Hell on Wheels by Jeremy Schlosberg Originally published in the New England Monthly, January 1988 Help wanted, truck driver. Great pay, spectacular benefits, abusive bosses. Apply to UPS, Greenwich, Connecticut "I pity the man who wants a coat so cheap that the man or woman who produces the cloth shall starve in the process." - Benjamin Harrison In a monstrous building in a decidedly un-Shakespearean section of Stratford, Connecticut, a redeyed group of young men, maybe a woman or two, are gathered in the middle of the night to perform a task of crucial importance to countless area businesses - critical, indeed, to the progress of American commerce itself. To accompany them in this task, a local Top 40 station plays rock and roll, staticky and loud. At 4:15 A.M., a buzzer blares, a dizzying array of conveyor belts jerks into motion, and the nightly battle between human and package has begun. Welcome to the preload shift, Stratford hub, United Parcel Service. Abandon sleep, all ye who enter here. The preload shift, happening daily at a UPS sorting facility near you (1,300 nation-wide, 37 in New England), is where packages are loaded onto those boxy brown trucks with the tiny UPS logo for local delivery. The process starts when huge trailers stuffed with packages are unloaded at one end of the gargantuan building, and ends many color-coded ramps and conveyor belts later as the packages converge on nearly a hundred brown trucks lined up at the other end. On this last stop the preloaders work - typically sixty or so guys in their early twenties who together in a four-hour shift may load some twenty thousand packages onto their brownies. The preloaders share a countenance a look combining concentration, sleepiness, and panic - knowing that if they aren't shoveling packages onto trucks at a UPS-approved rate of speed, the supervisor likely as not will soon be by to bark at them. It happens all the time. Sloth is the deadliest of sins at Greenwich-based UPS, which, with $8.6 billion in revenues last year [circa 1987], is New England's largest private company. Here's how deadly a sin: one halfpenny more spent on every package UPS delivers would cost the company $11 million a year. A penny saved is $22 million earned. To combat wasted time, UPS has developed an elaborate work-measurement system that analyzes and quantifies every task along the great package-delivery chain. UPS's crack team of two thousand industrial engineers has come up with sorting techniques and loading techniques, driving techniques and washing techniques (the trucks are washed every day), each with precise amounts of time attached to their completion - so-called time standards. Take the drivers, who must follow at least twenty-six separate "delivery methods" at every stop. Drivers are told which foot to enter the truck with (the right), which arm to carry the package with (the left), and how to carry the keys (on the right pinkie). They are trained to leave the truck in the gear they'll use when they get back in. Techniques that are timeable are timed, and the whole thing is multiplied by a driver's planned stops that day, giving him or her a specific number of hours - such as 9.2 (UPS works, oddly, with tenths of hours) - in which to deliver the day's packages.