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I N T E RV I EW

BAYIS SHELI

A NECESSITY, NOT A LUXURY by: C.S.Teitelbaum

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C w

an bo m w ha ev ba

ayis Sheli is a residential respite home for children with special needs. It has a sixteen-bed capacity, with both an under-18s wing and, due to demand, a soon-to-open an adult wing. There are children who live there permanently, as their needs are too demanding to be cared for at home, and there are those who stay temporarily, such as over Yom Tov, when parents have to travel together abroad, if there is a new baby at home or whenever the parents simply need to unwind and have a calm, quiet Shabbos with their other children. Sixteen beds may not sound abundant, however Bayis Sheli’s founding objective has always been to keep it homey rather than institutional. Indeed, their slogan is ‘a home away from home’, so that they can constantly offer bespoke personalised care and the users feel like they are part of a family. Dozens of families have already benefitted

Can you tell us about your child who resides in Bayis Sheli? Doniel is my oldest child. He is 15 years old and he moved to Bayis Sheli last year. He was born with a very rare disorder which leaves him mentally and physically disabled; he can’t talk, walk or feed himself. He is in a wheelchair and has no independent living skills so he needs everything done for him, but as long as his basic needs are taken care of, he is happy and

from the facility, whether on a shortor long-term basis, with demand peaking in Yom Tov seasons. In this interview, Mrs Esti Hamilton, mother of five from Golders Green, whose fifteen-year-old son Doniel joined Bayis Sheli as a permanent resident a year ago, tells us her moving firsthand experience. It gives us a glimpse into how crucial this home is for the community and how grateful we have to be for its existence. Although the home has been constructed fully hoisted and it boasts a large number of resources, including a hydrotherapy pool, sensory room, soft play room, sensory garden and in the pipeline a learning kitchen, a specialised IT room and a music room, make no mistake, Bayis Sheli is not a luxury for these families. Bayis Sheli is a number one necessity. And by the end of reading this, you will no doubt agree.

pleasant to be around but you can’t take your eyes off him for a minute. In a nutshell, he has the needs of a toddler in the body of a fifteenyear-old.

What did life look like when Doniel lived at home? He has always been very disabled but, as he got older, it got harder, mostly physically. As I said, cognitively, he is like a toddler, but his

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body was growing regularly so when he entered his teens he outgrew my five-foot frame and I simply couldn’t carry him up and down the stairs anymore. Think of any scenarios of a crawling toddler who doesn’t understand discipline, doesn’t grasp danger, and then imagine an adult doing that. He would crawl on the table, get near the hob, and he wouldn’t even flinch if we’d cry out ‘No!’ To add to the equation, he has epilepsy and suffers regularly from seizures. As he got older they became harder to manage. I’d have to call Hatzola but put him in the recovery position myself meanwhile, which got impossible once he was grown. Although I never saw this move coming, and I always confidently told people who asked us about our long-term plans that Doniel would live with us forever, by the time he was fifteen, there was really no option.

Was there any incident that prompted your decision? Yes, a culmination of them. On Pesach, Doniel was sleeping while our family was enjoying a beautiful calm Pesach Seder. We finished around 4am and then everyone fell into bed. As usual, Doniel awoke at 6am. Naturally, I woke up for him, even though I had barely caught two hours of sleep. I carried him down, gave him breakfast and then I collapsed on the couch from where I planned to watch him. At some point 62

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between that minute and the next, I must have fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion. Suddenly, there was a shattering bang. I jumped up. In the minute of my absence, Doniel had crawled onto the table and knocked a glass jug onto the floor. There was glass everywhere. I stood there in a daze, surrounded by smithereens of glass, the rest of the family fast asleep and a huge adult to somehow manoeuvre off the table and carry over the carpet of glass. I just couldn’t do it and I broke down in tears. Another incident was when he had an epileptic seizure and I was alone at home with him. I couldn’t move him into the position he needed to be. I was terrified. I felt so helpless. That’s when I realised I couldn’t do this anymore. It was no longer safe for him. Still, I went through a whole year of denial, assuring myself that I could and I would. He is my bechor after all and nobody could love him as much as I do. But Baruch Hashem, he is so happy and so loved in Bayis Sheli and I have no regrets.

Of all the wonderful blessings that Bayis Sheli granted your family, what would you say is the greatest one? No doubt, my children got back their mother! I was Doniel’s full-time caregiver, going to hospital with him, managing every crises with him. I basically didn’t sleep for fourteen years

posters of theoffamily the family so he’s sosurrounded he’s surrounded by those by those and Iand leave I leave it to your it to your imagination imagination how how suchsuch an an posters adoreadore him.him. There’s There’s eveneven a heimish a heimish lady who lady who exhausted, exhausted, stressed stressed mother mother looks. looks. I didn’t I didn’t evenevenwho who comes to saytoShema say Shema with with eacheach childchild at night at night realise realise how how depleted depleted I wasIuntil was until he moved he moved to to comes which which is very is very special. special. BayisBayis Sheli.Sheli. I am Imuch am much moremore rested, rested, happier happier and and moremore available available for my forfamily my family now.now.

So were So were youryour other other children children relieved relieved after after his move? his move?

HowHow waswas the transition the transition for Doniel? for Doniel?

The first The first few weeks, few weeks, he wasn’t he wasn’t happy, happy, which which is is normal. normal. It wasItunfamiliar, was unfamiliar, it wasitawas newa routine new routine Surprisingly, Surprisingly, not necessarily. not necessarily. Doniel Doniel was never was never and with as with anyone anyone of anyone of anyone age, itage, takes it takes getting getting a destructive a destructive violent violent child,child, he would he would nevernever grab graband as to. I was to. Ieven was even nervous nervous how how he’d take he’d take to histo his theirtheir toys or toys hurt or hurt them, them, so they so they lovedloved to cuddle to cuddle usedused new bed. Bed was Bedalways was always his safe his corner safe corner and itand it and hang and hang out with out with him on him the oncouch the couch and they and they new bed. was filled was filled with with his favourite his favourite toys. toys. A few A weeks few weeks reallyreally missmiss having having him around. him around. Those Those closer closer to to later later when when I visited, I visited, I was I so was relieved so relieved to see to that see that him in him ageinwere age were initially initially reallyreally homesick homesick for him, for him, he was hecontent was content and playing and playing in hisinbed hiswith bed with his his complaining, complaining, ‘When’s ‘When’s Doniel Doniel coming coming home? home? toys,toys, still enjoying still enjoying bed as bed hisaslittle his little haven, haven, eveneven if if He’s my He’sbrother; my brother; I alsoI miss also miss him.’him.’ For me, Foritme, wasit was it wasitelsewhere. was elsewhere. Then,Then, afterafter a fewamonths, few months, he he heartbreaking heartbreaking whenwhen he left. he left. was happily was happily greeting greeting and recognising and recognising his carers his carers and staff who who shower shower him with him with amazing amazing love and love and We go We every go every Sunday Sunday to visit to visit him and himplay and with play withand staff seeing seeing that,that, was awas huge a huge nechama nechama for me. for me. him in him Bayis in Bayis Sheli’s Sheli’s enormous enormous fun place fun place and it’s anda it’scare; a care; muchmuch anticipated anticipated trip. trip.

CanCan youyou walk walk us through us through a typical a typical dayday for Doniel for Doniel at his at new his new home? home?

If notIffor notBayis for Bayis Sheli,Sheli, he would he would havehave had to had goto go to a non-Jewish to a non-Jewish homehome which which would would havehave beenbeen wrenching. wrenching. In fact, In fact, I probably I probably wouldn’t wouldn’t havehave donedone it anditthat and would that would havehave beenbeen completely completely destructive destructive to metoand memy andfamily. my family.

He has Heahas daily a daily routine routine which which works works very very well well How How waswas the general the general process process for him. for him. He isHe woken is woken up and updressed, and dressed, givengiven his his in getting in getting in tointhe to home? the home? epilepsy epilepsy medication, medication, bussed bussed to Side to Side by Side by Side school school and when and when he comes he comes home, home, someone someone playsplays Baruch Baruch Hashem, Hashem, the government the government paperwork paperwork with with him,him, feedsfeeds and baths and baths him and himhe and goes he goes to to wentwent very very smoothly smoothly and itand took it took only only a fewa few bed. bed. We decorated We decorated his room his room with with hugehuge colourful colourful months. months. It wasItall was full alloffull hashgacha. of hashgacha. Our Rov Ourtold Rov told

““

I stood I stood there there in ain daze, a daze, surrounded surrounded by smithereens by smithereens of of glass, glass, the the restrest of the of the family family fastfast asleep asleep andand a huge a huge adult adult to to somehow somehow manoeuvre manoeuvre off the off the table table andand carry carry overover the the carpet carpet of glass. of glass. I just I just couldn’t couldn’t do itdoand it and I broke I broke down down in tears. in tears.

““

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“

Who thinks of that besides a mother? They didn’t see the big deal, saying they just wanted

“

him to look nice for his brother’s bar mitzva

my husband and I that that in itself was a siman that there was bracha in our decision.

You were probably filled with doubt until you took the plunge. Was there perhaps a particular moment afterwards that further confirmed to you what a good choice you had made? Yes. There were a few. For example, it was always a huge job to get Doniel a haircut and he needed one often as his hair grew quickly. I used to call someone to our house to do it. The first time Bayis Sheli gave him a haircut, he looked so clean and fresh and well cared for, I was taken aback that someone else was taking such wonderful care of him. Then, I was making bar mitzvah for my other son and I let Bayis Sheli know about it a month in advance. The week before the bar mitzvah I came to visit I told them that I wanted to buy him a nice new suit for the simcha. They casually informed me, ‘Oh, we’ve already bought him one!’ and they brought out a beautiful suit. I was totally overwhelmed, I burst into tears. I could not believe it was possible to possess such sensitivity and concern. Who thinks of that besides a mother? They didn’t see the big deal, saying they just wanted him to look nice for his brother’s bar mitzva. Seriously, if there was ever a defining moment, that was theirs!

That is beautiful. Before closing, is there anything you’d like the community to know? When Bayis Sheli tells me that people came to visit my son on Shabbos, that is most heartwarming, because if he can’t be with his family, then at least he should have the atmosphere of Shabbos. Having a child with special needs is very demanding. It permeates every part of your life. Even things like building a sukkah raises questions as to how big the doorway should be for the wheelchair and how many guests you can fit inside once you reckon the big wheelchair. Family simchas have to be well orchestrated too. Someone has to be with your special needs child so that you can take part in something as simple but significant as family pictures. Bear that in mind and perhaps give a family respite by taking their child in for a Shabbos or Yom Tov. Seeing first-hand what their family endures, what with pulled-off tablecloths and not a moment of sleep, you will feel more indebted to Bayis Sheli for being around when you are not available. Thank you Mrs Hamilton for bravely sharing your very inspiring personal story. Wishing you continued nachas from all your children!

BAYIS SHELI

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GARAGE TO RENT IN DEVONSHIRE CT. £50 per month. WELBECK PROPERTIES 792 5003

GRACO EVO BUGGY. £50 ono. Please call 07772891695

MURRAY ST. – 4 bed house – good sized family home with 4 spacious double bedrooms, just completely refurbished to include 2 receptions, new fitted eat-in kitchen, downstairs wc, new bathroom. New carpets/laminates/décor throughout. Cellar. £950 per month. WELBECK PROPERTIES 792 5003 NEWLY RENOVATED FULLY FURNISHED INCLUDING LINENS MODERN ONE BEDROOM BUNGALOW. Kings Road. Available for short trem let. Please call 07785 771 801 BROUGHTON PARK, Fully renovated to a high standard 3-bedroom house. All chimneys have been removed, additional ground floor WC with a modern spacious kitchen. Please call 07515419238 EXCLUSIVE 1 & 2 BEDROOM FLATS ON LOWER BROUGHTON ROAD. Short or long term. Please call 07950014057 BROUGHTON PARK :GROUND FLOOR S/CONTAINED APARTMENT available for long term rent would suit single person call 07973 539294

To advertise phone: 0161 708 8877 | Fax: 0161 241 6700 | E-mail: sales@manjad.co.uk

PROPERTIES FOR SALE

FOR SALE

PALLETS BOUGHT AND SOLD ALL SHAPES AND SIZES best prices paid. For details call 07941 484148 DUAL OFF ROAD HOVERBOARD ( quite heavy) was £400 will sell for £250. Size 12 navy evening dress from debenhams ( never worn) £30. Please call 07983917 379 BALLOONS - R - US GAS HELIUM BALLOONS FOR ALL OCCASIONS. Baby Boy/Girl - ‫מזל טוב‬ Happy Birthday - Good Luck - Get Well - Thank You etc. See our large range of balloons including bubble, double bubble (balloon within a balloon!) @ 30 Hilton Crescent, Prestwich. Call 0161 280 9234 / 07885 604 279. (Delivery available) MEZUZOS & TEFILLIN SUPPLIED TO ORDER. Same day checking service. Call R’ Sohn 016 1773 5565 07894981 725

COMMUNAL CRIB GEMACH FORMERLY ENGLARD CRIB GEMACH now taken over, to book

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HATZOLA........0161 795 2727 SHOMRIM........0161 740 8000 PRESTWICH SHOMRIM .............................0161 850 2626 EZRA CARE

.............................0161

708 8000 0161 660 1777

HOSPITAL LIFTS ��

AMBULANCE/MOBILITY TRANSPORT

.............................0161

660 3456

SHEMA KOLI....0203 670 1818 GIVING A VOICE TO VICTIMS OF ABUSE

MINYAN LINE..... 0161 792 0161 CHAVEIRIM........ 07518 539 922 MISASKIM.......... 0780 555 1731 CST........0161 792 6666 (OFFICE) 032 3263 EMERGENCY

...... 0800

PLEASE NOTE ©: No part of this publication may be reproduced. All artwork is protected under copyright laws and under no circumstances may it be used unless requested and authorised in writing from the editor. The editor reserves the right to alter any submissions as seen fit, and will not be held responsible. The editor cannot be held responsible for consequences resulting in the publication of an advertisement. No re-publication or refunds will be offered in the case of minor errors that have no effect on the content of the advertisement. 68

Issue 935

To advertise phone: 0161 708 8877 | Fax: 0161 241 6700 | E-mail: sales@manjad.co.uk

Issue 935

PIRCHEI AGUDAS YISROEL MANCHESTER

‫פרחי‬ ‫אגודת ישראל‬

‫מנשסטר‬

We are pleased to announce that the Siyum will take place ‫אי"ה‬

‫מוצש"ק פרשת שמות תשע"ט‬ MOTZEI SHABBOS 29TH DECEMBER ‘18 at the Beis Yosef Hall, Bury New Road, Prestwich Pirchim will leave their hometown on Thursday 27th December and return on Sunday 30th December

To receive your ‫ משניות‬please contact

R’ M. Thursch 07968 155 440

(evening 7:30 - 8:30)

To enter the competition please contact

R’ Z. Gurwitz 0161 795 6227

(evening 7:30 - 9:00)

To advertise phone: 0161 708 8877 | Fax: 0161 241 6700 | E-mail: sales@manjad.co.uk

Issue 935

Luxury Beauty Salon

Call/Text Nomi to book your appointment

0161 312 7661 07933 950 551 6 George St. Prestwich (Off Bury New Rd, opposite Kings Rd)

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We Offer: · Electrolysis

· Facial & Body Waxing · Eyebrow Shaping · Brow & Lash Tinting · Facials · Makeup

Azamrah Youth Club

azamrah logo final.indd 2

To advertise phone: 0161 708 8877 | Fax: 0161 241 6700 | E-mail: sales@manjad.co.uk

20/06/2013 11:37:30

Issue 935

To advertise phone: 0161 708 8877 | Fax: 0161 241 6700 | E-mail: sales@manjad.co.uk

Issue 935

To advertise phone: 0161 708 8877 | Fax: 0161 241 6700 | E-mail: sales@manjad.co.uk

Issue 935

To advertise phone: 0161 708 8877 | Fax: 0161 241 6700 | E-mail: sales@manjad.co.uk

Issue 935