tasting event. The Wall Las Memorias Project will be honoring Hollywood’s very talented Lupe Ontiveros as well as Chivas USA. Both have supported The Wall-Las Memorias Project and HIV/AIDS education and prevention services. Musical entertainment, dance party and more!

Writer, actor, musician and transgender activist CHAZ BONO (Dancing with the Stars) will be honored at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center’s 40th Anniversary Gala & Auction, hosted by Leslie Jordan (The Help) and featuring JANE LYNCH (Glee) on Saturday, Nov. 12 at the Westin Bonaventure Hotel.

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS and partner David Burtka will also be honored.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 30TH GRAMMY NOMINATIONS CONCERT LIVE

Wednesday, Nov, 30, 5:30pm, at Nokia Theatre, Los Angeles. For more information go to: www.nokiatheatrelalive.com The road to Music’s Biggest Night(r) begins with “The GRAMMY(r) Nominations Concert Live!!” on Wednesday, Nov. 30, 2011. The one-hour live television special will feature performances by past GRAMMY winners and/or nominees, and will announce nominations in several categories for the 54th Annual GRAMMY Awards.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 3RD BENT-CON

December 3-4, Westin Bonaventure Hotel.

404 S. Figueroa St., Los Angeles. For more information visit: bent-con.org

MONEY PETS DINING GUIDE

One of the premier events for the LGBT community of Los Angeles, the gala begins with a chic cocktail reception and large silent auction featuring travel and dining packages and much more, followed by dinner and fabulous entertainment.

The gala will take place on Saturday, Nov. 12. The cocktail reception is at 6 p.m. with entertainment to follow at 8 p.m. Tickets for the gala are $300 for general admission or

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BENT-CON is the convention for encouraging, celebrating and appreciating LGBT and LGBT-friendly comic-book artists, writers, creators, publishers, directors and producers, creating media targeted directly to LGBT audiences or as part of the larger realm of underground and mainstream pop-culture as a whole. The weekend event will be filled with exhibitors, guests, panels, film-viewings and parties.

DON’T SEE YOUR GROUP LISTED? SEND DETAILS TO: editor@thefightmag.com

GROUPS ASIAN/PACIFIC GAYS AND FRIENDS www.apgf.org GAY ASIAN PACIFIC SUPPORT NETWORK www.gapsn.org LOS ANGELES GAY AVIATION CLUB Pilots, Flights Attendants, Mechanics. www.unusualattitudes.info CLUB NUR Gay Middle Eastern clubnur.com GAY MEN’S CHORUS OF LOS ANGELES http://www.gmcla.org THANK GAYS IT’S FRIDAY STANDUP COMEDY Every Friday, 8:30pm. MJ’s Bar, 2810 Hyperion Avenue, Los Angeles. 323-650-1503 GAY & LESBIAN SALSA Every Monday, 8pm. Little Temple Bar, 4519 Santa Monica Blvd., Silverlake, 90029. gaysalsanight@yahoo.com or www.facebook. com/gaysalsanight GAY TRAFFIC SCHOOL Third Tuesday and Wednesday of everymonth,610pm The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N. McCadden Place, Los Angeles 90038.

1-800-Gay-4-You or www.laglc.org POP LUCK CLUB Second Sunday of every month, 11am. Locations vary.

Los Angeles based organization for Gay Dads, Prospective Dads, and their families. www.popluckclub.org.

PROSTATE CANCER SUPPORT GROUP 1st and 3rd Tuesday of each month, at the Gay & Lesbian Center.

RSVP to Dennis@malecare.org or call 323-8607340 GREAT AUTOS OF YESTERYEAR The largest LGBT classic car club on the West Coast. www.greatautos.org LOS ANGELES PRIME TIMERS Social group for older mature gay men and admirers www.laprimetimers.org LOS ANGELES GAY BRIDGE CLUB http://www.communityvisions.org/IAGLBC LOS ANGELES GAY/LESBIAN SCIENTISTS www.lagls.org LOS ANGELES GAY FOR GOOD Gays making a commitment to volunteer for social welfare and environmental service projects. www.gayforgood.org LOS ANGELES GAY NATURISM California Men Enjoying Naturism www.cmen.info BI-OSPHERE P.O.V. Every 2nd Wednesday, 8-9:30pm. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles.

For more information, call 323-8607302 M-F between 6-9pm. Topic-driven discussion for women and men who identify as, or are exploring bisexuality.

MEN’S SPEAKEASY Every Tuesday at 8pm. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles.

For more information, call 323-860-7302.

Fun, alternative space for gay and bisexual men to meet and make new friends.

LGBT BOOK CLUB First Wednesday of each month, 7:30-9:30 p.m.

The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles.

For more information, call 323-860-7302, M-F between 6-9pm POSITIVE IMAGES WORKSHOP Every Monday, from 7-9pm. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles.

If you’re looking for ways to deal with HIV, the Live Life Better Workshop can help you learn coping skills, build a support system, and work toward your health goals. An RSVP is required. For more information or to reserve your place, call 323-860-7321. The e-mail contact is positiveimages@lagaycenter.org.

TRANSGENDER PERCEPTIONS Every Friday, 8pm. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles.

For more information, call 323-860-7302 M-F between 6-9pm.

Social networking group offers a safe and welcoming opportunity for people of any age and gender identity to learn from others and to share experiences.

GET CENTERED Meditation Class, Every Saturday, 10-11am, $10. Gay & Lesbian Center, 1625 N Schrader Blvd. Los Angeles. For more information, call 323-860-7300 SENIORS SERVICES Ongoing, The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles.

For more information, call 323-860-7359.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUPPORT Ongoing, L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, 1625 N Schrader Blvd. Los Angeles. For more information, call 323-860-5806.

12 STEP GROUPS

All groups meet at The Village at Ed Gould Plaza 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call 323860-7302 M-F between 6-9pm.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS Mondays, 6:10-7:10 p.m.

CRYSTAL METH ANONYMOUS Saturdays, 9:10-10:10 a.m.

DEBTORS ANONYMOUS Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m.

MARIJUANA ANONYMOUS Wednesdays, 8:15-9:45 p.m.

Saturdays, 10:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m.

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS Wednesdays, 7-8 p.m.

SEXUAL COMPULSIVES ANONYMOUS Mondays, 8-9 p.m.

Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m.

Wednesdays, 8-9 p.m.

Thursdays, 8:15-9:15 p.m.

Saturdays, 12:15-1:45 p.m.

WOMEN’S NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS Saturdays, Noon-1 p.m.

SPORTS LOS ANGELES LESBIAN SOFTBALL www.lagaysoftball.com LOS ANGELES LESBIAN TACKLE FOOTBALL www.californiaquakefootball.com LOS ANGELES LESBIAN RUGBY http://www.eaglerockrugby.com WOMEN’S SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA GOLF www.womensgolf.org/wscga LOS ANGELES LESBIAN POKER http://www.lalpg.com LOS ANGELES WOMEN ON A ROLL Luncheons, Comedy Nights, and Conversation Groups. www.womenonaroll.com LOS ANGELES GAY RODEO CLUB www.gsgra.org LOS ANGELES GAY FLAG FOOTBALL http://www.laflagfootball.com There’s also lesbian tackle football.

WEST HOLLYWOOD GAY RUGBY www.larebellion.org LOS ANGELES POOL LEAGUE Friendly Billiard teams www.lapl8ball.com GAY & LESBIAN BOWLING LEAGUE www.tavernguildleague.com SAGA LA Gay Ski & Snowboard Club www.sagala.org V.O.I.L.A. Volleyball www.lagayvolleyball.com GREAT OUTDOORS The largest gay outdoor recreational organization in Southern California. www.greatoutdoorsla.org

GAY AND LESBIAN SIERRANS Camping, Outdoors, Hiking angeles.sierraclub.org CHEER LA Cheerleading www.cheerla.org LA ROWING www.larowing.org DIFFERENT SPOKES Cycling www.differentspokes.com Rides start in various locations in the greater Los Angeles area.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA BLADES Ice Hockey www.bladeshockey.com LOS ANGELES FRONTRUNNERS Running and walking club www.lafrontrunners.com WEST HOLLYWOOD SOCCER CLUB www.gaysoccer.com Comfortable, supportive environment for learning and playing the world’s most popular game.

LOS ANGELES GAY SCUBA CLUB www.barnaclebusters.org LOS ANGELES GAY ROCK CLIMBING www.lalgbtclimbing.com WEST HOLLYWOOD AQUATICS Swim and Water Polo Teams www.wh2o.org

WORSHIP METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH mccla.org 4953 Franklin Avenue Los Angeles, CA 90027 BETH CHAYIM CHADASHIM SYNAGOGUE bcc-la.org 6090 West Pico Boulevard Los Angeles, CA 90035 KOL AMI REFORM SYNAGOGUE kol-ami.org 1200 North La Brea Avenue West Hollywood, CA 90038 FIRST CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH OF LOS ANGELES fccla.org 540 South Commonwealth Avenue Los Angeles, CA 90020 HOLLYWOOD UNITED METHODIST CHURCH hollywoodumc.org 6817 Franklin Avenue Los Angeles, CA 90028 HOLY SPIRIT

holyspirit-la.org 4201 West Sunset Blvd.

Los Angeles, CA 90029 UNITED UNIVERSITY CHURCH uniteduniversitychurch.org 817 West 34th St Los Angeles, CA 90089 DIGNITY CENTER dignitylosangeles.org 126 South Avenue 64 Los Angeles, CA 90042 HOPE LUTHERAN CHURCH-HLYWD hopelutheranchurch.net 6720 Melrose Ave Los Angeles, CA 90038 WEST HOLLYWOOD PRESBYTERIAN wehopres.org 7350 W Sunset Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90046 MOUNT HOLLYWOOD CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH mthollywood.org 4607 Prospect Avenue Los Angeles, CA 90027 IMMANUEL PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH immanuelpres.org 3300 Wilshire Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90010 ST. MATTHEW’S LUTHERAN CHURCH stmatthewsnoho.org 11031 Camarillo St. North Hollywood, CA 91602 CHRIST CHAPEL OF THE VALLEY christchapel.com 11050 Hartsook Street North Hollywood, CA 91601 ST. PAUL’S LUTHERAN CHURCH stpaulssm.org 958 Lincoln Boulevard Santa Monica, CA 90403 ST. MONICA CATHOLIC COMMUNITY stmonica.net 725 California Avenue Santa Monica, CA 90403 WEHO CHURCH wehochurch.com 916 N. Formosa Ave. West Hollywood, CA 90046 ST. VICTOR’S CATHOLIC CHURCH saintvictor.org 8634 Holloway Drive West Hollywood, California 90069 ST. LUKE LUTHERAN stlukelutheran.com 5312 Comercio Way Woodland Hills, CA 91364

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GLENDALE GYNECOLOGY GROUP

Health needs for our lesbian patients have been an important part of our patient-centered focus.

O

ur approach here at Glendale Gynecology Group is probably unlike any other experience you have ever had. You will feel welcomed and acknowledged. We value you as our patient, respect you as an individual, and have compassion for whatever situation you endure.

Our Mission Statement is, “We provide the highest quality, personalized healthcare for women of all ages.

We strive to exceed the expectations you have as a patient by going above and beyond to meet your needs. We open our hearts to you.” As a practicing gynecologist, going back to obstetrical care as of January 1, 2012, women’s health is our specialty.

Health needs for our lesbian patients have been an important part of our patient-centered focus. We seek to understand your health care concerns and interests by listening and truly caring about what you say and feel.

While most sexual transmitted diseases are significantly less common in our lesbian patients, still certain issues such as increased breast, uterine and ovarian cancer diagnoses are likely to affect more same sex partners, and, thus, screening should be a priority.

For many families assisted-reproductive decisions demand diligence also going above and beyond to achieve outstanding results.

I specialize in minimally invasive robotic gynecologic surgery, myomectomy, pelvic prolapse, urinary incontinence, pelvic pain treatment, and endometriosis, as well as holistic alternatives. Open surgery can be a scary option for most women. Today there is a minimally invasive gynecologic surgery promising a less painful more

THEFIGHT

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BY JOHN H. KIRK, MD, FACOG rapid recovery from many different surgeries. Using the Da Vinci Surgical System has transformed our practice and our patient’s lives. Combining these state of the art surgical procedures with the holistic authentic Tahitian Noni Bioactive products makes for a most satisfying speedy recovery.

I attended Yale University Medical School and then served in residency at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles. After seven years in Los Angeles co-founding and operating a laborist program at two major Southern California hospitals, I moved to Napa Valley.

Napa was where my experience with minimally invasive surgery began in 2002. I was honored to have performed the first robotic hysterectomy in California with the Da Vinci Surgical System.

Now, having helped several hundred patients and taught the technological advances of robotic surgery throughout the United States, the opportunity to follow my heart back home has been a blessing.

Enriched by community, service and compassion for our patients, coming back home to Southern California allows us to fellowship with new patients and your families.

Working with the Glendale Adventist Medical Center, my wife Roxy, and I have established a gynecology-only practice soon to also provide obstetrics. We have the skills, and offer our bilingual services to all. We will take the time to partner with you towards your healthiest life.

We hope to meet you soon!

John H. Kirk, MD, FACOG can be reached at (818) 241-6132. Glendale Gynecology Group, 1505 Wilson Terrace, Suite 170, Glendale, CA 91206.

For more info please visit: www.GlendaleGynecologyGroup.com

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E THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE THE

FINAL FIGHT CONTENTS CALENDAR EDITOR ROSTOW REPORT HEADLINES HATING GAYS LAW EPIDEMIC COVER BODY MIND

GAYS

T

You do not have to be like us, you really don’t.

But stop trying to force us to be like you.

here is something very disturbing that I’ve been hearing from some gay people. Not most of them, thankfully, but still far too many. Basically, they really don’t like other gay people who are visibly gay, effeminate, flamboyant, that sort of thing. They think we give people a bad impression of what gay people are like, and that we are somehow hindering the acceptance of gay people because of who we are. Some of them even go so far as to say that we are the reason people oppose gay equality and vote against gay rights.

You know, that is one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard, especially coming from gay people. Since when has that ever, ever been an acceptable reason to deny someone their rights? Think about what this is really saying: If you don’t look like everyone else, if you don’t talk like everyone else, if you don’t dress like everyone else, if you don’t act like everyone else, then you don’t deserve the same rights as everyone else.

That is exactly the kind of cowardly, petulant, authoritarian bullshit attitude that you should be fighting against, not endorsing! But instead, you approve of this. And in doing so, you are in agreement with homophobes. Ask yourself, how is that any different from saying that if you aren’t attracted to what everyone else finds attractive, or if you don’t have sex the same way that everyone else does, then you can’t have the same rights as everyone else? There is no difference.

What you are doing here is adopting the same mentality as

MONEY PETS

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BY ZINNIA JONES

the people who hate you. You are validating their belief that if you are different, you don’t deserve equal rights. And you have the nerve to blame us for inequality? Tell me, do you think you’re better than us? Do you think you’re more deserving of your rights than we are, just because of how you present yourself? Because you’re not. You are not special, you are not superior, and you are not accomplishing anything by pretending that inequality is justifiable.

In reality, you are the ones who are responsible for the very same problems you’re trying to pin on us. When you blame the victims of bias instead of holding people accountable for their own discriminatory attitudes, you are cultivating and propagating the social mores that make prejudice acceptable. That is not how you promote the acceptance of gay people in society. We aren’t the ones to blame here-you are.

And I just want to make one thing clear: You do not have to be like us, you really don’t. But stop trying to force us to be like you. If you expect us to destroy who we are just to cater to the people whose tolerance vanishes the moment they encounter someone who’s noticeably gay, you are not supporting gay acceptance. And if you won’t stand up for the rights of people who are different from you, it is you who is part of the problem.

Read more commentary by Zinnia Jones at: www.zinniajones.com/blog

22741 Ventura Blvd., Woodland Hills, CA 91364