Odds & Ends #1 by Mark Gillespie

M ODDS &ENDS

MARKZ COMICS

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FEATURING

CAPTAIN CHUCK

DAN DANNY

MESMARITA

PROF. HOOT

DR. HOLLER

I FORESEE A DAY WHEN WE WILL ALL PAY SOMEONE ELSE TO LIVE OUR LIVES FOR US! YOU THINK SO?

By Mark Gillespie SOMEDAY I’LL JUST KICK BACK AND LET SOME OTHER POOR SOUL DEAL WITH THIS HARD LIFE OF MINE! WOW! REALLY?

WHAT IF THE LIFE YOU GET PAID FOR LIVING IS JUST AS HARD AS YOUR REGULAR LIFE?

MAYBE THEN I WOULD ONLY WORK PART-TIME!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GET THE MONEY TO PAY WHOEVER YOU HIRE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOU?

EASY... I’LL GET A JOB LIVING SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE!

IF I PAID YOU ENOUGH, WOULD YOU LIVE MY LIFE FOR ME? SURE, YOUR LIFE WOULD BE EASY, ALL YOU SEEM TO DO IS STAND AROUND AND ASK QUESTIONS!

ODDS & ENDS #1 - c 2020 by Mark Gillespie All rights reserved Markz Publications, Salem, OR markgworld1@gmail.com

IN

ELEVATOR TO THE MOON

By Mark Gillespie NEAR THE OUTER EDGE OF OUR SOLAR SYSTEM, A LONE SPACE-SHIP SPEEDS SILENTLY TOWARDS IT ’S DESTINATION...

CAPTAIN CHUCK IS RETURNING TO EARTH FROM HIS VACATION ON PLANET RELAXO. IT ’S BEEN A TIRING, SIX DAY TRIP, BUT HE’S ALMOST HOME...

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IT ’LL BE GOOD TO GET BACK TO EARTH, THIS HAS BEEN AN EXHAUSTING TRIP!

ON TUESDAY I WAS LOST FOR HOURS IN A VAST CLUSTER OF COMPLAINING CLUMPS! I’M COLD!!

WOULD YOU BE QUIET!!

THIS SUCKS!!

ALL WE E VER DO IS FLOAT IN SPACE!!

ON WEDNESDAY, I PASSED THROUGH AN UNCHARTED BELT OF YODELING ASTEROIDS! YODEL-AYEE-OOOO!

YODEL-EEYODEL-AY!

I’M TIRED OF BEING A CLUMP!!

FOR MOST OF THE DAY ON FRIDAY, I WAS FOLLOWED BY AN HARASSING SATELLITE FROM PLANET TAUNT! HEY CHUCK LES, IS YOUR MAMA HOME ? ME AND HER GOT A DATE TONIGHT !

YODELODEL-EE!

AND JUST YESTERDAY I WAS CHASED BY SOME SORT OF ROGUE JOY BUZZER SHIP FROM THE JOKESTAR GALAXY!

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I’M RUNNING LOW ON CLUB SODA AND I’M SICK OF EATING RAMEN OUT OF A TUBE!

FORTUNATELY IT WON’ T BE LONG BEFORE I’M BACK HOME ON...

CLUB SODA

F

E

UNFORTUNATELY, CAPTAIN CHUCK COLLIDES WITH A BIG HUNK OF SPACE JUNK!

BUT FORTUNATELY HE IS ABLE TO MAKE IT TO HIS ESCAPE VESSEL IN TIME...

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I NEED A VACATION!

CAPTAIN CHUCK IS E VENTUALLY RESCUED AND SOON THEREAF TER FINDS HIMSELF AT COSMIC SQUAD HEADQUARTERS GETTING BRIEFED ON HIS NEXT MISSION...

CHUCK, I’M HAPP Y TO REPORT THAT THE TOP SECRET PROJECT WE’ VE BEEN WORKING ON FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS HAS FINALLY BEEN COMPLETED!

WHAT PROJECT IS THAT?

I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE GOING TO BUILD AN ESCALATOR TO MARS!

AN ELE VATOR TO THE MOON!

WELL...UMM..THAT TURNED OUT TO BE KIND OF A FINANCIAL FIASCO!

PUT ON YOUR HELMET AND FOLLOW ME!

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HERE IT IS! PRETT Y IMPRESSIVE HUH?

I’M WITHOUT WORDS!

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WELL, LET ’S GET THIS OVER WITH!

YOUR MISSION IS TO GIVE THIS BABY A TEST RIDE. RATE THE EXPERIENCE...

TAKE NOTE OF ANY BUGS...

LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

GOOD LUCK CHUCK!

I SEE...

IT TAKES LESS THAN A MINUTE FOR CAPTAIN CHUCK TO REACH THE MOON...

I GUESS I JUST PUSH THIS BUTTON!

THAT ’S IT? I’M HERE ALREADY? WHAT KIND OF MISSION WAS THAT?

BUT WHEN THE ELE VATOR DOOR OPENS, CAPTAIN CHUCK IS SHOCKED BY WHAT HE SEES...

A GLITCH IN THE ELE VATOR’S LIGHT SPEED REGULATOR HAS CAUSED CAPTAIN CHUCK TO ARRIVE ON THE MOON FIVE SECONDS BEFORE HE ACTUALLY GETS THERE...

WHAT THE...

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG??

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I DON’ T KNOW WHERE THIS “OTHER ME” CAME FROM, BUT HE SEEMS TO BE KIND OF A JERK!

GET BACK IN THE ELE VATOR , YOU AND I ARE HEADING TO EARTH!

WHEN WE GET BACK TO EARTH, I’M GOING TO MOVE IN WITH YOU! I’LL BE EXCEPTIONALLY NICE FOR A WHILE, THEN YOU’LL SLOWLY BE DE VALUED AND E VENTUALLY DESTROYED!

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH ME?

GREAT...

SOUNDS LIKE MY SECOND MARRIAGE.

BUT AS THE ELE VATOR DESCENDS, A RE VERSE GLITCH CAUSES CAPTAIN CHUCK’S “E VIL T WIN,” TO SLOWLY DISSOLVE INTO NOTHING...

I DON’ T FEEL SO GOOD!

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WOW! IT ’LL BE GOOD TO BE BACK ON EARTH!

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

OH NO!!

END

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Detective

DAN

DANNY

Featuring

The Chief

Donut Dave

Mesmerita

Waffle Puss

Mac Croney

Op face

This Guy

?????

DAN DANNY HAS BEEN SUMMONED BY THE CHIEF...

YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, CHIEF!

IS THE VENDING MACHINE ON THE FRITZ AGAIN? YOU KNOW I GET CRANKY WHEN I DON’T GET MY AFTERNOON BUTTERFINGER!

I’VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS, DANNY!

DAN, WE JUST LOST ONE OF OUR BEST INFORMANTS!

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POOR CRONEY! WITHOUT HIM, I NEVER WOULD HAVE SOLVED “THE CASE OF THE KRAZY KAN OPENER KILLINGS R “!

WHO WAS IT? DID THEY STEP IN FRONT OF A BUS? INFORMANTS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THAT!

CRONEY WAS BEATEN REPEATEDLY WITH A SUMMER SAUSAGE DOWN BY THE WHARF!

IT WAS MAC CRONEY...

AND HE WAS MURDERED!

WHAT SORT OF FIEND BEATS SOMEONE WITH A SUMMER SAUSAGE IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER?

OPTIFACE!? THAT MULTI-EYED CREEP! WHERE IS HE HANGING OUT THESE DAYS?

THAT’S WHAT I WANT YOU TO FIND OUT! OUR OLD PAL, BOB OPTIFACE WAS SEEN IN THE AREA AT THE TIME!

IN THE PARKING LOT OF ERVIN’S DRUG STORE, STALL #16!

AT ERVIN’S, DANNY FINDS OPTIFACE...

THE GRAPEVINE SAYS MAYBE YOU GOT A LOOK AT WHO OFFED MAC CRONEY!

WELL OPTIFACE, WE MEET AGAIN! IT HURTS ME JUST TO LOOK AT YOU!

MAYBE, MAYBE NOT...

I DON’T “LOOK AND TELL” FOR FREE!

YOU’RE NO SIGHT FOR SORE EYES EITHER, DANNY!

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MAYBE YOU’D BE MORE EAGER TO TALK UNDER A BRIGHT LIGHT DOWN AT THE STATION!

I'M LISTENING...

I SAW WAFFLE PUSS WALKING NEAR THE WHARF NOT LONG AFTER IT HAPPENED!

HANG ON DANNY, I DID SEE SOMEONE YOU MIGHT WANT TO QUESTION!

HMMMM! YOU NEVER DID LIKE MAC! I’M GOING TO KEEP MY EYE ON YOU!

WHY WOULD WAFFLE PUSS WASTE HIS TIME KILLING SOMEONE LIKE MAC?

I’VE GOT YOU OUTNUMBERED WHEN IT COMES TO EYES, DANNY!

MAYBE MAC TURNED OUT TO BE A WORTHLESS BUM WITH A BIG MOUTH!

DANNY QUESTIONS WAFFLE PUSS...

THIS HAD BETTER BE GOOD!

ALRIGHT WAFFLE PUSS, WHY DID YOU KILL MAC CRONEY? MONEY? REVENGE? KICKS? ALL OF THE ABOVE?

HE WAS AT THE HI-HO CAFÉ, COMPLAINING ABOUT THE COFFEE!

DEAD? I JUST SAW CRONEY AN HOUR AGO!

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SO, DO YOU KNOW WHERE “MAC CRONEY,” WENT AFTER HE THREW THIS COFFEE TANTRUM?

THAT’S A LIE!! MAC CRONEY IS AT THE CITY MORGUE AND YOU’RE A POTENTIAL SUSPECT! I HAD TO AGREE WITH HIM, THEIR COFFEE IS PRETTY LOUSY!!

THE HI-HO HAS PRETTY GOOD MILKSHAKES THOUGH!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO DO TO YOU IF IT TURNS OUT YOU’RE LEADING ME ON?

I’M GOING TO ASK YOU ONE MORE TIME...

HE WAS HEADING TO DONUT DAVE’S! CRONEY SAID THEY HAD THE BEST COFFEE IN TOWN!

GREAT COFFEE, BUT GREASY DANISHES!

DANNY ARRIVES AT DONUT DAVE’S...

HAS MAC CRONEY BEEN IN YOUR PLACE RECENTLY?

HELLO, DONUT DAVE!

PLEASE... HAVE SOME COFFEE! IT’S ON THE HOUSE!

DAN DANNY! I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE YOUR PATROL DAYS!

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I HEARD THAT MAC CRONEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN HERE FOR A CUP OF YOUR COFFEE EARLIER TODAY!

YOU KNOW, MY FRIENDS AT THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT MIGHT ENJOY SNOOPING AROUND YOUR PLACE HERE!

I’M NOT SURE! I’VE HAD A BUSY MORNING! I REALLY COULDN’T SAY...

CRONEY SAID HE WAS HEADED TO THE LIBRARY

CRONEY NEVER SEEMED TO BE MUCH OF A THINKER ,., POSITIVE, NEGATIVE OR ANY OTHER WAY!

WHY WAS CRONEY HEADED TO THE LIBRARY? SOME DOCTOR IS GIVING LECTURES THERE ABOUT “THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING!”

JUST REPEATING WHAT I OVERHEARD! DO YOU LIKE THE COFFEE? IT ’S MY OWN SPECIAL BLEND!

OUTSIDE THE PUBLIC LIBRARY...

MAC CRONEY!!

YOU’RE ALIVE!!

WEREN’T YOU SMACKED WITH A SUMMER SAUSAGE DOWN BY THE WHARF?

DON’T SOUND SO SURPRISED!

I AIN’T BEEN DOWN

BY THE WHARF IN MONTHS!

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THIS WHOLE SET-UP SMELLS LIKE YESTERDAY ’S EGGS!

UHHH, I REALLY DON’T REMEMBER!

WHO TOLD YOU I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD?

ARE YOU OKAY? YOU LOOK TIRED!

HEY, WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE DID CRONEY GO?

I FEEL FUNNY!

I THINK YOU BLACKED OUT FOR A MOMENT, MR . DANNY!

WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DID YOU TOUCH MY FACE?

YES, MR . DANNY...

YOU DO FEEL FUNNY!

WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT? I FORGOT! I’M NO DETECTIVE MR . DANNY, BUT I’D SAY YOU’VE BEEN DRUGGED!

MY, HOW SOON WE FORGET!

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OKAY, NOW THE NONSENSE STOPS! WHAT HAPPENED TO MAC CRONEY?

WE’LL SEE WHO HAS THE OSTRICH WHEN BRICK FOO UGGA BLEEP!

YOU HAVE A ONE TRACK MIND, MR . DANNY!

NOW YOU’RE JUST BABBLING!

NEEPOOKFUB RUKIFRETNUM NUBKWIPP Y!

DWEEK FRUSE!?

WORD ON THE STREET IS THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN WELL!

I COULDN’T HAVE PUT IT BETTER MYSELF!

I WAS TOLD MAC CRONEY WAS DEAD, BUT I SAW HIM STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

THINGS SEEM SO CONFUSING! RIGHT NOW I’M NOT SURE WHO I AM! OKAY, FROM THIS MOMENT ON YOU WILL BE KNOWN AS “MR . POOB!”

YOU’LL FIGURE IT OUT! YOU’RE A FAMOUS DETECTIVE, RIGHT?

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DO YOU THINK A DISGUISE WOULD HELP?

SAY, WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHO I AM? A GOOD DETECTIVE SHOULD ALWAYS BE IN DISGUISE! YOU’RE TOO RECOGNIZABLE!

I’M TRYING TO FIND A MURDERER!

THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO DO!

DID YOU KILL MAC CRONEY? I DON’T THINK SO! YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF SPIDERS, BUT I’M SCARED TO DEATH OF POSTAGE STAMPS! ISN’T THAT WEIRD?

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY SOMETHING EASIER ...

HOW ABOUT LEARNING TO MAKE A BUNDT CAKE?

LOOK, I CAN SOLVE THIS CASE WITHOUT WEARING A COSTUME!

WHERE WERE YOU WHEN MAC CRONEY GOT IT WITH A SAUSAGE DOWN BY THE WHARF?

DO YOU HAVE A SUSPECT YET??

MR . POOB, I STILL THINK YOU NEED A DISGUISE!

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DOCTOR SMALL? IS THAT THE DOCTOR ... WHO’S GIVING...

LECTURES... IN THE LIBRARY?

WELL... NOT YET, BUT IT WON’T BE LONG NOW! YOU EXUDE CONFIDENCE, MR . POOB! LIKE DOCTOR SMALL SAYS, “THINK POSITIVE OR ELSE!”

MR . POOB, YOU LOOK SLEEPY! MAYBE YOU HAD BETTER LAY DOWN!

STOP... (YAWN!) CALLING ME...

(YAWN!) MR . POOB!

WHAT THE...

I MUST’VE DOZED OFF...

ZZZZZ!

AAAAH!!

POOR MR . POOB IS EXHAUSTED! MAYBE WHEN HE WAKES UP, HE’LL SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY!

WHO ARE YOU?!

SORRY SISTER, I’M NOT INTERESTED IN DEVELOPING ANY SORT OF PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP!

MY NAME IS MESMARITA AND YOU’RE KIND OF CUTE!

BACK OFF BABY, YOU’RE NOT GOING TO PUT THE WHAMMY ON ME! MY MIND IS AN IMPENETRABLE STEEL DIRT CLOD!

THE RELATIONSHIP I HAVE IN MIND IS MORE OF A MENTAL ONE!

MAYBE YOU’D BE MORE COOPERATIVE AS A BUBBLE GUM MACHINE!

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WHAT HAPPENED!?

THE INSIDE OF MY HEAD FEELS SO CHEWABLE!

I’M AFRAID MAC CRONEY IS DEAD, SWEETHEART!

BY USING MY ATOM-ENHANCING, MIND POWER, I HAVE CONVERTED YOU INTO A DISPENSER OF PENNY CANDIES!

GOOD LORD! YOU ARE NOTHING SHORT OF EVIL!

NOW IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE AN IMPORTANT DATE WITH MAC CRONEY

IS MAC CRONEY ALIVE OR DEAD? BLAST, IT’S HARD TO THINK WITH A HEAD FULL OF GUMBALLS!

SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU KNOW,

GUMSHOE!

DONUT DAVE? WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

WAIT...THINGS ARE CLEARING UP! I THINK MESMARITA’S SPELL IS WEARING OFF!

YOU MIGHT SAY I’VE BEEN HERE ALL ALONG!

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HOW DID I END UP HERE IN YOUR SHOP?

SO YOU DRUGGED ME? WHY?

AFTER YOU DRANK THAT CUP OF MY SPECIAL COFFEE, YOU NEVER LEFT!

YOU WE’RE GETTING TOO NOSEY IN REGARDS TO CRONEY! I HAD TO KEEP YOU DISTRACTED!

WAIT! BEFORE I SPLIT FOR GONESVILLE, TELL ME WHY YOU OFFED MAC CRONEY!

SO YOU KILLED CRONEY?

BINGO! AND NOW IT’S YOUR TURN!

DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

GASP!! IT’S A DOWNPOUR OF HOT COOKING OIL!

A FITTING END! FRIED LIKE A FRITTER!

AAAAAA!

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OPTIFACE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? ARE YOU THE ONE THAT GAVE DONUT DAN THE HOT OIL TREATMENT?

ACCIDENT OR NOT, YOU SAVED MY LIFE AND I’M ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I WAS UPSTAIRS TRYING TO STEAL A TRAY OF ECLAIRS AND I KNOCKED OVER THE VAT!

OKAY.

THE PROSECUTION OF AN ECLAIR THIEF IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY “LIFE!”

STILL, I’M GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE YOU IN FOR TRYING TO STEAL THOSE ECLAIRS! GIVE ME A BREAK, YOU JUST SAID I SAVED YOUR LIFE!

IT’S BEEN A HARD DAY!

YOU LOOK WORN OUT!

HERE, HAVE A CUP OF DONUT DAVE’S SPECIAL COFFEE!

THANKS, THIS WILL HELP!

YES...

I THINK IT WILL!

END

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MY CORE IS SO HOT, IT COULD MELT 600 BILLION BICYCLES IN TWO SECONDS!

WHAT YOU CALL “SOLAR ENERGY,” I CALL “MOJO!”

I’M GLAD PLUTO ISN’T CONSIDERED A PLANET ANYMORE, I CAN’T STAND THAT POSER!

DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR MOON AND I WERE ONCE LOVERS?

I DON’T TAN...

I BURN!

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Mark Gillespie Drawings of the fantastic, whimsical and weird

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